Growing Pangs
by The Edgy Bubble
Summary: Through a turn of awkward events Sakura starts to see a new side of the teacher she never really paid much attention to before, and that teacher suffers similarly. A story about a forbidden relationship and the many obstacles in their way. First Story!
1. Hot Springs and Nightmares

**My First Story, enjoy!**

**Title:** _"Hot Springs and Nightmares"_

**Disclaimer:**I own none of the characters!

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**Have you ever had a secret?**

**I was always horrible at keeping secrets… but he wasn't.**

**Nobody saw it coming… well, almost 'nobody'.**

**I guess we weren't completely obvious.**

**I always felt like it was impossible for people not to see through our secret, it should have been impossible not to see every glance, every chance graze, every smile, every kiss…. How could we have really stayed a secret for this long?**

**…**

**I know secrets are bad because they hurt the people who figure them out, but nobody ever talked about how much it hurts to keep them.**

**...**

**… ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...**

**Not so long ago:**

**... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...**

I loved late summer afternoons. The air was so warm, but the wind still had a chill.

"Aah! It's finally over with!" Naruto shouted ahead of me with a tone of accomplishment and relief, scratching his head happily. I still couldn't feel quite as relaxed as him. The latest mission really took a toll on all of us, physically and mentally… there was nothing worse than a pack of genjutsu-ninjas who were also skilled with giant swords.

But, of course, Naruto's energy was already at full capacity again.

I really wanted to get home and rest, but I knew as soon as we got back Tsunade-sama would have to send us on another mission straight away due to the shortage of shinobi at Konoha.

Lately, the Hokage has been sending more and more teams in search for any trace of the Akatsuki members, even Yamato-taichou was sent off with another group, everyone's pretty much looking for the Akatsuki… except us, Team Kakashi.

She says she thinks we're over-doing it.

But she really just doesn't want Naruto getting too involved when we're still unsure of the Akatsuki's true intentions.

Well, I guess I should be thankful for the two day voyage before we get back to Konoha.

A flash of orange ran off into the horizon, leaving me and the rest of the team behind him.

"Naruto, you need to slow down!" I called after him firmly.

He was already dozens of feet away.

I didn't mind him running off, in fact it would probably help me relax, but I knew Sai and Kakashi-sensei couldn't handle much more excitement.

Especially Kakashi-sensei.

He'd really pushed his Sharingan Mangekyo too far this time; he might have to stay at the hospital again. But without his sharingan, we'd probably still be trapped in those horrific nightmares.

I shuddered at the memory.

"He's already too far off in his own world to hear you." A cool voice explained from my left, cutting my painful memories short.

"I guess so." I looked over to Kakashi-sensei, smiling a little.

He always seemed so composed, so calm.

He stared at me for a second, I could tell he smiled back… even if I could only see a fraction of his face.

Besides the smile, I saw something else.

I think something was bothering him.

But he looked away too soon for me to really look.

He must still be tired or something… or it was just my imagination.

"Oi! You guys are too slow!" Naruto shouted from at least a half-mile away.

"Ugh"

He's really too much at times, but that's what made him Naruto.

I heard Kakashi's chuckle from my left, and I couldn't help looking back to his face just to see him smile again.

I always found myself trying to imagine what was behind that thin mask of his… besides the mask underneath it, of course.

…..

"All right, we'll set up camp here." Kakashi decided once we reached a small opening in the woods that allowed enough space for us to lay down without being too open for easy pickings.

I really liked the place we stopped at. The sun was just barely setting through the thicket of tree branches, which made the yellowing leaves on the ground glow warmly against the thick grass. And the smell of Japanese Maples was always very soothing to me.

"Hey, hey! Guess what I found!" Naruto busted through the foliage to announce his discovery, disrupting my moment of nature-appreciation with a shock.

Kakashi and Sai quickly turned away from him before he could drag them into his craziness.

But it was too late for me... I already made eye contact.

"What?" I asked with clear annoyance in my voice.

It really bugged me when he was really hyper right after a big mission, us normal people were still sore.

"There are some hot springs over there!" He whispered excitedly as I was unpacking the cooking materials.

_Well, that is pretty cool._

"I'm gonna go take a dip now!"

And the flash of orange was off again, not helping with setting up camp.

"Jeez." I whispered to myself, feeling a little envious.

"Sakura." That smooth voice called me. I couldn't help a shiver. It was just the way he said my name. I wasn't really used to adults calling me by my first name so… casually. He's started to call me by my name more often now, it's almost like he considers me an equal.

I couldn't help a rush of pride when I thought about that.

I had always wanted Kakashi-sensei's recognition… but he was always more involved in training Naruto… and Sasuke…

Urgh… I couldn't think about that name right now.

"Yes?" I answered, walking over to Kakashi-sensei, trying to act as casually as he treated me, but I bet I still sounded as eager as that little know-it-all student I used to be.

I cringed at the memory of the old me…

"There's something I need to discuss with you later." He explained vaguely, rummaging together the firewood that Sai collected. Something was off about him… he wouldn't look at me.

He just looked at his hands.

"Okay." I said softly, trying to decipher his expression, but he walked away.

Something _was_ bothering him.

It was strange for him to be so secretive… unless he was hiding something that the rest of the team couldn't find out.

It was probably something about Naruto…. Every time there was any secretive news, it was always about Naruto.

Well, I can worry about that later.

For now I'll finish preparing the rations and then sleep. Then I'll sneak over to the hot springs later tonight.

…

'23:28'

The digits on my watch glowed a little, but it wasn't bright enough to disrupt anyone's sleep, if anything was going to wake people up, it was Naruto's sleep-talking.

I think he was dreaming about fighting pork slices in a giant bowl of ramen again tonight.

"Po-rk..." He growled in his sleep as I got out from under my covers.

It was a little scary how well I knew him.

I kinda wanted to kick him awake as he droolingly chewed and punched at his backpack, but I figured… let sleeping ninjas lie.

At least he took his bath earlier, so it should be okay for me to go take a quick soak right now.

I grabbed my towel (which I always packed just in case I had an opportunity to bathe during a mission), and set off into the direction Naruto was shouting about earlier today.

I knew I could've gone sooner, right after we had eaten, but I really didn't want anyone or anything crashing into my bathing time and ruining my relaxation.

Specifically that orange-clad pork-fighter back at camp.

I had a sneaking suspicion that he would try to peek or something... just like a certain Sannin that spent three years training him, not only in fighting, but probably in ways to peep, too.

But, now I'll finally be able to relax without worrying about drama.

**...**

_What am I thinking?_

_What could I possibly be thinking?_

_There are some things that are allowed, and others that can't ever be accepted…._

_This is so troublesome… not to mention, risky…_

_Seriously…._

A deep sigh escaped him as he undid the knot behind his head, allowing his forehead protector to gently fall away from his face.

He wouldn't usually take off his forehead protector and mask, even at a bath house, but he seriously needed some air in order to get any peace of mind.

He opened his eyes.

The cold night wind seemed to clean away his fatigue.

It felt so strange to have both eyes open at the same time, not because he wasn't used to it anymore, but because the left side of his vision was so sharp and precise that it made his head hurt every time he tried to focus his eyes together properly. Not to mention that his sharingan eye was still in a lot of pain from using it too much. He'd have to close his left eye again.

Well, he was used to it.

His mind didn't stray from its original taboo topic for long as he proceeded to pull down the zipper of his Jounin vest. He shrugged it off impatiently.

He was truly grateful that the hot springs were here. It _was_ why he picked this location, after all.

He really needed to relax in some steaming hot water, all of his muscles ached, as they usually did after these sorts of intense missions.

But all that aside, who didn't like a good soak every so often?

**...**

_I love taking baths!_

I thought cheerfully to myself, as I walked through the forest. I loved walking through forests during night, too.

It was so peaceful and so mysterious, but I was genuinely impatient for those hot springs.

I hadn't taken a warm bath in so long.

This was exactly what I needed.

Just further up, I saw moonlit steam rising through the gaps of branches.

"Yes!" I whispered to myself with the excitement of a five year old who just caught sight of a candy jar.

I hurriedly walked over to the edge of the bushes. I was in such a hurry that I was already undoing the zipper of my shirt and squirming out of my skirt. But I heard something.

A sigh.

I stopped short a few paces from the rocky surroundings of my awaiting hot springs just to make sure it was all clear.

It wasn't clear.

Just through the bushes I could see someone in the blurry moonlight near the water, it looked like they were about to get in.

They were tall, and muscular… a man.

_Who could be so near to our camp site and go unnoticed by us?_

I could barely see anything through the mist and shadow. I inched closer into the bushes to get a better look.

But then I saw a pile of clothes on a large rock next to my bushes.

Navy blue turtleneck, navy blue pants, a couple of beige satchels, and a forest green Jounin vest…

…_Wait, what?_

Just as I realized who the person by the water must've been I hurriedly tried to stand up and run away, but battle-fatigue mixed with bush roots equaled a nasty fall onto the rock surface and out of the bushes' cover.

"Ow…" I blurted out. I smacked a hand to my mouth to shut myself up, but it was too late. I felt someone staring at me.

"Sakura?" The same smooth voice called my name again with a bewildered tone. But instead of getting shivers, I got the insane need to hide, the need to bury myself for the next five years before seeing him face to face again.

I didn't look up at first, I was trying to stand up, but my skirt was already around my thighs. I fell back to the ground with a big _thud_. So much for shinobi 'grace' and 'coordination'! I clumsily struggled for a few seconds before finally finding my footing on the ground, which I nearly lost again when I looked up at the man whose privacy I had deeply invaded.

He was only in a towel.

Which was normal for bathing, actually quite modest for lonesome bathing, but I couldn't help but feel like it was greatly unnatural.

It wasn't normal to see Kakashi-sensei in only a towel.

I could see his chest.

I could almost see his face, but the mist was in the way.

But I couldn't really care at the moment, I was in too much of a panic.

"What are yo-?" His voice found my ears again, which sent a rush of blood straight to my face.

"Excuse me!" I shouted with the most embarrassing tone, bowing a few feet before turning around and running into the bushes again, gripping at my clothes to keep them on. I ran as fast as I could for as long as I could maintain the speed before I felt like I was going to get out of breath.

_Did that really just happen?_  
_I really just fell, half-dressed, out of bushes, in front of a half-naked Kakashi-sensei._  
_And I couldn't even keep my cool!_  
_I even blushed!_  
_Well it was the first time I've seen a half-naked man!_  
… _and it was Kakashi-sensei…_  
_And he knows I saw him!_  
_That's just too awkward!_  
_This has got to be a nightmare._

I couldn't think straight.

I could only worry about what was going to happen when I saw him again.

He was probably going to make fun of me or something.

_If he isn't upset, he'll make fun of me, and whenever our team goes to an onsen… he'll crack joke after joke._  
_And if Naruto and Sai found out, I won't ever hear the end of this._  
_Sai wouldn't be too bad, he'll only be confused, but Naruto would get angry and then he'd just laugh at me._  
_I can just imagine the horrors Naruto would make for me._

I stopped, tried to calm down... failed... and walked very quickly back to camp, zipping up my shirt and fixing my skirt, pulling the leaves out of my hair, and dusting off the mud from my hips.

_I must've been a mess in front of him._

_He's probably laughing at me right now._

…

_And I didn't even get to take my bath…_

I crashed onto my blanket, trying to forget this ever happened.

"RASEN-!" Naruto's sleepy voice yelled a battlecry before fading out…

He was so lucky he didn't have anything like this to worry about.

**...**

_Well, that was… unexpected..._

_She was so embarrassed it was almost cut-Wait!_

_There are a number of other ways of describing what just happened._

_'Embarrassing', 'awkward', 'inappropriate', a 'mistake', 'lucky'?…_

… _That last one wasn't right, was it?_

…

…_ah… I really shouldn't be thinking about how cute she was, tripping all over herself._

_And thanks to my sharingan, I was even able to see the pink rush to her face just before she bowed._

_And that her clothes were half-undone…_

At that thought he stopped himself early, smacking a hand against his face.

He _really_ couldn't think about that.

He brushed the hand back, through his hair, letting the water drag the silver locks down from their usual up-style.

No doubt, if he let himself think about her flushed expression or her rumpled clothing he would only fall quicker and faster into a mess he couldn't deal with…

A mess he had only recently realized he was mixed up in.

The mess of a teacher developing feelings for a student.

_Something must be wrong with me... maybe I just read too many of those books..._

He already knew that these feelings weren't so flimsy as to be caused by reading his lovesick novels.

Sinking further into the steaming water so that his nose was submerged, staring at the relaxed monkeys on the other side of the spring, he couldn't help but wonder what was going to happen the next morning.

**...**

"BWWAAAAHH!"

I literally jumped out of my little blanket-bed.

Naruto was making a giant fuss over something, and so early, too.

The sun was barely rising over the treetops.

I almost let my head hit my pillow again, before I immediately filled in the blank of what could be freaking Naruto out so much.

_Kakashi-sensei didn't, did he? He wouldn't just tell Naruto like that, right?_

I could just imagine it:

"_Hey, Naruto… did you know Sakura was a peeping-tom?"_

Well, those probably weren't the words he would use… but I couldn't risk it.

I immediately stood up and wobbled, sleepy-legged, but fully-alert, over to Naruto's sleeping spot.

I was immediately shocked by what I found.

Under Naruto's blanket wasn't just one body, but two.

Naruto was already wiggling as he screamed louder. Sai was pleasantly asleep next to Naruto, clutching onto him like a hugging pillow.

"Wha-what's going on here?" I found my voice while trying to hold back laughter.

"THAT'S WHAT I WANNA KNOW!" Naruto shrieked, stirring awake the peaceful Sai with a couple punches.

Naruto finally dealt a heavy kick, and sent Sai shooting out from under the blanket.

Sai didn't seem too effected, just confused and groggy.

Naruto continued to shriek and cry with confusion and manly embarrassment.

Sai quickly recouped.

"WHAT WERE YOU DOING?"

"I was only trying to help you." Sai answered quietly, yawning towards the end, rubbing his eyes. Sitting up so that he could face Naruto.

"wi-WITH WHAT?" Naruto spat a little weakly, evidently feeling violated.

"In a book I was reading it showed a friend having a nightmare, and the other friend comforting them by sharing a bed."

_I don't think fighting pork slices is what you call a nightmare._

Naruto only stared in horror for a few seconds before finally exploding.

"WHAT KIND OF BOOKS ARE YOU READING!"

"All right, all right." A cool voice interrupted Naruto's rant and Sai's explanation. "If you two want to continue your lovers' quarrel, do it after we're all ready to go."

Naruto grumbled loudly at that comment.

Kakashi looked down at Sai's bag, "Oh, I didn't know you read these, too." He said with mild surprise, picking up one of the orange Icha Icha novels…

. . . moment of awkward silence . . .

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHH!" Naruto woke up the entire forest.

Birds flew out of trees and squirrels ran for cover.

Sai merely looked at Naruto with a puzzled expression.

But I couldn't focus on any other drama when I saw Kakashi walking up to me, leaving the two teenage shinobi to their antics. I quickly looked away from his face, staring straight ahead at his eye-level navy blue shirt. I immediately noticed he wasn't wearing his vest… which reminded me of when he wasn't wearing pretty much anything…. except for that towel…

My eyes fell to his shoes as I felt heat radiate from my cheeks and forehead.

_Why was I blushing?  
I'm not a shy little school-girl!_

A peach-colored fabric entered my vision.

I immediately forgot my inner-panic.

"You forgot this." His voice said as casually and as simply as I had ever heard it before.

He was returning the towel I dropped… the towel I dropped when I was practically snooping at him right before he was going to take a bath.

I hurriedly grabbed it from his hand without wanting to seem rude.

His fingers grazed my palm for a second.

Electricity seemed to invigorate the nerve endings in my hand.

…

That was new.

…

Though I haven't touched Sensei that much, ever, only when he needed help or healing (or when he used to save me whenever I was in too much danger), this definitely wasn't like before.

"Th-thank you." I said quietly, forcing myself to look up to his covered face.

He smiled.

But he still had that bothered look on his face.

Was he upset at me?

"Eh! What do you think you're doing now?" Naruto's harsh voice flooded my ears, stealing me away from this moment of awkward realization.

"I'm helping you pack." I heard Sai explain quietly.

"I don't need any more of your 'HELP'!" Naruto retorted.

Kakashi went over to break up the shouting once again.

I sighed with relief as I walked over to my own belongings.

Thank god Naruto didn't notice the embarrassing atmosphere just now, or he would've been curious.

Then again... Naruto was never good at sensing atmosphere...

…

I couldn't focus on packing… my eyes always seemed to drift towards Kakashi-sensei.

I don't know if I was checking on his mood, or checking to see if he was going to tell Naruto about last night… but every time I stole a glance at him, I only wanted to stare at his face some more...

I had no idea why.

…**.**


	2. Flowers and Compatibility

Okay, so this is Chapter 2, now with POV Breakers, lol… this is just a cute little chapter before the real plot unfolds….

**Title:** _"Flowers and Compatibility"_

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing… these characters were borrowed from Naruto.

**Hope you enjoy!**

**…………………………………………………………………………….**

After leaving the camp site we found the road and resumed our travelling.

Kakashi hasn't said a word about 'the incident' since he gave me back my towel.

Not to me or Naruto… he didn't even give off the slightest hint of playfulness or even the feeling that he was upset.

_Maybe he didn't care?_

That thought kind of disturbed me.

Why wouldn't he care?

Is it because I'm such a kid in his eyes, that it's no different than when a child who knows no better walks into the same situation?

But I'm not a child…. Or really a 'kid' anymore…

I guess, since he's an adult, he has the patience and knowledge to know that these things happen and that I wasn't stalking him or anything, and that I wouldn't be stressing about it for the next several hours, and that I definitely didn't notice how his muscles were much more defined than I thought they would be.

…. Wait…

**…………………………………………………………….**

_She hasn't said anything._

_But she looks really flustered._

_She hasn't looked at me for longer than a few seconds since then._

_It was probably too much for her._

_She's probably just trying to forget it happened_.

_Maybe that's for the best._

He didn't like that for some reason.

He didn't want her to feel like she had to forget it.

But he didn't want her to panic over this so much that she wouldn't even walk next to him.

And yet he noticed too late that she was already ahead of him, keeping pace with Naruto, trying to keep up a conversation, a smile on her face.

Naruto seemed really happy, too.

_That's good…_  
He thought to himself forcefully, closing his eyes while walking calmly.

_He's obviously liked her since before they were even Genin, after all these years of friendship and battling together, no wonder she would develop feelings for him, too._

_This is what should happen._

_Things are supposed to happen this way._

His pace slowed as she seemed even farther away.

**_..........................................................................................................._**

"Good work, people!" Tsunade-sama shouted triumphantly at us. We were too ragged and tired to share her enthusiasm, but Naruto had a huge grin on his face.

"You guys really handled it well!" She continued with a smile.

Tsunade-sama seemed to be really pleased with us… I think.

Then again, the first thing I heard when we got back into Konoha was that she had finally won at a gambling contest… and won a big sum, too.

I have no idea why the Hokage would need more money, but I think gambling is probably more about pride to her.

"So that's why I'm sending you guys on this B-Rank mission right now!" She announced, maintaining the broad smile, holding out the informative scroll like it was a treat.

Shizune-san ore an embarrassed smile from behind Tsunade-sama, definitely sensing our gloom of receiving another mission right off the bat.

"Of course… thank you." Kakashi accepted the scroll with a grimacing smile under his mask. Even Naruto seemed a little upset, probably because he's been complaining about wanting to spend more time training with Ero-senn-… um, Jiraiya-sama.

"I'll expect you guys to leave Konoha by tomorrow morning. This one's rather urgent." She said finally, petting a sleepy Tonton in her lap and turning her chair around towards the window as we sluggishly left the room.

**_…………Later…......_**

Well, I have the rest of the day and night to relax as much as I want.

Maybe I'll go to the onsen and get that bath I didn't have earlier.

I cringed at the memory of my awkwardness.

And he still didn't say anything when we parted, he just waved like he always does and silently walked off with his hands in his pockets… like always…

My head dropped downwards, staring down at the yellow sand under my feet.

_I guess he really doesn't care…._

"Sakura!" I heard a familiar voice call me as I was walking past the Yamanaka Flower Shop.

"Ino!" I answered, turning around to greet her, forgetting that random moment of disappointment.

We've recently gotten on good terms again… at least when we don't talk about missions and training.

"Guess what?... I got the latest issue of Konoha Horoscope!" She squealed excitedly as I walked into the flower-adorned shop. She was behind the counter rummaging through a magazine.

She always loved looking into those things, trying to predict the future, or checking for any good luck will come for her.

"This time they have Blood Type Compatibility as the main feature!" She explained giddiness.

I was actually a sucker for these things, too, but I don't really tell anyone.

The romantic compatibility ones like these were always the most interesting…

"What's your type Sakura?" Ino asked while scanning the over-decorated magazine page.

"Um, I'm Type O…." I answered a little hesitantly, trying to sneak a peek at the page.

"Hmm… Ok… so you're best paired with another O or maybe AB. How cool!" Ino exclaimed.

I had to think for a second.

Did I know any Os or ABs?

….yes….

I knew one AB

… Sasuke…

I guess blood type ties can't be that strong.

I couldn't think about this right now. I came back to reality, using a fake smile now, listening to Ino again.

"And I'm B… so I'm best with B and AB!" She squealed excitedly.

She suddenly turned bright pink, her eyes dazed off into space.

_Is she thinking about Sasuke, too?_

"I was wondering why Sai seemed to like me so much! He's a B, too! He even called me beautiful, you know!"

_Ooooooooh…._  
I had to stop myself from laughing…

_Sai probably doesn't like anyone, very much, in that way.... well, maybe Naruto._

Holding back laughter got harder with that thought.

I wonder how Ino even got a hold of Sai's blood type. I can just imagine her bludgeoning him with flirty looks, asking weird questions. Poor Sai, he probably has no idea why she acts like that.

"You know who else is a B?" I asked her, remembering this myself.

"Who?!" She asked with anticipation.

"Naruto…"

"Eeeeeh!?" She over-exaggerated.

I busted into laughter right before her.

We both knew how Ino felt about Naruto, and Naruto wasn't quite fond of her either.

_It's really nice to just talk about random stuff like this without any worries._

We laughed until Ino saw she had a customer. She started putting away the magazine. I was about ready to turn around and leave until she spoke up again.

"Ne, Kakashi-sensei, what's your blood type?" She was looking right over my head, taking out the magazine again.

I stopped everything.

I didn't turn around, I just stared at the magazine with motionless eyes.

_Why was I panicking?_

"Why?" His haunting voice asked as I heard him wander around the shop, probably looking for the right flowers to buy.

"Konoha Horoscope just did an article about Blood Types Compatibility and I'm just testing it out." She explained lightly, as I was still frozen.

"Ok then," I heard him approach the counter. I wondered why he agreed so easily… well, knowing him, he probably liked this stuff, too.

"I'm Type O." He said with his usual smile as he walked up right next to me.

"Ooh, then your best with ABs and other Os… like Sakura!" Ino explained with a gossipy tone.

I knew Ino didn't mean it like _that_.

She meant that he was _like_ me, not that he'd be compatible _with_ me.

....._Right_?....

(Even though, according to the article, we _would_ be compatible… but that was neither here nor there….)

I looked at her face…. She seemed perfectly innocent.

_I'm probably just being waaay too over-analytical, that's all._

_Kakashi-sensei wouldn't connect the dots like that…_

"That's nice." He said gently, placing the flowers on the counter. They were lilies.

Ino took the flowers and counted the total, Kakashi paid for them.

The whole time I was just leaning against the counter, motionless, trying to digest the information and the situation, as well as fighting back the strange urge to stare at him.

"So who are these for?" Ino asked as politely as anyone could ask that question.

"Just a friend I haven't seen in a while." He answered with his polite, but fake, smile.

He picked them up and turned around.

I let out a breath before I heard his smooth voice again.

"See you tomorrow morning, Sakura."

Not only goose bumps this time, but my stomach felt like it was an acrobat stretching for room in my body.

Seriously, he was way too casual when he said my name.

**…………………………………………………………………**

_Blood Type Compaibilty, huh?..._

He couldn't suppress a real smile as he walked away from the little flower shop.

He couldn't help but wonder if blood types really affected a relationship.

With the answer he got from Ino… he hadn't remembered the last time he _wanted_ to take such superstitions so seriously.

**………………………………………………………………………..**

Something else happened as I was walking home.

I saw Kakashi-sensei again, but this time he wouldn't see me.

He was standing in the middle of the Memorial Field… the resting place for the great shinobi, where the third Hokage's monument stands.

The sun was about ready to set, casting an amber glow on the lilies by his feet, which were laying on a marble-white gravestone.

_I guess they were really for a friend he hadn't seen in a while._

When I saw him standing there, just silently reabsorbing the deaths of his comrades, showing respect and paying moments of silence, it really hit me.

Even though Kakashi-sensei acts really carefree, almost to the point that he can act our age… he's still an adult… one who's suffered greater pain than I could possibly understand at this point in my life.

...He's lost his only family, many of his teachers, and a lot of friends...

But he's still such an extraordinary shinobi, a patient teacher, and a loyal friend... one that would happily give his life for any of us in a moment.

_He's actually really amazing._

I couldn't get him out of my head the whole walk home... or even after that, too.

**……………………………………………………………………...................................................................................**

**Hope you like it!**

**By the way, the blood types in here (along with the compatible matches) are actually the character's real types and matches…. Cool, huh? ^_^**


	3. Traditions and Partitions

**Chapter 3!**

Now with 30% more plot!

**Title:** _"Traditions and Partitions"_

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing!

...

...

**... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...**

"All right." Kakashi-sensei exclaimed once Naruto joined us at our team's rendezvous point. "Let's start the overview."

We would usually meet here, at the water tower, a half hour or so earlier than the departing time so that we could go over the mission information as a team.  
I'm usually the first student at the meeting place… I've always prided myself in being punctual and attentive.  
But...  
... this time, I made sure to get there after Sai, who was always second since his ANBU training also included punctuality.

I felt kind of childish for avoiding Kakashi-sensei, but I just had to think a little bit before going back to the way things were before.

A lot's changed in the past couple days.  
…ok... maybe not, 'a lot'...  
But something was different. I just couldn't really pin-point what it was.

"Haruno, you all right?" the voice of the person who was just tumbling around in my thoughts snapped me out of my staring contest with the map of Kawa no Kuni, the Land of Rivers.

"Eh, yeah!" I reassured him as energetically as I could, which wasn't very impressive. I couldn't help a bit of shock. He used my last name.  
That's a little formal for a student of four years…  
Especially when he was calling me by my first name so casually only yesterday.

And... I didn't like the way it sounded.  
It just sounded weird.

"The feudal families in this region of Kawa no Kuni have been fighting a constant battle for power, but recently one family has allegedly hired an assassin who has already killed three members of the opposing clan so far." He explained with his serious tone as I was trying to devote all my attention to what he was saying and not just the sound of his voice.

"So, it's an assassin this time!" Naruto sounded hyper already.

Kakashi-sensei ignored him politely.

"There was a spy in the accused family who said that he was involved in the hiring of the assassin." Kakashi explained. "It's our job is to investigate the situation and capture the assassin."

"All right! Let's get goin'!" Naruto exclaimed excitedly, already running off to the Konoha gate.  
The rest of us followed with less enthusiasm.  
I made sure to keep some distance from Kakashi-sensei.  
He probably wouldn't care anyways...

_By the time this mission is over, everything should go back to normal…_  
I tried to convince myself of that as I continued to watch the distance between Kakashi-sensei and me as we made our way to the gate, too.

**… Later ...**

We left Konoha at 10:00am….  
We arrived at the feudal family's mansion a little under 13 hours after we departed.  
Good time…. Really…..

The entire voyage here was uninterrupted by any drama between me and Kakashi-sensei….

Or talking of any kind…

...I felt a little... put off...

But I distracted myself from that feeling by looking around the room we were seated in. An extravagant room with really expensive, traditional furniture. I didn't know that the clans we were working for were so... rich.  
Well, if there was anything I loved about these types of 'rich' missions, it was that we were fed a lot and were given a warm place to stay during the night.

"Thank you very much!" The anxious underling of the Feudal Lord nearly shouted with gratitude as he bowed to Kakashi-sensei.

"No, it's fine." Kakashi explained with a nervous smile. "It is our job, after all."

"And we are humbly grateful for your help." The underling continued, paying no regard to Kakashi-sensei's correction while dabbing the sweat beads off of his balding forehead with his portly hand.

"Um... About the room arrangements... " Kakashi segued. I guess he couldn't take the groveling anymore, either.

"But, of course!" The underling motioned his plump hand for one the maid-servants.

After that we were led through the grounds to the side-building reserved for respected guests.  
I wasn't used to this type of special treatment.  
_But I guess I could get used to it._  
I smiled to myself as I followed the group through the moonlit courtyard.

We stopped in front of a large sliding door.

"Here are your quarters." The aging servant said in her monotonous voice.

Kakashi-sensei entered, followed by Naruto and Sai, but just as I was about to walk through the doorway, the servant cut in front me.

"I'm sorry, but our house believes in keeping up the strictest traditions." She pardoned her action as she was starting to close the door on me. "Young ladies do not sleep in the same room as young boys and men. You have a separate room already prepared." She explained further. But that didn't help my confusion as to what exactly that had anything to do with us.

As I was about to find my voice, a hand grabbing at the sliding door interrupted my retort, and distracted the servant-lady from enforcing her 'traditions'.

We both looked up at the third party who just entered the one-sided conversation.

"It should be fine." The smooth voice ensured with a hostile-looking smile. "My students have been on many overnight missions together, and co-ed camping's never proven a problem. These boys may seem troublesome, but they are gentlemen around ladies."

He was definitely a sly talker…but, I wouldn't go so far as calling Naruto and Sai 'gentlemen', Kakashi-sensei.

"That doesn't mean that sleeping in the same room as a full-grown man could be just as civilized." The servant debated, her voice growing frustrated and embarrassed.

My frustration was already rising, too.

What did she expect!

. . .

My head clouded at the realization of what she was insinuating could happen.  
I-I wasn't so weak as to be a victim like that!  
I felt my face heat up.

Kakashi-sensei paused at the worst moment.

Every moment of his silence that passed, I felt my heart beat growing stronger and harder.

_Why wasn't he saying anything against that accusation?  
He should've said something by now, something to prove her wrong. That sleeping in the same room as him would be... um... 'civilized'._  
Finally after a few more seconds...

"I won't let that become a problem either." His voice suddenly turned kind of rough. "More importantly, if you want your master to receive the best protection, you can't separate our team. We need to maintain constant communication."

His argument seemed to waver the lady's stance.

She hesitantly nodded her tightly-bunned head and opened the door again.

He leaned away from the door, resuming his normal upright posture as if he wasn't just crouching a little too defensively a few moments ago.  
"Thank-" I tried to thank Kakashi-sensei, but he was already walking over to the boys, who were peeking over here curiously.  
"Ok, ok. Time for bed!" He said with a cheerful tone.  
_Could he really change the mood of his voice that easily? He sounded so serious just now.  
Maybe he was just acting before... or he's acting right now..._  
I confused myself with that thought for a moment as I made my way farther into the room.

"Eh!" Naruto complained.

"Even ninjas need proper sleep…" Kakashi-sensei trailed on with his carefree explanation as I took off my backpack, still wondering what Kakashi must really be feeling underneath his casual smile... Question of the Century...

In the end, the servant dragged out a partition from the closet and set it in the middle of the room, successfully separating me from everybody.

We couldn't disagree after already making a fit about sleeping in the same room, besides, I could always walk around it if there was an emergency.

I grabbed my backpack, and unbuckled my blanket from it. I still wanted to sleep with my own blanket even though the futons were supplied. Just a knack of mine I guess, but it helped me sleep easier.

I couldn't get the issue out of my mind.  
She really thought that by simply sleeping in the same room as the boys that things were going to get out of hand or something?

It was just so strange that anyone would think about something like that.  
I never really thought about it, till just now.  
Even though these guys can be clumsy and annoying, I would trust then with my life if I had to.  
Because we're a team.

That thought still didn't keep my mind from wandering to an awkward place:

_It's not like any of the boys would do anything weird anyways… I mean... even if Naruto can act like a perv sometimes, even he wouldn't do anything. Sai doesn't even recognize me as a girl, practically. And Kakashi-sensei... well, of course he... wouldn't... he... um..._

"Hey, Haruno."

There it was again. That voice, that name… just the wrong side of that name.  
It still sounded bad with his voice.

Then again, he never used to say my name so frequently… usually he'd only pick up a sentence with context, never addressing me or anything... so the fact he was using my name was something good at least.  
_Wait._

Why would that be good?

As those thoughts whizzed through my brain before I could think through them logically I quickly turned around, letting the blanket float down onto the futon messily.  
My eyes found him quickly.  
He was leaning lightly against the partition.

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei?" I asked a little loudly on accident. I was just surprised since he kind of interrupted some really weird thoughts of mine and because... this was the first time he talked to me, individually, since...

"You alright? Something on your mind?" He walked over to me, a few steps.  
He was always the type of teacher that would just sense when things were bothering his students, and ask about it… at least, whenever he actually cared or something... other times he would just let us deal with our own problems if he knew we could.  
But I was surprised he couldn't guess what was bothering me.

"Nothing… just a little nervous about the mission, I guess." I lied.

"We've been through more dangerous missions. I can't imagine you getting nervous over a single assassin." He verbally nudged the truthfulness of my answer.

"Heh, I guess you're right." I caved. "I've just been over-thinking useless things... I think." I elaborated vaguely, as I turned to my futon, my back was to him.

There was a moment of silence. I was only waiting for his words.  
I wished I could see what expression he had during that moment.  
Then, I swear I could feel something graze my shoulder, but it was only for a moment.

"If you need to talk-" He started, but was interrupted.

"Hey, SAI!" Naruto shrieked. "Push your futon further away! It's too close to mine!"

"Ok, fine." Sai said quietly.

"Farther!. . . . Farther! . . . . FARTHER! NOT CLOSER!" Naruto ordered.

We both looked over to the partition, listening to the little argument. I laughed a little.  
Kakashi-sensei walked over to the 'boy's side' without another word.  
I was left in the dark… wondering what he was going to say...

I quietly picked up my blanket.

"Hey, you two." He disrupted their spat with a mature tone.

"Kakashi-sensei, are you sure Sai shouldn't be on the other side of the partition, too?... For our protection." Naruto joked… at least I think it was joke…

"You want Sai and Sakura on the same side of the partition?" Kakashi repeated Naruto's suggestion in a weird way that made me freeze. I never heard his voice sound even slightly suggestive like that.

I was suddenly aware of my heartbeat for a moment.

_This was never a problem before that servant lady had to get all 'traditional'!_

That partition was like the elephant in the room and it was totally blowing this situation out of proportion!

Before I could carry on my internal rant any further I heard Naruto's voice start whispering:  
"Well, maybe I could go over to Sakura's side by myself, the-" I reached for my backpack, it was improvised ammunition that would make a nice sound when it collided with Naruto's face, but it wasn't necessary.

By the time I looked over, backpack clenched in my fist, Naruto was childishly crouching to the floor in pain, while Kakashi's fist was still out in the air where the top of Naruto's head was a few seconds ago.

After I registered the rare situation, I had to say something.

"No!" I shouted stupidly. But it got the point across.

Naruto looked over at me with an embarrassed expression.

"Hey, what was that for Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto whined. "Sakura, it's not what you- What're laughing at Sai!"

I crawled into my futon, smiling a little.

I could hear Kakashi's soft, deep laughter start up, too, as Naruto was frantically trying to get back some respect he thought he had before.

_I wonder why Kakashi decided to take care of Naruto's pervy side (which he no doubt inherited from Jiraiya) this time…_

I don't think it was the good food, or the warm futon that improved my mood, but it was pleasant to drift off into sleep to the sound of his laughter.

_I wonder what he was going to say before Naruto interrupted…._

**... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...**

"That doesn't mean that sleeping in the same room as a full-grown man could be just as civilized."

Those words repeated in Kakashi's mind as he was finally settling down to sleep.  
He had broken up Naruto's antics, and had finally prepared his own futon, by which time everybody was already asleep.

He knew he had handled Naruto's joke a little too violently for an adult… but his fist seemed to move on its own… it just instinctually needed to hit Naruto for saying that about his teammate… about Haruno... Sakura.  
It should be okay to call her by her first name in his mind, right?

His thoughts kept revolving around that phrase.

"…doesn't mean…full-grown man…civilized"

Did he look like the type of man that would do that?

He took off his vest with a single motion, and crawled into the covers.

It was always best for a shinobi to train themselves to fall asleep exactly when they wanted to, and to remain a light sleeper, but Kakashi couldn't clear his mind as quickly as he should've been able to.

_I would never let myself do anything like that._

But now that that woman brought it up, I can't get it out of my head.

I was so cautious of myself I couldn't even touch her shoulder when I would've with any other student anyways.

It wouldn't have meant anything… but I can't seem to trust myself around her when I'm like this…

He reached over to his little satchel that he placed at the end of his futon.  
He rummaged through it, brushing aside the cold metal kunai to find his salvation.

_Well, if I'm getting too thoughtful about my personal situation, I can always drown my worries by reading._

He flipped open the worn-out, dog-eared, green book featuring a white figure sitting beneath the playful lettering : "Icha Icha Tactics"…

He released a warm sigh through the thin fabric of his turtleneck.  
If only everything worked out so perfectly romantic as in these novels…

…. He didn't realize till he was drifting into sleep that he hadn't turned a page since opening it, or that he hadn't actually finished reading a full paragraph.

He couldn't stop thinking about the other side of that partition…

**…. ... ... ... ... ... ... ...**


	4. Assassins and Fantasies

**Chapter 4!**

It's getting more intense, now.

Please enjoy!

**Title:** "Assassins and Fantasies"

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of these characters…

…

_My heart was beating hard._

_I breathed in the scent of something close to a recently rain-washed forest._

_It was so familiar. The fagrance triggered familiar emotions._

_I remembered the scent with feelings of admiration, amazement, respect, and desperation._

_I could feel arms embracing me._

_I felt nervous... but eager._

_My hands ran through silver hair._

My eyes opened slightly... looked around... the partition was blocking any view of the other side of the room, I closed my eyes again.

_So, it was a dream..._

I grumbled lightly to myself… I hated it when I randomly emerged from good dreams feeling sleepier than ever, only to sink back into a boring dream. But I had already forgotten most of that pleasant dream... except that scent... It was still so familiar to me.  
My attention was stolen from my efforts to remember that scent.

_Creaking…_

_What's that noise?_

I could hear the strong night wind, and the faint chirps of insects outside, the light flickering of the candle sitting in its torch-stand in the corner.

And _creaking…._

_I swear that I can hear somebody walking on the mats._

_Creak_…

_It sounds like the noise is coming towards me._

I rolled over a little, still too close to the very verge of sleep-land to really register the fact that it was a little weird to hear footsteps coming towards you during the night.

_Creak…_  
_What's that other noise?_…_. Chuckling?_

I opened my eyes to see what exactly was going on, but I didn't have enough time to see anything before I felt a fist pound against my chest so hard that I could hear the cracking and splintering of the tatami mats underneath me.

"Ugh!" I let out a guttural noise, followed by a few coughing spurts.

My eyes watered with pain and impact.

My brain scrambled with confusion and pain as I was suddenly very awake and holding back my voice from showing just how much pain I was in. I blink my still sleep-ridden watery eyes, I could see a blurry figure right above me.

I was still so confused, the pain impaired my thoughts before I had a chance to ready myself for it like I usually did on the battlefield. I could only form a few coherent thoughts. I had no idea who this figure was. I couldn't move. I needed help. I couldn't feel my arms.  
A single name came to mind.

"Ka-Kakashi-sens-" I couldn't finish my winded call for help. A strong hand clasped over my mouth.

I wanted to scream, but I couldn't breathe right, my ribs felt sore, there was an excruciatingly sharp pain in my side, and I couldn't find my voice. I wanted to fight back, to pull at the hand, bite it, anything. But my body wasn't following any of my orders right now.  
I felt a deep tugging in my chest.

It was as if this person had attached some sort of chain to my heart with that punch, and was now trying to pull it out with a slow drag.

The pain grew as the tugging sensation strengthened, but before it became bad enough for tears to run down my face, it stopped.

Everything stopped. The hand left my mouth before I had had a chance to hurt it.

I didn't feel the pain, the tugging… I still couldn't feel my arms, not even my legs.

I took a second to get my breath back, to focus my eyes, but the figure responsible for all my pain was already gone. It was as if whatever happened just now didn't really happen… that the past few seconds were a dream too. That this slow, exhausting form of pain that was beginning to resurrect itself along my limbs, leading towards my heart, just happened for no reason.

I tried to lift myself off the mats that didn't feel like they had been dented by the punch, though I swear I heard the cracking and snapping….

I tried calling out… my voice refused to be any louder than a whisper. But it wasn't my larynx that was stopping my voice, my lungs weren't opening all the way. I could feel the tension in my chest as I tried to breathe deeper, my diaphragm rising, but I couldn't get any more air.  
If there was one thing about my medic-nin training that I didn't like, it was the fact that you become so painfully aware of everything about your injuries that it can scare you.

I had to get my thoughts straight. Somebody did this. Somebody knew we were here. I had to tell the others.

_Maybe I could crawl over to Kakashi-sensei…_ but I could only barely lift my head off my pillow.

My side hurt too badly to sit up any more. I hissed with the pain as I tried to move again, testing the threshold of the injury.  
I fell back a few inches onto the covers of my futon again, already exhausted.  
I felt so tired, like I suddenly lost all my energy.

"Ka—" I tried again… but it was worse this time. I couldn't even form a word without coughing a little.

I tasted a coppery, salty flavor in my mouth. That was too familiar. Internal bleeding.

_What the hell is going on?_ I cursed mentally as I struggled to figure out how I was going to warn the others.

…**. …. …. …. …. …. …. ….. …. …. ….. ….. ….**

Kakashi turned over on his side, facing the partition. The dark beige color of the improvised wall flickering in the weak candlelight.

He had slept well for at least a couple hours, and now he was awake again.

He felt like he wasn't going to get back to sleep for a while.

Something was bothering him.

He didn't know what it was, but he just felt like he should be worrying about something.

He could guess what there was to worry about, but he'd already been worrying about it for weeks, and he had already endured nights of interrupted sleep due to those worries. Namely, the worries that originated from certain feelings for a certain girl behind a certain partition who happened to be his student… one of the few people in his world that he wasn't allowed to have those feelings for.

He was all too aware of the trouble he was in for if he lost himself to those emotions any further, let alone acted on his feelings.

God knows he tried to stifle his thoughts of her… like he had for countless other women, just so that he wouldn't have to deal with emotionally-risky relationships, since every relationship he's ever had seems to have ended in pain and death… but it was hard to push away feelings when you had no idea they were crawling up on you until they just smacked you in the face when you didn't suspect a thing. If he had known he was developing feelings for that girl, if he had had just a little head notice, he could've stopped it, distanced himself, and stopped the disaster from happening.

But here he was, an emotional mess of a man, already too far gone to try and push his emotions out of his mind, already too far gone to even _want_ to try and push these emotions out of his mind, even though he knew he should.

It was never this difficult before, controlling his emotions. As a jounin, and ex-ANBU member, he's already been trained how to hide and nullify personal opinion and thoughts… But it was hard to throw away feelings for someone you'd seen at least every other day for years… especially when you had seen them grow from a somewhat spoiled, immature young girl into an exceedingly talented and compassionate young woman...

Another warm sigh left him as he realized, again, just what an idiot he had to be to get caught up in this.

She's Sakura.  
The little girl who showed little potential, the girl who was a raving fangirl over Sasuke, the girl who'd cry too easily, the girl who memorized textbooks to make up for her lack of skill, the girl who'd succumb to fear faster than the others, the girl who'd need constant saving, the girl who'd punch first and think second….  
When did she become the young woman behind that partition?  
What happened during those three years that changed her so much he hadn't noticed until they formed Team Kakashi?  
It couldn't have just been the Hokage's training.  
She had changed on her own.  
She's stronger than ever before -well on her way to becoming a second-Tsunade-, she handles herself with more grace than the average chuunin on the battlefield, she's showing more and more skill as a medic-nin, she keeps outstanding control of herself in the heat of battle, she's a fierce and competitive girl, but she still shows that easily-flustered, eager, side as well that he had always thought was a little cu-

He stopped himself before he could finish that sentence, already too aware of the fact that he'd already gone too far in his thoughts of her already… again. He sighed, _again_.

He noticed just how many times he's sighed in the past few months …

He's been trying to fix those tell-tales habits of his feelings. Whenever romance was ever a part of his life he'd always find himself sighing more and more often, he always found himself paying more and more attention to the girl in question, talking to them more, using their name more.  
He had tried to fix this recently, using her last name... it was a little petty, and uncomfortable… but at this point _he_ felt petty and uncomfortable for letting himself get into this trouble.

He ran a hand over his face, his hand staying over his eyes, shutting out the world and that flickering partition out of his mind.

He really felt like an idiot.

How could he let this happen?

He thought this would never happen to him.

He let himself fall victim to one of the most cliché taboos; a teacher falling for his student. And he couldn't do anything about it. In fact, the more desperate attempts of his to stop himself, the more faster he seemed to fall.

He was always so calm, so laid-back, and yet he felt like he was losing his mind thinking about this.

He felt like he was going to lose his mind every time he found himself staring at her too long, or every time he found himself wanting to reach out to her, or even when he would get a little bothered when she was talking to Naruto or Sai for too long…

He hated losing his cool this easily. Especially over someone he should never lose it over anyways.

_How did this ever happen?_

His aimlessly confused thoughts came to a complete halt when he felt something curl over his right side and land on his chest.

He looked down calmly, curious.

_Well, that's peculiar._

A hand had slinked its way over his waist and was now resting in the middle of his chest, the lighter skin tone contrasted against the slight tan of his own.

_That's what I get for reading love novels right before bed._

He dismissed it as a dream for only a moment until the hand gently moved closer to his neck, gliding over his chest lightly.

That felt too real.

And now, his attention alerted, he recognized that hand, the arm.

"Kakashi-sensei…" A familiar voice whispered against the nape of his neck.

He immediately scooted out from underneath the small arm and away from the voice, sitting up and turning over to face his visitor, the cover of his futon now in a mess as it hovered to the ground in his absence. His right eye found the owner of that arm and voice, widening in shock.

"Kakashi-sensei?" That voice, he knew it, but he'd never heard it like that.

He only stared blankly at the face of Sakura for a few seconds.

She was laying in his futon, dressed the exact same as when he had seen her a few hours ago, but she seemed so different. Maybe it was the look she was giving him.  
He'd never seen that expression from her, he didn't even know that she was capable of it.

"What are you doing?" His voice found itself after only a few more seconds of hesitation. Usually he was prepared for any situation… but this wasn't something he'd have ever expected.

_This isn't a dream, right?_  
… _It's not like I've never had a dream like this… but not with her…_

"I just thought you looked lonely." Her voice was thick with implication, she sat up, the cover falling to her lap. Her eyes focused on his face, half-open.

She leaned forward closer… he could smell the familiar scent of her shampoo.

Her eyes had a dangerous glint in them. "Ne, sensei… Don't tell me you've never thought about it." She moved closer.

He didn't answer her question… it hit a nerve.

This all sounded exactly like something from one of the smutty books he's read… it couldn't be real. He wasn't sure if he'd want to be real.

He looked away. He couldn't look at her for too long. It wasn't right. The look she was giving him, the way she used her voice… none of it was right, he tried not to focus on the part of him that thought differently.

He had to think through the situation. He already knew this wasn't real, whatever it was. He scanned the room for any signs of forced entry, any intruders who were performing genjutsu or even a mind-control jutsu. He didn't see anybody on this side of the partition other than the snoring Naruto and sleeping Sai, both of which seemed to be having pleasant dreams despite what was going on.

_Is this some type of illusion?… I've never seen an illusion looks so real, or even have the same scent._

A gentle hand found his cloth-covered chin, turning his perspective towards her. He hadn't noticed how close she'd gotten. He grabbed the hand, snatching it away from his face.

_And illusions aren't supposed to feel this real._

It took a moment for him to think of letting go of the soft hand that felt so much like hers.

His defense weakened against his will when his eyes accidentally found hers. His hand around her wrist tightened a little.

"Sakura…" he started, unable to really think of any other word besides her name for a few seconds. He tried to think of something to say to break up this… situation. Still nothing came to mind as her other hand found the side of his masked face. She scooted closer. "This isn't…" He lost the rest of the sentence as she spoke up, using Sakura's voice stangely.

"It's exactly what you want it to be." Her voice encouraged his illogical self.

She brought herself even closer, deeply breaking the usual personal boundaries. He was sitting on the floor with one knees bent, as she got closer her left knee fell between his legs.

Her familiar hand brushed up the side of his face too gently.

His shoulder's lost their tension as his eye half-closed. He found himself just staring at her face, which was approaching his slowly.

Her hand landed on his chest.

She was so close… but not even there…

He felt her thin fingers tug at his mask, gently sliding it downward.

This was enough.

He couldn't let this go any further…

Within a second, his hand found the spare kunai in his knee satchel, but his advancement was only met with a metallic clank of her own knife countering his.

This imposter really was going to be a problem.

He threw off her knife with a push, sending her back a few feet. He immediately found his feet and stood up, forgetting the fake Sakura, he turned around the corner of partition and checked for the real one.

Just as he caught a glimpse of the real Sakura writhing sluggishly as if she was running out of air, Sakura's voice interrupted him.

"You really are no fun." Her voice complained from behind him as he felt a small hand grasp his wrist. As soon as he felt it, he grabbed the fake fingers harshly, no longer afraid of hurting whatever this thing was just because it looked like…  
He quickly turned around to counter her attack by grabbing her other arm.

She struggled against him.

She squirmed, he saw anger twist her face in a way that he'd never seen Sakura express.

He never wanted to see her face like that.

"Who are you?" He asked, but he got no answer as they were both falling to the ground.

She had kicked his legs out from under him, trying to faze him and regain freedom, but he kept holding on.

"What do you want?" Kakashi demanded loudly, already figuring out that whoever this was had to be a shinobi, and had to be on some sort of mission. But if it was to kill them, why didn't they take the chance when they were all asleep?

The imposter only struggled more, ignoring Kakahsi's question, using Sakura's face to make a hateful expression. He could feel something like anger bubbling in his chest.  
He really shouldn't be losing his cool… it was his trademark to stay calm and collected in the heat of battle… but looking at the imposter that had stolen Sakura's form had encouraged a sort of instinctual anger he couldn't control.

"Kakashi-san?"

Another voice sounded from Kakashi's left.

He looked over to the source.

Sai stood there, his face obviously confused for a moment. Waking up to find him struggling with Sakura like this would definitely seem strange, but after mere moments, Sai's confusion seemed to wash away, and he understood the situation.

Kakashi was grateful to have an ex-ANBU member on his team who could quickly identify a situation clearly.

"Sai." Kakashi started, he definitely needed some help. He really didn't like having to deal with this fake Sakura. Everything about this intruder was causing the slow-building anger to intensify.

"K-Kakashi-sensei?" Another voice blurted out his name. He had really grown tired of that.

But that was the least of his annoyances now that the yellow-haored boy who had just called his named with audible confusion just stood there for a moment, his eyes were empty and wide with confusion.

"Naruto!" Kakashi shouted, trying to get his attention. But it seemed as if the boy was already connecting the dots of this situation wrongly as the boy's face contorted into something with anger.

Kakashi looked over the appearance of his situation.

He and Sakura were on his futon.

And he's pinning her down forcefully.

And someone like Naruto, who doesn't think about a situation… would see this as exactly what it seemed to be.

Exactly what that servant-lady would've seen…

"Naruto! Help me! Kakashi-sensei, he-" Sakura's voice pleaded from under Kakashi.

"Be quiet." Kakashi ordered the imposter with a rough tone. He really hated hearing her voice say his name like he was some sort of attacker.

But from the look on Naruto's face, it seemed that the imposter had gotten their goal reaction.

_Damn it!_

"Kakash-" Naruto failed to say anything for a second, just staring at the panicked imposter.

She was a really good actress… and Kakashi was visibly angry too (which he never was)…

Which would Naruto believe to be the fake?

Then his eyes flashed to Kakashi, anger rippling off of him.

"YOU!"

There he went.

Naruto was on the rampage, and heading right for Kakashi, fists raised.

Kakashi couldn't let go of this intruder to dodge Naruto's fists.

"Naruto!" Kakashi yelled. "Open your eyes! This isn't Sakura!" He explained with more patience in his words than in his voice, trying to get the hot-headed boy to help the situation, not make it worse.

Naruto hesitated, Sai grabbed him. Naruto turned to the fake Sakura who had been smiling for a few seconds already.

"Sa-Sakura?" Naruto was only beginning to understand.

"I guess my covers blown.~" A new voice came from Sakura's figure talking with a sing-song voice. It started laughing.

"What's going on!" Naruto exclaimed a question Kakashi had been wondering for a while.  
But that wasn't important right now.  
"Sai, go and help Sakura." He nodded his head in the direction of the partition. Sai ran over to the other side of the room. Kakashi wanted to be Sai in that moment.

The figure started talking again.

"I'm not done with you boys yet… This was only some reconnaissance … and play... we'll do something more fun next time." The imposter gave Kakashi a suggestive glance using Sakura's eyes. "See you soon."

And it was gone in a puff of smoke.

…**.. …. …. …. …. …. ….. …. ….**

A drop of sweat trickled into my eye, blurring my sight.

I blinked erractically, matching the pace of my labored breathing.

I lifted my arm ahead of me again, trying with all my strength to drag myself forward… but the pain… that pain was worse than before. I wasn't sure if it was the shock setting in, the adrenaline running out, or the strenuous breathing that caused the pain in mu chest to fire uncomfortably.

I grunted as I tried to pull myself forward again… to say the least, my insides didn't feel right. Like things were shifting around without any structure.

The sensation made my stomach lurch.

I had been trying to crawl my way over to the other side of partition, but I'd only been able to travel a few feet from my futon covers.

_Why was I so weak!_

_I thought I had finally been able to find my place in this team, but I'm still this weak!_

_What was all that training for if I can't even take care of myself!_

_I still have to rely on Kakashi-sensei and the guys to save me!_

_Why do I have to trouble them even now after so many years?_

Tears of frustration mixed with pain and anger began to well up in my eyes.

"Sakura!" I heard Sai's voice from the darkness.

"S-…" I wanted to shout to him, but my voice still wasn't working right, yet.

I saw him run towards me, when I saw what I could recognize as worry in even his eyes, I knew I was really messed up… I mean, Sai wouldn't react to nothing, right.

"Sakura." He said again sounding genuinely worried, crouching down over me, gently placing his hands on my sides to twist me onto my back.

I let out a long delayed shriek of pain when his fingers closed on my ribs.

"Sakura!" I heard two voices shout my name, almost at the same time.

I recognized Naruto's usual screaming voice that I had heard many times before, but the deeper, more matured voice had reacted to my scream first. Hearing his voice calmed me a fraction, even if it did have a fearful tone I'd never heard before.

The two who called my name just now turned the corner.

It hurt to talk, but I found myself needing to call out to one of them, I cleared my throat… like that would help.

"Ka-kashi…" I stuttered with pain, trying to keep composed. The coppery taste intensified.

I reached my arm out past Sai who was sitting by my side with those concerned eyes I couldn't recognize ever seeing before.

A hand grabbed mine.

I looked, my heart seemed to beat a little faster against the rest of my jumbled insides. It felt horrible. The hand was cuffed by a familiar black and orange sleeve. My heart sank a little when I didn't see the metal-plated glove.

Kakashi was standing behind Sai and Naruto.

My eyesight was still a little groggy and blurry from the water, but I could see his face a little clearly.

I was scared by what I thought I saw.

His face was literally frozen with something of a cross between anger and fear…

I had never seen that look on his face.  
Then after a mere moment, his face seemed to resort to a watered down version of concern, once again adopting the cool expression I had seen almost every other day for the past 4 years.

"Naruto. Sai." Kakashi knelt down between them. "I need you two to do exactly as I say."

They turned to him, already eager for any sort of leadership that they could follow.

My mind was whirling in and out of my situation.

Fear was clogging my thoughts.

I couldn't quite pay attention to Kakashi's words when I was desperately trying to use my medical ninjutsu to examine myself. It was difficult, but Lady Tsunade had taught me a quick way evaluate your own injuries…  
Closing my eyes, inverting the chakra flow in my hands to scan my body… I searched for the damage… it wasn't hard to find.

My ribs.

At least 5 of them had been broken.

I guess the cracking and splintering sounds I thought I heard below me, were a little closer to home.

One of the jagged bones was threatening to puncture my left lung.

If I moved around too much it might actually tear a hole. The sharp pain from before made sense now.

I resurfaced from my examination with the need to toss up the expensive meal we were treated to earlier that night, a general side-effect of chakra over-sue. But I held it back with all my willpower. I didn't know I was so low on chakra.

"Kakashi…" I whispered his name again, feeling a grating sensation inside my chest with every breath.

He looked up from his meeting with Sai and Naruto exactly when I uttered the first syllable of his name.

" … the top three right lateral ribs… are fractured…. and two of my medial ribs are broken…." I spoke in little whispers, and breathed shallow breathes so that my lung wouldn't press against the bone.

I was so scared, but medical-talk always calmed me down, made things distant…. cold.

"Sakura." Kakashi was staring at me with the strangest expression.

I could feel the fear taking me over.

I was going to go into shock if I didn't calm down.

I had to even my breathing.

"One broken rib is positioned against my left lung… it could tear…" I added.

He took a moment, just staring at my body.

I had to know if I was going to go into shock, which could complicate any effort to fix me.

"Okay," He said seriously, giving me one last look before turning back to Naruto and Sai.

Sai and Naruto were just looking at me plainly. But Naruto seemed to be beyond the point of freaking out, he almost seemed catatonic…

"Sai, Naruto, set up the seal." They only looked over to him. "Now." He had to yell.

_Seal?_

Sai and Naruto left my sight. Kakashi sat down next to my side.

"Since we can't move you from this spot, or get back-up any time soon…we're going to have to perform a weak form of _Chikatsu Saisei_, it's a seal technique that I picked up a while ago. Even without a real medic-nin to perform it, it should be able to take care of most of the damage. It only requires precise chakra control." He explained coldly. Like he wasn't really there. Like he was only delivering a lecture. Like he had emotionally detached himself from this.

I guess it was his version of my 'medical-talk'.

He leaned over me. His face was only inches from me, the pain seemed to subside for a moment.

I noticed only briefly that I was staring into both of his eyes.

Why would he let his Sharingan eye show right now?

The circular patterns of his left eyes seemed to shift on their own.

"I'm afraid you can't be conscious for this jutsu."

I felt my eyelids grow heavier, my sight fading, my hearing growing muffled.

Fear engulfed me at the last moment as I realized I wasn't going to hve any control over what was going to happen.

_What if I wasn't going to wake up?_

_What if I took too much damage for him to heal?_

_I'm the medic-nin here, and I let myself get hurt… how can I expect him to be able to fix this?_

His voice spoke up right before I was almost too far gone to understand what he said. "Don't worry…"  
Even if I hadn't caught those words, his voice was enough to tell me what he meant. It was soft, smooth… I loved it.

Just before my eyes closed, I saw the sheer conviction in his mis-matched eyes.

I'd only seen that a few times before.

But I knew that look, we all did, his students… it meant that he was willing to do anything to successfully finish whatever his goal was… even if it meant he had to die.  
My fear faded with my consciousness… only a few words resonated in my thoughts.

_I trust you._

Those words were so strong in my mind that I wasn't sure if I hadn't actually said them.

…**.**


	5. Fractures and Insecurities

**Chapter 5!**

**Title:** "_Fractures and Insecurities"_

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing!

…**.**

"Shagura?"

My eyes opened a little.

My hearing was a little muffled, but I think I could hear my name.

Sunlight poured into my vision too harshly, my eyes cringed with the over-exposure.

Who was calling my name?

"Sakura?"

My hearing was clear again.

My vision slowly adjusted.

I looked right above me.

Orange.

Naruto.

"How are you feelin'?" He asked eagerly, hovering over me.

My eyes completely adjusted within a few seconds. I lifted my right arm to plant my hand against the tatami-matted ground, anchoring myself to sit up.

Nothing seemed to shift unpleasantly, I couldn't feel bones grinding together, or a sharp pain in my left side… but I was really, really, sore.

Naruto was crouching next to me, looking at me as if every little movement I made was some sort of test and he was judging whether I passed or failed.

I grimaced with pain.

I probably wasn't earning too good of grades. But I couldn't bring myself to care very much.

I stole a glance towards the window… the sunlight was amber and soft…

"How long was I out?" I asked.

"The whole day… the sun's about to set." Naruto explained.

_Just a day?_

_It feels like I've been lying there for a week._

"Kakashi said that her bones have been set, but that they aren't completely healed. It'll take some time before they're as strong as they were before." Sai's voice lingered farther up above me and Naruto.

It sure felt like my bones weren't as stable as before.

"Where is he?" I asked immediately. Sai sounded as if Kakashi wasn't there anymore.

"After using so much chakra for the seal jutsu, he practically passed out." Naruto said a little more cheerfully, as if that was something of a joke. Then again, to Naruto, seeing someone pushed to the point of exhaustion for expending too much chakra must've been funny for Naruto, who had a lot to spare. But he couldn't have preformed the jutsu because we all know how inept he can be as precision control. Naruto's smile widened a little for a moment before he spoke up again. "He's right over there." Naruto pointed to a messy futon, halfway across the large room, filled with a sleeping Kakashi.

I looked over at him for a long moment.

I really wanted to thank him.

For the second time in a short period of time I was hit with the revelation that Kakashi-sensei was a lot more amazing than I thought he was.

That sounded bad, like I had thought he was weak or something. I mean, I've always known he was powerful, one of the most powerful in the village… but for a person with little to no medic training to heal broken bones so well in only one night… he was really, kind of amazing.

"You should lay back down, Sakura." Sai's voice gently interrupted my staring, calling me out of those strange thoughts.

I took his advice willingly, but felt a little lazy for doing so. I let the back of my head slowly find the pillow, my eyes glancing towards the other futn in the room for a moment again.

"Kakashi's ordered us to go out and collect reconnaissance information. Since the enemy knows so much about us from last night, we can't risk facing them in battle without knowing more about them." Sai elaborated monotonously.  
Something told me he was actually repeating Kaksahi's words verbatim.

"How will you do that?" I asked. I didn't want to be completely left out of the mission.

"We're gonna track down the spy in the other family's clan and question him." Naruto continued with a grin, obviously looking forward to it.

"Okay." I finished. My voice was still a little shaky. "You guys go on ahead. I'll stay here and…" _do nothing?_

"You need to rest." Sai repeated. "But we should be back at least by nightfall. We'll report any details." He walked out of the room slowly, reciting that standard shinobi goodbye as if he's said it hundreds of times. That was the way he talked, so formal and professional. I guess ANBU does that to people.

But not Kakashi, I guess… he was always _too_ casual. Like whenever he'd say my name (without the –san)…

"Bye, Sakura. Heal fast!" Naruto smiled a huge grin as he ran out of the room, waving excitedly.

Naruto could be a good friend.

I looked away from the door to the ceiling, pulling the covers up to my neck.

After a few seconds, I didn't even notice it, but my eyes just seemed to travel over to the other futon in the room and my thoughts seemed to follow the same direction.

_I wondereif he was still going to suffer chakra-exhaustion side-effects when he wakes up.  
Maybe I could help realign the chakra flow. I've been practicing that a lot lately.  
Wait, I'm suffering from exhaustion, too. I probably won't be much help.  
Maybe he'll be okay when he wakes up.  
He is a lot stronger than I am… maybe he's used to being pushed to the limit like that.  
Still… for him to push himself to the point of passing out… that's a little intense.  
I never really realized how far he'll go for his students._

That last thought was supposed to be a nice one but it bothered me a little.

_But it's true. He just cares a lot about his students, his subordinates. He'd do the exact same thing for Naruto and Sai.  
It's not like I'm speci-_

I stopped myself before I could finish that thought.

_No, he was just trying to get our team back to normal.  
I went and broke up our plans by getting injured.  
He couldn't afford to have the only medic-nin bed-ridden with broken bones for the rest of the mission._

Suddenly I felt that I shouldn't just be thanking him, I should probably apologize, too.

…**. …. …. …. ….. ….**

He lay motionless, his eyes closed.

He was wide awake, and he really shouldn't be pretending to sleep, but he had woken up nearly an hour ago, and still didn't feel like dealing with anything but his own thoughts right now.

Last night had been a real scare for him.

This _is why I never let myself fall for anyone…_this_exact reason._

_I get way too attached and then they always…_

… _I'm always left behind…_

…

_Well, even if she was _only_ a student to me, I'd still feel like this… but if she was more I'd-_

He tried to reason through what had happened, through the fact that he hadn't felt the kind of fear he felt last night in years.

He could feel his face harden, his brows furrow in stern concentration.

_She was so serious, showed so little fear, and was quick to react, treating herself as if she was any other patient. Even the best of shinobi would've lost their edge in that situation and forgotten their own power._  
_She's really grown._

A moment of admiration softened his features against his better judgement.

"Ow…" A soft voice called out in pain for a split second, snapping Kakashi out of his thoughts.

_Ah, she's up…_

He still couldn't bring himself to 'wake up', too.

"Kakashi…Kakashi-sensei…" the same voice whispered his name little loudly.

He didn't respond.

He knew he should've. He should just say, 'Yes?', and let her say what she's going to say. He had been wanting to talk to her for a while now… but something was holding him back, a whim.

He lay motionless, his eyes closed.

Waiting.

Feeling childish. But not ashamed.

…**.. …. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. …..**

_He's still asleep._

_I guess he really pushed it too far yesterday._

I laid back down, a little disappointed.

_I really want to thank him._

_He's done too much for me._

_Even a medic-nin would have had trouble with my injuries… but he handled it so perfectly, and he's paying for it right now._

_I hope he isn't upset with me._

_I let down the team again._

_Because of me, Naruto and Sai have to go out without any back up, while Kakashi, the leader, has to stay behind with me, the only medic-nin who got herself injured._

I stared at the ceiling fiercely recycling the thoughts from before again, unable to let them go.

_I'm always messing things up!_

_When I was younger, I so absorbed with myself that I never noticed it…. And even though I at least_know _what I need to change now… I still can't change anything! I always fall back into old habits._

_I'm still weak. And he had to pick up the pieces, he had to save me… again._

These thought plagued my mind over and over again for minutes.

_That's it!_

I couldn't take it anymore.

I made myself sit up, even though it really hurt.

I threw aside the futon covers, then paused as they fell to the mats with a little rustling noise.

I knew I couldn't stand just yet, so I scooted myself across the floor several feet until I was at an arm's length away from Kakashi's futon.

I reached his side, saw him laying there, unconscious, and my determination seemed to wash away…

…

What did I plan on doing, again?

…

I was so convinced that I had to come over here and say something… but he's asleep… I can't wake him up or it'll just interrupt his recovery… if I go back to my own futon, it'll be a waste of energy.

I guess… I should make the most of this…. Right?

I cleared my throat quietly, finding my weary voice.

"Um…" I started…

I stared at his covered face for a few moments…

His headband was off but his mask was, of course, still hiding 2/3rds of his face.

His expression was strange for a sleeping person.

His eyes seemed to be… angry?... upset?... no. In pain.

That technique must've really gotten the better of him.

A pang of guilt turned my sore stomach over.

His hair was a little messy, like he had rolled around a little in his sleep. I kind of wanted to reach out for a moment, comb it out… but that was weird, right?  
Yeah… I really couldn't do that.

I felt a little awkward for a second, sitting there in silence, as if waiting for something to happen. I stared at my knees for a moment, feeling a little weird for staring at his face for so long. I tried to think about why I was over here.

To thank him…

But… he was asleep… so…

I could say whatever I wanted, and he wasn't going to respond or remember…

I didn't plan on saying anything really; I just let my mouth run away with me.

"… Kakashi-sensei…"

Everything was quiet. Like I somehow expected him to respond or something.

"Kakashi-sensei…" I said again with a little more determination, building up my confidence.

I never noticed how much I liked saying that name… that's probably weird, too….

"I guess I don't have to always add 'sensei' to your name, right?..." I started randomly. "Even though we were your students, we're your equals now too, like you said…"

I stopped for a second.

_I can say whatever I want…_ I reminded myself firmly.

"…. but I could never accept that."

My hands curled into weak fists on my knees as I had to look away from his face.

"You were always so much stronger, smarter, older, cooler… You were-_are_ everything we aspire to be…. Everything I wanted to live up to…."

I paused.

"I've really tried to earn your praise… Every time I'm around you I feel like such a child. Like I haven't changed at all during these years. But that only makes me want to try harder, to push myself. To try and prove myself…"

Even if he was asleep, I still couldn't look him in the face while saying these embarrassing things that I had only thought to myself about.

"Naruto has come a long way hasn't he?... He probably will make a great Hokage someday…. And Sa-sasuke" I stuttered at the name. "…has also gotten really, really strong, too."

Another pause.

"I still haven't done much… I always get in the way… I always get hurt and have to be saved… And even though Lady Tsunade took time to train me, I still can't seem to catch up with everyone… and now you're going through pain for me…"

I looked out the window. Saying this out loud really… helped.

"… I'm sorry." I said finally.

_Jeez, things got depressing so fast._

"I had come over here wanting to say thanks, but I ended up apologizing…" I added with a little breathy chuckle that rumbled my ribs a little. "Thank you, Kakashi… sensei." I finished, about ready to turn around and scoot back to my futon till I was interrupted.

"You're welcome."

. . .

_WHAT?_

…**.. ….. ….. ….. … … … ….. … .. .. … …**

He couldn't keep his eyes closed anymore.

He couldn't leave the one-sided conversation at that.

He couldn't let her keep all of those worries on her shoulders alone.

"Your welcome." He said softly, sitting up slowly as she just sat there, her back to him.

She looked pretty frozen with embarrassment. He swore he could see the side of her cheek turn pink.

He tried to hold back a chuckle at how cute that was.

He could've handled this with more tact, but he was secretly a little spiteful for when she said he was "so much older"… he wasn't that old.

But he couldn't control the happiness he felt over some of the other things she admitted.

"EEEEeeeeeehhhhhhhh!" She nearly shrieked. Had her chest not been so sore he knew that she would've screamed much louder.

Her voice was definitely louder than it should've been, but it was only a whisper-yell.

He couldn't stop the laughter when he saw her turn around, her face bright red.

… …**. …. …. …. …. …. ….. ….. ….. …. …. ….**

"You were awake?" I asked with a frantic voice that vibrated my rib cage uncomfortably.

He didn't say anything, he only laughed softly.

I had always loved his smile (or what I could see of it) but right now it was pissing me off.

"When did you wake up… How much did you hear?" I asked, trying to keep my voice a little calmer, god knows I didn't need to cause injury to myself right now, throwing a fit.

His laughter faded out.

"Since 'Umm….'" He said playfully.

He had heard the whole. entire. thing.

"Why didn't you open your eyes or something?" I exploded.

"Was it wrong for me to hear that?" He asked, ignoring my rather important question, feigning innocence. My admiration for him was diminished a little.

_He can really be like a kid sometimes!  
_Even though I was looking at my teacher of four years straight in the face, his eyes on mine looking at me a little belittlingly, I still felt like wasn't the same-old Kakashi-sensei right now. He was more of an equal… a really childish equal right now.  
He spoke up again just as I managed to jump the hurdle of realizing that Kakashi wasn't talking to me as a teacher right now.

"Didn't you come over here to talk to me?" He pointed out slyly. "And I listened." His tone was calming down, getting cooler, more serious. I wasn't calming down a bit.

"Well, I wouldn't have said what I just did if you were awake!" I pointed back at him trying to throw off the undeniable logic he had just pointed out.

"Why not?" His voice shocked some of the frustration from me.

He suddenly got serious. He wasn't upset or anything, but the way he asked that question sounded like he really wanted an answer. He leaned a little closer. I suddenly felt a little stage-fright in front of him.

"Well…" I faltered for a second. "It's normal, right?… Aren't there things that you would talk about if I was asleep, but not when I'm awake?" I asked without knowing it was true or not, hoping it was just to prove myself right.

He went silent.

He heaved a sigh and looked down to his covered lap, forgetting his previous childish mood.

_Huh?_

_Did I say something wrong?_

I know we were kind of having a little fight (which was really new to me… we'd usually only exchange small sentences of greetings or orders, it seemed that if we ever spoke, it was only about a mission… we'd never had a real conversation ... it was really strange how people who've learned almost everything about each other could never really talk.…), but I didn't want to hurt him or anything. Well, I didn't know how that could've hurt him, but I didn't like that slightly pained face he had right now.

"You're right." He sounded defeated. "I invaded your privacy, didn't I?" He asked/stated.

I didn't say anything… he was right…. But some part of me felt a little guilty now. I didn't know why.

There was nothing I could add to that.

I turned around to go back to my own futon… I needed some serious sleep to get this off my mind, but in my eagerness I turned around too quickly.

Something cracked.

A sharp twinge of pain coursed through my side.

_GREAT!_

_I just_had_to act like a complete retard and hurt myself so stupidly!_

I let out a tense sigh of pain and anger.

Before I could even speak up I heard Kakashi-sensei throw off the covers.

A pair of hands found my arms.

I was being gently lifted up and taken to the side of the room. My feet dragged behind me. The stretching on my arms still hurt my side, but it was the best way to move me. I was only shocked for a moment until I realized he was trying to help me.

"Sounds like one of your ribs fractured again." He set me down, my back leaning against the wall.

His voice sounded so understanding, like it was the most natural thing in the world to injure yourself because you were being too childish.

_He can be such a kid sometimes, but right now…  
_I found my admiration for him resurrected quicker than I liked.

Despite all this, I still felt like an idiot.

…**.. …. ….. …. …. ….. ….. …. …. … ….. …. …. ….. …..**

I_f I hadn't had upset her, she wouldn't have forgotten about her injuries._

_If I had done a better job patching her up, this wouldn't have happened either._

His nerves were fraying little by little as he scooted her across the room.

As his hands clutched her arms, he felt like someone like him shouldn't be touching her.

He propped her up against the wall for support.

He dreaded asking her the next question he knew would pop up sooner or later if he was going to have to heal that rib.

… …**. …. …. …. ….. …. …. …. …. …. …. …. ….. … ….. …. ….**

He kneeled down next to me quietly.

Looking at my side in which the rib had re-fractured. Even though it was hard to read his face, he seemed to be a little worried.

I suddenly felt bad for scolding him.

_Nothing like a fractured rib to break the awkward silence after a fight._

"I guess I should fix this." I lifted my arms to the rib I felt was a little wobbly, steadying my chakra points. Nothing happened.

_What?_

I tried focusing my chakra again, just the way Lady Tsunade had taught me. Just the way I'd healed the fish I first trained on for this minor technique.

But nothing happened.

"It won't work." He spoke up. He was on one knee next to me, staring intently at my hands. "Last night, Naruto, Sai, and I discovered that your chakra flow had been disturbed."

"Disturbed?"

"Like most your chakra had suddenly gone missing, a near-fatal amount was missing… you should regain a moderate amount of it back before the morning." He explained seriously as I sat there in confusion.

"Then do I just sit here and wait?" I asked incredulously. Fractured ribs really, really, hurt!

"I've regained enough chakra to do this. But it'll take a while, and it won't be painless." He explained.

"You studied medical jutsu?" I asked.

"After years on the battlefield with a Sharingan, I picked up a few tricks."

'_Tricks'?... That was comforting._

"Ok, I don't mind how long it'll take, just as long as I'll be back on my feet to help finish this mission." I reasoned aloud.

After I gave permission, he didn't do anything for a moment.

His hesitation was strange.

"I can only perform contact-healing." He explained further after an awkward moment.

_Contact-healing?_

I searched my brain for the definition of those words…

It was a weak form of healing that beginners used, where they actually have to touch the wound on the body of the patient in order to ensure that the chakra floooow-…. Oh…..  
My logic slowed to a halt with that.

"Oh…" My single thought came out in that syllable.

Silence… I could hear birds outside… my rib throbbed with every beat of my heart, which the intervals of were growing faster every moment.

He couldn't heal with fabric between his skin and mine…that meant…

"Ok, I'll just…" I trailed off as I reached up to the collar of my shirt.

My fingers slowly gripped the zipper.

Even though I was looking down, I could feel him staring at me.

_Why was this so embarrassing?_

_Why was my face so hot?_

_Why couldn't I see this as it was?_

_He's an old friend, and a teacher… someone really responsible… seeing me like this wouldn't even faze him. He's probably had experience with grown women… Not 'probably'… of course he's been with women before …  
Ok… why did that thought actually make me feel worse right now?  
Whatever… it doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter. He's probably been in situations like this before. Plus, it's not unnatural or weird for him to have been with women before, he's a full-grown man…_

The lady-servant's words came to mind with those last thoughts.

She would freak out so much if she saw this.

I tried to cheer up with the hilarity of that thought, but there was still something disturbing about imagining Kakashi with other women that wouldn't leave my mind alone. The mental image of him being with some faceless, matured woman was annoying. I mean I had never really thought abaout it before… but he was a person, too…. He has fallen in love before…  
Even with that logical reinforcement I still didn't want to think about it.

"Sorry…" His voice woke me up from those thoughts that were probably getting too deep. I looked up; he was turned towards the doorway to my right.

I realized that I hadn't moved in a while, that I had been staring at my zipper… he must've picked up on how embarrassing it would've been to be me… taking off my shirt in front of him.

Now that he wasn't looking at me, it was a little easier.

…**.. ….. …. …. ….. ….. ….. ….. …..**

His mind was practically blank.

This was _Not_ how he pictured seeing Sakura like this…. Not that he had made any plans to see her like that anyways…

But a part of him really didn't want to turn away from her while the other side of him wanted to walk out that door and not tempt his other half.

But this was a matter of healing a fractured rib… that's it … he had to keep his head clear… and yet, he couldn't get her pink-flushed face out of his mind.


	6. Feelings and Memories

Chapter 6!

Title: Feelings and Memories

Discliamer: I own nothing!

……………………………………………………

"Ok." I called out after already being without a shirt and the fishnet undershirt, (that served as a body-warmth ventilator during cold nights), for a few seconds. And even though I still had my bra on, I was a little cold now, actually. I crossed my arms over my chest for more than just warmth.

My arms pressed against my sore chest, the bruises hurt.

I probably looked so awkward.

He turned around slowly, only looking at me for a margin of a second, and then focusing intently on the purplish-black spot on my side.

I felt his hot hands land on my side. I shuddered randomly.

Was he running a fever?

At that I noticed that he didn't have his regular gloves on… or his vest, or his loose navy blue shirt, he was only wearing his sleeveless, muscle tank-top that served as the long turtleneck mask.

Why didn't I notice before?

_I guess my own nakedness made me pay attention to his…_

Speaking of nakedness, seeing his arms like that, and his well-trained muscles, reminded me of that night at the hot springs.

_I wonder if he felt as embarrassed as I am right now._

I tried not to smile at the thought of an embarrassed Kakashi… no, he was perfectly normal afterwards… too normal…like it didn't matter… at all.

_Well, if it didn't matter to him that I saw him… then seeing this much of me shouldn't matter to him in the slightest, right?_

I had no idea if I was trying to comfort myself or not… because the idea of him not caring about the sight of me at all was actually a little insulting.

I looked at Kakashi, I couldn't see his face, but he seemed really intent on staring only at his hands, which were so motionless, so stone-stiff against my skin, like he was afraid the slightest twitch would crack the rib further.

The green glow hummed. I felt my insides shifting a little every now and then, causing twinges of pain.

I wondered what he was thinking about…or what he thought about this situation.

_I wasn't a child anymore._

_But I wasn't a woman yet, was I?_

_Was he comparing me to real women and thinking I wasn't anything worth looking at?_

_But why should that matter to me?!_

_I shouldn't care if Kakashi found me attractive or not_.

A mental switch was flicked by that thought…. I _did_ care if he thought I was attractive. Which meant I wanted him to think I was attractive… which must've meant I wanted him to be attracted to me.

That meant I must lik-….

No I couldn't accept that thought so soon.

It was too much.

_Wasn't it normal for a girl to wonder if the only man to have ever seen her half-naked thought she was attractive?_

_Right?_

_. . ._

_ARGH!_

Everything was so confusing!

I couldn't stand the silence.

I worked up the courage to say something after a while.

"Kakashi-sensei…" I said softly, losing my conviction to talk to him with every syllable.

A long moment passed.

His determination was so intense that I wondered whether he could talk and concentrate at the same time.

"You don't have to say 'sensei', remember?" His voice sounded normal... but still a little tense.

I let a weak chuckle out.

_He seemed normal._

_Was that good or bad?_

"I forgot again…" I decided not to be angry over him pretending to be asleep anymore… there was something strangely liberating about having _him_ hear those thoughts… and also completely embarrassing.

We sat in silence for a second. He seemed less tense.

"What you said… about always getting in the way…" His voice was suddenly softer. I didn't appreciate the sudden subject change… I was really embarrassed when he quoted my mortifying monologue.

"I remember when you were younger, back when Team 7 was first formed… you were really clumsy, and rather slow to react in battle, and inexperienced…:" He said all the things I was so afraid were still true. I could feel my frustration rise. "But last night, you really proved yourself."

I stared at him incredulously.

"Is that a joke?" I asked half-serious. Getting injured was 'proving' myself?

"I wouldn't play with you after already eavesdropping like that." He said playfully.

"Then, you mean…" I continued, unsure of his real thoughts.

He looked away from his hands, his eyes met mine.

Even his left eye was staring into mine…. I worried if his Sharingan could read emotions, too.

I didn't want him to know just how much I was hanging onto his words.

"You're stronger, faster, smarter… you've come a long way, and have become an exceedingly talented medical ninja and an exceptional kunoichi." His voice was everything I needed in that moment, his voice, his words, his eyes, his smile.

I had no idea that he could make me feel this grateful, this proud, by just saying those words.

Everything about him in that moment inspired such profound feelings in me.

His smiling face turned away from mine, looking back to my side. I was disappointed and glad at the same time… I had wanted to live in that moment just a little while longer, but it was so difficult staring into his honest eyes.

"You really are a sly talker." I commented jokingly.

"I have to be." He replied with a gentle, playful, tone. I loved it.

His hands eased against my side, lacking the tension I felt in them earlier, his fingers spread out a little… like he wasn't afraid to touch me anymore.

The pain disappeared for a second as the areas his hands touched tingled.

The silence continued.

I struggled to find an excuse to get his attention again.

I could smell the scent of a freshly-showered forest.

That was the way he always smelled. I remember that now.

I really wanted to know what it felt like to run my fingers through his hair.

_That's really strange, right?_

_Normal girls don't want to know what it feels like to brush their hands through their teachers' hair… they don't want to know what it feels like to be embraced by his arms… or wonder if his lips are soft…_

_I must be tired or something…_

I found that my hand moved on its own.

I saw my arm lift up and reach out towards him.

Then, suddenly, it was night.

I was silently walking around Naruto's and Sai's futons, I was looking directly at Kakashi lying on his own futon, walking over to him.

He was asleep, really asleep, not faking it.

Then, in only a second, I was laying next to him, under his covers.

I was facing his back; the narrow space between us was so warm.

I could hear his steady breathing, see his shoulder rise and fall with the easy pace.

As I lay next to him, I pressed closer, but still didn't touch him.

The rising warmth of his body heat was so pleasant.

My arm slinked out from under the covers and curled around his waist. My hand landed on his firm chest.

His chest moved my arm in synch with the pace of his breathing… I felt so close to him.

I was completely lost by all of this… but I could feel a sense of dangerous excitement build quickly.

I could feel his warmth under my arm, his muscles shifted under me. He must've noticed me.

My arm tightened its weak embrace around him. I didn't have any control over it, but I didn't regret this action as it happened.

I leaned my face towards him, breathing deeply.

Rivers and forests. Water and trees. Raindrops and leaves.

That scent.

My lips grazed the back of his neck.

"Kakashi-sensei…" My voice whispered.

I was taken aback by my tone… I've never said his name like that. The way it sounded made my stomach turn nervously.

He jumped out of the futon in only moments, taking his comforting warmth with him, his eyes staring at me with shock and confusion.

"What are you doing?" He asked me with such surprise.

I couldn't answer with my own words.

"I just thought you looked lonely." My voice was dripping with implication.

I crawled out of his bed covers.

My body leaned forward, reducing the space between me and Kakashi-sensei by a few feet.

"Ne, sensei…. Don't tell me you've never thought about it." I hated my voice. This wasn't me. My body leaned in closer, as if I was waiting for his answer.

He looked away from me. Like he was ashamed of something.

I wanted to ask him what was wrong, I wanted to stop him from wearing that painful expression, but I couldn't.

I reached out and gently grabbed his chin, turning it back to face me.

His hand found mine, harshly.

He didn't let go.

His fingers were crushing mine, but a part of me didn't care.

He was staring directly into my eyes, but I had no idea what my expression was.

"Sakura…" his voice was so weak, I never heard my name like that. I've never heard his voice like that. "This isn't…" his voice fell with a note of desperation.

"It's exactly what you want it to be." I said without wanting to.

I leaned in even further, my knee fell to the ground between his legs.

My heart jumped. This was getting to be too much.

He didn't move.

His shoulders relaxed, and his eyes… they held a look that was so foreign.

He had the eyes of a man dying of thirst, but under the spell of a waterfall-mirage.

My face leaned closer, he didn't move, my hand landed on his chest, still he didn't move.

I could feel his heartbeat… it was faster than mine.

My other hand reached up to his face, gently finding the top of his mask, tugging it down.

He only kept staring at me with those eyes.

My spirit was jumbled with different feelings, I felt like my body wouldn't be able to contain all of these conflicting sensations and emotions. I was scared of what I was doing, I was confused of what was going on, I was nervous of where it was leading, I was curious of Kakashi's thoughts, I was excited, I was anxious… I was impatient.

Everything was too much, but not enough.

But I couldn't handle the expression in his eyes… longing.

Then before I could collect all my fraying and scattered emotions and thoughts I felt the cold metal of a kunai in my hand, and the familiar tension of guarding another kunai.

Kakashi had started the attack, had I been in control of my body I would have never risen a kunai to him.

But my body was moving on its own.

I was on my feet, grabbing Kakashi's wrist as he turned to look around the corner of the partition.

He grabbed my hand really hard, I could feel the pain.

"Who are you?!"… "What's your business with us?!" He shouted questions at me as my body fought against his hands grabbing my wrists.

We fell to the floor, I was pinned down.

My body was still thrashing like a wild animal, but I tried to focus on his face.

He was angry.

Really angry.

It was always scary when Kakashi actually got angry, but to see him look at me this way was scarier.

"Kakashi-sensei." I heard Sai's voice. I couldn't catch what else was happening until I heard Naruto's voice.

"Kakashi-sensei?!"

"Naruto!" Kakashi shouted.

My body pleaded out to Naruto, "Naruto! Help me! Kakashi-sensei, he-", I was accusing Kakashi of attacking me.

Anger took me over, too.

"I guess my cover's blown."My voice said cutely after Naruto had tried to punch Kakashi.

"This was only some reconnaissance… and playing… we'll do something more fun next time." My voice was so horrible."See you soon."

Kakashi still wore an expression of anger.

Then it was dusk again.

I was sitting against the wall, Kakashi-sensei hovering over me.

"Sakura! Sakura!" His voice was kind of loud for my ears. His hands were on my bare shoulders, gripping tightly.

"Kakashi-sensei…" I answered weakly.. I raised my hand to my face, rubbing my eyes a little. "What's going on?" I asked him, finally looking up at him.

His eyes were wide, his brows forming an upward peak. He was scared.

Did something bad happen?

"You were unresponsive for at least 2 minutes." He explained, sighing a little. His hands still gripped my shoulders just as hard.

"What?"

"You weren't moving, or responding to anything… you were only sitting there, staring ahead of you."

His hands fell from my shoulders, sliding across my skin, resting on my arms now.

"I-I saw what happened last night." I said vaguely. "But I wasn't me… it was another me."

I was still trying to get over the jetlag of resurfacing from those memories, but I got the impression that things got really serious when I said that. His eyes lost the fear, but was replaced by something I couldn't recognize.

Everything went silent.

His head bowed.

"You felt what that imposter felt last night?" He hands suddenly left me.

I really wanted to see his face, but he turned away from me.

"Kakash-" I tried to call his attention, but he stopped me.

"Your ribs should be fine by now, you could probably hold your own in battle." He said coldly. Why wasn't looking at me?

"What's wrong?" I asked him, trying to figure out what had changed all of a sudden_. Did I do something?!_

"I am."

_What?_

He immediately stood up. He started walking towards the door.

"Kakashi-sensei… What I saw… I didn't…" I couldn't find the right words…. I wanted him to know that I… didn't mind the first part of those memories.

…………………………………………………………**  
**

_She saw… She felt... How I was unable to stop until it was almost too late._

_I really can't be around her anymore._

_And we had just gotten closer, too…_

_She probably doesn't know what last night really meant… it's better that way._

He had to get out of that room.

He didn't want to, but he needed to.

Even though he had just finally begun some sort of close relationship with Sakura, he couldn't let it become anything but that.

His hand found the door, pulling it to the side.

"Kakashi-sensei?" he heard her again… but didn't turn around. "What I saw… I didn't"

The door opened faster than he was pulling it.

Someone was opening it on the other side.

His mind twitched.

Someone was going to walk into the room and see them, alone, her half-dressed.

"Kakashi" a voice sounded.

……………………………………………………………………**..**

Somebody was in front of Kakashi, I leaned forward to get a better look.

"Sakura?" Sai's voice found my ears just as his eyes met mine…. And before they travelled downward.

I hurriedly scrambled to cover myself with my rumpled shirt.

Sai looked over at Kakashi, who staring at the door.

"Contact-healing."

"Really?" Sai said a little jokingly.

My stomach flipped.

I saw Kakashi's head turn to face Sai. "Really." He said roughly.

Kakashi-sensei was really moody right now.

"Excuse me." Sia said politely, assuming his normal poker face. "Naruto and I have found the assassin's hideout. We thought you'd want to know right away." I stared back and forth between my teammates, trying to catch a glance of Kakashi's eyes.

"And Naruto?"

"He's waiting at the entrance." Sai explained.

There was silence for a few seconds.

"I'm going to back there with you Sai. Maybe we can learn more about this assassin's powers by the condition of their hideout." He turned back to the room, hurriedly gathering his shirt and vest.

I was not gonna let them leave me out of this.

"I'm going too." I spoke up, following Kakashi with my eyes.

"You were just injured. You need to rest." He was facing the other way, slipping his shirt on. It seemed a little weird to watch Kakashi-sensei getting dressed…

"But you just said that I could hold up my own in battle, didn't you?" Thank god I paid attention!

An agitated sigh left him.

I felt a little guilty for pestering him.

"If you slow us down, I'll send you back."

That was a little harsh… but understandable.

"I won't slow you down." I said seriously, trying to persuade him.

He zipped his vest.

"It will probably get violent." He finally turned to me. "Can you handle that?"

"Yes." I tried looking right into his eyes… but he was so… intense.

I lifted myself from the ground, testing my wounds.

"Sakura…" I whipped my head over to him, he was waiting by the door. "You need to get dressed first." His gloved hand pointed to my short on the floor.

I quickly snatched my shirts and shuffled into them, so grateful that my ribs weren't really sore.

He was staring at me get dressed.

It was still embarrassing.

Sai was also looking.

I didn't mind very much, he was like a distant brother… but he's probably read somewhere not to look at people half-naked. It seemed off-character for him.

After I slipped on my gloves I met them at the doorway, and we set off.

…………..

I was keeping up really well, but I couldn't tell if they were going slower than usual.

After only a few moments of running, I noticed something.

Kakashi was drawing farther and farther back, away from Sai's lead.

Did he sense somebody behind us?

Then Kakashi was right beside me.

"Something the matter?" I asked in a quiet voice.

He didn't say anything. He only matched my exact pace and kept running.

"Don't make a sound."

His voice was so soft I could barely hear it.

I didn't have enough time to figure out what was going on before I felt his hand grab my arm tightly, pulling me into the forest.

I tried to keep up with him, but even though he was still holding my arm, I kept tripping over myself while fighting to catch up with his speed.

_What was he doing?_

…………………………………………………………………………………………**..**


	7. Kunais and Questions

**Chapter 7!**

**Title**_**:**__"Kunais and Questions"_

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing!

…**.**

I tried to free my hand from Kakashi-sensei's grip. He was acting so strange.

We lost sight of Sai so long ago, where were we going, now?

I tried to speak up, the sound of the rustling leaves and creaking branches around us muffled my still weak voice.

I saw a clearing up ahead, and before I knew it, we halted to a stop.

I looked over to Kakashi-sensei, who was still gripping my hand harshly. He only squeezed harder, looking straight ahead of him with a fierce expression.

I followed the line of his eyesight, trying to see what he could be glaring at so intensely.

Sai.

He was standing in the middle of the clearing, his hand on his hip, staring at us with a bemused expression.

"I was told that Kakashi the Copy Ninja was one to look out for." Sai spoke. "I'm impressed. You didn't even need your Sharingan to see through me."

Everything suddenly made sense. Why Kakashi-sensei was so tense, why Sai was acting a little strange.

I immediately felt like an idiot for not realizing it sooner.

"Then again… your Sharingan didn't work so well last night, did it?" Sai's eyes slid between Kakashi and me ruthlessly. I could feel Kakashi's hand slightly tighten, and then loosen.

He let go.

My hand suddenly felt really cold.

"What do you want?" Kakashi asked through his teeth. It almost sounded like a growl.

_Was he always this easily angered?_

_Of course not…._

"Well, you Konoha ninjas are in the way of my mission, so of course I have to get rid of you… but I just felt like playing with you first." Sai's voice was so sickly playful. I had definitely never heard him talk that way before.

"Sakura…" Kakashi's voice was soft again. "You need to stay back this time."

"But I can-"

"I can't risk it… If you interfere, it'll slow me down." His voice was a little harsh...

I wanted to say something… anything.

I hated those words, I hated that Kakashi-sensei was the one to say them. He wasn't ever this blunt before… why was he so eager to keep me out of the fight? I wasn't completely powerless here!

But if he really thought I was going to get in the way… I couldn't just force my help on him.

I had to trust him.

I heard his voice again.

"I'm sorry… but please wait for me." Then he was gone.

He was already running towards the fake Sai with a kunai in hand, and I didn't even get to say anything back to him.

The assassin was just as prepared for battle, already holding a custom-shaped kunai and charging towards Kakashi. The assassin used Sai's face to smile a wide, dangerous grin that sent chills down my spine.

The kunai clashed and they both backed off, then clashed again, then backed away again. The assassin ran off into the trees, Kakashi threw his kunai, but it only hit a tree.

Then Kakashi was gone, running after the fake Sai.

I was alone for a few seconds.

I felt so useless, just standing there, waiting for someone to win.

Then they were in sight again, making their way to the clearing.

Kakashi was chasing after the assassin, who stopped on the ground, spun around on his heel with speed I've never seen before, grabbing a kunai from his pouch.

Kakashi was already in the processing of dodging the kunai before the assassin leapt off the ground with the same amazing speed, colliding his fist with Kakashi's stomach.

Kakashi fell to the ground for a moment, writhing to stand up, but paused for a second, laying on the ground a little breathless.

I instinctually ran a few steps toward him.

I really didn't want to just stand there, but he told me to stay back.

I reached into my kunai pouch, just in case.

Kakashi staggered to his feet. I immediately checked the assassin, who's had plenty of time to attack.

He was stumbling backward a little. A kunai was deep inside his chest. It was so strange to see Sai's body like that, I had to control an impulse of fear.

Did Kakashi do that right before he was punched?

_He was always steps ahead of his opponent somehow…_

And then, in only an instant, Sai's body was gone in a puff of smoke.

After only a second of processing the moment, I quickly ran over to Kakashi-sensei.

He was dragging his feet a little, clutching his chest.

"Anything broken?" Was my immediate question… I knew too well that the assassin's punch was powerful.

"No…" He grunted a little. "He must've held back." I only wondered why the assassin wouldn't go for the kill for a second before I was within an arms length of him, his reached out his hand. He grabbed my shoulder.

"I need to lean against something." His words were coarse.

"Ok." I took a hold of his shoulder, his arm slid around my back, holding onto me a little tightly.

My heart skipped a little.

I wasn't used to his touch.

We wobbled over to a tree. I let go of him, but he still kept his hand on my shoulder as he swung around to lean up against the bark. He sighed.

"You sure you're ok?" I asked. He usually didn't get hurt this easily…or let it affect him this much. He'd usually ignore the pain and resume authority over a situation, like team captains were supposed to.  
It was a little strange for him to show his pain like this.

"Yes." He said shortly.

A moment of quiet passed as we stood there, he caught his breath, I was still so aware of his hand on my shoulder, but I didn't say anything. I was okay with it there… it was just… new. Usually he wouldn't touch me unless it was necessary, my mind flashed to the ordeal of his contact-healing.

"Hey, Sakura." His voice was smooth but it still shook me a little from those thoughts. I felt a little weird for thinking about his touch for so long.

I looked up to him. He had a strange expression.

"You really are cute." He chuckled a little. His voice kind and casual.

_Eh?_

"You were really worried about me, weren't you?" He asked softly.

"… of course." I said a little quietly, staring at my feet. _Why is he talking like this?_

I felt his hand slide from my shoulder to the side of my neck, his thumb was rubbing along my jaw. I twitched a little... I really wasn't used to Kakashi touching me… and just now, that wasn't normal, was it?

"Do you have feelings for me, Sakura?"

My head whipped up.  
He was staring at me as if he had asked the most natural question in the world. As if he just asked what time it was or how the weather was.  
But he really just asked that question.  
Kakashi-sensei... the man that trained me, taught me, treated me like a little kid even after I started growing up, was asking me if I… if I…

_What?_

I couldn't say anything, I couldn't think anything…

… _I…_

_I can't, right?…_

_I can't have feelings for him. That's just…  
That's just too weird… how could I think about Kakashi-sensei like that? He's… Kakashi._

_But why is my heart beating this hard after he asked that? Why isn't easy for me to simply stop thinking right now and say 'Ew, no.' or 'You're my teacher, I don't think of you like that.' like a girl my age should? How come if I said those things I'd feel like I was lying?_

_Did I really?…. Was I really?..._

Even though I kept questioning it, I knew… somewhere… the answer to all my questions. But I couldn't admit it so clearly just yet. I needed to process this…. I can't just _accept_ the fact that I might have these feelings for a teacher, a man, I've known since I was a kid.

It was too much.

Way too much.

My brain was doing summersaults.

_Besides… even if I did have feelings for him._

_He would never return them._

_He doesn't think of me like that._

_I'm just a kid to him._

_Just Sakura._

_He wouldn't take it seriously._

_He'll probably treat me like a little girl who has a childish crush on him…_

_He can't like me the way I…_

As I reached the end of that thought, it felt as if my mind felt empty and overcrowded at the same time. I barely noticed, but was all too aware, of his thumb brushing along my chin, lifting my face up. My heart was betraying my denial when I was forced to look into his eye.  
_Why is this happening? Why do I feel like this?_

_I've looked at him millions of times before… why now, after being bombarded with that question, am I unable to look at his face without feeling my heart and stomach both bubble with that familiar, addicting, form of anxiety.  
He's always just been 'Kakashi-sensei'.  
Always.  
Why was it different now? Why couldn't I just look at him and think, like I always used to, that he was simply a teacher, just a person I knew? Why did he mean so much more to me now? Why was he so much more important to me now? Why did my skin seem to burn under his hand? Why did I have such a hard time looking at him now?_

"I…." I couldn't say anything despite the amount of words passing through my mind.

I didn't have an answer. I was only questions right now.

"Don't worry…" His voice was so smooth… it was little strange actually.

His thumb reached up to my lips. I froze.

"It's only natural…." His thumb pressed down, barely entering my mouth.

This was really too much. My heart, my stomach, my throat, everything was acting so strange… I wasn't sure if I was nervous, happy, scared, worried, or confused… I didn't move. I couldn't move. The amount of confusion and realization seemed to shock all of my motor functions out of commission.

His other hand found my arm, he tugged a little forcefully.

I fell forward, while he moved gracefully out of the way, pulling me at just the right moment that I turned around to face him as my back hit the tree.

In a blurry moment of motion, we had switched spots… now I was the one leaning against the tree as he was leaning towards me.

He was so close. Too close. This was getting stranger by the moment…

He was only inches away, looming over me; his left forearm was anchored against the tree above my head.

Even though I couldn't see exactly what his face was expressing, I could see the smile behind the thin cloth.

It wasn't his usual smile, this one was… dangerous.

His eye had a predatorial glint.

This was actually a little uncomfortable… him watching me so intently.

I managed to try to slide out from underneath him, but his hand was still gripping my arm tightly.

I tried to move again, he only tugged me back harder.

"Kakashi-sensei…" My voice sounded a little scared, unintentionally… I didn't like it.

"Don't sound that way… " Kakashi leaned in really close, his covered mouth to my ear. "It's a little exciting..." His warm breath washed over my neck. I cringed, my shoulder shrugging closer to my neck in reaction.  
A nervous eruption of stomach acid made me feel light-headed.

_Exciting?_

I had never really thought about that side of Kakashi-sensei, the side of him that only those mature, faceless women got to know. Thinking about it was so strange, but here he was, talking like this….  
And right after I kind of sort out these feelings… for him…  
I felt like such a little kid now. I hated it.

_But, something is definitely wrong!_

_This couldn't be him._

_He wouldn't act like this._

_Even if he's an adult and probably has sides of him I've never seen, he wouldn't secretly be like this, would he?_

_Is this a copy?_

_No… it couldn't be, otherwise, I would've seen two Kakashi's at one point. But there was only one…_

_So that means something's wrong with Kakashi?_

My thoughts halted when I felt his knee slide between my legs.

I shuddered.

I felt like falling to the ground.

"This isn't Kakashi…" I almost stuttered, but I managed some strength in my tone.

"How do you know that for sure?" His voice was so teasing and warm in my ear. "Do you really know your 'sensei'… do you know how he thinks… what he's capable of?" Kakashi's voice had never sounded so strange. "Maybe this is actually who he is... And I'm just helping him express himself." He pressed even closer, I was already flat against the tree.

I never noticed just how much taller and bigger he was, but now that his body was so close to mine, it was hard not to notice.

I could feel my heart in my throat… My hand curled into a fist as I fought the urge to punch this… thing…

It wasn't Kakashi, but it was his body… it had to be, I hadn't seen any copies… If I punched him to save myself right now, I'll be hurting Kakashi, too.  
I settled for words instead of violence. I swallowed nervously, trying to find some more edge for my voice.

"I trust him…" Those were the only words in my mind. _I trust him…_

"But maybe the 'him' you trust so much, was only an act…" I felt the rumble of his chuckling laughter.

I could feel the body heat rise between us… I felt like I should be sweating, but the outside air was so cold.

I didn't say anything.

"This is your 'sensei''s true nature."

I felt his masked face rub against my neck back and forth. His warm breath made me shiver. The scent of forests and water was too much. I hated how I could smell Kakashi when it wasn't him right now.

"No, it isn't…" I leaned away. He leaned away too, creating some much needed distance, but he was looking at me like I was child. I hated seeing that look from Kakashi. "He's responsible, and kind, and he wouldn't ever hurt any of his team members… and he probably wouldn't ever even think of doing this." That hurt a little… but it was the truth, right?

"Don't be so sur-" Kakashi's face made a sudden change. He no longer looked so dangerous, but was cringing in pain, looking down.

I looked down, too.

Blood was dripping from a gash in his leg. Kakashi was holding the bloody kunai in his own hand.

He stumbled a little, falling to one of his knees.

"Kakashi-sensei!" I crouched down to him, a little hesitantly, glad to be free from that tree but still wary of _who_ this was.

"He's gone…." He panted a little. "I figured it out…" He stood up, not showing much pain over the stab wound. "Used an old genjutsu trick." He explained the reason behind his self-inflicted injury.

"Good…" I whispered with relief, still recovering from the stress my body was under just a moment ago.

This was really him. If it was anything like it was for me when my identity was stolen, maybe he doesn't know what that imposter made him say yet. Maybe I could just lie and say nothing really happened.  
But before I could entertain that ideal thought any further I heard Kakashi's voice speak up, his voice normal, but serious.

"I'm sorry, Sakura."I looked up at him, already feeling awkward, but trying not to show it. "That he used me to…"

He looked away.

I would've probably blushed or something if I wasn't so nervous that he would be disgusted by being forced to treat me like that...  
I'm just a kid to him. Just a little girl. A student. A subordinate. Somebody who always gets in the way. He'd never…. He'd want someone stronger, prettier… older. Someone who was more like him. Who could keep up with him.

I took a breath trying to get rid of those increasingly painful thoughts and put on a normal act.

"It's okay… I knew he was wrong about you, you wouldn't have ever done something like that…" I tried to smile… but I couldn't quite manage that much… I settled for a small twitch at the corner of my mouth.

He didn't say anything for a second, his eyes only looked towards the forest… not like he was looking for anything, though. More like he didn't want to look at me.

_I guess he really is upset about it.  
He'll probably avoid me now for a while.  
_I found myself definitely not looking forward to losing the small amount of closeness we've managed to make over the past day.

But I didn't have a lot of time to cope with all these strange feelings and disappointments until he started talking again.

"He deals with chakra extraction and infusion." Kakashi started to explain… I didn't like the way he just ignored the previous topic so easily while I was still a little caught up with it. "He can take chakra from a person to create a Shadow Clone of their form, but keep his own consciousness…" His voice was as cold as the air."But the chakra's owner will also get the memories of the clone, just as they normally would with their own Shadow Clone." My inner-shinobi came back to life with that, drowning out my personal feelings a little.

"So how did he… with you?" I summarized, still trying to think about the mission, and not about how much my hands were shaking from the memory of Kakashi-sensei's touch.

"That punch… he infused his own chakra with mine, confusing my chakra flow and taking over my body… It's almost like a form of genjutsu."

_So that's how he figured it out._ I reasoned to myself, trying to keep an objective mind… it wasn't working.

We didn't say anything for a long moment… he still wouldn't look at me. Every second seemed more painful than the last.

"What do we do now?" I asked, breaking the silence, feeling useless.

"I'm going to go after him. He should still be around here…" He took a few steps passed me, towards the forest

"But you're injured!" I argued, the medic-nin in me coming out a little.

"It won't affect my fighting style that much." He answered calmly. He was right. Kakashi had always been a guerilla type of fighter. He wouldn't keep to one spot and would rarely attack outright, he'd usually wait for the enemy to expose a weakness.  
But that wasn't enough excuse for him to just go back out there without help.

"Then I'll go wit-" I began with determination

"No, Sakura… we've already seen what he can do to you. We can't risk it happening again." He was so emotionless in that moment…

"What about you?" I pointed out, feeling a little put-off. But he was right.

"I'm a quick learner… " he smiled… it was fake. I could tell right away.

…

I didn't say anything. I stared at the dewy grass, clenching my fists to my sides.

"Sakura…" He started walking away. "Don't let your guard down for anyone… not even me…" He warned me with a solemn voice that didn't house much worry.

And then he was gone…

It started raining.

…


	8. Tricks and Changes

**Chapter 8!**

**Title:**_"Tricks and Changes"_

**Disclaimer: I own Nothing!**

***Edit: spelling errors and added tidbits... :)**

…**...**

I paced back and forth.

The rain was really falling hard, dark pink strands of hair were clinging to my face, but I didn't even care.

I kept walking in circles in the middle of that clearing, squishing down the wet grass with each repetitive step.

I was rubbing my soaked hands back and forth apprehensively.

_Is he okay?  
He was injured when he left… he said it wouldn't matter, but how can he be sure?  
Maybe the assassin will play another clone trick…  
But Kakashi has his sharingan to help him.  
Then again… he had already used it way too much for the last mission, would he be okay to use it now?  
Would this rain affect their fight?_

Endless worries piled up in my mind.

I knew that Kakashi was strong… really strong, and that a single assassin couldn't kill him… but I just couldn't get my mind off of it…

Anything could go wrong, and while it was happening, I would be standing here… doing nothing…

I shuffled a few more laps of my pacing-circle.

"Sorry Kakashi-sensei…." I said to myself quietly… I could barely hear my voice over the rainfall.

I took a few more seconds to ready myself before running into the forest, trying to track Kakashi's trail.

I wasn't good at tracking, but he couldn't have gone too far, right?

…**..**

_This guy is going to be the death of me…_

Kakashi thought to himself half-seriously.

He really wasn't planning on dying anytime soon, but with the way this assassin was toying with his personal life, he felt that he would soon expire from the drama.

Kakashi really couldn't believe what had happened between his body and Sakura back in the clearing.

He hated the fact that the first person to approach Sakura like that wasn't him.

Of course it had been his body, but he had no control… he couldn't treat her how he wanted to; instead he had to stand by in his own mind and watch as his enemy played with her.

He could feel that instinctual anger build up again.

…

Then again, he really shouldn't be angry over that, since he really wasn't supposed to be planning on 'treating' her in anyway…

…

"_It's okay… I knew he was wrong about you, you wouldn't have ever done something like that…"_

He couldn't even look her in the eye when she said that.

He wondered if she was right…

...

His attention was immediately stolen by the flying shuriken aimed at his head.

He dodged out of the way, running into a near clearing. It was always best to look for open spaces when dealing with this type of distance-fighter.

"If it isn't, 'Sensei'… coming back for more!" the assassin announced excitedly, emerging from the forest in his real form.

It was a man, maybe in his mid-twenties, dressed ambiguously well for a hired killer.

He pulled out a sword with a red blade and a silver hilt, a small bell was tied to the guard.

Kakashi didn't say anything, he was having too much trouble trying to remain calm.

"No 'thank you'?... Aren't you at least a little grateful?…" The assassin spoke up. "You had an excuse to get closer to her… I gave that moment to you… but you ruined it."

"There's nothing to thank you for." Kakashi said roughly.

"Really? I swore I thought you wanted her…the way you hesitated last night when I used her clone… Well, if not, I'll take her then."

Kakashi didn't waste time finding any words to throw back at the killer, but instead charged towards him without a second thought.

… … … …

I ran through the darkening forest, raindrops sprayed my face painfully, but I kept going.

What was I going to do?

Jump into the fight?

No… I should just wait on the sidelines, if anything goes wrong, then I'll help out.

I sped past more trees, trying to find any sign a disturbance… broken branches, scraped barks…

The sun was setting faster and faster. Soon, I'd only have the moonlight to see.

I couldn't find anything, but I definitely heard the familiar clink of kunais meeting metal.

I didn't hesitate to run towards that sound.

…**. … …**

They ran towards each other, meeting in the middle of the field, exchanging blows and dealing cuts whenever the other was too slow to react.

"Wooo…. Jealous, much?" The assassin asked over the kunai clashing. "Don't worry… I would've preferred taking you, but you really seem to have a stubborn streak."

Kakashi tried not to listen to the words, he knew that if he reacted, he would let his guard down.

"But she is really cute…" That playful voice continued as its owner ran off to hide in the trees. Kakashi followed. "She's probably never been with a man before…"

Kakashi perched on his own tree, waiting for the assassin to reveal his position.

"It's a shame that her 'sensei' she trusts so much, is gonna be the one to corrupt her…" The voice sounded like it was coming from so many different directions. He could hear the small bell on th assassin's sword tinkling from all around him. Kakashi couldn't think as clearly as he normally would. "I know you'll be the one to do it…" The voice continued.

"The way you look at her."

"Like a predator."

"You may think you're a good person, but you'll fall to those feelings someday…"

"Better men have fallen… and hurt the object of their desire in the search for release..."

Kakashi closed his eyes. Even though he wanted to block out those words, the words that seemed to summarize all of his personal fears, he had to listen to them. He needed to know where they were coming from.

"I've always liked playing match-maker while on my missions… though I usually kill the couple before they find their happiness…"

"Your situation was the most fun to play with."

_There!_

The voice had finally chosen a single spot, and the small bell was silent.

Kakashi wasted no time.

…**.. … … … …**

I finally found them.

I had heard a voice, but the rainfall was so hard against the treetops that I couldn't hear what it was saying.

But I just needed to hear where it was coming from.

It sounded like it was coming from an entire area, and not just a single spot.

By the time I made it to the wide clearing I heard it coming from, it was gone.

_Was Kakshi here?_

_Was he okay?_

_Would I be in the way right here?_

Everything was quiet except the roaring of rainfall which drowned out all of my thoughts.

The constant thunderous sound of the rain was so deafening.

I couldn't form a single thought.

I just stood there, waiting.

Then a flash of green and silver ran within my sight.

_Kakashi…_

He was there, he seemed uninjured.

He probably didn't even notice me, the assassin was chasing after him with so much speed.

I took a step forward.

I really wanted to do something…

But the battle was already coming to me.

Kakashi was running in my direction, looking over his shoulder, trying to keep an eye on his enemy.

"Kakashi-sensei…" I said quietly.

I wanted to yell it, but I didn't have to.

The moment I said it, his head turned over to me, his eyes wide.

He stopped in his tracks.

"Saku-"

His words stopped, but his eyes were still looking at me.

The roaring stopped, but the rain was falling harder than ever.

I stopped, but everything else kept going.

I heard a little bell chime.

A red blade was sliding backward out of Kakashi-sensei's vest.

He stumbled to his knees with a deep _thud_.

I ran forward, and caught him before he fell to the ground.

He was really heavy.

He wasn't moving.

A red puddle was forming on his back, mingling with the rain drops which washed the red away.

My voice was gone.

I couldn't blink. I was just staring.

"I guess he really did have a soft spot for you…" I heard a voice above me.

I looked up from Kakashi's blood-soaked back.

"After all, you were the target I was after just now…" It was a man, he was wiping his red-bladed sword on a tree. "You'd be dead if he didn't get in the way." The voice kept going even though I wasn't really paying attention. "So stubborn." It finished with a grading tone.

I looked back down to Kakashi, he still wasn't moving… I couldn't feel him breathe.

I could barely control my arms, as I clutched him closer, I didn't feel like I could ever let go.

I felt like my muscles would lock onto his body forever.

This… this wasn't real… It was some sort of genjutsu… Some sort of mind control…

Right?

The blood kept pouring.

I heard that snobbish voice again.

"So much for your 'trust' in him…"

The assassin turned his back to me, walking away.

Before I really thought about it, I was setting Kakashi's body to the ground gently, standing up, raising my first with almost all of chakra attached to it.

He wasn't even looking at me until the moment right before my fist hit the side of his face. A great rumble riveted my body.

He went flying into trees, splinters spraying in all directions as he flew past them. I didn't even see him hit the ground. He must've gone half a mile, bashing into trees and branches along the way…

I fell to my knees, breathing hard. Feeling the effects of that punch start coursing through my body. The energy had been too much, my arms felt weak, my right one even hurt, I was a little nauseous, my muscles felt like they were replaced by stones.

I really used too much chakra, but I didn't regret it.

I turned around to Kakashi's body… I found my feet, even though I felt like I was going to fall back to my knees at any moment.

"Kakash-…. Sensei…." I could only mutter those words weakly as I walked to him.

I couldn't register that sight. His motionless body, the blood seeping into the grass, his face away from me.

I was so scared it was real. It looked so real. I was so scared that this was the end. That Kakashi really wasn't always a few steps ahead of his enemy.  
Every second that passed, every second I spent looking at him, those fears grew exponentially. What if this was real? What is this was the end? What if I'm just expecting a happy ending? What if that really his bleeding, lifeless, body? What if I'm just standing here alone?

I couldn't control the emotions that avalanched my mind with those thoughts. Pain, fear, torment, hurt, aguish, desperation. The thought of losing him so completely after I only just _found_ him was too much.

I reached out to him, my hand almost landing on his drenched silver hair before it was gone.

_Poof_

I was blinded by a flood of thick smoke that dissipated quickly in the heavy rain.

My eyes stung.

I saw something moving ahead of me.

I saw him walking towards me from the trees, the smoke clearing.

I blinked… again and again…

He was walking slowly, casually, his hands in his pockets… like nothing had happened.

I stumbled a little.

…**. …. …. …. …. …. …. …**

_I really shouldn't have let that carry on for that long._

_But she really changed my plan by showing up._

_Then again... she took care of the whole problem _by_ showing up._

A little part of him felt guilty for letting her believe he was dead for a moment too long, if she fell for it. But he was secretly a little happy that she cared about him so much that she would gather enough strength to defeat, and possibly kill, that assassin with a single blow.

_She has really developed her strength to such a scary measure..._  
It was one of things he had started to admire about her.

He was a little nervous, walking into the clearing.

She was staring at him with the most bewildered expression, her hair clinging to her wide-eyed face.

She started walking towards him, weak-legged, picking up speed.

"Kakashi!" She yelled his name, not in relief or happiness, her voice sounded so angry.

Her right fist was raised in the air.

He raised his hands in front of him, a little comically, getting a little worried. He didn't want what just happened to that assassin to happen to him.

She kept running at him at a dangerous speed, her fist curled tightly.

_So this is what he saw right before she punched him across the forest._  
His mind focused on that curious thought for an awkward second before he saw her eyes.

He recognized that look.

She was on the verge of crying.

Guilt twisted his stomach viciously.

He stopped in his track, looking at her as she ran at him, he didn't move from the spot… He just stood there, taking his hands out of his pockets as he was bracing himself…. If she wanted to punch him, he was going to let her.  
If that would ease her frustration and whatever amount of sadness she suffered in those few seconds... he'd do whatever was necessary.

After she gets her anger out, he'll apologize, make her laugh, brush off the whole situation without letting himself get too close to her, pick up the assassin, track down Naruto and Sai and let them know everything was taken care of. Whatever she was about to do wouldn't affect the plan very much… he'd probably just be a little more bruised than he was already and they'd both go back to normal.

He closed his eyes, trying to ignore his reflex to dodge, preparing himself for the punch of a lifetime, hoping she'd at least go a little easy on him.

He felt an impact, not on his face, but in his arms.

His eyes flashed open.

She had wrapped her arms around his waist, clutching him so tightly he had trouble breathing in with the sudden shock of the moment.

Her head was pressed against his chest, raindrops running down her face as if she was crying.

He stumbled back… she followed him perfectly, never easing her arms.

He didn't care if she suffocated him with her grip, he wanted to hold her just as tightly. He didn't know if he could… could he simply hold her back? It wasn't like he was doing anything wrong, right? Was it really okay to hold her back?  
His arms hesitantly found her back, still unsure of whether he should touch her.

"Kakashi-sensei..." he heard her voice call his name almost desperately.

He forgot any reasoning that stopped his arms from holding her just as fiercely.

He didn't care about anything else in that moment.

Not the rain, not his injuries, not even the fact that he was probably enjoying this moment more than she was.

He was holding her.

He had his arms around her.

It didn't seem real… this amount of happiness from a single hug.

… … …**. …. …. ….. …. ….**

That feeling… the feeling that I would never be able to let go of him came back.

This time it was because I was so… relieved.

All that pointless fear was gone. I felt so stupid for overreacting, but I didn't care.

He was alive. He was in my arms. I could feel his breathing; I could hear his strong heartbeat.

He was holding me back.

His arms were so strong around me.

I never felt so safe. So warm.

I couldn't stop a few more tears... I hoped he didn't know I was crying. I could only take so much of being childish in front of him for one day.

I held onto him tighter, not caring whether or not it was awkward for him. I didn't want to worry about anything right now, I just wanted to be selfish for a little bit linger, to bother him with this hug for a few seconds, or minutes, longer, to get as close to him as I possibly could.

He took a few more steps backward, as if he was losing his balance.

I barely noticed when we stumbled backward far enough for his back to hit a tree.

I didn't even think about letting go when he slid down the tree, sitting on the twisted tree roots. The fact that he hadn't let me go either, that he was actually holding me just as tightly, for some reason I couldn't even come up with, was all I could focus on right now.

I just leaned forward, my knee between his, my face still buried in his drenched vest that still seemed warm with his body heat.

The rain was beating against my back and legs, the tree sheltered our heads at least. The rain and the trees mimicked his scent, as if he was all around me. I felt myself smile at the thought.

We were holding each other so tightly, like we were afraid of being pulled apart.

I wanted more.

I wanted to hold him tighter, but I couldn't… my arms weren't even long enough to reach all the up to his shoulders, I was running out of strength to hold him so closely. But I wanted more.

I needed to be closer to him.

"Sakura…" I heard his voice call my name gently.

I loved his voice.

I loved the way he used it to say my name.

I loved the way his arms held me so tight.

I loved the way his heart was beating faster than mine.

I loved… I loved…

…

I needed more of him.

…

My wet lips met a pair of covered ones.

…

I barely realized what I doing until I was already doing it.

I could feel his arms loosen around me.

I was already cold, his warm arms were barely touching me.

He didn't move. He just sat there.

My hands found his face without thinking.

I had never touched his face before… even if it was covered by the mask.

…

I had never kissed his lips before…

…

It finally hit me… the gravity of that action.

My moment of insanity broke as my one-sided kiss did…

I'd gone too far. I wasn't thinking. I didn't stop myself. I couldn't control myself. I acted without thinking. I went too far. How is that even possible? How could I let myself do that? Why didn't I stop myself? After I only discovered these feelings I've already condemned them to failure. He's probably hating this right now. He's probably so confused. He's probably never had any sort of thought of doing what I just did.  
Neither had I… not until the moment I did it.  
But that didn't make any of this better.

I suddenly couldn't look at him.

My hands dropped from his face.

I sat up on my own, our knees were still entwined.

He still wasn't doing anything.

I could feel my heart get heavier and heavier… air wasn't reaching my lungs. It was harder to think straight as it really hit me… what I just did isn't something I can apologize lightly for and expect everything to move on as it normally has. That moment is going to destroy any sort of friendship I had with him. He's going to avoid me. Never talk to me. Always wonder what I feel for him.

I was getting sicker with every silent moment that passed, each was filled with hundreds of horrible scenarios that the next moment could turn into. He wasn't doing anything.

What was he thinking?

_He's probably trying to think of some way to turn me down._

_He's thinking how irresponsible I am._

_How childish I am._

_How else could I have done that right now?_

_Even if I wasn't thinking straight, even if with the exhaustion and pain and fear and discovery of my feelings for him, I slipped up acted before I could think… it wasn't an excuse._

He still wasn't doing anything.

_Please just say it already!_

_Just turn me down... laugh at me... yell at me… talk down to me…tell me it's impossible… tell me you can't return my feelings… tell me never to talk to you again… anything!... just don't say nothing!_

I couldn't wait any longer; I lifted my knee, placing my hand on it so that I could push myself up to my feet.

_I just need to get away right now… I'll apologize later… Or I'll just avoid him for the both of us, so he won't have to worry about what he's going to say to me to get me away from him._

But a hand grabbed my arm just as I was about to stand. It tugged a little harshly just as I was about to take a step/

I immediately fell onto his chest.

He didn't even grunt with the impact.

His arms wrapped around my sides even tighter than before.

My face was on his shoulder.

I was weightless with disbelief. My heart was beating harder than it did any other time today, it literally felt like it was going too fast. I tried to calm down, but the more I focused on how warm his arms were, how tightly they were holding me, how he wasn't trying to push me away, the harder it was to focus on anything else.

The rain hit my back again as I felt one arm leave my body.

"Did you mean that..." His voice rumbled underneath me. "… just now?" I heard him ask, just as gently as I heard it before, into my ear.

I couldn't find my voice, my throat was busy housing my heart.

I nodded. Too shocked to do anything else. My chin rubbed against the coarse fabric of his vest a little as I did.

A longer moment of silence passed as only the water falling to the ground could be heard.

"Are you sure?" His voice asked hesitantly, he sounded so cautious. Like he had to really make sure.

I nodded again, but before I even finished my first nod I felt something on my neck.

A pair of lips.

I shuddered.

His lips were actually touching my skin.

They were so soft.

My heart was beating harder, my breathing being forced to pick up the oxygen flow.

My face felt so hot.

My neck was burning up.

I felt his hand brush through my hair, holding my head gently.

His lips ran up along the corner of my jaw, finding my ear.

"Are you still sure about this?" His deeper voice whispered, a little breathless.

I still couldn't muster any words, my hands clenched the fabric of his shirt on his chest.

I really hoped he would take the hint.

He laughed a little.

_He laughed._

_Like he was relieved. _

_Like he was laughing at the Universe as if it had just delivered an inside joke._

I felt him shake under me with every chuckle. I realized that I was shaking, too.

Was he just as nervous… just as happy as I was?

I felt like the anxiety hadn't left. I wasn't at all relieved. It was more like all that worry, all that fear had only been translated roughly into happiness… I was still scared. Scared that _this_ was the dream. That he was only joking. That this just _couldn't_ be happening. That wasn't really happening. But after every moment that passed, I felt a little surer, a little happier. I was so hesitant to believe this was happening.

My hand reached up to his face, I felt his cheek again my palm.

His lips grazed my arm gently.

I closed my eyes in reaction.

My hand ran through his hair, like I always wanted to.

His hair was wet, but soft.  
His lips were softer against my skin.

I felt his other hand reach for my fingers on his chest. His bigger fingers falling between mine gently.

I really wanted to kiss him. To make this more real than before, to prove this was really happening.

I felt really nervous about that thought…

…_what if I was only going to make a fool of myself…_

But I didn't get a chance to see if I was going to be a fool.

There was rustling in the bushes across the clearing from us.

We immediately turned to look.

I caught a glimpse of Kakashi… he had somehow managed to pull up his mask so quickly.

My heart fell… I really wanted to see his face… especially now that I knew for sure that his lips weren't too big or too small, or that he didn't have giant buck-teeth… like Naruto, Sasuke, and I had theorized so long ago.

I had to smile for a second at that memory. I had been so young.

I knew now that he had really soft lips.

We stared at the bushes.

"Agh!" Someone very familiar yelled randomly. "Dumb bushes!"

I could see a flicker of orange between the leaves.

Kakashi and I instantly pushed away from each other.

He was on his feet before I was.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto yelled after breaking free from the bushes and spotting us.

We looked like we had only been standing next to each other.

But I could feel my face was still hot.

"Did you get him?" Naruto yelled as he ran over to us.

"I fought him… but Sakura was the one to finish to battle." Kakashi said with his normal, smooth voice. Like something so incredibly amazing didn't just happen.

"Wow, Sakura, that's awesome!" Naruto cheered at me.

I smiled weakly...

"Where's Sai?" Kakashi-sensei changed the subject.

"He's still over there… he needs some healing." Naruto explained a little less excitedly.

"Okay…" Kakashi started. "Sakura, go with Naruto to get Sai. I'll go and inform the family that the assassin has been taken care of."

"Right." I said just as normally. I felt a little weird for going right back into normal life after... that… but I did as Kakashi said and followed Naruto out of the clearing…

…**.. …. …. …. … …**

_I'm sorry Sakura…_

_I couldn't stop myself… I should've…_

…

Kakashi sighed… feeling a little guilty for feeling so entirely happy.

He watched the spot in the trees where she had just disappeared for a few moments.

He couldn't hold back a smile.

...

_Things are going to get so much more difficult from now on._

_But I'd face it all for you._

…

…**..**

**...**

…**.**

…

…

…**.**

…

…**.**

**This is most definitely**_**not**_**the ending!**

**More excitement awaits!**

**:D**


	9. Shortcuts and Rendevous'

**Chapter 9!**

**Title: **_"Shortcuts and Rendezvous' "_

**Discliamer: I own nothing!!!**

***Edit: added some tiny things ad corrected lots of spelling errors... *facepalm*... but it's all better now :)**

……………………………………………**.**

"We cannot express our gratitude enough!" The portly underling who had bombarded us with thanks and flattery only two days ago, was once again singing our praises as we were leaving.

The assassin was still alive, and he was already shut away in a high-security facility. They managed to beat some information out of him about the rival family household who hired him… so this region should experience many years of peace. But as fuedal families do, they'll fall back into violence sooner or later.

"You paid for our assistance… that's enough for us." Kakashi reassured the underling once again with his normal, casual voice.

I looked from the bowing subordinate to Kakashi-sensei… my thoughts changed instantly.

_This man. Standing right here._

_He held me with those arms, kissed me with those..._

My heart stumbled along its normal beat for a second.

… I still couldn't really accept it…

I was still in a state of mind that made the whole situation just so unbelievable.

I just couldn't believe that, even though Kakashi-sensei is so much more experienced… so much more stronger and powerful,… he would choose someone like me.

Someone like him... who so many people looked up to, who so many admired... chose me... for some reason.

"But you have done so much for us!" The underling woke me from my daydreaming with his loud, and slightly annoying voice.

Kakashi just waved his hands in front of him, trying to calm the man down.

I had to suppress those kind of thoughts for now…. Otherwise I would get restless…. And we definitely couldn't even talk about what happened, or was going to happen, between us while we were still with the rest of the team.

But we still haven't spoken, or even looked at each other for longer than a second, since last night…

I was getting a little worried.

………………

We left the mansion early in the morning, starting on our 13 hour trek back to Konoha.

But it was probably going to take a little longer since Sai was recently injured… I was able to patch him up, but he's probably sore.

"OK! Another mission well done!" Naruto announced happily, taking his usual spot front of us.

I was walking next to Kakashi, all too aware of every move he made, while trying not to look at him.

I really couldn't control my thoughts when I walked next to him like this… no doubt I would start staring at him without noticing or something.

I decided to talk with Naruto…

It was always a simple way of blocking out drama by talking with Naruto, and maybe even Sai…

But as I tried keeping up with the conversation I kept looking over my shoulder by accident.

He was just reading his book.

Like always.

…

Why did that annoy me?

……………………………………………………………………

Kakashi diverted his attention from his little green book, which he really wasn't reading, to check his watch.

His eyebrow twitched.

_She's been talking with him for almost 2 hours._

Yet another sigh left him.

It shouldn't be annoying him so much.

But he was getting genuinely impatient… _how long was she going to talk to him?_

He stole a glance at the two team members in front of him.

He tried to focus on his book, but every time he read anything concerning romantic love or, the more frequent, physical love, his mind would never terry far from that pink-haired girl in front of him.

_Aah… they're laughing again…_

He pointed out to himself, even more annoyed.

He closed his little book, stuffing it back into his satchel, concocting a plan.

_I really shouldn't…_

_I can't…._

_It'll only get awkward…_

_And Sai's really sharp… he might notice something…_

Kakashi eyed Sai, who was walking a few feet to his right, staring ahead with a simple look on his unexpressive face. Sai took notice of Kakashi's stare and smiled his uniform, polite, smile.

Kakashi did the same.

_Damn it…_

_I shouldn't…_

_But I will…_

**…………………………………………………………………..**

I listened to Naruto rant about his training days, trying not to look behind us at a certain silver-haired man.

"And then Ero-sennin hid out in the gender-mixed onsen all day waiting for-"

"Hey, you two." A familiar voice made my heart jump. I felt his hand fall on my shoulder.

I saw that he was also holding Naruto's shoulder.

"I just remembered an old shortcut my team and I would take." He said a little cheerfully.

His hands dropped from our shoulders at the same moment.

But I felt his fingers graze my arm all the way down.

I immediately looked down to my feet, trying to hide my pink face.

It was always horrible whenever I blushed… my pink hair really didn't help when it matched my face.

"A shortcut?" Naruto asked eagerly.

"If we cross through this forest, instead of around it, we'll cut off at least 4 hours." Kakashi explained like a normal teacher.

"Ok!" Naruto was the first to run off into the trees.

_Didn't he know that Kakashi was the only one who knew the shortcut?… He was just going to get lost and we'll have to waste time finding him._

I followed after him, walking just as calmly as before.

But I definitely wasn't calm.

Kakashi kept pace with me, just looking ahead of him, hands in his pockets, just like he always did.

_Is it really that easy for him to act normal?!_

… _maybe he does feel normal…_

_Like what happened wasn't anything special._

… _he didn't really say that he had feelings for me, did he?_

… _he didn't say much…_

… _maybe he just took advantage of the situation?_

I shook my head to myself.

_No… he wouldn't._

_Right?_

**……………………………………………..**

_I really need to take advantage of this situation._

_..._

Kakashi peeked over his shoulder.

Sai was looking at the sky, his face empty of any opinion.

Kakashi comically narrowed his eyes, skeptic…

_Sometimes it was really troublesome to have such an unreadable kid in my team…_

Kakashi had at least an IQ of 200, years of experience with strategic planning, covert skills that were the envy of all his colleagues… yet he was having the hardest time figuring out a way to get Sakura to himself for only a few minutes.

_I have to think about this._

_How would I solve this if I was on the battlefield?..._

_An enemy ahead of us and an enemy at the rear… plan an escape route, create a distraction that could preoccupy both._

In a moment, the simplest answer came to mind… he felt like an idiot for not seeing it sooner.

**……………………………………………………..**

"Hey, Sai… go and find Naruto. He's probably lost and confused by now."

I heard Kakashi order Sai with a polite tone.

"Yes, sir." Sai said monotonously, already running passed us, in search of the pork-fighter.

I smiled, remembering the night at the hot springs…

…._I knew I would never forget that night… but I didn't think I would ever smile at the memory of it._

A gloved hand suddenly clasped my own.

I felt the wind rush passed me as I was already running to keep up with the silver-haired man who had seemingly just kidnapped me from the rest of my team.

My smile widened, my fingers closed around his hand more securely… his grip tightened in response.

I felt so childish… just holding his hand made my heart beat a bit faster than normal… well, a lot faster than normal.

We kept running.

I wondered how far we were actually going to go before he finally thought it was safe enough to stop…

Then I wondered what exactly we were going to do when we were alone.

A heavy stone of shock plummeted onto my stomach, I almost lost my footing.

…

_I don't know if I'm ready to be like _this_ with Kakashi-sensei yet…_

…

I knew that he wouldn't go too far, or expect much…

And he was really nice...

But it was really strange trying to prepare yourself to kiss a man who was nothing more than a teacher to you for so many years, until only the night before…

_It's not like I don't want to kiss him… _

But there were so many other things running through my mind.

_I've never had a boyfriend before… I've never kissed anyone before…  
__Don't people usually wait a few days or weeks before kissing?…  
__I guess only kids do that…  
__Am I still a kid?...  
__No, of course not!....  
__I'm 16!  
__I have to grow up sometime!  
__Would I be a good kisser?  
__What does he expect of me?  
__Am I over-thinking this?  
__He's probably better at kissing… because he's probably kissed so many other girls.  
__Are we really going to kiss?_

_Seriously?!_

My head was getting so crammed with all these worries… My heart kept freaking out every time I even thought about how it would feel to kiss him… The leaves and branches rushing passed us, the wind was roaring in my ears, my hand was really hot inside of his… Everything was too much… I didn't want to think about anything.

But one question that popped into my head cleared away the havoc… one that I definitely wanted to know the answer to.

Then the roaring and rushing stopped.

I was standing still, but my mind was suffering a little jetlag.

We both caught our breath for a few seconds.

I waited…. Just waited for him to do anything…

He walked away a couple steps, not letting go of my hand.

I stared at his back.

"I wanted to talk to you for a minute." I heard his voice say… his tone was so gentle, I hadn't heard it like that since the last time it rained.

_Ok, talking… I can handle that._

…………………………………………………

Kakashi turned around to face Sakura.

She had one of the most flustered, confused expressions on.

He felt like a criminal for thinking it was one of the cutest expressions she's ever made.

An underlying feeling of guilt also came up.

She was probably uncomfortable.

He must be acting too forward… even though he hasn't done anything… he still felt like he would scare her away.

_I really shouldn't have gotten her mixed up with me…_

He took a deep breath.

**……………………………………………….**

He had turned to face me.

He was smiling, but his eyes seemed a little sad.

He didn't say anything for what seemed to be the longest time.

_Maybe he was having second thoughts about me.  
__Maybe he was thinking about how yesterday was a mistake.  
__Maybe he was trying to think of the right words to turn me away.  
_"_You're just confused, Sakura… I didn't mean to lead you on... this is impossible...."_

My heart felt like it was being pulled in two directions.

I had to stop him from saying something like that.

"I-I…. I like you, sensei."

I heard my own voice before I could make any sense of those words.

I was staring at his vest… not daring to look at his face.

_Why did I say that?!_

_I didn't have to say anything!_

He _was gonna do the talking!_

_Now he's just going to be awkward around me!_

I felt a warm hand fall on top of my head protector; it curled around to my chin, holding my face up.

"You don't have to say 'sensei', anymore, Sakura." His voice. It was so perfect.

I couldn't say anything as he walked up to me, his other arm folding across my back.

"I always forget." I managed to say.

I brought my arms up, clutching onto his back.

He was so warm.

He smelled like fall forests and winter rivers.

I would never get tired of it.

Suddenly all my worries… all of those crowding thoughts and theories just faded out.

Everything was so calm… so quiet.

It was only me and him.

I wanted to stay like this forever.

But that one question from before still managed to survive the moment.

"Kakashi…" I called his name without any suffix, trying it out. It still felt rude.

"Hmm?..." He hummed back, his chest vibrating agianst my ear. He must've felt that same sense of peace.

"Why do you wear that mask?" I asked, trying to sound normal… but I was really crawling with curiosity.

He should give me a straight answer, right?

Now that we're... ... like this...

He laughed a little, letting me go. I immediatey regretted asking the question if it meant I couldn't feel his warmth anymore.

"Many reasons." He answered vaguely, smiling down at me with his cheeky grin.

_He hasn't pulled that face on me since I was thirteen.... wow, that's a strange sort of thought...._

_He was so stubborn about that mask… what was he trying to hide?!_

"Can I see what's underneath it?" I asked bit hopefully.

"Of course." He said with a carefree voice, reaching up to his face.

I got a serious feeling of déjà vu.

He quickly pulled down the blue fabric…. Revealing lighter blue fabric underneath it.

"Old jokes die hard." I commented apathetically.

I could remember the last time he did that... so long ago... back when my mind was always preoccupied with only myself and Sasuke... I pushed that out of my mind easily.

He laughed a little, pulling up his first mask, adjusting it carefully.

"You need to be more specific." He replied, just as carefree as before.

I loved the fact I could talk to him like this, so casually.

"When can I finally see your face?" I asked, a little perturbed.

He turned back to me, "Whenever you really want to."

Something about his voice made it sound like he was being serious.

_Would he really let me see his face that easily?!_

"R-really?" I stuttered with excitement.

"Yes… Only you…" He said quietly. He ran his hand through my hair. I couldn't suppress a shiver. "But you're the one that has to pull this mask from my face. I won't do it for you."

I froze for a second.

That was a really serious catch.

… It would be kind of embarrassing to take his mask off…

But I really wanted to see.

I lifted my hands towards his face. I gave him a questioning look.

_Did he really mean 'whener I really wanted to'?_

_Because I really want to see, right now._

He didn't say anything.

My fingertips touched his jaw, I slowly brushed them upwards to the top of his mask.

He closed his eyes, I felt his hand fall to the side of face.

My heart was beating hard.

I slipped my fingertips between the fabric and his face, about ready to tug.

"YOU got us LOST!"  
"I was only told to find you… when I went back to our path, they were gone. I can't be blamed."  
"I was doing fine, but when you showed up, THEN we couldn't find anyone!"

My heart panicked.

I dropped my hands from his face, his hand disappeared from my face.

Kakashi immediately started walking towards the boys, his hands falling back into his pockets.

"Hey, you two!" Kakashi spoke up. His voice was back to normal.

I wondered if he was conscious of how his voice changed every time we were alone.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto yelled, waving his arms like he was lost at sea, trying to call over a boat.

I couldn't help but curse under my breath.

I was _so_ close!

Even though I was slightly upset, I still couldn't hold back a smile.

I was so happy.

So happy.

………………………………

We arrived at Konoha a little after 11:00pm.

All those hours of constantly checking myself, trying to act normal, trying to keep up a conversation with Naruto, and feeling a little guilty every time I heard Kakashi sigh behind us, were really tiring.

_I wonder if he didn't like it when I talked with Naruto…_

We sluggishly entered the Hokage office.

I was dead exhausted, but I still wasn't ready to call it a day.

"Thank you, Team 7." Shizune-san accepted our mission report gratefully. I can't remember ever seeing her sleep.

She must run Konoha at night, when lady Tsunade much preferred to sleeve off a few bottles of sake.

"This one give you guys any trouble?" She asked, actually concerned about our well-being… unlike a certain Hokage.

"Yeah, he was nastier than the normal bad guys." Naruto summed up our troublesome experiences rather childishly. Grinning.

Shizune-san smiled politely at him.

"Good night, Shizune-san." Kakashi said quietly, already ready to leave the dimly-lit, paper-scattered Hokage office.

"Oh, and I'll send your mission report on the bottom of the list." She added a little happily.

When a mission report was sent to the bottom of the list, that meant it took longer to review it, which meant it took even longer to send the team who turned it in on another mission.

And with Lady Tsunade as Hokage, this process was usually really slow.

"Thank you, Shizune-san." Kakashi's tired voice said gratefully.

I couldn't stop looking at him.

Even as we all turned around to leave the room, I still found myself wanting to walk next to him… but Sai was in the way.

"Oh, and I almost forgot." Shizune-san spoke up again.

We all turned around a little hesitantly… I think we all just wanted to walk out that door anyways.

"Lady Tsunade has decided to donate her gambling winnings to fund a professional social fundraiser that will take place next week."

We all blinked at her.

"A party." She summarized.

We turned around a little…

"A party?" Kakashi asked for all of us.

"A fundraising party…" she corrected. "Though I don't think any fundraising is going to happen…" She added a little meekly. "Lady Tsunade will decide the theme in a couple days… but she seems really serious about holding this... event." She finished even more quietly.

It was obvious that Shizune must've spent hours trying to convince Tsunade to use the money more practically… but I guess Tsunade's stubbornness won out.

Hokages were entitled to their own fun sometimes... I guess.

"Well, good night!" Shizune added a little perkily.

"You too." Kakashi spoke for us again… seeming completely uninfluenced by it all.

We left the office, trudged down the stairs to the main entrance of the building.

The whole time I could only look at him…

He didn't even glance at me.

...

The whole team stood in the moonlight for a few seconds, bidding our farewells.

"I guess I'll be leaving first." That was Kakashi's usual line. He waved his usual one-flicked wave, hid his hands in his pocket, and walked away. The opposite way I was going. I wanted to call out or something… but I didn't.

Sai waved shortly and practically disappeared in an instant.

"See you next time, Sakura-chan!" Naruto galloped away.

I was left.

I collected my thoughts and started walking home.

……………………..

That_ was unexpected........_

I thought to myself half-way home.

The streets were dark and deserted… everyone went to bed early around here.

I was a little cold.

I had expected something… anything… even just prolonged eye-contact…

_I guess I'm just irresponsible._

_Kakashi acted the way he was supposed to…_

I still didn't like it.

...

I kicked a little rock lightly.

It scuttled away from me with force.

I sighed.

Just as soon as I finished my long sigh, I felt a large hand brush down my arm, reaching my palm.

I whipped my head around.

There he was.

He just appeared, like I had thought him up… but that was the way Kakashi-sensei was.

He would always just silently show up out of nowhere.

My heart fluttered happily… I felt so childish again… but I didn't care.

"Kakashi-sensei…" I said without thinking…

He looked down at me as his hand folded around mine.

"Just Kakashi…" He reminded me a tad bit firmly.

I was hit with a second shot of déjà vu in one day when his hand was suddenly tugging me away from the street.

"Just in case." He whispered aloud as we both walked into the narrow space between the Oden shop and the Yamanaka Flower Shop.

"I thought you were gonna go home." I said a little happily.

"I didn't want to end today like that." He answered softly.

The space was so narrow, even with our backs to the opposite walls, there'd only be a few feet between us.

But right now, only my back was to the wall.

He was leaning so close to me; his hands planted on the wall, one either side of my shoulders.

I felt so surrounded by him… but it wasn't enough.

We stood there, in silence, for only a few seconds before I decided to ask my question.

"You said I could see your face whenever I wanted to, right?" I asked, my heart growing lighter and heavier at the same time.

"Only if you do it." He answered softly, gently taking my hands and placing them on his covered face.

I could feel him smile a little under my palms.

My chest felt like a fire was raging inside. My fingers felt numb with the cold, but tingled with anticipation.

His face slowly lowered towards mine.

Both of his eyes were staring at me so intently… again, I was afraid that his Sharingan could see how my heart was thumping, or see that fire burning away inside of me.

I could feel myself holding my breath… I didn't know why, but I felt like I was running out of air… I didn't care.

My fingers found the space between his mask and face just as they had this afternoon.

I gently started to roll the fabric down.

...

**……………………………………………………….**

**Evil Cliffhanger... I know... I'll be updating reeeeally soon (if not already), don't worry! :D**


	10. Tests and Tickets

**Chapter 10!**

**Title:** _"Tests and Tickets"_

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

**Note: ****Heavy reference to the ending of the first Naruto movie: "****Naruto the Movie: Ninja Clash in the Land of Snow"**

**……………………………………………………….**

"Only if you do it." He answered softly, gently taking my hands and placing them on his covered face.

I could feel him smile a little under my palms.

My chest felt like a fire was raging inside. My fingers felt numb with the cold, but tingled with anticipation.

His face slowly lowered towards mine.

Both of his eyes were staring at me so intently… again, I was afraid that his Sharingan could see how my heart was thumping, or see that fire burning away inside of me.

I could feel myself holding my breath… I didn't know why, but I felt like I was running out of air… I didn't care.

My fingers found the space between the mask and his face just as they had this afternoon.

I gently started to roll the fabric down.

He leaned in closer, but I still wasn't done.

I pulled the mask down a little further, it slid over and passed his nose, slowly revealing his pearly skin.

The moonlight really wasn't enough light.

And it was especially hard to focus, mentally and physically, when he was so close to me.

I inched the fabric down a little further, he leaned in even more.

I realized that every time I revealed an inch of his face, he closed the space between us by an inch.

If I continued, he would get closer and closer… if I pulled it back up, he would probably back away.

It was like a test.

He was leaving it up to me…

Testing whether I really wanted to see his face or not... testing whether this ws the type of relationship I wanted with him...

Even with that in mind, I couldn't wait anymore…

In a swift motion I tugged down his mask all the way.

I felt the fabric go loose and fall to his neck.

My eyes couldn't focus fast enough to catch a glimpse of his entire face before I suddenly felt his lips land on mine.

Both my hands were still gripping the mask fabric which was hanging around his neck loosely.

I only stared wide-eyed ahead of me without blinking.

His eyes were closed.

I felt his hands fall from the wall, they both landed on either side of my waist.

I was still frozen.

I knew I should be kissing him back, but I couldn't really process everything.

He backed away after a second.

I blinked my dry eyes.

He smiled down at me.

But this time I actually saw his lips curl upward, I didn't have to look for a shadow or movement in the blue fabric.

He was so much more handsome than I ever thought he could've been.

I always knew that Kakashi-sensei was an attractive man, even before I thought about him this way… and I knew he was probably really handsome, since anybody who _did_ see his face would always stare into space with heart-shaped eyes for several minutes.

But he was so much more handsome than I imagined.

His nose was narrow and perfectly-shaped. His jaw line was so well-defined. And his lips were perfect, not giant or pointy in any way.

I couldn't remember ever seeing anyone more handsome.

I let go of the mask fabric around his neck, lifting my hands to his face.

His skin was so soft.

"This is what you were hiding this whole time?" I asked quietly, my eyes locked on him.

I wanted to remember everything, every little detail.

My hands brushed the sides of his face.

He didn't say anything.

He only looked back at me with eyes that I had never seen before… it was like he was in a trance. I saw his eyes fall down to my own lips.

I couldn't stop myself as I stood up on my tip-toes.

My lips still couldn't reach him, but I didn't have to wait more than a single moment before he leaned down to meet me.

His lips were so soft.

I could feel my heartbeat pulsing through my lips.

Even though I had been so worried about being a good kisser, I wasn't putting any thought into it now. I only followed his movements.

I felt his hand slide from my waist to the small of my back, pulling me forward and deeper into the kiss.

My hands slid back, passed his forehead protector, through his silver hair.

Everything felt so good.

He pressed closer, my back was flat against the wall.

With my heart racing like this, I was already running out of air, but oxygen wasn't important right now.

I didn't even think about it when I felt my fingers pull his head closer to mine.

He took the signal and pressed his lips harder on mine.

I could hear my breathing becoming more labored, it only a took a few more seconds for his breathing to sound a bit more strenuous, too.

I had never heard him breathe like that… I liked the way it sounded for some reason.

But we were eventually going to pass out if we didn't stop.

We had to break apart, whether we wanted to or not.

We stood there, breathing deeply.

I looked down to my feet.

The narrow alleyway seemed to have gotten narrower and warmer.

My arms felt weak and shaky, I let my hands fall from his hair, to land on his chest. My fingers curled around the cold metal buckles of his vest for support. His chest was moving up and down quickly, in synch with his arduous breathing.

I leaned forward, letting my forehead rest between my hands.

I could hear his heartbeat even through all the layers of clothing… maybe it was my medic-nin training...

It was deeper and stronger than mine, I closed my eyes to listen to it.

I felt his warm arms close around me.

"It's getting late." He spoke after a several seconds of standing like that silently.

"I guess. " I said a little sadly… He was right... we couldn't just stand here all night.

I didn't move for a long time… Even if we were already starting to say our good-byes, I still wanted to stay warm and safe in his arms a while longer.

I started to push myself from him, my heart hurting a little.

His arms left my back just as hesitantly as my arms left his chest.

His hand found mine gently. He started to walk back to the street, I followed him, my hand gripping his tightly.

We walked into the street together.

An immediate chill came over me… I hadn't realized exactly how cold it really was… the alleyway had been really warm.

Kakashi turned towards me.

He still hadn't put his mask back on.

I guess he really trusted that no one else was around.

Before I could look around to check if anybody was peeking from a window his lips were already on mine.

My hands instinctually grabbed his vest, trying to deepen the kiss.

He broke away, taking my hands in his.

"This is it for now." He said gently.

He smiled…

I was still recovering from the first smile he gave me, and now that I could see his face even more clearly I couldn't look away.

I always wanted to see him smile like that…

"I'll come for you tomorrow." He said quietly, standing up straight again, letting go of my hands.

"When?" I asked eagerly, unable to hide my excitement.

"You'll know." He gave me one of his trademark, vague, answers. "Good night, Sakura." He waved.

I didn't want to leave him yet, but he was already walking away.

"Good night, Kakashi…" I whispered as I turned around to go home.

_BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUZZZZZ!!!_

I flung myself out of bed, and landed on the alarm clock.

I fidgeted with it, trying to find the right button… I forgot which button it was… I frantically pressed random buttons but it kept buzzing at me….. I ended up hitting it against the wall.

It didn't break, but the alarm warbled off with an awkward squeak.

"_6:32am"_

The little green numbers flickered a little.

That was the time I had to get up when we left on our last mission… it was really early, but preparation for a mission is usually really extensive.

I crawled back into my bed.

_Jeez, and I was having a dream about last night, too…_

I was grateful that I wasn't going to need to go on any missions today.

I could probably just sleep for hours… but I did have a sort of personal mission.

One that was decided for me last night…

….

I stared at the ceiling for a few minutes… unable to fall back asleep after already running last night through my head.

…

_That was my first kiss._

_And it was with Kakashi-sensei…_

…

Something about that was so surreal.

I remembered when I was absolutely sure that my first kiss was destined to be with Sasuke.

I could safely say that I'm glad it wasn't with Sasuke.

I reached over and grabbed my pillow, hugging it tightly as I rolled over, closing my eyes.

So much has changed…

Last week… I wouldn't have ever thought that this was possible.

I wouldn't have believed that this amount of happiness was posible either...

I drifted off into sleep again… all I could think about was his smile.

**………………………………………..**

He checked his little bedside clock

"_6:32am"_

He grumbled a little.

_Paperwork…. How I loathe you…_

Kakashi was sitting on his bed, Indian-style, surrounded and covered by scattered papers.

He had only gotten 4 hours sleep.

He had to file reports on every aspect of the mission: every jutsu they used, why they used it, the outcome of the mission, the conditions of the team members… and so on.

He would've thought that after being a Jonin for a decade and some change that he would get used to all this… but this was still one of the only parts of being a ninja that he really couldn't stand.

Most of the other times when he was buried with paperwork, he would find distraction in a little green book, or in a little orange book… but right now, he was distracted by his own thoughts and memories.

It had been so long since he was in a relationship.

He wanted to see her again as soon as possible.

His mind wandered back to that alleyway.

He thought about her face, her eyes, her hands, her lips.

Another rush of happiness struck his heart, which was once again followed by that ever-resistant guilt.

_So many things are wrong about this…_

_The age difference, the student-teacher relationship, the fact we're in the same team… not to mention the fact that I'm now in a one-sided love rivalry against Naruto._

Kakashi cringed.

But he still didn't regret anything.

Except the fact that he has procrastinating.

He groaned unhappily, rebelliously scribbling non-sense onto the papers.

**………………………………………………….**

"Should I stay home?… Should I walk around the village?… Maybe I should fix our garden up, that's halfway outside and at home!... No, my mom always loves doing that…. If I stay home, he probably won't come to get me…."

I was talking to myself, pacing my room, feeling more than a little fidgety.

That last sentence made a lot of sense.

_Why would Kakashi-sensei come to pick me up if he was going to have to talk to my parents to get to me?_

I immediately felt a little guilty for keeping this… situation… between me and Kakashi-sensei from my parents… but this wasn't anything bad.

It really wasn't.

_Kakashi-sensei's a good man. He's strong and responsible and kind. Everybody looks up to him, even if does have a childish streak in him… And I've even heard some people say that he probably would've been the next Hokage if Lady Tsunade or Jiraiya didn't take the role…_

My head spun a little… Kakashi Hokage…

_Wow…._

I shook my head of that thought.

I settled with the personal promise that after a while, I would tell my parents… but after a looong while.

I just had to hope that they didn't get suspicious until then… _They wouldn't right?_

"Sakura!"

I jumped when I heard my mom's voice yell my name from downstairs. For only a split second I had the insane fear that she somehow heard my thoughts and was now going to kill me.

"Yeah, mom?!" I answered back, already walking down the stairs.

"Can you do the grocery shopping for me?"

I sighed… I didn't like going to the market and having to deal wit-… wait, it's perfect!

"Okay!" I answered cheerfully, running downstairs. Skipping a couple steps.

I walked into the kitchen, my mom was staring at me like I had sprouted flowers from my ears.

_… I guess I was a little too excited about going to the market…_

She handed me the list and repeated it, making sure I remembered to get everything.

I left the house, and walked cheerfully down to the market.

_I really hope I bump into him._

………………..

_Well, I guess my luck isn't at it's best right now._

I sighed to myself as I was already only a block away from my house, carrying all the right groceries in hand,

_Maybe he's busy._

_We just got off a B-Rank mission, he should have mountain of paperwork._

_I guess I was a little to selfish to hope he'd show up this early._

I checked my watch.

It was already 3:00…

I sighed.

_Where'd all the time go?..._

I thought to myself wistfully as I turned the corner.

I finally looked up from my feet after a few seconds.

"Eh?" I asked the air.

There he was.

Just leaning against the fence around my house.

_I guess he really isn't as cautious as I thought he was._

He stood up straight when I approached.

"Hey, Sakura…" he said casually as I approached.

I opened my mouth to ask him if he had talked to my parents or not, but I was promptly rendered speechless when I heard my name a second time.

"Sakura…" My mom stood up from tending the garden… I couldn't see her before.

Thank god she spoke up before I said something bad.... not 'bad'.... wierd....

"Here you go, mom." I walked through the little gate, handing her the cloth bag of groceries.

"Kakashi-san dropped by to see if you could attend the team meeting." She continued, taking the bag inside the house. 'Kakashi-san'?... That sounded a little weird.

I looked back at him for a second. He had a look of complete innocence. Well, as innocent as you could guess he was acting from seeing only one of his eyes.

I immediately wanted to pull down that mask again.

Instead I walked to the doorway.

"Well, I'll be going!" I called after her.

"Take care!" She answered back as I was already walking down the little pathway.

I met with Kakashi at the fence.

"Team meeting?" I asked with playful skepticism.

"Naruto and Sai couldn't make it." He answered cheerfully, turning around to lead the way.

I wanted to laugh and hug him, but that was way too… much…. So I held back and just decided to walk next to him.

We turned the corner onto the main street.

We kept our distance, but I was still happy that I was even walking with him.

_It wouldn't seem strange for a student and teacher, or moreover, two team members to be walking through the town together, right?_

"I would've thought you would have mountains of paperwork, Kakashi-sensei." I started.

"I managed to finish it in time." He turned to me smiling faintly. "Just Kakashi... remember?"

Every time he smiled at me now all I could think about what his moonlit face that I saw the night before.

"Oh, yeah...." I laughed a little, cringing my eyes.

We walked down the street a few more feet.... was this it?.... There had to be some way we could be alone.

"Is… is there a place where…" I trailed off. It was kind of an embarrassing question.

But it was a necessary question.

Where could we be alone?

If we really couldn't tell anyone about our relationship, we needed at least one place where we can be together and not have to worry about anything.

I heard him chuckle.

"I know of a place." He answered, I could hear the smile in his voice.

I felt something graze my hand.

I looked down… his fingers were reaching for me. His fingertips were brushing agianst my hand, asking for permission.

I looked around really fast… nobody seemed to really be looking… it's risky, but…

I reached for his fingers, too.

"Sakura-chYAn!"

I quickly pulled back my hand, it made a _thump _noise when it hit the side of my leg.

I turned around to face the interrupter.

Naruto was running up, dressed casually, not smothered in orange so much.

_How many times has he ran up at just the wrong moment?!_

I spotted an unenthusiastic Sai following behind, wearing his casual black, button up, turtle-neck.

"We went looking for you, but I didn't know you were already with Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto explained, hyper.

My heart panicked a little.

"Um..." No words came to mind.

"We bumped into each while shopping." Kakashi explained nonchalantly.

_He lies really easily, doesn't he?...._

I comically squinted towards Kakashi a little suspiciously before Naruto sprang back into action.

"Hey, hey, Kakashi-sensei…" Naruto started. "Remember when I forgo—said that I was gonna give you your birthday present late?" Naruto stumbled on his words a little.

_That was 2 months ago!_

"Yes…." Kakashi said a little hesitantly, ready for the worst.

"Well, I just got these from Ero-sennin!"

Naruto whipped out four slender strips of paper. Each one was the identical shade of bright orange…. Each one labeled with red lettering:

"Icha Icha Paradise"

I could see Kakashi completely freeze on the spot.

He wasn't going to break eye contact with those pieces of paper for a while.

"Remember our mission in the Land of Snow, with the Snow Princess Fuun?!" Naruto went on. "Remember that she was gonna be cast as the main character?!"

"Well, after a three-year battle betwen Ero-sennin and the screen-writers they finally decided to release it! They say that Princess Fuun might get an award!"

Naruto seemed really excited about seeing Princess Fuun on screen, while Kakashi was probably going to start drooling any second now.

There was something so cute… but also so weird about how Kakashi idolized those books.

"The movie just came out today!" Naruto finished triumphantly.

I whipped my head over to him.

_There are four of us…_

_There are four tickets…_

_Tickets for the movie…_

_The movie that came out today…_

Was I going to have to go see it, too?

I looked over at Kakashi, who was carefully tugging at a single ticket from Naruto's hand like it was a precious jewel.

I almost laughed at him… he was kind of cute when he was childish….

I resigned myself…

_Well, if Naruto could survive three years around the man who wrote these books without being tainted too much, and I'm gonna be with a man who reads these books…. I should just give it a shot…._

…

_It wouldn't kill me...._

**…….........1 Hour Later......................**

_I am going to die!!_

_Right here…_

_Right now…_

I was sitting still… perfectly… still… but my mind was frantically trying to block everything out.

_Why did Ero-sennin give these tickets to Naruto!?_

_Why did Naruto give these tickets to the entire team?!_

….

It was so awkward… watching a 'romance' (if that's the word to use) movie with three guy friends…

And I was sitting in between Kakashi and Naruto…

…

_My god… another love scene… _

... I watched in horror...

_Stop the moaning!! _

I wanted to scream at the screen.

I slouched a little in my seat.

Even though the movie wasn't too awful, and it always cut away from those infamous love scenes before it was too late… and if I was watching it by myself, I wouldn't be annoyed or anything (well, maybe at the main guy character)… but when surrounded by guys… especially ones that liked you, and one that you liked back… it got a little weird.

I peeked through the corner of my eyes.

Naruto was to my right… he was just staring at the screen, space-eyed, mouth hanging open…. I knew Naruto pretty well, but I had no idea what thoughts were passing through that yellow head of his. Did I want to know?

I glanced passed Naruto, to see Sai.

He was sitting up straight, as always. He was staring at the screen, too, with a slightly bemused expression. But I got the idea that he wasn't so much interested in the characters, as in learning the process of courtship.

_Now for the main question…_

_What kind of face was Kakashi making?_

I snuck a peek… barley shifting my head in his direction

...

**…………………………………..**

**Baby cliffhanger… lol… will be updating soon.**


	11. Missions and Sanctuaries

**Chapter 11!**

**Title:** _"Missions and Sanctuaries"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

……………………………………………………..

_Now for the main question…_

_What kind of face was Kakashi making?_

I snuck a peek… barley shifting my head in his direction.

The darkcombined with the fact that he was wearing his mask made it difficult to tell. But from what I could see… he was completely normal.

No drool, no sparkles of interest in his eyes… he almost looked bored.

….

Maybe the book went more into the details… and this seemed like child's play…

…

A part of me was slightly disturbed by the thought that Kakashi-sensei would think that this movie, which was really risqué to me, was old hat for him…

_Is he really that experienced?_

_Just how many other girlfriends has he had?_

_He's probably used to faster relationships… adult relationships… one where nobody has to worry about their first kiss, or their first 'fill in the blank'…._

My stomach turned over awkwardly at the thought…

I looked back up at the screen, trying to think… which was a mistake….

I cringed…

_Partial nudity… not fun._

I noticed Naruto scooted forward in his seat with interest.

I resisted the urge to smack him upside the head.

**………Some time later…….**

"Afuuu~~…. I looove bath houses." A sultry voice whispered on screen.

I was slouching even more than before.

_Seriously, just how much of this stuff can they fit into two hours?_

I noticed some movement from my right.

I glanced over at the yellow-haired perv.

Naruto was finally leaning back from the edge of his seat, yawning.

My eyes widened with surprise.

_Well, I would've never thought Naruto could get bored of this._

_But I guess the hormones can't last forever.  
_I thought to myself a little smugly.

Sai was still staring at the screen with the same computing expression.

I wondered if Sai had hormones…

I snuck another peek at Kakashi-sensei.

Still placid-faced.

_Wow… I guess, at this point, everything will be okay._

_If they're so bored with it, then I won't have to worry about the traditional 'Why I liked the movie' conversation after we leave the theatre._

Then I noticed it…

...

I should've known better.

...

Naruto's 'yawning' wasn't because he was bored.

His arm was falling slowly but surely towards the back of my chair.

He really had no tact or grace.

_For now, I'll pretend not to notice, but after a minute I'll spring up and punch him in the face._

I tried not to laugh with anticipation.

But my plan was foiled before I could prepare myself.

I saw movement coming from my left.

Kakashi's hand had suddenly intercepted Naruto's, quickly whacking it aside with a single motion.

I felt Kakashi-sensei's arm fall to the back of my chair silently.

Naruto quickly recoiled his arm, rubbing his hand a little.

I pretended not to notice the whole ordeal…but not because I was planning on punching Kakashi-sensei after a minute (which I would never do), but because if Naruto saw I _did_ notice, he'd probably be confused about why I didn't mind sensei's arm on my chair….

I saw Naruto staring at Kakashi a little strangely.

… _It _is_ strange for Kakashi-sensei to interfere with teen romance… even one-sided teen romance… _

_...Every time Naruto tried to ask me out in the past, Kakashi-sensei would always manage a timely exit, or just pretend not to hear our argument afterwards…_

I worried for a second, but Naruto seemed to quickly forget the incident and become engrossed with the upcoming love scene.

I wanted to sigh with relief, but my attention as stolen elsewhere…

My neck felt unusually warm.

I was so conscious of his arm.

Part of me wanted to keep ignoring it, while a larger part of me wanted his arm around my shoulders.

…

My opinion of the situation changed very swiftly when the on-screen moaning started up again.

…

He was so close to me.

And with what was going on on-screen…

I couldn't help but get worried of what he was thinking about.

Was he wondering what I thinking about?

The whole situation just turned my brain upside down.

**……………………………………………..**

_Thank God Naruto isn't the sharpest…_

Kakashi couldn't stop his hand from smacking Naruto's away from Sakura…

He had seen Naruto hit on Sakura, ask her out, attempt to peep on her and it would always get on his nerves… but now Kakashi found himself so much more serious about shielding Sakura from Naruto's advances.

He felt so juvenile.

He really should've let it happen.

He should've just ignored it and watched the movie…

…

Truth was, he hadn't even been focusing on the movie.

Sure, it was hard to miss the moaning, groaning, and ill-written dialogue… but he couldn't enjoy it.

First of all, the books were a whole lot better… and a lot more graphic… which was something Kakashi dearly wished no one he knew would discover.

He wasn't ashamed of letting people know he liked these novels… but if they knew exactly what happened in those books.

That's a different story.

The movie was watered down and practically plot-less…

But that didn't mean anything to him when this pink-haired girl was sitting next to him.

He couldn't get his mind off of her.

But in the flickering light of the screen, he could clearly see the look on her face.

_She's really uncomfortable, isn't she?_

A part of him felt guilty, but another part of him thought it was cute… how innocent she was.

And _that_ part of himself, made the _other_ part feel even more guilty.

He looked back to the screen, trying to push his ever-lasting internal battle to the back of his mind, and enjoy the smut.

….

By the time the movie was over, he realized that he didn't even catch what the ending was.

… He didn't really care.

**……………………………………………………………**

"Princess Fuun is a great job, right, Sakura-chan!" And like that, Naruto had begun the traditional after-movie discussion.

"Mm…" I neither agreed nor disagreed. I really didn't need to see Princess Fuun like that.

All of us walked out of the theatre together, Kakashi to my right, Naruto and Sai to my left.

I peeked over to my right, he was just staring at his feet, his hands in his pockets.

Kakashi hadn't said anything yet.

It was a little strange that, with him being such a big fan of the Icha Icha Trilogy, that he would be completely free of any opinions of the movie.

I worried why he was being really distant.

"Ne, Sakura-chya-an, maybe you wanna go over to Ichiraku Ramen with me?!" Naruto sprang out another date-invitation out of nowhere.

I could see Kakashi in my peripheral vision, he stumbled a little.

I thought Naruto was going to rant about the movie a little while longer before trying to ask me out… which he usually did after every team outing.

I opened my mouth to turn him down.

"Good evening, Team 7." I heard a familiar voice interrupt me.

"Yamato-taichou!" Naruto called back to the voice, forgetting his date proposal.

I turned around, following Naruto's eyes.

Yamato-taichou was walking up waving at us cheerfully.

I was suddenly grateful for this interruption.

"Shizune-san wanted me to tell you guys that there's an urgent mission set up for you tomorrow, and to meet at the Konoha gate at 9:00am."

I forgot my gratefulness within a second. I wanted to groan with misery… why so many missions lately!?

I thought we were going to get a longer break, and I could've had more time with Kakashi-sensei….

But I guess I'll have time with him while on the mission…

"Wasn't our report at the bottom of the list?!" Naruto spoke up loudly in defiance.

"Ah, it was, but the Hokage has been going on a paperwork-spree." Yamato-taichou explained a little painfully. "Since she's the head of the Party Committee, she managed to complete all of her work at record speed."

_Party Committee?….. Lady Tsunade must've set that up herself… she must really want this 'social fundraiser'._

Naruto snorted grumpily from my left.

"Well, see you tomorrow." Yamato-taichou finished with a friendly smile.

_...Wait, what?..._

"Tomorrow?" I called out.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention… I'll be the team captain tomorrow." My heart plummeted to my stomach. "Kakashi was assigned his own solo-mission."

I just stared at Yamato-taichou with a dumb-founded expression.

_What was up with my luck today?!_

"When do I go?" Kakashi spoke up for the first time in a while.

I looked over at Kakashi-sensei… he had his dutiful, responsible, face on.

"7:00am at the gate." Yamato added helpfully.

_So early…_ I noted to myself a little sadly.

"See you guys at the gate." Yamato said lastly, waving innocently like he didn't just swoop in and ruin our vacations, while placing a huge obstacle in my personal life for the next couple of days.

After he left, we were left standing there, silent… grimacing.

"If our mission starts at nine, we should be getting some sleep right now." Sai said quietly, imposing reason on my plans.

I had wanted to be with Kakashi a little bit longer after this… but…

"Yes, you guys should head home. I'll need my sleep, too." Kakashi's voice sounded out from my right.

I looked over to him. He still seemed a little cold.

"I'll walk you home, Sakura-chyan!" Naruto's energy was already back up at capacity level.

I glanced at Kakashi, still the same.

He didn't really seem to be upset over Naruto's invitation.

"Ok." I agreed. I had always let him walk me home before, if I stopped now, it would've seemed weird.

I walked up to him, Kakashi still didn't move.

I picked up my pace to stay by Naruto's side.

"Bye, Sai." Naruto and I both waved at the same moment as our computing, ex-ANBU team member left us.

A few moments of silence passed between me and Naruto.

"So, Sakura-chan… how'd you like the movie?" Naruto resumed the conversation I never wanted to take place. My mind was still focused on the silver-haired man several meters behind me.

"I didn't rea--"

"Sakura!"

That voice.

I turned around without a second thought.

Kakashi-sensei was behind us, only a few feet away. He motioned for me.

"Just a sec." I said to Naruto without looking at his face, my eyes locked on Kakashi.

I ran over to him, I could feel myself smiling like an idiot, but I didn't care.

I saw his expression and my happiness dwindled a little... he seemed a little sad.

As I walked up to him, I saw him look over at Naruto for a second.

"I wanted to say bye." He said quietly, looking down at me.

"Really?" I asked, a little let down.

Kakashi and I looked over at Naruto again, who had found a distraction at the nearby Dango stand.

Before I looked back to Kakashi, I felt him lean down to my ear.

"Unless you didn't want to end tonight like this."

I scanned the crowd around us.

Nobody seemed to even notice that we were a little too close; they just went along with their businesses of buying and selling.

"I-I actually wanted… to spend more time with you." I admitted, feeling a little embarrassed, slowly turning towards his face.

He let out a small chuckle. I didn't like the fact he found me funny, but I was happy that his mood improved a little.

I heard him whisper into my ear again.

"Don't go to sleep when you get home."

"What?" I asked just as he was leaning away.

He was looking back to Naruto, who was running over to me enthusiastically, two dango kabobs in his hand.

Kakashi was already walking away.

"Uh!" I called after him without any words, but he didn't turn back.

"I got one for you too, Sakura-chan!" Naruto smiled at me as he handed the dango kabob to me.

"Thanks." I said, taking it from him, still feeling a little awkward.

We started walking again.

The busy, lantern-lit, street was bustling around us.

"What did Kakashi-sensei want?" Naruto asked with a muffled voice as he chewed on two dangos at once.

"Um, he just wanted… to collect my ticket stub... as a souvenir" I lied horribly.

"Oh, really?" Naruto reacted. "He could've had mine, too." Naruto took out a little orange piece of paper.

_I am so sorry Kakashi-sensei… _

I apologized profusely in my mind.

"_Don't go to sleep when you get home."_

_That was a strange request… but I'll do it, even if that means I miss a couple hours of sleep._

_I really want to see him again._

**……………………………………………….**

_I should've left it alone._

He thought to himself again.

_But I couldn't just say bye to her as she walked off with Naruto like that…_

…

_I can't believe I'm getting jealous of Naruto…_

…

_He gets to walk with her so freely._

…

_Maybe this wasn't the best idea._

…

He still didn't even think about turning back now that he was half-way to Sakura's house.

………………………………………………………

"Hey, mom." I took off my shoes at the door.

"Where'd you and your team go for so long?" My mom asked from the kitchen.

"To the movies." I said absent-mindedly as I walked through the living room to get to the stairs.

"What did you guys see?"

I froze.

"Um, just some action movie." I said vaguely. "Good night!" I finished hurriedly, running up the stairs and into my room.

No doubt, my mom was confused, and would ask in the morning again… or maybe I'll get lucky and she'll forget about it.

I had no idea how I would explain going to go see Icha Icha Paradise with my all-male team mates.

I walked over to my bed, flopping onto it carelessly.

"_Don't go to sleep when you get home."_

His words came up again…

My heartbeat quickened.

I was going to see him again, and this time we'll be alone, we'll be able to be together.

I grabbed my pillow, hugging it tightly, a smile on my face.

_I am so lucky…._

_So lucky…_

_Somebody like Kakashi-sensei…._

_Has these feelings for me…_

I giggled to myself a little too girlishly, but I didn't care.

I sat up, still clutching my pillow.

I walked over to my closet dreamily.

I pulled out my pajamas, already about to lift up my shirt.

_Tap, Tap_

I quickly pulled the hem of my shirt down again.

I turned around quickly.

He was outside the door, on my balcony, waving at me in the moonlight.

He always showed up behind my back for some reason.

I knew that he was supposed to be coming for me, but I totally forgot at the same time, if he had gotten here a little later, I would've already been in my pajamas… or worse, in the process of changing into them.

_But he's already seen me without my shirt on._

That random thought made my face hot as I ran over to the door, quietly unlatching it.

"Kakash-" I couldn't finish his name.

His arms were already around me.

I immediately didn't care about anything else in the world, my arms clutched onto his back tightly.

My heart felt like it was suspended in air, slowly floating up.

He was so warm.

I felt his chin on the top of my head.

I heard my favorite sound in the world again, his heartbeat. Strong and deep.

I curled my arms around him tighter, I really never wanted to let go.

"Do you want to go somewhere with me?" He asked after a few seconds.

I loved how his chest vibrated with every word, it tickled my ear.

"If I'm with you…" I stated my one condition simply, my eyes closed.

"Ok, then I'll take you there, but first…"

His arms loosened, I was still holding on to him just as tightly.

I might've been acting childish, but I really didn't want to stop touching him.

I felt him lean in, my arms couldn't hold onto him as tightly when he ducked down a little.

His lips fell onto my cheek lightly.

I hadn't noticed when he took off his mask.

I stood on my tip-toes, trying to get closer to him.

But he leaned away too soon.

"You need to get some shoes on." He whispered quietly, breaking my concentration.

I looked up at him…. His gorgeous moonlit face.

I tore myself away from him quickly, running back into my room, sifting through my semi-messy closet to find my boots.

I hurriedly tugged them on in only a few seconds.

I met him on my balcony again, his mask was still off, and he had moved his forehead protector up all the way.

Every time I saw his face, I tended to lose my train of thought.

He reached out his hand.

I grabbed it without needing to think.

He smiled again.

I had missed that smile.

But his eyes… they were still a little sad.

I couldn't get a good look before he was already running off in front of me while I hurried to keep up with his pace.

I felt bad for technically sneaking out of the house… I had never done anything like that before…

I've heard of other girls my age sneaking out of their houses with guys… I never wanted to be one of them…

But for some reason, this didn't seem feel the same…

I guess it was because Kakashi is a well-trusted adult, who wouldn't get too reckless.

… Then again, our relationship was reckless to begin with.

I pushed those worrisome thoughts to the back of my mind.

Trying to remain focused on where we were going.

I recognized the route.

I couldn't remember where it led, but I remembered taking this path a long time ago.

I racked my brain for any memory.

I gripped his hand tighter.

I could hear water… a river…

I looked ahead of me, and I knew exactly where we were.

We were running under a long series of these big, reddish-orange archways.

I smiled to myself, looking through the tunnel of these archways to the glowing, full, moon in the sky, then back to the man in front of me. The cool night air blew past us gently.

A rare and beautiful moment of restless happiness washed over me.

I wanted to laugh with joy.

It was so hard to understand this feeling.

Then in only a moment, we stopped.

We were at the bridge.

This old bridge over the wide river, the red paint on the sides were sun-faded.

This was the place where Team 7 would always meet.

I immediately remembered all those times he called us to this spot, but didn't show up till an hour after the meeting time.

I remembered my complaining… I remembered yelling at him every time he showed up with a stupid excuse…

I cringed at the memories of my bossier-younger-self, but my attention was distracted by the scenery.

His hand let go of mine, I walked over to the railing, hypnotized by the sparkling reflections of moonlight in the river.

This place. I could smell the river, the trees on either side of it… it was like I was surrounded by Kakashi.

"I come to this place often." I heard his voice behind me. "It's not very well-travelled, but I enjoy the occasional night-walk here… the torii surrounding this place..." Kakashi continued, calling those orange-red arches by their true name. "… It's been said that while walking underneath them, a man can more easily forget the worries and pains of the world… and that the torri actually lead to an inner sanctuary of the spiritual world."

I turned around to face him.

His eyes were staring at the moon. The flickering light of the river below us lit up his face perfectly.

I wondered if I was ever going to see his face in daylight.

"This is my sanctuary… and from now on, it's yours, too." He looked down to me. His eyes were so gentle.

His smile was weak and reflective.

I pushed myself off the aged railing, walking right into Kakashi.

His warm arms closed around me without hesitation.

This seemed like the most natural thing in the world…. Being held in his arms… in this place… in this sanctuary.

"Whenever you need to get away from the world, you can come here… And I'll meet you here whenever you need me to." He vowed quietly.

My heart was floating higher than before.

"I need you right now." I whispered.

His chest vibrated with a chuckle again.

A smile crept on my face.

I felt his hand run through my hair slowly; goosebumps ran over my neck and arms.

I shivered against his chest, his arm closed around me tighter in response.

"Kakashi-sensei…" I started.

"Just Kakashi…." He repeated once again, a little firmly.

"Kakashi…" I whispered. "…can you kiss me?"

I didn't care how embarrassing it was to say that out loud…

I didn't mind how his chest rumbled his soft, thoughtful laughter in response.

I just wanted his lips on mine.

"Thank you." He whispered playfully.

Now I wanted to laugh.

He leaned down to me, one of his hands in my hair, the other on the small of my back.

I reached up my arms to slide around the sides of his neck.

Electricity ran through my body when our lips met.

This was our third kiss, but it still felt as incredibly surreal as the first.

Something told me I was going to get used to it soon enough.

...

**……………………………………………………………………………….**

**Hope you enjoyed ^_^**

**Oh, and if you can't remember the bridge, check out episodes 20 & 21 ^_^**

**And if you can't remember what Sakura's room looks like, you can see it in episode 3…**

**Will update soon! :)**


	12. Pests and Boyfriends

**Chapter 12!**

**I really would've updated _much_ sooner, but site wasn't letting me log in for some reason, kept getting that "FanFiction Error" page…. Grrr….**

**Well, because of that, the next chapter should be out even sooner…. like, later today.... **

**So no worries! ^_^**

**Title: **_"Pests and Boyfriends"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing****!**

**…………………………………………………..**

Our third kiss ended, our breathing was deep and fast, in synch.

My lips found his magnetically before we could completely catch up to our oxygen needs.

His hand in my hair shifted to the base of my neck.

My heart was still floating despite how the world seemed to be running out of oxygen.

I kept thinking how incredibly lucky I was… to be this close to him… for him to want me this close to him…

Our fourth kiss ended too soon.

My legs felt weak.

My arms felt weaker.

I leaned into his chest, catching my breath while listening to his racing heartbeat trying to catch up to his arduous breathing.

In that moment, he was literally the only thing on my mind.

I loved his eyes, his arms, his lips, his heartbeat, his scent, his chest, his hands, his funny way of making me feel like I was the only other person in the world with him.

I needed more of him, I needed to know more, to have more, to feel more.

"Sakura…"

His voice… I loved it when it was a little breathless like that… I loved it even more when he used it to say my name.

But I knew what his tone of voice meant.

"It's getting late, right?" I guessed, my own voice was still wispy.

I wondered if he liked my voice like this, the way I did his…

Such a strange thought.

"Unfortunately." He added, his voice a bit more stable.

I smiled at his response.

I felt his hand find my arm, unwrapping it from his back, his fingers searching for mine.

I gripped his hand eagerly.

"I'll take you home." He said quietly.

"Okay…"

We left our sanctuary behind.

I felt like a left a piece of me back there…

……………………

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUZZZZZZZ!

"Ugh!" I flung out of bed, onto the alarm clock.

I fiddled with it roughly.

"I thought I killed you already!" I whispered at it harshly.

I satisfied my vendetta with my alarm clock by slamming it against the wall again.

The alarm warbled off awkwardly….

I thought about naming it Warble for a second.

I wondered if there was some sort of internal trigger that turned it off when you hit it hard enough.

As I was sleepily trying to make sense of the complicated time-telling device, I noticed the pretty green symbols on Warble's face.

"6:32am"

I thought to myself… _what do these symbols mean?_

Suddenly all the sleepy fatigue was washed away with a realization.

"Kakashi-sensei!" I whispered to myself urgently.

I looked around my room for my boots and outdoor clothes…

_Wait! I have a mission to prepare for!_

It was strange how even when my brain was sleep-scrambled, I managed to remember the time of his departure before I remembered I even had a mission.

I chose to ignore my own mission for a little bit.

I washed up in the bathroom, combing out my hair, putting on my forehead protector.

I rummaged through my clothes, I mind as well get dressed for my mission.

I grabbed my red shirt, black tights, pink skirt, knee-high boots and put them on in a flurry.

I ran out the house right after I knocked on my parents bedroom door, yelling a 'bye' that I heard them groggily respond to with a 'take care'.

I checked my watch…

' 6:53'

I picked up my pace.

The cobalt blue, morning sky was really chilly.

The sun was rising, but the thick night-clouds were still in the way.

_I just want to say 'bye', just as long as he sees me, I'll be happy._

I really wanted to prove to him that I was thinking about him as much as he seemed to be thinking of me.

Even if that meant that I had to skip my beautification and prepping time.

I felt the gravel shift under my feet with every galloping step.

My heart was racing… I really hoped he wasn't gone yet.

The Konoha gate was finally in sight.

I saw two figures, one of them was walking away… it looked like one of the debriefing shinobi.

The other one, was undoubtedly Kakashi.

Tall, muscular, high-reaching silver-hair, blue fabric covering his handsome face.

He was walking towards the forest beyond the gate.

My legs moved faster than before.

I finally reached the gate.

"Kakashi!" I yelled after him.

He turned around immediately.

He smiled and waved at me…. Just like he normally would.

That was strange.

I noticed a little too late that the two gate-monitors in the booth nearby were staring at me a little strangely.

I looked over to them, nodded my pink head to them.

The nodded back respectfully, then went back to their conversation.

I turned to Kakashi again.

He was peeking over his shoulder at me.

Then he was gone.

He had jumped into the forest, abandoning the path altogether…

Even though it was a little embarrassing…

I knew from that moment, that today was going to have to be a good day…

……………….

_Today was going to be so horrible…_

I grimaced to myself.

Me, Naruto, Sai, and Yamato-taichou were standing outside of the Gate… it was now 8:54… I was tired and a little hungry, but none of that got on my nerves as much as our mission did.

Our mission was this fifteen-year-old feudal family heir.

I already knew that today was going to go horribly when I saw him giving me those little lecherous leers.

"You're to escort Young Master Koichi to the Head Family's mansion in the Tsuchi no Kuni." This kid seemed a little tall for being called 'Young Master', I thought to myself. "There he will undergo the Head Family's inspection before he can take over the rule of his own family." Explained the debriefing shinobi.

So this was an escorting mission to the Land of Earth.

Escorting missions were always fairly easy… except the first one I went on.

The first real mission I had, when Kakashi was our only captain.

Then again, I wasn't able to do much other than watch and cry in those days.

I was distracted by those painful memories when I heard the little leer-er speak up.

"I am Koichi Kimihiro. Thank you for accepting my request." He nodded at us a little, his eyes glued on me.

I felt a little creeped out.

He wasn't bad looking or anything. He was actually really cute, but that didn't affect me in the least… especially when, after seeing Kakashi's real face, it was hard to compare any amount of handsome-ness to him.

I really just wanted to get this mission over with so that I can see Kakashi-sensei again.

"Are there any other family members after you? Anybody that might to take your place?" Yamato-taichou spoke up, asking a really important question.

"The Young Master has no siblings, cousins, aunts, or uncles…" The debrief-er answered for the kid.

Which in other words, meant that nobody would be able to take his spot if he was killed… so nobody would be coming after him… so we were basically baby-sitting.

I wanted to sigh.

"So this'll be really easy!" Naruto exclaimed excitedly.

I had to disagree…

Something told me that this leering heir was going to be the cause of a lot of trouble.

**…………………………………………….**

Kakashi rushed through the forest, trying to get to his mission as soon as possible, so that he could finish it as soon as possible.

This was the first time in a long while that Kakashi was hurrying through a mission.

The last time was probably when the latest Icha Icha novel came out.

"_Kakashi!"_

He smiled to himself happily.

She came to see him off.

He had hoped to see her at least once again before departing, she must've felt the same.

Even though what she did was a little inconspicuous, he couldn't help thinking it was really cute.

Not to mention, there was a small part of himself that secretly wanted people to find about him and Sakura.

He knew that sounded really horrible, but he wanted to be with her freely.

To not feel that guilt anymore.

To be able to kiss her on the street if he wanted to.

He couldn't think about anything else as he was rushing through the forest.

_I wonder what she's doing right now…_

**…………………………………**

"What's your name, ninja?" The 'young master' asked me suddenly as we were walking. I didn't like the way he said 'ninja'... like I was an object or something.

I had seen him eyeing me for quite a long time while we were walking, even when Naruto was asking him about how it was like being a Family heir, I could just feel the kid's eyes boring into the back of my neck.

I didn't like his tone… he sounded really snobby.

"Haruno…" I gave him my last name a little hesitantly.

"Yeah, but everybody calls her Sakura, isn't that right, Sakura-chya~n?" Naruto crashed into our little awkward exchange with unnecessary details. His arm casually resting on my shoulder for a second.

"Sakura, huh?" The heir spoke with an appraising voice that got on my nerves. "Such a pretty name." he said finally. His voice was think with immature charm.

I wanted to laugh at him.

I didn't. I just stared ahead of me, not accepting the compliment.

I saw Naruto stiffen a little defensively.

"Heh heh, it is a pretty name, isn't it?" Naruto pointed out a little worriedly.

"Maybe you might like to see the sakura trees at my mansion, Sakura." There he went, already calling me by my first name, trying to ask me out. And with a really obvious, cheesy, pun on my name.

"No, I don-" I was going to take care of it myself, but Naruto adopted his defenses and was already speaking for me.

"What do you mean by that?!" Naruto spoke a little louder.

"I was simply asking Sakura if she'd like to join me to watch the sakura blossoms bloom at my mansion." Koichi explained with etiquette, but it didn't stay civilized for long. "Why are you getting so rowdy. It's not like she's your girlfriend, right?"

That was it.

Every time somebody said that, there was no going back.

Naruto fumbled over his words, not denying it.

"So she is your girlfriend?"

His pompous voice was like a screeching chalkboard to my ears.

"No!" I answered for Naruto after the silence had gone on for too long, giving him a good jab.

"Then an outsider like you shouldn't interfere with our business."

_What?!_

_Where the hell did that come from!?_

Our _business?!_

"I'm not an outside you little..." Naruto trailed off as he grabbed their heir's expensive collar.

"Ok, that's enough now…"Yamato-taichou calmly pushed Naruto and Koichi apart.

Koichi's face had the look of a snotty kid who was planning an ill-natured revenge.

"So, Sakura, about that offer-"

"No!" I answered firmly.

"Are you sure?" He continued, despite my very obvious 'No!'. "You would be treated very nicely. I'd even buy you a nice kimono."

Naruto ran a few steps towards the kid, but Yamato's arm quickly blocked him.

_What the hell?!_

_What time period did he think we were in… you can't just buy a woman with a kimono and pretty flowers._

"I don't have any interest in any of that." I said robotically.

I didn't want to insult him too deeply, because I could just imagine what his type would do.

Something childish, unnecessary and troublesome.

"Are you sure?" He asked with that same voice.

"I'm very sure that, no matter what, I would never accept your invitation." I explained truthfully with a harsh voice, trying to focus on the path ahead of me.

I heard his footsteps falter a little before they caught with me again.

"I won't give up." He said quietly.

_Damn it!_

_He's one of _those_ guys… _

_The farther you push him away, the more he latches onto you…_

He's gonna make my life horrible until he manages to get a 'yes' from me.

_Which he never will!_

I promised to myself fiercely.

……………..

"So, how old are you?" he asked me curiously.

I kicked the pebbles in front me defiantly.

The weather was so nice today… but this little kid was a hail storm of questions and proposals.

"16…" I said shortly.

"Only a year older…"He whispered to himself too loudly.

"Why'd you become a ninja?" He asked.

"Because I wanted to." I explained vaguely… that wasn't the only reason of course.

"Have you been in battles." That voice…. Ugh.

"Yes."I answered shortly.

"Have you ever killed anyone." He sounded more like a little kid.

"You sure you want to know?" I teased him with a scary voice.

Maybe that'll freak him out.

He paused for a second.

I prayed for more silence.

I could hear Naruto and Yamato arguing behind us… Naruto felt like it was his duty to protect me from this little heir.

I wasn't in danger… if anyone was, this kid was. I was trying to develop a plan that would include punching him in the face without getting in trouble. Nothing worked out in my mind.

"What are your three sizes?"

"Excuse me?"

"Bust, waist, hips."

I saw Naruto's fist flash out of nowhere and almost land on the heir's blonde head, but stopped in mid-air.

"Naruto!" Yamato-taichou yelled out, stopping Naruto. "We're suppossed to make sure nothing happens to him!"

"But he's being weird!" Naruto complained, running over to Yamato.

I was left with the cretin again.

"Have you ever been stabbed?" His questions were persistent, not even pausing to register the fact that his bodyguard just tried to pummel him.

I sighed.

"Yes." My voice was purposefully agitated.

_Were these really the types of questions that a kid asks his crush?_

"Did it hurt?"

_What kind of question was that?!_

_Of course it did, you little retard!_

"You wanna find out?" I said menacingly.

It was difficult trying to sound scary when the guy you were sort of threatening was an inch taller than you.

Why was he so tall for his age?!

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

He had completely ignored my devious question and sprung up with one of the most evil questions he could've thought of.

Here I thought he just a stupid boy asking random things, but this whole thing was probably planned out to shock an answer out of me.

With that question I was suddenly forced to label Kakashi with "boyfriend" in my mind… that word seemed way too immature for him. He needed a better title than that. One that was more respectable.

"Well?" He pestered, ruining my word-quest.

I stared at the ground angrily.

I didn't want to lie.

But maybe I'd have to.

I couldn't decide what to do.

"You do have a boyfriend, don't you?" his voice was so imposing. I still didn't answer.

"Sakura-chan?" I heard Naruto's worried voice clearly.

_Damn it!_

_If Naruto found out that I had some mystery 'boyfriend'__, then he'll pester me about it even more than this over-sized, little, demon._

I looked over to Naruto with a pleading and frantic expression.

_Do something, Naruto!_

_Punch him, kick him, anything!!_

I wanted my thoughts to reach him.

And they did.

"Yeah, she does have a boyfriend." Naruto said loudly.

I felt an unfamiliar arm wrap around my shoulder tightly.

_Eh?_

_When did Naruto get all the way over here?_

_Why was his arm around me?_

_Boyfriend?_

_Did he know about Kakashi!?_

It took a few seconds to make sense of everything.

…

This really wasn't what I had in mind, Naruto!!!

But it was my best chance to make the demon back off.

I smiled crookedly, trying not to grimace.

"I thought you just said he wasn't your boyfriend." That snotty voice spoke up.

"It was a secret!" Naruto exclaimed happily.

I nodded weakly.

Koichi was looking at us with peeved eyes.

His nose turned up with distaste.

Naruto's arm was wrapping tighter around me…

I really wanted to duck out of his reach… it didn't feel right… but I tried to imagine it was Kakashi next to me, that helped a little.

**……………………………………………….**

"Thank you, Kakashi-san!" The villager thanked him profusely.

The mission was somewhat simple.

He only had to wait and catch a pocketpicker that was running loose within the little village.

The pickpocket had ran off with Kakashi's satchel only to discover a little green book and a few kunai.

Not much of a bounty in exchange for revealing his identity.

Everything was taken care of now.

Even though small missions usually annoyed Kakashi, he was genuinely happy that he had gotten such an easy assignment.

Now for his own plans.

He knew that he really shouldn't do it.

But he didn't want to go back to Konoha without at least dropping in and checking on her.

He pulled out a little scroll from his vest pocket, bit his thumb, and smeared the blood across the ink seal on the paper.

With a little poof, Pakkun was running next to him.

"What do you need, Kakashi?" Pakkun asked gruffly.

"Could you please track down Team 7?" Kakashi asked politely of his tracking-expert comrade.

"Ok." Pakkun sped off ahead of him.

Kakashi found himself wondering what she was doing again.

**…………………………………………………**

_My hand is really sweaty… so sweaty…_

We were walking down the path, hand in hand.

Me and Naruto holding hands like a young couple.

It was too hot for this.

But when our hands were like this, it seemed to ward away the pestering heir.

I glance over to Naruto, not letting him see that I was looking at him.

He had a grin on his face.

_This is bad…._

_What if he expects something from this?_

_He should know it's only a façade, right?_

Sai was walking to my left.

He smiled politely when he saw I was looking at him.

I was trying to be discreet but he had spotted my staring.

He must have a sixth sense or something, he's always picking up on small details.

"So when did you two finally get together?" Sai asked with a small-talk tone, his smile unchanged.

…. I was wrong about that sixth sense.

_And what did he mean by 'finally'?!_

"Um, well…" I started.

Do we lie to Sai, too?

We can't tell him the truth now if he hasn't already figured it out.

I heard Yamato chuckle behind us.

_That's really not helping, taichou!!_

"After we saw Icha Icha Paradise." Naruto explained excitedly.

Both Sai and I looked over at him, waiting for an explanation.

"She was so cute. She just up and said, "I like you, Naruto.", but I was like "We really shouldn't. We're on the same team. It'll get in the way." But she didn't care, she just said "I still want to be with you.." and then she kis-" My other hand smacked his face on the lips.

I hated the way his voice went all squeaky when he was imitating me saying those things… too weird.

I started laughing nervously.

"Heh, heh, ye-yeah… that's how it happened." I added, my enthusiasm fading.

I didn't care if Sai saw through our act, I hoped he would, but if that Koichi-kid saw through it, he'd give us hell, no doubt.

A sudden motion from behind me caught my eye.

A figure suddenly appeared next to Yamato-taichou.

When I recognized the blur in the corner of my eye after a second I immediately wanted to tear my hand away from Naruto.

Kakashi-sensei…

**……………………………………………………..**


	13. Weapons and Worries

**Chapter 13!**

**Titles:** _"Weapons and Worries"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

…

He's right behind me.

My hand felt hot.

"Hey you guys, I decided that I wanted to help you out." Kakashi-sensei spoke up. His voice sounded normal, even slightly cheerful. But it still didn't sound right.

Naruto and I turned around to him.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto yelled out, running over to him, not letting go of my hand, dragging me behind roughly.

"Hey, Naruto…" Kakashi said a little coldly, walking past Naruto without looking at him. "How're doing, Yamato?" Kakashi started a little conversation with Yamato-taichou, leaving me and Naruto both feeling a little put off.

But I think I was the only that was suffering from a great guilt-rush.

Naruto brushed off the issue of Kakashi's cold shoulder, adopting his usual big grin that seemed a bit brighter than usual.

"Ne, Sakura-chan…" Naruto was talking to me, but I really couldn't focus on anything except how my fingers were really sweaty in his hand. And how much I wanted to just stop the whole thing and explain it all to Kakashi before he got the wrong idea.

But he was walking ahead of us, talking with Yamato about his pickpocket mission.

_Is he angry with me?_

_He's probably upset._

My stomach twisted itself in a knot and settled itself as if the guilt from knowing that he's probably not all that happy with me wasn't going to go away any time soon.

…

The sun was starting to set on the horizon.

_Where did the rest of the day go?_

After an hour, the air was cooling, my hand wasn't so sweaty anymore, but it still felt weird in Naruto's hand. Clammy.

Naruto was still grinning to himself.

I wondered just how long he could keep that smile before his face hurt too much.

Kakashi was now walking behind us.

I really didn't like the way he could see me, and I couldn't see him… especially when I didn't want him to see me holding hands with Naruto like this.

_..._

I tried to imagine what I would feel like if Kakashi had to pretend to be some other girl's boyfriend (again, that word labeled onto Kakashi sounded weird but for the purely hypothetical scenario I overlooked it), but I didn't know it was only pretend or not… I grimaced to myself.  
That would kind of worry me, to say the least.

Throughout all of this I almost forgot that little demon, Koichi.

(I should really stop calling him 'little', since he's taller than me.… Then again he's younger than me… so I guess its okay…)

I definitely understood that not being pestered by Koichi wasn't as important as Kakashi's feelings, but if I decided to drop the act now, it would only cause drama and confusion for everyone besides me and Kakashi, who would have to later endure watching the demon ask me out every two minutes anyways… at least this way, it was easier to explain it to him.

_But when would we get to talk to each other without the others around?_

"Ok, we'll need to set up camp around now." Yamato-taichou spoke up as we walked into the side of the darkening forest.

That was the only good thing I could think of coming from Yamato being our team captain this time… it was his capability of making an entire building for us to sleep in.

But I couldn't even take comfort in that as I kept glancing over to Kakashi every chance I got.

He seemed to notice every time I was looking at him, and he would turn away just in time. _Or maybe that was just my imagination…_  
I offered that unlikely bit of solace without even accepting it myself.

I was getting kind of scared.

_What if he doesn't want to deal with this?  
What if he's secretly thinking how troublesome a relationship like this was?  
What if he doesn't want to be with me anymore?_

I could almost imagine him trying to think of way to end this relationship before it's actually begun because it wasn't as… good as he wanted it. Or it was too much work. Or I just messed up too many times.  
But no matter how I looked at it, it was an extremely scary thought… losing him…

Even though our relationship was still really young, and these feelings I have for him were kind of new, too… the idea of never being in his arms again….  
My thoughts trailed off into sad and dark places after that as Yamato-taichou set up an elaborate, wooden house.

I was growing impatient. I needed some sort of opportunity to talk with Kakashi-sensei. Just a few seconds or something. Even if he's somehow already figured everything out, I just needed to talk to him, to see what he feels about me right now.  
The thought of him being angry was more than a little intimating.

My thoughts were brought back to current reality when I saw the demon stare up at the masterpiece as it was forming, his eyes wide with childish amazement… he had never seen ninjutsu before probably, and the wood element was really rare… well, it was one of a kind.

I didn't focus on the demon for long.

We all walked into the wooden house, Naruto finally let go of my hand.

I rubbed my hands together, then against the fabric of my skirt, trying to get the clammier one to feel more natural.

We walked upstairs to the 'camping' room.

We all set down our blankets and pillows as improvised futons.

"Ne, Sakura-chyan… do you wanna sleep a bit clos-" Naruto's voice was pervy.

"No!" I said as loudly as I would have at any other weird suggestion Naruto made.

But this time my angry voice turned heads.

Yamato wasn't really fazed, just interested, Sai was a little confused, the demon was looking at us with hope in his eyes…. Kakashi was smoothing out his thin 'futon'.

My heart deflated a little.

"Uh… not tonight." I said with my normal voice, looking back to Naruto, who seemed to be having too much fun with all this.

I felt really rotten.

Every time I thought about Kakashi-sensei, I was having the hardest time stopping myself from going over to him.

I really wanted to tell him that I was sorry for this before he got any weird idea or got any angrier. Even now, he seemed to be really trying to ignore and avoid me… my stomach twisted into another knot on top of the old one.

Yamato set up the lantern in the middle of room casting an amber glow on everyone as they started hunkering down.

After my futon was flattened on the floor, I glanced over to him for the 30th time today.

He was already under his covers… facing the opposite way.

I took a deep breath, stifling the strange desire to go over there and probably say something stupid in an attempt to discreetly apologize.

I crawled under my blanket, facing away from everyone else, ignoring the little conversation that Naruto, Sai and Yamato were keeping up about what they were going to do when we got back to the village.

The Koichi-demon must've already been asleep.

I closed my eyes, forcing myself to fall asleep quickly.

_I'll fix all this tomorrow…_  
I promised myself before I slipped into the darkness.

…..

"Sakura…. Sakura…" His voice. Whispering.

Someone was brushing hair off my face.

I opened my eyes a little.

Everything was pitch black. The lantern must've gone out.

"Mm?" I hummed questioningly; my sleepy mind was unable to think of words to say yet.

I felt a pair of hands fall on the floor on either side of my head.

I felt familiar lips brush against my cheek, approaching my ear.

"Meet me outside." His voice.

My hand reached up to his wrist, holding onto it groggily.

His arms lifted away from the ground, his hand slightly squeezed mine before disappearing into the darkness again.

After a few seconds of only staring into that darkness, my eyes half-open, wondering why exactly that voice would need to meet me outside, I flung the covers aside quickly.  
The rush of cold night air woke me up entirely.

I shivered a little.

My brain suddenly made sense of why he would want to see me.

This was my chance to explain, my chance to apologize, my chance to be alone with him!

I hurriedly found my boots, pulling them on just as hastily as I had when he had suddenly appeared on my balcony. I kept checking the other sleeping forms in the room, Naruto rolled around a little, but everybody seemed really sound in their sleeping.

I walked quickly, but silently, out of the room. I sped down the stairs even though it was really dark and I could've tripped…. I didn't care about myself right now.

The moonlight shown through the main entryway.

I ran through the door-less archway, looking ahead of me.

I scanned the forest in front of me, expecting him to walk out from between the trees, or jump down from one of the branches.

I felt a pair of large hands find my waist.

I breathed in a small gasp I hoped he didn't hear.

His fingers slid forward, forearms folding across my stomach.

His bare arms pulled my back close to his warmer chest.

I shivered again.

I couldn't see him, but I could tell that he was probably still… bothered.

"Kakashi-sen-…." I stopped myself. "Kakashi…." I corrected myself, feeling more than a little stupid now.

His arms tightened around me.

I heard him take a deep sigh.  
It sounded like the sigh he always used whenever Naruto or I would get into a fight and he didn't want to bother with splitting us up, or whenever we found out a seemingly easy mission was actually connected to an A-rank one, leaving us double the work for half the credit. In the end I guessed it meant he was tired and a little disappointed.  
I fought to keep a third knot from tying up my stomach.

I lifted my arms to land on top of his, I placed my hands on his ungloved wrists holding onto them gently. His bare skin was warmer than I thought it would be. I kind of liked it.

I was woken from that pleasant thought and moment by his voice that vibrated through my back.  
"Please tell me Naruto didn't actually win you over." He whispered, his chin leaning against the side of my head. I could feel him press the side of his face against my hair for a moment.

"I'm really sorry." I stuttered out, finally apologizing like I had wanted to all day.

His arms unfolded around me, his hands landed on my waist again, he turned me around to face him.

His mask was down, he wasn't wearing his vest or long sleeve shirt, he had on his blue turtle-neck, sleeveless undershirt, which was normal for it was a little shocking… I hadn't seen him like that in a while. It seemed different now.  
Maybe it was the fact that I couldn't help but think he was really attractive…. Which was something I never really thought much about when I was… before this…

Even though I had been staring at his face for the moment I was lost in thought just now, I finally recognized his expression.  
He looked confused, his eyes showing the disappointed I heard in his tone earlier.  
Wait, didn't I just apologize.  
He's still worried about something?

I panicked for a moment, trying to think of what else I had wanted to say, something I could say.

"He did?" Kakashi had taken my words the wrong way, asking that question with actual pained and alert curiosity as if he really thought it was possible.

"No, of course not!..." I hushed myself quickly, but I couldn't help but raise my voice at that accusation just now. "… I'm really sorry for not being able to explain the situation sooner." I wrapped my arms around him, explaining a everything the way I'd wanted, feeling even more like a fool for ruining the simplest apology and confusing him like that.

I felt him chuckle lightly as I held onto him a little tighter. I guess I'd rather have him think I was funny than annoying…

"You scared me for a second." He admitted playfully as he held me back. "Actually, I was a little worried for a couple hours…" I could imagine the little, fake smile he was wearing as he said that.

"I'm sorry." I said again, burying my face against his firm chest.

"It wasn't an easy sight to see, but it's okay… it was just holding hands, after all... " His voice rumbled against my ear.

Without the vest and shirt, he was so much warmer, thinner, louder.

I felt so childish for thinking that he would hold a grudge for seeing me hold Naruto's hand… it wasn't that bad. Holding hands wasn't really a lot.

I guess I still needed to get used to being in a relationship like this.

"If you two had kissed, then I'd have a bigger problem." he said a little more cheerfully to himself.

At the mentioning of kissing, I had nothing else on my mind.

I needed to kiss him… I needed to show him that I didn't want to kiss anyone but him.

My arms reached up to his moonlit face, impatiently pulling him down.

I saw his expression for only a second, his eyebrows were curved at a high peak, like he was in some sort of pain.

This time I took a deep breath before our lips met.

Maybe that would help.

…

I quickly noticed that something was different this time.

His hands travelled up and down my back a little, but they were still pulling me into him.

His kiss deepened.

His lips moved faster than I remembered they used to.

That deep breath wasn't doing me any good against this new kind of kiss.

Everything was getting warmer.

I couldn't help a quiver of sound escape my throat, a moan.

As if reacting to that embarrassing escape of my voice, his hand reached up and curled around my neck, his fingers tangling in my hair, drawing me in deeper.

His other arm wrapped around me, pulling me against him completely.

My hands clutched his hair.

This was a little strange…

We had never been like this before.

This frenzied.

Then in a moment, he pushed me away.

I hadn't realized how light-headed I had gotten until I breathed in a lungful of air.

"I'm sorry…" He whispered in between his own, not as deep, breaths.

"What?" I could only manage one word as I rested my head against his firm chest again, my arms fell to his chest too. I didn't realize before, how you could feel the ridges of his muscles through the shirt.

"That was… too much… for now." He explained vaguely, still breathing roughly.

I didn't say anything… but maybe it was a bit too fast for us. I was still trying to get used to the idea of kissing Kakashi-sensei.

His hands grabbed mine gently.

We stood there for a few more seconds, listening to each other's breathing.

"So, _why_were you and Naruto holding hands?" He broke the silence first revisiting the original topic casually.

I exhaled a little irritably at the thought of the demon.

"That heir-boy, Koichi, has been bugging me to go to his mansion with him to watch the sakura trees blossom…" I explained lightly. "He even promised me a kimono…"

He laughed, his chest shaking my body, too.

I loved it when we just talked like this, not even looking at each other, just feeling each other.

"It just sort of happened. And Naruto started pretending to be my boyfriend so that the kid would leave me alone."

"A little childish…" Kakashi said teasingly. Hitting my thoughts of myself on the mark.

"I didn't mean for it to happen." I defended myself playfully, while serious at the same time. "It was Naruto's plan."

"Of course." He said with a tone of faux-understanding.

I laughed.

He joined in.

After a few seconds we were silent again.

I listened to his breathing even out for a moment, loving the sound.

"Why did you join our mission?" I asked, actually a little curious.

"Do I need to say why?" He dodged an answer like a professional. He chuckled slightly.

"You didn't have to do that." I said seriously. He went silent."I just don't want you to inconvenience yourself for me." I explained truthfully.

He didn't do anything for a couple seconds.

I listened to his heartbeat. Strong and deep, a little fast right now, but mine was still faster.

"You need to understand something about us, Sakura…" He sounded serious, his words bringing me out of that little moment of meditative sounds. I felt his cheek press aginast the top of my head. "About shinobi." He added.

I didn't say anything, only listened to the echo of his voice from his chest, feeling his chest expand and drop against the side of my face with every word and breath.

"Our lives as ninja aren't designed to have any free time for relationships or hobbies… we're meant to be lifeless, dreamless weapons…"

I remembered him saying something like this before.

"Because of that, it's even more important that we take care of those who are the most important to us…. Emotionally and physically…"

He was quiet a little longer before speaking up again.

"I've lost too many people in my life to distance and estrangement…"

He took a deep breath, it turned into a sigh. A different one. One that sounded… sad.

"I really need to keep _you_."

My heart couldn't take many more of his words, if he was going to keep saying stuff like that.

"You'll never lose me." I replied the best I could despite how corny it sounded to me. I felt like it wasn't enough, though.

I looked up to his face.

His eyes were still so sad.

He looked like he was staring right into me.

I put my hands on my face, my right thumb brushing his scar.

I was reminded of exactly how much this man must've gone through in his life.

The people he's lost.

The love that's gone unshared.

The years of slow creeping sadness that afflicts so many shinobi.

It surprised me that he could be so gentle, so caring, so understanding like this... he always seemed like he didn't have any weaknesses, like he was invincible. Seeing this expression from him. I'd never known he could make that expression.  
I felt like I really shouldn't be the one for him…  
Shouldn't he be with somebody that knew his pain, someone who knew what to say when he made this kind of face?

He closed his eyes.

I couldn't say anything.

I had to settle for actions.

I leaned up on my toes, my lips grazed his scar till I reached his forehead.

"Sakura…" He called my name quietly, his arms closing more tightly around my waist.

Even though he was stronger than me, more mature than me, I still felt like I needed to do more for him… but I couldn't imagine what I could say or give him.

But I knew that one day…

_One day_, I promised myself…_I'll know what to do for you._

…

Kakashi held her as closely as he could.

Today had been a little tougher for him than he had let on.

He had always had a suspicion that one day Sakura was going to fall in love with Naruto. It wasn't a baseless suspicion. Half the village expected those two to be the next Tsunade and Jiraiya –although they never managed to be an item- they were so well-suited that nobody else could seem to interfere with their relationship, whatever it was.

But she had put his worries at ease, and right now, as her lips landed on his forehead, following the line of his scar, he could feel a sense of calm wash over him.

Every time he held her, he would slowly forget all the rest of the world until she was the only thing on his mind.

But one of his major worries had almost taken over only a few minutes ago.  
He has always trying to keep himself in check, he almost went too far.  
But it was harder to control himself when she was acting so cute… he even if she didn't mean to. He almost lost himself to laughter as he thought about it.

But his mind didn't stay on that thought for long…

...

_I need to make this work._

He thought to himself with determination.

Before now, he had always worried how this was all going to end… he couldn't let himself hope that it would work out… he had to prepare himself for some sort of immovable obstacle in their relationship that would split them apart till a more suitable time.

But as his hand brushed through her soft hair, he _needed_ to believe that this wasn't going to end anytime soon.

He needed to keep her.

He smiled down at her worried face the best he could.

She smiled back at him brightly.

He never wanted to lose this closeness.

...

Kakashi was so distracted by his pink-haired lover that he didn't notice the pair of keen eyes watching them from inside the wooden house.

…


	14. Sleepers and Peepers

**Chapter 14!**

**Title: **_"Sleepers and Peepers"_

**To take a look at the design of Yamato's building go check out Naruto Shippuden Episode 37! ^_^**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!**

………………………………………………

"Sakura…." His voice was in my ear again.

And I knew what that familiar tone meant.

My arms wrapped around him tighter, I childishly refused to let go of him.

"Just a little longer." I offered.

His chest shook with each chuckle. "Fine…" he agreed too easily. "But let's at least go back inside, we'll get sick if we're out here in the cold too long."

Even though the cold air didn't affect me in the least while I was being held against his warm chest, I agreed silently, since I probably wasn't big enough to keep him warm.

I slowly pried myself away from him, getting colder and colder. His hand found mine right when I wanted it to.

We walked through the archway, into the dark building; it seemed even colder in here.

_Maybe the moonlight really did give off heat? _I thought curiously to myself, as I wrapped my arm over my chest, hinging my hand around my bicep.

He took the lead, guiding me to the darkest corner of the room, underneath the left staircase.

He stopped next to the wall, sitting down, pulling me down with him.

"We can stay here till early morning…." I listened to his voice, as I felt for the wall blindly, sitting up next to it. "We just have to hope that no one checks our futons in the middle of the night." He whispered from the darkness. I really wished there was some light, I still wanted to look at him.

"And if they do?" I asked, kind of worried.

"I'll convince them that they were simply too sleepy to see us there." He explained with his carefree voice.

I could almost see his cheeky smile in my mind.

"That's a little risky, isn't it?" I asked quietly. I felt my eyes getting a little heavier.

I was sitting to his left. My hand, holding his, resting on his knee.

"We're a little risky…" He pointed out too well.

I leaned my head down to his shoulder.

_This is too surreal._

_Being like this with Kakashi…_

I knew I should get used to it already, but every time we were together like this, it never failed to amaze me that this was actually happening.

That he was really with someone like me…

His bare shoulder rose and fell with each of his slow-paced breaths.

I loved it.

I sleepily pressed my lips against his almost-hot skin.

I felt his muscle tighten under my lips, like he was flinching.

"You should get some sleep." He spoke up with caring tone, his hand squeezing mine for a second.

I shivered a little.

I guess he didn't like it when I kissed him on his shoulder for some reason… I didn't really think about it too much, every time I blinked it got harder to lift my eyelids.

It was getting really cold.

I tried to cling onto his warm arm for more heat.

My teeth started chattering.

"Do you want to go back upstairs?" He sounded a little worried.

"No, I'm good…" I tried to stop the chattering, but my words sounded like they were passing through a fan.

I felt him begin to stand up, he lifted me up too.

My heart sank.

I really didn't want to go back up stairs and just go back to normal life so fast.

I wanted to stay with him longer... when I was with him, it was litke I was in some sort of new and exciting world, and I was the only one who could be there with him... because he chose me.

I always felt like I was starving to be with Kakashi-sensei alone, even when we _were_ alone. I always needed more.

I felt him slowly sit back down, dragging me down again, too.

I was confused for a few seconds, till I realized why he did that.

I wasn't sitting next to Kakashi anymore, I was in front of him.

His hand was still holding mine, propped up on his bent knee.

His other arm wrapped across my shoulders pulling me back to lean against his chest.

I could feel my face heat up.

Which was good… my teeth weren't chattering anymore.

I didn't feel cold in the slightest.

"Is this better?" He asked against my neck.

I felt so surrounded by him. It was perfect.

"A lot better." I told him as I took our hands, wrapping his other arm around me, too. "How about you?" I whispered.

He took a deep breath.

I felt his chest expand underneath me.

"Exactly what I needed…" His grip on me tightened warmly.

I smiled to myself a giant, girly grin. _Thank god he couldn't see the stupid face I just made._

I leaned my head back, rolling onto his shoulder, I managed to kiss the side of his jaw.

"We need some sleep, now." He spoke up.

As if reacting to his words, my eyelids got heavier, I snuggled the side of my face against his chest, breathed in the scent of rain-washed forests deeply and let sleep take me over.

…………………

"Sakura…." There was that voice again, saying my name again.

"Yeah?" I called out from the verge of sleep, already in a good mood.

"We have to get up now…" I felt a hand brushing back my hair. "They'll be getting up any minute, now."

I suddenly remembered where we were and what was going on.

I woke up with a start, feeling like I was falling out of my dream

I scrambled halfway out of his arms.

"It's okay…" He laughed softly, pulling me back.

I looked up to his face, he had on his trademark smile, but I was the only who got to see the mask-less version. My sleepy scrambling came to a complete halt.

I noticed that it wasn't dark anymore.

The pale-blue morning light was pouring through the archway.

I didn't want it to be morning yet.

I had just had one of my most comfortable sleeps ever.

"If we don't go back up now, they'll definitely tell something isn't normal." He explained, slowly picking himself off the floor, making sure that his hand never let go of mine.

I stood up at the same time.

He walked around the banister, turning the corner and leading me up stairs.

I rubbed my eyes, following him obediently with shuffling feet.

I crawled into my futon noiselessly after he had peeked around the doorway to see everyone was still asleep.

My eyelids closed again, I still wanted more sleep… but the floor was so hard, the blankets were so cold.

Nothing felt as comfortable as being with him.

"Good morning, Sakura…" He said softly, walking away too soon.

I dozed lightly, not really sleeping, more like staying in a suspended state of drowsy daydreaming.

I looked at the wooden ceiling for a few boring seconds.

I turned towards him, trying to get a look at him.

The moment my eyes fell on him I noticed that he had just turned over towards me, too.

I smiled at him, he returned the favor.

I hunkered down in that position, just to look at him… his mask was already on again, but that didn't matter.

His head was propped up on his hand, he was staring back.

Even though it was probably strange to only stare at each other....

....it was all we _could_ do right now…

...look…

Yet, I still felt like I was right next to him when he stared at me with those eyes.

I don't know how long we just laid there, looking at each other.

_Beep beep beep beep beep beep!_

"Urgh…." I heard Yamato-taichou's voice grunted sleepily as he suddenly sat up, grabbing his little timer.

I saw Kakashi fall flat on his futon before my reflexes acted fast enough to close my eyes, and pretend I was asleep.

_That was kind of close…_

"Time to get up everyone!" Yamato shouted after a few seconds, with a voice full of annoying morning-cheer.

**………………………………………**

Kakashi yawned quietly, trudging his tired feet along the dirt path.

He kept pace with Yamato, talking about the latest adult-drama at Konoha, trying to concentrate on anything other than Sakura's hand inside of Naruto's.

He was failing horribly. His eyes kept finding their hands without meaning too.

And each time he saw them smile together, he had this urge to walk up right between them and force them to break their linked hands.

Kakashi sighed at his own immaturity.

He was really thinking about actually doing it.

"It's tough, right?" Yamato's voice suddenly changed the topic from the typical Jounin gossip.

"What?" Kakashi whipped his head over to his fellow captain, feeling a little scared… '_tough?'_

Kakashi stiffened defensively.

"I just imagine that it would be difficult to see those two together…" Yamato carried on, nodding his head in the direction of the obnoxiously grinning Naruto and his supposed pink-haired girlfriend.

Kakashi's heart stumbled with anxiety.

"Wh-why?" His words stumbled, too. He cursed himself for not keeping his cool.

"Well, I can just tell that you're probably not happy about it…" Yamato said quietly with an impish grin, staring into the sky.

"Why wouldn't I be happy for them?" Kakashi asked, staring ahead, trying to sound calm.

Yamato chuckled a little.

Kakashi glanced over to Yamato.

_Does he know?_

_How could he possible know?!_

_Did he see us?_

_I was sure everybody was asleep last night…_

_I even stayed up the entire night to listen for footsteps!_

_Why didn't he bring this up sooner if he already knew?!_

"It's always difficult for a captain to see special relationships bloom between two of his cute, little team members." Yamato turned towards Kakashi, smiling innocently.

. . .

…_that's it?..._

Kakashi felt like he had just been played a prank on by the universe, who then decided to shout _'Psyche!' _at the last second…

"Ah… yeah… It's been bothering me a little." Kakashi understated difficultly.

"Well, those two do look good together." Yamato graded politely.

Kakashi wanted to punch him…. Or just kick him.

"Mm…" Was the only response he could offer. "So, how's Anko doing?" Kakashi changed the subject eagerly.

"Funny _you_ should ask…" Yamato started, his voice implicative.

**…………………………………………………………**

I could hear Kakashi's voice behind me, talking indistinctly with Yamato-taichou.

I found myself paying more attention to the faint sound of his voice than I did to Naruto's, who was talking right at me.

"Ne, Sakura-chyan… what do you think?" his voice suddenly came roaring back into my ears.

I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Uh… it's good I guess…" I said, hesitantly… not really sure what he was asking, but giving a positive answer... couldn't go wrong, right?

"Really?!" His voice got all excited for some reason.

I didn't have enough time to ask him what I had actually agreed to before I heard Sai's voice shout out.

"Master Kimihiro!"

I immediately turned towards his voice.

"What's wrong?!" I asked, letting go of Naruto's hand, forgetting about our little charade.

"He's gone. He ran away a couple of seconds ago."

"What?" Yamato spoke up.

"Which way did he go?" Kakashi's stern voice came into the conversation. He ran up next to us.

"He went into the forest." Sai pointed to a general area.

"Everybody split up!" Kakashi commanded in a second.

It didn't surprise me that he took immediate charge even though he really wasn't captain.

Yamato didn't seem to mind.

We all rushed into the trees, scattering into different directions.

_Why the hell would this kid run off like that?!_

_Was he really that stupid?!_

I was only running for a few seconds until that Koichi-demon jumped out in front of me.

I bumped into him, knocking him and myself over.

I tumbled on top of him.

I groaned for a second before finding my angry-voice.

"What do you think you're doing?!" I yelled at him, trying to pick myself up.

I felt his hand fall on my face.

I paused in shock for a moment. He was underneath me, staring at me with conniving eyes.

I smacked his hand away from my face, trying to ignore those surprisingly cunning eyes.

"Why'd you do that all of a sudden!?" I asked loudly.

"I needed to talk to you alone…" He said quietly, looking around shiftily.

I stared at him incredulously for a moment.

"Then walk up to me and _talk _to me, like a _normal _person!" I tried to lift myself up from on top of him, hoping nobody would find me in such an awkward position with this kid.

"You're not one to talk about what _normal _people should do!" He said angrily. He grabbed my arm, dragging me back down on top of him.

I normally would've been able to dodge his hand, but his words distracted me.

"What are you talking about?!" I said even louder, scrambling away from him.

I felt his hand smack against my lips again, harder than before. I started to crawl away frantically; he kept up with my pace.

"Normal people don't do things like that with their sensei, right?!" His voice was too loud.

My back hit a tree, I stopped all my movement.

His hand fell from my face slowly, as if waiting for me to scream out at any moment.

My heart was beating too hard.

"Ho-How?..." I managed weakly.

This moment… I had dreaded it ever since me and Kakashi-sensei started this… this moment when the wrong person would find out… the wrong person who could completely destroy my personal life and do it happily.

"I saw last night… through the window…." He grumbled a little, looking away from me.

_I guess we were being too reckless, weren't we?_

_If Yamato-taichou or, god-forbid, Naruto had suddenly woken up, then…_

I looked down at my dirt-covered knees.

_No…. No… No…._

_Why did this have to happen?!_

_Everybody will get so angry!_

_They'll separate us!_

_They'll split our, already broken, team apart!_

_I'll never be able to be around him without people staring and talking!_

_It's all my fault!_

"What-What do you… want from me?" I asked quietly, my voice shivering with anger, frustration, desperation, anxiety, sadness.

I could tell he was planning on using this situation to his advantage from the look in his eyes.

"You caught on pretty fast." His voice was sly and oily.

I had no idea that that pestering little demon from yesterday was actually… like this.

"What do you want?!" I asked louder, clenching my fists.

I snapped my head up at him, I didn't know what my face looked like, but I could feel how angry I must've looked. Tears of frustration stung the corner of my eyes.

He backed away an inch, losing his calculating gaze for only a second.

Then he smiled a little… like he was having fun.

"Everything I ask of you." His face leaned closer to mine. I knew where he was going.

I lifted my fist to his face, pulling back slowly.

"You hit me, I'll tell your captain and your '_boyfriend'_ about what I saw." He said quickly.

My fists unclenched a little.

His face leaned in closer to me, his hands falling on the tree by my head.

"After all of this, I'm going to pummel you." I growled, backing my face away.

"Sure…" He said quietly, unfazed.

"Master Kimihiro!" Naruto's voice was loud and nearby.

I never loved the way Naruto always knew exactly when to interrupt more than I did in that moment.

I pushed Koichi off of me while he was still distracted by Naruto's voice.

I immediately stood up while he was still laying on the ground.

"You little bast-"

"If you tell your _sensei_ about this, I'll tell your secret to the others." He cut me off loudly.

I couldn't say anything.

I didn't have enough time before Naruto walked into the conversation.

"There you are!" He announced loudly, pointing triumphantly at Koichi, who was picking himself off the ground.

Naruto ran off to get Yamato, Sai,… and Kakashi.

We were alone again.

I stared at the demon angrily.

I swung my head around furiously, trying to get away from him as soon as possible.

I heard him walk over to me quickly.

"You're my slave now." He whispered harshly as I kept walking away.

I was so disgusted.

I was so angry.

So frustrated.

So scared.

I wanted to run to Kakashi... to tell him everything…

No…

I needed to be strong on my own.

I needed to take care of this myself.

I couldn't let him worry over this. I couldn't let him feel this amount of disgust and fear.

This'll all be over after the mission is over.

_Right?_

………………………………………………**.**


	15. Secrets and Slaves

**Chapter 15!**

**Title: **_"Secrets and Slaves"_

**Disclaimer: ****I own nothing!**

**………………………………………………..**

I stomped my way through the thicket, trying to get as far as possible away from that Koichi-demon.

Naruto ran back over, flying right past me to get to Koichi.

I didn't care.

I didn't want anybody to bother me, right now.

I noticed somebody else walking towards me, I knew immediately who he was from the way he walked.

"Sakura…"

_God, don't say my name like that right now…_

It was suddenly harder to hold back those angry and fearful tears.

"Kakashi-sensei…" I answered back formally, even using that suffix he didn't like, trying to clear my face of any bad emotions.

I settled for staring at my sandals.

I could tell that he was still staring at me as I walk by him without stopping.

It was really hard to walk right past him without saying anything, or even to look at him.

I wanted to punch that demon like crazy.

"Everything's alright, Sakura?" Yamato spoke up.

"Yeah." I pulled a miraculous half-smile out of nowhere.

It was easier to lie to him.

**………..............................................................**

Kakashi resumed his gossip-conversation with Yamato after everyone settled down and gave a proper scolding to Master Kimihiro.

Kakashi noticed something strange.

As everyone rejoined the path, Naruto had held out his hand for Sakura to hold, smiling a smug grin that Kakashi wished would go away.

And it did.

Sakura refused Naruto's invitation and instead kept pace with Master Kimihiro.

A part of Kakashi was happy that their little act was over, but another part was equally worried about Sakura and Kimihiro.

He pretended to listen to Yamato, but actually eavesdropped on Naruto and Sai.

"Do you know what's wrong with Sakura?" Naruto asked the placid Sai, slowing down to match Sai's unenergetic pace.

Kakashi wondered why, of everyone is this group, Naruto would seek _Sai's_ advice for seeing into a person's heart… let alone a _girl's_ heart.

"She seems normal." Sai graded.

"She's supposed to be my girlfriend so that that creep won't hit on her, but she's already off with him anyways!" Naruto whispered a little too excitedly.

Kakashi's eyes narrowed at the word 'girlfriend'.

Sai was silent for a few seconds.

"Maybe she broke up with you…" He offered his perspective.

Now Naruto was silent… probably moping.

Kakashi felt a moment of juvenile smugness for a fraction of a second.

But he couldn't stop himself from worrying about her sudden decision to drop the act.

And why she had that face when he tried to talk to her before.

Kakashi stared at the back of Sakura and Kimihiro's heads.

They were too far ahead, and too quiet to hear from this distance.

_What are they up to?_

**…………………………………………..............................**

I looked at his self-satisfied face for a second, already feeling that sick sensation of anger build up.

I looked back to the ground again.

"So why are with that geezer anyways?" The demon switched from lecturing me about how well-established his family name was (which I had an inkling would become less-established after this spoiled brat took over) with the most horrifying question.

"He's not a 'geezer'!" I whispered loudly, feeling insulted for Kakashi. "He's only 29!"

He snickered. "Only?" His voice slithered through the air.

I looked back to my feet feeling really awful.

_Ok, he's a lot older than me… but in our world, age doesn't really mean much._

_By the time you're fourteen, you're expected to be as capable, and as responsible, as an adult._

_I'm already considered his equal as a shinobi, and I'm sixteen._

_Kakashi's been a chunin since he was _six_… Jounin at _twelve_…_

_Age really doesn't matter in our world… _

_Then again, if that were entirely true... then me and Kakashi wouldn't have to worry about hiding all the time..._

"You didn't answer my question." He interrupted my thought-process.

"I'm not going to, till you say he's not a 'geezer'." I promised him, feeling immature.

"You're really not in the position to make those kinds of orders…" He pointed out snobbishly.

I didn't say anything.

"I'm waiting for your answer."

I wanted to kick him in the face.

"Because he's smart, kind, and strong.... I've always looked up to him." I finished quickly, giving less than half the reasons why I had these feelings for him.

"Really?" He asked suddenly.

"...Really." I answered a little cautiously.... what was going on in this kid's brain.

"If he's so wonderful… then why is he with _you_?" He repeated a question I asked myself many times.

I couldn't say anything; I only looked at the trees to my left.

I sensed that he was trying to get that reaction, somehow.

"So how'd you two get together?" He asked further, his voice wasn't really curious, more like strangely amused.

As if he liked making me spill all of these secrets and watching me squirm as I was telling them to him.

I sighed. "It just sort of happened… after a mission." I said as vaguely as I could.

"Elaborate." He ordered.

I shot him a nasty glance before following his order.

"There… there was an assassin he was battling with. After the battle, I thought the assassin killed him, and so when I saw he was actually alive, I was so happy that I wasn't really thinking and my feelings came out. He returned them." I said, losing some of my anger for a second while looking back to that time. I realized that I was unable to say his name while talking about him behind his back like this.

"That's it?" He asked. The urge to kick him resurfaced at an all-time high.

My head whipped over to him, my eyebrow twitching.

"What'do you mean 'that's it?'?!" I whispered hoarsely.

"No scandalous after-class confessions? No weird twisted games he played on you to make you stay?"

_What the hell?!_

"Like this one?" I pointed out vindictively.

"Exactly." He agreed flatly, as if he already knew how twisted he was, like it was common knowledge.

"Of course he wouldn't do something like that!" I said too loudly.

I immediatley shut up.

_Somebody must've heard that...._

I hushed down and I peeked over my shoulder... my eyes met his for a split second.

The anger was replaced with fear and sadness….

I really didn't want to lose him because of this brat.

"Did he look like the kind of guy who'd do something like that when you saw us last night?" I asked towards my feet.

The demon didn't say anything for a long time.

"I'm tired, let's find some place to rest." He finally spoke up after a few minutes.

**…………………………........................................................................…………………………**

"Hurry, hurry, hurry!" Naruto chanted towards his little man-made fire as it heated up a boiling pot of river-water, slowly. Naruto already had his Styrofoam ramen-cup on the ready. Chopsticks poised.

Kakashi looked away from the easily distracted boy.

_He was moping all the way here…_

_I guess his love for ramen runs deeper than I thought…_

Kakashi scanned around, looking for everyone.

Yamato was standing at the edge of the perimeter of their resting spot, chewing on a compact-meal-vitamin bar that Kakashi could still remember the bitter taste of from his ANBU days.

Sai was sitting on a log near the riverside, eating some local fruit, staring at the sky contemplatively.

Kakashi's gaze searched a little longer for the two people he was actually looking for.

The blonde-hair pretty-boy, and Sakura... both of which had been nearly inseparable since noon.

Neither of them were in sight.

Kakashi waited a few seconds, trying to convince himself he didn't have to worry about them… that they were probably sight-seeing, or talking by the river, or eating somewhere together…

...Then again, those were really good reasons to worry...

He flipped his little, recently unread, book shut. Standing up from the large stone he had been sitting on.

Kakashi was willing to accept Naruto and Sakura's little act because he trusted Naruto to be a romantically shy boy who wouldn't do much even if Sakura did lead him on.

And he trusted Sakura with his life, (with the exception of his long-lasting belief/fear that Sakura might one day fall in love with Naruto…) but he didn't trust Kimihiro to be as shy and as clumsily hopeless as a certain orange-clad boy who was currently complaining over his freshly burnt tongue.

"We should get going again, I'm going to go get Sakura and Kimihiro." Kakashi pardoned himself from the rest of his group.

Yamato nodded, Naruto slurped, Sai… stared.

Nobody seemed to share his uneasiness that those two were alone… somewhere… together.

_Hopefully they're just… talking… _

_Or something…_

**………………………………….....................**

"So, do you naturally like older men?" The Koichi-demon spoke up, kneeling down to the riverside, shifting his fingers through the pebbles.

I guess it really was in his nature to asks lots of tiresome questions.

"No…" I said, a little insulted. "He's… special." I admitted a little quietly with a brief moment of embarrassment. I sat on a nearby stone, looking towards the direction I knew the rest of the team was.

I wondered what Kakashi was doing right now.

"Have you ever had any boyfriends before him?"

That struck a chord. I took a deep breath, and let it go smoothly. It didn't calm me down as much as I wished it would.

"No…" I said, trying to sound bored, but I think he could hear the annoyance.

"Has he ever had girlfriends before?"

That struck an even greater chord.

"I'm pretty sure he's had a few." I admitted with great difficulty.

"But you don't know for sure how many he's had?" His voice sounded like he was trying to make small-talk... this was defnitely not small-talk... this was a big-heavy-talk for me.

"I'm really tired of talking about this." I complained outwardly.

He didn't even acknowledge that I said anything.

"How can you tell, if he's so used to being with _women_, that he isn't already bored with you?"

I didn't like the way he said 'women'... like I was still only a 'girl'...

"Hey!" I shouted at him. "Stop talking about things that aren't your business."

I really couldn't have this kid trying to make me spill out my greatest personal worries.

"But it _is_ my business." He corrected me with that oily voice. "It became my business when I saw you two making out."

"That's it!" I hated the words he was saying. I really couldn't take it anymore. I launched off of my seat, diving towards him.

My fist hit his jaw with just enough force that it would hurt like hell, but wouldn't leave a bruise that wouldn't affect the mission report.

He fell into the river with a clumsy splash, I felt on top of him.

Our clothes got soaked, but I didn't even care about anything else in that moment; I just needed to make him shut up.

I couldn't remember the last time I felt this violent...

"You're really having fun with this aren't you!? Playing with peoples' lives!" I shouted at him.

He squirmed underneath me, trying to break free.

"You broke the deal!" He shouted at me with a weak hostility. "As soon as you let me go, I'm going to go inform your captain of this weird affair your having with your teacher!" He yelled with frustration.

I lifted my fist, poised for another punch.

"If you hurt me, I can use my family's influence to bring a conflict between Konoha and the Kuni no Kawa."

For a moment, I really couldn't believe what he said…. How could _this _start a conflict between two great forces?!

But after a few seconds it really hit me.

This evil kid was actually going to be the Head of a very important, well-trusted, family in the Land of Earth… If it got out that a Konoha ninja abused him, it would definitely start a dispute.

I pinned his shoulders down with my hands.

I felt the water run over my legs fiercely, splashing against the side of my body.

I needed to think… I really needed to think this through…

_What do I do?_

_He's gonna tell them!_

_I can't beat him up anymore or I'll get the whole team in trouble…_

_I can't let him get lost or anything, that'll get us in even more trouble._

_If something happened to the only heir of a powerful feudal family, it would wreak havoc in the inner workings of the Land of Earth, who would blame Konoha…_

_This could get really serious!_

I only came up with one solution… one that I hated almost as much as letting him tell Yamato and Naruto everything.

"I-I'm… sorry."

My fists clenched around the wet fabric of his shirt.

"What?" He asked, stopping his efforts to pry my hands away from him.

"I apologize for hitting you…" I tucked my head to my chest. I couldn't look at this demon while saying this, or I would really feel like he was winning. "So please… don't say anything to Yamato." I begged, feeling so horrible, so crushed that I had to beg forgiveness from this boy… this evil, spoiled, horrid cretin.

The silence was overbearing… all I could hear was the running water of the river, the wind in the trees…

Those sounds reminded me of that bridge… that sanctuary I needed right now…

I thought of Kakashi-sensei…

_If it's for him, I'd do anything…_

"That's not enough…" The demon's sly voice found my ears, making me forget the comforting sounds of nature around me.

I looked up to him. Trying not to punch him again.

I didn't say anything.

His blue eyes just stared at me with a leer.

"My mouth hurts…" He acknowledged out loud. "Make it better…" he ordered.

I lifted my hands from his shoulders lifelessly. I put my hands on his jaw. A green glow emanated from my fingertips.

"That's not what I meant." He said, shoving my hands away from his face. His hand left my sight for a second, I felt his fingers find the back of my head.

I felt his hand pull me to him, his face getting closer.

I really hated how his hand was smaller than what I was used to, how it wasn't warm, wasn't slightly rough with battle-experience, wasn't Kakashi's.

My stomach turned grossly with the thought of kissing anyone but him.

I felt like I was going to be sick.

I really couldn't think about this.

But what could I do?

I was stuck like this.

I had to deal with it.

I closed my eyes.

I didn't want to see anything.

I didn't want to feel anything.

I just wanted to block out the world and let whatever was going to happen, happen, and end without making me remember it.

I felt a pair of hands grab me by the waist, hoisting me up and into the air in only a single moment.

My eyes flashed open when my feet touched the ground again.

I was 30 feet away from the river and the perplexed noble laying in it.

My eyes locked with a pair of all-too-familiar, mismatched, obsidian and ruby ones.

"Kakash-" I couldn't finish his name. I lost my voice when I saw the look he was giving me.

I couldn't look at him back.

"So it's you…" The demon spoke up with a cocky attitude from the river. Kakashi-sensei's hands were on my shoulders, he wasn't looking away from me. But he wasn't saying anything. He was only giving me that tortured, confused look.

"Couldn't bear to watch your lover kiss another man?" His young voice reached our ears.

I looked over Kakashi's shoulder to get a glimpse at the demon slowly lift himself up from the water.

By the time I looked back in front of me, Kakashi already had his back to me.

"It's about 14 years too early for you to be using that word, kid." Kakashi's voice. I hadn't heard it so rough, so full of raw anger like that. No matter who the opponent was, Kakashi never _hated_ them before.

"You don't seem shocked that I know about your screwy relationship with your student." The kid shouted back.

Kakashi just stood in front of me, his fists clenching.

"She was willing to do anything to keep that secret, but you're treating it like you don't even care if the truth got out… like you don't really care if you were forced to split up with her." The kid continued, his attitude unwavering.

In a flash Kakashi was gone.

My eyes strained for him, and in a moment he seemed to rematerialize in front of Kimihiro.

"I don't care if spoiled kids like you find out." Kakashi grabbed the demon's collar. Kakashi's free fist rose, and pulled back.

Even from this far away, I could feel the chakra in the environment shift.

_What is he planning on doing?_

"You can't hurt me, or my family will start a dispute with Konoha!" The noble-boy finally started to show some panic, using the same line he threatened me with. His pampered hands clawed at Kakashi's fingers.

Kakashi heaved the boy into the air before throwing him down into the shallow water with force.

I could hea the stone-cracking thud from where I stood.

Kimihiro coughed with force, sputtering into the water, dry-heaving.

"That won't work on me…" Kakashi's voice was calmer again… almost solemn.

I found myself unable to move from that spot.

I wanted to do something… but right now I felt like Kakashi was some sort of unstoppable force.

"I'm not as pure as Sakura." His voice admitted with that serious tone, crouching over the boy, who was already scrambling to get back to dry land.

The kid was obviously short-breathed by the impact from before.

Kakashi followed him calmly.

"I really don't care about this mission… I don't care about your family… I don't care about you…"

Kimihiro found a tree with his flailing arms, grabbing onto it for support, still trying to escape Kakashi, who was moving slowly towards him.

"I only care about myself."

I looked on as Kakashi's fist punched the side of the tree that Kimihiro was supporting himself on.

Splinters sprayed in every direction.

Then I heard Kakashi's voice say something faintly to himself, that I doubt Kimihiro could hear over his own panicking heartbeat.

"I guess I'm a little like my father that way."

I wondered over the meaning of that for only a moment.

The demon stumbled to the ground, staring up at Kakashi like he was staring his final judgment in the face.

I couldn't just stand there anymore… I had to do something… I had to do something.

"But, now… she means more to me than I do." His fist raised in the air, I felt a familiar chakra shift.

I was running to him without realizing it.

I didn't care about Kimihiro anymore.

I didn't care about anything other than the fact that I _needed_ to be with him… in this moment.

I could tell he was angry, hurt, scared… and it was all because I couldn't handle this situation by myself.

I saw Kakashi's curled fist dive towards the demon's face right before I felt my arms wrap around his waist.

I opened my eyes a little.

His fist was only a few inches from Kimihiro's scared face.

Kakashi stumbled back a little from the force of my hug.

His hands found my back immediately, trying to pry me off of him.

I latched onto him tightly.

He stopped trying to seperate us....

"Sakura…" his voice was back to normal. He was soft and warm again.

I let go of a deep breath.

I felt water dripping across my face… I wonder how my hair got wet for a second before I realized I was crying.

After I realized that tears were running down my face, I suddenly felt the uproar of emotions that have been plaguing me for so long, hit me all at once.

"Kakashi-sensei!" I called out his name, knowing no other words in that moment. I said his name just like I used to, whenever I needed him, whenever I wanted him by my side, whenever I feared for his safety, I called out his name like that.

I felt sobs shake through my body.

"Sakura…" Now his voice sounded worried. I didn't want that. I wanted him to be happy.

His arms folded around me.

I huddled into his chest closer, trying to forget the world around us.

"Sakura… stay here for a couple minutes, I'll be back." He let go of me, starting to walk away.

My hands grasped the buckles on his vest, refusing to let him go.

"I promise I'll be back for you as soon I possibly can."

My eyes were blurry and looking towards the rocky ground, but I felt his hand reach around the back of my head, leaning me forward. His masked-lips pressed against my forehead deeply.

I let go of his vest. His lips didn't leave for a few more seconds.

His hand brushed back to my face, lifted it towards him.

"Everything's going to be alright… I promised you a long time ago that I wouldn't let any harm come to you."

_I'm not worried about me!!_

I wanted to tell him, but my breathing was still shaky.

Then he was gone.

I rubbed my eyes, looking for him.

He really was gone.

Kimihiro was gone, too.

_Please keep your promise, Kakashi-sensei…_

I held my arms to myself awkwardly.

**…………………………………………………….**

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**Author's Note:**

_(I don't like doing this too often since I'm afraid it spoils the feeling for the reader to all of a sudden remember that there's a real person writing this, but this is kinda important…)_

**I will try to update soon… but I have AP classes at school, so they call for many hours of homework… I'll probably have to stay up a couple more hours tonight… but I love writing for you guys, so it's all worth it! :D**

**But thank you soooooo much for sticking with me for 15 Chapters so far!!! ^_^**


	16. Talks and Punishments

**Chapter 16!**

**Title: **_"Talks and Punishments"_

**(Even though I said the wait may be longer [or the chapters would be shorter], I still don't plan on doing that until it's reeeaaally necessary [it was only a really early heads-up]… so here's the next chapter, right on schedule! :D)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**…………………………………………………………….**

I stood there awkwardly for a second, holding my arms.

I tried to steady my breathing.

I focused on the sound of the river… the sound of the wind in the trees… it wasn't as soothing as I wanted it to be.

I paced back and forth a little, unsure if I should sit down or walk around.

I decided to wash my face in the river.

My thoughts ran loose.

_Why did I do that?_

_Why did I start crying like that?!_

_Why did I _do _that?!!_

I rubbed my face with the cold water a little roughly, getting more and more frustrated at myself.

_Why did I have to fall apart like that?!_

_I _hate_ crying in front of people….. I have for a the past few years now!_

_Ever since... Sasuke left... I've promised myself I would never cry in front of others._

_I couldn't even keep a promise to_ myself_...._

I noticed that my shirt and skirt were sufficiently soaked.

I stared to wring the excess water drops from the fabric.

I was glad to have something to do.

_I'm still really weak…_

_I couldn't even handle _this_ situation without needing to be saved._

_I couldn't outwit or outmaneuver a freaking normal 15-year-old!_

I let my hands fall to the smooth pebbles on the riverbed, hunching forward tiredly.

_I can't stay like this forever…_

I fingers clutched the pebbles into my fists.

_I wish I knew how to change myself…_

**………………………………………………….**

Kakashi finally made it back to the resting spot with Kimihiro dragging behind him carelessly.

Kakashi wasn't surprised that Yamato knew immediately that something wasn't right.

"What happened?" Yamato ran over to Kakashi.

Naruto was still digesting by a tree truck, while Sai was peeking over his shoulder curiously.

"There was a thief. He got Kimihiro pretty bad." Kakashi lied like a professional.

He didn't usually lie, (he never found a reason to) but he knew he was good at it.

And this was definitely a reason for it.

"Really?!" Yamato asked more out of shock than disbelief.

Kakashi nodded a little.

"He got away, but Sakura's probably tracked him down by now." Yamato set Kimihiro's unconscious body on the tree log next to a watchful Sai. Naruto seemed to be interested enough to get up.

"I'm going to go back and help her." Kakashi tried to pardon himself.

"Wait!" Naruto yelled out, grabbing his orange jacket off the tree branch. "I wanna go with you!"

"No, Naruto…stay here and help Yamato treat Kimihiro." Kakashi said shortly, already running into the was confused for a few seconds, but shrugged and walked away after he couldn't figure out why Kakashi-sensei wouldn't want his help.

Kakashi really didn't care if they treated Kimihiro or not, in fact he secretly wished that they wouldn't, but right now he just wanted to go after her alone.

Even though Kakashi didn't like the idea of leaving Kimihiro alone with the rest of the team, he was confident that the kid wouldn't wake up for a while longer after that punch he got on the way there.

He sped through the trees, running as fast as he could.

Even though he was in a hurry, he still didn't want to have this conversation that he knew he needed to start.

**…………………………………………………………**

I stood back up from the edge of the river, feeling a little bit less puffy and watery-eyed.

I really hoped that I wouldn't cry in front of him again…. Ever…

My brain buzzed with different anxieties when I thought about what I should say when he got back….

_What could I possibly say?_

_I really want to apologize, but would that bug him after I've already apologized so deeply for just holding hands with Naruto, when he just saw something much worse about to happen?_

_Maybe there are some things that can't be forgiven?_

There it was again… that constant fear….

My fear that he was only with me because he wasn't bored yet, or because he didn't want to hurt my feelings… or for some other reason that didn't tie him to me as strongly as my feelings tied me to him.

I knew I shouldn't be so skeptical, but I couldn't help but feel a little foolish if I fully believed that Kakashi was with me because he actually had such feelings for someone like me...

The river was suddenly moving so fast away from me I almost didn't notice a hand grabbing mine.

This felt so familiar.

I remembered how much I loved it when he took my hand and sped us off somewhere to be alone.

It was different this time for some reason.

"We only have a few minutes before the others will start to worry." His voice sounded serious.

I tried to bury that familiar, currently bubbling, fear.

I got worried that he was angry at me for keeping this from him.

"Kakashi-se-" My voice was weak, and trembling, but I really needed to get his attention.

"Sakura…" He stopped me. "I have something I wanted to talk to you about."

My heart sank with a heavy, dragging feeling.

He definitely sounded too serious.

I couldn't take this.

This horrible feeling that I was just waiting for him to do something... that I was too weak to do something for myself.

"I'm sorry!" I yelled out, planting my feet on the ground, making him stop right next to me. We ended up in a small clearing, surrounded by trees. "I don't know what else I can say other than I really didn't want to hurt you, and that what you saw was about to happen wasn't because I wanted to. He threatened to tell everyone about us if I didn't." I explained with only one breath. I felt a little light-headed as I pushed the last word out with the last of my air.

I took a deep breath, staring at the ground, waiting for his reply.

"I know…" His voice barely softened, his tone was still stony. "But you didn't have to go through all that…" Now he sounded firm. "If you would have told me, I could've been able to handle it for you."

He looked down at me, only his right eye staring into mine.

I could still feel the intensity of his expression and voice beating down on me.

"I didn't want to be an inconvenience for you…" I said quietly. "I didn't want you to have to save me from something like that." I felt a little ashamed.

I couldn't look up at him, I couldn't look at him.

I was too scared.

"Sometimes, you can't take everything on by yourself…" He replied, his voice was really cold.

He was quiet after that…

He didn't move…

_He's really upset at me…._

I panicked.

I couldn't find anything to say that could help…

_Please do something!_

_Please do something!_

_Say something!_

_Say 'everything is alright'!_

"You needed to trust me more…." He said quietly.

I hated how he used the past tense… like I couldn't redeem myself now…

I opened my mouth to try and tell him just how much I really did trust him… I'd trust him with my life in a second!

But I was interrupted by the fact my hand was now really cold.

I closed my fingers, his hand was gone.

I looked up to him, his back was turned to me.

I stared at him, wide-eyed and confused.

...

"Maybe we should rethink our relationship…"

...

Those words hit my ears hard.

I knew exactly what he meant when he said them, but my brain was reacting so quickly with so many different thoughts and emotions that I couldn't process everything at once.

_Did he really just say that?..._

_Am I really here, right now?_

_Is he… is he trying to…_

My heart twisted with a sickly sensation.

I couldn't think…

I couldn't let myself accept what he was saying…

Was this such a flimsy relationship to him that he was willing to drop it like that?!

"We were too careless… if anybody else in our team had seen us…"

His voice was so stone-cold.

I felt each of his words as if they were stones piling onto my heart.

"no…" I whispered. My fists were shaking by my sides. "No…" I said again. "I can't… I can't… let you go…" I managed those few small words. Those words weren't enough… no words would be enough to explain this feeling.

This excruciating tearing at my heart… this horrible fear…

I felt like I was in a room without any air.

I felt like I would collapse with all of these horrible gnawing feelings.

I couldn't stand feeling like this… hopeless... this desperate....

I had to say something…

I had to find the right words that would make him turn around… make him take back those words.

But I felt so hopeless… I had no idea what the right words were…

"I don't want you to leave me…." I said a bit louder. I felt tears threaten my eyes. "You can't leave me!…" My voice was only a whisper, but I felt a sob of frustration push out my voice with a desperate rasp.

_God, I really don't need to cry right now!_

"If we continue like this, your reputation as a shinobi is in real danger… your private life could be destroyed… your real life as an adult hasn't even started, yet." His voice was still cold. Still so unfeeling.

He was really trying to talk me out of this.

But I knew there was no way he could make these feelings I had for him falter even one bit… no matter what he said.

I found my voice immediately.

"If you leave me… I can't see myself caring about any of that…" I had picked those words out my heart.

"If we don't stop this, we can only look forward to more situations like these… more moments like these…" He argued back solemnly…

I felt my voice get louder with each word, I was so desperate.

"I don't care what happens!.... We'll help each other!We'll save each other!... We'll be together!"

My shouting broke off with another sob of pure fustration.

I ducked my chin against my chest.

I could feel my arms shaking.

"I _need_ to be by your side…I _need_ you… only you." I could only whisper now, my words becoming an airy whisper.

I couldn't hear anythign except my one panicking heartbeat for the longest time.

"Thank you." I heard his voice whisper very quietly.

I lifted my head to look up at him…

_What was that?..._

Lips met mine with force. Then left.

"Thank you."

He kissed me again, even rougher. I was still in shock. He broke away, his hands finding my face.

"Thank you…"

He kissed me again, this time more deeply, more passionately. Slowly.

My heart felt like it would explode.

_Why was he doing this if he wanted to leave me?!_

Even in my moment of confusion, I didn't hesitate to kiss him back just as deeply. I really needed his touch, right now.

I quickly figured it out when I felt his familiar, warm, hand curl around my waist, tugging me closer to him.

He still wanted me… He still wanted to be with me.

_But why would he do that to me?!_

I gave in and kissed him for only a few more seconds, my curiosity was burning too wildly.

I pushed him away, he really didn't want to break the kiss, but I had to ask him something.

"Why did you say those things?!" I asked loudly with a breathless voice.

His grip on me loosened a little, his eyes saddened.

I felt his thumb rub against my recently tear-stained cheek.

"I needed to give you a chance to escape…" He said quietly. Staring at my face.

"What?!" I couldn't control the way I shouted.

"I was afraid this was becoming too much for you… I wanted to give you an excuse to leave me, if you wanted one." His voice… I never wanted to hear it sound like that again.

My hands found his upright-silver hair, pulling him forward into a heated kiss.

I broke away after only a few seconds.

He tried to pull me back into it, but I pushed him away harder.

He really didn't seem to like it when I did that… so I figured that I could use it to punish him a little.

"Don't ever do that again… " I ordered him. "No matter how much you start to doubt me… _Never_ do that!" I pulled him into another passionate kiss, breaking it before he even had the chance to tighten his hand around my back.

He gave me an annoyed look.

I usually never wanted to upset him, even in the slightest, but I had to get my words across to him!

"You need to trust me more." I used his previous words against him.

His eyes suddenly shifted a little.

"Be careful of what you say…" He warned me with a warm voice that I had never heard before.

His arm folded across my back, pulling me right up against him. The space between our bodies was completely gone.

His lips found the edge of my jaw.

Our body heat was suddenly intensified… I felt like I was boiling, but I liked it.

"If you say those things now…" I was shaken out of my rebellious mood when I felt his lips travel down my neck. Skillfully. "…I won't ever let you take them back."

His lips lightly grazed along the length of my neck, reaching my ear.

"I get jealous easily… I don't like sharing… and I don't give up easily…"

That incredibly warm voice whispered directly into my ear. I could barely stand how it made me feel.

I felt his teeth slightly pinch around my earlobe.

I shivered against him.

This was too new for me.

He chuckled slightly.

He pulled away, giving me some slack and space, smiling a cheeky grin.

I got a feeling that I just experienced a taste of what Kakashi-sensei was really capable of… of what he's been holding back.

It felt a little scary, but not enough for me to have any second thoughts about kissing him again.

I suddenly remembered his infamous image back at Konoha… his 'perverted' image… Over the past week I had begun to doubt if he was really all that perverted, but after that just now…. I wouldn't be surprised in the least if he had a pervy-streak in him.

I couldn't really say I minded, only if he kept himself in check for a little while longer.

As his passion eased a bit in the next kiss, but not enough to stop my oxygen from running out quickly, I realized that what he just did was probably Kakashi-sensei's version of 'punishment'…

I wanted to hit him playfully for out-showing me, but I didn't care when I felt his hand brush through my hair eagerly.

Now he separated from me before I wanted him to.

"We really have to get back." He reminded me breathlessly. He was back to normal, no longer too cold or too warm.

I suddenly remembered everything else that was going on in the world.

"Just a few more seconds." I grabbed the mask material around his neck, pulling him down to me again.

This last kiss was softer than the others, but not at all worse.

**………..............**

"Did you two catch him?" Yamato-taichou spoke up as Kakashi and I broke through the wall of bushes.

I was confused.

"Yeah…" Kakashi said using his nonchalant voice. "We turned the thief into the nearest village, they had been looking for him for a long time." Kakashi explained our non-existent adventure further, his hands sliding into his pockets as he walked away. "He shouldn't show up again."

I stared at his back in awe…

_He lied to everyone so that he could get some time with me?_

Something about that was really wrong, but I couldn't help feeling more than a little happy.

**……….......……**

After a few more minutes, we found the path again, continuing our, now almost-done-with, journey to the Head Household.

I had been worried about the Koichi-demon for a few minutes, but now he was obediently walking nest to Sai, who was always a little ways away from everybody else.

Kimihiro hadn't looked either me or Kakashi in the eye since we got back…

I felt smug… I guess Kakashi really did scare the kid into silence.

It felt really amazing to have somebody as strong as him as my… I was going to think of the word 'boyfriend', but I remembered how much I didn't like that word pinned onto Kakashi…

I couldn't find any word that could describe our relationship perfectly…

...

Maybe we weren't supposed to be tied to too easily breakable words like 'boyfriend', 'girlfriend', or 'lovers'….

Then again, we've never been easily labeled.

....

… I snuck a peek over to Kakashi-sensei.

He had been looking at me, too.

I smiled and looked away.

I felt excited for whatever adventures we had ahead of us....


	17. Memories and Apologies

**Chapter 17!**

**Title:**_ "Memories and Apologies"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

……………………………………………………………….

"Welcome" Said the aged voice of the Household Head. "We are grateful for the Great Konoha's help in our affairs." The old man said with his year-worn voice, completely oblivious to the beating that his young heir endured from two of the five kneeling Konoha ninjas before him.

I looked down to the tatami mats underneath my knees, bowing respectfully, hoping that the Koichi-demon standing next to the man's throne wouldn't suddenly throw a fit and tell on us for hitting him a couple times.

"It was nothing!" Called out the familiar, loud voice of Naruto, who, after so many years, still has never learned to sense the atmosphere.

Even though this noble family didn't belong to our country, we still had to show a great amount of respect for him.

I lifted my arm to the orange-wearing ninja to my right, pushing his blonde head down towards the mats.

"Don't talk so informally!" I whispered to him firmly, making him bow the right way.

_Why did I always have to remind Naruto of his manners?_

Sometimes I felt more like his mother than his team member… which was actually a little strange.

The elder only heaved a windy laugh before speaking up again.

"As you well know about this region, we're going to experience a curious phenomenon that I'm afraid will confine you five to our household here for tonight."

I peeked up to the extravagant, traditionally dressed House Head, a little confused.

What was he talking about?

"I will have some of my helpers handle your room arrangement." His booming voice carried along the wide hall, demanding the respect he had earned as a public figure after many years.

We left the room without another word, following a few servants.

I walked out of the doors right behind Kakashi-sensei… feeling restless.

…………………………

"Have a good night." Said the last servant, courteously, as he closed the sliding doors behind him.

It was dark inside of our room, the paper-walls and doors let in a very faint glow of moonlight before Yamato-taichou took out and lit the lantern.

We really didn't need light right now, since we weren't anticipating an attack, but I guess he lit it for courtesy reasons.

"All right everyone, let's get to sleep so that we're well-rested for the journey ahead of us tomorrow." Yamato-taichou announced with his almost-motherly tone.

Following his words I obediently unrolled my already prepared futon, smoothing it out neatly.

I dutifully unbuckled my blanket from my pack, like I always did on missions, and place it on top of the futon.

Even though I had on a very calm, almost sleepy face… my mind was buzzing with thoughts about the silver-haired man who was unfortunately preparing his own futon on the other side of our sleep-circle formation.

I tried to stop myself from looking over to him.

If I did, I knew that I would be hooked into a stare… and I knew that if anyone saw my eyes, they'd be able to tell exactly what I was feeling.

Impatient.

I crawled into my futon after taking off my skirt and top-shirt, so that I could sleep in my tights and tank-top.

Since we didn't expect any attacks, I could sleep as conformably as I wanted.

I tried to lock my eyes on my hands and nowhere else.

"Sleep well everyone, we'll be getting up at the crack of dawn." Yamato-taichou put out the lantern.

"'Night…" Everyone chorused to each other, Naruto still sounded energy-packed even though I could hear his snores start only a few minutes later.

Everything was dark again.

I turned over, facing the paper walls that glowed with a pearlish tint.

Even thought the wall was bright in the moonlight, I still could barely see my hands in the darkness.

Laying there in the darkness... my thoughts wandered to a familiar place....

I couldn't help but think about everything.

About today… about the years before… About Kakashi.

So much has changed in the past weeks…

I'll never be able to return to those old days…. The days when things were so simple, when I didn't have to worry about anything other than training or Naruto… when the only person I ever loved was…Sasuke... if that was love....

I had no idea that any of this would happen.

It was all so unexpected…

I still remember those early days of our team, back when we were still so inexperienced, when we couldn't even defend ourselves in a real battle without trembling.

Back to the days when Kakashi-sensei was just _sensei_…

… before I knew I could feel like this for a man…

I could hear the night-wind blowing strongly on the other side of those glowing doors.

…

After Sasuke left us, I would always think about those days, wanting to, somehow, travel back to the time before he left… to say things I never said, to somehow convince him to stay with us.

I couldn't say that I missed those days at all anymore.

I still felt strongly for Sasuke… maybe it wasn't something like love anymore… maybe it was just a sense of responsibility…._ I don't know for sure._

_But I know that my feelings for Kakashi have gotten so much more stronger than I thought they could ever grow…_

....and I knew for sure that with every passing day, they were growing even stronger.

…. That thought struck me…

Who would've thought?...........… me and Kakashi-sensei would ever become like this…

I bet if I told my younger-self about all that has happened to me recently… She would freak out and call me a liar.

I giggled to myself quietly, clutching onto my pillow giddily.

Every time I took time to actually think about all of this I always found myself spiraling into girly behavior such as random giggling and spontaneous giddiness.

I suddenly wanted to turn over and just look at him again… but I really couldn't let myself, because I knew that if I looked at him, I'd probably find some excuse to go over to him and wake him up…..

I buried my face into my futon, trying to calm down.

I took a deep breath… I could feel myself growing a little tired.

_Well, I guess I can survive one night without being alone with Kakashi-sensei for a few minutes._

I tried to convince myself gingerly as I closed my eyes, blocking out the pearly wall from sight.

I felt something swoop down in front of my face.

Familiar fingers grazed across my jaw, slowly lifting my head to face up towards the ceiling.

I didn't open my eyes.

I didn't move.

I just waited for him.

Lips met mine softly.

I kissed back just as gently.

He was so quiet, I couldn't hear him… I couldn't even sense his movement.

I was suddenly so thankful that he was an ex-ANBU member with such impressive covert skills… otherwise the others would've woken up a long time ago.

His lips moved slowly, cautiously.

His ungloved hand slid down from the side of my face, down my neck, across my shoulder, down my arm.

His fingers fell through mine, gripping my hand tightly.

He broke away from me.

I didn't want him to.

I couldn't really see his face, the room was so dark. I could only see a silhouette of him.

"I want to show you something." His voice was quiet. "Come with me." His hand lifted mine out of bed.

I didn't even respond.

I just followed him, out of my futon, towards the glowing doors.

He opened them slightly, slipping through the small opening, pulling me along with him.

It was so much brighter outside. The moonlight really lit up the small garden outside of our room.

He silently closed the door behind him, turning back down to me with a small smile.

Then his smile disappeared behind his mask.

I guess that was a smart move… just in case anybody saw him.

"It's going to start soon." He started walking along the sheltered veranda, leading me behind him.

"What is?" I asked up, trying to get an idea of what was going on…

"We can really only be out here together for a minute or so… otherwise a servant or family member may spot us." He explained why we were walking in such a hurry, but not where we were going.

We turned to corner of the very wide, extravagant veranda.

I saw an even larger garden, one adorned with species of flowers and trees that wouldn't normally be found in this region… it was most definitely the prized garden of one of the family members.

Kakashi-sensei slowed to a stop.

I didn't say anything… knowing that I'd learn what was going on soon enough.

"Remember when the elder said that we would have to be confined to this estate due to a certain phenomenon?" His voice asked with a small whisper.

I nodded when he looked back to me. His eyes… I loved them when he gave me that look.

He probably didn't even realize it, but I loved the way his eyes seemed to be glued to mine… like I was the only other person in the world with him… for him.

"In this region, they experience every so often… maybe every other month, a unique rainfall. Of rocks." He added. "They call it Gan'u"

It meant _rock rain_.

"The wind blowing from the north passes over those nearby mountains, carrying small rocks from the desolate pastures beyond." He explained as if he actually teaching a geography lesson, staring up at the sky.

"That's really…" I started… not quite sure what to call a rainfall of rocks.

"But what I wanted you to know was what they say about receiving one of the fallen rocks as a gift."

As he finished his words I started hearing little tapping noises from the garden, more little tappings started from above us.

I looked over, small rocks were falling from the sky.

Kakashi-sensei reached out his hand at exactly the right moment, catching a small pebble.

He brought back his hand, picking up the little stone between his other fingers, examining it.

"They say that if you give someone one of the stones that have never touched the ground since they were carried up by the northern winds…" His hand found mine, lifting my palm up. "… that no matter how far or how long the two of you are separated…" He placed the warm pebble in my hand. "…they'll never forget you."

I looked down at it.

"Today was a really big scare for both of us… and it was mostly my fault." He added these words as a sort of explanation.

The stone felt smooth after travelling and tumbling so many miles, it was a dark obsidian color with a single turquoise streak running across the surface. "I'm sorry." He said even more quietly.

I clenched it in my hand eagerly.

I didn't waste any time… I walked right past Kakashi-sensei, sticking my arm out in front of me.

I had to catch one.

I tried to focus on a single stone as it was falling, but they were going too fast.

I barely managed to close my hand around one that fell into my palm before it bounced off.

I looked at it carefully.

It was a deep jade color, with swirling patterns across it.

_Perfect!_

I turned around to him excitedly.

I could feel the cheesy grin on my face.

He gave me that look again, he chuckled a little at how excited I was.

I held out my hand, dropping my little winning into his palm.

"I-If anything happens… I don't want to be the only one who never forgets." I managed to stutter out… I really wasn't that good at saying stuff like that when he had just laughed at me a little.

But he didn't laugh this time.

His hand found my arm.

"We really need to get back to the room." He said seriously, his attention suddenly focused on the dim lantern burning across the courtyard. Someone was walking the veranda, too.

He quickly slipped my present into his pocket.

He started running down the wooden planks silently, I followed after him, trying to muffle my footprints by only placing wait on my toes, but I was still trying to recover from our exchange from back there.

I didn't have a pocket to put my stone into… I held it tightly.

I would have never thought Kakashi-sensei would go that far for me.

Just to apologize for the way he acted today… I think just being _with_ me is apology enough…

We suddenly stopped in front of our door, breathing a little tiredly.

He opened it silently, not giving away any sound that could possibly wake up the team.

He pulled me into the room, closing the door behind us.

Everything was too dark… my eyes had to adjust for a second as green and pink spots jumbled through my vision.

He led me over to my futon.

"Good night…" I could barely hear his voice before I felt his lips on mine.

I still couldn't see anything in the dark, but I could feel everything.

His lips, his warmth, his hands on my back, how warm that pebble had gotten in my hand.

He broke away too soon.

"Thank you for everything..."

His hands left me.

He just seemed to disappear into the darkness like he was never there… the obsidian pebble in my hand reminded me that it actually happened.

But I still needed more.

"Wait…" I called out with a whisper. Reaching and finding his wrist, feeling really immature.

He didn't move for a second.

I grew a little worried that he was trying to think of a way to push me away.

His wrist slipped out of my hand, his fingertips grazing my up my arm, all the way to my shoulder, travelling up my neck, to the side of my face, being careful never to stop touching me… as if he was rewinding his previous movements.

His lips met mine.

"I was hoping you'd say something…" His lips met mine again. My hands found his shoulders, trying to pull him closer to me. He broke away. "But you really shouldn't have…" He warned me with a weakening voice.

I didn't take it to heart, pulling him forward into a deeper kiss.

After only a few seconds I realized that we were slowly kneeling down to the ground together.

I wasn't sure who started it first, but I didn't really care.

My lips broke away from his as I leaned back into my futon.

I didn't realize how different this situation was until I was already laying all the way down…

We were both on my futon, he was kneeling over me.

I couldn't really see his face, only the pearly reflections on the surface of his jaw, cheeks, eyes… and the rest was only a dark silhouette.

His hand brushed lightly against my neck, reaching into my hair.

After feeling him touch me so gently, I realized exactly how powerful this moment was, my heart felt like it was suspended in a tight sensation of free-fall.

I didn't have enough time to rethink this situation before his familiar lips found mine again.

Even after kissing them so many times, I still got that shock when they touched me.

I still felt like I was on fire underneath him.

I felt his knee brush agianst my leg as his body leaned farther down closer to mine.

His kiss got deeper and faster.

I could barely keep up with it.

Everything I was feeling was scrambling my brain.

Everything was so warm… too warm. I could barely breathe, my heart was being compressed.

But I couldn't stop myself as I reached my arms around his back, pulling closer to me.

I could feel the heat from his body cover me entirely.

It was so strange to feel Kakashi-sensei this close to me like this.

He broke the kiss, our breathing was getting too loud… but I couldn't control it.

His lips didn't leave me for too long.

I felt him skim his lips along my jaw. I could feel his almost-hot breathing on my skin.

I was a little shocked.

It wasn't normal for him to do that… usually we'd only-

I was distracted from that thought a moment later.

My fingers closed around the fabric of his shirt as his lips travelled along the underside of my jaw.

I felt his hand slip underneath the small of my back.

I titled my head back as his face travelled down my neck. My breathing was really getting too loud.

I felt his fingers slide up my spine.

My body as getting really warm against him.

My back arched when I felt his hand glide farther up between my shoulder blades as he kissed the hollow spot between my collarbones.

I didn't mean to let out a whimper.

His lips suddenly pressed against my skin harder, his hand underneath my back tightened around the fabric of my shirt.

I could feel immediately that he had gotten a lot more intense.

Another weak moan left me when I felt his hand tightened around my shoulder.

I suddenly felt one of his hands find my mouth.

His lips disappeared from my skin.

"I really…" He paused, finding his breath. "I really shouldn't have gone this far…" he said regretfully.

I felt him lower his head closer to my face, removing his hand from my lips.

"I'm sorry, Sakura…" His voice sounded … like he wasn't just apologizing for taking things a little too far again. "You really shouldn't be with somebody like me…" he barely whispered louder than my breathing. Those words didn't make sense to me.

"You're the only I want to be with." I shot down his warning, wrapping my arms further around his shoulders. He leaned over, laying down by my side.

I still didn't let him go.

For the first time I really saw a weaker side of him… He was really tearing himself up about our relationship. He knew that we shouldn't be together… As an adult and as a shinobi, he was always used to always following the rules…and this was relationship was breaking so many rules....But the way he said that right now… It was like he didn't think he was good enough for me…

He had apologized.

Like he was hurting me by being with me like this.

I couldn't let him think such ridiculous things.

"I may not be as strong as you, Kakashi-sensei… but I do know the difference between what I want and what I can handle." I spoke up a little. "If you ever got to be a problem for me, I'm fully capable of punching you into a crater." I added, jokingly.

He rumbled with real laughter.

"I'll believe that when you can stop calling me 'sensei'…" He whispered carelessly into my ear.

"Shut up and get some sleep." I argued back, holding myself closer to him.

"Don't talk to your captain like that."

"So should I call you 'taichou', then? Like Yamato-taichou?"

He grumbled a little.

"Just Kakashi…"

I knew at that moment that I'd never want to go back those simpler days so many years ago… because I really needed to be right here, right now, with him.

…

I felt that hot pebble in my hand again, and smiled against his neck.

**………………………………………………………………………………..**

....

....

....

....

....

**Author's Note: **

**Just in case you were wondering why there was something so random as _rock rain_, The Land of Earth actually does have the "Gan'U" phenomenon... **

**Just wanted to let you know, so you're not confused by the randomness... :)**


	18. Ramen and Regrets

**Chapter 18!**

**Title: **_"Ramen and Regrets"_

**Disclaimer: I won nothing!!**

………………………………………………………………

The darkening sun was sinking further down towards the horizon.

His sandal kicked against a little rock in front of him.

Kakashi was growing a little impatient.

He had to wait for Team Kakashi to deliver a summary mission report without him, who wasn't originally assigned to their latest mission.

He had been standing outside the Hokage Quarter's entrance for only a couple minutes…. But his mind was wandering to places he didn't want it to travel.

_Last night._

He felt terrible.

He had found the perfect way to apologize to her about scaring her so much that afternoon… which had hurt him just as much.

Having to see her cry because of the things he said….

But he went too far last night.

Even though he spent the rest of the night laying next to her, somewhat wishing that he hadn't had come to his senses when he heard her voice cry out softly underneath him… he still regretted that he had pushed too far…

But she wasn't even fazed.

She didn't even seem to realize what he was thinking about when he was kissing her neck… which he was grateful for, but he knew that she should definitely be more attentive when it comes to him.

He always tried to be careful… but last night he slipped… she needed to make sure to stop him if that ever happened again.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto burst through the doors, running towards him excitedly. "So where are we going?!"

Kakashi forgot to think of a place to go with the team… after he was the one who suggested a team outing.

But of course, he had ulterior motives…

Even if he couldn't be alone with her just yet, he'd be happy just being around her.

"Wherever you want…" Kakashi spoke up after a moment of hesitation, looking up from the over-excited face of Naruto to a pink-haired girl walking through the doors.

He barely realized that he had definitely asked the wrong person just as soon as he heard the words "Ichiraku Ramen!" shouted at him.

Not the best place… but Kakashi agreed, secretly planning on sitting in between Naruto and Sakura when they got there.

**………………………………………………..........................................................……..**

I steadily kept my pace next to Kakashi-sensei.

I was careful not to look over at him, otherwise I would want to walk closer to Kakashi-sensei, and confuse Naruto and Sai, who were walking behind us.

But I was happy just walking next to him.

....

Things were a little different from usual between us.

Last night was something different.

I bet he was still feeling bad about it.

I had no idea why he was so hard on himself…

I wanted to say something…. Anything that would ease his mind.

But I definitely couldn't talk to him about that when we were in public, let alone when somebody was dragging me away from Kakashi.

I turned around to identify the person connected to the hand on my wrist.

Naruto.

He hushed at me, glancing at the back of Kakashi's head, then back at me.

I gave him a look that I knew said I thought he was crazy.

But I joined him nonetheless, knowing that if I had walked back to Kakashi-sensei's side… it would seem a little weird to Naruto... and maybe even to Sai.

"This is our opportunity… after all these years." Naruto whispered to me and a slightly-confused Sai, excitedly.

I listened, willing to give him a doubt.

"What's behind Kakashi-sensei's mask!?" Naruto announced a little louder as our pace slowed away from him. That benifit of a doubt went out the window.

"Behind his mask?" Sai asked with his normal voice. Naruto hushed him.

Kakashi seemed completely oblivious…. Walking with his hands in his pockets, staring ahead of him.

...

Then it hit me....

....

This was a problem.

I already knew what was behind Kakashi-sensei's mask… intimately.

I could feel my eyes widen with a bit of fear, but Naruto must've misinterpreted it… he smiled at me like I had just agreed to help him in his evil plan.

Sai's face didn't change.

Naruto took notice.

"Come on, don't you want to see what he's been hiding underneath that thing?!" Naruto questioned a placid Sai. Sai looked over to Kakashi-sensei's back.

"Not really…" He answered without spirit.

"What if he has big lips?" Sai's eyebrow twitched a little. I got the idea that he was effected by the mental-image of Kakashi-sensei with big lips. I, on the other hand, was getting a little disturbed… he didn't have big lips. They were really well-shaped and addicting. "What if he has a pointy mouth?" Naruto continued, his tone getting even more mischievous. Sai shot a narrowed glance back to Kakashi, definitely getting into it. I had the urge to shoot down that age-old theory. too. "What about buckteeth?" Naruto offered, growing more and more evil. Sai's face was growing more and more curious.

_His teeth are perfect! _I wanted to shout it.

"or…." Naruto began. "A… giant… mole…"

_WHAAT?!_

Sai's face suddenly turned serious. His eyes were calculative…

That was face he made I the middle of battle…

He was really interested now…

I just wanted to smack Naruto upside the head.

As Naruto conitnued his little pep-talk, bringing up the last time we tried to coax Kakashi to unmask his face, to Sai, I noticed something.

I didn't want Naruto and Sai to see his face.

….

_Was that weird?_

_...._

……………………

We got to Ichiraku Ramen after only a few more minutes of walking.

The sun was starting to set over the ceilings of the buildings around us.

I was starting to get a little nervous.

What would Naruto and Sai do when they actually see his face?

Freak out about how much Kakashi was _not_ trying to hide anything unacttractive…. But was actually probably the most handsome man in Konoha…

...

I really hoped that Kakashi didn't order anything.

....

I went through a lot to see his face.

He even made me take off his mask, which was actually a little embarrassing… and here Naruto and Sai were going to see it for such a dumb reason as for eating ramen.

_Please, Kakashi-sensei… don't let it happen like this! _I thought loudly.

We took our seats.

After some shuffling, I ended up between Kakashi and Naruto, Sai was next to Naruto.

"What would you guys like?" Kakashi-sensei asked casually, grabbing his wallet from his pocket.

Naruto ordered his 'usual', not even tearing his eyes away from Kakashi's mask the whole time.

Sai orders the B combo…. I got the C combo….

It was a little awkward to order food that I wasn't really interested in.

"So, did you guys get another mission?" Kakashi stuffed his slightly-emptier wallet into his pocket.

Naruto and Sai didn't say anything… probably still lost in their thoughts of that non-existent giant mole…. I shuddered a little.

I had to answer for everyone.

"No, the Hokage decided to give us a break." I said, trying to sound happy.

Our eyes met.

Electricity ran through my skin.

I had thought that I would eventually get used to being around, and being touched by, Kakashi-sensei, but it seemed like I was only getting more and more sensitive.

Just looking into his eyes affected me.

But this was no time to get lost in those kind of thoughts.

"That's good for you guys." He commented, looking over to the curious wide-eyes of Naruto and Sai. "You're starting to look raggedy after three consecutive missions."

I chuckled a little forcibly in response when Naruto and Sai didn't do much when they saw Kakashi's ramen (along with their own) were being served.

Naruto, Sai, and I grabbed our chopsticks, broke them apart, rubbed them together to get rid of splinters… all without looking away from the contently-smiling Kakashi who was doing the same.

That smile.

He knew what we were thinking, didn't he?!

He slowly raised his hand up to his face.

Naruto and Sai gulped behind me, staring unabashedly, no doubt.

I was also staring, freaking out.

His fingers found the lip of his mask, tugging downward slowly.

I noticed that he was literally moving in slow-motion… letting us wait.

_He was really evil about that mask wasn't he?!_

I was suddenly felt really accomplished for beating past his personal test for me…

He was sliding down the mask.

I needed to see what he was going to do when Naruto started shouting as I knew he would when he would ever see Kakashi's face.

... Kakashi's smile widened underneath the fabric...

He definitely knew what we were up to.

All three of us leaned in.

"HEY, you three youngsters!!" The flash of a familiar green leotard zoomed in between us and Kakashi. A piece of paper flapping in the wind. "I've got some news for-"

"AAAAAAAAARGHH!!" Naruto immediately started screaming out of frustration, scaring Gai-sensei half to death. Naruto pushed past me, (Sai giving him a boost) trying to get his hands on Gai, to probably toss him into the street in order to see the unmasked Kakashi behind him.

Naruto put his hand on Gai, and failed to do anything else when Gai suddenly whacked it away.

Kakashi peeked from behind Gai-sensei… masked.

Naruto suddenly slumped on top of the counter, depressed.

I couldn't help feeling a little smug that Naruto and Sai didn't see Kakashi's face that easily.

"What's wrong with you three!?" Gai-sensei spoke up a little sternly.

"Nothing!" I shouted all of a sudden.

Gai was quiet for a second as I heard Kakashi thank the ramen-shop owner for the meal quietly.

"Oh, I see… you three are overflowing with a youthful sense of competition!" His eyes started to sparkle.

_God no, not the sparkles…._

I grimaced.

"Well, you three are still a hundred years too early to even think of taking me on!" Gai-sensei laughed heartily. "I've even beaten your sensei at our rivalry battles with my score 50 – to his 49!" He explained with even more energy. "Isn't that right Kakashi!?"

(I somehow recalled the score actually being 50 - 50, I felt really weird for being able to remember that)

"Did you say something?" Kakashi asked nonchalantly, fiddling with his chopsticks absent-mindedly.

Naruto was slipping off the edge of the counter, still completely disheartened.

"Again with those hip comebacks!" Gai shouted.

"What did you need to tell us, Gai-sensei?" I spoke up, remembering that Gai was actually saying something before Naruto started to shriek like an animal.

"Oh, yes!... The theme for the Hokage's social fundraiser has been announced… she left it up to me to tell everyone of Konoha with this poster!" he grinned his 'charming' grin, a twinkle blinded my eye for a second before I saw the poster.

It was decorated with the words:

'Konoha Social Fundraiser: Tomorrow Night at Main Hall!'

They still didn't call it a 'party' when it was on the posters.

The giant 'Tomorrow' really hit me… Lady Tsunade msut've really been working hard in order to get the party ready for tomorrow….

"It was announced a few days ago, but you guys just came back, right?" Gai explained further as I scanned the poster quickly.

I looked across the poster for a second before it hit me that what I thought was a picture of a bird really was something else.

A fancy feathered mask.

'Masquerade!'

. . .

A long moment of silence passed between the three of us who could see the poster.

Kakashi-sensei poked his head out, staring at our expressions.

I had no idea what Naruto and Sai were like… but I could imagine Sai's placidity and Naruto's growing excitement…

I was mostly in shock…

A Masquerade?

Was that really Lady Tsunade's style?

I looked further down the poster, past the dates, times, and location.

'Theme by: Shizune'

I still didn't know her last name... (did anyone?)… but things finally made sense now.

She probably went through hell in order to get Lady Tsunade to accept that theme.

"So, what do you think?!" Gai-sensei waved the poster in his hand teasingly. "It's rare for Konoha to hold such an event, and you three are just the right age to enjoy it with your flames of youthfulness, and sharing those moments and memories of passionate springtime with other youngsters!"

"Er…" I slurred out with my lack of excitement.

_Flames?_

_Youthfulness?_

_Moments of passionate springtime?_

_Should an adult really be talking like that to us?_

_I guess I couldn't talk about what adults should and shouldn't be doing..._

All of gai's words way overfilled my tolerable amount of 'cheesy' for the day…

But a few of his words shook me a little.

'_With other youngsters!'_

My eyes flashed to Kakashi, his gaze met mine with a small smile.

I wasn't interested in sharing those kind of memories with anybody else.

"Unlike us Jounin!" Gai-sensei wrapped a green arm around Kakashi's hunching shoulders. "But we get to have our own fun!" Gai beamed, his bowl-cut hair gleaming in the light.

Kakashi broke our eye contact, looking down to the counter forgetting to say something 'hip' back to Kakashi.

"Your silence is the hippest comeback ever!" Gai was suddenly halfway out of the booth pointing at Kakashi wildly. "I shall beat you and your coolness some day!"

And the flash of green was off, yelling excitedly at other people about the party.

For a moment I understood why Naruto had almost fallen victim to Gai-sensei's specially-designed green body-wear… the two were really alike.

I spun over on my stool, still looking at Kakashi, who was looking down at his hands.

_What is he thinking about?_

_He better not be thinking what I think he's thinking about._

"Ne, Sakura-chan…" I heard Naruto's voice behind my head.

I turned away from Kakashi a little hesitantly,

"What?" I asked, my eyes landing on his face.

He was blushing a little… like he always did before asking me out after a mission.

_Not now, Naruto… _I asked him with my mind, but that didn't stop him.

"You _do_ wanna go with me, right?" He asked, not looking into my eyes.

"Ummm…." I started, wanting to look back over to Kakashi for some sort of help

"You said you would." Naruto said as if he was reminding me.

_What?!_

"U-uh?" I didn't ask him completely, but he knew that I was clueless.

His eyes widened a little, getting a little upset

"During the mission, when we were walking together… holding hands…" he had paused shyly for a moment "I asked you and you said you would go with me." He said hurriedly…

I didn't remember anything like that at all.

"It was right before Master Kimihiro ran off." He reminded me, successfully, this time.

My mind flashed back to that moment.

I was walking with Naruto, he was talking about the Hokage and how a party sounded fun… but then I was distracted by Kakashi-sensei's voice. Naruto asked me something, and I answered positively, not having a single idea what I was agreeing to right before Sai shouted that the demon had ran off.

_Oh my god…_

"So, we're going together, right?"

I hesitated.

"Well, I'm full… so I'll be going home now."

I heard Kakashi stand up behind me, the clattering of his chopsticks falling into the bowl, the clinking of a few coins hitting the counter.

By the time I turned around, he was already gone, the little cloth flags hanging from the entrance were waving back and forth.

"Bye, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto shouted loud enough for the whole street to hear.

I didn't say anything.

I looked down to my hands for a second.

"So, Sakura-chan?" He sounded expectant. I looked over to Naruto.

"O-okay…I'll go with you." I really couldn't say I wouldn't after I had already agreed to go with him. His eyes lit up with so much excitement… I had to bring him back down to reality."But as a friend." I added, trying to smile casually.

I wasn't as good at it as Kakashi-sensei.

"Ye-yeah, of course, Sakura-chan…" Naruto's spirit went down for a second till he resumed just as much hyperness as before.

I felt like a horrible person in so many ways.

Naruto got out his little Gama-chan coin purse and started to pay a tip to the owner.

My smile faded a little as I thought about Kakashi-sensei.

_Why did he leave like that?_

I took out enough money for my meal and a tip, leaving it on the counter.

"Thank you…" I said politely to the girl behind the counter, who was blushing towards outer-space.

"Of, course!" She said perkily, taking my bowl. "It's always wonderful when you guys eat here, especially with Kakashi-san." She added that last part dreamily, staring at Kakashi's seat for a second.

A twitch of jealousy ran through my body (she got to see his face so easily), but I didn't take it to heart.

Somehow, it felt really nice when somebody else complimented him that way… because, by some miracle, he was with _me_.

.......

"See you later, Sakura-chan!" Naruto waved at me widely, with a giant grin, Sai by his side, waving lightly.

"Bye." I called back, turning away from him.

I continued walking down the street, leaving the shopping area where lanterns lit up the street, entering a residential area where only the glow from house windows poured dimly onto the street.

I felt kind of bad that I didn't like Naruto back that way.

I didn't want him to feel that bad every time I had to deny his feelings… but he was like a brother to me.... I couldn't force those kind of feelings.

I felt even worse when my thoughts travelled over to Kakashi…

_I'm so stupid._

_I'm always causing him some sort of trouble._

_He really deserves better than me._

_How could he have ever developed feelings for me?_

………….

"Hey mom, hey dad." I greeted my parents nonchalantly.

"Hey, sweetie." My mom replied with just as much enthusiasm.

It was normal business for my family, by now, to accept that their daughter would be out of the house for days at a time and come back at any time.

"Goodnight." I trudged upstairs, right to my room.

"Night." My parents chorused back.

I was so tired.

So tired of thinking about everything.

_'Why this? Why that?'_

I really needed to clear my head.

I kicked off my boots after some difficulty, walking over to my balcony door.

I really needed some fresh air.

And a part of me hoped that, somehow, he knew that I really needed to be with him again… I always needed to be with him.... and that he would be waiting for me.

I opened my blinded, glass, door to an empty balcony.

My heart dropped a little, but I took a deep breath of the night air, leaning onto the waist-high railing.

I heard something.

The sound of paper flapping.

My eyes followed my ears to the source.

A small, folded paper was on the railing, a rock weighing it down.

I hurried grabbed the paper, sliding the rock off of it.

I unfolded it clumsily.

I caught a glimpse of his slightly scratchy handwriting.

… My eyes found a single word…

"Sanctuary"

I knew exactly what that word meant.

It was exactly what I needed.

I ran into my room.

Quickly grabbing on my boots, hopping towards the door while still pulling the last one on.

I put the piece of paper into my satchel running as hard as I could.

I didn't want to waste any time.

I didn't want to keep him waiting.

………………………………………………………………


	19. Dates and Drinks

**Chapter 19!**

**Title: **_"Dates and Drinks"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!**

**………………………………………………………………**

I could hear the crickets chirping from the trees on either side of the wide river.

I could hear my heart beating loudly, recovering from the fast-paced run I had just pushed my body into.

I was alone.

I stood there silently, looking around ahead of me.

I was little cold, but really nervous.

_I really keep messing things up!…_

I clutched my arms a little.

"Sorry…" I heard the voice I had been waiting for. "I got lost on the path called life…" He elaborated playfully, using familiar words I hadn't heard in a while.

I had been scared for a second that he wouldn't be coming.

Just for a second.

I was more than a little surprised that he didn't sound annoyed or upset.

I turned around, he was standing right behind me already.

"Liar." I responded like I used to, smiling with relief.

I turned to look up to him, his smile was little weak.

"Only when I need to be." He answered with new words, his hand lifting to the side of my face.

I closed my eyes, trying to feel his hand against my cold-numb cheek.

I took a second to appreciate that moment, before deciding to say something that I knew would start an awkward conversation… But if anyone was going to have to bring this up… I had to be the one to do it.

It was only fair.

"About the party…" I started up, suddenly feeling really fidgety and anxious. "If you…" I thought about my words carefully. "… If you didn't want… me to go… I'd…"

_Even though he really didn't seem to be bothered…. _

_I still feel really responsible._

_And though I actually want to go to that party…. (but not with Naruto)…_

_If he doesn't want me to go…. I won't_

I barely felt the hand on my face drop down to curl around my shoulders.

"Don't worry…" I heard his voice muffle, my ear pressed against his vest. "I trust you."

My heart jumped.

Something had definitely changed since yesterday.

I felt pressure on the top of my head, he was leaning down.

I could almost imagine his lips pressing against my hair.

His voice woke me out of the hypnotic state that his touch always put me in.

"Plus… it makes it easier for me to steal a couple of 'innocent' minutes with you if you already have a date."

I almost smiled…

His thoughts were really sneaky…. But I guess it _would_ be okay to spend time with Kakashi-sensei at the party if it was visible I already had a date. No one would think anything of it.

I still didn't like it.

_It isn't enough._

_For him._

I willed myself to speak up.

"But… isn't it a little unfair for you… going alone?" I muttered against his chest, wrapping my arms around his back a bit tighter.

I was really trying to bring him down from being so cheerful… he needed to realize how this wasn't such a small deal.

"Do you want me to find a date?" He joked with that carefree voice, successfully pushing my concerned words aside.

I felt his fingers brush through my hair, lifting up the strands, dropping them, lifting them up again, dropping them…

I was a little hard to concentrate.

"Would it be so easy?" I mumbled a little grumpily, still feeling vexed that he was making this a joke.

"You'd be surprised." He replied with his usual playful voice, but I could tell it was probably the truth. There were a lot of female Jounin that I've overheard gossiping about Kakashi-sensei over the years.

Looking back on it now, it had always annoyed me.

But I wasn't distracted for long.

I could tell that he kept trying to make me forget about the way I felt responsible for repeatedly, accidentally, pushing him to the side-lines.

_Why is he always so concerned about the way I feel?_

_Can't he see that what really matters to me is if I can make him happy?_

I cringed, embarrassed of myself and my failures inthis relationship.

I took a moment to think about was he had said…

Just the idea of Kakashi asking a woman out as a date for the party annoyed me, but…

"If you… really wanted to go with someone else… then…" My voice was quiet.

I felt his arms leave me, his hands finding my sides, pulling me away from him.

He leaned down to look me in the eye.

"It's okay… I was only joking." His voice was serious now. I was thankful that I had finally gotten his attention.

I looked up to him, he was staring at me as if something was wrong with me.

I looked away, I couldn't talk when he gave me that look.

"I know… but if you really didn't want to go alone… and then only see me with..." My voice was a lot weaker than I wanted it to be.

He didn't say anything for a second.

I felt his fingers inches around my waist a little.

All I could see was his vest in front of me.

"Wouldn't you get really jealous?" Kakashi asked me, like he was testing my reaction.

_He really needs to care more about himself right now… and less about me._

_I've already cared about myself enough for the both of us._

I couldn't hold back my initial reaction.

"Of course!" I answered immediately, my hands clutching his vest a little urgently. I found a solemn sense of calm when I forced myself to say something more. "…but if you wanted to take a date…I'd trust you…"

His hands met each other on the small of my back.

He pulled me in closer.

I lifted my face to him, his lips met mine perfectly.

Even though it had only been a day, I really missed this.

As I felt his lips move on mine, I couldn't decide whether I wanted to deepen the kiss or push him away.

He pulled away before I could make a choice.

"Thank you, Sakura…" He actually sounded, somehow, grateful, even though I couldn't see what good I've done for him. "… But dates in the type of world I'm involved in aren't taken so lightly as going with 'only friends'."

My mind fizzled with that slightly scary thought before recognizing those last two words…

"You heard that?" I asked him a little more loudly, keeping my eyes on his.

"I didn't want to be there to actually see one of my students ask my lover out… but I couldn't deny my curiosity…. Thank you for giving him that response, at least."

I felt a little stupid for a second, before my mind flashed to a strange word I had never really heard Kakashi-sensei ever say… and he's definitely never called me it before.

_Lover?..._

Things were really getting more and more serious… I couldn't control the feeling of happiness when I realized that we had somehow reached a new level of our relationship….

I felt his hands rub up and down, slowly, along my back…

He was trying to clam me down…

But I wanted to do something for him… anything to make up to him for always messing things up.

I returned to our conversation after a moment.

"Are you sure you're alright with this?" I tried to control the shivers as I felt his fingers brush back and forth on my spine.

I really didn't think he could've been happy with the way the conversation was ending.

He leaned in closely.

"Well, you wouldn't believe how insane it is for me to get jealous of Naruto…"

I cringed a little at the thought.

"I really wouldn't have agreed to go with Naruto… but I just… didn't want to…" I couldn't really find my words when his lips were brushing against my neck like that.

"Go back on your word?" I felt Kakashi-sensei's lips form the words of that famous shinobi-law under my ear…

That phrase was better than anything that I could've pieced together while he was so distractingly close to me.

"It's not really an excuse…" I really didn't want him thinking that I was planning on hiding behind those words.

I still wanted to prove myself.

"Don't worry… I have a few things up my sleeve…" He whispered as my arms wrapped around the back of his neck.

I guess I was finally giving into his relentless attempts to distract me.

"What?" I asked faintly, my lips grazing the fabric of his turtleneck, needing to know what he meant by that.

"I told you that I don't give up easily…" I had to settle for that half-answer as his lips suddenly found mine.

Everything else in the world was gone from that second on.

It was only him.

Everything I was, was for him.

I only wanted him to be happy.

I only wanted to see him smile.

I only needed him to need me.

One of his hands wrapped around my waist, pulling our bodies closer, his other hand slowly travelled to my hair, pulling my face closer to his.

I closed my eyes.

The sound of the crickets faded out as our heartbeats got stronger.

The scent of rain-washed forests was stronger than ever.

All I could feel was wherever he was touching me.

I loved it so much.

...

His lips left mine and the world came rushing rudely back with his next words.

"I really want to stay, but I barely managed to excuse myself from a Jounin meeting for just enough time to see you for a few minutes." He whispered against my cheek.

"Okay…" I said a little sadly, not letting out the full amount of disappointment I was feeling. "I'll see you tomorrow." I sort of asked.

"Tomorrow night." He answered, disappointment clear in his voice too.

"So, I'll see you…" I started.

"At the party…." He finished.

His arms left me.

I was suddenly really desperate for his touch again… I wasn't going to see him for 24 hours, and even then… I'll be Naruto's date…

"Bye, Sakura…" He said, turning away from me.

I couldn't stop myself before I felt my arms around his neck again, pulling him down for a surprise kiss.

He didn't act like it was a surprise… he immediately kissed back with the same desperation I felt.

He broke away first.

He looked down at me, his smile a bit brighter than it was when I first saw him here.

He pulled up his mask and was gone.

Slowly, the details of the outside world came back to me.

The sound of crickets and rushing water, the smell of trees, the freezing night wind.

I sighed, feeling like I didn't accomplish anything.

One of these days I was going to have to figure out a way to get Kakashi-sensei's serious attention when I really needed it.

I set off in the direction of home, hurrying, just in case my mom or dad wanted to check on me any time soon.

_He seems so confident that this'll work out._

_So I'll trust him._

_..._

_Trust…_

That word brought up another part of the conversation I couldn't believe I could've forgotten even for a second.

His date…

_Is he actually going to ask another out another date?_

_He never said he wouldn't…_

I couldn't help a little bit of worry… but I really felt like if he did, I'd deserve whatever amount of jealousy it gave me… I'd caused him more than enough trouble.

I kept messing our relationship up… maybe if this could show him how much I actually trusted him, it would help him…

In the end… if it was Kakashi-sensei, I'd do anything to make him happy.

**…………………………………………………..**

'7:09pm'

I started wringing my hands nervously.

_Can I start getting ready now?_

_I think so…_

_But it's still about an hour before it starts._

_Getting ready would only take a half hour._

I paced through my room, feeling really too anxious to get ready for a simple social fundraiser.

I woke up so early this morning, went shopping with Ino and Hinata for dresses… we talked about our dates.

I got a lot of flak from Ino about going with Naruto, while poor Hinata just looked away every time somebody said his name.

But I could just imagine the look on their faces if I told them that I actually _really really_ wanted to go with Kakahsi-sensei.

... Then again, I hoped I'd never see their faces react to that news.

After a couple hours of dress-shopping, I finally got the perfect one.

But I didn't want to ever put it on… while at the same time, I couldn't wait!

I was having the hardest time deciding if I was looking forward to the party or dreading it.

I spent most of the day shut up in my room reading, checking the clock, napping, and thinking about Kakashi-sensei.

It seemed like every other minute I was wondering what he was doing, or if he was, at that moment, asking another girl - a woman – out.

Every time I thought about it I wanted to either sleep and forget about thinking about it, or walk around Konoha till I found him.

I somehow managed to take 5 different naps throughout the day, each ranging from an hour to an hour and a half.

I was really hyper now, and fidgittier than ever.

I checked my slightly-cracked clock, Warble, again.

'7:11pm'

I groaned to myself sitting down in front of my desk, trying to read, but my leg kept shaking up and down with nervous energy.

I put the book down, calmed myself.

I took a few deep breaths, trying to remember the way Kakashi said not to worry about anything.

My leg slowly stopped shaking.

I looked over to the light, red mask on the corner of my desk.

I picked it up, picking little pieces of lint off of the fluffy feathers that decorated the left side of it.

I felt like a kid getting ready for Halloween when I walked over to my mirror, trying it on.

It covered only the upper half of my face, as a traditional masquerade mask should.

This shade of red always looked good against my pink hair, and always made my green eyes seem brighter.

I tilted it back and forth, trying to get it perfect, straightening out the feathers.

I wondered what kind of mask Kakashi-sensei would get.

He _always_ wore a mask…

…

He would never get one of the traditional sort of masks, then his personal mask would be rendered useless after _everyone_ sees the bottom half of his face.

Would he get a fancier bottom-half mask?

Or maybe he'd get one of those weird, entire-face masks….

There was a part of me that thought he would actually wear something like that for a second, but he wouldn't right?

What kind of suit would he wear?

Probably nothing flashy.

Something he's comfortable in, something that, in case somebody spilled a drink on it, he wouldn't care about it staining.

He probably didn't even think much of a single party.

Which is why he was so unaffected by Naruto and I being a date…

… probably…

I shook my head, the feathers rustled violently with my absent-minded motion.

I quickly took it off, looking over to Warble.

'7:24pm'

I quickly ran over to Warble, shaking him to make sure he wasn't lying to me.

It really was 7:24!

Time really flew when I was lost in thought like that, I guess…

Too bad time didn't move faster earlier today.

It was the perfect time to start getting ready.

I ran over to my closet, snatching it open.

The plastic-covered dress on the inside of the door floated a little with the speed.

I took a moment to just absorb the first extravagant dress I've ever bought.

It was a light, strawberry red, off-shoulder dress, only a few layers of silk thick. It reached just below my knees, (I never liked having clothes cover all the way down to my ankles) but with heels I really liked the way it made my legs look.

I snapped myself out of my admiring moment, and hurriedly grabbed it off of the hanger.

Grabbed the matching shoes, the mask and started getting ready for possibly one of the weirdest nights of my life.

………………

"Sakura-chan!" I heard Naruto's voice call out at me as I was walking down the staircase.

I looked away from my high-heels over to the open door.

My mom had just opened it for him, calling me down.

I felt really embarrassed… everybody was looking at me.

"Hey…" I said quietly, reaching to final step.

I took a look at Naruto.

He was dressed in a nice, white suit, one that seemed a little big for him, but it suited him just fine anyways.

His hair was messily slicked back, and was already beginning to lose form and revert back to it's crazy ways.

His blue mask didn't cover his happy face well.

I smiled back at his goofy grin.

I felt so stupid.

Like I was a little girl going on her first date or something.

"You look so…" Naruto began, but probably couldn't find a word.

I didn't mind what he was thinking, if it was good or bad… there was only one person I hoped thought it looked good on me.

I immediately said bye to my mom, and we were out the door.

…………………

It was kind of chilly, then again I was only in a light dress and it was getting really dark outside, but I was immediately distracted by the lights and sounds coming from the Main Hall.

People were already gathered, laughing and joking around in their formal wear.

I felt like we were late or something, but we were actually a few minutes early.

We passed the rowdy group of young Chuunins, who were making a spectacle of themselves outside the Main Hall, and through the main entrance.

I had remembered this building as a very serious place where town meetings were held to discuss laws and possible treaties or wars… and now it was extravagantly decorated with high-set candles, golden streamers, etched mirror walls, bright chandeliers, a table-cloth spotted dining area, and dozens of brightly-colored dresses of all different styles and makes. White suits speckled the colorful and flowing environment almost artistically.

I didn't know it was Konoha's fashion to have white suits.

I guess black suits would be too dark for this type of party.

The place looked so crwded with the mirror walls.

Naruto and I started to walk through the crowd, looking for our friends.

Everything around us seemed so rich and classy, but the people were still acting crazily with high spirits.

I looked over to the food arrangements… really fancy stuff.

The second I saw the drink stand, I understood very clearly what had happened during the planning of this 'social fundraiser'.

It was obvious that Shizune planned the theme, while Tsunade-sama planned the beverages.

There was only one bowl of some sort of fruit juice, while the other side of the beverage stand was decorated with bottles of champagne, wine, whiskey, cognac, rum, scotch… and of course sake.

I was only able to recognize the bottles and their contents by sight because of the three years I spent training under Tsunade-sama.

It was the same kind of thing with Naruto learning how to peek into the girl's-side of the onsen after spending so much time with Ero-se-- Jiraiya-sama.

"Shikamaru! Kiba! Chouji!" Naruto started yelling as I was trying to look around at all the decorations a bit more.

I turned my head to look over to the three, white-suited, boys that were waving back at me and Naruto.

I recognized Hinata, in her snug, lavender dress, blushing behind her date, Kiba.

It was hard to see her pink face under her lavender butterfly-mask, but I could see it.

Shikamaru and Chouji didn't have any dates next to them… they seemed like the kind of boys that wouldn't want to deal with the drama of finding dates… they also seemed to have picked their masks out of the .99 cent box I saw at the store.

I felt a little envious... I wished I was so laidback... and not a nervous mess like I really was at this moment.

We finally met up with them after pushing passed a group of masked Chuunins talking with fruit juice in their hands.

Naruto started talking excitedly to the boys as Hinata peeked out from behind the still wild-haired Kiba to say 'hi' to me.

She must've felt insecure about how tight that dress was.

Ino and I had picked it out dress for her.

She really needed to get some attention once in a while, and from the way Kiba kept staring at her from the corner of his eye… it was obviously working…

Talking about corner-of-the-eye-staring, Hinata was doing the same to Naruto.

I didn't mind at all.

Truthfully, I was hoping Naruto would take a lesson from Kiba.

"Sakura!" I heard Ino call my name.

She was dragging her date with her.

A very perplexed, white-masked, Sai.

I wanted to laugh for a second… he was really confused, and kept tugging at his white suit.

I wondered how she got him to say 'yes'.

Or if he knew what he was doing when he said it.

Not that I didn't think Ino wasn't capable of getting a date… but Sai… well, he didn't seem like the type for parties.

Ino was holding his arm tightly, her long, sparkly black dress accented her hair nicely.

I couldn't see half of her face behind the silver mask, but she was all smiles.

"Hey." I answered back, trying to keep a straight face.

"I love how that dress looks on you!" She complimented like she did this morning.

"I love your dress, too!" I answered her compliment gratefully.

She smiled excitedly.

"So you're actually with Naruto?" She brought up with a slightly gossipy tone.

I peeked over my shoulder, he couldn't hear us, too busy talking to the boys about missions.

I nodded.

"Well, I guess if you're happy…" She said lastly, suddenly pointing with interested at the banquet table, waving bye, and dragging Sai behind her. He seemed like an accessory to her, or a pet.

I stood there, a little shell-shocked.

_Happy?..._

My mind suddenly flashed to the goal I've been concerned about the whole day.

Finding Kakashi.

I started to scann the groups around me frantically.

A face mask?

Silver hair?

But everyone sort of started to look the same after a few seconds.

I needed to travel around.

I tapped on Naruto's shoulder, "I'm gonna go get a drink."

He nodded, happily returning to his conversation after I left.

I slowly squeezed my way through the colorful crowds, saying 'excuse me' every other second.

Everybody slowly separated a path.

I still strained my neck to catch any glimpse of Kakashi.

_There isn't any need for people to crowd like this, there's still plenty of room in the dining area!_

I finally broke through the crowd and reached the counter, grabbing onto it like I had emerged from a violent sea, that threatened to suck me back into the current.

"Sakura…" I heard a familiar voice call my name, but it wasn't the one I was waiting for.

I looked up to the man behind the counter.

"Iruka-sensei?" I called out to him over the ruckus.

"You look very pretty tonight." He smiled warmly.

He was probably the only Jounin, besides Kakashi-sensei, that I wouldn't mind saying that.

He was like an uncle or something to me. And he probably thought of me as a relative too... like he did to all his students.

"Thank you." I smiled back, actually a little happy to see a gentle face.

"So, what will you be having this evening?" He asked with his bad-joke voice.

It was clear that there was only one choice for me… Fruit juice.

I laughed at him a little.

"I'll just get some juice." I pointed over to the half-empty bowl.

"Of course…" He grabbed a cup and gave to me, I'd have to ladle the juice myself.

I clumisly walked over to the far-left side of the table that held the isolated juice-bowl.

"Uh, I'll take two sakes."

I nearly dropped the ladle into the bowl, instead I accidentally spilled a few drops onto the tablecloth.

I immediately whipped my head over to the source of that long-awaited voice that had just ordered some of the alcohol I couldn't drink for a long while.

He was leaning his folded arms onto the marble countertop, already staring at me.

His eyes were a little narrowed, like he was thinking about something far off.

He smiled after a second.

"Hello, Sakura-chan…" He greeted casually, as if I really was just another student.

He was wearing a slightly aged, gray suit, which still looked rather good on him. His hair was as it normally was; he was wearing his same old mask.

He was giving the same old smile I had seen for years before a couple weeks ago… when he started giving me a new kind of smile.

I was in shock.

I knew I probably had a really weird expression on, but I couldn't help it.

After spending the entire day waiting… this was how this was going to happened?

He suddenly broke our stare before I even had a chance to say anything back.

He took the two clay bottles of sake from Iruka-sensei who said something to Kakashi, he nodded back with a sort of charm.

He seemed like such an adult... I already knew he was, of course, but he really looked like one in that moment... so far away.

"Ka-"

"-kashi~!"

Somebody finished his name louder than I could.

After only a moment, I saw a pair of long, womanly arms curl over his shoulders from behind him.

"Hey…" He said with his all-too-casual tone as he turned towards the woman behind him.

She slinked around him, moving with such grace and sensuality that I couldn't believe who it was.

"You could've waited at the table, Anko…" His voice was really playful.

Like it was last night.

A sharp pain suddenly coursed through me.

"I know~…. But I was getting impatient~..." Her voice was so sickly-sweet. She rocked on the spot a little, acting a little cutely, her long crimson dress swayed back and forth on the floor. The neck-line plunged to her bell-button, barely covering her.

I couldn't look away, but the longer I saw her hands on his chest like that…

The way she was touching up his arm to reach the sake bottle….

My insides were squirming around painfully….

"See you in a bit, Sakura-chan…" That was it.

He waved with his now free hand, turned around… let her long arm wrap around his back… and walked into the crowd.

I was left standing there… in my strawberry red dress, fruit juice ladle in hand, recouping from a really deep cut.

**………………………………………………………………………….**


	20. Switches and Surprises

**Chapter 20~!**

**Title: **_"Switches and Surprises"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!**

**…………………………………………………………………..**

I stood there, staring at the spot in the crowd where he had just disappeared.

That searing pain still coursing through my body.

I felt the stray drops of juice seep between my fingers stickily.

"Sakura?"

I barely heard Iruka-sensei call my name from behind the counter, everything else was so loud.

It was really hard to think straight.

His voice was obviously asking if I was okay or not.

I hesitantly tore my eyes away from the direction of Kakashi-sensei.

"See someone?" Iruka-sensei asked conversationally, looking over there too.

"Uh... no… Just thought I saw someone I knew." I reassured him with a lie, still trying to gather my thoughts.

"Oh…." He noted calmly.

Then he left, asking some other party-goers who came up to the bar what they wanted.

I lifted my cup off of the table, and held it tightly as I started to go back into the sea of people.

I really didn't feel like dealing with any outward stimulus right now… I just needed to take a moment to get over this horrible feeling.

But despite what I actually wanted, I still made my way over to Naruto and everybody else.

"So you finally got Sakura to say 'yes'?" I heard Shikamaru's unintentionally-sarcastic voice ring out before I actually reached them.

"Uh….yeah." Naruto shuffled over his words, embarrassed.

"She looks really good tonight." Shikamaru graded.

Everybody was paying attention to him and this conversation. Even Chouji was looking away from his snack-bag every other second.

_How long have they been talking about me?_

I felt a little weird… I just came back from _that_ and now I was walking into _this._

I just walked up anyways, not saying anything.

As soon as I came over, everybody suddenly got quiet.

I really didn't need to feel like an awkward 3rd wheel here too.

But they couldn't help it…

"Hey, Sakura-chan." Naruto greeted me with a slightly reddened face.

"Hey..." I said back weakly.

An awkward silence took over for a few seconds before Shikamaru spoke up again.

"Well, anyway, Naruto, did you hear about the next mission I have to go on…"

Their voices drowned out with the other party sounds as I scanned the Main Hall for any sign of Kakashi-sensei…

I just needed to see if he was really… serious…

_I brought this on myself._

_I said he could._

_I just need him to be happy._

_..._

_I said I'd trust him… but this is a little scary._

_..._

I kept staring into the mass of people.

I heard Shino join our group behind me.

Naruto didn't recognize him… even when he took of his mask.

I could almost feel Shino's pouting-aura when he had to explain who he was, and how they'd known each other for several years.

It was a little funny… There was a part of me that wanted to turn around and be a part of their carefree world… but I definitely couldn't think about anything else when I caught sight of him.

He was in the dining area, sitting at one of the fancy, candle-lit tables… surrounded by other laughing, drinking, Jounins…

She was sitting really close to him, her arms curled around his gray-suited bicep, leaning her head against his shoulder.

I had had no idea that Anko-san was actually like that.

My eyes were stuck on him, but the longer I watched him, enjoying himself in that world far away from mine… I felt so isolated.

Like there was nothing I could possibly do to win him back from all that.

But this is who he is… this is where he's from…

I wasn't really bothered by that.

I was bothered by the fact that I was incapable of reaching him.

I hurriedly looked away from him for a second.

_Woah… this is getting to be too much._

_This is only a party, that's only a one-time date for him… same thing for me and Naruto…_

_It's supposed to happen this way._

_I just have to survive tonight… _

_And things will be the same again…_

I saw her pull his arm against her body tighter…

… _probably…_

My heart rocked with anxiety.

I felt Naruto's hand grab mine, saying something about how everyone was going to start dancing.

But I couldn't quite react to him just yet.

I was still stuck between Kakashi's world and Naruto's… trying to find the place where I belonged.

**…………………………………....................................................................……………………….**

His eyes inevitably caught sight of the flowing, strawberry red on the dance floor… again.

It was always hard to look away from her on a normal day, but it was even harder to keep his eyes off of her when she was so beautiful.

He found himself admiring her figure as she swayed back and forth… the way the silk clung to her waist, loosening only a couple of inches past her hips. The off-shoulder straps seemed like they were going to slink even farther down at any moment.

Her skin looked so soft under the weak candle-light.

He wanted nothing more than to be right there, holding her, touching her, feeling her, kissing her.

But she was dancing with Naruto.

That boy's hand was holding hers, his other hand was on her waist…

His eyebrow twitched with irritation.

Kakashi never wanted anyone else to feel her body under their hands.

And yet, most of his irritation at that moment was focused towards himself.

He hadn't wanted Sakura to see him with Anko, who was so persistently trying to attach herself to him.

He didn't want her to get that hurt.

He had seen the look on her face as he walked away…

He had acted like he didn't even care…

He was always a good liar…

But he hoped that Sakura would hold on just a bit longer.

He hoped that she wouldn't lose hope in him just yet.

He had something planned.

He wouldn't have taken a date if he knew it wouldn't benefit the night in some way or another… especially such a heavy-drinking date.

"Kakashi~…. What are you so distracted by?~~…" That slightly slurred voice whispered against his ear.

He quickly looked away from the pink haired girl... he must've been staring too long again.

He felt Anko's hands brush past his arm, rubbing across his chest.

"Careful now…" He warned a little firmly, picking her hands off of him and placing them nicely onto her lap.

Kakashi really hadn't planned on Anko being a touchy-drunk.

Her pouting, slightly obnoxious voice spoke up again.

"I don't know why you wanted to come with me as only a 'friend', Kakashi~…" She hit the word 'friend' like she thought it was a childish concept.

It probably was, but he didn't care.

He felt her hands land on his shoulder, lifting herself slightly out of her chair.

She was leaning up towards him, as if she was expecting a kiss soon.

He looked away from her.

"But I guess even 'friends' can have 'fun'~…"

The other Jounins at the table glanced at Kakashi and Anko for a second before taking a hint and looking away.

He sighed at the drama.

"I think you're getting drunk…" He ignored her rather inappropriate suggestion, trying to calm her down with reason for a second.

"I can hold my liquor very well." She pulled her face up to his, her hand tilting his head back to her.

He pushed her away before she got any closer.

She sat back to her chair a little roughly, probably forgetting gravity for a second.

She only looked up at him with her cheeky grin, she apparently thought that she still had a chance.

He felt kind of bad for leading her on… even if all he did was ask her out as a friend.

"Looks like you have _your _hands full." He heard a familiar, bad-joke voice.

"Iruka…" Kakashi grumbled a little warningly, giving Iruka a small glare.

"Sorry…" Iruka was suddenly apologetic. "Just thought you were… enjoying yourself." He took a seat next to Kakashi.

"Not really…" Kakashi corrected him. His eyes flickered back to the silky red dress at the dance floor.

He saw Anko, in the corner of his eye, shaking the little clay sake bottle next to her ear.

"Iruka, another sake!" She ordered a little loudly, tilting backward into her chair, holding up the bottle.

She was slouching inappropriately, her revleaving dress in danger of revealing too much.

Kakashi didn't see a point in looking at her.

"I don't think you should have another one, Anko-san…" Iruka blushed a little, looking away from her out of his natural gentlemanly nature. "Besides… Tsunade-sama has taken over the drink stand."

A danger signal went off in Kakashi's brain.

At this rate, the party would be infested with drunk Genins…

Then again, it was only expected that Tsunade would take charge of her favorite part of the party.

_I guess now would be a good a time as ever to talk with her about our agreement…_

"I'll go get some more for you, Anko…" Kakashi stood up from his seat, not listening to Iruka's advice of watching the liquor, and walked off towards the bar.

Making his way through the crowd, he kept checking the dance floor, always making sure that Sakura was in sight.

He didn't want to miss a second of her.

……

"Ah, Kakashi!" Tsunade welcomed him to the counter warmly. "What do you want?" She asked with a big grin.

"Just some sake…" He answered loudly over the crowd.

"Sake's on the house." She smiled brighter. She had that power-hungry look.

Kakashi could sense that she felt like the Queen of Alcohol at that moment… he wondered how she would've compared the job to being Hokage.

"Hey do you see the chick in that pinkish-red dress?"

"The one with pink hair?"

"Yeah… She's pretty hot isn't she?"

Kakashi could hear every word that the two shinobi hanging around the juice bowl were saying.

He suddenly felt like saying a few things to them… but he knew that he definitely shouldn't, unless he wanted to make a suspicious scene.

"Maybe I could ask her out after she's done dancing with that dork."

Kakashi felt like stepping on the guy's foot.

But settled for leaning against the counter, trying to control his feelings, waiting for Tsunade to hand him the sake.

"I don't think she'd go for you."

_Listen to your friend, kid… _Kakashi warned the cockier one in his mind.

"I can make any girl easy for me!" The cocky voice explained obnoxiously.

That was it.

He was going to have to do something.

But it had to be sneaky.

"Here ya go…" Tsunade finally came back, handing him a sake bottle.

"Hey, how about three bottles of your most exclusive wine for those two over there…" Kakashi pointed towards the direction of the no-faced voices

"Ok!…" she smiled heartily. She brought out three really expensive looking bottles from under the bar and clinked them onto the marble countertop in front of the two hooligans.

Kakashi had never really met them, but he'd seen them around before.

Tsunade silently explained the bottles to them, her voice drowned out by the music, she pointed to Kakashi.

They waved happily at him.

He waved back with a vindictive smile.

Tsunade came back to him after a couple of seconds.

"You paying for them?..." She asked.

"No…"

Tsuande smiled at his prank.

He would've been happier punching the boys, but that would've been way too much.

He really needed to be discreet right now…. Or his plans for the night would be ruined.

"Anyways, Tsunade… don't you think it's almost time?…" Kakashi spoke to her casually.

She didn't say anything, only smiled mischievously.

He nodded to her and walked away with the little bottle.

_Things might actually go as planned…_

He stared at the gorgeous, red-dressed girl all the way back to his table.

**…….........................................................................................………………………………………………………**

I really didn't feel like dancing, but Naruto was really happy… I couldn't take that away from him.

And if I all I did was sit down and think about Kakashi, it would drive me crazy.

At least I would be distracted this way.

But even though I was trying to stay distracted, my heart suffered another injury when I saw him.

He was really tall, so it was hard to miss him.

My eyes followed him desperately.

For a second I swore that he was looking at me too.

Everything got a little worse when I managed to catch sight, through the swaying sea of bodies, of him sitting down at his dimly-lit table.

Anko-san curling her arms around him, her fingers wrapping around the back of his neck.

I looked down to my shoes quickly.

I didn't need to see that.

"Sakura?..." Naruto was concerned.

Couldn't blame him… I probably had a weird expression on.

One that was probably so visible, even under the mask, that it would worry anybody.

"I'm fine…" I looked up to him.

"Are you sure, because you seem a little….." His voice faded away from my ears when I looked back over to Kakashi.

He was standing up again… Anko was holding onto his shoulder for support…. She was holding him too closely. She pressed herself against him.

I wanted to yell out and stop him when he wrapped his arm around her side.

But I didn't say anything.

I only looked at him… hoping he'd look at me.

Hoping he'd remember that I was here.

That he hadn't forgotten about me after having a great time with his adult friends… and adult date.

Then I noticed that they were walking towards the main entrance.

_Where are they going?_

_Why is he with her?_

_Why are they leaving together?!_

_Wasn't he supposed to at least talk to me before leaving?!_

I saw his head turn towards my direction right before he disappeared into the outside darkness.

"Ka…" I almost said his name out loud.

It wouldn't have mattered… he was gone.

"Sakura?!" Naruto raised his voice to catch my attention.

I suddenly snapped out of it.

He was staring right at me, I could see his eyes through the holes in his mask. He was definitely worried.

I couldn't say I was fine anymore without lying really badly.

"Um… I'm not feeling really… I…" I stuttered, trying to think of a reason to be by myself for a second. "I just need to sit down…" my thoughts wouldn't come together the way I wanted them to.

I felt my legs get a little weak underneath me.

"O-okay…" Naruto agreed, letting go of my waist and starting to walk towards the dining area, leading me by the hand.

I felt so rotten.

"Hey, shinobi and kunoichi!... All dates are off!" I heard a familiar voice yell out loudly with that, just as familiar, drunken version of that voice.

I turned towards the owner of the loud announcement.

Tsunade was standing on a table, fists on her hips, she seemed to mean business.

The music faded a little, but was still loud enough to serve as Tsunade-sama's background music.

Everybody else looked up to her, they all seemed just as confused by her words as I was.

_All dates are off?_

"I've decided to add in a surprise to this party…. Everyone switch dates!" She yelled those words as if it this was a serious order.

"What?!" I heard Shizune's faint voice call out from our crowd with shock.

"You can't stop this Shizune!!" Tsunade-sama pointed at Shizune from her table, challengingly. "That man and I have decided that this was the only way to spice up the party the way I always wanted it."

I could suddenly feel the tension between these two opposite-minded party-planners emerge.

Tsunade-sama was reclaiming her control with this really weird rule…

Silence took over the party… somebody coughed a little.

Everybody just stared at her.

"Well, get to it people… find your new date!"

_What?!_

The excitement immediately resumed as everyone started talking about this surprise twist.

I could see Tsunade look down at all of us with a smug grin.

There was suddenly a chorus of girls and boys grumbling… some of these couples had gone through a lot of drama to come together…

I suddenly thought of Kakashi…

_If only he was here…_

_No!_

_Wait…. I'm really not thinking straight right now._

_Even if he was here, we couldn't be a date… definitely not._

_The problem between us being a date was never Naruto… it was our risky relationship in the first place._

"So we have to find new dates?..." Naruto turned back to me.

"Uh… yeah I guess." I answered a little weakly, still recovering from all the commotion.

I couldn't say much more as the whole group suddenly found their way to this spot.

Everybody talking loudly, trying to figure things out.

"So who should go with who?" Kiba spoke up, Hinata hiding behind him a little.

Shikamaru and Chouji seemed to just enjoy watching the drama.

"I don't know!" Ino spoke up all of a sudden, holding Sai's arm to her chest protectively.

Sai seemed content with the sudden change.

I felt a hand land on my arm.

I turned to see a bright green mask.

"With this new rule, I was thinking we could be together Sakura-chan." I swear I could see mini-sparkles emerge form that bob-cut.

There was an awkward silence for a second, I could feel everyone's eyes on me.

"Do we really have to switch dates?!" Naruto yelled with a really loud voice. He definitely didn't like Lee's sudden appearance.

As is typical with confusion, all hell broke loose when somebody started yelling.

Suddenly everybody was talking so loud, yelling questions at each other.

My brain was reeling with all the noise and people… I really just needed to take a few minutes to myself, but everybody was being so loud.

"Oi!" Shikamaru got everyone's attention with that single syllable.

As the only Jounin in our group, it was our instinct to listen to him.

"Hinata you'll pair off with Naruto, Ino you'll pair with me, and Sakura can go with Sai."

"What?!" I heard Ino yell too loudly, making the slightly-faint Hinata flinch.

"This way, everything can still remain platonic so that we don't disrupt the original dates with unnessecary jealousy." Shikamaru explained slowly. It was weird hearing such logic during such a dramtic party.

Ino didn't say anything for a few seconds, she seemed to slightly approve of this idea, she grumbled loudly and gave Sai's arm a big squeeze, leaving his side. He smiled his fake smile, turning to me.

I saw Hinata walk hesitantly towards Naruto, who I felt was staring between me and Sai.

There was so much drama in this silent moment of orginization... even more than there was when everyone was shouting.

Within only a few seconds, everyone was by their planned date.

Ino and Shikamaru were sitting together, bickering tensely… I wondered why Shikamaru would set himself up for that.

Kiba, Chouji, and Rock Lee were left out. The first seemed a little relieved to be free from the drama (but I thought I saw him eye Hinata one last time), Chouji was just as interested in his snacks as he was before, and Lee was crying his manly tears behind his mask, already accepting defeat.

Naruto finally stopped giving me and Sai that pouting face and took Hinata's hand, leading her to the dance floor. She was blushing happily.

_At least some good came of this._

Everybody seemed to be happy in their own weird way...

I turned to Sai.. still feeling under the weather from when I saw Kakashi leave the party with Anko.

My heart stumbled apprehensively at the memory of see his arm slink around her waist like that.

I took a deep breath.

"Sakura…" I heard Sai start, getting my attention.

"You don't especially want to be with me, do you?" I immediaately asked a question that would seem rude to anybody other than him.

I didn't want to push Sai away personally... but I had already learned my lesson about carelessly accepting dates.

"I'd prefer to read." He said bluntly without too much hesitation, wearing that fake smile.

"Ok… then I'll let you enjoy yourself." I said over-courteously, feeling a little mean for ditching him. But he didn't seem to take offense.

I walked away from him as he sat down at on of the tables, pulling out a little book from his pocket.

He had come prepared.

I slowly made my way to a table on the very edge of the dance floor, not wanting to be too obvious about how much I really didn't want to be there.

I had promised myself to stay for the whole thing so that I could be here with everyone.... I couldn't leave my friends behind because of my personal drama...

I would stay, even if I had to remain dateless for the rest of the night... to be fair to Kakashi-sensei....

My thoughts suddenly spiraled into painful memories.

Him leaving me at the drink stand, him enjoying himself with the other Jounins, his arm around her waist.

_I wonder if he's with her right now… at a restaurant, taking a walk, walking her home… with her at her home._

…

_No!_

_Of course he wouldn't go that far… of course…_

I sighed to myself, looking down to the strawberry silk on my lap.

_I shouldn't be this hurt…_

_I shouldn't care this much…_

_I should just accept this…_

_Accept the fact that, at times, Kakashi-sensei doesn't want to only be with me… an inexperienced, immature chuunin._

I couldn't accept any of it.

I couldn't even try to.

I sat there, alone, for several minutes.

I watched the flowing sea of dancing people in front of me… mesmerized by the colors, the sounds, the motion, the happiness radiating from them, their carefree, masked, faces.

I really wanted to join their world, free of worries.

But I couldn't…

… If leaving this childish world behind meant that I could be someone Kakashi-sensei could be happy to be with… I'd do my best to grow out of it as soon as possible.

... I let out a groan...

I couldn't think about him right now... but he was all I _could_ think about....

I heard a ripple of gossipy tones course through the crowd.

Maybe somebody kissed… maybe somebody fell down… something that really didn't matter that much, but was a big deal in their eyes just happened.

I continued to watch the shoes of different shapes and sizes move around the floor. Lost in thought.

The chorus of hushed talking got louder… and louder, like it was travelling towards me.

I wasn't as disinterested as before, but I still didn't care enough to look up.

The shoes started moving in a weird, organized way. The crowd was separating.

The whispering voices got louder, the people right in front of me had stopped dancing to the flowing music and were now talking amongst themselves, secretively.

I saw a pair of black dress shoes step through the crowd of colorful shoes and into my vision.

I looked up a little, catching glimpse black-suited legs.

_Somebody in a black suit? _

_Everybody else here was so vibrant and light.... it's weirdfor someone to be wearing black._

… _Was everybody only talking about this person's clothes?_

_How could I have missed a person dressed in black?_

I looked up a little more.... his entire suit was pitch black, and professionally tailored to his tall body. A metallic sheen lit off of his shoulders.

I finally noticed that this person was facing me.

I looked up all the way.

His mask was charcoal black, letting off an expensive shine. The mask covered only the upper-half of his face, but didn't stop at his forehead. This untraditional mask curved back along the top and back of his head, covering his hair.

Everything about this person was so elegant, so refined. He grabbed everyone's attention by just standing there.

This person.

The way he was standing…

So familiar…

When I adjusted my eyes, taking a look at his face… I finally recognized a pair of lips that I remembered... intimately.

**……………….................................................………………………………………..**


	21. Moments and Meetings

**Chapter 21!**

**Title: **_"Moments and Meetings"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!**

**Note: Out especially early for 'chasity', hopefully this eases your educational woes, lol…:)**

…………………………………………………..

I saw those lips start moving before my ears could make any sense of the words.

I only realized what this black-suited man said to me as I saw his hand reach up to me.

I knew that hand too well.

"Take my hand…"

His voice… he was speaking in the gentle tone that he never talked to anybody else with.

I didn't waste a second.

I stood up and reached out to his extended hand.

My fingertips touched his lightly.

His fingers grazed the underside of my palm, electricity invigorated the nerves in my hand wildly.

I looked up to his half-covered face. It was so strange to only see the bottom half of his face like this.

_I bet nobody else can recognize him_… they wouldn't even be able to tell by his hair, which was slicked under that elegant, obsidian mask.

He smiled that smile… and everything else was gone.

It was so much easier to forget all the staring eyes planted between me and Kakashi-sensei when he was right in front of me.

He grabbed my hand tighter, and started to walk backwards a little.

I followed him.

He was staring at me… I noticed that there was a translucent screen over his left eye…. To hide his Sharingan…

_That had to be custom-made…_

_He really planned this out…._

_With such short notice…_

…

_He really thought about all of this._

…

All of my worries, all of my questions, all of my fears seemed to slide right off of me as I walked farther into the crowd with him.

Not even those small, subconscious fears, which always plagued me, survived this moment.

I was completely calm… completely trusting…

He stopped on the spot, but kept pulling my hand towards him. His other hand curled around my hip, sliding up to my waist. He was moving so sinuously, I felt like he was orchestrating everything.

I could see a lot people staring at us, pretending that they were just dancing.

He pulled me closer.

He started swaying, leading my body in the same motion.

The music was soft.

He leaned down to me.

It felt so nice to have him this close to me agian.

His voice whispered against the side of my face.

"I'm sorry if my behavior, before, worried you."

I definitely wasn't worried anymore… I was embarrassed that I even ever thought that Kakashi-sensei could be less than honest.

"I'm sorry I worried." I answered with a low whisper, trying to keep our conversation only between us… but people seemed interested in what we were saying.

I was glad that the music was too loud for them to hear anything.

His hand rubbed against my side a little.

I heard him sigh warmly.

"You're the only one…" he continued. "The only one I look at,… think about,… touch…" I felt his masked face lean against my hair for a second. "...You're the only one for me."

He was so close.

I could imagine how I would've reacted to those words before right now. Before this new feeling of serenity came over me, I would've blushed, ducked my head and said nothing.

I couldn't be like that anymore.

I leaned up to whisper into his ear.

"I promise to keep myself for you, only."

I was serious.

I felt his hands tighten his grip on me. I heard him chuckle into my ear.

I loved that sound so much.

"Perfect answer…" he commented, I could hear the smile in his voice.

We swayed in silence.

I only paid attention to his soft breathing, his warm hands, his scent, his heartbeat…

"I wish I could kiss you right now…" I heard his voice say something I had been thinking about for a while now.

"I wish you could, too." I whispered against his, rarely bare, neck.

He pulled me against him. My head leaning against his collar… I noticed how much taller I was with these heels on.

His hand on my side slid up to my back.

I curled my fingers around his shoulder tighter.

I closed my eyes to appreciate the feeling of his hands on me, trying to concentrate on how every little movement of his fingers felt through the silk of my dress.

I could feel that he wanted to say more, do more, feel more… just as much as I wanted to…

But we both knew that we shouldn't get too close… anybody would get curious if they knew for sure that this black-suited man and I were a couple.

Everybody would _need_ to know who he was… and I wouldn't have a truthful answer to give them.

Plus, it was easy to tell by looking at how tall and muscular he was that he was much older than me… which would've been even hard to explain to anyone who wondered why we were kissing.

…

We were quiet again, trying to live off each other's touch for a little longer.

I opened my eyes a little, peeking contently over his firm shoulder, making sure that I hadn't been so detached from everyone else that the party wasn't already over or something.

I saw three girls standing on the sidelines of the dance floor pointing at the black-suited man with me, all of them were blushing and giggling.

I would've felt a little upset if I was still holding any doubts about the feelings of this man holding me.

Instead of feeling that jealousy, I almost felt proud…

"Everybody keeps looking at us… well, at you." I commented.

"Am I that distracting?" He asked a little lightly.

"You have no idea…" I said truthfully, pressing against him a little more.

"You were supposed to deny that, and save myself from a huge ego." He teased into my ear.

"You were supposed to know that as soon as you uncover the other half of that face of yours, everybody was going to be staring at you." I explained playfully.

He laughed a little. I joined him.

I was so calm.

So serene.

I felt like I belonged here…

I had wondered, before, about what world I belonged in…

...Kakashi's adult-paced world or Naruto's carfree, childish one…

This was the answer.

I didn't go to either.

I simply belonged with Kakashi-sensei… wherever he was…

…

And… I finally knew, in my heart…

He felt that he belonged with me, too.

........................

We swayed, attentively holding each other, for what seemed to be 5 minutes.

I saw the clock… it had been nearly a half hour.

Why was it so late already?

I sighed, lowering my head against his shoulder, my hand sliding back and forth on my back, trying to remember everything about the way he felt in that moment.

Every time I was with Kakashi-sensei, time seemed to speed up in spite of us.

…

_I guess time is the curse of this relationship… there's too much in between us, but not enough for us._

…

"ALright love-buuurds!" I heard that familiar drunken voice start yelling again, this time her words were slurred even more. I looked towards her with a bit of alarm."Thish partey is O-oveeeer….... BUT! Now the afffter-partiez shtart!" Lady Tsunade was having a hard time climbing onto her announcing-table, and was also experiencing some volume difficulties.

I could swear I heard Shizune-san grinding her teeth, somewhere, with frustration…

Despite Lady Tsunade's alcohol-induced speech-impediment, everyone caught what she was saying.

The main event was over, but now everybody was going to separate into their own niches and have after-parties.

"JOOoounins come withhh MEee….Mandatooory Joounin Meetiing at thuur baar!!!"

"Lady Tsunade!!" Shinzune finally found her voice.

But it was already too late. After the Hokage even says the words 'Mandatory Jounin Meeting', every Top-Jounin must report to the meeting, otherwise they'll be arrested.

Kakashi-sensei was most definitely a Top-Jounin.

I looked over to him.

He was still staring at the direction of the drunken Hokage, who had just managed to climb onto the table as soon as her announcement was over.

A great ruckus took over the hall, the music was drowned out by people yelling meeting places at each other, trying to figure out their plans.

He turned back to me.

It was so strange looking him in the face with that mask on. But I could see a familiar eye.

He was looking into my eyes a little expectantly.

"You should go, right?" I spoke up, feeling a little disappointed.

He nodded a little slowly.

"I need to go and get dressed as 'Kakashi', again." He referred to that worn-out gray suit and his normal face mask. "But I'll be back as soon as possible… so wait for me, alright?" He started to let me go.

"Are you sure?" I asked him before he was about to let go of my head.

He looked at me for a second of silence, like he didn't expect me to say that.

I just didn't want him to endanger himself so that he could come back to be with me.

"Everything will be fine… I just really need to be with you alone for a minute." His voice sounded reassuring, but I was still worried that he was going to push himself for this.

I'd usually be eager for any alone-time with Kakashi-sensei, and of course I would definitely love to be with him right now, but… something was different now… I didn't feel so desperate for his attention.

I felt like we would have so many opportunities in the future, that I'd be willing to wait…

But I didn't argue against his decision when he suddenly leaned in.

I felt his fingers push my mask a little, his lips landed on my forehead.

"Wait for me…"

And he was gone.

His black suit seemed to disappear inside of the roaring colors of the crowd…

I smiled to myself… looking forward to the next time I could see him.

**………………………………………………………………..**

Kakashi sped out of the boiling and bustling building hurriedly, running to the alleyway with his gray suit and mask.

He was glad he didn't leave the clothes at home, otherwise he'd probably run out of time before getting back to her.

He pulled off his custom mask as he walked into the pitch black alley.

He hurriedly unbuttoned his jacket, shrugging it off, continuing to undress and redress.

He couldn't stop thinking about her.

He knew he should be more worried about this Mandatory Meeting with a drunken Hokage… but nothing else seemed to matter when he thought about getting back to her.

He was dressed again in record speed.

He thought back to the moment right before he left her.

....

_That was new…_

…

_She's usually so eager for anytime she could get with me, like she's afraid it would be our last moments together…_

_But she seemed so calm… collected… trusting…_

…

_Maybe she's finally realized that I'm not going anywhere any time soon._

He smiled to himself at that thought as he ran his hands through his slicked back hair to wild it up again.

**……………………………………………………………………….**

"So do you wanna come with us, Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked loudly over the yelling crowd around us.

I was standing with Shikamaru, Ino, Naruto, Hinata, Sai, Lee, Shino, Chouji, along with several other chuunins that I had met once or twice.

They had decided rather quickly that our group's after-party was going to be at Shikamaru's house.

He had a big house with plenty of space, and even though his dad was going to be at the Mandatory Meeting, his mom said that it was okay for our group to come over.

"Sure…" I answered a little excitedly.

Of course I was in a heavenly mood because of Kakashi, but this actually sounded like fun, too.

I always liked the type of close-friend-parties better.

Naruto beamed at me, but I noticed that he was still holding Hinata's hand.

I felt a little hopeful for them.

"Hey, Sakura!" I heard Ino suddenly call out like she just remembered something.

"Yeah?" I looked over to her.

"Who was that guy you were dancing for so long with?" She asked, my heart stopped for a second. "He didn't look familiar at all, but it would be hard to forget a guy like that… and he looked like an adult… who was he?"

_'A guy like that?'_

_Did she mean she thought he was attractive?_

_Was Ino one of the girls interested in Kakashi-sensei, too?_

My head spun with that weird thought.

After I recouped from that strange idea, I suddenly realized that everyone was looking at me.

I think they had all thought of this question, too.

Naruto's eyes seemed a little pouty…. he must've seen how close me and Kakashi were…

"I-I…" Thoughts escaped me, I was pretty bad at lying when everyone was staring at me. "…I don't know…" I lied horribly, stuttering.

There was a long pause…

Did they realize I was lying?!

"No waaay!" Ino shouted all of a sudden with a gossipy tone. "He didn't even know you, but just went up to you like that!?…" I nodded, a little nervous. "Lucky…." She grumbled under her breath.

Naruto seemed a little at ease.

Everyone else just looked away, already bored with the lack of drama.

I tried to imagine what it would've been like if I had said it was Kakashi… they would've probably thought I was joking…

"Okay, come on guys!" Shikamaru spoke up, heading towards the door.

I almost started walking with them till a red flag went up in my brain.

"Um… you guys go on ahead. I'll catch up.' I told them, walking away a little.

"Are you gonna go back to that guy?!" Ino couldn't resist actually hitting the drama on the head.

"N-no!..." I called back to her. "I'm going to go see if Tsunade needs help!"

Everyone seemed to buy that miracle-lie.

They waved their goodbyes and started walking excitedly towards the direction of Shikamaru's house.

I was left standing at the entrance of the building.

I felt a little bad for lying…

But I was distracted from that guilt when I felt a familiar hand on my arm.

"Come with me…" He whispered to my ear from behind me, with that tone he only used around me.

His hand left my arm, I turned around, trying to control this stupid smile as I followed him through the moving mob of smiling, half-drunk people.

_I guess I fit right in..._

I stared at his back, wanting to reach out… but I had to remember that patience I felt earilier.

We were inside of the building again, dodging stumbling shinobi...

"Is everybody reeeady to go to the baaar!?" Tsunade yelled triumphantly, pointing towards the entrance, a league of Top-Jounins crowding around her. They were all either laughing or drinking.

Kakashi made a sharp turn away from the group and down a dark hallway, grabbing my hand, leading me farther down.

"Aren't you going to be late?" I spoke up, hoping he'd ignore my warning.

"Tsunade probably wouldn't notice if I showed up a little late… I usually do that anyways." He explained lightly, slowing down, turning to me.

The hallway was dark, but if the people in the main foyer were to look towards us, they'd see us.

We couldn't be alone like this.

I noticed Kakashi's hand suddenly close around a doorknob I didn't see before.

"It's a secret meeting room…" He opened the door widely to a dark room, a single table placed in the middle of the wooden floor, a large window letting in moonlight from the right wall.

I walked in, the cheers and shouting of the people in the foyer growing dimmer.

I heard Kakashi close the door behind him.

Before I had a chance to turn around, I felt his arms slink around my waist, falling forward to cross across my stomach. It reminded me of the night outside Yamato-taichou's camping-house.

But this was different.

I felt him lean down, his lips pressing against the corner of my neck, travelling upward.

I twitched with a little with surprise.

His mouth reached my ear.

"Sorry, I just couldn't wait…" He said really quietly, even though no one other than me was going to hear him if he spoke a little louder.

His arms tightened around me as he started kissing down my neck again. His lips gently grazed across my skin, landing softly every other inch. I trembled a little when his lips kept following my shoulder. He held me agianst him tighter.

I was breathing a little faster now, even though we hadn't even kissed yet.

His kisses got longer and deeper the closer he got to the tip of my shoulder. I lifted my hand to the side of his neck, my fingers weaving into the soft hair on the back of his head.

One of his arms left my stomach, his fingers landing on mine, intertwining with mine.

I felt my breathing get even more arduous, the shoulder under his lips was shaking a little.

Then his other arm slid off of my waist, his lips left my skin, he was still holding my hand.

I felt slightly disappointed that he didn't continue.

My legs felt a little weak as he led me over to the single table in the room. I leaned against it, his hands planted onto the tabletop on either side of me.

His face was only inches from mine. He only looked at me for a second.

I was still trying to think straight, but whenever he kissed my neck like that, I almost always lost my voice.

"You are so beautiful…" His eyes narrowed a little, like he was _really_ looking at me.

I felt a little embarrassed, but so happy…

He leaned in a little closer...

My anticipation grew...

"You don't need that mask anymore." He commented a little lightly. He wasn't having any trouble with his voice, was he?

I took the hint and reached up to my red mask, almost slipping it off until I thought of something.

I lowered my hand to my side again, and took a deep breath.

"You have to be the one to do it…" I repeated some very important words between the both of us, playfully.

He laughed, his smile brighter than I had remembered it ever being.

I somehow managed to keep myself from laughing… but I failed to maintain a serious face.

His laughing died out, his mismatched eyes looking into mine with a mischievous glint.

"Alright…" He said with a warm tone I remembered hearing once before.

His eyes suddenly left mine, his head was ducked down a little.

I tried to look down to him, but I was shocked thoughtless when I felt a pair of lips press against my extreme lower neck, just above the fabric of my dress.

My head tilted back a little.

I felt like I was going to fall to the ground.

I was already trembling when he kissed up to my collarbone, pausing a long time, pressing his lips harder against my skin.

Why did he always know what to do to make me feel like this?

I coudln't help it when my head titled all the way back, my neck completely stretched.

His lips reached my neck, I felt one of his hands land between my shoulder blades, pulling me against him a little more.

His lips moved up my neck the way I had felt them move a few times before, but the way his lips touched my skin with such intensity… I could never get used to it.

I felt lips on the side of my jaw.

His hand slid from by back, all the way up to the back of my head.

I felt his hand tilt my head back towards him, his finger slipping around the plastic string tying the strawberry red mask against my face, pulling at the bow a little.

Every time he kissed along my jaw, every other centimeter, he would pull on the bow of the string only a centimeter more.

He was teasing me… holding back and elongating this suspenseful moment when I really wanted his lips on mine.

After only a few more seconds of this torture I grew impatient.

I lifted my shaky hand to his, pulling on it so that he'd undo the bow.

But I wasn't strong enough to move his hand even a centimeter.

His lips left me, chuckling a little at my failed attempt.

"You should know by now that every time you challenge me like that… I'll always get a little too serious about it." He said with that warm voice, smiling at me.

I was breathing a little hard. I could only give him a half-serious glare.

"But at this point, this is hurting me, too…"

I felt his hand suddenly pull the bow loose. The mask fell from my face slowly. Falling toward the wooden floor.

His lips landed on mine before I heard the plastic mask hit the ground.

His lips had barely been on mine more than a second before…

"Hey, Kakashi, I saw you come in here, so there's no point hiding. We need to get going or Tsunade wi-…"

The door was open, the sound of yelling and cheering invaded this dark room as I immediately recognized the frozen silhouette in the doorway…

Everything went silent for a moment...

**………………………………………………………………………………………..**


	22. Parties and Partings

**Chapter 22!**

**Title: **_"Parties and Partings"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!**

**Note: **Sorry, if I kept you waiting too long, YukiGakamo1… lol :)

BTW: Your very very welcome, chasity! :D

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Everything was silent except for the faint roaring of the crowd out in the foyer.

I looked at the person in the doorway…

_Iruka-sensei…_

"Oh, um sorry Kakashi… I didn't know you were-…" Iruka-sensei started to duck his head to the floor and back out of the doorway, like he was trying to give Kakashi-sensei some privacy… until he saw my dress.

"What?" I heard Iruka-sensei ask himself quietly.

I realized it must've been too dark for him to see me clearly at first… but that cover didn't last long.

"Sakura?"

My heart started pounding… Should I say something? Should I pretend like I wasn't there?

"What's going on?" Iruka's voice got a little louder…

I glanced over to Kakashi, he was looking at the floor, his eyes narrowed with concentration.

"Why are you two in he--…." He started asking like he already knew the answer.

But I couldn't hear his voice finish that sentence. Kakashi's lips crashed onto mine.

My eyes widened with shock…

_What is he doing?!_

He started kissing me so desperately, his hand on the back of my head pushed me too close to him.

I didn't hear anything come out of Iruka… I couldn't even see him.

Kakahsi-sensei broke the rough kiss for only a second…

"Resist…"

He kissed me even harder, making my lips hurt a little, but broke away a moment later…

"Fight back…"

He kissed me again, even more forceful this time.

I couldn't keep up with his lips.

I felt his hand clutch my hair aggressively.

"Push me away!" He whispered with an urgent wispy voice before pulling me into another violent kiss.

His hand grabbed the back of my dress, tugging at it.

He leaned me farther onto the table.

He pressed against me like he never had before.

I still had no idea what he was trying to do… it was so hard to think straight when Kakashi was acting like this, and especially when I was worried about what Iruka-sensei was thinking.

My brain suddenly scrambled and reset when I felt Kakashi's tongue push into my mouth without warning.

I let out a loud whimper of surprise.

Now I wanted to push him away.

But I didn't have a chance to; he was already off of me a moment later.

"Hatake!" I heard the angry of voice Iruka-sensei call out Kakashi's last name violently.

I heard the familiar sound of a fist punching against someone's face.

My eyes adjusted to the scene a moment later.

Kakashi was slightly crouched, rubbing the right side of his face.

Iruka-sensei was a few feet away from him, holding his fist tightly, looking a little out of breath. He was staring at Kakashi like he was crazy.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Kakashi?!" I flinched at Iruka's voice… I had never heard it get so angry... Even when someone in our class had done something dangerous on the obstacle course, he wouldn't ever get this angry.

"Just teaching a student a lesson…" Kakashi's voice was a little slurred, his tone sounded cocky.

"What the hell does that supposed to mean!?" Iruka yelled increduloulsy.

"I only wanted to see what it would feel like…" Kakashi's 'drunk' voice was so arrogant.

Iruka took a couple staggering steps away from Kakashi, as if he was disgusted.

"Stop acting like you're drunk!" Iruka yelled. "I've seen you drunk, but you've never done anything like this before!!" Iruka quickly lifted his hand in my direction.

He looked at me for a second, his eyes seemed apologetic… almost pitiful. Like I was a victim.

I suddenly realized what Kakashi-sensei had been trying to do.

He wanted to lie and put on an act… he was pretending that he had been attacking me…. So that I wouldn't get in trouble.

I felt a frustrated anxiety grow with a squirming sensation in my stomach.

After a second Kakashi stood up straight.

"Why were you doing that to Sakura?!!" Iruka asked even louder.

I worried if anyone in the foyer could hear him.

My palms were sweating now, I clutched onto the table, trying to calm myself down so that I could catch everything that was going on.

"This doesn't concern you…" Kakashi admitted the act to Iruka… His voice was back to normal, but he sounded solemn.

He turned to Iruka-sensei, flashing a glare at him.

Iruka definitely didn't like that look.

I saw Iruka raise his fist for a second punch.

I immediately pushed myself away from the table.

I ran to Iruka-sensei, my arms wrapping around his bicep, trying to make him stop.

"Sakura?" Iruka suddenly called my name, Kakashi looked down at me while recovering from his grimace… he had expected that second punch.

I was still having trouble breathing.

I felt a thick, acidy feeling course through my body as my apprehension over this situation grew.

"This isn't his fault." I said quietly. Holding Iruka's arm tighter, trying to make him listen to me. "He wasn't the one who started this…"

"Sakura, don't…" Kakashi called out to me weakly. He took a step towards me, but Iruka whipped his head towards Kakashi sharply, as if warning him not to get any closer to me.

"It's all my fault…" I admitted little more clearly, trying to get Iruka's attention again.

Thinking back to how this all started… it really was my fault. But either way, I wasn't going to let Kakashi take this all on his own.

Iruka-sensei slowly lowered his arm… I let go of it.

"Sakura… you don't know what you're saying." Iruka-sensei talked to me like I was that 12-year-old again.

"Of course I know what I'm saying!" I said a little loudly towards the floor. "This is all my fault… so don't treat Kakashi like he's the only one who did something." I looked up at Iruka… trying to see what he was thinking. He was only staring at me with wide, confused eyes.

He looked like he was stunned silent.

"Sakura… that's enough…" Kakashi suddenly walked in between me and Iruka.

Iruka didn't even move to stop Kakashi as he got closer to me… he must've really gotten a shock from learning that whatever was between us, didn't start tonight…. And definitely wasn't a drunken mistake…

Kakashi-sensei's hands landed on my cold shoulders, pushing me away a little.

I had to say something first.

I knew he was only going to try and push me out of this.

"You can't take everything on by yourself!" I used words he had told me so long ago… hoping they'd reach him better.

He was quiet for a second.

"I have to, this time…" He looked down at me, his hand moving to the side of my neck gently.

There were so many different sides of Kakashi, so many things he was capable of… I could barely keep up.

"I can help you…" I tried to argue back, grabbing his hand, but I couldn't find the right thing to say.

"Please go to the after-party with Naruto and them…" He leaned down to my ear. "I'll come pick you up as soon as I'm able…." I gave him a questioning look.

How is he so sure that they'll even let him see me again?

"…Don't worry, I'll take care of this…." And his hands left me.

The last thing I saw was Kakashi grabbing Iruka-sensei's arm, and dragging him out of the room, heading back towards the foyer, and closing the door behind him.

I was left in the room… completely stunned by what had just happened over the course of two minutes…

I wanted to follow after them… but I felt like this was an adult matter now… like it had to be talked out between those two old friends…

My stomach still felt acidy from the anxiety…

Yet I felt a little better after he told me not to worry…

I slowly walked over to the table, listening to the lonely sound of the clacking of my heels after every step… I knelt down to the plastic, strawberry red mask on the floor. Picked it up and straightened some of the feathers.

I tied the string around the plastic and held it tightly in my hand.

I left that room, planning my way to Shikmaru's house.

I felt a little like I was missing something.

Like I was emptier than before.

**……………………………………………….......……….**

Kakashi squeezed Iruka's arm tightly, hoping that it was hurting him a little.

He was dragging Iruka towards the foyer's thinning, shuffling crowd.

Everything was getting louder and more hectic as they got closer to the mob.

"Kakashi!" Iruka spoke up. "We really need to have a talk abou-…"

"Not now." Kakashi practically snarled over his shoulder.

With a tug and a push, Kakashi flung Iruka in front of him and towards the crowding group of Jounins.

"Ah, Iruka! You're finally back!" Tsunade yelled above everyone else.

She must've sobered up in the past few minutes… probably preparing herself to get drunk again.

"What took so long?!" She inquired bossily.

"Uh…er…" Iruka suddenly couldn't look the Hokage in the eye… he couldn't even say anything.

Kakashi knew that by forcing the gentlemanly Iruka into public, he wouldn't be able to spill such devastating drama, and would become practically tongue-tied if he was asked about it.

Kakashi was happy that he knew his friend so well.

And that he wasn't above using Iruka's weakness for his benefit.

"I was hiding too well for him." Kakashi spoke up, using his lying abilities to plaster a fake smile onto his recently re-masked face.

Tsunade smiled back.

"Well, we'll deal with your persecution later, Kakashi. But now that everybody's here… why don't we get going!!!"

Lady Tsunade yelled with a voice that never seemed to grow tired.

The pink-faced Jounins yelled and cheered, following her example.

"Okay, Move OUT!" She ordered finally.

The whole group started migrating quickly.

Iruka shot a glance at Kakashi… he was definitely upset… and probably knew why Kakashi had pushed him in front of everyone so hastily.

Kakashi's fake smile faded when their glares met.

There was definitely going to be a talk later on…

…………………….

"Come on, Kakashi!" Tsunade encouraged loudly.

The restaurant was bustling with excitement.

It had been a while since everybody had been so lively, especially with new enemies of Konoha appearing left and right… but now they were completely free from responsibility, and having a fun time acting crazy.

After a considerable amount of time, everybody had decided to sit at a single booth, connecting two tables together, and many had to borrow chairs from different tables.

Right now everybody was looking at either Kakashi or Gai.

Gai was staring at Kakashi, sparkles of competiveness sprouting from his bobcut… Kakashi was less than enthusiastic.

Even though it had been a while since they left the Main Hall, Iruka was still glaring at Kakashi with the same intensity, if not more, from when they first left.

It was really bothering Kakashi…

He was immediately distracted when a large clay sake bottle landed heavily onto the table in front of him.

Tsunade slammed it down with just enough force to keep it from breaking.

"Drinking conteeeeeest~!" She announced happily.

Everybody cheered in reaction.

Gai pulled over his little glass to the bottle, tipping it over slightly, filling the glass to the rim.

Kakashi saw a little glass, identical to Gai's, flash in front of his face.

Shikaku Nara was handing it to him, grinning widely with a slightly drunk-red face.

"This is your punishment for being late Kakashi!" Tsunade added when she saw Kakashi's obvious hesitation. "If you don't enter this contest, you'll be committing a crime!" Lady Tsunade threatened Kakashi with the law.

She was technically right… if a Jounin were to disregard the Hokage's authority during a mandatory meeting… it was against the law.

Kakashi took the glass slowly, grimacing.

Cheers could be heard from the street.

**……………………………………………………....................................……….**

"I loooove you, Baaaaabyyy~!" Naruto sung at the top of his lungs, peeking at the brightly flashing screen for more lyrics, clutching the miniature microphone in his hands.

Everybody laughed as he ran out of breath for the last note, his voice squeaked out as much as he could.

Karaoke was the activity now… we had already eaten, sat around, played board games (Shikamaru beat all of us), and shared mission stories…

Karaoke was always enjoyable… you could act stupid, and nobody cared.

I watched as Sai stood up to take his turn, he flipped through the song choices nonchalantly…

I wondered why he agreed to it…

Maybe he actually likes karaoking?

I smiled at the idea that even the strangest of us could find some sort of common ground…

I loved being here, with everyone… feeling their joy, their excitement… it was so much fun…

But…

I couldn't forget what happened in that meeting room.

But, thankfully, I remembered Kakashi's words more clearly.

"_Don't worry, I'll take care of this…"_

I wouldn't worry.

If he's confident that he can fix this…

Then I can enjoy myself till he comes to get me.

I checked the clock.

It had been nearly an hour and a half.

Everything seemed alright.

But a part of me wanted time to go by faster…

… I really wanted to see him again.

Sai finished his short little, soft song…

He actually had a really nice singing voice.

"Why don't we go outside and light a bonfire!" Naruto sat up from the sofa, sharing his random epiphany loudly.

We all just stared at him for an awkward second.

"We do have a fire-pit outside…" Shikamaru added.

And everybody was up and about, trying to figure out which way was out, and where this fire-pit was.

We were all scatterbrained and tired, but we still had some energy left for a bonfire.

Everybody shuffled around, Naruto screaming about where he could find some wood...

I smiled… finding it very strange that I felt like smiling…

If this had been a day ago… I would've been fretting, worrying, and wondering, chaining myself to the wall to stop myself from tracking down Iruka and explaining everything.

...

...

I've changed, haven't I?

**……………………………………………………………………………**

"Sorry to interrupt… but we're closing for the night…" A shy waitress said quietly towards the rowdy group of Top-Jounins, a little scared to look any of them in the eyes.

She was right to be afraid.

All the previous cheers were lost when several of them started grumbling loudly.

"I guess the meetings over…" For the first time in a while, Tsunade actually talked with a normal voice. Everybody stopped complaining and started slowly agreeing that they had to either get home to their wives, or to check on their kids, or that they really weren't looking forward to the hangover they're gonna get in the morning.

Everybody started to stand from their seat, leaving half-eaten food, and half-drunk bottles on the table… Gai was still drooling onto the tabletop, out cold from too much alcohol.

Kakashi stumbled a little when he tried to stand up.

He had always held his liquor well, but he was feeling a little more than shaky right now.

His head buzzed lightly, his eyes weren't adjusting properly.

He leaned his hand on the back of his chair for a second, trying to let the blood reach his head after standing up too fast.

"Here, I'll give you a hand, Kakashi…" That voice… he knew that voice well..

Why did an untitled red flag go up in his brain when he heard it.

Why did he feel like he should be running away from that voice?

He felt someone pick up his arm, holding it tightly in their hand.

It kinda hurt.

He slowly but surely walked towards the exit, getting a little help with balance from the hand gripping his arm.

Kakashi glanced over to the person helping him.

Black hair, a scar stretching across the bridge of his nose.

It was Iruka…

As they stepped across the threshold, the cold night air suddenly rushed over Kakashi's face.

Memories came back when the wind hit his skin.

Kissing Sakura…

Getting punched…

Yelling…

Kakashi heard a chorus of 'byes' as everybody either teamed up to go in a general direction, or went off alone towards their houses. Kakashi saw that Gai was getting a similar type of help.

"Wanna come with us?" Shikaku offered Iruka…

"No, this guys pretty messed up… he should go home." Iruka said the last part a little seriously, looking back down at the slightly slouching Kakashi.

Everything suddenly came back…

Everything that happened.

Everything that they said.

Kakashi felt so much more sober now… but still wobbly.

Iruka drug Kakashi by the arm down the street.

"Iruka…" Kakashi tried to get his attention.

"Shut up." Iruka said harshly. That was new.

"If you have something to say… just say it!" Kakashi nearly shouted, tearing his arm out of Iruka's grasp.

Iruka turned around to look at him.

"I have a lot to say… but I can't see how it could get through to you if you're already acting like an idiot when you're _not_ drunk!" Iruka almost yelled.

Kakashi knew that they shouldn't be too loud, he glanced around them.

Everything was deserted.

How late was it?

"What do you mean by that?" Kakashi asked, feeling more than a little frustrated, but trying to remain calm. He already knew what Iruka meant, but he needed to hear it.

"Don't you remember what I walked in on?!... Don't you remember what you were doing with… Sakura…?" His voice suddenly got quiet. Iruka checked over his shoulder for anyone.

"I remember everything." Kakashi admitted, his anger growing a little, but still waiting for whatever Iruka was getting at.

"What's wrong with you!?" Iruka raised his voice again when he saw that Kakashi wasn't visibly ashamed of himself. Iruka's voice sounded so unnatural with that tone. "She's too young!... I've known her since she was _five! _She's like a daughter to me!... And you first met her when she was _twelve_! She's only _sixteen _now! She hasn't even started living her own life yet!"

Kakashi flinched at the words and numbers that had been haunting him for a while, as they were now being shouted at him.

"She's _Sakura_!" Iruka finished listing the major reasons why this relationship was so abnormal. "What's wrong with you?!" Iruka repeated that question.

"That's right, she's _Sakura_… and don't you think I've already asked myself that question a hundred times, too?!" Kakashi was yelling now, too.

"She isn't somebody you can just fool around with!!"

"That's not how it is!" His voice sounded a little desperate now.

It was strange how these two, usually calm and gentle people, could get so angry at each other.

Iruka took a step back, a little shocked at Kakashi's desperate reaction.

Kakashi took a deep breath. Trying to let the cold, night air calm him down.

"Don't you think I know she's too young? Don't you think that I know how I'm probably only going to mess up her life before it even begins?..." His voice was hushed. He looked down to the ground.

Silence took over as Kakashi tried not to think about how horrible it was to say these things.

Iruka took a step forward ahead, the gravel crunching under his dress shoe.

"Do you… really love her?" Iruka had trouble asking that question.

Kakashi hesitated for only a second, not really wanting to talk about this.

"It happened before I could stop it." He admitted calmly.

Iruka stayed quiet.

Kakashi looked up at him.

It was evident that Iruka was thinking really thoroughly about what he should do.

"Was it true?" Iruka asked out of nowhere.

"What?" Kakashi was a little nervous.

"That she started this… relationship?" Iruka sounded a little awkward with that last word.

Kakashi knew that this was his chance… Iruka was probably checking that Kakashi wasn't the one who drug her into the relationship agianst her will.

"… She was the first one who showed her feelings." Kakashi confirmed formally.

"Are you sure?" Iruka gave Kakashi a testing stare.

Kakashi thought back to that rainy day, under the tree, her crying face… her quivering lips kissing him through his mask.

"Very."

Iruka shifted on the spot a little.

"I don't want to ruin everything for you guys… and I don't want her to suffer whatever gossip would come of this if everyone found out…" Iruka sounded like he was listing the cons of telling the truth to everyone. "But, I don't really care about you, though…" Iruka shot up a half-serious glance at Kakashi.

Neither of them knew if Iruka was joking or not.

**………………………………………………........................……………..**

I sat on the edge of the veranda watching the crackling fire.

Ino was a couple feet down the veranda, sitting next to Sai.

She was trying to start a conversation.

I didn't disturb them.

The bonfire was burning a little wildly, Naruto kept trying to jump over it.

I felt like yelling out at him to stop it whenever he ran towards it and sprang off the ground and over it.

He stopped on his own when he noticed that the bottom of his dress shoes were a little charred.

He freaked out about it for a few good minutes, I laughed at him as he was shoving his shoe into Lee's face trying to exaggerate the situation.

Lee just decided that everything would be settled with an arm wrestle… his thought process always led back to competitions somehow.

Hinata was drinking tea on the sidelines, her bare arms covered by Naruto's white suit jacket. She was smiling happily towards the exuberant Naruto who ran to her to brag when he won against Lee.

Lee chased after him for a rematch.

Shikamaru and Chouji just sat by, talking about random things, looking at the sky.

I looked up, too.

The orange glow from the fire made the night sky look a little purple. There were so many stars.

I felt like I could watch the heavens forever… or at least until Kakashi finally came back for me.

He was taking longer than expected.

I tried to push it out of my mind like I had before.

The sliding door behind me rattled open.

Somebody was probably coming back from getting a snack… but I noticed that we were all out here anyways.

"Kakashi-sensei!" I saw Naruto suddenly stand up and start running excitedly towards me… or towards the man behind me. "What're you doing here?!" Naruto yelled out even though he was only a couple feet away now.

Everybody else looked over, too, a little confused.

I guess they weren't expecting a Jounin to come by.

I felt a smile spread across my face when I heard his voice.

"Just came to see if my students were behaving themselves." He sounded like a real teacher in that moment.

"We're not doing anything dangerous." Naruto grinned, walking back to Hinata and Lee, obviously forgetting his fire-jumping phase.

"Good, cause I know Tsunade was giving out alcohol to minors…" Kakashi explained a little further.

"Is it still illegal for minors to drink if the Hokage gives it to them?" Ino asked that random question mostly to herself.

"I really don't know…" Kakashi answered with a small-talk voice.

I felt his eyes on me.

I heard him take a few steps.

I could see him walk over to the post next to me, he leaned against it.

We were silent for a few seconds.

I wanted to say something… to look at him… but I couldn't bring myself to do either before I heard him whisper.

"I'll leave right now… meet me in the street in about five minutes."

I checked if Ino heard… she was too busy talking with Sai.

"Okay…" I answered, trying to hold back this stupid smile.

A moment passed… all I could hear was the fire crackling and a couple of voices talking softly.

"Well, I guess I'll be going…" And he was gone from my sight.

"Bye, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto waved, still hyper.

"Bye…" I whispered.

The door rattled shut behind me.

_So that was what he meant by 'picking me up'?_

I took a moment to think about how well he always planned things.

But my mind didn't travel far from that big question.

_How did he manage to fix everything and make it here?_

………………….

"Bye, everyone!" I waved at everybody, feeling a little guilty after they had all complained about me leaving early.

I told them my mom gave me a curfew.

Saying that made me feel a little bit worse.

I picked up my mask from the side-table I had set in on, and walked out of the house, thanking Mrs. Nara for letting us stay here for our after-party.

She smiled a hard-creased smile. I could tell smiling wasn't her usual thing.

I walked out into the street, passing through the wall-gate of Shikamaru's house.

He must actually be rich or something.

I couldn't think about that right now... I didn't have to think about anything else when I knew Kakashi-sensei was around.

I started looking around, expecting him to turn the corner or come walking down the street.

I felt a hand grab mine from behind.

He immediately started running.

I caught up with him easily.

I found energy that wasn't there before.

Whenever he did this… just grab my hand and start running, I always felt so happy… like we were running away from everything…

I felt so happy… so relieved… he was still here with me… still free to be with me like this.

I reached my other hand to hold his.

He tightened his grip, as he usually did.

I suddenly noticed from the blurry buildings rushing passed us that we weren't taking the route to the bridge.

"Where are we going?" I asked over the rushing wind in my ears.

"With half of Konoha out and about this late, the bridge isn't safe anymore… We can't afford to take any more chances…" He said a little seriously.

"So where are we going?" I asked again.

"I know a place."

My heart felt like it was floating again.

I didn't care where we were going... just as long as I was with him, everything would be alright.

At least that was what I thought until we made a sudden stop in front of our destination.

……………………………………………………………


	23. Apartments and Apologies

**Chapter 23!**

**Title:**_"Apartments and Apologies"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**Note:**There are no time-cuts, POV switches, or plot in this chapter… but I hope you enjoy anyways. :)

…..

He started walking up the outdoor, metal stairs slowly; hold my hand close to him. I was only a single step behind him.

He hadn't said where we were. But I was smart enough to figure it out.

I felt really fidgety… kind of nervous… what did this mean?

"Is this ok?" I asked his back quietly, squeezing his hand for attention.

"This is probably the most dangerous place we can be together… but it's also the safest." He explained softly, climbing up a couple more steps patiently.

"…'most dangerous'…?" I repeated what he said, my hand holding the cold metal railing for support.

"Of course." He said with a serious tone. "It's common sense that it's incredibly forbidden for a female student to be in a male teacher's home… alone with him." He added the last couple of words even more seriously.

I felt a little strange…It was hard to admit that they made that rule because of couples like us.

"But this'll be the one place where I know nobody should walk in." Kakashi explained over his shoulder, a little lightly. "I don't get many visitors."

…'_nobody should walk in'…_

I was immediately reminded of Iruka-sensei.

"Kakashi…. about what happened at the Main Hall, wha-?" I tried to bring it up.

"It's better if we talk about that once we get inside." He interrupted me, looking around at all the apartment doors and window, making sure that no one could see or hear us.

'...g_et inside.'_

My stomach bubbled a little anxiously.

I was going to be in his room.

His room.

This was really serious…

Kakashi-sensei isn't… expecting anything, right?

I eyed the back of his head for a second, trying to imagine what was going through his head.

I still hadn't come up with anything when we started slowing down... apparently we had reached the right floor. I could feel my heart beating stronger with every silent step.

I tried to calm myself down with a deep breath, my attempts were spoiled when he stopped in front of a door, pulling out his keys.

He unlocked it with only one hand.

"After you…" He said softly, pulling me in front of him as he peeked around the floor for any spectators. I walked across the threshold. I didn't get a good look at the entryway before he opened pulled me through another door to my left.

The room was really dark.

I could only see by the moonlight that the wide window let in.

The desk was a little busy with paperwork, his small bookcase held a few books… some familiar orange and green covered Icha Icha ones, of course… my eyes barely noticed that the two team pictures, and a little plant on top of his bookcase before my eyes flashed to the large, and painfully obvious, bed against the left wall.

I tried not to look at it…

I turned around to Kakashi.

Even though I was really actually curious to see what his apartment looked like, I didn't want Kakashi-sensei out of my sight.

I still had things to talk about.

He quickly closed the door behind him.

"I need to talk abo-" He cut me off.

His hand reached towards me, I felt his fingers slide into my hair, he pulled me against his chest.

He sighed deeply. He sounded relieved, tired… but happy.

I took in a sudden gasp of air with surprise… As soon as I felt his other arm wrap around me so tightly, I really realized how much I missed this.

It had only been a few hours since we were last together… but I still needed more of him. I needed to feel him. I needed this so much…

My arms wrapped around his back, my hands clutching his jacket eagerly.

I almost forgot what I had wanted to talk about.

He started talking first, though.

"I needed this…" he mimicked my thoughts perfectly.

I felt his hand graze up and down my back… I shivered. It felt really nice.

Everything was so quiet…

"We've been through a lot together haven't we… since this started…" He broke the silence.

"It's worth it…" I nuzzled against his chest a little closer, trying to feel as much as I could.

He chuckled.

I never grew tired of the way his laugh sounded when I was this close to him.

"Kakashi-sensei…" I spoke up after a few more seconds of our contemplative silence. I wanted to get his attention, but I got the impression that he wasn't really thinking about talking.

"Hm?..." He answered with a soft hum. I felt his fingers weave through my hair slowly. I closed my eyes for a second, loving the way he did that.

"Um… about what happened…" I couldn't really force any more words out when I felt his face press against my hair, but I knew he would understand what I was getting at. I just hoped that if he responded, I would be able to pay attention to his words.

I brushed my hands along his back.

He was so tall, my hands couldn't reach his shoulders. I could only feel his shoulder blades moved under the fabric of his jacket when he lowered his arm around my waist.

"It's ok… I talked with him…" Kakashi answered too vaguely. I wanted to know more… I felt like I should know more.

"What did he say?" I asked lightly, still enjoying the way he played with my hair… the way his fingers followed up my spine.

"Nothing that we didn't already know he was going to say…." Kakashi explained with an equally vague answer… I was starting to lose my patience.

"What does that mean?" I asked, poking the subject further.

His hands stiffened and stopped moving.

I could tell that he was catching on to how serious I was.

"He didn't say anything important…" His voice sounded a little more severe. I could tell he didn't like talking about this.

Iruka-sensei must've said something that worried Kakashi…

"What did he say, really?" I asked a bit louder, pulling my arms away from him.

I really hated having to do that, but I needed to look him in the face.

I really didn't want Kakashi to have to deal with whatever Iruka said, by himself.

Kakashi's dealt with too much in his life, and never tell anyone… I didn't want him to have to keep anything from me.

I put my hands on his chest, pushing him away a few inches, his arms fell from my hair and side.

He was looking down at me with serious eyes… eyes that seemed to look right into me.

"What did he-" I was going to ask the question again, but I couldn't when his hands suddenly cupped around my face. His lips were on mine.

His lips moved with such desperation.

I felt his right hand slide down to my neck, the other one on my shoulder.

He pulled me in closer.

I couldn't help but kiss him back.

My fingers found his arms, weakly grabbing onto his sleeves.

He broke away, but didn't let me go.

"He said I was acting like an idiot…" He said hurriedly. His lips found mine again.

He seemed frenzied… I caught on to that feeling, too.

I thought through those words in the back of my mind, as my first priority suddenly became my need to touch him.

My hands suddenly gripped his arms tightly, wanting him to touch me more, too.

His lips were moving even faster… This wasn't his usual kiss, it was too aggressive.

His hand on my neck reached towards the back of my head.

The hand on my shoulder only pulled me into him closer.

I could hear his breathing getting heavier.

Mine was already heavy.

He broke the kiss, letting me breathe, the air seemed a bit hotter than before.

"He warned me that I couldn't just have fun with you…" He narrated further, his voice a little wispy.

I could barely react to the gravity of those words when he was suddenly pushing me forward, his steps in synch with mine.

I was walking backwards, I almost tripped over my heels.

I almost lost balance with complete shock when I felt my heel hit against something wooden.

The base of Kakahsi's bed.

He kept pushing me…

I sat on the bed a little quickly, feeling like I was falling.

My heart was beating too fast… it felt weird.

"Kakash-" I tried to get his attention again.

His lips landed on mine, he was crouching over me, pushing me farther onto the bed.

My feet left the ground, I started crawling away from Kakashi a little.

My heels got caught in the fabric of his patterned, sage-green bedspread.

The anxious bubbling in my stomach rumbled acidicly.

Even though I was getting a little scared, I couldn't stop kissing him, I couldn't control this insane need to feel him. I didn't even notice when he had crawled onto the bed, too.

But I noticed when his knees fell on either side of my shaking legs, making the mattress sink under me a little.

I gulped nervously.

He finally broke away from my lips. I gasped for the hot air.

His lips hadn't left me, but he wasn't kissing me either.

His lips only grazed along my neck, like I had felt them before.

But this time I felt his fingers reach up to my face.

His thumb rubbing my lips gently as his lips travelled farther and farther away from my face.

I wasn't doing anything but reacting… and yet I felt like so much was happening.

His lips grazed lightly against the sides of my neck.

I could feel his heavy, deep breaths warm my skin.

I wished I could touch him, but I was propping myself up on the mattress with both of my arms… if I reached up to him, I would have to fall back. The idea of laying flat on my back right now was a scary one.

I was distracted by his thumb pressing harder against my lips.

He pushed passed them, I could feel his skin on my tongue.

His lips suddenly pressed against the bottom of my neck, in the hollow of my collarbone, with a full kiss.

"He said you were too young…" he said aloud. I felt every motion of his lips against my skin.

He sounded really serious, really warm. Like he wasn't at all effected by what he was doing.

I couldn't think of anything to say or do.

I couldn't have said anything anyways, not when his thumb was brushing along my lips, halfway into my mouth pressed lightly against my teeth opening my mouth a little.

I felt another hand fall lightly onto the corner of my neck, but it didn't stay long.

As his lips met my skin every other centimeter, following a straight line, I felt his fingertips graze lightly behind his lips.

I tilted my head back, feeling my heart pound against my ribcage. I wondered if he felt the beat under his lips.

I was breathing heavily, my chest lifting up and down, his lips and fingers still met my skin in a perfect line.

"… he said that I shouldn't be with you like this…"

He whispered softly, his voice still unbothered by his actions as if he's done this enough times before.

He kissed against the very edge of the fabric of my dress.

I felt his fingers pull it down only slightly, his lips kissing the recently uncovered skin.

I couldn't help a whimper…

His touch left me.

His hands were gone, his lips were gone.

I stayed the same, trying to gain back a normal breathing pace.

"He's probably right…" I heard his voice say quietly, lacking the warmth from before… he sounded angry… at himself.

I looked up to him, still trying to get my brain to work.

"Everything he said was right…"

He was still sitting on the bed, his back against the wall, his legs pulled up. He was holding the side of his face in his hand.

"I'm such an idiot…" he whispered to himself quietly. His fingers clutching against the side of his head tighter.

Even though I hadn't fully recovered from what just happened, I couldn't sit still and let him say those things.

"No…" I spoke up, having difficulty hearing my voice over my heart. "Don't say that…" I said firmly, inching towards him a little. "You can't think about those things when we've already come this far…" I whispered to him, sitting on my knees in front of him.

"I've been thinking like this ever since I realized I held these feelings for you, Sakura… I can't just ignore them." His eyes looked up to me, the guilt in them was a little shocking. "Besides… if I was the kind of man who could forget these things so easily… I wouldn't be fit to be here with you." He spoke up.

I didn't want him to say anything else.

I reached out to the side of his face, my fingers landing on his, pulling his hand away.

"But we are here… and I am with you… so don't…." I trailed off gently, hoping he'd understand what I was trying to say. I leaned in, kissing his lips softly.

He didn't move. Only his hand tightened around mine… as if he was warning me not to do that.

He moved his face away from mine, he didn't even look at me.

"Sometimes, those types of thoughts are the only things that hold me back, Sakura…"He explained quietly, every word seemed to be harder for him to say. The guilt in his expression intensified more than I thought was possible.

I kissed him again.

I pressed my lips against his harder.

It felt a little strange… I usually wasn't the one who started the kisses and he wasn't kissing back.

I reached my other hand to his shoulder, leaning forward a little, trying to get closer so I could let my lips press against his harder.

He finally started kissing me back.

His lips moved slowly, gently…. Like he was trying to monitor every movement. Trying to keep himself from giving in too much.

I leaned in closer, trying to make him forget about watching himself so closely.

My fingers clutched the fabric of his jacket a little tighter, pulling myself closer to him.

I felt his free hand slide up the small of my back.

His kiss was going back to normal. He wasn't thinking too much.

I felt him push himself away from the wall, closer to me. I suddenly wanted to smile with relief that he wasn't torturing himself anymore… or if he was he was ignoring it enough to kiss me back this deeply.

His hand held mine tighter.

I pulled him even closer by tugging on his jacket.

I really didn't like that jacket… it felt rough, and it was so thick that I couldn't feel him…

I tugged at it again, but this time I was trying to tug it over the back of his shoulder.

I didn't really realize what I was doing until I felt his hands leave me again.

But he wasn't recoiling like he had before. He was still kissing me, I felt his hand take mine off of his jacket.

My eyes were still closed, but I could hear the rustling of the coarse fabric.

I reached out to him again, I could feel his thin dress shirt under my fingers.

His arms still hadn't found me after a few seconds.

I broke the kiss, gasping for air again, he didn't seem to need the air yet. He only started kissing against my jaw following down the side of my neck slowly. I could tell he really liked kissing my neck for some reason.

I placed my arms on his shoulders, concentrating on his lips.

Then I finally noticed why he wasn't holding me.

His hands were busy unbuttoning his shirt.

Only a flicker of nervousness came over me, before I realized that I was impatient for him to finish.

That desire to touch him, to feel him touch me, was stronger than ever.

I pressed my lips against his neck.

His lips flinched against my skin.

I took a note from the way Kakashi liked kissing me. I lightly grazed my lips along his jaw, pressing against his skin as I made my way to his ear. His lips left my skin altogether… he must've been really distracted.

I couldn't help but feel a little proud.

I lifted my arms from his shoulders, reaching my hands down to his.

He had even stopped unbuttoning when I had started kissing him.

I pushed his hands aside.

I started unbuttoning his shirt.

Even though I was acting so calm, and was taking over like this… I felt so nervous. My hands were shaking a little.

I hurriedly undid the last few buttons.

He seemed to wake up when his shirt was all the way open, hanging over him loosely. He shrugged it off impatiently, his hands then holding onto my arms, pulling me closer, kissing me.

He was starting to breathe a little heavily.

I reached out a little, my fingertip touched his skin… I let my hand fall completely onto his chest. He was so warm. Both my hands found his chest.

His skin was so smooth, firm…

I slowly let my hands browse over his chest, abs, sides.

I had never felt Kakashi-sensei like this. I hadn't ever felt anyone like this.

I could feel him twitch every so often under my hands.

He broke the kiss even before I had to, he was panting.

I loved the way his breathing sounded.

"S-sakura..." he called out my name. I had never heard him like this before... why did it make me smile?

I crawled forward on the bed a little, letting my knee fall between his.

Our bodies were so close… every time I took a deep breath, I felt his bare chest graze against me.

My arms slinked under his arms, around his sides, I clutched onto his back as I pulled myself into a tight hug. I felt his muscles move when he dropped his arms around my back.

I could feel his chest expand and drop with every breath, I let my face press against the side of his neck. He was still breathing too hard to kiss.

I kissed the side of his neck again, loving the way he reacted.

I really felt daring right now, for some reason.

I let my lips fall farther down his skin. I kissed the corner of his neck, following along the same pattern he used on me only a few minutes ago.

I grazed my lips across his skin lightly, letting the fingers of my right hand trail after my lips lightly as my left hand brushed down the front of his chest lightly.

I reached his collarbone.

I really felt like my heart was beating too fast, that I was going to tire it out after all of this, but I didn't care.

I crouched down a little, kissing against the ridges of his muscles.

He flinched a little, he was breathing even harder.

I had never thought that I could do something like this…

I suddenly felt Kakashi's hands grab my arms, everything was a blur for a second.

My head hit the mattress with a soft bounce.

His hands were still hot on my arms, he was holding them down above my head.

"You really can't keep doing that, or I'll actually lose control…" he said a little breathless, looking down at me with serious eyes that still seemed to hold a fraction of that guilt from before.

I felt a little embarrassed, but a little… proud, that I could affect him so much.

But I knew for sure that I didn't want him to go too far.

I wasn't ready when he kissed me again.

He hadn't let go of my arms, and his lips were pressing against mine deeply.

I lifted my head from the bedspread so that I could kiss back.

I caught a glimpse of his chest above me. I hadn't actually looked at it before, I'd only felt it…

I wanted to touch him more than ever right now… I never really knew exactly how attractive Kakashi-sensei was… of course I had always known that he was one of the most attractive men in Konoha, but I didn't know anybody could be this perfect…

I remembered the first night I had actually thought of Kakashi-sensei as an actual man before… that night at the hot springs…

I had seen his chest that night, too…. But at the time, I had no idea that I would ever have the opportunity to kiss it like I had just done… I also had no idea that Kakashi-sensei would ever kiss me the way he was now…

I felt his lips part slightly, his tongue brushing against my lips.

I had felt this type of kiss before, but it was different this time…

I felt his tongue course through my mouth.

It was so strange, but I loved how it made me feel.

I felt so much closer to him somehow.

After only a few seconds, he deepened the kiss, growing more aggressive. I struggled to keep up.

I felt his hands brush along the sides of my arms.

It was harder to breathe, but I didn't care.

His hands grazed farther down my arms.

He stooped down lower, resting his elbow on the mattress by my head, I felt his entire body fall closer to mine. His knee was in between mine, our legs entwined as they had been when we were sitting before.

His right hand felt its way down to my shoulder, down to my waist.

I wrapped my arms around his back, pulling him down to me, closer.

His hand rubbed against the side of my hip. My leg shook a little as my whole body shivered when I felt him lower himself down even more.

His knee raised upward a little. My thighs felt hot when his knee brushed between them.

I couldn't stop shivering… my whole body was shaking.

I gripped my hands on his back a little tighter, trying to clam myself down.

His fingers ran across the silk of my dress, along my hip, crossing over to my lower stomach, gliding upwards, up the middle of my chest, tipping off at my neck.

I was getting really hot. I felt like I should be sweating.

He broke our kiss. I hadn't gone that long without oxygen for a while. I was breathing really hard, trying to get as much air as possible, clutching onto his bare back desperately. I could see my chest raise high with every breath.

I felt him press his face against my lower neck, his lips kissing me roughly.

I felt his tongue graze against my skin a little.

That was extremely new...

But I was distracted from all that when I felt his fingers close around the zipper on the side of my dress. He started pulling it down a little.

"Ka…kashi…" I could only call out his name weakly, my breathing was too heavy, I was shaking too much. His kept pulling on the zipper.

I didn't want to go this far.

"…. Sen…sei!" I didn't mean to say it… it was a habit.

He immediately stopped. His hand let go of the zipper, his face pulling away from me.

"You're right…" He said a little breathless… "That's enough… this is enough…"He repeated to himself with a defeated tone his eyes closed a little tightly, as if he had to concentrate on what he was telling himself.

"S-sorry…" I didn't know what else to say… I was still shaking. My body was still hot.

His eyes opened after I managed that weak apology, his expression full of the guilt I had seen a few minutes earlier with something new…. Sadness? Regret?

"No, Sakura… I took it too far." His voice was more apologetic than mine was.

He leaned up, his face leaving my sight as his neck hovered above me. He pressed his lips against my forehead."I'm sorry."

I wrapped my arms around him a little tighter, cringing… I felt so… immature.

Why couldn't I- Why couldn't I just…

"I'm sorry…" his voice said again as he fell over to his side, laying to my right."Really…"

I leaned over on my side, facing him.

"Why do you always say 'sorry'?" I asked, feeling like I should still be the one apologizing. Every time something like this would happen he would take all of the guilt and torture himself… wasn't it partially my fault for not being able to keep up with him? Isn't some of the fault mine for being with him while I'm still so immature?

He reached up his hand to the side of my face.

"I always feel so selfish for pushing you too far." He said quietly, looking at me wistfully. "I should keep better control of myself."

I wrapped my hands around his, closing my eyes as I felt the slightly coarse skin of his hand against my face.

This was why I loved him so much. He was so kind, strong, smart, experienced, but he was still human.

I loved everything about him…. Even the flaws.

"You need to stop feeling so guilty all the time…" I warned him, smiling a little.

I pulled myself closer to him, kissing him lightly for only a second.

His arms wrapped over my side and around my head.

I leaned my forehead against his chest.

He leaned downward, I felt his lips land on the top of my head.

"You need to stop calling me 'sensei' all the time…" He half-joked.

I laughed a little.

I heard the familiar rumbling in his chest as he laughed with me… Even if what just happened was a little sad and troubling… this moment didn't seem effected by it.

I took a deep breath, my body was finally calming down.

Everything was so soft, everything had his scent, his arms were around me, I could hear his steadying heartbeat, his increasingly slow-paced breathing.

I couldn't remember ever feeling this completely surrounded by him… I couldn't remember a time when I had ever felt this... safe and warm and wanted.

I fell asleep without wanting to.

I had wanted to be awake for every moment I could be this close to him.

But as I fell asleep, my dreams were still about him.

…**..**

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**For a better look at Kakashi's apartment check out Naruto Shippuden Episode 7, about 2/3rds into.**

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**Question:**

Does anyone want a Kakashi POV of this? Or would you guys prefer to carry on with the plot?

(I'd be happy writing either. :))

**Please vote in your review!**

Once again, thank you guys soooo much for staying with this story so long! :D


	24. Pictures and Ponderings

**Chapter 24!**

**Title: **_"Pictures and Ponderings"_

**Disclaimer: ****I own nothing!!**

…

**Verdict is in!: **

**On with the plot!! :D…**

**Oh, and sorry for the long wait everyone!**

……………………………………………………………**..**

His fingers ran through her hair gently, trying not to wake her up.

Her hair was so soft, just like her skin.

The sun had risen a long time ago, the light was slowly peeking over the windowsill… he never even thought about waking her up.

His eyes wandered down her form.

She had turned over in the night, her back was facing him.

He didn't mind.

Naturally, he was incredibly blissful that she was lying next to him… in his bed.

He leaned in closer to her, letting his arm wrap around her. He tried his best not to touch her too much.

He closed his eyes, pulling himself closer to her.

He could feel the warmth of her body radiating next to him.

He hadn't felt this comforting warmth for what seemed forever… he could never get enough of this feeling.

When their relationship started, he really didn't think that he could have ever been with her long enough that they'd become this close…

Now… it seemed so natural, but a miracle at the same time.

He had readied himself to lose her at any moment, but everything felt so safe now.

The irony of that thought hit him hard… things weren't safe… not with what happened at the Main Hall the night before.

He thought over Iruka's words… the things he had said, that he still hadn't told Sakura…

……….

"_I don't want to ruin everything for you guys… and I don't want her to suffer whatever gossip would come of this if everyone found out… I don't really care about you, though…" Iruka had finished with his serious joke._

_Kakashi couldn't say anything before Iruka spoke up again._

"_Are you sure you can handle what you're doing?..." Iruka gave Kakashi a cold glare. _

_Kakashi took a deep breath._

"_I'm still not sure, Iruka … But I know that I'd go to the end of the world to make this work…" He couldn't offer a better answer._

"_Can_ she_ handle what you're doing?"_

_That question struck a chord… but he knew the answer._

"_She's more capable than you give her credit for."_

_Iruka shifted on the spot uncomfortably._

"_I trust you, Kakashi… as a friend, as a shinobi…and you've done some questionable things in the past… but I can't turn a blind eye to _this._"_

"_You wouldn't rea-" Kakashi started to fear that Iruka was changing his mind._

"_I'm going to have to step in every so often… I don't feel right leaving this relationship unsupervised."_

_Kakashi was silent again… definitely not appreciating Iruka's word-choice… 'supervision'…_

"_If anything goes wrong… if you hurt her… push her… anything… I'll have no other choice…"_

_After a long moment of thought, Kakashi spoke up._

"_That sounds fair, Iruka…"_

…………

He was woken from those bothersome memories when he heard her faint breathing again.

He loved the sound her breathing… he loved the fact that he could hear it right next to him.

He loved the fact that she was here… she was his…

His lips found the bare skin on her shoulder.

She felt a little cold.

He reached down the spare blanket draped over their waists, pulling it up to her shoulder… covering his face under the blanket too, so that his lips wouldn't have to leave her skin.

Even if she couldn't feel him, he just loved having his lips on her.

His arms tightened around her a little.

He never wanted to let go of her, he never wanted to lose her… and he'd make sure that he'd do whatever was necessary to convince Iruka that he and Sakura could handle this relationship…

Worry crept over him as he thought about the possibility of losing her _now_… after they've just gotten so much more closer…

He took a deep breath, loving her sweet scent.

He absent-mindedly played with the silk sleeve of her dress, thinking about how beautiful she was on that dance floor… how this dress accented her figure perfectly, making it even harder for him to control himself last night… or even right now.

He sighed contently, trying to keep his mind clean.

It was getting harder with every passing day to control his thoughts…

He moved his lips back and forth along her shoulder, barely touching her…

He never wanted to forget this feeling…

………………………………………………………………**.……**

Fingers running through my hair.

A warm, heavy arm curling around my side.

The single scent of rain-washed forests.

Two lips brushing along the back of my shoulder.

My eyes stung a little as I opened them wider.

For only a brief moment, I was a little confused… why I was feeling all of these things... but it didn't take long to remember last night.

As soon as I scanned over the memories of how fast my heart had been beating last night, how violently I had been shaking, how I loved the feeling of his lips, and how much I loved the feeling of his bare skin, I was suddenly wide-awake.

"Kakashi-sensei?" I called his name like it was a question. I reached my hand to his bare arm hanging over the side of my body, my fingers wrapped around his wrist.

His lips pressed harder against my skin as he chuckled.

"Who else would it be?" He asked playfully.

I smiled, suddenly feeling a wave of happiness wash over me warmly.

His arm shifted from my waist, I felt his hand close around my chin lightly. He turned my head upward. His lips met mine instantly. I loved the way he kissed me… every time he did, his lips moved against mine as if he hadn't kissed me in days.

He deepened the kiss, pulling me closer to him, turning me around onto my back.

He was leaning over me a little.

His hand was still hold my face to his, not letting me break away for air… I didn't even care about how light-headed I was.

Our lips finally parted soon after he slid his hand from my chin to the back of my head.

I had only been up for a minute, but Kakashi already had me breathless.

He fell back down to his side as I rolled over to mine, following him.

He smiled at me… I couldn't help but smile like an idiot back at him. It wasn't completely my fault, I just thought he looked cute when his hair was messy and hanging around his face.

I ducked my forehead down to his neck, leaning against him. He pulled me to him carefully.

We didn't say anything for a long minute… we didn't have to.

We just wanted a moment to feel each other…

I lifted my hand to his chest… wanting to feel his heartbeat…

When my fingertips touched his bare skin, I couldn't help a moment of surprise… I had forgotten for a second that his shirt and jacket were somewhere on the floor.

I pressed my hand against his smooth skin anyways.

I hesitated a little when I noticed how his breathing shook for a second when I grazed my hand upward.

I moved my palm across his chest again, loving the way his skin felt. He kept flinching every other second.

…

I wondered if Kakashi-sensei was sensitive…

I didn't have enough time to think about that strange thought before his hand found mine, holding it still against his skin, like he was trying to stop me from starting something.

He spoke up.

"Do you think we should get up?"

I couldn't think of anything else I didn't want to do more.

But I knew we probably should.

"What time is it?" I asked with a drowsy voice, pulling myself closer to him.

I felt him stretch a little, like he was looking at something. Probably a clock.

"8:17" He said a little sadly.

I pressed my lips against his hand lightly. I heard him take a deep breath.

"I really don't want to bring this up, because I know that saying it will really mean we have to get up…. But I can't afford to take any more chances."

I listened to his explanation, he sounded like he was only talking to himself.

But I wasn't anticipating whatever he was about to say if it really meant we'd have to get out of bed.

"What?" I asked half-heartedly.

I felt him leaned down, his lips pressed against the top of my head.

Then he whispered those words that made me sit up in a flash.

"What about your parents?"

I was immediately reminded of the fact that I had spent the entire night away from home, without telling my parents I was going to.

And, furthermore, I had spent the night at Kakashi-sensei's apartment, which they didn't need to know, but I was still at my lover's house all night… after a big dance.

_Isn't this the precise reason why parents freak out when their kids go to dances?!_

Then again… it wasn't too bad.

Kakashi and I hadn't… hadn't… actually…

I couldn't even think about it clearly.

I whipped my head around the room, feeling so much more alert and worried than before.

I heard him chuckle as he sat up… I was only distracted by seeing his bare chest for a second till I found my words.

"I totally forgot!" I almost shouted.

I tried to wiggle my way out from under the sheet, but my heels got stuck. My toes felt sore from being in these shoes all night.

Just before I was about to fall out of his bed in a flailing mess, I felt his large hand grab my wrist.

He pulled my back to him.

"Calm down…" He said gently.

"But they're probably-!"

"Really worried that their only daughter didn't come home last night." He finished that horrible sentence for me.

I felt the worry and guilt form a rock in my stomach.

As well as a deep regret that I had to snap both of us out of that extremely wonderful moment just now like this.

"I really have to-"

"Get home?" He wrapped his arms around me tighter, pulling me into his lap.

I relaxed a little, giving into his touch.

"Kakashi…" I called his name, trying to let him know that I was being serious.

"Calm down… think for a second." He ordered softly.

I relaxed my muscles, letting him hold me, letting my face rest against his chest. But I couldn't forget that stone in my stomach.

"If you go out in public while still in your dress, the entire village will get the wrong idea…"

I looked down to my bright red dress. He was right. It would be hard to explain this to anyone who saw me.

"What do I do?" I asked, pushing myself away from him, to look him in the face.

"I'll take care of it." He smiled reassuringly.

As always, every time he said that, I immediately felt better.

I hadn't wanted Kakashi-sensei taking care of me anymore… but this wasn't anything major… sort of.

His arms dropped from my sides as I felt his lips press against mine for only a second right before he scooted himself off the bed.

"I'm going to go get you a change of clothes…" He explained, walking towards the bedroom door.

"From where?" I asked, a little distracted. I still wasn't used to seeing a shirtless Kakashi-sensei… it was really difficult to focus on anything else. His shoulder blades shifted as he slid open the door.

"Your room, of course." He smiled cheekily over his shoulder before walking out of the door.

. . .

"Eh?" I sat in the rumpled bed, messy-haired and wide-eyed.

He was going to sneak into my room to get clothes for me… ?

….isn't that a little… much?

I immediately started struggling out from the sheets.

I barely got my feet on the floor before he came back into the room, dressed in new pants, pulling on a fresh turtleneck-mask.

"You really don't have to…" I spoke up as he entered the room.

I really didn't want to inconvenience him.

"It's okay…" he said calmly, pulling his long-sleeved shirt on. "Besides, if anyone starts a rumor about you irresponsibly staying out all night, it wouldn't be fun for me either…" He rolled up his sleeves to his elbows.

"But I did irresponsibly stay out all night…" I argued a little.

He picked up a forehead protector from his desk, carefully placing it over his left eye.

It was a little strange seeing him get dressed… I'd never had the chance to before…

"Yes, but _I_ know who you were out all night with…" He tied the knot behind his head. "The others will make up stories, filling in the blanks with their own opinions…"

I couldn't say anything to that.

He ran his hands through his hair, it returned to its normal style.

"Sorry that you have to do this…" I apologized, defeated. I sat back down on the edge of his bed.

He went silent for a second, looking over at me.

He start walking to me.

"Don't worry." He crouched over to me. "I'm actually a little curious to get inside your room." He smiled that mischievous grin.

"Wha-!" I started up, but his lips interrupted me.

He was kissing too deep, I couldn't bring myself to break away… but he did anyways.

"Stay here till I get back." He said casually lifting his mask up over his nose, and walking out the bedroom door before I could say anything.

I heard the front door open and shut, too.

_So, _that's_, his real reason for all this… and probably why he was in such a chipper mood._

I narrowed my eyes toward the door skeptically.

_I wonder if he planned this part, too…_

I didn't linger on those suspicions for long when I saw a flicker of light reflect off of a picture frame to my left.

Curiosity took over… I really wanted to see the rest of his apartment…

_It should be okay since he's about to rummage through my room, too._

…………………………………………………………………**.**

Kakashi slid open her balcony door, walking onto the wood-paneled floor carefully.

He didn't want to make too much sound, but he didn't want to take his time either.

He wasn't hurrying so that he could rummage through her room, but rather more impatient to get back to his own.

He didn't want to waste any time he could have with her.

He walked directly over to her closet, trying not to get distracted by his curiosity of the rest of her room, opening it slowly.

He recognized a few shirts, a few skirts, her battle attire, her boots…. He grabbed the red sleeveless shirt, the yellow undershirt, the navy blue skirt, and those generic blue sandals…

He always liked the way this outfit looked on her.

He closed the closet silently, immediately making his way over to the door again.

But his eye was caught by something sitting on her bookshelf.

It sparkled a little when the sunlight hit it just right.

He couldn't stop himself from going over to the small obsidian rock, a blue streak flashing down the middle.

He picked it up carefully… it was warm from the sunlight.

He couldn't control a smile.

He looked over to the framed picture that had been set right in front of this small pebble that meant so much for both of them.

That picture, their team picture, he had it, too… he would look at it every day… but now, the sight of that pink-haired girl in the middle caused different emotions than it had when it was first taken.

_So much has changed since that picture was taken…_

His feelings for her were the first to change… back then; he hadn't even realized how much he had started admiring her strength, her growth, her beauty… till he was already looking at her more than he should have, calling her by her name more than was normal…. Sighing more.

Then she was the next one to change… he still didn't know for sure what had started those feelings in her, as well… he was always curious what could've changed her perspective of him… but he was always just grateful that she wanted him as much as he needed her.

_Things have changed… so much…_

He set the stone down in front of the picture again, his smile didn't waver till he heard the voices from underneath the floor.

"Who was at the door a few minutes ago, sweetie?"

Kakashi immediately recognized Sakura's mother's voice.

He stood still, listening when he knew he shouldn't.

"Iruka-san… he wanted to know where Sakura was." Her father said a little edgily.

"That makes three of us." Her mother's voice grumbled.

Kakashi froze on the spot.

Now Iruka knew Sakura wasn't at home, and probably learned that she wasn't home all night…

Kakashi had told Sakura that he'd be the only one who would know who she was with all night….

….He was wrong….

He was out of the balcony door within a moment.

…………………………………………………………………………**..**

I walked over to his bookcase a little impatiently…. Still waiting for Kakashi to get back.

I took a look at the two pictures and the little plant.

I knew one of the pictures by heart. Our picture.

My over-excited smile, Naruto's grimace, Sasuke's far-away look, Kakashi-sensei's masked grin.

I wanted to look at it for a few second more, but something else caught my immediate attention.

Kakashi's team, when he was still a chuunin.

I picked it up, trying to get a closer look.

Kakashi was so young, as young as I was in our team picture. He had that mask on even at that age.

He was scowling towards the camera.

I smiled to myself… he was a really scary kid wasn't he?

He's a lot different now…. I glanced back to the smile he had on in our picture.

I took a better look back at young Kakashi… both of his eyes were the same color… both were that obsidian color…

I was reminded by that age-old question I used to think about a lot… how did he get his sharingan?

I guess I could ask him some other day…

My eyes travelled to his teammates. The quiet-looking girl with purple markings, the grinning, Naruto-esque, boy who was reaching out his hand with two fingers pointing up behind Kakashi, and Kakashi's old leader… the fourth.

It reminded me of our team for a second.

Kakashi's scowl especially reminded me of Sasuke…

I took a moment to think about that weird comparison.

Sasuke and Kakashi were alike weren't they?

…

But they both grew from that stage differently…

A sense of gratitude overcame me…

… Kakashi became such an incredible man…

One that I knew loved me deeply.

I set the picture down again, feeling a bit nostalgic.

I was about to go over to his desk to take a look at whatever paperwork a Jounin had to do, but a sudden noise grabbed my full attention.

Somebody calling my name.

The voice was familiar… but it wasn't the one I had heard call my name last night… it was a voice I had known since I was young.

It sounded muffled, like it was far away.

I heard knocking.

"Kakashi! You better be home… and Sakura better not be with you!…" He said loudly.

Didn't he care if the neighbor's heard that?!

I ran to the front door.

Iruka-sensei knocked a little harder.

He went silent after another second…. I heard his voice talk quietly.

"Kakashi, please don't tell me you really went this far…...."

My heart skipped a beat.

_What exactly does he think Kakashi-sensei was capable of?!_

My first instinct was to hide… to run away till Iruka left… but I couldn't let him think about Kakashi like that… but if I answered the door, and if he sees that I stayed the night…. Would he listen to what I have to say?

I hesitantly reached for the doorknob…

…………………………………………**..**


	25. Differences and Desperation

**Chapter 25!**

**Title:** "_Differences and Desperation"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!!**

**……………………………………………………………….**

Kakashi sped past the buildings, running faster than was normal during the morning hours in the village, but he didn't care.

He knew exactly what Iruka was going to do…. What he was probably doing by now…

Checking out Kakashi's apartment like a worried mother.

There was no knowing how Iruka would react if he saw that Sakura was there.

Kakashi feared the worst.

Everything was a blur around hin, he tried to keep up the intense pace…. But he was distracted.

"Kakashi-sensei?!"

There weren't a lot of times that Kakashi felt the need to punch something with frustration… but right now he wouldn't mind exercising that urge on Naruto's face.

Kakashi stopped in his tracks… he wished he hadn't, but if he had kept running, it would've been too obvious that he was up to something.

"What is it, Naruto?" He spoke up with an irritated tone, turning around. He faced Naruto, who was wearing a freshly wrinkled, white suit.

_I guess Sakura wasn't the only one who stayed out all night…_

Kakashi peeked over Naruto's shoulder, he several other kids walking around in their party attire… all of them Kakashi had seen at Shikamaru's house.

_Did it turn into a sleep-over?_

"What're ya in a hurry about?" Naruto asked with a drowsy curiosity.

"I have some business." Kakashi replied vaguely, his tone very dry.

"Oh...... Ok!" Naruto treated Kakashi's answer like it actually meant something.

Already restless to get moving again, Kakashi was about to turn around until Naruto spoke up with a loud and annoying voice, asking a question that left Kakashi frozen.

"What're you doin' with Sakura's clothes?"

…silence…

Several thoughts ran through Kakashi's mind… many of them were potential lies he could give… none of which left Kakashi completely free from suspicion.

One plan that ran through his mind actually included punching Naruto in the face and runnig off.....

That one was immediately turned down... regretfully.

Only one option remained.

_I really shouldn't use this on a kid… especially not on a team member._

He tugged at his forehead protector, letting his left eye look into Naruto's eyes.

"These aren't Sakura's clothes, Naruto… They're just rags..." Kakashi didn't break eye contact with the sleepy-faced Naruto.

".... Oh…. Well, it was cool to seeing you again, Kakashi-sensei!" And with a big grin Naruto stumbled away, down the road, too sleepy to walk straight, or even think straight after being hit with the hypnosis side of the Sharingan.

Kakashi let out a sigh as he pulled down his forehead protector again…

_Never again…_ he promised himself, still feeling a little guilty for using such a technique for personal reasons.

He immediately found his original speed, hoping he wasn't too late.

**…………………………………………………………………….**

I hesitantly reached for the doorknob.

_Wait…._

_Should I really do this?_

_Iruka still doesn't know for sure that I'm here, but he thinks I'm here…. and he really doesn't have the right idea about what happened last night!_

_If I don't answer the door, it feels like I'm lying to him…_

_If I do answer it, I'll just be making more trouble for Kakashi-sensei…_

…_. Maybe I could explain the entire situation to Iruka before he gets upset…._

_Would the fact that we didn't… go that far… change anything?_

_Probably not..._

_I'm still Kakashi-sensei's student, or at least his young subordinate… and this is still Kakashi's apartment… and I still stayed the night._

_But then again... none of the facts matter… _

_The only thing that matters is what Iruka would think if I open this door…._

I pulled my hand away from the doorknob slowly…

… I'd rather lie to Iruka-sensei than cause even greater trouble for Kakashi-sensei…

I felt horrible for being put in this situation.

But everything changed in a second… after I heard the doorknob click, the door released from its jam… my choice didn't even affect anything.

Everything went silent.

He was looking at me, already through the door.

_Didn't Kakashi lock the door?!_

I held eye contact with Iruka-sensei, he didn't move, he didn't say anything… after a moment he took a step backward with shock.

But he only seemed stunned for a second, his eyes shifted through emotions quickly as they looked into mine.

He went from surprised, to hurt, to upset, to disappointed, then finally stopping at anger.

"He's gone too far this time…" I heard Iruka practically growl under his breath.

I couldn't manage any words that meant anything, nothing that could stop Iruka from thinking those things, until he suddenly started asking questions.

"Where's Kakashi?" His voice sounded rough, he immediately walked past me, making his way down the short hallway to the bedroom door.

"He-he's not here!" I called after him, trying to keep up with him as he slid open the door carelessly.

I was a little bothered by the way he _immediately_ checked the bedroom.

"He's not here?" Iruka turned to me, a little less angry. I nodded, towards the floor.

I couldn't look up at him when he had that angry look, it made me feel like I was a troublemaking 10-year-old again.

"Where is he?" His voice sounded a little calmer, less like he was about to start a fight… but he definitely didn't sound as gentle as usual.

"I don't know…" I lied quietly.

Iruka-sensei looked back to the bedroom.

"He wasn't here when you woke up?" He asked, anger rising in his voice again.

_What did he mean by that?!_

I knew right away what he had meant.

_What exactly did he think about his friend!?_

"Of course he was!" I said more than a little defensively. I felt my own frustration growing… shouldn't Iruka-sensei be a bit more understanding?! He knows what kind of people Kakashi and I are!

We might not be perfect, but we're not like _that_!

"Why did he leave you here?" Iruka spoke up again sounding a little relieved, but a bit angrier at the same time. I didn't listen.

"Why did you think wouldn't he be here when I woke up!?" I asked defiantly.

I knew exactly what Iruka had been trying to say, but I didn't want to let it go… he really had to know that we weren't having the kind of relationship he thought we were!

He went quiet.

He looked down to his feet, he seemed really uncomfortable with th direction of this conversation.

"How can you think about Kakashi-sensei like that?! How could you think about me that way?!" I almost yelled at him.

"Sakura!" His hard voice scared my words away. I flinched a little. "Sakura…" He repeated, fixing his voice. It sounded gentler… but almost pitiful. He took a step towards me. I could only focus my eyes on his vest. It reminded me of Kakashi, but when his hands fell onto my shoulders, it felt completely different. Iruka-sensei's hands were smoother than what I was used to. "I trust you, Sakura…I trust that _you_ would know the proper pace for this… relationship…"

He took a deep sigh after saying that word.

"…. But Kakashi……." He trailed off, his hands twitched uncomfortably on my skin. "… He's a grown man…"

He finished with those words like it was a valid explanation for his suspicions.

"I know that." I said quietly. "But he's still Kakashi…."

It was a good enough reply for me.

He took another deep breath, squeezing my shoulders a little.

"Sakura… " He started talking, using the tone I recognized as the one he'd use for lectures. "…sometimes two people in a relationship can be so different that they end up hurting each other…"

I took a moment to really register those words…

I knew they were true…

but…

I still didn't care.

I wouldn't give Kakashi-sensei up… ever.

"I know we're really different…." I spoke up, trying to look up at Iruka-sensei's face. "I know he's a grown man… I know he's probably used to different kinds of relationships… And that he's used tobeing with grown women...."

"Sakura…" He interrupted me after I said something really embarrassing.

"I know all of that…" I picked up my words, speaking a little louder, clenching my fists to my sides. "…But he would never do anything to hurt me…"

Iruka-sensei looked away from me, towards the bedroom for a second… I saw his eyes land on the rumpled sheets for longer than a second.

"… There are ways he could hurt you without you realizing it." He said solemnly.

_What!?_

"It's not like that!" I said too loudly, shrugging out from under his hands, backing up against the wall. His eyes found mine immediately. He was definitely confused now. "W-we… didn't…." I mumbled, feeling really childish for not even being able to say it.

After a moment he seemed to understand what I had been trying to say before I trailed off.

"You two didn't….?" Iruka glanced back to the bedroom for a moment, I saw his face flush a little.

"No…" I eased his suspicions, finally.

"Really?" He double-checked.

"We're not like that…." I responded a little vaguely.

He stood in the doorway of the bedroom silently, running his hand through his tied-back hair for a second. A real smile appeared on his face. He started chuckling softly.

"I guess I unnecessarily jumped to conclusions…." He said a little happily.

I could tell just how relieved he was that he didn't have to think of his friend as being some sort of attacker anymore… and probably that he didn't have to report this… situation… to the others.

He seemed to finally understand what kind of relationship we were having.

"I'm really sorry, Sakura…" he spoke up, turning back to me, wearing his usual cheerful grin. Iruka-sensei was really too happy of a person to ever frown for too long. He took a few steps toward me.

His hands found my arms.

I could finally feel the frustration and fear start to leave me. I started to smile too.

"I guess I shouldn't have worried so much…" His arms wrapped around my shoulders kindly.

I always liked Iruka-sensei's hugs, even though they were rare, he was always so gentle.

"I'm sorry if I made you upset earlier…" He apologized.

It all seemed too good… Iruka-sensei accepting our relationship like this…

I expected him to suddenly take it all back and run off to tell everyone, but he didn't…

Something else suddenly ruined this moment of gratitude, though.

"Iruka…" I heard that familiar voice say that name a little edgily. "What are you doing?"

I heard the front door close quietly.

I peeked over Iruka-sensei's arms just as I felt him tilt his body towards the owner of this apartment.

After only a brief second I felt Iruka immediately snatch his arms away from me.

"No… i-it's not… w-we weren't!" Iruka-sensei fumbled over his words nervously, his face flushing a bit again.

I guess he really lost that angry edge he had before… hewas back to his aplogetic-self.

Kakashi-sensei walked into the entryway a bit more.

"I'm pretty sure you wouldn't, Iruka…" Kakashi-sensei spoke up with a cold tone.

_Pretty sure?_

I looked over to Kakashi-sensei, his eyes were already on me, he seemed a little bothered by something. He looked back to Iruka-sensei, who was definitely having a hard time trying to accept the fact that he had to apologize to a colleague for hugging their mutual student, who was now that colleague's lover. "I just didn't like seeing that." Kakashi finished, sounding a little severe.

Iruka's expression seemed to gain back some sort of bite after Kakashi-sensei said that.

Kakashi walked over to me.

"I was talk-" I was about to explain what had just happened to Kakashi, but he only placed his hand on the side of my face, his thumb landed on my lips.

"We'll talk about it later…" He said with a small, masked smile.

At that Iruka walked up to Kakashi, looking a bit more serious… he probably could have done without Kakashi-sensei's sly remark and display of affection.

I could definitely sense an air of tension between these two… like two brothers who had been fighting recently.

"Kakashi… I understand last night's circumstances… and I won't say anything…" Iruka-sensei opened the front door, about to leave. Kakashi turned to me, his other hand finding my face after he pulled down his mask. "… but if this happens again…." Iruka-sensei warned Kakashi indirectly, starting to close the door behind him.

"Of course…." Kakashi said calmly, not even turning around to face Iruka's back. He only stared at me a little wistfully and accepted Iruka-sensei's threat like he deserved it.

The door closed, shutting out the morning light.

Kakashi and I stood still in the dark entryway.

His hands only brushed along my face.

"Kakash-"

His lips interrupted mine.

His lips were moving faster than normal, pressing harder than I was used to.

He was leaning against me closer than usual.

I could hear him take a deep breath, like he wasn't planning on getting any more air for a while.

I wanted to talk to him, but his hands around my face didn't let me break away.

He started walking forward a little, forcing me to back up against the wall.

Both of his hands slid back through my hair, clutching the back of my head, pulling my face closer to his.

He really wasn't usually this forceful… but, it didn't feel bad.

I slowly lost my desire to talk… I just wanted to kiss him back harder, too.

I lifted my hands to his silver hair, tugging at the knot of his forehead protector, which would get in the way sometimes.

He let me undo the knot, too busy curling his fingertips through my hair to help me.

As the metal-plated fabric loosened I pulled it away from his face, dropping it onto the floor with a thudded _clank_.

As it hit the ground, he suddenly deepened the kiss even more.

His tongue brushed past my lips a little forcefully.

I still wasn't used to this type of kiss… but he seemed to really want it.

His hands suddenly slid down from the back of my head, pressing hard all the way down my back.

His hands stopped at the small of my back, pulling me against him tightly.

His tongue rubbed against mine.

My legs felt a little shaky.

He really never used to kiss me like this.

Something was different.

I ran out of air before he did.

I broke away with a shaky gasp.

I leaned against the wall, trying to keep my balance while breathing so hard.

Kakashi-sensei's lips didn't stop… he still wanted more.

He started kissing down my neck… I could tell by now that he really liked to do that, but he seemed more enthusiastic now. His lips kissed my skin faster, but moved around slower, like he was savoring it.

My breathing wasn't going to get any more even if he kept doing that.

"Isn't this a little…. Much?" I managed to say those words even though my neck tickled when I spoke as he was kissing it that deeply. My hands rested on the back of his head.

He didn't seem to pay attention.

"….Kakashi-sensei…" I spoke up.

His lips suddenly stopped.

I immediately felt like air could get to my lungs easier.

He suddenly stood up straight, his hands grazed upwards to my shoulder blades, holding me a little less tightly.

"I'm sorry, Sakura…" He sounded only slightly breathless. "I was a little desperate…"

"What?" I was a little taken aback.

_Kakashi-sensei? Desperate?_

"As I was at your house… I heard that Iruka had asked where you were… I knew that he'd get here as soon as he could…. I was so sure that he was going to…." He trailed off for a second. His hands rubbing along my back. I looked up at him. "I was scared that this was going to be it…" He explained further.

He said 'it' like he was so sure that there was always going to be a set date when we would have to leave each other… and 'it' was going to happen today…

"Kakashi…" I pulled myself closer to him, feeling a little strange for feeling so happy that he would actually be that scared about losing me. I felt that same fear of losing him, too.

"But you took care of it…" He looked down at me, smiling proudly.

It almost felt like when he used to praise me after missions… I suddenly felt proud of myself.

I actually did something for him….

I took away some of his fear.

I made him proud.

I couldn't control a dumb smile, or how light my heart felt… until it suddenly crashed back down when I saw my clothes lumped on the floor next to the door.

I didn't care about my clothes, but it reminded me of the fact that my parents were probably getting angrier and angrier with every passing minute.

"My parents…" I brought it up a little painfully. "I should get changed…"

He let go of me hesitantly as I knelt over to the pile, still feeling weak-legged.

"Actually, I've got the perfect alibi for you…." I looked up at him, he was leaning one shoulder against the wall, smiling at me reassuringly.

The way he said 'alibi' really made me feel like a delinquent.

**…………………………………………………............................................…….**

He watched as she ran down the stairs, careful not to trip on her heels.

He loved the way that dress looked on her, he way it practically floated around her body.

It was hard to look away.

He held the clothes he had picked up for her in his hands.

Hopefully her parents were going to believe that Sakura had been at Shikamaru's house all night, like the rest of her group… but that alibi meant that it was counter-productive to have her change into normal clothes.

He would have to drop them off at her house later that night.

He smiled at the idea of that perfect chance to see her again.

He wandered away from the door, rubbing the back of his head tiredly.

_So much drama for the morning…_

His life had become so much more complicated since all this started…. But he wouldn't have it any other way.

He aimlessly went back into his bedroom, sat on the edge of the bed… slowly lowering himself to lie down again.

He didn't feel like sleeping, but he just loved the fact he could still smell her sweet scent on those blankets.

He thought back to the moments before she left, when he had let his desperation show a little too much.

He had acted a little selfishly… he knew she was getting weak at the knees, and was probably starving for air, and that she really felt clueless when he was kissing her like that… but whenever he kissed her, it was getting harder to keep control over how much he wanted to touch her.

But there was always something she said that stopped him from going too far.

Her voice was so breathless when she said it this time, '_Kakashi-sensei'_…

He had hoped that she would've outgrown calling him 'sensei' fter they started this kind of relationship… but after all these years… it must really be an unstoppable habit for her.

Every time she called him 'sensei' he would always come crashing down to his senses…

Because every time she said it, he would think about that little 12-year-old girl who he had first met 4 years ago.

He would see her innocent, smiling face…

And when she says it with that bothered, breathless voice he always felt so guilty for being the one who was going take that innocence away from her.

He let go of a deep sigh… trying not to think about those things.

…

He was already looking forward to seeing her again tonight…. That is, until he heard somebody knocking on his door.

**……………………………………….............................................................................………………………**

I checked the time again, having only read a single paragraph since the last time I check.

_When is he going to get here?…_

Today was like a repeat of yesterday at this point.

Me wandering around my room, reading, sleeping, checking Warble every other second.

But this time, it was because I was grounded for staying out all night.

Mom and Dad didn't seem too hung up on _where_ I was all night, but just the fact that I _was_ gone all night.

And even though I was only grounded for a day (since it's nearly impossible to ground a ninja who needs to be called on missions every other day for weeks at a time), it was still torture…. Waiting and wondering.

It was already getting a dark outside.

_Didn't he say he'd drop by with my clothes at night…_

I had suggested that he come by sooner, but his whole broad-daylight-argument won over my suggestion.

I rolled over in bed, trying to focus on what I was reading, but I had already forgotten the main character's name.

I sighed to myself loudly, letting the open book lay over my face, feeling so restless.

_Tap, tap_

My attention was immediately stolen to my balcony window.

I lifted the book from my face… but no one was there.

I shuffled out of bed to get a better look.

No one was on the balcony… only a few folded pieces of clothes… my clothes.

I opened the door hurriedly, trying to see if I could catch him before he was too far away.

The cold night wind hit me hard.

My heart felt even colder when I saw that no one was anywhere around.

_Why did he leave like that?!_

_I didn't even get to _see_ him…_

I sighed sadly to myself as I picked up the clothes and walked back inside.

I tossed them onto the bed… I was about ready to go pick out another book from my bookcase until I saw the little piece of paper in between the fabric of my shirt and skirt fall onto my bedspread.

I immediately pounced on it.

I unfolded it quickly, but tried not to rip it.

'8:00… Meet Me.'

I whipped my head towards Warble, about ready to throw him against the wall if he showed any time sooner than 7:30…

'7:32'

Close one, Warble…

I laughed at myself a little… I was so restless, so ready to see him again, and here was a note from him, setting up a time to meet him at _our_ sanctuary.... and the _man _I was so restless to see was_ Kakashi-sensei_..... it was so unbelievable that my life had changed into something like this.

But I didn't stay on that thought for long as I went to my closet, grabbed my boots and decided to leave early, his note held tight in my hand.

I wondered why he didn't spare any time to tell me himself.

Or why we couldn't have met sooner, or later than 8:00…

_Something must be happening…_

**……………………………………………..................................................…………………….**


	26. Gloves and Gossipers

**Chapter 26!**

**Title: **_"Gloves and Gossipers"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!**

…………………………………………………………….

The bridge was as quiet, and as peaceful as I had remembered it, but I couldn't quite appreciate the soothing, familiar-scented, night air as I stood there, waiting.

It had only been a few minutes since I had arrived, but I was already wringing my hands impatiently.

I leaned forward against the cold metal railing, my elbows balancing on the round beam.

I peeked over the side of the faded, red bridge, watching the moonlight sparkle off of the rushing water.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down, but my efforts were wasted when I saw a pair of gloved hands fall onto the railing beside my elbows.

"You're early…"

I had been waiting to hear that voice all day.

I smiled to myself.

"You're on time… which is actually a bit early for you, isn't it?" I joked, closing my eyes, feeling so much more relaxed now that I could feel his body warmth behind me.

"I guess is it…" He laughed to himself as his arms closed around my shoulders, folding underneath my chin. "I didn't want to waste any time…. I'll have to be leaving almost immediately."

Hearing those words woke me out of this sleepy sense of happiness that his touch always made me feel… I opened my eyes and finally noticed that his arms didn't look the same as usual.

He wasn't wearing his fingerless gloves and rolled up navy blue shirt… he was wearing pitch-black, arm-length gloves with pointed fingers, covered by gray forearm protectors.

I reached my hands up to his arms, feeling for them curiously.

He must've noticed that I had noticed his outfit.

He pulled his arms from around me, his thinly-gloved hands finding my shoulders, turning me around to face him.

I saw the gray chest plate, the sword hilt reaching high from behind his shoulder, the extra kunai satchels, and one of those white, red-marked, animal-faced masks tied carelessly onto the side of his head.

"ANBU?" I asked a little needlessly… but I was still a little surprised.

He nodded his half-masked face swiftly, looking down at me, his hair falling into his eyes a little since he didn't have his forehead protector on.

"Emergency mission… It's been a while since they've called for me, but they really needed an Electrical-element user this time." He explained a little seriously.

I looked back to his clothes, still trying to adjust to this sudden difference.

I had seen ANBU officials only a few times before, but they had always disappeared before I could even get a good look, and now I was being held by one.

I couldn't believe I had forgotten that Kakashi-sensei was once a part of ANBU, a really famous leader, too… Even though nobody really knew what he did in ANBU, it was obvious that he was relaly important because even Yamatou-taichou would slip up every now and call Kakashi-sensei 'senpai' even though neither of them were in ANBU anymore...

Kakashi-sensei's career in ANBU must've left an impression if they're calling him back for a mission.

"Can they really just call on you so suddenly like this?" I asked up to him, feeling a little disappointed for him.

"It's a rather powerful military force, that demands a lot of authority…" He explained solemnly.

As I defeatedly dropped my gaze from his face, I noticed something.

I had no idea how I could have ever missed it before… how I could've missed it last night… or this morning.

His ANBU tattoo, on his left bicep.

I absent-mindedly reached up to it, my fingertips trailing along the swirling ink pattern.

I noticed a little late that doing that must've been weird, but he didn't seem to mind.

His pointed fingertips grazed along the underside of my outstretch arm lightly, like he wanted to touch me, too… the points felt a little ticklish, but sharp against my skin.

"I should be back by tomorrow …" I heard his voice continue his explanations as I caught sight of yet another detail I couldn't believe I had missed a few minutes earlier.

A black string hanging around his neck, reaching far down his chest, peaking at a smooth, green pebble made of jade.

I immediately recognized it… the single pebble of the Gan'u rockfalls that I had clumsily caught that one night…

"You…" I immediately picked it up from lying on his chest.

I could see a smile from under the blue fabric of his mask.

"I had it made…" He answered, I loved that I could hear the gentle smile in his voice.

I looked at the dark swirls of green that patterned the surface of this priceless item.

I couldn't help this feeling… this sudden outburst of joy, the need to do something…. I couldn't control myself as I quickly reached my hand up to his face, pulling down his mask with one motion, and tugging that fabric to quickly get his lips on mine.

He didn't show any signs of surprise or resistance.

My arms slinked under his bare shoulders, curling around his back, holding onto the back of his chest plate as well as I could.

His soft palms and pointed fingers roamed along my back, the contrast of those sensations felt really nice through the fabric of my shirt…

I had started this kiss by doing something that had made me shake nervously the first time I had kissed him, simply pulling down his mask like that…. But I definitely wasn't leading the kiss after a few seconds.

His kiss was following that recent, desperate pattern, getting deeper, harder; more passionate… it was like he was trying to shorten a five minute kiss into ten seconds.

I tried to concentrate on his pace, clutching his back a little tighter, but I still couldn't really catch up by the time his lips left mine.

It still wasn't enough… I still wasn't ready to let him go yet.

Before I could lean up to him for more, he was already leaning away.

His gloved hands grazed off of my back.

He pulled up his mask, not wasting a second.

"I have to meet up with the others, I'm already late…" he said, sounding a little disappointed.

"Ok…" I resigned… trying to calm down. Trying to tell myself that I was going to have to wait patiently before I could touch him again…..

"Tomorrow… I'll get back to you as soon as I can." He said finally, running his strange-gloved hand along my face.

"Ok…." I repeated, having trouble managing another kind of reply.

_We never seem to have enough time together… but I guess that's the price of a secret relationship…_

His hand left me, he was suddenly walking away.

I got to see that sword on his back again, I couldn't remember Kakashi-sensei ever fighting with a sword before… ANBU missions probably required more-effective weapons…. I was reminded of how dangerous ANBU missions would get…

This one must be really risky of they had to call a retired leader like Kakashi-sensei back.

I took a subconscious step towards him, feeling the worry creep over me as he walked farther away.

"Be safe!" I yelled after him.

He turned around quickly, smiling that smile that always melted away my fears.

"Don't look so worried…" He replied lightly, raising his hand in a motionless wave.

As I blinked, he seemed to disappear into thin air.

I could only hear the faint rustling of branches… I couldn't tell if that was the wind, or him.

I looked back to the sparkling river, feeling a little lonely already… but that happiness was still there, too.

…_I already can't wait till he gets back…_

…………………………………………………………………………………**..**

Kakashi made his way through the dark forest, jumping from branch to branch, trying to stop thinking about that girl on the bridge.

The more he thought of her, the harder it was to keep himself from turning around and finding some excuse to kiss her one more time.

He was immediately distracted from those unprofessional thoughts when he heard three new patterns of footfalls on the branches around him.

His teammates were trying to keep pace with him.

It was standard ANBU protocol that when the last member of the group arrives, nobody stops to greet them, everybody has to keep moving, to decrease the possibility of an ambush… even though they were still in Konoha, ANBU protocols were always in action.

"Did you get held up, Kakashi-taichou?" An eager voice of a new cadet tried to ask why Kakashi was late, as politely as he could.

Somebody interrupted before Kakashi could offer his previously devised lie. "Yeah, what were you up to, Kakashi?" The gruff voice of an old friend, Osuzaki, called out disrespectfully.

Something about running through the night like this, in this uniform, with some old friends, was almost too nostalgic to Kakashi.

"I came across a pretty girl, so I danced for her…" Kakashi recited a very old excuse that he had already used more than once. This time, it was actually half-true.

His teammates laughed.

Osuzaki spoke up, still laughing a little, "If she's the type I know you like, Kakashi… let me know if she has a sister!" Osuzaki spoke without knowing the details… thankfully.

The laughing continued as Kakashi tried to brush off that last comment.

"Still enjoying the single life, eh, taichou?" Another familiar voice, that belonged to an old friend named Kenjiro, called out jokingly.

"Nothing to enjoy, really…" Kakashi neither denied nor confirmed that question. In truth, 'the single life' had never bothered Kakashi, until he fell in love not too long ago… "Now enough of that, you guys have to stay sharp!" He ordered with a suddenly serious voice.

"Yes, sir!" Their voices responded with the same tone at the same moment, forgetting their jokes and laughing… years of training did that.

They were already out of Konoha, and a considerable ways away from their destination… but this mission definitely needed extra attention

………………

The sun began to peek over the horizon of the trees.

The team hadn't stopped once… and even though Kakashi hadn't slept for almost twenty-four hours now, he was trained well enough that he wasn't feeling the physical lag.

He had almost forgotten how intense ANBU was.

The trees blurred past them, the wind roaring in their ears.

Kakashi started to recognize the difference in the plant life… they were getting closer.

He needed to brush up on the facts one more times.

"You guys said you needed my help to deal with an Earth user, right?" Kakashi spoke up, still checking their surroundings for any signs of the enemy.

"Yeah, his work can get pretty nasty… we've tried to get to him, but his defenses barely have any blind spots or openings, which his partners guard." Kenjiro explained for the team.

"Do you know what they're after?" Kakashi spoke up, still constantly checking every branch for eavesdroppers or stalkers.

"No, they haven't said much… they just start smashing up the landscape and stay put."

"They've never relocated?" Kakashi asked over his shoulder to the left flank, where Kenjiro was positioned.

"No, after every encounter we've had with them, they've always retreated to some sort of run down hut by the mountain-side."

"Why would they stay in one spot?" Kakashi couldn't get past that curious behavior.

"Maybe they're waiting for something?" Osuzaki came into the conversation, his gruff voice talking quietly. He was probably aware that they were getting close to enemy grounds, too.

"What could they possibly be waiting for?" The young cadet asked politely.

"Reinforcements… orders…." Osuzaki offered some theories as he heaved himself from branch to branch.

"No… they're strong enough by themselves… and it's pretty clear that their orders _are_ to wait and hide out." Kakashi turned down those guesses, mostly talking to himself.

His mind started going over all of the possibilities.

"Then, that must mean they're waiting for something to come to them…" Kenjiro's words shook Kakashi, but not as much as what he saw next.

His pace slowed… his teammates followed his example, he knew they must've been confused.

Kakashi eyed the forest, counting.

"How many partners did this Earth user have?" Kakashi asked quietly, slowing to a complete stop on a tall branch.

"Four…" Kenjiro answered, his voice suddenly becoming quieter.

Kakashi slipped his hand into his left shuriken satchel, shuriken were better for wide range attacks… he'd need it.

"We have some newcomers on our hands then…" Kakashi announced with light words, but a heavy voice.

"How many are there now?" The cadet asked, his voice shook a little… he must've been really new.

Kakashi took another look.

"Fourteen…"

_This is going to get rough…_

"Something tells me that whatever they've been waiting for is here already…" Osuzaki spoke up.

"Yeah… us." Kakashi agreed slowly.

Only one more order was needed to start this battle, Kakashi had said it so many times in the past and never felt nervous, but something worried him about these enemies… they were too organized for brainless minions.

There was definitely something or someone bigger planning all this out.

He finally shouted that order, unable to stall for thoughts any longer.

"Scatter!"

Shuriken and kunai flew through the branches, cutting leaves and spraying splinters as the figures blurred around the battlefield attacking each other.

………………………………………………………………………………**.**

I wandered into the little grocery market, inspecting the shelves of vegetables, fruits, and spices.

It was my turn again to do the evening shopping.

It always bugged me, having to haggle over the quality of the products and the prices… but I was outside of the house.

_Maybe… if Kakashi-sensei's back…_

I knew I shouldn't be so hopeful, but I couldn't stop thinking about it…

I checked by wristwatch again, ignoring the orange in my hand for a second.

It was only a half hour past four.

He only said 'tomorrow'… that could be at 11:59, too, couldn't it?….

I sighed, putting back the orange, picking up another. The late-afternoon sun seemed to be sinking faster than it should while the hand on the clock was moving even slower than normal.

I scooted over to vegetable area as soon as I had picked up some reasonably ripe fruit.

As I inched my way over to the carrots and mushrooms

I suddenly heard gossipy whispering coming from the two women who had been in the fruit area, next to me, only a few seconds ago.

I knew that they were fellow kunoichi, but they were from the generation before me, so I didn't even know their names.

"Isn't that the girl, the one with the pink hair, the one who was dancing with the Black Suit?" One really obnoxious voice whispered to her friend.

I pretended to have bad hearing, and only compared carrots in my hands.

So that's what people called Kakashi's stunning costume? The Black Suit…

I smiled to myself, it sounded like some sort of caped night criminal…

"Yeah, she was!... I think her name's… Sakura?" The other, mousier voice responded, showing enthusiasm. "… she's so lucky…" the voice added dreamily.

My smiled widened unwillingly.

I was so glad they couldn't see my face… otherwise they might've thought that the carrots had told me a funny joke.

"I wonder who he was…" The obnoxious one started again, "… he didn't look like the type that would be interested in that kind of girl…" Anybody who could see me now would wonder why I was making such an insulted face at a carrot. "… I mean he looked a lot older than her… he was definitely an adult… but he looked just right for me…"

The two voices giggled like they were my age.

"I bet he was from another village…" The mousy one proposed.

"Probably… since you don't see a lot of men like that around here anymore…. All of the handsome, talented ones have already all been married off by now…." The obnoxiously nasally one added with a tone of distaste.

"What about Kakashi-san?" The quiet one brought up my exact thoughts.

_He was probably the most talented and most attractive, and he's not married…_ I argued in my mind… then again, he was preoccupied in a deep relationship right now.

A proud smile conquered the pain of my insulted ego.

"Oh, Kakashi-san… he's gorgeous…"

_How would she know?!_

I freaked out for only a moment.

"… even with that mask on, any woman with an eye for men can tell he must be insanely handsome…" The nasally one continued. It bugged me that I couldn't disagree at all. "… But! He's practically unapproachable!.... He's turned down so many women…" The annoying one wasn't keeping track of her volume anymore, using that irritating voice to its fullest.

"Didn't he turn you down, too?" The shy one added.

"He said he wasn't 'looking to be in a relationship'!" The louder one corrected excitedly.

"Do you think _she_ was the reason he doesn't accept dates anymore?" The quiet one became quieter, like she was talking about something really secret.

"Probably…" The louder one snorted. "… She was so beautiful, and mature, she could've had any man in Konoha…. in the Land of Fire!" She exclaimed overdramatically.

My brain couldn't really make sense of this the way I wanted it to… I didn't want to hear about whoever this woman was…

This 'beautiful', 'mature' woman… who they talked about like she was Kakashi-sensei's…….

I didn't want to think about it, but I couldn't help myself from listening.

"She was really talented, too… she was too perfect, it really got on my nerves… but I guess it's okay since she-"

"Stop!" The weaker voice actually spoke up a little. "We're not supposed to talk about that too much."

"Nobody's listening, beside they only made that rule becau-"

"SAKURA-chan!"

I immediately dropped the carrots back into their little cubby shelf, whipping my head around to the street to see who had called my name so loudly.

_Naruto!!?_

I really didn't need him running up like that, making a scene… now those two gossipers weren't going to finish… and I wasn't going to learn more about whoever this lady was.

But maybe that's a good thing…

I quickly forgot about my irritated nerves when I saw that Naruto wasn't smiling… he wasn't waving or happy…

He was leaning on his knees a little, panting like he had ran straight across Konoha.

I tucked my grocery bag under my arm walking away from the two women at the fruit section, who were now staring at the yellow-haired boy in the street.

"What are you doing?" I asked a little harshly when I saw everybody was looking at us like we were crazy.

"He's back… Kakashi-sensei… " Naruto was trying to get the words out in between breaths. I could feel another smile threaten my face… that was, before I nearly dropped my groceries in the dirt when Naruto finished the sentence.

"…in the hospital."

………………………………………………………………………**.**


	27. Wounds and Wants

**Chapter 27!**

**Title: **_"Wounds and Wants"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!**

**Note: ****Sorry for the wait!**

**……………………………………………………**

Every blurry face we passed in the streets looked at us with confused eyes, but I didn't care.

My feet weren't moving fast enough, but I was still meters ahead of Naruto.

I hadn't realized till today just how far my house was from the hospital… I wished that I had just left the groceries at the market and hadn't dropped them off at home in a panic.

I looked over my shoulder to Naruto, I had to know what was going on, I couldn't wait for an explanation till we got to the hospital.

"What happened to him?!" I called out, trying to control my overly-worried tone… I couldn't bring myself to say his name… it felt, that if I did, this would all feel too real.

Naruto took a second to answer, I really didn't like that pause.

"Nobody knows…. He showed up at the gates, but passed out before anybody could ask him what happened!" Naruto shouted over the roaring wind in our ears.

"When did they find him?!" I asked, my voice still didn't sound calm enough.

"A few minutes before I got to you!"

I felt a fraction of a bit better, knowing that I hadn't been clueless about all of this for too long. But that infinitesimal feeling of relief didn't survive the answer to my next questions.

"Did you see him?! …What kind of wounds did he have?! How many?!" I elaborated my real question almost frantically.

Naruto's long moment of hesitation really tore at me.

"Yeah… I saw him..." His said solemnly, "His wounds, I couldn't tell how many…. there was too much blood…"

My entire body immediately felt cold…

_How is this even possible?!_

……………

"Where's Kakashi?!" Naruto yelled at the receptionist behind the counter, showing no mercy for her eardrums.

I thanked god that I was here with Naruto, who could vent my desperation for me as I tried to control my nervous shaking.

"He's still in emergency treatment." The lady said, startled. I was thankful that she didn't have to look up which patient was 'Kakashi', that she could give us a direct answer right then.

"Where's that?!" Naruto shouted, scaring a few of the nurses walking by.

"I'm afraid you two can't go in there when they're treating a patient…" She was suddenly monotonous, reciting rules that she probably enforced strictly.

"We need to see him!" Naruto wasn't going to accept any rules that separated us from our teacher… me from my…

"You'll have to take a seat in the waiting area…" She pointed towards the couches in the corner with her pen, her annoyed eyes were cold.

"We aren't gonna wai-" I interrupted Naruto's defiant yelling, tugging his arm away from the countertop with a swift pull.

"Follow me!" I shouted as I started running.

I had spent a considerable amount of time here, studying medical jutsu… I knew exactly where the emergency treatment room was.

We ran through a pair of brown double doors marked with an 'Authorized Entrance Only' sticker that Naruto and I cared about just as much as we cared about the fact that the receptionist was yelling at us as we ran down the hospital hallway.

I would've usually followed the rules… but this was different.

It didn't take long before we heard several loud voices shouting orders at each other.

Naruto and I hid behind a corner when we saw a doctor walking down our hallway.

He didn't notice us, and turned into a room, raising his voice over the others to ask about the new patient.

"What kind of injury are we dealing with?"

Naruto and I inched towards that doorway.

I snuck past Naruto, trying to hear exactly what they were saying.

"Several lacerations below the sternum, crossing over the chest to the patient's left ribs."

"Have you stopped the bleeding, yet?" The doctor asked the nurse, sounding distracted.

"We've tried…. Ninjutsu's barely doing anything!" Another nurse spoke up, her voice a little panicked.

"What?" The doctor sounded more serious.

I could hear my own heart beating nervously.

Nobody said anything for a few seconds… I was dying for any more information.

I felt my fingernails dig into my palms, waiting painfully.

Jutsu was supposed to heal any type of cut or laceration… why wouldn't it work?!

"His body temperature's going down …"

I couldn't focus on anything else… I had to see what was happening, I had to see if this really was Kakashi-sensei, I had to see what he looked like… if I didn't know, my imagination would drive me crazy.

I peeked around the corner, hoping no one would notice me...

As my eyes found the group in the room, I saw that nobody was looking at me… everybody's eyes were stuck on the silver-haired man, who was lying on the hospital bed.

His body was writhing painfully…

His eyes were closed, cringing tightly…

His gloved hands curled into fists…

It was him…. This was real… the blood leaking onto his shredded chest plate was really his…

This wasn't an illusion or a replacement…

He was actually lying there… wounded and in pain…

I could feel tears of frustration sting my eyes, my vision blurred… The sight of Kakashi-sensei turned into a water-colored mess of reddening gray and black… I felt so useless… I couldn't do anything for him… I could only watch… I couldn't do anything!

_Kakashi-sensei…_

"His wounds… they've been infused with chakra... his body is too busy trying to reject that chakra to respond to treatment…" I heard the doctor explain mostly to himself.

"He's losing too much blood… we have to stop it now…" One of the nurses that had been trying to heal him with that familiar green glow suddenly stopped, looking towards the doctor expectantly.

I kept my eyes on his face…it hurt to see him in pain like this.

"If ninjutsu doesn't work, we'll have to stop the bleeding physically… Everybody clear the space!"

There was suddenly in frenzy, people moving tables and carts.

A few of them crowded around Kakashi-sensei, blocking my view of his face.

I heard the chest plate hit the floor, the cloth of his shirt tearing.

I couldn't keep my eyes on him when I saw the red running along the skin of his chest in several horizontal slashes.

My heart throbbed painfully with fear.

When I quickly looked down to the ground, unable to take eveyrthing in, my eyes met a pair of shoes.

"You shouldn't be here!" One of the male nurses yelled at me. He walked through the door. His voice rose when he saw that Naruto was here, too. "You have to leave immediately!" He yelled louder, causing a couple of heads turning this way.

"But!" Naruto wanted to fight back.

I reached up to his arm, grabbing hold of it.

"We should go…" I tried to say calmly.

I could feel myself shiver with frustration, helplessness, panic, and fear… I couldn't control any of these horrifying feelings… but I _could_ control myself, and keep myself out of the way of the people who were trying to heal the one I was feeling this much pain for…

"Sakura?..." Naruto was suddenly calmer, worried…. I only grimaced at my feet as I started pulling him towards the exit. "Don't you want to see Kakashi-sensei?" he asked me…. My heart literally felt like it was being torn open.

_Of course I do!_

All I wanted to do was run to him, to brush my hands along his face, along his chest, to take away that pain, to make him open his eyes and look at me… I wanted to see him smile…

I wanted to kiss him, touch him, feel him, to hear that endangered heartbeat against my ear as strong and as deep as I loved it!

But right now… if I were around him… I'd only complicate things.

"We can only get in the way if we interrupt them now…" I said coldly… I hated the way I sounded.

We walked through the double-doors, I drug Naruto to the couch, not even looking at the smug receptionist as we passed her…. She said something unnecessarily rude… I didn't care.

………

We sat on that couch for a long time.

I didn't even look at the clock once… I knew that if I did, I would only have to scream with frustration at the fact that it either hadn't been an hour… or that it had been several, and we still hadn't heard any news of Kakashi-sensei…

People kept wandering in and out.

Some of them I knew, some others I didn't.

Many of them asked for Kakashi-sensei, but were told to wait.

Some would leave after a while of waiting….

The others who stayed were sitting on these couches, faces just as lost and nervous as Naruto's.

I couldn't imagine what I must've looked like… I didn't want to.

I was leaning against the armrest, staring at the floor…

I knew all of the people around me, a few were talking with each other… but I couldn't really focus on their words or faces.

I was too lost in what the doctor had said…

"_His wounds… they've been infused with chakra... his body is too busy trying to reject that chakra to respond to treatment…"_

Chakra-infused wounds?

I didn't know where I had heard that before… probably in one of my medical jutsu books.

But I remembered how dangerous that type of injury was.

Not a lot of people were capable of that kind of attack.

Kakashi must've fought with a powerful, but ruthless man…

My hands clenched tightly at the thought of whatever type of person would do this to him…

It was practically understood between villages that that kind of technique was forbidden…

To have chakra pushed into your wounds, to have an alien type of chakra molded into your cells… it was nearly impossible to cure the infected wounds with medical jutsu…

I didn't want to imagine what kind of pain Kakashi-sensei had gone through, but I couldn't wash the sight of the slashes across his chest out of my mind. That scary image was painted on the inside of my eyelids… I couldn't let myself close my eyes for too long.

"Hey, the doctor's coming!" I heard Naruto exclaim from my right, he jumped up from the couch quickly.

Everybody went silent, I finally snapped out of my catatonic state.

I looked for the doctor, but my eyes landed on all the others first.

There were so many here: Naruto, Sai, Yamatou-taichou, Gai, Asuma, Kurenai, Anko, Iruka, even an obviously impatient Tsunade-sama, who was currently walking towards the doctor determinedly.

Even though there were a few people here who had been a source of major personal unrest for me, right now, everybody was here for the same reason… to see their comrade, teacher, colleague, friend… I shared many of those relationships with Kakashi-sensei… along with another, secret, connection to him, one that would devastate everyone in this room who didn't already know... but in the end, we were all here for Kakashi, nothing else mattered…

I staggered up from my seat, my legs had fallen asleep… I hadn't even noticed it.

The doctor walked up, looking a little nervous next to Tsunade-sama.

"We've managed to stabilize him… we've closed up and bandaged his wounds… but he's still severely dehydrated, as well as fatigued… but he's alert and is willing to accept some visitors."

The doctor wasn't prepared for the sudden uproar from our more excitable members of this group.

Gai, Naruto, and Tsunade showed their joy with yells and raised fists.

I immediately felt like crashing back onto that sofa, smiling and crying at the same time… but I held it in…. I tried to bury this overwhelming and overpowering relief, it was almost as difficult to bury the suddenly resurrected and consuming desire to run to Kakashi-sensei and kiss him, to touch him in ways that would blatantly reveal my true feelings for him for everyone here to see.

I was so focused on staying in one spot that I barely noticed when everybody was already flooding those brown double-doors, loudly eager to see their teacher and friend.

I followed after them a little desperately.

I took a deep breath… trying to adopt the mindset of _only_ being his student…. Trying to think back to how I would react _before_ …..

It didn't work…

I still wanted to see him as soon as possible, but I couldn't get past everyone else.

The doctor tried to calm them as they we were walking down the hallway that Naruto and I had recently infiltrated, but as soon as he pointed to Kakashi's room, nobody paid attention to him anymore.

In the end, I was the last one to get into the room.

"Kakashi!" Gai yelled warmly.

I saw the top of his bobbed hair walk towards Kakahsi's direction, everyone else was in the way.

Tsunade shouted Kakashi's name, too.

Everybody else greeted him more calmly, Naruto was trying to fidget his way through the crowd, probably saving his especially loud greeting for when he was face-to-face with Kakashi-sensei.

"Hey…." I heard his voice… it was weak, a little raspy… but he still had his usual, casually polite, tone.

Those tears of relief almost started falling.

I felt so weak for being so close to tears… but I couldn't help feeling this strongly.

I wanted to see him.

Everybody started talking, all of them mixing their voices and stories together, sharing their thoughts of Kakashi-sensei's condition, how they heard about it, how they were happy that he seemed to have bounced back just fine.

I couldn't say anything.

I stood there, getting a little impatient.

I really needed to, at least, _see_ him.

He must've had the same thought…

"Is my team here?" His voice asked up, politely clearing away the ruckus.

I opened my mouth to say something.

"I'm here, Kakashi-sensei!!!" Naruto yelled louder than I could in that moment.

He started pushing his way through; people cleared a path for the galloping Genin. I saw Sai walk out from the crowd and approach Kakashi's bedside calmly.

"Ah, hey Naruto, Sai…" Kakashi greeted them weakly.

"You feelin' better?" Naruto asked… not really thinking about what Kakashi would be feeling right now… he was probably still in a considerable amount of pain… it was always hard for Naruto to understand that we didn't all heal as fast as him.

"Better than this afternoon…" I could almost imagine the casual smile he would wear when saying that. "Hey, Naruto… do you know if Sakura's here?"

I jumped when he said my name. I hadn't really expected it for some reason.

I hadn't expected him to actually call for me… I thought he would wait.

I didn't really think about why he was impatient to see me… I was just happy that he was.

"I'm her-"

"Yeah!" Naruto shouted happily, drowning out my voice. The crowd of people parted, Naruto pointed over to me.

I could finally see his face.

He was still masked, but I could see his eyes narrow happily when he followed Naruto's directions over to me. His head fell back onto his pillow calmly, like he was relieved.

I walked towards him, not blinking…. Staring into his face, trying to take in every detail of him… he stared back to me with the same kind of expression I imagined I was wearing.

Is this strange?

Will anybody notice anything?

A part of me didn't care.

I reached out before I got to his bedside.

I didn't know what I was going to do.

I had wanted to touch his face… his hair… his lips….

But I couldn't do any of that right now…

He saved me, lifting his hand up to mine, our fingertips touched lightly.

As soon as his skin touched mine, I wanted to feel more of it, I needed to feel his whole hand, his arms, his chest, everything that he was, I needed to feel him, to make sure he was still here, with me…. But with only our fingertips touching for barely a spare moment, it ended.

Nobody seemed to even notice that we touched… we could've been waving for all they knew.

It was slightly depressing that the limit of our public affection was such a small touch.

I wouldn't be able to survive off of that moment for too long…

He dropped his hand back to his side, I folded my hands together, forcing myself to look away from him.

If I kept looking at the genuinely appreciative expression he was giving me, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from reaching out to him again.

My eyes followed down his arm, I noticed his shirt was in tatters, only his mask remained intact, and my eyes inevitably found the red-stained bandages running all across his chest. He was half-covered by the sheet.

I couldn't control a twitch in my expression from seeing him like that.

I could feel his eyes on my face, his ungloved hand quickly pulled the sheet over his bandages… like he didn't want me to see.

I wanted to look back to his face and see what expression he had, what he was trying to tell me… but I was immediately interrupted.

"I'm sorry if I worried you guys." Kakashi-sensei was back to normal, speaking to all of us.

"I would punch you, Kakashi, if it didn't mean that you would have to spend a few more days in here." Tsunade-sama joked… I think.

Everybody laughed anyways… I could feel how relieved everybody else was.

That looming, nervous tension from the waiting area was suddenly gone…

They all started chattering with carefree voices.

Naruto was pestering Kakashi-sensei about future missions that he wouldn't be able to go on, before quickly switching over to the subject of rotten hospital food.

I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Anko-san was leaning over Kakashi's bedside a little too close… he ignored her, talking with Naruto and Sai.

I didn't even feel bothered by it…

Yamatou-taichou talked with Iruka-sensei comfortably.

Tsunade and Gai-sensei were joking about Kakashi.

I tried to keep my eyes off of Kakashi-sensei, so that nobody else could see my feelings for him as obviously as you could see them in Anko-san.

As I looking around the room, I managed to see Kurenai-sensei quietly slip a simple bouquet of flowers into a small vase by the window. She walked back to Asuma-sensei.

They smiled at each other as he wrapped a hand around her waist.

I heard that they were involved but I had never seen them act like it before…

I felt really happy for them… secretly hoping that Kakashi-sensei and I could be that free with each other someday…

I tried not to think about it seriously though….

The bustling voices carried on, adding a brighter atmosphere to this scary day.

But before I could join in, the light mood suddenly shifted when Tsunade-same spoke up…

"But it is strange to see you in the hospital after such a small mission, Kakashi… You don't usually let your guard down so easily…" She didn't sound angry… but she was definitely skeptical of something.

I saw Sai flinch a little. He must've been curious about this, too, since he knew exactly what kind of leader Kakashi-sensei was in ANBU.

"An ambush had been planned, just for us…" Kakashi's tone immediately turned serious. Even when he was this badly injured, his voice still had that demanding quality about it that stole everyone's attention.

"What did they want?" Tsunade questioned further.

This suddenly felt like a real meeting.

Everybody else went silent, listening to the details just as eagerly.

"They didn't say… their leader did most of the talking, but it wasn't about their objective…" Kakashi's voice grew a little stronger.

"What about the leader, did you recognize him from any villages or clans?" The Hokage asked, crossing her arms, staring down at Kakashi.

There was a long pause.

I forced myself to forget about _not _looking at Kakashi-sensei.

My eyes found his face.

His eyebrows were furrowed a little edgily, like he was remembering something… probably the battle earlier today.

"Asaka…"

He said finally.

Tsunade took a moment to respond to that, her tone suddenly changed.

"I understand… we'll talk further about this later, in private…" The group's suspense was suddenly lost. The tension left the room. "Right now, you have something healing to catch up on… so we should let you rest…"

I whipped my head over to Lady Tsunade…

_Since when does she act so responsibly?!_

Maybe what they were talking about just now was actually a lot more important than I thought it was.

'_Asaka'?_

_What kind of family name was that?_

_What clan was responsible for this?_

I had to look it up later.

I quickly pushed the matter aside when I realized that Lady Tsunade was now herding everyone out of the room, following behind them.

Asuma, Kurenai, Sai, and Yamatou-taichou all left quietly with Tsunade-sama, saying their farewells in different ways… Anko was the next to leave, moving from Kakashi's bedside a little hesitantly, wishing him a 'good night'.

Gai-sensei gave Kakashi-sensei a reckless pat on the shoulder, and a twinkling grin, before joining the others, walking out the doorway.

Even as Naruto finally shouted 'bye' to Kakashi and was walking over to me expectantly, I still wasn't ready to leave… I couldn't leave now…. Not before I said _something_ to Kakashi-sensei… not before I could be alone with him….

"Come on, Sakura..." Naruto started walking towards the door, telling me to follow him.

I couldn't say I _wanted_ to talk alone with Kakashi-sensei… that would be too suspicious… and I definitely couldn't say or do as I wanted when Naruto was in the same room.

I looked back to Kakashi hoping for a miracle that would give us a few minutes together… he was looking towards the doorway, at somebody else.

I followed his line of sight, hearing a familiar voice before I could see the person.

"Naruto, why don't we go for some ramen?"

"Ramen!?"

With that, Naruto forgot all about me and was running towards a smiling Iruka-sensei in the doorway. "Go on ahead." Iruka said warmly.

Naruto ran out the doorway excitedly, following the bustling voices of the rest of the group.

Iruka-sensei lingered in the doorway for a second, looking between me and Kakashi-sensei.

"Two minutes…" He lost that warmth in his tone.

I saw Kakashi nod his head respectfully in the corner of my eye.

And with a slightly-bothered sigh, Iruka-sensei heaved himself off of the door jam and walked out of sight.

_Iruka-sensei?..._

_Did he actually just answer my internal call for a help?_

_Did he actually just give me and Kakashi a few minutes together?!_

I accidentally wasted a few seconds staring at the doorway in surprise.

"Sakura…"

His slightly weak voice sounded impatient.

I turned towards him immediately. My feet carried me to his side hurriedly, trying to make up for lost time.

I knelt down a little, trying to get closer to him.

He couldn't sit up yet.

"Kakashi…" I called out his name, my voice finally sounded as desperate as I felt.

His hand quickly found the side of my face. His battle-roughened fingers didn't waste any time grazing along my jaw, brushing along my lips, across my cheek, into my hair, down my neck.

It felt like he was trying to feel me with as much desperation as I had to feel him.

I placed both of my hands on his face, my fingers ran along the sides of his temples, curling into his hair.

He closed his eyes slowly, like he was trying to feel everything.

"Kakashi…." I could only say his name again… I almost felt those belated tears well up.

His eyes opened again, looking directly into my eyes.

I felt his hand reach around to the back of my head.

He pulled me in.

"Don't look so worried." He ordered me lightly.

His thinly-masked lips pressed against mine.

It wasn't the first time I had felt his lips like this, but I was still surprised about how deeply he could kiss me even when there was fabric between us.

And though this wasn't a real kiss… this wasn't about actually kissing, it was about being as close as we could get to each other.

I knew he would've taken off the mask, but we probably didn't have much time…

As if the universe was agreeing with my guess, I could hear footsteps travelling down the hallway, towards the open doorway, again.

_That's the shortest two minutes I've lived through...._I inwardly complained.

The feeling of his lips left mine.

"Come back… at eight." He still sounded impatient for more.

"Okay…" I responded, hearing my own eagerness.

I kissed his covered lips again. My fingers traveled further into his hair. I never wanted to let go of him.

I heard a familiar voice clear their throat noisily…

I tried to immediately pull away, but Kakashi's grip in my hair was still holding me to him.

It felt like he really needed more.

"Enough of that, Kakashi…" Iruka-sensei's voice called out sternly… he sounded upset, but mostly embarrassed.

His fingers loosened, falling down my back slowly, letting me go… A part of me had wished that he'd disobey Iruka-sensei for a bit longer.

"Later tonight…" He promised weakly, his hand slowly brushing along my waist.

"At eight…." I responded, smiling to myself.

I couldn't control the red rushing to my cheeks as I walked towards Iruka-sensei… who still seemed really bothered by seeing his young student semi-kissing his colleague like that.

I thought I saw Iruka give Kakashi a quick glare before I walked passed him.

As we reached the waiting area, I was met by a jumpy Naruto who was still jonesing for his ramen.

"Sakura-chan!" He ran up to me. "You're coming too, right?!"

"Of course she is…" Iruka spoke for me, smiling a weaker version of his usual smile.

I wondered just how much it bothered him when he saw us just now… must go against the grain of his teacher-nature to make time for another teacher to kiss their student.

At that thought I couldn't help but notice that there was something really weird about this whole situation, but I couldn't really think about it as we left the hospital, making our way to Ichiraku Ramen…Naruto galloping several feet ahead of Iruka and I.

I was completely distracted by this overwhelming relief and anticipation.

I would get to see him again… to be with him…

Time couldn't go fast enough.

My mood instantly shifted when I heard Iruka-sensei speak up."Why?"

"What?" I turned over to him, looking up at his placid face, surprised that he'd even talk to me, since he was probably already trying so hard to forget what he just saw.

I wasn't ready for his next question.

"Why are you… and Kakashi… like this?" His words were vague, cautious of any listeners.

…

…_What?!_….

…

…………………………………………………………………………………


	28. Vices and Visitors

**Chapter 28!**

**Title: **_"Vices and Visitors"_

**Disclaimer:**** I own nothing!**

**Note: ****Longer chapter this time… :D**

...........................................................................................................................

"Why are you… and Kakashi… like this?" His words were vague, cautious of any listeners.

…

"What?" My single thought leaked out, but not as loudly as I had said it in my head.

Iruka-sensei glanced at me for a second, obviously a little surprised by my reaction; he suddenly turned away from me… I caught a glimpse of pink reaching his cheeks.

He was pretty shy for an adult.

But he still didn't back down from his question…

"Why are you… involved… with Kakashi like this?" He changed his wording a little… even using a word as weak as 'involved' seemed to take some effort for him to say.

I thought about not answering him for a second… I really didn't want to talk about this with him…. but if I didn't, it wouldn't change the fact that Iruka-sensei knew that Kakashi and I were together 'like this'… and that he was probably on the teetering edge of deciding whether to spill our secret or not.

I had to come up with an answer… an answer that could neatly sum up all of these feelings, but wouldn't traumatize Iruka-sensei.

I had to take a moment.

"…Because my admiration for him as a teacher and as a friend... grew too deep for our previous relationship… "

I had no idea how I managed that… but it seemed so perfect, it really did sum up how my feeings for him started... just saying those words calmed me…

"I see…" He said monotonously.

My calm was destroyed, and replaced with a frenzied embarrassment, when he asked the next question.

"How do you… think of him… as a… lover?" Even though he had a severe difficulty saying those words, ducking his head further away from my direction… I still had a harder time accepting the fact that he had actually said it… and that I was expected to answer.

I gave it a moment of thought…

But I still had no idea what his real question was!...

Did he mean 'as a lover' emotionally, or logically…. Physically?... No!!

My eyes searched the ground frantically, as if I could just come across an answer on the street…

I could see Naruto's feet stomping happily ahead of us.

"Well…. I mean…" He spoke up again, after the silence lasted at least a minute… I was thankful that he didn't wait for me to come up with a weird answer… but also scared for whatever he was going to say… "… How are you two… around each other?" He only rephrased the same question.

But Iruka-sensei's hesitation wasn't as flustered… he sounded like he was getting a little more serious…

The answer to this one was easier to think of… but harder to say…

"It's difficult finding time together…" I started nervously; Iruka-sensei knew too well how hard it was for Kakashi and I to find perfect privacy. "But… we always manage… somehow." I finished contentedly, feeling a sense of pride. It really took a lot to keep this relationship going... but Kakashi-sensei and I were still together.

I didn't get more than a five second break before my heart was beating anxiously again.

"What do you… feel… when your with him?" His voice wavered on the single word.

The way he phrased things was so weird… I couldn't tell what he really meant….

But I definitely couldn't answer this question…

"Iruka-sensei… isn't that a little…" I warned him as politely as I could…

"I know I shouldn't be asking _you_ this, Sakura… but I need to know…" He was suddenly serious. The way he say 'you' had a tone that could be understood in so many ways.

'You', like he felt it was inappropriate to inquire about a young student's love life.

'You', like he never wanted to have a conversation like this with _me._

'You', like he should be asking Kakashi-sensei, not me.

This conversation was really too awkward on too many levels… it was obvious that neither of us really wanted to talk about this, especially him…. But _he_ was the one who started the whole thing…

Something was definitely strange about this…

I took in his question… mustering up enough courage and finding the best words I could use to describe the way I felt when I was with him… when he held me… said my name… kissed me.

…

"When I'm with him… nothing else matters… I can't think about anything but him… I feel calm, and safe…"

That was only scratching the surface…. But I hoped that was all Iruka-sensei needed.

He didn't say anything.

I was scared for a second that he didn't believe me…. Or that he thought I was some hormone-drunk teenager… That would be the worst conclusion he could come to...

"Iruka-sensei!... We're here!!" Naruto shouted out… as he ran over to the stand, waving his arm excitedly towards us.

This didn't affect Iruka-sensei's stolid face.

For a moment I actually thought he was done with whatever kind of survey he was giving me… I was about to run up to Naruto and try to forget all of this, but that was before I heard him ask one last question.

"What would you do if I wanted to tell everybody?"

I stopped mid-step.

My heart thudded uncomfortably.

"What?" I turned around to him, looking for any answers in his eyes or expression… but it was too late, he was already smiling fakely at Naruto, walking ahead of me to catch up to him.

My eyes were glued on him.

_Did he really mean that?!_

_Does he really want to…_

"Come on, Sakura!"

Naruto woke me up from those thoughts, uncomfortably… I was forced to carry on, pretending to be unaffected by those seriously scary words.

As all three of us sat down and ordered our different bowls of ramen, I couldn't help running that question through my mind.

_Is Iruka-sensei really that close to telling everyone?_

_Did his truthful nature win over?!_

_But why would he do that to us?!_

_Doesn't he know what will happen to us if he does this?!_

_How our lives will change, how we could never be together anymore!_

…_. But maybe that's his goal...._

.............

Naruto slammed down his seventh bowl of ramen onto the countertop noisily, letting out a fulfilled sigh.

"Bwah!... I'm so full!" He announced for everyone in the vicinity to hear.

I was still pushing around the miso pork in the bottom of my first and only bowl.

I had forgotten how much Naruto could eat in such a short time… or maybe I had been eating really slowly.

I tried not to look over to my left, where Iruka-sensei was sitting… I had gone the entire meal without looking at him… trying to prevent any awkward moments, or letting this growing frustration slip out…

"Well, I guess that'll be enough for us then…" I heard Iruka talk over the counter to Ayame-san, just like he normally would.

Why was he so skilled at pretending to be pleasant, but couldn't even have a slightly inappropriate conversation with a student without getting fidgety.

The way he was acting so normally, grimacing comically as he pulled out a hefty sum from his wallet… after making me go through several minutes of tentative fear… it…

…It really pissed me off….

He's caused a lot of stress for Kakashi and I (as we have for him, I guess), but he acted like we deserved the stress… which we might have… but it pissed me off that he _acted_ like we deserved it…. Like we were criminals…

… Which might also be true, in an impending sort of way… but Iruka-sensei had no right to judge us like he was better than us, like he had to supervise our relationship because we were both too puppy-love-drunk to realize what we were doing!

He didn't know about the painstaking hours we've both agonized over this relationship, all the times we've almost fallen apart, all of the obstacles we've passed to get to this point!

And now… today, when I was at a really weak point, seeing Kakashi-sensei so close to death like that… he brings _this_ conversation out, expecting me to just sit here and answer his embarrassing questions the way he wants me to!!

I felt the chopsticks in between my fingers splinter a little.

I wasn't surprised… whenever this sort of anger and frustration built up, I could never just let it go… I had to do something, but I wasn't going to torture the chopsticks anymore.

"Time to go…" Iruka-sensei said calmly, getting up from his stool, Naruto hopped off of his, saying a very loud 'thanks for the meal' back to Teuchi-san.

I followed the two out of the stand, lifting the little curtains out of my face, still feeling really irritable…

I needed to talk to Iruka, and finish that conversation, as soon as possible.

"Hey, Iruka-sensei, do you wanna go for some dango?" Naruto asked excitedly right when I thought he would be saying 'bye'….

"Well… maybe, but I don't know about the money…" Iruka replied kindly.

"I'll pay!" Naruto responded happily.

I definitely couldn't wait till after we had dango.

I had no choice but to act a little impertinent…

"I'm sorry Naruto, but I need to talk with Iruka-sensei about something, alone…." Anybody could hear the anger in my voice. My hand found Iruka-sensei's wrist tightly. He looked down at me like I was crazy… at least I had gotten my point across.

"See you tomorrow, Naruto…" I said with a fake cheerfulness, but it didn't mix well with the frustrated undertone… I probably sounded really weird…

I spun around, stomping away from Naruto, dragging a completely confused and stumbling Iruka-sensei behind me.

"S-scary…." I heard Naruto mutter with surprise, several feet behind me…

That would've annoyed me any other day, but I _knew_ I would be scaring Naruto and Iruka…. And probably the other people in the street who saw me, pulling Iruka-sensei behind me harshly…

I could feel him trying to peel my hand from around his wrist, but he couldn't even nudge a finger… strength training had done _something_ for me…

"Sakura!" He called my name with that nostalgic, stern voice… it almost got to me. "Sakura, people are staring…." He warned a bit louder.

"I don't care…" I said as gruffly as I could. I actually did… I started to turn the corner away from the bustling market street towards a less travelled, darker area.

"If you want to talk to me, just talk!" He suddenly planted his feet, trying to wrench his wrist from my grasp by lifting his arm upward.

The higher his arm went, the harder it was to keep hold, he was too tall.

But in the end, even when his arm was completely raised towards the night sky, I managed to keep the tip of my toes on the ground.

I still hadn't let go of my death grip on his wrist.

His expression was definitely disappointed that his little plan was thwarted... I guess he forgot how much I'd grown.

I smug about this small victory only for a moment… before I heard the murmuring.

I glanced towards the busy street… more than half of the people were staring at Iruka-sensei and me.

It only took a moment to notice that, with his arm raised, and my hand closed around his wrist, we were a lot closer than before.

I was almost eye-level with him, I felt his vest graze against my chest when he breathed in.

He still hadn't notice when I did…

"Iruka-sensei…."I waved my head towards the staring crowd, feeling more than a little uncomfortable.

His eyes met the dozens that were watching us.

He suddenly let out an embarrassed gibberish sound as he frantically lowered his arm, even pushing me away from him a little.

He smiled nervously towards all the people in the street who were starting to look away, less interested.

"Sakura…"He turned back to me, sounding much more serious than before, I didn't look up to his face.

I tried to not to let his obvious anger faze me as I started dragging him towards the empty street.

As soon as we turned the corner, and were completely out of sight from the street, he immediately tugged his wrist from me again.

I let him go before he got any more upset, feeling a little weird about this whole thing… but still pissed.

"What were you thinking, Sakura?!" He started the yelling before I could.

"What are _you_ thinking?!" It was strange, raising my voice at Iruka-sensei… but right now, he wasn't my teacher, or a close friend… he was annoying.

He seemed a little surprised that I yelled at him.

"What are you talking about?!" Now his voice sounded a bit more confused, but just as scary as I remembered. I almost flinched.

"You kept asking me those really weird questions and then you start talking about telling the others about-!"

His hand landed on my mouth suddenly.

"Quiet!" He whispered harshly, peeking over his shoulder, stretching his neck to look at the buildings beyond me.

He was right… we shouldn't be yelling, even if the street looks deserted, we're right next to that main street... there's always windows open or people leaving their houses to go shopping.

I didn't want to calm down, but I knew we had to… or someone might overhear.

His hand slowly fell from my mouth as he was finishing his search.

I pushed his hand away a little harshly, already impatient to finish what I was saying earlier.

"Iruka-sensei!" I whisper-yelled for his attention. He looked back to me. "What are you planning on doing?!" Even if I was talking softly, I knew he could still hear my frustration.

This was the question I was dreading an answer to.... was he relaly planning on telling everyone?....

He looked down at me, his eyes full of his own frustration, confusion, but I noticed something different in his eyes.

I couldn't really recognize it.

"I'm not planning anything!" He said sternly.

"But you said-"

"I had to test your reaction…" He interrupted me.

Test for my reaction?!

What did that even mean!?

Even more questions were created from that, but at least I was able to relax a little… he wasn't planning on anything…

My energy didn't falter for the next question.

"Test for what?!" I looked up at him, still trying to make sense of all this.

"… I had to see what you really felt for him…" He explained a little desperately."… if it could survive…"

My head spun with confusion.

"Survive?!... Survive what?!"

His eyes narrowed a little, he was staring me right in the eye, unabashedly. Almost intensely.

I had never seen this side of Iruka-sensei... he seemed really serious.

I suddenly felt a little nervous for some reason.

But I finally realized what was different about Iruka-sensei's eyes.

He wasn't looking at me like I was one of his precious little students anymore, there wasn't that condescending glint in his eye anymore.

He was looking at me like I was fully capable of understanding his words… as an equal.

"Sakura, you need to listen to me…" I felt his hands land on my shoulders, he really wanted my attention.

I didn't say anything, still feeling that weird anxiety his eyes gave me.

"… Kakashi's been through a lot in his life… he's lost many people to death, distance, and betrayal…" Iruka's voice softened a little.

I remembered thinking about this before… before any of this started, when I saw Kakashi-sensei standing in the memorial field … lilies at his feet.

My nerves calmed a little…

"… it's been a long time since he's been like this with anyone…" His voice grew a little less serious, like he was thinking about some far-off memory for a second.

I listened intently.

"… and for him to take part in such a dangerous relationship so… passionately…" Iruka-sensei sounded like he didn't want to use that word… "He's really serious about you…"

My heart thumped a little strangely…

…

Iruka's grip on my shoulders tightened a little.

"He looks and acts like he's invincible… but I don't know if he can afford to lose anyone again…"

…

I felt those burning feelings of anger and frustration fade away…

...

_Is this true?_

_... It must be...._

_...._

_So, this is why Iruka-sensei suddenly started questioning my feelings for Kakashi… he was looking out for his friend… not thinking about betraying him._

… _I guess I jumped to conclusions…_

_But… If Iruka-sensei feels like this… then he probably never plans on telling the others… right?_

"So you really won't tell?...." I asked, wanting to confirm my thoughts.

"I wouldn't do that to him… and especially not to you…" he said softly, a small smile appearing.

The frustration and confusion between us had finally faded completely…

"He's my friend… and you're… well, I guess I shouldn't call you my student anymore… but you've always meant a lot to me… it's only natural I wouldn't really ruin your happiness…"

_Is it really safe now?_

_Does he really trust us now?_

I would've asked him, but I could tell by the way he had said those words, by his genuine smile… he was telling the truth…

"Thank you…." I said happily after a few seconds.

He smiled down at me, his hands loosening from my shoulders. He turned around, starting to walk towards the market again.

"But I would still appreciate not catching you two acting like that… again…"

He referred to how he saw us at the hospital, and probably how he first saw us at the Main Hall… red rushed to my face.

I didn't want him to catch us like that again, either…

He chuckled a little awkwardly as we turned the corner into the busy street.

The pleasant mood faltered a little when I saw several eyes on us.

I didn't really expect this attention… but I guess it was my fault.

It _was_ strange for a student to pull their teacher into a deserted area so that they could talk alone…I hadn't really been thinking that way at that time, though.

Iruka smiled nervously towards them, rubbing the back of his head, acting just like usual.

Nobody seemed to pay us mind for more than a few seconds, thankfully.

Things got awkward between us really fast…

I wondered what our relationship would've been like if we weren't always thinking about romantic teacher/student relationships when we were around each other.

We probably would've been able to have normal conversations…

"I think it's about time, Sakura…"

I heard Iruka-sensei speak up gently.

"What?" I looked back to him, clueless.

He was looking down at his watch.

"It's 8:06"

. . .

At that I said 'bye' as fast as I could, and ran off into the other direction, leaving an even awkward-er Iruka behind.

Today had definitely been one of the weirdest, scariest, most exhausting days that I've had in a while, but with the thought of what I was running to… none of it mattered.

My feet carried me to the hospital at record speed, I worried that he was wondering where I was.

If I was in his stead, I would definitely be a little put off that he was late...

I hoped he would forgive me.

I barged into the doors, walking right up to the receptionist desk… the same lady was there.

I could tell she recognized me, her eyes narrowed judgingly as I spoke up.

"I'm here to visit Kakashi-san…" I notified her, using the formalities I was expected to use, already taking a few steps towards the brown double-doors.

"Visiting hours are over…" Her cold voice sounded a little vindictive.

"What?" I turned back to her, hoping I had misheard her.

"Come back tomorrow morning at 9:00." She turned her chair away from me dismissively.

"Wait… I was told I could see him at eight." I said a little weakly… another receptionist at the counter looked over at me a little curiously.

"By who?" The stony voice of the first receptionist asked over her shoulder.

I really didn't appreciate her tone towards me.

"By Kakashi-san…" I notified her a little more willfully.

"Then he must've been mistaken… Visiting hours are from 9:00am to 7:30pm" She started filling out some paperwork.

"Are you sur-"

"Of course…"

The other receptionist flinched at the first's severe tone.

That little exchange livened up my recently angered nerves… this lady really didn't like me, she probably saw me as some sort of rule-breaking hooligan… but I really couldn't do anything here unless I wanted to get in trouble…

I debated whether I should be turning around, or making a break for it to those double-doors again.

I didn't have to do either when I heard the second receptionist speak up softly.

"Uh…. Is this you?"

She walked over to me, still behind the counter, holding out a small clipboard. I saw the first receptionist give her a nastly glance.

I took it from her hands, a little confused… I read the title:

"Any Hour Visitors"

Only my name was scribbled messily in one of the several available boxes.

Anybody could recognize that handwriting.

"Yes…" I smiled down at the paper… this was too perfect.

.............

"Kakashi…" I called out, already walking through the doorway.

I felt a little restless, walking into the dark room… the single window letting in the moonlight.

I walked up to his bedside; reaching my hand out, feeling for him… it was a little hard to see him, my eyes hadn't adjusted yet.

A familiar hand closed around my wrist, I almost gasped, but I didn't have enough time to as I was suddenly being tugged downward, another hand curling into my hair.

My lips met his… it felt as if we hadn't kissed like this in forever… but it had actually only been a single day.

Both of his hands found the sides of my face.

I leaned down to him, trying to keep my balance, which was getting increasingly difficult the longer he touched me.

He leaned away after a few more seconds, his head falling onto his pillow tiredly.

"You're late…" He noted, not sounding especially upset… maybe a little perturbed.

His fingers played with my hair.

"You're a bad influence…" I made him chuckle with that… he flinched in pain a little… I guess laughing was out of the question while he was still bandaged like this.

"In a lot of ways…" He agreed, trying to steady his breathing… he was probably referring to our relationship… I would've laughed if I hadn't just had that conversation with Iruka-sensei…

…I still couldn't get what he said out of my head…

My eyes started to adjust to the faint, silver source of light coming from the window.

His unmasked face looked a little pained, but he was still looking up at me with those gentle eyes… I immediately wanted to kiss him again, but I knew better than to push him when he was like this… But he was really too handsome for his own good…

I lifted my hands to his face, brushing my fingers along the side of his temples, down to his jaw line… loving the way he felt, loving the fact that he let me touch him like this, loving how he closed his eyes slowly when I let my hands slide to his bare shoulders.…

My curious fingers trailed downward until they met the corners of his course bandages… his closed eyes cringed a little, but not like he was in pain, like he was thinking about something unpleasant… I was a little worried, anyways…

"Did that hurt?..."

I felt his long fingers find both of my hands.

"Don't worry about these…" His hands inched up to my wrists, holding them gently. He pressed my hands against his chest lightly.

He started to slowly maneuver my hands across his chest… following along the bandages.

"It doesn't hurt when it's you…"

He brushed my fingers down to his lower left ribs where the bandages stopped…

Something about this felt really… I couldn't think of how describe it… but my heart felt like it had to work harder to pump blood through my veins, my stomach felt like it was trying to flutter upwards to my throat… my fingers felt so warm, my wrists were hot under his touch.

He guided my hands up the center of his chest, slowly brushing them over the ridges of his muscles… I felt my balance falter a little… I felt his chest expand with air under my hands, he was breathing harder than before, too.

Then he did something different.

He held one of my hands flat against the left side of his chest… his heartbeat was racing a little… it felt deep and strong… I wanted to listen to it… but that desire was replaced with another when I felt his lips land on the inside of my other palm.

Now I wanted to kiss him even more than before.

I had to take a step closer to the bed as his lips followed up the inside of my wrist… he pulled me close to kiss my arm all the way to the inside of my elbow.

This was a little new… it made me feel a little bit nervous … but I still couldn't think about anything else other than his hand on mine, my hand on his chest, his lips on my skin…

After that, the hand that wasn't pressing mine against his chest, curled around the back of my head, tangling my hair a little with the force as he pulled my face down to his.

He kissed me again… but it wasn't as soft as before… it reminded me more of how we were on the bridge last night…. When he had tried to fit a ten minute kiss into five seconds.

He seemed really impatient about something…

I had expected him to pull away after a few more seconds, after those 'five seconds' were up, but he didn't.

He only pulled me down closer, his lips pressing against mine harder than I had felt for a while.

I wondered if he was feeling the same kind of desperation I had.

I reached my fingers through his hair, finally letting that impatience I had been feeling on and off all day take over.

I couldn't get enough of the way he felt. Just feeling my hands on his skin, in his hair, my lips on his… it didn't feel like it was enough.

I tried to think of some way to feel closer to him.

I thought of one, but I was too embarrassed to do it… but I found motivation when I felt his hand brush mine down his chest a few inches.

I pressed my tongue against his lips… feeling a little weird about it… I had never done this before.

Even though I was the one who started that type of kiss, he took over when his tongue suddenly slipped into my mouth almsot forcefully.

The way he kissed me like that… it was different now… he was moving more.

His hand reached into my hair further.

His fingers pressed mine agianst his chest harder, I felt his heartbeat start slowing reluctantly.

He was running out of air, too.

I couldn't keep doing this… he didn't need this kind of stress right now… not when he had all of those lacerations.

I started slowing the kiss, moving my tongue away from his lips, trying to break away.

He only pulled me back for a few more seconds, despite the fact that his heart was still slowing with lack of air.

This was getting to be too much.

I broke away a little more forcefully, his grip was too weak to hold me to him anymore… we were breathing really hard, but he was the one who had to collapse back onto his pillow, practically panting… he definitely wasn't the condition to be doing these things…

But that didn't stop the corners of his lips lifting into a weak smile, as he finally caught up on oxygen.

"I really am a bad influence…" He raised the hand that was just in my hair a few seconds ago, to his lips.

After a moment I realized he was talking about that type of kiss I had started….

I suddenly felt heat rush to my already hot face, I wanted to say something, but I really didn't want to make that into a big deal…

We were both silent for a while...

He spent a few seconds lying there, looking out the window… his hand still holding mine against his chest, tightly… I wanted him never to let go.

"It's getting late, Sakura…" He said calmly watching the moon rise into the sky a little farther.

My heart dropped a little… "Do you want me to-"

"Do you think you could stay here a while longer?" He interrupted me, looking back to my face.

"Of course…" I agreed, a little enthusiastically, something told me he was expecting that exact answer.

His hand suddenly slid up to my forearm, my hand on his chest felt colder now.

He shifted a little in the bed… it took me way too long, which was only a few seconds, to realize he was making room for me.

He tugged on my arm, pulling me, making me lean over the bed until I had no choice but to climb on.

It felt a little strange, crawling into a bed with shoes on… but I completely forgot that weird thought when I was lying completely on my right side, next to him.

I was a little stiff at first… we had slept in the same bed/futon before… but I was so worried about doing something wrong…

_'Something wrong'…_

_Wasn't _this _wrong?_

"What if-" I was going to ask if one of the doctors or nurses came to check on him.

"It's fine… They shouldn't check on me till midnight." His voice rumbled next to me. He knew how nervous I was.

His battle-roughened hand reached down to mine, pulling it up to his chest.

He laid my arm across his muscles like I wouldn't have if he didn't do it for me… which was probably the case.

"But if they come earlier?"

"I might be wounded… but I'm not completely powerless…" He said a little playfully.

I wondered if that meant he'd use some kind of genjutsu to cover this up.

Just the thought of that was more than weird... but if he was so certain that he could take care of it...

I felt his left arm curl around and under the right side of my head, pulling me closer.

Before I really knew it, my right cheek was laying on his chest... it felt really nice... but it was also a little strange.

After that conversation with Iruka-sensei, I couldn't help thinking about the type of relationship I _should_ be having with Kakashi-sensei... a relationship where I couldn't feel this... one where I would never toucch his chest, let alone rest my head on it like this... one where he was nothing but a 29-year-old teacher and captain to me, and I was nothing but a 16-year-old student and subordinate to him... when this had started, that kind of distant relationship seemed so normal... but now, from this perspective, our previous kind of relationship felt like the abnormal one.

I tried to take my mind off of those things.... but I was still nervous...

I felt really self-conscious if I was too heavy or not.

He must've noticed, "Relax…" He whispered.

I felt his left hand running through my hair, playing with the ends, then running through it again, playing with the ends again… he kept doing that like he was trying to calm me down…. It worked too well.

The feeling of his hand repetitively brushing through my hair like that combined with the slow, steady beat of his heart… I started to feel a little sleepy.

But I definitely couldn't fall asleep like this… I was too busy trying to memorize everything about this moment.

"Today was really scary…" His deep voice tickled my ear a little… but that didn't distract me from those words.

It was always new for me to hear him say those kinds of things… if he was worried, scared, or desperate…

I had always thought that he was a calm and collected person down to the core… but when he said those things… I felt like I could understand him a little better…. But what meant more to me than anything was the _fact_ that he told me those things…

He trusted me…

"It was for me, too…" I shared.

He took a deep, content breath; his chest lifted my face as he inhaled…. I loved the way that felt.

His arm curled around me tighter. I saw him raise his other hand to his head, brushing his fingers through his own hair calmly… like he always did when he was in deep thought.

We didn't say anything after that… we didn't have to.

We knew why we had been scared… we were scared of losing each other…. we knew that we had been desperate to feel each other… to know we were both still here, with each other… it felt a little foolish… but that didn't matter.

Right now all that mattered was his warmth, his breathing, his hands, his chest, his voice… how everything about him made me feel calm and safe.

.......................................................................................................................................


	29. Books and Bickering

**Chapter 29!**

**Title: **_"Books and Bickering"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!**

**NOTE: ****Don't forget to read the Note at the bottom when you get there… :D**

……………………………………………………………………….

I checked my wrist-watch again as I walked down the street towards the hospital, contentedly.

'7:53'

_Perfect timing._

I smiled to myself as I turned the corner, the fence of the hospital now in sight.

It was really strange, feeling so happy while taking this route to that hospital…. Yesterday, I had felt so much fear and confusion while running this road….

But I was so much more happier today….

And it wasn't because my parents had decided to drop my punishment, and let me out of the house… or anything any other teenager would probably be ecstatic about.

It was because of last night…

I had lain next to him for hours, feeling him breathe, feeling his arms… both of us recovering from that terrifying day by simply feeling each other…

Even though I had spent so much time with him last night, I still didn't feel like it was enough… I could tell that he didn't either.

"_Eight… tomorrow morning…" _He had told me after kissing me one last time before I had to leave at 11:00pm.

And now I was entering the hospital, walking up to that receptionist desk... it had been less than 9 hours from the last time I was here.

I was surprised to see that the strict, snotty receptionist had been replaced by the nicer one, who had helped me last night, at the front desk.

"Visiting Kakashi-san, Haruno-san?" She asked in the most polite way she could.

"Yes…" I responded, smiling to myself, already leaving the counter since she knew who I was.

She smiled back pleasantly…

Just as she was out of sight, I heard her speak up again.

"Oh-um… A man dropped these off earlier this morning, but he couldn't see Kakashi-san, of course…." I turned around to face her just as she handed me the bundle that this 'man' had left. "I didn't want to disturb Kakashi-san about this earlier… but if you give them to him, it should be okay, right?"

I finally looked down to what exactly was in my hands.

They were books tied together with a single twine string.

The blaring, trademark orange and green covers were showing shamelessly.

… _Ero-sennin…_ I grumbled in my mind.

The receptionist smiled at me, apparently completely oblivious to the content of these novels, as well as how inappropriate it was to hand them over to a minor to deliver to their teacher.

But she didn't need to know that, I guess.

"Ah… thank you…" I said randomly, not wanting to burst her polite bubble.

I carried Ero-sennin's versions of get-well gifts to Kakashi's door.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down… I was already way too excited to see him right now.

My hand found the handle of the door, sliding it open quietly.

"Kakashi?..." I called his name.

I slid the door shut behind me, carefully.

I looked down to the books in my hands again as I turned around…

…_mind as well get this out of the way…_

"Jiraiya-sama left you these at the front de-"

I stopped talking as soon as I approached his bedside… now I knew why he hadn't responded when I first came in.

Breathing slowly, one of his arms curled lazily over the top of his head. He was sleeping.

I had to smile like an idiot when I saw his sleeping face.

_I really shouldn't be describing Kakashi-sensei in my mind as '_cute' _right now…. That would be a little undignified…_

…_I couldn't help it…_

Even though I had been eager to talk to him, to be with alone him … I couldn't bring myself to reach out to him or even say anything to wake him from his sleep…

He really needed his rest…

I set down the books on his bedside table as I took a seat on the single chair next to his bed.

I would've expected to get bored… but there was something extremely relaxing about even being in the same room as him… even if he was sleeping.

I listened to the birds outside of the window, sighing calmly…

After a few more minutes I gave the books on the table a second glance…

**………………………………………………...........................................................……………………………………**

Her arm was lying across his chest, fragile and warm.

He felt her hair falling through his fingers as he was moving his hand back to the side of her face again, starting a new repetition.

The left side of his chest felt a little heavy.

He could feel her muscles tense every time he took in a breath, like she didn't want to weigh him down.

She was really too attentive…

Even though his chest did feel only a fraction heavier when she was laying against it like that… he loved the way it felt, the way she felt…. the more she leaned on him, the more he felt of her, the more secure _he_ felt... it was very pleasant.....

He ran his fingers though her hair again, trying to calm her down….

She gradually lost that tension… her muscles relaxed, but her arm on his chest tightened a little.

She finally settled against the side of his body.

He was so aware of every little movement she made…

…

… It was difficult to keep his hands from wandering…

…

His hands ached to touch more of her… her skin, her waist, her hips.

If it weren't for his considerable (albeit wavering) amount of self-control, his wounds, and the fear that if he touched her any more she would get too scared… he didn't know what he was capable of.

…

But if that ever happened, she wouldn't be the only one who would be afraid.

…

The thought of losing himself to those… adult instincts… scared him almost more than the thought of losing her…

But today was an exception…

He knew that these new, riskier desires were only because he had felt so much fear of losing her today, that there was a part of him that desperately wanted to tie himself closer to her. To make her his...

He just had to wait these feelings out…

….

… _When did I become the kind of man that has these thoughts about a sixteen-year-old?_

… _Even if she's with me like this already… These thoughts… they're really too-_

He sighed… feeling completely messed up…

He tried to brush those disturbing thoughts aside… focusing on her soft breathing, the scent of her hair, the way her skin almost glowed in the moonlight. Trying to calm himself with those details.

It worked…

Whenever he focused solely on the small things that made her so beautiful… all of his worries and fears died away.

He closed his eyes slowly, trying to take in everything of this moment.

He slowly forgot everything else that happened today, except her…

But as if his subconscious was trying to prove him wrong, his memory-based dream was abruptly skewed into a nightmare.

Everything was suddenly dark and cold… He was freezing and confused.

A nostalgic voice whispered a single word… "… Asaka…"

He didn't want to hear that voice or that word ever again...

**…………………………............................……………………………………………………………..**

"_Tsuzuki, wait!" __He turned around, his shirt rippling in the salty, night air. He almost hadn't heard her undeniably seductive voice over the majestic crashing of the ocean waves._

"_You can't talk me out of this, Hana." He warned her. "I'm going to track down Akihiko and find out why Mizuki is marrying Makoto." __She listened to him, looking after him eagerly. _

"_Tsuzuki, before you go. I need to tell you something!" _

_She ran to him, stopping only inches from his chest, her slender fingers found the collar of his shirt urgently. He couldn't stand the wounded look on her face. Her full lips called his name again._

…

I turned the page.

…

This book was actually a lot more dramatic than I remembered the movie being… and it actually had a fast-moving plot…Then again, it was difficult to compare this to the movie… since I sort of repressed all memories of it, as well as the fact that I hadn't paid much attention to the screen in the first place.

But I had expected non-stop love scenes from cover to cover… there hadn't even been one, yet.

I skimmed down the new page, still catching all the details… I was always a fast reader… ever since by book-smart days at the Academy…

I started on the first paragraph on the next page, reading as Hana confessed her long-kept-secret love for Tsuzuki while trying to convince him not to leave her to chase after Mizuki, who was probably actually in love with that Makoto guy.

I didn't even realize that I had actually gotten involved with the characters so soon.

"…Sakura?..." My attention was suddenly snapped away from Hana and Tsuzuki rather harshly. Kakashi-sensei was up, calling my name a little groggily. "…. You should've woken me up soo-"

My small attempt to hide the book under my hands was thwarted.

His eyes found it.

He went silent.

I stayed silent.

His eyes were stuck on the orange book in my lap.

My eyes were stuck on him.

…

Neither of us moved.

…

Neither of us made a sound.

….

An awkward tumbleweed could have passed between us before the ruckus finally started.

"What are you reading?" He seemed really awake now, his voice asked with an incredulous tone. I could tell he was trying to remain calm.

I picked the book up from my lap… I didn't need to say anything, we both knew he could tell what was an Icha Icha book cover from a mile away.

"How long have you been reading that?" He asked me like I was some sort of troublemaking kid who had stolen candy or something.

And that was it… Whenever people used that tone, I always wanted to fight back.

Which was probably childish in enough itself… but I didn't really care.

"Since I got here…" I responded a little defiantly, shifting in my seat, lifting the book back to my face, reading again.

"Oi!"

I could tell he was fretting a little.

It was, once again, difficult not to think he was cute.

"What page are you on?" He asked a little seriously.

"… 37…" I muttered, looking over the page at him.

His eyes narrowed a little calculatively.

"Put the book down, now." He ordered seriously.

"Why?" I flipped the page, still reading.

A familiar hand suddenly snatched the book out of my hand. "Because you're too young!" He said without thinking.

_Too young?... That sounded familiar._

All I had to do was give him a look and he knew exactly where he messed up in those words, I snatched the book back while he was still recovering from realizing his mistake.

"You're too young when there's a NC-17 rating." He added, correcting himself, reaching for the book again.

I shifted out of the way, already prepared for another snatch from him. "But I've already seen the movie, it shouldn't be too-"

"The movie was completely different." He cut me off a little frantically.

I had no idea why I thought it was really cute to see him this bothered.

"But it's actually getting interesting." I looked back to his face as I finished the sentence.

… He seemed a little surprised, but still distressed.

He didn't say anything for a second.

He closed his eyes and cleared his throat a little, leaning against his pillows again. "…Fine, but skip over pages 38 – 40…" He sounded like he was telling me the rules of a test.

"Why?" I asked, already turning the page to the one with the bold '38' on the corner.

"You'll see…" His voice didn't change.

I could have sworn that I saw his cheeks turn a shade of embarrassed pink when he said that, but he pulled up his mask too soon for me to check… the perfect defense.

I couldn't think about a blushing Kakashi-sensei too long, or I'd probably start freaking out.

I looked back to the text, trying not to smile, while also trying to ready myself for whatever he was talking about.

"_Tsuzuki." She called his name again, her voice completely surrendered as his hands roamed her body, his fingers scrutinizing her womanly curves. _

_"Hana." He breathed her name against her hot neck. She shook under his fingers, moaning passionately. _

_"Tsu-zu-ki." She could barely whimper his name with that naturally seductive, siren-like voice as his fingers browsed along her inner thigh, sliding upwa-_

I flinched away from the next words, which I caught a disturbing glimpse of.

The book was suddenly out of my hands, in the air again. "See? It's too much for you." He used his lecturing-voice.

He must've seen my slight reaction.

"It wasn't too much… I was only surprised." I reasoned to him, getting up from my seat, reaching after the book half-heartedly.

This wasn't so much about how much I wanted to read the book, but more about how I didn't want him to think I was some timid, little girl…

"If it was enough to surprise you, then it's more than you should know." He said with a serious, logical voice, as he pulled the book away from me, back to him.

I leaned over the edge of the bed, still reaching for it.

"I already know enough." I argued weakly, still trying to convince him to treat me a little more like an equal. "Yes!" My fingers closed around the orange binding, I snatched it back from him, using my chakra control a little unfairly.

But I was immediately distracted by my little victory.

His other hand had already wrapped around the back of my head, just like it had last night, pulling my down to him, just like he had like last night… but this time, he was a little bit more forceful.

I hadn't even realized when he took off his mask.

I didn't have time to think about that as my attention was suddenly stolen back to this fast-evolving kiss.

His tongue coursed through my mouth…. And even though I had started to think that I had finally caught on how to deal with this type of kiss, which seemed to be a Kakashi-sensei's favorite, he completely shattered that theory in a second.

The way he moved… I hadn't known Kakashi-sensei could do this… I couldn't really move, he was doing too much.

His hands found my shoulders, pulling me down closer to him.

My palms planted onto the edge of the bed, the book still heavy in my left hand.

Even if was only a kiss... it still seemed like a lot to me... I couldn't think straight.

His hands travelled along my shoulders to the corners of my neck.

I could barely focus on anything other than this new kiss.

I felt one of his hands brushed to my collarbone, I hadn't noticed the tugging on the zipper of my shirt until my neck was already exposed.

I didn't know what I would've done if I had known he had been unzipping my shirt.

His lips left mine, the sudden oxygen made my head spin.

His hands wrapped around my back, pushing me down to him, arching my back against him.

His lips travelled down to my neck, he stopped just above my collarbone.

I had almost gotten back all of my lost air until I felt him kiss the hollow of my collarbone like he had just kissed my lips. I started shaking when I felt his tongue graze my skin.

He had only done that once before, but this was so unexpected, I gasped a little... immediately feeling weird about it afterwards.

Then suddenly his lips were gone, his hands sliding back to my neck, I felt his fingers tug my zipper upward again.

I was still leaning over him, my breathing slowly returning to normal.

His hand brushed upward to my hair.

"You still need some more time before you can say you 'know enough'." He said gently.

I would've been upset with that almost-condescending sentence at any other time… but after what he just did, and how clueless it made me feel… I knew he was right.

_He must've felt like he needed to teach me that..._

I almost smiled at the ironic word choice, 'teach'.... but that was what he was doing.

Before I could think further into that, his lips found mine again… softly this time.

But it didn't feel like he was holding himself back…

It felt like… he was trying to savor... the softness of the moment… slowly, gently.

This feeling washed away all of the heat and confusion from that last kiss.

Everything was calm and cool now.

I felt better now.

…

There were so many sides to Kakashi-sensei, so many things he was capable of… I had just learned something new, and it would take some getting used to, but I looked forward to the time when I would be able to keep up with him.

…

His lips left mine. He looked up at me, his eyes narrowed with a smile. I didn't realize for a few seconds that I had already been smiling like idiot.

His fingers brushed through a few strands of my hair that were hanging towards his face… I could tell he liked doing that for some reason.

I leaned over him a little closer.

"… So… _when_ can I read it?" I asked the unimportant question jokingly, letting my lips fall onto his for a second before he could say what I already knew he was going to say.

"Never…" He answered half-seriously, pulling himself up to my face for another.

I still smiled into the kiss.

"Hope you're not still sleeping, Kakashi!!!" A loud voice suddenly invaded both of our ears.

That brash tone, the high volume, and the fact it was a woman's voice.

_Tsunade!_

I immediately pushed myself away from him, and away from the mattress, practically falling into the chair.

The loud _thud_ from my landing was completely silenced by the sudden _whack_ of the sliding door being pushed open with tremendous force.

"Hope you're well-rested!" She shouted with her imaginably epic entrance.

It sounded like she was about to put Kakashi-sensei to work or something.

I heard Tsunade's heels walk into the room behind me, followed by a pair of heavier footsteps, I immediately recognized the second voice belonging to those footsteps.

"Mornin'." The older voice of a man.

Jiraiya-sama.

In a flash, two-thirds of the famous Sannin had barged into the room.

I turned around slowly to face them.

"Oh, Sakura, you're here!" Lady Tsunade noted out loud. She grinned widely down at me. My nerves calmed a little. She was always a lot of fun to be around… but still a little scary.

Tsunade-sama and Jiraiya-sama crossed to the foot of Kakashi-sensei's bed.

"Uh-yeah… I just wanted to check in on Kakashi-sensei." I said, trying to make it sound like it was a casual visit.

"That's really considerate of you." Lady Tsunade said with a hint of praise in her voice.

I felt a little guilty.

"Did you get the gifts I dropped off?" I heard Jiraiya start up conversationally.

"Good Morning… and yes I did…" I heard Kakashi-sensei speak up, his voice suddenly back to its normal, casually polite tone… even when JIraiya mentioned the recently disputed-over book, Kakashi-sensei remained completely composed.

I looked over to him, he really was like two different people sometimes… so warm, kind, and intense when he was alone with me, but calm, collected, and serious when surrounded by others.

Somewhere along the way, he became like that without my realizing it.

"Hmm…." I heard Jiraiya hum from Tsunade's side, his tone turning upwards at the end, a little playfully.

_What did that mean?_

My confusion ran deeper when he suddenly formed a little box with his fingers, holding up the frame to his eyes, directing the snapshot at the bed, and then over to me.

Tsunade looked at him with just the same amount of confusion I felt… but she had that faint glint of skepticism in her eyes… like she already knew he was going to say something stupid.

"This scene…" He spoke up again, his voice serious. "This scene… it's… very…." He held his hands closer to his face, capturing both me and Kakashi in his finger-frame.

"… inspiring!…"

I blinked.

"The cute, anxious student staying at her handsome, almost middle-aged, teacher's bedside, desperately awaiting his recovery!" His voice grew louder with every adjective.

"Ha?..." Tsunade asked for me. Ero-sennin paid no attention to Tsunade's reaction, or mine.

_Almost middle-aged?!... That's a gross exaggeration!_

"This would make an amazing book!!" Ero-sennin immediately reached into his breast pocket, pulling out a little writing tablet and a pen, scribbling incessantly.

_What the hell?!_

"Oi…" Lady Tsunade spoke up, trying to get his attention, it didn't work. Ero-sennin was already in some sort of writing-mode.

He suddenly started up again, his voice growing louder and more exuberant with every word.

"It would be full of blossoming love, forbidden lust, internal discoveries, hot beating hearts, sweaty palms, and steamy night of skin-skin deeds!!...  
I'll call it 'ICHA ICHA, SENSEI'!!!…  
..oof!"

Tsunade retracted her fist from the Ero-sennin's stomach.

He rubbed the recently-punched area, pouting a little, as he usually did after Tsunade got on his case.

"Stop saying idiotic things…" She huffed to herself, fixing her sleeve.

Kakashi and I sat there… completely unchanged from when that monologue started… but I bet he felt just as nervous as I did.

_Did Jiraiya-sama just _sense_ something like that between us?!_

"… I wasn't really serious…" He said weakly with a pained smile… anybody could tell he was lying.

Lady Tsunade gave him a good glare before turning back to face Kakashi-sensei.

"Anyways… We came here to discuss something with you Kakashi."

Tsunade was suddenly very serious.

She turned to me, making me a little fearful for a second.

"I'm sorry Sakura, but we need to talk with him alone."

My heart dropped.

"Oh… of course." I stood up from my seat.

I glanced over to Kakashi, he was already looking at me.

"Bye…" I said quietly.

He nodded, his eyes were still serious.

It was really hard to turn my back to him and walk towards the door, but I had too.

**..........................................................................................................................................................................................**

She left, closing the sliding door behind her with a quiet _clack_.

He hated seeing her leave.

But he would've hated for her to hear this conversation more… if anything slipped, and she heard it… he didn't want to think about how she'd feel.

"Kakashi…" The Hokage called for his attention. He turned back to her and Jiraiya, their comical, yet dangerous, scene from a few seconds ago was completely forgotten, both of them suddenly adopted a severe air.

"Yes, Hokage-sama…" Kakashi responded respectfully.

She took a deep sigh, looking down to her crossed arms.

"I'm going to need you take over the Asaka-mission…."

Jiraiya looked over to her, staring at her with a solemn expression… Jiraiya seemed to have agreed with her choice.

Kakashi, on the other, hand couldn't stand for it.

He had been worried she'd come to this conclusion ever since he told her about it yesterday.

"With all due respect, Hokage-"

"I know how you feel about this case… your history with it…" She spoke up, interrupting Kakashi's rebuttal. "But you and your team are the only ones who can handle this…"

There was only a moment of silence.

"No…." Kakashi said almost defiantly.

Both of the Sannin members shifted on the spot, paying more attention to Kakashi who suddenly didn't seem so polite.

"I'll go alone… my team can rest…" He offered.

He didn't want Sakura there on this mission… if there was one thing he could control of this mission, other than not taking it at all, it would be that she stay here, where it was safe... and where she wouldn't learn unnecessary things that would only hurt her.

"You know as well as we do that it doesn't work like that… especially when you've been wounded like this." Jiraiya suddenly came into the conversation, speaking somberly. "Sending you again, alone, would only be a suicide-mission."

"I can handle it… I know what I should've done now." Kakashi argued further, sitting up straighter. He tried not to flinch with the little sharp pains running along his side when he spoke… it definitely wouldn't help his argument if he showed how much his wounds affected him.

"Yes, that's why you're the only one that can do this… but we can't risk you going alone... You're team is the most well-equiped; you have a perfectly fresh ANBU member, a highly skilled medic-nin, and a chakra-filled jinchuriki all on your team… They're completely capable of helping you." Tsunade rounded off her argument.

"Hokage-sa-"

"No more discussion… Team Kakashi will be assigned the Asaka Mission…" She stopped him harshly, her voice raised.

Everybody went silent for a moment.

"… Well... I guess we don't have to worry about the debriefing until you're healed…" Tsunade started up again, sounding a little awkward. Even if she was the Hokage, she still didn't like having to yell at Kakashi, who was not only a friend, but a near equal in talent.

"I heard your wounds were infused with wind element chakra. That changes things… " Tsunade continued, sounding more like the medic-nin she was. "… With your weakening counterpart chakra affecting your wounds, you'll need frequent medical attention… I'll have to assign someone for you."

Tsunade chewed at the nail of her thumb, thinking.

Jiraiya was already turned away from the conversation.

Kakashi knew it might be too risky… but, if he was going to have to take on the Asaka-mission… and have Sakura come with him… he couldn't pass up this chance.

"I have someone in mind…" Kakashi spoke up.

**………………………………………………………………………………………………..**

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**Info Note:**

'weakening counterpart chakra': just in case that was confusing, it was referring to the fact that Kakashi's Electric chakra is the weakest against the Wind chakra.

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**Author's Note:**

Had a tough time writing those Icha Icha excerpts… completely not my style…. Lol XD

…

Anyways, I just wanted to let you guys know that I simply loved the idea of 'Icha Icha, Sensei' too much _not_ to do something with it….

So, if you're interested, be on the lookout, sometime in the future, for a small spin-off fic: **"The Great Jiraiya-sama's Data Gathering Adventures!!!**"…. which will include plot summaries, excerpts, and most importantly, interviews!

…

Thank you all again for staying with this fic and for the reviews and favoriting!!!

Thank you!!! :D


	30. Irresponsibilities and Improprieties

**Chapter 30!**

**Title:**_ "Irresponsibilities and Improprieties" _

**Discliamer: I own nothing!!**

**Note: (First of all, sorry for the extremely long wait! D:)**

**But, Wow, we've come a long way… all the way to the big '3-0'…. Thank you guys so much for somehow sticking through all of those chapters…. But there are quite a few more to come… hopefully that's okay with everyone. :)**

**Anyways, hope you enjoy!**

**...**

**…………………………………………………….............................................................................……………………………..**

...

…_. Here I am…._

…_Walking to Kakashi-sensei's apartment…_

… _Alone…_

… _Practically being ordered to go to his apartment by Tsunade-sama… _

…_. well, actually I was ordered to… as a medic-nin._

…

_Apparently, with Kakashi's wounds, if he's going to get healed in time for our next mission, which no one's really told me about, he needs periodic healing from a medic-nin._

_They decided this morning, after they had sent me out of Kakashi's room,, who was going to be his personal medic-nin…_

_And my name was the one that came up._

I wondered if Kakashi had anything to do with the choice… or if it was just the luckiest coincidence ever.

I'd be happy with either, because in the end, I was still going to spend some time with Kakashi-sensei in his apartment, but it wasn't a secret… we wouldn't have to hide about it.

I almost smiled, but I felt a little too anxious.

Somehow, everybody's amount of trust in Kakashi and I was rather guilt-inducing.

Nobody expected a thing.

Nobody even seemed to give a thought about the taboo of a female student in her male teacher's house when they assigned me to this job.

Did we always seem this distant from each other to everyone, so distant that no one would even think about the possibility we were together like this!?

…

Well, it had definitely surprised Iruka, almost traumatized him, and he knows both of us really well (despite his initial inappropriate suspicions)…

… So everyone else… probably have never thought about Kakashi and me that way either.

…

I ended up sighing, losing that almost-smile.

I had no idea why that thought was actually a little sad.

My feet seemed to drag along the dirt road, the people's voice in the stores and restaurants faded into white-noise as I tried to think all of this through.

_Well, before that awkward hot springs encounter… I had never thought about it either._

_He had always been _just_ my teacher._

_I never saw him as a _man_ before that._

…

_Seems like such a silly thing to have started all these overwhelming feelings I have for him, when I look back at it, now._

…

_I wonder how he could have ever developed these feelings for me._

_When did he stop seeing me as only his student… but as a girl…_

I didn't like the way I couldn't quite bring myself to call myself a 'woman'…

I pushed that out of my mind as an especially pressing question came to mind.

…

_How long has he felt like this?_

…

_Did he have feelings for me before I did for him?_

…

That thought resonated in my mind strangely… was there a point in time where Kakashi-sensei had unrequited feelings for me?

That just seemed too strange…

Kakashi-sensei would've had better control over his emotions, right?

_But if he didn't feel that way before I did… then did he only start to think of me this way _after_ I kissed him, efficiently confessing to him, for the first time, under that tree…_

At that thought I remembered something, something so embarrassing that I wish I had forgotten…especially now that looking back on it, I felt a bit more insecure.

It was the day after I kissed his masked lips for the first time.

He snuck us away from Naruto and Sai for a few minutes… he looked kind of troubled, hesitant…

And that's when I blurted out, like a weak little schoolgirl: _"I-I… I like you, sensei…"_

I wanted to pull my hair at the thought of that extremely embarrassing memory. I didn't, I was already thinking too deeply about how he had responded.

His hand had fallen on the top of my head, and curled around to my chin… _"You don't have to say 'sensei', anymore, Sakura."_

... I could still remember how my heart felt funny when he said that...

… But that was't a straight answer... Was that his way of telling me he liked me back? Or just his way of kindly telling me that he didn't feel the same way yet, without completely turning me away?....

…

_Did he just go along with it at first?_

…

_Did he just not want to turn me down… and _tried_ to like me back?_

…

That was an even stranger thought.

That definitely couldn't be true…. Probably.

But I couldn't seem to make sense of this….

_When did Kakashi-sensei grow feelings for me!?_

_And why!!?..._

I tried not to think about these insecure questions… I got a welcome interruption.

"Sakura-chy~an!!"

Naruto was running up to me from one of the other streets that connected to this one.

_How does he always manage find me?_

I smiled at him, having to put in a little effort.

He galloped up to me, Sai following after him, walking calmly.

Those two were always together… I got the feeling Sai was almost studying Naruto… trying to pick up more sociable habits. That thought was seemed a little sweet to me for some reason…

"Are you going to go visit Kakashi-sensei, too?!" He asked excitedly, smiling.

Hearing his name out loud right now shook me back into my previous thoughts a little too violently.

"Uh, yeah…" I answered, still a little lost in my own world.

Then that last little, almost-overlooked word popped up in my mind…

_'too'?_...

"You guys are going to go see him?"

"Yeah, we just heard from Iruka-sensei that he just left the hospital…" Naruto explained casually, starting to walk down the street again, his hands behind his head. "And we didn't get to visit him again yet, so we just wanted to see how he was doing…"

Some very skeptical part of me wondered if Iruka-sensei had somehow convinced Naruto and Sai into visiting Kakashi-sensei at the exact same time I was told to go to Kakashi's apartment…

I knew that Iruka-sensei had gotten better about this whole situation… and approved of us on some level... but I was sure that it was still in his nature to have a problem with Kakashi and me now having an excuse to be alone in his apartment.

_Sometimes worrywarts never really stop worrying…_

I sighed again as I kept pace with the placid Sai, following a chipper Naruto towards an inevitably awkward situation.

**……………………………………………………………….…………………...................................................................................…………..**

…

_Paperwork again...._

He sighed.

_No rest for the wounded…_

Kakashi flipped through the papers sprawled along his bed around him. He had almost forgotten the differences between normal mission reports and ANBU missions.

ANBU questions were a lot more varied, but didn't ask for details, probably due to ANBU's deep-running secrecy, while normal reports were all about the details.

In the end they both required the same amount of work.

Kakashi let out another heavy sigh, definitely not feeling physically or mentally up to such tedious, mind-numbing work.

His mind inevitably wandered to the recent subject that's been plaguing him almost every other minute.

_Asaka…_

He leaned back in bed, staring at the ceiling, his brows furrowed.

He let the paperwork in his lap lay there unattended, trying to forget about it.

Even though he definitely didn't want to think about the past right now, he couldn't help but worry for the future….

Especially Sakura's future…. What this next mission will do to her, do to them…

He rested his forearm across his eyes, already feeling so exhausted when it was barely the afternoon.

…

_Knock knock knock_

_..._

He immediately sat up, his side stinging a little, he didn't really care about the pain.

He had nearly forgotten that he was expecting a visitor.

He anchored his feet off of the bed, slowly lifting himself up, not wanting to create any further work for his own personal medic-nin that he had requested that morning.

He knew he really shouldn't have requested Sakura… it was highly irresponsible.

But he needed more time with her… not just because those feelings he felt last night still hadn't gone away, but because he needed to tie her closer to him if he expected this relationship to survive the next mission.

…

He was already half-way to the door when he heard another knocking rhythm.

It was loud and hyper.

"Oi! Kakashi-sensei!" A muffled voice called loudly.

He immediately wanted to punch Naruto in the face again for the second time in two days…

… maybe this was becoming a bad habit…?

Then again, Kakashi knew, too well, that bad habits weren't always that _bad_… Sakura probably felt the same.

**…………………………………………………......................................................................................................................………………..……………………………….**

Naruto ran up to Kakashi-sensei's door before I could.

But I was the one who knocked on it …

I wondered for a split second how Naruto knew which door was his. I guessed he must've visited Kakashi before... back when Kakashi was closer to Sasuke and Naruto, and I… was too hung up on either myself or Sasuke to notice anyone else.

I was woken from that strange, nostalgic moment when Naruto started knocking on the door in front of me, a little too loudly. "Oi! Kakashi-sensei!"

"Hey!" I scolded him for a second.

Kakashi definitely didn't need any annoyances right now.

"I just wanna make sure he heard." Naruto explained, whining a little. He really didn't understand that even though Kakashi-sensei could walk around now, he still needed to take things easy.

"He's injured right now, you shouldn't stress him out." I lectured shortly.

"I know that…" Naruto said, folding his hands behind his head, closing his eyes, frowning a little.

Naruto still had that childish habit of getting pouty when he's told to do something.

"Hey, you three…" Kakashi-sensei was suddenly standing in the recently opened doorway, wearing his casual pants and a loose T-shirt, looking down to us, speaking with that voice that reminded me of all the times he's greeted us, as a team, in the past… casually, politely…

I couldn't focus too much on his voice though.

As soon as I saw his eyes, (both of them were uncovered, probably due to the fact that wearing a forehead protector when you're home alone would be annoying) I noticed something was different… even though he was smiling just like he always did, he definitely didn't look the same.

His eyes had dark circles under them, his expression was weaker, a little pained…

His condition must've gotten worse since this morning… what happened?

I barely noticed it when Naruto and Sai walked past Kakashi-sensei, who was still propped up against the door.

"Sorry for barging in…"

"Sorry for disturbing you…"

You could tell a lot from someone in the way the alternated that simple etiquette phrase.

...

His slightly sick eyes immediately found mine after Naruto and Sai passed him.

He smiled warmly… he never smiled like that to anyone else…

I smiled back, not as brightly as I wanted to… I was a little too worried.

I walked in, feeling his eyes on me as I walked passed him... I loved it.

"Sorry for disturbing…" I said politely as I quickly took off my shoes, just as Naruto and Sai did before they immediately wandered into the open door of his bedroom.

By the time I turned back to Kakashi-sensei, who just closed the front door behind him, his hand was already slinking around the side of my waist, landing on the small of my back.

He leaned down, the side of his masked face pressing against mine.

My hands found his arms, too afraid to touch his chest.

Such a small gesture… but it still made my heart beat harder… just the way he did that really told me what he was feeling. He didn't have to say anything or do anything else.

I knew he had missed me, wanted to be alone with me… just as I had been looking forward to being alone with him…

But we couldn't stand like this for longer than a few seconds, or Naruto and Sai would start to wonder…

…

This definitely was a little awkward, both of us walking into his bedroom, his hand still brushing along my back till right before we walked through the door…. Meeting Naruto and Sai who were already rummaging through the paperwork and looking at Kakashi-sensei's small collection of books.

"Make yourselves at home…" Kakashi-sensei sarcastically commented on their rummaging as he started limping over to his bed, his hand slowly grazed off of my back. He sat down, his back leaning against the shelf at the head of his bed.

I wondered why he had to limp for only a moment until I heard Sai speak up.

"Kakashi-san…" Hearing Kakashi's name like that was always a little strange, "Do you mind if I borrow this… I only have to first two volumes…"

And like that, the ever-returning subject of the Icha Icha novels resurfaced when Sai carefully slid Icha Icha Tactics from Kakashi's book collection.

It looked kind of dusty…

I didn't think about that observation for too long when I heard Kakashi's reply.

"Sure…" He said indifferently, paying more attention to his recently reshuffled paperwork. It only took him a moment before he suddenly remembered something.

He looked up at me, smiling apologetically.

I just gave him a look that told him exactly what I was thinking.

_So, it's okay if _he_ can read it?_

I'd have to talk to him about that later....

I heard Naruto pick on Sai a little.

"You really read those perverted books, too?!"

I surprised that Naruto didn't remember exactly where Sai got his idea for sleeping in Naruto's sleeping bag that night by the hot springs, back when this all started.

Thinking about that night, again, reminded me of those questions that were bothering me a few minutes earlier, before Naruto showed up.

_Kakashi-sensei's feelings… when did they…._

I looked back over to him, he was smiling with a playful grimace at Naruto's description of his favorite book trilogy… probably unable to deny Naruto's apt word choice.

I almost got lost in those mental questions again, until he looked over at me, smiling that smile he didn't give to anyone else.

I couldn't quite smile back.

For a split second he looked a little confused.

He waved his hand over to me with a single flick… calling me over to him.

I was hesitant at first, but I definitely didn't want to turn down an offer to get closer to him.

"They're not completely 'perverted'… they actually portray an interesting spectrum of human emotions and reactions." I heard Sai defend himself rather dispassionately, as I walked over to Kakashi-sensei's bedside.

"Yeah, but they're still really… perverted!" Naruto argued, unable to find any other synonyms.

I remembered a time when Naruto wouldn't even call them that… he'd only say they were 'boring'.

As I glanced back to Naruto and Sai who were still bickering over 'emotions vs. perversion' I felt a hand close around my wrist, dragging me down slowly so that I would sit on the edge of the bed.

I turned around quickly… I noticed that his smile had turned into his cheeky 'innocent' grin.

Even if he was sick and injured, he still had that, sometimes juvenile, charm about him.

I couldn't say I minded, but I was getting a little fidgety.

We really shouldn't be this close to each other when Naruto and Sai were only a few feet away.

His hand stayed on mind, hidden behind my back.

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei, why do you even like these books?" Naruto suddenly directed the conversation towards us, looking over to the silver-haired man who was currently running his fingers along the inside of my palm.

Naruto didn't seem to notice that I was even there, while Sai was already flipping through the little green book.

Kakashi took a breath, his fingers sliding between mine.

I tried not to react even though my heart was.

"I guess I'm a hopeless romantic…" He answered jokingly.

Naruto laughed a little, while I was left wondering if it really was a joke… He could be _really_ romantic… but I guess I haven't really been with him long enough to say I was an expert on whether he was a 'hopeless romantic' or not.

"Kakashi-san, about our next mission, we haven't been told much about it…" Sai suddenly started up, closing the little book, already bored with it, or perhaps saving it for later. "All I've heard from the other Jonins and some of my previous ANBU squad members is the name 'Asaka'… they wouldn't say anything more than that…" Sai continued, still wearing his business face. I saw Naruto shift on the spot, he was definitely interested in this mission, too. "Could you perhaps shed some light on the-"

Kakashi interrupted.

"I wish I could, but even I won't know much more till the debriefing meeting…" Something told me he wasn't really telling the whole truth.

His hand squeezed mine a little tighter.

"But I think it's about time we let Sakura do her job…" He spoke up again, his voice suddenly very teacher-like. But I think I was the only one who felt like the way he said it was actually a little suggestive.

"Oh, yeah, sure…" Naruto agreed, sitting himself down, calming down a little, looking over at a sitting Sai who, having been denied information, was now reading for entertainment… I could tell that Naruto was trying to read over his shoulder.

I wondered if Iruka was the one who must've told Naruto what my job was… or maybe news just got around fast in Konoha…

I suddenly felt Kakashi's hand reach up to my wrist.

I turned to him just as he lifted my hand off the mattress towards his chest.

I let him guide my fingers under the hem of his loose T-shirt.

I flinched when my hand found his skin.

I still hadn't gotten used to touching his chest… and it was really strange when I knew Naruto and Sai were in the same room.

He moved my hand up, under his shirt, to his wounds.

Something about this was really too dangerous…. Even if really didn't seem like much, and Naruto and Sai were interested in something else right now… I still felt like we were just asking to get discovered.

I lifted my other hand, running it under his shirt, but not letting myself touch him until I found the wounds under my other hand. A familiar green glow started humming at my fingertips.

I tried to hold a professional air.

I wasn't sure if it was working.

From the way Kakashi-sensei was smiling down at me, I didn't think it was.

This was one of the times when his 'juvenile charm' could actually get a little too… playful.

I had to wonder why he was suddenly acting out like this.

But when I really thought about it, it was surprising how much had happened between me and Kakashi in the past several minutes, when we hadn't even said more than a few words.

"Hey, I wasn't done with that pag-" Naruto shut himself up before he finished the obvious sentence.

I guess Naruto didn't find those books so boring anymore.

At the sound of Naruto's voice, Kakashi seemed to take notice of their existence again.

He looked over to them.

"Can you two go to the kitchen, there should be bandages on the counter."

I noticed how his request could've been carried out by only one of them… but I guess Kakashi-sensei was hoping they wouldn't notice.

"Ok…" Sai flipped the little book shut.

I didn't move until I heard both sets of footfalls walk out the bedroom door.

After their footsteps thudded out of hearing range, I didn't have enough time to sigh with relief before I felt his hand reach up to my face.

He leaned down, his masked lips finding mine for only a few seconds before he leaned away again.

"This didn't really turn out the way I wanted it to…" He said softly. It didn't turn out the way I had wanted it to either.

I felt his other hand brush down my arm to my hands, under his shirt.

"You should leave soon, or I won't be able to keep myself from…" He didn't have to finish that sentence. We both knew that he had already pushed this a little too far earlier… but I was the only one who didn't know _why_…

Not that I had minded his behavior, too much, but if we slipped up by simply touching for too long… Sai would at least catch on.

"… Come back at six…" He offered, his hand on my face moved down to my neck gently.

That was too many hours away… but if he didn't ask for any earlier, then there was probably a reason.

"Of course…" I nodded already looking forward to it.

I saw him inch closer, about to lean in for another kiss, I leaned in too, but those footsteps came back.

"Here ya go, Kakashi-sensei…" Naruto walked right over to us.

I quickly slid my hands out from under his shirt… even if Naruto saw that, he would probably understand… but I still felt like it was inappropriate.

"Ah, thank you…" Kakashi took the bundle from Naruto, inching away from me carefully. "Well, I need to get back to my paperwork, and frankly, you three are a distraction…"

He smiled as he practically threw us out the door with his words… was it strange that he even had charm doing that?

He might've been joking… but there was always some truth to every joke… it was a good idea for us to leave, especially me…

But speaking of distractions, I probably didn't do much good healing him a few seconds ago… it had been really hard to focus when he had been kissed me, even if he was still masked.

…

"Bye, Kakashi-sensei!…" Naruto yelled cheerfully running out the door.

"Bye, Kakashi…-sensei!" I totally messed up as I said my farewell, walking through the front door.

Naruto gave me a second, quizzing glance… while I swore I could hear Kakashi laugh from inside the apartment.

**…………………………………………………….......................................................................................……..……………………………………………..**

……..

He set down his pen, his hand a little sore from all the writing…

_Okay… that's the last of it._

Kakashi set aside the final questionnaire onto the neat pile of paperwork, feeling a little bit more exhausted than before…but, as if subconsciously rewarding his hard work, his mind finally wandered back to the pink-haired medic-nin who had eased a bit of his pain a few hours before.

"_Bye, Kakashi…-sensei!"_

…

_She finally got into the _habit_ of dropping '-sensei' right when she didn't need to…. _

He chuckled some more to himself, having to think she was incredibly cute for a minute more.

He looked over at the clock, it telling him that it was barely '3:30'.

He was already impatient to see her again.

… and dreading it at the same time.

… dreading what he didn't know he was going to do.

He had thought that he could've held back those feelings just a little while longer… but every time she was around him, his hands stilled ached to touch her, he still wanted to see her face look up at him with the breathless expression that he loved seeing.

He quickly ran his hands through his hair roughly, like he was trying to scrub those thoughts out of his mind.

_Calm down!... _He tried ordering himself.

It didn't work…

…

Things were getting so difficult…. The fear and worries of almost losing her when he was nearly killed, the fears and worries of losing her in the near future, and now the fears and worries of these inappropriate desires breaking out…. It was too much pressure for him…

Maybe he should just tell her what was going on?…

_No… it would only cause more drama… she probably wouldn't be able to fully understand, yet, anyways._

He leaned against the wall, feeling so tired of thinking…

He sighed roughly, a little aggravated by the increasing drama in his, previously, very calm life…

…

… but at least he still had Sakura…

...

He stared up at the ceiling, suddenly feeling a sense of gratitude... until the next sounds flooded his ears...

_Knock! Knock!_

And here came the reason why Kakashi's personal medic-nin couldn't have visited any sooner than 6:00….

**…………………………………………………………........................................................…………………………….**


	31. Doors and Distractions: Part 1

**Chapter 31!**

**Title: **_"Doors and Distractions –Pt. 1"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!**

**Note: ****I couldn't cut this anywhere without completely ruining the feel I wanted for it, so I've uploaded two chapters at once!**

**Twice the chapters for half the wait!**

**lol XD**

………………………………………………………………………………………………

He reached for the doorknob, contemplating if he should turn it or not.

…

Answering this door would not only be opening a door to some pesky visitors, but would be opening the door to all sort of dangerous possibilities.

But it couldn't be too bad, right?

Just as Kakashi turned the knob, deciding to put some faith in the mercy of the universe, the door immediately barged open, barely missing Kakashi's face as it flew ajar, causing a great gust of wind.

"We brought DRINKS!!!"

And with that, a rush of overly hyper Jounins crashed into the apartment, all of them scrambling to take off their sandals at the same time, others just walking passed the still-unmoved Kakashi to get inside the, soon-to-be-cramped, apartment.

Kakashi finally let out a sigh when the stampede passed him entirely, dozens of identical blue sandals lined up in front of his door.

_Ah… the classic 'Let's-have-a-party-at-the-injured-guy's-place'-Party…_

This curious custom started with the simple 'get-well' party, but now, over the years, it's evolved into more of an excuse for the, usually responsible, Jounins to act like normal adults for a couple hours, and possibly get drunk.

People would be surprised how many Jounins practically turned into Naruto when they had free time to spend and free alcohol to drink.

(Anybody who attended the Masquerade could offer their testimony.)

It wasn't a side that they showed publicly, of course… these get-togethers were like those secret military meetings, where instead of maps and platform documents, they exchanged jokes and drinks…

The Jounins' private irresponsibility must have something to do with their constantly dangerous lifestyles… Jounins always had more steam to let out than the others…

Even so, it was still pretty rare for the Jounins to have so much fun in only a few days…. A 'social fundraiser', and now a 'get-well'-party?...

This must be a lucky week for the top shinobi of Konoha… except for Kakashi, who had already had his fill of party-induced drama to last a few more months.

…

Kakashi limped back into the hallway, as he lamented over getting injured for very different reasons than before.

He decided to pull on his teacher-face and try to calm down the overly excited Gai and Anko who seemed to be spreading the excitement already by dragging chairs and cushions into Kakashi's bedroom.

Kakashi limped after them, the cut on his hip acting up a little.

He followed the crowd into his own room.

"Why does everybody always go straight to my bedroom?" Kakashi asked no one as he walked into the doorway.

Anko immediately started laughing at the context-less, rhetorical question. Other snickers joined in.

…

_Looks like the maturity level in this room just went below sea level…_

…

Just as the snickers were dying down, there was an uproar after the next statement.

"That's because we all know how much your bedroom needs some traffic!" Kakashi immediately recognized Osuzaki's voice, not only because of the gruff tone, but because he was about the only man who would constantly joke about Kakashi's lack of a love-life… or night-life, at least.

Kakashi shook his head with a begrudging smile, acknowledging Osuzaki, whose arm was in a sling, with a raised hand.

It was also another silently-agreed-upon custom to make fun of the 'injured-guy'…

Kakashi couldn't exactly think of their excuse to joke about the wounded, but he wasn't going to push the matter if they were only going make these kinds of jokes… the kind that didn't really apply to him anymore…

"That's only because he's saving himself for marriage…" Kakashi couldn't catch whoever said that one.

"That's enough, now…" The 'injured-guy' spoke up, feeling a little obligated to turn down that severe exaggeration,… which had already been proven wrong many years ago.

Everybody laughed on their own at Kakashi's bachelor-life (or lack thereof)… everyone except a _very_ awkward Iruka in the corner, who was having a hard time pretending to laugh.

Kakashi could imagine the thoughts going through Iruka's mind.

Iruka was the only one that knew, other than himself, that he wasn't exactly single anymore… and that this bedroom _did_ have a guest not too long ago.

Though it wasn't exactly the kind of situation these hyper Jounins were discussing.

…

But as if this conversation wasn't enough to make Sakura's presence completely out of the question, Kakashi could see how much worse things were going to get as soon as that sake bottle took a couple trips around the room.

_Hopefully they don't get too out of hand… this time…_

Kakashi prayed to himself as he found his spot on his bed again, preparing himself for further immature jokes and jabs…

………………………………………………………………………………………………**..**

_Why is time going so slowly?_

I complained in my mind as I locked the bathroom door behind me, peach-colored towels in my arms.

Taking a shower was a nice, soothing way to pass the time… and I wouldn't be distracted by my insatiable need to check Warble every other second, hoping that more than 2 minutes had passed, when it had actually only been one.

I started slipping out of my clothes absent-mindedly.

Every time Kakashi-sensei gave me a 'meeting-time', which he always seemed to do, I was always left with that impatient itch to constantly check my clock like a kid checking their calendar, re-re-recounting down to Christmas…

But I guess it was better than the times he would just say that he'd show up at 'some time' and leave me completely clueless…

I sighed, a little annoyed…

…

But, when thinking about the entire situation, I should be considerably happy that I could even see him again today… for the third time…

…

Our time together was always split up or interrupted… it was getting really irritating…

…

I paused for a second, taking a deep breath, trying to count my blessings.

Having someone like Kakashi-sensei, who was talented, strong, kind, smart, understanding, caring, incredibly handsome, and insanely attractive as my lover definitely outweighed any feeling of complaint I could ever have…

But… thinking about it that way…

…_having Kakashi-sensei by my side is more than I deserve, isn't it?_

…

… And then _that_ question came up again…

…

_Why _is_ he with me?_

…

I looked back to the mirror, that question resonating in my mind as uncomfortably as it had earlier…

Even though I wasn't distracted by Warble anymore… my thoughts were definitely making things even worse…

But I completely lost everything I had been thinking about when I saw something I definitely didn't recognize in the mirror.

Just below my collarbone… a mark…

_What's that?..._

As soon as I touched my fingertips to it I immediately remembered what had happened this morning.

His lips had kissed me there, but it wasn't a normal kiss.

His tongue…

I shook my head quickly, I couldn't think about that, especially when his words came back to me with that memory.

"_You still need some more time before you can say you 'know enough'." _

…

He was right… the way I was even freaking out over a single… kiss mark… was probably proof enough that I was a ways away from being at his level...

But I couldn't help but feel a little shaken… this was really different for me…

Kakashi-sensei never did this before…

Every time he kissed me, it was only a fleeting feeling that I could never really tell for sure if it only a dream or not… but this… this was evidence… pure, physical evidence.

Everything was real… I wasn't dreaming… I wasn't going crazy… He _is_ with me… for some reason…

I looked back to the mark.

I felt a little weird when I suddenly felt grateful that I usually wore high-collared shirts… that sneaky sort of thought didn't belong to me, it sounded more like the thought of a…

…

… the analogy that came to mind was a little weird:  
A hormone-driven teenage girl from one of those teen soap-operas that was trying to cover up the marks her adventurous boyfriend left behind…

…

…

That wasn't me, right?

…

Well, I don't think I could afford to be hormone-driven since my 'boyfriend' ( I still didn't like using that meager word to describe Kakashi-sensei's relationship to me) wasn't 'adventurous', but was 'experienced'…

…

… Which one was better?

…

"Ugh!" I ran my hands through my hair a little roughly.

I really couldn't think about this!…

I couldn't keep trying to judge our relationship like this… we weren't normal, but we weren't bad… we care about each other, deeply.

That's all that matters!

I stomped over to the shower, determined never to compare our relationship to the soap-opera ones ever again.

I sighed as the water hit me, finally realizing how immature that entire thought process was.

…

_I'm really hopeless, aren't I?_

…

_What does he even see in me?_

_I'm really not good enough for him…_

…

………………………………………………………………………………**.**

"Are Konoha women not good enough?!" The nasally voice of one of Kakashi's female colleagues suddenly spoke up, sounding drunk. She was pointing at him accusingly from across the room.

"I never said that." Kakashi quickly waved his hands in front of him, trying to smile reassuringly, definitely not looking for a fight…

He wondered for a moment if she still held a grudge from when he had turned her advances down in the past, using that over-used phrase 'I'm just not looking to be in a relationship right now…'…

She only hiccupped at his response, not acknowledging the fact that everybody was staring at her.

"You never show any interest in anyone!" She slurred a little vindictively…

"No, I wouldn't go that far…" Kakashi mumbled, more to himself than to anyone.

Somehow the conversation had taken a turn for the worst, going from joking around, to discussing work, swapping mission stories, to… _this_…

"Well, it's not like you're all that attractive!" She spoke up using that obnoxious voice with a clumsy vengeance.

Anybody with a fair amount of interrogation training could hear the lie in her words.

Laughing took over the air again as she fell over onto her back, snoring before she hit the floor… Kakashi still felt rather awkward, but grateful that the others just laughed the ordeal off.

"… I think that's enough, Houin-san…" The mousy friend of the obnoxious one picked her up from the floor. Some of the laughing Jounins helped her out, carrying the only drunk person in the apartment out of the bedroom.

Overall, the end result of this 'party' wasn't as damaging as Kakashi had expected, but he was still impatient to end it.

"… I think this has been enough for all of us, today…." Kakashi spoke up, adding onto the last sentence.

The others all agreed with sundry mumbles.

It had been two hours already….

Kakashi wasn't so tired of the company (maybe a little annoyed), but he was mostly hoping to get everybody out before 6:00, which was in another five minutes… seemed a little too late now.

"Yo, Kakashi… the longer you stay single like this, the rowdier the ladies are gonna get, waiting for you to finally get back into the market."

Osuzaki took a seat on a chair next to Kakashi's bed, continuing the overly-discussed subject some more as everybody else started to get up and leave.

Kakashi only hoped that if he went along with it, Osuzaki would get bored of it and stop.

"I don't ever plan to get back into the 'market' again…" Kakashi offered an ending to the subject truthfully…

Even if things didn't work out with Sakura right now… he'd wait…

"Don't say that!… So serious… you sound like some sort of widower…" Osuzaki started off with a joking tone, but it didn't stay so playful for the last part of that statement.

Nobody was really paying attention to them, the others were only waving at Kakashi, who'd nod at them as they walked out of the doorway.

Kakashi really didn't like where this was going, those last words stung a little.

He looked away from Osuzaki, trying to think of a way to politely kick him out.

The safest bet was to 'win' at this conversation and send him on his way.

"It's not like that… I'm not completely blind to women… but I'll know when I meet the right one…" Kakashi not only felt a little discomfited for having this weird conversation after so much ridiculousness, but he felt the most discomfort for having to talk like he _hadn't_ already met the 'right one' yet…

There was a sudden movement from the corner of the room, Kakashi looked up at it.

His eyes met Iruka's only for a moment.

They both knew what this conversation was turning into…

They both knew who was on Kakashi's mind.

"The 'right one'?.... That doesn't sound like you Kakashi… You never used to believe in that stuff…" Osuzaki's words pushed a little roughly.

"Yeah, well… people change…" Kakashi responded, feeling a little frustrated, checking the clock again. He really needed an interruption. He saw Iruka slink out of the room, clutching his drinking glass a little awkwardly. Kakashi envied his easy departure, but was completely stolen away from that thought when Osuzaki spoke up with that serious tone again.

"How many years has it been?... Eh, Kakashi… Since that woman-"

"I've lost count." Kakashi shot down the rest of that sentence, firmly, before it could do anything to him.

"I doubt that." Osuzaki rebutted gruffly, taking a swig from his glass, not seeing the glare Kakashi was directing towards him for a moment.

"It's all in the past… I'd prefer it if it stayed there…" Kakashi shifted in the bed a bit, scowling behind his mask.

"It won't stay there though… not with the Asa-"

"Osuzaki!" Kakashi cut him off loudly.

He hadn't felt this amount of irritation, this amount of annoyance in a long while… there were only a few subjects that caused his blood to boil, and this was combining two of them… even if Osuzaki was an old friend, this definitely wasn't something Kakashi wanted to discuss with him… he never did with anyone.

They both sat in silence for a minute or so…

Osuzaki stood up from his chair, much to Kakashi's relief, but turned around before leaving…

"Fine, I'll stop, but let me offer you some advice…"

………………………………………………………………………………………………

I reached up to knock on the door.

I knew I was a few minutes early, but I couldn't help it…

_Better early than late…_

Just as my knuckle was about the tap against the wood of the door, I hesitated… I heard voices from inside.

Lots of voices, muffled… they sounded tired, but excited.

Somebody was slurring random words loudly like a drunk.

_What's going on?_

I took another moment before finally raising my hand to knock, but somebody answered the door early.

"Oh, Sakura-san!" Gai-sensei beamed down at me… apparently he was in a good mood.

But why was he here?

Why were all these people here?

Why was that one woman almost drunk off of her feet?

And why did I recognize her voice from somewhere?

All my questions were pushed aside when I was pulled inside.

"You're here to heal up Kakashi, right?" Gai spoke up. "He's in that room, on the left…" He directed me towards the bedroom like I had never been here before.

That been the _only_ room I had been in…

"Uh, thank you…" I said politely, still distracted by all the commotion that the Jounins were causing as they sorted out their sandals, talked, put chairs away.

Whatever was going on, it was ending already.

I took one last look around, watching as Gai-sensei was herding out all of the others through the open doorway, shouting with that epic tone he loved using.

I turned back around towards the bedroom door which was still several feet away.

I was surprised to see Iruka-sensei standing next to the door like he had just come through it.

He leaned against the wall, looking down at a cup, swishing it in a little circle slowly.

He didn't seem to be his normal, cheerful self…

I started walking towards the door, planning on just greeting Iruka with a wave and a few words before going through that door, but as I got closer, his eyes flashed up to me.

His expression was strange… like he suddenly remembered to do something really important.

He walked over to me before I could reach the door.

"Hey, Sakura…" He said, putting on a fake smile. "…. You here to treat Kakashi-san?" He asked further, trying to sound friendly. I didn't know why he would have to ask…

"Ah, yes…" I answered with a small smile, nodding at him.

Even though he went out of his way to greet me like that, I really wanted to see Kakashi-sensei… I really wanted to talk to him…

I tried to walk passed Iruka-sensei, through the gap between him and the wall.

But his hand suddenly shot out and landed on the wall… his arm barricading my way.

"So, how have you been, Sakura?" He spoke up again, looking down at me.

I tried to peek over his arm… the door was right there, wide open…. But I couldn't get to it with Iruka-sensei here.

"I've been doing well, Iruka-sensei…" I answered, my already fading smile suffering a little more as he eased himself to lean his shoulder against the wall, completely blocking my line of sight now.

He looked back down to his little cup, swishing it around again… he wouldn't look me in the eye.

I got the feeling he didn't want me to get to the door…

But that didn't sound like something Iruka-sensei would do… then again, he definitely wasn't his normal self right now.

Something was really weird about all of this…

"Are your medic-studies going well?" He asked another small-talk question… but he didn't really sound like a teacher right now.

Ever since Iruka-sensei found out about Kakashi and me, he's started acting less and less like a teacher around me… it was really different.

"I'm taking a break from it right now, but I still practice… I think I've gotten a bit better." I tried to share a bit more, hoping it would satisfy whatever curiosity was making Iruka-sensei act a little weird.

"I'm glad to hear that…" He said quietly, looking back down, again, to his cup, which smelled of sake.

I wondered if Iruka-sensei was drunk for only a spare moment… it didn't really fit in my mind… a drunk Iruka-sensei… besides, if Iruka-sensei ever got drunk,, I would've thought he'd be the funny kind of drunk… or that he wouldn't act this broody, at least.

"Osuzaki!" I heard Kakashi's muffled voice speak out from the room sternly… Something really weird was going on…

I tried to walk around Iruka-sensei, already forgetting my manners now that all my attention was on Kakashi-sensei's muffled voice.

"… Sakura…" Iruka-sensei called my name again... I almost didn't pay attention to him, until I heard him finish the sentence. "…what do you know about your next mission?...."

I looked back up to him, his eyes trying to read my expression… he seemed a little… hurried. Like he hadn't planned on asking me that just now, like it had slipped out.

I knew I probably looked confused… as well as a little shocked…

Why was he suddenly bringing this up?

"… Only the name 'Asaka'…" I answered, already feeling my curiosity grow, while Iruka seemed to be getting a little more serious. All I had heard was the name 'Asaka', and then everyone would suddenly go quiet… nobody was willing to talk about it for some reason… it was getting really frustrating.

Iruka-sensei leaned closer for a spare moment, his voice lowering.

"Did you want to know more?"

….

….

"What?" I couldn't think of anything else to say.

He leaned away.

Why was everybody treating this mission like it was top-secret, like there were things to hide?!

"I wouldn't tell you if I didn't think you might hear it from another, unreliable source first… even so, I can only offer you the surface of the details…"

"Would you really tell me more about it?" My curiosity growing.

Iruka-sensei nodded a little hesitantly.

Something about this topic was really strange… I had rarely seen Iruka-sensei ever get this serious…

"Only if you do a few favors for me…"

I gave him a questioning look.

"Don't tell Kakashi about this…"

That was a really tough favor… that would be keeping a secret… it felt like I would be lying to him.

I suddenly felt like we shouldn't be having this conversation if Kakashi-sensei couldn't know about it…

… but I really wanted to know more about 'Asaka'…

I was about to ask what the other 'favors' were, but he started talking again.

"I have a few things to clear up at the Academy after this… I should be there pretty late… come see me if you still want to know more after you treat Kakashi-san…"

"O-okay…"

Iruka-sensei showed one last, almost-fake, smile before he walked away from me.

He still had that 'I-didn't-really-plan-to-say-that' look on his face.

I was still confused…

But what I heard a voice say from Kakashi's room confused me further…

"Fine, I'll stop, but let me offer you some advice…"

It was a gruff voice that I didn't recognize.

"…Burying the past means nothing if you didn't want to let it go in the first place… find a way to let it go now, before you get yourself killed…"

There was a long pause… I wanted to take a look at what was going on, but from the way that man was talking… something really serious was happening, I didn't want to walk into it.

"I can handle myself…" Kakashi's voice.

"Like you did the last time?" That gruff voice offered that last sentence with a sarcastic note just as I saw a man walk out of the room.

He only gave me a glance before walking passed me.

I didn't recognize him from anywhere… but Kakashi knew him, apparently.

I watched the man walk down the hallway, slip into his shoes, and go out the door.

He was the last one.

Everything was really quiet now.

I was finally alone in Kakashi's apartment with him… but I suddenly felt a little scared to walk into that room.

I wasn't scared for myself or of Kakashi… I was just nervous about going into that, previously tense, room.

As soon as I heard Kakashi-sensei take a deep sigh that ended in an aggravated groan, I felt a little bit more worried…. But I found the confidence to walk through that doorway.

He didn't seem to notice me at first, his face was in his hand, he was rubbing his eyes.

I wasn't used to seeing a stressed Kakashi-sensei…

Everybody was acting so weird…

…

**………………….…………………………………………………………………………**

**….**

**….**

**….**

**Onto the next chapter! :D**


	32. Doors and Distractions: Part 2

**Chapter 32!**

**Title: **_"Door and Distractions - Pt. 2"_

**Disclaimer: I won nothing!!**

**Note: ****Hope you enjoy!**

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I took another hesitant step towards him.

The sound of my foot falling on the wooden floor made his head suddenly whip up in my direction.

"Sakura…." He called out my name, his eyes relaxing, smiling slowly behind his mask.

I forgot some of that worry as I walked over to him.

"Sorry for making you wait so long…" He continued as I reached his bedside.

I didn't say anything…. I couldn't think of anything.

I didn't have to.

Just like earlier this afternoon, his large hand closed around my wrist, pulling me down to sit on the edge of the bed….. but unlike this afternoon, he didn't stop there… we didn't have to watch how close we were now…

He pulled my arm across his chest, passed his shoulder, making me fall forward on top of him.

I was only a little surprised… I was mostly relieved that he could be so forward sometimes, since I felt really self-conscious right now for some reason.

He leaned back against the shelf, his left hand falling between my shoulder blades pulling me against him a little tighter.

His right hand unwrapped its fingers from around my wrist, and intertwined them between mine, his thumb rubbing the side of my hand slowly.

"I needed this…" He took a really deep breath, his chest lifting me a few inches…. I remembered another time when he had said that… I closed my eyes, trying to feel all I could of his warmth.

Even though I came here in a hurry so that I could talk with Kakashi-sensei… I still hadn't said a word since I came into this room… but I really felt like I didn't need to….

He exhaled slowly, his hand brushing along my back, back and forth, back and forth…. I loved the sound of his breathing.

I could fall asleep to that sound, it was so peaceful.

All my worries of that tension I walked in on were gone, I almost completely forgot about that man with the gruff voice.

"I always need this…" I answered truthfully, not really caring how embarrassing that sounded.

He chuckled only one breath… he sounded calmer, too…

I wouldn't have known that he had actually been really stressed about something a few seconds ago.

I loved the fact that after only touching each other for a few seconds, we could find whatever inner peace we couldn't have while we were alone or with others….

After only another second, his hand left my back for a moment before his fingers found my shoulder, sliding to the back of my neck.

I lifted my head, planting my hand on the mattress to push myself up to him, once again thankful that he was more forward than I was.

He kissed me gently… it kind of felt like he was holding back, though.

It ended after only a few seconds.

Our lips separated, but we didn't lean away.

I just took a moment to really let it sink in, for the hundredth time, that this was Kakashi-sensei… it was him… he really just kissed me… these hands that were touching me were his…

Even now it was hard to believe it all…

It was too hard to believe that this man could have felt these feelings for me…

I really needed to know…. When?.... Why?...

I woke up from those thoughts when his hand started to run through my hair… his fingers falling through the strands.

He was looking at me so closely, so warmly… I loved it…. But I couldn't really appreciate it while I had all these questions floating around in my mind.

"I should really get to work…" I said a bit slowly, lifting myself away from him.

We both woke from that calming moment now.

His hands hesitantly left me.

He didn't do anything but look down at me as my fingers found the hem of his T-shirt for the second time today… This time, even though we were alone, it still felt really…risky? …

I tried not to let it get to me… I had to stay focused…

But my mind kept playing tricks on me and looping all my thoughts back to those infamous questions that hadn't left me alone all day.

Why couldn't I just let it all go and accept the fact that Kakashi-sensei had miraculously grown these feelings for me and that there was probably no explanation?!…

I tried to forcefully think about something else…

…

It didn't help…

… once you tell yourself not to think about something, you can't help but run it over in your mind so much more…..

**………………………………………………………………………………………..**

She was practically glaring down at his chest, her hands barely touching his skin, the green glow speeding up the aging of the platelets, closing up his wounds faster than was humanly possible.

It was an altogether unpleasant feeling, but he didn't really pay attention to his own body right now.

His eyes kept searching her face.

He had seen her use medic-jutsu before, many times, and of course it required precise chakra control and focus, but she looked like she was focusing on something else…

She almost looked a little angry… at herself.

It was probably wrong of him to think she looked cute when she made that face.

Whatever was bothering her was probably important…

Without really planning it, he reached his hand up to her face, he sat up a little so that he could kiss her again, just for a moment. She didn't move an inch, still only her fingertips touched his skin.

He leaned away again, trying to see if her expression had changed at all.

She looked even more troubled… was it because he kissed her? Was it because she was trying to focus on her chakra and he was disturbing her?

Would she get even more upset if he kissed her again?

Or would she stop glaring at herself and relax again?

Now he was curious.

He wondered if she was comfortable enough with him, yet, for a game.

He knew it was a little immature… but today had been such a long, scattered day… they could both use some distraction, even if it meant his wounds would have to wait.

**……………………………………………………………………………………………**

He kissed me again, just like a few seconds ago, but a little longer this time.

I still tried not to let it affect my work, I tried to keep my muscles completely locked, as well as my focus on my chakra.

His lips moved against mine slowly… I really wanted to kiss him back…. Really…

He broke away… I could finally think straight again.

Just as I thought it was over, his hand quickly wrapped around my back. He was sitting up all the way now, my hands flat on his chest now that we were both sitting up straight… and I had been so careful not to touch him too much, too.

He took a breath before his lips found mine again.

He didn't feel like he was holding back anymore.

He really didn't seem to care that I wasn't kissing him back… like he knew I needed to concentrate, but still wanted to touch me… My heart raced a little…

I really wanted to kiss him back, but if I did I knew I would get lost.

I really had to concentrate.

His hand brushed up and down my spine, the way that always gave me shivers… and I think he knew it.

Why was he doing this?

He knew I really needed to pay attention to my chakra.

But he kept kissing me like this… it was getting really difficult to keep my focus.

Now both of his hands were on my back, pulling me against him with a little force… I had pick my feet off the ground in order to let him pull me even closer…. I wondered for a second why I was helping him distract me.

My hands were getting really hot against his skin… I really liked the way it felt.

This was getting to me…

I started moving my lips too, letting myself give in.

I swore I felt his lips lift up in a smile… and not one of his warm smiles… one of the playful ones that always meant trouble.

I finally understood what he was doing.

He was _trying_ to distract me.

He was doing this on purpose…

I wanted to smile, too, as I felt my competitive nature build up.

My mood all of a sudden got lighter when I thought about the prospect of beating Kakashi-sensei at one of these 'games'… he's only picked them up a couple times before, and I never used to notice it until he had already won…. But now I had the advantage.

I stopped moving my lips, paying a drastic amount of attention back on his wounds, focusing my chakra even more precisely than before…

_I'm gonna turn into stone before I let him win… _I promised myself.

I felt his fingers suddenly close their grip on the sides of my waist tightly, scooting me even closer to him… his smile on my lips widened.

He must've noticed that I was in on the 'game', too.

I still didn't react… there shouldn't be much he could do when I wasn't kissing him back, which was getting really hard to resist, but I was always a stubborn person.

His lips finally left mine.

Seems like he was giving that up.

I tried not to look a little smug…. I knew I did anyways.

I only saw his face for a moment before he ducked his head down, but his eyes… I knew that expression from the night of the Masquerade, when we were in the secret meeting room, after I had told him that he was the one who had to take my mask off.

He was really enjoying this.

His hands dropped to the small of my back, pulling me, arching my back.

My heart was pounding, like I was in a race, trying to get first place as my opponent was on my heels.

I felt him surpass me in the race as his lips trailed down along the side of my neck, grazing lightly enough to make me flinch…

He held me even closer, his hands tightening around me… I had to scoot my knee between his.

His knees closed around mine, like he was trying to keep me right there.

The space between us was disappearing, the green glow was almost touching me now… I wouldn't be affected, but the closer I got to him, the more I felt like he was winning.

I couldn't act so impassive for too much longer… I may have a competitive edge, but it wasn't completely infallible, especially when I was up against Kakashi-sensei, who was the one who taught me about focusing in the battlefield.

For a moment I felt like victory was useless against this man… he was the one who taught me so much about standing your ground and remaining calm in the battle, he had a stronger stance, more experience, and he surely knew my weak points by now….

Then a strategy came to mind.

A tough one.

One that would take a lot of courage.

But I knew I could do it, since I really wanted to 'win'…. Maybe this confidence was because of Tsunade-sama's gutsy training… who knows…

But I was almost sure it would work.

I just had to wait for the right moment.

**…………………………………………………………………………………………………**

Her hands pressed against his chest hotly.

He swore he could feel her fingers feel across his skin a few centimeters. He wanted her to feel more.

But she had been getting really stubborn.

She wasn't budging.

She was definitely catching onto the nature of this 'battle'.

And she was getting better at it.

Something about that made him a bit happier....

He let his lips graze down her neck again, loving the way her skin felt, she flinched again… but what she did next, he definitely wasn't expecting.

He had expected her to simply stay still until he ran out of ways to make her twitch or flinch, which he would have been completely content with… just feeling her this way was enough for him…

But he definitely wasn't expecting her to 'fight' back.

He felt her hands finally move… he could feel his breathing shake a little as her hands slid up his chest, exploring his muscles slowly. Her fragile-feeling fingers pressing against his skin attentively, following the curves of his chest.

That feeling alone was enough to make him forget about his lips on her neck.

He had been so used to being the one who was touching, he almost forgot what it was like being touched.

He wanted more, but he didn't at the same time.

Not because he felt like he was going to lose the game, but because he felt like he was losing control.

Even if he was distracted, he was still smart enough to figure out that this was her new battle plan…

… When he felt her lips on his neck, he nearly forgot it was a game.

**………………………………………………………………………………………………….**

I kissed the side of his neck… I had only done that once or twice before.

It still felt a little weird being the one to kiss him like this… but when he flinched, I couldn't help but feel smug. I wanted to do more… just to see what I was capable of.

I knew that was a really adventurous thought… but it was really rare to see of bothered Kakashi-sensei... and this was my chance.

I let my lips travel up his neck to the side of his jaw slowly, softly.

Even if this was just to faze him, I still really enjoyed the feeling of his skin… I loved the fact that he was _letting_ me feel him like this.

His breathing was getting a little deeper… I could feel his heart rate increase.

This was definitely working.

But it still wasn't enough to make him give up.

I let my hands slide around his sides, curling my arms around his back. My hands landing on his shoulder blades.

There wasn't any space between us now. He felt really warm right now.

The way he was breathing, the way his hands were holding me back a little desperately…. Was it really possible that I was going to win?

… Of course not…

I lost in only a few seconds.

One of his hands brushed up the side of my arm, trailing across my shoulder to the front of my neck.

He suddenly pulled away from me a little. Then in an instant I felt his lips press against the side of my neck harder and deeper than earlier, his fingers found my zipper… I was already freaking out a little, but I didn't stop him yet.

He pulled it down a few inches, his lips following it closely, kissing my skin.

Every time he did this, letting his lips travelling along my skin like this, it always got to me…. I couldn't control how loud I was breathing now.

My hands under his shirt gripped onto his back a little tightly.

The zipper opened a few more inches till his lips were right on my collarbone.

I heard him chuckle deeply… he paused for a second. He kissed my collarbone for a long time before he moved on, pulling the zipper down even lower, his hand on my back was sliding downward, following the curve of my back, not stopping as he inched even lower… and that was when I lost…. his tongue pressed against my skin as he went lower, grazing downward slowly.

Whenever he did something like that I could barely deal with the way it made me feel… too intense.

I could tell he really wasn't going to stop unless I told him to.

_Damn it!_

"Ok, you win…" I unwrapped my arms from him, pushing myself back a few inches before my hands flashed to my shirt, already trying to zip it up as he laughed to himself.

I vowed to win next time.

As I was zipping my shirt up, his hand flashed to mine, stopping me.

I looked back to him, a little confused.

"Just a second." He said warmly.

And in a moment, his hand landed on my collarbone, his fingertips brushing along my skin. I loved the way his fingers felt on my skin….

Then I suddenly remembered what was right on my collarbone.

I turned away quickly, zipping up my shirt hurriedly... I could feel heat rush to my face.

"No need to be embarrassed…" He chuckled again at my reaction. "I was the one that put it there…"

"Hey, don't say it like that…" I complained about his condescending tone a little.

I turned back to him just in time to see him smile a real, bright smile just as his eyes found mine.

Being around Kakashi-sensei always felt amazing, but there were moments when I seriously wanted to grabbed onto him and smile like an idiot for a few minutes, just so that I could express the rush of happiness I get when I see him smile so truthfully like that _because_ of me.

_I must be doing something right…_

I thought happily to myself as I scooted back over to him, about ready to resume my work.

I noticed how much more livelier I felt now… not worried or impatient anymore…

"I'm glad that 'that' cheered you up…" He said quietly as he leaned back against the shelf again, smiling a little too playfully. He had the air of a reigning champion.

"Eh?" I spoke up, confused of how _he_ knew that I had been a little upset.

"You looked really disturbed by something before…" He commented casually, fixing his shirt which had been rumpled from before.... from what I did.

I was a little amazed how fast we could go back to normal after doing something like that… but I couldn't think over that strange relationship quirk while he was probably waiting for me to explain or something.

"Oh… well, that…" I started, and failed to finish.

He looked back to me, a little curious.

I felt obligated to try again.

"I was just wondering…" I lost my words with my confidence… my competitive edge seemed to have left me quickly.

He gave me a look that told me that he'd answer any question I had.

I really had to say this, didn't I?

I couldn't just brush this off… or say it didn't matter…

I took a breath and settled into my seat on the mattress.

"When exactly... did you start to feel…this way… for me?" I cringed as I finished that sentence, closing my eyes childishly.

Even though I was just learning how to keep up with Kakashi-sensei physically… it was always hard for me to talk about these things, I really wasn't the type of person who talked about emotions too easily.

He didn't say anything for a second.

The silence was really torturing.

I felt the need to explain myself… but it didn't really go well.

"I was only wondering because when I looked back on everything I realized that I was the one who confessed, and I kind of just dumped my feelings on you at a really weird moment, and that if you had wanted to turn me down, you probably didn't want to do it at that time because you didn't want to hurt my feelings an-"

"And so you were worried that I had only acted like I had feelings for you because I wanted to spare your own feelings?" He finished my weak explanation better than I could.

"I know it's a stupid question." I spoke up immediately, hoping that he wouldn't be offended if I told him straight away that I didn't take the question seriously… when I kind of did.

"No… it's actually a very important question… it would only be stupid if you were asking me to confirm my feelings _now_ after we've already gotten this far." He explained calmly.

I definitely didn't need any reassurance _now_… I could tell what he was feeling by the way he simply touched me.

I looked up to him, feeling a little less nervous… but still anxious for an answer.

"Sakura, do you remember the day we camped out by the hot springs?" He started up with a mature tone.

"Of course…" I said a little nostalgically, unsure whether to remember that day with embarrassment or happiness… but that day had been going around in my brain a lot, too.

"Do you remember that I had asked to speak with you, alone, later that day… but we never did?" He asked, his hand reaching out to mine.

I took a second to think back… "Yeah…" I answered after I found the memory.

It was just as we were setting up camp, he called me over to me, using my name… I remembered the shivers I got when he said my name that day, I had no idea that he would be giving me more shivers through very different means in the future… He had said he had something to discuss with me.

"Do you know what I was going to talk to you about?"

My heart stuttered.

Why would he call me out and say he wanted to talk with me?

Why was he bringing it up now?

At that time… was he planning… on telling about...

"No…" I said a little warily.

"Neither do I."

…

He smiled 'innocently'. I just plummeted into a pit of confusion.

The way he started this, he made me think he had been planning on confessing or something.

He spoke up again, a smile in his voice, his hand pulling me closer.

"I really had no idea what I was going to say, but I just wanted a few minutes to talk with you…" He said with a smile, like he was about to laugh at his old self.

He was probably feeling what I felt when I remembered the shivers I got when he had called my name that day.

It took me a moment… but I realized it. This was his way of telling me that he had already liked me by that time.

Even though the thought of Kakashi-sensei dealing with unrequited feelings for his own student had always seemed so strange to me… it was reality.

I couldn't really digest it right now… my attention was stolen by something else.

This overwhelming feeling of relief…

He had felt this way for me even before I _noticed _him… This all really started with him… I wasn't the one who just dragged him in… he wanted to be with me from the start!

I could feel the wide smile on my face.

Everything that I had been worrying about today… none of it mattered!

"So you were going to call me out alone… just to be alone with me?... Isn't that kind of… irresponsible?" I said lightly, obviously joking.

"I wasn't going to do anything." He laughed. "I just wanted to have a few minutes with the person I couldn't stop thinking about… just to enjoy their company." He explained with an almost teacher-like tone.

My heart felt like it was floating.

"Even if I didn't feel the same at the time?" I asked a semi-serious question, feeling more than a little guilty for not _always_ liking him.

He pulled me even closer, making me lay on his chest like I had several minutes ago.

"Being in love with a student is unforgivable… I was already sure that any sort of future was impossible… I didn't have anything to lose by just being around you."

The way his words made me feel… the way this happiness kept washing over me.

I held his hand tighter.

Even though I felt really guilty for letting him ever think that his feelings for me were 'impossible', I couldn't control this happiness… I was so filled with it.

Now there was only one last question.

"Why?..."

It was really difficult saying this…. Letting him know my insecurities so easily… but if he could tell me about his unrequited feelings, I could share something, too.

"Why someone like me?"

I managed to make a complete sentence.

I looked away from him, waiting for whatever answer he could give me.

"What do you mean?" He asked simply.

…

My mouth almost dropped open.

How could he _not_ know what I was talking about?!

"How could you ever fall for someone like me?" I reiterated, too shocked by his obliviousness to feel embarrassed anymore.

"'Someone like you'?..." He laughed a little. "That's a low way to think of yourself…" He commented shortly.

I didn't say anything.

… _He really couldn't see the obvious difference in our leagues?..._

He didn't say anything for a few seconds, either.

His hand reached up to the side of my face, his fingers curling around my hair a little.

He let out a deep breath, smiling down at me like I was causing trouble again.

I just waited, trying not to fall back into my confusion.

"It was about two months ago…" He started with a casual voice. My attention was already completely on him. "It was an early spring night and I had been on my way to the tori bridge, just for some peace of mind… and that's when I saw you…You were training… taijutsu, shuriken aim, chakra control… I know it's not out of common-place to see shinobi train at night in the forest… but when I saw you…. Your expression, your determination, your strength, how much you've grown, and how much more you wanted to be… that was when I really noticed what a truly talented, hard-working kunoichi you've become, one who was capable of even greater things than the others imagined…."

He paused, like he was thinking back to that night again.

I couldn't say anything… I could barely think anything.

"… After that, I started to pay more attention to your progress, your performances in missions… Which was the way I should've been as a teacher, but it didn't feel the same way it did when I had trained Sasuke and Naruto… When I started to pay more attention to your talent, I started to pay more attention to you… as a person, as a young woman… I didn't notice till later that I wasn't looking at you like a 'student' anymore… but it was already too late… I was already thinking about you in ways I shouldn't have been…"

He trailed off.

Even though I definitely couldn't find any words to explain this feeling… I couldn't stop myself from kissing him.

I leaned up to him, kissing him like I hadn't in weeks.

He's felt this way for so long… and it was because I couldn't notice him sooner.

He actually wanted me, needed me… loved me.

He really did… it wasn't just my dream…

His hand squeezed mine as he leaned into the kiss a little.

I could never get tired of this feeling… even if we've kissed so many times already, it still was so entirely addicting.

I never thought it was really possible to actually feel yourself fall deeper in love with someone… but if it was true, then I was feeling it right now.

This heavy feeling in my heart, this tingly feeling in my arms, the sudden need to laugh and smile without stopping.

The kiss ended after only a few more seconds.

I leaned down, resting on his chest lightly.

He brought his hand, holding mine, up to his face, brushing my fingers along his cheek.

Even when he let go, I kept my hand there. I let my fingers feel his face a little.

His arms folded around me comfortably.

I felt his lips find my fingertips.

"When do you have to leave?" His lips moved under my touch as he asked the question with a pesky answer.

"A little after 6:30." I answered against his chest, suddenly cursing my parents and their restrictions, which had gotten stricter since the Masquerade.

I was a little surprised as his hands closed around my sides, lifting me off of his chest a little.

His lips found mine and left before I even knew he was going to kiss me.

"Someday you're going to have to tell me your story…" He ordered me lightly.

"We still have a couple minutes." I offered, looking back at the clock… even though we still had those few minutes left, it felt like we had been cheated out of time by the universe somehow…

"I know…" He said warmly before kissing me again. "But you need to concentrate, right?"

His hands brushed along my arms, finding my hands, placing them on his chest again.

"_Now_, you don't want to distract me…" I mumbled with fake-annoyance, actually grateful that he'd let me treat him... I've been worried about his condition for a while now.

He only laughed warmly, his chest shaking under my hands.

I had to fight back the urge to suddenly kiss him again when he smiled like that.

………

Walking home this time felt so much better than it did earlier today.

I should've been sad that I had to leave him, yet again, before I wanted to (then again, there was never a moment I recalled _wanting_ to leave him), but the time we just spent together was so refreshingly perfect…

…

Kakashi-sensei was already almost all healed up now.

He'll be out of bed by tomorrow morning, and I'll help him train for combat again, and then we have a mission, which should give us some time together, too.

My schedule-reviewing thoughts came to halting stop when I suddenly remembered the next mission.

_Asaka_…

…Another voice came to mind when I thought of that name now....

...

"_Did yo__u want to know more?"_

_..._

Iruka-sensei…

He should still be at the Academy right now…

…

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**Phew... that was a lot of writing for today...**

**Anyways: Thank you again for reading, and thank very much if you have/will review! ****It really motivates me! **

**:D**


	33. Secrets and Surprises

**Chapter 33!**

**Title:**_ "Secrets and Surprises"_

**Disclaimer: I own noting!!**

**Note:**** Sorry for the really long wait, you guys… the next one will definitely be out sooner…**

…………………………………………………………………………………………

The Academy really looked different at night.

I couldn't hear children laughing, or small footsteps running… it was quiet and dark, except for the glowing window on the second floor.

Iruka-sensei's classroom… my old classroom…

The window seemed a lot closer to the ground than I remembered it used to be when I was little…

…

Being here again really brought back memories… about our classes, our training, the dreams we built up when we were younger, to become a famous shinobi, kunoichi, or even Hokages…

But now I was visiting this building for very different reasons than studying or training.…

… I was still having trouble accepting that I _was_ here…

… It felt like I was doing something wrong, coming here to talk with Iruka-sensei…

The red double-doors of the main entrance opened with a familiar creak.

The main room was really dark.

All the cubbies and the front desks were barely lit by a single dim bulb in the middle of the ceiling.

No one at all seemed to be here…

I wondered for a second whether Iruka-sensei was still here or not, but knowing him, he was too responsible to leave the lights on… besides, the door was still unlocked.

I found myself hurrying up the stairs to the second floor, feeling a little rushed by the darkness…

The second floor hallway was exactly as I remembered it, just darker.

My feet practically carried me to my old classroom, following a very old habit.

The light from inside glowed through the frosted glass of the white classroom door.

I didn't know why I felt so nervous, opening that door… I felt like I shouldn't be here…. Like if I opened this door, I'd get in trouble…. Like I was only twelve again.

I hated the fact that I still had these childish feelings…

I really needed to grow up and learn how to make my own decisions!

I slid open the classroom door a little too harshly.

I expected to see a brooding Iruka-sensei at his desk, or perhaps cleaning the chalk board… but no one was here.

It was empty.

_He still has to be here…_

I peeked around the classroom, just in case I just didn't see him at first… but the classroom really was empty…

… _maybe he had to go to the teacher's lounge or something…_

I hesitantly walked through the door, closing it behind me… another habit form a long time ago.

A single desk lamp lit the classroom.

That was all the light that was available since the classroom was always used during the day.

I walked further into the room, my shoes creating the only sound in the room.

I scanned the raised levels of seats, remembering all the young faces that used to sit in each spot… my eyes found my old desk, which I shared with Naruto and Sasuke… even if the seats weren't always assigned, everybody would usually sit in the same spot…

I remembered the countless battles I had with Ino over who get to sit next to Sasuke... I won most of the time...

…

Things were so simple back then… the only problems I had were Sasuke-related.

The only secret I had was the ill-hidden one: I liked Sasuke…

Now that I've gotten older… my problems have grown, as well as my secrets…

…Kakashi-sensei…

…

My life has gotten so much more complicated from the life I had behind that desk…

I cringed at the memory of my Sasuke-centric thoughts that overwhelmed my head during those early years.

_That's enough of that… _I thought to myself, looking away from the desks.

I really didn't need a trip down _that_ memory lane.

I looked back to the rest of the empty classroom.

The board, the podium, the window.

Nothing ever seemed to change here…

The air still smelled like chalk and books, a lot like how Iruka-sensei smelled… it was really comforting…

...

_Where is he?_

I suddenly reemerged from my wandering thoughts when Iruka came back to mind.

I really couldn't stay here that long.

My parents were expecting me to get home really soon… and the longer I spent here, the less confident I was about wanting to know things that Kakashi-sensei probably didn't want me to know.

There was something really wrong about keeping secrets from your secret lover…

I took a deep breath, trying to wash the bitter taste of that thought from my mind.

I started walking towards the door again, not sure if I was planning on leaving, or looking for Iruka-sensei.

I slid the door open quickly, walking through it before I could realize that someone was walking up at the same moment.

My forehead hit the front of his vest awkwardly, a spray of papers fluttered to the ground.

It was surprising how clumsy I could be when I wasn't really thinking…

I didn't have to look up at his face to know it was Iruka-sensei, I knew it was him, not only because he was supposed to be the only other person in the building, but because of the way he started quickly apologizing for something that was _my_ fault.

"I'm sorry about that…" He immediately knelt down to gather up the papers, I did, too.

His polite nervousness, his scatter-brained mannerisms… Iruka-sensei seemed more like himself now.

Maybe it was because he's been grading papers or something that he went back into his usual 'teacher-mode'.

"No, I was the one who wasn't looking." I offered my apologies, already feeling a little better that Iruka was back to 'normal'.

If he had been as strange as he was at Kakashi's apartment, I probably would've felt even more uncomfortable about being here.

I picked up the last of the papers, they were tests… just by glancing at the papers for a few seconds, I knew that most of the kids had passed with high scores.

Iruka was really a great teacher.

I almost smiled to myself.

His eyes met mine for only a second, he quickly walked into the classroom, acting as nervous as I felt…

He walked over to his desk, laying out the papers neatly.

I followed him a little slowly.

He was separating the papers into pile, straightening the stacks by tapping the edges of the stacks against the desktop.

A few moments passed.

I really didn't know what I could say to start this sort of conversation.

But Iruka-sensei was more talkative than I thought he would be.

"I really can't offer you much… Sakura…" he started up, sifting through the papers once again. "If I tell you too much, and he finds out…I'd probably get hurt." He finally turned around, showing a weaker version of his polite smile. He was trying to make a joke, but it looked like he actually meant that last part.

He leaned against the desk a little.

"I don't want to know anything that Kakashi would never tell me…" I said quickly, wanting to let him know that I wasn't here for deep dark secrets…. (The idea of Kakashi having any of those was a little strange)… but that I was only here to learn _why_ everyone was treating this mission so secretively.

I was distracted by Iruka-sensei's smile… it wasn't weak anymore.

His expression was almost exactly the same as the one he'd give me when I'd pass a test with a 100.

He looked down to his feet.

"I understand…" He said softly, pushing himself off of the desk.

That was something I loved about Iruka-sensei. His empathy.

How he could tune into a student's real feelings and accept them straight away…

He knew that I would hate keeping secrets from Kakashi…. he would know that I was already bugged by the fact that being here was a secret.

"I'll only tell you what I think you should know…" He said with a quiet voice.

I suddenly felt even better than before… a bit relieved.

He took a couple steps toward me, still looking at his feet… he almost looked like he was having trouble finding words… no… he was having trouble saying what he was already planning on saying.

I was about to ask him what he wanted to say… until he said it, and my sense of relief was threatened a little.

"But you have to do something for me…" He took a few more steps closer.

I forgot about the fact he had said 'favor**s**'… keeping this conversation quiet was only one favor…

"What?" I asked, hoping it wasn't something else that would be considered a secret.

**…………………………………………………………………………...................................................................................…………….**

_Things went smoother than they could have…_

He tried to convince himself as he was leaning against his desk, staring at the bed he had been laying in for too long… the bed that still had her scent.

He had to stop thinking about her.

Even now he was trying to stop thinking of excuses to go see her.

...

He really shouldn't be feeling this impatient, and he knew it…

But lately he's been needing more and more of her… not only more time with her… more _of_ her…

He took a deep breath, furrowing his eyebrows, trying to get these thoughts out of his head…

Since when did he start thinking like this?

Moreover, since when couldn't he stop?

…

He knew he should really relax for tonight… rest…

He was going to see her again in the morning… for physical training.

...

… that still seemed like too long of a wait…

**………………………………………………..............................................................................................................………………………………………………**

"What?" I asked Iruka-sensei, not really anticipating what this favor was going to be.

He took another step.

"Just…" He paused. "… Be careful… on this next mission." He managed to finish his sentence after a few pauses. His eyes found mine, he looked a little strained, like he just asked me a big favor.

_That was it?_

_That was all he wanted me to do?_

_He didn't really need to request that… I was already really cautious about this mission…_

_But maybe he was was just over-worrying again..._

"Of course…" I said politely. Trying to lighten him up.

He shifted his stance a little, looking even more awkward for a second.

"No, that's not what I…" He started up again, a little urgently. He took another pause.

Iruka-sensei really had trouble finding his words when he was like this.

"… Be careful… around Kakashi." He said finally.

Those last two words were new.

"What?" I was suddenly a lot more confused than I was when I walked in here.

"Just don't let your guard down." Iruka-sensei spoke up again, sounding a little more confident now.

It was like he was taking my confidence as his own, because now I suddenly felt a little uncomfortable.

What exactly was he trying to say?

"What do you mean?" I sounded a little defensive.

"He hasn't really been himself -" Iruka-sensei seemed a little more defensive, too… but in a protective way… like he was trying to warn me…

"He wouldn't do anything irresponsible." I interrupted him, feeling even more defensive…

It almost sounded like he was warning me to stay away from Kakashi… that he might do something…

"We don't know that." Iruka pushed the issue a little further, sounding even more serious. I could feel my nerves buzz a little with irritation … we were going to get into a fight if I didn't calm down.

I really only had a single answer…

"I trust him."

He seemed to falter a little at how confidently I said those words. He let out a breath.

Our nerves settled a little.

"I'm not asking you not to trust him…" He sounded a little softer… "You just need to make sure he doesn't forget who he is _now_."

What did that even mean?

"'Who he is now'?..."I repeated that really strange phrase to myself, quietly. "What exactly are you expecting him to do?..."

When I said those words, he suddenly got a little more serious. He turned away from me a little, his hands falling into his pockets.

"That's something I really can't tell you, Sakura…" He stared at the desks.

… This conversation was so irritating… he kept dropping hints at something, but they didn't make sense.

I suddenly had so many more question than I did when I came in here…

… and now after confusing me this much, he wouldn't tell me anymore about what he thought Kakashi-sensei 'might do'…

…But…

… I didn't want to push it…

… Even if Iruka-sensei thought Kakashi was going to somehow 'forget who he is', I still trusted him…

But now… as we stood here in silence, that question that had been bothering me the most came to mind.

If I was ever going to ask this, it had to be now.

"Iruka-sensei… " I called his name, taking a step towards him, trying to get his attention, even though I knew he probably wasn't really distracted by the empty desks.

He still had a small frown on, the same one he would always wear when he just broke up a fight between students or would have to scold Naruto for joking in class.

Something about seeing that frown was actually comforting… in the strangest way…

He looked down at me.

"… What does Kakashi have to do with this mission?..." I brought out the biggest question when he didn't expect it.

He quickly looked away from my eyes, staring at the floor.

He took his hands out of his pockets as he walked back to the desk… he picked up the papers, stacking them all in the same pile now.

I wondered for a second if he was actually going to answer… or if he was ignoring me…

Normally I wouldn't think Iruka-sensei would do that… but ever since he found out about me and Kakashi … He's started to act more like a real person, and not just a teacher, around me… there were a lot of different sides of Iruka-sensei I hadn't seen before…

He did respond in the end, though… his voice was slightly polite, again…

"What do you know about Kakashi-san's past?" He answered my question with a question.

Resurfacing from my thoughts I barely caught his words...

When I actually thought about the question…

… I realized just how little I knew about him.

Shouldn't I know more about him by now?

We've been a relationship this long… we've known each for way longer…

"Only stories the I've heard from the Jounins…" I answered truthfully, trying to think over everything. "He became a Chuunin when he was six, and then a Jounin when he was thirteen…" I summed up everything I knew about his past in that pitiful little sentence…

Iruka was flipping through a teacher's book now.

"You should know where he went after that." He spoke up again.

Now I felt like this was a test for some reason…. I spent a few seconds running everything through my mind.

"ANBU…" The answer left my lips as soon as I thought it.

I saw him nod a little as he closed the book…

I heard him take a deep breath…

"That's was when…" He took a second, like he was trying to find the right way to phrase this choppy explanation. "… he met someone who… was really important to him…" He sounded more than a little uncomfortable talking about this.

I realized now why he didn't want to face me when he was talking about this… he knew that he didn't have a strong poker face.

"What?" I asked up, hoping he'd say more.

"But she's gone now…" He sounded like that was all he was going to say.

"'She'?" I repeated that word… trying to push him for more, hoping he wasn't going to say what was going through my mind.

A woman.

Who was 'important' to him.

I started walking over to Iruka-sensei, I really had to see his face when he answered this new question.

"Were they…. Was she his-"

"That's really all I can tell you…" He cut me off my really important question right as I walked up to his side.

I still didn't want to leave it at that.

"She was more than just someone 'important' wasn't she?" I asked up, my stomach felt like it was slowly tying itself in a knot…

I wasn't an idiot…. I already knew the answer to this question.

And Iruka-sensei knew I did.

He looked away from his desk, and over to me.

His eyes were really soft, but almost sad. He had never given me that look before.

I slowly looked away from him, my eyes finding the desktop.

"Yes…" He said quietly… he hadn't needed to…. But he must've known that hearing it was better than not.

…

And yet I didn't feel any better.

…

The knot in my stomach only tightened.

I had always wondered about Kakashi-sensei 's past… and for this to be one of the first things to learn about it… it was more than a little off-putting…

…We stood in silence for a couple seconds more… I could feel Iruka-sensei's eyes travel across my face, watching my reaction a little worryingly.

…

So this mission had to do with that aspect of Kakashi's life… why did that make it so much more scarier than before?!

I suddenly felt a little weight on my shoulder.

"Don't worry…" His voice was soft… I felt his hand inch along my shoulder. I didn't even notice until now that he was facing me. "Everything will work out… " He said with a wide smile that quickly disappeared after he saw that I was completely unaffected by his reassuring, but fake words… He got a little awkward again, like he realized that I was passed the age when I would blindly believed everything he told me.

"Er, well, I mean…The way he talks about you…" His eyes lost whatever sadness or pity they had before…"He loves you."…

…

…

I really couldn't move.

…

Did he really just say that?

He did.

But he didn't even pause, or look away from me.

…

And yet… why was it that when Iruka-sensei said it… it actually felt real…?

This whole time it was always so difficult to _believe_ that this was happening… It was always so difficult to put everything in perspective; it had always been so hard to convince myself that Kakashi-sensei could ever_ love_ me…

But when Iruka said it… I knew he wasn't lying… he really wasn't just trying to cheer me up.

He knew it was true.

And when he said it… it felt real and honest…

The knot in my stomach suddenly loosened completely.

I could almost feel a smile threaten my lips…. But I still couldn't really move.

I was still only looking up to Iruka-sensei's face, space-eyed.

"So-sorry… I know that that was probably inappropriate…" I suddenly felt his hand snatch away from my shoulder. He was back to apologizing with that polite nervousness again.

I guess he must've taken my space-gaze wrong.

I felt that smile on my lips now.

I couldn't help myself as I threw my arms around him.

He made a sound of surprise and stood still for an awkward second before I felt him hug back warmly… He smelled like chalk and books.

I didn't know why… but I really felt grateful to him.

Even if we had just had a roller-coaster conversation… but just by saying those last few sentences… he really helped me…

Even if he seemed to still be a little cautious about Kakashi and me, he still believed in our feelings for each other, and wanted to help us…

Iruka-sensei was definitely a more complex person than I thought he was…

It really surprised me…but I felt like I understood him a little better now…

…

"So he talks about me?" I asked up to him jokingly, feeling so much better now.

He laughed.

The way his laughter rumbled in his chest was different than the way Kakashi-sensei's laugh sounded… it wasn't bad, but now I really wanted to feel Kakashi's laughter…

………......

"You're a little late, Sakura…" My mom was practically waiting at the door.

"Sorry… Kakashi-sensei had some of the other Jounins over, so I couldn't really start treating him till a little later…" I lied, feeling completely rotten about it.

But I really couldn't say the truth…

'_Sorry… Kakashi-sensei had friends over, so we waited till they were gone, kissed and 'played' for several minutes before he would let me treat him… and then I had to go meet with Iruka-sensei, alone, at the empty Academy for a secret conversation about my teacher/lover's ex-girlfriend….'_

If I had said that… I would've ruined my life at that very second... that's if my mom didn't just start laughing at the unbelievable 'joke' my life has turned into…

…

… I really didn't want to imagine the amount of karma that would come back to get me for lying to my parents and friends so many times…

…

"Okay… but I'll have a talk with Kakashi-san about that…" She threatened casually as she went up the stairs, leaving me a little dumbfounded.

…

Knowing my mom… she would actually track down Kakashi-sensei and ask him about this…

I let out a sigh.

_Now Kakashi is going to have to lie to my parents for me._

I kicked off my shoes by the door and trudged upstairs to my room.

As soon as I walked into the door I was already squirming out of my clothes, shedding them as quickly as I wanted to shed the guilt of all these lies and secrets… as well as the guilt over being so happy about one of those secrets…

Down to my underwear, I hurriedly grabbed my pajama pants, practically hopping into them…

My brain ran through my schedule for tomorrow again…

I was going to go meet Kakashi-sensei at the river… I just have to help him train as best as I can, be there in case his wounds open again… and… be there with him.

I paced through my room, feeling a little edgy.

I had been looking forward to seeing him again, and I still was… but now I was a little nervous…

Could I really act like I didn't know why he was acting a little strange about this mission?

… Should I just tell him that I knew?  
… Maybe if I said that I just overhead it on the street or something?  
… Would he get upset?  
… I really don't think I can handle keeping this from him.  
… I'm lying to everybody _for_ him… I don't want to lie _to_ him…  
_Tap tap…_

I was about on my fifth pace through my room when I heard that familiar sound that always sent my heart racing.

I quickly turned to the door, my hair whipping the sides of my face

There he was… as if thinking about him this much just delivered him to me.

His back was to the window, but I saw that he still had his casual black pants on, and the loose T-shirt… I wondered if he put a mask on or not.

But I couldn't really think about clothes as I walked over to the door, sliding it open.

It was really cold outside for some reason.

He turned to look at me.

His mask loose around his neck.

After only a moment of looking at me, I swear I could see him smirk a little… but it was too dark to see when the moonlight was hitting his back now.

He immediately leaned down to me.

I was about to reach up to him, to wrap my arms around his neck, anticipating a kiss… even if I was really nervous about seeing him again, it didn't distract me from this need to touch him.

But things didn't go as planned when his hands stopped mine from reaching him. His fingertips holding onto my wrists gently.

"You'll catch a cold if you stay like that…" He said warmly, his face only inches from mine.

_Huh?_

His eyes only lingered down for a moment before he looked away quickly.

I looked down, too.

…

. . .

…

I definitely couldn't catch a cold when my face suddenly felt like it was burning.

This whole time I hadn't even bothered to put my shirt on.

And here I was, in my bra... acting like an idiot.

"Oh…" I said quietly as I ran back inside and grab my shirt harshly, pulling it over my head as fast as I could.

… I knew I shouldn't be that embarrassed.

He didn't seem to be very bothered by it. (which was actually a little insulting for some reason)

… and he _has _seen me without my shirt on before… (but that was before we were even together, so I guess it doesn't count)…

But, it was the fact _he_ had to point it out, that was so embarrassing.

You'd think that as a kunoichi I could notice when I had a shirt on or not!

…

So many thoughts ran through my head within the few seconds it took to get my shirt on.

And just as soon as I tugged it all the way down, I felt his hand curl around my waist, sliding across my front slowly.

I felt his chest press against my back.

His face leaned against my hair.

The embarrassment was diluted by the wonderfully hypnotic feeling his touch always gave me.

"I just wanted to do this again…" He answered my unasked question of why he suddenly decided to show up.

… I noticed that he didn't say anything about what he just saw, didn't even laugh…

Kakashi-sensei could be immature at times… but this was proof that he was still a tactful adult, under all that juvenile charm.

I was once again grateful to have a man like him love me…

I took in a deep, relaxing breath…

"I wanted to, too."I breathed the words out, the tension leaving my body with them.

We just stood there for a minute or two.

His other arm curled around my waist.

I felt him breathe against me… slowly…

We watched our moonlit shadow on my bedroom floor, it swayed as we did every now and then.

Even though I couldn't see his face right now… I could almost feel the happiness coming off of him…

It was so comfortable…

I heard some movement in the lower part of the house.

My mom must've gone back downstairs for some reason.

I suddenly was a little worried about her… and what she would do if she came through that door right now…

… I guess she'd be able to talk to 'Kakashi-san' then…

I joked to myself, still not feeing all that better about lying to her.

… Then my mind crossed the idea of my father opening that door.

I was distracted by my scary 'what if' thought when his arms uncrossed from around me. His hands found my shoulders.

He didn't have to turn me around, I was already ahead of him, but his lips still found mine first… he was a little impatient…

My stomach jumped a little… it still felt amazing every time we kissed.

My hands found his on my shoulders, holding onto his fingers…

He broke away before either of us could get as serious as I knew we both wanted to get.

But I still wanted more….

"Tomorrow, by the river… at nine…" He reminded me unnecessarily.

I didn't mind… I loved his voice when it was quiet and gentle like that…

"Of course…" I responded obediently…and yet, I decided to have some fun with him…" but…" I added that little word vaguely.

… Today had been such a weird day…

I really just wanted a moment to enjoy this without thinking about anything other than his hands, lips, voice, smile, anything other than him.

And it had somehow become a strange relationship quirk for us to tease each other like this… but he was better at it, of course…

"'But'?..." He asked seriously, his hands sliding onto my back, pulling me against him...

I smiled a little smugly to myself…

"But, maybe you should rest… You really weren't supposed to leave bed till tomorrow morning…You can't overdo yourself, since you can reverse the treatment if you're not careful…." I lectured like a professional medic-nin.

I normally would never be able to lecture Kakashi-sensei… but seeing as I was his personal medic-nin right now, I did have a sort of power over him… I wondered if he knew I was taking advantage over that.

"Ah, I see…" He answered as if I was as professional a medic-nin as my words would lead others to believe. I almost thought that he was actually taking me seriously…. But that was before I heard him answer back with that warm voice that he always used when he would tease back.

"Well, if I have to rest…" He trailed off as he started walking backwards, his arms holding me as tightly as before, making me follow him.

I was all too aware of the direction he was going.

I was even more aware of it when he suddenly stopped.

My heart started beating faster.

"Kakashi…" I called his name as his hands loosened and found my arms again.

"I'm not supposed to leave bed till tomorrow morning, right?"He shot back my words warmly, but now they had a very different meaning.

He was the one having fun now…

Every time I joked around with him like this, he always managed to find a way to beat any verbal comeback… thinking back on it, I could remember him talking about this before… the night at the Main Hall:

'_You should know by now that every time you challenge me like that… I'll always get a little too serious about it"_

…

_Maybe I should listen to those warnings he gives me more often…_

…

Even though I thought that… there was a part of me that was glad that I decided to 'challenge' him just now…

The next thing I knew, I had to duck down a little to kiss him… he was sitting on the edge of my bed.

His hands on my shoulders tightened, pulling me closer.

My arms fell onto his shoulders, my hands immediately finding the back of his head. My fingers ran through his hair a little eagerly.

When I was younger… I always thought that his hair would feel coarse, that it had to be really tough to stand up like that… I didn't find out until recently that his hair was actually really soft.

I also remembered when I was thirteen or fourteen, I wondered, once, if Kakashi-sensei's hands were hard with calluses….

I was distracted from those memories when I felt those, only slightly battle-roughened, hands drop from my shoulders.

They slid down my spine, stopping just below the small of my back.

I definitely didn't know when I was younger that I'd find out his hands were actually gentle and attentive, by feeling them slide along my body like this…

I couldn't control a shiver as his fingers followed up and down my spine again…

He pulled me closer in response… I was standing in between his knees now.

It was really new to kiss him like this… I was always used to being the one who had to reach up to him.

His kiss suddenly got deeper… more serious.

But I couldn't pay attention to that when he took one hand away from my back and started scooting himself back from the edge of the bed. He was pulling me with him.

I found myself following his lead, not wanting to break this kiss….

He scooted back all the way, until his back was against the wall, I lifted my knee onto the mattress. My hands fell onto my bedspread as I had to lean even farther onto the bed to reach him.

Despite my efforts, I stumbled a little, and I had to break away from him as I climbed onto the bed…

Both of his hands slid from my back, down to my waist, pulling me onto his lap swiftly.

Just when I had gotten used to the idea of getting onto the bed, I was suddenly hit with another moment of surprise when I noticed that my legs were on either side of his. If he pulled me any closer, I'd be straddling him.

And as if he was following my imagination in that moment, his hands pulled my waist, making me inch even farther onto his lap.

Before I could even react, he tugged me down for another kiss.

Even now I had to kiss down to him, I didn't really want to lower myself all the way down on his lap… I was still trying to get used to this…

My heart was stuttering with uncertainty, my stomach was burning excitedly, my hands felt a little shaky when they found his shoulders.

I closed my eyes when his hands slid up my back swiftly, making me arch my back a little to follow his upward touch. Just before his hands reached the back of my neck, the slid down to the small of my back again.

He leaned up to me, I felt his lips on mine… this kiss was a lot more intense now… I was a little surprised when I actually leaned closer for more…

But my eyes flashed open when I felt his hands push the fabric of my shirt up a few inches, his fingertips pressing against my skin.

…

His hands really were a lot softer than I thought they would be when I was younger…

…

I shuddered against him.

He finally broke the kiss.

I didn't know I had to gasp for air until he did.

"Shouldn't overdo it, right?" He whispered into my ear gently. His hands rubbing along my back like he was trying to sooth my lungs into a regular pace, even though the fact he was still touching me and the fact that I was still straddling him, wasn't really helping my breathing.

Besides, _he_ was the patient here… _I_ shouldn't be the one who has to rest… but right now… I was so tired…

His hands slid off of my back, but didn't leave me for too long.

I felt his fingers trail passed both my cheeks before he pulled me down for another kiss. Really soft.

Then, before I could realize exactly what he was doing, he was lifting me off of his lap, as he moved out from under me.

I was slightly surprised when he laid me down… but as soon as my head landed on the pillow, I literally felt like I could fall asleep at any moment.

But I definitely couldn't when I was almost afraid he was about leave.

I was going to get up and say something to make him stay… I didn't have to.

I felt the mattress sink a little as his face suddenly came into my vision, his head resting on my pillow.

I knew for a fact this bed was small, and even my feet would hang off the end sometimes… and for a man as tall as he was, it must've not be comfortable.

But he still wanted to be here.

I felt his hand land on my side scooting me closer to him a few inches. I helped.

Then after a moment, my sleepy brain finally realized what exactly this situation was.

Kakashi-sensei was laying next to me.

His eyes travelling my face, as mine were his…

It was such a strange thought… looking at this from the perspective of my younger self… it was almost like a dream…

Kakashi-sensei was actually in my bed…

The man who I had known for about four years… was now sharing this bed with me, his hand brushing through my hair gently…

He leaned over to me, his lips landing on mine…

Somehow he knew that I wanted him to do that…

A year ago, I would have never believed anyone if they told me that Kakashi-sensei would ever be in my _room,_ let alone _bed_… especially with me in it, too.

Then again, that's really a given… since I wouldn't have believed anyone who told me that I'd ever kiss Kakashi-sensei like this… which I was doing right now… so the unbelievable really is possible.

His lips left mine…

I looked back to his face, loving his smile so much… but it was getting harder to open my eyes every time I blinked…

I cursed myself for being so sleepy…

This was such a perfect moment… I didn't want to miss any of it…

His hand started brushing through my hair again... making me even sleepier… I wanted to stop him, to get up and stay awake, but his voice stopped me…

"I'll stay till you fall asleep."

His voice was so quiet… and soft… I really couldn't focus on anything else to keep me awake.

"You really shouldn't." Reason used my voice when I wasn't paying attention…

At that his hand curled around my back, pulling me even closer that before… when he started talking again, when my forehead was against his chest… I realized how much I missed listening to his voice this way…

"I'm here now… I don't want to leave and waste some of the only time we can get together…" He said quietly down to me.

My hands found the fabric of his shirt, I felt like I needed to hold him closer, but I was too tired.

Those words worked better than any lullaby or any ocean waves could have… the way his words made me feel so… happy, safe, warm, loved…

"… thank you…"

I didn't know what else to say… I fell asleep without noticing…

**…………………………………………………………………………..**

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**The next chapter will be out pretty soon, promise! :D**


	34. Levels and Lies

**Chapter 34!**

**Title: **_"Levels and Lies"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!**

**Note****: Hope you enjoy, ****Kumi Sadinkal****! :D**

**……………………………………………………………..**

I rolled over, my arms spreading across the mattress sleepily.

It was so nice, being on the brink of sleep, the morning light pouring into the room, the local birds calling to each other outside… My arms curled under and around my pillow, tiredly gripping onto it, nuzzling my face deeper into the pillowcase.

I didn't know why, but I was in a really good mood.

I felt like everything was absolutely right in the world…

I took a deep breath, about ready to close my eyes and fall back to sleep… when I noticed something.

Forests and rivers…

"Kakashi?" I asked the air as I immediately sat up, looking around my room.

No one replied…

… He wasn't here.

I looked back to my pillow…

In a sleepy second of delirium I thought that he was here, but it was only his scent.

I immediately remembered last night…

… That had been new… not only what we did, but the way he showed up without any other reason than to see me… without planning it ahead of time….

I flopped onto the mattress, my head landing on the pillow.

I slowly rolled over to my side.

I stared at the wooden floor of my room, watching the bits of dust mites float through the sunlight.

It was really peaceful, and my eyes stung for more sleep, but I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep now.

… My mind was completely on him, and couldn't be bothered with dreams now, not when reality was already more perfectly bizarre than I could possibly dream…

I gripped the pillow a little closer to me, trying to trick my arms into thinking it was him… but of course it didn't feel anything like him. He was warmer, firmer, and had a hypnotic heartbeat that no mushy pillow could replace.

I suddenly missed him even more…

It was such a curious feeling, missing someone so much even though I had fallen asleep next to him, and havig only been conscious of being alone for a few minutes.

My heart felt like it was being weakly tugged at from different angles every time I thought about him and the way his hands felt last night… how much I wished they were still on me.

I wanted to see his smile again.

I wanted to see mismatched his eyes again.

I wanted to feel his lips again.

I felt so restless now… I really wanted to see him.

...

_Jeez… what's gotten into me?…_

I had always wanted more time with Kakashi-sensei… but I felt so much more urgent about it right now… like I didn't want him ever out of my sight, or out of my reach.

I was about to ignore that weird realization until that sentence popped up in my mind, as if I was subconsciously trying to tell myself something.

"_Don't let him forget…"_

… Maybe it was because of what he said… maybe I was trying t make sure he doesn't forget me...

_No… _

I quickly sat up in bed, running my fingers through my hair, combing it out a little, but I was mostly trying to comb my mind.

_I want to see him because I want to… no other reason!..._ I told myself.

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUZ!

I nearly jumped clear out of bed when Warble started droning off-key with his annoying little voice.

A little upset at myself for getting so worked up over my own alarm, and upset over being interrupted from my thought process, my fist landed directly on Warble's head… or what would be his head if he wasn't just a rectangle.

By a happy coincidence my knuckle landed on the right button and he finally shut up.

Finally paying less attention to the interruption and to the little glowing numbers on my overly-abused alarm clock, I was a little shocked.

'8:45'

Why was it set for 8:45?

I hadn't set it...

I haven't had to set it since Kakashi-sensei left the hospital.

Then in a rush of realization that came to me when I thought of his name, I remembered…

"_Tomorrow, by the river… at nine…"_

…

He set the alarm…

…

I laughed to myself, suddenly happy that he did that… he left something behind, it made everything seem so real suddenly…

…

He was always planning things when I didn't even think he was…

_I want to see him even more now…_

_..._

… _I have to calm down…_

…_I'll get to see him at nine._

…

Wait…

Nine… in 15 minutes!

I flung the sheets (that I never remembered climbing into… did he do that too?) off of my lap, my feet landed on the floor with a thud that I knew would probably wake my parents up.

But I really didn't want to be late.

I cursed my slow-moving brain for not realizing that I only had such little time, (now 13 minutes), left before I'd be late!

I hurriedly started changing, frantically tossing clothes on the floor without caring.

**……………………………………………………………………………….**

The grass rustled a little noisily under his sandals.

He didn't pay it any mind, he wasn't trying to be stealthy right now… he especially couldn't even focus on training when his mind kept going over last night.

It was so impulsive, irresponsible, definitely not what he should have done, but, more importantly, it was… dangerous.

He was so sure he had better control over himself… that he could control these thoughts, these desires… but last night… he slipped up and went to see her, needing to touch her, even though he was going to see her about twelve hours later anyways…

He really couldn't make himself wait…

And when he _did_ touch her… those desires only got so much more worse.

Thinking back on it now, he had to stop in his tracks, temporarily forgetting his route to the riverside. He held a hand up to his masked face, rubbing his palm over his eyes, a little bothered…

…

He remembered when the same palm was running along her back… her skin.

…

The way she reacted to the way he touched her.

He was only barely touching her, but she was so… responsive…

He really wasn't used to dealing with such sensitivity… he felt like he always had to check everything he was doing, making sure it wasn't too much…

…

Even though they were only together for a few minutes last night… she…

She was shaking, but she followed his touch, visibly wanting more…. And yet he knew too well that she really didn't want more.

He sighed deeply, dropping his hand from his face… looking down at the foliage around his feet.

It was a lot of work being in a relationship like this… one that required just enough distance, and trust… one that required a lot of self-control and understanding.

…

And throughout his life he's always had issues with _all_ of those things!

…

… But he knew he could do it if it was for her…

They've come this far, right?…

…

And this was a good place, where they were now… nothing too serious, or scary… a place where she could slowly become more comfortable…

...

He would never forgive himself if he ever hurt her because he was too selfish…

So, he would stay like this however long she needed…

He silently promised that to himself as he started on his route to the riverside again… feeling a bit less bothered.

…

Despite his recent thoughts and desires… he knew he could wait… becuase he was already this happy just being with her…

Even if he couldn't touch her, he knew he would be happy with just the way she looked at him… her smile.

He chuckled to himself, remembering their conversation yesterday.

Her reaction to his story.

He loved her smile when it was that bright, that honest… he couldn't get enough of it.

…

Somehow, he found his mood greatly lifted with those last thoughts.

The river was in sight through the trees, the sound of the water was soothing.

The worries, the guilt, seem to have washed away when he wasn't paying attention…

**…………………………………………………………………………........................................................……………….**

"Ha… ha… ha…." I was panting, leaning onto my knees.

I ran the whole way here.

The water crashed against the rocky side of the river, drowning out my breathing.

I must've been getting out of shape… I hadn't trained in several days.

I didn't even get to do morning exercises today, I was in such a hurry.

Well, today was about Kakashi-sensei's therapy, not my training, so I didn't have to worry about that…

I was worried about something, though.

I checked my watch.

'9:07'

_Jeez, I was _still_ late!!_

I stood up straight, picking up my pace as I followed the riverbed.

I looked around, feeling a little rushed.

The sooner I found him, the better.

I hoped he would overlook my lateness.

But I couldn't really think about that when I suddenly realized that he really wasn't here.

From this point I could see at least a mile along the river both ways… this was the usual training spot for shinobi… it was where the river was the calmest.

I checked around again.... this was definitely the meeting point....

Maybe he was late, too.

Maybe if I tracked, and found him I could actually lecture _him_ about being late.

I smiled a little mischievously at the thought, just before I picked up my feet to started running into the forest.

But something wasn't right.

My feet picked up, but only landed back onto the same spot clumsily, I felt something around my stomach, and everything suddenly went dark.

"You're late." My favorite voice said with a playful scold into my ear.

His arm was curled around me, his hand covering my eyes.

It was really just like him to suddenly appear without a single sound or give-away.

"Sorry…" I apologized with a smile.

My hands reached up to the hand over my eyes.

My fingers curled around his loosely… but I definitely wasn't going to pry his hands off of me… I just wanted to feel him again.

"You also need to work on your detecting skills." He said with that same stern tone he actually used to use with our team when we were slacking or fighting…. I suddenly wondered if he had ever been seriously upset with us…. or if Kakashi-sensei was just a good actor. "It was really too easy sneaking up on you… just like always." I could almost hear the smirk on his lips.

"Hey, don't say it like tha-!" I ordered, playfully upset.

He cut me off.

"It was okay that I could do this when you were younger, but now you need to start learning how to more efficiently detect enemies." His voice was almost whispering into my ear. He already broke out of his serious, teacher voice… he sounded warmer.

I was immediately reminded of last night… I felt a little restless again…

But his words distracted me from whatever that feeling was.

"If you did _this_ when I was younger, it definitely_ wouldn't_ have been 'okay'…" I pointed out a different 'this' a little cheekily, as one of my hands grazed along the arm he had curled around my lower waist, my fingers finding his, which were resting on my hip.

I knew he meant sneaking up on me, but he never used to sneak up on me like _this_ when I was younger.

He didn't say anything. I only heard his laughter in my ear, his chest shaking behind me.

It was always rare to hear Kakashi-sensei laugh when I was his student… but now I've heard it so many times… I never got tired of it.

He ended his laughing with a deep breath; I felt his chest against my back.

It was really nice how I could feel more details of him when he was covering my eyes like this.

"Anyways, today's about your therapy, not my training." I reiterated my previous thoughts, breaking this little moment, already feeling bad about it when his hands left me.

He walked around to face me.

I was a little surprised when I saw he had his mask on.

… but I guess he was just being responsible… anybody could be wandering through these forests during the day.

I wondered, for a moment… what his face looked like in the sunlight… We were usually only together at night.

"This is my 'training', too." He spoke up. I felt a little lost… what were we talking about?

"Eh?" I sounded my confusion before I planned to. "Training?" I asked using a real word…

Kakashi-sensei still 'trained'?…

He looked down at me, smiling through the dark blue fabric, "I may be older, but even I need to keep training…"

I gave him a questioning look.

"Every shinobi continuously tries to push the limit of their power throughout their lives…" he walked towards the trees a little, lost in what he was saying. "A true shinobi is never happy with their current level… " He said those words like his mind was in a far off place. "… Well, at least that's what an old teacher of mine taught me…"

… _the Yondaime…_

I suddenly remembered the picture of a young, scowling Kakashi, his team leader leaning casually in the background.

"Buts that's enough of that… let's start with chakra control." He announced with a light tone.

He turned back to me like he didn't just say something that was actually really… meaningful.

I was still thinking those words over.

He walked right passed me, onto the river not even taking a few seconds to collect chakra, and was already doing push-ups by the time I turned around.

I really didn't think I needed to be here…

_But I guess I can enjoy the show._

I smiled as I sat down at a nearby boulder, looking forward to spending most of the day with him…

….

……………

….

It was actually really surreal, watching Kakashi-sensei train.

He covered so many areas in a really short time.

The whole time I was only standing close by, doing my job… making sure he didn't overexert himself.

But judging from his performance, he was practically back to normal…

He was doing everything just as incredibly as usual…

Chakra control, chakra precision, shuriken throw, kunai aim, he even practiced the chidori twice.

Seeing that technique still brought back bad memories…

…but I noticed something…

Kakashi-sensei handled it differently than Sasuke.

Sasuke had always been so full of rage… hatred… when he used it, but Kakashi seemed so… calm.

Almost like he didn't want to use it…

Thinking back, I couldn't really remember him resorting to it in battle more than a few times… My mind flashed back to our very first B-level mission… how that Haku boy died…

I was distracted from that when he turned back to me, and away from the pile of splinters that used to be a tree, as well as the boulder that got the first hit. You could see right through it.

He didn't even seem that tired.

He smiled through his mask when our eyes met.

Even when he was recovering from injuries, he was still of the best shinobi in Konoha…

"That should do it for the ninjutsu training…" He spoke up as he took a few steps towards me.

"So, you're done?"I asked, leaning away from the tree I had been resting on, walking to him, too.

"Not quite."He suddenly stopped in his tracks, crouching a little… like he was getting into a battle stance. "I still have to check my taijutsu level." He had completely adopted his usual stance.

I stopped in my tracks, too.

I really hoped he wasn't thinking what I thought he was thinking.

"You're going to train with a tree right?" I asked, already planting my feet in the ground, steadying myself.

"That would be pointless." He summarized vaguely, his voice sounding a little mischievous, his foot inching forward an inch or two.

I suddenly felt my sense of competition grow.

"What happens if I win?" If we were going to do this, I needed something in mind for motivation.

Even from this distance I saw the smile underneath that mask widen.

"You'd be better not to challenge me." He inched closer, using a warmer voice.

I already knew _that_ too well… but I couldn't help it… this conversation was getting fun.

"Challenges always make things more interesting." I tried to match his tone, and not give away the fact that it was actually a little intimidating to talk to him like this.

I heard him chuckle.

"Fine… if you win, you can have whatever you want… but if I win, I get whatever I want…"He summed up the prizes rather vaguely.

I immediately wanted to know what he would want, as I also thought about what I wanted.

Even though I originally just wanted to walk up and kiss him just now… I'd actually have to have a fist-fight with him before I could do any of that…

There was something definitely strange about this…

"You can't take that back if I win…" I warned him, inching forward, strengthening my stance.

"That's if you can keep up." His voice sounded like it came from the spot where he had been standing… but he was suddenly gone.

I wasn't surprised.

Old trick.

I turned around just in time to raise my arms, blocking his shin from hitting me.

I threw his leg down, hoping to throw him off balance, but he brought around his fist when I wasn't looking.

I managed to duck out the way and jump a few feet back as he found his balance again, crouching towards the ground.

He really wasn't going easy on me was he?

He had always pulled back his hits before… but now he seemed to think I could handle it…

Somehow that made me happy…

He wasn't treating me like a little kid anymore.

I took a few breaths, trying to think of what to do next.

… If he wasn't going to hold back, I wasn't either…

I took off, zigzagging towards him so that he wouldn't be able to follow my movements.

And like a second nature, I collected a heavy amount of chakra in my fist.

I lunged forward, but he only dodged. I tried again, but he dodged that one too.

II tried again and again, but he only dodged... just like he did during our team exam...

He knew what I was up to.

I decided to change it up.

I ducked to the ground, the chakra flowing to my leg as I swung it towards his feet.

I barely grazed his sandal before he jumped up into a tree.

I felt a grin spread on my face as I looked up at him. This was actually really fun!

"You keep dodging!" I shouted up at him. It was always unsatisfying when you went to hit someone, expecting to feel the impact, when you only meet air... but a littlepart of me was happy I didn't hit him, of course.

"I can't let you hit me when you have all that chakra attached to your fist." He said calmly as he jumped to another tree, and out of sight.

"You want me to go easier on you?!" I called after him, almost laughing.

He didn't answer… but I knew he wouldn't want me to.

He was probably already planning something.

I walked further into the wide clearing, checking over my shoulders, behind my back, up in the air…

He really wasn't coming back out…

I couldn't see him anywhere…

…

… _Don't tell me…_

He always loved using this one.

I still couldn't figure out how he did it… but it was definitely troublesome.

I looked towards the ground.

"Old tricks again, Kakashi-sensei?" I called towards the earth.

Of course, no answer…

I raised my fist, collecting chakra again

I aimed for the ground in front of my feet.

After this, he should be disoriented for a few seconds… that's when I'll-

But I couldn't finish my plan.

Something stopped my hand before it hit the ground.

An arm wrapped around me like a vice.

"Don't jump to conclusions…" He whispered directly in my ear… making me forget the chakra in my arm.

Shocked, I stopped moving for a few seconds.

"Hey!" I tried to turn around to face him, but he was holding me too tightly.

"And you still have to work on detecting enemies…" He added playfully. His arm started to slowly unwinding from around me, his hand grazing across my lower waist even slower.

That definitely wasn't necessary.

I couldn't move when he was touching me like that.

"What's wrong?" I felt his masked lips against my ear. He didn't sound at all concerned.

_Woah...._

I pulled myself away from his arms.

His voice just now… it gave me goosebumps… and that really bugged me.

I was suppossed to be serious right now!

"I was just surprised…" I snorted back at him, rubbing my arm a little, hoping the bumps would go away before his Sharingan caught sight of them…

"Of course…" He agreed a little too willingly, sounding sarcastic.

He took a few steps towards me… I only took one backwards.

I definitely wasn't as focused as before.

"Distractions in the battlefield are very frequent…" He came even closer, wearing his 'perfectly innocent' face. "You shouldn't only learn how to deal with them…"

I suddenly felt familiar fingers curl around my chin from behind.

It took me a second to realize that he had used his infamous speed to sneak behind me again.

"… but how to cause them."

His thumb passed over my lips as he titled my head towards his.

Something clicked when he said that last part.

"Since when did this go from you training, to you teaching?" I asked up haughtily.

"... Teaching's my job, after all…" He said it in a really suggestive way.

That was definitely new… he would never say something like that seriously…

This was still just a game to him.

He was so sure he was going to win!

The competitive edge from yesterday suddenly came back.

His hand was still titling my face towards his.

I turned around completely, facing him.

I let my expression soften.

I lifted my hand to his side. After a moment, my hand crawled under the thin fabric of his blue shirt.

I immediately felt his muscles tense up underneath my hand.

When I looked up at his eyes, he really didn't look serious, or innocent, anymore.

He had that expression I loved seeing so much… the one he always had when I touched him.

I slid my fingers across to his abs, feeling upward and around slowly.

I let my hand press even harder against his skin when I saw him flinch a little.

… His chest was always sensitive…

I started leaning in closer to him, too.

He seemed to really believe me.

He wasn't paying attention to my other hand.

Maybe I got this 'distraction' thing down?

With one, chakra-induced, flick he fell back a few feet away from me.

I almost felt bad for a second…

…until he landed on the ground with a poof.

…

It was a replication!

I immediately spun around, expecting an attack from behind.

He wasn't there.

Just as I thought that maybe he was waiting in trees or would attack from the side, I immediately felt something tug on my ankle.

"Doton, Shinjū Zanshu no Jutsu!"

"Damn it!" I shouted as I felt that tugging on my foot suddenly get stronger.

But it was too late, I couldn't move my arms or legs, and only my head was above ground.

And now his ankles were eye-level.

It took me a second to catch my breath... being pulled into the ground like that was more than a litle disorienting.

"Hey!" I finally yelled at him as he stood there, laughing quietly. "That was ninjutsu!" I argued as he knelt down to face me.

"This was supposed to be a strict taijutsu match…" I argued further, trying to win some sort of pride back… but it was hard when I was in this position.

He only chuckled a little more, looking down at me a little condescendingly.

I was already vowing some sort of revenge…

"Yes, yes…" He waved a hand as he closed his eyes for a second, agreeing calmly. "I bent the rules a little."

He understated with a polite tone as he performed another hand seal.

"A little?" I mumbled to myself right before his hands punched through the earth, both of them finding my waist.

It was a really strange sensation…. Being quickly buried and dug out like that.

As soon as my feet were on the ground instead of _in _it, I went a little wobbly-legged and cold.

I patted my clothes free from dirt clots and dust hastily.

I felt really grungy and whiplashed.

But I got over it as soon as I looked up at him again.

His mask was down.

"What you did wasn't exactly taijutsu, either…" He commented on what I did to that replication playfully as his hands combed through my hair. He pulled me closer. His fingers stopped as they reached the back of my head.

He pulled my face towards him quickly.

This was a little sudden.

I was still trying to get over my first experience with being on the bad side of an earth style jutsu...

But I guess he was looking forward to the end of his training as much as I was.

Now that the 'match' was over, I could finally kiss him without it being anything but a kiss.

I decided to let his comment, and even his cheating-jutsu, slide when our lips met.

I really couldn't think about anything else.

His fingers searched further into my hair, deepening the kiss…

I lifted my arms to rest on either side of his neck.

I pulled him closer to me too.

Kissing him now felt a little different than usual… maybe it was the way his lips were moving faster than normal, maybe it was the way his large hands were sliding down the front of my shoulders to my waist, or maybe it was the fact he was pulling himself closer than usual…. But whatever it was… it felt nice.

After only a moment, he took a step forward.

I took one backward.

He took another.

I took another.

Wherever he was going, I trusted him.

I suddenly felt the rough surface of tree bark against my back.

He stopped walking, and now I could focus more on the kiss, which was moving even faster.

I felt his tongue graze along my lips.

...

I opened my eyes for a moment, his were closed… but he almost looked pained.

… I really couldn't figure out why he would make that face….

But instead of just letting him kiss me like that, I wanted to do something, too…

I worked up my courage for a few seconds…

I brushed my tongue against his first.

It was so strange that it felt so good.

I could tell from the way he hesitated for only a moment, that he hadn't been expecting that.

But when he started kissing me again, it was even deeper than before.

His hands on my waist pressed me against the tree a bit harder.

His chest was pressing against mine every time I took a breath.

I felt his fingers slide up and down my sides, like he was trying to feel me through the fabric of my shirt.

Everything was getting so warm.

But everything got even warmer when I felt his knee push up between mine a little.

It was such a small gesture… but combined with the way his tongue was moving against mine, how his fingers gliding up to my shoulders, it all made me feel weak.

That's when he suddenly pulled away.

His right hand left my shoulder as he suddenly pulled his mask up.

"Don't move." He whispered seriously, his left hand on my shoulder pinning me against the tree.

He wasn't looking at me, he started scanning the forest behind my tree.

I suddenly heard rustling.

Somebody was coming… and I wouldn't have been able to tell till just now…

… I really did have to brush up on my detection skills.

But I couldn't think about that when I suddenly saw Kakashi-sensei's face soften into a relieved expression.

He wasn't serious anymore… he looked confident again… almost mischievous…

What exactly was going on?

"Kakashi-san…" I heard a voice that I barely recognized. "I was sent by Lady Tsunade to check up on your progress…"

Now I remembered that voice… I only met him once before, but I knew he was one of those desk-ninjas, well, that's what we called the ninjas who only had basic training, but did important, government paperwork instead of fieldwork.

That still didn't explain why Kakashi seemed a little relieved… or playful….

As if answering my question, I suddenly felt his hand on my shoulder loosen a bit… his fingers didn't leave me.

"Tell Lady Tsunade that she doesn't have to worry about anything… I'll be back at 100% soon…" I noticed Kakashi-sensei's little lie… he was probably already at 100%...

I heard the desk-nin speak up again, "That wasn't the only thing I was sent to say…" The desk-ninja's words suddenly drowned out when I felt Kakashi's fingers trailed along my collarbone, and then up my collar… his fingertips closing around my zipper.

_This_ was why he had that look on his face!

The desk-nin, un-trained and with weak observation skills, wouldn't be able to tell that Kakashi-sensei was now unzipping his subordinate's shirt on the other side of this tree.

He pulled the zipper down farther and farther.

My heart was beating fast… the thumps were reverberating into my throat.

I saw him glance at me from the corner of his eye for a moment. The look he gave me was a little strange… not so playful, but more like he was checking on me…

… But what was stranger was the fact that I wasn't trying to stop him.

Sure, this was really embarrassing… but I… I hadn't even thought about stopping him till the zipper was already passed my breastbone.

Even then… my heart was beating faster, and I could feel my face flush with red, but I didn't stop him.

The zipper passed over my chest smoothly.

_Why didn't I want to stop him?_

It slid down a few more inches, reaching my stomach.

I was already expecting him to unzip my whole shirt… but he suddenly stopped.

Reality came rushing back when his hand suddenly left me altogether.

"… the debriefing meeting for your teammates will be tomorrow morning. But Lady Tsunade has requested to see you know about the recent activity in the enemy's region. If you could shed some more light on the abilities of Asaka."

My heart jumped when I heard that name. The desk-nin continued.

"You must have some useful knowledge about her abilties since you were the only one that survi-"

"Okay. I'll meet with Tsunade immediately." Kakashi cut off the monotonous desk-ninja rather harshly. Whatever he was about to say, Kakashi really didn't want him to say it.

"Understood." The desk-nin answered back a little quietly, apparently affected by Kakashi's snap.

I heard the rustling fade away.

I looked back up to him… he was busy glaring at the ground.

"Kakash-"

"The mission's been pushed forward… We're leaving in the morning." His voice was a little scary.

"What?" I took a step toward him.

He only seemed to notice I said anything when my hand landed on his arm.

"A scout spotted some new activity at the enemy's hideout… If it is them, then we can't let them sit still for too long, or they might start planning something." Kakashi explained further.

He finally looked over to me. His expression softened immediately.

I felt a little better… but still a little shaken by that name… by what that desk-nin was about to say.

'_only one to survi-'?... survive what?_

I was interrupted by that question when I felt his fingers close around my zipper again.

He zipped it upward slowly, smiling a little wistfully as he did.

He really wasn't himself right now.

As his hand reached the collar of my shirt, I grabbed it in mine.

He squeezed my fingers back softly.

"I have to go now." He said quietly.

Already, in only two minutes, the day had already taken a turn from being one of the best ones I've had in a while… to possibly one of the worst.

I tugged his hand down, making him crouch over. I lifted one of my hands to his mask, pulled it down to his chin.

Our lips met for only a moment.

I pulled his mask back up.

His smile seemed a bit more genuine this time.

"I'll see you again, tonight… as soon as the meetings over…" He said suddenly, pulling me into his chest… the way his hands closed around my back…

It felt like he really needed to hold me.

"Like last night?" I asked quietly, clutching onto his back.

I felt him nod above me.

…

"Bye…" I said, even quieter as his arms left me.

"Tonight…" He reminded me as he suddenly disappeared into the forest, following the route to central Konoha… I took the way to the residential section…

All I could do now was to wait till tonight…

… but it definitely wasn't going to be a good day…

Not when I suddenly felt guilty again for knowing more than Kakashi wanted me to about Asaka….

….

……………………………………………………………

…

He walked through town a little slower than he knew he should… but he had several things to think about… what had happened between him and Sakura just now…

… Earlier, he had been so set on staying on a certain level… but the way she actually… the way she was starting to get more comfortable with him …

The way her tongue brushed against his… the way she didn't stop him the way he had expected her to when she was hiding behind that tree…

…

… he really had to wonder whether they were still on the same 'level' as before…

…

But he couldn't think about that right now!

… He really needed to collect himself if he was going to be forced to talk about the Asaka mission for hours on end…

He really needed to clear away any biased emotions, any feelings…

He needed to sort out what happened in the past, and what he had to do now…

… it wasn't really working…

Why of all times in his life, did these problems have to come back _now?!_

Why not in a few more years… when his relationship with Sakura would either be stronger… or possibly over… ... ...

But it was happening _now_ when their relationship was still so fragile against outside influences.

He wondered if this was finally the karma he had been expecting for falling in love with a student and not regretting it…

He passed the booths and markets that always seemed to be bustling in Konoha, trying to drown out the costumer-owner squabbles over money or quality, but his efforts were immediately shattered when he saw a familiar woman come walking up to him.

She looked like she had actually been looking for him.

"Kakashi-san…" She called his name a little formally.

He would've preferred ignoring her, but he already made eye contact.

… He really didn't want to talk with Haruno-san right now.

He was dealing with a lot, and talking to his young student's/lover's mother was definitely not something he was prepared for right now.

"Good afternoon, Haruno-san…" He said as cheerfully as he could, putting on one of his more charming, fake smiles, that he knew still had an effect on people even if he was masked.

"Good afternoon…" She replied, smiling back with a friendly expression, equally as fake as his own… he could see her mother-bear squirming inside.

She was going to bring up Sakura, wasn't she?

"I'm sorry that Sakura kept you up so late last night…" Haruno-san apologized, unwittingly hitting the nail on the head… He definitely missed some sleep, sneaking into her room last night… but Haruno didn't know about that part.

"No, its fine… she didn't stay that long…" He brushed it all off the best he could, already wanting to drop the conversation as politely as possible.

"I know you probably needed your rest last night. And yet she stayed till 7:30, right?" Haruno-san pushed the matter a little further. It really sounded like she was actually asking him. "She got home almost before 8:00…" Haruno added.

She wasn't really good at this… poking for information. Kakashi could tell she was trying to figure out why Sakura didn't get home till 8:00…

…and now Kakashi was too…

She left his apartment a little after 6:30…

_Why_ was she late?

Despite his own confusion, he wasn't going to let Haruno-san continue to distrust her daughter… otherwise it might lead onto an investigation.

"Yes, she did stay till 7:30… some of the other Jounins were visiting, so our appointment was postponed several minutes." Kakashi summarized the lie politely.

"Oh…well, thank you for understanding, Kakashi-san…" Haruno-san bowed slightly towards him, and he to her. She seemed content with his answer.

"Of course, good afternoon." He finished.

He felt like dodged a bullet just now... even if Haruno-san seemingly had no suspicion that he was currently in a deep relationship with her daughter... it was still rather nerve-racking having to talk to her.

They went their separate ways, Haruno-san's confusion was eased… but now Kakashi had to deal with the question she had left him.

_Where did Sakura go… why was she late?_

…

He sighed heavily.

…

Things were definitely getting mixed up, weren't they?…

…

……………………………………………………………………………….


	35. Wonderings and Wrongs

**Chapter 35!**

**Title:**_"Wonderings and Wrongs…"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

…

**Note: phew...This ones a bit more than twice the size of my normal chapters...**

**P L E A S E R E A D:**

******P L E A S E R E A D:**

**********P L E A S E R E A D:**  


… **In case you were wondering why I chose the strong word 'lovers' for Kakashi and Sakura, it's because I don't mean for it to be taken in the English context, but more of the Japanese context for their word 'lover' which is 'koibito'. It's translated as lover, but it really means something much sweeter and purer, but it's not as childish as 'kare' or 'kanojo' which are their 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend'.**

**As far as I know the English language doesn't have the same sort of medium between boy/girlfriend and lover…. So I picked what I thought was best.**

**Hopefully you understand.**

**...**

**Yayz for 'substance'?… (:/)**

…

…**.**

I kicked a pebble along the street, my sandal scraping across the dirt with a grainy scuff.

I wondered whether Kakashi-sensei was already at the meeting or not.

My mind wondered to the subject of the meeting.

… I couldn't help but wish I could know what they were talking about….

But I'd have to deal with what I already knew… which was already too much.

Then again… tomorrow … I'd probably find out _everything_ about 'Asaka'…

… Tomorrow…. It's too far away.

I wondered exactly they would tell us at the debriefing meeting tomorrow… would they still keep everything a secret? Or would they give us some sort of hint of who exactly our enemy is?

I suddenly remembered something when I thought about the debriefing meeting.

Naruto. Sai.

I felt like slapping my palm to my face for a second.

I was so wrapped up in my own life, I'd forgotten that they probably didn't know the mission had been moved up.

I had to tell them.

My feet felt heavier as I turned around, going back the way I came.

I realized that I had actually been looking forward to crashing onto my bed and wasting the day away… which was such a weird thought… I think I was looking forward to a calm afternoon before whatever weirdness I knew was going to happen tomorrow.

But I shrugged that thought off as I turned my attention back to my current job.

…

Sai's apartment was near here… I guess I should go see if he was home.

He was either there, or maybe the library…. That's if he wasn't trailing behind Naruto, like he seemed to be doing a lot lately.

…

I noticed how slow I was walking.

…I felt so worn out from everything.

This mission…

It was definitely one of the more tiring ones I've had, and we hadn't even started it!

…

…maybe that was because it felt… personal…

_Asaka_…

That name had haunted me for what seemed so long already…

….

I definitely wasn't looking forward to seeing the owner of that name in person…

….

…..

I knocked on Sai's door gently.

I looked around for a second, waiting… trying to take an interest in my surroundings, instead of what was in my head.

His apartment complex was in the fancier part of Konoha…

Even though he lived alone and got the same income Naruto and I did, he must still have ANBU paying for his living expenses.

I wondered what it felt like to live alone for only a moment… imagining how it would make things a bit easier when it came to late-night visitors, well, my only late-night visitor, Kakashi-sensei,… but living alone must've actually been really lonely.

I was the only person on our team that had a family…

…

Before I could think any further on that thought, the door opened with a little click, I flinched with surprise.

I hadn't really been expecting him to be home.

"Oh, Sakura-san…" He greeted me with a polite, uniform smile.

Even though it was kind of hard to tell… I could almost see how his smiles were growing more sincere as time passed.

I smiled back.

"I just wanted to come by and let you know that the mission was moved up. We have to meet in the morning, it should be at the regular time." I explained, trying to raise my spirits with the fake smile.

But as soon as I mentioned the mission, his face suddenly fell.

That polite little aura we had suddenly weakened.

"Sakura-san… There's something that I wanted to discuss with you and Naruto before we started this mission…" He sounded serious.

"What is it?" I asked up, not caring to hide my sudden curiosity.

I already knew more than I should have…

But…

I really didn't want any nasty surprises while _on_this mission…

I grimaced at the thought…

"Please, come in, I'll get you some tea…" He ignored my question as I suddenly saw his face flash with surprise for a second.

It almost looked like he just remembered something…

The way he invited me in, it sounded so much like something he had read from those social books.

Maybe he had just remembered the phrase to use when inviting in a visitor?

He probably didn't have company over that much, so this was new for him.

"Thank you, sorry to disturb you." I responded with a similar book-like answer, hoping it would help him.

I walked into the well furnished, art-covered room.

Besides the painting supplies and half-finished canvases lain across the area next to the window, everything else seemed very clean and organized.

He immediately walked over to the countertop on the far side of the room.

I looked around a bit more as he prepared some tea.

I noticed a small, sun-bleached, red scroll sitting on his windowsill, the word 'nakama' written on it very neatly.

Somehow I remembered it from somewhere.

I heard the familiar sound of kettle-water spilling into a cup.

"I had planned to tell Naruto first, but this seems like an opportune time to tell you, Sakura-san." He explained his recently revised plan, stealing my attention again as he carried only a singly cup of tea to the side table.

He must've not read somewhere that it was more common to prepare two cups so that the guest would feel more comfortable, since drinking alone can be a little awkward.

I tried to push that from my mind as quickly as possible, annoyed that I even thought of it.

But my mother was to blame for my etiquette training… she had signed me up to those kunoichi classes (where I had first met Ino), those classes not only taught me table manners and bouquet arranging, but hostessing as well.

He set down the little clay cup onto the tabletop softly, looking up at me with a faint, serious look.

It was evident that that was his true expression right now.

There was something about Sai's social awkwardness that was really refreshing, it took some getting used to, at first, but now I rather liked being around him… he was so honest.

I couldn't imagine him keeping any emotions or worries to himself for too long.

He gently waved a hand to the chair next to him, offering it kindly.

I followed his lead and sat in the chair next to that side-table, picking up the tea… taking a sip.

He walked across the room to the stool in front of the easel, ignoring the comfier chair across from mine.

He probably liked the stool more.

I could almost imagine him spending hours sitting there, peacefully painting.

I was woken from those calm thoughts when he spoke up.

"Asaka is dangerous."

He leaned his elbows onto his knees.

Nobody had used that name like that before… everybody had used it as more as the name of an idea… because we could only imagine who it belonged to.

But now… the way he said that… like a name of a real person.

…

He definitely knew more about Asaka than I did.

But then again… What I knew probably wasn't something he did….

…**...…..**

His hand closed on the doorknob tightly, about ready to swing it open with force, but a voice stopped him.

"Kakashi, don't try to leave right after you just got here!" Tsunade's yelling rang louder than any of the arguing ANBU members and Jounins at the meeting table.

It was rare to call for a meeting that required mixing the main force with the secret one… but this issue affected the history of both.

"I'm sorry, but my tolerance for stupidity has already reached its limit…" Kakashi turned around slowly, smiling sarcastically as he almost growled those words.

"I know you don't want to be here, but you can't abandon your colleagues when they need information!... If anything happens to you on this mission, we need to know as much as we possibly can." Tsunade argued.

"I'm not leaving because I don't want to be here. And I know my duty to my colleagues." Kakashi corrected her, still feeling agitated. "I'm leaving because I can't sit around and be interrogated with these completely useless questions while I could be preparing for tomorrow!"

"Hatake, that's enough!" yelled an ANBU officer from the table.

Kakashi clenched his jaw tensely.

It irritated him when people called him by his family name, especially when they were trying to order him around.

But instinct took over, and he started calming himself down, and tried to ignore his anger.

"It was a valid question that you still haven't answered, Hatake." The ANBU officer, Reiji Kotarou, asked, using the name he knew bothered Kakashi. "So take a seat and try answering it without storming out."

…

After a moment of exchanging a glance with Tsunade, Kakashi followed the orders.

…

He remembered his time in ANBU, when this Kotarou-'taichou' was still only a lieutenant.

Kakashi had ordering rights over him at the time.

But now that he wasn't a part of ANBU anymore, he could technically be treated like a civilian…. But he knew the other ANBUs in the room, who had all, at some point, worked with, or under, Kakashi, were still hesitant to be as bossy or as demanding as Kotarou was.

Kakashi took his seat at the table quietly.

Everybody went silent.

After a moment, Kotarou waved his hand towards the quiet young man who was designated to ask the questions and record the answers…

"Ask it again…" Kotarou ordered.

… The young man nodded obediently…

"Kakashi-san," The recorder started off, a little hesitantly, "… Have you, or do you have any future plans of rejoining the forces led by the ex-ANBU member, Asaka Sato?"

"No, I was never a part of those 'forces'…" Kakashi answered as politely, but as quickly as he could. He really just wanted to get past all these formalities, tell them what they needed to know, and get away from all this.

The recorder scribbled the short answer onto his paper.

Kakashi took the moment to shoot a glare at Kotarou, who actually flinched a little… maybe he _did_ still remember Kakashi's intimidating career in ANBU.

"Kakashi-san…"

_Don't let it be another ridiculous one…_ Kakashi asked the forces of the universe that had lately been playing tricks on him anyways.

"… Have you ever, do you, or will you ever have a personal, or romantic, relationship with the individual Asaka?"

…

Murmurs could be heard across the table.

Tsunade sighed with agitation, closing her eyes as she scowled downward… she didn't look like she was going to say anything.

Kakashi immediately wanted to do several things.

Punch whoever made these questions.

Leave.

Turn down this mission.

And find Sakura…

But of course he couldn't do any of those things, each of which were, or practically were, illegal.

The best he could do now, was to give them the answers they needed as fast as he could.

He used the patience he didn't know he had left, and answered the question politely… but not happily.

"… I once had a personal, romantic, relationship with… Sato… but I am not, nor do I plan, on developing any sort of relationship with her again…"

He felt numb when he said that.

…

The recorder scribbled that longer answer onto the separate paper.

The other men at the table were still exchanging spare words and nervous glances.

Kakashi shot a single glare at them, too…

Everything went silent.

…

Usually Kakashi was always polite, even if he was only being sarcastic… and he rarely showed his anger or irritation… but this subject was always an exception for him.

He was never himself when… Asaka… was brought up around him.

…

The recorder finished his scribbling, and moved down to the next question on the list.

The young man hesitated for a moment.

Kakashi's stomach clenched subconsciously … it was a battle-habit., to prepare for getting punched… he felt like he should anticipate whatever impact this question was going to have on him.

"Can you describe, in detail, the events that led to the incident that happened eight years ago, which involved the deaths of your entire squadron immediately before the disappearance of Asaka Sato?"

…

…**...…..**

…

Sai shared his usual, unabashed, eye-contact with me.

He took a tense moment to find his words.

"I overheard some of the older ANBU members at headquarters talking about something that happened eight years ago…" He started with a polite tone. "…I hadn't been paying much attention till one of them mentioned 'Asaka'…" Sai explained calmly, turning over to his easel, an unfinished painting on it.

…

Eight years ago?

That was so long ago… is that why I hadn't heard that name before now?

…

"What did they say happened?" I asked him, leaning over my tea eagerly, suddenly not feeling thirsty anymore.

He took a breath, like he knew he'd be talking a long time.

He picked up one of the painting brushes.

"Eight years ago… there was a big falling out between the ANBU forces and the main Konoha forces…Politics were still unstable since the Shinobi wars hadn't been over for too long..." He dabbed his brush into a small cup of a dark indigo pigment. "…When the Third was calling for continued peace, there were some radicals within ANBU who believed that by continuing the peace, the tension between the countries would only grow and evolve into an even greater war…"

I paid attention to every word as Sai grazed the brush along the canvas calmly.

I knew some of this already, but I was looking for any details that could help my confusion.

"That was when a particular squad made up of those radicals committed some sort of treason… I'm sorry, but the two I was eavesdropping from didn't go into details… but something happened to that squad… again, I don't know the details, but it was clear that the radicals failed whatever they were trying to accomplish… all of them died."

"What?" I was leaning forward even more, absorbing everything.

Sai only mixed colors on his palette.

"Whatever happened between those squad members, all of them died because of it… except two…"

Sai drug down his paintbrush, creating a long streak from the top to bottom.

He stopped at that.

I didn't have to ask the obvious question before he spoke up again.

"One was this 'Asaka'… the other one was…"

…**...…**

"… Kakashi-san."

Kakashi looked up from his hands.

They felt stained, again.

Telling that story… it always brought back… memories.

The people he lost that night…

The countless months of pity and suspicion that followed.

The countless times he had to recite that same exact story for 'the records'.

He had hoped he'd never have to revisit what happened that night.

…

The recorder started his next question.

….

…**...….**

…

Leaving Sai's apartment was even more awkward than it was being invited in.

He looked like he was in a hurry…. Probably to go tell Naruto.

Well, since Sai was going to go see Naruto…  
"When you see Naruto, could you please tell him about the mission meeting tomorrow morning…" I asked him politely as I walked out of the door.

"Of course." He answered as politely as usual.

"Thank you…" I responded… suddenly grateful to him… right now I was really looking forward to falling into bed…

But I still couldn't think as straight as I wanted to.

What he just told me…

Kakashi-sensei and 'Asaka' were the only two left …

An entire squad… killed…

I waved a little weakly at him as I started to walk away, already feeling myself drown in my thoughts of all this…

That was until Sai called me back.

"Sakura-san…"

I turned around, feeling a little numb to the outside world.

"Yes?" I called back, facing him again, trying to act normal.

…

He took a moment. His eyes scanned over my face like he was trying to check something.

I didn't have time to wonder why until he started talking, again.

"This isn't important, professionally… but I fell like you would want to know…"

…

"What?"

"From the way the two lieutenants I was listening to talked about Kakashi-san and this Asaka… it was greatly implied that the relationship between the two was closer than appropriate between team members." He explained smoothly.

I froze.

… what?

…

… Of course I knew what he just told me, it had been tumbling through my brain for a while now… but the way he told me…

… something was off…

"Why did you think I would want to know about that?" I asked a little forwardly.

…

"No reason." He smiled.

My previous appreciation of his 'honesty' was shaken with that fake, knowing smile.

"Bye, Sakura-san…"

He closed the door before I could decide whether to say something or not.

…. Why'd he say that?

…. Why'd he have that look?

…. Could he possibly know something?

I stood there, struggling whether to take a step away from the door or towards it.

I really wanted to into that room and ask him straight out exactly _why_ he said that…. But

… if I did… then it would be the greatest tip-off that there _was_ something to know…

I slowly walked away from the door, still double-checking my logic.

… _I should just act like it didn't mean anything to me…_

… _but maybe it really was nothing…_

I made it to the street. The crowds weren't helping my upcoming thought-headache...

… _no… it can't be as simple as I want it to be…_

… _He must've picked up on something._

Thinking back on everything now… there had been so many chances for him to.

We always thought he was as clueless as Naruto… that even if he did notice something weird, he wouldn't know what to make of it… that he wouldn't recognize how two people who couldn't get enough of each other would act.

But maybe... in one of those books… he read some sort of tell-tale sign that he saw between me and Kakashi.

…

In the end, it was obvious that he at least knew that I had feelings for Kakashi-sensei… otherwise he wouldn't have told me something I already knew like he was granting me a favor… and it was also obvious that this was my fault for not being as talented an actor, or liar, as Kakashi-sensei…

…

Sai might know something, he might not.

But if Kakashi and I continued on like this, the way we have been… then Sai will definitely find out, of not others first…

I suddenly felt the need to pick up my pace.

I started speed-walking through the streets, making a beeline home.

I couldn't think.

I really just wanted to talk with Kakashi about this… we really needed to talk about this and what we had to do.

… _Wait…_

I came to a sudden stop when I was only a single block from my house.

If I talk to Kakashi-sensei about Sai, and how Sai almost hinted that he knew something wasn't completely platonic between me and Kakashi… then I'd have to tell Kakashi _why_ I thought Sai knew something.

I'd have to tell him what Sai had told me.

Which is exactly what Iruka-sensei told me.

Which is something I definitely wasn't supposed to tell Kakashi about.

… So did this mean I'd have to deal with Sai by myself?

But this wasn't actually about Sai… this was about how close Kakashi and I were…

If I wanted to fix this, I needed to build some distance between Kakashi and me again, and if I just started acting distant towards him all of a sudden, he would have to get curious, and end up finding out anyways!

_UGH!_

I started running to my house.

Everything felt so heavy… I felt so tired, so confused.

All these thoughts that kept spinning in my head were driving me crazy!

It was so hard trying to juggle all of these secrets!

…

I threw myself onto my bed… hoping the peace and happiness I felt earlier this morning would come back….

…

I didn't feel anything…

….

_Today was definitely getting much worse than I thought it would be._

…

…**...…..**

"Thank you, everyone…" Tsunade finally dismissed the meeting after several excruciating hours of questions, debating, planning.

This whole meeting was dedicated to Plan B… what would happen if Kakashi and his team didn't come back from this mission.

…

It was quite encouraging…

…

But this definitely wasn't normal, missions weren't always treated like this... but ones that were directly related to previous acts of treason, especially recently-committed treasons, it was always a more serious matter.

The tired Jounins and ANBU members stood up from their places, all of them only mumbling about how tired they were, or thanking each other for their hard work…

Kotarou-taichou was still as sharp and as demanding as he was when the meeting started, immediately requesting the recorder to copy the information that he had gathered during the meeting, and deliver the report to his office in the morning.

Kakashi definitely didn't have the energy he had this morning, nor the patience, but he didn't want to waste any time getting to Sakura… seeing her right now would be a breath of oxygen after being held underwater for too long.

As he reached the street he noticed that the sun was already starting to set.

…**...….**

I rolled over in bed…

This time the light in the room wasn't the golden, comforting morning light.

It was darker; the shadows were longer… the sun was already setting.

I couldn't believe it was the same day as before… everything felt completely different.

I wondered how long I had been asleep.

I looked over to my alarm clock… it had been 3 hours since I finally managed to fall asleep.

The room had gotten really gloomy.

I wanted to go over and turn on my desk lamp, but I didn't want to get up.

I rolled onto my back again.

I put my hands on my face, shutting everything out the best I could.

All these thoughts.

I couldn't organize any of them.

I couldn't label any of them.

… all these secrets.

None of it felt right.

… but what actually bothered me the most…

Kakashi-sensei….

He was the one who had so much to deal with:

Asaka.

What had happened eight years ago.

And I couldn't believe for a second that he hadn't thought, or worried, about what would happen if I discovered his past with Asaka.

…

It hurt… knowing he wanted to keep secrets from me… but it hurt more to know that I still hadn't earned enough of his trust so that he would tell me these things.

I guess I still hadn't proven myself.

…

Or maybe these things just go too far into his personal past… like he wouldn't have told anyone.

…

… I only knew some of the surface story, but I could tell that the pain that woman must've caused him was deep…

…

… What happened eight years ago?

… What kind of man was Kakashi?

… Was he actually part of that radical squad?

I tightened my hands against my face…

What could I possibly do to make any of this better?

…

I felt fingers pry mine away from my face.

I almost bolted up with surprise until I recognized the lips that immediately landed on mine.

I hadn't even heard the balcony door slide open.

Either I was even worse at detection than I thought I was or I had really been lost in those thoughts right now.

But I really didn't care which one it was.

My hands completely left my face as they suddenly grabbed onto his shoulders.

I really missed touching him.

I was sick of only _thinking_ about him.

But after this afternoon… he seemed farther away from me than ever before…

… So, feeling him like this helped.

He broke away after a second, standing up straight again, I immediately sat up on the bed, my arms locking around his waist in a quick hug.

He felt so solid... so stable…safe.

He chuckled tiredly only once as his hand fell on the top of my head, it curled around and under my arm, unhinging my hug gently.

He lifted me up, making me stand so that he could hold me back.

God, I loved how warm and heavy his arms felt when he held me like this.

…

It was amazing how we didn't have to say anything to enjoy this… but…

I couldn't let the silence continue forever… even though there was a part of me that wanted it to.

…

"How'd it go?" I used my voice for the first time in many hours. I buried my face further into his shirt.

I was glad he wasn't wearing his vest, which was too thick to feel his chest through.

"As well as was expected…" His voice sounded even more tired than mine, but I still loved it.

Again, I wondered what exactly they talked about…

"Bad?" I offered a general adjective.

"Tiring…" He sighed, his arms closing around me tighter.

It felt so wonderful.

… I felt like I could fall asleep in his arms.

That serenity didn't last long when I suddenly heard voices from downstairs.

"Honey, I thought you were going to fix this window last weekend!" My mom called to my dad, who was probably still in his study, reading.

"…I said I'd do it this weekend." He corrected her just as loudly.

"Sure!" She answered back sarcastically.

… I really felt like running downstairs and telling them to be quiet.

They were embarrassing sometimes.

I pulled myself closer into his arms, trying to forget that awkward interruption. I tried not to think what must've been going through his head at that moment  
He probably wasn't used to being in relationships with girls who still lived with their parents, with a girl whose parents were still her legal guardians.  
I grimaced at myself for only a moment.  
I felt Kakashi chuckle… that helped a little.

"That reminds me… I ran into your mother this afternoon." He spoke up softly, with a casual tone.

… I immediately felt embarrassed that he even had to say something like that. 'I ran into your mother'… It was just so much of a reminder of how far apart we were…

"What'd she do?" I asked up a little cheekily, actually feeling a little nervous, already knowing the answer.

_She really _did _track him down?_

"She just asked about you…" He explained calmly, one of his hands reached up to the ends of my hair "… apparently, you didn't get home till eight last night, she was worried."

"Oh… yeah…" Was the best reply I could think of.  
…

The way he said 'eight'… it sounded like he was trying to ask me something.  
I really hoped he'd forget about it.  
I really really hoped he'd shrug it off and just keep holding me like this.  
I looked out my window, not really paying attention to how the top of the sun was slowly disappearing behind the buildings. I barely noticed his fingers curling in my hair…  
I wished I could enjoy that… but I felt my stomach burn a little nervously.

"So, what happened?" He asked with a voice that sounded like he wasn't expecting anything bad.

My hopes were denied by the universe…

… I really couldn't lie to Kakashi… Not only because he could probably tell a lie from a mile away, but… it just felt wrong.

So when he asked me that just now, there was no going back…

I took a second to think of a reply, my hands tightening their grasp on his back.

"I-I went to go see a friend…" I tried to shorten the answer to the point that it wouldn't give anything away.  
I hoped even more that he'd be happy with that.  
But I guess the answer was too vague… He didn't give up…  
"Who?" He asked down to me, sounding a little more expectant.

He could already tell I was trying to hide something, couldn't he?

… I had to tell him the truth…

"Iruka… -sensei…" I added the suffix of his name a little late on accident. I sounded so awkward.  
Why couldn't I be such a smooth talker (or a smooth liar) like Kakashi and fix this?  
"You went to go see Iruka?" He asked further, his voice losing its softness. He really sounded interested now… but it wasn't a good kind of interested.  
"Yeah… I… He wanted to talk me at the Academy…" I elaborated weakly, my hands falling down his back a little, feeling defeated.  
"The Academy? At night?..." He suddenly pushed me a few inches away from him. He looked down at me. His face wasn't as gentle as it usually was. He was definitely invested in knowing more… and I felt my anxiety build as I waited for his next question.

I could almost hear the words now, 'What did he want to talk to you about?'

And I still had no idea what I would say… but I knew it would have to be the truth…

His voice finally rumbled through his chest again.

"… You two were alone?..."

… Wait…

That wasn't what I thought he was going to say.  
And the way he said that.  
Why'd he say it with a voice like that?

"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked up to him, not feeling really anxious anymore… but still nervous. His expression was cold.  
"Quite a lot." He said that with the most serious tone, looking down at me like he was trying to tell me something.

I wasn't stupid.

I pushed myself from him farther, more than a little shocked.  
His hands still held onto my arms loosely.

"Where is this coming from?"I asked a little louder.  
Was he really suggesting that Iruka-sensei… ?  
"Nowhere." He answered shortly before he continued. "But it is rather inappropriate for a 26-year-old man to invite a young girl for a conversation at the deserted Academy grounds." He sounded so serious, like he really couldn't hear what he was saying about Iruka-sensei.  
"What the-? How could you even think that?" I asked, raising my voice, but keeping it low enough that my parents, downstairs wouldn't hear me.

Those two words stung me… 'young girl'… is that still what I was in his eyes?

I felt my frustration grow…

"I don't know what he was planning, but he should've known better, as an adult, than to set up such a suspicious meeting like that." He looked down at me, seriously.

I had never seen his entire face give such a serious expression… it was hard to look him in the eye.

After a moment, my brain finally wrapped around his words.

What's going on?

Are we really having this conversation?

I took another step back, his hands were completely off of me.

"'Planning'? We're talking about Iruka!" I argued.

I really couldn't imagine Iruka-sensei being…

It was so strange, I hadn't even thought about it till Kakashi brought it up… looking back at that conversation, that hug didn't feel so innocent anymore…. It felt like I did something wrong now.

The memory of his arms, his gentler-than-I was-used-to voice, his softer-than-I-was-used-to hands, the scent of chalk and books… looking back on everything in the light Kakashi's words were casting on it… I suddenly felt really… uncertain…

Was I wrong, being so close to Iruka?

"We're talking about a full-grown man and a sixteen year-old girl meeting in a deserted building." He argued back, with a calm but harsh voice, snapping me out of my strange thoughts.

I could hear a form of anger raise in his voice.

It was really scary… but the things he was saying… I couldn't just say nothing!

I forgot all my doubts… I didn't have time to question myself when Kakashi was acting like this.

"You've known him for years!" I pointed out quickly. "You should know he would never even think about doing anything wrong! Iruka-sensei isn't like-"

"Me?" He finished my sentence with the wrong word…

He took a quick step forward, his hand finding my arm.

"No… I didn't mean that." I shot down his hurtful argument as I tugged my arm away from him. It felt unnatural... not wanting him to touch me… but this was getting serious…  
What exactly did he think of Iruka?  
What exactly did he think of himself?

"Iruka-sensei didn't do anything wrong, he wouldn't do anything…" I explained, unable to find any new words, trying to calm down.

"Even if he didn't… meeting with you like that… if anyone saw you two."His voice calmed, too, but I could still hear the bite in his voice.

"Then they'd see two friends talking."I answered with a firm voice. He kept treating this like it was much more than it was. We only talked!  
_... and hugged…_  
I wondered again, if doing that was wrong… it was only a hug, right?

"Talking about what?" His cold voice finally asked he question I'd been expecting before this really strange turn in the conversation.  
I welcomed the change but… I really didn't want to answer that question…

I shrunk back a little, losing the self-defensive stance.  
I ducked my head down… trying to think of a way to get out of this…

"Sakura?... What did he talk to you about?" His voice pressed me further as he took another step towards me.

Kakashi-sensei never felt as intimidating as he did right now.  
He seemed a lot taller now, like he was when I was a kid.  
How could he do this to me so easily?  
He could make me feel so small and bothersome.  
Maybe it was because I knew him when I _was_ smaller and more bothersome.

I shook that thought out of my head as soon as it rested in my head for a second too long.

.. In the end… I had to just answer his question…. I couldn't lie.

"He… We were talking about… the mission." I managed to finish that sentence awkwardly.

He took only a second before he found his voice.

I felt his hands fall onto my shoulders, but I still didn't look up at him.

"What'd he tell you?"

His hands weren't as gentle as before… he seemed to just want to pressure the answer out of me.

… it was working…

His silence was more effective than any stare or question he could ask…

_Sorry, Iruka-sensei… but I couldn't keep that favor for you._

I took a little breath, staring at his chest, still not daring to look into his eyes.

… "About Asaka…"

I expected a reaction… but he only just stood there… his hands completely still on my shoulders… I peeked up at his eyes.

He kept looking at me, like he knew there was more to it.  
He was waiting for the second part of that sentence, that I hadn't planned, till now, to give him.  
He wanted the full answer.  
I had no choice… even if I wanted to lie now… his Sharingan could definitely read my face for any lies.

"… and who she was to you." I finished softly, looking down again.

My stomach turned anxiously.

I felt so stupid. Like a little kid in trouble waiting for the consequences of breaking a rule… but this was serious… I wasn't a little kid…

…

Once again, his lack of reaction bothered me.

I didn't know if that meant he had expected me to find out… or that he was just trying to think through everything… or if he was still trying to stare me down.

I was about to look back up to him and say something… anything… but when his hands finally snatched away from me with force, like he didn't want to touch me, he spoke again.

"I have to go have a talk with him." He immediately started walking towards the balcony door.

…

He was going to go find Iruka?

My mind suddenly flashed to what Iruka-sensei said, '… I'd probably get hurt…'.

I thought before that Kakashi wouldn't do something like that…. But he was acting so... different…  
_He really wasn't himself right now._  
I immediately ran across the room, my arms wrapping around his back as tightly as I could… but then again… I felt so weak right now, so tired, so nervous... maybe I wasn't even strong enough to hold him back.

But he stopped in his tracks anyways.

Something about this... this desperate feeling to hold onto him... it felt so... familiar...  
This feeling of wanting to stop someone from leaving me behind, from ignoring everything I was trying to say… It felt so familiar, I couldn't help the rising anxiety growing in my chest because of that nostalgic feeling.

"No." I ordered him, that desperation in my voice. "I was the one who wanted to know more. He wouldn't have told me anything if I didn't agree to meet with him." I finally told him the whole truth…  
There was nothing left to that secret…

But now that the weight was off my chest, it was suddenly pressuring the bonds of this relationship…

I could feel myself breathing a bit more erratically… I was really nervous of what he was going to do.

He only stood there for another moment… making no movement to even recognize the fact that I was holding onto him like this.

"That doesn't matter." His voice was still so cold.

I cringed towards his back.

"Why not?" I asked, feeling even more like he wasn't actually listening to me.  
His fingers, which had only recently pried mine away from my face to kiss me, were prying my fingers off of him now.  
He turned around completely, looking down at me… I forced myself to look up at him.

"He was only 17, barely a Jounin, when Asaka was here, he couldn't possibly know anything… It wasn't his place to tell you anything." God, I hated the way he was using his voice… especially when it scared me like this.  
I really couldn't stand any of this anymore.  
He definitely wasn't himself right now!

My fists clenched as I found my voice, which was louder than before.

"How else was I supposed to find out about what happened all those years ago? Even if he was only 17, he definitely knows more than I do, I was only_ 8_ when it happened!" I looked up into his eyes as I finished my words.

Those words really hit me.  
And it looked like they hit him, too.  
… The numbers were impossible not to think about…

Kakashi had been 21 at the time Asaka had done her damage, he was already a grown man with so much experience and tragedy in his life… and I had only been 8… arranging flowers, learning hostessing, and developing childish little love rivalries…

…  
I looked back up to him, the dark hiding his face a little.  
…

He never seemed farther away from me than he did right now….

…

His voice surprised me when he asked the next question.  
"Why do you think you need to know more about this?"

It almost sounded like he was in pain…

…

My heart stuttered… I really couldn't find any frustration or anger anymore…  
I was suddenly worried that what I just said was going too far.  
I calmed down… but I was still really nervous.

"... I just can't stand… secrets…" I offered the true answer weakly…

He shifted on the spot…

"Then you're in the wrong relationship."

…

His voice.

Why did he suddenly sound normal again?

… Why did he say that?

"Wha-What do you mean?" I asked up as quickly as I could, but he didn't answer me.  
As soon as I looked up, I could only see his neck.

I felt his lips press against the top my head… but he didn't touch me.

His hands were still at his side.

He wouldn't touch me…

Why wouldn't he touch me?

As soon as I reached for him… he was already backing away.

The next thing I saw was his back as he was walking away from me.

His hand closed around the door handle too soon.

I had to say something.

I had to ask him why he said that.

I had to know what was going on!

"Ka-"

"I'll see you at the meeting tomorrow." He cut me off.

That voice.

I remembered hearing that exact same voice for almost four years… it wasn't the one he only, and always, used with me. It wasn't even an angry or hurt voice… it was normal. It was just so normal.

He looked back at me for only a moment before he disappeared from my balcony.

His mask was on.

I couldn't see his expression in the dark.

…

When he was finally out of sight.

I was left in that, now cold and dark room, without a trace of him.

…**.**


	36. Hiding and Reaching

**Chapter 36!**

**Title: **_"Hiding and Reaching"_

**Disclaimer: ****I own nothing!!**

**Note:**** oh, god… this one was exhausting… it would've been out sooner, too, but I had SATs this weekend…. And I kept getting distracted (AMV-making)… but I'm back!**

… **and I'll ****try**** to have the next one out really soon, too…**

**Anyways, hope you guys enjoy.**

…

…

…

**……………………………………………………………………**

The sun had completely set, the night wind was blowing through the leaves in the tree a little coldly.

The single wooden swing swayed in the breeze, the old rope creaking with the slight movement.

Everything was quiet, dark, and calm.

The few lights inside the building blinked off.

Kakashi hadn't been waiting long.

He could've gone inside…

…but he needed this time to calm down…

…

His mind travelled back to what happened a few minutes ago…

'_I just can't stand… secrets…'_

…Her face.

…Her eyes.

'_Then you're in the wrong relationship'_

… The look they gave him…

He really hated this guilt… he hated knowing that she made that expression because of him.

He never wanted to see her eyes that confused or worried again… he wished he could just forget about everything…. That he could forget everything except her, if only for a few seconds of peace…he wished he could fix this… he wanted to go back to her room, crawl into her bed, feel her next to him and under his hands…

… But… he couldn't forget… and at this point… he couldn't be around her.

He really didn't feel… like himself.

He felt so angry, so disconnected… and he couldn't understand why…

…

He couldn't be too close to her right now or his emotions might jeopardize the mission…

But more importantly,… he felt like if he's around her right now, he might say or do something he'd regret even more than he did than what just happened.

Thinking about it, his face still wore the expression he had when he left her balcony.

Pained.

…

The two red doors of the Academy opened with little noise.

A single man walked out, he quickly turned towards the door again, keys in his hand.

Kakashi pushed himself away of the tree without having to take his hands out of his pockets.

He had known Iruka would still be here… he was always here at this time…

Ever since Iruka got his job as a teacher, he was always the one to stay the latest, grading papers, checking attendance reports, preparing lesson plans… he was always the one who loved his job more than the others.

There had been a time when Kakashi almost respected that determined, caring nature Iruka possessed that made him a natural teacher to his students… but right now he couldn't feel respect for the man that had been meddling in his personal affairs far too much recently...

"Iruka…" He called out as he walked closer to the teacher who had just finished locking the doors.

This conversation wasn't going to be easy…

...

**………………………………………………………………………………………………..**

I was blinded by the sun as we passed a clearing in the forest.

We left so early, and have been under canopy-cover for so long that I almost forgot how bright the sun got later in the day…

The trees seemed to fly passed us as our team sped through the western forest.

We hadn't broken formation in hours, none of us had said anything either...

Naruto was to my right, the prime spot for a fast attacker, Sai was in the back because of his sharp eyes, and Kakashi-sensei was ahead of all of us, leading the way.

…

… I tried not to look at him directly …

…

Every time I did I felt so… scared…

…

I felt my foot almost slip on a moss-covered branch…

I really couldn't think about him right now… especially when sleep-deprivation was blurring my senses.

I hadn't slept well last night…

No matter how much I tried, I kept tossing and turning, unwillingly repeating his words in my mind…

…What he said …

'_Then you're in the wrong relationship'_

Those words were so heavily engraved in my mind… They've gone through my head so many times that I almost didn't know what they meant anymore…

… then again…. I had never known what they _really _meant…

When he said that…

… did that mean he… didn't want this relationship anymore?....

… was he saying that he thought I wasn't mature enough for this relationship?

… was he finally tired of all my screw-ups?!

… did he finally get tired of waiting for me to grow up?!

…

Was that his indirect way of… leaving me?

…

… When he left, he was acting so _normal_… 'normal' in the way that he was acting like he always did before either of us had these feelings.

Acting like he did when all he felt for me was what a teacher should feel for a student… when all he thought of me was what a man should think of a young girl…

… Was that his way of telling me what he wanted our relationship to be?

That he wanted us to go back to the days before we developed these... feelings?

… How could he say something so important in such a vague way?!... He wouldn't, right?!

I tried to convince myself that he was much more of an adult than to end a relationship like ours in such a subtle way…. But I couldn't come up with any different ideas.

I couldn't think of a better understanding of those words.

… Did he really want to… break up with me?...

My heart felt like it was slowly turning into a boulder, sinking down mercilessly, squishing my stomach with its weight… I almost slipped again… I glared towards my feet trying to pay more attention to my balance, but mostly trying to stop my eyes from looking up to him….

...

… Had he actually broken up with me when he said that?...

...

Just the thought was enough to make my throat feel like it was closing up…

I couldn't even begin to describe how much I hoped it wasn't true.

…

But the way he's been acting.

This morning.

He hasn't even looked at me… once.

Every time he had to talk to me at the debriefing meeting, he didn't say my name, or look up at me from the map.

When I went to the meeting I really didn't know what to expect from him… but, to be ignored, avoided, this completely… to be left alone with all of these questions buzzing around me, while the worst possible answer seems to be the most realistic…

…it was torture.

I didn't even care that they didn't tell us anything else about Asaka… I couldn't care about her when my relationship with Kakashi seemed to be evaporating before I could do anything.

Asaka…

… I really hated that name now.

I've heard it, thought it, said it so many times… I was sick of it.

…

I just wanted to forget everything about Asaka… to forget all these secrets… I wished I never knew them… then maybe I wouldn't have this thought-headache right now, maybe he wouldn't have said those things last night, maybe he would've said my name today, or looked at me, maybe even smiled at me.

I felt my insides turn over violently as I looked at the back of his vest for the first time in several minutes….

… God… why did it hurt this much?

Why was I in so much pain when I didn't even know for sure if he was actually tired of me?

I had no idea I could feel such an extreme emotion with so little having happened to me.

It seemed… so childish.

…

I had to stop.

I had to stop now.

This is enough.

I really have to get this out of mind.

… We're on a mission.

One that's very dangerous, one that includes traitors, and skilled fighters.

I couldn't distract myself with thoughts about my personal life.

…

I tried focusing on my surroundings… tried to drown everything else out.

… but of course… I've already learned that the more you tell yourself not to think about something, the more it resurfaces in every single thought you have.

But I was successfully distracted when I noticed something different.

The plants.

They were older, covered in more moss than before.

We were reaching the foothills of the mountain, which meant we were closing in on enemy grounds.

I wasn't the only one who noticed.

Sai sped up a few paces.

"Kakashi-san…" He called to the silver-haired man I had barely managed to push from my mind for only a second.

"I know…" He responded professionally, raising his arm in the air a little, slowing down.

Hearing his voice after only hearing it in my memories for hours was a little strange.

We all followed his lead, and eventually came to a complete halt on the ground.

"The enemy's base is near… this'll be our only opportunity to review our mission without having to worry about scouts or spies. After this, things will get more serious."

"Ok!" Naruto spoke up with an excited tone.

Sai nodded at Kakashi. And I dipped my head towards the ground a little, still staring at the dirt.

It was better not to look at him… especially when, if I did, I'd only worry about why he wasn't looking at me.

I tried to push those things from my mind again.

"From here on out, we only say what's necessary, and if we have to talk about the mission, we discuss it quietly. Also, it would be best that we slow our pace down, and keep an eye on our surroundings."

"Right." Naruto agreed.

"Yes, sir." Sai responded as if he was still in ANBU.

… I didn't want to say anything, I nodded again.

"Do any of you have any questions?" Kakashi's voice asked with his professional tone.

… I wished I did.

"If not, then let's not waste any time."

With that we all started running again, but we weren't jumping from branch to branch anymore.

We kept our previous formation.

I stared straight ahead at our path.

**…………….**

We finally hit the clearing at the mountainside.

The trees' shade was gone and the wind was no longer hindered by trunks… it was easier to breath.

Breaking through the tree-line like that was a little refreshing, but nerve-racking as well.

This was the place. The enemy was supposed to be here somewhere.

I definitely wasn't in the state to fight…

…But we didn't have to…

Nobody was around.

I couldn't sense anybody.

And even though my detection skills had recently been criticized, I wasn't completely incompetent about these things.

My thoughts grazed over that subject quickly.

I focused on the rundown hut dozens of feet away from us.

We had been told about an abandoned logger's cabin that the perpetrators had adopted as their flimsy hideout.

… but no one was here.

Why were we here if the enemy wasn't?

"Hey, Kakashi…" I heard Naruto start whining. "Why isn't anybody here?"

He asked the question of the moment.

"I don't know. But we should take this opportunity." Kakashi's voice was still so cold and professional, even towards Naruto.

This mission was definitely different to him… even if he tried to act like it was like all the others.

…

We all followed him as he walked over to the rundown house.

I paid even more attention to my surroundings to distract myself.

I checked the trees around us, the mountainside ahead of us… this place was really abandoned wasn't it?

"Geez, come on!" Naruto's patience had worn thin within the last few seconds.

He immediately started galloping over to chipped wooden door of the little cabin.

"Naruto!" Kakashi called out, as he suddenly caught up with Naruto in only a split second.

His speed was always amazing.

He managed to grab onto the back of Naruto's collar before the orange-clad pork fighter was able to reach the door.

"What is it?!" Naruto asked up defiantly, not appreciating being pulled back so abruptly that he choked a little.

"Pay more attention. Did you really think they would leave this place that open?" Kakashi lectured harshly. "Take a look at the door a second longer."

"Huh?" Naruto looked back to the door as he was told, no longer fussing over his collar.

Sai and I reached them by the time Naruto shouted over what he found.

"Seals!"

Kakashi heaved an annoyed sigh as he walked up to the door.

I hadn't noticed them at first either.

Two seals set up along the top of the door, plastered onto the wood of the door and the jam.

I squinted my eyes to get a better look… they were the explosive kind… but they were type that activated only after being ripped or cut.

If anyone opened that door, the entire hut would've been destroyed, not to mention the door-opener.

Kakashi reached up to the door carefully.

I held my breath a little…

He placed two new seal slips on top of the explosives.

They were the neutralizing type.

"Ok, now you can open the door, Naruto…" Kakashi offered the door to Naruto with a fake politeness.

Naruto only grumbled to himself with a pouty face as he pushed open the door, ripping the deactivated seals.

Kakashi-sensei definitely wasn't his usual self right now.

He wouldn't have handled this so seriously if he was.

**…….....………**

"What does this mean, Kakashi-san?" Sai asked curiously as we left the hut without any injuries, and without any answers.

We didn't find anything.

No traps, no clues, nothing.

The enemies didn't leave anything behind.

The place only had a single wooden table, a couple of broken chairs, pieces of cloths and curtains left on the floor.

The place didn't look like it had been lived in at all.

I couldn't imagine anybody wanting to live in it.

"It means that they've either changed location temporarily… or they're expecting us to come looking for them here." Kakashi deduced quickly.

Thinking about it… they wouldn't have left those explosive seals if they were completely done with this location.

"But weren't we called here because of recent activity?" Sai brought up the very purpose of this mission.

Kakashi-sensei looked over his shoulder for a second, towards the trees.

It looked like he heard something…

He looked away a second later.

I guess it was nothing.

"That was reported a few days ago… anything could've changed from then."

All four of us stopped in the middle of the clearing.

He turned towards us completely.

Even though I could only see a single eye… which was enough to speed up my heart rate for a few seconds, even though I was used to seeing his entire face… it was obvious that he was concentrating on something deeply.

"The only thing we can do now is wait. We'll need to stay the night."

_Stay the night?_

"What?!" Naruto definitely wasn't happy with that unentertaining idea, while I was just trying to figure out if it was a good or bad thing that I was going to be around Kakashi for so long.

"Naruto, calm down." Kakashi ordered harshly.

Naruto followed the order, not because he always followed orders… but because even he could pick up on how Kakashi wasn't up for any jokes right now.

Everybody went silent for a moment.

Naruto looked over at Kakashi with a plain 'you're-acting-weird' look.

Kakashi-sensei didn't seem to care.

"Naruto, Sai. You two go west until you find a suitable place to stay the night, but it has to be at a reasonable distance from this clearing. We're going to have to have one of us patrol the area at all times tonight, but we can't be separated too far."

"Patrol, why?" Naruto asked, a little calmer.

"The enemy can return at any moment. And when they do, we need to know right away. Now that we've broken into their old hideout, they'll know immediately that we're here as soon as they see that door… it's one of the greatest disadvantages when an enemy knows you're here when you don't know where they are."

Kakashi always came up with plans so quickly.

"Oh…" Naruto seemed a little stumped by the logic, but he acted like he figured it out. "So we go west, right?"

Kakashi only nodded briskly.

"Ok!" And Naruto was off, already running into the forest like his job was anything exciting.

Sai was about to turn on his heel to go after Naruto, until Kakashi spoke up again.

I didn't look at him.

"Sai, make sure he doesn't get himself into any trouble." His voice seemed a little better for a second.

"Of course." Sai reassured with his usual smile.

"Sakura and I will go check the perimeter for any traces of the enemy. Maybe we can find the usual route they use to get here." I jumped when he said the first word of that sentence.

Hearing him say my name.

… It didn't sound right when he said it with that voice.

But, it was the first time I had heard him say it today… my heart thumped a little too eagerly.

"Ok." Sai bowed a little and then immediately turned around into a run, Naruto was probably already a mile away.

I watched as Sai disappeared into the trees.

As soon as he left I felt it.

Tension.

I didn't know if I was the only one who felt it.

I still didn't look over to him.

…

We were alone.

…

Why did my stomach turn at that thought?

Why did I not want to be alone with him?

Why was I grimacing towards the ground actually hoping he wasn't looking at me?

… I was so scared.

Scared he was going to say something I didn't want to hear.

That he'd answer these questions that had been buzzing through my mind with the answer I really didn't want to hear.

'You can't handle this relationship at your age.'

'I can't be with a child like you.'

'You need to grow up.'

All those horrible things I was once afraid he thought about me…

Somewhere along the line I forgot that fear… but now it was back and it was eating at me greedily.

I wouldn't be surprised if he did say one of those things right now…

This whole thing was my fault.

If only I hadn't had gone looking into his past. If only I had just left it alone. If only I…

… I stopped myself at that…

There's no use in 'if only's… I'm here now, I've done what I've done… and I have to face the fact that what I've done wasn't something Kakashi-sensei could forgive easily.

I probably deserved whatever he was going to say to me now.

I turned towards him a little, feeling like I had just spent several minutes thinking about all this, when it had only been several seconds.

"Come on, we can't waste time."

…

His voice hadn't changed.

It was the same one he used with Naruto and Sai…

By the time I looked up at him, he had already turned around. He was already making his way into the forest.

… That was it?

… He wasn't going to say something else?

...

… Why does that bother me?

I thought I didn't want him to say anything.

But right now, it bothers me more that he was still acting like nothing was completely strange between us, even though we were alone.

As he started to disappear from my sight I immediately picked up my feet, breaking into a run to catch up with him.

… Why was I the only one doing the chasing?

He really isn't disturbed by what our relationship is going through right now?

**…................……..**

I slowed my pace as I accidentally got closer to him.

I really didn't feel like I should walk next to him.

I had been walking a few feet behind him for a while now.

We had been travelling through the forest for several minutes … in complete silence…

He hadn't asked me why I wouldn't walk by his side.

He hadn't even looked over his shoulder.

He seemed completely unaffected.

Like I wasn't here.

_Why did he even split up our group like this if he didn't plan on saying _anything_ to me?!_

_Doesn't he know how awkward this is?!_

_Doesn't he know what I must be feeling!?_

_Why would he do this?!_

I felt like pulling at my hair, or suddenly yelling in frustration, or punching something… but that's what I used to do when I was younger, when I was even more immature.

That was how I acted around Naruto.

But with Kakashi-sensei… I definitely couldn't act like a kid when I wanted to.

But he was being so confusing!

What is he thinking!?

He got mad at me!

He said those things!

And now he's acting like nothing _ever _happened between us when I need him the most!

Why is he doing this to me?!

I glared into his back for a second.

My frustration gave way to a different emotion as I felt my heart wrench a little.

…

Even though he was avoiding me…. Neglecting this relationship…

Why did I still feel this urge to reach out?

... and yet... he was so far away… it felt like that even if I reached out to him… I wouldn't be able to hold onto him for long.

That he'd only step further out of reach.

... Was he always this far away?...

…

It was so strange.

Was this normal?

Was it normal for a relationship to be in so much trouble after only a few words and some negligence?

Or we were always this weak?

….

…

_This is so… _

…

_...ridiculous!_

_Everything!_

_Why am I the only one who's so upset about this?!_

_Why isn't he at least a little bothered?!_

_Why isn't he paying attention to me?!_

_Why isn't he looking at me, saying my name, touching me!?_

…

… I felt my frustration grow incredibly.

I had to stop _thinking_ about these things.

I had to _say_ something!

All these overwhelming, repetitive worries were driving me insane!

I was so sick of everything!

The only way to get passed all of this was to actually talk!

…

Even if it hurts…

… I need to know what he thinks of me.

…

"Kakashi-sensei…" My confidence seemed to slide right off of me when I heard my voice say his name, but I ignored my anxiety as I asked my question.

"… What's happening to us?"

…

**…………………………………………………………………………………………………..**

…Sai disappeared from sight.

Everything went silent.

Kakashi shot a glance to the pink-haired girl standing only a few feet away from him for the hundredth time today.

He wondered for a spare moment whether she knew just how many times he couldn't keep himself from glancing her way…

She was grimacing towards her feet… so obviously upset, obviously nervous…. He could even see something like fear on her face.

_Sakura_…

He wanted to say her name.

He wanted to run his hands through her hair.

He wanted to hold her against him.

He couldn't stand seeing that expression on her face.

And it was so much more worse when he knew that he was the reason she was feeling whatever she was feeling that made her look so torn apart.

… but he couldn't let it affect him.

He had to remain completely objective.

He had to disregard any emotions right now.

… if he just let himself do what he wanted, if he broke any more rules than he already has, he was going to jeopardize everyone's safety.

The enemy they were up against now was infamous for playing with her prey's emotions… and using them for her advantage…

…he knew that too well…

… "Come on, we can't waste time."

He didn't look back as he turned away from her.

**…………...........**

She was still only walking behind him, her footsteps making the faintest sound.

She hadn't said a thing all day.

She only nodded, looked down to the ground, or in any direction that wasn't his.

…

He wanted to tell her she didn't have to stay so far away from him.

He wanted to tell her that he wanted her next to him…

… but there wasn't a professional reason why she had to walk beside him.

It was actually more efficient for her to stay behind him, to give the envorment a second glance for enemy traces…

...

He still wanted to turn around… just to make sure she wasn't making that face.

But he wouldn't let himself.

…

He wondered what she was thinking about.

… last night…?

A lot had happened last night… they had said a lot in so few words.

But somebody else's words went through his mind when he thought back to that night.

'… _it _never_ does any good to hide things.'_

Kakashi had always believed that there are some things that would be best unknown to some…

… if Sakura had never known about Asaka…

Would that make things better or worse?

If she hadn't had found out… would he be treating her like this?

… or would he have let his emotions take over?

Would he be holding her right now?

Kissing her?

… which was better?

Paying attention to this mission, even if that meant he had to ignore her… or to risk their safety if it meant she wouldn't have to wear that expression.

Things were getting so confusing…

Once again he wished he could forget everything…. Everything except for her.

With that feeling, his mind travelled to a conversation that he had last night…

**……………..**

The two red doors of the Academy opened with little noise.

A single man walked out, he turned towards the door again, keys in his hand.

"Iruka…" He called out as he walked closer to the teacher who had just finished locking the doors.

This conversation wasn't going to be easy…

…

"Kakashi-san…" Iruka responded without having to turn around.

Something about Iruka seemed a little too prepared… like he knew he was going to have this conversation.

If that was the case, Kakashi didn't want to waste any time on useless formalities.

"What did you tell her?" He asked with an intentionally serious voice.

Iruka only sighed lightly as he turned towards the street, not even glancing at Kakashi as he walked away, the keys jingling as they were stuffed into his pocket.

"Did she tell you about yesterday on her own?… Or did you pressure it out of her?" Iruka ignored Kakashi's question with a question.

Kakashi followed him to the street…. Not answering…

Another sigh left Iruka as he stopped walking, taking the silence as an answer and turning around to face Kakashi.

The sidewalk was empty. No one really came to this part of Konoha at night, the main traffic was in the residential and market area.

Iruka's words were one of the few noises that interrupted the street's dark silence.

"I only told her what a young woman, who's just trying to keep up with an increasingly dangerous relationship, deserved to know…" He summarized smoothly.

Kakashi wondered if Iruka had prepared that response beforehand for a moment.

But he couldn't focus on that as his temper was suddenly tested by the following words.

"… It was something you really should've told her yourself… Instead she had to hear it from another man." Iruka finished with a mature tone, turning around to walk down the sidewalk again.

Iruka seemed strangely confident in this conversation…

Kakashi picked up his pace to keep up.

Those words irritated him more than a little… it sounded like Iruka was trying to tell _him_ how to handle this relationship…

"You didn't have the right to tell her about my past, Iruka." Kakashi pointed out with a hard voice.

Their footsteps were in synch.

"Maybe not, but she _did_ have a right to know…"He paused as he looked over to Kakashi, who was having an increasingly harder time controlling his temper… "… She can handle this, Kakashi… "

… Now he was talking to him about Sakura like he didn't know her.

"I wouldn't have started this relationship if I thought she couldn't handle herself… but this isn't the same." Kakashi's voice grew a little calmer, he was still trying to ignore this growing irritation.

"Even if it isn't the same… She's not a little girl anymore… and it's troubling that _I_ have to be the one to remind you of that."

… Iruka was really pushing the boundaries of this conversation.

"You don't need to remind me of anything about Sakura… I know she isn't the young girl we both knew as a student, but she isn't a woman yet, either." Kakashi retorted even more harshly than before, definitely not appreciating the subject.

"_I_ know that." Iruka responded shortly, emphasizing the first word.

The emphasis on that single word set off a trigger in Kakashi's mind.

"Then remember that the next time you invite her for a late-night talk in an empty school building."

The sound of footsteps ceased immediately when Iruka stopped in his tracks.

Kakashi's comment must've hit him.

"What do you mean by that?" Iruka asked as he turned over to Kakashi again.

"Since you know she's still just a young woman, don't treat her as if she's an adult…" Kakashi added.

The way Iruka's gotten closer to Sakura… even going as far as talking to her about her love life under such risky circumstances… Kakashi felt like he had to stop this from getting any more suspicious.

Iruka only gripped onto his suitcase a little tightly for a second.

"'Treat her as if she's an adult?'...."

Iruka repeated those words to himself like he was thinking back… as if he had to check if he had been treating her like a woman or a girl.

Kakashi was a little troubld that he _had_ to look back like that…

But then something flashed across the 26-year-old's face.

Realization.

Kakashi wondered, only for a second, whether Iruka had just now caught onto what he was trying to say or something.

It wouldn't surprise him… Iruka was well-known for his naïve nature.

"Could it be… you're jealous?"

Iruka asked that question with the most innocent face, coupled with a teasing voice. Just like a young boy who was actually curious, but was waiting for the answer with mischievous anticipation.

Kakashi couldn't quite react…

That definitely wasn't what he expected.

He had expected Iruka to shrink back, probably blush a little and deny that anything happened while apologizing profusely… but he didn't do any of that.

Iruka was definitely more complex than Kakashi thought...

"Jealousy has nothing to do with this…" Kakashi spoke up a little roughly.

…

Iruka smiled a little, not losing that young-boy-mischief.

_What exactly was he thinking of?_

"Why did you bring it up?" Iruka asked quietly as he started walking again.

Kakashi gave an irritated sigh.

"Because if anyone saw you two, suspicions would rise… and we don't need any more trouble from you…" He offered the very logical side of the conversation, hoping that Iruka would take a little sting from the last part of the sentence.

"That's it?" Iruka was unaffected and as 'innocent' as ever. "… You weren't upset over anything other than that?" He pushed the subject even further, not caring to hide it.

"A single conversation is nothing to be jealous over…"

Kakashi answered very seriously, looking dead-ahead.

…

"Hmm…." Iruka hummed thoughtfully to himself.

_What the hell was he thinking about now?_

Kakashi was about to speak up and ask his original question again, and move on from this awkward subject… but was interrupted by the most unsettling thing Iruka could've said.

"… Well, what if it wasn't just a conversation?"

Kakashi immediately looked over at Iruka… who was still looking down at the sidewalk, innocent-faced.

_What the hell kind of question was that?_

_What is he expecting from me?_

…

Iruka looked over to Kakashi, who looked away quick enough that their eyes didn't meet.

"Her hair smells just like strawberries, doesn't it?" Iruka shared with a friendly tone out of nowhere, lifting his head up.

Kakashi felt a little pang of irritation.

He didn't want to think about how Iruka knew that...

He closed his eyes in a faint scowl.

"It's really soft, too…" Iruka added, using that bad-joke voice that seemed to double up as his playful-small-talk voice.

Kakashi really knew, too well, how soft her hair was.

He felt more than a bit of agitation when he thought about Iruka touching her hair.

His eyebrow twitched.

He could almost feel Iruka's grading stare on his face.

… Iruka seemed determined to get a reaction.

…

"Her hugs are really warm, too…"

... that struck a chord.

Kakashi's jaw clenched a little tensely.

_When did they hug?_

_..._

"And her arms feel really slender-"

"Enough." Kakashi immediately shot a glare at his colleague, who at the moment was busy laughing with a smug look on his face.

Kakashi had to fight back the urge to punch his friend in the face.

Iruka started talking before his laughing died out.

"See!?... If you could only be this honest with her!…" Iruka lectured Kakashi, who was about a few second away from actually punching him, but thoughts about punching disppeared after the next sentence. "Instead of hiding things, and only scolding her when she goes looking for answers…"

"How'd you-?" Kakashi was confused only for a moment about how Iruka knew that Kakashi hadn't responded kindly to finding out about Sakura's investigation into his past.

Iruka only chuckled again…

He had just guessed.

…

"She should've just asked me…" Kakashi said quietly as the excitement from the previous moment died out completely.

Suddenly this had turned into a serious conversation between two equals…

"… You wouldn't have answered her…" Iruka responded just as seriously.

…

It was true…. He probably would've just brushed her question aside… and she would've gone to Iruka for answers anyways.

…

Kakashi let out a sigh as he ran a hand through his hair tiredly.

"I don't know a lot about relationships, Kakashi… especially relationships like the one you two are going through… but I do know that it _never_ does any good to hide things."

**…………………….**

_Hiding things_…

Throughout his life, he had always hid things… even if it was just his face, his feelings, his past… he had never learned what it was like to have somebody know everything about him.

…

And he had never known anyone that didn't hide things from him.

Others have hid so much from him: the truth about his father, the truth about their feelings, the truth about how important he really was to them…

The one person he had ever thought he could tell everything to had been one of the few people in his life he should have never trusted…

…Sato…

He was woken from those thoughts when he heard a familiar voice speak up a little shakily.

"Kakashi-sensei…."

Her voice. He had missed it.

"… What's happening to us?" Her words stopped him from walking any further.

He could barely stand the way those four words made him feel...

**……………………..................................………………………………………………………………………………**

He stopped in his tracks as soon as I finished my shaky question.

I immediately felt like I did something wrong…

But I didn't really care.

… I really needed an answer…

No matter how short, or how painful, it was… I needed it.

I heard him take a breath…

I braced myself for his words.

"Sakura… this isn't the time or place to be talking about those things…"

_Eh?_

"Right now we both need to pay attention to our jobs, and not our personal lives."

…

He just stood there as he finished his sentence with his familiar lecturing voice…

I couldn't think of anything to say.

…

He made it sound like I wanted to stop everything and childishly demand a 2-hour talk!

He was treating me like a kid… treating me like I was that bossy, overdramatic thirteen-year-old I was when we first met.

All I wanted was a few minutes!

A few words!

…

…but…

…

Why did it feel like I _was_ thirteen again when he said that?

...

Was it because he felt so far away?

Was it because he was treating me like I was thirteen?

Was it because I really was as mature as a thirteen-year-old?

… He probably thought so.

_But I'm not thirteen anymore!!_

I knew we had our jobs! I knew what we had to do! I just wanted _something_!

_Anything!_

_Anything_ I could hold onto, to think over… something that was better than what he left me with last night!

"Kakashi…" I called his name again, forgetting the suffix and remembering my confidence.

How could he do this to me?!

How could he just expect me to drop this?!

"I really just need an answer!" I nearly shouted.

He quickly turned his head to his right.

I could see his masked silhouette, but I couldn't see what his expression was.

…

"Be quiet." He ordered me shortly.

…

"What?!…" I couldn't control that response.

I knew he was in charge, and could order me to shut up whenever he wanted me to, but right now wasn't the time to be using his ordering rights… not when I had worked up so much courage _just_ to talk to him!

"Ka-!"I was about to call his name again.

"I need to listen." He cut me off as he turned to me completely, his voice a little more urgent.

My stomach suddenly jumped when I realized he wasn't just trying to shut me up… he actually needed to listen...

What did he hear?

In a flash of a moment I saw his eyes shift sharply over to the trees to the right, his hand threw a kunai as fast as his eyes found whatever they were looking for.

My eyes followed it, I still couldn't see where it went.

But before I could hear it hit anything I suddenly heard something.

Wind.

The next thing I saw was the little metal kunai spinning uncontrollably towards us. I felt a familiar hand push against my stomach roughly. I fell to the ground and barely inches away from the kunai's path.

It planted into a tree a few feet away, sending splinters shooting in all directions.

I covered my eyes, trying to lift myself off the ground.

I sat up on the ground, still recovering from having the air forced out of me.

I held back from coughing, I really needed to see what was going on…

"I could never top your speed, Hatake."

That voice.

Smooth, playful, mature, a woman's.

…

I snatched my hands away from my face as I looked for the owner of that voice.

"Sato…" Kakashi's voice… it sounded so raw with anger. I had _never _heard it like that. Even through his mask I could see how scary his expression was.

"Aw, don't act like I'm such a plague." My eyes finally landed on the woman who was talking so playfully. But I couldn't focus on anything but her words. "That's no way to greet your old captain."

…

_Captain?_

…………………………………………………………………………………**.**


	37. Voices and Vexes

**Chapter 37!**

**Title: **_"Voices and Vexes"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!**

**Note:…**** I am SO sorry for the looooong wait!....**

**I hope none of you lost interest!!**

…

**I've been dealing with a lot at school and drama rehearsals after school…. Anyways, I had planned on having this chapter out MANY days ago, but I never had enough time!**

**And I was always too tired to write when I **_**did**_** have time!**

**DX**

**So please don't think that I'm suddenly losing my conviction for this fic or something… I'm still quite addicted to writing it!**

**Once again, Please forgive the lateness, and enjoy!**

…

…

……………………………………………………………

…. _Captain?_

…

… _Sato? _

_... _

As I sat up, wiping my face of the splinters that had recently showered over me, my eyes finally landed on the intruder who had just interrupted us violently.

A long, red swaying jacket caught my eyes before I look at her face.

…

She was tall, with long straight, raven hair that draped passed her shoulders.

Even though she looked like she was in her early thirties… she was really beautiful. Too beautiful.

I almost missed her next words as my brain was still adjusting.

"It's strange seeing you again so soon, Hatake." She spoke smoothly, casually.

… She said his last name again.

It sounded so strange for somebody to call Kakashi-sensei by his last name… he always made a point to have everyone call him by his first name… almost as if he didn't like being called by his surname.

I staggered to my feet, trying not to take my eyes off of this woman… I didn't know who she was or what she wanted… but I wasn't stupid enough to think that she was completely unrelated to the enemies we had been waiting for.

As I found my footing the woman continued talking…

"All these years of only hearing rumors about you, and now I see you twice in the same week…"

Something definitely wasn't right.

I glanced over to Kakashi-sensei, I wished I hadn't.

He was glaring at this woman with so much hatred.

So much… hurt?

…

The weight of realization almost pushed me back to the ground.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………..

He couldn't look away from her face.

He wished he could.

He wished he could move.

But he couldn't think of what he could do.

…

He wanted to do something, anything that could erase her from his sight.

He had never wanted to see her again.

But now as she was standing there, her voice stabbing at his ears, he was frozen by her face, her voice, her body and all the memories they brought back to him, all the memories that he had tried to forget…

"All these years of only hearing rumors about you, and now I see you twice in the same week…"

Her tone unchanged by the years… still haughty and demanding…

Even the way she would only call him by his last name…

He hated it.

He hated everything about this woman even more intensely than he once loved-

Her voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Talking about rumors, I heard you were the one who killed Zabuza of the Mist… I was a little disappointed when I heard that, he was a good kid."

He couldn't stand listening to that voice.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

This is her…

… the woman that…

…

… Asaka.

I couldn't think straight.

This was all happening too fast.

I knew she was related to this mission, I knew seeing her like this would happen, but she came out of nowhere, she was somebody who had only been idea, a thought-form in my mind for the past several days, but she was right here, right now, in person, and was already acting like she had every right to talk to him so casually.

Like they were still old friends or something.

Or something.

I couldn't wrap my head around any of this.

How could this happen so suddenly?!

Her words finally made sense after a few seconds.

'_Zabuza'…_

My mind flashed to my first serious mission as a Genin.

She was talking about the first shinobi that had ever made me quiver in fear as if he was an old pet of hers.

…. Kakashi-sensei's voice spoke up as soon as she finished her sentence.

"What do you want?"

His voice.

He said every word clearly and slowly, like he was trying to keep himself from saying anything else.

She only shifted on the spot comfortably, flicking her hair out of her face.

"Just trying to talk…." She responded as if there wasn't this thick, smothering tension in the air.

"You didn't come here and attack Konoha forces 'just to talk'." He talked a little faster. His voice had a sharp edge to it that didn't even seem to faze her.

She even smiled a little. She was even more beautiful now.

Her grin was full of playful malice.

"So serious… " She commented shortly, she turned to her side, her heeled boots crushing the crisping leaves under her feet as she took a few steps towards the recently shredded tree. "…What did all those years do to my kouhai?" her voice was high with mock-concern, she kept her eyes on the tree, looking at it appraisingly.

I could see Kakashi-sensei shift a little in the corner of my eye.

His fists clenched, his jaw tightened.

… He was really having trouble with this…

I wanted to do something…

I wanted to say something.

To stop whatever this conversation was going to turn into, what it was going to do to Kakashi…. But…

I was frozen to the spot.

I felt like I wasn't actually there.

They were both so… focused… on each other.

I felt like I was only a spectator in this, that despite my recent relationship with the silver-haired man who was still glaring at this tall, elegant, mature-looking woman, I was still only a kid trying to grasp onto a conversation between two adults.

…

Her voice started talking again,

"Or are you only trying to act like a serious leader in front of your cute little team member?"

Her indigo eyes flashed to me just as her hand reached up to the splintered bark of the tree next to her.

After only a moment of eye contact with her I needed to look away, but I couldn't.

I was still frozen.

Something rushed in between me and her before I could realize that she had picked out the kunai that had been imbedded in that tree. She was pointing it towards me.

I felt Kakashi-sensei's left hand land on my left arm, he was pulling me behind him.

"Leave her out of this!" I couldn't imagine the expression he was wearing when he said those words with such a scary voice.

"Protective, aren't we?" Asaka's voice graded condescendingly.

Kakashi only pushed me behind him further.

I wanted to see his face. I wanted to know what he was thinking. What he was going through. I wanted to help.

He took a step backward, and closer to me.

Asaka was completely out of sight now, I didn't know whether I wanted to peek around his side to keep my eyes on her, or if it was best not to see her.

But something else caught my attention as I was trying to decide just what exactly I _wanted_ to see of this conversation.

He waved his gloved hand at me with a single, slow flick.

…

He was telling me to run.

…

He wanted me to leave.

…

I immediately woke up from whatever paralysis this situation had put me in.

I couldn't leave him here!… I couldn't just abandon him!

…

But if I stayed here, then I was only going to cause more trouble for him, wasn't I?

Her sickly-sweet voice interrupted my thoughts again.

"Well, if you're not going to talk to me while she's still here, then I'll have to get rid of her…"

In a flash I saw a blur of red peek out from in front of Kakashi, I could only hear the clanking of colliding metal.

Everything happened so fast.

She had aimed that kunai at me, but he hit it away with the metal plate on his glove.

It was now only a few feet away, stabbing into the ground.

… I hadn't been able to keep up with all that until it was already over…

If he wasn't here… I would've…

I immediately understood why he didn't want me here.

… Their level was something beyond what I was capable of right now.

… I was only going to get killed if I stayed…

…

… I was too weak.

Like I've always been.

"… Well done…" She sounded as if she was grading his behavior, like a captain… like a teacher.

She had already said that she couldn't top his speed, she should've known that he was going to stop her.

With her next words, I suddenly realized that she hadn't been praising his speed… but something else.

"… Seems like you've finally moved on, Hatake."

…

… '_Moved on'?…._

…

"… I'd recognize that look in your eyes anywhere; a man in love."

…

…My thoughts froze.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

He couldn't think straight.

She knew.

After only seeing so little. After doing so little. She already knew.

It was his fault.

He couldn't control his emotions.

Because of him, she saw through them.

The one thing he had to hide from everyone… the one thing he had to hide from _her_….

Their secret.

… She might not have known that Sakura was his student… or that their relationship was forbidden… she didn't need to.

The power this woman got from knowing her enemy's emotions, loved ones, hated ones… this woman was capable of hideous things when it came to playing with the emotions of her prey.

…

… And in that moment she had more power than she had ever before.

More power over him than he had ever wanted her to have again.

And she knew that. Too well.

…

Her eyes, her smile.

He remembered that dangerous expression.

… She was interested.

Intrigued.

She wasn't going to drop this subject if she could help it.

Her eyes flashed over to the pink-haired girl peeking out from behind him.

He really wished he could've hidden her from this.

… but it was too late for that now.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Her eyes found mine, they travelled across my face…. I quickly looked away.

I felt that the more I looked at her, the closer she got, and I really didn't want her anywhere near me… anywhere near him.

I didn't really realize it when I reached my hand up to his arm, my fingers grabbing onto his navy-blue sleeve weakly… it must've been some sort of habit.

I felt a little better… for the fraction of a second before she started talking again.

"She's really young… too young…" She graded me, sounding displeased.

My mouth went dry.

…

I couldn't say anything.

I looked up to him.

I had expected him to do something. To say something.

But what could he say?

… She was right.

… There wasn't any way to defend ourselves against that.

I immediately felt his hand close around my arm. He pulled me farther behind him again.

It was like he was trying to protect me from her words.

I wished he really could've.

"She looks clueless, Hatake." She said casually, like she was helpfully informing him that something he bought was broken or chipped. "She's probably never been _with_ a man before-"

"Sato." He almost shouted at her.

I couldn't pay attention to how his tone would've made me jump when my brain was already trying to get over what she just said.

Why would she say something like that?

How could she know something like that?

"Hatake…" She responded after a moment, her voice was a little deeper, she was mocking his tone. I almost felt like saying something before her words stumped me again. "Have your tastes changed since we were together?"

…

'_Tastes'?_

…

"Don't talk about things you couldn't understand." His harsh voice found my ears again.

I wondered how he could've recovered from that troubling question so soon to respond like that. I was still trying to wash it out of my mind.

"You're not that hard to figure out, Hatake… and I already know so much about you…" I heard her take a few more steps towards us. Kakashi-sensei pushed me back a little farther. He was still trying to protect me from this.

I had to do something.

I had to say something.

"I know much more than your little under-aged, pink-haired girlfriend does."

That pushed me over an edge I didn't know I was so close to.

My fists clenched tightly, my teeth ground together before I opened my mouth.

"What th-!"

"Sakura."

His voice cut me off harshly.

I looked up at him, about ready to argue back, to tell him that I couldn't just stand by anymore and let him protect, like he always has… but his face.

The way he looked down at me…

He really didn't want me getting involved with this.

And when he gave me that expression, I suddenly felt like I didn't want to get involved either.

He turned away from me, looking back to the woman in the red jacket slowly.

…

"That's enough." I felt Kakashi-sensei's hand tighten around my arm a little. I saw his other hand reach into his kunai satchel.

My stomach squirmed horribly at the thought of him starting something.

I found myself begging him with my thoughts not to turn this into a battle.

Even though what she said was really disturbing. I still didn't want him to get hurt over this.

I just wanted us to leave, go find Naruto and Sai, and fight as a team.

Like we always have.

I didn't want this to be any different.

…

I didn't want him to feel like he had to fight this woman by himself.

I didn't want him to get hurt.

Again.

"I can tell now that you two haven't been in this 'relationship' for long…. You probably haven't even reached _that_ part of the relationship yet…. It's really quite cute…."

… My brain scrambled at the inflection of that middle sentence.

I was overcome with a really thick feeling of… immaturity.

…. I was starting to feel really weird.

"But this is definitely not what I expected from you, Hatake. …I _know_ you…" Her voice made me sick when she said those three words. "You must be aching for some real attention by now."

…

My heart thudded uncomfortably in my chest.

…

"Stop it." He spoke up again, his hand in his satchel tightened around the handle of a kunai.

I suddenly felt really aware of how hot his hand was on my arm. My fingers twitched a little loosely on his sleeve.

My thoughts fell apart when I tried thinking about what she said.

I couldn't seem to gather any of them up again as I was suddenly torn between focusing on her words, her meanings, or his actions.

I was only a spectator again.

I really couldn't feel any conviction to say or do anything.

But her words weren't over yet.

"Don't you remember our time together?" She started to take a few steps toward us. Toward him. He backed me farther away behind him."What you said, what I taught you, the things we di-"

"Shut up." He stopped her from finishing that sickening sentence with his frightening voice.

Her laughter was like a chime of small, high-pitched notes that hurt my ears.

"No need to be a scornful ex, Hatake… I was only trying to make a point." She explained her horrible words casually.

I felt Kakashi-sensei's hand closed around my arm even tighter, but it didn't seem like he noticed it.

She was getting to him.

"There's nothing you could say that isn't a waste of air and time." He retorted.

"I doubt that." She countered.

The energy between these two.

It was so overwhelming.

The emotions, the hatred, the malice, the hurt… just by standing here listening to them I could practically feel those emotions crawling over my skin with a sickly sensation.

I wondered if at least he could feel my discomfort, my anxiety, my confusion.

"I've had enough."

His voice snapped me back to reality.

I barely realized it when he was suddenly facing me, both his hands landing on my shoulders pushing me backward a little.

Were we leaving?

"You never used to say that." Her words seemed to actually hit him.

His eyes opened a little widely before narrowing into that hateful expression he had been wearing ever since she appeared what seemed an eternity ago….

He looked away from me, over his shoulder.

I reached up to his arms, trying to get his attention.

I didn't want him to look at her any longer.

I just wanted to go.

But something interrupted this moment from going in any direction I had wanted it to, or thought it would.

A deep rumbling in the ground interrupted the silence. The earth was shaking roughly, loud gnawing sounds of tree roots breaking and snapping added to the noise. I nearly lost my balance before it stopped altogether.

I looked up from the ground, my eyes immediately finding Kakashi-sensei, searching for any form of an answer.

He was looking passed me, towards the western forest as if he was looking for something.

"You better get back to the others, right?" Asaka spoke up with a mocking tone, like she was giving advice to children.

He immediately whipped his head back to her.

I felt like pulling him back to me, but I was still frozen for answers.

"If you did anything-" He practically growled over his shoulder, his hands closing a little too tightly on my shoulders. She interrupted him with that same haughty, arrogant tone.

"Don't worry, this just got interesting… I'll make sure that this lasts as long as I can make it…"

And in a blur, the red seemed to vanish in an instant.

…

She was gone.

…

Just as easily as she had slithered in and shaken my mind and heart, she was gone.

…

I found some sense of relief from the fact that her voice wasn't here anymore.

… but her words still survived in my thoughts.

…

My mind's respite didn't last long before I remembered reality.

That rumbling.

Kakashi-sensei was already ahead of me, running into the forest, his hand still closed tightly around my arm.

I wanted to say something. But there was nothing I could say.

Right now wasn't about that woman anymore.

Half of our team was somewhere, and in danger.

I would have to suppress everything that just happened, everything I just heard, everything I just felt, until we knew what exactly was going on…

… Even then, I was still scared of the expression Kakashi-sensei was wearing.

I wondered if he was having troubling getting over what just happened, too.

My hand tightened on his sleeve, but his hot hand was still just as unmovable as stone.

…………

"Kage bunshin no jutsu!"

We had only been running in silence for a minute or two till I heard that unmistakable voice shouting those words I've heard so many times in the past.

I didn't have time to even think about changing my course when I suddenly felt Kakashi-sensei's hand drag me behind him as he took a sharp right, towards Naruto's voice.

Something was so different about him right now.

I was almost afraid that he was going to stay like this from now on.

Cold.

"Don't just run away!"Naruto's pugnacious voice shouted out, still loud and clear over the rustling of leaves and rush of wind around us.

Branches scratched at my face and arms as we were reaching the tree-line.

We broke through the edge of the forest with barely any resistance, running right into a large clearing that was riddled with large, gaping holes in the ground. The holes were all so deep, and scattered around randomly, as if some sort of meteor shower had rained down in the past few minutes.

I was still busy looking at all the damage done to the landscape when I heard Kakashi-sensei speak up, but not to me.

"What happened here?" He asked seriously.

"While Naruto and I were looking for a potential camping sight we were ambushed." Sai answered with a slightly weary voice, breathing a little hard. "The earth-user and a few others started attacking."

"Where's Naruto now?"

"The enemies disappeared only a few minutes ago. He went off looking for them." Sai explained further, straightening out his posture dutifully.

"That idiot." I heard Kakashi-sensei say in a quiet, stressed voice.

That struck a small nerve with me.

I almost wanted to say something, but I was suddenly distracted by Sai.

His eyes weren't scanning the nearby forest walls like Kakashi-sensei's were, but were focused intently on something right in front of him.

My arm suddenly felt even hotter under Kakashi's touch now that Sai was staring at his hand.

_We really don't need this right now!_

I lifted my other hand to his gloved one, my fingers trying to gently slip between his and ease his grip.

As soon as my fingers started pulling on his he suddenly turned over to me like I had called him or something completely forgetting Naruto.

He noticed only a second later.

His hand snatched away from my arm harshly.

I felt my heartbeat pulse through my, now cold, arm.

He had been holding onto me tighter than I thought.

"I'll go search for him. Sai, you two go find a suitable resting spot." Kakashi was already halfway towards the trees when Sai spoke up.

"But with the enemy's location still unknow-" Kakashi cut him off a little hurriedly.

"They won't bother us again for a while, besides, they'll be expecting us to move either east or north, staying west should throw them off for a little while."

"… Alright." Sai agreed to Kakashi's plan as the silver-haired man disappeared into the trees.

I almost wanted to go after him.

To stay with him.

I didn't want him to go off alone, left with his thoughts… I had no idea what kind of man he was going to be the next time I see him.

He changed so much in the course of one day. What could another do to him?

Fighting against my instincts I slowly picked up my feet to follow Sai as he started to walk past me, towards the forest.

……………….

"This should be a good spot." Sai announced calmly as we reached a small area free of foliage but surrounded by trees.

I nodded in response quietly.

My mind was still focused on other things than laying out the camping materials.

"Sakura…"

I barely noticed until Sai called my name and I was forced to look away from my hands that the sun was already lowering to the tips of the trees.

Today had gone by with such a scattered pace, sometimes unbearably slow, and other times, too fast for me to even think.

"May I ask what exactly happened while you were alone with Kakashi-san?"

His voice asked that question with such a polite tone, I had to recheck my listening ability just to make sure he had actually asked me that.

Had it been Naruto, it would've been easier to lie… but Sai.

… He knew something.

I had no idea what it was, but he had figured something out.

I found my voice for the first time since I was cut off by Kakashi-sensei.

"Why do you ask?"

I responded politely, forcing myself to look back to my hands even though I really wanted to see Sai's face. Maybe his expression might tell me something… if he wasn't just smiling like he always was.

"He seemed rather disturbed by something." I heard his calm voice explain his curiosity.

"I didn't notice anything." I lied horribly.

I tried to keep my eyes on the bag in my hands, pulling out the thick fabric of my blanket.

"Really?... he's been acting strangely all day." Sai politely poked at my weak lie with that too-true remark.

I almost felt like I was being interrogated, until the tension was suddenly lost when a familiar voice barged in.

"You guys think so, too?!"

I heard Naruto's voice crash into our conversation a little loudly.

My heart stuttered a little nervously as I looked over to the yellow-haired boy walking out from the trees, expecting his silver-haired teacher to be following not too far behind.

But my eyes only found the orange-clad ninja, who was walking over to me and Sai with his usual, confident, stride... alone.

"Where's Kakashi-san?"

Sai asked my question for me.

"He said he'd start the patrolling cycle now." Naruto explained lazily as he threw down his bag, and landed on it at the same time, not even bothering to take his blanket out.

My heart dropped with disappointment… but at the same time I felt like I could breathe easier, too.

I couldn't explain this weird relief I felt over not seeing him right now… it was even harder to understand this gnawing feeling that I _needed_ to see him.

............

The sun sunk behind the tips of the trees, casting shadow on our little resting site, just as all three of us settled into our spots.

Sai sat back on his bag, flipping through the Icha Icha novel he had borrowed from Kakashi-sensei a couple days ago. Naruto was busy eating some of his improvised rations that he brought with him, chips, probably still grumbling over being told not to light a fire to boil some water for his instant ramen since it would give our position away as soon as any smoke formed.

And I... just sat there.

…

It seemed so strange.

Just sitting here.

Watching the sun disappear.

…

But, it was what we had to do. Wait.

That was our job until the enemies showed themselves again.

I shuddered at the thought of ever seeing that woman again. My fist tightened a little, too.

I swore to myself that if I ever saw her again, she wasn't going to be laughing at me after I... I couldn't finish that thought....

Even if I saw her again... I'll still be no match.

...

Once again I felt so restless, sitting here with nothing to do, when there seemed to be so much I needed to fix.

After so much happening today, I felt like sitting here, pretending none of it happened, pretending that I wasn't actually thinking about that man every other second, seemed like I was betraying something.

I couldn't do this anymore.

I couldn't just sit at the sidelines of my own life, watching, waiting for something to happen, waiting for him to do something, waiting for someone else to fix my life.

I planted my hands on the grass harshly, pushing myself up from the ground quickly, feeling a long-lost sense of conviction that I had needed this entire day.

I barely noticed that Sai had stood up at the exact same moment I did until I heard him speak up.

"I guess I'll go and relieve Kakashi-san."

I hesitated for a moment.

What was I planning on doing again?

… Wasn't I planning on going to go see him?

… How would I do that now?

I can't wait for him to come here, he'd only use Naruto as an excuse to act 'professional'.

I grumbled mentally at the thought of having to confront Kakashi-sensei while he was still acting like that.

I took a step towards the forest...

I couldn't stop now.

I had finally worked up soem sort of miracle-courage to go confront him. I had to go through with it.

I was only a few feet away from the treeline when I was interrupted.

"Where are ya goin', Sakura-chan?" Naruto called after me. "Gotta go pee or something?"

My fist landed on the top of his head with a pleasing _thud_ sound.

I whipped around again, and stomped off towards my original direction, actually feeling a little better for a moment, but the squirming in my stomach started churning again when I thought about what I was actually doing.... and what was ahead of me.

"Even I know not to ask a girl something like that." I heard Sai's voice grow fainter as I walked away from the camping site.

"Eh?! I just wanted to know where she was going!" Naruto still sounded like he was right next to me.

I would've smirked at his whining voice during a normal day.

But right now I couldn't muster any sort of lightness.

Not while I was thinking about him.

...

I could still hear Naruto bicker with Sai for a few exchanges, but I was too far away, physically and mentally, to really hear what they were saying, but I did notice when I heard Sai leave the camp site, too, running ahead of me... for Kakashi.

...

After only a few moments, my thoughts inevitably fell back into old circles… circles of worry, confusion, and frustration over how much worry and confusion I was going through.

That was why I was here. Why I was going to go see him.

I needed to… sort things out.

… Despite this frustration… I still felt nervous.

… what exactly was going to happen when I see him again?

… who exactly will he be?

… The man I loved? Or the cold, professional, outer-shell of him?

I grimaced at the fact that that question even came to my mind, but my pace didn't falter.

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**AUTHOR's NOTE:... Sorry for the bad cut-off place… but there's gonna be a ****lot**** happening in the next chapter, so I wanted to cut it off at a spot where you'll get all the excitement, all together, in the next chapter (which I'll _try_ to have out sooner than this one, of course)…. But that's not why I'm putting this note here.**

…

**This note was to notify everyone that I'll be making a KakaSaku AMV.**

**… :D ...**

**It'll be my first Naruto AMV, but I hope you guys like it... It won't necessarily be based off of 'Growing Pangs' (since the scenes in the anime wouldn't match up, and I'm pretty sure no one has made any fan art of this) I'll try to put in some 'Growing Pangs' references, but it'll mostly be an AMV for KakaSaku in general, that way all KakaSaku-lovers can enjoy it! :D**

**It's already under construction, and hopefully it'll out before the November is over with, but I've put so much effort and work into this fic that I think I should put the same amount of dedication into this video... so it might take a while... but yeah, I just thought to give a heads up for any of you 'Growing Pangs' readers... **

**Oh, and if you wanted to see my AMV-capabilties, you can find me on Youtube under the same username 'TheEdgyBubble'... but please keep in mind that this AMV will probably be in a completely new, _brighter_ style that what I usually do... **

**...**

**Thank you all for reading this far, and for all the support and reviews!!!!.... **

**If it wasn't for you guys, this story would not be what it is today.... and hopefully you can take that as a compliment, lol.**

**^_^**


	38. Needs and Nuisances

**Chapter 38!**

**Title:**_ "Needs and Nuisances"_

**Disclaimer: ****I own nothing!!**

**Note:****… Out early because I wanted to make up for the lateness of the previous chapter, as well as the fact that I simply couldn't stop writing this one… one of my favorites to write so far…. **

**XD**

**Hope you enjoy!**

…………………………………………………………………………………

Walking through the forest, slower than I had planned, I kept thinking over what I was doing.

Trying to prepare myself.

_I'm going to go confront him._

_Demand answers._

… _and prove that I'm completely capable of handling this… situation._

_..._

I sighed at my itinerary.

...

_How did things ever get like this?_

My mind flashed back to what had happened this afternoon.

It felt like it happened days ago, that conversation… if that's what you can call it…

I rubbed my forearm for a second, feeling the memory of his hand holding my arm hotly.

…

… All he did was try to keep me out of it.

…

Something about that really bothered me.

I knew this was his personal past. I knew that he didn't want me to know too much about this part of his past.

And I understood why.

But…

The way he was hiding it, 'protecting' me from it… it was like he thought I couldn't handle it. That I'd only get hurt, or scared, or confused.

_Of course I was still really disturbed by what Asaka said, but it doesn't change anything between me and Kakashi-sensei, right? …_

…

Even though I tried to believe that… I still couldn't feel like it was true.

He was so… distant… now

… _now?..._

No… he's been drifting farther away from me for a while…

…

Or was he _always_ this far away?…

Maybe this was just the first time I've realized it.

Were all those moments when I thought I had actually managed to get closer to him, fake?

… That thought hurt a little too much.

…

Maybe they weren't fake… I know we have gotten so much closer than before… I know that, compared to our previous, almost non-existent, relationship, we've grown a lot closer… But I could feel it. A sort of distance between us that we haven't conquered… one that I don't think we could if we tried:

He's an adult.

A teacher.

A man.

I'm a teenager.

A student.

A girl.

… We were never supposed to feel like this for each other.

… We were never supposed to touch or kiss.

If I called out to him, he was never supposed to listen… but at this point… would he hear me anymore?

This was the most basic barrier between us, the one that society put on us… or maybe the one we put in between each other without meaning to.

But whether we wanted it or not, he's always been unreachable, hasn't he?

He's always been in a different world.

From the start.

I could never touch him… I could never touch his heart like he has mine.

…

This distance.

…

_It's my fault._

He can't come near me because of me, because of my age, because of my immaturity.

Because he thinks I can't handle this.

…

But I can.

As long as I love him.

I can handle it…

As long as he loves me.

I can handle anything for him…

…

I need to prove that to him.

Somehow…

My pace slowed even further. I was too lost in thought to pay attention to how sluggish my feet were moving or how my fists were clenched a little too tightly.

… I still felt so powerless…. So childish.

So immature.

This relationship was growing and changing, but I could barely keep up as it is.

_He's just waiting for me to learn how reach him… but I can't figure out how._

…

With that feeling, my mind unwillingly thought back through Asaka's words… a single phrase struck a chord that was still sore.

…

"_I can tell now that you two haven't been in this 'relationship' for long…. You probably haven't even reached _that_ part of the relationship yet…. "_

…

I tried to scrub my mind of it…. I tried to forget how easy she made '_that'_ sound…

…. But my mind was only terrorized with something she said that was even worse.

"…_.This is definitely not what I expected from you, Hatake. …I know you…" _

…

"_You must be aching for some real attention by now."_

…

I cringed towards my even slower-paced feet.

Those words.

… They wouldn't have meant anything to me if they hadn't been so true.

I wouldn't feel this... childish... if I hadn't been wondering since before Asaka said anything… whether he was, as a man,… impatient.

My cringe deepened into a grimace.

…

_I've been really selfish, haven't I?_

…

A twig snapped.

I immediately looked up from my feet, paying more attention to my surroundings again.

My foot faltered a little, the leaf under my sandal crunched slowly as my pace halted to a stop.

Somebody was definitely here…

…

My stomach squirmed horribly at the idea that it could be Asaka.

But before those fears could invade my mind any further I saw him walk through the trees right in front of me.

He looked tired, distracted, worn… but still cold.

It was strange to only see one of his eyes. By now I was so used to always seeing his entire face.

His gaze met mine for only a moment until he looked away, he started walking again… I could tell he wasn't planning on saying anything to me, probably not even to look at me.

Already feeling more than a little insulted I tried to start a conversation I knew would be bumpy and uncomfortable, but was necessary.

"Kakashi-sensei…" I called him, realizing a little too late that I let 'sensei' slip out. I noticed that recently, when I thought about him, I would always use 'sensei' now… I didn't feel like he was 'Kakashi' anymore… he was too far away…

He looked down to the ground quickly.

Even though I could only see one of his eyes, I didn't miss that moment of disappointment in his expression.

I tried not to think about it.

"… I need to talk to yo-" I started up again, only to get cut off.

"There shouldn't be anything you need to talk to me about; our only objective is to wait for the enemy." He took a few slow steps to my left, his hands casually resting in his pockets, just like always.

He walked right passed me as he finished his sentence.

His attempt to play stupid annoyed me more than I thought it would.

I turned around to him sharply.

"Kakashi." I corrected my previous mistake harshly… it still felt incredibly strange to call his first name so seriously…. But it was the only way I could think of to get his attention. He glanced back to me, I could only see his profile. Annoyed, and a little frustrated already, it wasn't hard to find the words I had planned on saying, but it was harder to control the tone of my voice. "I know you have to be going through a lot, and that this is probably really difficult for you… but you can't just keep avoiding me like this… You can't keep trying to take everything on by yourself." Those last words came back into our relationship again.

I had tried to say all that as calmly as I could, as understanding as I could make them… hoping it would affect him in any way.

He stood with his back to me for a long moment.

I could only hear the cicadas buzzing in the distance, the wind blowing through the leaves, the creaking of old branches… it was such a peaceful night, but this little clearing we were standing in was thick with tension.

Finally, after a few seconds, his shoulders slumped a little as he let go of a deep breath.

My heart rose a little expectantly, hoping my words had actually done something.

"Sakura…" I felt my defenses soften a little when he called my name like that. He turned towards me…

His posture, his expression… his cold, professional mask was a little cracked now.

"… I'm just trying to save you from as much pain as I can." His voice was still a little unfeeling, but I didn't care…

I didn't know whether I was relieved that he wasn't acting so normal, or to be irritated that he was ignoring what I was really trying to tell him.

… The irritation won out when I saw the look he was giving me. A look that told me he really didn't want this conversation… that he was only humoring me.

"'Save' me?..." I repeated his word choice after I took a moment to think through his sentence… So he really did think of this whole situation as something to 'save' me from.

He really did think that I couldn't handle this.

…

But now this was my chance… he was here, he was almost normal… I just had to make him listen to me.

… I tried to soften my voice as I spoke up again, saying words that didn't take too much thought before I decided on them.

"I don't care what kind of pain I have to go through if it's for you…" I looked into his eye with as much conviction as I could.

He quickly looked away from me as I finished that sentence.

"That isn't something you should be able to say so easily…" He looked away from me, turning away from me a little.

I felt my heart drop a little as my blood pressure rose. My jaw clenched as my teeth started grinding together a little. Did he really just brush off those words as if I didn't mean them?! Did he think I was as immature as a child who'd say things they didn't feel just to get what they wanted?!

"You should head back to camp." He added over his shoulder as he was suddenly walking away.

But he was walking in the wrong direction… he wasn't going back to the resting spot.

"Where are you going?!" I called after him louder than I planned, running after him faster than I thought I was going to.

This always happened when I got frustrated, I'd lose track of my strength and temper.

And my temper rose even higher when he didn't answer me, and when I suddenly thought of an answer.

…

He was going after Asaka wasn't he?

…

"Kakashi!" I caught up with him, feeling even more urgent to talk to him, to keep him here… with me. "I'm not just going to sit by and watch you get yourself hurt or killed because of that woman." My voice was still louder than I meant it to be, but I didn't really care anymore… He seemed to pay attention when I raised my voice.

I had finally managed to muscle my way past the instinct to always act like a student around him, to always be quiet and obedient…. We're equals now, I had just as much of a right to act like this as he did!

At any other time I would've lost some conviction when I saw his gaze land on me a little sharply like that… he was definitely annoyed…. But right now, I just took it in.

"This is my problem." He talked down to me a little roughly.

I was surprised even further when I didn't care.

"And now it's mine, too." I answered defiantly.

It was true… when we started this relationship, it took me a while, but I eventually realized that problems and issues had to be shared… that we had to be there for each other during times like these.

…

He was the one who taught me that.

...

… But now he was trying to push me away from him when everything I knew, everything I felt, was telling me that he needed me.

…

He just sighed to himself, closing his eyes with an irritated expression. I hated it when he did that, I hated it when he made that expression over me… he hasn't done that in years, but when he did, it always meant he thought I was acting like a kid.

"You don't know what you're saying, Sa-" He started to say my name at the end of that hurtful sentence. He wanted to calm me down, and if I had let him finish, I probably would've lost some of this edge, but I didn't want that. I wanted to use this frustration… I needed to use this feeling to get my points across.

When I spoke up I realized my voice was even louder than before. "You keep trying to protect me from this! But I can handle it. I can help you. I know what I'm capab-!"

"There isn't anything you can do." He cut me off from finishing… yet I didn't even notice that when his words hit me.

...

I couldn't think of anything to say to that… I lost my words….But I didn't lose that edge.

I could see his eye fixed on my face, taking my silence as my defeat…. But right now, I definitely wasn't anywhere near surrendering.

Those words sparked some sort of fire within me.

Those words that I had been so afraid of hearing… so afraid that he'd be the one to say them.

I thought hearing them would crush me, that I wouldn't know what do after he openly tells me how useless I am.

… But those words weren't the mark of defeat to me... they were a challenge.

He thinks I can't do anything?

He thinks I'm too young to understand what this situation means?

... I have to teach him otherwise...

… A plan came to mind.

My silence had gone on too long.

I was suddenly woken from my thoughts when he suddenly turned around.

… I really hadn't really thought seriously about going through with this plan... it was only a brainstorming idea that was probably too much... But when he turned around like that, without saying anything, expecting me to just shut up, expecting me to just take those words and accept them like they were true, all my boundaries broke loose.

I felt my hand tingle with chakra as I reached out for his arm, my fingers closed around his gloved wrist as tightly as I could make them.

I turned east, quickly breaking into a run.

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

"There isn't anything you can do." He interrupted her.

She stopped.

She finally stopped.

He regretted he had to say something like that to make her stop trying to break into his past. He knew what his words would do to her… but it was the only way he could think of to stop her from getting involved any further.

…

She was already so dangerously close to this mission, she was probably already a target to Sato… he didn't need her putting herself in any more danger for him.

Even if that's what she wanted, she didn't understand the amount of pain and guilt he'd endure if, by putting herself in danger for him, she got hurt in the process.

He had really just wanted to deal with all this by himself, take care of it before it affected her too greatly… but after this afternoon…. Things were going to get so much more complicated because of that conversation.... Unless he stopped everything now.

He needed to go and deal with Sato, _now_.

As he took another step away from the frozen, wordless, girl he had to hurt only a few seconds ago, he felt something like a vice close around his wrist.

Before he could even look to see what it was he was already being dragged eastward.

He had to break into a run to keep up with the vice around his wrist.

After only a moment he realized what was going on.

He tried to wring his wrist out of her reach, tried to pry her fingers away with his other hand, but her grip was too strong. She must've been using almost all of her chakra for this.

"Sakura!" He called her name, trying to get her attention, but she didn't react. "What are you doing?!" He called after her, speaking louder than the rushing wind, the rustling branches, but she still only looked ahead of her like she couldn't hear him.

He looked down to the ground, to trees around him, looking for something to catch on to, but in only a moment, the trees were gone, and the ground was only covered in grass.

He looked back up.

They were in the clearing.

The cabin rushing toward them as she pulled his wrist harder, making him run by her side.

Then in only a flash of a second, she swung his arm around in front of her, giving him one last push towards the door of the cabin before letting go of his wrist.

"Sakura?" He called her name as she slowed to a fast walk, stomping towards him with no signs of slowing down.

He backed away from her, stepping into the doorway of the cabin.

Her hand landed on the center of his chest, giving him one last chakra-full push until they were both in the hut.

"Sa-" He was about to raise his voice even louder, hoping to finally get her attention now that they were both standing still in the dark and abandoned building, but he was interrupted by a sudden hand tugging at the bottom of his mask, followed by a pair of familiar lips crashing onto his from a downward angle.

**………………………………..........................................................................................………………………………………………………………**

I pushed him one last time into the doorway as I walked in, too.

It was really strange, pulling and pushing Kakashi-sensei around like this, but I couldn't pay attention to that weird feeling when I was already determined on my plan.

"Sa-" I didn't let him finish my name again as I reached up to his mask, tugging it down, and pulling myself up to his lips with only a single motion.

When my lips met his, I knew I wouldn't be able to stop now.

It had been too long since I had kissed him like this… even if it had only been a day and a half, it felt like it had been weeks.

I reached my hands up to the sides of his face, my right hand sliding underneath his forehead protector trying to reach around and back to the knot behind his head. I had to untie it so that I could deepen this kiss as much as I wanted to... even though he still wasn't kissing me back.

His hands were still in the air, hovering by the sides of my waist.

He must still be shocked.

I shifted my feet a little, standing on my toes, trying to reach higher and deeper into this one-sided kiss.

But just as I managed to loosen the knot of his forehead protector, his hands quickly landed on my waist, pushing me away from him, breaking my kiss.

"What are you doing?" He looked down at me, his forehead protector now hanging around his neck loosely.

"I can't do this?" I asked up to him half-seriously, my voice full of annoyance, not expecting an answer I'd want to hear.

I stood up on my toes again, reaching my hands up to him again.

My lips landed on his for only a moment until he pushed me away again.

"No." He said shortly looking down at me like something was wrong with me. I hated that look. "We're in the middle of a mission. You should know that we can't be together like this." He lectured at me.

He really didn't understand what I was doing.

He couldn't see what I was trying to do.

…

But now that I've already gone this far, I can't stop now… I took a deep breath, trying to ignore the eruption of stomach acid that was burning away in my chest as I realized just how nervous I was about this plan.

**…………………………………………………………………................................................**

She ignored his lecture, her fingers closing around the buckles of his vest, pulling him down to her, kissing him again.

His fingers twitched on her waist a little.

He had missed her lips, he had missed feeling her under his hands.

... He tried not to let himself enjoy this... but...

Her lips moved against his more aggressively than he had ever felt from her.

And even though he knew something was off… that this wasn't right… that what they were doing wasn't supposed to be happening…. He couldn't bring himself to push her away just yet.

He started to kiss her back, slowly, hesitantly, carefully.

He let his hands touch the sides of her waist lightly, trying not to let himself touch her too much... as much as he wanted to...

She reacted immediately, her hands sliding up to his shoulders, pulling herself closer to him. Her lips pressed against his with so much energy, so much passion... he was being swept away by her pace, quickly catching up with her. His breathing was already getting a little labored.

He didn't realize for a few seconds that his hands were already pulling her waist towards and against him.

This was getting to be too much.

He was already starting to forget himself.

His hands pushed her away again… he didn't want to.

"Sakura…" He called her name a little too softly. "We..." He started a sentence he hadn't pieced together yet.

He looked away from her, breathing a little deeply... he could feel his self control wavering… and looking at her definitely wouldn't help him keep himself from touching her.

"We shouldn't be together like this?" She spoke up, asking for the rest of his nonexistent sentence, using his previous one.

Her hands slid down to his chest again.

He tried not to let it affect him.

She pushed her hands against him a little, forcing him to take a few steps backward.

He still didn't know what she was doing.

He didn't know what he wanted to say.

His back hit the wall with a faint thud. She didn't stop walking till she was already too close.

He finally let himself look down at her, his uneven vision didn't even bother him when he saw her face was so close to his.

It was probably a mistake, looking at her… he knew it was probably something he shouldn't have done, because right now he felt like he couldn't stand not touching her lips any longer.

He leaned down slowly, still hesitant.

… Why was he so weak when she looked at him like that?

… Why was he so incapable of stopping himself when she was so close?

He didn't understand any of it.

He didn't understand how this girl could have this power over him.

He didn't understand why he didn't care that she had this power over him.

He didn't understand why he couldn't stop himself from kissing her as intensely as he had been wanting to for hours.

His hands closed around her waist tightly, pulling her closer to him.

She kissed him even more aggressively than before, instantly raising the level of passion he had originally invested into this kiss.

… This definitely wasn't normal.

… but a part of him didn't care.

Her lips, her waist, her hands, her scent.

He lost himself in all of it.

He suddenly felt her hands slide from his shoulders to the front of his chest, meeting in the middle.

Her fingers finding the zipper of his vest.

**………………………………………………...................................................................................................................……………………………………**

I pulled down the zipper of his vest quickly... slighlty hoping that he would stop me....

I felt his kiss slow down a little, his hands loosen against me, as the zipper reached the bottom of his vest.

I let my hands find the fabric of his navy blue shirt under his vest.

I felt his fingers on my sides flinch a little.

…I broke the kiss for a breath as I felt my anxiety grow a little more when I separated my hands on his chest, sliding the front of the vest over his shoulders.

**…………………………………………………………………....................................................................................................................................………………….**

His vest fell on the floor with barely any sound.

He looked down at her as her hands moved back along his chest gently, attentively, as if she was feeling for details… he tried not to react.

Her lips found the side of his neck, moving against his skin like they had never before.

Something was really different about all of this.

She was so much more… _forceful._

As if proving his thoughts right, he suddenly felt her hands press against him a little strongly.

She was pushing him down the wall, crouching over him as they both slid down to the ground.

He could feel his heart race a little.

She climbed on top of his legs, like he had her do a few night before, but this time she wasn't shaking like before, she wasn't only reacting to the way he touched her.

She was the one that was doing this.

She was the one touching him, kissing him.

He couldn't understand where this came from, but he didn't have enough time for his brain to catch up with what was going on as he felt her lips graze along the side of his neck, down to the fabric of his mask, which she pulled down even further in order to kiss more of him.

His eyes closed a little tightly when her lips parted against his skin, her tongue grazing his neck a little.

…The way she did that... it was a lot like the way he would do that to her occasionally.

…

… He had taught her some strange things without meaning to.

…

He felt his hands slide down from her waist to her hips without thinking about it, his fingers closed around the side straps of her skirt a little tightly.

Her lips left his skin quickly.

His mind wasn't as fogged as before.

He was suddenly aware of what his hands were doing.

She sat there, straddling his legs, for a moment, in complete silence.

Her hands, that were resting on his chest, flinched a little… they clenched into fists around the fabric of his shirt.

He was suddenly worried.

_Maybe she just realized what she was doing… _

_...what I was doing…_

He lifted his hands from her hips, up to her waist again, about ready to push her away from him.

He must've scared her.

Again.

He really hadn't been expecting anything… he would never expect anything too much from her… but she might've thought he was.

He scowled at himself for a moment.

_This is enough, we can't keep going like this or-_

Just as his hands pushed her only an inch away, her hands suddenly pulled at him harder than before.

She swung him around and away from the wall before letting him go.

His back hit the dusty, cement, ground a little harshly.

He only needed a moment to realize what had just happened, but he didn't even get that before her lips were on his again.

…

… This wasn't normal…

She was on top of him, kissing him, her hands moving across his chest

He was underneath her, kissing her, his hands loosely holding onto her back.

...

He hadn't been expecting something like this.

He had expeced her to ge scared, to stop... that they'd talk, go their separate ways, and pretend that this never happened... but that's not where this was going.

He had to think for a moment whether this was really happening or not.

His answer hit him with force when he felt her hands slide down the center of his chest and under the fabric of his shirt smoothly.

Her hands pushed up his shirt, revealing his bare chest, quickly.

He broke away from her kiss with shock, letting his head fall back to the ground as he tried to get back some of the oxygen he lost with that surprise.

She was breathing harder than he was, but she didn't look like she was as confused as he was. She looked so… determined.

Like she was doing something important that she had to concentrate on.

He couldn't pay attention to her strange expression when he felt her hands brush up the length of his chest as she slid his shirt up to his collarbone, leaving it like that.

Every time she touched him like this, it was always so strange for him... to be touched, instead of touching... he almost forgot what it felt like.

...

She scooted away from his face even though he had expected her to kiss him again as soon as he wasn't feeling so light-headed.

She left his vision after a moment.

"Saku…" He couldn't say her entire name when she interrupted him.

Her lips landed on the center of his chest.

He couldn't control a gasp. He definitely hadn't been expecting that.

Her lips met his skin again, kissing his muscles deeply.

He could feel his back arch slightly in reaction.

…

It felt so good.

He forgot how this could feel.

He forgot how this feeling could creep into a person and take over without them realizing it.

He had forgotten how good this could feel.

Her hands explored along his chest.

…

She had moved under his hands, which were no longer at level with her waist … his hands grabbed onto her shoulders a little harshly, trying to get her attention… but he didn't know why he wanted to.

He could feel a red flag go up in his mind… something wasn't right about this… he had to stop this… but he couldn't focus on anything other than her lips kissing down his chest, he couldn't remember how to control a moan when he felt her tongue peek through her lips, brushing against his stomach as she descended further down.

He couldn't hold onto her shoulders anymore as she crept farther down his body.

His hands landed on the sides of her head, his fingers reaching far into her pink hair.

…

_This isn't right._

…

_This isn't right._

…

_Something's going to happen if I don't stop this._

…_._

_But I can't think of it._

…

_Why can't I think?!_

…

**……………………………...................................................................……………………………………………………………………………...**

I closed my eyes as my lips met his skin.

I felt his entire body flinch underneath me as he gasped a little.

I was a little surprised by his sudden reaction.

It really wasn't like him to be so… affected… so easily.

…

… _He really must've been 'aching' for something like this…_

…

I squeezed my eyes shut tighter as I remembered those words.

… _She had been right, hadn't she?_

…

I pushed that from my mind when I let my lips move farther down the center of his chest, my hands grazing along his chest.

I kissed him again, again, and again.

Always travelling downward.

I felt my heart beat harder and harder with every inch I kissed down his chest.

As I reached the top of his stomach, I kissed harder and longer, letting my tongue brush against his skin.

"Ah." His back arched a little, his chest rising towards me.

… I hesitated for a moment.

He actually moaned.

I had never heard Kakashi-sensei moan before.

I had never _made_ him moan before.

... Hearing his voice like that… I sort of liked it…

… But it mostly scared me.

…

… I tried not to think about myself.

…

_This isn't for me._

…

_This is for him._

…

So he can understand that I'm not as useless… or as incapable as I was when I was younger.

I've grown up from that twelve-year-old he knew.

I felt his fingers weave into my hair eagerly, interrupting my thoughts and reminding me of what I was doing.

…

…He didn't have to protect me anymore.

…

I kissed his skin again…

…

I felt my stomach turn over nervously as I reached the middle of his stomach, already moving towards the bottom of it.

The waist of his pants was only a few inches away.

…

My heart felt so heavy and sluggish… my stomach felt like it was burning… _I _felt so strange.

I slid my hands, that had been resting on the top of his chest, down, slowly.

My hands paused for a moment.

…

Am I really going to do this?

…

Can I?

…

Do I want to?

…

I didn't have any of the answers.

But I couldn't just stay like this.

…

I let my fingers travel downward, finding the top of his pants.

**………………………………………………………………………………………………...............................................................................................**

Her hands slid down his chest one more time, before they stopped at his lower stomach.

She stopped moving for a few moments.

… he could feel himself wake up a little.

He wasn't drowning in those long forgotten feelings anymore.

Something wasn't right about this.

He felt her fragile fingers closed around the top of his pants, undoing the button.

Reason came flooding back to him within only a second.

This couldn't happen!

God, he couldn't let this happen!

"What're you doing?" He asked a question he already knew the horrible answer to.

He immediately sat up, his hand flashing to hers, stopping them from doing anything further.

…

He couldn't believe this.

…

What was she thinking?!

…

**………………………………………………………………………………………..............................................................................................**

"What're you doing?" He spoke up for the first time in a while, sitting up quickly.

His hand landed on mine, pulling them away from his pants.

I looked up at him from where I was.

The way he was looking at me.

… Like I was crazy.

"It's what you want, right?" I asked up to him… it was such an embarrassing question, but it was true, right?

… His eyes widened sharply.

He suddenly stood up from the floor, his hand pulling me up too.

He really didn't like that question.

"Of course not." He said a little loudly. His hands squeezed around mine a little tightly.

He looked down at me urgently.

"But you… you're used to doing these things in relationships." I spoke up, already beyond the point of embarrassment.

"What's happened in my previous relationships doesn't matter… Don't feel like you have to live up to anything!" He turned away from me as he spoke. He walked out of the door, his hand draggin me behind him.

I followed after him, still feeling a little out of breath from before.

"The only reason we haven't… is because of me." I paused during that sentence and skipping over the many possible fill-in-blanks that could fit into that pause…

I followed him as we left that cabin behind, onto the clearing.

"You have to be… impatient… by now." I added, feeling horrible.

He stopped in his tracks when I said that word... his hand let go if mine.

He turned around slowly. "Don't jump to conclusions because of what that woman said…" He said softly…

"I'm not doing this because of what Asaka said." I spoke up a little loudly. His expression hardened a little when I said her name. "I've been thinking about it, too." I said vaguely.

His expression softened again.

His eyes looked down at me exactly the same way they would look at me whenever he'd apologize for taking things too far, in the past.

… He was blaming himself for this, wasn't he?... When it was actually _my_ fault this time.

"You didn't want that." He told me what he knew I was feeling.

…

He was right.

I didn't want it.

… but I wished I did.

…

"I just want you to realize that I'm not as… useless as you think I am… That you can trust me." I released my fears quietly… finally telling him why I did all this, and the ultimate root of all these worries of him trying to protect me: my worries that he didn't trust me.

There was a long moment of quiet.

Again, I could hear the cicadas, the wind, the trees… despite what just happened between us, nature was till unmoved and unaware...

"Sakura…" He said my name the way I always loved it. "I've never thought you were useless." I suddenly felt his arms close around me.

I hadn't even realized when he walk up to me.

"You've never been useless."

His voice. It was exactly what I needed.

My arms closed around his back as tightly as I could make them.

"I _need_ you."

My heart stuttered when he said those words.

His arms… I missed being held by them so much.

They were so comforting.

Feeling his warmth wash over me as he held me closer to him seemed to wash away my fears, my worries… washed away my sickly anxiety from before.

"I'm sorry for ever making you feel like this." He whispered into my ear, his voice falling for a moment.

I buried my face into his chest.

That heartbeat.

I smiled to myself.

It's amazing how something so simple as the deep rhythm of his heart could bring me so much happiness, so much serenity, how it could make me feel this much love.

… I had almost forgotten what this felt like.

This safe, trusting, warm feeling.

"I'm sorry for making things worse." I offered my own apology back.

His arms only tightened around me again.

I let out a deep sigh, feeling like the boulder in my heart had suddenly melted because of this warmth.

…

"You two don't really know how to hide things well, do you?" I was torn from this moment by that sickly-sweet voice.

We both turned towards the indigo-eyed, raven-haired woman at the same time.

"So Kakashi 'The Rule-Breaker' is all grown up and decides to commit one of the greatest taboos of society." She walked towards us from the edge of the forest, her arms crossed in front of her red qipoa jacket.

"An over-experienced teacher taking advantage of his innocent student."

I felt his arms slide away from me slowly.

"Tell me, is that a step up or down from being a rebellious subordinate who was messing around with his treacherous captain?"

…

I felt my stomach squirm uncomfortably again as her eyes found me.

Something told me she wasn't saying these things _to _him… but _for_ me.

… Either way, I suddenly felt like my fist was being magnetically drawn to her face.

**………………………………………………………………………………………………....................................................................**


	39. Pangs and Plans

**Chapter 39!**

**Title:**_'Pangs and Plans'_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**Note:**** I apologize once again for the loooong hiatus… and for the shortness of this chapter. **

**Things at school were getting really difficult, as well as the play I was helping out with (which required me to stay at school till around 10:00 every night for rehearsals and such). I was Costumes Crew Head (which meant I was responsible for all of the costumes/costume-changes throughout the duration of the show). Well, the play (the comedy 'Leading Ladies') closed yesterday, and now that I finally have time, I'm back with another update. Hopefully none of you lost interest during the long wait!**

**Sorry again! ^-^;**

**But I should be updating on a regular basis again from now on… so no worries… :D**

**Please enjoy!**

* * *

"Sakura? What are you doing?" His voice was an echo in the back of my mind as I started to pace away from him and towards the raven-haired woman who still had that damn condescending glint in her eye, my feet hit the ground a little too roughly.

Something told me I should listen to him…. But right now there was a bigger and louder voice telling me to do something I really, _really,_ wanted to do.

Chakra flooded into my fist as I lifted it from my side.

I could hear my footfalls grow even louder and faster as I was suddenly running.

And that was when I took off. With one push from the ground I was in the air, pulling back my fist, anticipating the feeling of her annoying face against my knuckles.

But instead of that, all I felt was the ground crumbling, breaking, and shifting underneath me as my wasted chakra coursed through the ground.

When I looked up from the newly formed crater I was in, she was at least twenty feet away.

She might not have been as fast as Kakashi, but she definitely wasn't slow.

I ran at her, both of my fists aimed at her, each with their own fatal amount of energy.

Swing after swing she only ducked or jumped farther out of the way.

I felt my irritation grow with every missed punched.

"Wow… You've picked a firecracker, Hatake." She called that annoying sentence to the man who I thought was several feet behind me.

I really didn't like the way she talked about me like I wasn't a person… like I meant nothing… that I wasn't an obstacle... like I was simply a toy he bought on a whim and could be broken or thrown away without much of a second thought.

When I started running in her direction again I felt a familiar hand close around my arm tightly, stopping me from walking any further.

"Sakura." His voice said my name right in my ear.

He was more than an echo now, but that inner-voice of mine wasn't completely silenced yet.

"Let me go." I ordered him a little seriously as I struggled, still feeling the need to pummel this-

"No." He said shortly. His tone interrupted my thoughts, as well as my struggling. "Stop."

… The way he said it.

It wasn't an order from a captain, or from a teacher… it was something else…

I really couldn't ignore the expression on his face.

He really didn't want me to get involved…

_But I can't just stay on the side-lines!_ I argued to myself.

After only a moment of this internal battle between doing what felt I needed to do, and doing what he wanted me to do, I took a step back, letting my arms fall to my sides…. But I still kept that chakra focused on my fists.

…

I wasn't going to give up so easily.

…

His hand loosened on my arm.

"Come on, Hatake. Don't ruin the fun before it starts." Her sickening voice called his name a little too playfully, testing what wavering amount of patience I had built in the last few moments.

He must've seen me inch forward again, his arm suddenly extended out in front of me as he faced her defensively. I couldn't tell if he was shielding me from her, or her from me.

"Leave her out of this." He repeated the words from this afternoon towards the raven-haired woman, but his voice wasn't full of the same aggression or anger from before. He seemed strangely… calm…

During any other situation, that would've comforted me, but it was different now.

It was scarier.

...

"… Fine." She finally responded to his too-calm request with an equally smooth tone. She almost sounded compliant. "But under one condition." Her attitude finally made sense when she added that negotation.

… Something about this didn't seem right…

She was planning something.

I inched towards Kakashi, my hand falling on his arm, "Don-"

"What is it?" He ignored my unvoiced plea, asking for her condition as if this was a business arrangement.

"We fight it out."She stated simply, turning her body towards him, her jacket swaying a little. "… now." She added with emphasis.

My hand tightened on his arm.

"Alright." His business-like tone didn't waver in the slightest. But as his arm lowered from in front of me, I noticed his muscles seemed tense … Something about all this was really strange. I felt like I wasn't being told something only these two knew.

"Not here, of course. We don't need your little patroller snooping into our business… Follow me." She ordered all at once, I wasn't really paying attention as I was debating whether to call out to him or not… My worry won out when he suddenly started to walk away from me without warning.

"Kakashi-sensei." I called to him just before he was out of reach, hoping to get his attention and break him out of the composed cocoon he was in.

He wasn't cold anymore, or distant… but… there was something about this that bothered me more than his previous coldness.

He turned to me, his face and his expression efficiently hidden behind that mask we both knew he didn't really need to wear right now.

He quickly smiled after a moment… his normal, public smile again.

"Just Kakashi, remember?" He said softly, leaning down to me only a little.

His hand took mine, holding it only long enough to pick it off of his arm gently.

He turned around. Away from me. And walked away, towards the forest, silently…

I couldn't explain how his words hit me.

They shouldn't have… but they did… something in the way he spoke them. A kind of gentle sadness.

Why did it feel like he was… apologizing?…

Apologizing for having to leave me out of this?

Apologizing for putting himself in danger?

Apologizing just in case he gets hurt because of this? Gets killed because of this?

…. Or maybe it was something else…

I stood there, staring after him for only a moment before I felt my fists tightened with determination.

… I really couldn't just stay out of this. He wasn't going to have to deal with everything by himself… even if he wanted to…

**

* * *

**

The forest was eerily quiet.

The wildlife had gone quiet. Not a cricket, a bird, a fox was disturbing the unnatural silence. Only the spare rustling of leaves in the wind added to the sound of their light footfalls.

Kakashi checked over his shoulder for any unexpected guests as he followed his old captain further into the silent trees.

No one.

They were actually alone.

She wasn't planning an ambush, she hadn't planted extra help.

His suspicions didn't subside…. It was always her style to use trickery and low-handed strategies to get the best of her targets.

"She really took my words to heart, didn't she, Hatake-kun?" His eyes found the back of her jacket again as she said those words. He tried to ignore the sudden wave of nostalgia when she used that suffix on his name.

She would always call him that when they 'trained'.

"This isn't about her anymore." He spoke up with a slightly defiant tone, trying to maintain his earlier composure. Every time Sato talked about Sakura, it always made his skin crawl a few centimeters.

"I wish it wasn't, but there's no use pretending you aren't thinking about her right now… wanting to get back to her…or just plain _wanting_ her." Her voice wrapped those words around him obnoxiously. He felt his brows furrow.

"Sato." He snapped her name loudly.

She continued despite his reaction.

"Wanting her in ways that a full grown man like you shouldn't even be thinking about." Her voice added, her tone curling upward in a playful spiral.

She went too far with that.

But he stopped himself from saying anything. The more he reacted the more she'd want to make him react.

His jaw clenched with effort after she started talking again, his grimace deepened.

"You know I'm right, that's why you couldn't help that guilt-stricken look in your eyes just now." She peeked over her shoulder at him, her red-lipped smile creeping wider after their eyes met. "Really, Hatake-kun, how the years have changed you…" She looked away from him, and back to the route ahead of them. "… I always taught you not to be ashamed of what you wanted." She added with a reminiscent tone, her voice dripping with implication.

"I've forgotten what you've 'taught' me a long time ago." Kakashi responded immediately, trying to push her words away from him… even if he had to lie.

… He wished he _had_ forgotten.

…

"Is that an invitation for re-education?" She quickly turned back to him, smiling just as suggestively as before, the same mischevious glint in her eye that he had loved when he was younger. He was almost too distracted by his previous thoughts to notice her hands land on his chest harshly.

They felt really too familiar despite the years that had passed.

**

* * *

**

I watched every step as I crept into the dark thicket.

I tried to stay out of what scarce moonlight managed to reach the forest floor.

I definitely couldn't afford to be seen or heard right now.

_I'm just going to go and see… _

_If he needs my help _then_ I'll do something._

_I shouldn't interfere if i don't have to...._

These thoughts were really familiar to me.

I remembered thinking like this a rather long time ago… when we were on a mission, it was raining, and Kakashi was fighting a particularly troublesome assassin… but things were worse this time.

I shook my head of those memories.

I didn't have time to think about the past.

_I have to keep my distance…. Watch…._

_I can't just go barging into a fight between these two. I'd only slow him down, get hurt, or get him hurt… _

_But if it looks like he's having too much trouble… then I _have_ to do something._

I repeated my plan in my mind, trying to stay convicted to the thought of merely watching.

There was a giant part of me that really wanted to simply jump into the fight and kick her ass… but… that's not realistic.

I'm not at a level where I can do that...

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down, to get rid of all this aggression…

"And the curious, pink-haired girlfriend disobediently investigates right on cue."

Realism went out the window when I heard that sickening voice from the trees up ahead.

I immediately felt aware of the chakra that had been buzzing in my knuckles for the past few minutes

Forgetting the fear and worry from before, feeling only this overwhelming amount of anger and agitation, I let my fist hit the bark of the tree that I knew wasn't too far off from the owner of that voice.

Splinters flew in all directions.

"What monstrous strength." I heard her voice grade from the shadows behind me.

I whipped my head around to try and find her… but she found me first.

The cold, sharp side of a blade pressed against my throat.

"But those attacks are useless against me… Speed always defeats brute strength."

I barely heard any of her words. I was mostly distracted by the insane need to punch her, to indulge in some sort of savage need to hurt her. But that savagery didn't cloud all of my logic. I knew not to move around when there was a kunai at my throat.

"I'm surprised you didn't know better… with 'Kakashi-sensei' as your teacher." His named rolled out of her mouth distgustingly. Her tone hit that suffix mockingly.

I almost felt my patience, my logic, snap when she said his name like that.

"That's IT!"

My elbow flew back with as much force as I could gather, hoping to hit her right in the stomach.

But she was already gone, like a breeze.

_DAMN!_

It was getting so incredibly annoying. I hadn't hit her _once_, not _once_!

"You're not a fast learner are you?" She shouted towards me, her voice sounded like she was on the verge of laughing.

I was glad I couldn't see her smiling face right now, or my desire to kick it would drive me crazy.

Before I could think past those violent thoughts and create any sort of response I was interrupted by something.

I was being pushed backwards, winds rushing against my back, my sandals scraping across the grass.

It felt like a metal chord had wrapped around the front of my stomach, bending around me, pushing me back.

My shoulder blades hit the bark of the freshly-demolished tree with a deep thud, forcing some of the air out of my lungs.

Leaves fell from the branches above me, they fluttered down in front of me.

I only needed a moment before I immediately tried to free myself from whatever this was, but when I looked down.

Nothing was there.

I felt like I was tied to the tree, but nothing was tying me to it.

And before the first leaf had landed on the ground, she was right in front of me, arms crossed, jacket swaying, red lips and violet eyes smiling down at me like I was a little kid caught doing something childish and was now being punished for it.

"It's Kaze Zairu." She spoke down at me, pointing lightly towards the invisible force that was holding me to this tree.

_Wind Rope?_

"It's a jutsu I made for situations quite like this one." She continued, walking away from me after a minute, her voice still high-pitched and condescending.

She really kept talking to me like I was a little kid. I knew I shouldn't have cared about it, but… it really bothered me that she only thought of me as an insignificant child. Like I really didn't matter in this situation, like she could simply overlook me… and get to Kakashi.

My mind was caught by that thought… where is he?

Wasn't she supposed to be with him?

"You don't talk much, do you?" She called over her shoulder as she took out an especially long kunai from her belt. I didn't feel any sort of the fear that I would've felt before she started talking again.

It was hard to be afraid when you were pissed.

"I don't see a point in talking to someone like you." I growled with a mumble, hating the fact that I was talking to her in the first place, but I needed her attention… Whatever was going on with her and Kakashi-sensei, I wasn't going to find out unless I talked to her.

I heard the metal of her blade hit against something with a crack. A branch?

I couldn't see what she was doing, her back was facing me, and the moonlight had grown dimmer behind clouds.

"You really sound like him…" Her voice rang out with an irritating tone. At least she didn't call 'him' by his name… I wouldn't have been able to stand it. "I guess that's to be expected since you grew up around him." She peeked over her shoulder at me, no doubt catching the glare I was giving her.

_I didn't _grow up_ around him!_

_I was already pretty much grown when I met him!_

I could tell she was waiting for that sort of reaction from me… she was probably just trying to get me angry… for some reason…

I tried to compact my anger into a single sentence.

"Don't act like _you_ know anything about us." My voice let out all of the resentment that my words didn't get across.  
Her laugh of annoyingly high-pitched bells rang out. I immediately fought against the invisible rope around me, feeling the need to punch her in the face mid-guffaw … but then she asked me a question that I knew was going somewhere I didn't want it to.

"Listen sweetie, how old are you?"

She walked away from the tree that she had been sharpening her blade on, walking up to me. She seemed just as fazed by the glare I was giving her as I was about that newly-sharpened blade… not at all.

She only looked down at me expectantly, waiting for an answer.

I knew better than to answer such a general and risky question.

She gave an impatient sigh, flicked her hair out of her pretty face and started talking again.

"You don't look 17…" She graded my face skeptically. "…And I think Hatake would have done a better job of controlling himself if you were only 15." I couldn't really react to the many things wrong with that sentence before her next question.

"So you must be 16… am I right?"

… I simply looked away from her.

"It's so funny that I'm actually more than twice your age…" She sounded like she wasn't really talking to me, or herself… more like she was sharing a joke with the universe...

But before I could figure out exactly what her tone meant, she straightened her posture formally and picked up her playful tone again, her eyes watching the kunai's blade shine in the brightening moonlight.

"Well, as your elder, I feel there's something that I think you should know…" She must've loved the sound of her toxic voice. I hated that I couldn't do anything to stop her from opening that big mouth of hers.

I didn't want to know anything she thought I 'needed' to know…

"From woman to… girl…" She purposefully switched up an old saying, with a smile, to spite me. "You might not want to have cute, little Hatake-kun as your first lover." She said in an inside-joke voice.

I didn't feel like I would be laughing anytime soon.

I hated the way she talked about him more than I hated how she talked to me.

"I don't care what you say about him, it won't change anything." I spoke up, trying to keep my words as simple as possible so she couldn't mess with them. She looked up from her shimmering blade to me… it was obvious she had been waiting for me to say something like that. I immediately wished I had just kept shut up.

"It would be wise to take my advice, little girl…"Her voice alone was enough to make my blood boil… but if she calls me 'little girl' one more time…  
I squirmed my arms around in the little space I had between the invisible force and the splintering tree, feeling for any weaknesses in the steady stream of pressurized air holding me against the bark…. I wasn't ready for her next sentence.  
"... I taught that man everything he knows about carnal desires…" My attention was snapped away from everything else. "I don't know exactly what's happened between you two, but I do know… too well… that he isn't the type that can be satisfied easily."

…

A pang of jealousy, anxiety, shock all hit me at once… I couldn't figure out why….

....The idea of her… and him…

I knew that they had been… I knew they were… but hearing this… I…

"He's different now…" Was the best I could manage.

I had to look away from the woman's violet eyes, towards the ground…

"Sure, he might've grown a bit, gotten some more experience… but he's still a man. A grown man. One with desires and thoughts you wouldn't be able to share or understand at your age…. Of course, it's not your fault that you're so young and inexperienced, but do you really think you can give him what he wants, what he needs?... He needs a woman who can keep up with him."

Her high-pitched voice seemed to blur together with each word… I knew what she was saying, but the way she wouldn't stop, the way her voice wouldn't get out of my ears… Her voice was the ringing in my ears after the shell-shock of her words.

"The more you give him, the more he'll want to take from you." She finished, her face brightened with a smug smile.

I finally found my voice.

"Just shut u-!" I was cut off from my half-hearted shouting.

"If you don't believe me… You can see for yourself." She moved out of the way too eagerly, her red-lipped smile, brighter than before, was the last thing I saw of her… I couldn't see where she went, I couldn't even work up the motivation to turn my head to follow her movements because I was immediately frozen by what was behind her.

She hadn't been sharpening her kunai before.

She had been clearing a view.

Not too far, but just far enough I could see two moonlit silhouettes…

She was with him…

… He was standing there, her hands running up and along his chest.

… He wasn't stopping her…

… and here I was … watching them… just as I had planned.

…

But this definitely wasn't what I had wanted to see.

…

* * *

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**The next chapter should be out on time! So, no worries! ^-^**


	40. Reparations and Replacements

**Chapter 40****!**

**Title****: '**_Reparations and Replacements'_

**Note:**** Wow... the big '4-0'.... thank you all for making this far... but I still have much more to come...lol**

**Oh, and If the irregularity of each update is a little frustrating (which I imagine it can be…), I just wanted to let you guys know that I'll be posting the date that the next update will be published on my profile after every new chapter. (The number of days between updates may vary due to how busy my school/social schedule is at the time... x_x)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!**

* * *

The eerie silence continued.

Only the wind's gentle whistle was disturbing the complete stillness. They both stood in the spacious forest silently.

Her hands brushed along his chest. Just like they used to.

He could feel a wave of nostalgia was over him as her fingertips brushed across the fabric of his shirt, travelling downward, her hands meeting in the middle of his abs.

He flinched with surprise.

And disgust.

"I thought you wanted to fight." He spoke up harshly, his hands grabbing her wrists too tightly.

She only looked up at him the same way she always did.

As if he was a kid.

As if she knew everything about him.

As if she had so much to teach him.

"We both know you aren't naive enough to actually believe that when I said 'fight' that I was being literal." Her words curled through the air implicatively, wrapping around him. They smothered his thoughts for a moment.

He quickly let go of her wrists. He couldn't touch her. Really.

"Enough of this" His voice was quieter than he had wanted it to be, lacking the conviction it would've held if he had been talking to any other woman.

"This was my single condition, and you agreed to it in order to keep your girlfriend out of my games." She reminded him lightly. Her hands landed on his shoulders, sliding along his muscles until her fingers grasped the corners of his neck tightly, pulling herself toward him swiftly, gently pressing her thumbs on the front of his throat.

He recognized the prelude to her favorite kiss before her lips were anywhere near his masked ones.

This time he knocked her hands away from him with a harsh push, he took a step back.

"Playing your tricks again?…" He asked rhetorically as he turned away from her, trying to clear his head of her and think through this strangely evolving situation.

But it was really difficult… she had ways to control a man's thoughts, he knew that too well from his younger years… and though he definitely wasn't weak enough to fall for her games, he wasn't completely unaffected by them. He could tell that she was doing everythig she could to create some sort of tension.

This sickening tension that she evoked from him with every word, every touch…

He looked back to her for a moment, his eyes met her violet ones slowly.

She only grinned that smug, condescending leer.

He looked away quickly.

…

She knew this was going to happen…

She knew exactly where to hit him…

She knew what would make him agree to her negotiations.

All she had to do was to bring up Sakura and his hands were tied.

"So you knew I had something like this up my sleeve and you didn't do anything?..." She peeked around to look at his face, which was hardened into an expression of disturbed concentration. "And here I thought you had grown to hate me over the years…" She commented to herself with perky self-assurance.

It wasn't another moment until her hands found the sides of his face, titling his head towards hers.

"Maybe this'll be more fun if you enjoy it, too." She leaned in as her fingertips slipped in between the fabric of his mask and skin as easily as if it hadn't been years since the last time she'd done that.

He woke from his thoughts, and from her touch before her fingers could touch him any further.

"Sato!" He backed away further, nearly shouting her name as a warning. His voice finally finding its confidence.

His hand reached into his back satchel, his fingers closed around the bandaged handle of a kunai.

He couldn't stand the direction she was taking this…

Her expression didn't change, she only took a few steps toward him, her boots hitting the grassy ground with isolated crunches.

"What? I can tell you're still unsatisfied…" She reached out to him again. Her words freezing his actions, his thoughts, just like they always used to… He hesitated. "It's not difficult to imagine what was happening in that cabin…" She continued, as her hands didn't reach for his face or shoulders like before, they only circling slowly along his chest. "But it wasn't enough for you, was it?" They grazed downward.

Her fingers slipped to the waist of his pants.

He couldn't let himself think about how familiar this felt…

"I'm sure _Sakura_ would forgive you just this once for indulging in what you really want…" She pulled herself closer to him, her body pressed against his. "I mean since you're doing it for her, she can't blame you." Her voice offered that excuse to him.

He couldn't listen.

A voice, stronger than hers, suddenly echoed in his mind.

…'_I can handle this'…_

She had been so serious… so completely serious that she could take care of herself.

He knew how much she believed it… how far she was willing to go to prove it…

…but…

_There are some things you just can't handle… Sakura…_

He closed his eyes.

* * *

Her hands fell lower and lower down his chest.

I hadn't been able to focus until now.

Up until now I was too distracted by all the questions that were torturing me as I had no other choice but to watch their silhouetted figures walk and move around each other tensely…

But now, as the shadow of her hands disappeared into the shadow of his chest, her arms sinking lower… I was immediately awoken from my unvoiced questions. And her voice came ringing into my ears again.

"Still don't believe what I warned you about?"

My view of the two shadows was intercepted by the owner of that voice.

I never thought I would feel relief after seeing that face… but if it meant I didn't have to watch whatever those two were…

"He isn't as strong as you thought he was…" She added with a know-it-all tone. Whatever 'relief' I felt was gone in a moment.

Without meaning to, I was already fighting at the invisible bindings that were squeezing against my arms. My efforts didn't do much… but I felt the tree crack a little bit under the pressure.

"What is this?!" I shouted as loud as I could, which wasn't loud at all since the bindings didn't let me take deep enough a breath.

She only laughed a little titter.

"I know you aren't that experienced, but surely you can recognize what you just saw."

"It's genjutsu, isn't it?" I asked that unnecessary question, already knowing the answer.

I had always been skilled at seeing through genjutsu… it was one of the first skills I developed. I could tell that this wasn't fake.

"It's exactly what it looks like... besides genjutsu was never my forte…" She explained with a polite tone, combing her hand through the ends of her hair absent-mindedly.

I felt my fingers tighten into fists…

I felt so useless.

I couldn't do anything.

"What did you do to him?" My voice didn't even sound like my own when I almost growled those words.

She laughed a little, stinging my ears."Nothing. This is all him."

"No, it isn't…" I tried to convince myself, my voice weakening….

_He wouldn't… _

"Believe what you want… it won't change what you can see for yourself." She was gone from my sight again.

…

The shadows didn't look the same as before.

I could only see one. The light in between their figures was gone, except for a sliver of space between the shadows' faces, that looked like was about to disappear, too.

* * *

"I'm sure _Sakura_ would forgive you just this once for indulging in what you really want… I mean since you're doing it for her, she can't blame you."

…

_There are some things you just can't handle… Sakura…_

He closed his eyes.

_This is one of them._

…

_You wouldn't be able to forgive me if I did this for you. You wouldn't be able to forgive yourself._

… _In the end, if I really wanted to help you, I'd believe you when you tell me you don't need help…_

…

_And no matter how much I don't want to admit it… you probably don't_ need _me to protect you anymore…_

…

He opened his eyes.

His fear, worry, anger forgotten.

He knew exactly what he had to do.

Asaka's red lips were already dangerously close to his almost-unmasked ones… but he felt nothing.

No tension. No nostalgia. No disgust.

It was as if this woman meant nothing more to him than the expendable memories she had left with him all those years ago.

His hands found her shoulders.

He pushed her away without a moment's hesitation.

As he turned away from her, he couldn't feel any sort of doubt in his decision.

"You don't know Sakura…." His voice was back to normal, calm. "And you don't know me anymore…." He added, as he took another step away from her.

He heard her boots fall onto the grass hurriedly, she was running after him.

He could tell she was losing whatever self-confidence she had before…

"I don't need to know you. I made you." She nearly yelled, her voice full of frustration. He could tell she was desperate for his attention.

He felt her hand land on his arm, trying to turn him towards her again. He only shrugged her off of him, taking another step.

…

Had this been a few years ago.

Had she reappeared in his life before he discovered what it felt like to love again… or for the first time… he actually might've forgotten how to resist.

… But now.

Things were different.

He was older, wiser, perhaps a little jaded, but he definitely wasn't the kid this woman knew all those years ago anymore.

He wasn't even the man he had been a few months ago.

… He felt it… he had changed… maybe not drastically, maybe not noticeably… but ever since he found someone he loved, someone who loved him, someone he knew would stay by his side… he had lost some of his... sadness.

The sadness that had been slowly overtaking him for years.

After losing so many people… after seeing them all die or leave… he had slowly started losing his hope. The hope that there could ever be anyone he could hold onto.

But he could feel it… that hopelessness was gently washing away, little by little. Like the weathering of a rock on the shore.

Every time she smiled, every time she said his name, every time he touched her, kissed her, another wave swept over that sadness, breaking it down….

…

He took another step away from the woman of his past, already forgetting her face… until he heard her voice again.

"Fine! It's your call. But remember that I _did_ warn you."

Her voice sounded bothered… but it was her words that struck him…

It almost sounded like she already did something.

That she had already planned for his answer.

He could feel that fear slowly build again.

"What did you do?" He turned to her.

He could see her expression grow smug again.

She had gotten his attention, and so has named herself the winner of this conversation, but he couldn't care about whether she 'won' or not, right now he only had one person on his mind.

"Nothing… Just set up an audience." She explained innocently, her head flicking slightly to the north.

His eyes flashed towards the northern forest, looking for whatever Asaka was motioning towards.

It didn't take him more than a second before his sharingan found her.

"Sakura…" Her name escaped his throat in a moment of shock.

He couldn't get a good look at her expression before Asaka stepped in the way, breaking his concentration and fanning his temper again.

"But I'm afraid since you broke the deal… I can't just let her go."

He didn't even have to listen to all of her words before he was already rushing passed her.

He had to get there before her.

He had to get to her.

Her face was only a blur, he couldn't see her expression, he didn't know what she just saw, or what she was thinking right now, but he just needed to get to her.

* * *

I stood there, just watching him run to me.

I couldn't move…

… I didn't know what I would do if I could…

…

After what I just saw…

…I-

That voice interrupted my thoughts from going any further.

"Do you really think I'm an idiot?" She called from behind the tree I was pinned against just as he ran into this clearing. "Of course I wouldn't leave her unattended." She walked out from the tree, she stopped at my side.

"Get away from her." I heard his voice order harshly…

I looked away from him…

… I couldn't look at him right now.

If I did, I felt like I would slip… that I wouldn't be able to control myself.

But I didn't have a choice when I suddenly felt a hand lift my head up towards his direction.

* * *

"Look at her." Asaka tilted Sakura's face upwards roughly, losing her poise. His eyes met Sakura's for only a moment.

... Something about the look she gave him… It wasn't right.

She wasn't scared, or hurt… it was something else. She looked away too soon. "Is she really worth all the hassle?" Asaka's voice wouldn't stop.

He didn't want to hear her right now. He didn't want to deal with any of her games anymore.

"Shut up." He said shortly, taking a few steps toward Sakura, ignoring the growing anger in Asaka's expression.

He only looked at Sakura.

She was leaning against a tree like she was being pushed against it, tied to it, but he couldn't see any wire or rope. It only took a moment to remember that familiar jutsu of Asaka's… it was hard to forget, even after all these years.

Asaka flitted in between him and Sakura as he took another step towards the girl.

"I don't know why you think you can order me around, Hata-"

"Let her go." He said finally, his eyes meeting Asaka's violet one with a glare. He ignored her words. He didn't want to hear anything else from her.

He glanced back to Sakura, trying to get another glimpse of her face… He needed to know what she was feeling.

What she saw…

What she had to be thinking right now.

Nothing else mattered.

…

The woman in front of him didn't say anything for a moment.

He caught her eye right before she gave a single sideways glance towards Sakura, who was still looking towards the ground, her face hidden from both of them, but Sato could see something he couldn't.

Her specialty was reading emotions. She probably saw a multitude of emotional tells.

Asaka's eyes widened with interest for a moment, the same way a predator's eyes do when they spot an easy prey.

"Fine…" Asaka agreed simply, slinking out from between the two of them. "If you want her back so much…"

Then in only a single wave of her hand the bindings around Sakura seemed to dissapate.

She was standing on her own, but didn't make an attempt to move from the spot.

"Sakura." He called out to her, inching forward.

She still didn't move. She only hid her face, looking at the ground.

Something definitely wasn't right about this.

He gave Asaka a second glance.

Her eyes…

She was waiting for something.

And then, in only a moment's pause he knew exactly what she had been waiting for.

A fist collided into his torso.

He stumbled back a few feet clutching his chest weakly.

He definitely hadn't been prepared for that. His eyes flashed to Sakura, who was pulling back her fist slowly, her eyes already locked on his.

Her expression. It was completely different from before.

She was looking at him with such anger, such hurt… he couldn't remember any other time when he had seen that look on her face.

"Sakura?"

She didn't pay attention to his voice as she suddenly lunged forward, her fist reaching for him.

He stepped to the side just in time.

She turned around quickly, not saying a word, raising her fist again.

He could hear Asaka's pitched laughter several feet away.

"What are you doing?!" He tried to get Sakura's attention.

This was so insane. It didn't make sense.

"I saw you two!" She yelled as she punched the air that Kakashi swiftly dodged. "You didn't stop her! You just let her…" her voice trailed off as she lunged forward again, he caught her punch in his own hand.

"Nothing happened." His voice was low and serious as he tugged her closer to him, trying to make her listen to him.

"Like I'll believe that!" She pushed him away roughly, quickly backing away .

"Saku-!" He called for her, but she disappeared before he could finish.

He could hear faint rustling in the trees around him.

She was looking for a spot to ambush from.

She was treating this as if he was actually an enemy.

He immediately turned to the widely-grinning Asaka who was apparently having a wonderful time watching whatever you could call this insane situation.

"What did you do to her?" He called over to her, his anger rising.

"Again with that question… Do either of you really know each other?"

A sudden rush of wind interrupted his response.

"Apparently not." Asaka grinned to herself, her eyes on the pink-haired girl who was currently holding a kunai to his back.

"Sakura..." He tried to get her attention, saying her name the way he always would...

He definitely didn't get a response he thought he would.

"…You should really work on your detection skills…"

Her voice, those words.

They way she said them.

He had to stop himself from smiling, from letting out laughter of relief…

* * *

He paused as I said those words.

I hoped beyond hope that he would be able to recognize my tone, my words, as his own.

Only a few days ago, when we had what little peace a relationship like ours could possess, he had joked with me about working on my 'detection skills'.

I couldn't drop any bigger hints than that without Asaka figuring something out... if this didn't work, and he thought I was still serious... I didn't know what else to do.

I heard a slight exhale from him, something that reminded me of a chuckle.

I felt the hand of anxiety loosen its hold on my heart.

Thank god…

I really hated having to pick a fight with him, even if it was fake.

But if it meant that woman would let me go, that she would back off, that I could maybe give him a chance for an opening, then it was definitely worth it.

Before I could carry on with my plan, I immediately felt his hand reach around his back, grabbing my wrist a little loosely. I was sure that he knew this wasn't a real fight anymore... when he stopped my punch a few seconds ago I thought he was going to crush my fingers with his grip, he was so serious… but now he knew to hold back.

He swung me around to face him, I tried to keep my eyes angry.

He was probably doing a better job of acting than I was, but that didn't matter right now.

I just had to somehow push this fight into her direction.

I jumped back several feet, he followed. I punched a chakra-free hand at him before he could land, he caught my fist again, swinging me towards her.

We exchanged a few hits, practically replaying our training session from a couple days ago.

He knew exactly what I was planning, too, didn't he?

But he probably didn't know what else I had planned.

* * *

With every dodge and maneuver she made sure she was off-center from Asaka, who was only a few feet behind her, gawking at the spectacle this 'lover's quarrel' had turned into with an amused expression.

Sakura was doing her best to create any opening for him to translate his hits to Asaka.

It was harder not to smile.

Was it so strange that he felt this proud of her right now?

Probably.

… He had to save all this for later.

Right now he couldn't let this opportunity go to waste.

Sakura dodged another punch beautifully, but this time as he followed through, his footing was set perfectly, this was his chance.

With a single turn on his stance, and a quick-draw, he sent a kunai flying towards its raven-haired target.

In only the spare moment before the kunai was about to cut her, her eyes widened, she moved to the side. The fabric of her right sleeve was sliced open, a little puddle of burgundy staining the already red fabric of her jacket.

"Damn it." He cursed to himself as she suddenly disappeared.

He knew exactly where she would go.

He immediately looked over to Sakura, reaching out a hand to hers, her reflexes, not as fast as his own, didn't even allow her a moment of shock until she disappeared too.

Both of them seemed to rematerialize several feet away.

"You never learn, do you?" Asaka's voice yelled at him from across the clearing.

She was serious now, losing whatever little façade of carefree sanity she had before.

He felt his insides freeze over as he saw the point of Asaka's short-sword poised at Sakura's neck.

"Sato…" He said her name calmly, betraying his true feelings, taking a few steps toward her.

"This is just like that night, eight years ago, isn't it, Hatake?" Her tone softened, adopting a sense of nonchalance again. "You there, on your moral high horse, and me with a hostage… Do you think it'll end the same?"Her voice quivered as if she was on the edge of laughter, no doubt feeling superior again when she saw his reaction to her words.

Hearing her joke about that night, and threaten Sakura with the same fate, was really too much.

He felt his hands tense into fists.

"This isn't eight years ago, Sato... Back then I couldn't save them…" It was harder to say that than he thought it would be. "...But now, even if it means I have to lose my own life... I won't let you take her, too." He said slowly, taking a few slow steps towards her.

Her face immediately fell into a disgusted grimace.

"What's wrong with you?!" She was shouting now. "Do you really think that this _thing_ between you two can last?!" She pressed the blade against Sakura's throat, a little stream of crimson slipping down. "Do you really think that this won't end like everything else has?!" He couldn't pay attention to the pain those words caused him when his eyes were fixed on the small stream of crimson.

He felt himself inch closer.

It was dangerous, but he had a plan to get her back.

But before he could think anyfurther on his own plan, a familiar voice spoke up… Sakura's.

"Do you really think that I'd let you make me a victim so easily?"

_Poof_

And that was it.

Sakura's form disappeared from Asaka's grasp, and both of them were blinded by the smoke left behind the clone.

There was a sudden crash.

Kakashi could only see a blur of red fly out from the smoke before he heard a deafening crack. Asaka hit the splintered bark of a nearby tree, unable to move for a moment, shocked by the impact.

"Sakura?" He called for her.

"Just a sec." He heard her voice as she walked out of the smoke…

* * *

"Just a sec." I nonchalantly acknowledged Kakashi for a moment before I moved on, breathless.

I had used so much chakra in that last punch, but I still had some left.

I didn't care how hard it was to walk in a straight line, or how difficult it was to ignore the pain in my right fist, I only cared about punching that woman again.

I hated her for what she had done to Kakashi… with Kakashi… I hated her for trying to play with us, I hated her for succeeding in that to some extent…. But I didn't feel this insane need to pummel her, _this_ strongly, until she made him wear that expression I just saw a few seconds ago.

He probably didn't even realize it… the face he had when she mentioned what happened eight years ago…

I had never, ever, seen Kakashi in that much pain…

Even if he had tried to hide it, I finally caught a glimpse of what he really felt about all this… I finally saw clear past all of his cold and professional layers.

I couldn't stand seeing him in that much pain.

And my favor for her definitely didn't improve when she started talking about the frailty of our relationship.

I finally made it to the tree which she was practically crawling out of, I didn't waste a second.

I pulled back my fist, coursing any scrap amount of chakra to it without any hesitation. I didn't care how weak I suddenly felt, I just had to make sure she wouldn't be able to run away by the time I was done with her.

"Sakura!" I heard his voice as only an echo again, the reverberations of which were drowned out by the cracking of the tree as it split in half, Asaka flying backwards through it.

She landed on the ground coughing and sputtering.

I only wondered for a moment why, even though she was on the ground, she looked eye-level to me.

It wasn't until I felt his hands on my shoulders lift my face from the itchy grass that I realized that I had actually been on the ground, too.

My entire body was suspended in some sort of state of numb weakness… it didn't hurt, but I still wanted to fight.

"Sakura…" He only said my name, but even in my half-awake state, I still knew what exactly he was saying:

'What the hell were you thinking?'

I could almost hear his worried voice say those words, but I wasn't so close to unconsciousness that my imagination would take over like that.

But I did hear another voice speak out.

A voice I had wished would've been silenced by the two punches I had put most of my life-energy into.

"That kid was right about you two…" Asaka's voice sputtered hoarsely… "Lost in your dreams of friendship and self-righteousness…"

I could only look up at Kakashi… he was looking down at me, ignoring the voice's owner.

"I guess I really can't do anything here, right now…" The voice sounded like it was higher than before… could she still stand?... "But I'm not done with you two, yet…" She added weakly.

He still only looked down at me.

"Remember, Hatake… The path every shinobi must take… the one that breaks all of us.... This is the beginning."

His eyes flickered with their worry for a second, revealing some of that deep sadness I had only seen in them once or twice before.

With a gust of wind and a few moments of silence later… I knew that that woman was gone.

A part of me actually wanted to go after her, to hunt her down… but every other part of me wanted to succumb to the gentle darkness that was taking me over.

I felt his hand brush along my face for a moment.

"Kakashi…" I could only say his name with the weakest amount of worry in my voice.

I was really desperate to know what he was feeling right now…

His hand reached back into my hair, he lifted my head up a little. I felt his masked lips land on my forehead. Really soft.

"Don't worry. I'll be here when you wake up." He said simply, knowing what I was feeling…

I wanted to stay awake, but we both knew that after expending so much chakra, I definitely needed to let my body gain some of it back or I would only get worse…

I could feel the fatigue drag me down into that darkness further…

I wanted to wake up already.


	41. Night and Knowing

**Chapter 41!**

**Title: **'Night and Knowing'

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**Note:**

Happy Birthday, Susan!

...

Well, this one's short and sweet, a breather from all the drama… (I would've made it longer, but then I would've had to cut it at really awkwardly…)

Anyways, I wanted to let all of you know that I recently published a new KakaSaku story… this one has a twist though.  
I won't try to advertise it any further, lol…  
But if you're interested, it's called **'Konoha Gakuen: Test Questions…'**

But enough of this... hope you enjoy the chapter!

…

**

* * *

**

My eyes opened a little.

My head throbbed as I took in a deep breath, I could feel an aching pain spread through my muscles and into my arms and legs.

Trees were slowly bobbing past me, but I wasn't walking.

I felt two arms under me, one holding up my shoulders, the other anchoring my knees.

I focused on the vague memory of how familiar this felt for only a moment.

Then I realized _why_ this felt so familiar as my blurry eyes found his navy blue shirt and then his eye-level pendant. The jade Gan'u rock resting on his chest lightly.

"Kakashi…." I managed to say his entire name more clearly than I thought I could've.

This was probably the chakra-loss, you always felt numb and fatigued, even when you were getting your strength back.

"You're finally awake." I felt his arms tighten underneath me, like he wanted to hold me closer. But, for the sake of balance, didn't.

His voice was exactly what I needed to wake me up...

I finally looked up to his face, or at least what he was showing of it -that mask was getting kind of annoying. But I tried to push that from my mind as I focused on my legs for a second.

They felt a little weak, but I was pretty sure they were strong enough to use.

"I think I can walk…" I hinted weakly.

Without a word, he stopped. I felt the strength in his arms shift as he suddenly lowered me down, supporting my back more than before so that I wouldn't fall over.

I could tell he was trying to be really careful with me.

I didn't want to be let down because I had minded being so close to him, I just didn't want him to have to carry me when I was completely capable of walking.

But after he put me down, we didn't walk.

We only stood there, his hand on my shoulder, his eyes travelled from checking the balance of my legs to my face. I didn't look into his eyes, but I could tell by just the feeling of his gaze that he was looking for something.

… It was strange how well I knew him now… after all of this…

"Are you ok?" His voice was smooth… but wary.

I could feel his eyes check mine again.

I couldn't bring myself to look back at his own…

I took a deep breath, bowing my head tiredly.

"Yeah, I still feel a little weak, but that'll go away after I rest a for a-" My unenthusiastic answer was cut off.

"That's not what I meant." He sounded a little serious.

The hand on my shoulder moved to my chin, lifting my face up towards his gently.

My fatigue washed away a little when my eyes met his.

I forgot how he could hold that look on his face, even if it was half-covered by that mask... that look of complete concern, care, and... longing?

He had been putting up an act for a while now. He hadn't looked at me with that much… intensity, in a while.

I didn't answer for a moment, not because I didn't understand what he was really asking me, but because it actually took me a couple seconds after seeing his eyes before I could think again.

"I'm just... a little disappointed." I understated dramatically. "I punched her twice.... _Twice_." I pointed out again. "But she still got away." My little rant slowed to a stop after that.

But, it really was unbelievable.

I knew I still had a lot of progress to make when it came to my fighting skills, but I didn't think I was _that_ weak…

I was woken from brooding over my bruised ego with the sound of one of his trademark chuckles that more-than-never occured at an uncouth moment.

Like now.

But I didn't get a moment to voice my protest before I found myself being pulled forward by his hand. My legs still felt so weak that I'm sure I would've fallen over if his arms weren't immediately pressing me against him.

Suddenly, my short-lived annoyance with him completely evaporated.

My hands instinctually clutched onto the back of his shirt, holding myself to him, the side of my face resting on his chest.

He was so warm compared to the chilly night air.

His arms felt warm and heavy...

"That has nothing to do with your strength." He whispered against the side of my head.

I barely caught what his words were.

"What?" Even though it took me longer than usual to interpret what he said, they still hit me with the same impact of confusion.

I felt him take a deep breath, his chest expanding under my arms, pushing against my ear.

"Usually, just the normal amount of chakra you put into your punches is near-fatal, even for me…" Even if his voice was deep, and sounded deeper from the echoes in his chest, I could still hear his light-hearted attitude towards the end of that strange sentence.

_Was my strength actually capable of hurting him?_

I didn't find the point in thinking about hurting him, so I quickly forgot that mental question as he started talking again.

"Sato is a wind element user... Wind can come in handy when you need to strengthen your defense." His voice lost some of its humor when he said her name. "She protects herself with pressurized air currents that form a sort of shield wherever she wants one." He finished suddenly.

"…So…" I pressed for more information.

"So if she hadn't had that technique…." He trailed off.

I was about to talk again, until it clicked.

He was saying that if she hadn't had had that sort of shield... I probably would've killed her…

"Oh…" Was all I could say.

It was a little strange, knowing that I could've killed her.

I didn't want to think of the 'what if's…

I buried my face into the fabric of his shirt, taking a deep breath... suddenly reliving all the amount of joy and happiness this scent gave me....

His arms tightened around me as a response.

It had been a while since we had just held each other… I could tell he had missed it as much as I did from the way his fingers clasped onto my shoulders like he never wanted to let me go.

The feeling was mutual.

"But I'm surprised that's all that's bothering you." His lightly-toned voice hummed into my ear deeply.

"What do you mean?" I sounded half-asleep, not because I was tired, but because of the mesmerizing peace this moment possessed.

...

His hands twitched a little… he went silent for a few seconds….

"What you saw… what she made you see…"

The moment's peace was tarnished a little with the memory of what he was talking about.

I closed my eyes tightly, wanting to squeeze the image out of my head.

I tried to distract myself with talking.

"I was a little worried at first…" I started weakly.

I felt his arms quickly unhinge from my shoulders, allowing the freezing air to hit my shoulders... I fet colder than before.

He leaned over a little, looking me in the eyes.

"But?" He continued my sentence for me. Just waiting for the rest.

...

He really felt guilty didn't he?

He needed to know what I felt…

...

It wasn't hard to find the rest of my answer.

"I never doubted you."

…

I really hadn't… no matter what I saw… something inside me knew to trust him.... no matter what.

As soon as I looked back up to his face I immediately recognized, even behind the mask, the smile he wore only around me.

For a moment I could almost see the amount of relief and pride in his eyes, I could feel it in the way his hands slowly inched around me.

I was always surprised when he looked at me like this… surprised by the fact that somebody like me could ever make a man like him this happy… and just by saying the simplest, most natural things…

I was distracted from my marveling when I felt a hand leave my side as I saw it reach upwards to his face.

"I had wanted to wait till we got back to the village, but I don't think I'll be able to wait that long, after all."

I could hear the smile in his voice as he whispered that sentence warmly.

I saw his eyes quickly shift towards the surroundings, like he was checking for something.

"Wait for wha-?" My unnecessary question was cut off before I could waste any more of the breath I knew I would desperately need by the end of this kiss.

The hand he had unmasked with was now brushing along the side of my jaw, his fingers pressing against the back of my neck, titling my face towards his more comfortably.

I felt my hands grab at the fabric of his shirt a little frantically. I really hadn't been ready for the intensity of this.

It wasn't intense in a growing sense, but in a redeeming way.

He wasn't kissing me this way for more... it more like he was trying to make up for the lost time we would've had together, which was lost because of him…

....

… I didn't know how I knew that… but I was almost certain that that's what he was thinking.

I wondered if--I hoped that he could tell that I was accepting this sort of unspoken apology by the way I was kissing him back.

…

It had only been a dozen seconds before I felt my hands start to tighten on his shirt as my knees lost their strength.

My knees buckled, and with a moment of harsh gravity, I was closer to the ground than to his lips… but his hands still caught my waist before I hit the forest floor.

Any other day I would've been thoroughly embarrassed by the fact that I had actually gotten so weak-legged from kissing him that I'd lose my balance – which I had always had a problem with before- but at least I could blame it on my battle-fatigue this time.

"Sorry about that…" He apologized playfully as he held me up again.

The air was too cold to tell if I was blushing... I hoped to God I wasn't.

"You don't need to apologize. I'm just tired…" I corrected him briskly.

"Sure." He smirked _that_ smirk.

The one he always used when he was trying to say he knows everything.

I decided to ignore it and get back at him in a different way.

"I think we need to get back to the others before they start to worry." I started limping away from him, having a hard time walking and talking at the same time, but still determined in my plan for mini-vengeance by cutting our little make-up session short.

He _had_ been the one who 'couldn't wait'…. I hadn't done a thing, this was all him.

(… Although, I probably would've after a while anyways… but that was besides the point.)

I heard his warm chuckle from behind me.

Again… it was ill-timed.

I almost turned around to say something vindictive, but his voice stopped me.

"Fine." He spoke up playfully. Just hearing his voice sound that mischievous made me stop in my tracks. "If you want to get back to Naruto and Sai so quickly, then I definitely can't let you walk all the way there."

Once again gravity took me over as my legs were pushed out from under me. And once again two arms were positioned under my shoulder and knees.

He smiled down at me, his face masked again.

I only glared up at him with a fake conviction.

"You know this is embarrassing don't you?" I tested him.

He closed his eyes happilyf for a moment, before looking away.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." His smile didn't falter.

After a moment of keeping up the act, I decided to just forget it.

I even tried not to think about how ridiculous I must've looked like this…

It didn't matter anyways.

I rested my head against his chest. Listening to his heartbeat.

This moment of peace.

I hadn't had something like this in a long time… and with the kind of relationship we were battling through… I didn't know when we'd ever get a moment like this again.

I wanted to enjoy it as much as possible, while I could...

**……….**

"Hey, what happened to you guys?!" Naruto's voice would've immediately given our position away to any enemies… had there been any left over.

Naruto ran up to us as we came through the trees, I still limped a little. Kakashi had kept a supportive arm around my shoulder the last part of the journey here, but now that Naruto could see us now, only his hand was holding onto my arm... lightly… barely touching me.

It was always strange, experiencing this sudden transition between our world and the world we both needed to hold up reputations in.

When we were alone, we could be as intimate as we wanted to be, but in front of our team, we had to pretend as if we were just as distant and unknowing of each other as we were only months ago.

"We were ambushed." Kakashi's voice reverted to its serious tone. "The leader, Asaka, tracked us down. She tried to pick a battle, but Sakura defeated her."

In only the moments it took him to say that sentence, I took notice of a plethora of things.

Naruto's eyes widened with interest and energy, only to dull again when Kakashi mentioned the word 'defeat'.

Sai seemed unaffected by most of everything… but I saw his eyes flash to the warm hand closed lightly around my arm a few times.

And then, Kakashi… I noticed that he had no difficulty saying that woman's name with a professional tone anymore, but I loved the fact that even though he was acting professional, I still heard the faint pride in his voice when he said _my_ name.

But I couldn't reactto any of it... I just stood there...

"What about the others?" Sai asked up as Naruto started congratulating and cheering for me for 'defeating' Asaka.

"I wish I would've been there! That's so amazing, Sakura-chan!" He went on. I smiled and thanked him, while paying more attention to the man at my side as he spoke up again.

"Now that their leader is taken care of, I can't imagine that they'll bother this area again." He summed up unenthusiastically. "So, we'll be leaving in the morning."

"Yes!" Naruto exclaimed happily, interrupting his own congrats-rant.

He was probably happy to get back to Konoha… he had been wanting to train for a while.

"Alright, calm down." Kakashi ordered a little tiredly. "We all need to rest. Especially Sakura."

He turned towards me when he said my name.

But as if in payment for looking at me, his hand left my arm.

…

I had almost forgotten, till now… how hard it is to simply pretend you don't feel like this for someone.

To ignore these overwhelming emotions that would conquer you every time you saw their face.

To act like they don't mean more to you than a teacher -or student, from his perspective-…

... it was really tiring.

...

But I guess that was the price we had to pay.


	42. Flashbacks and Fun

**Chapter 42!**

**Title:**_ 'Flashbacks and Fun'_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**Note: ****This one might get confusing, but if there's a big section in italics that means it's in the past…**

**Anywho, hope you guys enjoy!**

……………………………………………………**.**

_So this is it._

_This building._

_The building that's gonna cause me all sorts of torment and torture._

I took a few more steps toward this foreboding establishment, following my other team members, while walking a little closer than usual to my team captain, who -being an uncannily skilled actor- was artfully covering up the constant side-glances he's been shooting towards me for the past several hours by 'reading' his book.

Even though I was happy to be back on our 'normal' schedule, back to my 'normal' life and having Kakashi acting 'normal' again… I wasn't so happy about our next mission.

"This is gonna be awesome!" Naruto announced from not too far away, beaming toward the sign of the building ahead of us.

I wanted to punch him. But I settled for peeking towards the masked face of my team captain to calm myself down.

I couldn't hold back a stupid smile – one that I hoped the other two didn't see- when I saw he was already looking at me.

* * *

"This is gonna be awesome!" Naruto's antics were only going to get worse after they actually walk through those doors. But Kakashi didn't pay any attention to the blonde-haired boy or his words, not when he couldn't help another glance at the pink-haired girl to his left.

After only a moment of looking at her, her eyes met his.

The timing was too perfect. He _almost_ couldn't control himself from reaching out to her.

She smiled one of her brighter smiles, the kind that she only made around him.

He really wanted to kiss her.

Really.

But even though he didn't have much stopping him, now that their relationship was stronger than ever, he couldn't forget the overwhelming secrecy they had to keep up.

So no matter how much closer they had become, he still had to act like they were as oblivious as they had been towards each other for the years before all this.

They had to act like they were the student and teacher they once were, like the team member and captain they are now, despite his growing urge to wrap an arm around her.

He quickly tried to stop those awkward thoughts, closing his eyes and turning back to his book.

But she didn't stray far from his thoughts. That smile didn't either.

He was quickly reminded of the last time he had seen that smile.

………

"_This last mission was so easy, wasn't it?" Naruto had no idea how wrong he was, but for sanity's sake Kakashi simply nodded his head, looking down at the half-empty bowl of ramen in front of him a little wryly._

_Naruto had dragged the entire team to Ichiraku Ramen as soon as they had left the Hokage's office._

_It definitely wasn't anything new to Kakashi, this would usually happen after every other mission._

_And although, he really didn't feel like having, or attending, a team outing… he had ulterior motives now._

"_I don't know about that." He heard the soft, albeit slightly annoyed, voice of the pink-haired girl sitting next to him shoot down Naruto's rhetorical question. _

_She set down her chopsticks. He couldn't help the slight hiccup in his heartbeats when her hand barely grazed his. He tried to ignore it... He took a moment to try and calm himself… he definitely couldn't be acting like this. Not now… _

_She spun in her seat a little, turning towards Kakashi for a moment, giving him a knowing glance that lasted no more than a moment. _

_That was it._

_He couldn't just sit here and pretend like he wasn't counting the minutes until he could snatch an opportunity to be alone with her._

_He stood up from his stool quickly, picking his wallet out of his pocket._

"_We're probably going to be sent out on another mission almost immediately. Possibly even tomorrow, so I think it's about time we turn in." He made an excuse for his early departure. He had no idea how true that excuse would be._

_But he wasn't thinking about future missions or_ anything _about resting as he leaned over the counter, placing the money for all of their meals onto the higher shelf of the counter._

_He momentarily checked on Naruto and Sai out of the corner of his eye._

_Naruto was noisily slurping at the broth in his bowl as Sai was aimlessly picking at the last of his noodles… either way, both of them weren't paying attention, giving Kakashi his chance._

_He set down the pieces of paper on the top counter, but lingered for a moment beside the girl next to him._

"_Meet me… now."_

_And with those three words he left the ramen shop, knowing full-well that she had nearly jumped out of her seat when he had whispered in her ear like that, and knowing all-too-well how dangerous that was._

_But given their last adventures… danger was something he was willing to risk in order to get her alone for a moment._

……_.._

_It only took him a few minutes till he reached the end of the tori-covered road that led up to the red, aged, bridge and the river he had come to love over the years he had spent sitting on this bridge before any of this._

_He was surprised that he didn't have to wait more than a single minute until he heard her footfalls running towards the bridge with an almost urgent pace. She must've been just as eager for some time together._

_He couldn't beat back the smile that crept across his masked face. He decided to have a little fun._

_He hid._

_He jumped over the railing of the bridge, clinging onto the side silently, the water rushing a couple feet below his feet._

_Even though he was tired, he couldn't resist doing this._

"_Kakashi." She called his name a little loudly, but not loud enough for anyone too close to hear._

_His feet landed back onto the boards of the bridge floor without making any more sound than a moth._

_She didn't even seem to sense him, she only kept looking towards the trees, looking for him._

_He really had too much fun sneaking up on her like this. But just as he was about to place his hands on either of her shoulders, hoping to give her a little shock, he felt hers pull them around her._

_He was the one who got a little shock from that. But it didn't take long for him to get over it._

_After a second of settling into this moment, letting his arms feel her warmth again, letting his face rest against her hair, letting himself remember the slightly faster pace of her breathing, he finally decided to say something._

"_Was I too loud?" He asked, staring out into the water as it seemed to turn an amber color. The sun was beginning to set._

"_No, I just… _knew_." Her hands gripped onto his arms a little tighter. He loved the way she did that… _

"_I think you're finally starting to learn something, then." He teased lightly, not even paying attention to the lack of punch in his little joke, since he was paying more of it to the way her fingers brushed along his hand._

"_I think you're finally starting to lose your touch after all those years on the battlefield." She retorted with fake criticism._

_He definitely knew she was just joking around, but her little jab at his 'years' was enough to wake him up._

"_From where I'm standing, I haven't lost any 'touch'." He inflected that sentence skillfully as he let his hands wander to her waist a little suggestively._

_She only squirmed a little._

_And then, after a moment, worry tarnished his playful mood. He had actually forgotten, for a second, how taboo that subject had become over the past day._

_He really shouldn't be making jokes about this right now. _

_He started thinking of ways to apologize and change the subject… but he didn't have to._

"_If you don't stop with the witty comebacks, you won't be _touching_ anything." Her voice joked._

_He couldn't hold back a deep laughter at that, losing his grip on her for a moment. She turned towards him, looking at him laugh like he was stupid. He didn't care._

"_What's so funny?" She asked up to him, visibly perturbed._

"_Nothing." He finally finished laughing as smoothly as possible, reaching up to her shoulders again._

"_Then what's with the laughing?" She didn't give up as he pulled her into a hug._

_He chuckled some more for a few seconds._

"_I just wasn't expecting that, is all." He excused himself truthfully._

_She didn't say anything._

_He felt her bury her face against him._

_He felt her arms wrap around his back securely._

_Neither of them really said anything for a long moment._

_They didn't have to say anything._

_They both knew that they had just been joking about a really touchy subject. _

_With what had just happened… the mission…_

_It was both on their minds… what happened between them, and how serious things were becoming…_

_And the way she was joking about it only a few moments ago probably meant something._

_Something had changed. It might've been something small… but something was different._

_Either she was uncomfortable with the subject, and that's why she joked about it… or perhaps, after everything, she's changed.... Grown?_

_But he couldn't bring it up now._

_Not now… after all what's happened during that mission. Even if they are joking around, he could feel that she was just as tired as he was, physically, and especially, emotionally._

_Besides, he still had to take some time for himself… to enjoy this._

_This moment._

_The way things are now. The way she trusts him now. _

'I never doubted you.'

_He knew now, for sure, she trusted him completely. He had never really believed she would've been able to. Of course she would trust him with her life, she would trust him in the battlefield as a captain… but for her to trust him with herself. That's one of the rarest gifts anyone could give._

_And that's all he wanted right now._

This_ was all he wanted._

_Standing here, holding her, knowing she's safe, knowing she trusts him, _believing_ that everything would work out…_

_There was nothing that could ruin this moment._

"_Hey, Kakashi-senpai!"_

_Except one thing, of course._

…………

Kakashi was suddenly jolted from his recent memories as a flash of orange and black pushed passed him, almost knocking the book out of his hand.

Kakashi snapped his attention to his, suddenly very noisy, team members.

"Don't worry, Sakura-chan, I'll take care of him!" Naruto shouted his battlecry, his fist raised, as if he was protecting Sakura's honor, like this was some sort of old film.

He glanced at the spectacle for no longer than a second before turning back to their destination -which seemed farther than ever-, Naruto was trying to punch a impartially elusive Sai, and Sakura was simply standing on the sidelines, an unamused expression plastered on her face.

He didn't know what caused this, but he didn't need any sort of teenage drama interrupting his efforts on concentrating on not concentrating on his relationship with one of those teenagers.

_God, that sounded really wrong…  
_He barely held back a grimace.

"Calm down, Naruto." He finally ordered over his shoulder as he heard the scuffling of sandaled-feet behind him get louder and more erratic.

He just kept pretending like he was reading, walking slowly away from the scene behind him.

"But he called Sakura 'ugly'!" Naruto yelled his excuse as the scuffling only got louder.

Kakashi stopped in his tracks almost immediately.

… If he wasn't really careful right now, he was going to get caught up in that teenage drama, himself… and then he'd have real problems.

_They're just kids… and Sai's never been that talented with girls… or people in general… I can't sink too low and actually get offended by something he says._

But despite what he was telling himself at that moment he was still turning around and closing his book, not really planning on anything... but his fist seemed to be clenching by itself.

"Knock it off, both of you!" The voice of the third teenager spoke up with a bit of strength. Two little thuds ended the sentence perfectly.

By the time he turned around completely, he didn't see the two boys fighting (or at least one of them _trying_ to pick a fight), they were both just standing there, holding their arms as if they had just been punched.

The girl who had been insulted and defended just walked between the insulter and defender, not picking a side, and definitely not happy about either of them.

She paused at his side before he started walking again, smiling somewhat smugly.

Again… now with a pang of pride… it was harder not to wrap an arm around her.

* * *

_Well that was easier to handle than I thought._  
I commented mentally as I walked past Naruto and Sai, both of which seemed completely confused why I had to resort to violence to shut them up… but from Kakashi's well-hidden smile, I could see that he felt that violence was necessary, too.

But now that there weren't any distractions –besides the one I was walking next to- I couldn't ignore our fast-approaching destination.

I grimaced until my eyes landed on a sign that was planted on the roadside.

'_No service for shinobi'_

Suddenly, I was the one who was confused.

"They don't allow shinobi here?" I whispered over to Kakashi-sensei.

Even though this was a normal question, and would probably lead to somewhat of a normal conversation, just talking to him alone made me feel a little shifty.

"No, these people have some heavy ties with the more crooked family leaders in this area, having even off-duty shinobi around would cripple their business…" He summarized, his voice lower than normal, too. I wondered if he felt the same sort of wariness when talking to me.

"So what are we doing here?" I asked a little abruptly.

"You know our mission." He reminded me unnecessarily.

"Yeah, I know what we're _gonna_ do. But how are we going to sneak in?" I asked with a little alarm since we were closing in on the front doors of the establishment, but I still had no idea what we were doing.

"We're going to sign in." He said with a simple, innocent voice.

I hadn't heard that voice in several hours. But it was still like I had only heard it a few minutes ago.

……………

"_Hey, Yamato." Kakashi's 'innocent' voice was all I could hear as I hid behind the brush in the forest. I wondered to myself how no one could have ever noticed that Kakashi only used that voice when he was hiding something._

"_I thought it was you, I wasn't sure at first." Yamato revisited the ordeal that happened a few minutes ago. He had come walking up the road, calling for Kakashi, while I had barely been able to jump behind a tree before Yamato was close enough to confirm that the man he saw standing on the bridge was Kakashi. "Who was that you were with before?" Yamato finished._

Damn it!  
_I cursed mentally with surprise._

"_Just a friend. They wanted to say 'bye' before going on their next mission." Kakashi lied artfully._

"_Yes, of course. The missions are really piling up, aren't they?" Yamato continued with a conversational tone as I tried to silently readjust my sitting position._

_I could tell I was probably gonna be here for a long time._

"_Well, with the new conflicts spreading over the Lands. Someone has to help our neighboring countries." Kakashi followed Yamato-taichou's conversational direction, while I was brushing grainy mud off of my legs._

"_Well, that's why I'm here." Yamato-taichou spoke up after a moment. "The Hokage has another job for Team Kakashi."_

_There was a moment of quiet. I peeked through the leaves._

_They were just leaning on the railing. Yamato was looking at the sun, while Kakashi was staring at the water… he looked a little bothered for a moment until he started talking._

"_You gonna take those troublemakers off my hands, again?" He joked lightly. I could tell it was a fake joke._

"_That's the other reason why I'm here…" Yamato-taichou explained. "I wanted to ask you to take care of them again this time…. I have another mission of my own to deal with, one that requires a lot of concentration."_

_My curiosity was piqued… as well as Kakahsi's._

"_ANBU call you out?" His voice was a little serious._

"_No, the problem hasn't escalated that far… but there has been some talk, rumors really, of something bigger happening in the background…" Yamato-taichou trailed off._

"_If you need a second opinion on any of the facts…" Kakashi offered politely._

"_No, I couldn't bother you with that… besides, I don't think it's in our best interest to discuss details of a secret mission with an eavesdropper listening in." _

Damn it!  
_I cursed to myself again._

"_Come on out." Yamatou-taichou called lightly towards my little hiding spot._

_I had no choice but to follow his half-serious order._

_I walked back onto the bridge, trying to look a little nervous… _

"_Sakura. How long have you been there?" Kakashi asked me, fake cluelessness in his voice._

_I kind of wanted to laugh at how serious of an actor he could be._

"_Only a few minutes. I just wanted to hear what our next mission was going to be early." I lied along with him, using my 'over-achieving' voice._

"_You could have just asked." Kakashi fake-scolded me. Well, if Kakashi-sensei ever scolded us, it would've sounded like that._

"_No, it's alright, I mind as well tell the both of you where the mission'll take place, now." Yamatou-taichou smiled like he was giving us a treat, while we were probably both just feeling this nagging obligation to carry on the act. I don't think either of us really quite cared what the next mission was. We just wanted to be alone. _

_But when Yamato-taichou finally finished this conversation with those few words, I think we both suddenly cared about what our next mission was going to be._

"_Shinshu Onsen"_

………

We only kept walking towards the building of foreboding torment.

I tugged at the bottom of my casual shirt and skirt worriedly for a moment, feeling a little lacking of courage since I wasn't in my usual, confidence-inducing, mission-wear… but after seeing those 'No Shinobi' signs, our casual-dress requirement finally made sense.

We were going in undercover… it bugged me for some reason...

I barely got the time to reread the painted sign above the door.

'Shinshu Onsen'

People are supposed to feel relaxed and happy when they know that they'll be spending a couple days in an expensive, famous, onsen…. So why did I feel like I was walking to the gauntlet?

Of course I hid that feeling from the others, and especially from the greeters waiting by the front door, with a warm smile.

_Think relaxed, think happy, think grateful, think soothing…_

I repeated those words through my mind over and over as we walking into the surprisingly grand building. It didn't look this fancy from outside, but this place was actually really elaborate. High ceilings, warm lighting, and a visible courtyard-garden between the entrance and hot spring divider-walls. The extravagance of the place didn't help my anxiety.

I could swear that Kakashi-sensei could pick up on my fretting, since he placed a hand on my back for only a moment, leading me up the step (after we slid off our shoes and accepted the very expensive-looking slippers from the smiling door-greeters) and towards the lady waiting behind a podium, who was scribbling onto a clipboard. Naruto and Sai were dawdling behind us, probably taking up the offer of free tea that the door-greeters had offered Kakashi-sensei and I only a few seconds earlier. I could hear Naruto's spare exclamations over the 'fanciness' of this place, while Sai only agreed quietly.

We were only a few feet from the clipboard-woman now.

"So this was the part where we 'sign in'?" I asked almost silently to the man at my right, the tension audible in my voice.

He didn't say anything or even look at me. He just smirked _that_ smirk.

The one that said he knew he was planning on having fun at someone else's expense… Mine, I'm guessing.

I restrained the urge to punch his arm, too as the lady finally looked up from her podium to greet us.

"Welcome, to Shinsu Onsen." She smiled a broad and bright smile, which was unmistakably fake. "Are you all together?" She peeked between me and Kakashi.

"Yes, but we'll take two rooms, of course." I had to double-take when Kakashi-sensei started talking. Not because he asked for two rooms, I knew what that was about. It's a common practice, to split up large groups like that, in order to cut down loud noises and big parties that would trash the hotel and disturb the other customers who have literally paper-thin walls between them and strangers. But it was strange to hear his voice so calm and… soothing.

It must be his 'dealing with the public' voice.

I would always forget just how many sides there were to this man. Especially when he had to act.

I guess this was his 'normal, unremarkable man going on a onsen-vacation' character.

I directed my attention back to the conversation silently, trying to ignore the noisy tea-slurping from behind me.

"And what are the arrangements?" The woman scribbled something on her clipboard calmly.

I hadn't even thought about that yet.

_Who would be roomed with who?... _

After only thinking for a split moment I finally realized exactly how dangerous this decision was.

There were so many possibilities, and all of which could end really badly!

Kakashi-sensei and I sharing a room is completely out of the question.

Naruto and I would be the perfect recipe for wall-tearing.

And if I had to deal with Sai's insults for _days,_ there was going to be just as much destruction ahead of us.

I tugged at my shirt nervously again.

… I hoped that Kakashi would at least know better than to room me with Naruto…

"Those two will pair up, and we'll share a room."

When Kakahsi pointed to the two boys behind him when he said 'those two', only to point to the space between me and him when he said 'we'll share a room', I just had to take a mental moment to flip out.

_What?!!_

Pairing me up with Naruto would've been horrible, pairing me up with Sai would've been a little risky… but this was so much worse!

I looked up at him after glancing at Naruto and Sai… both of them displayed varied disappointment. Naruto was taking it especially bad…

Despite the drama he just sparked, Kakashi-sensei seemed completely serious… like what he wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary.

Like his 'normal, unremarkable man' character does this all the time!

But I didn't have any more time to flip out over this… not when a more serious issue was about to be introduced by the sign-in lady.

"And she is your…?" She looked up from her paper, now interested in whatever relationship this man had with me.

First I was confused: Did she _have_ to know about this?!

But then I suddenly wondered: How was he going to explain this?

_Is he going to say I'm his student?… no, of course not… _

_What about niece?... that's a little weird… _

_Daughter?.... God, THAT would _scar_ me… he's not even old enough anyways…_

…

_Then what about a second cousin?.... I guess that would be the only-_

His voice interrupted me.

"Fiancée…"

. . .

_EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH?!!_

Kakashi-sensei's arm suddenly wrapped around my waist like he had done so many times before, I heard Naruto cough on his free tea noisily.


	43. Suites and Subtlety

**Chapter 43!**

**Title: **_'Suites and Subtlety'_

**Note: God, it's been soooooo long since my last update. But I'm still here, and I still have a lot up my sleeve for this story (as well as my others), but as my life is changing, and I'm making the great transition from high school-life to college-life, I find my time and inspiration a bit stretched.**

**But I hope you guys haven't given up on me!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!**

…………………………………………………………………**..**

Everything came to a stop when I heard that one-worded explanation come from Kakashi-sensei.

"Fiancée…"

. . .

_EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH?!_

His arm suddenly wrapped around my waist like he had done so many times before, I heard Naruto cough on his free tea noisily.

Complete, shocked, silence followed for what seemed an hour.

"Is that right?" The voice of the lady in front of us asked skeptically, interrupting that motionless moment.

If I had torn my eyes away from Kakashi for a moment (since I was now staring at him like he was crazy), I would've seen that the woman behind the podium was not only eyeing me a little suspiciously, but that the girls hanging around behind the counter were also suffering from a staring problem.

I had half a mind to actually say something, to speak up and say it was a joke, but as soon as my lips even separated I felt that familiar hand on my waist tighten around me… He was warning me not to say anything.

That alone inspired my hand to latch onto his and try to pry his fingers a little looser. (I had to get control of this situation somehow!)…

His fingers wouldn't budge despite how frantically I was trying to unhinge them from my side.

His eyes flashed to mine for only a moment before looking away again, his smirk didn't falter, in fact, he seemed even more enthusiastic now.

But our not-so-subtle power-struggle didn't go unnoticed.

I felt several pairs of eyes on his hand, which was still clutching tightly onto my waist.

Now with everybody suddenly staring at our hands, it felt like it was the very first time he had ever touched me. My skin felt a little hot and the nerves were shooting random sparks towards my stomach, which felt like it was housing a whole nation of butterflies… it made me really nervous, and more than slightly annoyed… but, even though I would never, ever, tell him, I actually wasn't completely hating this plan.

…

But when he carried this game of his even further with the next two words… it was harder to ignore the nervous/annoyed part of my reaction.

"Recently engaged." His voice still held that soft and sophisticated tone, as if he was completely unaffected by exactly how dangerous this all was.

He only continued to smirk with a sort of smug sadism.

I had to bridle my sudden urge to remove that smirk with either a punch or a few harsh words… it wasn't easy.

"Right?" His voice again.

After staring at him in secret disbelief and annoyance for the past minute, it was a little surprising when his eyes met mine… especially with that question.

But with the look they were giving me… I could tell…

The 'fun' had begun.

Now I was being forced by him to lie with him… which I wouldn't have had much of a problem with, except I could tell he was enjoying this lie too much already.

"Uh, yes… very recently." I lied, putting on a fake smile as I turned back to the woman behind the podium, whose suspicion seemed to weaken when our eyes met.

Was I that good of an actress?

"So would you two prefer our pre-prepared 'Couples Suite'?" She asked as she began filling out more of the clipboard. "It includes a mini-bar, complete with complimentary snacks, as well as a private hot bath through the back veranda for a couple who prefer exclusive privacy." She elaborated the value of this 'couples suite', adding a new layer of anxiety and horror to my already shifty nerves.

_God, this is too much… we definitely can't!_

I looked back up to Kakashi and almost said something in protest… but it was too late.

"Sure." He said simply.

It suddenly came to mind that he _really_ didn't seem to care how far he was going to push this charade.

"Eh-mph!?" Naruto's voice started out with a loud, bellowing screech, but ended with a muffle.

For a moment I had actually forgotten about my two other team members.

It seemed that this was too much for Naruto to accept…

I peeked over my shoulder. Sai was covering Naruto's mouth, who was struggling to get free and probably scream some more. (At least Naruto was allowed to act somewhat upset… when I, on the other hand, couldn't say anything without putting our credibility as 'normal' people on the line)…

I managed to catch eye contact with Sai for a spare moment before I had to turn around again… he smiled that smile… A smile that said a lot more than just 'I'm happy'…

Something about him was really starting to worry me.

But I couldn't focus on him for long. I had to pay more attention to Kakashi-sensei, who was proving to be a lot more dangerous with his 'fun' than I thought!

"Are there any other requests you have, sir?" The sign-in woman asked monotonously as she kept writing on her clipboard.

The more she scribbled, the more I wondered what she was writing.

I couldn't help but peek over at her paper, curious -sometimes ninja skills came in handy when they weren't meant to- I quickly read the characters upside down before she pulled the clipboard against her chest:

'_By-door wake-up call'_

…_. What did that even mean?..._

"No, nothing else." I heard his voice finish politely…. Something in me had expected him to ask for matching 'him-and-her' bathrobes or a cake labeled 'Congrats on the Recent Engagement!' with sparkler candles or such. But he still seemed to have a shred of subtly left.

The woman finally stopped writing little notes, she looked up and smiled that fake grin at Kakashi-sensei for a second…

"Well, I'll have someone show you to your rooms."

She lifted a hand , not breaking eye-contact with Kakashi, and flicked two fingers toward us… it took me a moment to realize that she was signaling to the girls behind the counter several feet behind her.

All of them froze for a moment, eyes as wide as a bush-baby's, all of them curious. After a few more seconds of silence, one of them finally took the lead and walked over to us.

_What was all that about?_

I thought to myself a little warily.

_All those girls seemed to be in their twenties… maybe they could tell that I wasn't as old as they were…_

_If there was one thing that could ruin all of this, it was how well I looked my age._

I suddenly felt image-conscious, standing up straighter as we began walking as a group through the gate to the indoor garden that was in between the check-in podium and the rooms. I could hear Naruto shuffling behind us, dragging his feet like a child.

Yeah… he wasn't gonna handle this mission as smoothly as I had hoped now that Kakashi-sensei started this.

I held back a sigh.

That was when I caught a glance from the girl who was showing us to our room. She had been staring at me.

That was a little unnerving.

…

Was she trying to figure out my age?

Or was she trying to figure out why a man like Kakashi-sensei would have a 'fiancee' like me?

… 'fiancee'… that word didn't help my anxiety level.

"Here are your rooms."

I was woken up from my fretful trance with that.

"Yours in on the left, and the Couples Suite is on the right." She gestured to each group and then towards their respective rooms with poise.

I avoided looking at her, mostly trying to step behind Kakashi a little, hoping she'd stop trying to look at me face.

I could already tell how paranoid I was going to get by the end of all of this.

"If you need anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask any of the staff for assistance." She finished her memorized monologue gently.

"Thank you." Kakashi's voice still sounded like he was enjoying himself.

_I really have to have a talk with him about all this._

The young woman walked away, paying me one more curious glance. My anxiety grew some more.

_A really long talk._

…

"Ok, everybody unload your things and explore the rooms for a few minutes, memorize all possible exits… we'll meet at the baths in ten minutes." And there he was again… Kakashi-sensei… the one I knew for years, the responsible, well-prepared, considerate teacher, who didn't indirectly harass his student(/'lover')and then proceed to act smugly about it.

_Sometimes (like only a few minutes ago) I wonder where that familiar version of Kakashi-sensei goes when his charming sadist of an alter-ego decides to take over… or which one is the real Kakashi to begin with… _

_I guess he's probably both all the time, but just decides to hide one side whenever the other side serves him better…_

He immediately started walking towards the sliding door of the 'Couples Suite' before I could even begin to fathom of moving my feet towards that room.

Good thing, too, because the flash of black and orange that zoomed passed me just now would've knocked me over had I started to walk.

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto galloped towards Kakashi before he could actually step into the-… our… room. Sai only patiently waited by his own door, spectating.

"Go ahead, Sakura…" Kakashi turned to me for a moment, ordering me politely (with his normal, teacher voice) to go into that room before him.

One of the more embarrassing orders I had to endure.

Just walking into a 'Couples Suite' wasn't bad, but walking into one that Kakashi-sensei had carelessly requested, one that had 'private' settings, and one that I had no desire to be in, was strangely mortifying.

I shot an unamused glance at Kakashi-sensei, who pretended not to notice.

Before I was even one foot in the door, the questions started bursting out of Naruto's loud mouth.

"What was that all about?! Why do I have to share a room with that guy?! Why do you get a room with Sakura?! Why'd you tell them that you-!… that you and… Sakura-chan… were…" Even when I was on the other side of that door I could tell that the awkwardness of this last question was apparently too much for even Naruto to shout. It was almost too much for me to listen to. I cringed.

But before any form of silence could take over, Kakashi spoke up.

"We can only afford two rooms, and aren't allowed to sleep in only one. It would've been illogical to give Sakura her own room, she'd be a sitting duck. It's standard protocol to assign one ANBU member per group in these situations. It's no use to have two in one room, as well as a tactless fighter with the only healer."

He spun all these explanations with such credibility… I was having trouble figuring out whether this was actually just part of the mission or part of his fun anymore.

"And I know better than to set her rooming with you." He finished his monologue with that last, unneseccary comment and I knew… this was the fun.

"Kakashi-sensei! I wanted to-" Naruto objected, whining like he just missed the lottery by a few digits.

Kakashi's deeper voice cut him off from any more whines.

"Naruto, we don't need any distractions from the mission… can you really imagine spending the night with Sakura without some sort of violence breaking out and drawing attention to us?"

… I imagined that scenario for a moment.

Spending the night in the same room as Naruto…

_He had a point…_  
I thought to myself begrudgingly.

"Uh… well…" Naruto quieted down… he was probably imagining the pain I would've inflicted on him in that scenario.

"But at least I didn't room her with Sai…" I heard Kakashi offer that bit of ironic solace to Naruto and almost lost it.

"Eh?.... Yeah… you're right…." Naruto suddenly sounded really shifty, as if he thought of Sai as competition.

If Naruto was concerned about 'competition', it would've been better if I was rooming with Sai!

Things went quiet for a second.

" So, does that answer all of your questions?" Kakashi's teacher-voice knocked me out of my thoughts again.

"I guess…." Naruto said, a bit of confusion still in his voice.

"Good, then I'll see you at the onsen later…" Kakashi brushed off the conversation casually as I was still wringing my hands on the other side of this door, internally freaking out about everything that was going on.

"Ok…"

And with that I heard Naruto walk over to his own room, his footsteps dragging across the floorboards like a kid would do.

I heard the door to Naruto's room open close.

…

I could finally breathe… now it was only going to me and Kakashi…

This was my chance to talk to him about this… situation.

Only a moment later, the door I was standing beside started to slide open.

I poised myself like a cat, readying for an attack.

I wasn't going to tackle him, (that would've been weird) but there was something I wanted to see for myself. Something that had been bothering me since we were at that podium.

As soon as I saw his foot take its first step into the room I swung around to face him, and without really looking, my hands found his mask.

With one fast tug my suspicions were proven correct.

He _was_ smirking.

Before I could take a moment to really think about how much that smirk drove me crazy, -not only because it was hard not to find him handsome when he smiled like that, but that he would only wear it when he was doing something dangerous- his hands landed on my arms, sliding down to my shoulders.

"That was unexpected." He spoke down to me, my hands still clutching at the mask material around his neck, bridging the gap between us. One of his hands left me as he slid the door shut behind him. I couldn't really pay attention to what he was doing at the moment, I was still a little beside myself with annoyance.

And before I could protest (I'm not sure if I really would've, but I'd like to believe that I would have given up a fight if I could've) his lips met mine.

It felt like days since the last time we kissed. I almost forgot myself when his hands pulled mine over his shoulders so that I could get closer… A part of me wanted to hold onto him for a few more minutes and enjoy this, but I promptly remembered that 'talk' I wanted to have with him.

I broke away long before I wanted to. He tried to pull me back. I pushed against his vest-less chest.

"You're really having too much fun." I finally spoke up; completely missing the 'scolding' tone I was aiming for. I ended up sounding like I was having fun to…

_God, how does he do this to me?! I can never act as seriously as I want to when he's like this!_

He tugged me closer again.

The look he was giving me weakened my arms.

"Am I not allowed to take advantage of a harmless situation?" I almost missed his words, I was paying so much attention to the way his voice seemed to soften several levels.

But my reaction wasn't hindered by that.

It only took a nanosecond for me to raise the tone of my own voice by several levels.

"Harmless?!... So much could go wrong!" I blurted out a little loudly, but it was like releasing the dam that had hidden all of my internal rantings, I couldn't stop or hold back now. "If they find out my age, we're in trouble! If we get caught with each other by Naruto or Sai, we'll get in trouble! But if we _don't_ act like a couple and blow our cover, we'll get in trouble! This is a disaster!" By the end of that last sentence I had to take a deep breath.

I almost felt like ranting some more when I looked up at him after a few seconds only to see that his smirk had only evolved into a full grin.

"What?" I asked, still a little winded, and with some attitude. I tried to ignore how handsome he was when he smiled.

He only shook his head gently.

"When will you learn not to worry about the small things?" His hands tightened around me warmly, soothing some of the annoyance with only that. "I've already got this whole mission figured out, so just let me have fun and publicly pretend that I romantically involved with the person I'm secretly romantically involved with." He finished that sentence using something like his teacher-voice, just softer. Smooth, understanding, strangely hypnotic and compelling.

My arms, which I had been pushing him away with, felt like noodles when he pulled me into a hug.

I let out a defeated sigh.

"Why do I suddenly feel like I overreacted and that you have some sort of magical powers that can stop anything from ever going wrong?" I asked him ironically.

He laughed, his chest rumbling against my ear the way I always loved.

We stood there for what could've been a few seconds or minutes- his fingers combing through my hair rhythmically -, all I know is that it wasn't long enough.

His arms loosened from around me.

"Alright, start getting ready to go to the springs."

I nodded a little tiredly, feeling completely mellow now.

I had a sneaking suspicion that having learned all my weak points, he's devised some sort of way to hypnotize me into agreeing with everything he does… but I didn't really care about that right now.

I walked through the 'Couples Suite' warily, searching for the exits Kakashi had warned us to look for as I saw he was stashing shuriken and kunai in the nooks and crannies of the room.

The room was wide and spacious that included a couple of separated areas. One that had a dining table, one with leisure pillows arranged for large get-togethers or maybe some lounging, and the last section was completely clear of most furniture except some drawers and a wardrobe… which no doubt held the futons… or 'futon'.

I took about as much special care not to look towards that futon-holding wardrobe than I did not to look out into the garden, past the back veranda… where the 'exclusive bath' was.

I didn't need to care about that right now, either.

But a question quickly popped into my mind when I thought about that bath for a moment.

…

"Kakashi." I spoke up casually, still looking around the room, checking the stability of the walls in case we had to improvise an exit.

"Yes?" He answered from across the room.

I took a moment to put together the question.

"If you have everything 'figured out', then what's your logic for us going to the onsen when _we_ have an… 'exclusive' spring for ourselves?" I projected towards him.

"You caught onto that?" I turned around as his voice was suddenly in the doorway of the 'lounging room' (as I had chosen to call it). I caught a weird quirk in his tone.

"You sound proud…." I graded.

He shrugged a little…

My mind sparked at the idea that he really _didn't_ have an excuse for everything, that he wasn't as impeccable in his quick-planning as I thought he was

"…So you actually don't have an excuse?..." I checked. He didn't say anything, he only stared at me from the doorway. "I never would've thought that you would be so absent-minded, Kakashi-sensei." I used my old 'over-achieving' voice.

"I didn't say I didn't have an excuse." He stepped back out of the doorway, leaving me there.

Curiosity took over.

"Really?" I followed after him.

"It's just not one I can share publicly." He walked through the 'dining room' into the bedroom.

"What's that?" I asked, suddenly stopping in my tracks. I wasn't going to be the mouse to his cat right now by following him around like a little kid.

"… I'm saving that bath for later." His voice travelled through the paper-thin wall between our rooms.

My initial reaction: "Eh…"

After I really thought about what that could mean: "What!?"

I heard my voice carry farther than I wanted it to.

He started talking before I could care to worry about whether or not our other team members heard that or not.

"My excuse to Naruto was that we'd be a quieter pair than you two together, try not to prove me wrong."

He walked back into sight. I shot him a sharp glare which seemed to blunt on the way over to him since he only smiled.

I loved that smile, but recently I've only seen it whenever I'm frowning.

"Go change into this… and try to keep it down." He joked as he tossed me a bundle of cotton.

He disappeared behind the paper wall between us again with his own bundle of cotton.

I opened my own bundle to find that it was a bathrobe. A really expensive, tailored-looking bathrobe.

_Jeez, this is really gonna be bad…_

_And so what if I talk a little loud? We're registered as fiancés, we could be having a little argument or something… Naruto can't kick us out of our room. He can't kick 'fiancés' out of their room, anyways, it would only blow our cover..._

I pulled the cotton over my bare shoulders, not even noticing how immodestly I just changed in a place that wasn't my room, in a room parallel to Kakashi's… but I couldn't bring myself to really spare more than a moment of thought towards that when my mind was still stuck on that one, worrisome word... 'fiancés'

I remembered the way he said it.

"_Fiancée…"_

Why would he do that?

What was the point?

_He could've just said we were in a relationship or something…_

_Wait, no… he shouldn't have said that either._

_He should've said we had a platonic relationship or something…. _

_Was it really necessary to label me as his 'fiancée' when he was already going to assign himself a room with me, anyways?_

I didn't hesitate to ask my thoughts out loud as soon as I could think of a sentence.

"About Naruto," I drug the previous conversation out again, "I noticed that you didn't explain to him exactly why you had to label me as your fiancée…."

I waited for an answer.

"Fortunately, he didn't ask…" His voice answered lightly with that simple, unsatisfying answer.

I decided to push the topic further.

"Why did you?…" I paused for a moment. "… You could've said I was a cousin, or a friend, or a niece…something like that." I offered my previous logic to him.

His deeper voice answered me immediately.

"But you're not my cousin… you're more than a friend… and we'd have bigger problems than room arrangements if you were my niece…"

I heard him chuckle at that, I couldn't help a faint smile either.

I tugged the rope of my robe around me extra tight… I noticed that the 'adult'-size was a little too big for me in some places.

_I hadn't been reminded of my maturity shortcomings enough, I guess._

My mind went back to the way he answered me. Treating all my suggestions as the lies they were, like that made a difference in telling them to people... we were going to have to lie to them anyways.

He never had any trouble lying to others before… now he sounded like he wouldn't say those things because he wouldn't lie about our relationship.

And yet he _did_ lie about it…

"But I'm not your fiancée, either…" The words slipped out of my mouth as I turned back to the wall between us, only to see him walking into the doorway at the same moment. He was standing there in his own, perfectly fitted adult-sized bathrobe, leaning against the doorframe, his blue turtleneck still on underneath.

He gave me the strangest look…

His whole face was soft, his eyes looking into mine like he was never going to look away, like he was afraid to… his smile widened for a moment before fading almost altogether.

…

I couldn't say anything. He didn't say anything.

When I was asking all those questions, I really was expecting the conversation to turn into this… whatever it was.

This silence. The look he was giving me.

Something was definitely strange.

He was looking at me like he knew something I didn't… like he was thinking about something I didn't know. But whatever it was, he wasn't trying to keep it a secret.

…

_Oh, god…_

My brain did a somersault.

"Kakash-" I immediately spoke out, breaking the moment of silent staring. I took a step towards him.

"Time to go…" His voice suddenly shifted personalities again. He was Kakashi-sensei right now.

"What was that loo-?!" I followed after him as we walked across our suite towards the hallway door.

"We have to get some reconnaissance done right now, remember?" Kakashi-sensei reminded me over his cotton-covered shoulder.

"But!" I grabbed his arm before he reached towards the door to open it and effectively end this conversation before it had really begun.

Without pulling him anymore, he swung around to face me.

"Didn't I tell you not to worry about the small things?…"

"Hey-"

Anything I wanted to say, any sentence I had pieced together, was immediately forgotten when his hand pulled my chin up towards him as he leaned down.

His lips met mine perfectly.

He held my face to his as if he wanted to make sure I didn't pull away until he wanted me to.

And then, right when I was starting to kiss him back as deeply as I wanted to, his lips were gone.

And just before he pulled up his mask I saw that smirk that told me he was having fun with me again...

"Enjoy the onsen."

He walked through the door as if nothing had just happened.

…

And like that, Kakashi-sensei, the man and teacher I had known for years had kissed me and left me dumb-founded and breathless not for the first or, probably, the last time.

…

… All I knew was that one of these days; I was going to have to leave him as dumb-founded and just as breathless.

* * *

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**More to come!!!**

**:D**


	44. Playing and Paranoia

**Chapter 44!**

**Title: **_'Playing and Paranoia'_

**Note: ****Shout out to Nadette who commented about Growing Pangs on the KakaSaku Fanfiction Group on Facebook!! It's so surreal seeing references to my fics in other places, I love it!!**

**(Btw, if you guys have a Facebook, you should join, the groups looking a little inactive… ****)**

**Disclaimer: ****I own nothing!!**

…………………..

"Get moving Sakura, you only have 5 minutes." My silver-haired teacher/team captain yelled out loud without looking back at me as he started walking down the hallway and away from the deeply confusing conversation we had been having inside our 'Couple's Suite'.

I watched after him – in a sort of shock- for only a few seconds but just long enough to see him glance over his shoulder back at me… grinning underneath that mask.

I wanted to reach down, grab my slipper, and throw it at his strangely-volumed hair while yelling some sort of witty comeback…. but 'The Interrupter' struck again.

"Hey, Sakura-chan!"

I nearly jumped as Naruto rushed passed me in a bathrobe, projecting his greeting loudly next to my ear. Apparently he had completely recouped from the whole 'why-are-Kakashi-sensei-and-Sakura-sleeping-in-the-same-room' fiasco.

…

That made one of us.

…

"Hello, Sakura." Sai practically glided past me with one of his little smiles.

"Uh, hey." I answered back, already walking towards the door of my room again.

All three of my male teammates disappeared around the corner of the hallway, following the convenient signs pointing the way to the baths. I walked back to my room, bee-lining straight to my bag.

The look Sai gave me wouldn't leave my mind.

That knowing smile.

Something about him had been weirding me out lately.

Maybe it was because he seemed to know more than he was letting on, like he knew something about my secret, well it was Kakashi's secret, too –but I could tell he didn't seem to think of it as dangerous a secret as I did, since it was the same secret that was currently on display through his 'fiancé-façade'…

But that's not the point.

Sai was acting weird…er.

Well, maybe that's it… I only think he's acting weirder because I'm so paranoid and he's actually behaving at his usual level of weirdness.

But things probably couldn't be that simple.

I just hoped he didn't know anything about… anything.

The whole issue was forcefully pushed to the back of my mind when I grabbed my towel and couldn't help a wave of ironic nostalgia. I always brought this towel with me on missions, in case I got the chance to bathe… including the night I tripped face-first in front of a more-than-half-naked Kakashi-sensei.

I felt my face heat up when I thought about the last part of that memory…

Seeing him like that… it hadn't only been the first time I ever noticed Kakashi was a _man_ (and not the social-lifeless teacher I thought I knew), but it was also the first time I had ever seen/noticed his body like that.

…A lot has happened since then.

So why did my face feel hot?… I've gotten closer to him since then, I've seen more of him, I've learned more about him… so why am I blushing at such an old memory?!

Then it hit me…

Maybe it's the fact that we _have_ gotten closer…

The fact that we've gotten a lot closer…

_really_ close…

So close that if I got caught in the same situation… it probably wouldn't end with me running away…

My heart and stomach thumped simultaneously as I suddenly stood up from kneeling over my bag and jogged out of that Couples Suite like I was a little kid running up and out of the basement after turning off the last light.

I slid the door closed behind me, nearly slamming it.

I was about to break into a run down the hallway in an attempt to get myself as far away from that foreboding room as possible, but I stopped myself.

_I can't let this get to me._

_This isn't a big deal._

_Nothing's going to happen._

_Just think of it as a vacation…. With friends… and a 'boyfriend'…_

_Normal teenagers do that all the time…. right? _

Somewhere in the back of my mind a little voice shot down my attempts at minimizing the issue.

_Sure, lots of teenagers take undercover vacations and lie about being engaged to their team captain/teacher, who they're actually in a secret relationship with._

… I trudged my way to the baths, following the signs.

I sighed.

_I really need to work on outgrowing this squeamish-school-girl thing I've got going._

* * *

"Yosh! Time to hit the water!" Naruto started out with a sprint as soon as they reached the male cubby-room outside the bath, where they could place all their belongings and bathrobes.

Naruto couldn't take more than a few steps before he was forced to stop altogether.

"Eh?" he asked monosyllabically why Kakashi-sensei was suddenly holding him back from running to the water.

"Wait a couple minutes, Naruto." He ordered casually.

"Why?" Naruto whined a little.

"You can get in after Sakura does." Kakashi added, looking towards the doorway to the hallway.

"What're ya talking about, sensei? Sakura should be on the girls' side."

Kakashi took a moment to really consider explaining what he meant… he decided against it and went with a vague answer.

"There isn't a girls' side."

There was a long pause.

Kakashi was still staring at the open doorway, but he could imagine the confusion on Naruto's face.

He felt a sort of gratitude when Sai took the risky task of telling Naruto exactly what was going on.

"This onsen is famous for its gender-communal bath." Sai explained in near-English.

"Eh?" Naruto grunted.

Kakashi finally caught a single glimpse of the all-too-familiar form of his pink-haired student walking by to get to the adjacent female cubby-room.

"It's a mixed bath, Naruto." Kakashi put it bluntly as he walked past the two boys, already impatient to move the conversation along. He had his own plans to think about.

"EHH?!"

Naruto's yelling could probably be heard on the other side of the establishment.

"No need to yell." Sai complained quietly as he picked out his own cubby and basket.

"EHH?!" A familiar, muffled, voice of a girl yelled from the room next to them.

"I guess I was the only one who read the brochure." Sai stated simply.

Kakashi held back his laughter, grateful that he always wore a mask, otherwise the two boys next to him –one of which was still reacting wildly while the other was trying to calm him down- would see the undeniably devious grin he had on right now.

This trip was definitely going to be interesting.

He knew he shouldn't tease her or play with her, but the environment was too perfect, if there was ever an occasion to have fun with her and try to forget his responsible side, this was it. If there was ever a time when they could act like something close to a real couple, it was now.

God knows they needed it…

Besides, he had already lined up an itinerary of fun… but he wasn't going to tell her that.

His smile widened genuinely at the thought of spending some real time with her… that is until Naruto decided to bring the conversation back to Kakashi.

"So Sakura-chan will be… in the same bath… as us?" Naruto's voice was mixed with boyish curiosity and excitement. Kakashi suddenly suffered several flashbacks to other occasions when Naruto had either planned or attempted to peek at Sakura.

He already felt his instinctual defenses rise a little.

"Don't try anything." Kakashi tried to warn the boy with his usual carefree teacher voice, but even he noticed a tone of hostility slip out. Sai glanced at him for strange moment

"Okay, okay" Naruto chorused with considerably less energy.

The idea of Naruto seeing Sakura before he did filled him with a sort of petty jealousy. Kakashi ran his hand through his hair for a moment, as if he was trying to wipe that childish feeling away.

"I'll go first, then." He said aloud simply, trying not to make a scene. He shrugged off his bathrobe, and wrapped a towel around his waist, and with many years of practice, managed to take off his mask and put on an improvised hand-towel mask without showing any part of his face. He was only a few feet away from the curtain separating them and the hot springs on the other side before the Scene-Maker caught on.

"But… Kakashi-sensei! What if you… see?!" Naruto went running up to him, alternatively yelling and whispering after every pause.

By 'see', Naruto was implying the possibility of going out there at the same moment Sakura was, and consequently, 'seeing' Sakura.

Kakashi quickly held back any wandering thoughts about the possibility of 'seeing' the pink-haired student in question.

He coolly turned away from the yellow-haired troublemaker, reaching a hand out to the curtain lifting it to the side.

"Situations like that don't matter to adults." He half-lied over his shoulder, trying to act like an innocent team captain.

Of course adults _shouldn't_ be bothered by situations like this… but he couldn't say that in this particular case, it didn't matter to him. Even worse, he couldn't lie and say that he wasn't hoping for a 'situation'. But either way, he wasn't about to let Naruto go first and see whatever was to be seen.

But before his eyes could adjust to sudden sunlight a familiar, slender hand closed around his wrist with iron-strength.

He didn't need more than a nanosecond to figure out who was suddenly dragging him several feet away from the curtain and towards the corner of the courtyard.

* * *

I tugged him a few more feet, one hand around his arm, the other desperately holding up the giant towel wrapped around me.

"Why didn't you tell me it was a mixed bath?!" I whisper-yelled loud enough he would hear me.

I didn't have much of a problem with mixed baths… sure, it could get awkward, but it was the fact he didn't tell me. Like he was trying to keep it a secret, like he had a plan or something.

And even though I had gotten used to his 'plans' and tricks… one that included bathing wasn't really one I wanted to get caught off guard about.

I was probably just being paranoid… but after he pulled that whole 'fiance' thing, how could I not start question every single thing he did?!

I immediately turned around as soon as I knew we were far enough away from the boys' room that those two couldn't hear unless I actually started yelling… Which wasn't a problem anymore after I suddenly lost my voice for moment when I saw him.

It was just like that night… only minus the steam and frantic awkwardness, and plus a new appreciation to the way he looked without a shirt on and that sadistic grin of his I could sense behind that stupid towel-mask.

I took only a moment to think about a weird thought:

… I would have never believed things would have ever turned out like this back then… that I would one day drag Kakashi-sensei away from the others and scold him while we're both partially naked…

"Sensei?!" Naruto's voice squawked from across the courtyard interrupting whatever the heck this was.

My hand quickly snatched away from his, noticeably firm-muscled, arm at record speed.

Kakashi turned around, Naruto was peeking from the curtain, but thank god he was childishly covering his eyes with his hands.

"Wait there!" Kakashi called back normally right before he turned back to me, his entire demeanor changing in an instant. "You need to lower your voice." His voice was on the edge of laughing at me, causing my own to reach the edge of yelling.

"Why didn't you warn me!?"

He only chuckled under the towel, shaking his head a little. Like I was some little kid who was cutely getting upset over something that didn't matter. I wanted to say something to make him stop thinking of me like that… but then he proved himself right.

"I told you to read the brochure carefully."

And with that I couldn't find anything else to yell about… I thought it was just a dumb brochure, I didn't think it would hold such important information!

So he wasn't hiding it from me or anything… or planning something… I was just being paranoid.

But, being stubborn, I settled for giving him a death glare for a moment, which, as usual, never seemed to work on him. He only smiled back at me charmingly.

And as usual, my nerves eased after a few seconds of that invisible smile (I couldn't see it, but it wasn't hard to imagine after seeing it so many times).

"Now, hurry and get in," He quickly pushed me towards the hot spring with a little nudge, as he checked over his shoulder, responsibly breaking the moment between us right then. I couldn't really focus on anything other than how hot his hand felt on my shoulder until his skin left mine. "Naruto's been waiting for a chance like this, he's not going to wait much longer." He warned, his voice a little defensive.

That thought was disturbing, but it wasn't as unsettling as the fact that Kakashi-sensei was telling me to get in while he was standing right next to me. I turned back to him, ready to make any sort of suggestion that made him go back behind that curtain for a moment.

"Um-"

As soon as I turned around to face him, my lips couldn't form any words… not while they were momentarily occupied by Kakashi-sensei's lips. One of his hands was holding the towel that had been on his face before he pulled it off just a few moments ago, the other one seemed to just materialize on my shoulder again, pulling me forward.

And before I had a chance to even remember how to kiss him back, he stopped.

I reached up to his arms, losing my sense of reality, trying to pull him back for a real kiss.

He tugged away from me a little.

"Don't want to put on too much of show." He said quietly glancing towards the water… and the few elderly, male and female inhabitants in it, who seemed to have been watching the two of us for the past few minutes. They seemed wistful, as if they were all thinking at the same moment 'Young people these days….".

I quickly turned away from them, a little freaked out.

_I kissed Kakashi-sensei… other people saw it… and they didn't care!_

Nothing seemed to make sense in this place!

"Now hurry, I'll be back out with the other two in a few seconds." I turned around and he was already walking back to the curtain again.

And just like that, he had left me after having his fun… again.

_Point Two for Sensei… Zero for me._

If I was going to get back at him I was going to have really start planning my attack.

… but even as I told myself that… I couldn't stop staring at his back, and how detailed his shoulder muscles were, or how his waist curved inward on the sides.

… Seeing him like this in daylight was really a different experience.

…

A smile betrayed my vindictive spirit.

If only he hadn't kissed me like that just now, I might've actually managed to stay serious about my revenge for a few moments longer, instead here I was, already back under the influence of his cunning charm… and not hating it.

* * *

He walked away from the half-crazed girl he just kissed publicly for the first time, placing the towel over his face again, efficiently covering the broad smile he had on.

He knew he probably shouldn't provoke her just to see how cute she looks when she's angry… but that wouldn't stop him anytime soon.

He reached the curtain, he brushed it aside with his forearm, and resumed his teacher-posture and voice.

"Alright, you two, you can-"

His sentence was cut short when he saw that the two boys weren't the only ones in the room anymore.

* * *

After successfully managing to find a rock to hide behind while I took off my towel in order to get into the water without risking any exposure (I could've gotten in with the towel still on, but I didn't want a wet towel… or to seem childish. And although I didn't care if old people saw me, but it was more like practice in case I had to get out before the guys), I could finally relax for the few seconds I had before Kakashi-sensei and the other two walked through that curtain again.

I closed my eyes for a relaxing moment.

I let out a deep breath, feeling the invisible steam rise up against the underside of my chin.

I looked back to the curtain, expecting to see two awkward teenage boys and a shirtless Kakashi-sensei walking over to the 'Men's' side of the spring (though it was a mixed spring, I could tell by the few other bathers [there were a couple elderly men and women, as well as one young woman who was currently only a few feet away from me] that women stuck to the right side of the spring and the men to the left), but I didn't see anyone.

Maybe Naruto's causing trouble, I wondered.

A few minutes passed and still I was the only teammate in the water.

I eyed my towel, wondering whether or not something happened and I had to get out… we _were_ on a mission now. A mission that included a mob boss… what if he already knew we were here, and he sent some of his guys to go attack those three? What if things started earlier than we planned?

When a few more silent seconds passed.

_What if something is really going on and I'm just sitting here bathing!?_

I waited a few more seconds.

And then a few more.

I was finally driven by my recent case of paranoia to grab my towel and stand up out of the water.

And the universe, with its humorous timing, struck again as not only Kakashi-sensei, Naruto, and Sai walked through that curtain as soon as my waist was now out of the water, but a band of strange, loud men hanging around them. They were all joking and yelling, surrounding Kakashi and the guys like they all managed to make friends in the several minutes that I had spent worrying that enemies were attacking.

Even though I now knew that the violent part of our mission hadn't already started, I still couldn't breath a sigh of relief. I was now fully exposed for those stranger and my teammates to see… but none of them had looked over here yet.

I started to slowly, discreetly, lower myself back into the water, placing my towel on the stone again. Slowly, carefully, calml-

"Momo-kun!~"

I heard one girly voice squeal out that greeting from right behind me and then there were twenty pairs of eyes looking my way.

. . .

A big splash later, and I was now completely submerged in the water.

I didn't know whether I tripped or if my sudden reflex to hide myself was stronger than I intended, but regardless of how I committed such a graceless act, I still heard the laughter from underwater.

Of course I wasn't being laughed at by complete strangers, none of them seemed to have been looking at me anyways.

Instead, it was the laughter of a single, silver-haired, man… He was laughing at me…

I peeked over the edge of the water just in time to see him stop laughing as he pointed at me casually, saying something with a grin towards the tough-looking guys around him. I glared at him.

I read his lips for the word 'fiancee'…

_I swear, is he says it…_ I threatened him mentally.

"You alright?" A familiar voice interrupted my Kakashi-watching. It was the same voice that had just called all that attention from those guys when I least needed it with that 'Momo-kun~!'.

I turned around. It was the young woman from before, she was really pretty, but seemed nice…

"Er, yeah." I answered a little awkwardly as I poked the rest of my head out of the water so that I could talk without blowing bubbles.

I shot a shifty glance back to the men's side of the spring, only to see that all of them were already soaking and joking around. Kakashi-sensei seemed to be the one who was doing most of the talking, sitting in the middle of all of them, while Naruto and Sai were both just keeping quiet on the sidelines.

I had no idea he could be so social.

He wasn't the kind of man who would just pick up conversations with random people and make friends… he was quieter, kept to himself, and was usually very responsible (in public at least… I think I'm the only one who gets to see his devious side… [something about that made me a little proud for some reason])…

This was just another character Kakashi-sensei built for missions like these.

Another personality he groomed for public situations.

I had no idea that I was staring at him until his eyes suddenly met mine… I would usually look away from him when we had eye contact in public… but even as several seconds passed I still couldn't think of looking away. I couldn't think of a reason to. He kept the eye contact just as willingly, the guys around him not noticing.

I was immediately reminded of the last time we stared at each other like this… only twenty or so minutes ago… when he…….

One of the tough-looking guys hit Kakashi's shoulder with an suggestive laugh, saying something and pointing at me, other guys around him started laughing, too.

I immediately looked away with speed, the wet strands of my hair whipping the sides of my face.

I really shouldn't draw attention to myself anymore. I should just try to be inconspicuous… But I was so out of my element right now!

"You're a little spastic aren't you?" The lady's voice brought me back to reality.

"What?" I totally didn't hear what she said because was too busy mentally scolding myself for staring at Kakashi –sensei in public like that.

"Were you looking at that black-haired boy?" She suddenly started a conversation before I even knew what was going on. Her voice sounded a little gossipy.

"Eh?" Was all I could say before she started talking again.

"He's cute. But he looks a little awkward." The blonde-haired woman graded Sai as she settled against the side of the spring.

She glanced over to the 'black-haired boy', who was currently staring off into space, seemingly paying no attention to the male-bonding going on around him.

Her words finally registered in my brain.

"Oh, him? No, I wasn't looking at him. And yeah, he is a little awkward." I answered truthfully, trying to sound friendly.

If Kakashi was making friends without hesitation, no doubt for the sake of the mission, then I should follow his example. Maybe I can find out something… or something.

"So you know that kid?" She asked back, her voice still sweet with a gossipy tone.

"Yep, for a while now." I settled against the wall of the spring, an arm's length away from her.

She looked back and forth between me and Sai for a moment, her green eyes deep in thought.

"So, you're here with him, but you two aren't…" She trailed off suggestively.

"Oh, no. I'm not here _with_ him, he's just a part of the group." I answered with immediate zeal.

"Oh, really?" She asked with a sort of ditzy excitement. "Anybody else over there a part of your group?"

I wondered for a moment whether or not I should tell the truth… no point in lying, I guess.

"Yeah, the blonde-haired boy and the guy with the mask." I lifted my hand out of the water, pointing discreetly towards my other teammates.

"So you know that silver-haired man?" Was her immediate question. I was almost grateful for her keen observation that his hair was 'silver' not 'grey', until I saw her eyes wander up and down his figure, face to chest and back again. I felt a twinge of annoyance, but tried to ignore it.

"Isn't he top-grade eye-candy?" She pressed on.

I nodded… completely clueless of what else to do when some random woman starts talking about my… team captain… like that.

Sure, I had thought the same thing… not with those words, of course… but hearing someone else talk about Kakashi-sensei like that was really strange. Besides the annoyance (which I wouldn't admit as jealousy just yet), I felt… proud?

It's probably really weird… but knowing that other girls thought he was attractive, while I knew that he was in a serious relationship with _me_. It was kind of nice… but that's probably some sort of superiority complex I've got going or something… I decided to try and ignore that feeling, I couldn't focus on that issue anyways when another suddenly popped up.

"Is he your uncle or something?"

Hearing that was like hearing nails on a chalkboard. My arm plopped back into the water noisily as all my motor functions went into forming my one-worded response.

"No!" I answered a little too enthusiastically. I shushed myself quickly, not even looking towards Kakashi.

She didn't seem to notice my overreaction because _she_ was the one who was now lost in looking at Kakashi-sensei… still…

"So he's not like a family member or chaperon or something?" She asked further, her eyes still glued on him.

Now, I was on the verge of jealousy.

I tried to answer sensibly.

"He's my… fiancé."

I don't think I succeeded.

There was a moment of silence… she was hesitating or something. Maybe she could see the really big age difference or something?!

"Really?!" She quickly looked away from Kakashi like she had just heard my words, she was suddenly really interested.

I nodded again. Slowly.

"That's so sweet!" She nearly yelled with enthusiasm.

I kept myself from checking whether Kakashi heard or not.

"I guess the young ones always seem to snatch the good-looking guys." The lady continued, a little calmer. "I was only seventeen when Momo-kun and I got together. He was so handsome." She explained to me, nostalgia in her voice.

"Mo-mo-kun?" I asked… she had screamed that name before, but it was hard to believe that any of the men over there could have a nickname like 'Momo-kun'.

But as soon as I said his name, her face lit up.

"The one next to your fiancé, with the tattoo." She pointed happily while I was just trying to recover from the 'your fiancé' part of that sentence.

It was so extremely weird hearing that.

But I pushed all that to the back of my mind as I saw this 'Momo-kun'.

He must've been at least forty, scars on his shoulders, and a face that didn't look like it was used to smiling… but 'my fiancé' was doing a fine job at making friends with this scary-looking guy.

The lady looked back to me expectantly.

"Oh… he's very nice." I used the wrong adjective while I was still lost in thoughts about the word 'fiance'.

She laughed… no, giggled…

"Isn't he?..." She asked, completely serious in her girly way. Her mood dropped substantially while saying the next sentence, though, "But… It's already been four years and he still won't let us go public yet." She whined.

She could probably tell from my clueless look that I had no idea what she was talking about.

She looked back to 'Momo' and then back to me and answered my confusion really quietly.

"I'm his mistress." She explained as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Oh." I responded as nicely as I could.

Four years together with his mistress and he was still hadn't chosen between his wife or this lady?

What was his problem?!

Four years of keeping secrets…

… That sounded so exhausting…  
…so depressing…

My eyes found Kakashi without meaning to.

…

"But you're lucky. A man like him… a man that handsome who only looks at you. That has to be heaven." She sounded like she was lost in her own romantic fairytales of what my life must be like.

But, in reality… it was probably a lot like her own.

Only I wasn't a secret mistress he had to hide from a wife… I was a secret he had to hide from society… from everyone…

"Yeah." I answered quietly… pushing those thoughts to the back of my mind…

But I could already tell that they wouldn't stay there for long.

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**Grr, I really didn't want to end it right here, but with all the shenanigans that shall ensue in the next chapter alone, I had to cut it here.**

**Anyways, thanl you so much for sticking around despite the long wait between chaptersI'm really hoping I have the time to get the next chapter out soon!!**

**Thank you again for reading and reviewing (if you did)!!**

**:D**


	45. Characters and Karaoke: Part 1

**Chapter 45!**

**Title:**_'Characters and Karaoke: Part 1'_

**Note:**** This chapter was actually supposed to be a LOT shorter, but I got carried away with the pacing and the details, so, instead, I'm gonna upload TWO chapters at once this time (Just like I did with chapters 31 and 32 'Doors and Distractions Pt.1 and 2')**

**Hope you guys are up for that! :)  
**

**Disclaimer:**** I own nothing!!**

* * *

I turned over onto my side tiredly after rubbing some sleepiness from my eyes.

I eyed the little clock on the wall that had traditional Japanese numbers and little bamboo hands.

It had been nearly two hours since I laid down for a nap.

But I was still up twenty minutes early. I sighed.

My mind wandered back to what had happened after the hot spring. When we had dried off and walked back to our rooms.

**……...........….**

'_You two get changed and explore a little.' Kakashi ordered Naruto and Sai to do some parameter-sweeping as casually as a man on vacation with three teenagers would. 'Meet back here at four.' He finished, setting a deadline that no one except him knew what it was for._

Why four? What're we gonna do at four? That's still two hours from now...

_Then an even more important question came to mind:_

What was going to happen during the two hours till then?

_He walked through the door of the Couples' Suite ahead of me without a second thought after we had both waited for Sai and Naruto to disappear into their own room to get changed. I trudged into the room, following Kakashi, after a moment's sigh._

_I was in pretty low spirits after my conversation at the bath._

_It wasn't anything that that lady said… just what I couldn't stop thinking of._

'I'm a secret he has to hide from society… from everyone…' _My steps slowed as the thought reentered and echoed in my mind._

_But before I could mope any longer on that depressong subject I realized something. Or, moreover, realized something was missing.  
_

_Where was Kakashi?_

_I looked up from my feet only to realize that he had walked away somewhere while I wasn't paying attention._

_Of course he was just in another one of the rooms, but this was a little strange…_

… _I would've thought that he had some sort of plan to make my life hell for the next two hours. Knowing Kakashi, he wouldn't let an opportunity like this slide. I glared out the open back-door of our room, deep in depressing thought._

_When he suddenly walked into the room from the left doorway, wearing a yukata as well as his usual mask, carrying a bag, I jumped a little with surprise._

How'd he change so fast?

_I didn't focus on that weird question when he suddenly walked passed me, talking in a light, playful voice._

"_You're not going to get much sleep tonight, so you might want to use this time to take a catnap." He had teased me a little with that. _

_I shot him a glare, "Don't say it like that." I corrected him a little harshly._

"_Fine. However I say it, I still think you should get as much sleep as possible." He replied, not losing his playful tone as he went through the bag he had been carrying on the table._

"_You're not going to be here till four?" I asked a little warily, peeking into his bag. He closed it just before I could figure out whether I really did just see a few vials of some sort of purple liquid in the mess of items in that bag._

"_Sorry, Sakura." He apologized lightly, using my first name softly, catching me off-guard. "Can't stay and play. Work comes first right now." He shot a smile full of his juvenile charm at me. _

"_I wasn't asking you to stay or anything." I nearly yelled, my face feeling a degree warmer. I wouldn't have had a problem with saying I kind of wanted him around a bit longer, but when he made fun of me like that, I always lost a little of my temper.  
_

_Just as I finished the last syllable of that sentence I felt a hand fall onto the top of my head gently. I readied myself for another kiss, closing my eyes without a second thought, thankful that I got the chance to see this one coming… it was always awkward for me whenever he kissed me before I saw it coming._

_A moment passed. Nothing.  
_

_I opened my eyes a little._

_He was only staring at me, his face only a few inches from mine._

_He smiled cheekily… like he had just made me fall for some sort of trick._

_He leaned in only a fraction, his masked lips falling just below my right temple, I cringed a little with embarrassment._  
Jeez… he's really having to much fun…_ I thought to myself with a groan._

"_Hey-"_

"_I'll come back before four with further orders." He interrupted me with his teacher-voice, successfully halting any sort of reaction from me._

_His hand fell from the top of my head, his fingers ran through my hair a little, and he turned towards the door, opening it calmly… all the while I couldn't stop staring at him. Either with annoyance or admiration… I couldn't decide yet. I just couldn't stop looking at him.  
_

_He looked over his shoulder at me, catching me staring at him, he chuckled._

"_Don't get too lonely." He said lastly._

_The door closed behind him only a moment later._

_I stood there, silent, for at least ten seconds before my reaction could bubble._

AGH!

_I lost my composure, pacing a little angrily through the rooms, my hands in my hair._

What was _that_?!

'Don't get too lonely.'!?

Why did he have to sound so cool?!

Why did I want to smile?!

That was so stupid!

...

But I liked it... I liked it!!

_Yet another point for him!_

At this rate he'll win before I even get a chance to do anything about it!

_I didn't know when I had turned this into something of a competition... but if he was going to treat everything like a game, I was going to treat everything like a challenge!_

... now all I need are 'points'...

_I immediately collapsed onto the futon in the third room… already tired from my momentary freak-out._

Whatever… it doesn't matter.

I just have to sleep and get over it.

_It took me twenty minutes to shut my brain up before I could sleeep._

**………………**

And here I am, right where I left off.

Lying on a futon, not sleepy, and having a mental freak-out over Kakashi-sensei.

It sort of reminded me of the days I would either sleep or read away, just waiting for night, when Kakashi could visit me without risking anybody seeing us.

I tried not to dwell on such fond memories when I was somewhat of a disturbed mood.

_What is he planning?_

_Why didn't he tell Sai and Naruto to take a 'catnap'? _ I remembered his exact choice of words… unfortunately.

_Are they going to be able to sleep tonight?_

_Wait…_

_Why am I the only one who won't be sleeping tonight?!_

That just sounds really… bad…

... wait...

_I'm just getting paranoid again…._

I tried to calm myself down, telling myself not to worry, but only more questions came to mind.

_And what were those vials for?_

… _The mixture inside them was purple. A sort of dark violet.  
_

I let my mind travel back to my medical and chemistry training for a moment.

The purple is caused by the excess use of chemicals that cause hormone disrupting enzymes, the best way to reach that color is by using Takoa root.

_But Takoa root's only used for energy-enhancers, neurological-impairment drugs, and aphrodisiacs…_

One word stood out.

… _aphrodisiacs…_

…

_No!... They're gonna be used for something else. Something important for the mission… right?_

I quickly flung the thin covers off of me, wanting to fling those thoughts from my mind with the same ease… but it was a lot harder to stop thinking about something when you tell yourself to stop thinking about it.

My eyes wandered aimlessly through the room as if I was looking for answers to the dozens of questions floating through my head, instead I found something that stole my attention from everything else.

A pile of white cloth was folded right in front of the door which Kakashi had disappeared behind a little less than two hours ago.

I stared at it for a while, thinking.

_Maybe a servant dropped it off?_

_No, we didn't request any… cloth… (I still had no idea what it was)._

_Then again… _we_ weren't making a lot of mutual decisions lately._

I nearly grumbled to myself that though.

He's been running this mission since .before we got here… no… he's probably had this all planned out the moment Yamatou-taichou told us about this onsen-mission.

_That sounds more like him…_

…

I shook my head a little, trying to stay focused on the issue at hand. (Although a seemingly harmless lump of cloth might not seem to be an 'issue', I could just _feel_ the trouble radiating off of it.)

Feeling that it's useless to just sit here and think about what this cloth might be for, I decided to go check it out for myself.

I left behind my slightly messy futon and knelt beside the pile of white fabric.

I picked up the top, but as I lifted it up farther from the rest of the pile it grew longer revealing it all to be one piece of fabric.

I shook it a little, unfolding the little cloth there was of it, it looked sort of tangled.

Before I could give a look at the form of this cloth a little paper slipped out of the folds. It fluttered to the tatami floor beneath me.

A note…

I looked at it curiously for a moment.

I picked it up, unfolding it in the same wary way I unfolded the cloth.

As soon as I recognized Kakashi's handwriting a wave of déjà-vu hit me.

This wasn't the first time he left me a note like this.

I pushed that out of my mind and focused on the little words.

'_It's regretful that you took my advice, I would've liked to have talked with you in private about tonight…'_

_Eh?!_

He shouldn't give me the 'advice' if he didn't want me to take it!

He could've woken me up if he really wanted to talk to me!

And what the heck is he planning on doing tonight that requires him to talk to me 'in private'?!

Trying to forget my growing irritation I read the next lines on the paper, hoping they'd redeem my lost patience.

"_We'll meet at 4:30, room 4B_

_I picked this out especially for you. _

_Wear it."_

I looked back to the tangled, thin, piece of white cloth.

_This is something to wear?!_

_It's as big as a pillowcase!_

_And what's with the _'Wear it.'_?! Not even a 'please'?!_

I looked back to the note, searching for the next instructions or possibly some sort of explanation; instead I found a single word several inches below the line before it.

...

'_Please.'_

. . .

I gave a sigh, trying not to smile…

_Either he knows me too well… or he's just playing with me…_

I gave the bit of fabric an inspecting glare, stretching it as much as I could, checking to see if there wasn't any more fabric folded into it or that it was some sort of stretchy-dress that I could somehow make more appropriate looking. But it seemed hopeless… even when no one was wearing this thing; it still seemed kinda… really…skimpy…

I could only dread how it would look on me.

But, once again, more than dread or irritation, I felt like a little puppet. He was pulling my strings and playing with my head.

This feeling would increase triple-fold when I read the last line on the little paper.

**……………..**

I tugged at the thin, white fabric I was wearing, (I couldn't call it a 'dress') as I started walking through the hallways to find this '4B' place.

It was basically a really short skirt with a twist-top.

I took me forever to figure out how the top part went on. It had no sleeves, it was basically two crisscrossed bands of fabric that only covered my chest, leaving most of my stomach and even more of my neckline exposed. It was so thin that every breeze felt like a gust of wind.

_Where the hell did he get this thing?!_

_And why did he think he could make me wear it!?_

…

Wait… I _am_ wearing it.

.. _Damn it!_

_I followed his orders again without even putting up a fight!_

Somewhere a voice of reason whispered to me.

_He is your team-captain, first and foremost._

_You have to obey him._

I swatted that little voice out of my head as I picked up my pace, holding the little note in my hand tightly, wrinkling it.

_How can I 'obey' him when he's pulling this kind of stuff!?_

_Well… I probably would've followed his orders, no matter how strange they were, if we weren't… involved… Because I wouldn't know just how 'playful' he can get when he's like this!_

_Then again, would he have picked out this pillowcase for me if we _weren't_ involved?!_

_This is definitely all some type of joke he's pulling on me!!_

My pace sped up even more, my slippers grated against the tatami-mats with a sort of awkward beat.

Here I was, getting flustered, and looking completely awkward; tugging at my clothes and dragging my feet like I was a little kid. But I didn't really care right now.

I turned a corner sharply after reading the sign 'Employees Only' on the doorway above the hallway I was walking towards. I almost lost track of where I was going, but I was somewhat forced to slow down and keep my composure when I realized I wasn't the only one walking through this new hallway.

There was a young couple walking down the hallway, towards me, both in robes, arms linked, both smiling, giggling, whispering like a pair of teenagers or something.

They seemed like the stereotypical 'newlyweds'.

…

…_'Newlyweds'… Fiancés…_

_....  
_

My mood took a sudden turn with that chain of thought.

My mind flashed to the cover Kakashi gave us… 'fiancés'

I glanced at the couple.

_Were we supposed to act like that?_

A strange and disturbing picture of linking arms with Kakashi-sensei, both of us smiling and giggling and blushing came to mind…

_No!... We're not like that anyways… Even when we're alone._

_We're different._

… _I guess it's because our relationship is different…_

The couple was about to pass me in the hallway.

I looked at the note in my hand, trying to avoid eye contact; they both seemed a little shocked by my attire.

I tried not to feel embarrassed.

I focused on the last line of the note as a distraction, rereading it for the third time.

It still bothered me:

'_P.S.: Oh yeah… no matter what happens, don't break character.'_

Okay… I was trying not to be paranoid, but how can I not suspect something when he says 'no matter what'?!

What exactly was going to happen tonight?!

And what was my character supposed to be?

…

Wait… I think that's my job. Coming up with an alter-ego to be while I'm undercover…

A character.... a character....

…

Well, I'm engaged, so I _should_ be at least 18. And since Kakashi-sensei's my… fiancé… then I should probably act more like a fiancé to him….

My mind revisited the picture of me and Kakashi as that mushy couple I saw just now.

That would be really tough.

It goes against my grain to even _think_ about treating Kakashi like we're in a relationship in public.

…_ Wait…_

What do I even need a character for anyway?

And what's Room 4B about!?

And, as if the universe was answering my last frantic mental-question, I suddenly walked passed a sign:

'_Karaoke Rooms 4A – 4E'_

_Karaoke?_

_Wh-_

_No… I've got to stop this._

_I've got to stop questioning every little thing._

_Even though he might be treating me like a toy or puppet, he's still the responsible and hard-working Kakashi-sensei we knew as kids… I just don't see a lot of that side of him anymore because he _shouldn't _be a teacher to me when we're alone._

_I'm just being paranoid._

_He has a plan._

_Just like always._

I repeated those words to me mentally when I reached the door with the little symbols '4B'.

I opened it.

_He knows what he's doi-_

I suddenly heard a familiar, screechy voice.

"Yeah, Yeah, Ye-ah, Honey!~~"

I opened the door all the way to find Naruto standing in front of the karaoke monitor, holding the mic like a guitar, his other hand strumming invisible strings as he was trying to keep up with the guitar solo in the song. Sai was sitting on the left sofa, setting down a cup of soda on the little table between the two gaudy, pink, couches.

"Ah, Sakura-san." Sai greeted me over the music and Naruto's inventive singing with a bit of surprise as I could see his eyes fall momentarily to my 'pillowcase' at the exact moment I realized what these two were wearing.

I don't know where they got the suits… (more than surely, Kakashi-sensei)… but it looked like they were dressed up for more than just karaokeing.

Naruto turned around as soon as Sai finished my name.

"Sakura-chya-" He stopped mid-suffix as his eyes found my 'dress', or more specifically, when his eyes found the areas the 'dress' wasn't covering.

He just stood there staring at me.

He seemed to lose his voice, and his decency, as I caught his eyes paying more than a momentary glance, unlike Sai, and was plain _gawking_. Not even trying to look away.

"You-" He started to say something as his eyes met my face, but when he saw the look I was giving him, he immediately knew, the same way a small animal knew not to pick on a more powerful, angrier animal, not to say _anything_ about my pillowcase.

His expression froze with a little fear, he simply turned away slowly, trying not to make sudden movements, and went back to choosing another song for the karaoke. He mumbled something to himself, "Scary."

I didn't care right now.

I couldn't really blame him for being so shocked. He knows I'm more of a conservative dresser. Compared to the dress I wore to the Masquerade, that strawberry-pink dress was like nun-clothing.

I tried not to think about it.

Instead I was distracted by something else that was missing besides large amounts of fabric from my dress.

"Where's Kakashi-sensei?" I asked Sai as casually as possible as I sat down, tugging on the fabric around my legs, trying to keep the hem of my dress from showing too much thigh.

_I wish I had brought my leggings…_I complained to myself momentarily… _I really have to have a talk with that man about how appropriately he can dress his underage 'fiancée'…_

Naruto flipped through the songs on the monitor seriously, trying hard not to even look at me… good call.

"He was here a few minutes ago." Sai explained, sipping his soda with both hands, as if it were tea. "He said he'd be back before we 'needed him'."

Yet another vague message left behind by Kakashi-sensei.

I was becoming rather used to all these surprises.

Or at least I thought, but I still jumped up from my seat when I heard a voice speak up as the door suddenly opened.

"You haven't needed me since then, right?"

Speak of the devil…

He walked into the room as casually as ever, walking in here the same way he would always just walk in out of nowhere when he called team-meetings.

I was about to give him some sort of glare just to let him know how unforgiving I was about the amount confusion and frustration he's put me through since this afternoon, but I was distracted by what he was wearing… a suit.

A really nice one, too.

And, like at the hot springs, I couldn't quite look away when I wanted to. He always looked good in suits.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto tossed aside the little microphone as the song blared in the background. He practically jumped over the middle table to greet Kakashi with a question we had all been wondering.

"What's going on?!' He asked with more blind excitement than curiosity.

"I'm afraid I don't have enough time to explain everything in detail. You're just going to have to wait and see." He answered calmly, just like he always did. But I think I was the only one who thought that maybe he didn't _want_ to tell us what his plans were.

_No… there's probably a reason why he can't tell us… I'm sure.  
_

_... Wait…_

_What did he say about not having enough time?_

_What's about to happen?_

As I suddenly thought of a new question, Naruto asked his own, "But why are we dressed like this!?' Naruto asked excitedly, picking at his suit-jacket a little happily, not seeming to mind as much as I did about his clothing arrangements as I did about mine.

At that moment I saw Kakashi shoot a glance towards me for longer than a moment.

Even though he didn't even look _down_ to my pillowcase-dress, something about that look was a little too… suggestive… I wondered whether the other two noticed, but it didn't look like it.

I guess they wouldn't recognize Kakashi-sensei's 'maybe-suggestive' looks if they saw one.

All of a sudden he turned away from us and towards the door.

"The Boss likes to have well-dressed friends. It makes him feel classy."

"Eh?" I asked nonsensically.

I looked to my other teammates expecting the same confusion, but both of them seemed to immediately understand who 'The Boss' was, and how what Kakashi-sensei just said made sense.

Just then a deep knocking hit the closed door. Kakashi leaned in to answer it.

I leaned over to Sai for a moment, more than a little confused.

"Who's the Boss?" I asked at an extremely low volume. Only other ninjas would be able to hear me, so unless there were some other undercover ninjas on the other side of that door which Kakashi was now opening, they wouldn't be able to hear me.

"The reason we're here…" He answered with the same volume. "Motae Momoshita."

… Something in that name clicked.

"'Momo-kun'?" I whispered to myself as Kakashi suddenly moved out of the way of the door, smiling behind his mask with incredible fake charm, revealing the short, aged, tattooed man with a face that didn't seem used to smiling in the doorway, surrounded by a dozen other very well-dressed men.

They were the same group of men who Kakashi-sensei had gone through so much trouble to befriend this afternoon.

I was frozen for a moment as I noticed just how dangerous this was getting.

Here was a mob-boss… one famous enough to get put on the Konoha mission-list and a dozen of his really tall, tough-looking bodyguards.

And we're supposed to karaoke with them…

… Only Kakashi would come up with a plan like this…

Had this been on the battlefield I would know how to handle this, but this isn't about pummeling the enemy, this is about winning them over with fake charm and fake identities.

I was never as good an actor as Kakashi-sensei…

"Thanks for the invite, Kyousuke-kun." Momoshita smiled as genuinely as his face could let him as he patted Kakashi-sensei on the back, who was also smiling as genuinely as his act would let him.

"Of course, Motae-sama." Kakashi answered as they both walked further into the room.

"You can drop the '-sama' already." 'Momo' replied casually. Kakashi objected politely a little. Momoshita just laughed.

"'Kyousuke-kun'?" I leaned a little to Sai, asking with a low volume again.

"His alias. Kyousuke Satake."

_Kakashi has an alias?_

… _Was I supposed to think of one, too?_

I panicked for a moment.

"Don't worry. He knows what he's doing." Sai added quietly with another one of his little smiles, probably sensing my sudden tension.

None of the men seemed to notice my words with Sai, all of them were either talking or laughing at each other as they all tried to pile into the room at once. All of them were almost identical with their suits and haircuts. Except one guy that had bleached-blond hair and a little golden chain connecting his nose and ear piercing… I remembered seeing him at the hot springs before… something about him caught my eye (other than his strange originality in this group of look-a-likes). What was it, again?

My attention was drawn back to Kakashi-… 'Kyousuke'-sensei and 'Momo' as they were suddenly walking over to this side of the table, Kakashi raising his arm toward Sai.

"You already know Mori-kun." Kakashi-Kyousuke said as Sai bowed deeply to show extra respect, 'Momo' nodded faintly back with a crooked smile.

"And over here, Koichi." Kakashi-Kyousuke then gestured to Naruto, who also seemed to be a little stiff.

"Ah, the loud one." Momo pointed out jokingly, laughing a little.

I took a moment to think about that name. Koichi… Koichi…

_Ah, the demon-kid!_

I could only take a moment to wonder whether Kakashi intentionally renamed Naruto after that evil fifteen-year-old from all that time ago since the sensation of my stomach turning over woke me up from those thoughts after I saw Kyousuke-Kakashi direct Momoshita's attention in my direction.

"And Hanako." 'Kyousuke' gave me my new name on the spot, his eyes not moving from my own as he said the name.

I would've paid more attention to my new name had it not been for that eye-contact.

The look he was giving me.

It was _his_ look.

Unfiltered and unhidden.

He was staring at me the way he always does when we're alone.

Soft eyes full of pride and longing.

I was caught off guard by that… it was totally out of place… He was looking at me like that in front of so many people, in such a loud and dangerous room… he was probably already 'in character'. He was a doting fiancé who would look at his fiancée like that in public, but I couldn't focus longer than a few moments on that when I suddenly remembered my manners (which are very crucial when meeting new people, especially mob-bosses) and was suddenly obliged to bow.

Just as I was about to tilt my head downward I was interrupted by a stubby, rough hand grabbing my own.

I stood up straight again, leaning forward slightly as 'Momo' pulled my hand closer.

"So this is the soon-to-be Mrs. Hanako Satake."

I didn't say anything. Not because I was scared… but because I literally had nothing to say.

What could I say to that?

'Yes', 'I hope so'?

I only nodded shyly.

_Maybe that should be my character? Maybe I'm shy! Then I don't have to talk._

_Wait… would a shy person be wearing this pillowcase?_

_Maybe that's why Kakashi picked this out… for my character… does he want me to be confident?_

My inner-thoughts came to a screeching halt when I suddenly felt a pair of small, dry lips peck the back of my hand.

"Uh-" Naruto's voice stammered a little as he lost his cool for a second.

I held back the reflex to snatch my hand away from any pair of lips other than Kakashi's.

I tried to hold back a grimace.

I checked Kakashi for a moment. His eyes were closed for the moment, like he just didn't want to see this, or that he didn't want others to see his own reaction.

… That wasn't very helpful for me.

But I did my best to act courteous.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." I said with more sweetness in my voice than I thought I was capable of at that moment.

"Pleasure's mine, young lady." He replied with his strange smile.

I tried not to grimace…

"Ah, yes, well…" 'Kyousuke' stepped in and directed 'Momo' away from me, further into the room.

Kakashi gave me one last glance before he walked away.

In that moment I saw something that replenished my seriously wavering amount of confidence.

Pride.

He was proud of me, that I didn't mess up the meeting, (although I still felt like I needed to wash my hand)…

I sat down again, on the center cushion of the right couch, across from Sai who also sat down. I made sure my 'dress' wasn't showing too much, and gave a little sigh.

_Why was it that after spending half the day cursing him and the way we strings me along sometimes, all he has to do is give me one look and I'm already in a forgiving mood? _I thought to myself with a hint of vindictiveness.

I looked over to Kakashi-Kyousuke who was now using Naruto to show Momoshita how to use the karaoke machine.

The other men in the room were either hovering next to the wall, talking, hovering next to Momoshita protectively, or crashing down onto the left couch with Sai, squishing him between them.

But none of them so much as came over to my side of the room.

I wondered for a moment why none of them sat over here.

…

I guess it was probably inappropriate to sit so close to the inappropriately-dressed fiancée of The Boss's new friend who was also only a few feet away.

… It was strange how they, for criminals, had personal conduct rules, too.

But I realized, too soon, that although they may follow a conduct of not sitting next to me, it doesn't stop them from staring at me.

I tried to keep my eyes on Kakashi, not only to avoid awkward eye-contact with those men, but to somehow tell them that I'm only interested in 'Kyousuke's' attention.

Also, it wouldn't hurt if Kakashi would turn around and witness the problems his fashion-choice was giving me!

The guys on the couch, all of them tough-looking and tall, were talking loudly amongst themselves about fights or money/drug-deals. Some of them were shooting some prolonged glances at me every once in a while which wouldn't have been half as bad if there wasn't that one guy who was just continuously staring at me.

I could only see him out of the corner of my eye. (I didn't want to look at him eye-to-eye, or he might get the wrong message.)

But I was more than pretty sure which one it was.

The blonde-haired, piercing guy.

He was slouching back into the left corner of the couch, his arm hanging over the back, his right ankle resting on his left knee. It looked like he was staring towards Momshita and Naruto, as if they were a form of entertainment, but, being trained in sensing when an enemy is even staring at me, I could tell he was constantly looking back at me. I could almost feel his eyes wander down and up my legs, to my stomach, focusing on my chest, and then staring at my face the longest, as if he was just waiting for me to look at his only slightly handsome face.

That's when I remembered this guy. I had seen him at the hot springs, and he did look at me a little strangely... but I didn't think much of it, then...

_This was not going to be a fun night._

_Then again, when did karaokeing with a famous mob-boss and his lackeys while you're an undercover ninja ever sound particularly fun?_

"FOOD'S HERE!" There was a sudden explosion of cheering. I nearly jumped out of my seat.

There was a wave of suited men heading for the door, each coming back with a tray of several assortments of finger-foods and sushi. Even Naruto had forgotten his stiffness and was now one of the many suited guys grabbing a tray and bringing it to the terribly undersized table between me and the previously mellow men on the other couch, who had turned into larger versions of a ramen-jonesing Naruto.

But what was even more curious was the fact that even though space was definitely limited, still none of the men sat next to me.

It was a little admirable.

I smiled faintly.

_Maybe a room-full of Narutos might be better than a room full of hit-men with staring problems. _

_The food seems to be doing a great job of making them forget all about me.  
_

"I'm sorry for their manners, Kyousuke-kun. No word of gratitude after you agreed to pay for the most expensive buffet for them." Momoshita-sama's voice was louder than normal… he was trying to tell his lackeys something.

"Thank you very much for the food." The men suddenly chorused with the utmost courtesy, but most of them had mouths full of food.

"It's fine." Kyousuke-Kakashi answered casually. "But I do have something else for you." He added with a certain tone that sounded like he was talking to grade-schoolers… which these full-grown men were somewhat acting like.

Kakashi waved at the half-scared waitress on the other side of the door who had just been ransacked of all the food on her wheelie-table in less than twenty-seconds and then forgotten only a moment later.

She nodded a little shakily.

She disappeared from the frame of the door for a moment before shakingly wheeling a tray into sight.

On the two shelves of this serving tray there were four big jugs of-

"SAKE!" The room exploded with even louder cheers as the men who weren't eating lunged for the alcohol as if they were men dying of dehydration.

_My hopes for a room full of Narutos was suddenly shattered…. Now it's going to be a room full of drunken Rock Lees wasn't it?_

Momoshita let out a loud laughter, patting 'Kyousuke' on the back like an uncle would a nephew.

'Kyousuke' only smiled back.

… And even though I could tell that his smile was fake I still couldn't look away.

_In a matter of hours, this man had turned one the scariest groups of mobsters, who have a deep hatred for and from ninjas, into close friends of his…_

And again, I just had to realize how exceptional Kakashi-sensei was.

I was suddenly distracted from my shameless staring when I noticed Kakashi point towards me for a moment.

Momoshita laughed and nodded before turning back to the karaoke monitor with curiosity.

Kakashi-Kyousuke finally left the mob-boss's side and was now walking over here.

I looked at him questioningly, but before I could think of even asking a question, he walked right in front of me and to my left, sitting down on the couch that I had been isolated on before then.

The moment he sat down I was suddenly at loss of what to do.

…

_What could I do?_

_Here he was sitting next to me._

_My 'fiance'…_

_How should I act?_

My mind flashed back to that embarrassing couple I saw in the hallway.

… _God, no._

Then before I thought of anything I simply felt his arm fall onto the back of the couch behind me.

…

_That's it?_ I asked myself a little… disappointed, no… just confused.

…

I suddenly spotted Naruto out of the crowd of ravenous men. He was staying perfectly still, just staring at us. A little pouty.

He went back to eating, his spirits a little low, visibly disturbed by what he saw.

….

_His _arm _is on the _chair_ behind my _back_!!_

_It's not like he's kissing me or anything!_

_Jeez, Naruto… _

…

But I guess this _would_ be weird for Naruto.

He's still in the mindset I was for years before this. The mindset that can't really accept any thoughts of Kakashi-sensei being romantic (especially towards a student, at least), the mindset that Kakashi-sensei is only 'sensei', that he doesn't have any emotions he doesn't show us, or any desires we don't already know, or any sort of personal life whatsoever… when in reality he's actually one of the most complex and amazing men I've ever known.

My mood softening with that thought a little, I suddenly felt my posture ease.

I didn't feel so nervous anymore.

Not with Kakashi here.

I leaned back, my head resting on his arm a little.

He didn't react, he just kept looking at the group of ravenous lackeys with a polite smile…

He was keeping up the act…

We're 'fiancés', this isn't unnatural… right?

I still felt the need to inch away from Kakashi a little, just to be safe… but I didn't. I tried ignoring that feeling.

I was distracted from my thoughts when a little crash was heard from the other side of the room.

A couple of the men started laughing, their noses already red from the alcohol, at their unconscious friend on the ground.

"That guy can never hold his liquor, he's always out like a light after one cup." I heard a random voice say lightly, a couple of the words muffled by food.

"Whatever, more sake for us!" One of them cheered.

The others followed, grabbing their cups as one of the men went around filling them to the rim.

One of the men even shoved cup into Kakashi's left hand, he accepted more graciously than the others.

"To Kyousuke-san!" Some of them shouted, the others skipping that part of the toast and were already drinking.

And as I sat here, one of his arms around the back of my seat, his other hand holding the sake cup, I suddenly felt like I had just been thrust into the 'adult-world'... That might sound weird, but remembering what it felt like during the Masquerade, to feel completely blocked from Kakashi because he belonged with the other adults who drank and were probably even more irresponsible partiers than us teenagers, to be with him now... it actually felt a little... exciting... to be on this side of the spectrum.  
He could just be an adult and not have to worry about how I, as a teenager can handle the situation, and I can be with him and not feel like he's constantly worried that I can't handle such a situation.

I resurfaced from my momentary thought-process as Kakashi only smiled politely before drinking the cup's entire contents in less than five seconds.

I had heard Kakashi-sensei was an experienced drinker… but… I wasn't used to seeing Kakashi drink so much... or at all, really.

He held out his cup for more after a moment.

The others cheered again, like, by doing that, he was joining them.

… It hit me that with guys, drinking for the sake of getting drunk and eating until your stomach can't take anymore like this was actually something of a bonding-experience.

And that was when I realized that this little moment of peace would be over soon enough.

And that tonight was definitely not going to get any easier.

* * *

…

…

…**.**

…

**Now for Part 2!!**

…

**Oh, and you might want this for the next chapter:**

**http: //www. you tube .com/ watch?v= 6Bslv6USiWQ**

…

**(When you put the address in, you'll have to delete all the spaces I put into it [I had to put the space in so that this site won't delete the entire link, thinking it's spam]**

…**.**

**Oh, and don't listen to it just yet, wait till about halfway through the next chapter… you'll know when to use it. :)**


	46. Characters and Karaoke: Part 2

**Chapter 46!**

**Title:**_'Characters and Karaoke: Part 2'_

**Note:**** And here's part 2!!**

**And I hope you got the link from the bottom Author's Note from the last chapter!**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer:**** I own nothing!**

* * *

"Everythings gonna be alright!~~ Alright~~"

The chorus of drunken men was definitely something a person could try to spare their ears from. But here I was, smiling, pretending not to be disturbed by the amount of alcohol-drenched testosterone in this room.

There was a line of the drunkards in front of the monitor some with lazy arms on the others' shoulders, swaying with the music, reading the words on the screen almost monotonously, but still energetically at the same time. Somehow alcohol seemed to make everyone tone-deaf.

But most of my thoughts didn't go far as I was still being constantly distracted by 'Kyousuke' who was sitting next to me as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening... well, he was probably used to these types of parties, but he didn't even seem a little tense by the fact that these men weren't really our friends... they were enemies, in fact...

But, even so, he was just sitting there, sipping his sake a little generously every now and then, keeping up the act perfectly.

Each time he took a drink, as if it was a second nature, he'd slip down his mask with a finger of the hand he was holding the cup with, and pulling his mask back up before anyone could see his face.

I could see Naruto try to peek around the cup to see any angle of Kakashi's face a couple times, but he went back to his food after giving up finally.

The food on the table was more than half-gone. But there still seemed to be plenty of sake.

I wondered just how easily these men got drunk if there were still two and a half jugs of sake left and at least three of them were either passed out, or on the verge of.

I remembered something.

"Those vials." I said mostly to myself, out loud. It finally hit me. Those vials of the Takoa root mixture. If they were mixed with alcohol they would put the drinker into a sort of agreeable and happy mood, they'd even experience intoxication-like symptoms earlier than normal.

"Hmm?" I heard a familiar voice hum next to me inquisitively. He must've heard me talk to myself a little.

I lowered my voice.

"You put something in the sake. Those purple vials."

He chuckled a little. "Oh, you saw those?"

"What are you planning?" I asked a little warily. It wasn't only the Takoa root solution that made me wonder what his plans were... but we had been sitting here for almost twenty minutes and nothing was really happening. Was his plan just to strengthen the relationship between our team and the mob-boss for tonight? Or did he have something bigger planned?

"I can't explain it right in front of everyone." He explained why he couldn't explain very simply. Almost teasingly.

"Then at least tell me why you're drinking that stuff, too." I looked over to his cup, which was now undergoing it's fifth refill.

"I enjoy a drink every once in a while, too, Hanako." He finished that playful sentence whispering that name the same way he would say mine when he was teasing me.

"but-" I started, about ready to throw the 'but we're a team, we need communication'-card at him.

"Just trust me." He suddenly said seriously, ending this little conversation.

He got me there.

I couldn't say I didn't trust him... nd the least I could do, as a team member is do what my captain tells me.

He says 'trust me'... I have to trust him.

But my deep thoughts were quickly interrupted by stupidity.

"Oi, little miss!" One of the rowdier men who had been stumbling around laughing at pointless things and yelling random words suddenly zeroed in on me, cup in hand.

I tried not to let what he called me, 'little miss', get to me.

The man slumped onto the couch next to me. I felt Kakashi's arm tense a little.

"You sure you don't want to drink with us? You haven't drank anything!" He announced to himself, forgetting how to speak properly. "You should be thirsty!" He added as he shoved the cup in my direction, almost spilling the contents onto me.

I only sat there, ready to turn it down on my own, but a familiar hand suddenly reached in front of me, his fingers landing on the rim of the cup as he pushed it away from me smoothly.

"She won't be drinking this evening." I heard Kakashi-Kyousuke's voice explain politely from behind me.

But the way his voice sounded... protective, almost defensive, it was a little strange. It was like his mood suddenly shifted from the playful Kakashi I knew, the one that had been playing tricks on me all day, to something else.

The other men in the room took notice.

"Let her drink!" One of the men shouted with a cheer.

The others joined, all of the jabbering about how great this sake was, I couldn't help but wonder whether the Tanao mixture made it taste better or something. I could see Naruto and Sai watch the situation curiously, as if they were really wondering whether I was allowed to drink or not.

"I'm afraid that's out of the question." Kakashi explained vaguely.

"Is she not even that old yet!?" Another random voice yelled obnoxiously from within the small crowd of drunkards, sounding more like he was joking than serious. My heart still stuttered at how precisely that fake accusation had nailed the true situation on the head.

I eyed Kakashi a little nervously, but I couldn't read his expression.

There was a roar of laughter and jokes for a moment, I heard someone say 'I thought she looked a little young' answered by another random 'Whatever, the younger the better!'. More drunken laughter tested my patience as they unwittingly mocked a very real issue of my personal life. I spotted Naruto in the crowd, he definitely wasn't laughing, it looked like he was trying to pick a fight with one of the red-nosed men, but Sai was holding him back, smiling apologetically. Either that man said something inappropriate about me and that's why Naruto was blushing... or Naruto had slipped himself some of the sake, too, and now his face was turning red for the same reason theirs were.

But everything suddenly quieted down when a single, booming, voice took over.

"Don't say stupid things. If a man doesn't want his woman to drink, then a man doesn't want his woman to drink. Then she doesn't have to drink." I stared at Momoshita with probably more irritation than was polite as he stood up from the crowd of his intoxicated lackeys. I really had a problem with not only that anti-feminist philosophy he just spouted, but with the universal title of _'his woman' _that he just pinned on me. But all that aside, I had to do a double-take when I saw Kakashi's head nod slightly in the corner of my eye… as if he was agreeing with that the extremely chauvinistic comment…

I was about to elbow him when I stopped myself.

_Wait… he's just in character right now… _

_...  
_

…_right? _

"Now, Kyousuke-kun, why don't you come show these idiots how to karaoke." Momoshita added suddenly, pointing at Kakashi with his cup.

Any irritation I felt suddenly poofed away.

…

_Kakashi-sensei… karaoke?...._

…

That didn't seem possible.

Even the thought of it was a little ridiculous.

"No, I'm fine." 'Kyousuke-kun' turned down the offer calmly, maintaining his usual cool demeanor. If he went up there and sang in front of a room full of drunk men, that cool image of his would be greatly compromised.

"I insist." 'Momo'-kun quickly brushed aside Kakashi's objection with only those two words.

There was a moment of silence between them, which wasn't very profound since the other men in the room hadn't shut-up since the food and alcohol arrived, but nonetheless, even I could feel a sort of tension. Like Momoshita was trying to bully 'Kakashi-Kyousuke' into playing with him, like a little kid.

I heard Kakashi give a little sigh as he removed his arm from the back of our couch. I looked up at him just as I felt his hand brush against the back of my shoulders for a moment. I shivered with a little surprise. I didn't know whether he was trying to reassure me or himself with that.

He walked over to the karaoke section of the small room.

He picked up the mic smoothly.

He flipped through the songs for only a moment.

More than half of the room's occupants were watching him, the other half were talking about stupid things and eating or were passed out.

Just watching him up there... it was probably one of the only times I had ever seen sensei act that awkward... Usually he was always composed, except whenever talked about Icha Icha or something like that. _This should really be an experience._

He seemed a little hasty in picking the song, like he didn't really care what he sang as long as he got it over with quick.

I managed to catch half the title just before it flashed off the screen:

'Uragirimono no Hisou…'

Hmm.

Whatever this song was, I had never heard of it.

I sat on the couch, leaning forwards expectantly, forgetting the roller-coaster of a mood that I had been going through since we started this little party with our enemies.

The song started, the beginning notes took a little long as the flutes played for a few seconds, an electric guitar crashed into the melody taking the whole song over into a sort of retro-harmony.

The song didn't really fit what I thought Kakashi would sing… but I didn't think about that for too much longer.

I could feel the suspense grow a little as I just watched him stand there. Just staring at his profile as he simply stared at the monitor, shooting a polite smile towards the men who were also waiting for the performance.

Kakashi-sensei… is really going to sing… really….

This isn't some sort of joke.

… This was going to be interesting.

I looked for familiar faces in the crowd of spectators. I could see the expectant look on Naruto's and even Sai's face as they sat there, among the other guys who weren't half as interested, waiting for the lyrics to come up.

The notes calmed and the little beat picked up several pitches before the guitar fell out and the only music left was a soft background melody.

The lyrics flashed onto the screen. He took a breath.

……

I sat there for a few seconds, more than a little shocked.

Was this really his singing?

Was this really how his voice sounded when he sang?

…

It's not a recording, right?

...

I stared at him as he delivered each line of the song smoothly, hitting the soft notes like a professional, even lifting and tensing his voice at moments, like he was actually trying to sing it professionally.

I couldn't tell whether his acting abilities were what made it seem like he wanted to sing… or maybe this was actually just a song he wanted to sing.

But either way, his voice was still as hypnotic as anything else about him.

I wanted to listen to this for the rest of the night.

It was surprisingly calming… even now, when my nerves were shot by all the activity, I felt a little less tense.

The chorus of the song took off and I fell in love with the song.

Then again, with his voice... he could sing any song I felt like I could claim it was my new favorite.

…

I found myself staring at him… losing myself in my thoughts.

_How come Kakashi-sensei never wants to do things that he's good at?… Even though he's so handsome, he keeps that mask on, even though he could probably beat Gai-sensei at their little games, he doesn't like showing off, and even though he has such a perfect voice, he needed a mob-boss to order him to pick up the mic._

… _He has all the bragging rights, he seems to be nearly perfect at everything, but he never does anything to show off…_

_It's so strange for such a talented man to have so much humility…_

… _but I guess it's a good thing he isn't such a show off…_

I listened to his voice a little longer, tempted to close my eyes and forget my surroundings, but that probably wasn't the best idea right now.

…

_I have to make sure everything runs as smoothly as possible for Kakashi's plan… whatever it is._

This was a risky place, full of intoxicated enemies…

If I zoned out for even a moment and forgot myself, or my character, I might get in some sort of trouble.

I was reminded almost too well of my responsibility to keep things running smoothly when a certain someone walked in front of me, interrupting my view of Kakashi-sensei, who was still singing as professionally and as effortlessly as before. I wouldn't have cared about the momentary disturbance if this person hadn't decided to suddenly break the unspoken rule of conduct and practically throw himself onto the sofa next to me, intruding into my personal space immediately and further annoying me by taking my attention away from Kakashi's voice.

I scooted away from this man quickly as I felt my nerves flare with a degree of anxiety but more-so with irritation when I recognized the man's short blond hair and was momentarily blinded by the glare of the little golden chain dangling from the left side of his face.

I thought this guy would be off drinking, or drunk, with his buddies… but here he was… staring at me… again… only much closer than before.

I tried not to look at him. I tried not to notice his stare, or even how he turned to me, crossing his leg toward me.

I tried to focus on Kakashi's voice.

But this guy was too straightforward!

Even with all his buddies here, with his boss here, he didn't seem to give them any sort attention, or even follow their silent rules of not sitting next to someone else's 'woman'. He didn't even seem bothered by the fact that my 'fiancé' was only a few feet away, singing!

…

(I never thought that a thought like that would ever cross my mind: 'my fiancé's only a few feet away, singing!'… Such a weird sentence… But these were really special circumstances.)

"Hey, Hanako-chan." His deep, but scratchy-sounding, voice woke me from my thoughts as he called me by my fake name, using too familiar of a suffix.

I almost didn't respond, not just because my ears didn't immediately recognize my fake name, but because I wanted to ignore him.

But after a second thought… I knew that ignoring this type of straightforward guy wouldn't fix anything, in fact, it might even motivate him.

I begrudgingly looked away from Kakashi, who was no doubt distracted by the row of cheering men who were skillessly trying to sing along, including Naruto and a slightly-less-apathetic-than-usual Sai.

My eyes met the pitch black ones of the man sitting next to me… I immediately regretted looking at him because when I did, his whole face lit up with a strange, and rather annoying, smile. Like he was trying to charm me.

I tried to prepare a 'letting-down' speech, one that wouldn't cause too much of a scene.

'_I'm not interested.'?_

'_You're not my type.'?_

Or the more effective one I could only use under this guise:

'_I'm engaged.'_

…. Well that probably wouldn't faze this guy. After all, my 'fiancé' _was_ only a few feet away!

My internal quest for any sort of words came to sudden stop when the man's scratchy voice spoke up again.

"Hanako-chan," He addressed me again with inappropriate familiarity, but I ignored that after hearing the rest of his sentence. "you've got quite a controlling man there."

…

He must've been talking about the way Kakashi wouldn't let me drink any sake.

… _Well, it was the responsible thing to do. I am underage. This guy doesn't know that, though._

But, thinking about Kakashi in general… yeah, he did try to control a lot of things… but he _was_ my captain.

He was _supposed_ to be controlling.

After another second passed I suddenly realized I was taking too long for my answer to this guy's statement. I stopped trying to think through everything with logic.

I settled for an answer that would hopefully end the conversation.

"Yep." I said simply, looking back as the crowd around him rooted for another song. I inwardly grimaced when he agreed to it after taking another drink from his now refilled cup of sake.

That scratchy voice found my ears again, regretfully.

"For a man who won't even show his face because he's too ashamed of his fighting scars, he really chose a woman who knows how to dress." Many things struck me about that sentence.

_Scars?_

I knew Kakashi still had to hide his eye because of the Sharingan. (Only a few Sharingan have ever been documented, and he's even rarer for having only a single Sharingan eye… even with basic knowledge about famous modern ninja, they would be able to recognize his true identity –it was strange thinking of Kakashi as 'famous'… but his name was known across the four main Lands as one of the most skilled ninja of our day, so it wasn't like I was exaggerating-…)

But…

I didn't know about any scars… (except the one on his right bicep and left ribs)…

Where did this guy get the idea of scars on Kakashi's face?...

… _Wait… the mask._

Kakashi must've come up with some story that made his mask seem necessary… and saying it was due to 'fighting' might've sparked a conversation between him and the mob-boss. And started this friendship.

My mind reeled as I suddenly realized that I had managed to retrace the same plans that Kakashi must've thought through in order to gain Momoshita's trust for this mission.

_Jeez..._

_He was really too thorough with his character's back-story…_

I blinked for only a moment, trying to push all that aside, thinking back to this man's words and trying to come up with a reply.

'_a woman who knows how to dress…'_

_Jeez… did this guy think this was 'how to dress'?_

"Kyousuke picked this out." I shot down his compliment with a humorless voice, feeling weird for calling Kakashi by his alias, but also smug for stumping this lackey for more than a moment.

"He's probably just trying to show you off and make some of us jealous." He replied slickly.

_That didn't sound too far from what Kakashi was capable of when he was in the mood for games._ I thought to myself aimlessly for the moment I had to think before he starting talking again.

"He should be careful, though." The man's tone changed as he suddenly leaned in a little. I was already ready to smack him if he got to close. "When another man sees something he likes, especially a man like me, even an overprotective fiancé won't stop him from getting what he wants." He finished cheesily.

Okay, I said I would smack him if he got too close, but now, as his hand was brushing against my leg, and his words hit me harder than anything he had said before, I felt my right hand close into a fistful of chakra. I was trying with all my strength to keep myself from just punching him into the next room, but I could tell that if he didn't stop touching me and didn't stop giving me that look, I wasn't going to be able to control myself.

_Clack!_

He stopped giving me that look, and his hand suddenly stop touching me… in fact he was already wincing in pain and I hadn't even done anything.

His hand suddenly shot up to the back of his bleached head, grabbing his scalp as if he was in pain.

He turned around quickly and away from me.

I looked up to where he was looking.

Kakashi-sensei was already looking over here, his face soft with a casual, but obviously fake, smile.

"I believe I've entertained them long enough." He spoke up with the voice he had recently been singing with. He took a few steps over here. "You seem to be the entertaining type." Kakashi continued, smiling at the man sitting next to me who had recently been mysteriously hit by a microphone to the back of his head. "So I thought you might want a turn next." Kakashi explained smugly, walkign away from the karaoke monitor. " And thank you for not allowing my fiancée a moment of boredom." Kakashi finished with one last light sentence before he walked past the now red-faced man who had either turned color due to embarrassment or anger.

His black eyes did seem to hold a rather uncalled for amount of hostility, but it didn't worry me.

And it didn't seem to worry anyone else because there was suddenly a chorus of manly voices rooting, "Sing, Hiroki, Sing!"

Hiroki rubbed the back of his bleach-blond head one last time, shot another glare at Kakashi who didn't seem to notice, and picked up the microphone, walking toward the group of men and flinging it at them as if they were yappy dogs he wanted to shut up with a whack. He stormed off into the corner after a moment.

Soon enough they picked another karaoke victim who went up in front of the others and started singing dutifully... but this one chose a really girly song. It was kind of strange to hear such a deep voice singing a song about 'butterfly love'.

I looked back to Kakashi, forgetting my surroundings a little, more than happy to have him next to me again.

Even though I loved his singing, I seemed to be an open target when he wasn't by my side.

"That was close." I whispered lightly as he sat down in his old seat next to me. "I was about to pummel him." I joked while still being truthful.

He didn't say anything. I only wondered why for a moment until a new question came to mind.

_Why was his arm over my shoulders?_

_And why were his fingers playing with the ends of my hair?_

Not that I minded it… god knows I love it when his arms are around me or when he plays with my hair… but… this didn't seem like him. If he was so careful only not to actually touch me before... why was he suddenly making an effort to touch me?

He leaned back against the couch cushions pulling me into the backward lean with him.

I followed a little hesitantly.

His hand lifted off my shoulder and reached up to my hair, running his fingers through it.

I suddenly felt a little too aware of how much he was doing. Even if this seemed like barely anything to me now, if Naruto saw....

My eyes found Naruto and Sai, neither of them seemed to have noticed just how Kakashi was treating me, yet.

But still, it wasn't like him to provoke a risk like this.

"What're you doing?" I whispered with a really low volume.

I felt him lean down a little, his face closer to my ear.

"Just enjoying the moment with Kyousuke-kun's fiancée." His voice whispered back with the same low level, but I could still recognize a certain tone in his voice. Something was definitely different about him.

"Very funny…" I tried to brush this off as a joke putting on a fake smile.

As if trying to tell me just how much he wasn't joking I suddenly felt his hand land back onto my shoulder, his fingertips playing with the centimeters-wide sleeve on the right side of my 'dress'. He tugged at it a little, lifting it over a few inches and towards the tip of my shoulder. He only looked down at me with a completely calm expression... like he was only watching me.

"Hey sto-" I tried to warn him not to do that after I noticed Sai glancing over here, but he interrupted me.

"That man still can't keep his eyes off of you." The word 'man' struck a nerve. He said it with such a strange inflection. I glanced towards the only unnatural blond in the room.

He really was staring over here… glaring really… but he didn't seem all that angry, more like... determined. I found that a little more worrisome than anger.

"I'm getting a little jealous." I heard the warmth in Kakashi's voice rise with that short sentence, his fingers trailing along my bare shoulder shook all of my attention back to him.

"So you're what, claiming your territory?" I asked with a bit of an attitude as I quickly reached up my left hand to the little strap of fabric, pulling it over my shoulder again. I tried to drop my hand back to my lap, but I suddenly didn't have control over it anymore as I felt his larger, warmer, hand take it.

He lifted it to his face.

"In a manner of speaking." He agreed gently, no longer whispering, and no longer holding back the warm tone he was speaking with.

My heart stammered as my eyes met Naruto's who had suddenly looked over here, as if out of curiosity... after only a moment, his entire expression dropped and his eyes widened with something like shock.

I tried to pull my hand away but Kakashi was already kissing my fingers through the mask, his eyes closed in concentration.

I couldn't concentrate on the way my heart seemed to get faster every time his covered lips pressed against my skin.

I tried to tug my hand back again, using a bit of chakra, he still didn't let go. His lips followed down to my palm and onto my wrist, each 'kiss' deepening one after the other.

_He's just in character, right?_

_That's why he's acting like this…_

_That has to be it._

My confidence wavered when I eyed his empty cup on the table in front of us.

_How much did he drink?_

I never really found out what Kakashi was like when he was drunk.

And with the Takoa root-mixture in the alcohol… I definitely had no clue what it would do to him... or whether this was Kakashi or 'Kyousuke'.

I could feel Naruto's eyes on the hand Kakashi was 'kissing'. I tried to tug away again. He still wouldn't let go of my wrist.

I glanced at Naruto again.

What was once just shock had bubbled over into something like anger… or jealousy... I saw his fists curl with tension.

"You're freaking Naruto out. He's about ready to leap over the table and punch you." I tried to reason with the silver-haired man who was currently pulling me closer against him.

I loved the way his body was always warmer than mine, and I loved the way his chest felt against me, but I really couldn't focus on any of that when I was freaking out like this! And especially when Naruto's eyes were practically locked on us!

Kakashi leaned forward even closer. I could _feel_ his voice in my ear.

"Is it petty of me to say I'm glad?"

_Glad?_

_Glad that he could make Naruto jealous?!  
_

_Glad that Naruto was working up such a fit that he could ruin the entire mission if Kakashi pushed this any further?!_

_Does showing off really mean that much to him right now?!_

"Yes! It's not like you're jealous of Naruto!" I whispered harshly, not caring to be polite anymore, almost using a normal voice.

I tried to turn to him, to get a glimpse of his expression or his eyes, to figure out what he was really thinking. But with his arm around me, he was practically a vice, I couldn't move.

I felt his chest shake from behind me as he chuckled a little.

"I told you I don't handle jealousy well."

This time his fabric-covered lips landed right below my ear.

I heard a little crash from across the room. Naruto had dropped his cup, the sake splashing onto his feet and Sai's. Sai gave an annoyed look at Naruto before seeing Naruto's glare. Following Naruto's line of sight, Sai turned around, too.

Even the usually emotionless boy seemed more than a little shocked about what Kakashi-sensei was doing. But before his expression could evolve any further, he grabbed Naruto's arm, as if warning him not to do anything.

"What're you doing?!" I asked louder than before, but not loud enough to be heard over the music and drunken ramblings. I forgot my question when I nearly jumped out of my seat as I felt his lips graze along my jaw deeply, his hand brushing my hair out of his way as he traveled lower.

_Even though he has his mask on, and he really isn't kissing me, this is still really bad!_

"Don't worry about it." Kakashi's voice whispered lastly against my skin before I felt his masked lips press against my neck a little too passionately.

"Ka-!" I almost yelled his real name in a moment of sheer shock, but I stopped myself just in time.

_WHAT WAS HE DOING!?_

My sudden increase in volume seemed to set Naruto off as he started stumbling over here, I only noticed then that he was completely drunk, too. Sai followed after Naruto, trying to stop him from coming over.

"Wat doo ya think yer doin', sens--?" Naruto slurred a little under his breath losing his balance on the level ground and tumbling over next to the table before he could finish his sentence.

The commotion stirred the group from their talking and singing.

All of a sudden there was another eruption of yelling and cheering, I looked for the cause, but then I noticed that all the men in the room were staring at me and how pink my face was.

Kakashi's lips left my skin a little hurriedly.

"You still keep your mask on to do stuff like that?" One of the more obnoxious voices asked out loud inappropriately the same way a little kid would, making my face grow red with more offense than embarrassment.

But I sat there, without a word, completely dumb-founded by everything. My eyes going from the unconscious Naruto on the floor to the semi-worried Sai who was hovering over him, to the dozens of energetically drunk eyes staring at us, to the aged and slightly serious eyes of Momoshita (who was leading the karaoke group), to Kakashi who was now standing up, smiling as charmingly as ever, acting as if he really didn't just cause all of this havoc… indirectly.

Kakashi-sensei stood there for a second, laughing like the rest of them.

He tugged at my hand, making me stand up, too.

I was more or less a zombie right now, I was so confused. I wasn't even tugging at my dress in embarrassment after standing up, I was really just trying to figure everything out.

"If you'll excuse us for a while." Kakashi's voice spoke up above the rowdy crowd. I felt a little tug as I was suddenly being steered toward the door. "We're just going out for… a quick bath." Kakashi offered that excuse, hesitating at the last part purposefully.

It took me twice as long to understand what his words meant than it did for the drunks to. Who were already starting a new round of cheering.

"Eh?" I asked quietly, more to myself, as he started pulling me through the door, into the abandoned hallway.

"We'll order some more food for your return!" I heard the aged of voice of Momoshita call out to us as Kakashi nodded, closing the door. The last thing I saw through that door before it closed were the suggestive winks of a few of the men in there, but also the calculating expression of the man with the gold chain dangling across his left cheek.

The door closed with a little _clack_.

And I suddenly felt like I was granted freedom from a really weird dream. I felt like I could think again.

But the thoughts that greeted me in this new reality weren't any better than the ones that plagued me inside that karaoke room of havoc.

_Where are we really going?_

_What is he doing?_

_Is he drunk?_

_What did he just do?_

_Doesn't he know what Naruto and Sai just saw?_

_How's he going to fix that?  
_

_What is he planning?_

_Does he even have a plan?_

_Are we really going for a 'quick bath'?_

_Is that what he really meant when he told them that?_

_Why am I SO confused?!_

And without a moment's hesitation or any explanation I felt his hand close around mine a little tightly as he started to walk quickly down the hallway, dragging me behind him.

"Where are we going?" I managed a single sentence after I sped up my pace to walk next to him, hoping for a typical 'Kakashi-answer' with a detailed plan and instructions on the next part of the mission.

I was deeply disappointed and disturbed with his response.

"Our room." He answered shortly.

The tone of his voice was unchanged from the one he had when he was 'kissing' me in that room.

Warm and low.

My mind could only handle one reaction to that:

...

_Eh?!_

* * *

**…**

**…**

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**…**

**Whew!**

**Since this is somewhat of a really big cliffhanger, I'll try really hard to get the next chapter out soon!**

…

**Oh, and if you guys still have the tab for Kakashi's song up, I left a comment for you guys just now, just as a greeting. My username is the same as the one I use on here 'TheEdgyBubble'…**

**Hope you saw it. :D**

…


	47. Baths and BreakIns

**Chapter 47!**

**Title:"**_Baths and Break-Ins"_

**Note: Hey, guys, Sorry for the long wait! But lots are going on for me right now, I never have enough energy to write... but I'll be back to normal in a few weeks.**

**Oh, and sorry for making you wait so long, Candice! :(  
**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

………………………………………………

'_Our room'_

His answer echoed in my mind uncomfortably.

… Why did he say it like that?

He didn't even say 'The room' or anything… he said 'Our room'…. And with that voice. The voice that always made my nerves fizzle with something like anxiety. That voice was always the prelude to something risky…

I stared at his hand, which was wrapped around my wrist a little firmly.

_I could tug away at any moment._

_I could stop this._

_I could ask him straight out what his 'plan' was. Or if he even had one._

_So…_

_Why wasn't I?_

_Why couldn't I decide to plant my feet and demand an explanation?_

I wasn't really scared or anything, per se, but I definitely wasn't okay with whatever this turning into… not when I had no idea what it was turning into, at least.

But if he had a plan… I didn't want to let him see how clueless I was about it… He'll laugh at me and point out my bad deductive skills or something.

_Maybe I should just swallow my pride and ask him?_

But before I could even decide on that, we suddenly started slowing down, my feet taking smaller steps as he slowed our pace.

I saw a familiar door in front of us, the door to 'our room'. My heart backfired into a series of sputtering pumps with the realization that whatever he was 'planning' was going to happen in only a few more seconds… inside that room.

There was another hiccup in my heartbeats when I glanced up to the masked face of the man who was currently using the hand that wasn't clasped around my wrist to tug at the knot of his tie, swinging it left and right with a couple of forceful jerks.

_Why was he taking off his tie?!_

After his tie hung loose around his neck as a single line of fabric his fingers quickly darted up to the top buttons of his shirt, undoing them faster than I thought was possible for a moment.

_Why is he unbuttoning his shirt?!_

I cursed my sudden disability that rendered me incapable of doing anything but point out the obvious and ask mental questions about it.

_Why was he starting to take off his jacket?!_

He shrugged off one of the jacket's shoulders just before he grabbed the door-handle.

_Why was he opening the door so quickly!?_

_Why was it so dark inside the -'our'- room!?_

_Why wasn't he telling me what the plan was?!_

All my thoughts seemed to disappear into the darkness of that room as I felt his hand drag me across the threshold with one last tug.

He turned around to face me. I could barely make out any of his unmasked features in the dark.

I felt his arm reach passed and behind me, his bicep only inches from my cheek. He closed the door with a heavy _clack_, and the room was even darker.

A long moment of silence.

I could only hear my own heartbeat.

But I could feel his hand loosen and let go of my wrist. The hand that had been planted on the door behind my head was gone, too.

He seemed to disappear into the dark for a moment.

_What should I do?_

_Should I say something?_

"So… what's going on?" I asked the area in front of me, knowing he was somewhere in it. It was too dark to even see him.

I tried to adjust my eyes and get a glimpse of him.

I reached out, my hand feeling for him.

"Kakash-"

I was interrupted by several things.

His right hand grabbing my outreached one. His left hand sliding onto the side of my neck. His fingers titling my head upward. The sudden need to take a few steps backward as I felt him push me a little.

My back hit the door the same moment his lips fell onto my skin. His uncovered face was now pressed against mine, his lips focusing on the underside of my jaw, brushing back and forth.

_What is he doing?!_

_This can't be the part of any sort of 'plan' for this mission!_

It was like he was only continuing what he had been doing in that karaoke room and havoc! Like this was the only reason he had arranged our early departure from that party!

I was about to lift my arms to his chest, to push him away and finally demand some of his well-hidden answers when I quickly lost my track of thought.

His hands left me for only a moment before I felt them land on either side of my currently exposed waist.

He pulled me forward with a simple tug, our bodies met in the middle. My back was arched a little uncomfortably since the pressure his hand and lips were putting onto the side of my neck kept my head and shoulders up against the door, while he was still pulling my waist against him.

I couldn't control a sudden intake of breath that sounded dangerously close to a gasp …

I only heard a single, almost inaudible, chuckle escape his lips before they suddenly moved to the corner of my neck, traveling quickly across my shoulder, lingering next to the strap of my dress.

I could feel my resolve weaken. I couldn't bring myself to stop whatever he was doing.

_How does he always do this to me?_

_.. make me feel like this…_

I felt him press against me. His hands roaming over the section of skin that my 'dress' left exposed, his fingers traveling along my stomach, my sides, down and around to the small of back, and then up as he traced the curve of my waist slowly. Both of his hands gliding upward, both paying close attention to the thin border between skin and dress.

Goosebumps took over my body as his warm breath washed over my shoulder a little heavier than before. It was even harder to focus on just how much he shouldn't be doing this right now when his fingertips slid under the fabric of the dress he had picked out for me only hours before.

"Don-" I tried to talk, but failed as his hands pressed against my skin tighter in order to reach farther under the fabric a couple inches. His hands resting on either side of my ribs, his fingers stretching towards my back.

_He has to be drunk._

_There was no other way he would be like this... Especially on a mission…_

_So much for my faith in his nonexistent plan!_

I tried to lift my arms to his hands, to tug them back out from under the fabric and fix my currently heavier-than-normal breathing, but as if sensing my goal before I actually had a chance to touch his arms, his hands suddenly pushed upward a few _more_ inches. My own hands ended up on his shoulders, gripping a little tightly for support as my posture suddenly straightened in reaction, the arch of my back tensing.

In only the matter of moments it took for him to make me feel like I couldn't breathe even when he wasn't kissing me on the lips, his hands curved around to my back, pushing me against him a little tightly, not letting the tension in my posture leave.

"You have to stop..." His hands and lips still showed no consideration for my request as they wandered dangerously along my skin. I managed to find my voice again, "You're drunk… You shouldn't be-" I tried to reason with him, to get his attention, but I didn't finish… not because of anything he did. But because I suddenly noticed… I was shaking…?

I felt like I was shivering, but I knew I couldn't be.

It only took a moment to realize that I wasn't the source of the trembling, he was…

I was only confused for a moment before I heard the laughter pick up volume as his hands suddenly slipped out from under my dress. He backed away, his shoulder shaking with every chuckle.

I quickly found that all the mind-fogging feelings that his touch had given me had disappeared, sheer irritation taking their place.

He only laughed harder when he looked at my face.

My fist curled instinctively as my annoyance grew with every chuckle he gave. I was going to wait until he calmed down to say something, possible even give him a good jab in the ribs, but he started the conversation before I could.

"Did you really think…?" He laughed for another moment, breaking up the sentence, and inching even farther onto my last nerve, "…I was that drunk?" He finished as his laughter finally stopped as he looked down at me.

_So he _wasn't_?!!_

"Wha-We-…" I sputtered for a moment, trying to find any sort of excuse, but my mind was too busy to think of anything except what the hell he had been up to if he wasn't drunk.

_He did all that _knowing_ that I would be completely confused?!_

_Why did he keep up the act like that?!_

I let out an aggravated sigh as my fist just seemed to find its way to the ribs I had thought about punching earlier. It definitely wasn't my style to act out like this against Kakashi… but what he just did was completely out of style, too.

"Easy there." He stopped my punch before it could reach him, his hand that had been on my shoulder was now closing around my fist gently, pushing it away from him. "No need for violence." He told me gently. I inwardly disagreed with him as his fingers opened my hand against its will before they found the spaces between my own fingers, settling in comfortably.

That made me want to hit him even more, but I tried to use my words now… like an adult.

"Well, if you aren't drunk, then how do you explain what you were doing? Explain what you did back at the party…" I ordered with a defiant tone that only made his smile widen with a sort of annoying charm.

"Back in that room, I simply made a scene that gave us enough reason and credibility to slip out for a little while without seeming suspicious." He explained, his voice reverting to his 'teacher/lecture'-voice for only a moment.

"What about Naruto! He saw what you were doing. How can you pass that off as an act when you took it so far!" My fingers clasped onto his hand a little too tight to be comfortable.

"'So far'? I thought I was holding myself back really well." He joked badly. I think he could see the glare I gave him, because he immediately offered me a better response. He gave a little sigh that sounded as if he was saying 'you really can't take a joke' before he used real words. "The takao-root in the sake has neurological side-effects when consumed in large quantities… Naruto shouldn't be able to remember exactly what happened when he wakes up. He might remember getting upset, but he won't remember what it was over…"

My frustration subsided a little when he explained that part… it made sense, and that meant I didn't have to worry about Naruto later. My hand eased a little, dropping to my side, still holding his loosely. My mind picked up something that was wrong with that explanation.

"But you drank that stuff, too." I pointed out suddenly.

He chuckled a little, his hand tugging mine closer to him.

"It won't do anything to me. As a top-jounin my body's already immune to a number of chemicals, besides I already over-dosed on takao root during one of my earlier missions as a jounin. It doesn't affect me very much anymore." He smiled down at me a little nostalgically; I could see his face better now… it was getting a little hard to stay angry.

"Did you really think I didn't have a plan?" His voice interrupted my thoughts as it seemed a lot more serious than before.

_The million-dollar question:… Does Kakashi always have a plan, or is he just winging it half the time?_

This time I had an answer.

"I think you wanted me to."

He only chuckled in response before he changed the subject altogether by saying something that would not only confuse me but make me question my new-found confidence in him.

* * *

He closed the door behind him, leaving the girl in the bedroom no doubt reeling in confusion.

He didn't know why it was so much fun to play with her.

It was probably her reactions or the way she got upset so easily.

_Maybe I should stop before she manages to figure out how to play along…_

He thought back to her response to his trick question.

'_I think you wanted me to.'_

He smiled to himself as he unbuttoned the rest of his shirt.

She already figured out the game. It's probably only a matter of time.

…

He hadn't really planned to do anything just now, as he dragged her into the room… but seeing her so confused and almost a little expectant after he drug her into the room… he couldn't help himself.

_That _was_ really risky just now… but I can't bring myself to care._

…

_She's really starting to mess with my self-control._

He laughed at himself for a moment.

_But she's still so flustered by everything I do._

Even giving her simple orders like that can throw off her composure.

'_Undress and meet me out the veranda.'_

'_What?'_

'_And you won't need a towel.'_

The fresh memory of her face at that moment almost made him laugh out loud as he started unbuckling his belt.

_This is definitely too much fun._

* * *

Okay… I wasn't dressed really appropriately before, but now, as I was inching my way on my tip-toes out onto the veranda in nothing but my… undergarments… I couldn't help but feel like my attire was breaking some rule.

Even though no one was here, and there was a tall bamboo wall separating the veranda and hot spring from public views, and even though couples were probably supposed to bathe out here wearing even less, I still couldn't walk or stand up straight or even unfold my arms from around my torso, trying my best to cover up as much as possible.

I shivered a little; it was already really dark out here. The night wind was a little chilly. Or maybe I was just cold because I was half-freaking-naked!

My mind flashed to his instructions that led to the pathetically embarrassed mess I was right now:

'_Undress and meet me out the veranda.'_

'_What?'_

'_And you won't need a towel.'_

I felt my eyebrow twitch with irritation.

_What could this _possibly_ be for?!_

_Hot-tub research?!_

_What kind of excuse was he going to come up with for this!?_

I let out an aggravated sigh, trying to listen to the cicadas ad steaming water for any sort of relaxation.

I had no choice but to wait here for either his teasing when he comes out here to see me hunched over and embarrassed like this, or I could do my best to pretend that I wasn't as embarrassed as I really was, so that I still had some pride.

I liked the second one better.

…

I watched the steam rise off the spring in front of me. It would've been calming if that crazy team captain of mine wasn't filling up every space in my mind that could possibly be soothed by such a pleasant sight.

_He seriously has way too much fun with me._

And as if simply thinking that thought was enough to cue his entrance, I immediately felt a familiar hand land on my bare back. I fought the urge to jump with not only the shock but the goosebumps that quickly took over my skin when his hand simply slid up my back tipping over and off my shoulder as he walked in front of me.

_God, how does he always manage to do that?!_

I tried to pay more attention to the what he was doing…. But even that became a little harder when I saw he wasn't wearing anything except boxers. Not even a mask. He just stood in front of me for a quiet moment smiling gently.

"Wh-what's going on?" I asked with embarrassing ineloquence feeling as fidgety as a little kid. (I couldn't be blamed, though. It was his fault for only wearing boxers)

"You sound a little worried." He graded me, taking a step towards me. My arms fastened around my chest a little tighter, feeling so completely self-conscious when he was looking at me so closely with both eyes like that.

"I just want to know what you _plan _is this time." I spoke up with a little bit of a fighting spirit, taking offense to this while embarrassing ordeal _he_ set up. But the shreds of my cool attitude were destroyed by his sudden response.

"What if I said I didn't have a plan?"

His voice was warm as he took another step towards me.

…

"Eh?" Again, that was all I could say while my heart was still trying to calm down.

It only took a moment of looking at my, no doubt, stupid dace before he started cracking up… again.

I've always loved his laughter… especially when it sounded so genuine like this. But that sound was starting to get on my nerves if he was only ever going to laugh _at_ me from now on!

I huffed impatiently, feeling my face heat up, cursing myself for falling into another one of his jokes.

I walked right past him, trying not to let him see the pink agitation on my face. As soon as my feet were in the steaming water I dunked down to the point where the water was up to my neck. Of course it was a form of cover, but it was also my childish attempt at giving him the silent treatment… which I forgot about in only a few more seconds after his laughter stopped for good.

After a few moments I heard his voice again.

"I guess we should be getting to it."

_To what?...._

His feet stepped into the water, which raised up and above his waist as he walked further into the water, closer to me.

He was walking right towards me. Smiling that 'innocent' smile.

"Uh-" I was about to say something, to break this eye contact, to break up this really strange moment that I could just feel was about to turn into something stranger if I didn't say anything.

"I'll be right back." He interrupted me. His voice as innocent as a little boy's.

"Eh?" I asked monosyllabically, again unable to think of a better way to state my sheer confusion with all this.

He was gone.

Nowhere.

One moment he had been here, looking at me almost invasively without shame, and now in a blink of an eye, he was gone… I stretched my neck, looking around the courtyard, back at the room.

My stomach flipped when I finally though of where he probably was.

Crashing invaded my ears as I suddenly submerged my head underwater, keeping my eyes open and alert.

And in a moment, I saw him… but he was at the other side of the spring. He was lingering at the bottom of the spring, he was doing something… I couldn't quite see.

I crashed back up through the water, the cold air chilling my water-warmed face. I sputtered for a moment, getting the water away from my mouth and nose. I wiped the water from my face, running my hands through my now stringy hair that was a shade of darker pink than before.

And as if following my lead, another head emerged from the water across the spring.

He stood up, the water reaching just up to his chest. He ran his hand through his own hair, which was now soaked completely and clinging to his skin, dripping water down his face to his neck, down his muscles… I tried not to get distracted, but when he slicked the silver strands back, framing his face so perfectly like that… I couldn't really hear what he said for a moment.

"Follow me." He said shortly before disappearing again.

"What?" I asked myself, standing there clueless for a moment.

'_Follow' him?_

_But he just went underwater… where the hell was I supposed to follow him under there?_

Another moment passed when nothing happened. I resolved myself to 'following' him, even if I was so confused… then again, what else was new?

I dunked back into the water, a little used to the feeling of the water now. I brushed my hair from my eyes, the cloud of pink floated back slowly, but he was already gone.

I freaked for a moment.

_Where did he go?_

_Did he actually go somewhere?_

The answer seemed all too obvious when I noticed something… the place I saw him before… it was different.

I waded myself over to it, feeling a little ridiculous for swimming around in such shallow water like this. I didn't care about that when I suddenly realized where I had to follow him to.

There was a crawl-hole in the bamboo wall. The bamboo sticks that were once there were now on the bottom of the spring, resting on the rocks. It was just big enough for a person to pass through really carefully without cutting themselves on the jagged bamboo.

I paused for a moment before lunging forward through the hole, doing my best not to touch the bamboo. After my torso had gone through I wiggled my legs through, trying not to bend them to quick and get cut. By the time I was finally free from the little bamboo loop I could feel my oxygen run out… a feeling I was too familiar with now… I broke through the shallow surface immediately taking in a few deep breaths, sputtering a little as I wiped my face and hair a little frantically before I could look around.

"That took you a while." I heard that voice grade me playfully.

I immediately turned around towards him, my hair slapping against the side of my face. I almost wanted to say something back, but I settled for the most obvious question.

"Where are we?"

He smiled again, pushing himself away from the bamboo wall he had been leaning on for a moment.

"The Boss's room." He said simply, stepping out of the water.

_Momoshita's room?_

_So that's why we left the party early… otherwise we could risk running into Momoshita around here…_

Suddenly, as if the boulder of confusion and irritation had been lifted from me, I suddenly felt more than a little compelled to start trusting my recently dubious team captain again.

"Really?" I stepped out of the spring, shivering with the sudden chill of leaving the steamy water, following after my half-dressed team captain a little hurriedly toward the extravagantly architecture-d veranda in front of us. It was a lot nicer than ours, this room even had a little rock garden off to the side. But I really couldn't find myself staring at the scenery for too long when the way the water was dripping from his slicked silver hair and down his bare back seemed to be more interesting.

"Yes. He booked the only other Couples Suites in the establishment." Kakashi answered my question just before I forgot I asked it. "I knew according to the blueprints that the Couples Suite shared the best individual hot spring here." He continued, explaining the situation rather seriously… I could hear the old Kakashi-sensei in that voice.

I chased after him as he walked up the steps onto the veranda like he owned the building, showing no fear of being caught or leaving water on the wood floor, while I was hunched over again, partly because I wanted to hide myself and also because I somehow thought that grabbing onto my sides, my freezing arms could somehow warm myself any faster. But something hit me… the contrast between his adult confidence and my sudden lack of it… I felt like that little student again, chasing after sensei like this as he'd calmly explain a mission that I hadn't figured out yet. I almost smiled at the nostalgic feeling… Kakashi's voice spoke up again just as he reached the door to the room.

"Which explain only half of the reason why I decided to book our room…"

He opened the door a little slowly, but he didn't bother to hide against the door frame, like standard protocol usually said to. The room in front of us was dark and empty, but the furniture and pillows were obviously much better than ours, it was almost ridiculous how pretty everything looked even in the darkness.

But I didn't pay more than a moment of attention to what was going on in that room since I was more curious about what Kakashi was going to say. It was like I had really fallen back into old habits of following him around, trying to memorize all the rules and details of a mission, and this was just another one of his lectures.

"What was the other reason?" I asked expectantly. Ready for some sort of astounding logic in his plan.

He stood in front of the door for a moment longer before saying anything.

"Getting some privacy with a certain student of mine…" His voice sounded so innocent as he took a few fast steps into the room already.

I stumbled a little walking through the threshold into the room as my 'Ah, the old teacher-student days'-moment came crashing down with that inappropriate sentence which he would have never have said back when we were only teacher and student.

He smiled happily over his shoulder, seeming pleased with the clumsy reaction he managed to get from me with that.

I only reverted back to glaring for a moment, refusing to say anything and please him any further if he found something I said funny or, god-forbid, cute…

But I didn't need to worry about any more of his teasing at that moment.

"Alright, check the front room, I'll search the bedroom." And just like that, without any of my scolding or glaring, he was back into Team Captain-mode.

Without really thinking, my body started moving towards the front room he had motioned towards… again, the habit of blindly following his orders was a little too strong sometimes.

I managed to stop myself just in time to ask a question before he left the room."For what?"

He turned back to me for a moment, Kakashi-sensei again.

"Any sort of document or evidence that can tell us exactly what he's doing with the Yomashita family."

My memory jump-started with that. I immediately understood what I had to do.

I nodded towards him with a monosyllabic answer. He looked at me for a little longer than normal than a normal team captain would.

And for a second I thought I saw his eyes drop downwards for a moment.

Suddenly remembering the fact that I was practically wearing just a bathing suit, I immediately grabbed my sides again, feeling my face fire up. I heard a soft chuckle and when I looked back up, he had already disappeared into the doorway.

_Agh!_

He got me to blush again.

That was probably _another_ point for him.

I shook my head of the thought, trying to pay more attention to the mission and not to the man in the other room who had managed to get a reaction out of me with only a single movement of his eyes.

I repeated the mission mentally, trying to get it straight, as I immediately started opening up drawers and desks, searching for paperwork.

Our mission was centered around Momoshita, or as I've heard 'Momo', and his upcoming deal/alliance with the previously peaceful, wealthy Yomasa family. Since 'Momo' has often meddled with governmental affairs and was even a part of a radical anti-government group before, the Lands were a little worried about any movements he made. So naturally, fearing what might happen if Momo suddenly came into lots of money, the Lands sent us on a reconnaissance mission.

And that's what I was doing here, going through some random luggage, looking for any sort of proof or evidence that Momoshita is a fraud and that he should be stopped from making the deal with the Yomasa family.

I froze when I heard a voice I recognized, but not one I had heard before a few hours ago.

"EH, what did I tell YOU… You gotta learn that you can't jush go off shoppin whenever ya waant!"

Whoever it was, he was drunk. He had a sort of pompous voice that sounded so full of itself even when intoxicated.

But I didn't focus on what the voice sounded like, especially since that voice was just outside the front door of the room, getting closer with every word.

I immediately stood up straight, dropping everything, as soon as I heard the second voice.

"Stop talking like Momo and just open the door!" It was a woman's.

I suddenly remembered the woman from the hot spring, 'Momo's' mistress.

I was about to turn around, but I felt a hand wrap around my wrist. He started walking quickly back through the middle room, and towards the veranda. I wasn't surprised; I'd been expecting Kakashi to do something like this as soon as I heard that man's voice. I was mostly in mission-mode right now, ready to fight.

There was a loud noise from the front room.

"Oi, don't jush bust through the door like dat!" The man's voice again.

I focused my hearing, two people walked into the room. One of them walking around really fast, the other almost staggering through the doorway.

Kakashi leaned around the corner of the door, looking into the room that the two were arguing in just for a moment, no longer than if you managed to see his eyes, you'd think it was your imagination. I gripped his hand a little tighter.

He turned back to me. The look in his eyes, completely serious, told me that we wouldn't be able to leave right now.

It was refreshing to see the old team captain in him again for a moment, but I couldn't think about that again any longer as he suddenly started pulling me across the room the same moment I heard the other two's footsteps coming closer to the door we were by.

"An' I talk like myshelf, the Bossh is jush copyin me."The man's voice was really starting to sound familiar… there was something distinct about it.

"Yeah, yeah." The woman answered back begrudgingly.

I watched the door as he led me somewhere I wasn't paying attention to, but just as I saw it inch open, in the spare moment before I could see the face I knew belonged to that voice, I was engulfed by darkness.

* * *

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**Ok, ok…. Horrible ending, I know..… But the next chapter will be out in a little while. I think you guys will like it.:)**


	48. Closets and Comeons

**Chapter 48!**

**Title: **_'Closets and Come-ons'_

**Note: Not much going on, just want to say thank you guys for all your reviews, it must be troublesome having to think of something new to say after every chapter, but you guys do it anyways and keep my motivation up to write the next chapter. I really treasure every review I get!**

**Oh, and thank you Ava8 and for wishing me luck on my 'real life' stuff (I just came back from Grad Nite last night, I spent all of today sleeping and writing o-o), things are going good, I hope you enjoy this one! :D**

**OH, and just as a tidbit for those who read the author notes and also like listening to new songs, I recommend you listen to 'Resistance' by MUSE. I listened to it a lot while writing this chapter. I like the flow of the song as well as how a few of the lyrics relate to the chapter, too. ;)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**[EDIT] WOW. I just looked at the word count. This is THE longest chapter I've ever written so far!**

**Isn't that weird?**

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For a second I wondered whether my eyes were closed, but after blinking in confusion for a moment I moved on to the possibility of being blindfolded, but that idea was quickly discarded when I suddenly felt the steady breathing on the side of my face.

All I knew was I was someplace dark… and cramped. I knew that wherever I was had to be really compact because my fellow inhabit-er of this tiny place was towering over me, practically squishing me against the wall behind my back.

It only a took a few moments for the jetlag/whiplash of being tugged into this tiny, pitch-black, closet without any warning to wear off and I could pay more attention to what was actually going on.

I heard the voices from before, even though I could tell they were fighting, they were now muffled almost to the point that I couldn't understand them, but I wasn't paying much attention to their tense and agitated tone patterns. Not when a voice much closer to me, only centimeters from my ear spoke out, calling more of my scattered attention to my current situation.

"Sorry about this… It was the best plan at the moment." Kakashi's teacher-voice was genuinely serious about that little unexpected apology.

I was confused for a moment why he would apologize about this improvised hideout, which seemed like a perfectly logical choice for getting out of sight. That was until I tried to move my head so that I could speak to him directly –which wouldn't make much of a difference since I couldn't see anything in this darkness anyways- and realized, after my nose and mouth came into contact with familiar skin, that if I was going to say anything in that direction I was going to have to talk directly into his neck.

I looked away from him, trying not to touch him too much.

_We really are close aren't we?_

I tried to look around, to get a better idea of the layout of this tiny closet, but my chin just bumped against his shoulder, it was smooth and a little damp.

Smooth.

Damp.

My brain froze for a moment. It was woken by the single tickling sensation of water dripping from my hair down the front of my chest.

Everything about this situation came crashing into my head all at once.

Here we are. Both of us in very little clothing. Both of us still dripping from the hot spring tunnel we had to take to get here. Both of us nearly pressed against each other in this closet which seemed to becoming increasingly steamier by the second.

…

Now I knew why he apologized just now…

…

Even though the voices from outside the closet went on, both of them using sentences full of insults and cursing, I was too painfully aware of every little detail of this little servants' cupboard we were stuffed in to even bring myself to care about the reason we were even in here.

I looked back to the man in the closet with me, seeing only the slight outlines of his figure in the darkness as my eyes were still adjusting. This seemed a little similar to what happened back in 'our' room earlier… but before I could worry about this situation evolving into anything like what happened in that room, I noticed that he really wasn't making any attempt to say anything or even look at me.

It was a little surprising since he had gone so far and had so much of his own fun back when we first left the party… He must really be serious about the mission right now.

_That was something to be grateful for… _

_I guess…_

_Why was I a little uncertain about whether that was a good thing or not?_

…I stood there in silence for a moment before I actually thought of a reason.

_Maybe it's because his 'games' were never _that_ unbearable and may-_

_GOD!_

I stopped that thought before I could let it go anywhere I wanted it too.

_Why did the closet have to be this small?_

_Why couldn't traditional Japanese architecture be just a little more convenient for hideout situations like these!_ I asked the Universe with childish panic as I couldn't help but focus on the details of this situation:

My back against the wall, his arms on either side of me, his hands against the wall on either side of my shoulders, his face bowing next to my left cheek, my face within grazing-distance of the corner of his neck, his left leg slightly kneeling in between mine.

I shuffled on my feet a little, trying to inch away from the man in front of me, and give him some more room since he was probably trying not to get distracted by the movement of the voices right now… and because I was trying not to get distracted either. But I only ended up tripping on my own foot and falling against his arm.

He didn't seem to even notice my awkward shuffling, he was looking towards the door of the closet.

I quickly pushed myself off his arm, getting my footing back.

I hadn't noticed until just now how firm his arms were when they were flexed like that.

My thoughts travelled a little before I cringed at myself, trying to get my thoughts back on track.

_I guess the dark helped my other senses pick up more details. _

Just as I finished that thought I realized exactly how aware I was about him, even if he wasn't touching me I could still feel his body heat radiate against my own skin. His wrists warmed the sides of my arms, his neck heated my face, his leg was practically burning the insides of my knees.

_Stop thinking about that useless stuff!_ I scolded myself.

…

The air in this dark cubicle reminded me of a humid forest during a summer night.

I lifted my arms, feeling a little insecure with them just hanging by my sides. I reached for the wall behind him, hoping for some sort of support just in case my legs felt any weaker than they did now. I reached around blindly, groping for the flat and cool surface of the wall, but my hands met his bare back first.

It was smooth and curved since he was hunched over me a little. I moved my hands a little unintentionally feeling the lines and grooves of his muscles.

I couldn't bring myself to choose the wall over his skin.

Even if his skin seemed to burn my hands.

…

This was really starting to get a little uncomfortable… only because I was getting too comfortable.

…

We stood there in silence, the only sound beside the voices in the room next to us, was our breathing.

I tried to focus on the voices, and not on the way his skin felt, not on the way the room seemed to be getting hotter by the moment, and definitely not on how much I was actually starting to wish he wouldn't be so responsible right now.

_I really shouldn't be thinking like that. _I grimaced at myself, feeling a little guilty.

_Of course he wouldn't do anything right now!_

_This is the mission! Right outside that door is the mission!_

_We're supposed to act professionally, like there's nothing between us, like we're the student and teacher we were only a while ago. _

My mind did a little flip when I thought of how strange this would've been if we really _were _the student and teacher like before.

_Would it be strictly professional, or even more awkward?_

As if the Universe was trying to tell me to pay more attention to what was happening right now and not on useless 'what if' situations I was woken from my thoughts when I felt a single ice-cold droplet of water fall onto my left shoulder blade and glide downwards slowly.

I was confused for a moment where the water came from since my hair was slicked resting on the front of my shoulders, until I noticed the silver locks against the left side of my face were still wet.

My nerves flared into a sudden shiver when the water droplet ran past my waist which was always really ticklish, I shivered involuntarily.

I immediately tried to calm myself, but as if reacting to my sudden movement, I felt his arms shift closer to my shoulders, our skin touching.

I cursed myself for noticing just how hot his skin felt compared to the icy water droplets streaming down my back now that his forehead was resting on my shoulder, his hair draping over my skin.

_What was wrong with me?_

_... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...  
_

He focused on the voices, deciphering every muffled blurb of a sentence he could hear, focusing intently on the words that seemed to mean nothing despite the amount of attention he was paying them:

'Whatcha lookin' over there fer?' The masculine voice called towards the other person in the room briskly, his speech slightly slurred.

Kakashi listened for the reply, trying to keep his attention away from the pink-haired source of body heat between his arms.

'Momo likes to keep his money in his toothbrush case!' The woman responded as-a-matter-of-factly.

The source of the body heat, which he noticed was now growing warmer since the little closet lacked proper ventilation, stumble a little, distracting him.

He felt her arm prop against his own as he she moved around a little, her chin bumping against the side of his neck for a moment, he winced from the way his skin she touched seemed to fire a little.

He pulled his attention back to the voices with more difficulty than before.

'Don't take that!' The man yelled half-seriously.

'Ah, he won't miss it.' The woman brushed the man's order off.

'Imma tell 'im!' The man threatened childishly.

'Go ahead, numb-nuts.' The woman said lastly with an equally childish reply before a long silence took over, the man was no doubt too drunk to think of a comeback.

The longer the voices were quiet the harder it was to focus on not focusing on what was going on in this closet. He wished they would just say anything, anything, even if it was just more stupid bickering that kids could do better, just anything to stop him from losing himself to the five-foot-two distraction in front of him.

The distraction squirmed again, noticeably uncomfortable.

She wasn't alone with that feeling.

This situation was nearly unbearable for him for a number of reasons which were now growing more urgent as he had nothing else to focus on but them:

The way her hair smelled like strawberry shampoo now that it was wet, the way the air was getting humid and sweet with her scent, the fact the side of her neck was only centimeters from his lips, the fact his sharingan could see every detail in the darkness including how brightly she had been blushing for the past few minutes and the fact that her bra strap was dangerously close to the tip of her shoul-

_Stop!_

He mentally scolded himself for a moment, shutting his eyes tightly and turning away from her neck, trying to stop himself from looking any further into the details of this moment. Even as he stood there trying to block out how strong the urge was to kiss her right now, or to at least touch her, he was still completely aware of everything about her, so it wasn't surprising that he felt it when she suddenly shivered, breaking up the stillness of that moment.

In reaction to her sudden movement, and without thinking, he almost let his arms fold around her, but he stopped himself early and just ended up closing her between his arms tighter than before. His arms barely touching hers.

He felt her shivering under his touch, her skin was hotter than he ever felt it.

_This is really too much._ He grimaced at himself as he let his forehead fall a few inches, slowly resting it on her smooth shoulder; allowing himself at least that much contact with her.

_I can't do anything._

_I can't let myself do anything._

His closed eyes tightened.

_I can't let myself cross that line again… I already saw how dangerous that was when we were in the room._

_I had acted without thinking, confused her, and probably took things too far for her… again._

He hated how he had to add that last word onto that thought.

It hadn't seemed like a big deal at the time… but now, as he was forced into this unbearable situation while in a responsible mind-set, he was sinking back into his everlasting internal guilt-battle (he didn't know whether he was like this due to the fact that he was now on a mission and therefore instinctually more responsible than usual, or because being put in this closet with this girl seemed to point out just how weak his self-control had become since every second was a battle with himself to stop from touching her), he couldn't help his sudden change in perspective.

He had never had this problem before. He had always been respected and revered for his cool nature on missions, how he could block out all personal matters and emotions for the sake of a mission. That was the ideal mind-set for every ninja, and he had always been the best at it… but now, he couldn't help but notice how that hard earned image of his was crumbling with every moment that passed.

_When did I get this bad?_

_How could I have let myself get to this point?_

_When did I start thinking it was normal to act like this?_

He scolded himself a little too harshly as he thought back to what had happened in the room only minutes ago… the sensation of his hands sliding under the fabric of her dress.

He nearly frowned at the memory… he knew he shouldn't have pushed that far so fast, it was probably too much for her… for _them_, really…. But truth be told, he hadn't expected her to allow that. He thought she would stop him, set her foot down, and tell him off about being more responsible, then he would've just said something annoying, and just before she could get mad, kiss her and apologize, passing the whole thing off as a joke.

His complicated prediction hadn't worked out as it usually did.

Instead, his self-control wavered and he did what he wanted without thinking… and she didn't resist…

_She was probably too overwhelmed…_

He slowly opened his eyes, easing the tension of his near-grimacing expression.

His gaze found her face -which was so close to his that he could feel her breath along his neck- she still had that almost pained, uncomfortable, look on her face.

Almost the same expression he had just now, too.

He almost smiled at the strangeness of that coincidence before he thought through _why_ she would be making that face.

_She probably can't wait to get out of here._

Only a part of him couldn't wait either.

The less time they spent in this little cubicle, the less time he had to make another mistake.

If there was ever a time when he couldn't afford that mistake it was during a mission… like right now, as the subject of their secret reconnaissance was just on the other side of this door, he couldn't get distracted or give in. He couldn't push her any further after already slipping up not an hour ago.

His inner-battle with himself about responsibility and controlling distraction disintegrated into nothingness when he was suddenly irresponsibly distracted.

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I had thought, recently, that I had been the responsible one between the two of us… that he was only interested in games and how much fun he could have… but this time _I_ was the one who was starting something!

I was the one who couldn't control myself.

I was the one who couldn't stop myself from being irresponsible.

I was the one at fault.

But I couldn't care enough to stop.

I wanted to be angry enough with myself that I could separate my lips from his skin, but it just didn't work like that.

Sure, the guilt and slight embarrassment of taking the initiative like this was more than a little daunting, but I couldn't help myself, and I had no idea why not.

I felt my lips land on his neck for the third time in the past few seconds, moving them along his skin, following the grooves of his bare muscles onto his shoulder, loving everything about the way it felt, loving everything about him.

The forest-like scent that never left him, the firmness of his skin, the even firmer muscles underneath, the way his arms twitched against my own every time I moved my lips even lightly.

My hands on his back rubbed upward clutching onto his shoulders from behind as I deepened the contact between my lips and his skin, traveling slowly back towards the corner of his neck.

I still couldn't see well but I could feel from the way his shoulders were rising and falling a little faster than calmly that his breathing was getting harder, as well as the fact that I could feel his breaths quicken down the front of my shoulder.

I almost let the lips that were currently pressed against his neck turn upward in a smile… it wasn't too often I got to see this side of Kakashi.

_So this is what it must feel like whenever he messes with me…_

I suddenly couldn't blame him that much for his games.

…

I let my lips travel upward a little, inching onto his neck.

His forehead rubbed against my shoulder briskly for a moment, as if he was warning me to stop without using words.

I wasn't going to stop unless he told me.

I pressed my lips against his skin a little closer as I moved my mouth up his neck.

And as if he had heard my mental requirement I had just made of him, I suddenly heard his voice for the first time since we had been crammed into this closet.

"S-Sakura…" His voice wavered, talking extremely softly so that the two people in the room who were still arguing couldn't hear him. But I didn't care about any of that, I just found myself captivated by the way he said my name.

I _did_ say that I would stop as soon as he said something… but now I really couldn't bring myself to follow that rule.

I kissed farther up his neck, no longer grazing or lightly brushing his skin with my lips, but actually kissing him seriously.

"Stop…. This is too much…" His voice, sounding a little stronger and a little more serious, broke the silence.

But I pretended that I didn't hear anything.

I felt his arms and back tense when I picked up the speed of my lips. His breathing, the rise and fall of his shoulders, seemed to match the new speed I set as well.

I had no idea what I was doing or why I was doing it, but I knew I didn't want to stop.

I let my hands explore away from his shoulders: my left brushing downward a few inches to the middle of his back, clutching his muscles a little tightly, my right grazed around the side of his chest to his front, trailing up his chest to his neck, following the previous trail of my lips.

The hands that had been planted on the wall behind me slowly curled into fists… as if he was determined not to move them from that spot.

"S-sa…stop." My heart thumped with a little surprise when his voice, which actually sounded a lot more demanding and serious than before, couldn't manage to form a full sentence, or even my name.

I paused for a moment.

It felt like a sauna now. The surface of my skin was tingling sharply as if hot water was being sprayed onto me.

It was a little shocking. The way he was talking. He really was trying to talk me out of continuing this.

_Maybe he's really serious…_

_Maybe he's actually trying to be more responsible like I've asked him to be, and here I am making a hypocrite of myself!_

_I probably shouldn't push him like thi-_

'Push'

I was frozen for a moment with that weirdly appropriate word choice…

Was I 'pushing' Kakashi?

_I_ was the one who was taking this too far.

He was the one who couldn't handle it.

I suddenly remembered the few occasions when I felt a little scared or embarrassed or freaked out about how far Kakashi would try to take things when he forgot himself, how my stomach would burn nervously and my legs would feel a little weak.

That can't be what's going on with him, right?

I lifted my lips from his skin for only a moment, his posture relaxed a little.

… There was really only one way to find out.

"Why?" I broke the silence, asking that simple question out of genuine curiosity, although it sounded like I was only playing with him. I was asking 'why' to his few attempts at telling me to stop.

Why would he want me to stop?

I could think of so many reasons why he'd want me to stop… but I could also think of a few of why he wouldn't ask me to stop, too.

I heard him clear his throat a little, as if he knew that his voice sounded a little… weak… just a few seconds ago. He picked his head off my shoulder slowly.

"You know why." I nearly sighed at the typically vague Kakashi-asnwer, using a slightly-rougher-than-usual voice.

But even without a straight answer, I still understood what he meant… or I think I did, at least.

He stood up a little, trying to straighten his posture even more, probably in an attempt to widen the space between us. My hand on his neck fell down to his chest unintentionally.

I lost all reasonable thought for a moment.

_I shouldn't. _

_I shouldn't._

I tried to talk myself out of it... but it didn't work.

He had played with me when I didn't want him to… maybe it was finally his turn.

That sounded a little vindictive, but it's true!

"Do I?" My voice sounded a little strange. But I tried not to let my confidence waver.

I asked that question a little mockingly, letting my hand on his chest brush up his breastbone. I could feel his heart pounding, but it still wasn't as fast as my own.

I guess he really wasn't as nervous as I was… but he was still the one assuming less control here.

The entire atmosphere changed in only a moment after he spoke up just as his right hand lifted off the wall, his longer fingers prying into between mine, pressing my palm harder against his pec.

"If you don't stop, you'll find out."

My heart was definitely faster than his now.

The way he said that was a little scary. I couldn't tell if it was a threat. Or a warning.

But that's probably the way he wanted it to sound. To scare me out of picking on him like I just was.

…. But I wasn't scared.

For some reason, even though my stomach was burning anxiously and my legs were definitely weaker than usual, I wasn't afraid.

Maybe it was because I trusted that he didn't really mean what his said.

_Right?..._

Even with that uncertainty in mind I still gave no thought to the fact that I was leaning forward again, about to ignore his warning/threat until something interrupted me.

"Just go do yer shoppin, Imma stay here en clean up yer mess." I whipped my head towards the door suddenly remembering that there was a world that existed outside of this closet, let alone a mission that was taking place out there too.

The sound of a door closing.

_Somebody left._

_It was the woman who left, right? Where's the man?_

I reached for the door latch with my left hand, about to open it a crack to take a peek.

"He's still there." Kakashi's voice whispered, his tone completely different from before.

I managed better than I thought I would've to keep my mind off of what had just happened between us, much better than I thought since I just came up with a plan out of nowhere.

My fingers closed on the latch of the door about to open it, Kakashi's other hand landed on mine, stopping me.

I look up at him quickly.

"… I gotta plan." I explained with enough vagueness to make him proud.

He didn't seem convinced, now with both of his hands on mine, my right still pressed against his chest, I felt like he was being not only protective of me as his subordinate, but that his personal protectiveness was keeping me from leaving this closet.

I was almost tempted to stay here with his warmth and his heartbeat, but I had finally managed to resurrect some responsibility of mine with this plan and I couldn't give it up now.

"I can handle myself." I offered the simple phrase with as much conviction I could give it.

After a long moment I saw the figure of his head nod only slightly, high burning hands let go of mine. I suddenly felt like I was freezing even before I opened the closet door letting the cold night air of the room with an open veranda hit my skin.

I shivered a little as I quickly jumped across the threshold, my whole body feeling cold, reminding me that I was only in a something of a bathing suit.

"Eh, what're you doing-" the sudden scratchy voice spoke out loudly making me jump a little just as I clacked the closet door shut behind me, I turned around just in time to see the bleach-blond man with the golden chain strung along his face give me a look that made me feel even more naked than before. "… here?" He finally finished his slurred sentence after a long pause, taking his time to eye me.

His eyes were still wandering.

In an attempt to call attention to the fact that I was an animate object and not just something to stare at I answered his question the best I could.

"I just wanted to see you." I lied, using a sweet voice, immediately trying to change my body language to fit the character of Kyousuke-san's fiancé, Hanako.

"Re-really?" He stuttered like a young boy for a moment, like he couldn't really believe that I really just said that after appearing out of nowhere in my underwear.

Well I guess the 'get-the-hell-away-from-me' vibe I was sending him at the party must've actually hit him if he thought this was unexpected.

Then again, judging from his slurred speech and the way he was wobbling on the spot by the doorway as if he was going to lose balance at any moment, I think he was probably too drunk to think straight.

"Uh, yeah…" I agreed a little readily, hoping he wouldn't come to his senses and figure out this was a lie.

He took a few steps, sauntering towards me. I kept my feet from taking a few step back from him as he got a little too close.

"What about that geezer of a fiancé?" He asked with a little hiccup at the end. I could smell the sake on his breath, but that didn't disgust me as much as his word choice in describing Kakashi.

Why does everyone think that just because Kakashi has silver hair that he's automatically a 'geezer'?

Besides, this guy looked like he was around the same age as Kakashi anyways!

I cooled my little inner-rant.

"He's not here, is he?" I asked that rhetorical question, trying my best not to let my inner annoyance show through and mask my voice with the best seductive tone I could muster.

Judging by the sudden disturbing smile that was now creeping across Hiroki's face, and from the barely audible shuffling sound from the closet behind me, my voice must've been more than somewhat convincing.

I didn't have time to wonder how I managed to learn that tone so well, or even what I should say next before I was interrupted by the man in front of me taking a few more steps closer to me, successfully bursting my personal space bubble.

His drunken eyes were focused in on my lips. I knew what that meant.

My brain frenzied, looking for a way to get back to my original plan.

"Wait…" I told him with my own voice for a moment, using only my fingertips to push his right shoulder back. He looked at me with a kind of annoyed puzzlement. Even if he was drunk he probably sensed my break in character.

I straightened my expression, softened my voice, and let my entire hand fall on his shoulder.

I suddenly thought of the perfect segue back to what I was aiming for.

I took a little breath and focused on my character, trying not to get embarrassed.

"I don't just pick any guy at random to be with…." I suppressed a cringe as my hand brushed his shoulder a little. "He has to be powerful…"

He seemed to calm down a little. Like he was suddenly full of self-confidence.

"That's me." His smile widened with sickly charm as he took another step towards me, I ended up taking one back, but I forgot the closet was right behind me, my back hit the wall a little loudly. I quickly took my hand off his shoulder, snapping it to my side.

"Really?" I asked with a little panic in my voice, but Hiroki didn't seem to notice as he put his arms up, hais hands on the door beside the sides of my head. His leer intensified, he seemed to enjoy the fact that I was cornered.

I fought the urge to punch him.

"Yeah, I'm Momoshita's right-hand man." He explained as-a-matter-of-factly, his drunken eyes only a little higher than mine. "And after tomorrow night we'll have the entire region under our control and I'll be first in line for it all." He finished proudly, petting his own ego.

This was exactly where I wanted to conversation to go. I forgot my irritation for a moment, falling back into character.

"How?" I asked with faux-seductiveness, but genuinely curious.

He laughed a scratchy chuckle, definitely enjoying my character a lot more than I was.… and surely more than Kakashi probably was… He was just behind this door I was cornered against, he could probably hear every detail of this stupid voice I'm using. I pushed that to the back of my mind as Hiroki started up again.

"Momoshita and I are setting up a big deal with the Yomasa clan. Our weapons for their money, and they're stupid enough to think they can trust us." He guffawed as if he told the funniest joke of the month, his textured voice cracking with every inhale.

My plan was actually working better than I thought it would!

"What?" I tried to coax some more details out of him. I wished I had the stomach to reach out and touch his arm or something, but even if my brain told my body to, it wouldn't follow orders. But maybe that was for the best since after I showed some more interest in the deal with the Yomasa clan he actually seemed a lot more sure of himself, taking a step closer.

I had really had enough of being cornered into small places and revealing clothes for one day.

"Right after we make the deal, we're gonna force control over the clan and take over. And then I'm gonna get some of my guys and get rid of Momshita." He was almost salivating now. I didn't know whether he was just a drooly type of drunk or if power made his mouth watery, but it wasn't half as disturbing as the weakness of his loyalty and lack of shame. I wanted to punch him for completely unselfish reasons now.

But I didn't show my emotions at all.

"Is that powerful enough for you." He asked lastly with cheesy charm, closing in to the point his elbow was flat against the door behind me.

I was quick to stop his face with my hand.

"Not quite." I answered a little firmly, my fingers fanned over his forehead, my palm against his drooly lips.

"Huh?" He asked stupidly as I searched for something to wipe the saliva from my hand. I settled for his suit sleeve. He didn't seem to notice anything other than the fact I was touching him.

"You could just be saying all this." I answered his syllable of a question. "I need to see it happen… at the party." I inched towards my goal, hoping he wouldn't get smart at the last moment and figure out this was what I was aiming for the whole time.

His eyebrows drooped in stern confusion for a moment… I could almost see the wheels and cogs in his head turning, oiled by alcohol to the point that they weren't turning correctly.

I was getting a little nervous until he spoke again.

"It'll be a hassle with the old man, but I'll find you a seat for it all…" He half-promised, maintaining the concentration-face of a schoolboy before changing back to his self-confident drooly face. "And then after…." He trailed off, stepping closer again, forgetting the facepalm I had just given him a few seconds ago.

"'After?'" I asked innocently. Playing stupid.

"You can leave that geezer for a little while and spend the night with me." There were so many things wrong with what he just said.

"... Right." I couldn't help but agree to that statement a little stiffly.

And, again, showing no sense of discipline or training, he leaned his chain-decorated face down to mine. His arm that wasn't propped against the door behind me suddenly found my waist.

I didn't hesitate.

"We can't do anything right now." I tried to sound cute and gentle, but the fact that when my hand pulled his away from my waist I heard a few of his knuckles crack, kind of ruined the 'sweet rejection' façade. I pulled him away from wall by the recently cracked hand, fixing the whole cornering thing he had going.

He didn't seem to really mind the way I was blowing him off right now though, not when I said something so completely gross I hated every syllable of it:

"But I promise you'll have fun tomorrow night."

He gave me one hell of a perverted look, his eyes wandering over me.

My hand grabbed his shoulder a little tightly, I didn't waste any time in turning him away from me and towards the front door of the room. But that didn't stop him from trying anything else.

"Wait. You sure we can't have some fun right no-"

It all happened so fast.

Hiroki tried to turn around, to talk me into whatever fun he had in mind.

I kept pushing him towards the door, trying to think of something to say to turn down his invitation.

But it all came to a halt when I suddenly saw Hiroki hit the ground, flying backwards a little, completely knocked out. I almost didn't see the fist pull back from that somewhat powerful punch.

I turned around quickly.

Kakashi just stood there as if he had been standing there the whole time.

Even though I definitely wasn't adverse to the thought of punching Hiroki square in the face like that, and had entertained the idea myself a few times, I was still quick to get confused by Kakashi's actions.

"Why'd you do that?" I asked bluntly up to him.

"Not even a 'thank you'?" He asked down to me a little sarcastically as he walked passed me to Hiroki.

"You knocked him out." I stated the obvious a little harshly, making it more of a demand for his reasoning than a strament.

Kakashi knelt down to the blonde lackey, picking up his arm, not showing much regret for his actions.

"He can't go back to the boss remembering meeting you." Kakashi suddenly sounded serious again as he started pulling the drooling Hiroki, who has now lost all control of his salivary glands, across the floor.

"Why not? He was going to let us in on the deal." I pointed out to him, feeling a little put off that Kakashi just waltzed into my plan and cut it short like that.

"Yes, he was..." He agreed gently before using a pointed voice to finish his sentence, "But you'd have to keep your promise, too." Everything kind of went quiet for a moment as Kakashi pulled Hiroki rather carelessly through the doorway, hitting the blonde head against the jamb. "I've known men like him for years. He wasn't going to wait until tomorrow night to get what he wants." I followed him into the futon room, feeling like he was lecturing me.

"He shouldn't remember anything tomorrow morning." He said lastly, giving Hiroki's arm one last forceful tug onto a futon that had already been prepared by the roomkeepers.

This way, it looked like Hiroki had drunkenly staggered into the room and decided to pass out on the first futon he saw.

Kakashi, stepping around the lackey-filled futon, showing no more interest in anything in the room, walked back to the doorway. I followed after him again.

"I could've taken care of it if he tried anything." I reasoned at him finally, feeling a little insulted. I was glaring at the back of his silver head, feeling more like a student by the second.

"I know that." He agreed shortly. "I didn't punch him to protect you." He explained plainly as he walked back through the middle room, I didn't see his face, but I swear he must've had his 'serious' face at that moment. It was always the face he had whenever he understated something, to make it sound unimportant or professional.

I immediately figured out why he had punched him and wasted no time in pointing it out.

"So… " I edged onto my sentence as Kakashi opened a linen cupboard, looking for something. "You did it 'cause you were jealous." I said bluntly, hoping to see an embarrassed Kakashi come up with some sort of other excuse for punching the drunk drooler in the other room.

"That's half of it." He said simply, closing the cupboard and moving onto the one next to it. I stumble a little at his sudden agreement to my accusation. I still couldn't see his face, but I had no idea what expression he would've had saying that.

He just admitted to acting out of jealousy…

Usually guys freak out and deny their jealousy to hide their childishness. I thought back to Naruto whenever he'd punch Sai for calling me ugly or something and then swearing it was only because Sai was 'being stupid'.

… In a way, Kakashi's complete acceptance of his childish side almost made him more of an adult than any other adult I knew.

"Then what was the other half of it?" I finally asked as I recovered from that weird thought process just now.

He turned around, completely unashamed and offered a single sentence as an answer:

"Because hearing you two make those kind of arrangements, however fake they were, pissed me off a little." He wore a smile, using his gentlemanly charm for that blunt sentence.

I stared at him in silence unsure of how to handle that until he turned around, he reached into the cupboard searching for something.

_Wait…_

My brain suddenly worked through the reason he just gave me.

"That's still considered jealousy, you know." I pointed out his false logic just before a soft white fabric plopped on top of my head, covering my face.

"I know." I heard his simple voice admit that just as I felt a soft source of pressure against the fabric that was covering my lips.

I reached up to whatever he had just dropped on my head. The fabric was coarse, but warm. A towel.

I suddenly felt grateful, I was getting tired of being cold and wet.

I pulled the towel off my head. For a moment I swore he was correcting his posture, like he had just leaned over a few seconds ago.

It finally hit me.

He had just kissed me through the towel.

And I had been too slow to realize that a few seconds ago.

...

_That..._

_That was kind of..._

_Kind of really... _

_Cute._

Against my better judgement, I suddenly felt my stomach bubble happily for a moment as I wiped my face with the warm material of the towel, looking at him as he towel-dried his hair a little roughly.

…

How could he be so annoying, so responsible, and so romantic in one day?

…

"Let's get back to the party." He interrupted my staring when he turned back to me as he was still brushing the towel up and down his arms and chest.

"Uh, yeah…" I agreed weakly as I hurriedly wrapped the towel around me, having forgotten to dry myself while hypnotized by him. I could see him almost smirk in the corner of my eye. I decided to ignore it and move on into conversation.

"We've been gone a long time, they're probably wondering why it's taking so long." After only a moment silence that passed after I said that I suddenly remembered our excuse for leaving the party ('to take a bath' as Kakashi-Kyousuke had said so suggestively)…

My comment now seemed more than a little inappropriate.

"Uh-well…" I stammered a little, feeling like a little kid again despite the progress I made in this department of our relationship just minutes ago.

I only heard his laugh for a few seconds as he started walking out of the room.

I followed after him once again, adding to the 'little kid' feeling.

But just as I was a foot from catching up to him, his hand suddenly took mine, pulling me out the door behind him.

My stomach bubbled again as I couldn't help a laugh of my own.

_Even though this relationship could get weird and crazy sometimes... I loved moments like these._  
_The small reminders of why I feel like this, of why we're together._

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

He pulled her across the threshold, her hand warm in his.

She laughed warmly.

He smiled to himself.

Tonight had been a strange ride, they both acted out and tested some boundaries, but he knew that the real struggles of this mission weren't going to start until the following night.

Some part of him kind of looked forward to it.

But he didn't know that things wouldn't go according to plan after the red-dressed mob-mistress turned the corner, about to go search her lover's toothbrush bag for more money but instead spotting Kyouske and Hanako Satake walking hand-in-hand out of her room.  
And that things would definitely get unpredictable when this woman decided to have her own fun with this situation.

…... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

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**Next chapter will be out sooner than this one!**

**Can't wait to share what's in store with you guys!**


	49. Fiancés and Futons: Part 1

**Chapter 49!**

**Title:** _'Fiancés and Futons: Part One'_

**Note:**** Making a video for you guys, and when I say 'for you guys' I mean that it'll literally be a video with KakaSaku or just plain Kakashi pictures with the usernames of anybody who's favorited Growing Pangs or ever reviewed (even the ones without an account!) So if you want your name in the video, then if you review this chapter I'll add you to the list!**

**Oh and, for any reason, you don't want your username mentioned, then please message me (or review if you don't have an account) and tell me not to include you. I won't take offense or anything, I guess unless you deliberately say it's because you didn't like the story in the first place… then that might hurt a little. :**

**But anyways, that's enough from me.**

**I uploaded two chapters this time since I didn't want to stop too soon and have you guys waiting at a stupid ending.**

**Enjoy the chapters!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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"And the fiancés return!" Momoshita bellowed loudly as Kakashi and I barely made it back to the room, the door was open and successfully filling the hallway with the incoherent shouts and cheering, as well as off-key singing, of the drunken lackeys inside.

Kakashi/Kyousuke nodded appreciatively at Momoshita's welcome while I was still having troubling keeping my towel snugly covering my legs since one of my hands was still held captive Kakashi's. I had tried to tug it away, out of instinct, when we walked up to the door, but he just held on tighter.

I didn't really mind.

No one in the room, beside Momoshita, seemed to care about our return. I imagine Naruto would've, and probably wouldn't have liked the title 'fiances' or the fact Kakashi/Kyousuke and I were holding hands, but he was already passed out on the floor, Sai sitting next to him a little protectively looking up at all the ruckus.

Kakashi's hand pulled me through the doorway a little slowly. I wanted to sigh. I really didn't want to deal with this party again.

And as if the Universe answered my prayers I heard the stocky mob-boss speak up again:

"Now, I know I promised to order a second round for your return, Kyousuke-kun, but I'm afraid I don't think my men or myself can withstand much more excitement." With those words he flicked a few straightened fingers at the lackeys, they seemed to understand what that meant despite the fact they were all red-nosed with alcohol consumption. "But, if you don't mind, we'll be taking the leftovers with us."

"It's no trouble, sir." 'Kyousuke' smiled behind his towel-mask with almost naive charm, addressing the yakuza with respect I had only ever heard Kakashi pay to the Third Hokage. The lackeys shuffled around the small table, picking up plates and bottles.

I took a double take as I realized that they were taking the spiked sake with them… was that really okay? What if they kept drinking it?

"And Hiroki hasn't returned either." The mob-boss continued as he curiously scanned the group of staggering and slumping men who were now lumbering towards the door, hands full. I swallowed a little nervously. As if in reaction to that man's name, Kakashi's hand let go of mine and before I was untouched for more than a moment I felt that hand brush along my back and hinge over my shoulder gently. He pulled me against his side a little tightly. I hadn't noticed until right now that he wasn't wearing a robe or anything. He had walked out here in nothing but his boxers, a hand-towel mask, and a body towel draped over his shoulders widely.

_For a man that doesn't like bragging, he doesn't really exercise a lot of modesty._

My bare shoulder and arm pressed against the side of his equally bare chest.

I immediately felt rather embarrassed, I ducked my head as I felt my face threaten to change color.

This wasn't really anything new, but it was still weird for him to be even a little affectionate like this in front of other people, let alone when we were both dressed (or 'undressed', rather) like this. The mob-boss didn't even notice… but for a moment I swore I saw Sai staring at me a little strangely.

I was snapped from that weird moment when 'Kyousuke' spoke up, his side vibrating against my arm with every syllable.

"I believe we saw him wander into a room." Kakashi added with a helpful tone, wary enough to not even let slip the fact that he knew it was _Momo's_ room. I kind of liked the way he said 'we'.

The stocky man laughed with some disturbing version of jolliness, "That boy was always a stupid-drunk. He's probably passed out in a stranger's bed by now."

Kakashi laughed a little, too. He shook against me with each chuckle. I could tell it was a fake laugh right away, but Momo seemed convinced.

"Well, Kyosuke-kun, I'll see you tomorrow at the dining party." The aging yakuza took a few steps towards the door with those words, closing the secretly tense conversation pleasantly.

"Of course." Kakashi said just as politely as before, taking a few steps himself, forcing me to, too.

And with that the gangster briskly clapped his hands once, getting the attention of even the drunkest of his men. "To your rooms boys." He ordered them lastly, shooting one last glance back to Kyousuke and I, wearing a friendly smile that I could tell was fake.

It was only a few seconds before we were alone in the room, besides the out-cold Naruto and silent Sai, and the hallway went quiet.

"Well, that went better than expected." Kakashi graded the aftermath of this somewhat crazy night rather lightly after a moment of awkward silence, breaking the mission-mood.

I had no idea what he had been expecting, but it sure didn't feel like things ended up going to any sort of plan to me. Then again Kakashi's plans weren't really tailored for anyone else but him.

"How's he doing?" Kakashi's arm slinked from around my shoulder, his fingers brushing down my arm as he let me go to walk over to our other two teammates. I hadn't realized how cold the air was before.

I tried to ignore the slight disappointment of having to drop the 'fiance' act for right now…

… I would never tell him that I didn't completely hate his plan, ever.

"He consumed too much alcohol." Sai stated the obvious as I walked up, too.

There was a moment's pause.

Even though it hard to read Sai's expressions sometimes, I could totally tell when his eyes scanned over Kakashi and I, focusing on the towels and the lack of clothing, that he was probably wondering if we _had_ taken a bath.

I was about to speak up and explain that we had to break into Momo's room through the hot spring, but Kakashi spoke up before I could, probably aiming to take charge of the explanations like the team-captain he was.

I waited for the long story.

"We weren't able to find any physical evidence. But we did learn more about the deal from 'Hiroki'." Kakashi finished shortly before moving on.

_Huh?_

"I see." Sai responded, full understanding in his voice.

Both of them moved on, looking towards Naruto, leaving me there to stare into space.

Only a moment passed before my mind caught up with that moment.

_Sai KNEW?_

I nearly yelled it out loud as I watched Kakashi walk away farther from me, like he really didn't do anything wrong, approaching the snoring Naruto.

_You could tell him what the plan was, but you couldn't take a moment to explain everything to ME?_

My mind flashed to this afternoon, when he had advised I slept.

He didn't _want_ to tell me the big plan, did he?

It probably would've been boring for him if I already knew what to expect from him.

_So he just let me writhe in confusion when he told Sai, and probably Naruto, everything!_

I shot him a contained glare that I hoped he could sense.

He just chuckled for a moment as Naruto snorted something in his sleep.

My posture slumped a little at the realization that he really didn't care about the fact that I just discovered his evil plan behind his… evil plan… yeah…

"Yeah, he really helped himself. He'll be out till morning." He graded for a moment, obviously knowing more about alcohol-induced stupors than me or Sai. "But that should be fine. It's about time we all turned in, anyways."

_Wait, what?  
_I forgot my irritation with that.

"There's nothing else to do?" I asked as Kakashi pulled one of Naruto's limp arms over his shoulder.

"Not until tomorrow night."

He walked out ahead of me and Sai, carrying Naruto well enough, but not exercising much care.

I followed after him much like before, confused and eager for answers.

"What are our parts for the dining party?" Sai spoke up before I could. But his question was actually really important, too.

We walked down the hallway quickly, I felt a little self-conscious for not wearing slippers, but I was more focused on keeping the towel up.

_I would still have to be Hanako tomorrow night and act like his fiancée again… which isn't bad… but there had to be something else I had to do. Something useful to this mission.  
Tonight, I felt more like a pet that Kakashi decided to bring with him to work or something._

Kakashi spoke up with an answer after he tugged Naruto's arm further over his shoulder for more support.

"I'm afraid I can't share all the details now, Sai. But there isn't much to prepare for if that's what you're worried about."

I was actually more worried about what was going to happen between now and tomorrow night. And something told me I probably wouldn't get a chance to 'prepare' for whatever he had planned.

Then again… if he wasn't even telling Sai about this plan, then he wasn't planning on keeping anything from me on purpose this time, right?

The door to Naruto and Sai's room slid open a little quickly. Kakashi went through first, silently dragging Naruto towards the farthest room from the door which had the two futons. The doorways were really wide so I could still see the most of that futon-room. I noticed that the beddings were separated as much as they could be, each at an opposite corner of the room, I could imagine Naruto's whining orders at Sai to keep his distance while dragging the futons apart.

I was about to catch up to Kakashi-sensei, willing to help him -not because I was trying to be particularly nice, but I was mostly impatient to get back to our room so I could have a talk with him about what happened today and what's going to happen tomorrow- but something stopped me.

"Sakura-chan." Sai called my name just as I lifted my foot to take a step. He usually wouldn't use honorifics for me… I guess he's been reading more about girls lately, and how they prefer some sort of respect, too. It was a little refreshing.

"Yes?" I turned back to him, ready to use a polite smile, answer whatever question he had and go ahead and help Kakashi anyways… but he wasn't going to ask I a question. And it certainly wouldn't be anything I could take care of in a few seconds.

…

"I think I know what's going on with you and Kakashi-san."

…

I froze.

My mind went blank for a moment.

I really wasn't sure if I heard him right.

But even after running his words through my in several times within that second, I still knew exactly what he meant.

Wasn't today just a normal, carefree, day?… Sure, there had been a few comical ups and downs… but today wasn't supposed to be a day that this would happen. Today wasn't supposed to be _the_ day, right?

If I had heard what Sai just said right… and he really knew what was going on… then….

I collected my thoughts quickly after they only momentarily travelled the possibilities of what would happen to us if our secret had finally been discovered by the wrong person.  
Feeling like I was suddenly forced on a battlefield even though there wasn't any hostility right now, I still had the instinct to fight whatever suspicions Sai had.

"… There's nothing between me and Kakashi-sensei." I made sure my voice was normal, innocent. I purposefully gave him a weird look, the look I probably would've given him if he had said that a few months ago.

"You're lying." He retorted simply with a sweet voice that didn't sound real.

He gave a little smile, probably his attempt at lightening the mood of this suddenly serious conversation that was too quiet for our team-captain to hear from the other side of the suite. I knew that smile, it's the exact same one he gave me when we had first signed into this onsen, after Kakashi labeled us as fiancés. It was the exact same smile he had when he told me about Asaka, saying he thought I'd want to know about the fact that the history between Kakashi-sensei and Asaka hadn't been completely professional.

He definitely knew something.

He's been figuring it out slowly this whole time.

I had thought he was too emotionally inept to ever figure this out.

My heartbeat quickened.

But I knew better than to admit anything _now_.

"Sai, I really don't kno-" I was about to deliver a standard 'playing-stupid' line before he cut me off, breaking a basic rule of etiquette that his books no doubt taught him before.

"You have feelings for him, don't you?"

He sounded so certain, so confident in that fact.

I shut up for a moment, expecting the rest of that accusation 'and you two are in some sort of secret relationship.'…

… but it never came.

He just looked at me, as if he had nothing else to say… like that was really all he knew.

I unclenched my jaw, feeling a little less tense suddenly.

I searched his blank expression for a quiet moment longer, I could hear Naruto's snoring get louder as Kakashi flipped him over onto the covers, but I wasn't distracted… Sai really didn't have anything else to say.  
That was all he knew!

I could feel the vice that had been squeezing my heart and stomach begin to ease a little.

I blinked, fighting back the conflicting feelings of relief and fear.

"Um-I…" I stuttered for a moment, still trying to figure out what to say. But Sai broke that etiquette rule again.

"I think it's interesting." He said quietly, snapping me out of my stuttering. "So, I'll help you if you want."

Now I was actually really confused.

_Interesting?_

_Help?_

"What?" I blurted out a little loudly, I glanced back to our team-captain who had just closed the futon-room door behind him, still too far away to hear the incredibly low volume of this conversation.

Even before I looked back to him, Sai was already answering my abrupt question.

"You want him to return your feelings, right?" He asked rhetorically. "I'll help."

I just stood there, looking at him as he kept his eyes on Kakashi now, completely and utterly shocked by his words.

He thought this… my feelings for Kakashi… were _interesting_?

He was going to try and _help_ me?

Help me get him to like me back?

I mean… it's not I needed help, I really didn't… but Sai, the most objective rule-follower I knew, was actually offering aide and compassion with my _emotions_, and was willing to set up a terribly taboo couple because he found it _interesting?_

Sai could be surprising sometimes.

But this was shocking.

Before more than a few seconds passed I remembered I was still a part of this incredibly strange discussion.

"That… would be… nice…." I tip-toed around my words lightly. "But…" I added, still feeling like just admitting my own feelings could somehow get both of us in trouble. "…I think it would be best for me to forget my feelings and move on." I added quickly, ending this talk, just before Kakashi walked into hearing distance, feeling a little like a traitor for saying something like that.

A conversation had never seemed to go by so slow and so fast at the same time.

I still wanted a few words with Sai, to somehow convince him to forget all this and believe that I really didn't have any special feelings towards Kakashi, but I also wanted out of the exchange as soon as possible so I didn't mess anything up and somehow confess to what was _really_ happening.

"… oh." I heard Sai's response just as Kakashi walked up to us, completely oblivious to the words that had just been exchanged.

I tried not to seem as outwardly disturbed and confused as I was feeling inwardly right now. I nearly jumped when Kakashi spoke up, not used to the loudness of normal voices again yet.

"Make sure he doesn't lie on his back the whole night, Sai. Wake him up in a few hours and have him drink some water." He advised with teacher-ly concern while I was still in something of a daze, already trying to go back to the room.

"Understood." Sai nodded at the order, walking past Kakashi without giving me another glance.

"Now I suggest we all get some sleep." Kakashi announced loud enough for Sai to hear, too, who was already halfway over to Naruto.

I felt a hand gently wrap around the bottom of my wrist, familiar fingers gripping onto the inside of my hand lightly. He walked towards the door, while I was still kind of busy staring into space.

He tugged me by the hand through the door, like he's done more than a few times tonight.

Now that Sai was out of my sight when we starting walking down the hallway in silence, my brain finally wrapped around Kakashi's seemingly harmless words.

_Sleep?_

I was reminded of what he had warned me of this afternoon:

'_You won't be getting a lot of sleep tonight…'_

Before I could even think of anything that would keep me from sleeping tonight we were already walking into the familiar darkness of our room.

"Ka-" I started, not sure if I was going to ask what else he had planned, or to tell him about the deeply disturbing conversation I just had. But I didn't have to decide.

"Get your futon ready, there should be robes prepared next to them." He ordered just as innocently as before. I was little taken-aback by the fact he was still in teacher-mode right now. "I'll set mine up, too. We have a lot to prepare for tomorrow." He finished, keeping up his responsible-voice flawlessly as he closed the door behind me gently.

What?

I followed him a little absent-mindedly into our own futon-room, quickly forgetting Sai and focusing more on the situation at hand when I indeed saw two futons on the floor, set apart at an appropriate distance.

Why would a Couples Suite have two futons?

Maybe he specially ordered it like that?

… It would be kind of an awkward situation if we did only have one futon to sleep in and Naruto or Sai found ou-

My mind went blank again with the thought of Sai.

'_I'll help you if you want…'_

I scrubbed it from my mind as I wandered over to my own futon, grabbing the yukata-like robe in the darkness a little quickly. I really needed to get that off of my mind.

I'd avoided disaster just then… Sai really only thinks I have some sort of one-sided crush on Kakashi-sensei. That only meant that I wasn't as good of an actor as Kakashi was, which I always knew… but it didn't prove anything wrong was going on.

So there's nothing to worry about.

_Nothing to worry about._  
I repeated in my mind firmly.

_I just have to worry about Sai when Kakashi and I are together in front of him._

I don't have to tear out my hair about it now… not when I was suffering from a certain disappointed confusion when I looked over to Kakashi again, who forgoed the robe-option, but had actually put on some sweatpants when I wasn't looking, and was now flipping open the covers of his own futon.

I followed his lead. Looking away from him, tying the front of my robe and slipping underneath the blankets quietly, making only the slightest noises that interrupted this somewhat awkward silence… feeling like something was off.

_What had I been expecting?_

_This is what's supposed to happen._

_This is the responsible thing to do._

_Separating ourselves._

_And…  
I had already pushed things too far in that closet, and jeopardized the mission a little… I can't expect him to trust me after that._

_He's probably trying to set up some sort of distance here so that we can still act professionally tomorrow._

I tugged at the covers a little, trying to warm up.

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**Onto the next chapter!**


	50. Fiancés and Futons: Part 2

**Chapter 50!**

**Title:**_ 'Fiancés and Futons: Part Two'_

**Note:**

**Okay, here's PART TWO!**

[copy and paste from last chapter] Making a video for you guys, and when I say 'for you guys' I mean that it'll literally be a video with KakaSaku or just plain Kakashi pictures with the usernames of anybody who's favorited Growing Pangs or ever reviewed (even the ones without an account!) So if you want your name in the video, then if you review this chapter I'll add you to the list!

**But that aside, isn't so weird that we're here at Chapter 50! **

**It seems like such a trip.**

**And I thank you all for sticking through with all the craziness, God knows that this story sent me through a loop or two just writing it. **

**Just curious, if you're planning on reviewing and you don't know what to say, do you guys think you could leave a little story about how you found Growing Pangs, or maybe an interesting fact about what it's like to read it, or anything really.  
I would definitely enjoy reading your guy's personal accounts. **

**:D **

**Anyways, please enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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_What had I been expecting?_

_This is what's supposed to happen._

_This is the responsible thing to do._

_Separating ourselves._

_And…  
I had already pushed things too far in that closet, and jeopardized the mission a little… I can't expect him to trust me after that._

_He's probably trying to set up some sort of distance here so that we can still act professionally tomorrow._

I tugged at the covers a little, trying to warm up.

My hair was still damp and uncomfortable against the cold pillow.

I sniffled a little.

"Did you catch a cold?" His voice broke the previous silence a little loudly even though his tone was soft. I was about to turn around and face his futon, ready to answer him back even with the several feet between us, but I didn't have to when I suddenly felt my covers rustle a little behind me. A new source of warmth was heating up the cold comforter.  
I smiled a little too happily.  
_I guess the two futons were really just for show, weren't they_? "You should know better than to go to bed with wet hair." He added quickly before I could react, his voice sounded like he was still sitting up, watching over me.

I felt his familiar hand sweep over the strands of my hair, his fingers combing through them a little.

I immediately sat up so that I could talk to him face to face. I was about to make eye contact with him, only catching a glimpse of his unmasked face, before a warm coarse material fell on top of my head for the second time tonight.

I was blind for a few seconds before I pulled the towel back over my shoulders, already reaching out to him.

I let my right hand reach up to the top of his equally damp head and land with a little weight.

"What about you?" I spoke up for the first time since we got here, I let my hand pivot on the spot, my fingers mixing up his surprisingly soft hair. Dark silver strands fell over his face messily.

I couldn't help a little laugh.

He smiled.

His arms rose up quickly, his hands grabbing onto the ends of the towel around the back of my neck.

He pulled a little briskly, making me lean forward, my hands leaving his now messy hair to quickly find the covers in front of him for support.

My smile disappeared when I noticed our faces were only inches away, his smile only widened.

A moment passed.

There were no other sounds that the water trickling outside, the insects out the veranda, and our almost inaudible breathing. I could only see by the moonlight that poured in through the pearly paper doors behind me. It was enough to see his face smiling at me like that.

I leaned in, actually getting a little impatient.  
But he only backed away farther, his hands on the towel lifting it up so it spanned over my head. He started rustling the towel over my head a little carelessly, I cringed at the sudden movement, raising my shoulders, fearing the knots that this was going to put in my hair.

He chuckled a little.

I'd had enough of him laughing at me for today.  
I grabbed his hands with a little more force than was necessary. I took control of one side of the towel, draping what I could over to his head quickly, brushing the towel over his own hair even harder than he was mine. But his hands still hadn't let go of the towel either, so I ended up creating a sort of tent over our heads.

It suddenly smelt like water and forests again, the air as warm as it had been in that closet.

I kept brushing the towel in my hands over his hair with a childish whim of revenge, I shut my eyes tight when his hands picked up speed too for a moment. But then he stopped altogether, ignoring the game I was still playing. His hands suddenly slid to the back of my head, letting go of the towel, his fingers now braiding through my hair. Before I could react, or even stop attacking his own hair, his lips were on mine. The towel, lacking the double-sided pulling from before, was now hugging the sides of our faces. My hands stopped immediately, but still gripped onto the towel a little tightly.

I had been waiting for this longer than I realized.

It felt like we'd been through so much today, but we still hadn't kissed like this in hours.

We broke apart before I wanted to.

We didn't say anything for a moment. Just looked at each other under that towel, in our own world I guess.  
After a few seconds he slid the towel off his head and draped it back over mine. He let his hands rest on my head for a moment before gently brushing the material over my hair. Back and forth, side to side, gently. I absentmindedly stared at the tattoo on his left bicep for a few seconds as his arm moved up and down. My eyes travelled to his scars for a few more seconds. I kind of wanted to reach out to him, just to feel his arms or chest or something, but I just sat there, smiling like an idiot, staring at him as he dried my hair for me. He was only looking at his hands in content concentration. I loved how warm his hands were even through the slightly chilled towel, I loved the way he was actually paying a lot of attention to how comfortably he could do this.

I felt a little selfish, though.

I looked around for where he got the towel. I immediately saw another one folded up behind him, on the tatami mat. I quickly leaned over, forcing him to stop for a moment as I was suddenly only inches away from him again. I grabbed the towel hurriedly, leaning back to how I was before, unfolding it. It was only a couple seconds before I placed the fabric on his head and started copying his exact same movements from before. I noticed rather quickly that his hair was actually only a few inches shorter than mine. I voiced my discovery just as his hands found the towel on my head again.

"You have really long hair." I almost laughed.

"You only noticed now?" He asked, smiling at me and my efforts at drying his hair as if I was a kid or something. Or maybe that's just how his smile made me feel. It was the same kind of look he'd give us whenever we did something to make him proud or happy.

"Well, it looks different when it's dry." I added a little defensively.

"I could go around with my hair straight like yours." He offered.

"No. I like it the way it's always been." I complimented him, nostalgia in my voice.

I lifted the towel off of his head, checking if it was drier, I was a little disappointed to see that it was. I pushed the towel back to hang over his shoulders as he was still drying my own, slower, hair. Even though his hair was a lot drier than before, I let my fingers brush through the strands, smoothing them back and out of his face. He closed his eyes for a moment, his hands pausing, I guess he liked the way it felt. I managed to slick back all the strands perfectly. I almost forgot for a moment that this was how he had his hair at the Masquerade all that time ago, under his mask. I hadn't actually seen it like this though, till now. I wondered whether I should tell him to do his hair like this every so often… it really showed off how handsome he was… but then again, no one else would be able to appreciate it like I can since he's always wearing that mask.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I barely noticed when he pulled the towel off my head and half-heartedly folded it, tossing it onto the floor beside the comforter.

He turned back to me, his hands taking mine (that had been resting on his shoulders), and leaning down… He only kissed me for a few seconds, but it was just as amazing as any kiss with him.

He leaned away, his right hand still holding mine.

He lay back a little quickly, lowering his head to the pillow tiredly.

I was still sitting up, just looking at him -his chest, his face, the way the light hit his skin-, forgetting myself.

He closed his eyes, but it wasn't like he was planning on sleeping, it was more like he was simply enjoying the moment.

This quiet, peaceful moment in the dim light, where we were alone and unafraid of interruption or discovery.

This moment definitely made up for all the craziness I'd been through today.

I was suddenly begrudgingly grateful for Kakashi's plan to label us as fiancés, otherwise we might not have gotten this room together. I might be trying to fight off Naruto or politely ignoring Sai… so I was glad we got this room together, even if we had to lie about a real lie we were keeping…

With that strange thought my mind flashed back to the conversation I had with Kakashi when we first got to this room and I had been demanding answers.

"_Why did you do that?… You could've said I was a cousin, or a friend, or a niece…"_

"_But you're not my cousin… you're more than a friend… and we'd have bigger problems than room arrangements if you were my niece…"_

"_But I'm not your fiancée, either…" I had responded a little harshly._

_There had been a long moment of silence, and when I looked back at Kakashi-sensei, he had the strangest look._

_After I tried asking him what _that_ meant, he only told me not to "worry about the small things…"_

"Kakashi…" I leaned down to him for some attention. Trying to ignore how much I just wanted to carry on that quiet moment from before.

"Yes?" He answered back, his eyes still closed.

I shuffled on the spot for a moment, wondering if I should changed the subject before I was actually talking about what I was about to talk about anyways.

"About our conversation before… when we just got into the room…. The whole 'fiance' thing." He smiled to himself a little proudly at the mention of his plan. I would've been annoyed any other time by that smirk, but I ignored it. "When I said I wasn't your fiancée and then you… just looked…" I clarified seriously, still being a little vague. "What exactly… did you…?" I trailed off, knowing he could guess what I was asking even if I wasn't so sure.

He finally opened his eyes.  
He must've understood that this was a little important.

He stared at me for a few moments, as if he was trying to read my expression. And even though this was kind of a serious topic, he never lost that almost smug smile.

"Don't worry…" He spoke up casually, resting his left hand under his head, his right still holding mine, "I wouldn't ask you such a heavy question…"

_Question?  
__Like… a propo-_

I stopped myself from even thinking that. He carried on, unknowing of the fact my heart was beating twice as fast just then.

"Talk of that kind of commitment is too much for how our lives are right now…" He reasoned logically._ I guess since we're at different levels as shinobi right now, and the fact that we can't get a lot of time with each other, it wouldn't make much sense_, I added mentally. "Besides, it's definitely not possible for at least another two years." His smile widened as if he was telling a little joke, but the way his voice actually got a little quiet, and his hand tightened around mine, told me he didn't really think it was funny.  
I had almost forgotten how young I was for a second.

"Right…" I agreed a little coldly, slowly lowering myself down to the comforter, still trying to accept the fact that we were really talking about this.

_Why did I actually feel a little disappointed?_

"But that doesn't mean it's not something I've thought about…" He spoke up from beside me, as if he was adding that as only an afterthought.

My heart sped up again.

"Really?" It took everything I had not to stutter just then. I stared up at the ceiling, my eyes dry because I forgot to blink.

"You sound so surprised…" He graded my internal reaction, even though I tried so hard to hide it, as he turned over to me, leaning on his elbow, looking down at me.

I could tell he wanted some sort of explanation.

_What did he expect?_

_How could I not be surprised with what he just said?_

_Did he really think that I thought I was anywhere near good enough to have him as a_… my brain forgot that word as if it was a self-defense mechanism to stop myself from freaking out.

Even after I resurfaced from those thoughts, he was still quietly waiting for my answer.

I put words together the best I could.

"I just thought that you'd-"

"That I had some sort of secret agenda to leave you?" He finished my sentence, looking down at me like I made a childish mistake with that thought.  
He was right, but it's not like I thought he was thinking about leaving me now. I just thought that sometime in the future he'd move on like he has from any other relationship he's had. I decided to offer the other reason why I was 'so surprised'.

"That, someday, you'd meet someone… more like you." I answered vaguely. He only shifted on the spot silently, forcing me with the silence to explain what I meant. I couldn't look him in the face; I let my eyes fix themselves on the ceiling as I resigned myself to actually wording these embarrassing worries I've had since this all started. "That you'll be happier when you'll meet someone more… mature, older, faster, smarter, pretti-"

"I'll stop you there before you say something really stupid." He leaned over, his right hand planting itself beside the left side of my face.

That actually shut me up for a moment as I had no choice but to look him in the eye. He was stretched over me, looking down directly at me, his face kind of close.  
I actually felt a little intimidated by the way he was hovering over me like this.

I really couldn't believe that he didn't recognize the difference in leagues between us.

"Bu-" I started up, trying to defend my point, but instead was shut up again, not by his stare but what he said next.

"There's no one else, Sakura."

His voice was stronger when he said that. I was caught off guard… I had no idea what to say, especially not when my heart was pounding in my ears like this. I didn't have to think of anything to say after he managed to catch my eye-contact again.

"Out of all my previous relationships, even though this one may be the hardest one I've ever had to fight for, If I can keep you I wouldn't regret anything." He wouldn't stop looking into my eyes… How could he not be so embarrassed saying this stuff, when I was just having a hard time not blushing when he was saying to me?

The way he said that just now. It was like he was completely unafraid of anything that could go wrong., all the things that could happen and separate us so easily.

I decided to speak up.

"I'd do anything to stay with you, too. But if anyone ever fin-" I sat up, breaking that hovering-moment of his, just to get the strength of my point across.

He leaned away before I was done. He was still looking into my eyes.

"Someday they will." He said a lot more carelessly than I was comfortable with as he leaned down onto his back again, apparently comfortable. "Hopefully it won't be for a few years… but even if its tomorrow or the day after or this very moment, that wouldn't change anything." He stated in a rather complacent tone… as if it was the most natural thing to say. It almost sounded like a lesson he was trying to lecture me about. As if this was some sort of solid fact that I had to learn and he had to teach.

"You'd get in trouble." I inched closer, almost hovering over him now, making my voice a little louder, trying to make this sound as scary as it felt to me even though he didn't seem that disturbed.

His hand closed around my left arm, which had been anchoring me up and supporting my weight, I couldn't keep balance when he pulled my arm across his chest, making me fall onto him. I let out a weak grunt with the impact, he didn't even react, his left arm only fell onto my back gently.

"Yes." He agreed shortly, it was hard to focus on just how blunt he was when I felt his hand brush up and down my back like this, "I'd lose my credibility as a teacher and wouldn't be issued another female student again, if they even let me keep that position." I had to agree with that, not a lot of people would understand how a student-teacher relationship could've turned into this without it being the teacher's fault, "People would gossip and spread rumors. Your parents wouldn't be too happy with me either." I cringed at the mention of mom and dad right now. ", Tsunade would probably crush me till there was nothing left." His stab at humor didn't really affect me since I was actually scared for a moment at the thought of what Lady Tsunade would do if she found out about this. "… and I wouldn't care." His voice in that moment woke me up from those what-ifs. "When people find out, I won't care what happens to me. I've had my time in the spotlight of the village, I've been successful and well-liked. I've taught genins that will surpass me as jounins." I would've smiled at that if I wasn't so proud of his strength that I thought it was impossible for it to be true. "I've already lived through the future I dreamed about as a young man… But you, Sakura, you're still making a name for yourself. You're talented, more so than many others … if people were to find out too soon..." He trailed off like he didn't want to talk about the changes in the possibilities of my future if the others lost their trust in me over this.

I knew what he said should've hit me, should've made me feel more scared for myself than him, like he wanted me to.  
But it was that one sentence that still bothered me more.

… _and I wouldn't care._

"You should." I said without much thought about myself. "Care." I added after a few moments. I let my hand trace along the fresh scars on his chest, the ones left behind by the ANBU mission not long ago, feeling a little perturbed actually.

"I know." He agreed casually after a few seconds. I could hear the grin.

"You should care more about yourself instead of worrying about me." I added, making my voice stronger.

"I know." He repeated, with the same exact tone. It was like he was ignoring me.

"You can be really annoying sometimes." I looked up at him, lifting my head off his chest.

"I know."

That was it.  
Even though that was really annoying just now, I couldn't help the urge to kiss him.  
_That's probably weird…_

I leaned up to him the best I could, but he still had to crane his neck downwards before I could kiss him. I lifted myself up so that we could keep the kiss as long as we wanted but just as I managed to pull myself forward I ended up slipping a little. The kiss broke as my face was suddenly pressed against his neck. He laughed at my clumsiness for only a moment. I was about to get my balance back and stop his chuckling with something of a forceful kiss, but I noticed something.

"Ah." I announced my discovery lightly, expressing only a fraction of my shock.

"What?" He asked, a smile in his voice.

I picked my hand up from his chest and brought it to the side of his neck just below his ear.  
His hand tightened around my waist as if he was trying to get my attention again, I cringed at the ticklish sensation of that for a moment. I ran my fingers along his neck lightly.

"There's a mark." I answered a little lately. I couldn't bring myself to say 'kiss' mark, though.

A moment passed. He sighed, lacking the seriousness of his real sighs.

"… I thought there would be." He admitted lightly.

"Did I… Did I really?" I asked, mesmerized by it.

"Who else could've done that?" He spoke up a little loudly, pointing out how useless that question had been. I didn't care, I was still mesmerized. I know I had kissed him a little strangely in that closet… but I didn't expect this! Kakashi-sensei's given me a kiss-mark before, but I… never, ever, thought about doing that to him. But I actually kind of liked th-

"Sakura." He called my name after I probably spent too long thinking.

"S-Sorry." I stuttered, not really thinking of anything else to say about that. I felt like I shouldn't have left thaa mark. I mean, it would be hidden by his mask when he went out in public… but it felt like I had claimed him, which should've made me feel guilty, but I was actually a little… proud?

He laughed at my apology, his chest shaking under my arm.

"There's nothing to apologize for." He reassured me lightly. I almost felt a little better, until he decided –like always- to turn this into something more beneficial for him. "But if you really feel the need to say sorry, then I could repay the favor."

"Wha-?" I was about to sit up and look at him, but I was interrupted.

I felt the hand that had been on mine a few seconds ago suddenly reach up to my neck. His barely-roughened fingers grazing my skin before they tightened around the collar of my robe. I felt the fabric slide downward and over my shoulder, exposing it to the cold air suddenly, but before I could react to the cold, I reacted to the suddenly warm spot on my shoulder, shivering slightly. His lips moved along the length of my shoulder, all the way to the tip and then back to the corner of my neck, as if he was searching for the right spot. My eyes closed a little tightly when his lips suddenly parted against my skin.

I felt so stupid just laying there, letting him do that, staying still. But it wasn't like it was completely annoying.

My grip on his shoulder tightened when I felt his tongue brush along the now slightly sore spot on my neck.

After only a few more seconds, his lips left me, his fingers that had pulled the robe over my shoulder were now tracing along the raw circle of my skin he had just created.

"There, done." He announced lightly.

He sounded like he just completed a work of art or something, and I was the canvas.

"Was that really necessary?" I asked, trying to control my breathing as I lifted myself up so I could give him an annoyed look.

"Very." He smiled proudly and I suddenly wasn't annoyed at all.

And just like before, I felt the need to kiss him.

This time I didn't slip.

I let my elbows fall on either side of his head, my hands grabbing his hair half-heartedly. His hands slid down to the small of my back, pulling me closer as he brushed them up to my shoulder blades and then down again.  
Feeling a little restless now I let my tongue brush his lips, he followed my lead a little unwillingly, like he didn't think this was the best idea, I didn't really pay attention. I lowered myself little bit more, my slightly exposed chest pressing against his.

He pushed me away before I could deepen the kiss any further.

That was probably for the best. Things were getting a little… heated.

I fell onto my back again, breathing a little deeply.

It wasn't a minute of this silence before his arm reached out, sliding under my shoulders and pulling me closer. I let my head rest on top of his chest.

"We should get some sleep… I told them to wake us up early." He said quietly, his voice louder in his chest.

_Wake up us early?_

_Like a wake-up call?_

I suddenly remembered this afternoon, when we first walked into this place, after we had signed in and Kakashi dropped the 'fiance'-bomb.

The lady's clipboard. She scribbled something about a wake-up call that I didn't really understand.

"What's a 'by-door wake-up call'?" I asked randomly, breaking up another peaceful, quiet, moment.

His hand on my back shifted a little.

"Where'd you hear something like that?" He asked me that question that I had only heard parents ask their kids after they came home shouting swear words they heard at school.

"The receptionist wrote it on our check-in paper." I answered despite feeling like a kid for a moment.

He laughed, almost too loudly.

I shh-ed him hurriedly, lifting my head off his chest to look him in the eye.

Laughing wasn't bad, and wasn't a tell-tale that we were sleeping in the same futon to the two boys in the next room… but Kakashi rarely laughed like this around other people… it would probably seem a little weird that he would laugh so genuinely when we were alone in the room.

I gave him a glare that only took him a few seconds to notice.  
He straightened up and controlled his laughter, clearing his throat.

"It means they're going to wait outside the door for a few minutes after they knock, before coming in." he explained casually.

"Why would they-?" I began asking before my brain started working again. "Oh! They think we'll be-!"

"Quiet down." He was the one who shh-ed me now, gently interrupting my moment of flustered panic.

I calmed myself down quickly, trying to get passed the whole 'they'll think would be… engaged inappropriately' thought.

He pushed me back down gently, my head resting against his chest again. His hand pressed against the side of my ear, closing out any other sound than his laughter and then his steady heartbeat.

I couldn't think about anything else in the world now.

I put my hand on his, hoping he wouldn't move it from that spot for a moment longer. He took a deep breath, his chest lifting my head a few inches before he exhaled slowly. I smiled.

"This is perfect." I broke the silence, again. Just wanting to tell him just how much I loved being here with him. How much I loved everything about this moment.

"I know."

His hand brushing through my hair slowly, hypnotically.

I closed my eyes, wrapping my arm across his waist, holding onto him tighter, smiling like an idiot again.

… … …

I watched as golden light washed over the room slowly.

I had woken up a few minutes ago, but I still had no intention of moving to get up.

I was laying on my right side, Kakashi only a foot away laying on his left. His arm resting on the curve of my waist lazily. I noticed that his hair was completely dry, a little messy, but still exactly like it always was. I guess he really didn't style his hair like that.

…

It was strange that I woke up before Kakashi-sensei, but I definitely wasn't going to wake him up. Not when I could just lay here, looking at him sleep next to me, taking in the feeling that this was... perfect.

I hadn't moved an inch from when I had woken up., I was far too determined to keep this moment as long as possible.

But it wasn't long before I couldn't help but reach out. Being able to stare at this man next to me was a,azing, but I kind of wanted more.

I let my hand fall on his arm gently, barely putting any weight in my touch.  
His arm felt even firmer than I remembered.  
I brushed my hand up the length of his bicep, sweeping my touch over his shoulder. I would've reached for his face if I could've, but I settled for letting my hand follow the hard, downward curve of his waist. I curved around to his stomach, my fingers following the grooves of his abs and then back up to his muscles. I felt his heartbeat through his chest for a few seconds, steady and deep, I let my hand brush along his skin a little loving the way it felt. My fingers trailed along his scars again.

I loved the way I could do something like this without feeling embarrassed or nervous. Then again, he was asleep.  
But it was still strange knowing that even if he was awake, I could do this…

As if the Universe heard my thoughts and wanted to play with me, I suddenly heard his voice.

"Having fun?"

I snatched my hand away from him quickly, feeling the embarrassment sink in now.

"Uh-" I didn't have an answer. If I said 'yes' then I'd just be weird.

"Sleep-harassment is a punishable offence, you know." He opened his eyes, lifting his head up to rest on his hand now.

"Come on, that was-" I was about to jab at his weak definition of 'sleep-harassement' before he stopped me.

"Fine, I'll overlook it," He interrupted me, using that phrase he'd use whenever he found one of us breaking a rule and didn't want to tell anyone, "If you repay the favor." He repeated his words from last night with a playful tone, sounding as innocent as I knew he wasn't.

"Eh?" I asked stupidly after his words sank in.

Without any sort of hesitation, his hand suddenly brushed along my arm just as lightly as I had touched his. His hand curved onto my shoulder just like I'd done to him, but his hand was bigger in comparison to my shoulder as mine was to his, so it was like he actually doing more. But I couldn't care about that now, as his hand was pulling at the loose knot keeping my robe together until the fabric hung loose over me. His hand slid underneath the fabric and started trailing down my waist, making me flinch and him smile. I wished that I had just ran my hands through his hair or something earlier. His hand swept around to the front of my stomach, sliding upwards like I had done to him. I suddenly remembered what I did after that.

"Kakashi…" I warned him a little firmly as his hand only crept further upwards slowly.

"Yes?" He answered back with an innocent smile, definitely enjoying this.

His fingers slowed, brushing the fabric of my bra. His hand lightened its touch as it travelled up the concave center of my chest, careful not to touch anything else.

I felt my heart get weaker as the beating got stronger.

I had to close my eyes.

Then, before I was so sure what was going to happen next, his hand was gone. I almost opened my eyes before I heard his voice.  
"You're so cute."  
Even though that was a little annoying, being called 'cute' out of all times, I couldn't bring myself to mind when his lips met mine.

And just before I was really starting to enjoy this moment more than I thought I would, it suddenly stopped.

His lips left mine as he suddenly flipped the covers off of him, sighing with a slightly aggravated tone.

"Looks like our by-door-wake-up call is about to be wasted." He said casually as he stood up from the floor, walking away from me backwards.

"What?"

And right on cue I could heard a faint thudding noise, something like socked feet hitting the matted floor of the hallway outside at a really fast pace. And then that muffled yell definitely clued me in. "Kakashi-senseeeEEEI!"

The door burst open before Naruto was done with that suffix, letting us hear the full volume of his yelling at the last moment. The door made a big _thwak_ sound, I was afraid it would rip apart even though it wasn't made of paper.

Naruto ran into the room, dressed in the same kind of robes I was in all night (until just now when Kakashi took the liberty of undoing them for me) as well as the same type Kakashi was now placing an improved mask on his face as he kicked the covers of his own unused futon around, messing them up.  
Right now, it really looked like I had slept over here, messily, and Kakashi had just woken up from over there. The only evidence was perhaps the two towels that were lazily folded up beside my comforter.

Naruto burst into this room, panting.

I suddenly wondered where Sai was, hoping he was still in his room or something… otherwise he would be giving me weird looks right now about the fact I slept in the same room as Kakashi.

"Don't yell. There are other guests here." Kakashi lectured shortly, he actually sounded a little annoyed.

I guess he wanted the morning to last longer for us, too.

"You!" Naruto started up again, his volume only a little restrained. "Last night! You did something!" He half-yelled, I suddenly remembered Naruto's reaction to Kakashi's over-affectionate display at the party.

Naruto had almost blown our cover because of Kakashi's act.

I looked over to Kakashi who was now fixing up the futon that he had messed up only a minute ago.

"What are you talking about?" He asked with a clueless voice.

Naruto staggered on the spot a little.

"I don't know!" He announced after a moment. "I just remember being reeeeally pissed off at you!" He sounded like a little kid.

"Maybe that was a dream." Kakashi offered as he walked over to where I was still sitting, tying up my robes as quickly as possible.

"No, I had a good dream. I saved the snails from the pork!" He announced proudly.

A moment of awkward silence passed as we digested that.

"Sakura can you go give him another look, make sure he isn't suffer any serious neurological damage." Kakashi started up, ignoring Naruto now.

_Serious neurological damage?_

"That's a possibility?" I asked loudly, almost yelling up at him.

"G'mornin', Sakura-chyan!" Naruto seemed to notice me now.

"Morning." I said politely before turning back to Kakashi who was staring at the both of us as if he suddenly wasn't a part of any conversation.

"Hey, hey, hey, Sakura-chan!" He practically hopped over to me before I could stand up, stepping onto my conforter. "Did Kakashi-sensei do anything perveted? You can tell me. I'll deal with him."

I looked up at Kakashi who was suddenly interested in this conversation.

I gave him a distinct look that Naruto probably couldn't read in the spare moment I gave it. Having too much fun, I was basically saying 'Do you want me to tell him about what you just did?'.

I heard him clear his throat before his voice came back into the conversation, moving on from that strangely appropriate, inappropriate, question of Naruto's.

"An overdose of Takoa when the body isn't prepared for it can be a little dangerous. Even a weak mixture like the one I made can lead to serious problems if not handled well." He explained like a professional. "Naruto, go get Sai."

Naruto's posture suddenly slumped as his face contorted into a comical grimace. I guess him and Sai didn't have a good night. "That weirdo…" Naruto mumbled under his breath as he walked out of the room quickly, or a little slowly if you consider that it's Naruto.

I turned back to Kakashi who was currently walking away, the towels folded up in his arms. I scrambled to my feet, finding balance after a few seconds.

"Why would you do something dangerous like that?" I followed after him as he turned to walk out of the room, too.

"I trust you." He said simply, complimenting my skills as a medic-nin far too much.

That softened my seriousness a little.

"Well, if anyone asks why Naruto lost ten IQ points, I'll let them know you're responsible." I joked half-heartedly leaning against the doorway as he walked into the third room with all of our luggage. I noticed as he placed his bag on the table, starting to go through it, taking out some clothes.

"You're leaving?" I asked up, a little alarmed.

"I have to get an early start. When I get back I'll tell you guys what to do. Until then just lay low." He was team-captain again right now.

"Where are you going?"

"Out." He answered like a teenager, the team-captain was gone in a flash.

"You're setting something horrible up aren't you?" I asked, trying not to smile as I said it.

"I hope so." He answered as he grabbed the pants and shirts, knowing full-well by now that my 'horrible' was his 'fun'. I was about to turn to leave so that he could dress, but he just started undoing the knot in the front of his robe that he had just tied a few minutes ago, it fell to the floor. And in less than twenty-four hours, he was only in his boxers again.

He slid on the pants quickly.

I just stood there, not actually interested in the fact he was getting dressed, just the fact that we were just so comfortable at this point that he didn't care. Then again, after last night, when we had to break into Momoshita's room wearing less, it was hard to be shy about this stuff.

He grabbed the undershirt, sliding it on, placing the turtleneck part over his face as if it was a second nature.

I checked the main door for our room, it was closed. I guess Naruto had some sort of etiquette, closing the door behind him.

I took a few steps into the room, walking up to Kakashi just as he put on his over-shirt.

I didn't know why I came over here, but I ended up hugging him without thinking about it.

His arms closed around me.

Before the moment could go uninterrupted much longer I heard a loud crashing sound next door. I guess Naruto was getting into a fight with Sai.

I let go of him.

"I'll be back by the afternoon. Keep an eye on the boys." He ordered as he tied a piece of cloth around his head like he would tie a forehead protector, making those two sound like toddlers or something.

He looked down at me for a moment, smiling under that mask.

I didn't say anything.

"Ittekimasu." He said simply, like he was joking about the way he sounded like he was about to go to work, leaving the kids behind or something. Before I could give him a 'are-you-serious' look, he leaned down. His lips landed on mine for only a nanosecond. He laughed at his own joke when he saw that I just stood there, a little dumbfounded that he just gave me a stereotypical 'goodbye-peck' that married couples always do after the husband ties his tie and says 'ittekimasu' like he just did.

He turned towards the door, still chuckling.

Like always, I loved his laugh, but not when it was over me… like it usually was.

I quickly knelt down and grabbed the robe he had on a few seconds ago. I balled it up quickly.

He opened the recently abused door, about to walk through it, but a big ball of fabric hit the back of his head with a _whoosh_ sound.

I was the one laughing now.

He only looked back at me, shaking his head, laughing too.

He started to close the door behind him.

I suddenly felt a fraction of something like loneliness, as if I was missing him already.

Against my better judgment I played along at the last second, wanting as much of his attention I could get before he was gone.

"Itterashai." I almost whispered.

The door paused for a moment. I could see him smile.  
It was one of those real, bright, smiles he'd only show every once in a while.

I suddenly wanted to kiss him again, but the door closed gently and the game was over.

**… ... ... ... ... ... ...**

"Itterashai."

He looked back at her.

She was looking at him as if she wanted to follow him, as if she wanted to just grab onto him and pull him back into that room. It was incredibly cute.

His heart raced again, picking up speed like it had been doing frequently last night and earlier this morning.

It took a lot more strength than he thought he had to keep himself from walking back through that door and call the mission off.  
At least he had the fun set up tonight to look forward to.

Right?

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Just in case you only watch dubbed anime, or aren't really well-versed in Japanese greetings and byes, here's the definition for the whole Ittekimasu-Itterashai exchange:

_**ittekimasu** and **itterashai** is an extremely common exchange at home when a family_  
_member or spouse leaves. The person leaving says **ittekimasu** and the person(s) staying_  
_reply with **itterashai**._

_Ittekimasu literally mean 'I'll leave and come back.'_

_Itterashai means something along the lines as 'Take care.'_

…

**Anyways, hope you enjoyed the fluff of these two chapters, but the real battle's about to start!…**


	51. Schedules and Schemes: Part 1

**Chapter 51!**

**Title:** '_Schedules and Schemes' Part: 1_

**Note: **

**OKAY.**

**So this chapter turned out to be a MONSTER…. So it is now split up into 3 Chapters.  
That's right, not 2, but 3. Hopefully you guys are in the mood to read!**

**Oh, and:**

**Thank you LowRAAAN for your very kind reviews… and for sticking up to my senpai (whom I am deep friends with in real life, actually) and her twi-analogies. She jokes around a lot but I think she likes the story…. I think… I _think_…**

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"Hey, Sakura-chan! Did you hear me?" Naruto rushed into my vision, interrupting a moment of deep thought.

It had only been less than a minute since Kakashi walked out that door, smiling, and I had succumbed to playing along with his little game, whispering 'itterashai'.  
Something told me that if we were still in some kind of tournament, he'd be winning again…. But it didn't feel like that anymore. After last night, everything seemed to just click together, like we were both back on the same track again, giving up the games and just enjoying… each other.

I had almost smiled to myself at that thought as I had tucked the spare clothes that Kakashi left in a little pile next to his luggage back into his bag, recognizing his age-worn shirt with elbow-lengthed sleeves that I had always liked on him… but that moment was interrupted by the professional Interrupter, who had exercised his trademark talent earlier this morning, too.

"What?" I asked up, snapped out of my daze, quickly pushing Kakashi's luggage away from me like by simply being seen next to his belongings might send some sort of wrong message.

"What'd Kakashi-sensei want Sai for?" Naruto asked up again, slightly confused as to why he had to repeat himself, his voice went a little sour when he hit Sai's name.

"Oh –um…"  
I couldn't answer that.

_What _had_ he wanted Sai for?  
_My brain answered that for me.  
_He probably just wanted some excuse to get Naruto out of the room.  
_But it was around this moment that I had wished Kakashi had thought of some other excuse.

"Good morning, Sakura-chan." Sai spoke up with _his_ smile, his eyes closed.

Naruto gave him a weird look when Sai said '-chan'… it was a little strange for him to use such a familiar suffix, but it didn't feel only a 'little strange' to me just now as I suddenly felt really self-conscious about how close I was to Kakashi's luggage. As if just standing next to something that belonged to Kakashi was a tip-off or something.  
But besides that, the way he was addressing me so casually… it was like he thought we were closer than before… like he somehow thought that his discovery of my feelings for Kakashi-sensei made us-  
"Morning, Sai." I answered back quickly before letting myself think about that awkwardness too much. "Naruto, Kakashi-sensei wanted me to ta-"

"How did you sleep last night?" Sai interrupted me. It was like he was trying to carry something of a small-talk conversation or something while I was already trying to move on.  
I paused for a moment, giving him a weird look which was at first mirrored by Naruto, but it wasn't more than a few seconds before Naruto converted over to the conversation.  
"Yeah! How'd it go?" He asked eagerly taking a few steps toward me.

"How'd what-"

"Sleeping in the same room as Kakashi-san." Sai answered my unfinished question. His smile hadn't weakened.

I was suddenly very aware of the fact that these two boys were asking me the same question with two very different motives.

Naruto was feeling something like jealousy probably, and Sai… Sai was just looking at my face.  
I suddenly felt like he was studying me. It was kind of creepy.  
"Nothi-" I was about to finish the conversation but Naruto, the great Interrupter, stepped in.

"He didn't do anything pervy, right Sakura-chyan!" Naruto repeated his question from only ten minutes ago with unrestrained vigor. "Right? RIGHT?" He almost yelled after another moment, sensing my hesitation like it meant he was right.

Well, he was kind of right, but I was mostly hesitating because I really wasn't used to Naruto asking whether Kakashi-sensei had been 'pervy' or not.

Maybe Sai was filling Naruto's head with these questions.

"Of course no-" I picked up my voice in reaction to Naruto's… but I was interrupted, _again_.

"Cause he could've said something weird or he could've peeked at you when you were sleeping or something like that!" Naruto warned me, aggravated panic in his voice. The fact that he brought up sleep-harrassment was a little unnerving… then again, _I _was the one who had apparently harassed _him_. I pushed that thought out of my brain before I could spend a moment longer on that weirdness.

"What if he -"

"What are you talking about?" I nearly yelled, finally taking control of this interrogation. My open hand seemed to levitate towards the back of Naruto's head without thinking, giving a tough pat. He cringed in a little pain. "You're talking about Kakashi-sensei!" I reminded him, trying to make that sound like a reasonable argument against any 'perviness' (it was a tough argument to pull since I was basically lying right now.) My eyes found Sai for a moment, trying to judge his expression… still that smile…

"Yeah, but!" Naruto spoke up loudly, flinching like I might hit him before he finished, I forgot to do that. "But he said you were his fiancé! And I'm sure he did something reeeeeallly weird at the party! Then he got to sleep in your room, too!" He made it sound like a privilege or something.  
I sighed, my eyebrow twitching.

"It's only the mission." I reassured firmly. "We all have to pretend to be people we're not on this mission! You even got yourself drunk last night and passed out! Who knows what your brain's been through! It's probably mush by now!" I pointed the conversation back at him.

He suddenly planted both of his hands on the sides of his head, fear hitting his face with an ugly stick.  
He didn't seem to care about Kakashi-sensei as much anymore, but more about his brain.

"Now, I have to give you a look, so stay still and don't say anything." I ordered him, getting everything back on track, feeling a little smug about it.

"Bu-But!" He started up again. "Kakashi's been really wei-"  
I stopped him, as I was already reaching my palms up to Naruto's head, trying to focus attention on my chakra flow and not on what expression Sai would be giving me right now.

"I'm sure he's got everything planned out appropriately." I answered Naruto's panicked whining with a business-like tone, mostly trying to console myself with that sentence than Naruto

…. .. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"Excuse me, can you please show me your most inappropriate dresses?" He calmly asked the squeamish shop girl with a charm-filled, masked smile. The girl had to take a moment to think about that weird request before finally blinking and reciting that helpful phrase:

"Just this way, sir."

She turned around, and started walking through the store, aisles of coat-racks with dozens of formal dresses lined up on each one. The ceiling windows let in just enough early-afternoon daylight to light up even the darkest corners of the warehouse-like store.

It had taken him a little under an hour getting to this place, but he knew the way, after all he had just been here yesterday. His mind flashed back to the white 'dress' that he had gotten for the evening before, not easily forgetting how much of that girl's figure had shown through it as well as how much leg. He redirected his thoughts back to where he was walking before he could let himself fall into a daydream.

He noticed, just like yesterday, that the farther they wandered into the store the less fabric the dresses were made of.

"Here is the more… mature side of our collection, sir." The employee said softly before bowing deeply and wandering off, a little pink-faced.

He had to control a conniving smile at the dozens of options in front of him. He never liked shopping for formal clothes, but he guessed this was alright.

He stood there for a good couple minutes, holding his chin in his hand contemplatively, judging each of the dresses by the color, imagining them with her skin tone. He always like the way brighter colors made her skin seem a little pink. He judged how short the dresses were.  
He knew it couldn't be anywhere near as short as the one she wore last night… this was supposed to be a 'respectable' dinner party… that was being thrown by one of the more powerful yakuza in the country.  
But she still had to be eye-catching… not just for himself, either.

He stood there, judging, for a few more seconds before he heard a voice.

"Oh, is that you Kyousuke-kun?" He immediately dropped all of his thoughts, focusing entirely on who that female voice could belong to. "Are you here looking for a gift for your fiancée?" The woman continued the sweet tone her voice a little too sweet.

But he remembered it from somewhere.

She was the owner of the female voice he had heard from inside that closet last night, only now her voice wasn't muffled and wasn't cracking childish insults.

He turned around slightly just in time to see the owner of the voice peek around to try and catch his eye.

She was a young woman in her early twenties, she was attractive in her own way, the kind of woman that would be attractive to trophy-women-seeking yakuza.

He recognized her face now, having seen her somewhere in Momoshita's crowd, he got the impression that she was the mob-boss's mistress. And from the fact she had giant shopping bags stuffed with expensive trinkets, he could tell his impression had been right.

A little disturbed by the fact that the mission had followed him this far and interrupted his scheming just now, he played along, adopting his 'Kyousuke' persona again.

"Yes." He answered with a polite smile as the mistress walked around to face him, the light from the window above her hitting her yellow day-dress brightly. "I think I might be spoiling her, but she deserves it." He admitted, smiling not only as an act but at the irony of what he just said.

Sakura definitely wouldn't consider this to be 'spoiling'.

"I'm kind of jealous." The mistress started as she looked to the aisles of dresses for a moment. "To think little Hanako-chan has such a doting fiancé, and one that's so handsome, too." She complimented him a little too much.  
Her flattering tone wasn't new to him, but he pretended not to notice. He also decided to overlook the way she called Sakura '_little_ Hanako-chan'.

She smiled at him when their eyes met again.

"Handsome?" He edged, playing his character's fumbling humble nature up as he raised a hand to his face, which was still covered by his mask.

"It's not hard to guess." She said with a cutesy tone. He could already tell she was only acting. She was hiding something.

_And just when I thought things were going to go smoothly._

"Ah…" he answered her compliment neutrally, losing interest in this conversation and suddenly wishing that things could be as simple as they were this morning. He turned back to the dresses ready to make a quick decision in order to leave quickly.

"Do you want me to help you, Kyousuke-kun?"

He turned back to her, instantly regretting it.

"Pick out a dress for Hanako-chan?" The woman elaborated sweetly.

He really wanted to say no… but he could tell from a mile away that this woman had ulterior motives for this conversation, even if he wanted to grab a random dress and walk out now, it would be dangerous to leave this loose end here.

"Yes, thank you." He accepted with a charming, fake smile.

… … … … … … … … … … … . …

I poked the egg that was resting lazily over my rice with limited interest, paying only a fraction of it any attention and even less to the conversation between Sai and Naruto right now.

Not that they weren't interesting, the fact that Naruto wasn't yelling and was actually talking to the boy he called 'weirdo' this morning to vindictively was interesting in enough itself. And it wasn't like I wasn't starving, cause I was. But I found my attention scattered because… of this weird feeling.

This familiar feeling.

Like something was resting on the back of my neck.

I knew nothing was there, Naruto and Sai, who were sitting opposite from me at this little dining table, would've told me if someone was standing there or something… but… the feeling still wouldn't go away.

That all-too-familiar feeling of being stared at from afar.

I absent-mindedly poked the egg again, it bounced back jauntily. Naruto was nearly shouting, "It was like THIS BIG." He motioned with his hands largely, swinging them around.

"I highly doubt a Koi fish could get that big." Sai retorted with a polite tone.

"But I saw it!" Naruto argued as I tuned out of the conversation again.

The feeling had grown stronger.

Someone was definitely looking at us.  
Or me.

I shuffled in my seat for a spare moment, fighting back the urge to turn around.

Maybe it was nobody. Maybe it was some little kid who was eating with his parents across the dining hall at a bigger table. Maybe it was an old person who was looking over here remembering their younger days or somebody who was staring at Naruto and his wild story-telling habits with annoyance.

But there was something about this feeling that couldn't be explained so simply.

Intent.

This feeling, it wasn't just staring.

In training we learn to strengthen our senses, even the ones nobody can seem to explain, like how we can tell when we're being stared at. And with additional training we can even learn to recognize the nature of that stare.

And this one was an intense one, one that belonged to a person who was fixed on doing something.

Someone who must've known us.

_Who could belong to this stare?_

I thought through the possibilities but my mind seemed to stop at the first guess when I suddenly remembered who had had a staring problem last night, too.

Hir-

"Hey, kids." That scratchy voice invaded my thoughts and Naruto's ranting from behind me. I would've jumped if I hadn't figured out who it was before that man decided to speak up.

I didn't like the way he said 'kids'… like he knew we were all just teenagers… and the fact that he would still include _me_ as a kid after he had hit on me so diligently last night was a little disturbing.

... but then again… he should've forgotten about our 'agreement' last night because of the Takoa root and Kakashi's punch.

So I guess I didn't have to worry about that…

"Ah, Hiroki-san." Sai spoke up first, politely, looking up at the man standing behind me. Naruto just stared at the space above and behind me dumbly, showing the confusion we shared blatantly.

I decided to just look at my food. To ignore him or something.

"Hanako-chan."

My chopstick slipped and poked the egg too hard, the yolk broke, flooding the sticky rice.

I really didn't want to respond to that name or to that man.

Even though he's forgotten about what we had talked about last night in Momoshita's room, I just _didn't want to talk to him_.  
He kind of creeped me out.

Kind of _really_.

"I'm going to go get some more food." I spoke up, standing up suddenly, grabbing my tray which was adorned with different bowls of untouched side-dishes and dipping sauces. I hadn't eaten anything so it probably seemed kind of stupid saying that I was leaving for more food.

But I hoped I could get out of there anyways.

"Ah!" Naruto called after me, hesitating like he forgot my fake name already. But I was already walking away at a faster speed than was probably necessary.

I knew I should've handled that better. I knew that if Kakashi-sensei was in this position he probably would've been all smiles and started up a conversation even if he was creeped out, and would've done anything to keep his cover.  
But it wasn't like my decision to run away from the situation actually worked.  
"Excuse me." I heard that textured voice behind me politely depart from my two teammates as I heard his widely paced footfalls follow after me.

His manners in that moment surprised me.

It sounded out of character to me.

I thought he was just some ego-pumped thug who acted tough and always spoke slang and would never sau 'excuse me'.  
I couldn't pay attention to that momentary observation when I heard the footsteps still following me to the little buffet table decorated with all the comped breakfast food.

"Hanako-chan. I wanted a word with you." He called after me. The same misleading manners from before.

Even his voice sounded different. Kinder.

Last night he was so rough and boastful, like he could talk to anybody with a superior tone and it wasn't rude, like he really thought he was better than everyone and could say what he wanted when he wanted.

For a second I wondered whether I should turn around to look at him or not.  
It would be childish to ignore him… especially after he asked so nicely to open up a conversation.  
My expression cringed in a small grimace for a nanosecond before I made myself turn around, the tray still in my hands. I let my face go neutral, showing no interest or care for whatever he wanted to say, hopefully sending him the message that I really didn't want to talk to him.  
But it was suddenly hard to keep my poker face on when I let my eyes fall on him.  
_What happened to the man from last night?_  
_What happened to the messy-haired man with a stubbly chin and dark-circled eyes?_  
_What happened to the man that would stand with his hands stuffed in his pockets, his center of gravity below his waist, and wear a superior, smug look on his face every second without fail?_  
_Why was this clean-shaven, straight-postured man with neatly slicked back hair and surprisingly bright blue eyes standing in front me?_

This was kind of weird.

Did he get a makeover overnight?

I thought people were supposed to look worse the morning after passing out drunk… especially when he hadn't so much as passed out but punched out…  
I barely got over the slight shock of his arguably attractive appearance before stoning my face over, expecting the same type of vulgar voice and words I had suffered from him last night.  
Even if he was all primped and polished he was still the same scummy yakuza guy from before inside, right?

"I wanted to apologize for my actions last night." He spoke up after the moment of awkward silence between the two of us had passed. I could feel Naruto and Sai staring at me staring at this man, who I had just noticed replaced that golden chain that had been hanging along the side of his face to a normal stud earring and nose-ring.

"What?" I asked aloud, not only responding to that out of place apology but to the entire situation.

What the heck is going on?...

"I can only remember some of what I did and said last night. It's a little embarrassing to admit, but whenever I'm around the other guys I always try to keep up appearances." He admitted with an apologetic, and embarrassed tone.

'_Embarassing'?_

_Did this man, the man that was so set on portraying his manly power last night really just say he was embarrassed about the way he was acting?_

He carried on his apology before I could quite catch up to him.

"And I've never been able to hold my liquor very well. I'm told I always act like an idiot after a few drinks and I think I might've made you uncomfortable while I wasn't really myself." He trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck humbly, giving a pained smile.

_God._

_What is going on?_

_How can a man with such a definite, scary character just go 180 overnight and become the really well-mannered, modest man-boy I'm looking at right now!_

_It has to be fake!_

_This has to be some sort of act!_

_But why would he need to act this way?_

_He said he can't remember what happened last night, just the fact that he was being a complete jerk. And if he did remember anything he probably would've just told his boss or something and then we wouldn't be having this conversation. Even if he wanted to take things into his own hands, there wouldn't be any upside to acting all boyish and nice right now when he could probably just get some of the other lackeys to start beating Naruto, Sai, and me up._

_So there really wasn't any upside to putting on an act._

_Then what the hell is this?  
Am I supposed to believe this is real?_

_What the hell is going on?_

I was pulled out of my increasingly confused and distrustful thoughts when I heard my fake name.

"Hanako-chan?"

Apparently I had been staring into space for too long, now Hiroki was looking down at me like he was worried that I wouldn't accept his apology or something.

"uh…" I couldn't really manage any words, I was still unsure of how to treat this situation. I didn't even know if this was real… maybe it was _my_ brain was playing tricks on me or something.

I glanced over to my other teammates who were still looking over here.

That thought combined with the sight of Naruto's confused face reminded me of something.

_Neurological damage!  
_I announced mentally with a tone of triumph

_Hiroki had been so drunk last night, off of the Takoa-root tainted sake… maybe… his personality… could it have been affected?_

_Or maybe he really had been a 'stupid-drunk' last night like Momoshita said Hiroki always was. _

_I mean, there was Rock Lee, one of the sweetest boys in the village who could turn into a violent tornado of fists after only a few drops of alcohol… so maybe it was tr-_

I couldn't think any further on that when he suddenly spoke up again.

"I do remember some of the things I said. I remember there was something about promising to let you attend the meeting with the Yomasa clan."

My posture stiffened for a moment.

_He remembered that?_  
That was the third biggest thing we _hadn't_ wanted him to remember. The second being Kakashi's punch, and the first being the fact that Hiroki had bumped into me in Momoshita's room, which would tip anybody off that I had broken in.

"I'd be willing to carry through with it and convince Momoshita to let you watch… but I'm not sure if you'd still want to attend…" his voice got softer as his slightly aged blue eyes looked away from mine, as if the 30-year-old man was ashamed of something enough not to look me in the face. "… since the reason why you wanted to go wasn't really…" he trailed off, leaving my thoughts to their own devices.

_OK… so he remembers that I wanted to see the deal go down.  
I wanted to because it'll seal the mission by giving us enough evidence to report them to the local law enforcement….  
But what was the reason I'd given him last night?  
_I racked my brain for a nanosecond before the answer clicked into place:  
_After I said I could only cheat on Kyousuke with powerful men, he was going to let me watch the deal so that I could see his 'power' in action._

I came back to reality with the thought that even though this man's character had changed from last night, I was still supposed to be Hanako: the somewhat slutty fiancé of Kyousuke with a fondness for power.

_Crap!  
_"Um… if it's alright with you, I'd still like to attend." I spoke up, feeling shy now. It was contagious. The way he was acting all cutesy and humble was starting to make me break character. I didn't want to be some sort of sleazy seductress now that he was so… sweet… I guess is the word.

He shifted on the spot, his hands sliding into his pockets as if it was a nervous habit.

"But, I'm afraid, our… agreement… before… I can't…" He trailed off, clearing his throat, trying to strengthen his voice to sound his age.  
My heart thudded uncomfortably when I remembered the 'agreement'. That after I saw his 'power' or whatever that we'd… that he and I would…  
"I wasn't thinking last night when I advanced onto you like that." He added after a moment of awkwardness. It was only a second before he suddenly spoke up again, a little flustered, "Not that you're not my type or anything. You really are. I think that's why I couldn't stop myself last night, but I-"

"It's fine." I spoke up, stopping that embarrassing rant. It was like he was suddenly scared that he'd insulted me by turning me down or something. "I wasn't really looked forward to it."

That last part slipped out kind of wrong.  
I immediately felt guilty for stepping on his ego like that when he freaked out about hurting mine.  
And then I immediately felt weird about worrying about this man's ego, which was so inflated last night that it smothered all reasonable thought.

"Not that you're not…" I spoke up again after some more awkwardness, mimicking the same beginning of his previous monologue just now.

I didn't really know if it was okay to say that he wasn't not my type. I mean… he was handsome… and he was really… nice… _right now_. But he is a lot older, then again I've kind of gotten used to 'older'…. But he looks a couple years _older_ than Kakashi…

_WAIT._

_None of that mattered!  
Who cares if he's not my type or not!_  
_Who cares if I'm his type!_

_He's the enemy! _

_I shouldn't be thinking about any of this!_

_I shouldn't be worried about hurting his FEELINGS!_

What the hell is this conversation about?

"So you would still like to attend the meeting?" His voice asked up, completely recovered from that strange moment just now.

I nodded after some thought.

"Hanako-chan…" He called my fake name, his voice quieter than before. He leaned in a few inches. I stayed as still as possible hoping he wouldn't get any closer or something.

"There's another reason why you want to go, isn't there?"

…

I couldn't think for a moment.

My hands tightened on the tray I was holding, about ready to smack it over his head if he actually knew more than I thought he had.

"There's something about you and Kyousuke that you two are hiding, isn't there?"

My heart started hammering.

There were definitely several things we had been hiding…  
But his voice… he asked that just now as if he was genuinely curious. As if the lives of my teammates and my own didn't rely on the answer I had to give him, but he was just interested for the answer.

_How did such a stupid little awkward conversation turn into this!_

I judged all the different things I could say, the lies. None of them seemed good enough. I couldn't think straight. This was so confusing.  
This man wasn't who I thought he was.  
I would've thought that a man like Hiroki wouldn't hesitate at the first suspicion to run to his Boss and rat on us. But here he is, asking me these questions as if he was only asking for himself!  
None of this made sense!

I didn't say anything. I only stared away from his face, my eyes locks on the blue dress shirt that he was wearing.

"Hanako-chan!" I heard Naruto call over to me suddenly, breaking up the tension of that moment. "We gotta get going!" He motioned wildly at the door, failing to exercise his indoor voice, disturbing the other breakfast eaters in the room.

His interrupting skills were sometimes God-sends.

Hiroki turned back to me.

He leaned in even closer, as if he was telling me a secret. I could smell his cologne, even though it smelled kind of really good it burned my nose. I wasn't used to synthetic scents like that… shinobi would never wear any of that stuff.

"I'd like to continue this conversation, Hanako-chan." He said softly. "Before the dining party, meet with me in the courtyard."

I looked up at him, letting the confusion finally paint my face.

"I'll be waiting so come whenever it's most convenient for you." He explained smoothly, as if he thought I was only confused about the 'when and where' meeting and not about everything else about this man.

I just stood there… and nodded.

A smile pulled at the corners of his lips as he leaned away.

"Until then." He said lastly as he started to walk away, his hands back in the pockets of his slacks…

…

I sighed out of a false relief after Hiroki walked away, happy to be out of that deeply confusing situation.  
I really did not understand that man.  
Whatever.  
I just have to worry about what the hell he wanted to talk about later.  
"Hanako!" Naruto ran over to me, yelling my name with an awkward pronunciation that would tip anybody off that it wasn't either my real name or Naruto had a speech impediment. But at least he was still sharp enough to use that name while Hiroki was only barely out of the door.

"What was that about!" Naruto asked loudly. "What did that scumbag want!"

"He… apologized. And he wants to talk later. I think he's catching onto Kyousuke and me." I started walking toward a different exit way that would lead us down a different wing than our rooms, but I didn't want to follow after Hiroki while talking like this.

"What?" Naruto reacted unabashedly as we were only a few feet from out of the dining hall.

"You're going to meet with him later to talk?" Sai stepped in, asking what I just stated as if he hadn't heard me right.

"Yeah…" I agreed slowly, feeling a little unsure about that answer. Walking through the exit way quickly.

"What if it's a trap!" Naruto yelled a little loudly acting as if simply talking about a mission should be urgent and loud even though this was an undercover job.  
I was about to turn around and tell him off about it, but Sai jumped in with more patience than me to say something even more important.

"The courtyard is in the middle of the entire establishment, if he tried anything or planned an ambush we'd be able to hear it from our rooms."  
He was right. It couldn't be a trap, otherwise he would've set up the meeting at some secret place or something.

Maybe he really did just want to talk…

"Well, what could he want to talk about!" Naruto asked the question just as soon as I had to think of it again.

"I have no idea." I answered the best I could as we turned the corner, walking quickly toward our rooms which were only a few corners away. "He's really different right now. I can't tell if it's an act or not, but it's like his entire personality changed." I explained further, the two boys behind me quiet in concentration. "I think the Takoa-root might've done something to him." I offered my logic.

"I suppose it's possible." Sai agreed hesitantly. "But besides that, Hiroki-san seemed rather eager to get your audience alone, Sakura-chan." He finished that rather strange sentence using my real name, too, adding to my uncomfortableness.  
It took a moment to think through what Sai was implying.  
"I-I don't think he's interested anymore… He was really awkward about the whole situation." I reasoned aloud.

"In one of my books I've read that a boy will act 'awkward' and uncomfortable when he's confronted by something about emotions or someone he has feelings for. Perhaps he had other motives for meeting you in private, too." Sai recited, inflecting 'awkward' as if it wasn't his own word and adding his own thoughts at the end. I really didn't like what he was trying to say.

"I don't think he has any 'feelings' for me." I responded with a tone of awkwardness, myself.

"I guess." Sai deflected the rest of the conversation.

Even if Hiroki-san had been more than a little… interested… last night, it's not like he actually had 'feelings' if anything he only felt 'lust' or something.  
Just thinking that creeped me out more than I wished it would've.

"I don't think you should go, anymore!" Naruto said urgently, as if he couldn't hold back his own opinion any longer.  
I gently ignored his suggestion, not planning on ignoring one of our only chances at understanding this increasingly-weirder mission.

"I think we should just try and figure out exactly who he is and why he changed so suddenly. I don't know if I can believe that he was just drunk the entire time last night, and even though his personality could've been altered by the takoa root, I doubt that's all the damage it would've done to him."

I looked over my shoulder to check their reactions so far.

Sai seemed lost in thought, like he was thinking about all the possibilities I had been thinking through ever since Hiroki started up that weird conversation, or possibly thinking thoughts that I didn't want to know.  
Naruto was just clutching the sides of his head again, as if he was suddenly scared that his brain would suddenly short-circuit, too and his personality would do a 180.

"But, if he only wanted to talk with you after sharing his suspicions about you and Kyousuke… then maybe he wants to share something useful about the mission…" Sai offered after a long moment.

"No... I don't think he'd turn on Momo-" My mind flashed to what drunk-Hiroki said last night… about wanting to overturn Momoshita. Maybe that part hadn't been a lie. Maybe even though his personality was different now, he still had his old ambitions?

… That's _if_ this wasn't his original personality to begin with.

… But maybe…

Maybe he wanted to use us to get back to Momoshita?

"Sakura?" Naruto used my real name now that nobody was around, it still made me nervous, though.

"I think I know what to do." I broke the flow of the conversation with that as I picked up my pace, seeing the door of my room only several feet away.

"What?" Naruto called after me, confusion in his voice.

I looked over my shoulder at the boys for a second.

"I can't tell you guys everything right now, sorry."

I reached out for my door the exact moment I heard Naruto speak up again, his voice a little whiny.

"You know, you're starting to act more and more like Kakashi-sensei..." Naruto graded skeptically as he and Sai walked passed me to their room, saying that sentence as if it was a bad thing.

I couldn't help but actually feel a little proud of that insult as I opened the door. A smile threatened my lips.

I walked back into my room, feeling a little exhausted actually, suddenly wondering what Kakashi was up to while I was making my very own plans right now.

… … … … … … … … … … … … …

"I think this one would look really good with her hair color." The mistress offered with a girly tone as she paraded around the aisle of mirrors swinging the dresses around like she was the one who would be wearing them."Or this one, it would look really cute." She picked up another one.

He just stood there, a few dresses haning over his arm, trying not to sigh out of tired frustration.  
He had really hoped that this woman would just pick something and let him leave. Or at least tell him what she's been hiding and get it over with.

"Do you want me to model for you?" She offered suddenly, still looking into the mirror admiring the bright blue dress in her hands.

He finally came back to reality, trying to keep his 'Kyousuke'-mask on.

"No, thank you." He let down her offer kindly. She turned around to face him, looking a little pouty like she really hadn't expected that answer.

"Why not?" She asked like a little kid who was just denied a fun toy they wanted.

This time he did sigh before talking.

"Hanako… isn't quite your size." He said slowly, but the fact he had to stop himself from saying 'yet' disturbed him deeply for a moment.

"You're right." The mistress nodded with understanding for a moment, smiling to herself s if he had just complimented her or something. He had to ignore how much this woman was starting to annoy him. "She is kind of small." She looked back into the mirror, admiring herself more than the dress.

That last sentence caught his attention.

His grip on the 'maybe-dresses' that hung over his arm tightened for a moment.

The mistress started to sift through a few more dresses, pulling at them and giving them a look.

Kakashi's mind wandered into the subject a little further.

Even though Sakura wasn't at all childish looking, and he'd definitely noticed the maturity in her figure, as well as just how adult her whole body seemed to have become when he hadn't been looking over the past four years… she still had at least a year or two before she could catch up to the mistress.

Even if she was practically grown already, he felt a pang of guilt for the fact he had drug that girl into this relationship before she had even _stopped_ _growing_,

…

But that didn't matter, he guessed.  
This was never about physicality… or about what she looked like. It was always just about _her._

…

And just as soon as his mind was eased by that singular thought that too-sweet voice interrupted his thoughts.

"You know, I kind of think that you're ill-suited with that girl."

…

He didn't say anything, but his inward annoyance doubled instantly.

"She really does seem so young." The woman started up again with a conversational tone, like she hadn't intended to strike a recently sore nerve of his. "Too young. I don't think she could appreciate a man like you." She finished with a flattering tone, as if the compliment she just gave him outshined everything else she said.

A moment of quiet passed between the two of them. The mistress only looked at the dresses as if they had both been quiet the whole time.

"I think I won't be needing your help anymore."  
His voice was almost too polite. He paid a small nod to the woman before laying the 'maybe-dresses' onto the nearest display table, keeping only one in his hand, and turning around to walk away as if the trophy-mistress had only been an advice-lending employee.

He'd rather buy a completely uninteresting dress than stand there and have no choice but to listen to this woman blabber about something she didn't understand.

…

"What if I need help?" She called after him, her voice sounding a little put-off, like she wasn't used to people walking away from her before she wanted them to.

"There are several employees who will help you." He answered over his shoulder nonchalantly, still walking away. But he would soon come to a stop after only a few more seconds when that woman's voice called out once more, this time no longer full of flattery or cutesy compliments.

"I wasn't talking about shopping."

He sighed. He knew something like this was going to come up. He was just hoping he could've left before she tried anything as stupid as this.

"Kyousuke-kun." She called his false name as he turned around to face her, already bored. "Do you know who I am?" She asked with a deeply arrogant tone.

"Someone probably planning something annoying." Kakashi answered as politely as he could let himself.

She shifted on the spot; that comment definitely rustling a few of her ego-feathers.

"I'm the mistress of Momoshita-sama. The man you've been trying to dupe." She announced haughtily, embarrassingly proud of her scandalous title. But he didn't care about her theatricality after hearing that last sentence.

He was surprised that a painfully shallow woman actually knew something he had managed to keep from everyone else. But he didn't give it much thought, just relying on his character to come up with a response.

"I have no intention of causing any sort of harm to Momoshita-san and his gang." He retorted politely, sounding a little insulted by her dead-right accustation. "They've been very kind and generous to me and Hanako." He said lastly, already turned to leave again, eager to get away and leave the conversation at that. But that woman definitely wasn't going to let this go as easily as he wanted her to.

"I saw you and your little fiancée sneak out of our room. I know you're spies from the Yomasa clan."

_Maybe she's not that smart, after all._  
He graded mentally after he spent only a spare moment regretting his lack of attention for any spectators last night. But he had learned long ago that even if a mission goes wrong and you made a mistake, there's no use focusing on the mistake after it was already over, you always had to focus on what the mission was at that moment and make everything reach it's original course.

And right now his mission was to find a way to shut the mistress up about what she thought she knew.

"What do you want?" His voice was completely monotonous as if he didn't care at all about the fact that he just dropped his 'Kyousuke' act. He didn't see any reason in beating around the bush now. So he was already moving onto negotiations as quickly as he could just so that he could get out of there and get back to his room, or moreover, to the girl who was probably waiting for him in that room right now.

The mistress only smiled to herself like a manipulative kid who had just got her way again.

**… … … … …. …. …. …. …. … …. ….. ..**

**…**

**…**

**…**

**…**

**…**

**…**

**Now that the business has been taken care of, onward to fluff!**


	52. Schedules and Schemes: Part 2

**Chapter 52!**

**Title:** '_Schedules and Schemes' Part: 2_

**Note: **

**This one has a weird cut off. Sorry.**

…. … …. …. … … … … …. …. …. …. …. … … . .. . . . .

"Hmmm…" I hummed lightly as the water reached up to my neck, warming my entire body smoothly.

I was suddenly grateful again for the fact that Kakashi had booked the Couple Suit which had this private bath. And now that I was _finally_ relaxing, I could think slowly and carefully about everything without any sort of interruption or distractions.

Before finally remembering that I had this bath all to myself right now and had changed into the bathing suit Ino forced me to buy before leaving for this mission I had just been sitting in my room for a good hour, trying to figure out what I could do with my time. I would've gone for a walk but I had decided on the bath idea for fear that if I took a walk that I'd accidentally bump into one of Momoshita's men… or worse, Hiroki.

Just the thought of talking to him again weirded me out.

…

_It wasn't as if Hiroki was all that scary to talk to… anymore… not when he seemed so different now. It was just that I had no idea who he was or what his motives were, if I said anything off-key I'd have no idea how he would take it._

I waded my arms through the water, making little waves that smoothed out after only a few feet of travelling.

_But he did seem rather calm about the thought that Kakashi-Kyousuke and I could be hiding something._

_Why would he be okay with that?_

_If he was just lying last night because he was drunk or if he's actually somehow turned into a different man because of the side effects of the Takoa root, then wouldn't he still be loyal to Momoshita.  
Last night he was practically salivating over the thought of overturning Momoshita, but he's so different now… then again, only because his manners were different, maybe it didn't really effect his traitorous intentions.  
Maybe he's okay with the fact that Kakashi and I may be hiding something because he wants our help to get rid of Momoshita.  
So even though he isn't really different, maybe he's just nicer about betraying Momoshita…. _

_Is there a way to be a nice traitor?_  
I lowered my face to the surface of the water, my mouth submerged in the water. I breathed out between tense lips, absent-mindedly entertained by the little air bubbles that popped at the surface.  
_Could he actually be useful to this mission?  
Does that mean he's not our enemy anymore?  
I guess that would be nice… not having to worry about another enemy, but gaining an ally… even if he's a little weird._

_And unpredictable.  
_I thought back to some of the things he said in our minutes-long conversation that seemed to take hours but seconds at the same time, wiping back my hair with damp hands, the ends dripping a little.  
_'I wasn't thinking last night when I advanced onto you like that… Not that you're not my type or anything. You really are. I think that's why I couldn't stop myself last night, but I-'_

He'd been so awkward, he almost reminded me of an older, blonder version of Iruka-sensei in the way he tripped over his words like that. Then again, Iruka-sensei would never say anything like that.  
Just the thought of it is kind of weird.  
But I had been a little surprised. I never really thought about being a 'type'… especially not one that a dual-personalitied yakuza member could like.  
It was flattering… in a scary kind of way, though.

Not that any of that mattered anyways... I shouldn't even be thinking about this right now.

'_There's something about you and Kyousuke that you two are hiding, isn't there?'  
_Looking back on it, he sounded really gentle, like he knew exactly what he was asking but didn't want to alarm me.

He was probably already planning on asking that since the moment he walked up to me.

… Again, guys and their plans always seemed to send me through a loop.

…

'_Until then'  
_And that's all he said after disturbing me so thoroughly only a few seconds before.  
But the way he just walked out of the room casually, his hands in his pockets…

For a second he no longer reminded me of an even awkward-er version of Iruka-sensei, but seemed a little more like Kakashi in that moment. Kind of cool.

_How could a man go from a drooling, power-hungry, touchy scumbag to a well-kept, charming, kind-of-gentleman in just a few hours?_

_And how am I supposed to talk to him later today?  
I have no idea whether to keep up my act as Hanako or to just go as myself… Why do I feel kind of nervous?... It'll just be like any other time I've gone to negotiate with an enemy or ally or something. No big deal. It's nothing to spend several minutes thinking about or something….  
AGH!_

Water crashed around my ears as I ducked my whole head into the warm, cloudy water, looking for just a moment of peace even if I had to hold my breath. I watched the clouds of dark pink hair float around my face. I hadn't really noticed till then how deep this hotspring actually was, at least seven feet. They must've kept the deepest and widest for the Couple's Suites.

_What the hell is up with this mission!  
_I asked mentally in a childish panic, definitely hating the way I was freaking out about everything so easily, and even letting this Hiroki guy make me doubt myself and freak out worse.

_I'm supposed to be RELAXING right now!  
_I complained at myself, ruining my relaxation for a few seconds further before I heard something.

Through the water the sounds were distorted, but I could still recognize that voice and definitely the words that I had already heard this morning:

"Having fun?"

My eyes widened with a little surprise before my head broke back through the water, the cold air hitting my skin uncomfortably. I took in a gasp of air slightly out of my need for oxygen but mostly out of shock. I really wasn't expecting him back this soon!  
I wiped the water from my face, keeping my back to him. It wasn't that I was embarrassed that I was in only a bathing suit or anything –especially since the water had been treated herbally and was now too murky to see through-, it was more like I was embarrassed because I had been sitting here doing nothing but freaking out about a mission that Kakashi seemed to be taking in stride.

"I was just trying to relax." I answered truthfully, trying to sound professional, but failing.

"Did you have a stressful morning?" He asked from behind me a bit of nonchalant curiosity in his voice.

My hands that had been brushing my hair back stopped for a moment.

"Did you already talk to Naruto and Sai?" I asked the water in front of me, already waiting for his answer.

"Yes." I could hear the small smile in his voice.

"So you…" I started, already turning around.

"Naruto was sleeping, but Sai told me a few details." Kakashi spoke up. He was just kneeling there at the edge of the bath, still in his casual attire that I had seen him wear a few times throughout the years, his mask was still up like he forgot about it. "That you talked with our old friend during breakfast and that he seemed to remember something about last night and offered you a spot at the meeting." He finished with the tone of a captain reporting back reconnaissance information, but he smiled down at me, for no reason I could think of.  
I was distracted from Kakashi for only a moment when I realized the definite lack of details in that information.  
_Why hadn't Sai told him about the fact I had to meet with Hiroki later? _

_Or the fact that Hiroki was a little different now?_

Sai's words finally came back to me.

'_Perhaps he had other motives for meeting you in private, too.'_

…

… _Wait._

_Was this Sai's weird way of trying to protect my reputation for Kakashi. Like he didn't want Kakashi to know that I'd be meeting a, now handsome and gentlemanly, man who had potential feelings for me?  
__...  
__That was… thoughtful?_

_No._

_That was really weird._

_Sai must be really set on trying to 'help' me. He even withheld information from his captain!  
Then again, nobody seems to be taking this mission as seriously as I am, like they think it's just some stupid little vacation-mission where they don't have to worry about the integrity of the rules anymore!  
And these two once-ANBU members are the ones breaking more rules than anyone else!_

_What is up with everyone!  
Isn't this still a mission!  
We should act more professionally!  
_I stopped my inner rant at that, paying more attention to reality.

"Yeah, but he was act-" I spoke up finally, fueled by the urgency of my thoughts, about to tell him everything that was going to happen. But he cut me off with a polite tone, like he didn't think there was anything else about Hiroki worth knowing. Proving my thoughts right that no one was really caring about this mission as much as they should!

"I guess it's all for the better. I had planned for this, just in case he managed to keep some of his memories."

"Wha-?" I asked monosyllabically, suddenly distracted from my thoughts when his words connected to the fact that I _just_ noticed the single white shopping bag resting on the cobblestone path beside him. He reached over, his hands undoing the fancy little bow on the top of the bag that was keeping the handles together.

"I have some business to attend to as soon as possible, before the party, so we're going to have to get changed now."  
He said vaguely as the bow loosened and he reached inside the bag, looking away from me. I didn't even wonder for a moment what his 'business' was since I've become so used to him always having plans, but I _did_ notice after a moment of hesitation that word: 'we're'.

"Why me? I still have a few hours." I spoke up a little defiantly, wading myself to the edge of the water. Stretching my neck to see what exactly he was pulling out of the bag at that very moment.

"I just wanted to be the first one to see you in this."

…

He smiled at me, showing off the subject he called 'this' as if he was proud of it. I stared blankly, water drops breaking the silence as they dripped off of my hair and back into the water.

…

"You didn't get that for anyone but yourself." I laughed a little nervously, as if this was just a bad joke or something. Pointing at the cloth in his hands a little accusingly.

His smile widened underneath his mask as if I had just given him the greatest praise he could've expected.

"I thought you'd like it." He said softly with a conversational tone, like I had just said 'I love it!'. He opened it more to let me get a better look at it.

I wasn't going to just look at it. I reached over to the towel I left a few feet away, hurriedly wiping my hands and arms, Kakashi smiling down at me as I did, making me feel like a kid again… but I knew he didn't think of me as one, especially not since he bought me _that_.

I hurriedly took it from his hand.  
The fabric was actually a really nice, deep violet color and it was soft like satin but there was just so little of it. I mean, it definitely had a long train, but there was a slit in it and the even though the top of the dress seemed like it was supposed to hook behind my neck, there was a big piece of fabric missing from the torso area. I stared at it for a few seconds more, trying to figure it out. I had no idea how this dress would work. He stared at me staring at it; I didn't have to look at him to see the smile he was wearing.

I almost sighed, but I ended up telling myself not to.  
I wasn't going to let him have fun with my reactions anymore.  
I put on a fake smile that wasn't the product of the nervous laughter from before.

"You know what…" I started, picking up the conversation where he left it. "… I think I do." I said simply, holding the fabric up in outstretched arms, as far from the water as I could get it, admiring it with more admiration than I definitely felt.

"Really?" He asked up, a hint of shock disrupting his trademark nonchalance.  
I nodded my wet head.  
"Yeah, I was just thinking about how covering a reasonable amount of skin in public is overrated nowadays." I blew my cover with that, but I couldn't resist.  
He chuckled a little, _at_ me again.

"Well, I did have a more conservative alternative if you weren't comfortable wearing that…" He started, catching my attention instantly, "… but I'm glad we don't have to worry about that." His smile never faltered even though mine was now forgotten.

"Wait, really?" I asked up to him with more expectation than I wanted to show.  
After a moment of quiet in which he didn't say anything I knew I had been played.

His face said 'no' to my question, but I could tell that he was proud of himself for breaking my act.

"You know, because of that I think you're schedule just cleared up." As soon as I spoke those words I showed no hesitation in my next decision to toss the dress several feet away, pull myself out of the water a few inches, letting my hands grab the fabric of his shirt, and then using my unfair advantage of chakra-induced strength to tug him forward, making him lose his balance.  
I started laughing at the look on his face before gravity actually did its job.  
A giant splash later and I felt a lot better about this entire mission.  
I couldn't stop laughing, I didn't even look for his reaction after the splash subsided I was practically cackling, gripping onto the edge of the bath, feeling my face turn pink with each guffaw. It wasn't until a moment later that I wished that I had been paying more attention to the fact that I didn't see him.

I felt a hand snake around my waist, an arm tightening my back against his chest.

My laughing stopped as battle-instincts kicked in, but I was still smiling more widely than I have since last night.  
I pushed myself away from him before his grip could tighten around me anymore. I turned myself around as fast as I could, but it still wasn't fast enough to dodge the sudden splash of water heading for my face. A moment later when I was sputtering the water off my lips and wiping it out of my eyes I heard his laughter pick up over the sound of the water. I let my own laughter return as soon as I started pushing large waves of water into his direction ceaselessly. I could only see him through the curtain of murky water for a moment, but just the sight of him was enough to make me lose any sort of battle-composure.

Completely drenched and still fully dressed, his face still masked by the mask that was now sticking to his face tighter than usual, outlining his lips and smile with more details. Even his hair was a complete mess, even messier than his hair was last night when we broke into Momo's room, the strands were hanging around his eyes and face messily in almost a cute way. But my momentary glance at him was over before the water I sent rushing towards him could even find him.  
He disappeared.  
It didn't take me till the water waves settled before I knew where he'd gone.

I ducked under the surface, leaving my eyes open, already looking for any sort of sign of him. My eyes widened underwater, stinging a little, when the moment I turned to my left I saw him suddenly come out of nowhere. I tried to push myself backwards through the water to get away, but my efforts were spoiled when his hands landed on my waist. I squirmed a little, crashing back up to the surface as he did. His arms only curled around my back, pressing me against him, squeezing my elbows together in front of me, and making it twice as difficult to try and get away so I could splash him in the face like I wanted to.  
I hadn't really noticed the look in his eyes till after he let one of his hands reach up to the back of my head, his fingers weaving into my dripping hair. It was clear to me at that moment that he had already forgotten about the little water war we had been waging only a few seconds ago. And even though I had been thirsty for victory just those few seconds ago, I suddenly found myself taking his lead and forgetting the battle, ready to proclaim armistice.

I lifted my hand to his face now that his gripped loosened a little. I folded back the fabric of his mask just a little too slowly, but it still didn't stop his lips from finding mine as soon as I uncovered them even though the mask was still gripping onto his chin. It was always so surprising how one moment I can be so confused or so worried or, like just now, so playful and he could still change the atmosphere into this in only a second.

But this time was a little different, and it wasn't the fact that we were waist deep in water, it was something else.  
His lips moved faster than they had in a long time, he hadn't been this intense since... the Asaka mission… then again, I had been the one to clumsily set the atmosphere that time. I tried not to think about that as I was busy trying to catch up to his pace, letting my hands grip onto the sides of his head, pulling him closer.

But just as I thought I was about to catch up to him, his lips left mine. I was only confused for a moment until I suddenly felt the water rushing passed us as he started moving backwards a little, guiding us through the water. His back hit the rock wall behind him with a little bump that reverberated through me. Before he even leaned down I planted my hands on the rock behind him, pulling myself up a few inches, my lips reaching his. Even though I was the one who started the kiss he still didn't seem at all caught off guard and picked up the pace again.

It was strange feeling his slightly rough hands roaming along my bare back in and out of the water. His hands were so warm against my skin that was cold above of the water, and feeling his touch through the water blurred the feeling of his hands but intensified the amount of attention I gave to even a single movement of his fingers. I shuffled a little, struggling to keep myself up to his height for the kiss, I extended my arms, pulling myself up even farther, my elbows locking. With my new height I had no other way to keep balance but to let my chest anchor against his. I could feel his warmth through his drenched shirt, even his hearbeat against mine. I wished I could run my hands along his chest, just to feel more of the warmth, to feel his heartbeat, to make him feel the same things his hands made me feel. I loosened my arms, giving my hands a rest from the gravelly surface of the rocks that had been digging into my palms a little before. He only crouched down to me, not seeming to mind any sort of inconvenience as long as his lips were on mine.

I felt my hearbeat quicken with a nervous anticipation as my hands found the fabric of his shirt, trailing down to the bottom and gripping onto it. I started lifting the now water-heavy fabric up, farther and farther, he seemed to understand what I was doing before I could figure out how to continue any further. I was a little surprised at how willingly he broke the kiss and pulled at his own shirt, tugging it over his head in a matter of moments before he leaned down to me again. I was a little disappointed when I realized I'd forgotten that he had an undershirt on.  
Maybe that's why he was okay with taking the other one off.

I let my hands go through the same motions, a bit more determined this time. I pulled up his undershirt a little quickly. He didn't make any move to take it off himself, he only kissed me like nothing else was happening, but I wasn't giving up. I peeled the thin fabric up to his chest exposing his muscles as much as I could. He still wasn't doing anything else.  
I let my hands leave the fabric, finding the surface of his slightly cold chest, my hands that had been in the heated water only seconds before no doubt feeling as soothingly hot to him as his hands had felt on my back. His kiss slowed for a moment, as if his attention was suddenly elsewhere.

My hands roamed around his chest, rubbing along his muscles a little quickly. Whenever my hands would graze his abs I would cup some of the hot water, raising it upwards and letting it drip down his chest. His lips left mine as I did that, breathing a little harder than before. I washed the water over his chest a few more times, my hands never leaving his skin. I could feel his heartbeat quicken under my touch. I let my hands find the fabric of his shirt again, which was now slipping downward a little, but just as I did his hand unhinged from my submerged waist and landed on mine, he took the fabric himself and pulled it over his head just like before.  
Like he finally gave up.  
His entire torso and face were uncovered now, but I couldn't really admire the features I've always love about him when he picked up the kiss that I had forgotten already. His tongue pushing through the border of our lips almost as urgently as the way his hands were now gripping onto the small of my back.

I loved it when he kissed me like this. I remembered when it used to be so embarrassing, when I didn't really understand why he liked it so much, I couldn't really explain it now either, just that it made me feel closer to him. Which wasn't something that I wasn't feeling anyways now that his hands were moving against my skin again, up and down my back. Every time his fingers trailed up the curve of my back they would hesitate around the back strap of my bathing suit top. My stomach flared nervously every time he did. I could tell he was thinking about doing something. I broke the kiss in shock when in one of his repetitions his fingers actually slid underneath the strap, followed by his whole hand.

I arched my back a little strangely, my waist pressing against his and my shoulders pulling away from him.  
His hand shot out from underneath the thin strap as if he hadn't been thinking, both of his hands landed on the sides of my waist, only his fingertips touching me, he pushed me away a few inches. I suddenly regretted making such a big deal.  
"Sorry, we sh-" He started up the traditional 'I think we should stop' conversation that I really didn't want to hear right now.

"It's ok." I only spoke up for a moment, my lips feeling weird now that I was using them to talk. That weirdness didn't last long when I let them find his only a moment later, not giving him the chance to say that it wasn't ok or that he didn't want to do anything else.  
He kissed me back a little hesitantly, holding himself back, his hands still stiff against my waist.  
I really didn't want to stop this. I needed more.  
I let my tongue inch into his mouth, trying to pick up the pace as before, coaxing him with his favorite kiss. He followed my lead, his hesitation weakening, hopefully realizing that I really wasn't bothered by any of this, that I actually wanted more and that he didn't have to be worried about me right now.  
Things were still moving too slow.

My hands found his on my waist, I pulled them around my back, leaving them there, trying to tell him to do what he liked.  
I let my own hands travel up his arms, over his shoulder, up his neck. I suddenly remembered the mark I had left there yesterday. Taking this opportunity too, I broke the kiss. He seemed a little happy about that actually, as if he was really trying not to let himself enjoy this as much as before. I pulled myself up by his shoulders, pressing my chest against his bare skin now, water dripping down between us. I felt his hands tighten against my back a little with that. I focused on the kiss mark on his neck, it wasn't as red as yesterday, like it was already fading away.

I let my lips find the mark, even just the contact from my lips made his neck stiffen a little warily. I tried to remember the way he kissed me last night when he wanted to 'return the favor'. I kissed his skin a little deeply, improvising. He strained his neck a little, definitely letting me know that this was affecting him.  
I sucked against his neck a little, feeling like I was probably doing something really weird, but the way his hands flinched on my back, tightened their grip, the way I swore I heard his breathing get a little faster… maybe it wasn't as weird as I thought. Following his example from last night I let my tongue brush against his skin lightly .

"Sa-kura." He called my name, sounding a little labored, but actually a little more bothered than he did when I was doing something like this in that closet yesterday night. I decided not to take his voice as something to worry about, but something I wanted. I wanted him to enjoy this, to forget about worrying about me.  
My own lips found his neck again, a little determined.  
I kissed him for a moment, innocently travelling up his neck.. My lips found his ear, and remembering something he had done to me a very long time ago when he was trying to prove the fact that we weren't exactly on the same playing field when it came to stuff like this, I let my teeth nip at his earlobe with a little strength. Hoping he'd understand exactly what I was trying to prove.

He hissed inwardly faintly, as if his breath was caught in his throat, his hands tightened against my skin, both of them gripping onto my back now. He pulled me closer against him instinctually. He must've been really sensitive here. Not really sure what I was doing, I bit him again. He moved on the spot a little, leaning against the rock behind him more, his hands flinching, a groan sounded in his throat. And before I could wonder whether or not my advances had worked or just scared him away, I felt his hands slide up to my shoulder blades, pressing my chest against his own even tighter.

"That's enough, now." He spoke for the first time in minutes. His tone was full of warning. As if this wasn't about how much his was worried about me, but how much he was worried about losing control.  
That actually made me feel a little better and I didn't know why but as soon as he said that I suddenly felt like it was a little test of power. I decided to act out again, if only just a little bit.  
I let my tongue trace his ear, wondering what it felt like.  
His neck arched a little in reaction.  
As soon as I was sure that he was probably going to pull me away from him, and tell me just how much we needed to stop, I felt his right hand slide upwards, his fingers landing on the back of my head, as if he actually wanted me to stay there for a moment longer.

My stomach jumped as my heart skipped a beat. He had finally forgotten about worrying about me, right?  
Unsure of what he wanted me to do I decided to push back the embarrassment of the moment and let my tongue graze the length of his neck and back up to his ear, feeling a little weird about it.  
He moaned involuntarily.  
I stopped everything I was doing… I still wasn't used to that sound from him, it was so out of place, the fact that he could actually lose control of his voice. I didn't want to do that to him too much.  
I pulled away from his neck, leaving the kiss mark nearly twice as red as it was before, and letting my lips find his again. Before I could even worry if he was still worried I felt him start his favorite kiss again, as if nothing had happened.  
Did I actually mange to get him to act normally? Usually he wouldn't listen to me and would just stop things from going any farther than before.

But now as I was even curling my leg around his he didn't show any hesitation.  
Then again, it's not as if I could feel his leg since his pants were still on.

A suddenly dangerous idea came to mind, one that I didn't even know I would try to act out in only a few moments. He continued to kiss me as intensely as before as I let my hands fall down his chest, farther and farther. My fingers found the waist of his pants.  
_What am I doing?_

_What am I trying to prove?_

_Why do I want to do this?  
_I gripped onto the front of his pants, my fingers closing around the top button. I had no idea how I could be doing this without freaking out, I mean, yeah my heart felt like it was going to burst right now, and it felt as if even if I wasn't kissing him right now I wouldn't have enough air to make my lungs and stomach stop burning with this nervous energy. But the fact I couldn't see my hands, that the water was so murky that I couldn't really see what I was doing, I think that's what helped me. It was like nothing below the water existed even if I could feel my fingers push the button through its hole.

Two hands found mine faster than I thought was humanly possible.  
"What are you tr-" He spoke against my neck. He was nearly breathless, his voice sounded so confused though, as if he couldn't have predicted any of this.

"Just this." I answered vaguely, as if promising him that I would try anything else, just this.

He was quiet for a long moment.  
My heart started hammering when I felt his hands move from on top of mine and travelled up my wrists, lightly holding onto me, but making no attempt to pull my hands away.  
It was like he was giving me permission but was willing to pull my hands away whenever he thought I was having second thoughts.

I hesitated for a moment, taking a deep breath that only shook on its way to my lungs uncomfortably.  
I tried to convince myself that this wasn't a big deal, they were only pants, and he had boxers on underneath, and I had seen him in his boxers a couple times before… but it was like, by simply doing this, I was taking a really big step.  
My fingers travelled down to the zipper, barely holding the tab as I started pulling it down really slowly, feeling more and more like stopping myself with every little link that the tab separated, his hands on my wrists made me feel a little more sure of myself, though.  
We both stood there in the water, my head resting on his shoulder, his on my neck, our hands hidden underwater.

After what seemed an eternity the zipper reached the bottom.

I slowly let go of the zipper, raising my hands to the waist of his pants again, tugging them downwards a little. His hands left my wrists and did the rest of my job for me. I raised my hands out of the water, resting them on his arms a little weakly as my forehead rested on his shoulder, unsure of what to do next, hoping he take charge and say something.  
As if knowing exactly what I was thinking his hands found my waist again, he started to guide me to his right, following the same route himself. It was only a moment before I could feel the rocks of the edge of the hot spring pressed against my back and he was where I was standing before, in front of me.

I still wasn't sure what to do, but he was.

He grip on my waist tightened as my feet suddenly left the rocky bottom of the bath. I was now a foot taller than I was before as he scooted me onto the edge of the hotspring, and out of the water.  
Sitting on the cold rock and out of the steaming water, I was freezing now, but my whole body felt like it was hot anyways.

He took a few steps forward, his face now several inches below mine. His hands fell from my waist, trailed down the front of my legs to my knees.

I took a sharp breath when his fingers slid between the crease of my knees, trying to pull them apart gently. I couldn't force myself to relax my legs and let them part the way he was trying to tell me to do.

I thought I was the one who was ready for anything now, but this seemed a little too much, actually.

I finally looked at Kakashi even though I hadn't in the past few minutes. His face was even more handsome than I remembered it, but the almost pitiful smiling he was wearing really made me feeling like I was 14 again. But again, I knew he didn't think of me as that 14 year old... not when he was doing _this_.

His hands left my knees and I was scared that he'd say this was all we'd do today for a moment, but I was a little relieved when his warm fingers grazed up my arms gently, giving me goosebumps. His hands landed on my shoulders, pulling me forward a little as he leaned in. His lower waist was pressing against my knees, I felt kind of selfish for keeping him at such a distance.  
His lips landed on the bottom of my neck, pressing against my collarbone gently.

It really couldn't have been considered a real kiss, the way his lips were just grazing up my neck carefully, but it felt really nice.

By the time his lips landed on mine I felt a little bit better, a bit surer of myself. I barely noticed it when his right hand fell back to my knees, sliding between them easily and pushing them apart slowly.

He took a few steps in between my legs, the rocks at the edge of the bath were taller than the ones he was standing on before. With my slightly higher position our height was almost exactly the same, allowing the kiss to get a little deeper.  
I could feel the same amount of emotion and intensity from before build up again. I could feel the way my skin burned to be touched by him, wishing his hands were everywhere at once.  
But he broke away.

"Do you think this enough now?" His voice was full of more control than I had heard it in the past few minutes, but I barely even noticed that when I was hung up on his words. Was he asking me like he had only been humoring me to this point?  
Was he asking me this because he was trying to give me an excuse to back out?  
Was he asking me this because he thought I couldn't handle anything more than this?  
It didn't matter what he was thinking when he asked that, in the end all of the possibilities were of him thinking I wasn't capable or ready enough for any advancement in this part of our relationship.  
Feeling a little challenged I decided on answering his question the exact way he wouldn't expect me to.

"It isn't." I responded simply, pushing my lips onto his before he could say anything else…

I could tell he was a little shocked though, but not as surprised as he was when I suddenly grabbed his arms, scooting back from the edge of the bath and pulling him towards me.  
His hands planted onto the stone ground on either side of me as I continued to scoot away from him, my lips barely keeping contact with his. I was a little proud of myself for successfully taking the lead for the moment as he actually pulled himself out of the water and onto the edge of the stone with me.  
But I had no idea what I was going to do next.  
As if the Universe knew my dilemma my hand slipped on a puddle and slid out from underneath me, making me fall flat on my back. If he knew that was a mistake or not, I didn't know, but it didn't seem to matter to him when I noticed that he still hadn't broken the kiss and his hands were holding him up over me by the sides of my head.

This all seemed to happen really fast, but I didn't waste any time in forgetting the little rocks that were digging into my back and letting my hands find his shoulders, pulling him down a few inches to deepen the kiss. Once again, as if letting me know that he was okay with a little bit more, I felt his tongue enter the kiss. I lifted my head off the ground to meet him in the middle  
It felt just as amazing as before… even if I was so cold now that I was laid out on the cold stone, but the fact that his body was leaning over mine seemed to cancel out any discomfort.  
That familiar need to feel him against me, to feel his hands anywhere on me came back to me stronger than before. I let my hands roam along his back, tracing his muscles and following the curve of his back up and down.  
It still wasn't enough.  
I thought I was kind of lying when I answered his question just now, I thought I was just being a bit of a challenger –having learned a few things about challenges from Kakashi- but now, as my skin felt like any part he wasn't touching was suffocating and tingling with anticipation, I couldn't help a moment of shock with myself. That even though I could've been so shy just a minute ago, I could want him so entirely in this moment that I couldn't even think about being embarrassed.

But maybe I was the only one who felt like that.  
Even now he seemed to keep his distance.  
Feeling a little selfish but not really caring, I let my hands on his back pulled him down even closer to me, his body heat warming me a bit more. He didn't seem to care, he was so focused on his tongue, which was now brushing past mine more aggressively than I ever felt before.  
Something was definitely different.  
**… … … … … … … … … … … … …. … … … … … **

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**Onward!**


	53. Schedules and Schemes: Part 3

**Chapter 53!**

**Title:** '_Schedules and Schemes' Part: 3_

**Note: **

**Last part for today. Sorry.**

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Something was definitely different.  
I didn't know if it was just for me, but from the way he was kissing me, I was starting to thinking it wasn't.

I let my hands on his back pull him down even further, not caring if he was about to lose balance, actually hoping he would. As if he heard my thoughts he eased himself down carefully, resting himself on his elbows, and letting his body rest against mine. Because he was so tall and more widely built, he was a little heavy, but I didn't care, the more I felt of him the better. I let my hands rub against his back as fervently as I wanted to before, his kiss seemed to get deeper despite the fact I didn't know it could've and the fact that I was starting to get a little light-headed.

But I couldn't focus on my lack of oxygen when I felt his legs against mine. It was so strange, the way his knees were pushing mine apart and he was repositioning his legs between mine. My heart was beating harder than ever, I might've not known as much as Kakashi about this stuff, but I knew why he was doing that. In only a few more seconds his legs were in between mine, I thought that doing that would've taken some sort of concentration, but with the amount of concentration he was paying to the way his lips were moving and the way his hand was gripping into my hair, I noticed that he was acting out of _habit_.

Everything that was happening right now was so new to me that I could feel my body flinch with every new feeling, but this was a second nature for him. That made it a little scarier… I had been thinking for a while now that_ I_ was the one trying to push things a little farther, for some reason...

I had almost forgotten just how experienced he was, how many times he's must've done this before, how he's been doing this for years, since before we met, since I was just a little kid.

I couldn't focus on the gravity on that thought when he suddenly broke away from the kiss, and I noticed just how much air I had needed. I gasped loudly, breathing harder than I had ever in a situation like this, practically panting. Even though I could hear his breathing was really deep and fast his lips didn't leave my skin. He kissed down my neck, his tongue brushing against my skin every few inches, his hand in my hair gripping harder with every inch he travelled. He let his tongue graze down my neck in one line like I had to him earlier. I suddenly realized how hard it could get to control your voice sometimes, but I chewed on my lips to stop myself. My fingers were practically digging into his back when I felt his lips land on the strap of my swimsuit top. As he kissed across my shoulder his lips gently scooted it towards the tip of my shoulder.

Even though my heart was still keeping its intense pace I still wanted more of his attention. Even though I could feel something like fear coursing through my body, I still wanted more. I let my hands ease against his back, my fingers shaking now that they've lost their tension. I raised them to the back of his head, my fingers finding the intensity they lost from before as they gripped onto his dripping hair. I pulled his face back to mine, making him ignore what he was trying to do just now.

He seemed just as entertained by the fact I was forcing him into this almost too deep kiss than the fact that my bathing suit was a little loosened now. His tongue shot into my mouth again, still moving unpredictably even though I thought I was getting used to this type of kiss now. I pulled his face even closer, my fingers gripping his hair probably painfully, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't help what was happening to me now.  
And when his right hand untangled itself from my hair and quickly travelled downward, his fingers gripping onto the back of my thigh, I could tell that he couldn't really help what was happening right now either. His fingers pressed into the back of my thigh as he lifted it up, wrapping my leg around his waist without even testing whether I wanted to do that or not.  
I really felt like my stomach was producing way too much acid as my entire chest seemed to be burning up nervously. This was so much more intense than anything we'd done before. I didn't know what to think, I didn't know how to think. I was just feeling for him, feeling him feel me, hoping this feeling would never end, but completely terrified by all of it at the same time.  
I felt his tongue rub against mine teasingly as he tugged my leg tighter around him, his large fingers pressing deeply against my skin.  
His hips ground against mine a little, making my back arch with shock, his lower waist grinding against my own like it was a second nature. But he stopped moving after a moment, as if he was fighting back habit that seemed to have controlled him all the way up to now. The habit made by his amount of years of doing stuff like this.

I had no idea what I was doing, I hadn't even thought about doing it, or if I had, I had no idea what I was actually thinking of when one of my hands let go of his hair and grazed down his back to his hip. I could feel my fingers close around the waistband of his boxers.  
I was immediately distracted by his left hand, which belonged to the elbow he was now anchoring all of his weight on, running through my hair harshly, pulling me up and deeper into the kiss, his tongue reaching farther than before, for a moment as if he really needed it. Like he was trying his best to get as close to me as possible.  
He pressed his whole body against me.  
I felt like I was boiling, electricity coursing the my body,  
I had no idea if this was normal, it felt so extreme, but I couldn't think anyways.  
I couldn't think straight enough about what he must've been feeling at that moment when I realized just how much I hadn't realized what I was doing when I felt myself tug at the waistband in my hand a little.

His lips left mine, his tongue leaving an uncomfortable emptiness now that I was so used it.

I gasped for more breath, feeling so weak and light-headed, but I could still hear what he said only a moment later, when my right leg was now struggling to stay wrapped around him on its own now that his hand was on mine, holding it a little tightly.

"No." His voice was breathless and a little hard to hear, but I could still hear the soft undertone of regret in his voice.  
Or shame...

I had no idea which, I was still trying to breathe. I was still trying to feel my legs. I was still trying to keep my heart from bursting out of my chest.

I only knew that this was bad…the way he seemed a little sad. I felt like I had to say something.

"But-" I was about to say a sentence I hadn't made yet.

"This was too far." He said a little sternly, but it didn't sound like he was lecturing _me_.

My breathing was finally starting to calm down, but all the fizzing never endings in my body were still driving my brain crazy… I still needed a moment before I could even try and think of something to say. But as I was laying there, my arm resting on my forehead, my leg slipping off of his waist, he was already almost normal again. He's probably had to handle remerging from these kinds of feelings dozens of times before… but this was the first time I had ever felt like this.  
He lifted himself up so that he was leaning over me on his palms again, I felt a few of his fingers slip the strap of my bathing suit over my shoulder again, I saw the look in his eyes as he did.

Even in this state of mind I knew what self-disgust looked like.

I wished I could've said something, I was feeling a little better but I felt so weak, a little shaky. He looked down at me, in my shaken state, with that pitiful smile that actually looked painful. I wanted to say something.

"This was enough." He added a little gently, as if righting his wrong for agreeing with me when I said it wasn't 'enough' when he asked earlier.  
My brain finally started making sense of everything again, it was like the haze from before was finally being cleared away. I could breathe again, and everything was returning back to normal. His words finally made sense and I finally remembered how to talk.  
He leaned down, his lips landing on my forehead as his hand lifted up the arm that had been resting on it.  
I felt my fingers grab onto his shoulder a little weakly.  
"Really?" I asked up to him, not genuinely. I wasn't asking because I thought that what had just happened really wasn't 'enough'… at least it kind of was for me, but I hoped he heard the testing tone in my voice. I hoped he knew I was asking about him.  
I saw how he reacted just a few minutes ago, he was really ready to take this a step further until he stopped himself… how could he be happy with just this?

His smiled disappeared as he looked directly down at me, his hair dripping onto the stone next to my head.

"Would I have stopped you if it wasn't?"

He sounded so serious.  
More like he was scolding himself.  
As if he was really starting to think of himself as the type of man who wouldn't have stopped if it wasn't enough for him, despite what I wanted.  
_But that not really how he thinks of himself, is it?_  
I didn't have anything else to say… I really could believe that if he wasn't okay with how everything just ended, he probably wouldn't have stopped it. Right?

His hand on my arm tightened gently as he leaned away, sitting up.

"Come on, we need to get changed"

He tugged me to sit up too.  
It was so strange just getting up like this after that happened, a little awkward. But before he was even standing still for a second he walked away toward the bath. He picked up the towel that I had dried my hands on only a few minutes before _this_ happened, and picked up the dress as well.  
He walked back to me, unfolding the towel.  
He placed it gently on my shoulders as if he was trying not to touch me too much, he handed me the dress and walked ahead of me into the room.  
I followed after him, still a little confused now that I was starting to think through everything more clearly than before.

I thought back to the fact that he stopped himself after I was pulling the waistband of his boxers…

_I _was the one who had actually been taking it a step further…

Even if he was acting through instinct it was still visible that he had been holding himself back from actually doing anything. _I_ was actually the one who, not thinking, was about to take it further.  
Even if he thought it was _'too much'_ for me before, wouldn't he have taken my thoughtless advances as a sign that maybe I _was_ ready… although I'm still not sure if I really am… but I wouldn't have blamed him for thinking that was the sign he's probably been waiting for for a long time.  
Why did he take advantage of the opportunity since he didn't know I kind of _accidentally_ set it up?

"Go ahead and change in that room." He said softly, as if trying to lighten the now dampened atmosphere.  
"I'm pretty sure what I'm wearing now will cover more." I joked, trying to make him smile.  
He did, but not as brightly as I was used to to.

I walked into the room with the futons a little slowly, gripping the dress a little worriedly before I placed it on the floor as I started to dry off a little.  
A moment of quiet passed before I finally picked up the nerves to start up a conversation about this again.  
I hated leaving things like this… and it's probably better to talk to each other about this without being face to face. Not that I was particularly embarrassed, but because it's easier to tell the truth when you're not in the same room as the person you're talking to.  
Not that I thought he was lying… but that I thought he really wasn't being honest about this subject.  
It's always so hard to tell what he's thinking, and I don't need to be guessing anymore.  
I cleared my throat a little weakly.

"Why _did_ you stop me?" I asked a little loudly, hopeing he could hear me well enough through the paper-likle walls. Everything was quiet for a moment. I panicked a little, "I mean. I remember when I was the one stopping you." I elaborated, the slight panic making me forget how to choose words carefully.  
I heard his voice only a few seconds later.

"I'm sorry."  
I almost sighed, but I thought of something good to say this time, something I've been wanting to say for some time:

"I've always… understood that I was slowing this relationship down, making it difficult for you…" I said honestly. "You don't need to apologize." I finished, hoping he would say something quickly.

"I do." He didn't say what I wanted him to. "And if you still really think like that then I messed up…" He said vaguely, his voice serious. What did he mean? How could I not believe that I made this relationship a little slow and painful for him because he had to constantly check himself and how much of an adult he was around me?  
That thought actually hurt me a little. But I still needed him to know that I understood what I've been doing to him.  
I started undressing as I spoke up again, but I left the swimsuit bottom on.

"But you're a full grown man and I'm just a-"

"Stop." He sounded a little stern… but almost… troubled. Like he didn't want to hear the rest of that sentence as much as I didn't want to say it.

I followed his orders to stop. Feeling like I might've crossed a line.  
A long minute passed as I was trying to keep myself from saying anything and trying even harder to focus on the dress I was putting on.

…

Just as I hooked the dress around the back of my neck like it was supposed to, I whipped around the face the wall in between us, a little too excitedly, when I heard his voice again.

"Just… let me live a little while longer like this." He said slowly, his voice sounding a little… saddened. I wished I could've understood what he meant by that right away, but I was just confused for a few seconds longer before I heard him again, "… I've barely figured out how to ignore the guilt of dragging you into this mess…." He paused as I digested that. "… So I'm not very eager to push one of my young ex-students into such an adult world."  
He stopped talking as I thought through that.

_Guilt?_

_He was still guilty?_

_He still sees me as a 'young ex-student'?_

_He thinks he 'dragging' me into a 'mess' I'd willingly run into again if I had to do it all over?_

_He still thinks this is all his 'fault'?_

…

I had no idea he was still so conflicted by everything.  
here I thought he was the one who had already accepted everything, who was already so past worrying and doubting… at least that's how he was always acting.  
I had no idea he was still thinking like this.

Unsure of what to say, I decided to hit the problem at the source. The fact he still thought I was too young.

"I'm almost an adult, you know." I argued a little lightly, rechecking my dress to see if it really fit this strangely, hoping to brighten his spirits if only just a little.  
I thought of something else to say while I waited for his response.  
"It's only be a _year and a half_ till I'm an adult." I offered that little piece of logic, lightly.  
I checked the back of my dress.

As I turned around, I found him walking into the doorway casually, leaning against the jamb. In his suit, his single black mask hanging around his neck.  
He always looked handsome, but seeing him in a suit, his hair still a little messy, he was… perfect. As always.  
I smiled to myself a little as I thought that.

I hadn't been surprised to see him walk in just now. I was about to go check on him, too.  
But I _was_ surprised by the look in his eyes. Even if he was saying all of this stuff, still considering me as a 'young ex-student', the look he was giving me was nothing like the kind he would give me when I _was_ his student. It was a look of something like admiration… pride… longing… happiness… sadness… guilt… desire…

"I know." He agreed with me aloud, but his eyes said enough. The way he had been looking at me, like he was proud of how much I've grown, happy for how little I have left to go, and altogether sad that he had to have feelings for me _now_ when I was so close but unacceptable.

He leaned away from the jamb, walking towards me. I didn't have to wait more than a few seconds before his arms were around me, his chin resting on the top of my head. I hands grabbed onto the fabric of his jacket a little eagerly, loving how heavy and warm his arms felt.  
He spoke up again after only a moment.

"But it's hard to forget that _fourteen-year-old_ I knew only 'a year and a half' ago…" He used the time frame I offered, but in reverse, trying to show me just how different of a perspective we have on time since he's been the same the whole time I've been growing and learning. "…It's hard to forget the student I promised to keep safe from anything that might hurt them." He offered that sentence solemnly.

I didn't hesitate to speak up.

"This won't hurt me." I reassured him.

He sighed deeply, his firm chest pushing against me.  
"But it will me."

…  
I didn't know what to say to that for a long moment.  
Is this really why he stopped me before? Because _he_ couldn't handle it? Because he couldn't handle doing that to me?  
I tried to voice my questions with a little more tact.

"So… you don't want to take things any fur-" I started to ask more clumsily than I intended, but he stopped me, thankfully.

"Yes… and no."  
A typical Kakashi-answer never bothered me more.  
He must've sensed my unhappiness with that response.

"Right now… " he sighed again, a little tiredly this time, his arms shifting around me a little with that sigh as he lifted his chin off of my hair for a moment, like he was thinking. "…at this very moment," he elaborated softly. "I'm actually having a hard time keeping myself in check, from forgetting the world and my judgement and doing something I'd regret later."  
My heart picked up pace again and I was very aware of every detail of his touch as I noticed, again, just how much of an adult he is.

"Ka-"  
I had no idea what I could've said, but I didn't have to worry about that when his voice picked up.

"But I'm not ready."

I couldn't speak after the shock of hearing him saying that.

…

"I'm not ready to take what I've done here past any chance of redemption."

My grip on the back of his jacket tightened as I couldn't think anything to say. As I couldn't help but feel something like sadness for what he must be going through, and how I knew that there really wasn't a way to convince him otherwise.  
…

"Not yet."

…

I buried my face in his chest, happier to hear those last two words than I thought I would be.

We stood there for a few minutes, in complete silence, but complete comfort. With anybody else just sitting in the same room and not talking could get awkward, but with Kakashi… it was just as perfect as any other moment around him.

He broke the silence after a little while longer.

"I'm sorry, but I need to go now." He said too calmly. I knew he had to have left here at least ten minutes ago, but he stayed anyways. "Mission preparations." He explained vaguely, as always.

"Yeah." I said a little tiredly as I dropped my arms from around him. I barely noticed till now that the sun had sunken a little dramatically for the short time I thought we had spent together.  
Before I could worry about time, or anything else in the world, his lips distracted me.  
Even though I would've thought I'd have enough kissing today, that never seemed to be the case.  
Besides, it was different this time. Softer, but deeper, kinder, but passionate at the same time.  
It was over before I wanted it to be.  
He leaned away, still looking at me for a moment. His eyes wandered up and down.

"You look beautiful." He said with his usual casual tone, the atmosphere moment we just spent already appreciated and finished.  
I'd forgotten I was wearing this dress.  
I looked down at the long flowed purple, the way the neckline was plunged to my belly-button, and the skirt slit rising all the way up to my hip.

"Thanks for picking it out." I said with a more genuine tone than I actually intended. "Even if it's a bit showy." I added to make sure he knew I didn't quite approve of it.  
He smiled softly as he turned around, leaving the room.  
I followed him, again.

"I'll see you at the party." He was already at the door, pulling his mask up, but not before he gave me one last look as I leaned against the door jamb this time.  
he smiled brighter than I thought was possible right now, one of those smiles that always made me remember everything I loved about him.

He opened the door, fixing his black mask on his nose.

"Itterashai." I said without warning, smiling as I did.  
He paused at the doorway, I could see that smile under his mask.

"Ittekimasu."

The door closed behind him calmly just as he responded with a voice I recognized happiness in.

Before I realized it, a relieving wave of reassurance had washed over me somewhere in that conversation, wiping away the awkward concern I had.  
But even though we talked through it all, it still hadn't fixed the fact that he was so… guilt-ridden.

I was the one who felt kind of guilty just letting him leave like that… like I should've said something else, some sort of magical sentence to wash away that deep-seeded guilt just like his smile fixed my worrying.

But maybe I could talk to him at the party.

Maybe I could say something then.  
_Then again, what could I possibly say?_

I absent-mindedly looked in the mirror again, secretly admiring the dress I had complained about earlier. He did have good taste every now and then… even if it was a little risqué. I heard some rumbling from our neighboring room, it sounded like Naruto was yelling at Sai again or something.

I was suddenly reminded of their existence.

If I say anything at the party… if I _could_ say anything at all that I thought could help him… then I'd have to be really discreet about it if I didn't want the other two picking up on anything.

This party is going to be a real test of how well we can put on a show like we're together, but still keep from crossing a line and revealing the fact that we _are_ together.

If I let even the slightest detail slip, I can jeopardize everything.

… .. .. … …. …. …. … … …

About two hours later

.. … … … … …. … … … …

I couldn't focus.

I couldn't focus.

My mind was everywhere at once.

The meaningless and half-drunk chattering of the party had suddenly stopped.

The yelling did, too.

Everything was silent but so many things were buzzing through my head.

I knew I should back away. I knew I should be doing something other than just standing here, but as the pair of masked lips pressed harder against mine than I was ready for, I couldn't think about what just happened or what was going to happen.  
I barely had enough mind to think about anything other than these all too familiar lips on mine and the wide and confused eyes of half the people in this room, including those of our other two teammates.

Only one thought ran through my head.

_How the HELL did this happen!_

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**The next chapter will have Kakashi's POV about everything (not detailed, per se, but definitely his thoughts on all of this) so don't worry, Ella!...**  
**Well I guess Kakashi's thought's aren't really what you're worried about right now with an ending like that.**

**Sorry for that.**

**(xD)**


	54. Side Story: Jiraiya's Interviews!

**R E A D**

**P L E A S E**

**R E A D**

**P L E A S E**

**R E A D**

**P L E A S E**

**R E A D**

**P L E A S E:**

**I hope I got your attention, xD**

**Okay, I finished the dedication video!**

**And it's not so much of a 'this is dedicated for you' but more of a 'thank you for being so dedicated!'… cause you really have to be to make it this far.  
53 CHAPTERS IS A LOT.  
Like you didn't know that…xD**

**Anyway, I wanted to share it with you guys before Chapter 54 was done [since it's gonna take rather a long time] so I picked up what I said I was going to write back around Chapter 26: Jiraiya's journey in collecting data for his new novel 'ICHA ICHA, SENSEI' just so that I had something to give you guys something more than just a link to the video.  
You know how sometimes manga have those little side-stories that only a few people read before skipping to the next real chapter… this 'chapter' is that kind of side-story.**

**But I hope you enjoy the short, unedited, quick-write blurb [I might elaborate on it later, and actually edit it, but not any time soon], and I'm really sorry if you were looking forward to Chapter 54 when you got the alert e-mail and your now feeling kinda bummed that you won't see the resolution to that horrible cliffhanger yet.**

**Sorry. But I hope this 'dedication' video makes up for it! :D**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**P L E A S E**

**R E M O V E **

**T H E **

**S P A C E S :**

http: /www . youtube . com/ watch?v = alHAemRVwgw

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**...**

**SIDE STORY:**

**The Great Jiraiya-sama's Data-Gathering!**

_**(this takes place right before the Asaka mission and is told entirely from Jiraiya's POV)**_

As a writer two things are crucial for creating the zesty, steamy , and downright gloriously smutty plots of my novels, and they are:

INSPIRATION: it can strike at any moment and any time.  
And it has again, for my upcoming taboo-drama-bonanza 'ICHA ICHA SENSEI'

And as for the second most, if not the most important, thing needed to rightfully complete a 'sexy' book is:

RESEARCH.

Of course this can be found at any local onsen, except the all-males ones… I don't see much of a point for those. But all I have to do to get an idea is to track down the ever-so rare MIXED bathhouse, camp out and wait for the smoking ladies to come to me.

Me, watching sexy women… just add hot water and there you go:

INSTANT RESEARCH.

…

But sadly, this novel will require less bath-time and more field-time.

Now that I'm sticking my brush into the endlessly entertaining world of forbidden relationships, it is now necessary to scope the civilians, ask naughty surveys, and get their thoughts on what _they_ think of the taboo love between Teacher and Student!

… … … … … …

After wandering the streets for a few greatly progressive hours, in which I've learned that slightly older women will generally hesitate for a moment if you pat their bum before clobbering you, giving you enough time to run away, I finally zeroed in on a rather fitting interviewee.

The honest, awkward, and unimposing Iruka-sensei settled down for a bowl of ramen at Ichiraku and I took the opportunity to ask him a few of my inappropriate questions:

"I'm collecting data for my next novel, and I wanted to get your professional opinion, Iurka-kun."

He made a double take, as if he had to check if I was really talking to him.  
He smiled awkwardly. As usual.

"O-of course." He answered with the stiff respect I was too used to. "I don't know what I could give you a 'professional' opinion, on Jiraiya-sama … but it probably wouldn't be on anything to do with… uh… romantic novels." He tip-toed around the exact title of the genre of which I wrote proudly for, looking back to the counter with an air of embarrassment.  
I ignored that and moved on.

"As a teacher, how do you feel about your students once they've grown up and become chuunins and all that?" I asked the first question on my list.

He smiled with relief as if he was enjoying this. I could already tell he wasn't going to like why I was asking him for his opinion.  
"I always try to keep tabs on their progress and help them grow if they need it even if they no longer attend my class." He definitely had more dedication to his student than normal, even when I had that job I didn't hang around the kids that much after they were grown.  
"Hmmm…" His answer wasn't really what I was looking for, so I moved onto the next question.  
"How do you feel about teacher and student relationships?" I asked bluntly.  
He hesitated for a moment, his smile fading slightly before he shook his head to himself and regained the cheerfulness from before, as if he was probably convincing himself that I wasn't asking what I was really asking.

"I think it's important that teachers develop a strong role in their student's lives… within reason, though." He added nervously.

I decided to reword my question:

"What about romantic relationships between teachers and students?"

He took a moment, his chopsticks pausing as he was about to pick up a tangle of ramen. I was almost sure that he seemed _nervous_…

This suddenly got interesting.

"I-um… I think that they shouldn't really be… encouraged." He replied meekly, still making no attempt to eat his ramen.

"So you don't approve of them?" I asked further, poising my pencil on my note tablet.

His face cringed a little with something like concentration.

"I just think that there can be some exceptions… " He answered finally. "But only a few." He added with a sense of urgency turning to me, waving his hands a little as I scribbled his answer down.  
A man with his heart on his sleeve. I could tell he'd probably experienced something to do with this matter before.

"Have you ever taken a second look at any your old students and found them at all attractive?" I asked more than a little bluntly, with almost a business-like tone… this was serious research.

"No!" He answered a little too quickly and loudly, "I-I just… I just care about my students the way I do for nieces and nephews… It would never be my intention to… take a 'second look.'" He answered vaguely, his voice dropping at the end of the sentence after he suspiciously used the phrase '…it would never be my _intention_…'

I never understood this type of man. The kind that could be so shy and unsure of themselves anf get uncomfortable with anything slightly inappropriate. I didn't stop with the questions though.

One particularly good one came to mind. I looked back to my notepad.

"As the man in charge of Konoha's youth how can you not notice the blossoming beauties bustling all around you?" I worked with my trademark alliteration.

"Beauties?" He took a moment to digest my literary prowess. "Blossoming?" He repeated another word, his face growing a sinly shade of rose as he no doubt thought through the analogy of that word.

"Most of the other kunoichi of your generation have either married, moved, or are workaholics. What do you think about the fact that the only available girls in your future may very well be ones you taught in your class?"

"What?" He did another double-take, obviously dealing with the impact of my question. "I-I never thought about it that way… but…" He slowed down, his face even a darker hue of pink than before. "I think that I might be a bachelor for a long time, then." He joked badly, the wryness showing through his awkward smile as if he knew just how pathetic that sounded. At least it was pitiful to me.  
But this man would definitely make a good character for my novel. The kind, trustworthy, refreshing, older-brother type of teacher who no one would ever expect, not even himself, of falling for a student. He'd probably drown himself in denial before admitting it though… then again, if something happened and he was forced to look at his own feelings, that would create so much amazing, reader-grabbing, drama!

I scribbled all the possible plot twists and turns on my notepad quickly before I spoke up again.

"Iruka-kun, you've helped me greatly. Did you want to hear a bit of the plot?"

"O…k.." He agreed hesitantly trying to eat his now cold ramen.

I took a deep breath.

"Ok, so it's about young highschool girl, …. 'Hanako'…. Her everyday life and her opinions of a certain teacher begin to change after an awkward encounter at a local onsen… no… at an onsen on a field trip!" I improvised on the spot with a glorious revelation.

"Soon her beloved homeroom teacher, … 'Katsumi' (using the kanji for 'self-controlled one')-sensei, begins to slowly and tentatively realize his dangerous feelings for his young student, who is making some personal discoveries herself. After some fateful happenings and nervous confessions, the two give into each other's feelings, committing a great taboo. But just as soon as Hanako-chan and Katsumi-sensei think that all they have to worry about is keeping their after-school romance a secret, they are suddenly confronted by a surprise third-party!" I announced heartily, making the pony-tailed shinobi jump a little at my energy.

"The seemingly kind… Nezumi'-sensei," I improvised again,"… discovers them, and quickly tries to step between the two, revealing his true seedy and jealous nature. What happens if Nezumi-sensei manages to steal Hanako's heart as well?"

I stopped suddenly, finishing my plot summary with a craftily sculpted cliffhanger.

…

He stared blankly at me, no doubt in awe.  
But his expression did strike me as a little… shocked… like something about my story had severely shaken him.

Perhaps our own Iruka-sensei _does_ have something to hide after all?

I'd have to learn more about that later, but what intrigued me more at the time was that I also got the same reaction when I approached Kakashi-kun only an hour later when he, too, decided to stop for some ramen. I, not hesitating to divulge the same plot-notes to my number 1 fan before he could try and stop me, noticed the similarity between his reaction and the dolphin's.  
Much like the suspicious Iruka-sensei his eyes suddenly darted around the aged booth, he didn't say a word for a few seconds until he smiled and spoke up.

"That really realistic, Jiraiya-sama."

I could've sworn I heard a quiver in his tone.

Nervous, perhaps?

I entertained that thought for a couple seconds before I tried to coax more of a reaction out of him.

"I hope you don't mind that I used your persona i

n inspiration for the main character." I asked out of nowhere.

"I… don't… mind." Something told me he wasn't surprised by the fact he was a source of inspiration, "But don't you think you could use that character for a different story?" He asked casually.

"Why?"

"Because I _am_ a teacher. People might start thinking weird things if they read that." He reasoned unnecessarily.

"Never mess with a writer's muse, boy!" I lectured him shortly, "And besides, I hate to say this out loud but do you know anyone in Konoha who reads my books… besides you." He paused for only a moment, his eyes falling to the pocket of his pants that was reserved for my latest novel 'Icha Icha Tactics', "Of course not!" I answered for him loudly. "They're a big hit in the Land of Rivers though. They love me over there, especially the women."

"That's nice." He replied shortly. I would've thought he'd have more to say about my success, given his love of my work. But I didn't care about that long when I suddenly got down to business:

"Now, would you ever consider partaking in a student-teacher relationship?"

He choked on his drink, being careful not to spill any on his mask as he pulled it back up out of sight.

"What?" his voice was still coarse.

"What do you think about a love relationship between student and teacher?" I asked differently this time.

He took a few seconds before he spoke again, his voice stronger than before.

"They're right to be forbidden."

"Oh?" I asked.

This was interesting.

"If a teacher ever did start that kind of relationship with his student," His voice sounded really stern, "it's only because he was too weak and couldn't control himself the way an adult should."

"Guilty Type!" I shouted triumphantly, cutting short that moment of his.

"Huh?" He was back to normal.

"You're the Guilty Type." I explained again, feeling all the more like a genius for managing to categorize this man after only a few sentences. "The kind of guy who would torture himself and take the blame for everything, picturing himself as a man lower than dirt and not worthy of any sort of future happiness for even thinking about one of his cute little students in an ero way."

. . .

His eyes seemed to glaze over after I said that. He was winning a staring competition with his bowl of ramen.

"Really?" He asked the bowl.

"Of course! I'm never wrong!"

I scribbled down the notes. This was going to add so much depth to my main character. Just imagine it, a man who loathed himself because of what he couldn't help but want!

I would hate to be him.

But I get chills thinking about the amount of drama and dilemma this character-complex could create!

Now to interview the other side of this relationship!

I quickly left Kakashi-kun, promising him a signed copy once it was published, he still seemed pretty shocked by my character-categorizing skills.

I caught up with the little ladies only an hour later, lucky enough to catch them in a group.  
Yamanako-chan, Hyuuga-chan, and even the inspiration for 'Hanako', Haruno-chan was there. It was the jackpot!

"How are you ladies today?" I asked lightly as I caught up with them.

"We're fine, Jiraiya-sama." Yamanaka spoke up for the rest of them, all of them seemed a little wary.

I wasted no time.

"I need to ask you three some questions for my next novel." Their wariness seemed to double, but I didn't hesitate, "What're your guys' thoughts about teacher-student relationships?"

A long moment of quiet passed as they all show different reactions.  
The blonde one just kept looking at me dumbly, the brunette bowed her face towards the ground, I remembered that was the shy one. The pink-haired one, though. She staggered on the spot for a second before looking between her other two friends, as if she was waiting for someone to say something.  
The blonde one said something first.

"You mean like how good of teachers they are?"

"No. Romantic relationships."

"EH? What? Ew!" The loud blonde one offered three reactions, as if making up for the shy Hyuuga clan heiress and the now stony-faced Tsunade-junior. "I could never think of Asuma-sensei like that!" She bellowed, attracting stares from the shoppers. I didn't pay them much attention, this was highly important RESEARCH.

"Kurenai-sensei's a woman so…" The Hyuuga girl barely mumbled her response.  
The pink-haired Tsunade still didn't say anything.

"It wouldn't have to be your teacher." I offered. "Pick a teacher you admire."

"Aren't these questions a little too-" Haruno finally spoke up, but only in an attempt to cut short the interview, her brunette friend surprisingly cut her off, but only speaking with a whisper now.

"Iruka-sensei has always been really nice." She named one of my previous interviewees as she hid her face a little more.

"Iruka?" Ino nearly shouted, "But he's so… awkward." She complained with a gossipy tone. "I think Kakashi-sensei is kind of cool, though." Yamanako graded the silver-haired inspiration for Katsumi with little thought.

I saw Haruno twitch a little.

"What about you Sakura-chan? What do you think about romance between teachers and students?"

She stood there for a long quiet moment. We all just stared at her.

"I… I guess… they're… ok…" She said slowly, as if checking her words.

"EH?" Ino thought differently.

"I mean, as long as the teacher and student know what they're doing and they really… love each other…" She finished, hiding her face a little like the brunette next to her.  
I suddenly praised myself for picking Haruno as the inspiration for Hanako.  
That's the exact kind of character she needed to be.

"Thank you, ladies."  
I walked off, leaving those three in their awkward silence, proudly scribbling my notes, feeling like this could be the most legendary novel of mine so far!

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Further name-irony:

Hanako = sound familiar?... This was where Kakashi got Sakura's undercover name, though he'd never tell her.

Nezumi = literally translates into 'mouse, or rat'… but when a second word is attached (Nezumi-Iruka), it means 'porpoise'….

I'll let you think through the character-name parallel there… XD

….

….

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the dedication video and this kind of sloppy Side-Story.


	55. Trysts and Trusts: Part 1

**Chapter 54!**

**Title:**_'Trysts and Trusts: Part 1"_

**NOTE:**

**Ok…. Yet /another/ two-parter…. Hopefully you guys aren't getting sick of all these 'Part 1's and 'Part 2's and stuff, but when I set out an ending for a chapter I always have a difficult time predicting how much writing it'll take to get there and I just /can't/ end at an uneventful moment, it just goes against the grain now that I've given you guys so many cliffhangers. Haha.**

**Well, these installments are basically one giant flashback to explain what happened in the sudden timeskip at the end of Chapter 53.**

**Hope you guys enjoy it!  
Let me know if you did enjoy it, I always look forward to your guys' reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

… .. .. … …. …. …. … … …

About Two Hours From Now

.. … … … … …. … … … …

I couldn't focus.

I couldn't focus.

My mind was everywhere at once.

The meaningless and half-drunk chattering of the party suddenly stopped.

The yelling did, too.

Everything was silent but so many things were buzzing through my head.

I knew I should back away. I knew I should be doing something other than just standing here, but as the pair of masked lips pressed harder against mine than I was ready for, I couldn't think about what just happened or what was going to happen.  
I barely had enough mind to think about anything other than these all too familiar lips on mine and the wide and confused eyes of half the people in this room, including those of our other two teammates.

Only one thought ran through my head.

_How the HELL did this happen!_

… … …. …. …. … … … … … … … … … … … … .. … … … … … … …

Two Hours Back Again

… … … … … … … .. … … … … … … … … … …. …. …. … … … … …

He continued to walk down the path, probably not really paying as much attention to time or surroundings as he should've been or even enough attention to how people had been staring at him the whole way there since he was a little overdressed for walking in public, but he found his mind wandering.

He hadn't been able to get her out of his head yet.

Usually he could detach himself from personal affairs when he actually had serious business… but with what happened just twenty minutes ago.

How could he just move on and forget that?

He had a difficult time not focusing on the details of those fresh memories. The feeling of her lips, her tongue, her mouth, the way her whole body seemed to be shivering under his hands even though her skin felt hot against his own. The weight of her leg wrapped around his waist. The way her hands were grappling on his back as if she was holding onto him for life, how her fingers dug at him and pulled his hair carelessly in the moment of illogical passion they both suffered.

He couldn't figure out whether or not those memories were good or not. Even if he had enjoyed all those details more than he should have at the time, something about them seemed wrong even then.

It had all been too much.

Too much for her.

Too much for him.

He never thought he would ever feel so overwhelmed like that. He had thought he would always know what he was doing, that he'd know how to handle everything once the time was right.

But that fear… the fear of losing himself, of doing something he'd regret because a moment of adult instinct, burned in him greater than ever.

Even if she didn't seem as uncomfortable as before, and she might've been a bit more… provocative… this time around, it hadn't felt right.

_It was too fast, too soon. _

_The timing was wrong. _

_None of it seemed to make sense…_

…

_It was just so… meaningless…_

He found himself happier than before that he had stopped things before they had a chance to escalate any further.

…

Even if it's what he thought he wanted this whole time it wasn't anything near what it should've been.

_What happened seems so wrong now… it was the wrong time, the wrong place… everything about it was just…_

He sighed to himself, his pace a fraction slower now that the weight of his thoughts was increasing by the moment and seemed to be pulling on his feet as well.

_I thought I was looking forward to the day she wouldn't be afraid anymore._

He grimaced behind his mask.

_Now I know I've been dreading it at the same time._

…

_Even if it had been the 'right time' or the 'right place'… I still don't feel like I have any right to be with her, to even touch her._

_Not yet…_

"Hatake."

Hearing his family name right now woke him from those thoughts a little roughly. He turned towards the trees along the side of the path. He had almost forgotten that he wasn't walking this path to clear his head, but that he had a mission to set right.

"Hey." He answered back with less spirit than he realized. "And it's 'Kakashi'." He added with a sour tone. He had forgotten to tell them not to call him by his family name at the first meeting.

"What did you need us for?" The voice from within the trees of the path spoke up again, not paying any attention to Kakashi's correction or showing any move to come out behind the cover of the forest.

Kakashi just continued to stare ahead of him, towards the fast falling sun. As far as any onlookers could tell he was just staring at the scenery, talking to himself, and not conducting a secret meeting right now.

"The plan's been a little compromised." Kakashi offered back with a casually apologetic voice, still paying a small amount of polite conversational humor to the gruff, hidden voice.

"So what do you need to tell us?" The man asked briskly.

"Just a slight reschedule." Kakashi answered back vaguely before elaborating.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

I walked through the rooms a little slowly. My eyes were just glued to the floor, recognizing the same grooves in tatami mats as I walked over them again and again, pacing the suite.

I had no idea why I felt so restless… I mean it wasn't like there was anything I was worried about, right?

_Yeah, I have nothing to worry about._

Lying to myself just then didn't work when the lie only made me think about everything I _could_ worry about.  
The part tonight.  
The meeting with Hiroki.

Seeing Kakashi again.

…

I mean…. I _wanted _to see Kakashi-sensei again, of course. _Why wouldn't I?_  
_I'm always happiest when he's around, I always look forward to any time we can spend together… but right now…_  
I could kind of feel the embarrassment sinking in.

_What did I actually do just a half hour ago?  
Was I really laying flat on my back out there, by the water, underneath Kakashi-sensei?  
Did I really kiss him like that?  
Did I really touch him like that?  
Was I really the one who was taking things further!  
_I couldn't focus on any of it.

The more I thought back to what happened the less any of it seemed real, but the scarier the thought was of seeing him again.  
I mean, even if we talked about what happened and what he really felt, I suddenly felt like some sort of irresponsible, gross kid when I think about the fact I did those things.  
_I had been pushing him before he was ready… though in the end, he wasn't really 'ready' because he didn't believe I was. _

…

_And now I can't help but wonder if I really am or not!_

…_  
I had been so blinded by everything that was going on, I didn't care what I was doing because everything felt so good…._  
I cringed at the memory of a feeling-drunk me trying to take things so far.

My hands that were holding up the extravagant train of the dress clenched tighter into fists.

_I mean… it wasn't bad, what happened.  
And I don't really regret it. It's hard to regret any time I've spent with Kakashi-sensei… but… it was just so out of place. We were normal one minute, poking fun at each other as innocently as any other day, and then… things got out of hand. Really.  
But I guess I should've seen it coming.  
We've been getting closer and closer for so long now that it shouldn't have been such a surprise that we'd be… at this… part… of the relationship._

_GAH!_

I crouched down to the ground faster than was probably possible, my hands flying from the sides of my dress to the sides of my head.  
"God, I'm just so stupid!" I exclaimed to myself, not caring if I sounded like a crazy person right now since I was alone. "I _think_ I'm ready but I can't even _think_ about this stuff without pacing around and freaking out!"

I stood back up with a huff, no longer caring about the train of the dress as I turned back to the other room, my hands in fists as I felt the frustration at myself grow.

_I'm still such a KID. I can't even bring myself to think about what I'm going to say when he comes back!_

_I don't even know what I'm doing here!_

_I have stuff to do but here I am, unable to think about anything or anyone but him!_

_I can't get him out of my head!_

_I can't stop thinking about the way he feels and the way he kisses me and how much I'm already starting to miss him even though I'm kind of nervous to see him again!_

_My head is just so overrun by everything about Kakashi-sensei I can't even think straight anymore!_

_WAS I ALWAYS LIKE THIS?_

…

My crazy exclamation of a thought woke me up a little when I involuntarily thought of an answer.

…

_No… I wasn't._

…

_I wasn't always trying to keep my thoughts of Kakashi-sensei out of my head. I wasn't always this easily flustered by everything about him. _

_There was a time when Kakashi-sensei was /only/ 'sensei'. A time when he was just a random adult in my life who meant a bit more to me than the others.  
There were times I'd go without seeing him for weeks, months, even a year and I'd only remember he existed every other day or week and never really felt that guilty for forgetting about him.  
I was too caught up in my own life –with myself- to notice him before.  
I had never seen him the way I do now back then… even though he hasn't really changed over the years, I had never noticed how talented and patient and overwhelmingly... attractive... he really is.  
I guess I had to grow up a bit more before I could notice him._

_But if I had 'noticed' him before, would that have made a difference?_

_Was I a person he could feel like this strongly for before a few months ago? What's so different about me now? _

_How could someone you've lived so casually around, with, and without for so long suddenly become someone you can't imagine not seeing every day?  
…_

Just the memory of a time in my life where Kakashi-sensei was forgettable or even annoying (as he was to me for the first few months I knew him) seemed so surreal.  
I thought that it was hard to accept how dangerously close we were only minutes ago, but the memory of exactly how distant we were for so many years seemed even further from reality.

I can't imagine a world where I didn't feel this way for Kakashi-sensei, a world where I couldn't reach out and touch him, or kiss him, or see his unmasked smile.

_But… I guess… if there's one thing I don't have to worry about, it's not being able to touch him.  
_…  
_I've already done probably too much of that for one day already.  
_My eyes squeezed shut at that thought as I couldn't suppress a hard grin as that sentence suddenly didn't make me feel so 'gross' anymore. I guess I felt a little… proud… actually.  
'Proud' that I could even be here worrying about that. That my life had moved in such a fast-paced but rewarding way to get me where I _could _be here worrying about that.

If my relationship with Kakashi-sensei had been any slower… I probably wouldn't be this happy.

…

That thought hit me.

…

_So… if I'm happy that we didn't go any slower, and happy that we haven't gone any faster…_

… _then…_

_We're actually... at the perfect place right now._

My fists unclenched, my eyes opened a little widely with simple surprise.

_The 'perfect place'?_

…

I had been freaking out so much over how far things _could've _gone or how slow things must _seem to be going _for him that I hadn't really stopped to look at where we _are_.

…And…

I'm happy with where we are… right now.

… _'perfect'._

At the moment that thought ran through my head I could feel some of the tension and worry just wash away. Suddenly, the fear of seeing him again transformed into a need to see him again.

"Wow…" I whispered to myself for a moment.

Usually these mental freakouts don't work this way. Usually I just mull over my problems and just feel worse… but right now… everything seems so much better.

_Why couldn't this happen to me more often!_

I almost wanted to laugh at myself, lifting my head up from staring at the ground, about to let out a few guffaws… but the strange moment of spontaneous relief seemed to dwindle instantly when my eyes landed on the clock just as the minute hand ticked forward.

_CRAP!_

I suddenly remembered the world outside of my head.

_He's probably waiting for me right now and I'm just standing here talking and laughing to myself like a crazy person!_

I ran out the door in somewhat of a hurry after slipping on a few of the complimentary slippers set in the doorway.

I was in so much of a hurry that I'd forgotten two crucial things:

One, the fact that I had no idea who I had to be around this man I was supposed to meet right now. Hanako or Sakura.

And two, the fact I was wearing this ridiculous dress.

But I wouldn't realize the second crucial fact until I ran into the courtyard, slightly out of breath, to see the blonde man turn around to face me, his blue eyes having nowhere to land but on the intentionally gaping holes of the freakishly designed dress which exposed more of me than I cared to share with this man.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … …. …. …. …. …. … … … … …

Walking back from that meeting was surprisingly easier than the walk there, though he still hadn't cleared his head of the personal matters that had been flooding it before. It was easier... not because he was now walking through a market area that had a healthy amount of noise and movement to distract his thoughts, but now that he was on his way back to those 'personal matters' he felt a bit more in control of what he had been so worried about before.

He didn't know what he'd do when he was alone with her again, but he didn't really seem to be worried enough to keep his mind on it after he was distracted by something shiny in the window of a shop he walked by.

He snooped closer to the window, keeping his hands in the pockets of his dress pants as his eyes continued window-shopping.

He wondered if he brought enough money with him for a moment.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

The courtyard was empty, except for one man, the narrow stone path forked a few times along it's crossing to the other side of the garden which was adorned with exotic flowers and plants I hadn't seen in this region before. The extravagant koi pond seemed to glow with the golden sunlight that peeked through the tall wall of bamboo shoots that surrounded the perimeter of the yard.

"Good evening." The blonde man several feet away spoke up after a single moment of awkward silence, once again using the manners I forgot he had. Even that moment of awkwardness, when his eyes landed on this dress, was cut comfortably short by his own doing.

I was a little surprised.

I guess I had been kind of expecting the old-Hiroki to be back out or something, the snobby thug I knew last night... but he was still gentleman-Hiroki.  
I guess that was a good thing…. But it was just confusing…. It was hard to accept this new side of this man… it seemed too good to trust.  
I ended my moment of hesitation as I noticed he was walking over to me now, smiling politely. He was dressed in a dark blue suit, the color of which seemed to bring out the deepness of his features, the definition of his jaw, and the brighter hue of blue in his eyes. I almost found myself staring at him as I wondered just how such an unattractive snob of a man I was up close and personal with last night could have turned into…_ this_.  
He didn't seem to notice the staring, or if he did it didn't tarnish his surprisingly kind smile as he continued to walk over to me, looking as if he was about to speak up at any moment.

_Ok… you can handle this.  
It's only a conversation… with an enemy-ally person… you don't have anything to worry about.  
Just be some sort of cross between Hanako and Sakura and everything will be fine.  
_I gave myself some last minute encouragement even though it didn't really work.  
"Good eve-" I was about to repay him the formality but as I took my own step towards him I forgot I was wearing these floppy slippers. The loose fabric around my toes snagged onto the corner of my dress and then against the edge of a cobblestone, my balance jeopardized a moment later.  
I cursed myself for being so clumsy.  
But I was a kunoichi, I knew how to regain balance after _almost_ falling so it wasn't like I was going to fall flat on my face or anything, but I didn't need to exercise any of my balance training right now as I suddenly found myself landing against the chest of a dark blue suit.

"Uh…" I spoke up only a nanosecond after I felt a pair of unfamiliar hands land on my shoulders, about to lift me off of him.

In the spare moment I breathed in before I mumbled that single syllable I recognized the same scent from this morning.  
Cologne.  
Again, since I wasn't used to the scent because shinobi would never wear anything like cologne, it burned my nose, but it was still kind of really nice.  
I was actually a little disappointed when he lifted me away from him. I had no idea why.

"That was a little careless." He graded with a playful tone as he turned away from me just as I looked up to him, I could only see his profile. He was exactly the same as this morning, his blonde hair was slicked back flawlessly, his blue eyes actually seemed brighter now that we were under natural light here in the courtyard, the only difference was that he wasn't as clean-shaven as before… 'five o'clock shadow' is what they call it, I guess. I wondered for only a spare moment if Kakashi ever got that… I didn't think he did. "But I guess it must be difficult to walk around in that dress though." His textured voice spoke up again after another moment of silence; he took a few steps towards the single bench to my right. His hand on my shoulder led me along gently.

It only took me a second before I came to my senses and realized that I'd been a zombie for the past minute and hadn't said anything or shown any sort of initiative in this meeting or anything. I shook my head to clear away whatever mental fog that had been stopping me before. Stupid thoughts of cologne and five o'clock shadow. _I'm too distracted right now. _I scolded myself.

"Yeah, Kyosuke picked it out." I started to reciprocate the conversation innocently, using enough sense to remember Kakashi's cover name, and still allowing his hand to guide me to the bench. "I wouldn't be wearing it now, but he had some business to take care of and he wanted to see me in it before he left." I lowered myself to the bench sitting down carefully so that my dress wouldn't tear or anything.  
But I was distracted from what I was wearing when I suddenly realized what I said, my eyes widened for a spare moment.

_Wait, why did I just say that?_

_I just let my guard down and actually told him the truth! I didn't need to tell him that! It's actually kind of embarrassing that I admitted to following 'Kyosuke's' orders like that._

_Jeez, pull it together!  
_I paid for that slip up when I heard unfamiliar, almost scratchy, chuckling next to me as he sat down on the bench beside me, his hand let go of my shoulder, my skin felt a little cold.  
I suddenly felt a little defensive, just like I always did whenever Kakashi would laugh at something I said or did in the same way.  
"But this really isn't my style, of course." I added quickly, motioning to the dress before thinking. I had forgotten just how much of my chest was showing. A giant V of skin was bare, the point of the V stopped right above my navel. The slits on either side of the dress reached up to my thighs. I hadn't noticed when I sat down just now that my upper right leg was completely exposed.  
And here I was, pointing at this dress, remarking on the style. Predictably, Hiroki-san's eyes followed the motion of my hand and focused a little too deeply on it when I hurriedly pulled the fabric back over my leg.  
"Uh-Kyosuke picks out these things." I explained again hurriedly, feeling more than a little embarrassed again. I fixed my eyes on the fountain several feet in front of us, my hands curling into fists at the edge of my knees as I mentally berated myself for being such a clumsy talker right now.

I had no idea why I couldn't seem to plan my words before I said them.  
I heard the man's chuckle again, in the corner of my eye I could see the strong frame of his torso shake with each chuckle. His laughter. It was a lot deeper than Kakashi-sensei's, his voice was too… probably because he was a little older than him or something.

But I couldn't get really defensive about this man's laughter now since I knew I would've laughed at me, too, if I were him.  
I almost sighed at myself for making a fool of myself twice in under two minutes.

"I don't really blame him." His voice broke that moment of awkwardness after he was done laughing at me.

I stole a glance over at him.

He looked up towards the sun, probably picking up the 'please-don't-look-at-me-and-laugh-like-that'-vibe I was trying to send at him. "I kind of understand why Kyousuke-kun would pick these dresses for you."  
The way he said 'kun' after Kakashi's cover name reminded me again that this man was more than a few years older than Kakashi. I tried to steel my mind with that thought, to remind myself that this is a grown man who still wasn't a verified ally, so I couldn't let my guard down around him even if he's being really… nice.

"If I had a fiancée like you, I probably couldn't stop myself from showing her off either."  
His 'nice'ness seemed to evolve into flattery just then as I suddenly felt even more conscious than before. His words sounded really similar to the ones I exchanged with him last night:

'_Kyousuke picked this out.'_ I had offered the same excuse last night as just now._  
'He's probably just trying to show you off and make some of us jealous.' 'He should be careful, though.' 'When another man sees something he likes, especially a man like me, even an overprotective fiancé won't stop him from getting what he wants.'_

I didn't feel so comfortable anymore sitting next to the man who's lips once said that to me. Even if I was surrounded by the calming garden and the even more soothing scent of that cologne, I definitely couldn't let my guard down. Right?  
_Was this man still the same one who said that last night?  
Was he really just so drunk last night that he said something so… creepy without really meaning it? Or has his personality really been altered by the Takao root?_  
I still didn't have the answers to those questions, but the memory of the distrust I once felt for this man (which was now dwindling despite my suspicions) seemed to get my thoughts back on track.

I was about to open my mouth and disturb this moment of actual comfortable silence that we seemed to be sharing, but his voice spoke up first again.

"What kind of business did Kyosuke-kun have to go on, again?" He asked with a conversational tone, using 'kun' again, as if he was really just trying to pick up some sort of conversation. Like he really _didn't_ have a reason to invite me here and was actually just trying to pick up some small talk or something.

"I… don't know." I answered truthfully, waiting for him to ask a better question.

He seemed to know what I was waiting for.

"Was it something to do with your mission?" He asked, polite curiosity in his voice. He turned back to me for a moment, ignoring the setting sun he was previously gazing at. His mature face housed the simple and almost naive smile I recognized from this morning, the eyes that had been droopy with alcohol and lust last night were now untouched by any sort of vulgarity but still displayed a deepness in them that only a man of his years could posess. It almost reminded me of Kakashi… but even Kakashi's eyes didn't look this… darkened by experience.

_But that didn't matter!_

It was clear that although he was altogether polite… he was still completely knowledgable about the seriousness of what he was saying.

I just stared back at him, showing my shock a little unabashedly.

_He DID know we were on a mission._

_He DOES know we're actually shinobi._

_How did he find out?_

_Where did we slip up?_

I couldn't think through all that before I decided to take control of the conversation before he could sense the panic in my thoughts. I really needed to steal the upperhand of this conversation again.

"What about your mission?" I asked up a little coldly, adopting a bit more of 'Hanako', trying not to look at his eyes for too long. "Didn't you say you had plans to overthrow-"

Before I could finish that question I could barely see his hand move before I felt the pressure of a single finger land on my lips. I was about to swat it away when I noticed how he was looking over his shoulder must've been checking for any other lackeys or anyone at all that could eavesdrop.I stopped myself from hitting his hand away.

_I guess I don't need to be rude about it then…_

But after a few seconds it was clear no one was here but us.  
That thought made my stomach bubble a little nervously.  
I was alone with this man.  
I could suddenly notice all the details of the finger on my lips, the slight weather of his skin, as if he had once been some sort of laborer or work-hand, but the gentleness of his touch that almost tickled. I backed away from his hand, feeling a little weird to let him touch me longer than a second, and even weirder for not being able to stop myself from analyzing his touch so deeply just then. He turned back to me, lowering his hand slowly.

"There are men here who would kill me if they even heard something like you were about to say." He explained with care, his voice only a whisper. "But thankfully, none of them seem to be here." He smiled as if everything was okay now. His boyish charm shining through his matured face with a strange balance as I just had to take a moment to remember the unattractive scowl he wore last night….  
I couldn't help but hope that he really had changed, or that this really was his original personality.  
I could feel my already frizzled nerves began to sizzle a bit harder with that awkward thought and especially with the way he leaned in a little closer just now.

"Have you heard about the havoc Momoshita has in mind for this region?" He asked under his breath, his eyes boring into mine as I was unable to look away. "What he's willing to do to take control and push his influence even further?"

Of course I didn't have an answer, but the way he was looking at me. I felt a little pressured to say something. I tugged at the fabric of my dress, making sure that it was covering my legs as much as it could now that I felt a little nervous while he kept staring at me like this.

"Who else can stop him but one of his own men?" He leaned away, closing his eyes solemnly.

I finally felt a little less nervous now that I couldn't see the lightning blue behind his eyelids, but the scent of his cologne seemed stronger than ever, I tried to ignore how much I was starting to like it.

I brushed a lock of pink hair behind my ear as I actually had to work up some sort of courage to speak up and break this moment of quiet.

"So, you've been planning this the whole time?" I asked up, not really sure what to say right now, but knowing I needed to know more about this man before I could let myself trust him as much I already was.

"No." He said simply, bowing his head a few inches, staring at his folded hands. I looked down at them, too, my lips remembering how his skin felt, wondering what his whole hand would feel like. I kind of wanted to reach out and-

_Woah!_

_What the hell?_

_What the HELL?_

I couldn't freak out enough over that strange moment before he spoke up again.  
"There was a time when I blindly followed Momoshita just like the rest of the guys." He explained quickly, his voice full of nostalgia, "But after I've seen what he's capable of," His face flinched as if he remembered something so disturbing that it caused him pain to even think of it. My mind wondered on its own about what exactly this man's must have been through in his life. He was probably the son of a farmer or something, who left for the city and got caught up in Momoshita's gang. And from what I've heard about Momoshita's gang and their violent ways, he's must have seen a lot, been through a lot,... done a lot.

"I have to stop him." His voice was a little harsh, his hands tightening together for a moment.

I felt myself shrink back a little when I, again, felt like I must've been such a kid to him.  
I mean, not that it mattered, but sitting here, trying to interrogate a man so much older than me, who's probably seen a lot more than me…it felt like it wasn't my place to be talking to him like an equal right now.  
And, to make it all a little bit worse, here I was, probably going to be somewhat responsible for Momoshita's downfall even though he's been planning this for years.

How frustrating would it be to see a couple of kids do what you've been struggling to do for years.

But maybe it didn't have to be that way.

"I can help." I offered unnecessarily, staring at the koi pond again. It didn't matter if Hiroki-san wanted help or not, it was my job to do what he's been waiting to do himself for ages, but maybe he could think of it as 'help' instead of thinking of me as some sort of imposing kid who's going to crush his own plans… it would help.

He looked back over to me, his blue eyes void of any of the naïve playfulness I saw in them only minutes ago or this morning. His eyes showed his years more visibly now. His expression was firm, but saddened… as if regretful.

"I know what you're here for, and I know you want me to get you a spot for the meeting." He spoke up, his voice as old as his eyes now. "But I can't let you take that risk."

"But I-" I was about to explain how I could handle myself, how he shouldn't worry about me, but his textured voice cut me off.

"Things won't go the way you think they will tonight."  
I stared at him, a little confused, but ready to listen.  
"They won't go the way Momoshita has been planning either…" He added as an afterthought. "I might not know you very well, Hanako," Hearing him have to use my fake name because he didn't know my real one was a little sad now. "But I don't want to put you in that kind of danger."

"Hiroki-san." I spoke up, unable to decipher whether I felt grateful or confused. I didn't know why I felt like I had to put the 'san' after his name, either. It was so weird… but it felt right.

"I don't want anyone else to get hurt because of me." He stopped any further thoughts of mine not only with those words, but with the look in his eyes. I couldn't explain it.  
So… mesmerizing.

Even if I had to raise head up a little awkwardly to meet his eyes since he was actually a lot taller than me, I still couldn't look away.  
I had never looked into a pair of eyes so closely before that were both the same color. And I had never felt a hand feel so rough and so soft at the same time when I noticed his longer fingers falling between mine. I noticed that the scent of his cologne was getting kind of addicting when I realized how pleasant it made me feel when the wind picked up the scent in my direction.

"I noticed something a little while ago."His voice dropped to a weathered whisper, but it wasn't any harder to hear than before now that his face was closer to mine.

I felt my hand lift up off the stone of the bench, completely supported by his. His fingers held onto my palm gently, but as he lifted my hand up to my face I felt his index finger slide up the length of my ring finger.

He held it up there, only looking at my hand, his thumb rubbing back and forth over the base of my ring finger tentatively.

I tried to think about what he was trying to say. I tried to peel my eyes away from his now renewed, playful ones. I tried to ignore the way his fingers felt, and just focus on my own finger. My ring finger.

_Ring finger?_

_Ring._

_Engagement ring._

My eyes widened with a little surprise.

_I don't have a ring._

"There really is something that you and Kyosuke are hiding, isn't there?" He revised his question from this morning just now as if he was telling a joke.

I couldn't really process any sort of answer or response when I felt him pull my hand forward.

His lips landed on my finger. Softly.

I couldn't really focus on anything other than the way his lips felt different than the ones I was used to.  
I thought lips were lips, that they were all the same, but there really was a difference.  
I looked from the way his foreign lips were pressing harder against my skin to his eyes, they were half-closed, but brighter than ever now that the sun was shining across from us. They almost looked gray.  
They were looking down at me with the strangest expression. One of humor and teasing, but I could almost see something like… real… desire. It was completely different from the look boys give you when they have a crush on you, or when they're thinking about kissing you. This was the same kind of look I'd only seen a few times before, and each time I'd seen it, it was always quickly followed by an apology or a 'we should stop'.  
But to see that same look in a man's eyes without the layers of guilt and uncertainty hiding behind it was completely new to me.

_This man… he really doesn't see me as a kid… he's looking at me like if he could kiss me right now, there wouldn't be any sort of guilt or restraint._  
His lips pressed harder against my skin as he travelled down my hand to my wrist, his half-closed eyes never leaving mine. This all felt so new. It felt so different.  
My heart was beating way too hard already.  
His lips left my skin as his face inched downward to mine, his cologne stinging my nose the way I was starting to really like.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

He walked out of the shop, after a polite exchange with the woman behind the counter, the door jingling behind him.

It wasn't long after he started walking down the sidewalk again that his mind wandered back to the plans for this evening.

_Things are definitely going to get mixed up.  
_He sighed to himself.  
_But maybe it's for the best… if I could plan everything like I wanted I would probably go a few steps too far and jeopardize the mission… or my personally life.  
_But still, thinking back to the reason _why_ he wouldn't be able to enjoy this evening as much as he wanted was still enough to ruin the recently good mood he had fallen into. But the mistress' words from this afternoon still echoed in his head, amplifying the annoying quality of her voice unnecessarily:

_'What do you want?' __?" His voice was completely monotonous as if he didn't care at all about the fact that he just dropped his 'Kyousuke' act.  
The mistress only smiled to herself like a manipulative kid who had just got her way again.  
__"I need a man." She answered after a few more seconds of gloating._

_A moment of awkwardness passed._

_"Are you desperate or something?" He asked plainly, knowing it was offensive.  
"No!" She nearly whined. "I could get any man I want!" She exclaimed proudly, disturbing a few of the other women customers who sneered at the mistress's unabashed display of confidence.  
"Then why don't you get another man?" Kakashi asked as he sighed, already dying to tear himself away from this woman.  
"Because I want _you_!" She pleaded like a kid. "I need someone Momo will notice around me tonight…" She paused for a moment suddenly looking as pitiful as was possible. "He hasn't been paying me any attention lately and he won't even call me his mistress publicly anymore." She pouted to herself as if this could somehow be relatable to him.  
He had to stop himself from smacking his forehead when he realized just what exactly he was in for.  
_Couldn't she at least come up with some sort of evil plan or something that could make this blackmail situation worth his time?  
_Why did she have to bother him and his evening just so that she could play the 'jealousy game' with her married lover who's probably going to be so busy getting arrested tonight that he won't care if his mistress is hanging on some other man.  
"So tonight at the party, just ditch your little fiancée and you can spend the whole time with me."  
He hated the way she made it sound like she was giving him a treat but she was already flitting away from him, all smiles and giggles again now that her petty plans had won over his own and were now dominating his evening.  
_Just the memory of that made him sigh and lean his head back towards the sky, tired.

_The same mistakes from the past seem to be haunting me.  
_He thought back to the Masquerade… how he invited Anko.  
He still remembered the mixture of pain and shock in Sakura's eyes as she saw them together… even if that was a long time ago, and he knew Sakura could handle these things better now that their relationship was stronger than ever and because she must know by now how much he cares for her… he could still imagine how disappointed she's going to look once he has to leave her alone tonight at that party.

He couldn't blame her.

Even if he was the adult and was supposed to be better at handling these things, Kakashi could just imagine how much he'd be bothered by seeing Sakura accompanying another man…  
He kicked a pebble on the street a little forcefully with the thought.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

He was so close.

I could feel the warmth radiating off of him in an almost familiar way. But Kakashi seemed warmer.  
_Kakashi.  
_I opened my eyes a little wider with the memory of his name, the memory of his kiss. The only one I'd ever known. I suddenly had a chilling realization that that last thought wasn't going to be true in a few seconds if I just sat here like this.  
My head cleared.

_What the hell?_

I threw my head back recklessly, almost losing balance and falling off the bench.  
The man sitting next to me fought for my balance, his hand pulling my own back to him, anchoring me back to where I was before. I'd rather fall on my face than go back to the exact position I was just in.  
He didn't give me a chance to make a fool of myself again, though I'd already made myself a fool, he pulled me back with a firm tug. My face was closer to his than it was before.  
He was smiling down at me, a playful smile that told me he thought I was being funny… I was okay with seeing that expression on Kakashi-sensei, but not this man.  
He leaned down a little again. Apparently he didn't understand that I wasn't just being clumsy again, that I had actually been trying to pull myself away from him just now.  
My stomach bounced around in my body when I even felt his breath on my lips.  
_This felt so wrong._

"OK."

My voice had broken whatever moment that was with a loud and bracing tone. I looked away from his face, towards the eye-level collar of his shirt, trying to focus, my eyes unblinking.  
He leaned away again, but he was still too close for my liking.  
"What's wrong?"  
His voice confused me further when I actually heard genuine worry in it.  
Had this been the old-Hiroki I would've just punched him, or kicked him, or something that would've landed him on the ground in pain while I stomped off, huffing with irritation. But this wasn't him. This guy was the perfect gentleman who made a move after he thought he figured out I was actually single.

_Wait… am I defending him?_

…_. Well,, it's not like he did anything wrong…  
But it feels like he did._  
_What the hell is wrong with me!_

"I'm sorry." His voice interrupted my thought-organization moment. "I got carried away again." He excused himself, his figure leaning farther away.  
The smell of his cologne weakened some, I felt like I could think a little clearer now.

"I know you probably have no interest in a man like me." I steadily moved my eyes back to his face, still not blinking. He was smiling, his eyes closed with a sort of nervous humor… he almost seemed a little… hurt.  
I felt my own expression twitch when the look on his face go to me.  
_How can he make me feel so guilty!  
_"I'm too old for a young woman like you." He added to his last sentence.

I fidgeted on the spot, unable to think of anything else to say besides:  
"I don't really have a problem with age…" I mumbled awkwardly, feeling like a hypocrite if I just led him on to believe that I thought he was too old.

Sure, there was a time in my life when even the thought of dating a guy three or four years older than me was weird… but after being with Kakashi for this long… things change.  
I could feel him looking at me out of the corner of my eye. I hoped I wasn't giving him mixed signals or something. I spoke up again quickly, before he could take what I just said the wrong way.  
"Uh-Kyousuke and I… it's um…" I wondered if I should be telling him the truth or not, I felt like I should, "it's not what you think, really." I finished vaguely.  
Well, if he thought that we _weren't_ together, then it really _wasn't_ what he thought.

"Oh. I see." He said quietly before a moment of silence, "He's a lucky kid, then." Again, his age was apparent through the way he called _Kakashi_ a _kid_.  
I had to wonder if Kakashi was really 'lucky' or not because of me. I wasn't really a catch for someone like Kakashi-sensei.

"Well, as a personal apology, I guess I have no choice but to help you on your mission." He spoke up with a refreshed voice, as if he was just trying to sweep what just happened under the rug. "I'll do what I can to find you a seat for the meeting."

"Thank you." I said as graciously as possible as I stood back up. His gentlemanly instincts seem to kick in as he stood up as I did. I noticed again how tall he was.

"But I wish you'd still reconsider going." I caught his blue eyes staring down at me like he was actually a little worried for me.

"I have to. It's my job." I smiled up at him as sincerely as I could.

"Alright... Until then." He pardoned himself with a smile brighter than my own, but still pained.  
I walked away from that meeting thoroughly awkward-ified.  
I still felt a little emotionally queasy for letting him get so close, and for not only feeling guilty when I pushed him away, and for feeling guilty right now as I wished I could've tied up that conversation a bit better.  
I walked out here thinking I was going to be a skilled kunoichi and exercise my interrogational knowledge, that I was going to skillfully guide the conversation to get as much information as possible… but in reality I couldn't even focus enough to get anything more than a reservation at that meeting tonight.  
_Something is definitely wrong with me._

I slid open the door to my room tiredly, dragging the dress's train behind me carelessly. I trudged over to the nearest futon and crawled onto it… feeling a little mopy for being so useless, hoping that rest would wash away the several types of guilt I was feeling right now.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

He walked through the doorway, already forgetting everything else outside this room when he peeked through the door to his right to see a pink-haired girl curled up on a single futon, her violet dress draped over her, not doing a very good job of covering her up.  
After spending only a moment in the doorway, just watching her shoulder raise and fall slowly a few times, he decided to walk into the room.  
A moment later he was already sitting by her side. He smiled to himself in the quiet moment.

She was so cute when she slept.  
She looked like a kid again, innocent, unbothered by the world… as if she didn't have any secrets or told any lies.  
His eyes narrowed and his brow furrowing slightly when that thought passed through his mind.  
His ungloved hand reached out to her cheek, enjoying the softness of her skin as he brushed his fingertips into her hair for a moment.  
He wished he could give her a life like that. One where she wouldn't have to constantly look over her shoulder before she kissed him, one where she wouldn't have to lie to her friends and parents about where she was or why she was late getting home.  
His jaw clenched tighter the longer his mind stayed on the subject.

_This isn't right for her._  
Her first experience with romance shouldn't have been one so full of secrecy and confusion and worry. It should've been easy and fun and open.  
_I can't give her any of that.  
Not yet, anyways.  
_That made him feel a little better… before:  
_But can this really survive the years of secrecy ahead of us?_

_How can I expect her to put herself through all this for me?_

…

_I guess, if she can, I'll have to make it up to her._

_Someday._  
His hand left her hair just as she sighed in her sleep, he reached into his pocket, taking out a little box.

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**Part 2 will be out later today, promise!**


	56. Trysts and Trusts: Part 2

**Chapter 55!**

**Title:**_"Trysts and Trust: Part 3"_

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**NOTE:**** Ok… so this actually ended up as a 3-parter, too… I hope that's okay. I swear the future chapters won't be!**

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**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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My dream faded away as the darkness took over my sight again.  
I opened my eyes only a centimeter. Everything was blurry.  
I could feel my hand moving, fingers holding my own.  
I was immediately reminded of those blue eyes and the strange lips that had kissed that hand earlier today. I shot up from my sleep, almost scared that those foreign lips would land on my skin again.  
"Easy there." I heard a chuckle after those words. Before my sleepy eyes could find the source of that voice my brain already recognized it, allowing a wave of happiness to wash away the almost sickly worry from just a few seconds ago.

I moved my head to my right, my eyes trying to find him. His lips found mine first.  
Again, being caught off guard by this man for the umpth time today, it took me a moment to register how to kiss back. Just as soon as I was finally starting to wake up he pulled away.

"Tadaima." He said simply, with a gentle smile…. His voice sounded… happy.  
I almost forgot he would be wearing that suit and black mask when he got back. Again, I noticed how nice a suit like that looked on him, but I didn't really focus on what he was wearing while he was smiling like that.  
Just like always, I was always surprised by how easy it was for him to smile like that around me… for the years I knew him without being this close to him he never really struck me as a person who would smile so much, I'd only ever see him grin politely before a few months ago. My heart quickened for a moment when I wondered whether or not I had anything to do with how often he'd smile recently.

"Okaieri." I answered with a sleepy smile of my own, not really minding following his lead this time.

My stomach bubbled happily when I saw his smile widen with that one word.  
"How was your nap?" He asked conversationally, continuing the moment of strange normality that we never got enough of in this relationship.

"Oh, it was-" I reached up to my head, running my fingers through my hair just in case I had some sort of awful case of bed-head and now looked as crazy as I felt earlier this afternoon, when this man had occupied every corner of my frantic mind, but… something caught me off guard and stopped my words.  
There was a little source of weight on my hand, on my finger.  
I thought for a weird moment that maybe my guilt of letting another man's lips touch my skin had somehow manifested itself in some sort of invisible weight on my finger, but as I looked at my hand, I realized that the weight definitely wasn't invisible.

That was when I forgot how to talk.

He didn't seem to notice my shock, or at least take it into account, when his hand found mine. I still stared at my finger, a little wide-eyed, as he lifted it to his unmasked face. I could feel his breath run down my hand as his lips got dangerously close to touching the little clear gemstone welded into the silver band of metal wrapped around my finger.  
I snatched away my hand as quickly as I could force the stimuli from my brain to my hand.  
Again, the memory of those weirdly guilt-inducing lips on my skin shook me enough to react so harshly to Kakashi-sensei's show of affection. I couldn't let him kiss the same hand that that man had.

He stared at me, his own eyes wide, but not as wide as my own.

A weak smile spread across his face this time as he shook his head a little, "What's with that face?"

"… What?" I asked up, finally remembering one word out of the Japanese language.

"Relax…" He told me softly. "It's only a costume."

I looked down at the ring… it didn't look costumey to me.

"I only thought that it seemed kind of pointless that we would _say _we were engaged, but not have any evidence." He responded with his usual carefree grin. I was a little surprised that at the same time Hiroki had realized the absence of a ring, Kakashi did too… I guess he was just being thoughtful.  
But something about his smile didn't seem right… it looked almost… fake.

"Oh, yeah… that makes sense." I answered back slowly, trying to act normal and not as disturbed as I was over the fact that I might've ruined a moment he had planned by acting so stupidly on guilt.

"Well," He raised his voice for a moment, as if trying to push the previous subject behind us, "I would've liked to suggest we both finish that nap of yours, but we actually have to start getting ready."

I felt a little disappointed actually. Sleeping by his side was always a sure-kill way of forgetting anything that was bothering me. But he was right; it must be time for the party to start already.

As if on cue there was suddenly a loud crashing noise that I recognized from this morning, the door had been thrown open without a second thought of infrastructure.

"Kakashi-sensei! Saku-OW!" Naruto had burst through the door, stomping into the room we were now standing in bellowing our real names. Kakashi stopped him from the last syllable with a little jab to the top of the blonde's head. "What was that fer?" He whined, still energetic, clutching his head a little painfully.

"You can't go shouting our real names when we're still undercover." Kakashi lectured with a sigh.

Naruto frowned to himself, closing his eyes, pouting in his own defiant way. "Well, whatever." He said gruffly. "I just wanted to know what the plan was." He added, still dejected.

"I thought you said you wanted to check to make sure Kakashi-san wasn't doing anything 'weird'?" A polite voice floated into the conversation before I noticed Sai walking up behind Naruto. I had to make a double take.

The first take was to realize that the two boys were wearing suits of their own, both of them looking actually good in the formal wear.  
The second take was when I computed what Sai meant when he quote Naruto's words 'Kakashi doing something "weird"'? My mind reeled at the fact that for the first time in a while, he hadn't been doing _anything_ weird just now… well, that was probably because of how I so _kindly_ snatched my hand away from him as if he had cooties or something, earlier. I grumbled to myself about that as Naruto started defending himself.

"I didn't say that!" He objected a little frantically as Kakashi-sensei gave him a tired glare behind his mask. "I just said I wanted to check on you guys!" He offered the alternative sentence.  
He might've actually been telling the truth… he sounded like it.  
_Maybe Sai was the one lying?  
That was a weird thought… Sai lying about something so pointless…  
but…_  
Sai could've thought that by making up that sentence it would introduce the subject of something happening between me and Kakashi… which would help my chances of getting into Kakashi-sensei's thoughts.  
Yeah… that plan _sounded_ like something Sai would come up with.  
I sighed a little roughly as I stood up from the futon, straightening out the dress as I did. There were so many pesky things about my situation right now that I couldn't set right: Sai, Hiroki, the weird guilt can't get rid of. _I really have to find a way to fix everything, I'm getting tired of freaking out every other minute._

I hadn't noticed until I looked up that all three of my teammates were now staring at me.

Kakashi seemed like he was either admiring his choice of attire or _me_… I kind of hoped it was the dress he was looking at. If he was looking at _me_… the look in his eye would be too embarrassing.  
Naruto was just gawking, like he did last time I had to wear something so showy.  
Sai was just staring over Naruto's shoulder, following what the crowd was doing. Staring at me.

"Sakura-chyan." Naruto started, "You look so-"

"I think it's time you two went to go prepare for the party." Kakashi broke in before Naruto could finish his compliment, reaching out to the boys' shoulders and guiding them back to the door.

"But we've already done everything!" Naruto whined.

"It's impossible to recheck escape routes and weapons too many times." Kakashi lectured shortly, repeating words I'd heard him say almost every time we settled down to camp during a mission and Naruto complained about being bored.

The two boys left the room without much fight and everything was quiet again.

"So I guess we still have to get ready, too." I spoke up as he turned back to me.

"Yes, and regrettfuly," He smiled as he walked back up to me. When I thought he'd stop he just took another step and another. "We don't have time to waste." His masked lips grazed against my own with those words.  
He was so close.

I only stood there a little dumbly. I loved the way he could be so close to me, and I actually liked the way I could tell he was trying to tease me.…but… I couldn't really enjoy it as much as I wanted.  
I felt like I would've said something just as playful back… but I was still kind of… out of it. I had to settle for stealing a small, masked kiss and replying simply, "Ok."  
I left him to his own preparations. His gazed followed after me for a moment, like he was a little confused.  
I hoped he didn't realize that I wasn't really myself right now.

… then again, I was a horrible actress. He probably already knew.

I tried to push everything to the back of my mind as I got ready, which, surprisingly, wasn't taking as long as I had expected. I just had to put on the black heels he'd gotten for me this afternoon, fix my hair a little, and stash a kunai holder…

… stash a kunai holder….

… somewhere…

… where?  
I shuffled on the spot, holding the long white fabric which was traditionally used to secure the pack to your clothing… but this dress wouldn't really be able to hold it…. Plus, I couldn't have it out in the open unless I just wanted to say 'Hey, I'm a ninja!' as soon as I walked into the party. And that really wasn't the fashion statement I should be making tonight.  
And it wasn't even like I had pockets for kunai, either.

"Uh-Hey." I called to him through the wall as I made my way to the door.

"Hm?" He called back nonverbally. I turned the corner of the door, he had his back to me. He was leaning over one of his bags. I looked back down to the satchel and the fabric in my hands as I walked over to him.  
"What am I supposed to do about kunai? I've never done an undercover mission where I had to dress like this." I spoke up, still confused, not even caring enough to make the remark about 'dress like this' sound spiteful or playful since _he_ _was_ the one who dressed me like this. "Am I just supposed to rely on taijutsu if things get out of hand?"  
I finally looked up to the man right in front of me just as he turned to face me.  
Suddenly I felt like I just asked something stupid. The way he was looking at me, like the answer was the most obvious thing ever. He smiled behind his mask simply, his eye closing.

"I'll show you." His hands moved too fast to let me hold onto the kunai satchel or the fabric before they disappeared.

"Uh, wha-" My question was completely forgotten when in the same nanosecond I noticed his masked face disappear from sight that I suddenly felt a hand brush the front fabric of my dress aside.

I tried to take a step back as I looked down, but the same hand that had just pull aside the front train of my dress tugged the fabric, pulling me forward, as if he knew I'd try to back off.  
"H-Hey, what're you-" I asked after I finally registered the fact that he was actually kneeling in front of me, his eyes level with my stomach, but my tone changed when his hand lifted the violet, satin-y fabric of my dress over his shoulder, "HEY."  
He didn't seem to care that I was flipping out.  
"What do you think you're… doing!" I called for his attention loudly, my voice increasing in volume when his hands landed on my right leg, sliding upward a few inches from the top of my knee.

"Just trying to determine where to place it." He answered innocently, looking up at me with that same simple trademark smile. I looked away from him in only an instant… it was weird looking down at him like this, _especially when his hands were running along my leg like this!  
I am so glad that I put on some shorts just now… if he had done this before…._ I didn't want to think about how embarrassing that would've been.

"I can do this myself, you know." I grumbled a little, feeling the heat reach my face, wondering how my leg felt even hotter.  
"But it isn't the same type of wrapping pattern when you don't have clothes to secure it to." Again, the innocence in his voice was just so fake that it wasn't even funny.  
I felt a hand on my wrist pull my right hand down from how my arms were cross before.

"Hey." I complained a little at how he surprised me.

He pulled my arm down to my side.

"You have a short reach." He commented playfully.

"So?..." I warned him with some attitude, glancing down at him for a moment. I immediately wished I hadn't since as the same moment I did I felt his hand inch upward even farther, his palm heating my inner thigh. I almost pull my knees together in reaction."Hey!" I couldn't think of anything else to say to tell him that... that… I don't know… that I was freaking out?

"If I secured it any lower on your leg you'd have a hard time reaching without being discreet, and that wouldn't be good, right?" He explained happily as I couldn't' really argue with the logic, but the way he made it a question at the end was annoying.  
This was a challenge.  
"I guess…" I mumbled.  
The next thing I knew I felt the white fabric being pressed against my skin, his hand passed the cloth to his other, then that one to the other. His hand passing between my legs, the other one tracing the back of my thigh to make sure he set the fabric right even though he couldn't see.  
The whole time I was crossing my arms, my eyebrow twitching, just trying to keep my legs from shaking… this was getting kind of ticklish, too. Plus… the way he was just kneeling in front of me like this…. It was really really really starting to bug me. I felt like some sort of mannequin or something. I had completely no control over this little situation.  
I needed some of it back.  
"Do you really have to kneel like that?" I asked out of nowhere with as much politeness I could muster, hoping he'd take the hint.

"I guess not." He answered surprisingly truthfully.  
I had almost been sure that he'd have some sort of reason to stay like that. I breathed a small sigh of relief when his hands stopped and he anchored himself to his feet, the fabric of my dress sliding off his shoulder.

I thought that would put a stop to some of this weird embarrassment… but things just got so much worse.

He continued to pattern the wrappings around my thigh, but now that he was standing his hands were moving from an upward angle, his fingers occasionally brushing higher than necessary up my leg as he reached for the fabric. And now that he was standing, he had to lean down a little to reach, which meant that he was now eye level with me, and as he leaned back and forth –passing the fabric back and forth- his face was getting so close to mine.

_This challenge sucks!  
He obviously has the upperhand! There's nothing I can do!  
_As if he could read my thoughts, I saw his eyes move away from my leg and glance at mine. The innocence in that smile of his was just as bad as any smirk I'd ever seen!  
"I guess…" I spoke up after my body was done with the goosebumps that moment gave me. "It would be easier if you kneeled again." I couldn't think of any other way to tell him I was wrong.

"I guess…" He repeated my weak words mockingly as he lowered himself to his knee.

_JEEZ.  
_I endured only a minute longer of the goosebump-inducing, ticklish, challenge before I felt him tie off the fabric quickly, reflecting the years of practice. A thought came to mind.  
"So how do you know how to pattern wrappings for situations without clothes?" I asked up a little too playfully, enjoying the opportunity to push this embarrassment back at him.

"Over the course of eleven hundred missions, I've had my own experiences with issues like these." He smiled up at me as he gave me that overwhelming, but simultaneously vague answer.

_Eh!_

_1,100 missions?_

I had almost forgotten exactly who this man was for a moment there. Renowned throughout the world of shinobi for his skills and experience, he was one of the few famous ninja who every aspiring shinobi seemed to hear about sooner or later, the great Copy-Ninja Hatake Kakashi… but to me he had simply become 'Kakashi'.  
I tried to stop myself from acting as proud of him as I felt, but I couldn't hold back a smile even if I tried.

"Show off." I muttered without a trace of seriousness. I didn't have to look down at him to see his own smile widen.  
But my cool-moment didn't last long when after I was finally starting to let my guard down, thinking this was the end of this somewhat embarrassing moment, I felt his hand linger on my skin. His fingertips trailing along the inside of my leg. I had to close my eyes to stop myself from laughing… it was really ticklish. He didn't stop when I thought he would. My eyes cringed as I was now trying to will the heat from pooling in my cheeks. His fingertips only drew little circles on my skin.  
Just as I was starting to worry whether or not he was trying to turn this into something else his voice interrupted me, "There's something that's bothering you."

…

I'd almost forgotten.  
But his voice just now. It shook me back to reality. This wasn't a little game or challenge anymore._  
_He didn't sound so playful anymore, his voice actually reminded me of… Kakashi-_sensei_. The teacher side of his personality. I'd heard it in that exact tone so many times over the years.

Whenever he'd start a conversation with Naruto about the Kyuubi or start a conversation about our fallen comrades, he'd always start it with that sentence and that voice… it put me off my guard a little bit to hear Kakashi-sensei's voice like that while his hand was still exploring the inside of my leg. Even if both sides were still 'Kakashi', there was always some sort of separation between the man who trained me and the man who'd kiss me.

"What happened?" He spoke up again, his voice sounding even more like 'sensei'. Again, combining the teacher I looked up to for so long before I had these feelings and the man who was trailing his hand along my thigh right now… it was a little mind-bending.  
I think that's what he wanted. To throw me off and get an actual answer.

"U-uh…." My voice shook as I was trying to stop my legs from shaking under his touch and think straight, "I just… I had a weird day." I answered truthfully, just vaguely.

I heard a trademark Kakashi-sigh just as soon as I realized he was standing up again. I felt my dress fall back to the way it was before, my legs now covered. My embarrassment level immediately dropped, but the pace of my heart didn't.

"Sorry to hear that." He said simply, his smile back to normal.

…

_Eh?_

…  
_That's it?_

…

_He's not going to ask me what was 'weird' or why I've been different lately?  
He isn't going to interrogate me about who I met or what happened at the meeting with Hiroki?  
… then again… he had no idea that I had a meeting at all…  
But still… it's like… he just… trusts me.  
He trusts me.  
_The guilt from before loosened its hold on my heart and stomach a little. I thought this would make me feel worse… but I hadn't really done anything wrong….  
Sure, meeting with a possible enemy alone probably wasn't something Kakashi would be happy about… but still… I didn't let Hiroki do what he was trying to do… even if I was a little slow on the defense, I still stopped everything before-

"I was getting worried that the ring did this."

_... huh?_

I lost track of my previous thoughts when he said that, just as casually as anything else he's said in the past few minutes.

_Ring?_

It didn't take long to remember the weight on my finger.  
I hadn't really thought about it at all since I woke up with it on.  
_He was worried?  
About what?  
_Realization hit me after I let my brain grope for answers, finding the right one.  
_He thought I was freaking out because he bought me a ring. That I was scare or something?_

…_  
So that's why he was being so… challenging… just now, to try and get me back to normal or something. He did the same thing back before the Asaka mission, too.  
How come I didn't see it sooner?  
_I sighed to myself, a little relieved.

"No… I didn't really mind the ring thing" I rhymed awkwardly. "I know you weren't being serious." I added quickly, but my voice sounded weird, it almost made me cringe at myself.  
He didn't seem to notice.

"Good."

I couldn't focus on the flatness of his voice in that moment before he was kissing me.

His lips weren't on mine any longer than the amount of time it took for me to register they were there.

"It's about time we should be leaving." His voice picked up again, as if we weren't just on the verge of a very different conversation just now.  
He was already turned towards the door, a few steps away from me before I found my voice.

"Kakashi." I called after him.  
It still felt a little weird calling him by only that name so bluntly. I've gotten used to thinking of him and his name without using 'sensei', but to actually say it, to call him simply 'Kakashi' actually felt a little weird, and nice at the same time.  
He turned towards me, and this time I was the one who caught him off guard.

I kissed him before he even had time to react, his hand still holding onto the material of his mask as if I caught him just before he was about to pull it back up.  
I had no idea why I was doing this… but… something just seemed right about calling him back for one more kiss. I just wanted… I don't know… to prove that I was really okay, that he hadn't done anything to cause my weirdness, that I needed him, that I wouldn't be with or look at anyone else.  
I guess I was trying to prove that to myself, too.

What happened with Hiroki still bothered me… even if I stopped him…. Why did I hesitate like that?  
I didn't have to worry about that thought anymore since it was quickly forgotten as soon as the lips on mine started moving too.  
But this time it wasn't one of his casual kisses, or even a playful kiss… it was different… stronger.  
I hadn't really been prepared for it when his hand found the side of my neck, sliding to the back of my head. He pulled me closer, apparently not thinking about the fact that I might need to breathe sometime soon.  
Then again… I wasn't really thinking about anything like that either… everything in this moment of my world revolved around him and how I could get closer to him. Reaching up and tugging his shoulders down to me barely helped with growing ache to feel him closer to me.  
I had no idea why I felt like this… maybe it was the way he was kissing me. Serious. Intense.  
Like he was making up for time lost or future time apart. Like he was saying goodbye or something.  
I didn't focus on that thought when he took another step closer to me, his other arm wrapping around my waist, pulling me up a few inches. Even with highheels on I still had to stand on my toes to reach his lips without him leaning down. But I had a hard time keeping balance when he pressed his lips harder against mine, barely letting my own move. My hands slid up from his shoulders, my fingers reaching into his silver hair like I loved doing, like I had dreamt about doing since before the first time we even kissed.

_THWAK._  
"HEY, YOU GUYS!"  
The door behind Kakashi burst open again as that painfully recognizable shouting blasted away the silence from before that had only been interrupted by our quick intakes of breaths between movements.

If we hadn't been shinobi we would've been caught for sure, but, just as his reputation of being one of the fastest ninja in the world attested, Kakashi was able to snatch his hands away from me and take a few steps back within a nanosecond.

I was a little slower bringing my hands out of his hair and to my side, so I pretended to fix his tie.  
_That was okay, right?  
Fixing his tie wouldn't be something bad or anything, right?_  
Naruto thought differently.

"Wh-whatcha guys doing?" He asked a little loudly as he ran into the room, no doubt trying to look around Kakashi's back to see the answer to his question.  
Kakashi's mask was already up by the time the infamous Interruptor came to check on us.

"Getting ready." Kakashi said simply, pretending not to hear Naruto's slight worry as if there simply wasn't anything to worry about.  
I gave his tie one quick tug before snatching my own hands away from him. I think I probably would've enjoyed fixing his tie like that if Naruto hadn't been there.

"Oh, ok." Naruto gave a big smile, visibly relieved…

It was so weird how he trusted us _and_ suspected something at the same time.  
I think he would've just acted like this if _any_ guy got to call himself my fiancé and spend the night with me. So maybe he wasn't so worried about Kakashi, but about me… at least that's what I hoped.

"Naruto, it's polite to give people their privacy," Sai's aloof voice floated back into the room like before as the raven-haired boy walked into the doorway.

Again, I felt like Sai was trying to 'help' me.  
Suggesting that Kakashi and I needed privacy was pushing it a little.  
Kakashi didn't seem to notice, instead he just cleared his throat and moved on, "Time to get going."  
He turned away from me, raising his arms to guide the boys out the door first. They both complied, leaving at different paces before us.

We walked out the door as well. I was the last one out so I closed the door behind me, I turned back to find Kakashi waiting for me, the two boys walking farther ahead of us. He started walking again. I followed behind him.

…

I knew I had to mission to focus on… but I still felt like… things weren't really settled between me and Kakashi…. just… unfinished…  
I had no idea why… but I needed something else.  
He must've read my mind like he always seemed to be able to do because the moment I felt the disappointment of losing that kiss from before settle in I felt a familiar hand take my own.  
It was only for a moment, but our fingers weaved together, both of us gripping the other tightly before we both knew to let go after only one second.

We went back to walking as normally as before.  
I smiled to myself.

"Thank you." I whispered almost inaudibly, but the small shadow of a smile on his mask told me he didn't have a problem hearing me.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"Thank you."  
He couldn't hold back a smile.

Even with the tense atmosphere back in the room and the way she didn't seem quite herself back there… a small moment like that seemed to patch over his worries.  
He wasn't sure how her day went, or what about it was 'weird', and even though he was actually more than a little curious about what could've disturbed her so much… he just felt at ease that the metal band on her finger hadn't cause it.  
_The way she reacted… after she woke up… she almost looked afraid_. It scared him for a moment.  
Is that how she would've reacted if he'd been serious?

…

Even if he definitely wasn't planning on asking that question seriously any time soon… it still would've been… a little worrying if she'd actually be so alarmed by the thought of…

_Wait._

…

_What am I thinking?_

…

_She's _sixteen.

_Of course she isn't thinking of those things yet!_  
He nearly laughed at himself for a moment.  
He had been so fixated on her age for so long that now… of all times… to forget that detail even for a few seconds seemed so ironic.  
He settled for pushing the entire matter to the back of his mind as he noticed they were approaching the Meeting Hall.

But… just for a spare moment… he wondered what her reaction would be in a few years if he gave her another ring.  
Even then she'd probably be too young to want to face such a heavy decision… but still… the hopeless romantic forever hidden in him couldn't help but wonder.

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**Onward!**


	57. Trysts and Trusts: Part 3

**Chapter 56!**

**Title:**_'Trysts and Trusts: Part 3'_

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**NOTE:**** OK… final one for now…. Oh, and this one's for a slightly more mature audience. Just warning.**

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**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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We walked through the open double-doorway into an extravagantly decorated hall.  
I thought this was just going to be a small dinner party where Momoshita would just be surrounded by his lackeys and they would just drink or whatever until the Yomasa clan showed up… but this was actually kind of… really classy.  
There were dozens of people. Men with scars and deep set worry wrinkles were accompanied by women who either looked like their wives or mistresses. There was soft music and I could even see a section of slowly swaying heads through the crowd.  
This was so weird… seeing mob-people talking like civilized beings and dancing so calmly.  
I didn't get enough time to digest the weird scene before I heard Kakashi speak up towards the two boys.

"Ok, you two go make friends." He ordered discreetly as if we were just normal people and him, being the eldest, could order the boys around like that.

"Understood." Sai responded immediately.

"Ok…" Naruto followed the order a little mopily as he walked into the crowd, Sai followed right behind him with one of his uniform smiles on.

As soon as the guys were gone into the crowd, and I was only able to see the top of Naruto's blonde head poke over the crowd's and I was just beginning to allow myself to sink into 'Mission-Mode' I immediately felt a hand run along my back, a hand hinging onto my waist.  
I barely had time to look down at the hand, already knowing it was Kakashi's, but still checking to see if I just wasn't imagining this.

"Keep you guard up." I heard his voice under the chattering of the crowd as he took a step forward, pulling me into the same step, too.  
His quiet warning rose a red flag in my brain, I immediately felt a little shifty, eyeing the people around us.

"What? Do you know if something's going to happen now?" I asked just as quietly, already ready to reach down for a kunai just in case. Everybody suddenly looked really suspicious… I mean, everyone here was practically an enemy.

"No… I was talking about that dress."  
_Eh?_

"What?" He kept walking through the socializing groups nodding his head to a few acquaintances I didn't know he had as if he didn't just confuse me thoroughly.  
After a few seconds he finally spoke up to answer my one-worded question.

"You mean you didn't notice the amount of stares you got walking through those doors?" He asked down at me as with a fake sigh, as if I was completely clueless.  
Now I was suddenly paranoid about the people around me for a completely different reason. Now that he mentioned it, there were a few of the guys that couldn't keep their stares to themselves. I shrunk behind Kakashi a little, trying to hide myself and let everyone know that I was with _him_.

"Well, maybe you should've picked something… better." I objected the best I could as I tugged at the dress again, trying to make it cover more.

"Maybe." He agreed casually as he guided us through the slender openings between people, I had no idea where he was going, but I just followed him, my hand holding onto the one of my waist for extra security.  
"But this also helps the mission." He added as-a-matter-of-factly.

_Pft…_ I couldn't believe _that_.

"How?" I asked up, more than ready to poke holes through whatever logic he was probably going to pull out of nowhere.

"You can get answers out of the enemy easier looking like that." Again, he sounded like there was nothing wrong with what he said.

_Did he really pick this dress out so that other guys could gawk and therefore feel more compliant if I asked them for any information?  
That just felt so… gross…  
… but I guess, for the sake of a mission, it could be a good advantage to have… even though I'm not sure if I really have the physique to pull off that angle, though.  
__I thought he picked out these things just because… I don't know… he thought it was fun to mess with me or because he wanted an excuse to dress me up like he wanted. I mean… it made more sense when I thought he picked out these dresses for his own fun… not for the enemy's._  
_Plus… even if it was necessary, wasn't it at least a little weird to him to dress his sixteen-year-old subordinate like this?_

… _Well, he wouldn't have a problem with that, of course, since we're involved… but…. What if we weren't?_  
That question seemed like the perfect thing to ask right now.

"What would you have done if I wasn't… with you?" I asked as he started to slow our pace, we had reached the other side of the room now. I had a hard time finishing that sentence without sounding stupid. "Would you have made me wear this?" I poked at his judgment verbally.  
It wasn't a second until he responded.

"Of course not." He responded shortly. "If you weren't mine, I'd be the one wearing that thing."

…  
Despite the fact he called me 'his' like I was property I couldn't help a few chuckles at that.  
The idea of Kakashi wearing this dress was enough to rock me out of my previously paranoid attitude. He stopped walking at that, his hand still wrapped around my waist.

"Ok, now that makes sense." I complied after stifling most of my laughter. I saw him smiling under his mask, no doubt enjoying his own joke, too.  
But in only a few seconds that smile was gone. I hadn't noticed until then that he had been scanning the crowd this whole time looking for one person.  
I followed his line of sight as it seemed to have found the target that stole his smile.  
It was a woman. Blonde and mature. I recognized her immediately, the mistress.  
She was wearing a champagne colored dress that seemed to blend in with her skin.  
I only had to deal with the confusion of why Kakashi had been looking for her for only a second.

"Speaking of fraternizing with the enemy… I actually have to go attend to some business right now." His voice was void of any playfulness. He was a team captain again right now.  
I tried to find the same emotionless outlook.

"Her?" I asked monotonously.  
His arm unhinged from around me, making me feel a little insecure now.

"It's nothing to worry about, she's just using me to make Momoshita jealous."  
I was okay till he said that.  
It sounded like he was selling himself or something.  
Now I was just pissed at her for somehow setting this up.

"Yeah… now I'm completely at ease." I agreed sarcastically, I felt a frown creep at the corners of my mouth. I was busy scanning the crowd, scowling, when his hand brushed along the side of my face gently for a moment, his fingers running through a few strands of my hair.

"Don't get too lonely." He smiled again.  
I glanced back at him, repaying the favor, but still not feeling all that much better. His hand left me and he took a few steps away, into the crowd. I was about to turn around and find a spot to sit or something until I could figure out what to do for the mission until he stopped and turned around, speaking up.  
"Wait… actually I think it would be better if you did." He joked.

Yeah… he _would_ want me to be a little lonely than to go looking for another guy right now. Me too.  
My smile was more genuine this time around when I picked up my own voice, "Go." I hurried him along. He turned around, back to his stupid mission, while I was still smiling like an idiot.  
A few minutes passed and even though I was alone right now in this crowd, I could still start to feel myself grow more at ease with these surroundings. It was actually a little interesting to look around. And I didn't really find myself all that bothered anymore that Kakashi had to spend his time with… that woman…

Yep… I really didn't mind… as long as I didn't look over there... or hear her stupid giggling... or her 'Kyousuke-kun~!"s.  
Yep... I really didn't mind...  
I tried to focus on the crowds some more.  
The way they moved, the colors they were wearing.

It only took me a few more minutes to be reminded of the Masquerade… this was so much like it… not just because of the fact that, like before, Kakashi had to spend his time around another woman (the thought irked me again), but at the classiness of everything. The dancing, the food… I guess I could even lie and get a drink this time… but that wouldn't be smart since I'm on duty… and, well, I'm still underage.  
I enjoyed people-watching for a few long minutes, trying not to think about the fact that everybody in this room was probably a ruthless mob member, and just on how elegant the dresses were or how they all seemed to be enjoying themselves despite being arguably evil.  
_I guess even villains can have their passive recreational fun, too._

"Luck must be on my side tonight."  
I nearly jumped when I heard a familiarly deep voice speak up from my right.

"Hiroki-san." I turned to him, still showing my surprise.

I had almost forgotten about him in my moment mind-wandering, and I definitely hadn't recognized him in the corner of my eye just now. He had changed since the last time I saw him. This time he was wearing a black suit, but instead of a white dress shirt he had a thin black turtleneck on underneath his tailored jacket.  
The suit seemed to accent just how wide his chest was, the black turtleneck brought out the definition of his neck muscles. His hair seemed even better sculpted now, but he was still a little unshaven.  
Again, twice in the same day, I found myself staring at him.  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." He spoke up with a little smile.  
I could feel the layers of guilt blanketing over my heart again as I suddenly felt a little bad again for turning him down before _and_ even worse for letting him think he could've gone so far.

"Care to dance?" He snapped me out of my blank stare and weird thoughts with a simple gesture towards the area of the room populated by couples swaying in elegant circles to slightly fast paced music.  
I glanced at them and then back to him.  
I had to compute whether or not he really knew what he was asking me. I was hardly the kind of girl guys asked to dance… even if I could pick up on any sort of formal dance with only a few seconds of observation, I still wasn't that confident about it.

"Uh…" I hesitated.

"It should be okay, right?" He asked kindly, "Dancing?"  
It sounded like he was so sure I was going to reject his invitation because I had rejected him only an hour ago… I felt that guilt creep it's hold tighter on me as I found myself answering before I really thought about whether or not what my answer should be.

"O-ok." I answered like an unsure kid while he smiled like one, as if he was actually relieved.

I still had to calibrate my brain to this situation.

This man was acting as if_ I_ had the upperhand here… like he wasn't as attractive as he was or as experienced as he is… as if I had control over how close he could get to me.  
_This definitely wasn't the Hiroki I knew last night._

I couldn't linger any further on the tired comparison of new-Hiroki versus old-Hiroki when I suddenly felt a large, slightly rough hand closed around mine gently. I followed after him, letting him lead me by the hand.  
I walked behind him, the crowd separated around him until we reached the area of swaying couples.  
Before I could prepare myself he turned towards me, pulling me closer to him by my hand. And as if he was used to dancing at these types of parties, his hands fell right into place for the dance, one still holding my hand, the other wrapping around the side of my waist.  
I suddenly felt a little self-conscious again, being so close to him, letting him touch me. I didn't know where to look, he was really tall, it took some effort to look up at his eyes… then again, I didn't really want to look him eye to eye right now, anyways.  
He started leading the dance flawlessy, I picked it up after a few stumbles, falling into the pattern of the footsteps easily. I still felt stupid. But just as soon as I was starting to feel a little more comfortable his voice interrupted my thoughts,

"I managed to get you an open seat for the meeting…" I was glad he was talking about the mission, it made this feel like business. "It'll only be a little while before the Yomasa clan leader will be here." He added shortly, leading us through another circle of steps. I had barely noticed till now... his cologne, again. I don't know why I liked it so much… maybe because it was such a rarity in my life or something… I suddenly didn't feel all that negative about being so close to him, now.

"What are you planning to do." I found my business side with a little difficulty…

"It's a secret." He smiled down at me. His boyish charm taking a little toll on me. I think I would've been a little annoyed, but I just pressed further for more answers, paying less attention to the other couples around us and more to him and his voice, and his cologne, and the way his arms felt heavier than the ones I were used to.

"I need to know." I pressured.

His smile only widened gently.

"Don't worry, you'll figure it out soon." He promised me, his arm around my waist tugging me closer to him… I felt his hand brush down my back a little.  
… He was getting a little too comfortable.

"Hir-" I was about to speak up. I didn't know if I was going to ask for more answers or ask him if we could just go talk somewhere else, so that he didn't have to touch me like this.

"I see Kyousuke-kun is having fun with our lady." He interrupted me, using the possessive tense for the mistress, most likely because she was probably seen as part of the gang, too. But I didn't care about what he called her now that he brought up Kakashi.  
I would've been a little upset that he cut me off just to change the subject like that, but the way his arm pulled me even closer against him as the song started to slow, his scent filling my lungs … I… I kind of lost my train of thought.

"Yeah." I didn't know what else to say… I forgot what I was going to say when his hand started to run up and down the small of my back.

"It's one-sided, isn't it?" I heard his deep voice and almost forgot to listen to the words. I couldn't make sense of it, though.

"What?" I asked a little quietly, unable to find the normal volume of my voice now that things were settling down all over the room, the music settling down to a slow waltz, everybody seemed to quiet down a little.

"Between you and Kyousuke…" He whispered down to me, his face leaning closer to mine.  
It took me a moment before I pieced the meaning of those words together.  
_Why is he talking about Kakashi and me?  
Is he saying he thinks I'm only the one who has feelings for him?  
Why does everybody keep thinking that?_

"No. I-" I found my voice, trying to tell him what exactly was going on between me and 'Kyousuke', but when he interrupted me I kind of lost my will to speak again. The music seemed even slower than before, almost like a lullaby, but I wasn't sleepy… I was just… weary.  
As if he knew how weak I was starting to feel, or maybe it was only because the music was probably now official 'slow-dance' music, I felt the large hand that had been holding mine untangle itself from my own. He took my hand and placed it over his shoulder like my other one was. A moment later I felt that same hand land of the curve of the back of my neck, he pulled me forward a little, my cheek resting against the curve between his shoulder to his chest.  
I couldn't even think about the fact that this was probably not good for less than a moment before I heard his deep voice rumble through his body.  
It reminded me of Kakashi… but instead of a comforting, soft rumble, it was more like a steady roar.

"For a girl like you to fall for a man like him instead of one of your other, younger, teammates is quite surprising." The way he said 'man'… the way he said 'younger'… the way he said 'girl'…. Red flags went up in my brain but I couldn't focus. I took a deep breath, trying to clear my head, but his scent only made me feel a little weaker.  
I had to say something. I had to get this back on track. Maybe if I could just bring up the meeting again it'll clear my head.

"I-I guess…" I agreed to what I already forgot he said, "When is the mee-"

He interrupted me.

"I find it kind of admirable, really." His voice, the roaring, so hypnotizing.

"Huh?" I couldn't think straight. His hands were running along my back… almost the exact same way Kakashi would, it always gave me goosbumps. I shivered against this man for a moment, but he didn't seem to notice, the same was a shivering leaf wouldn't effect a tree.

"Your feelings for Kyousuke-kun." He explained with care.

_Admirable?  
He thinks the fact I like Kakashi ''admirable'?_  
"After all, he must be something of an unattainable target for you." It was getting harder to understand what he was trying to say. Even if I knew I wasn't sleepy or tired at all, I felt like this was a dream.

"Unattain-" I couldn't think… my brain was getting fuzzier, it kind of ached, too. I didn't care at all this time when he cut me off.

"Is it just because you like older men?"  
That woke me up a little. My hands on his shoulder gripping his jacket a little.

"I don't really... care…" I explained the best I could with the few words I could piece together.

"Really?" He asked with a genuinely interested voice… he didn't sound like he was as blurry-headed as I was. He only swayed us on the spot like the other couples I could see over his shoulder.  
I held onto enough to sense to answer his one-worded question.

"He's just… him…" I couldn't be making any sense to anyone but me and I knew it. I could feel my limbs get weaker as his grip on my back grew stronger. I felt a little chuckle shake through his wide chest.

"I see." He said with a sort of belittling version understanding. Like he was talking to a little girl who didn't know she what she was feeling was only a little crush.  
I could feel him stepping on my nerves, I think if I hadn't been so weak right now I probably would've said something about the way he was making this conversation too personal... instead I settled for another attempt at making this business again.  
It was a little difficult to think when I felt his face lean down to the side of mine for a moment, I thought I heard him inhale slowly…

"Where will the mee-" I tried to bring up the meeting again, but completely lost my thoughts with what he interrupted with.

"Oh, I think he saw us... He looks a little upset." Hiroki's voice sounded… excited.

My brain cleared up a bit more.

_Kakashi?_

"What?" I spoke up, trying to make sure I didn't just hear him wrong.

But all I got in response was the feeling of his slightly rough hands on my bare back, rubbing along my shoulder blades, down my spine and back up. I shivered again, this time he seemed to noticed, he pulled me against him tighter, his hands hurting my back a little.  
I was about to try and lift my head off of his shoulder, to say something, do something, but the deep roaring of his voice distracted me.

"I guess I misjudged him. I thought wasn't the type to like younger girls." _Is he still talking about Kakashi? _"But I can definitely see the sting of jealousy he must be feeling… even through that mask."

My brain managed to make sense of everything this time. I picked up my voice as much as I could.

"He's not like tha-"

He cut me off again.

"Maybe he's just upset that you're ignoring the mission, I can't tell." He judged with an innocent voice. "Here take a look." His voice was still sweet with care.

He took a few soft side steps, circling us a few degrees so that our sides were facing the silver-haired man whose masked face I found immediately in the crowd. The woman in the champagne-colored dress looking at him with disappointment now that he was ignoring her.  
He was just looking over here, not even pretending not to.  
I could see it. That anger.  
He really wasn't happy with me right now, was he?  
"You're the one doing that to him." The voice in my ear made me flinch a little. I must've made a weird face, cause I could see Kakashi's expression change for a moment, too. "Wow, he's really getting upset." Hiroki added with a boyish fascination. "And it's because you're here…" His lips grazed my ear as I could feel his voice inside my head, "…pressed against me." His hands pulled me against him even harder, his fingers digging into my back.

This was wrong. I had to get out this somehow. He did something. He wasn't who I thought he was. He was the man I met last night, the same scumbag. He tricked me.

"What did you do? You bastar-" I tried to pushed myself against his arms, trying to break free. He only tightened his grip.

"Shh." He almost cooed. "It's only a nervous gas masked that you're feeling."His voice was conversational. "The cologne." He whispered into my ear only a moment later.  
_What?  
_As if he could feel my shock, he chuckled a little.

"It stimulates the brain in a special way that renders anyone who inhales too much weak and slow-minded."  
This is why… this is why I can't move… I don't have any strength. "I wore something similar this afternoon, except that one was something of a truth extractor," Instantly I suddenly made sense of the fact that at our meeting I couldn't lie to him, I kept spilling the truth when I didn't need to. "It was also especially designed to stimulate the 'love hormones'. Endorphines, epinephrine…To make you feel happy, make your heart beat faster, giving you the illusion of attraction... I saw it worked on you, the way you looked at me."  
I wanted to punched him, I wanted to kick him, I wanted to kick myself.

_How could I have ever trusted this man?_

_I'm so stupid!_

_Why couldn't I see this from the start?_

"Shut up." I growled at him with as much strength in my voice as I could muster.

"You did manage to fight it in the end." He explained with a hint of admiration that I didn't care for. I felt him lean down, his lips against my ear again as his voice dropped to a scratchy whisper, "but that strong will of yours won't do much good for you tonight."

I pulled my arms off of his shoulders, planted them on his chest. The way my arms were moving it was like I was underwater, like I had just been swimming miles after miles and was now trying to fight off a shark in the sluggish water. I tried to push myself away from him. I'd rather fall face first on the ground that to let him touch me, but I was too slow, he only held me against him closer.

"Oh. Looks like it was too much for him. He's looking away now." I tried to glance back at Kakashi, almost scared of what I'd see, but Hiroki only turned me away from him. "Lucky." He said happily to himself as he unwrapped me from his grip, one arm staying on my waist, holding me against his side with crippling strength. I tried to plant my feet, but he just kept walking, making me follow him.

"You know, in reality, you were never going to see the meeting." He admitted with something like glee. He caught my attention with that. He walked past the groups and crowds, towards the back of the room that was uninhabited by any part-goers. "As soon as I told Momoshita who you and your 'fiancé' really were he ordered that we kill you and your team as soon as the Yomasa clan showed up…." I wanted to shout, to say something, but his grip on me, I couldn't really breathe, I could barely keep up with him as he walked up to a pair of wooden double-doors I hadn't noticed before. "…To give them a demonstration of our power and loyalty…" He explained lightly, his free hand spending only a few seconds on the lock of the door before it opened to a dark room. "Another lucky coincidence." And with that he shoved me into the room, my back hitting the wall to the right. The door closed behind him quickly, shutting out most of the light.

I tried to scramble back to the door but a familiar, rough hand found my face, grabbing onto my chin, his fingers digging into my cheeks.

He guided me back to the wall slowly as I tried to peel his grip off of me, I still could barely keep my legs from falling under me.  
"But I like you." His voice was as scummy as it was yesterday again, "A lot…." He added just as my back hit the wall, he still took a few more steps closer to me. He didn't stop until I could feel my chest brush against his whenever I breathed. "So I'm helping you escape… but not for free though."

I wanted to claw at his face when the smile I had once let myself think was handsome distorted like that, my hands could only reach his arm, my nails ineffective without the proper strength behind them.

He laughed as he took another step, his face side by side with mine, his chest pressed against me, the nervous gas lined in his scent filling my nostrils with a sickly sensation.

"Be happy, you get to live." He whispered.  
I didn't have to think through my answer for longer than a nanosecond.

"I'd rather-"

"Die?" He finished my sentence mockingly. His hand slid up my neck softly for a moment before I felt his fingers clench harshly around my hair. "Don't be so theatrical. There's no point in dying for others." He pulled the locks of my hair, jerking my head up and against the wall behind me, exposing my neck and making me lose my balance on my heels for a moment.  
I tried to get my thoughts clear but I had to breathe in another lungful of that toxic cologne.

"Kakashi." I muttered, the strain of my neck decreasing my volume to a hoarse whisper. "I have to-"

"Oh, so it actually is Hatake Kakashi." Hiroki's interest was obviously piqued. "I thought it might've been, but I have seen more than a few wannabes in my time." He laughed at a memory I didn't share. I tried to swallow the dry lump in my throat but it only felt worse since my neck was being stretched like this. That must've distracted him, his eyes lighting blue eyes darted to my extended neck, and it was only a second until his eyes disappeared from view. I felt his foreign lips brush against my skin, quickly losing the gentleness they showed me only hours ago as he pressed them against my neck painfully.  
"Never thought I'd meet the real man, let alone kill him." He thought aloud between hurtful kisses, obviously amused by the novelty of that sickening thought. He was too tall to let his lips travel farther down my neck, he pulled me up by my hair a little to get a better reach.

"You can't." Was all I could sputter. I tried to show him all the anger I felt through my voice, he didn't seem to care, he only kissed against the front of my throat harder. He barred his teeth against my skin, nipping my throat painfully.

"So he's your team captain, right?" His voice vibrated through my neck, making me shudder with the sickly sensation. But he stopped me from shaking any further with another bite lower on my neck. I could feel the way his lips were upturned on the corners. "Then there's no way you could really be his, it isn't allowed." He explained as he let the tip of his tongue swivel over the sore bite marks, "He's obviously too old for you, anyways."  
I tried to focus only on his words. Only on his words. Not the way his voice echoed through my whole body, not the way his tongue felt slimy and disgusting against my skin, not the way his stubble was scratching my skin grossly. I had to come up with my own words.  
If he really thought Kakashi was too old for me, then how could he justify what _he_ was doing right now?

"You're older." I pointed out spitefully, hoping he'd take it as an insult.  
After only a moment, when I felt his deep chuckles shake my throat, I knew he definitely wasn't insulted.

"I know."

The flat surface of his tongue slid up the front of my throat to the side of my neck slowly… it was like he was tasting me. His tongue tipped off just below my ear. "The young ones have always been my type." He whispered into my ear, his textured voice distorting the words with unrestrained excitement.  
Even my jaw clenched with less strength than I wanted, but I almost bit the inside of my cheek when I felt the point of his tongue slither along the cartilage of my ear. He traced the structure of the cartilage briskly before he started circling the entrance of my ear teasingly. I held my breath sharply, hoping he'd stop, but he only started dipping the tip of his tongue in a few centimeters, swirling it around like a worm.  
I felt like I was going to be sick.  
I cringed back, pulling my head away from him with as much force as I could, but the large hand tangled in my hair only pulled me back to his face.

"You're so inexperienced… Shy, even." He laughed to himself with a gross joy. His teeth grazed my ear before he bit down sharply. I twitched at the pain trying to keep any sort of reaction hidden, but he noticed, and bit down harder groaning into my ear as the stubble on his chin scratched against my neck. After a few more seconds his teeth let go as I felt his tongue immediately rub over the fresh teeth marks, the sensation of his breath travelling down my neck seemed to snake down to my stomach, churning it grotesquely. He groaned again, the deep tone of his voice vibrating into my ear.

I felt my fist clench by itself, stealing away some sort of the strength that I didn't know I still had.

"I think luck really might be on my side, tonight..." He whispered

He backed away from the side of my face for only a moment until he eased forward again quickly, the light from the seems in the doorway lighting his face as he closed in to kiss me.

"… You're probably still a virg-" I turned my head at the right moment, letting his hand pull out some of hair, his lips landing on my cheek sloppily, his stubble scratching my face.

This time I interrupted him. My fist did actually.  
Punching someone never felt this freaking satisfying, even if I hadn't been able to pack as much chakra into my fist as I wanted, seeing him stumble back clutching his jaw in pain for a moment was nice.  
But as I tried to take a step forward, towards that door and back to Kakashi, I found that I really had used up the last of my strength with that punch. It was only a matter of seconds before his face was inches from mine again, his hand pulling at my hair more painfully that before.

"Don't like mouth to mouth?" He asked roughly, pulling my head against the wall swiftly by the handful of my hair with a muffled _bang_, "Fine. I guess I'll get to the good part, then." His voice was thick with subdued anger and excitement.  
He didn't make any more advances to kiss me, but he only moved on to something else that made me sicker.

His free hand, the one that wasn't pinning my head against the metal wall behind me, planted itself at the base of my neck but didn't waste any time before it started sliding downward, down the center of my chest, over my stomach, his fingers peeking under the fabric of my dress when he could. His eyes were glued onto mine, the cold blue eating up any sort of facial reaction I could give him. I tried to steel my face, to take away any sort of excitement I could from him, but as his hand passed down my leg, brushing aside the front train of my dress quickly as his hand groped along the front of my thigh, easing itself between my legs I couldn't control the anger on my face. My hands pushed against his arm as hard as I could, trying to recall my natural strength which could've pulverized the bones in this arm into dust in under a second… but I couldn't… I was so weak right now. His smile widened crazily, that was the reaction he wanted.

_I'm going to kill this man!_

That thought was my only source of comfort as I felt his hand start to inch upwards.

_BAM_

My whole body would've jumped at the sudden sound of splintering wood and screams if I even had enough strength for that. But my body did feel like jumping the second I looked over to the man who had just kicked the doors of this room into particles. Of course I recognized the masked face of the man who I'd been thinking about all day and had been hoping to see again so desperately only seconds ago… but right now, as I realized what _he_ was seeing; me pressed against this wall, this man towering over me, his hand still clamped dangerously onto my inner thigh… I immediately felt the need to hide. But I didn't get enough time to blink before the blond man in front of me was rocketing toward the opposite wall.

My brain couldn't keep up with my body when a familiar hand closed around mine and started pulling me out of the dark room polluted by the toxin of that man. Just leaving that room seemed to clear my head of not only of the weakness but the frustrating fear and disgust I experienced in there.

I finally figured out what was happening by the time we were slinking through the groups of crowded people who only looked mildly confused, as if they were used to daily violence.

Kakashi did what I couldn't, he made up for my empty promise I gave him last night of being able to handle myself and managed to deal with Hiroki and save me in only seconds.  
I felt a new frustration build when I realized just how weak I have to be to _still_ be bothering Kakashi-sensei like this. And even further anger erupted when I heard that sickening, deep and scratchy voice from behind us, "If you go with him, you're dead!"  
I shut my eyes, trying to concentrate on using all my strength to keep up with Kakashi, he was walking really fast.

"Stupid girl! He can't save you! He'll sacrifice you for the mission! That's what he's been taught! He doesn't want you!"

I was too busy concentrating on walking that I didn't notice when Kakashi stopped moving at first, I bumped into him clumsily. I had barely heard the desperate, blood-gurgling shouts from Hiroki.  
I looked up to the back of Kakashi's shoulders in confusion for a moment. _Why aren't we moving? _I was about to turn around, to catch a glimpse at the damage behind us.

But I wasn't able to.

A gentle hand stopped me from turning around, caring fingers gripping the tip of my chin, lifting my face up.

I couldn't focus.

I couldn't focus.

My mind was everywhere at once.

The meaningless and half-drunk chattering of the party had suddenly stopped.

The yelling did, too.

Everything was silent but so many things were buzzing through my head.

I knew I should back away. I knew I should be doing something other than just standing here, but as the pair of masked lips pressed harder against mine than I was ready for, I couldn't think about what just happened or what was going to happen.  
I barely had enough mind to think about anything other than these all too familiar lips on mine and the wide and confused eyes of half the people in this room, including those of our other two teammates.

Only one thought ran through my head.

_How the HELL did this happen!_

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…**. So now we're back where we started…. Yay…**

**And hopefully none of you were too deeply disturbed by the HirokixSakura steam. :[**


	58. Lies and Living

**Chapter 58!**

**Title:**_'Lies and Living'_

**Note:**** Ok… this is /almost/ a two-oarter but not really. I just wrote two chapters at once because I couldn't stop.**

**So another bonus chapter this time! Yay!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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It took all his willpower to keep himself from turning around and killing him.  
The need to pummel him into the ground, crush and bury him was impossible to ignore and almost impossible to keep from acting on.

"If you go with him, you're dead!"

He kept walking, pulling her hand behind him a little briskly, trying to get her away from that man as fast as possible.  
But the bastard wouldn't shut up.  
"Stupid girl! He can't save you! He'll sacrifice you for the mission! That's what he's been taught! He doesn't want you!"

That was it.

Before he could think of doing anything else right now breathing and blinking were lower on his body's priorities than the need to turn around and pull her face to his.

It was either this or killing that bastard… he still couldn't tell which one was a better choice.

But he wanted her more right now. To claim her, to touch her, to feel her.  
To make sure she was still his.

He didn't even let himself think about anything except her.

..… ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .. ... ... ... ... ... ...

His lips seemed to be pressed against mine for ages. I'd experienced some of his kisses that seemed to defy time before. I knew how he could almost bend time to his will, making the moment last hours and less than a second at the same time. But this was completely different.

It couldn't end fast enough.

It seemed to take lifetimes for a single movement of his masked lips.

I tried to regain my focus…

_He's really kissing me._

_He's really kissing me in front of other people._

_He's really kissing me in front of the two people in this room we _had_ to keep this from._

_He's really endangering everything we've worked so hard to keep hidden _by_ kissing me._

_WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM?_

I used what strength I'd regained since this man saved me, and had survived the shock he was giving me right now, to try and pry myself from him.

_I know that you're probably so eager to have everyone find out about us, but I can't let you ruin yourself over this!  
_His hands held my face to his tighter.

Even if his lips were masked I could still recognize their shape, their movements, they still made my knees shudder when they slid along my own lips like that, but I couldn't let him do this!

Though my efforts didn't pay off, I felt his grip on me ease slightly when:

"Wha-WHAT'S GOING ON?"

Naruto wasn't stupid enough to think this was 'nothing to worry about'.

He still didn't pull away, though his movements hesitated as if acting on instinct to stop when he heard Naruto start yelling.

My panic had peaked, my hands were gripping onto his shoulders as tightly as I could, pushing as hard as they could. He only leaned down closer for a moment, letting my weak strength barely straighten the posture of his shoulders a little.

I was really starting to freak out.

Everything was going so wrong!

This wasn't how this mission was supposed to end up!

Wasn't this just supposed to a fun, stupid, couple of days at an onsen where my worst worries were just supposed to be the sleeping arrangements or taking baths!

How did we get _here_?

"WHAT'RE YOU DOING, KA-"

The screeching voice muffled before it faded out. Kakashi finally let me push myself away from him, his hand barely gripping onto my arm as I stumbled back a little.

I was about to yell at him, to do something to get him as scared as I was.

But I couldn't say anything when I finally saw his face.

I barely caught a glimpse of that expression before he turned away.

He…

He looked so… sad.

And angry.

I hadn't seen that type of anger on his face in a long time.

Who was he angry at? Hiroki?

When I noticed that Kakashi was now looking over at Hiroki, his expression no longer holding any trace of that anger my fear grew exponentially when I thought he was angry at _me_.

I've seen Kakashi get angry at me.

Of course, when I was younger he'd scold me if I did something reckless or endangered the mission carelessly. He'd sigh with aggravation and lecture me if I let a target slip from sight. And even those moments of irritation he held for the childish-me of all that time ago were different than the anger he directed at me when I had asked too many questions about Asaka and learned more than he wanted me to.

But… this was different.

No matter how angry he had ever been at me, he'd always have some sort of trace of… care.

But his expression just now…

… he wasn't angry at me…

…maybe it _was_ Hiroki… but something told me that was wrong, too.

Unable to find the answer to my own question fast enough I was rocketed back to reality when I heard Kakashi's voice pick up.

"You shouldn't go trying to steal away a man's fiancée like that." He excused his violent outburst only seconds ago with that arrogant voice that sounded nothing like him. The way he talked, it sounded like he was talking about a pet pig that was named 'fiancee'.

He was trying to play this off as 'Kyosuke'.

_Does he even _think _he can pretend what he just did was an act?_

Finally remembering myself I looked back to the gawking crowd for the loud, blond boy, who could potentially ruin my life very soon.

He wasn't that hard to find, not that he ever was, but when his arms and legs were flailing like that as Sai covered his mouth and started dragging him to the back of the crowd, anybody would see the sheer confusion and frustration on his face.

I could just imagine Naruto running to Lady Tsunade about this as soon as possible.

I was about to follow after those two and try and come up with some sort of excuse, but that was before a hand slinked around my waist, like it had done early that evening, and started leading me through the crowd like I _was_ some pet that needed his arm as a leash.

But it wasn't difficult to feel the real Kakashi in his touch.

His fingers were digging into my side a little roughly, but I knew he wasn't doing it on purpose. He'd always lose track of his strength when he was like this.  
His entire body seemed stiff, though people who hadn't spent as much time with him as I did (I'm not sure there was anyone who ever spent as much time with him as I did lately) wouldn't have noticed how tense he actually was.

It was infectious.

It was always times like these I'd look to Kakashi to make up plans and excuses, but I felt so unsure right now.

_Could he really be thinking straight enough to even try and cover things back up?_

Was he even going to try and cover this up?

What if he was just going to spill our secret tonight?

He can't be that reckless, right?

I didn't have enough time to even think about that as the bustling crowd started chatting again, falling into itself as people talked about either what just happened and what they were talking about before. I saw some of Momoshita's men run past us to get to the bleeding man Kakashi had left back there. I was about to look over my shoulder to check the damage, or to check Kakashi's expression again, already feeling frayed and stretched by everything of this situation, but I couldn't.

It didn't help my nerves when my biggest and loudest problem came crashing back into my ears again.

"WHAT GOING ON?"  
Sai seemed to have accidentally let him slip.

Or maybe he did it on purpose…

Naruto came running up to us, not caring about the mob members he bumped into on his way over to us. Kakashi's hand seemed to tighten and loosen on me at the same time, like he was struggling with the idea of letting me go or not. I felt a little better and worse when his hand _did_ let go of me.

I wanted his touch to give me the security it always did. But at least I knew now that Kakashi wasn't planning on outing our secret.

Naruto galloped right in front of us, Sai followed after him as gracefully as he could. His body language didn't seem tense or urgent. He must've found this 'interesting' as well. I didn't even want to look at Sai's face, and whatever furtive look it was probably holding right now.

"Calm down." Kakashi's voice was back to normal –almost too normal- as he ordered Naruto to stop attracting attention to us, "It was only for the mission."

I looked over to him, taking a little step back. He _really_ was going to find some way to excuse what just happened!

"LIKE I'D BELIEVE THA-" Naruto didn't believe what he was hearing either.

Kakashi cut him off, his voice a lot more serious than before, even I suddenly felt at attention. Some sort of instinct put my already frazzled nerves on edge to hear his voice like that, it must've been somes ort of condition training to straighten your posture and listen more intently when your team captain suddenly sounded so… severe. "As far as any of the yakuza members here know, they didn't just see two shinobi get their identities uncovered." He started to explain quietly, "They think they just saw a drunken fight over a woman." The way he said 'woman' sounded so strange to me. He'd always be so careful never to call me a 'woman' before. "I did what I had to do to cover up the situation." He shook my attention back to him with that.  
Even _I_ had to give a second thought whether or not he'd really just planned everything like that.

But the look he gave me after he kissed me… that wasn't planned, was it?

Naruto seemed to share the same rigid posture I did, no doubt reflecting the same instinct he had as a subordinate to Kakashi for the years he's been our teacher. But he still didn't seem convinced. "But why? What about Saku-"

"Quiet." Sai cut Naruto off before he could finish my name and let slip our identities to any snooping eavesdroppers. Kakashi's voice had been to low for anyone else but us to hear, but Naruto always had volume issues.

Out of all of us Sai was probably the most level-headed right now (Kakashi might seem to be, too, but I could tell he was really wasn't back to himself yet).

I suddenly felt like I was finally a part of this nerve racking conversation after the almost-mention of my name and the worried look from Naruto. Like he was scared that some of my virtue had been stolen without my permission or something. It was almost sweet if it wasn't so guilt-inducing to know I'd have to lie again right now.

"It's okay." I tried to sound convincing, "It didn't mean anything." I added with something of a smile, screwed up with anxiety and lies.

"But-" He still wasn't sure, though he seemed a bit better now.

"It's just Kakashi-sensei." I said before really thinking. Now I felt horrible for not only lying, and lying so badly, but for the way Kakashi seemed to twitch on the spot with the way I said that. 'It's _just_ Kakashi-sensei.' It sounded like something I would've said a year ago. Brushing him off like that. Like nothing about him meant anything.

It was kind of mean.

I didn't even remember to gauge Naruto's convincement-level until I heard Sai interrupt the awkward silence.

"I don't even believe that constituted as real kiss, either. Kakashi-san's mask came in handy, right, Naruto-kun?" Sai was quietly coddling him into our lies like he was a part of it, too. Naruto seemed almost completely better with that, but it seemed more like he was just letting himself think what he wanted to.

I felt horrible.

_This_ was horrible.

Someday, I was going to have to apologize to Naruto about all this.

I looked over to Kakashi.

He seemed more interested in the crowd around us, keeping watch on any change in the scene, probably trying to ignore whatever this situation was doing to us and be the team captain he is.

I'd have to apologize to him, too, wouldn't I?

...

I was really starting to hate all these lies.

But even if we weren't trying so hard to hide what just happened under false explanations, we'd still needed to find a way to get the whole team functioning for what we were probably going to have to deal with _very _soon.

Hiroki's words came back to my mind, making my stomach lurch at the memory of his voice in my ear.

_'… we're going to to kill you and your teammates in front of the Yomasa clan, to demonstrate our loyalty and power...'_

Once the Yomasa clan shows up, we'll have to deal with that.

"… I guess." Naruto spoke up, calling my attention back to reality, he was still visibly unsure, but a lot more compliant after Sai's help. Even if Sai didn't know as much as he thought he did, he felt like he was a part of all this now for some reason.

But it wasn't two seconds before Naruto perked up with a question he must've thought was of dire importance.

He turned to me seriously and asked with a business-like tone, his voice lower than it had been before.

"But that was your fi-first kiss, right?" He stuttered at the mention of 'first kiss' as if it was a sacred thing that I still hadn't known yet. "And it was with that…" Naruto added quietly, motioning towards Kakashi-sensei, leaving off what noun or adjective with a little vindictive spirit."How can you be so calm after that geezer just _kissed_ you?" His tone picked up with urgency.  
I definitely wasn't calm now.

I didn't even look to see how Kakashi reacted to being called a 'geezer', since it would probably just spur me into a ciolent rant against Naruto about being more professional and respecting your team leader I decided not to say anything.

Besides...

I thought we just settled that it wasn't really a kiss?

… then again, how could it _not_ be a kiss?

But before Naruto could worry any long about a first kiss that had already been lost many weeks ago to that 'geezer', something interrupted my attention.

There was a sudden movement at the main entrance of the hall. I looked over, the door were opening.

I suddenly felt my stomach drop in dread when every other party-goers went silent, as if the people who just entered were important and worth a few moments of somber appreciation.

I glanced at Kakashi, he seemed to know exactly what was going on.

But my other team-members didn't seem to read the atmosphere right.

"I heard _your_ first kiss was with the deserter Sasuke Uchiha." Sai brought up, leaning down to Naruto a little, saying It quietly.

"Wh-where'd you hear that!" Naruto piped up, forgetting not only about me but about where he was, I could almost imagine his face getting red with embarrassment, but I was too busy trying ot look over the heads of the crowd to see who just entered the hall, "That wasn't real! It was just…It was a mistake! Some loser bumped me into him, that's all!" Naruto continued, he sounded like he was about punch Sai for bringing up that extremely old memory.

"Quiet." Kakashi ordered with a low voice, unaffected by the antics behind him.

The two boys went quiet like everyone else was.

We all looked as the crowd started separating a little. People seemed on edge, as if these new guests were really a group to be scared of. A whole room of yakuza leaders were tense because of these people.

Who else could it be but Momoshita's rivals, the Yomasa clan?

I looked over to Kakashi for another moment.

I knew he knew exactly what was going on. He was taller than me, he could see and recognize the new guests without having to guess like we did.

He looked away from the Yomasa members as I heard some voices pick up and exchange humble greetings with them in a social small-talk manner.

"Split up." Kakashi said under his breath, still scanning the crowd that was mesmerized and mumbling about the people at the front of the room.

"What?" Naruto asked only a little loudly.

Kakashi only took a step away from Naruto, not looking at him. He was really serious right now. "Try to get an angle on them, make yourself blend in."

"But-" Naruto was still confused.

"Don't do anything till I say so." And with that I watched as Sai nodded swiftly and started to lead the confused Naruto away from our spot before going his own way. I was about to pick a direction in the crowd to start creeping through myself, but a hand landed on my wrist, keeping me from walking more than a step away from him.

"Stay with me."

Even as he said that and started leading me in the opposite direction he still sounded like a team captain and not 'Kakashi', as if the fact that I didn't go off on my own was just as important, if not part of, the mission to him. The crowd started to ease back into its previous party festivities as the Yomasa clan must've been integrating itself with the others, trying to blend in as much as we were.

I followed him, a little grateful to be with him, but still a little scared to be alone with him.

Not scared of him, just… worried… about what he must be thinking.

I watched his back intently.

He must be so disappointed in me.

I ruined the plan… If I had just been able to take care of myself we wouldn't be this disorganized.

We walked through the crowd for a few more paces, just like we'd done when we first got here, except I definitely wasn't smiling or laughing at any jokes of his. Nobody seemed to notice us, everyone was just talking about the new arrivals. We got to the wall and started following along it to get better position on the Yomasa members. I wasn't sure what he was planning.

My mind was still elsewhere.

It was hard not to focus on the way his hand was gripping my wrist a little too tightly, or on the scowl I could see behind his mask whenever I saw his profile whenever he looked to his left towards the crowd.

This wasn't right.

He shouldn't have to be like this because I screwed everything up.

I didn't care if it wasn't the right time, I still had to say something.

"I'm sorry." I suddenly felt more guilt fall back into place after saying those words.

He didn't seem to give much reaction to my words. He just glanced at me over his shoulder for a moment before looking back to the crowd.

That seemed like something he'd do when he was mission-oriented… he might be thinking a lot of things, but his face was too steeled over by years of experience on the battlefield to show me what he was thinking.

But I hoped he knew _what_ I was apologizing for.

The way he had to save me… I broke a promise that I could look out for myself, I made him worry and ruin his plans for me… It felt horrible, this familiar feeling of being a nuisance. My hand shook in his for a moment as I tightened my grip before finding my voice, "I-… I said I could take care of myself and I still couldn't. I let him… I let hi-"

"What did he do?" He cut me off, catching me off guard with that question. I had thought he was going to ignore my apology, accept it and brush it off so that he could execute the mission right now… That he'd only keep an eye on the enemy and talk about this later… but… he wanted to know what happened... He wanted to know what happened to me…I couldn't think. '_What did he do?'_

"He-" I finished before I started, stopping myself from saying anything more than that syllable.

I couldn't talk.  
Suddenly my stomach felt like it was ringing itself over and over on itself, my heart thudded grossly, I could almost feel his tongue on my skin again, his stubble scraping across my throat, his groaning slithering into my ear, his hand-

I had to stop moving. I felt like I was going to hurl.

I leaned against the wall for a moment trying to control how weird my breathing just got. Kakashi turned around when he noticed I stopped moving, I suddenly regretting making him look at me.

I didn't want him to look at me while I was remembering what just happened.  
What I let happen.

I tried to push myself off the wall, but I almost lost balance again.

His hands grabbed my shoulders firmly, keeping me in place. I didn't want him to touch me, but I needed more of it. I didn't want him to touch me when I could remember that man's touch, but I wanted to forget any other hands with his touch.

My fingers found his right wrist, unsure whether to hold onto him or pull his hand away from me.

I didn't have enough strength for the latter so I just held onto him.

"What did he-?"

His voice was still a team captain's, my posture tensed as I suddenly felt obligated to tell him everything. But I couldn't. I cut him off before he could finish that question.

"No-nothing…" I said immediately, ignoring my instincts as his subordinate just this once. I couldn't tell him.

I couldn't let him know how weak I had been. Even if things hadn't gotten as bad as they could've, which sickened me to think of how much worse it _could've_ gotten if he hadn't been there for me, I still felt like a failure not only as a member of his team but as his….

"You're lying." He stated the obvious harshly, his grip tightening on me.

My fingers tightened around his wrist in reaction. I was starting to feel a little desperate.  
I didn't want to talk about this anymore.  
I had to look away from him, my eyes stared at the red and gold patterned carpet beneath us.

Even if most of his face was covered, I couldn't look at him. He was still Kakashi-sensei… and I was still an embarrassment right now, wasn't I?

"I'm sorry…" I felt my throat tighten up. My eyes stinging, I swallowed hard. I _definitely_ couldn't cry in front of him again. I said I would never let myself be that weak again; I wouldn't be that crybaby kid I used to be in front of him anymore. I had to show him that even if I was so stupid tonight, I still wasn't as bad as the little girl he knew four years ago. "I said I could handle myself. You told me not to-… but I just screwed it up, I couldn-"

"Stop."

His hands pulled me forward, pressing my head against his chest.

His arms tightened around me more firmly than I ever felt before.

I could barely breathe, but I loved it.

I didn't want to breathe if that was the price of feeling him like this.

His arms were almost hurting me, but I felt safer than I had ever before. He was here. I was here.

Even if I always got myself into stupid problems and he had to save me. He was still here.

He still wanted me. He didn't care if I was still so stupid. He didn't care if I was still such a kid.

I could feel his face tuck next to mine.

His hand on the back of my head tilted my face closer to his as his other arm tightened even harder across my back.

This embrace was so different than I was used to. All his hugs were always so constrained, gentle, but he always held me at some sort of distance, as if he was afraid of hurting me.

Now it was like he was doing everything he could just to feel me closer to him, to cover me as much as he could, to make sure I was safe, that he still had a place with me.

This was what I needed.

I knew I couldn't pull him against me as tightly as I would've if I still wasn't suffering the side effects of that toxin, but I did the best I could, my hands grappling onto his jacket, trying to search for a way to feel more of him.

I needed this.

I needed this.

"I'm sorry."

I almost felt him shake with those words.

We were so close, our bodies picking up on the slightest movement of the other, that for a moment I thought I said that… The thought of him saying those words seemed too ridiculous to me.

But now I understood.

That anger from before. That sadness.

He wasn't angry at me.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

He could still feel her shaking a little. He wondered if she even knew how fragile she felt when she was quivering like this, or if she even knew that she was.

No matter how tightly he held her, she still couldn't stop shivering. Her breathing was a little too fast, like it had been a few seconds before he pulled her against him. Her face had lost all color; she couldn't even stand on her own.

_How could she be like this?_

_What did that asshole do to her?_

His arms tightened around her almost possessively at the thought that any other man had held her.

Why did she think she had to keep apologizing?

None of this was her fault.

If only he'd gotten to her sooner, she wouldn't be this… fragile. If he had just gotten there sooner…

If he had just…

…

"I'm sorry."

_I'm sorry I let that happen to you._

He pressed his face against the side of hers, not caring about how it was almost uncomfortable to lean down this far.

He just needed more of her.

He needed to make sure she was alright.

He wanted to kiss her, to carry her out of this room, away from all the danger and confusion. He didn't care if the war broke out because they weren't there, he just wanted to lay her down, take off that ridiculous dress, and feel every inch of her against him, against his hands and lips and skin, he wanted to wash away whatever that bastard had done to her, make her forget anybody else's hands and lips except his own….

But he couldn't.

No matter how much he wanted to forget everything about his life except her and indulge in everything he's ever wanted with her… he couldn't.

That was their relationship.

That was their life.

Shinobi weren't allowed to love and remain the emotionless weapons they were raised to be.

They still had a mission.

...

But at least he could hold her now for a few seconds longer, and hope her quivering will stop.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

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…

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**Next chapter!**


	59. Everything's Fine

**Chapter 59!**

**Title:**_'Everything's Fine.'_

**Note:**** This one's much longer, though I tried not to make it too long.**

**I hope you enjoy it… despite… well… lots of things.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Again, I couldn't tell how much time had passed. But I was greedily taking as much as I could from him, my hands hungrily searching his back in an effort to feel more of him.

But his grip started to loosen and even if I felt a bit better, just loosing that almost painful embrace of his was enough to make my eyes sting again.  
After all this I'm going to have to find time, I'd visit his apartment even without permission if I had to, to get the rest of this hug. It could take hours to get all that I needed from him, but I don't think I could ever get enough of him, anyways.

But right now… we had a mission… and he had more responsibility than I did.

"We don't have long until they'll make a move." He spoke up.

And as if right on cue we suddenly heard a very familiar voice, "Oi, what d'ya want?"

Naruto's volume let us find him immediately. There were two of the lackey's we'd seen at the party last night walking closely by the sides of Naruto and Sai, tall and quiet, shepherding them away from the crowd towards the door in the back.

Naruto started throwing a few punches that left them unaffected as they only pushed Naruto towards the door faster. Sai was more compliant for some reason.  
I figured it out quickly when Kakashi turned back to me.

"Finally, time for the end."

The way he said that before he started tugging back through to crowd towards our other teammates hit me. This really did seem like this mission took forever.

So much has happened… and it's about to end.

Hopefully he good way.

"Hey there, are you escorting my friends to the meeting?" Kakashi asked with casual charm that would've been funny if the two men didn't look down at us coldly before saying,

"Momoshita wants to see you, too."

"I have a few things to settle with him, too." Kakashi answered as if he had no idea what was going on.

He started walking in pace with the two men and our two team members, Naruto still showing attitude while Sai was just as cool-headed as before, Kakashi's hand tightened around my own at an angle that Naruto or Sai couldn't see. I squeezed back, getting a little nervous.

… … … …

"Welcome friends and enemies." The fat, balding mob leader stood in front of the large room housing two groups that were filed down the center. Momoshita's men were sitting on the floor to the left, looking up at their boss admirably, the right side was sitting behind the white haori-wearing Yomasa family head. "Let us switch the roles tonight." He announced festively, "Old enemies will become allies." He nodded happily to the Yomasa clan, who seemed only partially moved. "And new friends revealed as the enemies they always were."

The lackeys manhandling us took the cue and threw us forward onto our knees, our hands tied behind our backs. Kakashi was forced to sit in front of the three of us, his own wrists tied with thicker rope than ours. He handled the force of being pushed to the ground with more grace than Naruto, Sai, and I were able to.  
The entire room turned to look at us. At least a hundred men were in this room, all of them hated shinobi enough to kill them on sight.  
But something told me they weren't going to try and kill us right away.

Momoshita walked down the open aisle between groups quietly towards us, his white cane thudding against the tatami mats every other step as he limped slightly. Everyone was still staring at us. I felt a little scared, still not able to use my chakra-strength seemed to take some of my confidence away, but I only let agitation show on my face.  
Momoshita stopped in front of Kakashi.

I suddenly only felt fear for him, forgetting myself.

A moment of silence passed.

A flash of white later I heard a little thudding sound as Kakashi-sensei leaned forward slightly with the impact of the cane hitting his stomach. He didn't make a sound, but _I_ was close to saying something. I tried to keep myself from making a scene.

The other men in the room let little smirks pull at their lips, like they knew this was just the beginning of violence toward us.  
I really hoped Kakashi had a reason for letting us just walk into this situation.

A moment of stern silence followed.

"Kyousuke-kun." Momoshita spoke up. "Hatake Kakashi." He corrected.

Suddenly a soft chorus of mumbles and slurs could be heard all across the room. I almost forgot again how famous he was…. or 'infamous', really. The smirks either turned into sneers or grins form the men who seemed to be anticipating what they thought was going to happen to 'Hatake Kakashi'.

"You bought our time with your food and drink, and tried to rob us of our opportunistic arrangement with the powerful Yomasa clan," Momoshita nodded to the left side of the room, flattering them shamelessly. "But we now see who you really are. And, like any other ninja, you're going to pay the price of meddling with our affairs."

Quiet cheers could be heard from both sides.  
I was getting pissed.  
I could feel chakra start coursing through my arms… I felt confidence bubble in me with the familiar twinges of tingles of the chakra as it started swirling through my fists instinctually. I forgot chakra could be tied to emotions and heighten as a defense mechanism.

But my confidence weakened, my stomach lurched, and my head got a little fuzzy when I heard the next word come out of Momoshita's mouth.

"Hiroki."

I started to feel sicker with the thought he was in this room, my mind blurred a little more, I had no idea why… the toxins were gone, I was okay… but it almost felt, psychological. I tried to wake my mind back up, but it was a little difficult to focus when I recognized the tall dark figure stand up from the left side of the room. A gold chain decorating the side of his face, like it had yesterday, glimmered. He made his way past the men.  
Tall, wide, intimidating.  
I bit the inside of my cheek and forced myself not to look away from him as he walked down the aisle towards us. I could feel my face screw up with anger. I could see Sai and Naruto give me a questioning look out of the corner of my eye. I didn't care.

I had trouble correcting my breathing when I could finally make out his eyes.  
They were fixated on me.  
He was smiling. The chain stretched slightly with the tension of his face.  
It was a sickly smile that made me feel like he thought he wasn't done with me. His bottom lip was split open in three spots, still bright red, they cracked as he smiled wider. He licked the fresh blood off his lips, his eyes still on me.  
I wanted to kill him.

"Hiro-tan, here, has offered us some entertainment." Momoshita bellowed to the crowd with the voice of a game announcer. "He's requested that he 'finish his business' with Hatake-kun." The left side of the room cheered for Hiroki, who was beaming towards them proudly. The right side of the room seemed interested, if not pleased, but I could pick out a few unamused faces.  
One of them spoke up. An older man with scars on his neck and a missing ear.

"Wouldn't it be best to just cut off their heads and be done with it?" He spoke up gruffly.

But before others could 'yea' or 'nay' that idea the Yomasa clan leader, with his eyes closed, lifted his white sleeved arm slightly, silencing his half of the room. He didn't say anything but Momoshita nodded and smiled amiably with the silent permission to continue.

Momoshita snapped his fingers almost theatrically. In reaction, a small-framed young man came stumbling up from the left side of the room holding a large lacquer case, he looked nervous, like a new recruit.

Momoshita opened the lid after the boy bowed in front of him, his head facing the ground.

The light shimmered off the metal as Momoshita carefully removed two daggers, using the tips of his yukata sleeves while handling the blade parts of the daggers.  
He turned to the blond-haired man next to him. Holding out the daggers with a slight nod. I noticed only momentarily that the gold handles of the daggers matched the gold of his chain. The daggers glimmered similarly as he took them carefully, the blade part was welded intricately into crescent shapes, little aqueduct-like indentations followed along the edges of the blade.

The Yomasa clan leader opened his eyes, one clouded over, to observe.

Hiroki spun the blades in his hands as if he was greeting some old friends.

After a moment longer of that silence, Hiroki turned to Momoshita, smiling.  
Momoshita glanced at the guards behind us, nodding slightly just before he was about to walk away. Hiroki reached out a hand, his fingers stopping Momoshita's shoulder, the blade in his hand almost looked threatening for a moment. Momoshita turned to him, then, very quietly, I heard Hiroki's voice.

My stomach turned with the sound of it, but it was what he said that made me feel like breaking up this ceremonious moment and punching him into bloody pulp, "I kill Hatake and she's mine, right?"

Momoshita glanced over his shoulder at me.

He eyed me for a moment, grading me.

"As long as you can keep her under control."

"Don't worry, I'll keep her on a short leash."

"I've no doubt." Momoshita chuckled before patting the man on the shoulder and walking away.

I could feel myself shake with anger and the need to do something that could take away this incredibly powerless feeling that was eating me up right now. My nails dug at my palms painfully.

But I was distracted when Kakashi stood up sharply and, without hesitation, circled on the spot with one of the more powerful kicks in a ninja's taijutsu inventory.

Half the men in the room almost stood up, grabbing their swords.  
But the men settled back in their spots, probably less at ease, when Hiroki started laugh. His voice cracking and splintering with every guffaw. He had blocked the kick with his forearm; he pushed Kakashi's leg back to the ground with force.

"I was thinking maybe we should untie your hands, but I think you can give a fight just like that." Hiroki rose his arms in front of him, pointed the daggers at opposing angles, "Plus, we don't want you casting any annoying jutsu."

Kakashi didn't say anything.

They circled the spot.

I noticed a little movement from Hiroki, his thumbs were twitching on the handles of his daggers.

They took a few more opposing steps.

Hiroki made the first move, lunging forward with a side-handed thrust. Kakashi dodged it. Hiroki lunged forward again, Kakashi took another step back. The blond went for another stab, predicting Kakashi's movements and shrinking to his right just in time to barely scrape the blade of his dagger on Kakashi's arm. They both backed away from each other at the same moment. The material of Kakashi's tuxedo sleeve separated, revealing a sliver of skin and an even thinner line of red.

"You're quite careless for being so famous." Hiroki spoke up with a chuckle, looking at the edge of his blade that was coated lightly in red.

"You can say that." Kakashi agreed without much hesitation."But I think it's even more careless for an exile shinobi to mix himself up with yakuza."

Hiroki's posture straightened at that, his smiled weakened. The room was full of little murmurs. Momoshita frown as he lifted his cup of sake to his mouth.

"You're movements give you away. And those knives of yours." Kakashi nodded towards Hiroki's defensive arms, "The design is rare, but I've seen them before. They come from the Land of Rivers. But they're specially designed for only one clan."

The men in the room listened intently. I could see the faces of some of the men on the left start to drop. I guess they didn't know their beloved Hiro-tan was actually one of us once.

"The Kurobane clan is the only family of ninja that uses chemicals and reactants in their fighting style. Those daggers hold vials of chemical in the handles and secretes it to the edges of the blade."

The design made sense now. The indentations, the twitching of his thumbs to release the chemical.

I was suddenly grateful Kakashi was who he was and could analyze a situation like this so quickly.

But before any relief could sink in Hiroki's voice made my muscles tense instinctively.

"So if you know what they do, why'd you let yourself get cut?" Hiroki spat, practically seething now that his 'good' name with his men has been tarnished greatly.

"You're only using sedatives I've been immune to for years. I've dealt with your family before. They're a peaceful people that can _only_ use sedatives…" Hiroki's face tightened with frustration, "I can understand why they disowned you." Kakashi goaded with false sympathy.

It wasn't a moment longer before Hiroki let out a grating yell before lunging forward again, slicing the air in front of him. Kakashi stepped to the side quickly before kicking Hiroki in the back, sending him falling forward.

Hiroki, nearly growling with anger, lifted himself off the floor and spun forward, kicking off from the ground with force, keeping his daggers angled outward to catch Kakashi in the rotating blades. But, as if Kakashi knew he would do that, he jumped from the ground, kicking his legs up high enough to swing his arms underneath them, and at just the right moment, used Hiroki's senseless flurry of knives to cut the bonds. They both landed on their feet a moment later, staring at each other with the cold killing intent you could only see from two shinobi.

Nearly all the men in the room stood up, grasping the hilts of their swords.

The Yomasa clan leader made no attempt to calm them, and only watched the scene with an aged and passive expression. Momoshita looked slightly worried, but when Hiroki raised his own hand to calm everyone the men hesitantly sat down. Hiroki stood on the spot, breathing a little hard, his blond hair as messy as it was last night.

"It's better this way." He commented, sloppily using his fist to brush away the hair from his face.

Kakashi didn't wait, immediately lifting his hands up to perform signs I saw Hiroki flinch suddenly, he started waving his daggers in mid-air as if he was attacking several enemies at once. He almost seemed panicked, as if his worst nightmares were clawing at him from every angle.

_Genjustsu._

It was only a moment later before Kakashi was behind Hiroki, grasping his daggered hand behind Hiroki's back. Hiroki shuffled on the spot awkwardly for a moment, struggling to break free.

"This is it." Kakashi muttered seriously to the somewhat desperate Hiroki.

That was one of my favorite sentences to hear Kakashi say. Relief soothed me only slightly before Kakashi spoke up again, this time to the whole room,

"If you don't want 'Hiro-tan' staining the mats of your meeting room, you'll let them leave unharmed." He motioned towards us three still sitting over here. "I'll stay."

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto yelled defiantly.

I wanted to say something, but I didn't want to distract him, or call Hiroki's attention to me. But if they tried to pull me out of this room and away from Kakashi, I was going to have to send some people flying.

No one reacted to Kakashi's offer. Both the leaders seemed to either be taking a long while to consider it… or they already knew the answer.

"I'm the one doing the entertaining here, let them go." Kakashi repeated, pushing the blade against Hiroki's back, making him grunt a little.

But that grunt turned into a laugh. Another, deadlier, cracking laughter that rang out.

"Fool." Hiroki caught his breath with that. "How can you call yourself shinobi if you're willing to sacrifice yourself and your mission for your teammates?" He brought up a very old shinobi code with a cold tone.

'_Always ensure the survival of the mission, not your own or your comrades'.'_

That was a code I knew Kakashi-sensei had a run-in with more than a few times in his life, though I've never heard details.

"Ninja are heartless demons who only know selfishness and killing." Hiroki added, his voice churning with hatred that seemed to be rooted in another moment in his life that wasn't now. He sounded like he'd experienced that code first-hand, too, but it was hard to care about what he had been through when he had the audacity to say _we_ were heartless.

A tense moment passed.

Besides, this isn't over yet." He croaked.

Everything was quiet.

"I'm winning." Hiroki chuckled under his breath.

Kakashi looked back to Hiroki, probably as confused as I was.

"Just wait a few seconds." Hiroki added with a high pitch, "You'll see."

It wasn't a moment later before Kakashi's grip on Hiroki eased begrudgingly, it was only a 'few seconds' until Hiroki was freed. The blond man stood up straight again before turning around and administering a right jab to Kakashi's stomach. I bit the inside of my cheek too hard. Kakashi backed away slowly.

"There you go." Hiroki bowed his head a few inches to get a look at Kakashi's masked face, "I think you're starting to feel it." He sounded like he was talking to a kid. He probably did see Kakashi as a kid, the age difference was apparent when they were next to each other. There must've been at least ten years between them.

But I forgot that observation when Kakashi stumbled back a little after another punch.

I could feel my heart start pounding.

Worry crept into my limbs with a sickly cold feeling.

Hiroki smiled that bloodied, cracked smile, pushing back his hair again.

"You were right." He started, "My specialty _is_ sedatives… just like my family…" he added with hate in his voice, "But I've learned a few things over the years… I've created a few of my own mixtures that no one could possibly be immune to." He took a few more steps towards Kakashi. I wanted to stop him. To punch him into the next room and make sure he never even looked at Kakashi again.  
He placed his blade under his chin, lifting his head up to face him.  
"This is a chakra-activated neurological inhibiter." Hiroki explained with some pride, pumping the chemical into the edges of the blade again. A little green drop fell to the floor. "After entering the bloodstream it sits dormant until the host performs any kind of jutsu. It locates the chakra points in the brain and starts playing with the synapses and connectors in interesting ways." Hiroki twisted the blade under his chin a little, angling it downward. The edge grazing the fabric of the mask down to Kakashi's neck. "Quite like what you used to spike our drinks last night, this one has a Takao root base." That was when he found out. Hiroki is a chemical specialist, he probably knew who we were last night from the moment he tasted the sake. I watched, feeling powerless, a few red drops ran down the side of the blade. Kakashi winced with more reaction than I thought he would give.

"It makes you feel weak, tired, sleepy, it may even make you see some pretty scary shit… it tends to mess with people's head like that. But it intensifies the pain receptors." Hiroki slid the blade over to Kakashi's shoulder, digging through the material of his jacket until Kakashi winced again. Hiroki pressed harder, letting red dribbled onto his blade and down to the floor. Kakashi let himself fall to his knees. I could feel the skin of my palms protesting against the pressure my nails were giving them.

Can't I get up?

Can't I do something about this?

I remembered what Kakashi told me before they pushed us into this room, _'Don't do anything till I tell you to.'_

This _might_ be Kakashi's plan, but what if it isn't… what if he made a mistake, what if he miscalculated?  
But what if I get him hurt by trying to save him?

I could feel a little trickle of wetness seep between my fingers. I didn't pay attention to the crescent-shaped sources of pain in my palms when Hiroki spoke up again.

"I always use this one for a man I want to see suffer."

Hiroki raised his blade, slashing it downward at just the right angle that it barely cut his cheek.

The blond leaned down. He took the sides of Kakashi's face in his daggered hands. His right thumb rubbing against the fresh cut until more red spilled out. It dripped down into his mask, darkening the black material.

I watched with more hatred than fear when Hiroki leaned down farther.

His tongue peeked between his lips as it dabbed at the blood trails on Kakashi's cheek. Swiveling over the red patterns in a way that sickened me not only because I recognized how that tongue must've felt, and the fact he was doing it to _Kakashi_, but that he was inflicting the same disgusted and weakened state on Kakashi that he had on me earlier.  
Hiroki leaned in closely to the side of Kakashi's face, his lips next to his ear.

He started to whisper.

Anybody who wasn't shinobi wouldn't be able to hear.

"And if this isn't enough suffering for you… Just imagine all the pretty things I'm going to do to your girlfriend after you're dead."

I was already resolved to standing up, breaking these bonds, and taking on all hundred of these men and possibly ruining Kakashi's plans if it meant I could have a chance at killing that man, but I didn't need to.

The moment Hiroki finished those words he let out a grunt of pain.

He backed away, stumbling slightly.

Half of a kunai was sticking out from his side.

All the men in the room murmured as Hiroki took a moment of shock before he clumsily started to pull it out, wiggling it from side to side to loosen its hold between his muscles. Before he could manage to free the first kunai, a second found itself imbedded in the hand that had been trying to tug out the first.

Hiroki looked back to Kakashi sharply, rage in his ice blue eyes, his hair whipping messily with the movement of his head.

The silver-haired man brought up his knee, planted his hand on it shakily and lifted himself up to his feet slowly.  
He raised another kunai in front of him, his mismatched eyes focused on his opponent while his stance struggled slightly.

"Ha…haha…" Hiroki stared to laugh again, nervously. "You can't do anything! You should be dead on your feet!"

Kakashi took a shaky step forward, "You know… You were right when you said ninja were selfish and heartless…" He took another step, "That we only knew killing…"

Hiroki took a few steps back, something like horror spreading on his face slowly.

"That's how we're raised." Ignoring Kakashi, Hiroki lunged forward, his blade cutting into Kakashi arm shallowly. Kakashi just winced and took another step. "We're cold and decisive and throw away life because that's all our nations have taught us." Kakashi only kept cornering Hiroki. The blond man started to panic, his voice touching into his breathing as he started swinging his blades against Kakashi's arms and sides and chest, administering more of more of that toxin with every cut, hoping it would take effect and stop Kakashi's steps and words. "We learn to fight for the mission and not for ourselves." Kakashi only grunted slightly a little when Hiroki punched him harshly with the handle of the blade.

The blond took another step back after seeing the look in Kakashi's eyes.  
It was that look.  
The one he always wore when he knew he had to win, when there was no other option, when he had to protect something important to him. I still remembered the day by the misty lake when Zabuza attacked us on our first mission. That was the first time I'd seen it.

And just like then, I couldn't help the confidence and admiration that washed over my fear.

Hiroki stopped. He only stared at his weakened, but altogether more powerful opponent.  
Kakashi looked up at Hiroki, his eyes tired but determined.

"So you can imagine just how much killing a shinobi is capable of when they find a heart and something worth fighting for. Especially when they're selfish."

Everything went quiet for a moment.

And then he was gone.

Hiroki stepped back and looked around, panicked, the other men in the room went silent as they tensed.

"I'm very selfish."  
Kakashi finished casually after he rematerialized behind Hiroki.

The blond man's eyes widened for a nanosecond before he was rocketed face first into the ground.

All the men grabbed their swords and in a flurry of movement and a puff of smoke they ran towards the silver-haired man. All I had to hear was his voice say, "Now!" And all three of us were off the ground and unbound.

We ran into the smoke towards the shouting men. I punched a few of them, already feeling all the better as I saw them go flying backwards. But right now I didn't have time for fun. I needed to find him.

I turned to my left, knowing Sai was there, and in that moment I saw another dark figure come rushing towards me in the smoke, it was kicked away before I had a chance to build up chakra.

"I got this, go see to Kakashi."

I'd never felt so grateful to Sai or grateful that he knew about my feelings for our team captain.

I made my way through the crowd punching away a few men now and then. Just as I sent a guy flying to the other side of the room with a good kick, I felt a hand land on my shoulder. I wasa about to grab it and pull it over me to slam the guy against the ground, but as soon as my hand landed on his I recognized it.

"You look good fighting in that dress."

He sounded tired, but still… him.

"Kakashi."

As soon as I turned around there was no way anybody could stop me from wrapping my arms around him. He stumbled back a little, his hands finding my back quickly despite the surprise. He gave a little grunt and I pulled away quickly, afraid I was hurting him. But as soon as my arms gave hims some slack he pulled me tighter against him than before.

Again, all I could think was:

_I need this._

_I love this._

_I need this._

Everything around us was moving so fast, but time seemed to slow just for this.

And just when I thought this moment couldn't get any better (despite the yelling and frantic men losing terribly against Sai and Naruto, who was making his own inventions of battle cries) he laughed.

It had been too long since I heard him laugh.

And with what he just went through, I was scared I wouldn't hear it for a while… but here I was, in the midst of chaos finding internal peace in the way his laughter vibrated through his chest like this.

"Are you okay?" I asked stupidly, but still not able to think straight with being this caught up in this irrational happiness.

"This helps." He tightened the hug and answered smoothly enough to make _me_ laugh at him.

"Just let me treat you anyways." I spoke up as I noticed the cuts on the arms.

But just as I said that I felt his grip weaken as he pushed me away.

And just like that reality poked through the moment and I had to think about my surroundings.

"Later." He said. He sounded a little serious again, "I have something I need to do first."

"Wha-" Before I could finish my single word I was interrupted by his masked lips. I backed away quickly after enjoying a few seconds of it.

I looked around; Sai and Naruto were too busy fighting in the giant puffs of smoke. I was too drunk with relief and adrenaline I almost didn't care if they saw what just happened.

"That wasn't it, though." He let me know as he laughed again. I did too."I'll be right back." He kissed me again, a quick peck like the one he gave me this afternoon when he was having fun with pretending to be a married couple.

I laughed again as I saw him walk back into the chaos, ignoring the fact he was limping a little and indulging in the relief I felt that he was safe… he was still Kakashi.

But my laughter and that surreal moment of happiness was cut short.

A sudden pain across the back of my shoulder woke me up from my careless blind joy. I winced as I grabbed at the pain.

I turned around and any amount of relief and happiness vanished.

It was replaced by disgust and fear ad a haze blurring my mind.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

He made his way through the chaos. All the men caught up in the violence, fighting themselves and the opposing clan without focusing on the real enemy.

He'd seen this type of insanity before. Bloodthirsty men not caring who they kill or dismember as they hack away with their swords.  
He avoided any of the men that spotted him and tried to pick a fight. Even if his muscles were aching and lagging behind as his reflexes seemed sluggish, he could still maneuver his way through the room quickly.

He found the loose mat, pried it away, and grabbed what he had hidden there earlier that day before starting to make his way into the chaos to get back to her.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"Luck really is on my side." He repeated his words from that time we were alone… He took a few stumbling steps toward me, his smile even more bloodied now that his nose was bleeding from the face-dive he was given only minutes ago.

I raised my fist, unable to think of anything other to do than back away at the same time.

"Use any chakra and you'll find yourself unable to move…." He leaned in, "Or fight back." He waved his dagger back and forth a little. Suddenly the pain on my shoulder made sense.

I tried to think through any options I still had as he leaned even closer, his hands finding the wall behind me. A regular punch wouldn't be able to do anything against this guy. He leaned down to me, his bloodied face only centimeters from mine.

I couldn't think.

This was too much.

I wanted to cling to my sides, fall to the ground and wait till he left.

I wanted to claw at his face.

I wanted to-

I couldn't even finish that thought when I felt him lean forward. He pressed his face against mine, I could feel the blood smearing across my cheek.

That woke me up.

I suddenly remembered what was tied around my leg.

It was placed so perfectly, I didn't even have to lean down to get the kunai.

I pushed him away with the strength I could use without chakra. He pulled away compliantly, as if he knew whatever I did wasn't going to stop him.

I smiled for a moment. Anticipation bubbling in my stomach.

His own faded slightly, not that he knew what I was about to do, but I got the feeling he didn't like it when the girl he was interested in smiled.

Feeling all that anger and hatred again in this moment I raised the kunai up to my eye level. He only reacted minimally, like he didn't think I could do anything.

I raised the kunai higher. He seemed ready to block, but what he didn't know until it was too late was that I wasn't going to stab him.

I slid the kunai between his face and that freaking golden chain.

His eyes widened before he could stop what I did next.

"I don't need chakra to do this."

I yanked down quickly.

He pushed himself away from me with force, clutching the side of his face as the little gold chain glimmered down to the floor. And just when he seemed so ready to kill me, I anchored all my weight onto one foot and spun on the spot, giving him the kick he had blocked from Kakashi before. But this time it did what it was supposed to and sent him crashing into the ground unconscious.

I took a moment, standing over the unconscious man for a moment, breathing hard.

I could feel some of the dignity this bastard stole from me come back.

I didn't know until I heard a familiar voice that I had been smiling for the past few seconds since hearing this voice made me want to smile and I found I was doing it already.

"You really do look good when you fight." He extended that stupid compliment from before and I almost laughed. I think I would've if my whole body still wasn't shaking with what just happened.

I turned around.

He was just standing there, looking over my shoulder at the blond mess on the ground. He was only a few feet away, but that was miles away as far as I was concerned.

Ignoring how it was actually kind of annoying to see him just standing there inspecting my handiwork… I still loved it. I didn't know how long he'd been there, but…he didn't even try and save me. That sounded like a bad thing, but I wouldn't have had it any other way.

And he knew that.

It was like he knew I could handle it on my own.  
That thought alone was enough to make my heart leap a little.

He smiled at me. Pride in his expression.

I could feel that stupid, blind happiness steal away my sense of danger or responsibility.

I ran up to him, acting pretty much like how I used as a kid to whenever he praised me on learning a new technique or handling a key component of a mission. But unlike when I was kid I could wrap my arms around him now.

I didn't hold back after his arms closed around me too.

It was so addicting, feeling him like this.

"Sakura…" He called me back to reality after only a few seconds. "I don't have much time."

I eased my arms from around him hesitantly.

"I probably won't be conscious for very long after I do this." He spoke up again. This time sounding a little serious. I ignored the yelling and sounds of metal clanking together as I watched him slip his hand into the inner pocket of his jacket.

"What?"

He took out a reverse summoning scroll, he unlatched it and let it fall to the ground. I didn't know what he was going to use it for, but all I knew was that he'd need a large amount chakra for a summoning jutsu.

My eyes found all the cuts on his arms and sides, all up and down his chest. There had to be so much of that toxin in his bloodstream...  
My stomach churned.

_He can't seriously be thinking abou-!_

He wiped some of the blood off his face onto his thumb. And before I could stop him he performed seven signs before slamming his hand onto the scroll. Nothing happened here except a little puff of smoke, but somewhere out their he had summoned one of his canine helpers for something.

He stumbled trying to get up, he only fell back to his knees.

I knelt down next to him immediately, ignoring Naruto's shouting and the men's battlecries. I reached out to his shoulders.

"Pakkun and the others will be notifying the law enforcement in charge of this region... They should be here in only a few minutes." His voice got softer towards the end of that sentence. The way he was starting to lean over to his side scared me.

"Kakashi-sensei!" I pulled him closer to me. He lost his balance, on purpose or not I didn't know, and fell forward. He leaned his head onto my shoulder.

I let my hands cling onto the fabric of his tattered jacket a little too tightly, the dried blood on my palms rubbing off on it.

He chuckled a little against me. "Just Kakashi, remember?"

Immediately I was reminded of all the times he reminded me not to call him 'sensei' anymore.

I smiled at the memories, some of them were embarrassing, others were the happiest I had.

"Yeah…" I answered back, letting my face press against his.  
It was only a moment before he turned himself over. I could tell how difficult it was getting for him to move. He scooted over, letting his head fall onto my lap tiredly. A moment of trying to calm my heartbeat later I let my hand fall onto the top of his head, running my fingers through his hair a little.

The silence between us was perfect.  
The way he was looking up at me.  
The look he always gave me when he whenever he told me how much he needed me.

His hand reached up to my face. His fingers rubbed away the blood on my cheek carefully, his touch getting weaker by the second. I couldn't help but lean into his touch, letting my lips press against the inside of his slightly weathered palm. He smiled tiredly.

We must've been a strange scene in this room full of violence of noise… but this probably summarized our lifestyle more appropriately than any other situation.

"Sakura…" His eyes were closing. He sounded a little worried. Like I would disappear as soon as he closed his eyes.

I let my fingers run along the side of his face, admiring him.

"Don't worry, I'll be there when you wake up." I smiled as I leaned down.

He chuckled.

"I'll look forward to that." His voice was almost too soft to hear.

But when my lips found his masked ones, he kissed back weakly for as long as he could… his lips lost tension when his hand fell from my face.

Even if he hadn't seen me, he knew I was here till he wasn't anymore.

Everything was quiet for me for a moment.

Naruto and Sai were still fighting the last stragglers as I started wiping the blood off of Kakashi's face carefully, using the front train of the dress he picked out for me.

Yeah…

This was our life.

…

Surrounded by violence.

Covered in blood.

But too blinded by happiness to even notice.

…

I smiled to myself.

…

_This is our life._

…

… … … … … … … … … … … …

I walked through the hospital doors at three o'clock in the morning.  
I wasn't the only one there.

I kind of felt bad for not being the first one here, but I had to go home first to tell my mom and dad I wouldn't be home till the afternoon.

The mission had finally ended and we were back home, breathing a sigh of relief that the craziness was over. The regional law enforcement arrested Momoshita and the Yomasa family head, and took most of their men to the local hospital to get stitched up before being arrested too. The officers thanked us for our help gruffly, like they didn't like having to work with shinobi, they told me to thank Kakashi when he was conscious again.  
I don't think anybody cared about their thanks, but I planned to tell him anyway.  
But that wasn't the only reason why I was here visiting him, of course.  
I walked into the waiting room, my sandals making little scuffing sounds against the aged tile floor. I saw Naruto and Sai sitting on the single couch, waiting quietly.

I guess they were worried about Kakashi enough not to go home yet.

Naruto looked up as he heard my footsteps, he smiled immediately and sprang up, "You here to visit Kakashin-sensei?" He asked a little unnecessarily.

Sai peeked over at me with his own smile as I answered hesitantly, "Yeah."

Naruto took a little breath like he was going to pick up some sort of small talk but a little voice interrupted him (for a change, _he_ was interrupted. I felt like laughing at the irony).

"Oh, Haruno-san." I turned when I heard my name being said so respectfully. I immediately recognized her, not from the months I had trained my healing skills by helping the staff here, but from the last time I came to visit Kakashi in the hospital past visiting hours. She was the nicer one of the two receptionists.

"Yes?" I asked, Naruto looked curious, too.

"You're here to visit Hatake-san?" She asked for verification, checking her little clipboard of recent admittances. I nodded quickly. She smiled when she checked her paper, "You can go see him now."

My heart jumped happily.

"Huh? Really?" Naruto freaked out for a moment, smiling widely.

"Only Haruno-san, sorry." The receptionist shrunk back a little with Naruto's hyperactivity, trying not to hurt his feelings.

"Wh-Why?" His feelings were hurt.

"Her name is still listed as one of his exceptional visitors." She explained politely.

Naruto immediately whipped his head to me, demanding an answer silently.

I was quick on the uptake, my smile still showing through on accident.

"I was his medic-nin last time he got injured. They needed to let me see him whenever he needed me."

"Oh." Naruto nodded after a moment, he crossed his arms with a pouty attitude like he'd just been denied entry into a special club, "Well, tell me how he's doing if you don't stay until 8:00." He asked to me to fill him in if I left before the visiting hours started.

_I was definitely staying till eight.  
_But I nodded as if it was a possibility

The receptionist pointed me towards the door that led to the hospital rooms, I already knew where his room would be (recent and short term admittances always ended up with the left hallway), but I thanked her for the directions and went through the doors, glancing at Naruto and Sai as Naruto went to sit back down. Sai was still smiling at me.  
I almost sighed at how I much drama I was probably going to have to deal from him later.

I could just imagine him trying to set up fake dates for Kakashi and me, making us talk to each other alone… well, as long as he didn't snoop around for too long, I guess Sai could actually help us find time together without really knowing that we were already way past the stage he thought we were at.

I did sigh when I realized, despite how annoying those little games sounded, I was still kind of looking forward to them.

This lifestyle was turning me into some sort of danger-seeking teenager or something.

Well… I guess it didn't matter right now.

I took the left down the hallway.

Right now was perfect.

It was that time after a mission wrapped itself up and we were free from worrying about anything for at least a couple days until things got in our way again as they always inevitably seemed to do.

But for right now, this was just another happy ending to another crazy mission.

Everything seemed back to normal already.

Even walking to his 'usual' hospital room seemed part of the normal schedule now.

I peeked through the window. The room was dark, but the moonlight from the window was enough to see him lying on his side, sleeping.

I smiled as I opened the door quietly. I walked a few steps into the quiet room.  
I could hear him sigh in his sleep when I closed the door behind me.

My eyes adjusted to the dark as I walked up to his bedside.

Just like last time, the hospital staff seemed to understand not to take off his mask, but took off his jacket and shirt to treat the cuts along his arms, sides, neck, and chest. My eyes lingered on all the little bandages and the large purple bruises on his stomach and chest, I could even see one forming on the side of his bandaged cheek from where Hiroki punched him with the handle of his dagger. It was a painful to see him like this, but I tried not to focus on that.  
I pulled up the chair closer to his bedside, quietly. I focused instead on the pace of his breathing, on the way the moonlight reflected off his shoulder as it rose and fell, how his eyebrows furrowed a little in his sleep like he was having a bad dream.  
I reached up to his face. My fingers smoothed his forehead gently. He didn't look so upset anymore.  
I let my fingers peek into his hair, brushing through it once.  
I always did love running my fingers through his hair, it was one of the first things I wanted to do when I realized I had feeling for 'Kakashi-sensei'. I would probably do it more often, if I never got the courage. I knew he wouldn't mind if I did it more often, he _was_ the one who would always run his hands through my hair, but I just felt like he wouldn't like it as much as I did.  
But the way his face lost all its tension and calmed when I let my hand run through the silver locks again told me otherwise.  
I smiled to myself, having too much fun just looking at him.

I moved my hand from his hair and let it find the bandage on his cheek, tracing it lightly. His nose twitched like it tickled. I wondered if he was actually awake already.

I could almost imagine him speaking up when I least expected and saying _'You know, sleep harassment is a punishable offense.'_

My smiled widened at the thought.

I let my fingers find the fabric of his mask.  
I was feeling kind of reckless right now. I let my fingers slide between his mask and face.  
Maybe I _was_ turning into a 'danger-seeking teenager'.  
I knew he wouldn't mind me kissing him, but while he was still asleep, that seemed like I was asking for him to make fun of me and do something worse to me.

I pulled at the fabric a little more, about to pull it passed his nose.

But I didn't get a chance to.

His eyes tensed a little and he rolled over onto his back, away from me. If I couldn't tell he was awake before, I knew he was definitely just waking up now when he sleepily raised a hand to his forehead, rubbing the heel of his cut hand against his eyes.

"Morning." I spoke up with a big smile.

His eyes flashed open after a moment. He found me sitting by his bed. His eyes moved from me, looking around the dark room and finding the moonlit window.

He groaned a little as he rubbed his eyes a little more.

I didn't wait for him to wake up entirely before I started picking on him.

"You just can't seem to stay out of the hospital this month." I poked verbally, sitting up in my chair, stretching a little. "I think you probably enjoy making me go out of my way to visit you like this." I joked, smiling widely as he turned back to me.

He found his voice a moment later, it sounded a little sore.

"I appreciate you visiting me, Sakura." He spoke up as he was still rubbing his eyes as if they ached. I got a little worried about how much pain he was in. "But before you accuse me of doing this on purpose, can you tell me why I'm here?"

He sounded a little weird.  
He must be in a lot of pain, most of his body was covered in cuts and he was injected with foreign chemicals, I'd be a little out of it, too.

"Hiroki's neurological toxin… you got too much in your system." I answered, standing up and taking a step towards his bed so my hip was leaning against it.

"A neurological toxin?"

He sounded like he didn't know what I was talking about.

He looked back at me a little confused.

But something was weird about the way he was looking at me.

It must be my imagination.

I found my voice after a moment.

"You don't remember the mission?…" I asked, feeling worry creep into my stomach as I said the words.

His expression only tensed with thought, like he was trying to think… trying to remember…

The Takao root base. Hiroki said he used something similar to what Kakashi did.

Kakashi said… the side-effects.

Too much and you could…

This…

this…

This can't….

"No…" His voice interrupted my thoughts, but not the sick feeling they were giving me. "I have a feeling I lost a lot of time." He spoke up, his right hand rubbing his temple as if he could massage the 'lost time' back into place.

He doesn't…

…

I have to be wrong.

This isn't what's happening.

He still… he still… still remembers… he has to…

"I think I need to speak with the Hokage about this." He spoke up after a few seconds, I didn't pay attention.

All I could notice was the way he was looking at me.

The way he hadn't tried to kiss me yet.

The way he hadn't even reached out to me once yet.

The way he said my name.

He was 'Kakashi-sensei'.

_Only_ 'Kakashi-sensei'.

There wasn't anyone else in this room, right?

He wasn't just acting like this because someone else was here, right?

… no.

… this wasn't really happening.

I was just overreacting.

Of course his first thought wouldn't be to touch or kiss me when he realized he forgot the last mission.

Everything's fine.

Everything's fine.

Everything's fine.

He wasn't looking at me. He was just looking at his right arm and side, leaning on his left hand. Looking over all the cuts.

It felt like I didn't exist.

_Everything's fine._

I felt my heart tighten painfully when I wasn't so sure anymore.

I let my hand inch forward on the bed, excruciatingly slowly.

My fingers bumped into his.

He didn't do anything.

I slid my fingertips onto his. My fingers between his.

He didn't move. He was too busy inspecting the bruises under the bandages, as if he was trying to read what happened to him from how they looked.

But he wasn't pulling away.

My heart eased slightly with relief at the hesitation… until he saw my hand on his.

In only a moment my hand was cold again and the look he was giving me was shredding my insides before I could even accept what it meant.

The look in his eyes looked like….

Like I crossed a line.

Like he didn't understand why I would reach out for his hand like that.

Like I was only just a student.

Like this was three months ago.

Like he felt nothing for me.

He took the hand I had only barely touched and pulled the covers over his chest, covering himself.

He'd done that before, when Asaka put him in here, but it was only because he didn't want me to see the damage.  
This felt like it was for another reason.

"Haruno." He distanced himself from me by using my last name. "Can you go find Lady Tsunade for me? I need to figure out just how much I lost."

…

I couldn't move.

I couldn't think.

…

I couldn't…

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**Sorry.**


	60. Teachers and Tortures: Part 1

**Chapter 60!**

**Title:**_'Teachers and Tortures: Part 1'_

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**Note:**** Phew… almost 11,000 words in two days.**

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**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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"Haruno."

…

…

…

His voice didn't seem real. Nothing here seemed real. It was like a dream. Like I was walking at the bottom of the ocean. The room was dark like the ocean. My vision almost seemed blurred like I surrounded by water. I must've been hundreds of feet below the surface for this intense pressure to be crushing my insides like this.

…

…

…

"Sakura."

…

That shook me a little.

He sounded a little worried.

It almost sounded like 'Kakashi' for a moment.

I moved my eyes, they found his.

My heart dropped into my stomach when I realized these eyes didn't love me anymore.

"Go ask for the Hokage. We need to straighten this out." He ordered with that voice.

I opened my mouth for a moment.

I couldn't speak.

Even if I had anything I could say right now… my vocal cords weren't going to move. The lump in my throat was paralyzing them.

Instead… I focused very closely on my legs.

I looked away from him.

I turned around.

I took a step, another, and another. Slowly but too fast at the same time.

He didn't stop me as I opened the door.

He didn't call me back, laughing, saying this was all a horrible painful joke, pulling me into his arms. My breath hitched at the thought that….  
… I couldn't do that… not now….

I walked through the door as if I was trying to leave this sickening feeling behind, too.

I didn't close the door behind me.

I forgot.

I walked down the hallway, focusing on my feet. Focusing on anything but the way everything was hurting so much.

_Everything's fine._

I convinced myself for a moment.

It was only a few more feet till I walked back out the door to the waiting room, the door seemed heavier, harder to push.

My eyes barely focused in time to see Naruto jump off his seat, Sai followed after him as he ran up.

"How is he?" Naruto was so excited.

I opened my mouth again.

I couldn't say it.

"Was he happy to see you?" Sai asked from behind Naruto randomly.

Naruto gave him a weird look.

My eyes found Sai's.

He was smiling the same smile.

He found this interesting, didn't he?

He was wondering whether or not… whether Kakashi… Kakashi-sensei and I-

Because I love Kakashi-sensei.

Because he thinks Kakashi doesn't love me back.

He-

He doesn't lo-

I-

But I-

I still…

"Can you guys go get Lady Tsunade?"

My voice started cracking towards the end. My eyes started to feel heavy, a dull ache pulled at the back of my throat.

"What happened?" Naruto asked loudly.

I couldn't stay here any longer.

I couldn't be here.

I couldn't be anywhere near him.

I needed to think.

I needed to just stop everything and think.

I started walking again, ignoring Naruto's question rudely.

I heard Naruto start running after me, something stopped him. I could imagine Sai grabbing his shoulder and telling him to stop.

I didn't know how to feel about that.

I didn't know how to feel right now.

I just needed to get home.

I can think about how to feel when I get home.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"You really screwed things up this time, Kakashi." Tsunade huffed as she folded her arms by the side of his hospital bed. Leaning herself against the wall after a moment.

Kakashi looked down to his bandage covered, purple and blue chest. "That's the feeling I'm getting." He agreed slowly as he ran a hand through his hair tiredly.

"We need you for another mission as soon as possible." The Hokage spoke up with a business-like tone, "But with your state being as it is…" She trailed off as she looked out the window, the blue morning light was peaking over the skyline and spreading over the fenced grass outside. Her eyes were lined with dark circles. It looked as if she'd been up the whole night working.  
That didn't sound like her. She usually avoided work at all costs.

"I might not remember the past four months but I can still fight at the same level as before." He offered, already swinging his legs over the side of the bed, as if he was proving his capability by getting ready to leave so early.

"No." Her tone had a bite.

Her gave her a second glance over his shoulder at that, she was scowling out the window.

"What's happened?" He asked, knowing that tone too well to think this upcoming mission wasn't more important than he thought it was.

"I can't share the details with you, yet, Kakashi." She explained, "But we'll be needing your previous knowledge over these past months for it, to say the least."

He dug through his mind for the hundredth time this morning for anything… nothing. He only had a few blurry images that didn't make sense. "Can't any of the kids tell you what they remember?" He offered, starting to feel the frustration with himself build.

Kakashi reached for his hole-riddled shirt.

"I've already asked Naruto and Sai about what happened. They didn't know." Tsunade sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose with irritation.

"What about Sakura?" His mind flashed back to earlier that morning.

The look she gave him.

That look.

…

He pushed it to the back of his mind.

"You're a very private man, Kakashi, I doubt she'd know any more than the boys." Tsunade reasoned tiredly as she pushed herself from the wall, looking away from the window after he had finished buttoning the blood-speckled dress shirt.

"So what do we do?" He asked, letting his irritation spill into his voice despite the fact he was talking to the Hokage.

Tsunade excused it, everyone was going to have some trouble adjusting to this. Especially when Kakashi got himself in this condition _now_ of all times.

"From what I can tell, your memory loss had nothing to do with the chakra points in the brain. It's a matter of damaged wiring."

"Damaged wiring?" Kakashi didn't like the euphemism.

"Memories are carried as electrical impulses in the brain." She explained shortly. "The damage is completely physical. Even after healing the tissue, the memories are either lost forever, or locked in your subconscious as a memory of the memory."

A tense moment passed as he straightened his shirt.

He found his voice a second later.

"For the sake of this mission, let's say they're still in there." He tapped his head as he picked up his tattered jacket from the bedside table. "What do we do?" He slipped it on after seeing that it was probably cold outside.

"Start with the basic rehabilitation of memory loss."She sounded like the medic-nin she once was again.

"What is it?"

"Reintroduction to familiar objects and routines. As well as tissue healing." She answered.

He still wasn't sure how that would work. His life didn't follow much of a routine. "How can we do that?"

She shifted on the spot a little, her eyebrows pulling together in concentration for a moment before speaking up again. "Can you remember, in any sort of way, someone you might've been around frequently? Any face you at least remember vaguely?"

Again he tried reaching into his mind for those blurry images of the past few months. And again none of them made sense, just like a dream it almost felt like the more he thought about them the faster they blurred past any point of possible recognition. He concentrated on her question a moment longer, _'Any face you at least remember vaguely?_'…. The only face he could think of was the one he saw earlier this morning. That look she gave him before turning around and leaving.

But that wasn't what he was being asked to remember. That was a new memory that wasn't important.

"Sorry…" He sighed.

She nodded somberly as if she knew he wouldn't have an answer for her.

She uncrossed her arms quickly before she spoke up again, "Fine, then I guess that leaves us with the last option."

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_This isn't helping._

…

…

…

_How many hours have I been laying here?_

I buried my face in my pillow, not moving any other part of my body. I could hear mom and dad downstairs talking over breakfast. It was starting to get on my nerves.

They were so normal… while I was…

…

_How long have I been this useless slug?_

…

My eyes found the green numbers on Warble's face. 8:34.

_Almost five hours._

…

_I should be out there. I should be at that hospital right now. Doing everything I can to figure out what's going on._

_Doing everything I can to…_

…

I _can't _do anything…

…

The only thing I can do right now is lay here, using all my energy to keep the lump in my throat at bay, keeping the heaviness of my eyes from spilling over, and keep my voice from sobbing into the shaky breaths I took every time I let my mind wander back to earlier this morning…

…

_This is all I can do._

…

Again… I'm just so useless.

…

But at least I'm not crying.  
At least I'm not crying.

I said I wouldn't cry in front of him again.

I won't cry because he isn't gone.

I won't cry because once I see him again and everything will be back to normal, I can be proud that I didn't let myself turn back into a crybaby while he was 'gone'.

…

Yeah.

…

Lady Tsunade is probably healing him right now.

She's the top-most medic-nin in Konoha, in the Land of Fire. She probably has dozens of way to fix this.

I don't need to be by his side because he doesn't need my help. He'll understand I needed rest. He needs rest now, too.

I'm just resting.

I'm really tired.

So tired.

…

But.

…

I don't need to be here, scared to move an inch.

Scared that by moving one muscle I'll realize that I'm just lying to myself. I'll realize that I'm wasting my time here. And then I'll realize that even if I tried to do something… there's no way I could.

…

_I can't do anything._

…

Again.

I can't do anything.

And he isn't here to save me this time.

…

_I'm alone._

…

My body felt so tired even though I was completely limp, my throat was starting to ache again. I swallowed hard.

I'm not going to cry.

I don't want to cry.

He wouldn't want me to cry.

A little voice in my mind spoke up, 'He probably doesn't care anymore'.

I didn't have time to slap myself with that thought when my pathetic 'rest' was interrupted suddenly.

"Sakura! Naruto-kun is here!"

Mom called for me from behind my door.

"I-I'm not feeling well." I half-lied.

… I don't think I could deal with Naruto right now.

"He has a message from the Hokage." She added.

A moment passed.

"O-ok. Just a minute."

I heard her walk downstairs.

…

My body felt like it had paralyzed itself into this position. Laying on my stomach, my arms tucked by the sides of chest. I was actually a little worried, a little hopeful, when my body seemed too stiff to move. But in the end the security of that position left me as I pulled myself off my bed. I suddenly felt cold and open. Like the world was free to see all my weak points and attack at any moment.

I ignored it and stepped down the stairs carefully, my legs still felt stiff and weak at the same time.

I saw Naruto outside the front door.

I didn't say anything to my parents as I passed through the front rooms to get to the boy by the door.

"Morning, Sakura-chan!"

His cheerfulness was enough to make me regret coming downstairs, but I tried not to let it show. I tried not to let him tell how fast my heart was beating, how nervous I was. He had a message from Lady Tsunade. I can just imagine the worst. That Kakashi had no hope for rehabilitation. That he would never be able to remember anything about the past months. Or that he had irreparable brain damage that would end his career as a shinobi.  
That last one scared me more than anything else.  
But I nodded at Naruto politely, pushing all that to the back of my mind.  
Naruto was faster to pick up the conversation than I was ready.

"Old Lady Tsunade wanted me to tell you, 'Take care of Kakashi'-sensei."

A moment passed.

"W-what?"

Naruto just blinked, his enthusiasm dropping only a fraction. My reaction must've been weird, "Uh, Kakashi-sensei is okay, but he can't remember a lot. She said that since you were his medic-nin last time, you're in charge of making him remember stuff."

I stared at him for a long moment.

What was this?

Some kind of sick joke?

_I_ was in charge of making him remember 'stuff'?

How could I…

How _could_ I…?

A moment of stupid hope ran through me as a part of me wondered whether this was something that could help.

That maybe I could just tell him about us and hope he remembered.

I suddenly wanted nothing more than to do that, but I felt like I wasn't looking at everything clearly. I felt that if I just did as I wanted I'd only make things worse.  
I couldn't think straight with all these possibilities right now.

This is way too much.

_I need to think._

I had to squeeze my eyes shut before speaking up, "I don't know if I can do that."

"Yeah. I saw him this morning just for a few seconds before he left the hospital." He started, I could already tell whatever he had to say was just going to make me feel worse, "He was so cold. I don't know why but Kakashi-sensei seemed a lot more fun lately, when he wasn't being weird… now he's back to being all serious and stuff. I don't think he'll get his memories back if he stays like that."

"Naruto." I stopped him right there. "I-I'm really tired."

I needed to think.

"Oh, yeah, sorry." He remembered his manners and started walking away before stopping himself, "Oh, but Old Lady Tsunade wanted you to go see him later. She said he'll tell you the schedule or something."

Naruto turned back to the dirt street casually with that, walking into his own life and I was left there with that word.

'Schedule'

_Schedule_

…

I was going to see him every day, wasn't I?

I was going to go to his apartment and spend time with him.

Yesterday… that would've made happy.

But.

Now there were so many conflicting feelings welling up in me.

It was too much.

I didn't know what to think

I needed some time.

I needed some time to think.

I wasn't a minute before I was in my room again.

I stayed away from the bed for a few minutes. Trying to think.

But I had no idea where to start, there were so many things going through my brain at once I couldn't focus on anything and before I could help it… that stupid hope came back.

A tiny voice in my head tried to convince me: 'If you get to see him every day, and your job will be to help him get back to normal, then you can just tell him about what happened between the two of you and get him to remember you again.'

It sounded so perfect.

A perfect way to escape this horrible feeling.

But I wasn't a kid.

I knew things wouldn't work out like that.

…

Right now. He's Kakashi-sensei.

And I'm just Sakura.

Even if he believed me, which I really think he wouldn't since if my memories of him had disappeared and he told me we had… what we had… I wouldn't believe him. I just… I wouldn't be able to. It just sounds so impossible.  
_But it was possible.  
We made it possible._

…

That thought alone threatened my demeanor. I moved on quickly.

…

But even if he believes me… why would he take me back?

_He isn't the same man as before… he probably doesn't feel anything for me like he used to._

My nails dug at the fresh cuts in my palm when that thought lingered painfully.

_And even when I thought we were happy together…_

… _he…_

_I could tell he still regretted getting mixed up with me.  
He didn't like what he was doing, he hated himself, but it was too late to turn back by the time he had second thoughts._

…

…

This is his second chance.

…

…

If I told him about us. Would he really let himself make the same mistake?

…

When this all started it was only a fluke.  
In a moment of stupidity and weakness I showed him my feelings. He accepted them because he couldn't help it.  
But now that he's starting from the beginning and has a chance to see what that choice would give him –an underage girlfriend who can't take care of herself, a lifestyle of secrets and lying, and even more trouble than he wanted- would he really make the same choice?  
If I told him everything… and he…  
And he told me to give up on him.  
If he told me to leave him alone and never bring it up again.

_I don't think I could survive that._

My fists started shaking slightly at the thought. I took a few deep breaths only feeling light-headed afterwards.  
I sat down on the edge of my bed, tired of pacing already.  
I hadn't slept in over a day, my insides were heavy, my limbs heavier… I was so tired.

_But even if, by some miracle, he believed me… if he accepted my feelings and grew back into his own after time._

_How could I do that to him?_

_Why would I?_

_Bring all this back to him right when he finally gets to live… live a normal life again?_

My breaths started to hitch in my throat.

_I can't do that to him._

_He wouldn't want me to… he would probably want us to live normally from now on._

…

_When this all started he gave me so many chances to leave him. He was always so worried I was too scared to leave him._

_Maybe this is_ his_ chance to escape?_

…

I leaned my head down on the pillow again, feeling even heavier than before. I couldn't tell if my eyes were blurring out of exhaustion or tears. I didn't want to know.

…

_If I told him… he'd get upset. He'd have so much to deal with. How can I just do what I want and dump all these decisions on him while he's still recovering?_

…

_If there's one time I can do something for him.  
One time when I don't to be selfish.  
It's now, isn't it?_

…

_He'll be happier not knowing, won't he?_

…

_I need to do what's best for him.  
This isn't about me.  
With the way he is now… it's not about me anymore.  
I'm not a part of his life like I used to be.  
This isn't about me._

_Not anymore._

…

I didn't remember when my eyes closed.

But when I saw his face behind my closed eyes, I didn't care.

The dream took over and I didn't feel so heavy anymore.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"Hss" He hissed slightly with a sharp inhale as he removed the last bandage.

Every time he checked out of the hospital he always needed to take a shower, and even though the cuts still felt really sensitive, he took off each of the gauze squares carefully so that he could take the shower he looked forward to the whole morning.

He looked at himself in the mirror for a few seconds. Blotches of yellowing purple marks were centered on his chest and thin slivers of red pointed in every direction on his chest, sides, and arms. He wished he could remember what happened.  
Must've been some fight to let himself get cut up so much.

The water was barely warm, but scathing along the cuts and the sensitive skin around them. He didn't care. He closed his eyes and let the water splash onto his face, running over the top of his head and down the front of his chin and neck. The water sprayed uncomfortably on the cut on his cheek. He reached up to it, to shield it from the water. It still stung under his touch.

'_If tha- enough sufferi- then imagi- things I'm going to do to your-'_

Kakashi stumbled back a little, immediately wiping the water from his face and blindly reaching for the spigot handles. He turned them off instantly.

His breathing picked up now that he wasn't holding it anymore.  
The water dripped noisily from his hair onto the floor of the shower.

_That voice._

It was familiar. Like he had just heard it today, though he knew he didn't. He could barely understand the words he heard… the words he remembered.

But what he couldn't explain was the fact that hearing those words, as broken and blurred as they were in his head, filled him with a momentary rush of anger and killing intent.

He sputtered for a moment, trying to regroup from the weird vertigo that moment gave him.

He stepped out of the shower, not caring about finishing it any more.

He leaned the heels of his hands on the edge of the bathroom counter, his arms straight but his head bowed slightly.

If this was how it was going to be for every almost-memory that came back for him, he wasn't looking forward to the rehabilitation process.

… but…

At least, he _did_ get something back.

S soon, too.

He almost chuckled to himself.

Even if it was probably a memory he wouldn't want back, whatever it was, he got some of it. It existed… somewhere in his head. The rest of it was somewhere.

He looked up to the mirror after a moment longer of silent gratitude.

He didn't feel so useless anymore… now that he knew there were probably more memories hidden in his head somewhere.

He lifted his hand to the steamed mirror, wiping away a single line.

He sighed when he saw little pink trails decorating his chest. Some of the cuts reopened, the blood mingled with the water to make little mocking pinkish patterns. His mind still caught up with what just happened, he took the towel and gently dabbed it over his chest. After that he took the other towel and started to dry himself, he ran it over his hair, rubbing the moisture out of the silver locks, he didn't know why but he was suddenly reminded of that morning.

Sakura.

The way the moonlight hit her face… the expression that it lit.

He still didn't understand that moment.

It was like she was afraid of something.

His mind moved onto Tsunade's words and he started drying off his arms:

"_Fine, then I guess that leaves us with the last option."_

"_What?" He had asked as he started walking to the door, limping slightly, Tsunade following him._

"_Well, we'll assign you a personal medic-nin again, but this time to monitor your progress and help you figure out what you can remember from the past months."_

"_A 'personal medic-nin'?" He asked in a ridiculing tone, he wasn't sure if he really needed a babysitter. The Hokage gave him a testing look. "'Again'?" He asked further after he noticed the word.  
Tsunade nodded slightly, "Sakura was your supervising medic-nin while you were recovering last time."_

"_Really?"_

"_Yeah, she did a good job, too." Tsunade praised with some vigor.  
Kakashi suddenly wished he knew what happened those days she was his 'personal medic-nin', he had always been curious to see her progress in the medical field. He'd heard a few stories about how much she'd grown in her abilities and could impress most of the hospital staff, but he had only seen her powers first-hand occasionally.  
He tried to make a point to ask her about the days she helped him recover._

"_Well, now that I think it about it, it would be best for her to take up that position again. She's one of the best out there right now, thanks to me." Tsunade boasted for a moment as they walked down the hallway. Kakashi didn't doubt it for a second. Not only because Tsunade was a strict teacher who wouldn't praise meaninglessly, but he knew what a hard worker Sakura had become lately… or at least he could remember that night a few weeks before – actually a few months before – (he corrected himself after realizing a lot more time has passed since then than he can remember) when he found her training in the forest by herself, doing everything she could do push herself to the edge, the teacher in him almost smiled at the memory of his student's determination. He remembered now that he had wanted to start training her a bit more after that night. That probably wasn't an option now. Tsunade interrupted his moment's thoughts._

"_Since she's on your team, she can help with your memories concerning the missions as well." She added onto her earlier words._

"_So it's settled?" He asked._

"_Yeah, I'll send one of the boys to go tell Sakura about the arrangement."_

"_She isn't here still?" He asked as they were approaching the door to the waiting room._

"_No, Naruto said she wanted to go home early. She must've been tired."_

_Again, he thought about that morning. It still stuck in his head._

_That moment._

_Her hand, it brushed against his._

_He pulled back quickly. Not for any reason he could think of. It was probably just an accident. He didn't need to react that harshly. But he had just felt… different when he saw her hand on his.  
…_

_He must've been tired._

…_  
_He pulled on the pants briskly, limping a little as he walked out of his bedroom and back to the bathroom with the new bandages in hand, his other hand buttoned his pants on the way there.  
He set down the gauze squares and tape, readying himself for the work ahead of him.  
This definitely wasn't the first time he had to reapply so many bandages, but it seemed like something of a daunting task this time. He looked over the cuts again, wondering for a moment how'd he get to the one on his back before starting with the ones on his stomach and chest, taking the gauze and tearing the tape from the wheel, applying it tightly, but not tight enough to peel off if he had to stretch. He wished he could just bandage his entire torso, but the reels of cotton needed for that were on short supply and too expensive right now.  
_The missions must've gotten more dangerous over these few months._  
He reasoned mentally as he reached the tip of his right shoulder.

_Almost done. _

He took another square from the diminishing pile and brought it up to the side of his neck, checking the final cut in the mirror more closely.

But it wasn't a cut.

The bright red spot he had thought was just another cut of dozens looked more like a bruise up close. It was too precise to have been made the same way his other bruises were. It actually almost…  
Almost looked like…  
_A kiss mark?  
_…

He needed a moment.  
…

_Do I have a girlfriend?_

The idea was completely strange to him. Not that he couldn't do without a girlfriend, he had been single for a few too many years now. And not only because men usually knew when they had a girlfriend, but it had been so long before he got into a _relationship_ that didn't last longer than a few days if even a night… Besides he was past the age of 'girlfriends'. At this stage of his life people were expecting a 'fiancée' or 'wife' already.  
In a moment of strange panic he thought back to the hospital. There wasn't some type of ring on his finger when he woke up, right?  
_Of course not.  
_He almost laughed at himself.  
But laughing at himself wasn't going to explain this.

…

He stood there, leaning against the countertop again, staring at himself in the mirror without looking at himself. Thinking. Trying to remember.  
He passed his fingers over the mark carefully in a circle, as if he was hoping he would get another memory jolt like he did when he touched the cut on his cheek.

Nothing.

…

He had to rely on logic this time.

…

Ok…

Even if he wasn't engaged, he could actually just have a 'girlfriend'… no matter how strange it sounded to him, it was definitely a possibility…

But…

If he did have a significant other right now… wouldn't she have been there at the hospital when he woke up?

… He thought back to his visitors…

… No woman had been there waiting for him.

Just the boys, the receptionists, and the Hokage.

Kakashi couldn't quite view the Hokage as a 'woman', she was too much of an authoritative figure, so she didn't quite count.

…  
Maybe this woman was another Jounin who was on a mission while he got injured.

… Which means, she wouldn't know yet… what happened to him.

…

He started to panic a little again… the idea that he actually had some sort of woman out there believing he remembered anything about her was troubling.  
He tried to think of any sort of memory again, his head already hurting with the forced concentration… still nothing…

…

He sighed.

This whole situation was insane.

The fact he was even involved with _anyone_ was hard to accept to begin with.  
_No…_  
_This probably isn't that big.  
_He got an idea.

_This mark probably wasn't attached to any sort of relationship._

Though he outgrew those days many years ago, there was a time he didn't mind one-night flings with women from other countries. And from the way Tsunade had been talking about his missions in the past few months, they sounded pretty wide scale. He must've spent the night with some woman.

…

That didn't seem right.

He wasn't like that anymore.

He was a captain now, a teacher, he wouldn't leave his group just for a woman.

Besides… this mark almost looked… fresh.

It was only a day or two old.

…

That meant it had to be made by either some woman from the last mission or one of his colleagues here in Konoha.

He couldn't decide which was better before he nearly jumped at a sudden banging sound.

_Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock._

It didn't stop until he had to practically tear a mask and shirt on, feeling the bandages shift a little uncomfortably as he did, and run to the door, limping, swinging it open with more agitation than he felt for his knocker. He was mostly frustrated at himself and that entire thought process he just had.

But he almost instantly forgot it when he saw the crowd of visitors smiling at him before they practically pushed him through the door, back into his own hallway.

"We brought drinks!" The Jounins cried as they usually did when they started the 'get-drunk-and-talk-at-the-injured-guy's-place' Party.

Kakashi really didn't want to deal with them right now, but his uninvited guests just made their way to his bedroom and picked places to sit as they brought out the sake bottles.

He checked his alarm clock for the time:

1:32.

And these parties usually last well into the night.

He sighed as he maneuvered through the crowd of people in his room, half of them shouting stuff at him, others playfully patting his sore back, knowing the effect. If he ever felt like a bullied kid, now was the time.

"Yo, Kakashi, I once lost some of my memories, too!" One of his old comrades spoke up as he took a seat on his own bed, "I was on a mission in the Land of Mist and there was this big food-nin that had a thing for fighting with hammers…" He trailed on predictably.

_Today was going to be a long day._

And he had been expecting another guest.

… Well…

It was probably best Sakura wasn't here for this.

She can take the day off and go out with some of her own friends while the adults here acted like idiots.

She could probably use a rest.  
She looked really tired this morning.

She was probably at home sleeping.

Kakashi found himself absent-mindedly trailing his fingers over the fabric of the mask on his neck, remembering the kiss mark again for no reason he could think of.

He wondered where she was.

The woman who belonged to this.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … …. …

"Bye, Iruka-sensei!" And the last little pair of feet went stomping out the classroom, picking up speed to catch up with his friends.

Iruka smiled to himself as he usually did whenever the day was over and all the kids were hyper to get home. Even if that meant they didn't like sitting in his classroom as much as they did playing with friends, it was still nice to see them lively like that. They were always so tired, but happy after staying behind a few extra hours for a tutoring session. Almost the whole class stayed today. Iruka's smile widened at his student's determination.

He stacked their tests into a neat pile, about to sit back down at his desk and grade them.

He knew it would take hours since he made it an short answer and essay test, but he didn't really mind.  
"Iruka-san."

He turned back to the door and found one of his colleagues standing there, bag in hand. He was already leaving.

"I heard Kakashi's out of the hospital. I think all those drunkards are probably already breaking into his place." Kuroke-sensei joked about the Jounins who loved throwing drinking contests at not only a recently injured Jounin's place, but Kakashi's in general. He was always popular without trying. "I'm going to be heading over, you gonna go?" Kuroke offered.

"Uh-no. Not yet." Iruka responded quietly.

He hadn't even known Kakashi had been in the hospital.

"Ok. I'll save you some sake, if I can." He said politely before turning to leave the doorway.

"How is he?" Iruka asked quickly, feeling out of the loop. Kuroke turned back.

"I don't know. All I heard is that he's gonna be taking a break for a while, and he's gonna get monitored by a medic-nin like last time." He explained ineloquently, "You know, I think he might be losing his edge." Kuroke added, but Iruka didn't quite hear.

'_A medic-nin like last time'?_

_Sakura_.

Suddenly Iruka wasn't so sure if he wanted to grade the tests right away.

…

He had been wanting to talk to Kakashi about Sakura as soon as he got back.  
This would probably be a good time.

"Uh, actually." Iruka spoke up. Checking his watch and then out the window at the setting sun. "I think I'll go with you now."

Iruka grabbed the papers and clumsily filed them into his little leather binder bag and walked out the doorway with Kuroke, already trying to plan how he could possibly bring up the subject with Kakashi of possibly easing his relationship with Sakura a little bit without it turning into a fight.

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**Next Part will be up in a few minutes.**

**Please review for this one, too.**

**I would like to hear your thoughts.**


	61. Teachers and Tortures: Part 2

**Chapter 61!**

**Title:**_' Teachers and Torture: Part 2'_

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**Note:**** Hope you enjoy.**

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**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

… … … …. …. … … … … … … …

Walking through the door of the apartment a little difficult. The cheering and talking could be heard from outside, so when Iruka knocked they were left to their own devices. They opened the unlocked door and had some trouble with the amount of sandals sprawled out in the doorway.

Kuroke walked on ahead before Iruka, already finding one of his closer friends.  
Iruka didn't really mind.

He wasn't here to see friends tonight.

"What was it that we said?" A voice was yelling out happily from inside the room, amongst others. It carried on as it remembered the answer to his own question, "Oh, yeah! 'When are you ever going to settle down!'"

People laughed at the question as Iruka walked into the room a little shyly.  
He wasn't really good with big crowds that were already drunk by the time he got there, but he was a little curious about what was going on.

"A-and then Houin said 'Are Konoha women not good enough for ya?'" The gruff-voiced man Iruka recognized as one of the ANBU members Onizuka pointed at the female Jounin who was blushing a bright beet red as the other Jounins laughed.

"You're not going to get drunk again and pass out?" One of her friends asked her.

"N-no!" She objected.

Iruka recognized that. Not this exact situation, but what they were talking about. The last time they had the party here at Kakashi's place.

He had no idea why they thought it would be interesting to relive it, everybody who was in this room had been there the first time around, it wasn't an inside joke to be explained.  
But Iruka's focus moved on when he saw Kakashi sitting on the edge of his bed.

Last time this happened Kakashi was there too, but he looked annoyed, like he really wanted everyone to leave as soon as possible… which made sense to Iruka now that he knew that Sakura was probably waiting to visit him that night  
Iruka shuffled on the spot a little uncomfortably when he thought about those two in this apartment alone at night… that's why he was here. He needed to talk with Kakashi about this upcoming week or so. Iruka had heard a few things around the village during the past few days about the big mission the Hokage was planning… and it would definitely help if Kakashi and Sakura took a bit of a break until it was over.

Iruka took another step towards Kakashi, who, instead of looking annoyed, seemed rather enthralled with everything. He was paying attention to everything everybody said… almost like he was studying.  
That was a weird thought Iruka passed off as he maneuvered his way through the packed room over to Kakashi, hoping he could get a moment to ask if they could talk in private.

The previous yells and cheers erupted again as they continued talking about the last time they were here.

"You were so wasted, you were snoring up a storm!" One of Houin-san's friends picked on her. "I guess you learned your lesson?" Iruka almost stepped on someone's cup. He just had a few more feet to go.

"I-I can get drunk whenever I want!" She grabbed the nearest bottle and started chugging, most of them cheered.

Iruka finally broke through the little crowd in front of Kakashi whose attention was then stolen by him.

"Iruka." He greeted him neutrally.

That was new.

Ever since Iruka found…. Found Kakashi and… her together Kakashi always had a tone of hostility whenever they talked, like he thought Iruka was trying to break them up.  
The fact that Kakashi wasn't really expecting it seemed to make it a little easier for Iruka to talk.

"Kakashi…" He started a little too somberly for the atmosphere of the party. Kakashi looked back at him for the moment, "… a-about Sakura visiting you tomorrow," he still found it a little nerve-racking to say this. He even forgot to ask to speak with him in private, he was just going to say what he could right here and try and leave, "… I don't think it'll be the best idea…" He trailed off, fidgeting on the spot.  
He really wasn't anticipating the attitude Kakashi was probably going to give him.

He looked back to Kakashi's face.  
He didn't look upset.

"Why wouldn't it be a good idea?" He asked simply. His voice barely audible over the crowd. "Tsunade assigned her to me." He reasoned as his eyes seemed to find something more interesting behind Iruka, who felt a little like he was being brushed aside without the common courtesy of at least being brushed aside with some of the attitude he expected so that he felt like his opinion meant _something_ to Kakashi.

Iruka opened his mouth about to just go out and say he thought Kakashi shouldn't spend so much time with Sakura anymore, but he was interrupted by a voice from crowd behind him.

"Oi, Kakashi, I heard you can't remember more than just the last mission."

…

_Can't remember?_

…_  
_Iruka couldn't make sense of that for a moment.

Kakashi spoke up, sounding a little serious before Iruka could turn around to see who had asked out of curiosity.

"Yeah, everything about the last three or four months is blank."

…

Iruka didn't move for a moment.

…

"Uwa, how scary." The man exclaimed form behind him. Other joined in the exclamations, "That must feel like a horrible hang over!", "At least you don't have a wife who would kill you for forgetting your wedding or something!" Someone piped up with an inventive 'what if'. Others started picking on Kakashi's bachelor ways after the mention of a wife.

Iruka's mind flashed to a new place that suddenly leeched the reason of why he was here from him.

He could feel his face drop as his thoughts travelled.

…

… _Sakura._

…

"What's that face for?" Kakashi asked up, his tone a little rough like he didn't want pity.

Iruka took a moment to find his voice, especially for it to raise up over the other noises.

"You- You don't remember… you and Sakura…" He trailed off after barely being able to stutter those words, fearing the worse, but half-expecting Kakashi to say something like 'Of course, I remember that…' under his breath or something and prove Iruka wrong.

But the silver-haired man only kept staring at him as if he was waiting for the rest of that sentence, really unable to think of how it was supposed to be finished.

He couldn't believe this was happening.

Iruka shuffled on the spot, ready to leave this loud room at that moment, but had to bother himself with figuring out how to talk again and what to say.

"You and Sakura were… training." Iruka improvised.

"What, really?" Kakashi asked, interest flowing into his voice suddenly.

Iruka immediately felt awkward abut lying to this man about something this man had been lying to him about for weeks before he saw what he was hiding for himself.

"Um, yes. She was really happy about it." He added conversationally, already ready to make his way back through the crowd.

"I would've thought she learned everything she needed from Tsunade." Kakashi said mostly to himself, like nothing else in this room was as interesting as this subject.

"Yeah, well... excuse me." Iruka was already practically pushing his way through the people, forgetting manners while his mind was preoccupied on something much more important.

"Oi, Dolphin, where are you going?" He didn't even care when somebody called him by his old nickname. It sounded exactly like his real name except the tone.

He turned to the room, unsure who called for him.

"I need to go see someone."

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … …. …

His fingers felt like cold daggers across my skin. His tongue was a worm slithering around my ear. I was weak again. I couldn't move an inch or tense a single muscle. I was lying against the wall, his pungent scent suffocating me. All my eyes could focus on was the gold chain along his face. His teeth bit down on my neck despite the fact I could still feel his tongue swiveling the cartilage of my ear.  
I was trying to struggle. I felt sick. I was scared. But no one was here to save me. I couldn't fix myself. I couldn't fight back and now no one was here to help me. I felt weak and angry. I just wanted to collapse on the floor in a boneless heap and lay there for hours.  
And worst of all, I wanted to cry. I wanted to let the dam break, to let tears run down my faces and my voice sob.

But I didn't.

Even in my dream I held back. I didn't know if that was a good thing.

I was distracted from the lips and teeth and fingers and the deepening disgust when I heard banging.

Knocking.

"Oh, good evening…" My mom's voice. She was talking to someone at the door. Someone she respected. "But I'm sorry. Sakura isn't feeling well tonight. I'll let her know you came by."

The door closed.

'_Evening' 'Tonight'_

_Was it dark again already?_

Still caught between nightmare and reality I wasn't sure what was part of the nightmare and what was reality. The balance seemed weird when I could lump a good segment of my reality right now in with the nightmare without it seeming out of place.

I tried to think back to the voice at the door. It had been too quiet. It must've been someone important.

Not Kakashi, though.

Of course not.

He wouldn't go to the front door.

…

Reality reached into my head for a sobering moment when I realized he _would_ go to the front door now.

I didn't like that.

It made me feel sick again.

I closed my eyes again.

I fell back into another nightmare.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … …. …

"But I'm sorry. Sakura isn't feeling well tonight. I'll let her know you came by."

"I see." He answered, knowing exactly why she wasn't 'feeling well'.

Haruno-san closed the door after he bowed a little. He walked away from the doorstep, taking slow paces, still trying to catch his breath.

He ran the whole way here.

He stopped in his tracks when he realized he didn't want to leave it at this.

The more he thought about this the more he had to do something.

His heart seemed to tighten with anxiety and worry when he realized she must've spent the day in that room…

… with only her thoughts.

… without anyone to talk to.

She's all alone.

…

His hands curled into fists.  
He didn't care about breaking a few rules right now.

He needed to do _something.  
She_ needed something.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … …. …

It was like my last nightmare had intensified itself in punishment for me leaving it for a few seconds.

It was still Hiroki.

His hands felt just as violent as the night before. Everything about that night was coming back again.

The way my insides twisted and turned and knotted with every little movement of his touch.

Why couldn't this stop?

Hiroki was gone, imprisoned somewhere…

It was over!

Kakashi had saved me form that!

Why can't it just leave me alone!

I can't deal with this right now!

_Tap tap._

Those two little sounds saved me from that nightmare. I didn't know where they came from, but I was grateful.

My eyes opened wearily.

I still felt sick.

I wanted to take a shower.

I felt like I was covered in grime.

_Tap, tap… tap…_

Those little sounds got quieter, less confident.

But they started to sound familiar. They reminded me of Kakashi…. but everything did.

Wait.

My head spun when I recognized the sound of someone tapping the door of my balcony.

For only a split second of insanity I could almost imagine Kakashi standing on the other side of that clear door, waiting for me, ready to apologize for this day of torture even though he didn't need to.

I pushed myself out of bed with more energy than I had shown all day.

My heart dropped but escalated a few inches when I saw Kakashi wasn't there…. I knew better than to believe he would be for more than a moment… but someone _was_ there.

I walked up to the door a little slowly, inspecting the silhouette.

As soon as I was only a another step forward I recognized it.

_Iruka-sensei?_

I walked up to the door quickly, unlatched it, the glare left the glass and I saw him clearly.

He was breathing a little heavily, like he had just been running, his shoulder raised up a few inches as if his ears were cold.  
He smiled down as me as if I wasn't a complete wreck right now.

Silence passed for a moment. He spoke up first, he voice shaking a little with his breathing.

"I'm sorry to disturb you like this," he started with more manners than necessary, "but…" He trailed off. His shoulders dropped. His smile weakened. "I just found out."

Silence.

"About Kakashi."

I couldn't say anything. My grip on the door handle tightened painfully, but my face still felt blank, my insides still felt twisted, but the constant dry ache in my throat was starting to build again.

"I'm sorry I didn't come see you earlier." His voice. He was really apologizing for something he didn't even have to do, like he really thought it was his duty.

I didn't know what to say.

I was still absorbing this.

This feeling.

…

He shuffled awkwardly for a moment, like he was cold.

"uh. Come in." I said without thinking. The hostess-training I had as a kid came back for a moment, as if since my brain was too preoccupied with this moment, my instincts took over.

He almost took a step, but stopped himself.

I blinked hard.

I needed to get back to reality.

"It's okay." I sounded more like myself… whoever 'myself' was.

I heard him take a breath as he walked by me, into the room, his hands still buried in his pockets.

I closed the door behind him, locking the cold out. I turned back to the room.

I didn't notice till now that I hadn't turned on any of the lights. I still couldn't find the energy to deal with that. I had to think about this a bit more.

His voice spoke up before I was ready.

"Are you alright?" He took a step forward. I looked up at him. He was still the same old Iruka-sensei. Tanned, gently awkward smile, the scar spread across the bridge of his nose.

But his words.

'_Are you alright?'_

…

_Are you alright?_

…

"Sakura?..." He sounded worried. The same tone he used to give me when I got a B on a test and he thought maybe I had trouble at home, or didn't understand the homework. The memory of the classroom was nice for a moment. A different world than this one.

…

This world seemed so different now.

…

It was one where I didn't feel like I belonged to anymore.

…

My throat started closing up again.

…

"Yes." I whispered without meaning to. I was still a horrible liar, wasn't I?

He looked at me with some confusion for a moment before realizing I was just answering his question.

His smile disappeared as his eyes revealed the sadness I hadn't seen in them earlier.

…

…

How can he be so honest like that?

…

I'd been trying so hard to keep that kind of sadness from changing me.

And he…

He just…

He knows.

_He knows._

Even if I tried to hide everything, he already knew.

Today had been so slow, so fast, so painful… I was so…

…

The secrets of my life had disappeared today, leaving the hollow lie I was living before.

Nobody knew though.

Nobody knew about what I lost.

…

But he did.

…

"Iru…" I started, the lump in my throat cutting me off. My breathing was getting a little labored. "Iruka-se…" My eyes were heavier than before. No…

I looked away from him.

I didn't know what to do.

I didn't want him to see me cry.

This was the one thing I'd been holding onto all day.

It kept me 'alright'.

As long as I didn't cry, he wasn't gone.

As long as I didn't cry, I wasn't letting him down.

As long as I didn't cry, I wasn't that fourteen year old he could never fall in love with again.

I bit my lip. It hurt.

I could feel Iruka staring at me. I bit harder.

I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"Sakura." He sounded so worried. So gentle.

I needed more of it, but I didn't want it.

I needed to be stronger than this.

I took a breath, keeping my eyes on his eye-level vest that was starting to remind me so much of Kakashi.

"I-I'm okay." I started up, forcing myself to talk, hoping he couldn't hear how painful it sounded to me. "Thank you for checking on me Iruka-sensei. You can g-"

Before I could finish that excruciating sentence the hand on my shoulder tugged me closer.

My face fell lightly onto the comforting tough green fabric of his vest.

Arms not as heavy as I was used to wrapped around me.

I almost pushed him away.

I almost stopped him from holding me like this.

But my arms didn't work, they were pressed against his chest, limp.

Only my fingers seemed to be curling around the buckles of the familiar vest.

I stood there in shock for a moment, forgetting to breathe.

It was only a moment later when I felt his voice rumble through his chest in an almost-familiar way that made my heart twist.

"I'm sorry. I just…" He tried to find an excuse. His arms weakened from around me. He was going to let me go. I was going to be free.

No.

My arms worked again when I let them slide around him. His arms hesitated in response.

"J-Just a… minute longer."

I felt so weak.

I held onto him tighter.

He was thinner than I was used to. He was a little shorter, too. I didn't care.

I felt him tuck his chin on the top of my head.

"Of course." His voice rumbled lightly.

_Thank you._

I couldn't say it.

I couldn't say anything.

I was biting my lip too hard. I had to stop myself from sobbing as I felt the tears run down my cheeks.

I felt so stupid.

But as I breathed in. The scent of the classroom, the books, the chalk, everything from the days before… all of this… I felt like… even if I wasn't in this world right now. I was in his, at least.

He knew who I was even if I couldn't figure it out underneath all the lies that suddenly became truths today.

He knew where I belonged, if only just for right now.

His arms tightened around me.

His heartbeat was faster than mine.

I was shaking. I could feel it.

I tried to stop, but it only got worse.

I tried to shut my eyes to stop the tears, but I couldn't.

I tried to stop the sobs but they still crept through.

"Sakura." His voice again, so gentle, "It's okay."

I accepted his permission to be weak before I could think.

My voice started shaking out with every breath into sobs I didn't know I was capable of.

His arms tightened around me with each one as if it was painful for him to hear.

If I can just be weak while no one was looking.

If I can just be weak right now, with only him here.

_That was okay, right?_

"It's okay." He repeated.

My hands gripped onto the familiar vest painfully.

**… … … … … … … … … … … … … …. … **

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

**I'm so exhausted.**

**Next chapter will be out soon, though.**


	62. Routines and Realities

**Chapter 62!**

**Title:**_'Routines and Realities'_

**Note:…**

**This is kind of a buffer chapter…. **

**Sorry if it isn't that exciting, but it's leading up to the larger plot-points.**

…

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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**Oh, and thank you for all the reviews lately (even if you guys were a little upset), it really means a lot to me. And thank you, 'white . whale', for the nickname "Today's Scheherazade", that's an amazing compliment!**

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… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

He didn't know what he was doing until he pulled her against him.

In that moment, she had been trying to tell him he could leave, that she was alright. But when her voice was shaking like that, when her eyes couldn't meet his, when everything about her seemed to be in pain… he couldn't leave.

He couldn't let her stay like this.

She's probably been like this the whole day… this broken, this torn.

His arms tightened around her without a second thought when he, again, realized how torturous this must be for her.

…

She was so… fragile in his arms.

It wasn't how small her frame was, or how well he could remember how small she had been when she was his student, it was the way her arms, everything about her, seemed so void of strength. She felt like she lost any will to carry herself at all. That she was in so much pain she couldn't support herself.

Iruka's breath caught in his throat with that thought.

_How close had they actually been?_

_This amount of pain…_

_It's too much for such a young girl… _

Before he could think any further he felt her weak arms shake against him like they were trying to push him away, her hands tugged at the buckles of his vest with more strength than anything else about her.  
He suddenly felt a little worried. Uncomfortable.  
He shouldn't have done this.  
He shouldn't have accepted her invitation inside.

What was he thinking?

He shouldn't be here.

He overstepped his bounds by being here. Especially by reaching out to her like that.

… But…

He couldn't care as much as he knew he should've when he found his voice, his arms still starting to ease their hold on her. "I'm sorry. I just…"

He looked down at her, trying to think, but was distracted by how tightly she was pressed against him still, as if she was freezing against the world and was huddling to him for warmth. He shook with a moment of surprise when he felt her arms slide around his sides determinately.  
"J-Just a… minute longer."

She asked. Her voice pained and soft.

Even if he knew it wasn't his place… to be here with her… to break the rules like this… he still couldn't stop his arms from closing around her again, tighter than before.  
He grimaced when he let his hands fall onto her smaller back flatly.  
She _was_ cold. Really cold.  
As if she'd been laying in this room for hours without covering up.

Alone.

…

His eyes slipped closed at the amount of pain that gave him.

He wanted to do more.

He needed to do more for her.

He didn't know what he could do.

He settled for pulling her closer, hoping she would find any warmth from him, but just as his grip tightened on her she let out a little whimper. It was muffled, like she had tried to stop it. He looked down at her for only a moment, barely able to see her in the dark and at the close angle, but the way the moonlight reflected off the streams running down her face and the way she was biting into her bottom lip so harshly were impossible to miss.

His eyes tightened shut.  
Seeing her like this…

He tucked his chin on the top of her pink head.

He wanted more for her…

"Sakura…" He called her name. She stiffened in his arms for a moment. He winced at how guarded she was even when he was doing everything he could right now. It was like she was afraid of letting him know how hurt she really was. As if it was something she was ashamed of.  
His grimace deepened with that.

He took a breath.

"It's okay…" He whispered against her.

_It's okay to cry._

_It's okay to forget how to be strong right now._

…

_It's okay to cry in front of me._

He didn't know whether she could hear his thoughts or if she just knew what he was trying to say with those two words, but she did…

He felt the stiffness leave her frame, as if she wasn't trying to hold her breathing back anymore, he felt her arms tighten around him as if he wasn't close enough already.  
She was shaking even more violently.

Her voice was picking up in her breathing.  
Shaky, soft, sorrowful, weak sounds.

Every time he heard her sob he couldn't keep himself from holding her closer.

This wasn't right.

She shouldn't be like this.

She shouldn't be in this pain.

She shouldn't be here shaking in _his_ arms with pain.

…

_He_ should be here.

…

Iruka, somewhere in his heart, didn't want to admit it… but… he knew he couldn't do as much for her as Kakashi could.

If Kakashi was here.  
If he was the man he needed to be for this girl.  
She wouldn't be crying out in pain like this.

He could feel something like resentment growing in his heart, which burned with its own sorrow for this girl. A resentment that was probably ill-founded and unnecessary.

But he had promised.

That man had promised him.

… He promised...

He wouldn't let her get hurt.

…

Look at her.

…

He let this happen to her.

…

The dull burn of frustration in his chest and throat grew with her sobs; they didn't seem anywhere near ready to stop. But he hoped that the burning in his chest could at least warm her.

If anything, that was why he was here.

For her.

…

Even if that man wasn't here.

He was.

He would be here as long as she needed him.

…

Fear grew in him when he felt her arms start uncoiling from around his waist. He wasn't sure if she could stand on her own right now.

Her breathing was just as shaky as before, but she wasn't trying to hide it now. Her arms left him completely.  
He still wanted to hold her for a few more minutes.

Just to make sure she was still here.

She seemed so lost to him already.

…

"Iruka-sensei…" He tried not to pay attention to the pain in her voice. "I-I…"

She looked away from him.  
He didn't like it, but he didn't say anything.

"I don't know…" She took a breath that seemed to clear out her voice a little, "I don't know if I can do this."

She wiped her face with her fists, turning even farther away from him. He really didn't like the way she was trying to hide.

"I don't know how I can look at him again without…" She whispered as if she was even ashamed to be talking about this. He could barely stand this. Her voice picked up as she turned even farther away from him, "Maybe… Maybe I should… just… just…." It was getting harder for her to speak without letting her voice quiver. "Maybe I should just leave him alone…" She said quickly.

Iruka shifted on the spot for a moment.

Guilt coursed through him when he realized that was what he was planning on talking Kakashi into before… before this….

"I could transfer." That last word was ripped from her throat with a sob she couldn't hide.

That woke him up from his silence.

…

This was enough.

…

He couldn't take this anymore.

…

He didn't know how she could even talk right now if he was having enough trouble thinking through the pain he felt from… for… her.

His hands reached out before he could think of not letting them. They landed on her shoulders as gently as he could let them.

"Don't say that." His voice was louder than he wanted it to be. he suddenly worried about her parents for a moment, feeling even worse that he _had_ to worry about her parents... but her expression distracted him. She looked a little surprised. Her pink-tinted eyes slightly widened.  
He took a breath, letting his hands shift along her cold skin for a moment. He hadn't realized she was wearing a tank top till then, he thought about letting her go, but was distracted by her words.

"I've been thinking." She sounded a little better for some reason, but it didn't last. "What if it's best to just… let him forget…"

Pain filled her face again like she regretted saying it the moment she did. He didn't know how to feel about this.

She looked away from him, about to bow her head away from him. About to hide, again.  
He didn't let her.

His hands lifted from her cold shoulders gently before he let them find the sides of her jaw. Her smaller chin lifted upwards slightly as his palms titled her face to look at his. "Don't think like that." He almost whispered. He knew she couldn't just forget Kakashi the way he had forgotten her. She shouldn't have to.

This had to be fixed somehow.

He didn't know how it could, but he didn't want her to give up so easily like that… it wasn't like her.

_She's too strong for that._

_..._

She just looked at him for a long moment.

Long enough to make him wonder why she wasn't saying anything.

He realized how close they were.

He hands left her almost immediately.

Again he felt uncomfortable.

He shouldn't be here.

He shouldn't be here.

He shouldn't have touched her just now.

She didn't look away from him even after he cleared his throat and took a half-step back. His hands felt colder than before as they dropped to his sides.

He shouldn't be here

...

This wasn't his place.

...

"Iruk-"

"Sakura." He interrupted her accidentally. He took the chance anyways. "If you ever need me again." He wasn't sure if he should've used 'again'…. He hadn't done anything tonight. At least he didn't feel like he did. "You can come see me at any time. Any time you need me." A moment passed. She looked away from him, hiding her face a little.

He knew better than to let that bother him again.

"Ok." She accepted the offer quietly as he started to walk back to the door, reminded of the rules he broke to get here, feeling guilty. He didn't focus on that when he remembered to mention, "I usually spend the weekdays at the Academy till late at night. But if-…" He stopped himself from saying she could visit him at his home if she needed, he would be stepping too far over his bounds to say something like that, "If you need me, don't hesitate to find me." He settled.

She nodded as he gave her one last glance before walking out the door.  
Again, she looked so frail.  
Just the way she held herself.  
Shaky, weak, limp.  
She looked cold, but not as cold as she actually was.

He stopped himself from turning back when he felt the need to make sure she was warm before he left.

He climbed over the little balcony wall.

"Thank you." A small voice said quietly as he landed on his feet.

He heard the door close from a story up.

He still felt like he made a mistake just now.

…. But….

As he noticed his palms were slightly damp from how he held her face just now. He felt like… maybe… he helped her a little. He couldn't imagine how… but… if only just a little.

If only just a little.

He'd be happy with that.

He started walking down the silent street, his thoughts lost in the dark. He couldn't think about anything besides her right now.

**… … … … …. … … … … … … … … … … …**

As soon as he was gone, everything seemed quieter, colder.

I could feel something like shame creep into my stomach.

I wiped my face with my arms almost too harshly.

_I cried._

_I really just cried._

_I broke down._

_Why did I do that?_

_Why did I have to do that?_

_…_

_I just felt like I could…_

_…_

_He was so… warm._

…

I rubbed my eyes as I stumbled back to my bed. I sat down. I noticed I didn't feel so numb anymore. I didn't feel so… disconnected. Today had seemed so disjointed from reality… I was starting to wonder if this was all really just another bad dream. I'd only been having them the whole day.  
I knew it wasn't a dream, I knew it wasn't… and I didn't want it to be. Because then I _would_ lose everything.

I thought that if I forgot what was real. If I forgot what happened between Ka-…. I had to take a moment to ignore how my much heart hurt… If I forgot what happened between us… then that would be it. The actual end.

I was the last remaining piece of the secret we had.

If I forgot it, then it would be like it never existed.

And that's what scared me the most.

Even if it meant the pain would go away, I wouldn't trade these memories for anything.

But still… I didn't need to worry about that anymore.

Because….

I wasn't the only one.

…

I looked back to the door where he had just been standing only minutes ago.

…

He knew.

He knew.

He didn't know everything… but he knew we existed.

He knew we existed.

We existed.

He was the only one.

…

I felt that gratitude build in my chest again, filling the emptiness I felt in there before with something warm and comforting. I never thought I'd be so grateful for what happened that night at the Main Hall when Iruka-sensei found us.  
I never thought I'd be so grateful someone found us.

I never knew how lucky I was that it was Iruka-sensei.

… he was kind and gentle. He seemed to understand everything, even if he never really liked seeing Kakashi and me together. He still understood. But he left so quickly just now. Almost like he didn't want to be here anymore.  
I tried not to think about it.

I was getting cold again. The warmth from that hug hadn't lasted long enough.

I laid down on my bed, my eyes sore and dry. I pulled the covers up.

I was warm again.

But it wasn't the right kind of warmth.

I tried to imagine a pair of arms around me.

I could easily remember the exact weight of Kakashi's arms. How they felt when they wrapped around my shoulders. How his hands felt wrapped around my back. How his right arm felt when it was draped over my waist lazily. What it was like to wake up by his side and feel him holding me close, his unmasked face only inches from mine. The way he'd smile when he woke up, too. Brightly and happily like I hadn't seen before.

My eyes dampened and my heart tugged against my throat when I realized I wasn't going to see that smile again.

I tried not to think about those arms.

My mind remembered the only others I knew right now.

Iruka-sensei's hug wasn't so painful in my mind.

But it wasn't right.

….

I tried not to think about it.

…

I just wanted to be warm again.

**…. … … … … …. … … … … … … … … … …**

"You didn't even drink tonight!" Onizuka exclaimed as he was tumbling out the door, the last one to leave.

He'd stayed behind a few minutes longer, talking about the old days in ANBU. Kakashi didn't mind, but he was getting tired. He leaned against the wall, waiting for peace and quiet.

"I know." He said lightly as Onizuka grabbed his sandals, slipping them on skillfully for being so drunk. Kakashi almost sighed at how irresponsible it was for a captain like Onizuka to get so wasted, even if he was off-duty. ANBU was a little more sporadic and sudden with missions, he hoped no emergency broke out because they'd find themselves under the command of an idiot right now.

Onizuka tugged on his second sandal.

"You know, it's probably for the best that you can't remember anything about the last time." He hiccupped.

"Why?" The silver-haired man's interest was caught with the mention of his memory loss. All night his 'friends' had played the game of waving any knowledge they had of his life like a treat they never planned on giving a hungry pet, so he was listening intently now.

"You were such a hard-ass when that woman came around again."

Kakashi's eyes narrowed for a moment. Trying to think. "What woman?" He pushed himself off the wall.

"You know who I'm talking about!' Onizuka almost giggled. It was disturbing to see his old colleague, who was renowned for his steely face and responsible air, giggle like a young girl who knew the name of one of her friend's crushes but didn't want to tell.

"I don't. That's why I'm asking." Kakashi said a little harshly.

"_That_ woman." Onizuka stumbled up to his feet, wobbling a little.

Sighing, Kakashi tried to file through all the possible 'woman's this drunk cold be talking about.

"Here's a hint:" The man hiccupped, "Asaka."

...

That wasn't a hint, that was the answer, but his friend's moment of stupidity didn't faze him as that name tensed Kakashi's posture.

...

"She came back?" His voice sounded gravely serious, but Onizuka just wobbled on the spot and nodded.

"Yeah, you and your whole team went to go deal with her after she kicked your ass."

...

"What happened?" He was trying to turn this into an interrogation. It wasn't working. Onizuka was already walking away.

"Nobody knows." He muttered as he started to slowly step down the stairs, Kakashi followed just far enough to hear the rest, "You wouldn't tell anybody. But we only heard she got away."

Onizuka stopped at the step he finished that sentence on. He didn't wobble as he looked up at Kakashi.

The drunk's voice turned even more serious than Kakashi's had, reflecting the spirit that was famous about Onizuka,  
"You didn't let her give you the slip on purpose, did you?"

The implication in his voice was as thick as the accusation.

Kakashi had to think for a moment.

"No." He answered coldly, "I don't remember what happened, but I wouldn't let her get away if I couldn't help it."

A moment of silent interrogation passed between them. Onizuka gave a sigh.

"I hope you're right." Onizuka burped, continuing down the steps. "That woman never gives up when she wants something." He muttered just as Kakashi walked back into his apartment, feeling a little disoriented.

He closed the door on the night air, but he didn't do anything for a long moment. He leaned his back on the door, staring at the wooden floor.

He let his hand cover his face for a moment, thinking.

….

_Asaka…_

… _she came back._

_But I let her go._

…

His hand slid away from his face, down his jaw. His fingers found the spot on his neck.

He could feel disgust start creeping into him with the thought that whoever he was in these past few months could've been a man that fell for her tricks again.

He suddenly felt that disgust heighten when he imagined Asaka's lips giving him this mark. It felt as if the thought alone was sullying whatever this mark meant… which he wasn't sure how, but he felt it was a lot… _purer_ than Asaka.  
But… learning about her re-entrance into his life right when another unknown woman had entered it seemed too coincidental to dismiss logicially…

…

_No._

…

He pushed himself away from the door with that single thought. He should know himself better than that. He wouldn't let himself get mixed up with that woman again. It wasn't possible. He hated her too much. Killing her was the only thing he could think of doing to her now. How could it be any different a few months ago?

…

Even so… she wasn't the type to only leave a single, shy, kiss mark like this. She enjoyed leaving a lot more evidence on her lovers.

…

This had to belong to someone else.

A woman who probably wasn't that experienced.

…

He couldn't think of anyone.

The only other single women he knew weren't exactly… 'shy'. Not that they were easy. But when women got around his age group and still didn't have a boyfriend, it wasn't because they never been with a man before, they were just too dedicated to their job, but they definitely weren't inexperienced. The mark on his neck was too light, too weak to belong to a woman with a lot of experience.

… Maybe it really was a woman from out of the village?

He still didn't think that was right.

It wasn't like him anymore… and something about the idea didn't seem right.

…

He walked into his bathroom, checking the mark for no reason he could think of… if only to just make sure it was still there. It still existed.

It did. Slightly faded.

He sighed to himself.

…

Why was he so obsessed with this?

So obsessed that he could even brush off the fact Asaka came back after eight years of exile just to think about this little mark.

Even tonight, at the party, he found himself expecting some sort of woman to arrive late, frantic and panicked or pissed, and tell him he was her 'boyfriend'… But that didn't happen.

… Why was this so important to him?

… Maybe because, besides the cuts and bruises, it was the only evidence of his previous life.

Evidence that had a history he had no memories of.

…

Maybe it was because this meant that there was someone out there who was left with only her own memories of whatever relationship they had.  
The thought was depressing.

He pulled up his mask as he left the room, turning off the light.

He wandered back into his bedroom, which was messy now.  
He was too tired to think of doing any work.

He turned off the light, pulled off his shirt and lowered himself onto the bed.

He could hear the crickets outside. It fit the atmosphere. His head was completely quiet right now… only little thoughts that didn't mean anything.

He was so tired of concentrating today.

He just wanted some rest.

He'll think about everything tomorrow.

He turned over on his side, pulling the covers over his waist and up to his chest. He pressed his face against his pillow for a moment before grabbing the other one that was cooler than the one he'd been laying on for a few minutes. Just when he felt like he was on the edge of consciousness, he recognized something.

The slightest scent of… strawberries.

He smiled to himself.

That was unexpected.

_Strawberries_?

He didn't have enough time to think through what that even meant until he couldn't keep his eyes open. All he knew was that the small scent seemed to ease his mind a little. He wasn't even sure why he was smiling anymore when he felt the dream take over.  
It just… felt like something to do when he breathed the strangely calming scent in.

**…. … … … … … … … … … … … … … ... ... ... ... ... ... ...**

_I'm here._

_I'm actually here._

_…_

_I don't want to be here._

_…_

_No._

_I have stick with this._

_It's my job._

_This is all it is._

_Just my job._

_I was assigned to look after his progress, to help him remember the missions. Only the missions._

_Nothing else was needed._

_I was just like any other medic-nin right now._

I stood at the base of the outside staircase, trying not to move too much, trying not to remember the last time I was here, or the night I had spent here what seemed forever ago.

I took a step up.

I tried to ignore how I could still remember the way my high heels snagged onto the edges of the stairs that night because he was climbing too quickly, his hand pulling mine gently.

I tried to forget those memories.

Just like Kakashi.

I had to forget everything right now.

Later I can take out those memories and think about them until it hurt too much, but that's not who I am right now.

I needed to neatly tuck away everything. Everything I felt for him. Everything I knew about him that he didn't need to know.

…

I need to find who I was before he was a part of me.

…

I existed before these feelings for him did. I was fine back then. I was just _me_. I need to learn how to be _me_ again now that he….

I took a deep breath instead of finishing that thought, already more than halfway up the stairs.

_Just pretend I lost my memories of him the same way he did of me._

_Just don't think about it._

_Keep it locked up until you get home._  
I told myself as I walked across the walkway to the door I knew was his.

_Forget who I am now._

_Forget who I was with him._

_Remember who I used to be._

_Even if she is nothing like me, even if he had fixed her for the better since then... she was all I had left of me right now._

I took a deep breath again.

_Kakashi-sensei_

_Kakashi-sensei_

_Kakashi-sensei_

'_sensei'_

'_sensei'_

'_sensei'_

_Remember. _

_Not Kakashi._

_Kakashi-'sensei'._

My knuckles hit the wood of the door slowly.

_Sensei._

**…. … … … … … … … … … …. …. …. …. …. … …. … .. … ..**

He didn't know what time to expect her, most of the day had already passed and he hadn't heard from her. She hadn't come yesterday either.

He knew she had probably been tired yesterday, but he was getting restless to learn more about himself and he needed her for that.

He checked the time.  
At this rate he'd have to track her down.

Sure it probably wasn't what she had in mind for her vacation, monitoring her boring, old, team captain and telling him everything he was supposed to already know, but he needed this.  
He needed to know what happened to his life… so many questions were unanswered…. But…

They were questions she probably didn't know the answer to.

His hand rubbed his neck, still thinking about the mark even though it was slowly fading away.

She wouldn't know who this belonged too, would she?…

Of course not.

If she did that would be completely inappropriate. It was common sense that students were better off not knowing that side of their teacher.

Besides, he never liked mixing work with his personal life.

Ignoring the slight disappointment of realizing that one of the biggest questions that had been plaguing him these two days wasn't going to get answered any time soon, he was distracted from it anyways.

He was about to walk out of his bedroom, checking the mirror one last time before leaving, but as he did he noticed a slight glimmer in the corner of his eye.  
He turned to it.

Something small, a little oblong circle, was sitting on top of his bookcase beside his newer team picture. Only glancing at the younger faces of his students and his own smiling, masked, one for a moment he focused back on the object. He picked it up.

A small jade pebble. Swirling patterns of lighter green coiling around on the surface of the stone intricately. A leather cord had been threaded through a small hole at the top.

He looked at it for a long moment.

He'd never seen it before.

But it definitely felt familiar.

_Really_ familiar.

Like he had held it in his hand every day.

He wondered if he wore this strange pendant in the past couple months. That seemed strange to him. Shinobi were never supposed to wear unnecessary accessories, especially necklaces or pendants.  
_But this_.  
He turned it over on his palm, it was still warm from the sun. His thumb rubbed the flat surface.  
This seemed to be _really _important.

He could feel it.

He walked to the mirror for a moment, and, very hesitantly, pulled the pendant over his head until it lay flat on his chest.

...

It felt right.

...

He had no idea why, or what it meant. But he definitely wasn't in a position to ignore such strong feelings like these. He felt like he should wear it every day.

He took it in his hand and slid it underneath his shirt without thinking.

After only a second he realized how strange doing that was.

_Why'd I do that?_

_..._

_'Routine'?  
_He asked himself mentally, quoting Tsunade of one of the ways to resurrect his memories. By falling into routine again. He thought his life was void of any routine that didn't concern sleeping or personal hygiene… but this moment. It was definitely something he'd been doing for a while.

But why would he hide it under his shirt if it was every day routine?

Was it some kind of secret?

_Knock, knock,…. Knock._

The faint tapping of knuckles to his door interrupted his thoughts.

_Sakura._

He didn't know how he immediately knew it was her when he actually had forgotten for a spare moment that he was expecting her, but he ignored the feeling.

He was suddenly grateful that he wouldn't have to go out looking for her.

He walked away from the mirror and the strange moment in front of it, making his way to his front door.

He hoped she hadn't planned out some sort of session already.

He had other plans today.

**…. … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …**

My knuckles left the door slowly.

I stood there in silence.

I felt like I had just detonated a long distance explosive. I couldn't take back that knock, the same way I couldn't take back the detonation, and now I just had to wait for the damage. Silently.

Suddenly the door handle made a sound, my heart sped up and I wanted to run. I just stood there.  
I stared at the ground.

The door opened.

My nails dug into the crescent-shaped cuts in my palm as his legs came into view. He took a step forward, but stopped before the threshold.

"Ah, good afternoon, Sakura." His voice said casually, using that tone. That tone he hadn't used on me in such a long time.

Time seemed to stop for a moment when I couldn't stop myself from looking up at him.

...

_This is exactly like it was for all those years._

_This is how it was before._

_..._

_This helped._

_..._

_Pretend it's before_.

_Pretend the this is last year._

He's _just_ Kakashi-sensei.

Not _Kakashi_.

I went with that thought, knowing how familiar it felt, and forced myself to look up again.

He really was _just_ Kakashi-sensei.

Casual clothes, blue shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, fingerless gloves, no vest, blue mask, forehead protector. Only the section around his right eye was uncovered.  
I forced myself to forget what he looked like without that mask on… just for now.  
It worked a little.

He was more like Kakashi-'sensei' after that.

I found my voice better than I could the last time I saw him, "Sorry, I'm la-"

He interrupted my sad attempt at being normal.

"No, its fine." He said simply as he stepped through the threshold towards me, I could feel my heart quicken for a moment. I took a step back. "But if it doesn't interfere with your plans…." he turned back to his door, closing it behind him. Keys jingled in his hand for a moment as he locked it single-handedly. "I wanted to try something."

He turned back to me, and I'm not quite sure what happened.

He smiled down at me.

It was his normal, public, smile. The same one he'd give anyone walking down the street.

But it helped.

It helped a little.

I felt a little more… normal.

Not 'normal' in the sense of the word that it had become over the past months, like the 'normal' of sneaking away with this man for privacy, or the 'normal' of waking up beside him if the situation allowed, but the 'normal' I knew before all that. The 'normal' that didn't involve any of these feelings for Kakashi-sensei… or any of these memories.

…

I thought it would hurt.

I thought acting 'normal' around him would be excruciating… but… just in that moment at least, I felt like I could do it.  
I could play along.  
I could play along until things got better.  
I didn't know if they would, especially when I wasn't sure what I had to do for things to get 'better', but I hoped they did.

I finally registered his words as he slipped the keys into his pocket.

I realized I wouldn't have to go in that apartment. That made me feel a little bit 'normal', too.

"What?" I said out loud, my voice seemed out of place with this scene. It was still weak from last night… the sobbing. I ignored it.  
He must've too because he didn't seem to notice.

"Come with me." He said lightly, something like a smile in his voice, before starting down the stairs quickly.

Despite the fact I actually opened my hand a fraction, expecting him to take it like he usually did when he was leading me someplace unknown, I did follow him. Rather easily. I felt like a kid again, following after him like this.

I didn't really mind like I used to… because now, feeling like a kid was better than feeling the way I did before…

But this was working.

Whatever this mindset I was in now… even if I felt like I wasn't in control of my body… it soothed the pain a fraction.

As long as I didn't let myself think about anything he didn't know about me.  
As long as I didn't let myself think about anything from our past.  
As long as I didn't let my thoughts move from the little paralyzed box I was keeping them in now, I wouldn't get hurt.

And so, as if my thoughts were stuck in a dark room full of sharp objects, my mind was too afraid to wander without getting cut. I followed after him without really looking at him. Or thinking about him.

I was suspended in a vacuum.

I didn't know how long this feeling would survive, but right now… nothing seemed to hurt more than it did before.

It was like I was in some type of shock.

That was good… for now… but I knew it couldn't last as long as I needed it to.

And then I realized where we were going.

My mind wandered, and I got cut a little.

I could sense a quick-growing pattern.

**… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …**

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**Next chapter will be out soon, too.**

**Also, this is probably a strange request, but I would really really like to know what you guys listen to while reading this.**

**My playlist is somewhat old and I'd definitely love to tune into what you guys feel matches my writing.**

**I got one suggestion the other day by 'Kim', it's an original song called 'Try' by Melissa Polinar. It's only on YouTube. The address is here (you'll have to delete all of the spaces, sorry):**

http : / / www . you tube . com / watch?v = -HbALCVhYSM

**I immediately fell in love with it. It really does relate very well with this story, especially now that my recent plans for it have caught up. **

**I just want to know what songs you guys think go well with Growing Pangs, or just your favorite song to listen to while reading it.**

**Thank you for reading, and thank you very very much if you review with the title of the song. :)**


	63. But I didn't Part 1

**Chapter 63!**

**Title: '**_But I didn't… Part 1'_

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**Note: OK…. So…. I'm just warning you guys now. The problem with Kakashi's memory will not be a quick or easy fix like I know you(we)'ve been wanting it to be. And I know the wait must be pretty tough. So, in order to expedite the progress of the story without losing any of my original pacing ideas, I'll probably be upload 3-parters for a little while now.**

… **As per usual, I guess…**

**Hope you enjoy.**

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**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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He made sure not to go too fast.  
For her sake.

He had no idea why, but he got the feeling that he needed to go easy today.

She wasn't really herself right now.

Again, the thought made no sense to him, except with the way her eyes looked at him just minutes ago.

Even if she had tried to hide it, he could see something different about her.

She seemed… tired.

Answering the door and seeing her, he could already tell something had happened to her. Hearing her talk, it was even more obvious.

Everything about her seemed exhausted. Almost sad.

He only wondered for a moment what must be going on in her personal life.

He turned west.

_Girls her age are always getting mixed up in some sort of teenage drama. She probably had a fight with one of her friends or maybe a boy-_

He stopped that thought there.

Even if she was a teenage girl, he really couldn't imagine normal teenage drama taking such a toll her… she might've been easily disturbed emotionally when she was younger, but he noticed that ever since the start of Team Kakashi, she'd been much stronger than that… she's been able to keep up in battle with even more poise than her classmates do today… but she was bothered by something now, and the thought that it was because of a friend or the thought that some boy…

…That her eyes looked a little red, as if she'd been crying the night before, could've been caused by some idiot teenage boy seemed a little too unlikely to him.

But she was around the age that girls would start getting interested in boys.

Then again, he knew that was a little wrong.

She'd been interested in boys since he met her. He could still remember her introduction:

"_My name's Haruno Sakura." She said over excitedly._

"_My hobbies are… " She glanced at the black-haired boy who ignored her._

"_My likes are, well, the person I like is…" She glanced at Sasuke, fidgeting and blushing._

Kakashi nearly sighed at the memory the same way he had when she actually said it.

It always slightly bothered him that she was so obsessed with Sasuke, if only just because he knew it would cause drama inside of his team that he could live without… but even if this was years ago and any drama with the Uchiha boy in the future wasn't going to be inside his team, that memory was still annoying.

He found himself grateful that she wasn't that same little girl anymore.

Of course she wasn't. It's been four years.

_She's grown up.  
_He glanced over his shoulder for a moment. Somewhat proud of her with that thought, but the way she was only staring at her feet reminded him of what he had been thinking about before.

Actually, thinking back to how she was at that young age, it's almost as if she hit her teenage years back then… now, thinking of her acting like that because of any boy seemed… wrong.

He couldn't think of a better adjective when he was too busy trying to get rid of the strange irritation growing in his chest the longer he thought about Sakura crying because of some boy.

He noticed a little late that they were already here.

He stopped in his tracks and tried to scrub his mind clean of that awkward thought process just now.

_She isn't a little kid anymore._

_She can take care of her own problems without me._

That thought didn't help as much as he thought it would.

…. … … … … … … … … … … … …

He stopped several feet ahead of me. I slowed down to a halt, too, keeping my distance.

I'd been so busy trying not to focus on him and only on where we were going that I almost forgot where we were now.

The training grounds.

I felt a little confused, but still overwhelmingly numb.

His voice woke me up from my staring contest with the grass-patched yellow ground beneath me.

I always did like this spot of the training grounds, where the three logs that we all knew so well stood.

"I heard yesterday that we'd been training." He said lightly, turning back to me, smiling that same public smile I'd only ever seen from him whenever he was either entertaining a guest or trying to get on the good side of his students.  
I think it was probably both right now.

His efforts were lost on me when his words clouded my mind a little.

'_Training'?_

"I thought maybe this could be a stone for two birds." He added after a moment of awkward silence. After the humiliating sobbing last night, my vocals cords were in no shape to speak unnecessarily, so I didn't say anything, he just continued. "This should help me get back on my feet, and maybe help with my memory if this was our routine."

It wasn't really a 'routine'.

We did train once, though we hardly did anything educational… but knowing he couldn't remember anything about that, I bit my tongue before speaking up.

"But you're still injured." I pointed out with the serious tone of a medic-nin.  
I really didn't want to train right now.

I didn't think I could handle training not only right now, but with him.  
It was hard enough following him out here without letting the weakness in my legs take over. Every time I felt like this, this amount of pain, though I wasn't sure if I had ever felt something like this before my body would have the stupid knack of getting really weak.  
I remembered the embarrassing early days on this team, crying and falling to my knees all the time.

He interrupted those cringe-worthy memories,

"You've seen me fight with worse." He said with that grin, trying to act a little cool. The way he'd do that sometimes always made me smile. But now…

… I could only offer a slight lightness in my expression that still felt pathetic.

"Now, what were we working on?" He spoke up, bringing his hands out of his pockets as he stepped a few more steps closer to me.

I took a moment of fighting the urge to walk closer to him too as well as the one that told me to step back.

In the end I was stuck on the spot, trying not to think about anything except our old 'training'.

I suddenly remembered:

'_"It was okay that I could do this when you were younger, but now you need to start learning how to more efficiently detect enemies."_

_"If you did__this__when I was younger, it definitely__wouldn't__have been 'okay'…" I pointed out a different 'this' a little cheekily, as one of my hands grazed along the arm he had curled around my lower waist, my fingers finding his.''_

"Stealth and Taijutsu…" I said aloud, cutting off that memory before it got too painful.

He stood on the spot for a moment, looking at me. I felt uncomfortable.

He sighed before taking another few steps towards me.  
I wanted to back away now.

"I can't imagine you'd need many pointers on Taijutsu…" He complimented. That made me feel a fraction better.

I looked up at him.

He spoke up after a moment, his smile still there.

"So what about stealth?"

By the time the last word of that sentence ended I was standing alone.

I looked around quickly, he really just disappeared.

He was starting already.

My heart jumped a little with surprise and something like fear.

I knew I didn't have to be afraid of Kakashi-sensei.

But…

There was something about this that was still testing my already weak nerves.

Standing here, waiting for him to try and attack without knowing where he was.

I'd spent most of this morning building up the courage to even see him again, to just look at him without wanting to run away or jump into his arms, and the thought that he'd be darting out of my surroundings at me when I least suspected sounded brutal. But I simply widened my stance, falling back into old habits.  
I forced myself to take a deep breath.  
_This is just like any other day training with Kakashi-sensei._

_Any other day._

_Just pay attention to your surroundings, check every sound and make sure your footing is secure in case he tries the underground jutsu again._

I opened my senses.

Listening.

Looking.

And then, the faintest change. It couldn't really be called a sound. It was just the slightest alteration in the air currents surrounding me. My left.

My eyes widened instinctively as I dodged to my right at the exact moment I saw him practically rematerialize to my left, ready to kick.  
We were silent for a moment as the dust settled, our stances stiff.

I saw him smile at me a little proudly.

That smile would've made me repay one any day.

But…

… It reminded me so much of _Kakashi's_ smile.

I could feel my brows pull together at the thought that even though Kakashi-sensei looked so much like the man that loved me, and could still give me the same smiles, he wasn't him anymore. I launched forward, letting my foot swing through the air. He wasn't anywhere near my kick as soon as my leg lifted. He _was_ one of the fastest ninja in the country. Before I had time to plant both my feet on the ground he reached out with a jab. I dodged as fast as I could but he still got the side of my arm. I still felt really weak from last night, I wasn't as fast as I knew I could've been. His smile faltered for a moment when I nearly winced with the pain.  
He didn't stop.  
Another jab almost caught my shoulder as I finally found the ground long enough to push myself to his left. I noticed that even though I had been open, he didn't miss me on accident.

He was pulling his punches.

Something besides pain distracted me. Resentment. He would've never pulled his punches on me before. It was like he thought I couldn't handle this, which I questioned before, too. But the fact that _he_ thought I might not be strong enough to train right now…

That was adding insult to injury.

As I maneuvered to his left I didn't hold back my own punch. It was a fairly dirty move to attack while your opponent was regrouping their defense from their previous attack, but I didn't really care right now. I didn't want him thinking I was weak. My plan didn't really work when his left hand closed around my fist a little tightly, stopping my punch and pushing me away from him. We both backed away.

We stood there again, silent. Ready to attack or defend. Just staring at each other.

His smile was gone, but he didn't look annoyed.

He looked… serious.

Like he knew he had to pay extra attention to what he was doing.

I always liked that look. Especially when he gave it to me. It always meant I was doing something right.

This was starting to feel like some sort of challenge now.

At that thought I leapt forward, lifting my fists up. I sent a few weak punches through the air, trying to get him on the move as his dodged backwards. He was paying such close attention to my movements. He ducked out of the way when my leg swung through the air where his chest had been. Crouched to the ground, he immediately tried to kick my foot out from underneath me, but I jumped away just in time.

I could feel my heart beating harder now. Adrenaline coursing. I definitely forgot that weakness that had been dragging me around for the past few days. I was breathing a little hard.

I stared at him, as he did me. We circled on the spot a little.  
I could feel a little grin pull at the corner of my lips.

I was having fun.

I had no idea how. But I wasn't going to question this god-sent moment of relief now that I had it. Feeling a little courageous I attacked first again. This time dealing the same weak punches as before, but instead of following through the older routine I tried something new.

He ducked out of every single jab, but he didn't know I'd been collecting a steady amount of chakra in my right fist.

It wouldn't be enough to hurt him; just enough to maybe knock him over a little.

That's all I needed.  
Just the high-ground for a few seconds and I win.

I couldn't tell when this became a matter of 'winning', but that's probably how things were always meant to turn out between this man and me. Neither of us could back down easily.

Finally seeing an opening, I reached out my chakra-coated fist to hit him just above his stomach.  
But he already saw it coming.  
His hand grabbed my forearm and pulled downward, making me lose balance and fall to the ground as he stepped around me.

I hit the ground with a little grunt. The dirt puffed into little dust-clouds around me.

'_Crap. I lost.'_  
Was literally the only thought in my head.

I turned over so I was laying on my back, leaning up a little on my elbows.

He took a few steps towards me, his form blocking the sun from my eyes.

He chuckled.

I still loved that sound.

He reached out his hand to me.

I was about to take it.  
But I didn't.

I couldn't touch him right now.

If I did, I don't think I could stop myself from kissing him.

I pretended not to notice his offer of help and started to push myself off the ground, I saw his hand hesitantly pull away from me after a second. I instantly regretted not touching him, realizing that I probably wouldn't get the chance again for a while.

The weight that that thought put on my heart was enough to make me wince a little, but that heaviness wasn't what was sending me rocketing back to the ground, landing on my knees and falling onto my back again.

"Sakura!"

The dust puffed in my face as I started to cough a little.

I couldn't really breathe right. My whole body felt so heavy, my chest felt like it was caving in on itself. And my shoulder felt like dozens of pins and ice picks were being pushed against my skin. I coughed again.

I suddenly felt a hand slide under my shoulders, lifting me up a little.

I couldn't focus on the contact the way I think I would've since the pain on my shoulder felt twice as worse with the pressure of his touch. I let out a groan.

"What happened?" He asked. His voice was serious. Worried.

Again I thought of _Kakashi._

I winced again, not at the pain.

I wanted to quickly answer his question so that he wouldn't look at me as intently as he was right now. I didn't want him to look at me while I was remembering who he used to be.

I lifted my hand to my left shoulder, barely touching it, but pointing it out clearly.

I felt his grip loosen on me, his arm moved from my shoulders.

I felt like I could breathe a little easier now.

I wondered how much of this had turned psychological… but when I felt this sickening sensation creeping into my stomach as my limbs seemed to get even weaker I suddenly recognized this feeling.

"_Hiroki…"_

I forgot that the toxin would still be in my bloodstream from the cut he gave me. I just used chakra for the first time since the mission. I'm such an idiot. I should've gotten treated for this before I went to go see Kakashi that morning. But I forgot about anything except _him_ after… after he…

"'Hiroki'?" Kakashi-sensei asked as he was still trying not to touch me but keep me sitting up.

I didn't know I'd said the man's name out loud just now.

I only swallowed hard and pointed at my shoulder again, "A cut." I sputtered a little, "There should be a knife wound there."

I didn't see his full face out of the corner of my eye, but I could see the sudden serious-worry in his expression anyways. I tried to ignore it.

I felt his hand shift along my shoulder a little. I could feel his fingertips through the fabric of my shirt as they searched gently. I nearly shuddered at the feeling, but didn't because my body felt too heavy.

But the heaviness of my limbs didn't stop me from tensing when his fingertips found the wound. It hurt so much.

He noticed my reaction. And before I could say anything else about helping me up or even explain where I got the cut, I already felt his arm tighten around my back, his hand hinging on the other side of my ribs. Another arm slid under my knees. I was rocking gently through the air only seconds later.

I suddenly regretted everything about this moment.

The feeling of his arms, the feeling of his chest against my side, the feeling of humiliation for having to be picked up like this again after all these years, and the feeling of dejection when I realized that Kakashi-sensei probably wasn't having a similar reaction. Right now, he probably had no thoughts about the way I felt.

Touching me didn't make his heart beat as fast as mine did when he touched me, did it?

He sat me down by a tree, leaning me against it carefully. He made sure only my right shoulder was pressed against the bark.

I was a little grateful when he sat to my left, almost sitting behind me.

I hated having to actually be weak right now. Weak enough that he'd carry me like I was thirteen again.

I shifted against the bark a little uncomfortably, looking farther away from him.

And then I heard his voice.

"Let me take a look."

My weak gratitude disappeared when his hands found the collar of my shirt.

"No!" I said way too loudly when I felt him pull on my collar a little. I squirmed on the spot, backing away from him, feeling even weaker than before now that my heart was sluggishly trying to pick up speed against my will.

His hands left me quickly.

I turned around to face him, pulling my left shoulder away from him. It bumped against the tree as I jerked it back, I didn't care about the pain. Just as long as he didn't touch me.

I didn't want him to touch me…

It would be too much.

I don't think I can handle the kind of hope that would give me.

But it didn't take long for me to feel like an idiot when I saw his face.

Shocked. Serious.

Not in the good way.

A silent moment passed before he took a breath.

"I'm sorry if that was sudden. But if he poisoned you, it needs to be treated quickly."

_Sudden?_

_Treated?_

I almost had to wonder how he knew about Hiroki, but I realized he probably heard a lot about him when they healed him at the hospital. Kakashi-sensei probably knew more about these wounds than I did right now.

I found my voice after a moment, I hated how it sounded even weaker than I felt.

"No, it wasn't 'sudden'." I repeated his word choice hesitantly, struggling to keep my eyes on his mask and not his eye, "I… I just…."

I had no excuse.

I moved on, hoping he wouldn't notice.

"I'll treat it when I get home."

I put my hands on the ground, ready to push myself up, but my arms weren't complying. The toxin was still sapping the strength from me. I was starting to hate Hiroki even more right now.

"You won't be able to." He interrupted my weak attempts at commanding my body. He sat back a little, like he wanted to give me space, "Using chakra while you're still infected will only make things worse. Especially if you're trying to heal yourself."

"Oh…." I couldn't say anything else when I suddenly felt like an idiot.

I didn't look at him. He didn't say anything.

I got the feeling I turned this whole situation sour just now.

His voice spoke up after only a moment.

"I'll take you to the hospital." He sounded so serious, lacking any resemblance of _Kakashi_. He reached out to me hesitantly. His fingertips only a few centimeters away from me, but he still didn't touch me.

I felt guilt chill my nerves. Something like the pain from before threatened my lungs heavily.

_He's afraid to touch me now._

After the way I yelled 'No!' like that.

_I'm such an idiot._

I grimaced at myself, lifting my fist to my eyes, rubbing a little, trying to stop the moisture from gathering in them.

"No." I said quietly. His hands pulled back completely, as if I just told him never to touch me again. I straightened my face quickly and looked up at him, trying to change the way that sounded, "I don't want to go to the hospital."

"You need treatment." He reasoned responsibly, his arms resting on his bent knees defeatedly. He seemed to have lost any of the lightness he had earlier today. And it was my fault.

I took a breath before speaking up.

I knew I would probably regret this, but…

I didn't want him to be afraid to touch me.

"You know how to use contact-healing, right?" I already knew he did.

A long moment of silence passed between us.

"Yes. But only the most basic form." He answered slowly.

"I just really don't want to go to the hospital." I added quietly so that he would stop giving me that confused look.

He was silent for a moment. He sighed.

"Alright." He answered, not even going to ask why I don't want to go to the hospital, "But I'll need to patch up you up once I've done what I can, so…" He stood up as he trailed off, "If it doesn't bother you, we'll have to go back to the apartment."

'_If it doesn't bother you.'_

I cringed as I got up by myself slowly, feeling a little strength coming back.

_Now he thinks I'm afraid of _him.

'_No!'_

_The way I pulled away from him… of course he'd think I was scared of him._

I felt even worse when I started walking slowly and he only offered a single hand on my arm to keep me standing.

I forgot where we were again.

I forgot what our relationship was.

Something like this can't be forgotten in only a moment.

Our relationship is distant, but even more fragile because of it.

… I probably screwed something up just now…

I rubbed my eyes again, threatening them not to moisten.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

'_No!'_

He couldn't help replaying it in his head as he was helping her only slightly as they reached the staircase to his apartment.

He had barely touched her collar.

He was only going to check her wound.

He had no other intentions.

He hadn't even thought about doing anything inappropriate.

… but somehow he felt that she had accused him.

It didn't seem right.

For as long as he could remember Sakura was never like this.

She never worried about him… like this.

She'd only pummel Naruto if he tried to peep on her or if he said anything out of line…. But the fact she'd object so strongly, with so much fear in her voice, when he came at all close to her like that.

…

It was worrying.

…

He didn't like it.

He didn't want her to be afraid of him.

But even now he was worried about whether or not she was really comfortable with the way he was holding her arm, or the fact that they were going to his apartment.  
Or if she even knew what she was suggesting when she mentioned the contact-healing.

How could she be so scared of him, but still suggest his contact-healing?

Something must've happened to make her so afraid of the hospital that she'd endure his tough although she had pulled away from him earlier.

…

His brows furrowed with that thought when he suddenly felt like some kind of felon for even touching her now.

They were never like this before. For as long as he could remember Sakura had never had a problem with him in this way. She always understood that physical contact was necessary sometimes. He didn't even think she could ever be so afraid of him for that kind of reason….

Something pulled at his insides when that thought passed.

Something about this whole situation seemed to be eating away at him.

Maybe it _was_ because he'd never have to worry about it before. It seemed so ridiculous to even think about now.

But… something had changed.

Things didn't seem as simple as they'd been before.

He didn't know when it happened. Maybe he couldn't remember when.

But every time he's seen Sakura after he woke up in that hospital… something seemed so different about her. What happened to the strong, carefree girl he knew?

…

He helped her up the last step. She seemed a bit stronger now.

He really wondered whether he should take her to the hospital anyways so she could get proper treatment. But he didn't worry about it when he left her go to unlock the door and he felt a slight tug at his arm.

She'd reached out on her own to hold onto him.

He dealt with a moment of surprise, pausing at the door, waiting.

"Sorry, Kakashi-sensei." She said weakly, her voice even worse than before, "About before…"

…

He didn't expect that wave of relief to hit him so hard.

He hadn't known just how worried he'd been.

He smiled lightly.

His hand took a hold of hers on his arm a little hesitantly, hoping more than he thought he would that she didn't pull away. She didn't.

He guided the hand beside him inside the apartment.

… In that moment he couldn't help a moment of nostalgia.

He didn't know what there was to feel nostalgic about. He didn't hold her hand like this on any sort of regular basis… in fact, he wondered if he ever had _before_… maybe it was just the way she was relying on him. She stumbled a little and his grip tightened on her, again, another wave of nostalgia hit.

Maybe it was because… this reminded him of the littler version of herself he met all those years ago, back when she _did_ seem to need his help regularly.

That didn't seem quite right, though.

He brushed off the feeling quickly as he let her hand go and it disappeared altogether.

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The sun was starting to settle into the lowest region of the sky. I hadn't realized how much time had passed or how long it took to get back here. But this man always had the strangest control over time whenever I was alone with him. Whenever he touched me, time would go too fast, whenever he wouldn't look at me, time was slower than ever. And the whole way here his hand had been on my arm, but he was careful not to look at me at all.

That had messed with my time a little.

He opened the door slowly.

I could see his expression clearly even through the mask.

He would always make that expression whenever he was deep in thought about something that worried him. I saw it a lot when we started our relationship.

I hated that look. I really had to make him stop thinking about whatever was bothering him.

And I could guess what it was.

…

I took a breath after the door opened.

I didn't want to touch him. Because I wanted to so much that I didn't want to even more. But if I could take back what I did to make him worry.  
I'd forget about my own pain just to ease his mind.

I reached out.

My hand locked around his arm lightly.

I really wanted to pull him to me. I wanted this arm around me. I wanted him to remember me through this touch. But he didn't.

"Sorry, Kakashi-sensei…" I spoke up, feeling like a little kid again, "About before…." I elaborated weakly

I couldn't look at his face; I only looked down at my hand.

I wanted to feel more of him.

But I couldn't.

…

And as if the universe was making fun of me I felt his hand grab mine.

That was too much. I could feel the pain course through me.

But I didn't stop it.

He pulled me through the doorway gently, like he was only helping me along, but what he didn't know was the fact that his touch was what made me stumble over the threshold.

But his hand let go of mine altogether too soon as he had to close the door behind him. I pushed off my sandals before he did, stumbling a little with my weak balance. I felt his arm push me back to my balance a little.

Again I felt a mixed pang of the happiness my body always gave me with his touch as well as the new reflex of pain it gave me mix with a weird balance of heaviness and weightlessness for a moment before he leaned away from me and walked into the apartment ahead of me, leaving my emotions jumbled for a moment.

"I'll go get the bandages."

And just like that. With that meaningless casual moment of his familiar voice and my certain step into the apartment that had so many happy memories for only me now, I actually felt a little better.

It was so hard to explain.

But maybe that was part of it.

No matter how much pain this man can give me indirectly, I'll always be happy by his side… I'll always be happy to be a part of his life…

But I could feel that pain build inside of be regardless of that happiness.

Somehow, I knew that when I wasn't around Kakashi-sensei… after I leave… I wasn't going to be 'better' anymore.

But I tried not to think about that as I slowly walked into the apartment, my hand touching the wall on the way down the hallway for support.

I suddenly realized I hadn't really explored Kakashi-sensei's apartment before.

All the times I had been here I had only seen the hallway and his bedroom.

That sounded a little strange in my mind, but I was distracted from that when I saw the main room and adjoining kitchen at the end of the hallway. Different books and clothes were draped on different furnishings. Papers were on the floor and a few empty plates on the little wooden table in front of the couch that had a shirt lying on the back. A few glasses were spaced across the room as if he sat down to drink while reading, finished, but forgot where he put the cup.

That sounded like him.

Even if I only ever saw him read Icha Icha in public, I knew that when he really relaxed and read, he could get a little too lost in the fictional world and pay less attention to the outside world. I remembered a few times when I was younger, I'd see him lying on a random hill or pathc of grass, reading. I'd bother him because I was bored, but he would barely notice my existence until I got annoyed enough to stomp off and he would happily go back to his book.

That was once why I thought he was always late all the time, but I found out later on that that wasn't true.

"Go ahead and have a seat."

I hadn't noticed before that he had walked back into the room with a handful of bandages and tape.

I followed his orders quickly and took a seat on the aged blue couch without really thinking.

I could feel that numbness sink back into me as I sat here, in the middle of his apartment, surrounded by his scent, staring at him as he rustled with the bandages a little.

Again, I knew that this numbness was only the happiness of being alone with him cancelled out with the pain of knowing he isn't exactly who I'd want to be alone with anymore.

And again, I knew that this numbness was only going to leave me once I leave him, and turn me into a bundle of raw nerves with nothing but the room of sharp memories to cut myself on.

But… for now…

I was here.

He was here.

We weren't together.

But we were here.

And I could live with this a little better than if he wasn't.

"Here, hold this for a moment." He spoke up just as casually as before, interrupting my staring.

I woke up a little.  
I took the bandages, my arm feeling really heavy as I reached out to take them from his hand as he fiddled with the tape almost cutely, trying to open it.

I would've had a problem thinking he was cute before…. but with the way things were now…

…. It felt like I was only an observer now.

I wasn't a part of him.

I could think what I wanted.

My grip on the bandages in my hands tightened uncomfortably when that thought tipped the scale of my numbness over to the pain-side a little too much.

He finally opened the tape and sat down on the couch a foot away. The distribution of weight made the worn couch sag a little, I ended up being scooted a few inches closer to him.

I didn't scoot away against my better judgment.  
He didn't seem to notice.  
He set the tape down on the little wooden table in front of the couch. Before turning back to me he held out his hand, asking for the bandages back, I handed them to him. But before I could bring my hands back to myself his eyes found them.

Just as I started to pull them back to my own body he stopped my right hand, holding it.

I suddenly felt my heartbeat pick up sluggishly again.

His eye was fixed on my hand seriously.

I only wondered for a moment what he was doing before I realized what he was looking at. The little crescent-shaped cuts on my palm.

I pulled my hand back quickly, but not too quickly.

"Uh, the last mission didn't really…" I spoke up as he looked down at me, "It didn't end smoothly." I added, feeling the pain rise a little with that understatement.

"What happened?" He sounded serious again.

Like a team captain.

"They uh… they tied us up and made you duel with Hi… Hiroki." I could barely say that man's name, but the rest of the sentence came easier than I thought it would even if I stumbled a little.

"Could you tell me more?" He asked rather formally. I couldn't respond until he spoke up again, "But first, please turn around."

Again, he sounded so formal. Like he had to watch anything he said right now.  
If anything, _that_ was making me uncomfortable.

"Sure." I tried to sound compliant as I did turn around.

I could feel my heart racing. The speed picked up when I realized what I had to do.

"Um, the cut… it's on the back of my shoulder." I spoke up a little too shyly than I wanted to. "So I guess I'll just…"

I reached up to the zipper of my collar.

He was silent behind me.

…

I hesitated.

…

It wouldn't be the first time my shirt would be off in front of him. In fact, it was a little ironic because the first time I _had_ to take my shirt off in front of him it was for this very reason … and at a similar stage of our relationship, too…  
But I still felt a little nervous for some reason.

Maybe it was because, even though something like this happened before… I still had no idea how the future would turn out this time either.

I tried not to think about it when I tugged at the zipper. The noise it made made me feel a little awkward. I still couldn't hear anything from him behind me.

For once in my life I really had no idea what must be going through his head.

The first time I had to do this I wondered if he was even fazed by seeing me without my shirt on, or if he was just comparing me to the adult women he knew intimately throughout his life and brushing me off as nothing worth looking at. I've come a long way from worrying about that… sort of…  
But he hasn't changed from that moment at all.  
Or least, he's back to being the same Kakashi-sensei as he had been at that moment.

Even though I was different, it seemed strange for history to repeat itself like this.

Like the universe was playing with me some more.

I tugged the zipper down farther. To the base of my chest.

He couldn't see anything yet, but I still felt a little self-conscious.

I slipped the collar back and let the fabric fall down the sides of my shoulders, gripping my shirt tight around my back and biceps. My shoulders felt cold, but warm knowing that he was looking at them.

I wondered if he could remember them, for a moment.

And after that moment had passed I felt a pair of fingers land on my skin.

And just like the time before, his hands were stiff, as if he was afraid to touch any more of my skin than necessary. I heard a familiar hum start and a small green glow peeking over my shoulder.

The pain eased with a tingling feeling, but I felt a little useless.

I decided to talk… much like the last time I was in this situation I wasn't comfortable with the silence.

"About the last mission." I started, suddenly confused about what I _could_ say. But when I felt his hands lose tension with my voice, I felt like maybe he was starting to relax a little. I didn't want to stop talking if it meant he wouldn't be worried about me. "Well, we had to gather enough evidence against the yakuza leader Momoshita so that we could turn him into the regional law enforcement before he made a deal with his rival Yomasa clan and overtake the entire area." I said quietly, the humming a little louder now, "We signed up into the onsen they were staying at, undercover."Talking about this was actually getting a little weird and painful.

I had no idea why.

I was even being so careful to only sound professional, but… knowing that everything I'm saying is something he's forgotten was just a little painful.

And I had just hit the part of the mission I had no idea how to handle already.

_Do I tell him we shared a room?_

_Do I tell him he said we were fiancés?_

_No._

"And then, after a few days, they held a dinner party to celebrate the Yomasa clan and then we were caught, but you defeated Hiroki and we took care of everyone else." I summarized stupidly, feeling so weird about all of this. My fists tightened on my knees, I winced at the pain.

But I was distracted from that when I heard his voice.

"Oh…" He didn't sound like he was paying attention.

I suddenly felt a little stupid. Maybe I didn't explain it right… maybe he already knew about all of this and I was just blabbering now?

"After this I should probably turn back into your medic-nin and patch you up." I changed the subject quickly, trying to sound a little light-hearted even though I didn't feel 'light' at all. Everything about me was too heavy.

I waited eagerly for his reply.

It was strange to feel so nervous around him right now when I thought, only minutes ago, that he was the one who was unnecessarily nervous. I thought that since I've already been through something like this, since I already knew more about him than he knew I did, that I wouldn't be nervous. But I was.

"Yeah." He dropped the formality of his tone with that, but his voice still didn't sound right.

I couldn't really ignore that.

Not now that our relationship is more sensitive than ever.

I took a breath before asking, "What's wrong?"

…

A moment passed.

My eyes were fixed on the little end table in front of me. I could only see some of the tabletop over the blue armrest, but I could see a glass filled with some clear liquid that I knew probably wasn't water and a little book that looked too serious to be about making out or dating.

I hadn't really thought about the side of Kakashi-sensei that, instead of reading love novels, would stay at home, drink sake and just lounge on his couch reading serious books.

I kind of wanted to know more about that side of Kakashi-sensei.

But I didn't think on it long since the silence only kept going.

He wasn't saying anything.

…

My nerves started firing anxiously.

…

Why wasn't he saying anything?

And then before I could think about any possible reason why he would be so quiet I felt something.

The fingers of his left hand moved from the back of my shoulder, sliding upward gently.

I would've shuddered if I wasn't so weak and nervous.

But when I felt his fingers land on one particular spot I couldn't control a shake of realization.

_The kiss mark._

I suddenly remembered the part of the mission I hadn't told him. The night we spent together, he gave me this as a little joke. I still remember how it felt, and even what he said after he made it:

'_There, done.' He had sounded like an artist and I was the canvas._

I quickly scooted forward a little, my hand landing over the spot quickly. His hands left me, the green hum stopped.

This was why he wasn't saying anything.

The moment I slid down my collar he saw this mark.

I turned back to him only slightly before realizing that I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye right now.

He must think I'm some sort of stupid teenager who's embarrassed to show her teacher a hickey she got from some boy.

I cringed at the thought.

"It's just a bruise." I wanted to slap myself for coming up with such a horrible lie, and even trying to lie since I knew I was horrible at it anyways.

I knew he knew what a kiss mark looked like.

After a long moment of silence I looked back at him.

I had no idea how to read that expression.

I felt so panicked by that.

Until now I thought I could guess what any expression was behind that mask but right now… I had no idea… I really had no idea what he was thinking of me.

He might've been making fun of me, he might've been disgusted, he might've been upset, he might've been looking down at me.

I had no idea.

But then again, I suddenly wasn't trying to read his expression when his voice broke the silence.

"The bite marks…"

…

"What?"

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**On to the next chapter.**

**But if you can, please review for this one, too.**


	64. But I didn't Part 2

**Chapter 64!**

**Title: **_'But I didn't… Part 2'_

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**Note: Hope you enjoy.**

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**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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I took a moment register those words.

'_Bite marks'?_

_Bite marks?_

_You never bit me like that._

_You wouldn't leave those kinds of marks on me._

My stomach tightened grotesquely and my eyes widened slightly when I realized what he was talking about.

_Hiroki._

…The feeling of his teeth on my skin came back as well as the way his tongue swiveled over the sore bites after he made them…

_Oh, God._

Just the fact that that man had left some type of mark on me was disgusting, so disgusting I felt like taking a scolding shower and scrubbing my neck for hours.

But the fact that Kakashi-sensei, not _Kakashi,_ saw these marks without any explanation in his memories… when he could just jump to any conclusion… was sickening to the point I didn't even want to be here anymore. I could feel my breathing pick up, my heart start racing, shame filling my chest with a disgusting, oozing, substance that was grating the inside of my lungs with every breath.

But everything seemed to stop in an instant.

A pair of cool, slightly-roughened fingertips brushed along the skin of my neck, circling. He must've been tracing the marks.

That didn't seem like something I thought Kakashi-sensei would do.

But I didn't want him to touch me, especially those marks. The marks he didn't leave on me.

I leaned away from him, not harshly enough to repeat my previous mistake.

"Those…" I started, swallowing, "Hiroki… he left them." I said aloud, feeling the shame only sink in further after I said those words. I lifted my hand to my neck, covering them. My other hand tightened around my open shirt.

I felt so exposed right now.

I saw Kakashi's posture stiffen a little, his hand curled into a fist before falling away from me,. I felt like he was disgusted with me. I knew he wasn't… but I kind of was… "The other mark… was from someone else." I added a little hurriedly, not wanting to blame the mark Kakashi gave me on a man like Hiroki.

But the moment I said it, I regretted it.

…

I should've just let him believe Hiroki had done everything.

….

But I couldn't take it back now.

…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … ... … …

She started unzipping her shirt slowly, facing away from him.

He suddenly felt like this was wrong.

There was something very wrong about Sakura being here, sitting on his couch, taking off her shirt like this.

He felt like he should just tell her to go to the hospital.

But he quickly lost all his thoughts when her shirt fell past the nape of her neck, not that her body was distracting, but that the marks on it were.

He sat there in silence for a moment.

He couldn't really believe this.

He wondered if it was only a trick of the light or if they were just cuts from battle, but he wasn't naïve enough to let himself believe that.

He slowly raised his fingertips to her skin. She started talking, he wasn't really paying attention, he could only listen to her words long enough to reply.

His eyes never left the single circle on her neck, that looked almost red, and the several semi-circular indentations that decorated her pale skin.

Kiss marks. Bite marks. Sloppy abrasions all along her neck.

_What happened to her?_

Whatever had happened was extreme.

Too much for a girl her age.

…

_I thought she hadn't even had her first kiss yet.  
_That thought shook him harshly when he realized it visibly wasn't true.  
He knew that girls her age were going to start dating and start searching for love… but… this… this didn't look like it was 'loving'.

He couldn't help but remember the little thirteen year-old he met that day, obsessed with romance and boys. He never thought he'd see her like this one day.

That that little girl would grow up to know this type of… abuse.

The marks on her neck looked angry and violent.

He couldn't imagine her letting some boy to this to her on purpose.

Her voice went on, describing something he knew he should be listening to. Something he'd been wanting to know. But his eyes and attention couldn't be shaken from the abuse on her skin.

He noticed, immediately wishing he hadn't, that the bite marks along the side of her neck were too wide to belong to any adolescent boy. Or a man under thirty.

He could feel something like a mixture of disbelief and… anger… start to bubble inside of him, though he couldn't portray it. Not when he heard her voice again.

"What's wrong?"

…

He couldn't say anything.

…

He couldn't even decide whether or not to just ignore this.

…

The thought of ignoring what had happened to this girl seemed revolting the moment it crossed his mind. He had to say something.  
He couldn't speak.  
But that was all for the best, he had no idea what his voice would sound like now. Besides, he couldn't stop his hand before his fingers already met the reddened skin on her neck, just barely making contact.

She seemed to understand immediately.

She leaned away, looking shocked.

She spoke up after a moment, "It's just a bruise." He could tell she knew he knew it was a lie.

But the way she tried to dismiss only the single kiss mark was strange.

At that he couldn't stop himself from answering her one-worded question. _'What?'_

"The bite marks…"

A moment passed.

She crouched away from him with something like shame growing in her face, he wondered whether or not this was why she didn't want to go to the hospital. Or why she reacted so harshly when he touched her collar earlier.  
Either way, this hadn't been what she wanted.

He immediately wished he hadn't had brought it up. It hadn't been his place to. As a teacher he shouldn't delve into her personal life like this. He crossed a line just now.

But he couldn't care.

He couldn't care about anything but her right now.

All of this was so surreal.

He never thought he'd know a moment like this.

But he couldn't stop staring at her.

Something about her.

He just wanted to reach out to her. Wrap his arms around her. Hold her against him.

He had no idea why.

He was never the type of captain or teacher that would treat sorrow or shame with closeness, he'd show them respect and distance, knowing how much they wouldn't want to be pitied… but right now.

This wasn't pity.

He had no idea what it was… but he just wanted to reach out to her.

Before he could think of not doing it, he did. His fingertips found her skin again, tracing along the marks.

As if looking for an explanation, as if trying to reassure her that she didn't have to be so ashamed.

She still flinched away from him.

"Those…" she started weakly, he listened intently. "Hiroki… he left them." She had trouble with the name again. Now he knew why.

The slight feeling of anger built in him now that there was a name to those bites, but it was forgotten altogether in a moment.

"The other mark… was from someone else."

…

_What?_

…

Why would she tell him that?

She didn't need to.

Maybe whoever did give her the kiss mark was someone she didn't want to sully with that man's abuse.

For a moment he felt a fraction better.

Knowing that, before she could feel that type of abuse from a man probably more than twice her age, she knew something else.

She started pulling her shirt back up. He wasn't going to stop her. If she wasn't comfortable anymore because he spoke out of turn about this issue, then he couldn't stop her from walking out right now.

But he took this chance to try and turn things around.

He didn't know if his instincts as a teacher were finally kicking in or if he just felt somehow responsible for making her feel this way, but… he didn't want her to stay like this…

She showed up at his doorstep depressed, now he knew why.

Maybe talking about this boy who belonged to the kiss mark would help.

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I started to put my shirt on.

I didn't want him to see me anymore.

I just wanted to be warmer again, to cover up, and leave.

This was too much for me right now.

I needed to go.

I'll just take the bandage and try to put it on myself later at home.

But his voice stopped me altogether.

"So, do I know him?" He asked lightly.

I was immediately confused. I looked back to him with probably a weird expression.

_Who is he talking about?_

He smiled a little warmly after a second, already making me feel a little better. But I just felt worse when I figured out what he was talking about.

'_him'_

He was talking about the one who _hadn't _been Hiroki.

'_Do I know him?'_

That question made me want to crumple, to just give into how weak my muscles felt and left the pain take over.  
I didn't let it.

I just stared at my shirt, tugging at it a little as if I was fixing it.

He must've taken my silence wrong.

He spoke up, his tone just as casual as before, but lighter. It was as if he was doing his best not to sound as seriously worried as I knew he felt. "It's okay." He started,_ "_I know there are rules against you kids going out at this age, but nobody really cares. We all had things when we were young." The way he made us sound like we were from different worlds was more than a little painful, but they way he smiled with his eyes closed, his hand scratching at the back of his head as if he felt old just talking about this…. It was cute.

It definitely reminded me of the him before we were together. He was fun to be around, too, sometimes.

Again, the feeling of happiness to be around him seemed to meet the pain this conversation was giving me. But even if my numb balance had been found again, everything seemed to have been pushed to a new height. The pain and joy both more extreme than before.

But all that was forgotten for a moment with his next questions that just shook me with surprise.

"Who is he?" He asked suddenly. "Have I seen him around?"

This was just…

Everything about today was getting so surreal, and even now I couldn't shake the feeling that someone was playing a joke on me somewhere. But I took a breath, thinking about his questions.

I wanted to answer him quickly.

He was trying to make me feel better, probably… and even if it was tearing me up on the inside, I couldn't let him know it was. Besides… the fact he cared enough to lower himself to talk to his student about their teenage love-life was enough to make me wonder if he cared more than usual. The Kakashi-sensei I remembered wouldn't have bothered with this. Not that he wouldn't have cared… He would've said something encouraging and kind, but he wouldn't have gone this far as to start up a conversation like this.

"Yeah, sort of." I answered after a moment of hesitation.  
I could've said no. I could've said it was some normal boy from the village or from out of the country, I could've said he didn't exist.  
But…  
I couldn't lie to Kakashi-sensei.

Even if I knew he would probably never find out… I still… a part of me wanted to hint towards the truth. I kind wanted him to figure everything out, while a larger part of me was hoping he never would.

He seemed to take an interest in my answer.

"Why didn't you mention it? Did you get my blessing?" I bit back the pain as I tried to focus on his words.  
_I didn't mention it because you knew the whole time._

_And I didn't need your blessing because it _was _you… And you aren't my father or anything anyways._

Even if he was acting a little weird, I knew he was being the same old Kakashi-sensei, joking around like that. I had learned that even though he could play around a lot, he really wasn't as much of a comedian as he acted sometimes. Almost like it was just another fake persona to make people feel at ease around him. I didn't get a chance to answer his last questions when he asked another one, probably trying to keep up his 'fun' persona.

"Is he still around?"

That turned my nerves cold.

No matter how much I thought I could handle this before. Now I really wanted to leave.

I took a breath.

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"We're not really… anymore." Her voice got quiet.

He stepped on a landmine just then, didn't he?

This is probably what she'd been so upset over… if it wasn't about what that man had done to her, at least.

He winced at the thought.

He leaned back in his seat a little, sighing lightly.

He got the feeling that even though he was trying to help he was just clumsily messing with her personal life wasn't he?

He never knew how to handle teenagers.

Even when he was one, he never quite understood them.

… but…

Maybe that was the problem.

He'd been trying to treat Sakura like any other teenager just now.

Didn't he already think through this today?

She wasn't a little girl anymore.

She was hardly even a 'teenager'.

She's been exposed to the world of adults ever since she was little.

The way that sounded in his mind, his eyes found the side of her neck, which was curtained by her pink hair now, and realized that she'd been exposed to the crueler side of adults, too.

He was such an idiot.

He nearly smiled at himself wryly as he brushed his hand over his face.

He didn't need to try and make her feel better like she was a kid. He didn't need console her as an elder. She was strong enough to figure everything out for herself.

He didn't have to talk down to her.

He just needed to talk to her.

"I see." He spoke up after a moment. Almost smiling, but hiding it. His voice sounded more serious than he felt. "Don't worry." He said lightly, "Another one will come along." He noticed that she leaned further onto her seat, as if lost in thought about what he just said."I'm sure he was just an idiot anyway." He dismissed whatever boy had made her cry easily, feeling some sort of childish pleasure in calling that boy an idiot.

He didn't know why but he was a little happy that this girl wasn't caught up with whoever that kid was anymore. Maybe she can find someone who wouldn't leave her like this.

Someone who she could know what a relationship with love was really like instead of the little fickle flings teenage boys make every other month.

Maybe she could find someone who she could care enough about to forget whatever was hurting her now.

To forget what that boy did to break her heart.

To forget what that man did to make her feel so ashamed.

Again he could feel something like anger growing in him with the thought that some man out there was responsible for the way she had pulled away from him so fearfully today. An idiot boy was easy to dismiss, youth was full of those love-life lessons. But a grown man doing something to hurt her this way when he should've known better.

His fist clenched slightly.

He glanced at the pink-haired girl for a moment, she was still quiet with thought.

A broken heart could be forgotten easily, but the kind of trauma that man must've given her. That doesn't heal as quickly. And by a man so much older than her, too, a man who would hurt her in such an angry way without knowing any limits or caring to listen to what she wanted.

The anger built against his will when his mind actually pictured it for him. He hadn't heard how the mission had ended, but he hoped he killed 'Hiroki' for what he did to her…

He suddenly realized he didn't know exactly _what_ had happened to her.

His blood seemed to run ice cold when his thoughts arrived at the worst.

It was difficult to even think about.

…

He knew he shouldn't bring it up again, but something in him wanted to know.

He needed to know he didn't have to track that man down again just to kill him, if he hadn't already.

"Sakura…" He asked, leaning forward in his seat seriously.

She seemed a little shaken by his voice. He must've let the anger slip through on accident. He calmed himself for a moment. He wondered why it was getting so hard to control his emotions right now. He must be tired.

"What?" She asked quietly.

He took a breath.

He couldn't believe he was in a position to ask this.

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He sounded serious again.

I was just trying to get over the mental bend of having him say those words…. 'Another one will come along'…

It had sounded nothing like him. The Kakashi I knew… at least the one who loved me… would get jealous so easily and wouldn't even think about giving me up to 'another one' that 'will come along' unless he had no choice.

But my focus had been called away from the hurt that gave me when I finally heard him speak up again.

"Did he do anything else?"

I froze.

The way he asked that. The anger weaving into his voice. It sounded so familiar. Almost like _Kakashi_. But I couldn't think about it when I realized I was going to have a hard time answering when my heart was beating this fast and my lungs were being filled with that oozing shame.

My silence lasted too long. I saw his hand shift as if he wanted to reach out to me. He spoke up again worry clouding the anger I heard just then. "He didn't-"

"No…" I stopped him quietly.

He didn't seem to relax though.

I found my voice again, tugging at my shirt as I did, "He was going to."

He tensed next to me.

"But you stopped him…" I added lastly, almost smiling at the memory.

A moment passed.

"I'm glad."

The way he said that. It sounded more like a 'Thank God'.

…

The way he was talking about this just now.

It reminded me of the hug he gave me after he saved me.

The way he just wanted to make sure I was safe. How almost desperate he was to make sure he hadn't gotten there too late.

My pained smile showed itself a little.

"Are you okay?" His voice asked after another moment, sounding more like the team captain he was than the man he used to be, again.

_No._

"Yeah. I'm getting there." I said with a little smile, letting myself look in his direction, but not at him.

A moment of quiet passed.

I just tried to enjoy the feeling of him sitting next to me.

"I should probably do my job." I spoke up after a moment, turning to him dutifully.

I lifted my hand, unsure of what I was planning on doing. But he stopped me anyways.

Even if I had been ready to drop the moment from before, he still seemed serious when his hands stopped mine from reaching his bandaged arm. My arms still felt heavy, but when he touched them, pushing them away from him gently I felt like I wouldn't be able to hold them up any longer.

But, just like before, his touch only stayed hesitantly and disappeared after only a moment… as if he was scared of hurting me with his touch.

He didn't know how much it _did_ hurt. But I didn't want him to. Because then he wouldn't do it again.

"I don't want you hurting yourself just for me." He reasoned, knowing I was still weak.

His ironic word choice shook me a little.

_I _am_ hurting myself for him._

I didn't have to be here.  
I could've left.  
I could've gone to the hospital.  
I could've let us grow apart and make this all easier.

But I didn't.

"Yeah, I'm still not really-" I agreed, trailing off…

I _have_ had enough of all this.

This rollercoaster of a conversation.

I was getting so tired.

So tired.

I lifted myself from the couch as steadily as I could.

He stood up too.

"I understand." He said casually, offering an arm for support.

Just for the sake of feeling his arm again, I thought about taking it.

I didn't.

"I'm a bit better now." I lied.

I started walking down the hallway, he followed a few feet away. As if he didn't want to get too close. I guess that was best.

I stepped into my sandals tiredly. "I'll see you tomorrow." I said lastly, stilling not turning around to look at him as I heard him walk up beside me. He opened the door for me.

"Bye." He said first.

I walked out of the room.

"Thank you." Was all I could think of saying.

And as soon as he closed the door, with a little smile, on this awkward situation, I could feel that pain.

That pain I knew was coming.

It starts at my fingertips and toes, travelling with a chill up my arms and legs as I took weak steps down the stairs, slowly creeping into my stomach, raising up to my heart, grabbing hold and pulling downward, my throat tightening with the stretching.

I could feel the burning at the corner of my eyes.

I knew this would happen.

I knew this would hurt.

I knew this would…

… it wasn't what I thought it would feel like.

It was worse.

So much worse.

I couldn't go home right now.

If I went home I would just collapse and never get back up.

I needed something else.

Before I made a conscious decision I found myself walking towards the old Academy.

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**Please review if you have time!**


	65. But I didn't Part 3

**Chapter 65!**

**Title: **_'But I didn't… Part 3'_

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**Note: Final part for now, but in no way the least important. Actually, this is probably the most important part, really.**

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**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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He set another graded paper to the side.

He rubbed his eyes a little tiredly, but he was still happy to be here. He smiled at his gradebook.

Most of them had only missed one or two answers.

But his pride for his students seemed to quell for a moment when he heard a tired little knock at the classroom door.

He thought for a moment that it could be a student who needed help with homework, but as he looked out the window, he noticed it had been dark for at least a half hour already.

His attention went back to the door.

This couldn't be one of his younger students.

He set down the red pen that he was happy to say hadn't been used very much in the past few weeks since he started teaching cram sessions after school, and walked up to the door, already adopting his usual smile.

But that smile almost disappeared when he opened the door to see the pink-haired girl standing there.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

_God, I must look so pathetic.  
_Was my first thought as he opened the door. But I could feel something like relief wash over me when I saw Iruka-sensei's face. That smile. This classroom.

I took a little breath, feeling slightly better for some reason.

His smile faltered a little.

I didn't pay much attention to that. He was probably just worried that I was in so much pain I had to come see him. I shook a little when I realized that's exactly why I was here.

I tried to ignore that and picked up my voice.

"Hey… um… I just wanted to…" I started, talking a little easier than I thought I would be able to. "I just wanted to talk." I looked up at him, but this time his smile was completely gone.

I was about to ask if I really looked that horrible when I felt something drip off the side of my face.

I raised my hand to my face.

I was crying.

I was crying.

Was this even possible?

I didn't even feel the tears start falling until now… or did they just not start till now.

I quickly turned away from him, raising my arms to my face.

I started wiping away the tears a little roughly.

I didn't want to be here anymore.

Before I could even get a chance at feeling better I already broke down in front of him without even meaning to. It was as if the moment I saw him I just gave up trying to hold back without meaning to. I had been hoping that by talking with him, by just being around somebody who knew what my life was, I wouldn't _have_ to cry like this. But it didn't work.

It did the opposite.

"S-sorry." I stuttered as I wiped my face. It was like now that I knew I was crying I could feel my breathing pick up and my throat close. I took a step backwards, "I-I'll come back l-later…" I managed to even my voice for that sentence enough.

I had started to walk down the hallway with that, feeling like I made a mistake coming here in the first place.

"Sakura!"

Instinct stopped me.  
He hadn't been my teacher in years, but hearing him call my name like that. I had to stop.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

She was wiping the tears from her face quickly, looking like she was completely embarrassed to let him see her like this. Again.

Iruka shifted on the spot a little, getting anxious.

He didn't want her to be ashamed around him.

She started to turn away from him again.

Just like last night.

He fought that impulse to reach out to her. To make her look at him. To let her know that letting him see her cry wasn't the end of the world.

"S-sorry." She sputtered.

His chest seemed to lose all its air with the sound of her voice.

She started to walk away.

"I-I'll come back l-later…"

No.

No, she won't.

He knew she wouldn't.

She wouldn't come see him again if she could help it.

She hated being seen like this, and for it to happen twice… she probably didn't want to see him again for a long time.

The thought of her avoiding him.

Avoiding his help no matter how much he cared for her.

He didn't want that.

He couldn't stop himself from calling her name.

He couldn't stop himself from running after her.

He could've stopped his arms from closing around her.

But he didn't.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

I heard a footsteps running from behind me. I almost turned around but a pair of arms closed around me from behind before I could react.

I shook on the spot with the weight of his hug, my eyes slightly widened, tears falling more freely than I wanted.

I really didn't expect this.

I didn't know why he would just hug me like this.

Did he really pity me that much?

Was he just that sad for me?

Did he care about me that much?

I didn't really mind why he was hugging me anymore when I felt the warmth of his arms start to ease away some of the chilling pain that had been coating every single one my nerve-endings until now. Just like last night, his warmth was curing. It helped.

Something felt better.

I felt better.

I still felt stupid and little…. But better.

My hands reached his forearms that were wrapped under my chin. And even though I thought above moving his arms, my fingers just dug into the fabric of his sleeves.

I wanted more but I didn't at the same time. I wanted to run away from this, too.

Maybe it would've been better to have just gone home.

I wouldn't be this humiliated if I had.

I wouldn't be acting this weak, feeling this fine with it if I had.

But I wouldn't be this warm right now either.

"What happened?" His voice rumbled against my back, he sounded so completely worried. Almost hurt by the pain I couldn't hide from him. And yet the rumbling of his voce against me felt strong and stable. I loved the feeling. I loved it. I closed my eyes when I heard his voice again, enjoying this warmth and strength for a moment longer before his question made any sense to me. "What did he do?"

_What did he do?_

I didn't like the way he sounded so sure that Kakashi-sensei had done or said something that hurt me… even if he actually had… it wasn't on purpose…. He wasn't to blame.

No… this wasn't about anything Kakashi-sensei had done.

I was here because of me.

"He didn't do anything." I spoke up weakly, feeling like I could just collapse into these arms and be safe. But I didn't. I wouldn't let myself give up so entirely like that. "He still doesn't know anything." I added with an even weaker voice.

"Then what's wrong?" His gentle voice rumbled again. I couldn't enjoy it as much this time.

I let my fingers grip at Iruka-sensei's sleeves a bit tighter.

As if in response, I felt his chin press against the side of my head gently, his arms tightened.

I could feel the slash on my shoulder fire up as it rubbed through my shirt against his vest. I didn't care. I loved this feeling. It distracted me enough from my own thoughts long enough to respond.

"I have no idea what I'm doing."

I hadn't realized how true it was until the sentence slipped out.

_I really do have no idea what I'm doing._

His arms twitched a little when I hesitated. Like he was making sure he wasn't holding me too tightly.

It wasn't tight enough. But I didn't say anything. I only clung onto his arms as I spoke up, the tears threatening my eyes again.

"I feel better when I'm around him, but now…" I trailed off, pain finding my voice like I had been trying to stop it before. "I don't know what I want anymore." I didn't'. But I knew I wanted to keep talking. I wanted to say this out loud. I wanted someone to hear me. I wanted someone to understand this horrible, torn feeling inside me.  
"I thought maybe I could just help him remember me. And then I didn't want to burden him with me anymore." I weakened my voice slightly before speaking up, as if my saying out loud it would breaks some sort of rule. "But I can't imagine a life where I can't just… where he isn't…"

Iruka-sensei's arms tightened around me as I trailed off.

I could feel him breathing behind me. His chest gently pushing against my back with every inhale.

I could feel his heartbeat through his arms. So fast.

It was comforting.

This strength.

The feeling of arms around me. The motion of his breathing. The rhythm of his heart.

I closed my eyes.

"Sakura." His voice was even gentler than before.

I clung onto his arms a little tightly when they started to ease from around me. I wasn't ready to lose that warmth. His hands landed on my shoulders gently, turning me around to face him. "This isn't right…" He sounded so serious. "You can't put yourself through this much pain just for him." He looked into my eyes. I liked the way I could look back into both of his.  
I missed that.

I agreed and disagreed with his words at the same time.

I knew it was unfair. But I wanted to stay by him.

"I know." I said simply, my voice still weak, my eyes still sore.

I didn't give him a warning when I let myself fall against his chest a little suddenly.

He stood there in shock for a moment, I only let my face lean against his vest gently.

He hesitated, as if he didn't understand why I would do that.

I weakly let my fingers tighten around his right wrist as completely as they could. He still seemed confused. I pulled his arm over my back.

And after only another moment of hesitation he seemed to understand, or if he already did, he finally let himself act on it.

And now, even gentler, even warier than before, he let his arms fold around me.

…

I needed this.

…

I needed this feeling. This feeling of being so close to somebody that you can embrace them like this at any time.  
Kakashi-sensei and I weren't like this… anymore.  
I wasn't exactly sure if Iruka-sensei and I had been like this before either, but I felt comfortable in his arms. I felt like he _wanted_ to hold me.

I turned my attention back to our broken conversation, '_You can't put yourself through this much pain just for him.'_

"But I can't leave him." I broke the silence after a moment.

His arms weren't so wary anymore as they closed around me tighter.

"I know." Iruka-sensei's voice, he repeated my words.

He understood. I could tell he still wasn't happy with my reply. But at least he understood my decision.

Feeling a lot better than I thought I would, I let my arms uncoil from around him. My hands still gripped onto his forearms.

His arms left me after a moment longer.

I looked up at him.

I was happy to see his honest, unmasked, face. Ever since I was little I knew his face never lied. Even now I could tell how sad he was for me. I could tell how much he probably wanted to me to rethink seeing Kakashi-sensei everyday. I could see how much he cared for me.

But I already knew what I was going to do.

Because of this moment he gave me. It helped me think.

I just needed to take time for myself to prepare for what I had to do.

I spoke up, my voice nowhere near as weak as it once was.

"I think I can be alone, now." I let my hands fall from him completely. "I shouldn't be bothering you with all of this." I apologized quickly looking down a little.

"Sakura." He called my attention back to his face. He was smiling. He still looked worried though. "I want to you to talk to me." I listened."You're never a bother."

Another warm bubble of gratitude and comfort filled in the hollow mess inside of me that the oozing, grating shame had left earlier today. I felt like I could breathe a little easier. My eyes still stung, but they were dry, and felt like they'd stay that way for a while.

I felt stronger again.

"Thank you, Iruka-sensei." I hoped he knew exactly how much I was thanking him for. I took a step back, his hand was still on my arm. He stopped me for a moment before I turned away.

"Thank you for coming to see me."

He smiled gently. Awkwardly. As usual.

I repaid the favor.

"Thank you." I repeated, still meaning it.

His smile widened, losing some of the worry.

I was suddenly glad I came here.

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She turned and left.

The look on her face as she thanked him just now. It was nothing like the one he saw when opened the door.

She left without some of that pain, she left without those silent tears, she left without some of that confusion.

He couldn't help a swell of pride in him for her as well as a moment of sadness.

But at least he helped.

He saw it this time.

He helped.

She thanked him.

He smiled a little brighter as he turned back to the doorway of his classroom. The night felt different because of those few short minutes, but he liked it.

He looked up from his feet with a deep, refreshing breath, readying himself to get back to grading and try and not think about the pink-haired girl as much as he wanted to right now.

But he was interrupted.

He nearly froze on the spot but willed himself to keep walking when he saw someone standing at the end of the hallway as if they'd just walked out of another classroom, papers in their hands.

He tried to pretend he didn't seem them, hoping they hadn't seen him, but as soon as he heard their voice he knew it was going to be impossible to ignore them.

"Uh, Iruka…." The voice of his colleague, Kuroke called out to him.

Iruka only walked further into his classroom, knowing Kuroke was following him. As soon as he heard the man walk into the doorway Iruka glanced over his shoulder with a quick smile. "Oh, you're still here?" Iruka asked up as he walked into his classroom, sounding more nervous than he wanted to.

He hoped Kuroke hadn't seen what just happened.

Not that it was something to hide, but… it was just… personal.

"Was that the Haruno girl?"

Iruka's hopes were dashed as the black-haired man leaned against the jamb of Iruka's doorway just as Iruka reached his desk, asking that question.

Iruka wanted to sigh.  
He knew Kuroke was probably going to say something about not letting the alumni of the Academy walk around freely like that on weekdays. "Yes." Iruka answered as he picked up the papers.

"Wasn't she one of your students, uh…" Kuroke continued on the same path Iruka had expected, but he couldn't quite finish the sentence, he seemed to be waiting for something, "How long ago?" He finally asked.

Iruka tapped the edge of the papers on the desk hesitantly as he counted the years, "Almost five years ago."

Kuroke fidgeted on the spot for a moment before speaking up again, crossing his arms comfortably, his own papers still in hand. "And just like the others, you taught her for six years before she graduated?"

Iruka was starting to lose sight of where this conversation was going, but he still just bound the papers in a folder as he spoke up, "Yes. I've known her since she was little."

He suddenly felt much older than he'd like.

A long moment of quiet passed.

Iruka put the folder with the others inside his leather bag as Kuroke stared down the hallway Sakura had just walked down minutes ago with a far off look in his eyes.

…

"She's grown up nicely hasn't she?... Very pretty."

…

The tone in Kuroke's voice made his stomach jump a little, "What?" He could hear something like nervousness in his voice.

Kuroke turned to Iruka, grinning a little, "I'm just saying… I don't blame you."

"What are you talking about?" This was getting uncomfortable for the Academy teacher. He wasn't naïve enough not to know what Kuroke was saying, but he was hoping the man would take a hint and stop talking about it.

"I saw you two just now." Iruka's anxiety grew for a moment. "It was kind of a tender moment for an old teacher and a student…. or even just friends."

Iruka closed his bag a little quickly, snapping it shut loudly.

"It isn't anything like that." He said, losing the friendly tone in his voice quickly.

This was getting too inappropriate.

Kuroke didn't seem to care, "Come on, don't get so nervous about it. You're not her teacher anymore, you haven't had a girlfriend in god knows how long, and she's almost an adult anyways. Just a few years off, right?"

This was getting to be too much. Iruka was about to leave, but he couldn't just stand here and let Kuroke make fun of him like this.

"She just needed someone to talk to." He told the truth.

"So she came to _you_? That's perfect."  
He made it sound wrong.

"Kuroke." Iruka's tone bit a little.

"What's your problem?" Kuroke pushed himself off the jamb, acting like Iruka was the one being unreasonable.

Iruka sighed deeply before finding his voice, "As teachers we have a lot of responsibility to our students. We should never…"

"But you aren't her teacher anymore…"

"That may be true for me, but to her I'll probably always be. We start teaching these children before they have any other adults in their lives besides their parents." Iruka collected the grading books on his desk slowly. "Because of that we have an even greater responsibility than their parents to keep that wall of trust between ourselves and them…" He recited the same advice that countless teaching books had all taught about how close a teacher can actually get to a student.  
That, just like with parents, there is a wall a trust that children share with teachers that keep them close but never too close.

Kuroke seemed bored by Iruka's response, but not disrespectful about it, "Yes, I understand what you're saying, Iruka… But kids grow up…. _They_ become adults. Do you think that that Haruno girl still thinks like the little six year-old you met the first day of class?... She's nearly a woman now…. She thinks and looks and moves like one now."

Iruka couldn't let himself listen to this right now.

Not when the girl they were talking about was still dealing with the pain of a relationship she had started with a teacher, but Kuroke didn't stop, "Besides, I don't think you and Haruno would be the first to-"

"I'll see you tomorrow." Iruka stopped him harshly.

He was usually never one to interrupt or get so easily bothered, but just the suggestion that he and Sakura… and the fact that they 'wouldn't be the first' being painfully true to Iruka, was enough to make him forget any of his manners.

Kuroke stopped him before he could take more than a few steps down the hallway.

"Hey, if you need to talk about whatever's going on-"

"Nothing's going on." Iruka called back with more attitude than he actually wanted.

"Sure… but still…" Kuroke didn't believe him.

Iruka didn't want to deal with him right now.

"Thanks."

The scarred Academy teacher left the grounds that night with mixed emotions.

He had been proud of his students.

Pained to see Sakura cry again.

Happy to relieve some of her sadness.

And now… he couldn't really decide what he was feeling.

He thought he'd been irritated at Kuroke, but even after leaving his annoying colleague, this irritation still lingered.

Something made him think he might've been… angry at himself.

…

But he couldn't figure out why.

…

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He walked back into the main room of his apartment.

He sighed when he saw the bandages and tape lying on the table, untouched.

He was going to have to make sure she got treatment tomorrow.

But for now… his mind was still reeling…

_What just happened?  
_He really just had that conversation with her. So much happened for so little talking, but everything that happened just now was so new to him.

This afternoon she was just Sakura.

The girl he's had to look after for years.

The girl he had wanted to start training again.

But… After this… After the way she just dutifully hid the emotions this talk must've given her and walked out of this room as if nothing had happened. She seemed different.

She was a young woman who'd been through more than she should've been recently.

And she was still strong enough to remain professional about everything.

…

But a part of him didn't want her to be professional.

Again, for the dozenth time today, he didn't know why he felt like this.

But he just wanted her to be 'Sakura'.

The girl he could remember before this.

The girl with a slight temper problem and a strong will.

The girl who would try her best even though she was so sure she was the weakest.

The girl that would look for his praise when she succeeded.

The girl he saw that night training to near exhaustion.

The girl he wanted to make stronger.

The girl he wanted to reach out to.

The girl he wanted by his side.

The girl he wanted to kiss.

…

_Wait._

…

…

…

…

…

He leaned forward, holding his head in his hands for a long moment.

…

…

…

…

…

He couldn't… he couldn't think through that last one.

That wasn't right.

…

He had no idea where it came from.

He hadn't even...

...

He couldn't…. He didn't….

There was no way he could feel... He couldn't feel like this for her.

…

His head spun a little quickly with that thought. Just the idea of ever having romantic feelings for… Sakura.

...

It didn't seem possible.

…

…

… but he couldn't stop thinking about it.

…

No matter how much he kept trying to forget ever letting this cross his mind it didn't work, the feelings attached to that mental slip only grew stronger and stronger by the moment, coming out of nowhere… as if they had been hidden somewhere until he accidentally let them loose.

…

He had no idea what was happening.

…

He couldn't think.

He couldn't move.

Even the lingering scent of strawberries in the apartment didn't calm him like it had the night before. It seemed to make things worse when he suddenly remembered how badly he had wanted to reach out to her, to feel her in his arms.

…

…

He couldn't make sense of himself anymore.

He couldn't think about anything but her right now.

…. … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

…

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**Next chapters will be out soon-ish.**


	66. Side Story: 'Cliffhangers', Part 1

**OK!**

**So, now that I've been spending the past 3 days writing Chpater 66 (and probably 67 and 68 once I cut everything down) and I realized that it'll actually be a little longer before I can upload anything… I wanted to take a break.**

**Not a break from writing, but to give you guys a break from waiting, as well as from all the drama going on right now.**

**SOOOooo…. This'll be another fun/interesting Side-Story Chapter.**

**BUT.**

**It'll stop half-way.**

**I'll be posting the rest of it on my sparkly new Tumblr account. As well as a SNEAK PEEK at the very beginning of Chapter 66.**

**Hopefully this'll take off the edge of any impatience of you might be feeling. And if you are perfectly fine waiting, then you really don't need to bother yourself with any of this, of course. :)**

**I just got the idea of using Tumblr so that I won't have to worry about making too many chapters and to also make the waits easier for you guys since they _will_ be getting longer now that I've started college and need to take time to study and do homework.**

**SO YEAH.**

**Recap!:**

**Here's the first half of the fun Side-Story, you can find the rest following the link at the bottom, and if you do I'll also be posting a sneak peek of Chapter 66.**

**Please enjoy.**

**.**

**..**

**...**

**SIDE-STORY: **

**'CLIFFHANGERS'**

**Part 1**

**(Takes place right after the Asaka Mission!)**

**...**

**..**

**.**

_Research._

_Research._

_RESEARCH._

_RESEARCH IS KEY._

_AND I, THE GEAT JIRAIYA-SAMA, MUST FIND MORE OF IT._

_Bathhouses, sadly, are still out of the question. This won't be like my previous novels. I won't be able to collect research the same way as before._

_This novel will be about the tender hearts of teenage girls, the aged, experienced, hearts of their teachers, and the melting of the love that can be shared between them!_

…

_That was good, I need to write that down._

He scribbled into his little notebook for a moment before flipping it shut and stuffing it back into chest pocket of his haori frowning with closed eyes as he stomped down the street dramatically.

"Research…" He grumbled under his breath.

This novel was proving much more difficult than he anticpated… especially when it came to gathering data.

_The gods curse my efforts._

_Alas, it must be the price of writing such a forbidden and taboo-ridden piece!_

_Fate is even against me!_

As if the gods and the fates had banded together to combat that mental cry of injustice just then, an epiphany hit him.

The perfect opportunity to test out some of his hard-earned material when he saw his student's student and main-character inpiration go walking by.

**... … … … … … … …**

"Look here, boy!" The older man nearly yelled with enthusiasm at the silver-haired 'boy' who wasn't a boy anymore in anyone eyes except this man's and the Hokage's. "This novel will become one of my greatest hits!" He boasted. "It's more than I could have hoped for as a writer. Something about it brings out a gentler side of my writing that I can't explain." The white-haired man ranted further, visibly moved by his own art, singing it's praises with more passion than Kakashi Hatake had seen him display for his other works. "Women, men, and girls will swoon for it all alike. My demographics will explode and I'll finally get the recognition of a romance writer that I deserve!"  
Apparently selling hundreds of thousands of copies and signing into a big movie deal wasn't the recognition this man was all that satisfied with.

Kakashi nodded as he minded his feet, unsure how to feel since he, himelf, had just come from meeting with his 'student' inappropriately before Yamato had interrupted them with the news of the next mission. His teacher's teacher noticed Kakashi's hesitant attitude.

"What's the matter with you?" He piped up, "As my number one fan you're being rude for not sharing my vigor."

"Sorry." Kakashi tried to pardon himself, "I just got back from a... tiring mission."

Jiraiya jumped at the chance.

"Then, to help you rest, how about a sneak preview of my new novel!" He was already pulling out the messy array of scribbled papers that had been bound hurriedly from his pocket.

Kakashi couldn't refuse.

Either because he was curious about what his favorite author would do with his own life like this, or just because he didn't have the ability to say no to Jiraiya, he wasn't sure.

**… … … … … … …**

'**"What do you want?"**  
**"I just want to be able to be close to you without worrying about who can see us or what they might think." She spoke up to him, the music in the background loud enough to mask her voice from any of the dancing teenagers in the background.**  
**"That's impossible for this relationship, Hanako." Katsumi argued down to her, feeling his agitation grow.'**

Kakashi felt his own agitation grow as well.

_She was only trying to find security in the relationship._  
He pointed out mentally as he brought the paper closer to his face, leaning against the wall as he sat on his bed, reading further.

**'"We thought this _realationship_ was impossible. But we made it work." She retorted.**  
**"I don't know if that's true anymore." He muttered as he turned away from her, losing the hostility in his voice. He could see the hurt paint her face only a moment later. He regretted saying that. He sighed and reached out to her shoulders hesitantly. "What do you really want?" He asked down to her.**  
**"I just don't want to keep secrets like this."**  
**He could feel the hurt inside of him now.**  
**"You need to think twice about these things." He spoke up. "That's all we are. A secret."'**

The reader grimaced to himself.

That reminded him of something he said once.

_'I just can't stand secrets' Sakura had admitted, and what did he say?  
'Then you're in the wrong relationship.'  
_His grimace deepened with the memory.

He was actually a lot like Katsumi wasn't he?…

That was annoying.

This guy was being such an idiot right now.

… Then again… he'd been one, too just recently hadn't he?

Right now Hanako and Katsumi had gotten into a fight during the school dance because they couldn't figure out how close they should be to each other in public, or at all anymore now that Katsumi was having a hard time deciding whether or not to keep this relationship alive… and just recently, he and Sakura had suffered similarly.

Kakashi sighed before continuing...

It was only a page longer before Katsumi left her at the party with the intention of pulling away from her until the school term was over, much like Kakashi remembered himself doing only recently but because of the mission, and Hanako found herself in the company of another that night when she found Nezumi-sensei still in his classroom catching up on work.  
She had talked to him a little bit about what happened, but when Nezumi said something about how it was actually good that Katsumi left her, Hanako didn't seem all that comfortable anymore. Nezumi then said that there are others in her life that would like to be by her side.

**'She took a step back. She held her arms against herself as if she was about to fall apart under his gaze. Her face was a bright shade of cherry blossom pink. Her dress was only a few shades darker. He could still hear the melodies of music and the sounds of young, excited voices muffled through the classroom door behind her.**

**Even if the moonlight poured in through the windows behind him the classroom was a blue-ish hue of darkness that seemed to turn her a fragile shade of violet.**

**He controlled his hands from reaching out to her by holding them together awkwardly. Even if she was several feet away, he knew that if he moved a single muscle that he wouldn't be able to stop himself from finding himself pressed against her, holding her to him.**  
**Her high heels clicked on the spot when she made a small attempt to turn away from him.  
"Uh... I guess I'll see you Monday, Nezumi-sensei." She was already leaving with those words. **

**That was the end of his internal struggles.**

**He couldn't stop himself now.**

**The idea of her walking out that door and leaving was more than he could stand.**

**Before he could think, he was standing in front of her, his hands on her shoulders pulling her forward. He leaned down.**

**'Nezumi-sensei?' She called his name, some confusion in her voice.**

**He couldn't help but wonder if this was the way she felt to that man. Katsumi. Her original affair. Her homeroom teacher. The one that abandoned her only an hour before.'**

The reader looked away from the scribbling for a moment. He wasn't liking where this was going.  
It was one thing to read something about a character based off of himself and a character based off of Sakura… but why would that old man give him a passage that was about Sakura's character with some other man?

The reader went back to the words, still interested in the plot that his favorite author had woven despite the distaste he felt for it at the same time.

**'He wanted to hold her closer. He wanted to give her the closeness that she needed right now. He pulled out of the hug to look down to her face. His eyes focused on her lips.'**

Kakashi was having some trouble reading further.

Even if this was 'Hanako', just knowing that it was written with Sakura in mind seemed to trigger some of the same possessiveness in Kakashi that he held for the real Sakura.  
He found himself hoping Katsumi would walking into the scene, punch Nezumi, and grab her hand, pull her into the crowd of teenagers and forget how worried he was about everything and just enjoy the night with her.

But that wasn't happening right now...

... Right now Nezumi was dangerously close to Hanako, wanting to get closer to her. And Kakashi was frowning while reading it.

**'"Hanako…" He said her name quietly as he leaned down, ignoring how her eyes were slightly wide with confusion.**

**It was like she had never thought about this before, that even though she had been in such a deep relationship with her homeroom teacher until minutes ago that she hadn't given one thought to any of the other teachers in her life, even him, the one that had been looking after her for the longest.**

**That thought saddened him but encouraged him as he leaned in closer, her lips only inches from his now, to show her _why_ she should notice him.**

**Why she shouldn't be so confused.**

**His lips gazed hers as he spoke up again….'**

**… … … … … … … … … … … … … …**

The second half of this and the** Sneak Peek of Chapter 66** will be available here:

(remove the spaces, please)

**http : / theedgybubble . tumblr . com /**

You can also find the unspaced link on **my Profile.**

Anyways, hope you guys enjoy. Feel free to review here or comment on Tumblr if you'd like. :)

**(P.S. I'm a NOT leaving FF . net! This is just a place to post random things I didn't want to publish here and take up a chapter, or a place to publish sneak previews. I'll still be updating here as usual, so don't worry.)**


	67. The Repetition of History

**Chapter 67!**

**Title: **_'The Repetition of History'_

**Note: Sorry this took forever… but I swear I'll make it up to you guys!**

…

…

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

.. … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

They gathered at the usual spot, baskets and bags in hand.

Each of them wore boots that could hold up against the large puddles of last night's rain.

The early bird housewives of Konohagakure would often spend the few minutes of waiting time until the markets opened up to exchange news and gossip if not only about their lives but the more famous nin of the village. But as of lately, nothing seemed to be happening.

"Has anybody heard of anything new?" The most opinionated of the women spoke up over the others after spending a few minutes of random chit-chat.

The women went a little quiet and looked at each other for a moment. Nothing.  
A slightly mousy woman found her voice with a hint of excitement, "Wait, did your nephew hear anything more about Sarutobi-san and Kurenai-san?"

"No…" The aunt of whoever the mousy one had spoken to replied solemnly.

And with that, the women lost the hope for more drama to fill these useless minutes of their morning. But instead of resorting to talking about their families or the weather, the louder one addressed this very serious problem.

"So nothing is happening?" She asked. "Has this village actually gotten boring?"

Some on the women smiled with a apologetic look as if they had come to church without tithe. The louder one huffed slightly. "And I thought this place would always have some sort of entertainment."

"Good morning, ladies." A simple voice interrupted their moment of boredom.

They turned to the black-haired Academy teacher as he approached them without much warning.

"Kuroke-san." They muttered back, not very pleased to see a random man come drifting into their conversation like this.

"How's my son doing?" The mousy one asked up, forgetting to be displeased when she suddenly worried about her son's grade.

"He's doing fine, Kide-san."

She seemed relieved.

Silence grew between the group and him again.

"I was just on my way to work when I heard your little problem." He smiled with charm that these women, like most Konohagakura wives of shinobi, were immune to. They were made of tougher stuff than most.

He noticed the lack of reaction and cleared his throat, "It seems like you all need something to talk about." He explained.

They turned to him a little more openly, arms crossed apathetically, hearing something of an offering in his voice.

"I just found out something slightly scandalous last night, if you care to give me a minute."

Lacking anything better to do, they did.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

I checked myself in the mirror one last time, trying to buy some more time before I had to leave the house.

I had been postponing this a little, leaving.

After last night… even with the peace Iruka-sensei had given me… I still wasn't all that eager to go see Kakashi-sensei.

Because I finally figured out what I had to do.

…

Only what I needed.

…

It was my job to help him remember the missions, not me.

It was my job to make sure he was the one healed in and out, not me.

I wouldn't give him all of this trouble and pain again.

That would be too selfish.

…

Today I just had to help him.

This was for him.

Not me.

…

I could feel my posture tense into a crouch over the vanity of my mirror with those tired thoughts. They'd been spinning circles in my mind all night, repeating themselves as if in preparation.

I was too tired to really feel very much pain from them anymore.

They just seemed to be… facts now.

An unbreakable rule I set for myself.

I couldn't fight against it.

…

All I could do was what was needed of me.

…

And, for right now… I felt like that was enough.

For him, at least.

Not me, though.

…

I tried to actually look at myself in the mirror instead of staring blankly like I had the past dozen times I checked in the same attempt to stretch time.

I thought I didn't really care how I looked, but the longer I looked at myself the more I noticed the bags under my eyes and the lack of color in my complexion.  
I sighed.

I looked pretty gross.

And I did care.

Even though I definitely wasn't trying to impress Kakashi-sensei… it still didn't help my confidence to know I looked like… this.  
I ran my hands over my face, trying to wipe my concern for my looks away.

I stared into my hands for a long quiet moment before I let out a breath and dropped them to my sides, my head bowed slightly.

I was about to turn around and leave this room which seemed more like a self-made prison right now, -one that I was the inhabitant and key-keeper of- but I was distracted. On my vanity sat something I'd nearly forgotten about.

It glistened in the afternoon light a little.

I stood there and looked at it for a long moment.  
I was mesmerized.  
Not only by the way it sparkled, but by the voice I could hear behind the memory of it. That voice.

'_Relax. It's only a costume.'_

…

I'm sure it was.

But that didn't stop me from taking the chain from an old necklace I'd owned and restringing it right now.

I should've just forgotten it.  
But I didn't want to.  
And not doing so felt… okay.

This had been a lie inside of our lie. A costume.  
It wasn't real.

If I hold onto it, I'm not holding onto us… just another lie.

It's only a lie.

…  
_It's alright if I keep it with me, right?_

…

It jingled a little when I let the chain fall around my neck with the new adornment on it.

I liked my reflection a little more right now.  
I almost smiled.

_I'm such an idiot.  
_I stuffed the chained ring under my shirt quickly, feeling embarrassed of myself but not embarrassed enough to take it off before leaving my room to go see the man who gave me that 'costume' ring.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

…

He lay there, unmoving, for another long minute just like the dozens before it. His mind seemed to full and cramped with thoughts, but painfully empty at the same time.

…

…

…

I have to be insane.

…

…

…

I have to be delusional, or crazy, or brain damaged.  
That last one was true to some extent right now but not in the way that could explain why he… why he… why he was like this.

…

…

He sat up in his bed, he could already tell he slept in too late, it looked like it was late afternoon. But sleeping patterns were the last of his worries right now as he bowed forward, pressing his forehead against his arms as the crossed over his bent knees, trying to think through what exactly was happening to him.

He had thought that he only needed some sleep in order to forget his… the feelings he felt last night. He thought he could've just been tired from expending so much chakra or that maybe, after talking with… her… for so long about… love… and seeing her in that sort of mature way that maybe his mind had only connected the wrong feelings between that girl and romance because of it. That it was only because of his 'damaged wiring'.

…

But even if that was still a theory he had hoped was true, right now as he crossed his forearms over his head -as if he was trying to block the feelings from his mind-, he knew that things weren't that simple.

Not after that dream just now.

…

Waist deep in water. A girl was in his arms, slightly shorter and smaller than a woman his own age. He hadn't paid it much mind. He couldn't really focus on much when he noticed he could feel every detail of her smooth skin, his hands running up and down along her back, in and out of the water, along her shoulders, up the nape of her neck. His fingers tangled in her hair for a moment. He couldn't see, his eyes were closed. His lips moving with another pair, the ones that belonged to this girl. He could feel a shy tongue press between his lips, and before he realized he didn't have any sort of control over himself he felt him pick up the pace of the kiss hungrily with that. Her slender hands started trailing along his chest. He broke the kiss hesitantly when he felt her pour some of the warm water down his chest, her fingers travelling downward, too. Those slender fingers fastened around the waist of his pants, quickly unbuttoning the top. As he watched the dream, he had no inclination to stop her –enjoying the sensations he hadn't known a longer time than he cared to think about-, but he felt his hands close around her wrists. Even as a spectator, he felt the familiarity of those wrists. His nerves seemed to freeze for a moment despite how warm the dream felt. He hoped he was wrong. He hoped he didn't really recognize those wrists, those hands, that skin, that hair, those lips. But something told him he did. And before he could accept it, his eyes had opened in the dream. A flash of wet pink hair, his own fingers braided into it deeply. The pink reached her pale cheeks, even pinker with the heat. Light green eyes that looked up at him with an expression he had only ever remembered seeing from other women and never dreamed of seeing in those eyes. It was her. His team member, his subordinate, his student. The look she was giving him, the way he could feel himself holding her, it was too much.  
He wished he could close his eyes again. This was too much. He couldn't be here. He couldn't let himself feel this. He couldn't let himself feel her like this.

He woke up.

And now here he was.

Trying to think this out while trying not to think at all.

Every thought that passed his mind led back to her.

The way he had felt her in that dream.

He knew dreams were the key to subconscious desires, but…

… he… he couldn't really…

That's not what he wanted from her.

That's not how he felt about her.

…

He had only wanted to protect her. To ease her pain. To ease her shame.

He didn't want….

He didn't.

He didn't want her like that.

If anything, yesterday should've solidified his fear of caring too much for her and hurting her. Yesterday he saw how fragile she could be. How she'd been hurt by a man.

How she was even afraid of him.

…

His hands clenched into fists when he remembered the way she pulled away from him yesterday.

'_No!'_

…

Some part of her was actually afraid of him.  
And with the way he is now…  
They he couldn't stop thinking about her.  
Couldn't stop himself from remembering the feeling of her skin. Couldn't stop himself from wanting to know what it would really feel like to hold her against him like that. What it would feel like to run his hands through her hair.  
What it would feel like to pull her lips to his.

…

She was scared of him.

…

…

And she was right to be.

…

She should be afraid of him.

…

He ground his forehead against his arms with that thought, feeling something like self-contempt sink in as he actually wanted to hit himself for a moment. He only sighed deeply.

…

_What kind of man am I turning into?_

…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Stepping out the front door today seemed to be as difficult as it had been yesterday despite the fact that the ground outside was wet with the rain from this morning and I always had enjoyed the way the air felt after rain… but that didn't matter. A part of me still wanted to run back inside and find some excuse to hide under the covers for the rest of the day the same way I had been so glad to do last night. A bigger part of me though wanted to get all this done as quickly as possible, to bite down and do what I needed without thinking. And although I was still torn between those two parts of me, the latter had grown stronger today.

I almost let something like a smile threaten my lips as I found the circular metal bump resting under my shirt.  
I started walking down the street with surprisingingly less thought that necessary now that my attention was back on my recently improvised accessory.  
I had thought to wear the ring the way it was meant to be, but… I felt like it was better this way…

… I guess that's because since I was little I would always see some of the stronger kunoichi of our village wearing rings around their necks exactly like this.  
I asked my mom why they wore rings like that when I was little, she only looked kind of sad and said, 'Because they lost the man who gave it to them.'

…

Even if this ring was a like.  
Even if he isn't completely lost to me.  
I at least understood those kunoichi a little.  
I only knew a fraction of their pain, but still… just feeling the weight of the metal band on my neck, hearing his voice in the memories it gave me, remembering the feeling of his lips when he gave this 'costume' piece to me….

It made me feel just a little closer to him.

I closed my eyes gently, still well aware of where I was going and if I was going to bump into anyone busy with their afternoon shopping.

This little piece of metal made me feel a little more secure… just remembering he was once a man that _would_ give me this rung and then worry cutely about whether or not I was taking him seriously and would avoid him because of it.

The fact that one day not at all long ago there was even a _possibility_ of him seriously giving me this rung was enough to remind me that… that no matter how much I missed him, no matter how much it hurts to know that I might have to give him up… this was proof, proof that we had been together.

_We'd existed._

_We'd existed._

_We'd exis-_

"Sakura-chan!"

My moment of blind thought halted awkwardly as my eyes flew open to find a few familiar faces.

"Naruto, Sai…" I said their names with some surprise, snatching my hand away from my necklace.

I hadn't been so surprised to see Naruto. He usually made a point to see me everyday… but Sai…

I knew he tended to follow Naruto around, but something about seeing him now shook me a little.  
Maybe that's because the last time I saw him…

'Was he happy to see you?'

Pain threatened to overrun my pleasantly numb mood I'd worked hard on today.

"Are you going to go visit Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked up happily, picking up pace again.  
"Yeah." I answered back simply, not sounding all that excited about it.

"We were going, too." Sai added before Naruto got a chance, but he still looked over to me with a big grin.  
I almost smiled.

"Really?" _I could use some company._  
With that thought I was immediately struck with the ironic nostalgia of this conversation.  
Last time I was going to his apartment and they interrupted me like this –the fact it happened again made me wonder whether or not Sai and Naruto had actually planned to track me down like this or something- and talked like this I was kind of irritated that they were interrupting my time with Kakashi…. but now… I don't want to see Kakashi-sensei alone again just yet.

Maybe having them around will help me feel normal again.

"Yeah!" Naruto's hyper response cut off my thoughts, "We got a present for him!"

_A present?_

"What is it?" I asked bluntly.

Naruto was about to start his explanation but he seemed to stop himself for a moment of thought. He glanced over his shoulder with a mini-scorn. "Well, it was actually Sai's idea, but I did everything else." He reasoned to me.

_Sai, thinking of a present?_

_Wow._

"And the awesome part if that it'll make your job a lot easier!" The slight mention of my 'job' and my spirits seemed to start to melt away again, "This is a sure kill way to help Kakashi-sensei get some of his memories back!"

_What?_

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

_I should call this off…_

_She shouldn't come here.  
She shouldn't see me.  
…_

_I shouldn't see her._

…

_I should resign as her captain.  
I should talk to Tsunade about transferring her to a medic-nin team to train._

_She shouldn't stay anywhere near me._

He paced his bedroom as he dresses, not paying attention to how rumpled his short looked or how his mask was slightly askew. He especially forgot to focus on his clothing when his eyes landed on that framed picture for the thirtieth time since he woke up that afternoon. And much like the previous twenty0nine times, that sharp and sickening pan fog guilt stabbed at his stomach, running icily to his heart.

Before thinking he paced over to the guilt-inducing picture and flipped it onto its front, catching the innocent face of that pink-haired girl one last, gut-wrenching, time before he felt a little better.

That picture was probably the worst thing to look at right now.

It showed him all the reasons why what he was feeling was wrong.

She was his student.  
She was his subordinate.  
She was thirteen years his junious.  
He had _met_ her when she _was_ thirteen, when he was already twenty-six.

He had been twice her age.

His hour-long grimace deepened instantly with that thought.

_She's just a kid and I'm…  
…I'm turning into one of those lecherous men... that goes after girls half his age._

_I need to get a girlfriend.  
I need to find a woman my own age.  
I've just been single for too long.  
This is all this is.  
Sak-… She's been the only… girl -he couldn't bring himself to call her a 'woman'- in my every day life.  
That's all this is…  
These feelings weren't meant for her, they're just a mistake.  
A mix-up of a bachelor's brain._

_This isn't about her. Thus is just lonliness going too far._

That thought struck him a little deeper than he thought it would.

_Lonliness?_

Again, something seemed to hurt for a moment.  
He adjusted his forehead protector over his eye, looking at the mirror without really looking.

It had been so many years since he felt that kind of hollow pain.

After losing his family, mentor, team, and most of his friends, he hadn't really had the chance to feel this type of pain anymore.  
He'd gotten used to waking up alone and coming home alone for many years now.

But… it felt as if… as if he lost someone. Again.

He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to explore this vague pain, something that didn't seem real for a moment, like a pain he'd felt in a dream… but no matter how different it felt. It was there.

Yes. This was the pain of losing someone.  
Someone really important.

His grimace deepened even further as he stood there, staring a mile into his reflection grabbing at these feelings as if they were the fragile, frayed ends of a rope that would lead him out of the labyrinth of his mind.

_I really did lose someone, didn't I?_

_Someone really important to me._

His stomach seemed to turn over at the thought that he might've lost someone he didn't even know anymore. That whatever precious memory or connection he had had with whoever it was was now lost with his memories.  
His mind flashed to the only other type of person he's known he 'lost'. His hand found his neck, passing over the almost faded mark on his neck.  
He felt he was right.  
Whoever he lost, either in life or in his mind, she belonged to this mark.

_She must've meant more to me than I thought.  
A lot more.  
Whoever she is._

Connecting dots he couldn't see on the same paper he suddenly remembered his pick-haired medic-nin.  
He leaned onto the desk tiredly.  
_I have a woman out there somewhere but here I am… falling for my sixteen-year old subordinate like a lonely pervert._

Even that thought was enough to make his posture slump slightly with self-contempt.

_How did my life get like this?_

_I'm screwing everything up.  
_But even withing that thought he couldn't quite care as much as he knew he should've. No matter how wrong he knew these feelings were… they didn't feel that way. They almost felt… good… _right_.  
And that was what was really scaring him.  
The way that even with the guilt, he couldn't stop thinking about her. He couldn't let these feelings and desires go.  
He wanted to know the feeling of her skin.  
Her hair.  
Her breath.

Her lips.

His mind found the overwhelmingly realistic dream he was still recovering from.

He sighed, his shoulders dropping deeply.  
He got the feeling he was too far into this to try and stop these feelings now.  
They were filling up every corner of his mind, every thought.  
And that was dangerous.

_I should call this off.  
I can't see her like this.  
She can't see me like this.  
I should tell her to never come back. That I'll get another medic-nin._

…

_But I won't._

_I'm not strong enough for that.  
…_

_And that's why I can never allow myself to get any closer to her._

… _I'm not strong enough._

_I won't be able to stop myself._

…_  
_He absent-mindedly slipped the green stone around his neck and under his shirt.  
…

_I guess it's for that best that she's afraid of me._

_That'll help._

He frowned without meaning to.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Walking up to this door with Naruto and Sai on my heels helped a lot.  
Everything felt so… normal.  
Even as I knocked, it didn't feel as horrible as it had yesterday.  
But a wave of unwelcomed nostalgia hit when Naruto ran up beside me and banged on the door rudely, too eager to show off his mystery-present, no doubt.  
I almost scolded him for being inconsiderate, but that would have been too much… too similar to the last time I was here with everyone.

I didn't want to remember that time of my life right now.

I found my fingers had started playing with the ring hanging on the chain around my neck, forgetting to keep it covered under my shirt.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

_Tap tap  
_A gentle sound hit his door, the moment it did he knew who it was. He couldn't explain it, but he didn't try to when he was suddenly too busy trying to keep his heart from beating so hard. Trying to stop the way his entire nervous system seemed to freeze over and heat up at the same time as soon as he realized she was only feet away. And definitely trying to stop himself from turning back to his mirror to make sure he looked alright.  
That alone was irredeemably humiliating, the fact he was actually worried about the way he looked… especially when it was only hist student behind the door. She shouldn't be somebody to look good for.  
Besides, he had thought that he left those appearance-worries back in his teenage years where they belonged.  
Realizing he's been thinking about this for too long anyways, he shook his head.  
_That isn't important right now.  
The only thing that I need to focus on is keeping my distance and clearing my mind of her.  
_He frowned when after trying to push his thoughts of her to the back of his mind, they only seemed to grow twice as strong.  
He paused on his way to the door, leaning against the wall in a moment of disappointment.  
_I should really just turn her away.  
She's still injured.  
I should tell her to go home and rest._

_She shouldn't be around me.  
_Even with these thoughts cementing into his mind, he reached for the door only to be interrupted mentally and physically.

_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_

…

_Naruto…_He grumbled mentally, unable to reign in the probably childish disppontement that the girl on the other side of this door wasn't alone.

She was with a boy that had had a crush on her for years, in fact.

With that thought something dangerously close to jealousy threatened Kakashi when he recognized that he had, if only just for a split second, considered Naruto as competition.  
_My brain must be more screwed up than I thought.  
_He nearly sighed, but couldn't find the breath to do so when he started opening the door. He couldn't tell if he was nervous about the illegality of his feelings for the girl behind this door, or if he was nervous _because_ of his feelings.  
He realized that it was both as his eyes found her face and he felt his heart start beating as if he was already a criminal behind the stand.

…

_I'm definitely screwed up._

_..._

That cringe-worthy thought didn't stop him from smiling casually and pretending as if everything was normal.  
But he knew things weren't normal… and with the way he couldn't keep his eyes off of her, he knew things weren't going to be going back to 'normal' easily, either.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

The door opened.

I had thought that this would be easier.  
I had thought that since Naruto and Sai were here that maybe, somehow, things would stay normal… that I'd feel normal… that it wouldn't hurt.  
It didn't… hurt…  
But…  
I felt trapped.

Nobody here knew what I knew.  
Nobody here knew.

… I mean, Naruto and Sai didn't know before either… but the fact that _nobody_ knew. That I didn't have a secret to keep, the fact that this silver-haired man opening the door and I weren't keeping a secret… the fact that we _were_ so _NORMAL_ is what felt so surreal.

It was like a different world.  
And there was nothing I could do about it.

There was nothing I could do about the way I suddenly felt so nervous when he was suddenly standing there

The way my heart was beating too hard.  
The way my eyes found his instinctually.  
The way they left mine only to look back a second later.

I couldn't think. But I didn't want to.

I just wanted to look at his face, to pull back that forehead protector and look into both of his mismatched eyes, to pull down his mask and see his mouth again, to feel his lips at least one more time.. The longer he kept looking at me the harder it was to try and stop myself. And even in this moment of madness I almost thought, just for a moment, that he was looking back at me with the same look in his eyes.

I was probably just seeing what I wanted to see.

But then he smiled that smile. The smile Kakashi-sensei was famous for. The one I had long learned was actually just a façade, the smile that hid his real one.

And everything went back to normal.

He was just Kakashi-sensei.

I was just Sakura.

Nothing else existed.

And then I was reminded just how wrong I was when Naruto suddenly jumped in front of me again, breaking my stare that had settled on Kakashi-sensei longer than it should have.  
Naruto popped up, already talking faster than I could think.

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei! You feelin' any better?" He asked excitedly, but he didn't pause for an answer, "Guess what we got for ya! " He ordered.

A moment passed, Kakashi-sensei just stared down at Naruto a little tiredly, but still slightly open-eyed with something like anticipation, though I couldn't imagine Kakashi-sensei anticipating any sort of present from Naruto without being apprehensive about it first.

Another moment of silence passed as Kakashi-sensei didn't guess. Naruto shifted on the spot impatiently.

"Well, guess what's still showing at Bankuro village?" Naruto asked, a bit calmer, really set on making Kakashi-sensei actually guess.  
One word struck me after a moment.

'_Showing'?_

… _like a…_

_No…they couldn't mean…_

…

_Of course not.  
If it was Sai's idea, there's no way he would have thought of this.  
Of course no-_

As soon as I had glanced over to the black-haired boy he promptly turn to me and smiled politely.

_He DID plan this!_

He's still _interested_ in me and Kakashi-sensei, isn't he?

He thinks if he can set this up, somehow it'll trigger something, doesn't he?  
He's going to make this worse than last time!

…  
I had to take a moment to absorb the nostalgic déjà vu as I thought back to that day that seemed forever ago.  
…

And then the pain followed, everything seemed to blur out of focus for a moment as I saw Naruto whip out the little orange movie tickets from his equally orange pants. I didn't even see Kakashi-sensei's reaction… I couldn't look at his face right now.  
This was all getting to be too much.

It's like my life is repeating itself out of order, showing me how everything would've happened if Kakashi-sensei and I neve-… if we'd _always_ been like _this_.  
It's like someone's just trying to kill me or something.

I finally found my focus again when I heard Sai's clear voice and suddenly felt a little angry.  
_Why couldn't he just mind his own business?  
Just when I…  
Just when I had finally let things go a little bit…_

I sighed as the conversation went on around me, it was like the words were the cage I was trapped in as the only person who felt as if history was repeating itself wrongly.

"I had thought since you have a particular passion for the series and you have no memory of the first time we went to see this, it might serve as a way to refresh your memories." Sai explained eloquently.  
I still kind of wanted to slap him.  
And I still didn't look at Kakashi-sensei. I didn't need a reminder of how cute he was the first time Naruto presented him those tickets, practically drooling over them as if they were gold.

I'd only fall in love with him all over again if I let myself relive those kinds of moments.

"Thanks. I'm surprised you got tickets." His voice.  
The way it sounded.  
"Yeah, they're obsessed with it over there, they're still airing it every weekend. Sai did the tracking down though." Naruto answered back conversationally.

I willed my eyes to look up from the floor as the three continued talking a little about when the movie started and everything.  
His voice.  
It didn't sound… cute or happy.

My eyes finally found his face.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

The orange tickets were flung in front of him excitedly.  
It only took him a nanosecond to recognize that shade of orange and the red bubble characters on them that he had long ago memorized.  
They were movie tickets to the film adaption of his all-time favorite love novel.  
For a moment he felt like snatching the tickets out of the kid's hand to make sure they were real, to grovel over them as he knew the fanboy in himself wanted to.

But he didn't.

Not that he stopped himself. He just didn't feel like it.

Instead he smiled under his mask and let whatever poor excuse for excitement he was feeling show on his face.  
In all reality nothing right now seemed… real to him. Not since he opened that door.  
Even those heavenly tickets didn't wake him up from whatever this feeling was.

The only thing that seemed to poke through his numbness to reality right now was his will to keep his eyes off of her.  
Her presence was the only thing that he could really focus on, and is the one thing he shouldn't.  
Standing there, even just hearing her breathing from all these feet away.  
It was torture…  
… keeping himself from looking at her.  
… trying not to think about her as he had before.  
… even being afraid to simply acknowledge her presence.

It was torture knowing that whatever he was feeling for her was a hell of a lot stronger than he thought it was. It was torture knowing that this wasn't going to be easy to ignore. It was torture to know that he could become such a man, a teacher, a captain, that would fall into this horrible taboo.

…

Everything felt as if it was flipped upside down right now but…

He couldn't help but feel as if things were just about to turn upside right, too.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

The teacher sighed as he stared out the window, absent-mindedly supervising his students as they enjoyed their recess. Even though he knew he should pay attention to any fighting or bullying, he found himself distracted by what had happened that morning.

The mothers and fathers had walked their children to the school just as normally as any other day, but when he had greeted them… most of them seemed… rude.

Of course some parents, the leaders of clans or famous nin of the village, have a cold or austere disposition that he respected despite the way their attitude seemed to be alienating their children from themselves. But he hadn't really been… picked on… like this by them before.  
The way they looked at him during the few minutes of passing period before class was about to start and the parents were supposed to leave… like he was… something to look down upon.  
The way some of them simply turned around when he had tried to approach them with good news of their child's grades. The way he could even hear the mothers whispering to each other and looking at him.

Iruka-sensei had known bullying in his younger years and knew how to deal with it… but to be bullied by full grown adults, ignored and sneered at, he couldn't help but feel a little wounded.

They had always treated him politely before, even when he had to give their child a failing grade on a test… so…

What had he done wrong?

He stared out the window, not touching his lunch, resting his chin on the heel of his hand, lost in thought.

Had he said something wrong that the children repeated back to their parents?

No, he didn't remember anything like that.

Had he shown favoritism for any one of his students?

No, he always made sure he gave even the quietest kids the attention they needed.

What else could he have done wrong to cause the parents to treat him so coldly?

He sighed quietly to himself right before he heard footsteps from behind him.

"What's wrong, Dolphin?" Iruka nearly cringed at his nickname, already feeling sensitive to bullying, but he knew that his colleague, Kuroke, probably didn't mean to sound taunting.  
Kuroke walked around and sat next to the troubled teacher, looking as smug as any other day, his short black hair ruffled on his head messily. "The kids got you down?" He asked that usual question among teachers. Kids did have a tendency to wear them out… Kuroke couldn't really remember a time when Iruka had gone through that, though…

"No…" Iruka responded slowly, still looking out the window, still feeling a little… troubled. "It's the parent actually…" He admitted, trying not to be childish about this. "This morning they… seemed to have a problem with me…." He tried not to sound as disturbed as that made him feel.  
Kuroke picked up on it anyways, smirking a little.

A moment of quiet passed as they both stared out the window, the kids laughed and yelled from a story down.

Kuroke turned away from the window.

"Word really does travel fast." He smiled to himself.

"What?" Iruka asked up, confused. Kuroke just stood back up and started walking away.

"It's nothing to worry about. It'll help you in the end." He smiled over his shoulder before leaving the room.

Iruka was just more confused than before….

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

I shuffled down the dark aisle, dangerously close to feeling awkward. Instead, I still felt like this was some sort of sick game someone was playing with my life.  
But I didn't care enough to think about how I got here or who was responsible for this when I was too busy caring about the fact that he… that Kakashi-sensei… had been acting kind of weird.  
He hadn't said anything to me the whole way to Bankuro village, he hadn't even looked at me.  
He still hasn't even said 'hello'…

I know I shouldn't feel insulted.  
I shouldn't feel a little… hurt.  
But I still had to get used to all this.

I had to get used to the fact that I wasn't the only thing on his mind.  
I had to get used to the fact that I was nowhere near as important to him than I used to.

…

_God, this really isn't helping me.  
_I warned myself after I realized these thoughts were actually hurting a little.

I cleared my throat silently trying to pay more attention to the seat numbers. I had no idea why they still assigned the seats in this theatre when there were really only like ten people here. This movie wasn't as popular as it had been a few months ago.  
And then in a quick flurry I heard Naruto pipe up, "Found 'em!". He pointed at the seats in front of him. We all filed down the little aisle quietly… I noticed Kakashi-sensei waited especially for Sai to walk between me and him.  
Again, I found myself a little insulted… offended, really.

But then the silent, almost somber, mood was suddenly mixed up when Naruto ran down the aisle, too, still hyper.

"Sakura-chan!" he called to me, I smiled back at him, hoping that acting normal would make things normal. He gave me a funny look, I had almost forgotten that smiling wasn't exactly 'normal', was it? He ignored the weird moment and spoke up again, "Sit next to me." He ordered childishly, collapsing in a seat and patting the one next to him. The one he wanted me to sit on was the last seat assigned to us… meaning no one would be sitting to my right.  
I controlled something of an instinctual glance towards the silver-haired man standing a few feet away from me, who was busy adjusting his forehead protector.  
_Yeah…  
He wouldn't care this time if I just sat with Naruto…_

…

_Of course._

…

I nodded with a tiny smile that felt a little sad to me, walking over to the seat slowly, only to be intercepted.

"Actually," The soft voice interrupted, "I want to sit here."

We all just stared at Sai for a moment as he stood in front of the seat next to Naruto.

"Wh-WHY?" Naruto didn't seem happy with the way that sounded.

Sai turned to the blond boy, "I can't see from there." Sai pointed to the other seat, between Naruto and Kakashi-sensei's, which was only a few feet difference from the one Sai was fighting for.

"What the hell?" Naruto asked under his breath.

"It will also serve better to refresh Kakashi-san's memory if we sat exactly like before." Sai seemed to pull that sentence out of nowhere, as if it was an excuse he just thought of.

Sai promptly sat down without further discussion, Naruto turned to him with a angry-pout and quietly demanded more answers, definitely suspicious about something.

He was right to be suspicious.

I ignored the boys when I looked over to Kakashi-sensei who had already sat down while we were discussing the viewing vantage points from the different seats.

Again, he wasn't looking at me.

He wasn't looking anywhere, really.

He seemed to be just staring into space toward his left while I was standing stupidly by his right.  
I suddenly felt like I was unwelcome to that seat.

That kind of pissed me off.

I sat down quickly, my arms crossing apathetically as I did. I also crossed my legs. He didn't even seem to acknowledge my existence. There wasn't a word or a glance from him for the next ten minutes I spent half-assedly exchanging small talk with Naruto before the lights went down and the reel started.

This was starting to piss me off.

I know I shouldn't be upset. This is what I wanted.  
This is the way everything should be.

But still…

… The fact he could just…

He could just ignore me.

…

I should be sad, not pissed.  
But I was tired of being sad, I was tired of trying to hold back tears and being hurt… and this felt like one of the last straws the camel back of my emotions could handle.

But I knew I couldn't do anything anyways.

What I felt right now didn't matter.

I just had to sit here through a movie and deal with this.

I can do that.

I've already seen this movie, even if it was deeply embarrassing the first time.  
Sitting next to him had been weird.

But since I've gone through this before, I can go through it again easily, right?

…

I realized how wrong I was about a half hour into the movie when that infamous scene started up.

"Afuuu~~…. I looove bath houses." A sultry voice whispered on screen.…

_Bath houses._

_God, how I hate them now._

…

I was distracted from my hateful thoughts about bath houses when the two main characters started up the sex scene in the hot spring, kissing under the water.  
It was supposed to be romantic, but it looked stupid.

_That's unrealistic._

I complained mentally, recalling on personal experience for a moment.

…

…

'_personal experience'_

…

_Oh, GOD._

_That's right._

…

I knew what it felt like to…

How warm the water felt… how lips felt warmer…

…

With this man sitting next to me.

… But he doesn't remember.

…

I suddenly slouched in my seat, cringing.

_Really funny, Universe.  
_I grumbled mentally before losing even the energy to even be sarcastic about this situation:

_This is too much.  
Really.  
I don't think I can handle sitting here any longer._

The characters on screen moaned some more, making me remember how embarrassing it always was whenever he had made me moan… how strangely intriguing it was whenever I had made him…  
JEEZ… I had only been slightly uncomfortable before, but _now_…  
When the movie started I thought that since this would be my second time seeing it, and since I'd gotten used to romance over the past few months, I would be able to handle it…. But now…. now that I could see and remember everything this man sitting next to me and I had done.…

It just made me so much more uncomfortable than I thought was possible.

…

_God, if he knew._

_If he wasn't Kakashi-sensei, if he was still just Kakashi… what would be going through his head?_

I took a moment to think through the answer seriously, half-ignoring the couple on screen.

_He'd probably be messing with me, trying to make me feel uncomfortable or something like that._

_He'd probably even risk holding my hand or something._

I nearly smiled at the thought.  
I never thought I'd miss his infuriatingly irresponsible 'fun' side.

...

But I guess I missed everything about him, didn't I?

…

Enough of that.  
There's no point in thinking about 'what ifs'… they only hurt.

He's Kakashi-sensei again… not Kakashi.  
I should just care about who he is now and how to get his memories back.

…

My limbs suddenly went cold, despite the steamy scene on screen, when I remembered Naruto's words, _'This is a sure kill way to help Kakashi-sensei get some of his memories back!'_

Naruto might have meant that this would help Kakashi remember something about his life during the time he saw this movie for the first time… but… with this Bath House scene I was suddenly deathly afraid he'd remember something _else_.

…

I mean, I should be hoping he gets his memories back.  
I should be rejoicing at the chance of him remembering anything about me.

…

But our days at the onsen weren't exactly my proudest.  
And if he remembered what happened between us in our own hot spring, that would be so entirely embarrassing that I wouldn't know how to handle anything anymore.

How could I explain that to him?

How would he react?

… If he was so guilty at the time, even after all that we'd been through, I could barely imagine how much he'd hate himself if it was the first thing he remembered about us…

Worry building up in me, I tried to relax my face which had been frozen in thought, only to grimace to myself. I hated it when he thought so badly of himself.

It would probably be best if he didn't get back any memories right now, knowing what they would probably be about… but still…

…I wanted to know what he was thinking.  
I wanted to know what was going through his head.

I wanted to know whether this seemed familiar to him at all.

… But I didn't at the same time.

Despite my indecisive wants my eyes still slowly shifted to my left. I just wanted to see his face. Maybe I could read his thoughts through his expression.

...

Again, with a wave of uncomfortable nostalgia I tried to peek out of the left corner of my eye as discreetly as possible.  
My eyes found his face.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

…

…

…

…

**Horrible ending, I know.**

**This was originally supposed to end much later, but I felt like it's been too long since I updated, so I wanted to give you guys something.**

…

…

…

**The next chapter should be out very soon!**

**But, at the risk of sounding a little greedy for once, if I were to get a lot of reviews demanding the next chapter 'now', I could even finish and upload it by tomorrow!**


	68. Peace and Gossip

**Chapter 68!**

**Title: '**_Peace and Gossip'_

…

**Note: Well, since there were literally ****dozens ****(just two of them, haha) of reviews within the first 24 hours of the last chapter's release, I've buckled down and finished this chapter today.**

…

**You guys are amazing!**

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**Hope you enjoy it!**

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…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Again, with a wave of uncomfortable nostalgia I tried to peek out of the left corner of my eye as discreetly as possible.  
My eyes found his face.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"Afuuu~~…. I looove bath houses." A sultry voice whispered on screen.…

…

_This was a horrible idea._

…

_These kids must have already lost a lot of respect for me after seeing this the first time._  
He thought to himself as he stared at the screen with a mile-long stare, barely focusing on the upcoming smut.  
_They must think I'm a pervert._

… _Well… more than before, at least.  
…_  
His eyes focused just in time to see two half-naked bodies on screen pulling against each other, waist deep in the hot spring water and before he could try and remember what part of the book this was from his mind reached for the wrong reference and flashed back to that dream he'd tried to have forgotten hours ago. Her delicate, familiar hands brushing along his chest, her young fingers travelling down…

His eyes struggled against his better judgment and almost glanced at the girl sitting to his right, instead he barely caught a glimpse of her inappropriately familiar hands resting on her lap.  
He looked away quickly, unable to withstand the amount of shame and longing that single moment gave him.

_I _am _a pervert._

He sighed.  
He suddenly didn't care at all about the movie; he brought his fingerless-gloved hand to his face, his fingertips rubbing his eyes tiredly as if he could rub the images of that dream out of his eyes. He rested his elbow on his left armrest and leaned away from the girl intentionally.

…  
_'I'm a pervert.'  
_He repeated mentally after he gathered his frayed mind.

_I had thought that issue had some room for debate. That even though I read smutty love novels almost every day I thought I was responsible enough to everyone to keep those thoughts out of personal life and remain professional. I thought that even though I had a perverted streak people knew I was a responsibly leader and teacher first… now__** I'm**__ starting to doubt that._

…

He remembered the feeling of his fingers combing and pulling the pink strands of the hair belonging to the girl sitting innocently to his right.

…

_I must be a bigger pervert than I thought.  
_He kept his palm over his eyes, still trying to think this through without trying to think about her at all.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

My eyes found his face.

Or at least it would've, if it wasn't buried in his hand.

…

_What's wrong with him?_

_I thought he loved this movie._

…

_Well, I guess, looking back… he never really said he liked the movie. Even the other time I got the silly need to see what his expression was while watching the movie, he seemed completely bored… I still remember how shocked I was… Later on, he just said it different from the book, that it wasn't as… adult.  
I still remember how embarrassed that had made me feel.  
At that time we were already together, but just barely… and I couldn't help but think that if he was disappointed that this unquestionably smutty movie wasn't smutty enough, then that meant he had probably expected a lot of 'smut' from his relationships.  
…_

I nearly smiled to myself at the memory of little-worried-me._  
I had no idea what I was in for.  
Sure, Kakashi could get a little demanding sometimes…when he forgot himself…  
But he never even tried to pressure me….  
In fact, after some time it was almost like _I_ was pressuring _him.  
Even the embarrassing conversation we had about this only a few days ago seemed to have become a fond memory right now.

…

_But…_

…

_None of that matters anymore.  
_I told myself a little harshly.

I looked back to his face discreetly.

He wasn't even watching the screen anymore. He was just leaning into his hand like something was really bothering him.

He wasn't 'bored' like the last time we watched this movie… but he definitely wasn't interested. He almost seemed… upset.

It was actually almost like…

…

No.

That doesn't make sense.

…

_I was about to think, 'it was almost like the way he'd act after pushing our relationship too far.'  
That sullen posture and his lack of interest in anything around him.  
I could still remember how difficult it was for _me_ to try and talk him out of those moments of self-contempt and guilt._

_But that's not what was going on.  
I'm just reading too much into this…_

_He's probably just embarrassed about having us see what he reads all the time… or something._

_Besides… he's not really the same man as before, is he?  
I can't read him 'Kakashi-sensei' the same way I could've read 'Kakashi'…  
Looking back, they're practically two different men… _

_He's Kakashi-sensei to his students and colleagues… to the world, really._

_He was only ever 'Kakashi' with me._

…

_So now that I'm not the same kind of part in his life as I once was…_

_Does that mean the 'Kakashi' I knew is actually gone?_

…

_No.  
That's just stupid.  
Of course he isn't gone._

_But I probably won't ever get to know that side of him again, will I?_

…

That thought hurt a lot more than I thought it would.

I stared at the screen with more conviction than necessary, not even caring about the amount of moaning and weirdness. I could feel my brows furrow.  
I felt a little… angry.

But I didn't get time to think through the psychological reasons of why I might be angry with this awkward and confusing situation when I suddenly heard whispering from my right  
Sai and Naruto were trying to be discreet, but… it was Sai and Naruto.  
They were never quite that discreet when they talked.

"I already tried that once." Naruto reasoned without context.

I heard Sai whisper, but I couldn't hear.

"But it hurt!" Naruto objected loudly.

"You like her, don't you?" Sai asked.

Moment of awkward silence.

"Shuddup." Naruto muttered finally.

I had no idea what was going on, but after a few minutes more of the smut I was distracted again. This time by the sound of Naruto yawning from my right.  
His arms stretched in the air.

Déjà vu hit me harder than I ever wanted it to.

I finally knew what Sai had been trying to convince Naruto to do.

In a few moments Naruto's arm with me strategically placed over my shoulders. And just like then, I'm already planning on jumping up and punching him in the face if he tries anything.

But then I feel a little sorry for him.  
Sai _was_ the one who convinced him to try again.

_But why?_

It hit me.

He wanted to make Kakashi-sensei jealous didn't he?

…

_It's not going to work this time, Sai._

…

I almost sighed, but instead waited for Naruto to make his move so I could make mine, all the while I was cursing the gods for making this excruciating situation:

_Why is Sai trying so hard?_

_Why is Naruto being stupid?_

_Why does this bother me so much?_

_WHY IS HISTORY REPEATING ITSELF?_

I glanced over to Kakashi-sensei for a moment.

His face was still buried in his hand.

… _well, I guess it won't really repeat itself this time._

… Maybe these things keep happening because the gods want me to know how things should've happened to begin with. How what happened between me and Kakashi-sensei, how everything between us, wasn't supposed to happen.

Maybe this is my chance to fix everything and… and pretend I had never messed up Kakashi-sensei's life…

Poised and ready to jump up and punch Naruto just like I had planned all those weeks ago when Naruto had tried this exact same trick back then, I still felt a sadness in me.

A heavy pool of sadness settling in my chest, weighing me down…. But I didn't care.  
This was the way things had to be.  
This was how it should've been.

Naruto's arm finally slowed down, hovering over my shoulders for a split second, as if he was hesitating.

I turned to the blond-haired boy, about to smack him when I realized I didn't have to.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

…

He noticed a black-sleeved arm creeping in from his left, hovering over the girl's shoulders.

The kid was actually making a move.  
An old, out-dated move that was invented years before this kid was even born…

...

He should just overlook it.

...

It shouldn't matter to him.

..

He should ignore it.  
…

...

...

He pulled back his hand from hitting away Naruto's, whose arm had been dangerously close to resting on the pink-haired girl's shoulder.

… _I shouldn't have done that.  
_He immediately told himself.  
He heard Naruto quickly turn to Sai and almost yell, "See?"  
Kakashi didn't care.  
He was stuck in his own thoughts right now.

_I shouldn't have done that._

_There was no reason to._

_They're kids. _

_Let them settle these things for themselves._

_I shouldn't have stopped him._

… _But I just couldn't stop myself._

_I just felt like I needed to…_

He grimaced to himself only slightly when he realized _why_ he would've stopped Naruto.

_I can't be jealous._

_I can't…_

_I've only realized these feelings hours ago… I shouldn't feel jealous over her already.  
I shouldn't feel this possessive so fast._

…

_I shouldn't feel 'possessive' at all!  
_He scolded himself mentally after a second thought.

_If Naruto was finally trying to make a move, I should've just let him._

_He's liked her for years, already._

_Ever since their days at the Academy._

_He's stayed by her side and has waited for her to notice him, patiently._

_And I…_

Something in him took a sickening twist when he realized the truth of his situation.  
Right now, Naruto was the one closer to Sakura… closer to getting to her heart.  
She knows he's liked her for over half their lives… and here he was, new to these feelings and already getting in Naruto's way.

_He_ was the greenhorn here while _Naruto_ was the one who knew what to do with these feelings.

That realization bothered him in several ways.

He wasn't a kid, he shouldn't be feeling like this.  
He had already promised himself years ago that he wouldn't let himself get like this again. To weaken himself and his judgment with these kinds of feelings again.  
_But…_

…

_If Naruto, of all kids, has learned to keep his distance (most of the time) and control his feelings for her for all these years… then I can do the same for longer._

…

But… the only reason Naruto hasn't made a real move on her is _because _he's a kid.

He doesn't know how to start relationships as easily as Kakashi did. Naruto had years less of experience with women, he wasn't even sure if Naruto understood that girls thought differently than guys and wanted to be treated differently.

But that didn't matter, the real issue here was that…

Was that, for Kakashi, it was easier to reach out to her… because of his experience with women… and as a man, he knew how to charm and flirt with ease.

Though it would never be taught as part of the curriculum, there was one skill that most shinobi had to pick up on eventually, a skill that Naruto and Sakura hadn't pick up on –as far as he knew- and Kakashi had had to master years ago:

Seduction.

His hands tensed into fists.

_What the hell am I thinking?_

_I know I can't go anywhere with these feelings!_

_Even if I wanted to, even if I know it would be easier for me, it's completely forbidden._

_Any sort of unprofessional interaction between me and this girl is out of the question._

_She's just a kid._

_She has no idea what boys are like._

_She had no idea what _men_ are like.  
_That last thought stopped Kakashi's thoughts cold, his eyes looked at the screen but saw nothing when his thoughts suddenly filled up all of his attention.

He remembered the bite marks on the girl's neck.  
The rough indentations an older man left on her.

_She _does_ know what men are like._

_What the worst of us are like._

_She knows much more than she should._

…

_A girl her age… being attacked like that… she probably can't stand the thought of any man getting close to her…_

…

_She's afraid of me because of it._

…

_And that's good.  
_He tried to convince himself, ignoring how his brows were pulling together in something like frustration after his mind wandered to his next thought.

_If I even managed to win myself into her trust and get closer to her… I'd probably only hurt her in the same way.  
I wouldn't be able to stop myself would I?_

_From hurting her…  
I would never intend to… but… I would anyways, wouldn't I?_

…

_Especially with the way she is now. Sensitive and broken…_-his jaw tensed unconsciously at that thought-… _I would only confuse her, betray her trust, and give her more pain and trauma…_

…

_She needs someone else.  
Someone the exact opposite of me.  
_He told himself, trying to ignore the raising sense of frustration with himself.

…

_She deserves a naïve and romantically-shy boy… like Naruto.  
_That thought went against the grain, he really didn't like the thought of those two together…_  
…_

_He wouldn't hurt her._

_He might annoy her, and they would probably get into fights every day… but Naruto isn't the type of kid to hurt anything more than her patience._

_He would treat her right… once he does manage to build up the guts to get closer to her._

_He's only kept away from her this long because he doesn't know how relationships start and work… in a year or two when they're both adults, when he's grown up and has learned more about women, then maybe those two will have a shot.  
That's if he doesn't screw it up too much an-_

Kakashi's thoughts came to an immediate halt when he remembered something.

… The kiss marks on her neck.

The idiot that broke her heart.

…

_Maybe Naruto _hadn't_ stayed away._

…

Maybe Naruto had been the idiot.

_Who else could it have been?_

_It sounds like something that kid would do._

_He's probably already trying to win her back._

Kakashi tried to stop thinking about it and watch the movie when he could feel something dangerously close to jealousy start to bubble up in his chest again.  
He shouldn't feel jealous.  
He shouldn't feel anything.

He should just hope that whatever happens or has happened between his team members doesn't get in the way of future missions.

That's all he's supposed to be worried about right now.

He should be worried that Naruto might've already hurt Sakura, he shouldn't be worried about how roughly he would treat Naruto if he found out Naruto _had_ screwed with Sakura's heart like the idiot he was, he shouldn't be worried about accidentally looking to his right and catching a glimpse of the emotionally-injured girl next to him who no doubt was now afraid of all older men, and he definitely shouldn't be worried about whether or not she's afraid of _him_ for any other reasons than to ensure the trust between subordinate and captain.

But he was worried.  
He even was more worried than he would admit that the girl sitting next to him would be so afraid of him that he wouldn't be able to reach out to her someday…

He was worried he'd never feel for himself what it would feel like to run his hand through her hair and see her smile up at him in a new way.

…

He sighed tiredly after that last thought, enjoying that small fraction of shameful hope more than he had enjoyed the entirety of the movie playing in front of him.

He rubbed his eyes tiredly.

…

_I don't know how much more of this I can take._

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

I had turned to Naruto, but he was already holding his hand against his chest, cradling as if it was in pain. He had already turned to Sai and said, "See?"

Sai smiled at me when I caught his eye.

…

His planned worked.

…

Kakashi-sensei actually stopped Naruto from making his move.

…

Just like last time.

…

I had no idea how to react to that.

…

Should I feel hope?

Or anger?

…

I started to lean toward anger.

And I finally realized why I felt angry.

…

Because I didn't want to feel hope.

I was afraid.

…

I was so afraid any hope I could feel would only turn into pain twice as strong.

…

_That was such a stupid thing to feel, but… my brain has been acting this backwards for a while now, hasn't it?_  
I sighed.

…

_I don't know how much more of this I can take._

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

The Hokage's Assistant, and sometimes Assistant Hokage, had an unusual job. Some days she found herself saving the village from paperwork wars, others she was solely responsible for finding a scroll the Hokage lost on how to ease the pains of more aggressive hangovers, but today there was slightly more to be done.

It was Shizune's turn to check on the duller side of Konoha.

The desk-nins: the few chosen to work behind desks, filing paperwork and mission reports, settling civil disputes, and organizing the historical data had offices in the center of the village.

And now, clutching a sleepy TonTon against her stomach, the small-framed woman quietly walked through the halls of desks where the little _ticks_ of typewriters and the scratching of pencils could be heard left and right… but there _was_ another thing Shizune-san hadn't planned hearing that day as she passed the break-room full of small talk… and gossip.

Today's hot gossip was about a certain Academy teacher and a certain sixteen year old kunoichi.

Needless to say, she was worried when she heard the names of the two characters and the gossip attached to them.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

_Don't look at her._

_Don't think about her._

_Just… don't think._

…

…

…

It worked for a few seconds.

It was a normal practice for shinobi to learn to clear their minds of not only emotions, but any unnecessary thoughts… to find peace when confused or troubled.

Kakashi sat there, almost blind and deaf to his surroundings, practicing this ancient mind-clearing art in place he never thought he would need to for a reason he never thought he'd need to either.

It almost seemed ridiculous… but he really needed this.

His brain has been messed with physically, chemically, and emotionally in these past few days… and he needed at least a single minute of peace if he could find one.  
Even if it was in a dark and dingy movie theatre showing a smutty love movie.

…

…

Letting his mind wander comfortably into a motionless nothingness, his thoughts seemed to float in and out of focus.

Images.

Just picture in his mind of his rootless thoughts.

A mind is never truly clear, there are always thoughts you never intentionally create, and right now he was letting them take over his attention.

Just thin images that came and went from his attention like ghosts.

He couldn't remember them the moment they left his mind's eye… but whatever they were, whatever they portrayed.

It was working.

…

He tried focusing a little.  
To catch a glimpse of whatever it was that was easing his mind a little.

…

And then, just as easily as it had entered his mind, it stayed.

…

A smile.

A soft smile he wasn't sure he recognized.  
It was bright.  
Happy.  
Real.

But seeing it, feeling what it made him feel… he wanted more.

It wasn't a conscious decision; it was more like something inside of him, a part of him he didn't know existed, was feeling this for him…

It only took him a moment longer to realize whose smile it was.  
…

His mind flashed back to reality for a moment with a flinch of guilt, but he forgot it just as quickly.

…

He focused on the picture in his mind.  
Her smiling face. Brighter than he ever remembered seeing it before, happier than he thought she even could be…

He wished he could see more.

Even if he couldn't reach out to her, even if he could never touch her… that smile.

If he could make her smile like that, through any words or any actions, that's all he wanted.

…

He had no idea where these thoughts came from, he could only guess that while he had been so busy paying attention to the side of himself that was damning his thoughts and feelings there was a part of him that had felt these feelings to begin with… and now… when he had cleared his mind of everything he could, it was the strongest part of himself…

…

…

That realization alone was enough to change everything.

…

…

He realized a moment late that the lights had started to raise again, his team members standing up and out of their seats, walking down the aisle.  
Before doing the same, he took only a moment to try and get one last glimpse of that new and gorgeous smile in his mind.

… And then, in the moment of peace he had been hoping for, he realized it:

That smile was all he wanted.

…

Without noticing, he was smiling to himself as he stood up.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"Did you hear about Umino-san?" The young teachers whispered to each other excitedly as they met in the lunch room during their students' recess.

Even though their teenage years were a while behind them, whenever a good piece of gossip showed up in their comparatively boring lives, it wasn't long before it was all they could talk about like they were teenagers again.

"Yeah, him and Tsunade-sama's apprectice-girl!" The brunette answered excitedly, the other two fluttered with something like giggling.

"I always thought he was kind of cute, I was actually thinking about asking him out, too." The blonde spoke up.

"Yeah, but he probably only likes young girls. He's probably had his eyes on that Haruno girl since she was his student." The other brunette whispered, the others exclaimed at that assumption.

"He must've been grooming her to be the perfect girlfriend for years!" The first brunette took the hypothetical situation another step. "I heard she always got top marks. Maybe there was some after class tutoring!"

The others giggled and squealed to themselves at that extreme assumption.

A quiet brown-haired teacher had heard nothing but this gossip all day, this was the worst kind she'd heard yet… and acting out of character, decided to stick up for the kind teacher she knew Iruka Umino must've been… if she had ever talked to him for more than a few minutes in the past couple years, "Um-Umino-san has always been a re- really good teacher… Ma-maybe the rumors aren't true." She spoke up.

The other three turned to their colleague with intrigue, the brown-haired woman suddenly wished she hadn't said anything.

"Yeah, I guess the rumors could be false." The blonde piped up, "But Kuroke-san said he saw them together last night, here on the grounds." She added with attitude.

"But maybe you can find out for us, Haji-san." A brunette offered.

The others lit up really quick.

"Yeah!" They chorused, "You should go ask Umino-san and find out if the rumors are true or not." The suggested.

The brown-haired woman suddenly felt like she was being bullied.

"Could you do that for us, Haji-san? Just ask him after his classes are done and then if he says they're wrong, then we'll tell everybody to stop talking about him." They promised emptily.

Haji-san stood quietly for a moment, the other women chorused more suggestions on how to ask Umino-san… finally, the brown-haired woman gave in to the bullying.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

The movie ended.

The lights went up.

And we left the theatre.

…

It was kind of awkward.  
But nowhere near as much as last time… if anything right now I was plagued with more confusion than anything else.

I was confused about the way Kakashi-sensei was acting, why he had stopped Naruto for me like that like last time although things couldn't be more different between us. And I was, of course, still somewhat confused about how we even got in this situation.

I had thought there would've been some sort of universal limit on how ridiculous your life could get within the span of a few days… I must've been wrong.

"Bwah!" Naruto sighed and stretched happily as we walked out the front door of the little theatre.  
He seemed completely content… I was a little envious.  
Well, he was content until he noticed something.

"It's raining!" He announced after the moment I figured it out for myself.

"Well, I guess the seasons are finally catching up with us."

I nearly jumped when that voice spoke up from right behind me. I mean, I knew he was somewhere behind me, of course I did; he was all I could think about right now, but it still caught me by surprise. I quickly walked several paces ahead, not caring about the raindrops dripping onto the top of my head. Hearing his voice so close to me was a little disconcerting especially when he sounded so normal.

Wait…  
…

Why _did_ he sound normal?

He was just acting so weirdly back in the theatre… then again, so was I…  
I guess the cold air did us both good, or…

"So I guess we'll have to take a raincheck on the trip to Ichiraku." Kakashi-sensei carried on, his voice so completely normal that I barely paid attention to the humor behind his words.

But even if I found myself confused by his voice, I still didn't look at him.

In the theatre I had looked at him long enough, but now… now that we were outside, now that the rainwashed scent of forests around this tiny little village seemed to be surrounding me… almost suffocating me with the memories I alone held, catching a glimpse of his hand or his vest was enough to make my heart beat fast enough as it is… I definitely didn't need to test my endurance any further by looking up at him.

"Aw." Naruto verbalized his disappointment, losing some more of his contentment.

"We'll go another day." Kakashi-sensei spoke up kindly as he started to lead us down the slightly muddy path that led us here.

I swore I could hear something like a smile in his voice.

(Again I wished I could see him smile again.)

I wasn't alone in that observation, "You seem a little higher in your spirits, Kakashi-san." Sai spoke up conversationally.

Hearing Sai talk put me on edge a little, but I tried to ignore it.

I paid more attention to my feet, watching them as they stomped through the mini-puddles on the dirt path.

Naruto spoke up next, and I was forced to pay attention.

"Yeah, he's kinda normal now." Naruto commented innocently until, "Except I hope he doesn't get all weird again."

I looked up.

_Weird?_

Kakashi-sensei's tracks slowed for a moment.

"Weird?" He asked over his shoulder, mimicking my thoughts. I looked back to Naruto quickly, ready for the worst.

He better not say anything….  
Seriously. I had made such an effort in hiding the 'weird' side of Kakashi-sensei from himself to let Naruto just spill everything I had to fight _myself_ to keep from him.

"Yeah, you were acting really weird on the last mission." I crept closer to Naruto, readying myself to shut him up. "You were smiling all the time and made us dress up really weird, and when we went undercover you even said Sakura was your fiancé-."

I bumped my shoulder into his roughly.

But that didn't matter.

Naruto had already finished most of that word before I stopped him.

Everything was suddenly slowing down.

Kakashi-sensei turned toward us slightly-I had to look away from him-, Sai was walking in closer, and Naruto was looking at me like I was being unnecessarily mean.

Everybody was so interested now.

God, this was exactly what I didn't want.

I searched the puddly ground without looking for anything.

"What?" Kakashi-sensei's voice broke the silence that had only been filled with the soft patter of rain all around us.

"I was very shocked, too." Sai picked up, sounding as energetic as Sai could. He had probably been _waiting_ for this, hadn't he? I suddenly felt like tackling him, but I was too busy trying to act normal to go through with it. Sai just kept going. "You said it was for the mission. That you two had to share a room for the mission. It worked out in the end, but I'm not sure if it was all that necessa-"

I finally stomped on his toe.

He barely even reacted.

I nervously glanced up at Kakashi-sensei, risking heightening the rate of my heart beat to an uncomfortable level, just to make sure he wouldn't be looking at me like I was crazy.

…

Instead it was worse.

He was looking toward the ground, keeping his steps even, his brows were slightly furrowed.

… he looked disturbed.  
…

As if the thought of pretending to be my fiancé was all that horrible.

Again, even though I should've been happy that he couldn't think of me as 'fiancée-material', I felt insulted.  
I felt like I should've said something, but I didn't.  
I think I was just too tired of all this craziness…

… or maybe I just didn't want to make it any more worse for Kakashi-sensei since… well, if he didn't like the idea of being my fake fiancé… he doesn't need to hear any more about it.

"Yeah! And you made me spend the night with that guy! He wouldn't shut up, he just kept saying weird stuff!" Naruto complained again.

I just kept walking, I could feel Sai staring at me.

I was going to have to talk to him later, but right now… I just kept focusing on my feet, not looking up and barely paying any attention to Naruto's ranting.

I had barely noticed when we hit the fork in the road, though I thought it didn't matter anyways until:

"Well, I think Naruto and I should be going." Sai spoke up.

"Wha-?" Naruto verbalized my confusion as well when I suddenly looked up from the ground to get a look at this socially awkward mastermind as he started up another one of his schemes no doubt.  
But, in all seriousness, I was really starting to get a habit of feeling worried or nervous whenever Sai spoke.

"We've distracted from Sakura-san's job for a couple hours now, and I think Kakashi-san could use some healing." Sai recited robotically, as if he had been practicing that awkward excuse in his mind for a few minutes already.

"Yeah, I guess." Naruto agreed. "See you guys tomorrow!" he said lastly, still energetic, as he followed Sai down the right fork of the path that led to the South Gate of Konoha. The one ahead of me led to the West Gate, the closest to Kakashi-sensei's apartment.  
Sai smiled back at me as I stared at him with a slightly incredulous look.

For a guy that's so awkward and subtle, he could be so obvious sometimes.

To me, at least.

"Come on, let's hurry. The rain's picking up."

His voice woke me up out of my thoughts… well, _shook_ me out of them, really.

I was just so sensitive to everything about him right now, even just those few sentences made me jump, and they were about the _weather!_

Despite my sensitivity, he was right, the rain was picking up, and I followed after him as we started traveling at a faster pace.

I had forgotten to look back to my feet, instead, I found myself staring at the back of his vest.

… Strangely…

It was calming.

…

The sound of the rain, the silence between us, the scent of the forest that imitated his own so well, the steady pace of our steps, the familiar sight of his vest, the way his hands were casually resting in his pockets.  
It was normal… but nice.

… Peaceful.

I wondered if he felt something like this too right now.

Or if I was the only one.

…

I guess it didn't matter.  
I was actually enjoying this moment.  
Even if I was alone in this feeling… I still liked it.  
Being close to him…

It didn't hurt right now.

…

If I just took it as it is… feeling this close to him…

I realized that I still loved it as much as I used to.

I immediately remembered something Kakashi had told me a long time ago, 'I just wanted to have a few minutes with the person I couldn't stop thinking about… just to enjoy their company.'

This is what he must've been feeling.

…

It's so strange to think that Kakashi-sensei once felt something like this… for me.

…

But I knew I wouldn't be able to enjoy his company much longer, not when we got to the apartment… I'll probably be too nervous to feel anything besides my own heartbeat once we got there.

But for now.

…

This was better.

…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

He walked down the path as calmly as possible.

He glanced over his shoulder too discreetly for her to notice. Her face was a little pink with the cold, her hair a darker shade now that it was a little wet.

His mind almost revisited that exhausting dream where her face and hair looked similar, but instead his mind immediately travelled to any sort of excuse to talk to her.

He wanted to say something, to turn around and talk to her face to face while he managed to get this time with her.

But he knew where that would lead.  
He would only fall deeper into his feelings and make things harder for himself.

…

But this was… good.  
This quiet moment in the rain, knowing she was there…

…

He just wasn't comfortable with the way he had to keep his hands in his pockets to stop himself from reaching out to her and brushing his hands through her damp hair just to catch a glimpse of a smile like the one he remembered from nowhere.

…

But instead he closed his eyes, left his hands comfortably in his pockets, and let himself enjoy this moment, the rain, and her company.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

The Academy teacher picked up the papers from the desks after the kids stormed out of the classroom to get home as fast as possible and enjoy their weekends.

He was a little happier right now, not as worried, he had nearly forgotten the ordeal from than morning with the parents… but he wouldn't forget it completely anytime soon.  
Especially not when a fellow teacher, a quiet brown-haired woman whom he'd known for a few years but not very well, walked into his classroom meekly and before he could give her a proper greeting, blurted out a question that, little had he known, had been floating around the village all day, "I-is it true that you're having an affair with one of your old students?"

Silence took over the classroom as Iruka-sensei had to take a moment to realize what she'd said.

The woman, having been bullied by her co-workers into asking in their place, shifted on the spot uncomfortably before needing to fill the silence for herself, "Everybody's talking about how you… you and Tsunade-sama's apprentice-girl were… were together last night."

…

"And that she's only sixteen." The woman added lastly, already backwardly inching toward the doorway abashedly.  
She just wanted him to give her an answer so she wouldn't have to embarrass him and herself a moment longer.

But the man just stood there, weakly gripping the papers in his hands, eyes slightly wide, and feeling a little sick to his stomach with the realization that what he had thought had been a little miscommunication with the parents of his students might actually be something much worse.

People were spreading rumors about him and… about him and Sakura being…

… Why would they think that?

Of course, they'd met privately a few times because of what had happened between her and Kakashi, but they weren't… they weren't…

But who would've started this?

Who would've known about the times he _had_ been alone with Sakura?

Who could've started this rumor?

…

It hit him after only a moment of thought.

He ignored the woman in the doorway as he suddenly started packing up his things on his desk.

…

He needed to find Kuroke.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

**Alright.**

**Thank you guys so much for all of the reviews, seriously, there were so many!**

**I felt very much appreciated, haha.**

**And I really enjoyed seeing new usernames and reviewers!**

**..**

**But the next chapter will not be available for a while since I'm starting it from **_**scratch**_**. I only have a few notes and sample dialogues for it right now, so it's going to take a while to write.**

…

**But, still, I would love any reviews, even if they're only _three words_.**

**And, as a side-note, reviews are very motivational/inspirational... just saying, haha.**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**Oh, and the song that has given me the most inspiration for this past week is posted here:**

**http : / / theedgybubble . tumblr . com /**

**(P L E A S E **

**R E M O V E **

**S P A C E S)**


	69. Cuteness and Confusion

**Chapter 69!**

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**Title: **_'Cuteness and Confusion'_

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**Note: Sorry this one took so long, my inspiration was spread thin for a little bit, but I'm back in the writing-groove now!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Walking by his side.

… It was nice.

Even if he didn't say anything or look over at me…  
It was still… I still liked it.

And that's what made it better: the fact I was enjoying this silent moment with him, the fact that even though some part of me was being torn up by every unsaid word, a bigger part of me was simply happy to just be by his side.

…

It was raining pretty hard by the time we were back in Konoha, minutes away from his apartment, before our comfortable silence was broken, but not by words.

_Click… Clack… Clack Clack Clack!_

The little sounds grew louder, they seemed to be coming from all directions. Tearing my attention away from my thoughts and to my surroundings I realized what was going on a little later than other people.

Little ice pebbles were hitting the ground harshly, chipping pieces of ice up in little splashes.

I started to hear people shouting and even a few started laughing as they jogged out of the open space of the street, holding bags over their heads or crouching beneath their jackets, running together.

"Hail." I announced to myself, holding out my hand to catch a little ice shaving as it fell from the sky. It hit my hand with an icy sting

I spent the moment of observing my surroundings as a spectator… I hadn't really thought about running… or laughing… but I would be in only a few moments, after that familiar hand brushed my arm.

"Come on." He ordered with a smile in his voice.

I barely had time to turn my head to him, but it was just long enough to catch a glimpse of his face.

I don't know if it was just the sight of him, or if it was the way I could see that smile I had missed so much beneath his mask, or if it was the way his warm fingers lingered on my cold arm a few seconds longer than necessary but my heart started to race even before I had to start running to catch up with him.

I didn't know when I had started laughing, but all I knew was it was the first time I had in so long that I thought I was acting like an idiot to laugh now, of all times for no reason.  
When I heard his laughter pick up only a few seconds after mine did, I suddenly forgot all of my thoughts, all of my worries and fears.

Right now, it was only the smell of the rain, the chorus of little ice beads pelting the ground, the chilly wind rushing across my skin, the splashes my boots made, the quick beating of my heart, the heat in my cheeks and nose, the stinging in my eyes, the fire in my limbs as I started running out of breath because I was laughing too hard, the shaking of my laughter, the addicting sound of his own, and that perfect, masked, smile I was so happy I caught a glimpse of.

This moment made me feel like I was in suspended in air. I felt like I could run forever without getting tired because he's here with me, because I'm happy, because there's no reason to stop, because I never wanted to stop.

Disappointment settled in me as he started slowing his pace, but my lungs thanked me when I met his pace. I wasn't laughing anymore, but I was smiling without even trying.

We got to the apartment building too soon.

I had barely been able to enjoy that moment as much as I wanted... but… I didn't feel so worried about this anymore.

I felt a little... better.

A lot better.

As if that small and crazy moment of frenzied laughter and running had cured my anxiety.

I had spent hours and hours thinking aloud and talking to myself like a crazy person, trying any new perspective that could make me feel even a fraction better…. And here… just like that…

I felt 'better'.

Without words or angles or thoughts.

…

Just him.

…

It was strange that although he _was_ the reason I had been feeling so… horrible… he seemed to be the only thing to cure it.

Again, it was as if someone was not only playing with my life, but my thoughts and feelings with a twisted sense of humor.

But I couldn't care.  
I was happy right now.

And that was a miracle.

I had thought that I would never be able to feel this way around him ever again.  
That I could only feel the pain and loss… but I was wrong.

That idiotic grin I was still trying to stifle was proof enough.

We both stopped in our tracks in front of the metal staircase leading up the floors. I was practically panting, leaning on my knees a little, while he was only a little out of breath.

That had been the most energy I'd spent in a few days…

But although I was a little tired, I was still trying to keep from smiling too brightly, even as he started climbing the stairs and I followed, that idiotic grin completely took over my face.

He didn't seem to notice, thank god.

… … … … … … … … … … … … …

He saw her smile over his shoulder.

He nearly turned around.  
In a moment of what he could only call 'instinct', he wanted to turn around and hold her face in his hands, to look at her as closely as he could, to memorize how beautiful that smile was, to feel her lips against his.

He barely noticed that he was already in front of his door only a few moments later.

Even as he unlocked and opened it without thinking about anything except her, he forgot that this was supposed to be awkward.

Inviting a young woman, a student no less, that he had overwhelmingly romantic feelings for into his apartment again for the second time in two days, alone together, should've been awkward. Especially now that he was aware of these feelings for her… It should have been unbearable for him. But… it wasn't.  
He really couldn't focus on anything right now, he couldn't pay attention to how cold it was or how drenched he was or how fast his heart was still beating from the running before, not when he was too focused on the, now softer, smile on her face. Not when he was all too aware of the way she hurried past him eagerly to get into the warm room, or how cute she looked soaked like that.

It wasn't until he closed the door behind him, watching her unbuckle her dripping sandals did he remember that he was in the same reality as her, though it was easy to forget now that he felt more and more like he was in some sort of different world. A world he had no idea existed a few days ago, a world where he could feel like this, but a world where he could only look at her, never touching her. The recent memory of her arm under his fingertips burned in his nerve endings momentarily as if reminding him, again, that even if he felt as though a wall were between them, he's still in _her_ world.

Strangely, he nearly smiled at that thought, but what _did_ make him smile was when she turned back to him with her own smile.  
The wall between them seemed to fade a little more.

He remembered how to talk after a second and his manners after a few seconds more.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Walking into that room again…

It was strange.

I had expected to feel out of place, maybe even unwanted.

I knew I had no right to be here for any other reason than to treat his wounds and remind him of the professional details of the previous missions… I knew that…

But, I walked through that door and I felt… like I… belonged.  
I never thought I would feel that way again.  
I fumbled with my sandals in the entryway; I could feel his eyes on me. I couldn't stop smiling though I tried. That moment from before, the laughing and running, it even seemed to have changed the way he was acting too.

I barely even noticed that I was leaving little puddles of rainwater on the floor or that my hair was a stringy and cold, but I couldn't notice anything else after I felt his hand on my arm again.

His fingers seemed even warmer this time. Almost hot.

I turned back to him a little slowly.  
He was smiling a little.

The way he was looking at me…

I immediately lost myself in my head but I didn't have enough time to prepare myself when I heard his voice.

"Wait here a moment." I could still hear the smile in his voice as he gestured to the couch in the room ahead of us.

My smile faltered completely as he disappeared from the room to the back of the apartment after he said something else over his shoulder.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Somewhere between making allowances for himself to let her come to his apartment, and letting himself think she was cute, he must've lost some of his previous conviction to make the time they spent together as scarce and professional as possible because he really didn't give any extra thought to what he just said. Even as he grabbed the towels and looked through his drawers, he still couldn't quite think about what exactly she must be feeling right now, not that he could've guessed right.

But it was almost like some part of him, a part he couldn't recognize… the part that felt so strongly for this girl… was the one taking control right now.

He knew that wasn't good… but he loved the way it felt.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

He left the room as if this was completely normal.

I still had to think about those words.

I just…

Well, they were unexpected.

And now my heart was pounding again, waiting for him to come back but hoping he takes forever.

"_We need to change. I'll go get you something."_

I didn't get the chance to stop him, either…

But seriously….

There were so many things wrong with this.

I had to actually take a moment to unscramble my brain and list them all out.

He was _actually _expecting me to change here. Like changing in his apartment was something so casually normal that he could suggest that and walk out of the room with that irritatingly familiar confidence that I was just going to follow his suggestion/order like that.

I already knew I was going to follow his order like that.

I seemed to have actually become conditioned to get nervous and feel overexposed when he even mentions getting me something to wear.

I was standing here, nervous, but still unable to beat back my smile for too long.

But…

Something about what just happened, it was almost familiar, almost like… Kakashi.

The way he just said that over his shoulder… like it was completely normal….

I sat down on the aged couch slowly, not realizing that my clothes were probably getting it wet. I would've known better if I could even focus right now, but with the adrenaline not quite worn off from before and these weird thoughts and feelings… everything seemed off key.  
I had gotten used to expecting pain and sadness for a while, but suddenly, I was… I was happy.  
I felt like I shouldn't let myself believe in anything that could make me happy… it was bound to get torn away from me as soon as possible.

I knew that was a horribly pessimistic way to think…  
I used to think that people who were just too afraid to live thought that.

Either I was wrong… or I was one of them now.

I frowned at the thought, my hands pulled at my skirt, which was now a slightly darker shade of pink… I had almost forgotten that I wore my mission clothes today. It sounds like something stupid to do, walking around the village in mission-wear, but sometimes people do it just in case… besides, I really needed the confidence today. Wearing these clothes always remind me that I can be strong.

But I didn't feel so strong right now.

I actually felt a little weak, especially with the way my heart was beating, I was almost shivering even though it was warm in here, and I was confused.

And the way he sounded just then, before he left the room, only added to my confusion.

He didn't sound like Kakashi-sensei.

I mean, of course it was his voice, but I could always tell the difference between _Kakashi_'s voice and _Kakashi-sensei's_ voice.  
And, just now, he didn't sound so much like _Kakashi-sensei_.

…

It must've been my imagination.

…

I didn't have enough time to think about it anymore though before he was walking back into the room.

The moment I felt his presence in the room I suddenly felt my body tense and start tingling, I didn't like it.

I just wanted to be normal around him.

I just wanted to feel normal.

Just like he felt around me.

Not this.

I saw him walk towards the couch from the corner of my eye.

I made a point to pretend like I wasn't even thinking about him while he was gone, childishly, I reached out to one of the books on the table picking it up for a moment, pretending like it was much more interesting than him and this apartment. I slammed it back down on the wood of the table after I realized it was an adult love novel.

_Should he really just leave those things lying around like that?_

_Especially when his student's coming over!  
_I cursed him mentally for letting me get into that embarrassing moment.  
He didn't seem to notice though.

That small moment of childish panic didn't let me get the chance to prepare myself when I felt a blanket of warm fabric fall on the top of my head. But whether I had enough time to react or not my heart sped up anyways when I felt the warmer indentations of his fingers landing on the top of my cold head of hair through the fabric of the towel.

Feeling the warmth of his hand again, the shape of it, the weight of it… my heart felt like someone tightened the vise around it to an unbearable degree.

I didn't know what to do.

My insides felt heavy but the air going into my lungs felt too thin.

I had to take a second of shock just to try to remember how to move my hands up to the towel on top of my head. My fingers hurriedly grabbed at the fabric, unsure of whether I wanted to tear it off my head or let my hand find his.

I was leaning towards the latter, but just as I have lost enough sense of judgment to reach out to his hand it had already snatched itself away from me like he didn't mean to touch me at all.

…

_Good. That's good.  
_I told myself.

…

I settled for simply grabbing the towel on top of my head and brushing it over my hair in the same exact pattern _he_ had only a few days ago, pretending that I wasn't shocked at all by the towel that had suddenly fallen on me. I didn't even look up at him as he spoke again.

I felt a little ashamed.

Just a few seconds ago I had actually really wanted to reach out his hand, and I still wanted to. I wanted to feel him like I used to, kiss him, touch him.  
He would probably be disgusted if he knew just how much I wanted to do all those things right now, because, in the past few days, he's probably never thought of any of that.  
It's probably so unthinkable to him that he can act this close.  
So close _because_ he can never even think of me in that way.

…

The vise on my heart loosened with that thought, but it didn't feel better. As if actually bruised by these thoughts my pulse felt sluggish again as my warped heart struggled to beat on.  
I bit my lip as I tried to wake myself up from these thoughts.

…

"There you go." I could hear something like a chuckle in his voice, I wondered if he noticed anything weird about me.  
My stomach churned at the thought.

I can never let him see how I feel for him.

If he ever finds out, he'll only push me away, he'll think I'm some idiot teenager with a weird crush on her teacher.  
He'd stay away from me.  
He'd watch how he talks to me.  
He wouldn't treat me this way anymore.

Even if he didn't feel anything special for me… he seemed to at least like my company.

That was good enough…. Kind of.

But I couldn't let myself slip up and lose even that by giving myself away.  
I couldn't let him see how I feel for him.  
_I'm a horrible actress, though._  
I argued to myself in this split second.  
_He_ was the one who was always the better liar.  
_I have to be careful how I act around him, how I think about him._

And despite everything I just told myself, I still felt my heart speed up nervously, but a little happily, when I saw his face looking down at me. There was a bigger towel hanging over his, now dark grey, hair lazily. I wanted to run my fingers through it like last time.  
Again, I had to wonder when exactly I'll ever become such an adult where I was above worrying to death about all the little things. When I can look and act so cool and confidently.  
Then again, that was always one of Kakashi-sensei's famous features.

Nothing ever bothered him.

But even if I had tried to act cool and confident, it would've been impossible when I saw what he was offering me to wear.

…

Well…

…

_Today's already weird._

_Why not just go with it?  
_I knew that was a dangerous thought… but… I was tired of thinking and worrying.  
For once, I wanted to be like him.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … …

He walked into the dark bar feeling completely out of place, but the thought of leaving never occurred to him, in fact out of all the parties of friends and drunkards that had no shame getting wasted before the sun was even down, Iruka was the only one who looked like he wasn't there to have a good time.

The bartender and owner of the establishment kept an eye on the 26 year old teacher, recognizing the look on a man's face when he's thinking about starting trouble.

Iruka had no plans of 'starting trouble', he wasn't there for any other reason than to see a certain man he heard usually spent Friday evenings here.

"Dolphin!" The dark-haired teacher, the man he was looking for, called to Iruka from the very end of the bar, using that certain joking tone with his name.

Iruka wasn't up for nicknames right now. He made his way to the half-drunk man.

"Kuroke." He greeted him coldly.

"I never thought you were the kind of guy to go to bars!" Kuroke was having a hard time controlling his volume now that the alcohol had already started messing with his senses.  
Iruka didn't say anything.  
"Then again, I never thought you were the kind of guy who would bang his students, either." Kuroke said quietly, almost slyly, as he raised his glass to his lips.

Iruka didn't remember telling his hand to hit the glass out of the man's hand, but it did just as soon as a sickly squirming sensation filled his insides at that lewd accusation.

"Hey, settle down." The bartender came over to them, eyeing Iruka warily, and gave Kuroke a full glass and wiped the bar down with a single swipe of an aged rag.  
Iruka didn't care about causing that scene just then like he usually would have, he turned his attention back to his dark-haired colleague.

Kuroke seemed content enough with his new glass to forget about the demise of the last.

"Kuroke. You don't know anything about what's going on with Haruno-san. She and I have absolutely no romantic interest in each other." Iruka recited the polite little speech he thought of on his way there, careful to use only Sakura's last name and the most distant suffix available. But still… something inside him squirmed further as he had to say that last sentence.

The half-drunk man looked up at Iruka with semi-glazed eyes. He smirked before talking again. "Yeah, whatever… but tell me something…" He paused, Iruka debated whether to stay for whatever this man was going to say or to leave now before he did anything else to make a scene. "Did you pick her out while she was still your student or did you just notice her after she filled out a little?"

Iruka stood there, a little dumbstruck for a moment. He couldn't really process the several things wrong with that question before Kuroke spoke up again. "Come on, drop the adorable-older-brother act for a minute and give it to me straight." Kuroke turned on his stool to face Iruka head on. Iruka suddenly felt some of his conviction waver slightly. "You want her, don't you?" He asked bluntly. "I already said I wouldn't blame you, but I think you could've set your sights higher. That Yamanako from the same class seemed a little easier…" He swayed on his stool a little, "But Haruno was always eager to please, wasn't she?"

…

Iruka's hand clenched into a fist.

He debated whether or not to punch this man now or later… he couldn't help but remember the last time he had punched someone.

That night, at the Masque, when he had walked in on Sakura and…

Even then, it was a horrible reaction… he should've handled the situation better… but he couldn't think straight when he saw Kakashi-san handling and kissing her like that.  
But, it wasn't as if Sakura had actually been against his adult advances…

Iruka's muddied memories were invaded by Kuroke's slightly sobered voice, Iruka readied himself to actually punch him this time.

"I saw the way you looked at her… like you just wanted to grab her and never let go."

That struck a chord…

That night… he hadn't been able to stop himself from reaching out to her, holding her… he _hadn't_ wanted to let go.

But it wasn't like that…

He's just worried about her.

She shouldn't be alone during a time like this.

She needs somebody to remind her she isn't alone, that the pain will pass.

Iruka found his voice abruptly, not wanting to let himself think through that dangerous thought any longer, "You were wrong. I have no interest in Haruno or any other students of mine." His voice was almost robotic, he was trying too hard to hide the anger he felt for even having to say that horrific sentence. It was in his nature to stay quiet and hide his anger, but he felt like he was losing this battle.

"Well, you better get used to being lonely." Kuroke chuckled as he took another drink, "Look around, all the women our age are either married to a man or their work. And sure the easy ones are fun to hang around for a while, but we gotta start thinking about the future. We're not gonna stay this young forever." Kuroke spouted his philosophy with a fake charm, "And neither will the girls in the Academy." He finished.

Iruka's jaw tensed as his fist clenched tighter.

"So I suggest that if you're not lying about this whole 'I'm not interested'-thing that you start taking a look at your options before they're all grown up and don't want anything to do with you."

He couldn't believe he was hearing this.

And from a fellow teacher.

A man that parents trusted their children with, a man that was supposed to teach and help his students, not consider them 'options'.

Iruka couldn't stay quiet any longer, "You're the exact kind of man that should have never become a teacher." He started to turn away, already sick of this conversation and disgusted with this man. He stopped before leaving, not ready to leave this alone just yet. "If you ever touch one of those girls-"

"You're acting pretty tough, Dolphin…" Kuroke interrupted him, "I think this is probably the real you, isn't it?"

Iruka couldn't even make sense of that.

"You actually seem a little defensive, Dolphin. Like you've given this some thought, too. Maybe you were just trying it out by being sweet with Haruno… who knows, girls are weak, she's probably already begging you to jump her. Maybe you're just trying to make her work for it so that when you do the deed she'll do anythin-"

A deep thud echoed through the bar for a split second before there was a clatter of a wooden stool falling over. The now full-drunk Kuroke was writhing on the floor, cupping his nose with his hand, trying to keep the blood from getting everywhere.

"Hey!" The bartender spoke up, they both ignored him, the other patrons looked over to the scene with alarmed curiosity.

There was a moment of silence, Iruka could hear his heart beating fast, but all he could feel was heat running through his body as he had to keep himself from doing anything more. He looked down to his knuckle, there was some blood on it.

He was distracted from that when he heard Kuroke start laughing, the sound of his chuckling clogged with blood.

"Admit it, you're only pissed at me because you don't like the fact that you're just like me."

Iruka made himself turn around, ignoring the first instinct to punch the man again.

He ignored the stares.

Kuroke's voice picked just as Iruka was a few feet from the door.

"Even if you think you're better than me, I still know you're not as strong as you think you are."

Iruka opened the door without hesitating.

"You won't be able to help yourself in the end!" Kuroke shouted just before the door slammed.

…

Iruka kept walking, not sure where he was going, but he didn't slow down for anything.

He scrubbed the blood from his knuckles more aggressively than necessary on his sleeve.

He couldn't remember the last time he made somebody bleed like that.

It had been years.

He never liked it.

That's why he became a teacher, because he didn't like hurting others, not after what he's seen and gone through.

This was the only time he could remember enjoying hurting someone.

He really didn't like that.

He felt like the fact he _did_ enjoy it meant he was actually more like Kuroke than he thought.

…

"_Even if you think you're better than me, I still know you're not as strong as you think you are."_

He wished he could forget that… but… he couldn't.

…

He needed to talk to Sakura about this.

…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … …

He peeled the wet undershirt off of his chest and over his head slowly.

He ran the towel over his cold, damp skin for a few seconds, his mind completely too preoccupied to care about the little stinging sensations that fired up all over his chest as the coarse towel ran over them.

Why did he do that?

Having her change… and into one of his shirts…

He unbuckled his pants, kicking them off quickly.

He guessed it was because he had wanted to change and it would've been rude to change while she stayed cold and wet…

He buckled the dry pants, not paying any more attention than necessary to his clothes as he attempted to figure this out.

He grimaced at the thought that he might have had some sort of subconscious ulterior motive.

He grabbed his dry undershirt.

Of course there wasn't an ulterior motive. What could he possibly gain from this?

In fact, he had felt awkward handing her the shirt.

… but still… it was hard to trust himself.

He sighed, looking into the mirror without thinking.

His expression didn't change as his eyes found the dozens of cuts on his arms and chest, but he spent a moment longer than necessary looking at his neck.

The mark was nearly gone.

He didn't want it to be.

It was the smallest shred of evidence of some sort of happiness in the memories he lost.

…

But…

…

Now that he felt this way for Sakura.

He was willing to let go of whatever he had done, of whoever had given him this mark, if it meant he could focus on her.  
Earlier that same day he had thought about this the other way.  
That his feelings for Sakura were impeding on whatever past he had with the woman who gave him this mark… now… he couldn't imagine wanting any other woman more than he did Sakura.

Grimacing at the forwardness of his thoughts he sighed again and forced himself to look away from his reflection.

He has to remember not to think that way.  
He shouldn't _want_ her.

That was far too much for a girl Sakura's age to handle, that kind of desire from a man his age… for now… no, for the remainder of time he felt this way for her –which he could already tell wasn't going to be an amount of time to count by days, weeks, or months- he was going to have to only enjoy her company, her voice, her smile,… just _her._

Not the way her skin would feel, or how soft her lips would feel, or the way her voice would sound calling his name in a new way, or the way her eyes would look up at him after kissing her.

He could never know those details about her.

He didn't notice his own frown as he pulled on his undershirt and adjusted the mask after that thought.

But he would stay by her, as her captain, as her teacher.

Because that's who he should be for her.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … …

I held out the article of clothing again as I walked into his room- he had told me to change in his room since he needed to get the bandages from the bathroom anyways.

I already knew what it was, but I just had to do something to distract myself from this room.

This room that I knew so intimately.

This room I had spent the night in, this room that smelled like him, this room that had everything to do with him.

I focused on the fabric intensely now, probably looking like an idiot for staring at it for so long.

But I couldn't help it.

It was my favorite shirt to see him wear.

The last time I saw it, I was absent-mindedly packing it into one of his bags just after he left me the morning of the second day at the onsen.

I could remember the dozens of times I've seen him wear this black, now dark grey with age, shirt over the years. I never really picked it out as my favorite, though, since it wasn't until a few months ago did I realize the way it drapes over his shoulders and how snugly it clings to his muscles, and even the way he –just like he did with almost all of his shirts- he would bunch the sleeves up to his elbows.

Standing there now, enjoying the memories of him in this shirt, I felt a little like some kind of stalker or something, but I tried to push that from my mind.

I walked over to the desk, careful of every step and movement in this room.

I laid it out on the desk nicely, even careful not to look at the complicated papers on the desk.

…

_Now…_

_I have to take off my shirt._  
I announced mentally to myself, feeling incredibly awkward now.

…

Taking a deep breath I quickly unzipped and tugged my shirt off, feeling way too exposed to this room that reminded me so much of him.  
I knew I was acting like a paranoid kid, but I think I was entitled to… sort of.

I hadn't noticed till I started folding my red shirt hurriedly just how heavy and cold it was with rainwater.  
I then noticed how cold I suddenly felt without a shirt.  
I quickly snatched his dry shirt off the table.  
Ignoring how foreign it felt to poke my head into the shirt, myself, I hurriedly pulled it on.

The warm, slightly coarse, fabric nearly sent shivers down my spine, what actually sent shivers down my spine was the way the shirt hung on _me_.

It was a little loose, not too loose, but just enough that some sections of the fabric didn't actually touch my skin until I moved or turned. It was a strange feeling.  
As a ninja, I was used to wearing clothes that were as snug as appropriately possible so that nothing got caught during the action, but the way it felt on my damp skin wasn't nearly as unsettling as something else.

It smelled so much like him.

Just standing here, in the quiet room, I felt like he was hugging me. A weightless, colder hug.

I raised my hands to my face, to smell the sleeves, feeling creepy about it already, when I realized that the sleeves were too long for me. I sighed.

I probably looked like an idiot wearing this thing.

I didn't care anymore.

I looked down to my legs, the shirt was long enough to reach just an inch before the hem of my skirt.

_I mind as well…_

I unbuckled the wet skirt and placed it on the frumpy pile of fabric that was my shirt. My hips felt lighter, free from the weight. I tugged at the shirt so that it would stretch downward some more.

Now I was mostly dry.

Except my hair was a little damp and my leggings were soaked towards the bottom, but I definitely wasn't going to take those off.

I stood there for a moment…

Everything was so quiet.

_Should I go back to the living room?_

_Should I stay here?_

I looked around the room again, careful not to pay too much attention to anything, afraid of what I would feel if I saw something familiar or something unexpected.  
I avoided looking at the bed at all costs.

I ended up looking at the desk again, knowing at least that much was safe. I rearranged the wet shirt and skirt on it absent-mindedly.

A moment passed.

…

… Several more passed.

…

_UGH!_

I sighed loudly.

This was getting tiring. Feeling this wary and stupid all the time.

_Screw it._  
Tired of being afraid of doing anything I just sat down in the chair in front of the desk, trying not to care.

I sat for a moment.

Got bored.

I laid my head down on my arms.

…

My face was buried in the sleeves of his shirt. I closed my eyes.

I smelled warm rain-washed forests and I saw him in my mind.

I instantly felt better.

_God, I miss this so much._

I wished I could feel his arms again soon.

I wished I could fall asleep to this scent sometime in my life again.

…

That was too sad.

I forced myself to sit up.

Got bored again.

I stood up again.

I went over to the door, I opened it a little, just to check if he was out there yet.  
He wasn't, so I just left the door open a little and walked back into the room, feeling more comfortable in a smaller room than a bigger one… like some kind of woodland creature.

That was when I noticed how dark it was outside, dark enough that I could see my reflection in the window.

… I did look a little weird.

The shirt looked poofy on me, the collar was too wide, and the sleeves were weird, worst of all my wet hair had turned into a mess during the changing process.

Lacking anything better to do, I pushed the sleeves up to my elbows as I reached up to my hair, I flattened it back. It fell in front of my face again, but it looked better. I gave up.

I let my hands fall to my side, the sleeves fell back down instantly.

I pushed them back again, feeling a little irritated. But the irritation stopped when I realized, again, that's how he always wore this shirt, too. I suddenly felt like a little kid trying to place dress up. I let the sleeves fall to the middle joint of my fingers in rebellion to that disturbing thought.

I stared at my reflection again for a moment, letting my eyes wander up and down.

That was when I noticed something.

Two things, in fact.

Two pictures.

Just like the last time I was alone in this room, those two pictures captured my attention first.

Even from where I was standing I could recognize the silver-haired man in the picture with the 13 year old me smiling stupidly… and it wasn't difficult to spot the silver-haired boy in the picture next to it either.

Without thinking I already walked up to them, and picked the most recent one up.

I studied it for a moment.

I had a copy in my room, I've seen in practically every day for four years.  
And still… I couldn't get used to the idea that there was _ever_ a time in my life when I didn' tfeel like this for Kakashi.

I still remembered that day.

I had been yelling at Naruto, flirting shamelessly at Sasuke, and paying Kakashi-sensei mean glances whenever he tried to make us do any type of training that could distract Sasuke.

I remembered being surprised that he wanted us to take the picture that day.

I had been so sure Kakashi-sensei still hated us, I was expecting him to drop us or something any day. And though it's something I am extremely ashamed to admit at this moment, there were a few times when I wished he would drop us,… as long as I stayed on Sasuke's team, of course.

I cringed at the memory of me.

…

How could a man that's seen that bratty, childish, side of me ever learn to love me?

It must have been a miracle.

…

And miracles don't happen twice, do they?

That hurt way too much, I had to put the picture down. I distracted myself with the other picture by it.

The silver-haired boy was scowling behind his mask, both of his eyes were showing, he hadn't been scarred either yet.  
The memory of his scar reminded me of the few times I let my fingertips or lips trace it… along with other scars covering his arms and chest.

The memories made my heart beat faster, but I still focused on the people in the picture.

The Naruto-esque goggled boy, the purple-cheeked quiet looking girl, and the Yondaime.

None of them were around anymore, were they?

I knew the fourth had died when the Kyuubi attacked Konoha…. But I still didn't recognize Kakashi's other two team members from anywhere.

_They must be gone, too._

I gripped the frame tighter as I suddenly felt my heart drop a little.

His entire team was gone…

It felt horrible when Sasuke left, and that was an understatement,… it was extremely hard for Naruto and I to recover… even Kakashi-sensei seemed to have taken it hard in his own way.

But just imagining what it would feel like to lose all three of them…

To be the only one left…

To lose your entire team, your parents, your teacher, your friends...

…

_How can somebody who's known this much pain.…_

_How can he be 'Kakashi'?.._

…

A wave something like pride came over me, something like admiration.

If it was possible to fall harder for him… knowing the life he's had, knowing the pain he's gone through, and knowing he is strong enough to be the man I love… if it is at all possible to feel more for him, and to know when my feelings have grown, it was then.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … …

**…**

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**Ok, I know that's a strange stopping point... mostly because it isn't a cliffhanger, but the next chapter will be out soonish.**

**…**

**And, just saying, reviews are very motivational for me. To know someone is still reading and at least partly interested.**

**So if you just have a moment, feel free to say your thoughts or let me know if a particular moment/sentence struck you, and I might be able to get the next chapter out even sooner…**

**…**

**Just saying…**

xD


	70. Idiots and Ideas: Part 1

**Chapter 70!**

**Title: **_'Idiots and Ideas: Part 1'_

**Note: Ok, you guys got it. Here's the next TWO chapters!**

**Seriously, you guys deserve it, I got so many reviews in one day that I sat down for 13 hours (almost straight) to write these chapters for you guys.**

**Yeah, 13 hours.**

… **Whew…**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

… … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Carrying a few boxes of gauze he approached the bedroom door, about ready to knock before opening it, but it was already open. He walked into the doorway quietly.

He was ready to try and make this a professional environment, following his self-given advice from before, but he lost most of his reasoning when he saw her.

He stopped in the doorway, not saying anything.

He almost needed to walk back out again, just to give himself a moment to process.

He didn't know what it was.

Was it the fact she was wearing his shirt? Or was it how it looked on her, how the sleeves were too long, the collar too loose, or how messy her hair was?

Or was it just that… for a moment… when he saw her like that… it almost seemed… natural.

Not that it was only natural for her to wear his shirt, but that it seemed natural for her to be in his life like this.

…  
This closeness.

It was a strange feeling, but it was enough to throw away every shred of conviction he had to keep his thoughts professional when it was suddenly impossible not to think she was incredibly… cute.

…

But his thoughts turned to a considerable less frivolous place when she turned to him and he saw the picture she had been looking at.

A very old, very deep, kind of pain came back for a moment.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … …

As soon as I turned around there were several feelings that bombarded my previously solemn thoughts.  
Seeing him there, not realizing he was there, I felt a little surprised, but mostly embarrassed. I had planned on setting the picture down before he got back so it wouldn't look like I was snooping at his personal things. That plan was broken to pieces now.  
And, to turn around and see him leaning against the door jamb like that, my heart seemed to bounce happily in the same moment it was flattened with the surprise embarrassment… The way he was standing reminded me of _Kakashi. _The way he always spent a few moments looking at me before actually walking into a room, but the embarrassment not only came from holding the picture but realizing that he _had_ _been_ looking at me. Me, the one wearing his shirt and looking like an idiot in it.

I suddenly wished I could hear his thoughts for a moment.

He must've wanted to either laugh at me or wash this shirt later…

I knew he wouldn't really think of that last one, but… at this point, I always suspected the worst.

And then, without realizing, I had been so lost in these thoughts and with staring at him that I missed the fact he had said something to me.

He was walking into the room when I spoke up stupidly, "What?"

He smiled politely for a moment behind his mask, his eyes on the picture in my hand.

He set down the bandages on the desk and held out his hand for it, I hurriedly handed it back to him, he didn't seem to mind my awkwardness.

But even I forgot about being awkward when I heard him repeat those words I had missed before.

"I still miss them from time to time…"

…

He looked at the picture with narrowed, gentle eyes. He looked like he was suddenly in a far off place.

He grazed his fingertips along the glass… his touch stayed on the face of the goggled boy for longer than a second.

I just stood there, unable to think about anything except him right now.

If this had been a week ago I knew what I would've done.

I would've wanted to distract him from whatever pain he must've been feeling right now.

I would've walked up to him, let my head rest on the back his shoulders as I wrapped my arms around his chest.

I could even tell what he probably would've done.

He would've set the picture down gently, unhook my arms from around him so that he could see my face.

He would've kissed me, if only just show me that despite painful memories he was happy now.

With me.

…

But neither of us did any of that.

I just stood there.

Watching the pain in his expression loosen its hold only slightly as he started to put it back.

I couldn't touch him, I couldn't feel him, or kiss him.  
I had nothing to do or say to comfort him.  
I didn't have the right to.

I didn't know what he was going through in that moment.  
If words were all I had, I didn't have any I knew would help right now.

I felt so normal.

My parents were alive. My childhood friends were alive. My first crush hadn't gone as I had planned, but considering who I shared my first kiss with despite my young daydreams about Sasuke, I couldn't really care. What I was going through now was worse than anything else I knew before… I lost someone, but he isn't dead… he isn't gone… He's standing right here, warm and tall and strong.

I still had hope.

But he… he's lost everyone.

His family, his friends, his team, and more than likely _his_ first crush.

I looked at the girl in the photo with purple marks on her cheeks, wondering if the young Kakashi-sensei standing beside her had felt what I had for my own teammate before he abandoned us. It seemed like it really must have been such a long time ago for it to be so easy for Kakashi-sensei to set down the picture and walk away so easily.

I suddenly felt really young.

Like I didn't know anything.

I didn't know anything about pain.

Not the kind of pain he knew.

Losing me probably wouldn't crush him as easily as it had me when I 'lost' him.

…

That last thought was a lot tougher to deal with than I thought it would be.

…

I noticed a little late that he was walking up to me.

I suddenly felt pressure to say something.

"Um, I can… I can probably start treating you now."

I sounded like such an idiot.  
But it was a start.

… … … … … … … … … …

They were already on the couch after that strange moment in his room.

She seemed unsettled.  
_"Um, I can… I can probably start treating you now."_ She was tripping over her words back then.

Like something was bothering her.

Even as she sat here, unpacking the little gauze squares and tape, she seemed bothered by something.

He had probably done something wrong.

He nearly laughed at himself when that thought came up.

Of course he did. This whole day he hasn't been able to keep himself from doing the wrong things.

He was surprised she wasn't treating him like he was crazy already.

He watched her set out the little items with such intense care, unable to bring himself to look away.  
She turned to him, looking very serious, and rolled up the sleeves of the shirt she was wearing.

With every passing moment and thought it was getting more and more difficult to keep himself from doing something unforgivable.  
He had no idea what he would do, but he knew it wasn't something he should.

He wanted to sigh.  
Something in his head was really screwed up wasn't it?  
He had no control whatsoever over his thoughts for her... he really wasn't used to having no control.

He was too lost in his thoughts of her, and his worries for his mental health, to notice when she leaned forward, reaching for his arm.

He was about to pull up his sleeve for her, but she got there first.

Her fingers rolled up the fabric of his sleeves a little higher, as high as they could go and it was only a few seconds before her hand fell on his arm.

Despite his efforts, he could only notice how soft her skin was.

Even as the green hum started up, he couldn't even feel the pain of the wounds closing up again, he was too distracted by her.

_This wasn't a good idea._

_I should've just sent her home._

_What am I thinking?..._

He had to break the silence to distract himself from her.

… ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

I tried my best not to touch him too much, but I knew I didn't have to press my whole hand on his arm…

God, I felt like some sort of creep.

I didn't have to think about that too long when I heard his voice.

"Tsunade said I needed to catch up on what happened during the past missions." I felt my heart pick up, I knew what he was going to ask me, but I hoped he wouldn't, "How did the last mission go?"

The question sounded so simple, so harmless, but just trying to come up with an answer was enough to make the green hum under my hands waver slightly.

After only a second I knew I had to say something, so I just started with the basics.

"It was an undercover mission." I started quietly, I could feel his eyes on me.

"We, uh, we all signed into an onsen as normal people and we just had to collect information on a yakuza family…" I summarized badly. "We got the information eventually, but we were discovered by…" I couldn't say his name, but I had to.

"An exile-ninja… Hiroki, knew about us." I tried not to sound so obvious, but I did anyway, it was hard to ignore the way my skin crawled when I said that man's name, "He turned us in… You had to fight with him. He used chemical treated weapons, you overdosed, and this… this is what happened…"

A moment of silence passed.

I moved the green hum to another cut just before the previous one was healed all the way. It was a common practice to keep from healing wounds all the way, if you rush wounds to heal completely too fast, it'll leave a scar.  
I waited for him to say something, maybe ask about the mission before that, but I didn't expect the question I got.

"His name was Hiroki?"

…

_What did that have anything to do with anything?_  
I looked up at him, my mental question plain on my face.

I suddenly realized why he was asking that when I saw that he had been looking at my neck. The loose collar left the bite marks unhidden. I quickly pulled at the shirt to make it cover more of my neck.

I had forgotten that I actually told Kakashi the name of the man who left these yesterday.

I suddenly felt that sick sensation inside of me grow as I realized he hadn't forgotten about… about what Hiroki did to me…  
It hadn't been much… but… it was way too much.

I found my voice after a second.

"Yeah… he… uh… he 's the one that…" I couldn't find words, my throat was closing up. I went quiet without meaning to, focusing too hard on the way my stomach felt heavier and heavier with every moment I thought about that man.

…

"Did I kill him?"  
His voice sounded so simple when he said that.

I almost wanted to laugh, but I couldn't.

It was nice to know Kakashi-_sensei_ was more protective of me than I thought he was. I had thought he would've just… he would've cared, but he wouldn't say something like that…

I smiled as best as I could before speaking up, "No… But you wanted to…"

"What stopped me?" He actually sounded genuinely curious.

I took a moment to stop myself from answering truthfully, _'You were too distracted by me that night to waste time with him…'_

"The regional police got there sooner than expected." I lied.

_They actually got there way too late. If they had showed up before your fight... we wouldn't be having this conversation._

… … … … … … … … … … ... ... ... ... ... ...

Everything went quiet for a few minutes after that.  
He tried not to think about what Hiroki had done, but more about how it must have felt like to cripple him.

But still, something about her explanation seemed to be… missing.  
Something told him she wasn't telling him everything.

Then again, how could she know everything about what he was up to during the mission?

Even he couldn't really predict what he would've done in the circumstances, he wasn't a predictable person, he was secretive, too.

The only thing he knew had happened recently was some sort of rendezvous with a woman who left the mark on his neck, he didn't know anything else.

And as if just to prove him wrong, his brain decided to remember something recent he couldn't believe he'd forgotten.  
_"You were smiling all the time and made us dress up really weird, and when we went undercover you even said Sakura was your fiancé-."_

Naruto's words came back to him with a shock.

_Fiancee?_

He looked down to the girl in front of him.

_Why would I do that?_

_What would that have accomplished?  
_He asked himself seriously, trying to ignore the immature kind of happiness the idea of calling her his fiancée for a few days gave him.

And then an answer came to mind, one that he didn't know if he liked or not.

_Did I feel like this for her before, too?_

The thought resonated inside his mind dangerously.

He suddenly felt worry fill his thoughts instead.

_How long have I felt like this for her?_

_Why would I go so far as to make her go undercover as my fiancée?_

_Had I actually turned into some kind of creep that I would play games with her like that without caring how she felt?_

He really didn't like that.

He needed to make sure the past-him hadn't scared her or come on too strongly.

Having to worry about that at all scared him more than anything.

But what was even scarier was what he realized just before letting himself speak.

_Why hadn't she mentioned the fiancée cover?_

…

_Did she feel so uncomfortable with it that she didn't want to bring it up?_

…

He suddenly felt nervous.

Everything about this moment was so foreign to him, all these thoughts and worries, he never used to let himself get so worked up or _nervous_ over anything before, but right now… he must have not been himself… or _too _much himself….

He was really beginning to doubt he could even pretend to be the teacher this girl knew and needed anymore. Ever since he saw her again this afternoon he's fallen over himself and broken too many of his own rules before he could help it.

Everything about this was so upside-down for him, but he couldn't let it go.

He needed to say something.

He needed to apologize.

But his attempts at piecing a sentence together were interrupted when she spoke up, her voice soft.

"Um, I need to get to the ones on your shoulders."

…

_What?_

She gave him an apologetic look that seemed to be mixed with embarrassment and he realized what he was supposed to do.

"Alright." He said as coolly as he could.

But as he was pulling the fabric of his overshirt over his head, he could only feel his heart beating and the strange feeling that this was not only inappropriate but…

…

Familiar.

…

He couldn't make any sense of that so he tried to distract himself with his previous worries.

…

The fiancé-cover.

…

He needed to apologize or something, right?...

…

All he knew for sure right now, as he sat there in his sleeveless undershirt, was that he felt awkward... with something like anticipation mixing into it.

He set down his shirt on the table in front of them and directed his left shoulder to her.

His pulse jumped against his will when she touched him again.

…

And now that this situation had turned into this melting pot of internal awkwardness, confusion, worry, and anticipation, he couldn't see how asking the next question could make things that much worse.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

He started to pull up his shirt after a moment.

He didn't seem to expect this. But he seemed so… normal.

Like this wasn't strange or inappropriate.

I guess it wasn't to him.

He placed the shirt on the table and I did my best not to pay attention to how tightly his undershirt clung to his muscles, like his undershirts always did. Even when I was young and I'd see him in the hospital wearing only his undershirt I thought it was a little inappropriate for him to display so many details about his body like that.

My opinion about that changed when my opinion for his body did…  
But that wasn't the case anymore.

I was supposed to think like I used to, not like that.

_I'm not supposed to think he's attractive._

_I'm not supposed to remember how much I loved seeing him like this._

And as he directed his left shoulder to me, I definitely wasn't supposed to want to reach out and trace the ink pattern of his tattoo one last time like I really really wanted to right now.

I focused on the gash on his shoulder, instead, speeding up the cellular process as gently as I could, giving it much more attention than necessary to keep my mind off of other things.

That didn't work anymore after he broke the silence.

"Naruto said something about our undercover roles…" My stomach froze. "He said I called you my fiancée."

I wanted to punch Naruto again.

"Why?" He asked.

…

_How can he just ask that so simply?_

I knew it was probably because he couldn't imagine the real reason why, but I didn't appreciate having to answer that.

I had to take a long moment to overlook my frustration and try to come up with some sort of lie.

I even remembered the conversation we had had about this before, even _he_ said that there was no plausible angle for making me his fake-fiancée.  
So how was _I_ supposed to come up with one now!

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

She hesitated, he thought he knew why.

He sighed.

_I was such an idiot.  
_It was all he could tell himself before he spoke again with the apology he thought he owed her.

"I'm sorry if anything I did made you feel uncomfortable."

Just as he finished those words she looked up at him suddenly, as if she hadn't expected that at all.

She was quiet for a moment, like she had to think through something. She looked back to the green glow on his shoulder, he had forgotten about the pain already, he was too focused on her.

"It wasn't… I wasn't… uncomfortable with it." Her voice was quiet when she said that.

He didn't know if he could believe that, but he hoped he could.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … …

He sighed heavily as he arched his back, stretching it out after hours of hunching over test papers and lesson plans.

Working always helped him forget about other issues in his life, but it wasn't working right now.

He rubbed the scarred bridge of his nose between his fingers tiredly.  
He felt a little twinge of pain on his knuckle.

He hadn't noticed until then that a mean-looking blood-bruise had been forming in the hours that have passed since his 'discussion' with Kuroke.

Even the memory of that man was enough to make Iruka drop his pen on the table with irritation and lean all the way back in his wooden chair, rubbing his eyes as he titled his head upward.

He was so tired.

It was getting late.

He couldn't stay here forever.

He had to get home.

He didn't want to think about what his mind would do to him once he was alone and without work.  
He sighed again, dropping his arms to his sides while still staring up at the wooden ceiling.

He really needed to see Sakura about this.

To let her know he can't be around her for a little while. To let her know, before she finds out in some sort of cruel way, about these rumors.

A moment of cold anxiety ran through him as he wondered whether or not she already knew.

He hoped not.

… but he couldn't know for sure.

He had to go and see her before she heard about the rumors from anybody else. And maybe, after having a few words with her, he could rest easier too.

He started packing up his things.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … …

I fumbled with the silence for a couple seconds, hating it.

I had to say something.

So I answered his question.

"Uh… we were undercover like that because… um, if we said we were a couple, we could book a suite that was directly adjacent to the mob boss's" I said finally, having constructed the shaky sentence after some thought.

After saying all that, I felt stupid. As per usual.

But after that passed I could only feel his eyes on me for a long moment before he spoke up.

"It was still inappropriate." He said bluntly. I recognized that tone of voice. It was exactly the same one he'd use every time he scolded himself for not holding back enough.

He didn't seem to be okay with it yet.

I guess he really didn't like the idea of having to pretend to be my fiancé…

I felt a little ticked by that.

"No. Everything was really professional." I lied the biggest lie I've said today with more conviction than necessary.  
I knew I shouldn't feel this insulted but… after dealing with this man's antics about how much he 'couldn't help himself' from driving me insane as my 'fiance' during our stay at the onsen, to sit here and listen to him scold the situation like he couldn't find any enjoyment in it was a little disorientating.

But I moved on quickly after that.

I repositioned my hands, working on a new gash.

I found a new subject:

"Um, there was another mission I don't think you remember."

He looked over to me, he seemed ok with the subject change, so I continued. "We had to escort a boy, an heir of some sort of feudal family, to the Land of Earth."

I summarized vaguely, leaving out all the details that meant anything to me.

"How'd that one go?" He asked nonchalantly, "Was it anything like our first escorting mission." He joked a little. I thought it was a little funny to bring that up, but he really had no idea exactly how _different_ it was from our battle with Zabuza and Haku.  
I paid him a small smile anyways. "No, it was actually really simple." I said semi-truthfully, "But he was kind of a brat." I added lastly. I could still remember that little demon and his manipulative games. I still couldn't believe I had been stupid enough to fall for them, too.

But before I could rally together any more annoyance at the Koichi-demon or past-me, I was distracted by the sound of Kakashi-sensei's laugh. It was only a chuckle, but it was enough to to completely calm my nerves.

"What did he do?" He asked after he stopped chuckling.

My nerves fired again for a moment, anxiously. But I knew better to really tell him what Koichi had done to be the brat he was.

"He just thought he could boss everyone around and would run off when he wasn't supposed to." I improvised with a different side of the truth.

I moved my hands again, not even able to appreciate the opportunity to touch more of his shoulder now that I was busy making sure I didn't let anything weird slip into my words.

"There wasn't any trouble?" He asked conversationally.

_Yeah, lots of it… but not the kind you're asking about._

"No, not really... except you kind of scared him, though. I think he probably still has nightmares about you." I answered instead.

I made him laugh again. And again, my own spirits were lifted a fraction. I was smiling now as I leaned over to the gauze and tape on the table, about to patch up a few of the almost-healed cuts on his arm.

"Did he deserve it?" He asked further.

"Yeah, he did, actually." I could answer the way I wanted to this time. This time I laughed a little.

I could still remember that kid's face after Kakashi came out of nowhere and threatened him.

Kakashi-sensei didn't know what I was laughing about, but he smiled at me. His smile was starting to look… familiar.

I didn't have enough time to think about that little observation before he spoke up again, "Anything else?"

_Where to start?_

_That was the mission when we first spent the night with each other.  
It was the first time I really got to see the human side of you.  
It was the first time I got to see the jealous side of you.  
It was the first time you lectured me about trusting you more without sounding like a teacher.  
It was the first time somebody ever discovered us.  
And it was the last time I ever cried in front of you._

I couldn't say any of those details though… so I just went with what I could, feeling a little lost in my thoughts and memories.

"Uh, we got to his family's estate and spent the night because of the Gan'U showers." I explained robotically.

I suddenly felt I shouldn't have told him that.

The Gan'U rock showers actually had actually become a sweet memory for me.

And he seemed to pick up on the subject, too.

"Really?" He asked, looking over to me now. I was careful not to look at him, "I've only seen it once before." He went on. "It's not the best weather to get caught in, but I always liked the mythology surrounding it."

_Yeah, I know._

_I was actually kind of surprised._

_I didn't know back then just how sentimental you could be._

I knew I couldn't say that… but… I didn't brush the subject aside too quickly.

"What mythology?" I tested him.

I had no idea why I asked him like that… but… I guess I just wanted to hear him say it. Just to hear him say it again.

A long moment passed as I waited for his words, not looking at him though.

"Sakura…"

My name.

God, every time he says my name my heart goes crazy.

_Stop it!_  
I commanded my heart just before I looked up to him, "Yes?"

My eyes found his, but they weren't looking at mine. They were looking downward.

_What could he want to say to me now?_

_Why did he say my name like that?_

My heart only grew louder with those thoughts.

That was when I saw his hand move only slightly, I looked down at it. His fingers were so close to me, but they were pointing to something else. I hadn't noticed till now that my necklace was out of my shirt now, the ring hanging in front of my chest as I leaned over to him.

His fingertips almost touched the ring.

I hunched away from him a little.

I didn't know what to say.

I couldn't think.

"Um, it's just…" I couldn't explain it fast enough.

He looked up to my face.

I couldn't think.

He was about to say something but I accidentally interrupted him with my voice. I didn't say a word, it was just a sound that came out of me when I suddenly felt a twinge of pain inside of my fingers.

"You okay?" He suddenly seemed to forget about my necklace, he turned to me a little, his other hand raising up like he was about to touch me, to make sure I was okay, he didn't though.

I focused on the pain, I recognized it.

I could feel the focus of my chakra start dissipating slowly.

I was getting tired.  
I tried harder, but I couldn't seem to control the chakra points in my hands very well, or any points… I must still be recovering from the toxin.

I gave a huff of frustration after another moment.  
He was still staring at me… almost worried.

"Sorry. I think that's all I can do today." I said with obvious disappointment, I didn't know whether it over this or this little conversation we were having. I let my hands fall from his shoulder, they were shaking a little. I really had no idea how exhausted I was till that moment.  
I felt my frustration with myself grow.

"You should probably get another medic-nin." I didn't mean it, but it was true. What's the use of a medic-nin that can't heal?

I turned away from him a little, rubbing my hands together worriedly.

I heard him take a little breath as he leaned closer to my side, like he was trying to make me look at him.

"I don't want another one." His voice surprised me. I looked back to him now, he was smiling behind his mask. It was _almost _the same old smile Kakashi-sensei gave us… but I could see a real smile in it, too… like he was trying to hide it.

It was a simple sentence… but… the way he said it.

…

No, I couldn't get my hopes up.

I decided to ignore it.

"Then it might take a while for you to get better." I said a little sourly to myself, still embarrassed that I couldn't actually heal him now that my chakra was being stupid. Or was I embarrassed by something else?

"I don't mind."  
Again, he sounded way too understanding.

That hurt more than my irritation with myself.

I didn't want him to be so nice to me if he….

I knew I should've been grateful… but… it just hurt.

And now that I really had no right to be here, now that my powers were all used up for today, I felt like I was just being some kind of nuisance. I knew he didn't think I was one, though.

I stood up from the couch, already ready to leave. He stood up, too.

"You should." My words almost had a bite. I wished I hadn't said it like that. I wanted to say something else to cover that rudeness up, "Tsunade-sama won't be too happy if it takes too long for you to get back… on your feet." I almost said _'get back your memories'._I was even starting to even lose my focus with my words now.

I started to make my way to the door. I heard him following behind me.

But, instead of losing my focus due to irritation, I suddenly lost almost all my focus when I noticed just how after a single sentence he could cure any scrap of irritation:

"Then can you come back tomorrow?"

I stopped in my tracks, halfway down the hallway; I turned around to look at him. I couldn't really say anything.

… I mean… it wasn't a big deal… but… the way he said that.

I had heard that voice so many times.

It was the same tone he'd use whenever he'd tell me 'Come back in the morning', 'Meet me at the bridge'… His voice had only been that soft, that kind, that loving, when we had been together… I almost asked him to repeat that sentence once more just to make sure I wasn't going insane, but I didn't.

Instead I just wanted to make sure he wasn't just joking around or something.

I knew he wasn't, not with the way he was looking down at me, the look in his eyes was a little too familiar, too.

I must've been going crazy.

"I-Is that okay?" I stuttered.

He chuckled at me.

Like he always used to.

My heart started to hurt.

"I want you to."

…

I couldn't…

I couldn't really think through those words.

… This wasn't Kakashi-sensei.

How could it be?

Kakashi-sensei never treated me like this.

He never looked at me like this.

He never spoke to me like this.

He never treated me like this.

…

He can't…

He can't remember anything, can he?

…

That's impossible, right?

…

He walked ahead of me, to the door.

"If you feel up to it, of course." He offered as he opened the door.

I was in something like a trance right now.

I nodded politely, but I didn't say anything for a long moment as I slipped my feet into my sandals, buckling them in only a few seconds.

I walked through the open door, not even caring how cold it was.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" He asked down to me just as I turned around to him.

"Huh?" Real words were not an option at this moment.

He chuckled again.

Again, I felt like this man was the_ Kakashi _I had been in a relationship with only a few days earlier.  
I told myself he wasn't.

But that didn't help me figure out his question.

"Did you want me to hang onto your clothes until tomorrow?" He joked a little.

"Oh!" I finally understood. "Uh…" I didn't say anything for a long moment.

His smile widened after a moment, like he got a good idea or something.

"If you come back tomorrow, you can have them back." He smiled brightly even behind his mask as he finished that sentence that sounded nothing like _Kakashi-sensei._

… He sounded so playful.

… It almost sounded like he was making a joke about holding my clothes as ransom to make sure I come back tomorrow.

Kakashi-sensei would've just gone back, picked up by clothes, and brought them back to me right here and sent me on my way.

Why was he acting so… casual?

Why?

This was so confusing.

"Ok." I agreed quietly. He seemed a little shocked by that.

"Ok?" He asked me my own word like he was making sure I didn't say it on accident.

"Yeah." I smiled a little, breaking out of my trance. "I'll come back tomorrow for them." I repeated his condition back to him, agreeing to it.

He laughed a little at me and probably how weird I was acting.

I wanted to tell him _he_ was the one actin weird.

Or was it both of us?

He gave me one last smile before it looked like he was going to start closing the door. "Until then." He said lastly. The last time I heard him say that it was the same night we kissed for the first time.

That was enough to wake me up completely.

I couldn't let this end like that.

I spoke up before I actually figured out if it was okay to do this or not.

"Kakashi."

…

The split second it took for him to hear that was too long of a wait for me.

I suddenly felt so nervous.

"What?" He asked.

I didn't know what I was expecting by calling him 'Kakashi'… but he didn't seem to mind… or notice.

I had to think of something to say.

"I…I'll try to do more tomorrow." I spoke up, finally giving him an answer, even if it sounded stupid.

And just like that, he smiled again, but this time I recognized it as_ the _smile.

The smile he wouldn't show anyone else.

My heart started pounding.

I had no idea what this meant but… but…

… It meant something…

"I'll see you tomorrow, Sakura." His voice was soft again.

He closed the door after saying my name, I'm glad he did because if he hadn't he would've seen this stupid look on my face.

I didn't know whether to be happy that some part of _Kakashi_ seemed to be coming back, to be sad that even if he is acting more like the man who loved me he didn't seem to have any sort of interest in me this time, or just confused by what the hell just happened not only between us, but inside my brain where I could just let this golden opportunity to talk to him, to learn more about how he was feeling or remembering slip through my fingers like that.

…

But I guess I had tomorrow to talk to him, didn't I?

…

I left the apartment complex with a smile on my face.

Even if I was confused… I still felt… hopeful.

… …. … .. … ..

He closed the door, smiling.

...

_"Kakashi."_

He loved the way it sounded when she said only his name like that.

...

He was already looking forward to tomorrow.

He knew that he really shouldn't have treated her so casually just then… but much like everything else he's done today around her, he couldn't help it.

He walked down the hallway, to the main room.

It really was like there was a part of him that took over the reins of his judgment every time she was around.

And because now, now that she's gone, he could feel the guilt and embarrassment sink in.

… He really shouldn't have treated her like that.

… But apparently, he's already been treating her like this for a while.

Why else would he have made her go undercover as his fiancee?

He could've made Naruto or Sai her 'fiance'.

He walked into his room, lost in thought.

… Why did _he_, the one person in the team who looked like the most ill-matched for her, make himself her 'fiance'?

…

He must've had these feelings for her for a long time.

…

He didn't know how to feel about that.

…

He felt creepier because of it… but also relieved.

Knowing that he's felt these feelings for her for longer than these past few days seemed to assure him that he wasn't suffering from brain damage, or that he hadn't suddenly lived up to his perverted reputation on an emotional whim.

He looked over to his desk.

The pink and red pieces of fabric were still folded neatly on the edge of the table.

What he hadn't anticipated was that the drenched clothes would perfume the room with her scent in the time they had been sitting there.

He took a breath and exhaled with a sigh.

…

_I really am hopeless for her, aren't I?  
_He asked himself mentally.

…

He already knew the answer.

He laughed at himself.

**… … … … … .. … … … … … .. …**

**…**

**…**

**…**

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**…**

**Next chapter!**


	71. Idiots and Ideas: Part 2

**Chapter 71!**

**Title: **_'Idiots and Ideas: Part 2'_

**Note: Here you go!**

**...**

**...**

**I know a lot of you are really really really impatient for Kakashi to get his memories back. But, please, bear with me, it's not too far off!**

**...**

**...**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

…. … … … … … … … … …. … … … … …

Walking back through the front door I felt like a weary traveler who had seen the dark side of the moon and back.

Today had been so strange, full of so many different feelings, worries,… and hopes.

I made sure to sneak through the entryway and up the stairs as quietly as humanly possible for a few reasons. First, because I was tired and I wanted to avoid the onslaught of parent-questions about what I did today and when my next mission was going to be. Second, I couldn't just go up and talk to my parents about my day while wearing a man's shirt I hadn't left in. And if they recognized it as Kakashi-sensei's shirt… well… they would probably finally suspected me of the secret that wasn't true anymore.

And that would be way too much to deal with right now.

So I snuck into my room, only speaking up to say good night to my parents just before I closed the door. My mom was the only one who responded, she seemed a little annoyed.  
She didn't like it when I avoided her like that.

But I couldn't really care about anything outside of my head right now.

I kicked off my sandals quickly and walked straight over to my bed, crawling onto it without hesitation. I tugged off my leggings which were still a little cold and damp.

The idea of changing into pajamas only occurred to me for a few seconds before I decided against it.

…

It was probably weird to sleep in your teacher's shirt… but… well… my life was weird.

…

I pulled the sheet over my freezing legs and then up over my head.

I was cocooned in the warm sheet, the blue moonlight shining through it, surrounded by the rain-washed forest scent that reminded me of Kakashi.

Again, I felt like a stalker or something but… when was I ever going to fall asleep to this scent again?

…

At least I can pretend for tonight that everything is the way it should be.

…

I closed my eyes and hoped my dreams would be full of him.

**… … … … … .. … … … … … .. …**

He had only returned to Konoha an hour ago but he was still disappointed that he wasn't at home with a warm drink and a warm bed yet.

Yamatou-san had one last errand to run as a favor for Shizune-san.

Sometimes he wished he wasn't so nice all the time.

He knocked on the apartment door tiredly. It was answered by the inhabitant less than a minute later.

"Good evening, Kakashi." He greeted the silver-haired man, who was still dressed casually in his sleeveless undershirt, with an exhausted tone.

Kakashi hadn't expected the substitute captain of his team to come knocking on his door at this hour… then again, just a few seconds before, he had been hoping that a certain pink-haired girl had had some reason to turn around and come see him again. But he ignored that and greeted the man formally.

"Good evening." He said as he noticed just how exhausted his visitor looked.

"I'm here to let you know that you're up for another mission with the team for the day after tomorrow."

…

"What?" Kakashi had to ask. He was under the impression that he and his team wouldn't be assigned to any missions until he had been fully rehabilitated .

Kakashi didn't feel like he was entitled to special treatment, or to a break, but he had been hoping for that extra time with his personal medic-nin.

"Tsunade apparently believes that the condition of the mission you're needed for, the one I just came from in fact, is too urgent to delay for very much longer." Yamtou explained, "She thinks that if you got back out there on a small mission it might re-jog your memory faster."

That sounds like Tsunade… she was always an impatient person.

Kakashi let out a breath and shifted on the spot, a little put off by this.

"I see." He said calmly, "Thank you, Yamatou." He thanked the man for the notification and reached for the door.

But he was interrupted.

"Oh, yeah…" Yamatou spoke up just before he was about to step away from the door, "You've been seeing Sakura-chan a lot lately with the arrangements, right?" Yamatou asked out of nowhere.

Kakashi didn't know that his 'arrangements' with Sakura as his medic-nin were widely known, but he was more curious about what Yamatou could be leading to.

"Yeah, she was here just a while ago." Kakashi replied.

Yamatou huffed a little tiredly. "Good, Shizune-san wanted you to keep an eye on her." He was about to walk away with that.

"Why?" Kakashi asked after him.

Yamatou stopped reluctantly. He turned around, rubbing the back of his neck.  
He took a moment before speaking up again, his expression twisted a little like he didn't want to repeat this."Uh… Apparently, there's been some unpleasant talk today."

…

"What's happened?" Kakashi asked seriously, confused by what that meant or what 'unpleasant talk' had anything to do with Sakura, but worried anyways.

Yamatou sighed again, this time he hit his aching shoulder gently before he spoke up.

"Well, people are starting to spread word about…" He grimaced a little, hating to talk about gossip so seriously like this, "Sakura and Umino-san…"

… Kakashi took a moment to think through that.

"Iruka?" He asked up unnecessarily.

…

He didn't like the way this sounded.

**… … … … … .. … … … … … .. …**

Dreams were always a welcomes respite from reality.

This time everything was dark, but I could recognize his hug around me. His warm and heavy arms were holding me again. I could feel him pull me against him closer.

I wanted to hug back but my arms couldn't close around anything solid.

I could feel a pair of lips running along my neck the way he always loved to do.

They pressed and grazed along my skin hypnotically.

They travelled up my jaw, across my cheek.

I wanted to kiss him back, I wanted to feel him under my lips again.

The lips lingered on my cheek a moment longer, making me wait for more.  
They grazed further back, towards my ear.

I could feel fingers braid into my hair, his breath down the side of my neck.

But…

When he spoke I swear I could feel his chin scratch against my skin. It was a familiar sensation that sickened me before I made any sense of it.

I suddenly realized the hand in my hair was pulling it brutally, the lips that were speaking into my ear were saying words I couldn't remember the moment after hearing them but were as terrifying as if I had understood them.

I felt teeth close around the skin of my earlobe, he bit down hard.

I wanted to fight back, but there was no body to push away, there wasn't anything to punch or push.

The teeth found my neck just like last time, he bit down hard.

I could swear I was bleeding. His tongue swiveled over the fresh bite marks in the exact same patterns I remember feeling before.

I wanted to fall away, I wanted to hurt him, I wanted to kill him, I wanted to crumble into pieces if it meant I didn't have to relive this again.

I didn't want to feel my insides squirming and liquefying with every kiss, every bite, every pull like they were was right now. Like I had before.

I felt like I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, I couldn't think, I couldn't fight, I couldn't scream, I couldn't stop anything.

I was weak.

I was weak.

He was so strong.

I couldn't do anything.

Nobody could hear me.

Nobody was coming to save me.

I couldn't do anything.

I had forgotten this was only a nightmare.

**… … … … … .. … … … … … .. …**

The scarred man stood outside the little building complex, rubbing his knuckles nervously. Even the faint touch of his own fingertips shot little sparks of pain up his arm, but it was good distraction right now.

He was trying to build up the guts to walk up to the door, knock on it, and asks the parents of the young girl he's rumored to be romantically involved with, to see the said girl in private.

He could just come back in the morning, but… if she _had _ heard about the rumors, he couldn't just let her deal with that on her own the whole night.

He needed to explain things as quickly as possible.

…

This was for her.

He just had to make sure she was okay.

He needed to know that he hadn't made her life any harder right now.

He focused on step after step when he decided to walk up to that door.

And as he knocked on it he thought through how many knocks would be polite and how many would be rude.

He decided that three was good enough. He didn't want to cause too much of a disturbance.

He held his breath until someone answered.

"Oh, hello." Sakura's mom had always been polite to him, and now more than ever he was grateful for it.

If she had been at all colder, he would've feared that she had heard the rumors as well. He don't know what he would've done if her parents thought the worst of him, too.

He felt a little better about this.

**… … … … … .. … … … … … .. …**

"Iruka?" Kakashi had asked unnecessarily.

...

The man nodded solemnly but swiftly, "They've been 'seen together'…." He quoted.

Something cold tugged at Kakashi's insides.

...

Iruka?

With Sakura?

…

It didn't make sense.

He had to be hearing this wrong.

He just…

He couldn't imagine….

…

"There's talk about some kind of relationship between the two…" Yamatou explained awkwardly after Kakashi's silence lasted too long.

"What have you heard?" Kakashi asked a little too quickly.

"Nothing." Yamatou replied just as quickly, feeling a little intimidated. It was always strange to talk to _the_ Hatake Kakashi he heard so many stories about in ANBU so casually and when Kakashi started acting at all a little forwardly, Yamatou fell back into the mindset of a subordinate, "I just got back, but Shizune seemed particularly worried about Sakura, so…. Please look after her." His miliaty-tone started strong but died out as the sentence ended.

He was too tired to deal with all this.

Kakashi stood there for a long moment before he spoke up again.

"Alright…. Thanks." He repeated.

He walked back into his own entryway after closing the door as the tired man started down the stairs.

His pleasant mood from before was gone.

He leaned against the wall.

He couldn't really think for a moment.

**… … … … … .. …****… … … … … .. …****… … … … … .. …**

He walked down the street, still feeling a little lost.

Haruno-san had politely told him that Sakura had already gone to bed, and that she'd tell her daughter that he had come to see her in the morning.

"_Did she seem upset when she came home?" _He had asked suddenly.  
She gave him a strange look and answered, _"I'm not sure. She just went straight to her room."_

He wasn't sure if that was good or not.

It didn't seem like it was.

He still felt like he should talk to Sakura about this before it gets worse.

After only one day the rumors had been spread halfway across Konoha, who knows how far it can get, how serious it can get, after the whole night.

He needed to warn her now before she got hurt by somebody else.

But... in order to talk to her now... he had only one option…

He really didn't like the idea, but…

…

Just in case.

…

He just needed to make sure she was okay.

**… … … … … … … … … … … … … …**

Trapped in the darkness, I could only feel his hands, his teeth, his breath, his tongue, his voice.

It was disgusting.

I needed to get out here, but I couldn't.

I was still too weak.

I've always been so weak.

I've always needed Kakashi-sensei.

I need him now more than ever.

But he doesn't need me anymore.

He doesn't love me anymore.

I'm all alone with this.

I need him so much.

I need him.

I need him.

"Sakura." A new voice called my name.

"Sakura?" I tried to say something back, I couldn't.

I tried to fight harder, I needed to break free from this, I needed to find that voice. But the more I fought the harder it was to breath, the harder it was to think.

"Sakura, wake up."

I finally broke away from that suffocating darkness.

My eyes opened hurriedly.

I hadn't expected to see someone leaning over me. I didn't even know who he was till I was already scooting away from him as fast as I could, my back hit the wall next to my bed with a deep thud.  
I was breathing so fast, like I had just come up from underwater for air.

My hands were instinctually in the signing position, ready for a fight.

I stared at the man in my room for a moment longer, trying to make my eyes adjust to the dim light as fast as possible so I could recognize him.

But it was only a moment before I heard his voice and knew exactly who it was.

"I'm sorry I scared you." He sounded scared, himself, "I didn't mean to, but you… you seemed so… whatever you were dreaming about you…"

He trailed off as I finally came to grips with reality and found my voice after my breathing calmed down.

"Iruka-sensei?"

He seemed to suddenly get a little bit more nervous.

"Yes, I… I just came by to check on you… I'll talk to you tomorrow." He turned away from me and back to the balcony door.

"Wait." I climbed out the bed clumsily.

He stopped just before he reached out to the door, he turned back to me.

I had no idea what I wanted to say.

…

Something, anything.

…

I just didn't want him to leave.

**… … … … … … … … … … … … … …****… … … … … … … … … … … … … …**

He knew he shouldn't have done this.

It was one of the most inappropriate things he's ever done.

Sneaking into this girl's room like this.

Even the thought of it was enough to make him cringe.

When he got here and saw she was asleep he had actually planned to leave right away, but… whatever she was dreaming about, she seemed so… scared.

Tears were falling from her eyes.

He couldn't leave her like that.

But even when she woke up she seemed so scared. Terrified.

And now, he was even more nervous when he heard her tired, but desperate, voice call out.

"Wait."

He knew he should just leave.

He should just talk to her in the morning…

But…

**… … … … … .. … … … … … ..****… … … … … … … … … … … … … …**

******...**

"I just…" I spoke up again, unable to look at him as I did. "I'm sorry… that I freaked out." I apologized gracelessly, looking down at the ground.

"No." He sounded so serious. "I shouldn't have-"  
"I was having a nightmare." I interrupted him before he finished that sentence. I didn't want him to say he shouldn't be here.

A moment of quiet passed between us after that strangely quick exchange.

...

"What happened?" He broke the silence with a different tone.

I looked up at him finally, confused by that question.

When I saw his eyes, I understood what he was asking. He was looking at the shirt I was wearing, but when his eyes found the hem of the shirt, which was just as short as the first 'dress' Kakashi had bought for me, he looked away quickly, almost blushing.

I quickly sat back down on the bed, pulling the covers over my legs.

Another moment of quiet passed, I could feel my breathing pick up a little with my embarrassment. I just looked at him, unable to really say anything.

He spoke up after only another moment.  
His voice sounded really quiet.

"Are you two…?"

He trailed off…

My heart quickened when I realized what he must've thought when he saw me, wearing only Kakashi-sensei's shirt like this.

"No… he, uh…. He lent it to me…"I would've wanted to answer differently, but I would've been lying, "He still doesn't… remember… He doesn't feel anything for me." I could feel myself shrink a little when I said that last part.

I tucked my chin against my neck, looking down at my hands as they played with the sleeves of the shirt.

I felt like such a little kid.

Not because the shirt was too big for me... but just... I felt like I had no control over anything, and the fact I felt that way was enough to make me act like this.  
And that was childish.

"Sakura…"  
The way he said my name…it was different…

I looked up at him just before he was suddenly eye-level, kneeling down to me.

"Kakashi has to feel something for you." I looked away from him, trying to hide the twisted expression on my face. A part of me wanted to believe him, but… I couldn't let myself.

"If he's isn't blind…" I felt his fingertips on my chin. "…then, at the very least, he has to be as proud of you as I am." He lifted my face to look at him again.

I could see his eyes clearly now.

They were the way I always loved them, honest and kind.

I lifted my hands to his, taking it in mine for no other reason than to at least show him I liked his words, but I had nothing to say back. I really didn't know what he could be so proud of, but I didn't want to know…

Even if I had wanted to ask him about that, I would've been distracted anyways when I looked at the hand in mine.  
There was a harsh looking bruise developing all along his knuckles, and there was a dark stain on the cuff of his sleeve I recognized as blood.

"What happened?" I asked this time, almost alarmed.

He didn't take his hand from mine, he just sighed lightly before speaking up, "I found out this afternoon that a friend of mine was actually… not somebody I should be friends with."

It almost sounded like he censored himself for me.  
I almost smiled at that.

But this really was kind of surprising. I never thought Iruka-sensei could get violent like that.

I guess everybody has different sides they don't want other people to see.

"I was going to get it treated tomorrow." He took it away from me, flexing his fingers open and closed a few times, wincing as he did.

"Um… I think I can help." I offered out of nowhere.

"What?" He seemed a little surprised, too. "You don't have to."

"It's okay." I reassured him kindly as I took his hand back into mine, his palm facing upwards. I felt a little better after getting some sleep, and it was only a bruise, I could probably take care of it in only a few minutes.

He looked a little nervous again suddenly as I guided his hand to my left, making him stand up and take a seat on the edge of the bed.

I could feel his pulse pick up through his hand a little.

That was the Iruka-sensei I knew. He always got so nervous by the simplest things.

I took his hand and turned it around so that his palm was resting on mine.

A little green hum started to buzz between our hands.

I felt a little better now… a little bit steadier… like this small little exercise of my powers when I had exhausted them so easily just a few hours ago reassured me that I _could_ be capable, strong.

"Sakura…"

I barely noticed him calling my name, he was so quiet.

His hand was soft. Softer than I was used to. He hadn't spent the years in combat Kakashi had. It almost felt like the powder of the chalk he uses every day had softened his hands over the years.

I remembered feeling his hands a few other times over the years. When I was little he'd pat us on the head when we made him proud, I could still remember how sometimes I would do the best I could just to see if he would pat my head again.  
I smiled at the silly memory as I let my fingers run over his knuckles carefully, almost studying them.  
I used to remember when his hands seemed so much bigger than mine... they still were, but not as much.

"Sakura…" He called my name again.

"Hm?" I called back to him without words, too focused on our hands.

That was when I felt his other hand brush against my face.

I didn't mind. His fingers felt softer on my cheek.

"What was your nightmare about?"

My insides stuttered with that question, the green glow wavered.

I was woken from my memories and thoughts harshly.

"I-uh…" I still couldn't used real words.

"I'm sorry if it's personal but, you were crying in your sleep…" I realized that was why his fingers were running along my cheek.  
Again, without realizing it, I had cried in front of this man.

I seemed to be developing the habit of being exactly the person I did't want to be around this man.

"I was just worried…" He added after the silence went on longer.

I didn't know if I should tell him or not.

I didn't want him to pity me.

I didn't want him to worry about me any more than he already did.

If I told him about Hiroki, he'd…

I heard a click and my bedroom door started to open.

_Eh?_

After only a split second of delay there was a sudden _poof_ and I heard my mom's voice from the door.

...

"Sakura, your father and I going to bed now. You okay, honey?" She poked her head into the room.

"Yeah, I'm fine, mom!" I said a little loudly as I tried to fan the smoke away from my face. I made sure to hold the covers up over my chest so she couldn't see the new/old shirt I was wearing.

...

"Alright, see you in the morning." She said lastly with that mom-voice, closing the door slowly.

"Yeah, 'night!" I called back awkwardly, my heart still racing.

The door closed with a little click.

...

I sat there, in something like shock, for only a few seconds before another poof of smoke broke the silence.

I had no idea where he'd gone or if he turned into something but when he came back, he definitely didn't seem as coordinated as before. He fell over on his side as if he had lost all his balance.

I started laughing without meaning to.

He rolled onto his back, sighing and coughing.

"I should train more often." He told himself quietly. "I forgot how disorienting it is to use a jutsu without signing so quickly." His hands moved along the surface of the bed for a moment, like he was trying to figure out how to use his arms.

I only kept laughing, covering my mouth so I didn't get too loud.

There was just something so hilarious about what just happened. Maybe it was just the adrenaline rush from the sudden scare my mom gave us, or how stupid we both looked right now –me scrambling around in nothing but a shirt, sitting on my bed with a capsized teacher trying to figure out how to work his limbs again-, or the fact that the man who had taught me, and was now teaching other kids, how to be stealthy and how to never lose balance on the battlefield was now just lying here like an upside down turtle in front of me.

"Hey, you shouldn't laugh at your elders," He commented up at me weakly when he finally seemed to notice I was laughing at him. "… now help me sit up."

The fact he tried to lecture me and ask for help in the same sentence was enough to make me keel over as I had to start laughing harder.

Needless to say, I didn't help him up. I was too busy clutching my mouth and stomach to try and calm my laughter.

After only a moment I heard him start to laugh, too.

It had been so long since I had heard Iruka-sensei's laugh.

I couldn't really remember what it sounded like. Every time I saw him he was always so nervous or busy, or, more recently, serious or even sad.

My laughing died out after his did.

I sighed happily for a moment, looking up at my ceiling, waiting for my stomach not to feel so tired.

I forgot what I had been so worried about before this laughing fit.

I liked it better that way.

I felt him moved a little on the mattress next to me, I saw him lift himself up on his elbows carefully.

"You know, I haven't been laughed at like that since I was in school." He spoke up gently from my left, "It's actually kind of nostalgic in a way..." I could hear the smile in his voice.

I smiled, too.

"Sorry… it was just…" I started cracking up a little, "I just couldn't help it." The guffaws started up again as I rolled onto my side, my knees instinctually lifting to my stomach a little.

"I guess I should just be happy to hear your laugh again." He looked over to me gently, laying back down.  
His voice was kind. Soft.

I suddenly didn't feel like laughing anymore… things seemed a little too… gentle now to laugh at anything.

I opened my eyes all the way now.

I hadn't noticed how close I was to him.

His shoulder was only a few inches away from my face.

I didn't mind.

It was kind of nice.

I didn't really know why, though.

I watched his vested chest rise and fall a few times, he was busy looking up at the ceiling, before I said something.

"Let me see your hand again." I spoke up, softly.

He shifted his head to his right to look at me. I could feel him stare at me for a moment, but he raised his right hand in the end, still resting his elbow on the bed.  
The bruise looked better, but not gone.

I took his hand in mine again, and again, his pulse seemed even faster, or was it mine?

I focused the chakra in my fingertips again, this time it was even stronger.

The green hum filled in the silence comfortably for a long moment. We just lay there quietly, flat on the mattress, only his right hand and both of mine raised and touching in the space between us. We both looked at the green glow. I didn't know what he was feeling, but all I knew was I was happier with him here, with feeling him next to me, than if he wasn't.

The bruise slowly started to disappear.

I suddenly didn't feel so worried about revisitng our old conversation.

I took a breath.

"My dream…" I spoke up. "I was dreaming about Kakashi…" I half-lied. I had thought it was Kakashi... until...

I felt him shift a little, as if he hadn't been expecting this... or something else.

... He spoke up softly after a moment.

"Everything will turn out fine, Sakura, don't worry." He moved his hand for the first time, turning it around and gently running his fingers along mine. "No matter what happens, you'll be happy again someday."

He tried to reassure me... but it almost sounded... sad.

I took a moment to digest that moment before I spoke up again.

"What about you?" I asked just as I noticed the bruise on his knuckles had disappeared completely, "I never thought you would hit another person like this." I shared my thoughts just as the green glow stopped. He open and closed his hand a few times. As soon as he was done with that I followed an impulse. I took his hand in mine again... just because...  
"What happened? What did he do?" I asked further.

He sighed as he let his fingers brush between mine alternatively. I moved my fingers against his, too.

He seemed... calmer now...

Me too.

Feeling him here. I really liked it.

I was almost too distracted to really hear his answer.

**… … … … … .. … … … … … ..**

"He insulted my students." He half-lied.

He knew this was the opportunity he needed to tell her about the rumors Kuroke had spread throughout the village, but…

She was happy right now… calm… content….

For the first time in days she didn't look like she was about to cry.

He couldn't take that away from her.

He should just deal with the rumors on his own.

He felt her fingers run along the palm of his hand softly before they traveled to the back of it, her fingers following the vertical ridges of his newly-repaired knuckles upward slowly as if she was absent-mindedly tracing all of the details.  
It felt nice.

He needed to leave.

He couldn't stay here any longer, laying by her side like this.

This was dangerous for the both of them.

He found his words before he was even sure he wanted to say them.

"I should probably go soon." He tried to sit up a little.

"Just a few more minutes." She asked, still holding his hand.

He looked towards the door, then back down to her.

...

… He laid back down.

**… … … … … .. … … … … … ..**

I didn't know why I wanted him to stay a few minutes longer.

Maybe I just missed this.

…

Being this close to somebody.

…

I didn't really know, but it was nice.

I traced my fingers along his hand some more, he would only move his hand hesitantly from time to time, like he was afraid to move at all. But occaisionally he would let his fingers move along mine gently... I smiled. I never really knew how much I loved the feeling of his hands till now.

Then again, I hadn't really had the chance to feel his hands like this before.

I had never really been this close with him before.

It was pleasant.

I really enjoyed his company... but...

... But when I wasn't paying attention my thoughts would always go back to Kakashi.

...

I wondered what he was doing right now.

...

If he was asleep.

...

What he was dreaming about.

...

If he was looking forward to tomorrow as much as I was.

...

Before I knew it my eyes were already closed, and he was already in my dreams again.

This time I knew it would _only_ be Kakashi.

**… … … … … .. … … … … … ..****… … … … … .. … … … … … ..**

"_There's talk about some kind of relationship between the two…"_

He couldn't let himself think through that sentence again.

Sakura and… Iruka…

It was so unnatural.

…

He couldn't…

He couldn't think about it without feeling something inside of him growing heavier and heavier, pulling at him, slowing him down and making him feel so… meaningless.

He slid down the wall, sitting on the floor… staring into space as he tried to make sense of this…

It just seemed so impossible.

Why would they…?

How could they?

How could Iruka ever become the kind of man who could fall for a student?

… just like Kakashi had.

How could Sakura fall for an man so much older than her?

… a man just like Kakashi.

…

She had been so afraid of him, of his touch. She'd been traumatized by an older man so recently… how could she…

…

How could Iruka even think of pressing her into a relationship now?  
He's a full grown man. He's known her since she was just a child. How can he even see her as a woman?  
Shouldn't he have at least tried to hold back?  
How can he even touch her?

His jaw tensed with that last thought. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to clam down.

Iruka was always a good guy.  
He's one of the best teachers at the Academy. He cares for his students and wouldn't do anything to hurt them.

If Sakura really didn't care about age differences or social standing to the point she was somehow willing to start a relationship with a man, a teacher, it would make sense that she would choose Iruka.

He's only ten years older than her, not the thirteen Kakashi was, he's even younger at heart. He hasn't seen as much, hasn't gone through as much. He's still naïve and kind... just like a kid…

He wouldn't hurt her the same way a grown man would.

The way Kakashi could.

…

…

He closed his eyes, squeezing them shut, trying to really believe that these thoughts could help him feel at all better…

… They seemed to only be doing the opposite.

…

_I shouldn't even be thinking about this this deeply._

_They're only rumors.  
_He lectured himself.

He was never one to believe or even care about gossip but…

This was too much to try and ignore.

…

He needed to talk to Iruka about this.

… … … … … … … … … … … …

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**Reviews are always welcome!**

**Also, 71 CHAPTERS.**

**This is getting insane!**

…

**I really hope you guys aren't tired of all this yet.**

**But if you are, I'll just tell you now that I have actually mapped out an ending for Growing Pangs.**

**That's right.**

**Growing Pangs will be ending.**

**Not too soon, of course, but an ending has been sketched out… I just wanted to tell you guys because I don't know if it was just me, but didn't it feel like this story was just going to go on forever?**

**Please review with your thoughts.**

**:)**


	72. Half Truths and Half Lies

**Chapter 72!**

**Title: **_'Half-Lies and Half-Truths: Part 1'_

**Note: SHORT CHAPTER!**

…

**I'm terribly sorry, but this is going to have to be a very very short chapter.**

**...**

**And even though it's a 'part', the continuation won't be up for a while!**

…

**I wanted to upload something not only because I just wanted to, but because today is my BIRTHDAY!**

**As of today I am now a legal adult, the big 18!**

**EIGHTEEN!**

…

… **I feel so old…**

…

**Haha, looking back I started writing Growing Pangs when I was 16 and now I've turned 18 before Sakura has had a chance to. How strange, haha.**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoy this short chapter.**

**I will definitely try and upload another soon!**

**Dislcaimer: I own nothing!**

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Her hands lost tension after a moment, he could tell she was falling asleep. He eased his hand down to his side, hers still holding onto it lazily, so that her hands wouldn't fall from his own and wake her up.

A long moment passed.

Everything was quiet. Calm.

He could hear his own breathing, her breathing, the few insects outside chirping to each other… the wind picked up for a few moments before settling again to only a whisper.

And then he heard a door open and close somewhere inside of the house.

He immediately felt a little nervous. His hand held onto hers tighter in a momentary need for reassurance. Despite what had happened only minutes ago, he had nearly forgotten her parents were in the same building.  
He was once again harshly reminded of exactly where he was, who he was in relation to it, and how dangerous it was to be there.

He was this girl's former teacher, a grown man several years older than her. This was her room, a room that was a part of her parents' home where she still lived because she wasn't even an adult yet. He was lying in her bed next to her, somehow ignoring the dangerous rumors surrounding him and this girl.

He sighed, his fingers relaxed against hers again.

…

He never thought he would get caught up in a situation like this.

…  
He could still remember the first day he started teaching, he had been so nervous but he tried to act confident because the other teachers had told him kids always picked on the scared ones more. They did pick on him, but he eventually won them over and fell in love with teaching.  
He had been so sure nothing like this would ever happen. It hardly ever crossed his mind through the years.  
He could even remember the first day he met Sakura. He couldn't remember much about her in particular, the first day of any new class was hectic, but he did remember that from the first day that he noted she was a somewhat confident, book-smart girl.

He later learned she seemed to have a kind of rivalry with Yamanako. He learned that she had a rather deep crush on Sasuke Uchiha, and that she was self-conscious about her forehead. He remembered how happy she had been when he announced the team pairings, at least until he mentioned Naruto's name.

He knew she would grow up and change after time, like everyone does.

But he never really pictured her becoming the girl lying by his side at this moment.

…

And despite the pain he wished she hadn't had put herself through, he was more proud of her than ever.

…

She went from that straight-A student who'd sit in class daydreaming about her moodier classmate kissing her forehead to an incredibly strong young woman who was far more capable and loving than she thought she was.

…

_She really has grown up._

He smiled softly to himself at that thought.

But as he stared up at the ceiling he was almost afraid to look over to her.

He didn't know why… maybe it was because he was afraid of realizing, again, that he shouldn't be here… or maybe because if he looked at her it would change how this moment felt for him.

Everything he knew right now, everything he could feel; the comforting darkness, the sound of her breathing as it evened out, the softness of her hands on his, the warmth of her body next to him.

If he looked at her, this scene would be too complete.

He was afraid he wouldn't have any excuse to stay any longer.

He wouldn't be able to lie to himself and believe this was normal for at least another moment longer.

It was common knowledge that a situation like this wasn't normal. Teachers and ex-students don't just lie in bed together like this, holding hands.  
The thought alone was enough to make his expression twist with something like embarrassment. But this was the calmest he's felt in days.

Her presence was… soothing.

But still…

Here he was, after a whole day of trying to beat back rumors concerning him and this girl, and he was practically living up to them.

No.

Of course he wasn't.

This girl didn't feel anything for him that she didn't when she was little.

_She only looks up to me.  
She only sees me as her teacher._

_She only needs me as friend to help and support her._

_She doesn't see me as a man._

_She shouldn't._

…

Feeling a little better and worse about the situation now, he finally let himself ignore the irrational fear that he knew was childish. He let his head tilt to the right slowly, his neck ached a little; he'd been staring straight up for too long.

He had to look down a few inches to see her face.

Her eyes were closed, her features were relaxed.

He noticed that even though she had been laughing so freely, beautifully, only minutes ago… she still looked sad in her sleep.

He looked at her for a few seconds more without focusing on any details.

Just her.

Her expression tensed for a moment.

He wondered what she was dreaming about.

He remembered her previous answer, _'I was dreaming about Kakashi…'._

He sighed as he felt a pang of sadness run through him.

This girl was really in love with that man.

Completely so.

…

He had thought that maybe their relationship had been a fluke.

Something they would both grow out of once it became too much trouble for them.

He couldn't see any reasons at all why they had chosen each other.

He couldn't imagine a pair so ill-matched.

…

He never thought they had shared this kind of love.

Now he knew how they had survived all of the secrecy, all of the obstacles.

_But… it didn't seem to be enough this time._  
…

He regretted even thinking that a moment later, somehow fearing that she would hear his thoughts in her sleep and feel the pain he knew those words would have given her.

As if checking he looked at her again.

She hadn't heard him, of course, but she still seemed sad.

…

Without thinking he lifted his other arm. He leaned over only a few centimeters. His left hand reached for her. He didn't touch her for a moment longer when watched the moonlight on her face brightened as the clouds floated away from the moon.

He didn't know she would feel so warm when his fingertips brushed along her cheek. She moved an inch in her sleep, her face following his touch for more, he didn't really notice… he was too distracted by his thoughts.

…

How could this girl be capable of this much pain?

This much love.

…

"Sakura…" He called her name for no other reason to hear it again.

She only sighed in her sleep. Her pain seemed to ease a little, her expression softened.

He smiled weakly before pulling his hand away from her.

He looked away, too.

As he had feared, after looking at her it felt as if a spell had been broken… he couldn't live in this moment any longer.

…

_I shouldn't be here.  
_He told himself harshly.

…

_I don't belong here.  
_He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to let the thought sink in.

…

_I'm not the one this girl needs._

As if reality was trying to cement his words in truth he felt the weight of a slender arm stretch across his chest.  
He was a little too shocked to move.  
Her sleepy fingers gripped tightly on the far side of his vest.

But the first thing he noticed about this moment was the sleeve on her arm.

Even in a moment like this, that man's presence around this girl was as loud of a reminder as ever that she still belonged to him.

He sighed again, this time her arm on his chest rose and fell with his breath.

That moment woke him up to the harsh reality of this position again.

…

He really couldn't stay here.

He couldn't ignore how wrong this was any longer.

…

Even if he wanted to.

…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

_I can't believe I actually let myself get this far.  
__But I guess I can't back down now._

He hadn't planned on tracking down Iruka tonight, but ever since Yamato showed up at his door his mind hadn't been able to drop the subject.  
He needed to know.

But as he approached the old school-building somehow he had felt like he'd been here before like this.

Of course he'd been on the Academy grounds before, but something about this time… it seemed familiar. Standing here, trying to keep his thoughts straight with the cold wind, here to see a teacher at this school about their mutual student.

He couldn't track down exactly how it felt familiar, but he had gotten so used to it that he didn't give it much thought.

He reached out to the aged handle of the red door, having no plan of what to say once he did find the man he was looking for, but he didn't need a plan right now.  
Just as he opened the door somebody on the other side was about to grab the handle too.

He only needed a moment register that it was a mousy looking brown-haired woman that seemed unsettled by his sudden appearance.

He didn't waste the opportunity, despite how eager she looked to get past him and out the door.

"Is Umino still here?" He asked informally.

She stuttered on air for a moment, not looking at Kakashi. She knew who he was. Even though she was only 8 years younger than him she had heard stories about him since she was a girl. She bowed a little deeper before she spoke up.

"Uh, no." She said swiftly. She really wanted to leave now.

She hadn't really talked to Kakashi-san before, but even just seeing him in the village from time to time she couldn't help but feel intimidated. He always looked like a really calm man, even lazy, with his sloping posture and casual speech, she knew he didn't mean to be intimidating, but despite how she knew he didn't mean to be intimidating, she was intimidated. It was also because right now, he wasn't as calm.

She could tell something was bothering him.

She knew about the recent rumors Umino-san had been a part of concerning one of his former students… she guessed Hatake-san must've been the girl's captain.

Why else would he be here?

Hatake-san was about to walk away, looking more troubled than before, until she spoke up.

"U-Umino-san left about an hour and a half ago. But, I noticed he went in the opposite direction he usually leaves in."

Even though Hatake-san's expression remained unchanged by what she said, she could almost sense that what she just said was actually a lot more important than she thought it was to him.

"Thank you." He said briskly before walking away quickly, like wherever he needed to go was now more urgent than it had been before.

And then her night was boring again.

She wondered what it would be like to know Hatake-san better, even if he kind of scared her.

Then she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to know Umino-san better.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

…

…

Everything was quiet and soft.

…

My hands felt so warm.

…

…

I felt the mattress next to me tense upward, as if something had moved off of it. My hands felt really cold all of a sudden.

I was too sleepy to register what it meant.

"Goodnight, Sakura." Somebody said as I felt something like a blanket fall on top of me.

That voice.

It sounded familiar.

So soft.

Caring.

Loving.

"Ka…kashi?" I called out, more hope in my voice than I could recognize.

…

… The voice didn't respond…

…

I didn't hear anything for a long moment, I thought I had fallen back asleep before I heard the voice again.

…

"I'll always be here for you…" The voice sounded sad this time.

So sad.

I felt like I had done something wrong, but I couldn't figure out what.

…

Then… for a moment, things seemed a little darker, a little warmer, but only barely… like someone was leaning over me.

My first instinct was to expect a kiss.

I tilted my face up a few centimeters, through habit.

…

I could feel the soft air of breathing on my forehead, like he was about to kiss me there.

I always liked it when my forehead was kissed.

…

I waited, sleepily. Wanting those lips on me again.

But I felt nothing.

Everything grew a little brighter, a little colder again.

He wasn't there anymore.

I was too tired to open my eyes, but I could feel something just before falling back into the dark.

A soft, warm, familiar hand cupped my cheek entirely. His hand felt big to me. Comforting.

His thumb rubbed along my cheek twice.

I wanted to reach up to the hand.

…

But then the warm comfort was gone.

…

I felt cold.

…

I heard the balcony door slide open and close.

…

I wished he would come back but I fell asleep.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Falling from the balcony, his feet hit the ground with a soft sound. He hadn't forgotten his skills completely, but he was starting to wonder if he had forgotten his sanity.

He walked down the dark, empty street very slowly.  
He'd rather spend his time thinking out in the cool air than in his little apartment where he knew would get overcrowded with the number of thoughts running through his mind right now:  
Why had he almost kissed her forehead?  
What had he been thinking?  
That would've been highly inappropriate.  
What's wrong with him?

But right now the only thing he could clearly recognize clearly in his crowded head was her voice.

'_Ka…kashi?'_

His feet slowed to an almost-stop.

The wind picked up for a second.

Again, just like the moment she had barely murmured that name only minutes ago he felt something like pain reach into his chest and grab hold.

…

She really couldn't let him go, could she?

…

He wished she would. If for any reason just to see her happy again.

…

The scarred man put his hands in his pockets and picked up his pace again, the gravel crunching under his shoes. Even though it was cold he could still feel her warmth… he could still feel the weight of her arm across his chest…  
He remembered the way the moonlight reflected off her skin.  
He smiled weakly to himself, pain still saddening his eyes.

He really wished all the happiness in the world for her.

He would do whatever he could to help her.

And before he knew it, an opportunity presented itself:

"Iruka."

That voice.

That tone.

Iruka was overwhelmed by nostalgia for only a moment.

He would've been nervous to talk to this man now, of all times, but he wasn't thinking about himself right now.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

When he saw the dark figure walking down the empty residential street he knew exactly who it was. He just hoped he was wrong about _why_ this person was here, only a few houses down from the Haruno residence… at this time of night….

Kakashi's chest seemed to tighten with senseless irritation as he used his voice.

"Iruka."

The silhouetted man turned around.

He didn't waste any time before he spoke up again.

"What are you doing here?"

Even he could hear the accusation in his own tone.

He didn't care.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"What are you doing here?" The other man asked harshly.

Iruka actually felt a little prepared for that coldness.

"Good evening, Kakashi-san." He responded, remembering the manners he knew weren't needed for this conversation since it had already started rudely.

Silence stretched between them for a moment.

Iruka couldn't see Kakashi's masked face in the failing moonlight, but he could feel that familiar glare.

"Are you here to see Sakura?"The older man's voice asked with even less patience, but a quieter tone as if simply saying that girl's name was enough to ease his irritation.

Another moment of silence passed.

Iruka sighed.

_He's heard about the rumors, hasn't he?  
_He thought to himself, more calm than he ever thought he would be in this kind of situation… actually, he was a little grateful.

Some part of him, without realizing it, had grown so tired of all this. He's grown tired of the secrets and of the pain he's had to see Sakura go through.

Having Kakashi know about these rumors wasn't ideal… but…

This still meant something.

After all…

If Kakashi was here because he didn't like what he heard in those rumors then he probably _does_ have feelings for her still.

_Sakura would love to hear about this.  
_He nearly smiled at the thought of her smiling.

But after only a moment of that thought he pushed it aside and spoke up again, this time he was the one who asked a question, "What did you hear?" His tone was soft, almost conversational, but that didn't mean he wasn't treating this seriously.

It was quiet again.

The silver-haired man must not have wanted to repeat what he heard.  
Iruka probably wouldn't have either.  
Something about saying all that out loud was just wrong… and almost… jinxing.  
As if by repeating the rumors out loud himself, he would condemn himself to them.

Iruka tried to push that out of his mind too as he took a few more steps toward the only other person on this dark street, "They're only rumors." He tried to say simply. "A bored colleague of mine started making them up." He attempted to pass off those words casually.

This time the older man didn't stay quiet.

"That's hard to believe." Kakashi accused abruptly, forgetting any tact.

He looked down the adjoining alley to the street, Sakura's balcony standing out among others.

Iruka wanted to sigh again.

_Even without his memories, he really doesn't change does he?_

_He's acting just like before.  
_He thought back to the time he told Sakura a little too much about Asaka, Kakashi had hunted him down just like this, angry and even a little petty.

_It still surprises me that the Kakashi Hatake who can never lose his composure in battle can act like this over something like a rumor._

_Then again… did I act so differently when I first found out about _him_ and Sakura?  
_He wanted to smirk and frown at the same time with that thought, but settled for paying more attention to how to deliver his response.

"Fine…" Iruka forced the word out, "You don't have to believe me…" He knew he would say that, but it had taken him a few seconds to figure out _how_ to say those words with the right tone to make himself sound natural.  
He wasn't used to being rude… or childish, more like.

But he wanted to be right now.

He didn't want to stand here and let this man accuse him like everyone else had, _especially_ not this man.

For once, he wanted to fight back, if only just a little.

Maybe it was because he felt frustrated with the situation … or maybe he was really just frustrated with this man.

This man was an idiot.

The girl, the girl they're both worrying about to the point they're picking on each other, loves _this_ man… she chose him… and here this man was still talking to him about that girl as if she wasn't already his.

Iruka barely heard the next question when it started, he was too lost in his thoughts, but he stopped it from finishing on purpose.

"Does that mean you two are-" Kakashi started the question, his tone significantly quieter, but even more deadly.

"If we are…" Iruka interrupted him childishly. He knew he was pushing the boundaries by saying something like that. This touchy, brisk conversation could only go so far before Iruka knew he had to get to the point. He thought deeply on his next words, finding some unknown courage to actually say them, "What would that mean to you?"

Longer than any silence before, neither of them said anything for several seconds after that.

For only a moment Iruka worried that he had gone too far.

If he had or not he couldn't really tell, especially by how the other man responded.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"If we are…" The scarred man had interrupted him.

…

_This doesn't sound like Iruka.  
_Kakashi immediately thought, not even caring that he had been interrupted.

_Iruka's practically afraid of his own shadow… he wouldn't act like this._

Kakashi's eyes narrowed with thought.

He had thought that Iruka would deny the rumors, blush like a kid and apologize for even worrying Kakashi… that seemed like something Iruka would do… but this…

He sounded almost… defensive.

Hostile.

Like he had something to hide.

And the way he phrased that didn't sound right.

"What would that mean to you?" Iruka asked only a second later.

And with that Kakashi couldn't focus on how suspiciously Iruka had been acting, not when he was now forced to look at himself and how suspicious _he_ was acting.

_Why _am_ I here?_

_This has nothing to do with me._

_Even if I feel like this for her, that doesn't give me any right to…_

… _I don't belong in her life like this…_

… _Even if Iruka and her are…._

… _Even if…_

_I can't do anything about it._

Kakashi couldn't settle for that. He couldn't bring himself to admit that he had nothing to do with this, he searched for any answer as quickly as possible.

"She's a part of my team." He finally responded, his voice cold. He could feel his face tense with seriousness.

He couldn't see Iruka but he could tell his words hadn't done anything to change that man's mind about his previous question.

"This doesn't have anything to do with her performance in her missions." Iruka shot down Kakashi's weak excuse easily.

The silver-haired man thought of another point quickly.

"She's my student." He knew he shouldn't have used that excuse. That had been the same fact he had been trying to overlook earlier… he didn't want her to stay his 'student'…  
But right now he was too stubborn to say he was wrong.  
He felt like… like he had _some_ right to be here questioning Iruka like this…

He just didn't know what it was.

Iruka seemed to take Kakashi's words in stride, as if he had been expecting them. The dark-skinned man took a few steps forward, the sand under his feet crackling barely with every step.

"She was mine, too…"Iruka's voice softened only momentarily, "… but she doesn't need your help anymore." Kakashi's expression flinched with that sentence. "She's growing up."

Silence took over again after those last words.

Neither of them knew they were thinking the exact same thing.

_She _has_ grown up.  
_They both thought fondly, pride in them._  
But I'm the one acting like a kid right now, aren't I?_

_None of this is my business._

Iruka felt more ashamed about that than Kakashi did. Kakashi was too busy trying to find his place in this situation to _make_ it his business. To give himself any reason, any right, to act so childishly for her. Otherwise, he'd have to admit he had nothing to do with this side of her life… he couldn't live with that.

He tried to find some sort of excuse for his childish interrogation.

He couldn't' think of one.

He sighed.

He didn't care anymore.

He wouldn't make a bigger fool of himself than he had already.

He just wanted to know.

"Just tell me." He spoke up, losing some of the edge in his voice. "Are you and Sakura….?" He trailed off, knowing that even if this younger teacher was naïve and a younger at heart than Kakashi was, he'd understand what he was really asking.

Were Sakura and him really in a relationship?

Did he really see her as a woman, was he really capable of loving her the same way Kakashi did?

Were they in love with each other?

So many horrible questions ran through Kakashi's mind, his insides tightening and wringing with every one of them.

A long moment passed.

They both stood still on the street, both of them partially hidden in the dark.

The moon came out from behind the clouds.

Kakashi could now see Iruka's face.

The younger man looked serious.  
Determined.

But before he could notice anything else behind that man's expression he heard the one word he never thought Iruka would actually say to that question.

"Yes."

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**Sorry for the short chapter, but I actually managed to cut the chapter at a cliffhanger moment anyways.**

… **Not that that should be something to be happy about… sorry….**

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**Anyways, I plan on uploading another chapter soon, but with my birthday and homework and stuff I'm a little distracted right now.**

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**Oh, and I'm only 2 reviews away from hitting 1,000 REVIEWS!**

**I wish I could give something out to the 1,000****th**** reviewer, but I don't have anything to give away. So I can only thank you very deeply!**

**Thank you **_**everyone**_** who has ever reviewed!**

**I will try and write as much as quickly as possible so you guys can get the next chapter soon!**


	73. What Aren't You Telling Me? : Part 1

**Chapter 73!**

**Title:**_'What Aren't You Telling Me? : Part 1'_

**NOTE:**

**Sorry for the horribly horribly long wait.**

**Over a month!**

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**As soon as I got my inspiration back I had to study for finals… but its Christmas Break now! Yay!**

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**Oh, and though this is a 'part 1'… there isn't a 'part 2' yet, but these upcoming chapters just **_**need**_** that title, so I wanted to share it with them.**

**Hope you enjoy the chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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He hadn't expected that word.

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"Yes."

…

It was such a short answer.

It seemed impossible for one word to be able to confirm all his questions, all his doubts… but it did.

He felt, for an instant, something in him, something cruel and brutal curl his fist and set a hungry fire in his chest that he knew could only be fed if he let himself step a few paces and force his fist through the air and against this man's face.

But he couldn't move.

He couldn't really think.

The only thoughts that were clear enough to run through his mind several times were:

_This really has nothing to do with me.  
What am I doing here?_

…

_I can't do anything._

…

_They're actually…_

_Iruka… and Sakura…_

His brows twitched with that thought.

The fire in his chest had grown heavy and blurred, but remained blistering.

Something inside of him was weighing the fire down, pressing it against his organs, sizzling away at his center. For only moment he wanted to lean into the pain, to forget himself and give into it, to deny this man's answer, to punch him, anything…. But he didn't. He couldn't. He hadn't given into pain so selfishly in years and he wasn't going to fall back into that habit now of all times, of all reasons, when he knew it were only his own idiotic feelings that were to blame for this.

He had no right to feel anything about this situation.

It had nothing to do with him.

He shouldn't have had any opinion about this.

But still…

He didn't want to be here anymore… he didn't want to talk to this man… to hear or look at this man… this man who could visit Sakura whenever he wanted.

Touch her whenever he wanted.

Kiss her…

Hold her…

Feel her…

The weight of the fire in his chest grew heavier.

Finally remembering himself, Kakashi said the one word he could build up the strength to say as he started slowly turning away, "… Alright…"

…

As he turned his back to this conversation so soon after starting it he felt like he was backing down from a fight. He hated it.

But this wasn't a fight…

Iruka had already won.

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"Yes." He lied.

He could suddenly feel the anxiety and worry sink back in, filling him with dread and sudden regret. It was as if even his body was trying to tell him that he had gone too far… that his short run with courage had done too much.

He tried to calm his insides down from their panicked state.

_I know what I'm doing._

_I know what I'm doing._

_I know what I'm doing._

He told his stomach and heart, as well as himself, trying to find that strange, brave, numbness he had felt before he had said that single, destructive word.

But just as the moonlight managed to find its way on Kakashi's masked face all of Iruka's hard-earned courage disintegrated.

He suddenly felt that he needed take his answer back.

But he didn't say anything.

His body was too much in control to let him open his mouth again, his jaw was so tense with nerves.

It was as if his body was now just telling him to shut up: having learned its lesson from the last time it let him talk.

It was hard to deal with the damage of that word when he saw how thoroughly it had disturbed the expression of the man standing in front of him. Kakashi had never been one to portray emotions willingly, so any disturbance in his features at all must've meant that that single word had dealt a powerful blow.

His only visible eye barely widened, the rest of his features set in stone. The silver-haired man lost even that small look of surprise before he finally moved, betraying the physics of stone as his face changed expressions carefully.

And just as his features relaxed into something of a bored look, he said his own word, "… Alright…."

He started to turn around. As if he had accepted defeat.

Iruka couldn't really adjust to that moment.

He thought Kakashi would get angrier, or even punch him, that he would storm into an argument or a fight… not this.

The last thing he expected was for this man to simply walk away…. Like this….

Why would he just walk away?

Didn't he love her?

Wasn't he the man who was willing to put his whole life and career on the line for her?

How can he just leave things like this!

The Academy teacher felt his internal frustration start to pick up again with every new thought. He knew he was the one Kakashi should've been angry at instead of him getting angry at Kakashi, but nothing seemed to be going right anyways. He just couldn't understand what kind of man would risk so much for the love of that girl but would throw it away without a fight so easily like that.

If Iruka had been in his place, he would have never backed down.

Well…

… He _had_ been in Kakashi's place, though… or somewhere much like it… and he _did_ back down…

But this was 'Hatake Kakashi'…

That wasn't the way this was supposed to happen…

He wasn't supposed to just _give up _like this!

But despite the scarred man's inner-rant the other didn't make any attempt to turn around.

Iruka stammered on the spot a little, his feet unsure of where or how to stand for a moment before he spoke up.

He really couldn't leave it at this.

Iruka forced himself to at least act confident right now.

He needed it for what he was going to say next.

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"You're jealous." The man's voice rang out behind Kakashi.

Kakashi stopped in his tracks.

His left foot slowly rejoined the side of his right calmly.

Nothing inside of him was calm, though.  
His heart was beating fast, his chest still burned and heaved with the phantom weight tugging him towards the ground, his mind reeled on the spot with those two words. That single accusation was enough to tear down his barriers, to strike fear of discovery as well as anger in him, but it wasn't enough to make him slip up.

He took only a second longer to settle into his bored look again before turning around.

"Why would I be jealous?... She's my student. I don't care for her the way you do."He asked coldly. He never knew how convincing an actor he was until that moment, with any less talent for lying he wouldn't have been able to finish that last sentence.

He gave the man across from him a testing glare.

…

He knew Iruka was a quiet, gentle man, but he never thought him a bragger.

…

Even if Iruka had somehow picked up on some sort of hint of inappropriate affection from him towards Sakura, he never thought Iruka would gloat over his victory of her feelings like this.

The idea was enough to let Kakashi seriously think about actually punching him.

"You love her." The other teacher picked up his voice with uncharacteristic confidence.

That punch seemed like a better choice than ever.

The scarred man had summarized Kakashi's feelings in the three words he had never hoped to say or hear for fear they would seal him into their unforgivable nature and yet that man had said those words so easily.

"Don't say ridiculous things." Were the only words he could manage with a civil tongue. He was about ready to turn around, to leave the winner of that girl's affections to himself before he could lose control actually hit him. The last thing he needed to do was to bludgeon the man she loved… that would scare her even farther away from him.

The reminder of just how distant he and Sakura were was painful, but he didn't let himself feel it as he took a step to turn away.

The Academy teacher didn't stay quiet, though:

"You're the one acting ridiculous." He nearly yelled, catching Kakashi's begrudging attention. "You think I can't tell how angry you are?" He said with something like anxious, childish, anger. "You think I can't tell how the thought of me and that girl together is probably enough to boil your blood?"

No… it wasn't enough to just boil his blood.

The idea, the thought, the image of that man kissing her, holding her, even touching her was enough to make him feel as if his entire body were submerged in a vat of hot oil.

His skin crawled and his muscles ached to force some sort of damage onto him, but he didn't do anything about it, he was closer to hitting _himself_ if it meant he could free his mind of these juvenile thoughts.

"Umino." He called the last name of the man harshly to try and shut him up. He could see the teacher flinch a little, his unusual resolve wavering for only a second. Kakashi took a breath, trying to calm down and forget his anger… his pain… to remember why he came here in the first place…  
He did.

His mind cleared momentarily.

"I just don't want you to hurt her." Kakashi spoke up after a moment, satisfied with his own answer. He had no way of predicting Umino's.

"Like you did?"

A moment passed.

'_Like I did'?_

... He paused for a moment longer.

_I hurt her?_

Something suddenly pulled at his stomach with worry… as if he _had_ actually done something to hurt her… but…. He couldn't remember…

"What?" He asked slowly.

"Don't you remember?" Iruka didn't seem to back down from his angry confidence even now, it seemed stronger than before. "We've had this conversation before. Twice."

'Remember'?

Kakashi felt his worry set in deeper…. What exactly had happened in the time he forgot?

What had he done?

"What are you talking about?" He asked for himself quickly, losing some of his hostility.

The Academy teacher only shuffled on the spot awkwardly, as if he was getting more upset by Kakashi's naiveté. He sighed with frustration before lowering his voice seriously.  
"Everything you want to know. Everything you're missing. All you need to do is _look_ at that girl instead of pushing her away." He said harshly before turning around; finally ready to leave this conversation just when Kakashi wasn't.

'That girl'?

Sakura?

'Push her away'?

How did he know…?

He needed answers. He took a step forward, "What do you mean?" He called after the man.

"Figure it out for yourself." He answered over his shoulder before turning the corner and walking out of sight.

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The sandy street under Iruka's shoes crunched in a fast chorus as he practically stomped towards his apartment.

None of that conversation had gone as he had wanted it.

He thought he could've talked with Kakashi as an equal, to get his point across like a civilized man, but in the end he just turned a kid.

He said only what he wanted without thinking and couldn't help but be mean… this had been a delicate issue that he should've treated with care, he should've actually talked to Kakashi about how to get closer to Sakura – for the sake of her happiness- but instead he probably just split them farther apart!

He didn't know why he would act like that, but he really didn't want to think about it… not when he knew he had just made a mess of this situation.

He sighed to himself with a sad and tired tone as he turned another corner. He looked up to the moon just in time for a few raindrops to splash on his forehead. He wiped them off and looked down at his feet, disappointment still clear on his face. He closed his eyes slowly, knowing the way home by heart.

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He would have to fix this somehow.

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Before Sakura finds out.

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He took a detour.

He needed to think…

There were so many thoughts coursing through his sore brain that he couldn't keep them straight. He would've thought that after being emptied of months' worth of memories he would've felt a little clear-headed, but everything just felt more crowded than normal.  
It was like everything, all his thoughts and doubts, couldn't be organized… as if the shelves they belonged in were misplaced. The clutter was building up in his mind so fast he felt as if he would drown in confusion.

He walked down the tori path to his favorite bridge with less serenity than any man who had taken the time to walk down this path before him. His head ached with dull pain, he winced as it suddenly got a little worse but he didn't pay any attention to it.

He needed to think through all this.

About Sakura.

About Iruka.

About what they had.

His place between them, as her former teacher and captain, as her friend…

He can't be there for her the way he wants to be, the way Iruka is… she's probably too apprehensive of him to even let him any closer to her.

He grimaced.

But why?...

She _has_ been acting strangely around him… ever since that morning at the hospital. Every time he looks at her, every time he barely touches her, she… the look she gives him. It's no different from any other casual expression, but… she always looks… scared… but prepared. As if he's about to do something to hurt her.

As if she's _expecting_ him to hurt her.

Again worry pull at him when he remembered Iruka's words, _'Like you did?'_…

_What did I do?_

_Had I done anything to her?_

_What did I do to her?_

_I know I did something… I can feel it…_

_I've done something to hurt her…._

_What did I do?_

_What did I do?_

His headache was getting worse. His eyes cringed shut as his fingers rubbed from his right temple to the center of his forehead.

He hadn't noticed why his left was too busy to massage the other side of the headache away. He had been holding the small jade pendant of his necklace between his fingers alternatively, messing with it as if it were a healing stone.

_What _could _I have done?_

…

_Sakura isn't a little girl anymore…_

_She's more than capable of taking care of herself._

_I've seen her level walls with a single punch, she wouldn't have let me harm her… but I wouldn't attack her anyways._

His pace slowed, the orange posts and their moonlit shadows moving past him even slower than before now.

_If I hadn't physically harmed her then I…._

…

His stomach went cold with that new thought. He hadn't even noticed the rain when it started falling, the little patters of raindrops on the shoulders of his vest grew louder by the second but he couldn't hear anything except his thoughts right now.

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_I didn't… I didn't do anything about my feelings for her, did I?_

…

He knew he had had these affections for her before he woke up in the hospital earlier that week… but… he wouldn't have actually acted on them, had he?…  
That didn't sound like him.

But he couldn't help but doubt himself as evidence piled itself in his mind.

The way she was almost scared of his touch.

The way she distanced herself from him.

The role he had her play in the last mission… his 'fiancée'…

But just before he could give his doubts any more attention he felt something. Something in him, his mind, telling him he was wrong.

_That's not it._

… _Something else._

…

It was a strange feeling, it was like déjà vu… like he knew something he didn't know he could know. It was an insane sensation, to simply know things without knowing, he hadn't listened to that feeling so clearly as now…

He walked even slower. He kept his eyes closed, as if he could see inside his foggy mind clearer without the outside world distracting him.

_What happened?_

_What could I have done?_

He focused his thoughts seriously, asking himself for another sign. His mind quickly travelled to Iruka's words:

'_Everything you want to know. Everything you're missing. All you need to do is look at that girl instead of pushing her away.'_

The stone in his hand grew warmer by the second, shielded from the cold and wet by the flesh of his hand. He held onto it for no conscious reason, he was too deep in thought, but he wouldn't let go.

_Sakura…_

The way the rain fell on his face, dripping passed his forehead into his eyes, it was so familiar. Like a far-off memory.

Something important.  
Very important… to him.

He closed his eyes, sinking into that feeling, unsure of what else there could have been to it.  
As the water ran timidly down his masked face, down the bridge of his nose, along his cheeks, over his lips, he could feel a sense of nostalgia sink in.

He felt lips on his own.

Before he could open his eyes to check if his mind was playing tricks on his nerves he was interrupted by something else. Pain bright as steel pierced his mind with a searing hot sensation. His knees were submerged in puddles less than a moment later. His eyes were screwed shut, not out of pain, but because of something else. Something he couldn't explain. He didn't want to, he couldn't, all he knew in this moment were the sudden images in his mind, the strange feelings his nerves showed him.

He knew he was in the middle of an abandoned street, in the rain, hunched towards the ground, but he felt like he was in a hundred different places at once, in a single moment of time that was thousands all at once, he could feel a thousand different sensations he knew were impossible. He couldn't possibly know them. But he did.

Her lips.

Her hands.

Her fingers.

Her hair.

Her skin.

Her breath.

He could see hundreds of different sights, each only living in the moments between the raindrops falling on his back.

He could see her face.

Her smile.

Her eyes.

Everything about her in hundreds of different ways he had never known he could see before.

His body and eyes could remember holding her, kissing her, feeling her in so many different ways he couldn't explain.

His heart was beating too fast, he couldn't control his breathing; it was like he was being thrown out of time and reason, as if days were running through him in this single minute.

He could hear her voice, but he couldn't make sense out of any of it. Her voice was like a single tone, a single note continuously playing in his head and ears. The harder he tried to focus on her voice the more impossible it was to decipher her words. Another voice joined in the mayhem inside his head, he recognized it immediately as the man he had just finished talking to. He couldn't understand but it looked like the talk they just had.  
"You can't mess around with her!"

"Do you really love her?" His words echoed through him.

His heart grew heavier, it's aching ringing out above the pain in his head with those words… he remembered them, he remembered the anxiety, the desperation, he felt when he heard them… but before he could focus on that moment any longer he felt it.

Another sharp stab of pain, more powerful than the one before, it was as if a hot poker was being pressed into his head mercilessly. He reeled forward in the pain, his hands slamming into the puddles of mud beneath him, he could feel the jade pendant rip off the cord with the force. Another hot poker of pain slid along the side of his temple, he cried out in pain before even his scream was drowned out by his own voice in his head:

"They say that if you give someone one of the stones that have never touched the ground since they were carried up by the northern winds…

He could see her face in his mind again. She was smiling up at him in a way he hadn't remembered ever seeing in real life but could recognize it in only a moment. His voice rang through his head again. "…that no matter how far or how long the two of you are separated…. they'll never forget you."

And then he recognized the sweetness in her voice before he could even hear it in his head. A flash of a jade green rock in her hands ran through his brain, "I-If anything happens… I don't want to be the only one who never forgets."

And that was when everything shifted.

Everything slowed down.

The feelings, the images, her warmth, left him.

He couldn't see her anymore, except in the fuzzy memories of the images that had just spun past the inside of his eyelids. Her smile and her eyes… he could barely remember what they looked like when they were looking up at him with so much… admiration, but he remembered how it made him feel very clearly.

He opened his eyes hesitantly, letting the cold world back into his senses… the moment they focused on the dark water only inches beneath his bowed face he realized he hadn't taken a breath in too long. He gasped for air. His hands planted further into the watery mud for balance. His head felt heavy and pain still wrung through his whole body making him shiver wildly with the cold of the rain and the searing fire burning into the core of his heart and head….  
But it wasn't the kind of pain he thought it was.

It had felt like his torso and limbs had been compressed in a vise for hours and were then stretched beyond what was humanly possible till they felt so loose and tired that he didn't know how to will them to move anymore.

But none of that had happened.

It wasn't real pain.

And yet, it felt more real than any pain he'd known from any battle.

What he was feeling now, as he sat hunched over the watery mud, panting for more icy air to sting his throat on the way to his lungs, was more real than anything he remembered feeling before.

Even now, before he could fully recognize what just happened to him, before he could form a single coherent thought from within his cocoon of confusion and pain, some part of him knew what this meant… some part of him knew how he could know the feel of her skin, the feel of her lips so well… Some part of him now knew why he could recognize the affection in her eyes and smile and touch. And now that he knew… now that the memory of her love had burned itself back into him… he felt like he was weighted to the ground. He couldn't stand or even try. The weight of this moment, of these feelings he hadn't known he could feel until this moment: the happiness, the pain, the confusion, the ache, the desire, the joy, the thirst, the need… it was all too much. He felt like his body would be crushed under these feelings, but he loved it. He would've smiled and laughed at himself if he hadn't had felt as if tears were about to well over from his mismatched eyes and become just a few more raindrops in the darkness.

_Sakura…_

He couldn't form any other thought.

_Sakura…_

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_Sakura…_

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His mind cleared after a few moments, he could breathe again… he could think again… and the moment he could he wished he hadn't because it was then that he felt all the previous happiness bury itself away from him. His face contorted with the pain. He had realized in that moment why his body felt like this… he knew what these images, what these feelings meant. They weren't hallucinations or delusions or fantasies… they never were.

They were real.

They were real.

He and Sakura…

They had…

They were….

He didn't want to let himself believe it, but he knew… it didn't matter what he wanted.

What he wanted didn't mean anything.

If it did then he wouldn't feel this pain right now… if it did then his heart wouldn't feel as if it was pumping itself dry right now… if it did then his breathing wouldn't be catching in his throat in such short gasps that sounded so dangerously close to sobs right now…

If what he wanted had meant anything, this wouldn't have been the way he…

This wouldn't have been the way he figured out….

She wouldn't have kept this from him….

He had no idea what she was keeping from him… he couldn't remember everything, but he knew enough…. He knew Sakura and him had been together once… many times.

And now he knew that she was keeping it a secret from him….

He writhed on the spot for a moment, attempting to get up. He couldn't. He groaned with the pain as he tiredly bowed his head toward the ground. The raindrops splashing the puddles sprayed his pained face.

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_Sakura…_

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_What aren't you telling me?_

Why?

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_Why couldn't you tell me?_

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_Why couldn't you trust me?_

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_Did I hurt you?_

_Were you scared?_

_Or…_

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_Did you fall in love with him instead?_

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For the first time in years, as he crouched in the rain, muddled with confusion and torture, he let the pain sink in and take hold.

The rain grew stronger.

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**I would like to thank ALL OF YOU for your wonderful reviews!**

**And to let you know we've reached OVER 110,00 HITS!**

**Now I don't know if that's good compared to other fanfics of this length, but that's a big number and it makes me happy, haha!**

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**Well, now that it's Christmas Break I'll definitely have more free time to write!**

**The next chapter should be out relatively soon!**


	74. What Aren't You Telling Me? : Part 2

**Chapter 74!**

**Title:**_'What Aren't You Telling Me? : Part 2'_

**NOTE:**

**OK…. This was a horribly delayed, wasn't it?**

**I am so sorry to those who were really looking forward to the next chapter and got impatient…. And also, I tried to look you up Amber, but there are lots of duplicate profiles for your name on Facebook,**

**sorry. :[**

**But I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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I straightened my hair in the mirror, leaning in slightly. I patted down the sides of my head and ran my fingers through the pink strands framing my face.  
I hadn't notice I was smiling until my cheeks started aching.

I stopped for a moment, looking at myself in the mirror quizzically, before smiling again. I laughed a few breaths. I had gotten too used to not smiling these past couple days that it seemed strange to actually see my own reflection smile, but completely natural at the same time.

I felt like smiling.

I _wanted_ to smile.

And I knew I had a reason for it too, but… I couldn't think of it right away.

I looked away from the mirror, already knowing what I was going to look at: a slightly rumpled square of dark fabric lying innocently on my bed.

I stared at it for a moment before telling myself it was okay to go over and pick it up.

I knew I should have felt comfortable, sitting on my own bed pensively placing the forest-scented shirt on my lap, but I still felt a little tense, as if he could see me, as if just because his shirt was here he was here too. I wondered if I should wash it. I looked over to Warble; his little lit face told me it was too late for that. The shirt would still be wet by the time I had to leave to meet him.

My stomach bubbled for a moment when I realized I would see him soon.

Quiet drifted through my room, only interrupted by the birds and the people outside, as I sat staring at the fabric in my lap a little while longer.

I didn't feel like smiling anymore.

It was strange; how it made me feel.

Self-conscious, happy, anxious, confused, nervous.

I shouldn't be surprised.

That's how I felt about _him_ right now.

I sighed, interrupting the quiet.

I miss him, and after the way he talked to me last night…. His voice.… After that… I feel like I'm getting too close to breaking a promise to myself. To let him have the simple, peaceful, safer life he had before… us….

That thought alone made me rocket backward, the back of my head bounced onto the mattress with force. I stared up at the ceiling without really looking, my arms spread lazily around my head.

I didn't want to think about this anymore.

I rolled onto my side, feeling lazy, wondering if I could go do some shopping for mom or do some chores or something to get all this out of my head for at least five minutes, but I was distracted from that thought.

Chalk and books and wooden desks.

That scent still lingered on the sheets beneath me.

My smile immediately came back when I remembered last night.  
The sound of our laughter.  
The feel of his hands.  
Soft and warm and familiar.

But I couldn't focus on that after I heard my mom's voice, "Sakura! Are you up yet?"

I hadn't realized till then that I hadn't seen mom or dad all morning. Feeling even lazier because of that I got up, put the square of fabric on my desk, and answered mom on the way down the stairs, "Yeah, sorry, just getting ready."

She was tidying up the front room while I made my way to the front door, deciding I should take a distracting walk or something, until:

"Oh, Sakura." mom started, "Your friends, Sai, came by a few seconds ago, I told him you'd be up later, but you might catch up to him if it's important."

"Sai?" I asked, my mind still stuck on that 'your friend' part. I probably would've denied that a week ago, but… he's been nice to me recently. He seems to understand people a bit better.

"Yes, he said he wanted to talk to you about your team captain or something. He didn't make a lot of sense, he's a very strange boy."

I froze on the spot.

_I take back that whole 'understands-people-better' thing._  
He obviously doesn't know not to say anything to my parents about Kakashi-sensei.

Then again… if he understood people better be probably wouldn't be so eager to give me boy advice in hopes I can start some sort of relationship with our team captain.

"O-oh, ok…" was all I could respond with. I said the sounds blankly as I started hurrying out the door.

"Sakura!"

I stepped backward into the doorway again when mom called, already impatient to either hear what Sai had to say or to pummel him for mentioning Kakashi in front of my mom.

"You and that boy aren't thinking about becoming an item, are you?"

I double-took.

"NO." I said very bluntly with a little, but obvious, kick. It wasn't that Sai was so bad, but I was seriously getting sick of all these boy problems piling up in my previously practically boyless life so I didn't need my mom to start worrying about the boy problems I actually _don't_ have.

"Alright, alright." She brushed me off, sighing.

I didn't waste any time running out the door and onto the street… but I was surprised when I realized I wouldn't have to track him down.

"Good morning." He waved from a few feet away, smiling that uniform smile.

Either he was a slow walker or he had been waiting for me… I didn't really care; I was too busy caring about something else.

I walked up to him hastily, checking over my shoulder to make sure mom wasn't eavesdropping or anything, she seemed to have taken the hint. I turned back to him, "Sai, what're yo-"

I was a little surprised when he interrupted me.

"I came to talk to you about your change in target. I think this new one will be much simpler than Kakashi-sa-"

I had no idea what he was talking about but the moment I heard him say that name I decided to interrupt him with what _I_ needed to talk to him about, "Don't talk to my mom about… about Kakashi." Instinctually I had to pause to lower my voice when I got close to saying his name.

Sai's smiled grew weaker for a moment; he blinked at me… like he was confused.

"I assumed it was alright, considering the news going around." He said plainly.

…

"What 'news'?"

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

_It's ok._

_It's ok._

_It's ok._

He kept telling himself as he sat on the bench, listening to the kids run around laughing during the break –having given them a day off from their usual marching exercises- running his fingertips across his brow stressfully.

That morning hadn't been the best.

The parents of his students are starting to get even colder, some of them even telling his students to make sure and stay at least five feet away from him at all times.

He would have been able to handle this any other day… any other day that hadn't been followed by a night where he wrongfully professed to being romantically involved with an ex-student.

But…

He was starting to feel as if he deserved the way the parents looked at him, the way the kids avoided him out of confused obligation, or the way the troublemakers were starting to act up in class every few minutes now.

_It's ok._

_It's ok._

He didn't know if it really was, but it made him feel better to tell himself that.

"Iruka-senseeeii~!" He recognized the little voice of one of his most well-behaved students, Kiriko.

He moved his hands away from his face and smiled tiredly as she ran up to him, trying not to let any of his students know just how troubled he was.

He actually hoped the little girl would say there was a fight somewhere he could break up just so that he could gain back some control and respect from his increasingly distant class.

The 8 year old ran up to him, grabbing onto his sleeve the moment he was in reach, his smile almost brightened at that –he always preferred it when the kids treated him like an older brother-, before it faltered altogether when she said what she had to say:

"Tomoya said his mom told him you go out with your students!" She said rather loudly. Iruka could see Kirkio's little girl friends huddled a few feet away looking at him with uncertain curiosity, he also spotted Tomoya watching from even farther away, looking a little wary about being told on.

Iruka stuttered on the spot, but before he could collect his thoughts Kiriko, always inquisitive and somewhat uncouth, spoke up again: "Does that mean you'll go out with me?"

"Ehhhh~?" Her little friends chorused, each of them blushing and giggling a moment later. Some of the boys caught on to the sudden excitement and started picking on the girls.

Just as he was about to stand up and stop all this he felt a tug at the back of his head pull him back down clumsily.

He turned around to look behind him, ignoring the ruckus picking up in front of him, just to catch sight of a few boys running off. He realized only a moment later, when he turned back to Kiriko and her group who were fighting the boys and felt his hair fall to frame his face, that they had done it again. They stole his hair-band and had probably already buried it somewhere, again.

_And that was my last one, too._  
He lamented to himself before his attention was snapped back to the kids.

"Why would you want to get married to Dolphin-sensei?" He heard a boy in the crowd pipe up, using that rude tone with Iruka's name.

"They're not getting married, they're going out!" A girl shouted back.

"Stop!" He yelled a little harshly, the noise died down a little, some of the kids looked at him, "I'm not getting married to anyone! I am not going out with anyone! Especially not one of my students!"

The kids went quiet for a moment.

"Yeah, but my mom said Kuroke-sensei said you were, too!" Tomoya piped up above the others.

"He was mistaken." Iruka answered more harshly than he intended.  
The kids fell silent for a long moment. The boys looked annoyed, the girls still a little flustered.

"I _told_ you he was just a lonely old guy." One of Tomoya's group of friends, Eito, whispered to the others, thinking Iruka couldn't hear him, like a normal adult wouldn't be able to. Iruka had heard it clear enough.

…

"That's enough, everyone. Back to class."

…

The kids whined and went back into the building first, Iruka pulled his hair out of his face as he followed them in.

_It's ok._

_It's ok._

_It's ok._

_It'll be ok._

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

He stared at the base of the tile wall in front of him as if he could see through it. The hot water hit his shoulder blades harshly; droplets that didn't spray off of his skin ran down to the floor. His hands were planted on the wall in front of him, one on either side of the shower head.  
His body had needed this distracting warmth, but not as much as his mind had.

Even though he had slept in this morning, he still felt as if it had been as eternity since last night.  
After finally reaching his apartment he'd thought his mind would have never allowed him to sleep again with all the noise of new/old images and feelings settling into the blank spaces in his brain, but he had almost immediately blacked out when he had collapse on the couch, too worn to reach the bedroom.

He couldn't remember his dreams when he woke up that morning, but he guessed what they were about.

He sighed after wincing a little as he stretched his back into an arch for a moment, he could feel the recently-treated cuts along his skin disagree with the temperature and speed of the water. He didn't really care.

_She'll be back today, _he reminded himself.

He could feel something like anticipation well in his chest.

Before that moment could survive any longer his hand had fallen forcefully from the wall to the water valve, shutting it off hastily.

He walked out of the shower, quickly wrapping a towel around his waist, as if he could leave behind that feeling as well.

He knew he wouldn't be able to.

After last night… even though he couldn't remember everything, even though he couldn't remember anything but a few feelings and a few images… he was starting to understand more and more clearly that she means more to him than he had ever thought before.

He could feel it.

He missed her.

He and everything about him missed her more than he knew he could.  
His arms ached for nothing less than to pull her to him for hours.

But he wouldn't allow that.

…

Not with the way things are now.

…

Not with what she did.

…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"I assumed it was alright, considering the news going around." He said plainly.

…

"What 'news'?" '_News'_ that's '_going around'_?

Like rumors?

…

… about Kakashi?

…

Did somebody find out?

I could feel my heart shrink in fear.

Is everyone finding out now even though it isn't even true anymore?

"About Umino-san." He answered with an obvious tone.

… huh?

"What about Iruka?" I asked genuinely.

Sai didn't say anything, he only blinked again. After a moment Sai's face dropped emotion like a robot trying to reboot or something.  
I wondered what was going on in his head.

… … … … … … … … … … **Sai's Brain **… … … … … … … … … … …

"What 'news'?"

The confusion in the tone of her question. It could have been confusion over the generalized statement of 'news', an unspecified subject, but the consistent confusion with the mention of Umino Iruka denotes confusion about the entire subject.

"What 'news?" + "What about Iruka?" = These possibilities:

1 . Overall confusion due to lack of skill in implicative communication.

2 . Stupidity.

3 . This is an act to cover up any inappropriate entanglements with Umino Iruka that would prove recent rumors -'news'- true.

4 . Considering her prevailing anxiety at the mention of Kakashi-san, her tone can denote the possibility that the rumors are false, as _"How To Deal With Friends And Their Side Effects"_ explained in Chapter 16 about how rumors usually are, and she is unaware of the rumors as well as the slight decline of her name in society because of them.

...

_Number 4 seems most probable._

…

_Perhaps I should tell her._

…

No.

_"How To Make Friends And Keep Them, Volume 2: How Not To Be Rude"_ said, 'Never tell a friend, especially a girl, bad news that someone else can tell her instead.'

…

Someone else should tell her.

Recalling _"How To Leave A Conversation Politely"_

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

After a moment of robotically staring at me, as if he was computing some sort of answer to my question, he seemed to come back to life.

"I-uh, I have some work to do right now, but let's talk again soon, Sakura-chan."

At that he turned around and walked off a little too quickly, I would've gone after him but I was a little too caught off guard by that weird sentence –Sakura-'chan'?- to bring myself to go after him.

Something must've been bothering him or something.

I would've helped him, but I had too many problems today, too.

And I only had a few minutes till I had to started walking over to Kakashi's….

Again, my stomach fluttered.

I wondered what he was doing right now.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

He stared at himself in the mirror as his head churned through thoughts industriously.

He wouldn't let himself think about how much he wanted to check the time, how much he wondered what it will be like to see her again knowing what he knows now, remembering everything he's felt of her, for her, before he had forgotten… before she had…

…

His expression tensed with pained irritation.

…

Some part of him knew he should be thankful for this. He should be happy that now he actually had an obstacle to stop him from feeling like the only thing he wanted to do was invite her into his apartment and keep the blinds closed for the weekend. He shouldn't feel like that not only for reasons he's beat himself over the head with before: because she's only a sixteen year old girl, because she deserves something better than him. Someone better than him…

But because that's what finally happened.

He hadn't been there for her and she found something better.

…

This was what was supposed to happen.

…

This is the way it should be.

Even if it means he has to silently stifle all of his feelings for her right now.

But…

… beyond his desire for her, there was something else he knew he shouldn't feel.

He can't let himself feel betrayed.

…

He can't blame her.

He shouldn't blame her.

It wasn't her fault.

…

She thought he had forgotten her.

She found a kinder, gentler man…

She deserves to be happy.

He couldn't offer her that happiness anymore.

She found someone who could.

…

_But why?_

_Why Iruka?_

_Out of anyone… why him?_

…

His fists clenched on the countertop, he looked away from the mirror.

…

_Sakura…_

_If you needed a simpler life, if you needed someone more stable, why him?_

_Can't you see what people think of you now?_

_It's what they would've thought about us._

…

_How is being with _him_ any better?_

…

He couldn't understand anything. If she was willing to leave him for a man who could only offer her the same social dangers… what had he done so wrong?

What couldn't she handle?

Why couldn't she just wait for him?

Why couldn't she just tell him?

…

Why couldn't she trust him?

…

Was Iruka really better for her?

Did she trust him more?

Did she care for him more?

…

They do have a deeper history… but…

Iruka was never a man who would let this happen.

How could he let himself get into this?

_He was trying to break _us_ apart only weeks ago. _  
Kakashi thought back to one of the more coherent memories he had regained. An argument in a dark street with that man. The same man that had argued with Kakashi to leave Sakura alone because a relationship between them was too dangerous was now the same man visiting her room every night.

That thought struck a chord in him, a moment of frustration left the small mouthwash cup and soap rocketing to the floor after being pushed off angrily.

Only a moment later he sighed at himself. He buried his face in his hands.

He knew he shouldn't feel like this…

But he did.

He couldn't stop this.

He hadn't been able to stop his feelings for Sakura, how could he stop this pain he felt because of her?

…

He had lost her, but the moment he got her back, the moment he could remember he once had her… he had already lost her again.

She hadn't waited for him.

She hadn't wanted to.

…

He crouched over the sink, his shoulders shaking with frustration.

…

She wanted nothing to do with him.

She hadn't told him anything about them.

She didn't like having to be around him.

She didn't like it when he touched her.

…

She hadn't _wanted_ him to remember her…

…

But he did…

He couldn't help it….

…

And now he can't go back.

…

Things are too different now to go back to the way things were before all this.  
He can't be the teacher and captain she once knew anymore.  
She's changed him, better him.

…

But he could act like that man again… for a while.

...

But not for her….

…

_He_ needed to know something.

And he knew how to find it out.

…

…

He heard knocking.

He wasn't surprised, even though she was early; he left the bathroom already pulling on his clothing, somehow completely numb but completely anxious at the same time.

He remembered one of the first lessons he taught Sakura and her teammates, 'a ninja's greatest weapon is deception.'

His mouth turned down a fraction; he had hoped he would never have to lie to her like this… even if she was still lying to him.

…

But he needed to figure something out…

….

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

**Okay… this time I really will get the next chapter out soon, I give you guys my word.**


	75. In Alternative Universes

**Chapter 75!**

**Title:** _'In Alternate Universes'_

**Note:**

**Ok, so this part of the story is non-linear compared to the rest.**

**Last time I left you he was about to answer the door to meet Sakura… but I felt like this needed to be explained first.**

**This takes place in something like an Alternate Universe of Growing Pangs', but this **_**isn't**_** an extra, it's actually part of the story line.**

**I won't spoil it for you, but I don't think it'll be hard to figure out what's different about /this/ Growing Pangs universe.**

**Disclaimer****: I own nothing!**

… … … … … … … … … … … …

"Haruno-san." I turned when I heard my name being said so respectfully. I immediately recognized her: she was the nicer one of the two receptionists.

"Yes?" I asked.

"You're here to visit Hatake-san?" She asked for verification, checking her little clipboard of recent admittances. I nodded quickly. She smiled when she checked her paper, "You can go see him now."

The receptionist pointed me towards the door that led to the hospital rooms, I already knew where his room would be -recent and short term admittances always ended up with the left hallway-, but I thanked her for the directions anyways and went through the doors, glancing back as Naruto went to sit back down. Sai was still smiling at me.  
I turned away quickly.

I almost sighed at how I much drama I was probably going to have to deal from him later.

I could just imagine him trying to set up fake dates for Kakashi and me, making us talk to each other alone… well, as long as he didn't snoop around for too long, I guess Sai could actually help us find time together without really knowing that we were already way past the stage he thought we were at.

I _did_ sigh when I realized, despite how annoying those little games sounded, I was still kind of looking forward to them.

This lifestyle was turning me into some sort of stereotypical danger-seeking teenager or something.

Well… I guess it didn't matter right now.

I took the left turn down the hallway.

'Right now' was perfect.

It was that time after a mission wrapped itself up and we were free from worrying about anything for at least a couple days until things got in our way again as they always seemed to do.

But for right now, this was just another happy ending to another crazy mission. Everything seemed back to normal already. Even walking to his 'usual' hospital room seemed part of the normal schedule now.

...

I peeked through the window. The room was dark, but the moonlight from the window was enough to see him lying on his side, sleeping.  
I smiled as I opened the door quietly. I walked a few steps into the quiet room.  
I could hear him sigh in his sleep when I closed the door behind me.

My eyes adjusted to the dark as I walked up to his bedside.

Just like last time, the hospital staff seemed to understand not to take off his mask, but took off his jacket and shirt to treat the cuts along his arms, sides, neck, and chest. My eyes lingered on all the red lines and the large purple bruises on his stomach and chest, I could even see one forming on the side of his bandaged cheek from where Hiroki punched him with the handle of his dagger. It was a little painful to see him like this, but I tried not to focus on that.  
I pulled the chair closer to his bedside, quietly. I focused instead on the pace of his breathing, on the way the moonlight reflected off his shoulder as it rose and fell, how his eyebrows furrowed a little in his sleep like he was having a bad dream.  
I reached up to his face. My fingers smoothed his forehead gently. He didn't look so upset anymore.  
I let my fingers peek into his hair, brushing through the strands once.  
I always did love running my fingers through his hair, it was one of the first things I wanted to do when I realized I had feelings for 'Kakashi-sensei'. I would probably do it more often, if I ever got the courage. I knew he wouldn't mind if I did, but although he _was_ the one who would always run his hands through my hair, I just felt like he wouldn't like it as much as I did or something.  
But the way his face lost all its tension and calmed when I let my hand run through the silver strands again told me otherwise.  
I smiled to myself, having too much fun just looking at him.

I moved my hand from his hair and let it find the bruise on his cheek, tracing it lightly. His nose twitched like it tickled. I wondered if he was actually awake already.

I could almost imagine him speaking up when I least expected and saying _'You know, sleep harassment is a punishable offense.'_

My smiled widened at the thought.

I was feeling kind of reckless right now. My fingers slid between the mask and his cheek.  
Maybe I _was_ turning into a 'danger-seeking teenager'.  
I knew he wouldn't mind me kissing him, but while he was still asleep, that seemed like I was asking for him to make fun of me or worse.

I pulled at the fabric a little more, the edge of it close to slipping over the tip of his nose.

But.

My hands suddenly stopped.

I didn't move for a long moment.  
Not because I was having any second thoughts or because I was afraid someone would see… but because… I didn't know.

I had no idea why I hesitated.

I just didn't know what to do…  
…

I sat there like that for so long I thought he might wake up naturally before I moved again.

I looked for some sort of sign that he was waking up, tension in his eyes or quicker breaths.  
Nothing.  
He was still sound asleep.

This felt weird.

Different.

I had no idea why but I had expected him to wake up right then, and… something horrible would happen…

… what?...

Why would I think that?

… I don't know… but _something_ horrible was supposed to happen, wasn't it?

But it wasn't….

It wasn't happening.

I had no idea what, but I could almost feel as if something was different.  
As if a little part of time had forgotten to work right.

This wasn't the way things were supposed to happen, but it didn't seem to matter to reality…

Even though something was different, I didn't feel like the world would try and fix it… it was as if reality had missed its train but wasn't going to wait around for the next stop.

And just before my heart could settle with relief that whatever horrible thing was supposed to happen had actually been avoided, it picked up like a toy jackhammer when I heard that voice:

"I can't wake up until you kiss me." His masked face smirked under me, his eyes were still closed.  
His voice sounded really hoarse, but I barely noticed.

The moment I heard those words, the moment his voice found my ears, I felt something in my heart swell. I couldn't understand it at all, but it felt as if I did.  
Whatever this feeling was it was making my eyes a little blurry, but I ignored it. I took a deep breath, almost chuckling into it.

"So, am I the prince?" I asked, tired laughter still in my voice.

He didn't say anything. His eyes were closed, but I could tell he was still awake by that smug look on his face.

The only response he gave me was poking his chin up a few centimeters, as if waiting for me to do something.

I wondered if the medication had gone to his head for a moment. I didn't really care. Even though Kakashi was unpredictable, the way he was acting didn't surprise very much.  
I let my hands flatten on either side of his face before leaning down. I took a small breath as I let my eyes take in as much of him as they could before I closed them again and planted a frail kiss on his masked lips, fighting back how much more I wanted to put into that out of spite.  
I sat back up again quickly.

He didn't do anything. I felt like he was asking for something better.

"That was it." I spoke up bluntly after a moment, breaking the dark silence.

"No, it wasn't." The 'sleeping' man -or princess- spoke up, telling me I was wrong.

I would've rolled my eyes for show if he could've seen me, but I decided against the theatrics when an evil plan came to mind.  
_So he wanted a real kiss, right?_

I pulled back the fabric of his mask over his nose, passed his jaw, he tilted his head obediently to let the fabric fall past his chin. I could tell he was only joking around, that he wasn't very invested in his teasing. That only reinforced my determination to act out and give him a run for his money.

I let my hands find his face again, but I barely touched him. Only my fingertips grazed him.  
I looked at him for a moment, quietly inspecting the mean bruise that was settling across his left cheek. I ran my fingertips around it carefully, letting my other hand trace along the border of his mask and skin, which was now along the underside of his jaw.  
I could see even the smirk weaken its hold on his lips when I grazed my fingers up to the center of his forehead and let them gently climb and fall along his features downward. He let out a little breath that could have been a chuckle, but it was as if he was too relaxed to actually make a sound.

My touch paused on the nearly nonexistent smile of his.  
I could tell he was getting serious.  
For a moment, I too, lost focus on the game when I had to take another minute in my life to reassure myself that this was real and that this man really felt what I felt for him for me…

I smiled at how ridiculous that sounded in my head, but mostly at how happy it made me.

My left hand reached up to his right temple again, gently cradling the side of his head. He leaned into my palm, as if he wanted to feel more. I could tell he was distracted a moment later when I let my fingertips run along his lips slowly. His eyes were still closed.  
I felt his lips tense against my skin, as if he was actually asking for more.

I leaned lower over him until my lips were only centimeters from his.

I hesitated.

I could tell he was getting impatient.

I smiled to myself as I let my lips land on his cheek gingerly.

This time I heard him chuckle to himself, almost _at_ himself, my own smile widened knowing I ruined an embarrassing moment of anticipation for him.

My lips left him and I was about to sit up again until I felt a tug pull me down; I hadn't noticed when his hands had found the sides of my face.  
But I didn't have time to think about that or to be surprised before he had already started kissing me.

I fought for balance after the way he just pulled me down to him, but I didn't care how balanced I was a moment later.  
The way he was kissing me.  
I would've thought he hadn't seen me for months. Usually, even at this point in our relationship, I could feel that small bit of restraint in the way he kissed or touched me. I could always sense how much he was thinking about everything he was doing.

Not this time.

He was moving so fast, I would've been worried about how quickly he went from passively teasing me for more than a peck to how he was pulling me onto him.  
But I could feel my own breathing pick up.

His hands wouldn't stay still, they were brushing my hair out of my face, sliding down my neck and onto my shoulders to bring me closer and then down to my waist, and along my back. I was really starting to get jealous, he was able to feel me as much as he wanted, but _I_ couldn't like this.

I pulled away using most of my inner-strength.

"This is against the rules…." I managed to whisper before he leaned up and reached my lips anyways. "You're cheating…" I mumbled against his mouth as clearly as I could. I was surprised I had enough thought to even think about the game he set up a moment ago.

I felt him smile against my lips. He stopped moving, but didn't back away.

"You're right." His lips were grazing my own still, "This is breaking more than just one set of rules, but it's not cheating…" I couldn't wrap my head around that statement before he was having his own fun again. I tried to lean away from him, half-heartedly, he only followed and sat up completely. His hands still couldn't stop moving. I was getting a little dizzy. I pulled away as well as I could, he took the moment to get back some oxygen as well, if not to say something that shook me more than a little.

"This is what I do in my dreams, anyway." He looked down at me in my silence, his eyes went from my eyes to my lips. "I could still be asleep for all I know."

He tried to lean in, but I took this one moment of mental clarity to combat his hypnotizing words, "I promised you I'd be here when you woke up… not before… so maybe I should leave."

His lips found mine for a moment, but he pulled away this time, "You should." He kissed me again before pulling away again, I was getting annoyed by that, "But I don't think I could let you." His voice was still really hoarse but I could still hear that tone of voice he'd use whenever he tried to make something true sound funny.

I smiled a little, "You would."

"Let's not find out." He barely finished those words before he was distracting me again. He folded his hands behind me, his arms locking me closer to him so I couldn't interrupt him by scooting away.

It was so rare to see and feel Kakashi act like this.

The way he probably felt all the time.

I wanted to feel more and know more about this side of him, to figure him out and have fun knowing the side of him no one else did, but the moment I recognized a wince in his expression I had to stop it.

"You're going to hurt yourself if you don't calm down." I managed to whisper between us.

My hands found his arms and gently picked the off from around me so that he could pull away.

He seemed to listen to reason again.

He let out a tired sigh.

"And I thought I was the responsible one." He looked back at me.

I really couldn't do anything but smile for a long moment.

His own smile brightened back as I watched his eyes look over my face a couple times… like he was admiring something he couldn't see.

I was surprised at how unembarrassed I was at that.

I noticed his smile weaken as pain took over his expression again. The bruise on the side of his face caught my eye. I wanted to kiss him again, but for the sake of being 'responsible', I didn't.

Instead I looked down at my feet, and with some sort of attitude of routine, I kicked them off before I pulled my legs onto the bed. I looked over to Kakashi and he was already resting on his original side of the hospital bed, looking up at the ceiling.

I huffed a little when I noticed he wasn't going to do the polite thing, what he did last time, and move over for me.

"You're like a kid." I grumbled as I crawled across the foot of the bed to get to the other, roomier, side of the bed.

He laughed hoarsely as I grumbled again just as I reached the right spot along his side, turning over so that I could lay on my back. I knew _I _must've looked like a kid acting like this, but I didn't care.

Whether I felt like a kid or woman didn't really matter anymore…

I just wanted to be by him.

I settled into that familiar and perfect spot by his side.

There was something about our height or something, not that I would know what it would be like to lie in a bed with another man, but every time I slept next to Kakashi it always felt so comfortable.

I felt him lift up his right arm and I leaned forward obediently as he let it rest under my neck.

...

Everything was calm for a moment.

...

I took a deep breath and relaxed.

I let the side of my head rest on the edge of his chest, which was mostly covered up by the sheet I regretted I wasn't under as well, I could hear his heartbeat clearer than usual.

Deep, strong, solid, warm.

This feeling… so perfect...

I took another deep breath. I felt him do the same.  
I loved the way his chest moved up and down like that.

I let my right hand fall onto an uninjured part of his chest, just to feel him.

I think I only spoke up because I wanted to hear his voice when he answered, to feel it like I always did when I was this close.  
I found something to say that I had actually been thinking about before.

"You know…" I started… "You really are making a habit of getting yourself in the hospital." It was true. The fact that this was the second time this month that I got to lay in a hospital bed with him was strange enough. Especially since the Kakashi-sensei I remembered would only end up in the hospital twice a year or so. "Are you doing it on purpose?" I joked.

He was silent for a moment, I closed my eyes while I waited those few seconds.  
I was getting impatient to hear his voice again, but he answered eventually.

"I wish I was."

That sound… that feeling… it was perfect, but I found myself distracted by his tone. He sounded… serious. I opened my eyes.

"Sakura." The way he said my name, He _was_ serious about something."I didn't want to tell you earlier…" His voice rumbled again, but I didn't even pay attention. I leaned up a little, resting my balance on my elbow to look him in the face. He was still staring at the ceiling, his other hand resting under his head. It took everything I had to keep focused on the conversation and not to climb on top of him and run my hands along his arms and shoulder and chest and…

_I have to stay focused._

I looked away from him and to my hands on the bed.

"What?" I asked, realizing that he might be serious, but not really believing it, "Are you getting too old for fighting or something?" I joked.

"Hey." He sounded serious again, but I knew it wasn't for the same reason as before. "If I'm old enough for that then you're too young to talk to me like that."

I felt like he was scolding me for a moment, like I was that fourteen year old again. Which was ridiculous because I could remember when I _was _fourteen and he actually preferred it when we thought he was 'old'… I guess because it gave him an experienced edge.  
But now that we're like this…

I sighed at myself before taking it back.

"Ok, I didn't mean you were old…" He didn't say anything, but I could almost feel his attitude get a little smug after I admitted to being wrong, I ignored that feeling though to finish my sentence, "… I just mean… well, it's not like you're not in shape." Without much of a second thought I let my hand slink under the sheet over his chest a few inches, pointing out what I meant:

He was definitely in shape.

I let my hand run along his skin a bit, I was careful not to graze any of the lacerations.

His breathing paused for a moment, I could feel him tense under my touch but he didn't make any move to stop my fingers from wandering the red labyrinth up and down his chest.

After a few more seconds he found his voice.

"I'm not." His eyes were closed as he breathed out that answer.

I had to take a moment to realize he actually said that.

I had been joking before, but if he really thought he wasn't in shape, we had some serious problems. It was one thing for a girl my age to worry about her diet and strength training, but Kakashi was… Kakashi… if he had self-image issues I was going to have to beat them out of him or something.

"What are you talking about?" I didn't care to use any tact when I exclaimed that question, my volume increasing for a moment. But he stopped my fit with one word of explanation.

"Mentally."

I shut up.

'_Mentally'?_

He nearly smiled at my sudden lack of reaction for a moment before he took the sheet and gently tossed it from over his legs. He leaned up with a wince and pivoted on the spot to let his legs over the side of the bed. I let my hand fall away from him without a struggle when he sat up.  
I just watched silently, sitting upright in the little rumpled mess of the sheets, understanding that this wasn't as ridiculous a situation as I thought it was going to be... and that he's probably given this a lot of thought... whatever this is about...  
He turned his back to me and rested his elbows on his knees. I was concerned about what he must've meant, but I still found myself mesmerized.  
As if I hadn't seen him like this in ages I found my eyes glued to his bare back, the way the scarce moonlight shone off of it, how his shoulder blades moved with every breath. I wanted to reach out to him, but I wasn't really sure if I should. I decided to wait until he said or did something.

He sat still for a long moment before he spoke up again, his voice still raspy. "I'm losing my focus."

His tone was so different.

Serious, but… sad?...

I shifted on the bed a little, leaning closer to him, trying to peek around to see his face.

"What?" I asked simply for him to tell me more.

"You shouldn't sound so surprised. It's really common with…."He started with some energy before it died out altogether.  
What did he mean I shouldn't be surprised?

"With?" I asked him to finish his sentence since I didn't really understand.

I heard him take a deep breath. He turned back to me for a moment, "After the war, and the Kyuubi…" He paused as if he had to deal with some unwelcome memories. That alone was enough to distract me too… I had forgotten Kakashi had probably already become a Juunin by the time the Kyuubi attacked, that he would've been a part of the battle as well.

I brought my attention back to him when he spoke up, "… we started to call it the 'Soldier's Heartbreak'… like it was a disease…" He smiled wryly at himself as if he was a little ashamed of that now. He turned away from me again.

I remembered that phrase somewhere… a 'soldier's heartbreak'….

I didn't need to ask or say anything before he started to explain.

"… Men and women would start to make more mistakes in battle when something,… someone, in their life started to mean more to them."  
Now I remembered hearing it before. Tsunade-sama had talked about it a little bit when she got drunk one day -among many days-… it was the anniversary of the death of a man she loved very much. 'Dan' I think Shizune said his name was.  
And I had overheard Gai-sensei teasing Asuma-sensei about the danger of slipping into 'heartbreak' because of Kurenai-sensei… but I hadn't really thought about it.

Or how it happened.

"Why?" I asked, genuinely curious, but sticking with simple questions.

And then, just like that, I heard Kakashi-_sensei_'s voice again. That lecturing tone.  
I didn't mind… I asked him to explain something like a student would have… so I listened.

"Shinobi are raised to live and function without emotion- although Konohagakure is lenient about these things because we've learned the advantages of comradery…. But other nations forbid personal relationships because…" I could see what he was saying by this…. "… whenever a shinobi got too distracted, they would almost always mess up and get himself or his team ki-"

"You won't." I stopped him from finishing.

I took the moment I said those two words as the perfect opportunity to give in to what I wanted. I let my arms fall over his shoulder, leaning my chest against his back. I crossed my arms loosely across the front of his shoulders.

He was so warm.

I had almost forgotten the moment I felt him that _I_ was the one who was trying to comfort _him._

Without saying anything first I felt him take a breath, raising my arms and my head which was resting on my arm with his shoulders, before he reached up and gripped my arms gently.  
I could almost see his smile when he spoke.

"I'm glad you seem to trust me that much, but I've already started showing symptoms." His thumb brushed against my skin softly.

"You could train more." Was the only suggestion that could come to my mind at first. "To stay on your toes."

"More than three times a week?" He asked with a hint of dismissal. "I'd turn into Gai." He joked… I hoped.

I thought through other solutions as well as I could now that my focus was split into thirds. A third of my mind on what we were talking about, another third on what he must be thinking, and the last third on how good it felt to hug him like this.

But, my whole brain was taken over by a suggestion that bothered me… but was still a valid solution to solving this.

"I could…" I didn't want to say it… "… we could take a break."I tried to sound as unbothered by the idea as possible. It didn't work very well.

But I didn't have time to worry about how responsible or mature I looked when I felt his hand pull me a little and noticed that his shoulders were moving towards me.

His lips were on mine no longer than only a few seconds, but he had left a deep impression in just those few.  
He pulled away.

"No." He said simply, looking me in the eye. I looked back, staring between his natural eye and the red sharingan.

"So you'll train more?" I brought back the first offer as nonchalantly as possible. Until I remembered what he joked about."You won't really turn into Gai-sensei, will you?" I asked as if I thought he would… though a part of me was a little worried that if he got too serious about his training he would borrow a jumpsuit from Gai-sensei or something.

He just laughed at me.

At least he wasn't so serious anymore.

"You should've seen me when I was your age." He leaned back, not letting go of me though, forcing me to practically lie on top of him. I was worried that with his bruises and cuts I would hurt him by resting on him like this, even though he's the one that was holding me on top of him. I would've given him a fuss about that if what he said hadn't sparked my interest severely.

_'My age'?_

_Kakashi… as a sixteen year old?_

_How weird…_

Whenever I had imagined a younger Kakashi I had always thought of him as either a twenty-something year old or as the thirteen year old in his first team picture. I hadn't even tried to imagine what Kakashi would've been like… what he would've looked like… at my age.

I bet he was cute. Not 'handsome' like he is today, but 'cute', like good-looking boys my age are.

I kind of wanted to know what he _did_ look like…

"When you were sixteen?" I rephrased, the interested apparent in my voice.

"I would train for hours every day… but it wasn't for the same reason as Gai. He pushes himself to prove he's good enough to protect the village… I just wanted to be stronger… after the Yondaime died I couldn't think about anything else… If I had maybe I could've saved…." He got quiet again… like he was revisiting some more unwelcome memories.

… I wondered how many he had… sad memories.

… Of course he would have a lot.

He's lost his family… his friends… his whole team.

If I had gone through that much by this time in my life… I probably would be really different, too.

I tried not to think about it, and instead brought up my other wonderings in an attempt to wake him up from that expression he was wearing. He was looking up at the ceiling but he had that same expression he got every time he mentions the Yondaime… or his father….

"I bet you were cute when you were my age." I tried not to sound as much of a teenager as the sentence made me sound.

He immediately tucked his chin to look at me, me, who was still locked in his arms and halfway on top of him. That sentence definitely woke him up. I half-expected him to laugh, but he didn't waste any time in replying almost immediately.

"'_Were'_?" He asked about the past tense concerning the word 'cute'.

I laughed.

He let me go and I tumbled off of him and onto my back as I laughed harder.

This man, the same one was always bothered when I said he was 'cute', was now asking for the title even after _I_ thought he was too good for it.

"It's not really polite to laugh at a man's ego, Sakura." He lectured shortly, looking over at me.

"No, it's nothing…" I breathed deeply, regaining oxygen. "I didn't mean you're not… cute…" I laughed at the word again.

"It's fine." He brushed my reaction off like it didn't matter. "But I remember that when I was your age, the girls were stalking me wherever I went, trying to get a moment of my time to confess their feelings to me."

My mind flashed back into an abyss of embarrassing memories about Sasuke for a moment with that description.  
I tried to ignore that and focus on what I was planning on saying anyways.

"I believe it." I smiled at him as I turned to him, looking him in the face.  
He was smiling…  
I felt like I had accomplished something by causing that.

"Most of the women in the village still feel like that, though." I admitted with a hint of jealousy, but mostly pride.  
There was an undeniable satisfaction in knowing that the man all the girls were after was with _me_. Though I wouldn't tell him I felt like that or he'd just make fun of me.

"I doubt that." He argued. "I've turned most of them down too many times. Besides, many of them are married now…"

"'_Most'_?" I repeated a little pointedly.

I felt him chuckle against me.  
He was quiet for a moment, like he had to think about what to say next.

"I was sixteen."

That was his excuse.

… I couldn't believe I bought it… but it did make sense… plus, it's been thirteen years since whenever he went out with those girls.

Thirteen.

… wow…

I wonder how much he's changed from the person he was at sixteen.

How much _could_ a person change in thirteen years?

"I can't really imagine it." I said aloud, interrupting the calm quiet that had settled between us for a moment there. "A sixteen-year-old Kakashi." I elaborated.

He took a deep breath.

Again, I loved the way his chest rose and fell beside me.

"Good." He said finally, "I wasn't the kind of kid I'd want you to know about." His voice sounded a little tired. Like the memory of the younger him was all that exhausting.

"You weren't that bad." I told him as if I could possibly know.

"I was…." He insisted. "But I could have been worse." He allowed that bit of room for his sixteen year old self.

"What changed?" I asked, looking at the ceiling as I listened for his response.

"Got older." He summarized. "Life taught me a few things the hard way." Again, he sounded tired with memories.

I wanted to know more, but I knew I shouldn't pry… at least not yet.  
Maybe someday I could ask him more about it. But for now I settled with closing that question.

"I guess we all have to start somewhere." I recited a bit of spontaneous original proverb.

He laughed a little. "Now, you're starting to sound old."

I took offense for only a split second before I thought of the perfect comeback.

"Learned from an expert."

"That again?" He groaned. His arm around me tightened a little for moment.

But I distracted him from his complaining with a question I knew he couldn't see coming, only because _I_ hadn't seen it coming until the moment I asked it:

"Do you think we might've been together if we were the same age?"

His arm and chest seemed to shift a little after I finished that sentence, like he had actually jumped in surprise at the extremity of the question.

We were both quiet for a long time. I really didn't know the answer to my own question this time.

I think we both just needed a moment to try and figure that out.

… It was strange that neither of us, or I think neither of us, had thought about this before.

We've always been so worried about the age difference that we hadn't even thought about how we would've been together if we were… the same.

...

The quiet lasted a moment longer.

...

I was surprised that he was the one who thought of something to say first.  
"Well…" He started slowly. "If I were your age…" He trailed off for a moment as if he really had to think back and put himself in his sixteen year old shoes.  
I waited.

"I don't think I would've even noticed you."

_What?_

"Hey!" I piped up suddenly sitting up as well to get a look at him. I wanted to be serious but I could feel a smile pull at my lips.

He was already smiling too, looking up at me with that look I knew so well… he always smiled at me like that when something he did pushed my buttons just right to get a reaction out of me…

"I'm just telling the truth." He laughed.

"Whoa, hey!" I hadn't expected him to keep that answer, let alone call it the 'truth'. I found an uninjured section of his arm and punched it lightly, my smile wider than before though I wish I could've hidden it.

"As a medic-nin you should know not to beat the injured." He lectured as he brought his arm back to him.

"As a man you should know better than to tell the truth to a girl." That came out weird, I wanted to take it back, but it was too late.  
He was already laughing louder than I think I had ever heard him laugh before. I was even scared that the receptionist halfway across the establishment would hear and come in to tell me I was make too much of a disturbance or something.

"Shh!" I shh-ed him, leaning over to him, frantically placing one of my hands over him mouth, muffling his laughter just a little.

He calmed down after only a few more seconds. His larger hand pulled mine off of his mouth, but he didn't let go of it.

I checked the door nervously before I heard him again.

"You're definitely starting to sound older." He said quietly, his breathing still a little fast. At first I thought he was picking on me again, but his tone… it almost sounded like praise.

He looked up at me for another quiet moment, my hand in his. I was leaning over him, my knees on the bed.

I loved moments like these.

Quiet but so… full…

I didn't know how to explain it.

But just as I was about to lean down and kiss him, he spoke up, interrupting me, "What I meant was: when I was sixteen I didn't really notice girls that often… at least not in the way they wanted to be noticed." He paused. "Not in the way I would want myself to notice you." He added a little seriously.

That was kind of a harsh thing to say about himself… but I didn't doubt it was true. I knew Kakashi had something of a womanizing streak in him… like all boys had, I guess….  
It must've been worse when he was younger.

…

He looked at my hand for a moment, inspecting it a little.

There were little cuts on my hands from the mission.

I wanted to pull my hand away, he just held on.

"But I imagine… if I had grown up in your year…" He continued, still looking at my hand. "Maybe I could've been the kind of boy you need…."

I felt him brush his fingers over my palm, I look down at it. There were four crescent-shaped cuts lined up in the middle. I had done that to myself accidentally just a few hours ago. He looked at the cuts a moment longer.  
His lips met the collection of small red lines softly.

I could feel my heart pick up little.

"I don't _'need' _a 'boy'." I argued simply as he pressed his lips against another collection of scrapes on the underside of my fingers. I felt his lips smile as I finished that sentence.

That kiss lasted only a few seconds until I felt his lips graze against my skin hearing his voice again, "What about me?"

"Huh?" I woke up a little from the hypnosis his touch had put me under.

He looked up me this time.

"If you were twenty-nine, what would you think of me?" He pressed his lips against my wrist this time, his eyes still keeping contact with mine.

I felt a little distracted, but I still had something of an answer.

"I've never been twenty-nine before but… I think I would think you… were full of yourself."

He smiled again, his lips still grazing my skin.

"Anything else?" He asked.

Of course there was… I was just trying to get some payback before… but it didn't seem to work as well as I had hoped, especially since I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open with the way his lips were touching me.

I thought for a moment, trying to pry my mind away from his touch.

"Uh… I think I would… look up to you." I ended up sounding so stupid, I couldn't' think straight.

"Even though we'd be the same age?" He asked, his lips climbing my arm just a few centimeters.

"Well… I think everyone pretty much looks up to you…" I answered truthfully, "I mean… aren't you next in line for Hokage?"

His lips left me.

I opened my eyes a little more.

"That's actually a long and tiring debate with the higher-ups… but if we were a separated village… I probably would be forced to step up in case Tsunade ever fell in battle." He explained with an uninspired tone. "But that shouldn't mean very much…"

I laughed a little, "If Naruto heard you say that I think he'd punch you."

He chuckled, too, but he didn't take it seriously. His eyes were watching his fingers intertwine with my own.

"But… actually... I could imagine having some kind of crush on you." I finally managed an answer. He looked at me, his mismatched eyes looking at me like he could see more than I wanted him to. "A lot of women have a crush on you, though… even some of the guys, probably."

"But you wouldn't feel anything different than them?" He ignored my joke and went straight for the heart of the question. I looked away for a second before forcing myself to look back at him for my answer.

"I probably would."

"What if I were sixteen?" He didn't even pause to accept my last answer, he just wanted to know another… it was almost like he wanted to know that no matter who we were or how different we were, we'd still be here, together.

My heart started beating a little faster when I realized this might mean more to him that I thought.

"Didn't we already…?" I brought up the fact we had already talked about him being my age.

"I only told you my side…" He corrected, "What would you feel for a self-obsessed, power-hungry teenager like me?"

…

I took a moment.

And then I decided.

…

"I would have hated you."

…

He looked down at our hands. His grip tightened on mine.

"Fair enou-" He started quietly.

"But you weren't really that self-obsessed, were you.…" I stopped him from accepting that answer. He looked up at me. I leaned down a little.  
"You say you were… but I know that the same man who told us on our very first day together as a team that 'leaving a friend behind makes you worse than scum' could have never been so 'self-obsessed' that he didn't secretly wish to become stronger only to protect the people he cared for... so he wouldn't have to lose anyone else." I leaned down closer to him, my voice getting quieter. I didn't notice a change in his expression at all.

"If you had asked me what I would've felt for a boy desperate to fight for the people he loved, I would've answered differently." I smiled.

My smile was pleasantly interrupted when his lips found mine. I could only guess that this meant I was finally starting to figure him out. But just as the kiss grew deeper, he pulled away. His forehead still touched mine.

"Sakura…" The way he said my name. No one could say it like that. "I wish I had had you back then…" His hand tightened around mine again. "Maybe I wouldn't have made so many mistakes."

…

"But at least I have you _now_…" I answered. "Maybe I won't make the mistakes I would've without you."

He breathed a chuckle.

"Well, I think you've already made at least one." He told me before kissing me again, lightly.

…

I knew what he was saying.

I decided to ignore what he really meant.

…

"Yeah… I think I shouldn't have let you fight Hiroki all alone. You obviously can't take care of yourself." I joked.

He smiled again.

I leaned down and let my lips meet his this time.

Our lips didn't separate for a few minutes.

It wasn't until we were both too tired did we stop. I was tired of leaning down, and he needed some actual rest after slipping into that mini-coma before.

I rested against his side again.

Everything was quiet and good for a moment.

I thought about how I didn't want to be anywhere else in the world except right there… and I wondered how much time we had left before I had to get up and go back to pretending.

When would we get some more time to ourselves?

I remembered Sai and his offers for 'help'… maybe he could help set up some sort of date with me and Kakashi?

… But Kakashi wouldn't know…

Then, out of nowhere, I just decided to say something...

"You know what?" I asked calmly… more calmly that I thought I would be telling him this. In fact, I had kept it from him for most of the last mission on purpose… but I guess there really wasn't any use in that now.

"Hmm?" He answered without any effort. His voice rumbled a little.  
I loved it, but I needed to stay focused.

I tried to think about how to phrase this.

It had to be said a certain way so he didn't get worried or something.

I sat up again, to look at him.  
His eyes were closed, he was enjoying the moment I was about to ruin.

"Sai… knows that I like you." I dropped the ball on that one… it sounded stupid and it was too straight to the point.  
He was probably going to take it a too seriously, now.

A moment of quiet passed, I waited impatiently for some sort of response.

And then I heard it.

"You 'like' me?"

I just looked blankly ahead of me for a split second.  
Then I got enough sense to gently punch the uninjured section of the arm I did before.

"Be serious." I told him plainly.

He laughed a little, rubbing his arm. "Well, I didn't really expect him to figure that out. Should've known better…"

…

"That's it?" I asked a little incredulously.

"Sakura… you're the one who worries over everything." He pointed out quickly. "Besides, I don't think Sai would bother us."

"He wants to help me win you over." I pointed out quickly, trying to prove him wrong out of spite.

"You could use some pointers."

He looked back up at the ceiling like that was a worthy end to the conversation.

I didn't think so.

"What?" I ask a little loudly.

He looked back at me, "In the past twenty minutes you've teased me, called me old, hit me, said you hated me, laughed at me, and now want me to spend all my free time training… I'm not feeling romanced."

"But you're the one who said half those things, too!" I fought for myself.

"You're not much of a charmer." He ignored me with that sentence.

"Unlike you?" I argued back, trying to make it sound like an insult or something.

"I don't charm." He corrected.

I just sat there, looking at him in awe.

How could he even say that!

"Yes, you do!" I corrected back. "That's all you do!" I took it one step further as I scooted closer, resting my right hand on the other side of him so that I was hovering over him.

He opened his eyes and said in a very plain tone:  
"No…. I act the way I always have. You just find it charming now because you 'like' me."

The moment I realized he was more than half-right I bounced back onto the mattress, lying on my back, my arms stiff at my side with frustration.

"You're _annoying_." I nearly-grumbled. "I've always thought so since I first met you." I half-lied.

After only a moment's hesitation he was the one now hovering over me.

I lost my train of thought, already fixated on everything I could see of him, but that one word woke me up a little:

"Exactly."

…

"Mmmffmn!" My comeback was muffled by his lips. He didn't even pull away to hear what I had to say. After a few seconds I kind of didn't care anymore either, after all I was just going to tell him how he was _just_ annoying.  
But I would have been lying anyways.  
He just laughed at me like he usually did, his lips never pausing for a moment. This time I could let my hand run through his hair the way I've been waiting to do for so long. And just like always, his hair is softer than I thought it would feel. My hands stop on the back of his head the moment his lips left mine to graze across my jaw.  
He pressed his lips down against the side of my neck, the way he always does, his shoulders hunching unevenly in a way that made my hands reach down to them. I loved how smooth his skin was.  
I had thought when I was younger that a man who had been on so many missions would have to have had rough skin… I didn't know why I thought that, but the way Kakashi felt… he proved that wrong. I let my hands slide along his shoulders and arms almost greedily as his lips found the follow of my neck.  
I knew this should be normal routine now, this kind of intimacy, but it still felt new in a way. Everything about him and the way he felt was distracting, it was as if any other sensation in the world was drifting away.

I was already half-deaf to the world when I heard him say something.

"You know what?" He kissed my skin again, following as far along my collarbone as my shirt would allow, I was starting to wonder if I should take it off.

"What?" I asked without really caring, my hands still running across his shoulders.  
His lips barely left my skin as he said his next words.

"Naruto knows that I 'like' you."

That woke me up a little.

"Huh?" I opened my eyes, and leaned up a little, interrupting his kisses for a moment.

He didn't stop though.

He had finished with as much of my lower neck area as my top would allow, he was focusing on my left shoulder now. I noticed a flash of movement as his tattooed arm reached downward to the hem of my shirt. I felt his fingers slide under the fabric a few inches, lifting it up as he reached upward. His hand grazed along my skin, once he reached high enough, exposing my stomach; he closed his hand so he wouldn't feel too much and kept kissing along my shoulder.

I was almost falling back into that hypnosis until he spoke again, "He hasn't offered me any help though, maybe I could ask-"

"Wait, how does he know?" I interrupted him, snapping the moment as I sat upward to talk to him eye to eye. "Aren't you supposed to be the best liar in the village?"

He blinked at me.  
He seemed a little annoyed that I stopped what he was doing, but he seemed to understand that this was more important than that.

"Well, thank you…" He regarded my comment about his lying abilities and something like sarcasm "…but you should know how easy it is to notice the way somebody else acts around the person you care about."

…  
That made sense.  
Though, I was hoping Naruto had gotten over me.  
_I wasn't that nice to him when we were younger… I'm still not that nice to him…_

… Ugh… That made me feel twice as guilty.

I decided to ignore that for now and focus on what Kakashi had just said, 'you should know'… I do know, don't I?

"Yeah… but you practically lead the other women on." I voiced my slight distaste with more punch that I thought was necessary when he suddenly leaned forward again, his lips going back to work on the tip of my shoulder, as if this was just any old conversation.  
That annoyed me a little, but we had already agreed he was annoying.

So that gave him some sort of allowance at being annoying... ?... That didn't sound right.

Despite how he didn't seem to care about this as much as I did he still paused for a moment to argue back with his own point:

"I never lead any women on." He corrected. I didn't know if he was right or not… if the women fall around him because he's attractive, that's not really him leading them on, is it? That sounded like weak logic to poke around at, but I didn't get a chance to when he pointed something else out, "What about you and that feudal heir kid… or that bastard that landed me in here?"

My stomach jumped a little.  
I had never really talked to Kakashi about this before. At the time all that happened we were in a situation where we couldn't talk through _why_ they cause us trouble. He had always just accepted it and taken care of it with me.  
I barely even noticed his lips on my skin as I answered his half-serious argument. "Ok, first, that boy was just evil and stupid…" My logic was bullet-proof on that one, wasn't it? "... and Hiro-… he just liked younger girls." I left out the part where I agreed to meet with him and all that… but it really wasn't necessary. I did it for the mission and what I thought I could have felt for Hi-… ugh… Hiroki, was just because of the chemicals he made for me to feel like that.

I was woken with a start from those horrible memories when Kakashi was suddenly distracted from what he was doing to lean away and say something.

"_That's_ why he was so obsessed with you?" He asked like it was such a foreign concept for an older man to like a younger girl just because she's young.

"There aren't a lot of other reasons." I argued back, irritated by his sudden mood change.

"You'd be surprised…" He said quietly, but before I could check if it was just my ears playing tricks on me he had already started saying something else… "I guess it's like the saying: 'a woman in love is twice as attractive'…"

I didn't really handle that like a compliment, especially when I was busy try to keep my balance when he was pushing me back down onto the bed. I felt a twinge of nervousness, much less than I would have felt a month ago, but it was still there.

"Does it work that way for men?" I kept talking, if not only because I was actually curious, then because I just wanted to distract him a little.

It didn't seem to work since the moment I finished the sentence I noticed his fingers closing around the zipper of my shirt. Again, a month ago that would have meant a lot more to me, but it had only been less than a day since what happened at the hot springs.  
Even though we had had a long conversation about where our relationship stands, it almost felt like we created some sort of barrier between what we're ready for and what we weren't, so now I wasn't so nervous or confused about anything else. I just hoped he wouldn't forget this conversation because_ I _was starting to already, with every noisy link the zipper separated I was forgetting more and more.  
When my shirt was completely undone, I thought he was just ignoring me by then, but he seemed to have just been waiting for that before he would answer me.

"Maybe…" He started shortly, looking at my face for only a second before his eyes dropped lower. "I don't remember getting this much attention when I was single." His lips found the base of my neck again, it was like he wanted to start at the beginning again.

"But," His lips moved lower.

"… I didn't really…" he kissed just a few centimeters lower.

"… notice a difference…" he kissed a little lower.

"… from when…" another kiss, lower.

"… I was…" lower.

"… your age."

By the end of that sentence his lips had already travelled down the center of my chest, passed the center link of my bra, to the top of my stomach. I was already breathing kind of hard, the fact I knew he could tell I was because my chest was rising and falling so noticeably was kind of embarrassing.

He sat up a little, like he was done doing that.

But that was before he leaned back down altogether.  
I was ready for another kiss, but he had turned to the right. It only took me a moment to realize he was listening for my heart.

I felt like he had done all this just so that he could listen to my heart beat as fast as it could, which it practically was.  
I wanted to distract him from the embarrassing fact that I was still more sensitive to all this than he was.

"You must have been really popular when you were my age." I said stupidly, barely able to say two words without taking a breath.  
I felt him laugh against me for a moment. He either thought I was funny for acting like this, or maybe… he was like me and he liked the way _my_ voice sounded when he was this close.

"I'm more popular now, actually. I think it's because I don't have that attitude anymore." He said nonchalantly.

"More popular?" I recited, getting my heart a bit more even with every passing second. "How is that possible? I thought you said the women of the village were starting to leave you alone."

He took a breath, "Not the women from other villages, remember?" he asked, alluding to the boss's mistress from the last mission and others like her. But I couldn't pay attention to that after he lifted his head from my chest, which was surprisingly lighter than I thought. He always seemed bigger than me; I thought he'd be heavier.  
He directed his attention back to my shirt, this time easing my left sleeve over my shoulder. I obediently lifted my arm a bit, but he seemed to enjoy undressing me anyways.  
That thought alone made me need to say something.

"So 'men in love' aren't 'twice as attractive'?" I piped up as he slid down the left sleeve.

"I wouldn't know." He said vaguely as he leaned over to my right, his chest hovering over me. "I think it has something to do with women and their hormones." He said bluntly.

I nearly scoffed at how basic that sounded.  
But in that moment of clarity I saw an opportunity I hadn't before. Just as he was about to slide off my other sleeve I interrupted him.  
I leaned up to him.  
He seemed a little surprised by feeling my lips against the side of his neck at first, but he seemed to fall into enjoying it a moment later when I let my lips part only slightly and tensed them back together. It used to seem like a strange thing to do, but I could tell it was one of his favorite things when I kissed him like this.

Following the example he's not only given me now, but from several occasions I moved a little before kissing him again, and again. I moved along his shoulder and then back to his neck, kissing lower and lower.

I got to the point where I couldn't continue any further like this. As if knowing that unless he moved it was going to stop he fell away from me and back onto the mattress. I followed after him, taking a moment to shake off the right sleeve of my shirt, a little proud of myself that I didn't try to put it back on. I leaned over him like he had been doing to me earlier. Somehow it felt like I was just copying, but… actually, everything I've learned about this was from him, the best I could do was copy… besides, I think he knew that when he first taught me this. That sounded like something out of The Tale of Genji, as if I was the Murasaki to his Genji, but I didn't really care.  
Especially not right now.

I planted another kiss along the middle of his chest, above his breastbone. I had to be careful not to hurt him now that he was injured, so I leaned back up and kissed his lips this time.  
He seemed to understand that doing anymore might actually hinder his recovery. So instead I focused on his shoulders, and then down to his arms. I reached the coiled tattoo on his arm and let my finger follow the ink like I usually did.  
He kept his eyes on me as I brought his hands to my lips, much like he had to mine before. He had a lot more scrapes and cuts on his. He hadn't had his gloved on for the fight last night. I ran my fingertips along mean-looking bruise on the back of his right hand before rising it to my lips. I kissed his palm, his wrist...  
There was something about this… I didn't know what…  
It felt so… nice.

To be able to see and feel and kiss all these details about him. Even when he's beaten and bruised like this.  
His hands finally moved on their own and brushed passed the sides of my face, into my hair for a moment.

"I may not be 'twice as attractive'… but, I know I must act differently, otherwise Naruto wouldn't be catching on…."

I felt like falling over.

I had completely forgotten we had even been talking… about _this_ no less!

Here I thought Kakashi would have been the one to forget and move on and I was guilty of my own accusation.  
I tried to act like I had remembered anyways and jumped back into the conversation.

"So, what does he know?" I asked a little hurriedly, my hands finding his, my fingers running along his, too.

He looked away from me for a moment.

"Naruto might not believe in what he sees because he doesn't want to see it, but I can tell he's picking up on the way I act around you."

_The way he acts?_

_Wait… if Naruto can tell something's weird with the way _Kakashi's _acting, he could figure me out in no time… or if he talks to Sai about this..._

My heart dropped.

"This is bad." I said aloud.

"Really? I thought it was a little lucky." The man who was under me right now didn't seem as worried as I did. I felt like hitting him again or something.

"What?" I thought aloud after some hesitation. "If they talk to each other about this and compare notes, they could figure out-" My volume kept rising until he stopped me by placing a few fingertips over my lips.

"The truth." He finished my sentence seriously.

He let his hand drop.

I calmed down a little.

I felt like a kid.

"Yeah." I agreed uncouthly.

Glaring down at him a little for being so level-headed about a situation that I still felt needed more panic.

But my glaring was cut short when I felt him pull me down to him completely.

And like that, we'd gone full circle and my head was resting on his chest again. But we hadn't discussed what he was about to say before.

Not like this.

"Sakura…" He started. I suddenly felt like he _was_ treating this more seriously than I thought he was… but he didn't seemed worried, more like… calm. I listened intently to his voice as it echoed through him. "We have to start thinking about this clearly now." He sounded older again. Responsible. "We've managed to hide this for this long, but… someday, people _are_ going to find out."

I could just feel my carefree happiness from before start to deflate again.  
Every time we talked about this all I could think about is what my family would say, what Tsunade would say, what the village would say.

"I know." I said as seriously as he had been talking, a solemn note in my tone.

There was a long moment of quiet before he spoke up again.

"Maybe it would be better if we didn't wait to be found out?"

…

I thought I misheard him or something at first.

But I didn't think I did…

…

"Are you saying we should tell everyone?" I asked, suddenly feeling more nervous than anything else had made me feel tonight.

"Would you be too scared?" He asked carefully.

…

"… no." I lied horribly.

"Ashamed?" He offered, knowing something was wrong with me.  
But that was the last thing I was worried about.

That was the one plus I could possibly think about telling everyone, knowing that everyone would know that Kakashi was with _me_.

"No. Of course not." I said a little willfully, semi-scolding him for thinking so badly of himself, "I thought you'd be too ashamed." I offered the contrast sincerely.

He paused for a moment, as if he had to think through that.

"If there's anything I'm proud of…." He trailed off quietly… he knew he didn't have to finish that sentence. I understood what he meant, I just didn't understand the logic.

"That's… not very much to be proud of." I poked at his compliment. "I mean, I'm just…" I lost the rest of that sentence, in thought. I needed a better point that what I _am_. There are more things I'm _not. _"If I was your age, then maybe I could believe that." I gave myself some credit so that he wouldn't think I wasn't just bashing myself.

He interrupted my train of thought.

"If you were my age, we'd be exactly where we are now, except we wouldn't be hiding it." He seemed so sure of that.  
Looking back, I _hadn't_ asked him what he would've thought of me if I were his age… I guess that was his answer.

I wondered if it would've been true... if I was his age... would he have really noticed my above the other women?

I tried not to get distracted by that, though.

"No, we wouldn't." I corrected him. "You would've found someone prettier and stronger an-"

"You might think you're being modest, but now you're just being an idiot." He interrupted my self-bashing with an insult.  
_Idiot?  
I may not be the prettiest or the most talented, but I know I'm not an idiot!_

"Hey! I was the smartest of my class!" I argued a little loudly, using an outdated statistic that I was still always proud of.

He didn't seem to care.  
He turned onto his side so he could look me in the face for his counter argument. "So was I, Sakura... But I'm a certified genius on the edge of thirty, so listen."  
I would've been forced into silence by that 'genius' argument if I hadn't noticed that fact he mentioned how close he was to _thirty_, "Now who's calling you old?" I pointed out childishly, almost smiling already.

"Listen:" He repeated with a short tone.

I was about ready to take whatever he was going to say and turn it against him, but when I felt his hand slide over my waist and onto my back, pulling me closer I lost my train of thought… again.

His hand moved over my back, up and down, his fingertips grazing down the middle. I got the chills like I always did. He lips on mine moved faster than before, as fast as they had when he had just woken up. But this was different, he seemed so determined. His hand on my back paused over the back hook of my bra as if he was thinking about doing something, but before I could think of what _I_ should do I felt his tongue enter the kiss without much of my permission. My stomach started to bubble strangely like it always did when he got like this. His hand passed under the back of my bra, sliding back and forth the width of my back under it, as if testing how far he could feel. He was starting to get a bit more serious, wasn't he?  
His thumb grazed the side of my breast and I would have jumped a little if I wasn't distracted by the way his tongue rubbed against mine at the exact same moment. I could feel a kind of heaviness in my chest, either because of the lack of real oxygen or because of everything that was happening, I didn't know, but I knew it grew heavier and lighter at the same time when I felt his knee slide between mine and only inch upward further. At that I forced myself to break away, gasping because of surprise or air, I wasn't really sure.  
I just knew that he had been toying with me, just then… like he was always so good at.

I took a moment to catch my breath, but before my heart rate was down I heard him speak up, everything about him completely calm.

"Got it?"

…

_Annoying…_

…

"You didn't say anything." I argued, still breathing a little harder.

I felt his hand bump under my chin gently, making me look at him. He was giving me that look. That serious look that almost reminded me of the same look he'd give me as a teacher whenever I got myself into trouble or didn't pay attention to him. Back in those days he'd prove his point with words... his lecturing methods seem a little different now.

His eyes turned a little gentle again.

"I said enough."

…

_Annoying!_

…

"You're annoying." I left my thoughts un-sugarcoated.

He smiled down at me.

"I know." He planted a little kiss on my lips. "That's why you 'like' me."

… I swear, if this man and the way he just said that didn't make my heart and body feel like it was melting, I would have hit him or something.

I took a moment to calm down.

"It's not my favorite reason." I said as coolly as possible. Which was easier than I thought it would have been because the time it took me to say that he had pulled the warm covers over both of us and had let his arm rest over my waist. And the way he rubbed my back up and down the center was always calming.

Again, he had somehow figured out how to calm me down and hypnotize me like that.  
I really had to find a way to do that to him.

"What is?" He asked quietly.

It took me a moment to think back to what I had said that made him say that.

_My favorite reason for 'liking' him?..._

There has never been a more complicated question in my life.

"… I don't know." I started unimpressively. Still trying to get my thoughts together even though he was so distracting. I finally found answer that seemed the most appropriate.

"Everything?"

…

That sounded so stupid now.

…

"That doesn't make any sense." I warned him as I started racking my brain for another answer I knew wouldn't make as much sense to _me_.

He stopped me.

"I know what you mean."

…

Somehow even though I wasn't the one who asked him what he favored about me the most, I was even happy with the answer he shared with me.  
Although, I felt like I could've explained myself better, I think it needed to wait for another time.

In the morning.

When I wasn't so… tired.

After how hard my heart was beating, and how quickly it slowed, of course I'd feel exhausted…

…

And I had been up since four o'clock yesterday morning… and it was probably already five now.

I'm surprised I hadn't passed out yet.

…

"Sakura…" His voice interrupted my sleepy thoughts of sleep. The tone of his voice sounded serious again, but hurried, like he knew I wasn't going to be awake much longer. "We should tell people what's going on between us."

I grimaced at the guilt that thought gave me again.

"Why?" I asked simply, not really looking for an answer.

"Because I can't see myself lying to everyone for the rest of my life." He sounded so serious.

"The rest of your life?" I repeated. Something about that phrase made me feel happy… really happy… but I was starting to forget why.

"We should tell them soon." He added again.

I was pretty much gone now.

"In the morning." I promised, as if it was a chore I promised to do yesterday and was now getting pestered for it now on the brink of sleep.

I felt and heard him laughed a little.

"This morning?" He asked.

"Yeah, after we wake up." I added, groggily. "I promise." I tried sweetening the deal so I could sleep soon.

"Making promises in your sleep… That's a little irresponsible for the smartest girl in her year."

I smiled weakly.

"I trust you." I managed… not quite sure why I said it… it just seemed like I had to tell him that.

...

Just in case

...

But 'just in case' of what?

...

I didn't know.

...

Everything went dark, but I was warm, he was warm, his arm was nice and heavy… the scent of rain-washed forests was all I could notice after a while.

But I still heard his voice one last time.

…

"Thank you."

…

...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

...

...

She woke up from that dream, feeling like she was waking up from reality and was now living a dream.

…

He woke up feeling like he had forgotten something important, which didn't surprise him, but it hurt more than usual.

…

They both lay there in their beds for a moment.

She buried her face in her pillow, trying to keep the tears from coming.

He stared at the ceiling, racking his brain for answers to explain his feelings.

…

She felt as if her mind was plaguing her with what she was missing.

He felt as if his mind was trying to confuse him with what he couldn't want.

…

But for one moment both of them somehow knew they weren't feeling these things alone.

…

… …. …. …. … … … … … … … … … … … … …

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

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…

**With an ending like that, I believe it's safe to say that this is now longer an AU chapter.**

**...**

**This dream took place the night Kakashi gained some of his memories back and the night Iruka visited Sakura… the night between the last chapter and the one before it.**

**So, is this a supernatural turn brought on by the Gan'u myth?**

**Or was this 'mutual dreaming'?**

**Everything will be explained in time. **


	76. Assumptions and Alarms: Part 1

**Chapter 76!**

**Title: UNEDITED PREVIEW**

**Note:**

**[EDIT: Thank you Patruelis for notifying me about the Error Fix that was stopping me from updating!**

**You're so awesome!]**

AAAAH!

2 months!

….

Let's just say it was an unplanned hiatus!

…

And this is just a preview!

An [UNEDITED] preview for a very long chapter(s) to come!

…

I just felt like it was necessary all of a sudden. It's like when you're waiting for class to start and you think you have all the time in the world to read or mess around on your phone until you look at the time and realize that class starts in under a minute or something.

I'm just worried that some of you guys have forgotten about all this.

Please let me know you're still here, just a little review of 3 words or something is fine!

Anywho, hope you enjoy this **preview!**

****Translation Note:****

_'Nanchatte': it's a very casual, implicative way of saying 'Just kidding.', but it's usually used in the context where you lead them up to a conclusion and then let them know it's only a joke only after they take it seriously._

_(I used this because I constantly try to tie back dialogue to how it would sound in Japanese, and it sounded more natural in this form than 'Just kidding.~')_

**...**

**...**

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

… … … … .. … … … … … .. … … … …

The door opened and the thoughts that had been dizzyingly running through my head in the moments I had been waiting stopped and the day suddenly felt as surreal as any day I could see him smile at me like that.

I barely even noticed he had his mask on.

He looked down at me for a moment of quiet, as if he thought I was going to say anything first. I really hadn't thought of anything to say, I was too focused on the piece of fabric in my hands.

"Hello, again." His voice sounded as playful as it had last night.

My smile widened into a stupid grin, aided by the memory.

"I brought back the hostage." I replied, immediately ashamed of how cheesy my idiot grin made those already cheesy words sound.

But he didn't seem to notice neither my cheesiness nor shame. He just smiled like he always used to when I did something that was only funny for him and reached out to take his shirt back.

"But we never negotiated a ransom." He played along.

I stammered for a moment, clinging onto the shirt for a second longer, trying to think of something witty to say back.

I didn't get a chance to.

It was only a split second before I felt him tug the shirt a little, pulling me too.

"I'm afraid I don't have much to offer, though, but a kiss."

There was a moment of severe silence that only the stuttering of my heart interrupted. I had no room in my head for any sort of logic he had to say something like that, or to keep staring at me so deeply.

But just I was about to open my mouth and say something really stupid-

"Nanchatte.~"***translation note***

His voice was suddenly full of immature humor while my brain was still trying to catch up.

"Ah, sorry Haruno, but you walked into that one. I had to finish the line or it would've gone waste."

"What 'one', what?" I woke up a little.

"That was a famous line from Tactics… though I guess you wouldn't know. Are you alright? What, did your heart skip a beat?" He asked, freezing me. "I'm sorry, Haruno, but I'd never date a student. Besides, I have a thing for older women."

The rollercoaster of his attitude right now was enough to give me mental whiplash, but that last comment….  
Hundreds memories and insecurities flooded my limbs and filled my heart to the rim.

I suddenly felt so… stupid.

God… But he's nothing like he used to be.

Still… even if he couldn't know how deep that had cut me… it was as if he knew exactly how to hurt me.

I shut up and handed the shirt, still trying to act as normal as he was, even forcing a little laugh. And yet, the moment he took the shirt from me, I swear… something about him flickered.

For just a split second he didn't seem so 'normal' either.

But I wouldn't let myself focus on that, I needed to spend all my mental energy to try and forget what just happened.

… … … … … …

He could see a trace of discomfort in her smile, a twist of wry in her laugh, but he still wasn't sure.

He had known exactly what he was saying with his last comment: that he not only didn't remember a thing about her, but that he didn't even think about her in the way he knew he definitely had before a week ago.

The only thing he didn't know and the only reason he was deciding to push this further and 'innocently' jab at her weak spots was because he had no idea how his comment, or himself entirely made her feel.

What she felt for him, how she thought of him, why she kept everything from him.

He needed to know what was left of him in her thoughts. He needed to know whether to let her go or to fight for her. And a small petty part of him would be happy to see her squirm after all she put him through by keeping their past a secret.

But when she handed him his shirt, right when he couldn't decided if she was hurt or nervous, or if he was smug or confused, something interrupted his thoughts painfully; an extra scent.

_Iruka_.

He reminded himself mentally of the night before, his conversation with that man who had admitted to…

He shut his brain off from that, but the same part of him that wanted to see if his words could hurt her was going through a considerable amount of pain right then, too, feeding his own vindictive spirit.

He acted as if none of these thoughts existed and started to walk her into the apartment .

Silence stretched between them.

"I'll be right back." he said more curtly than he had wanted as he left the room without looking at her.

… … …

Everything was so quiet.

I didn't know if it was just me or if this silence wasn't actually uncomfortable.

I glanced up at him carefully.

He was still reading, it looked like some kind of report.

His expression was so… focused.

He almost seemed… comfortable, though.

Like I was alone with my uneasiness.

I looked away quickly and back to the little cuts on his left arm that were closing up completely now. I tried to stay focused on my own work, too, since if I made a big enough mistake the cuts could heal too fast and become scars.

The silence continued.

It hadn't been broken in the ten minutes since I first walked into the room.

Had I done something wrong?

Said something rude?

Or was he just so uninterested in me?

That last one would've made sense to me if last night hadn't happened. Last night he seemed so close to being the man I got to know over the past months… but it was gone now.  
He's was 'normal' again.  
With what he said… _'I'd never date a student'…_ I know he was just joking, but that's what made it so much worse. He _felt_ like it was something to joke about.  
…

He really didn't remember anything.

…

But that's what I wanted, right?

I just want him to have the same kind of life as before, when he wasn't worried about me or… us. And it would probably be better for me to have that life back, too.  
Everything about him has interrupted my life these past months so thoroughly that I've forgotten and pushed away my previous life. When my biggest worry was falling behind in training or losing focus in battle.  
This is what we both need, right?

What we both want for each other, right?

… I don't know if I really believe that anymore.

What if-

_Wait…_

_I'm worrying too much…_

_Think back to what Iruka-sensei said._

I closed my eyes for a moment, still careful with the pressure of chakra at my fingertips, trying to remember.  
It only took me a moment to realize I couldn't really remember anything Iruka-sensei had said right now. I could remember his voice, his laugh, my own intertwining within it, his smile and his face, but his words were lost from me. And yet, I remembered the feelings they gave me.

Warmth. Solace. Care.

I was smiling to myself before I knew it.

… … … … …

"Something funny?" He heard himself ask her without really thinking. He could hear the sternness in his own voice, and had made no change to it as he asked, but the moment she recoiled and her smile left he regretted making it leave.

"Uh, no… I was just thinking about… something my friend said…" She looked back at his arm, focused.

…

A tug of war in his chest raged.  
A part of him sank lower into a pit of jealousy while another pleaded to himself to give up the act and fight for what had once been his.  
He listened to neither side right now, knowing better.

"Last night?" He asked, his voice still hard.

She gave him a puzzled look, "Yeah… How'd you-"

The tug of war sank lower into the pit. He needed to do something.

"Haruno." He caught her attention, "Could you look at something for me?" He placed the report folder on the table in front of the couch as he leaned up and forward, closer to her.  
Just as she was about to inch away he caught her hand and lifted it to his neck just as his other hand pulled down the side of his mask which struggled to hide his face but was made to show his neck.

He pulled her closer until he could feel her body heat against his chest.  
He knew he shouldn't be doing or saying what he was, but at this point reason had no room in his mind.

… … … … … … … … …

"Huh?" I asked nonverbally as he pulled me closer.

He led my fingers to the exposed skin of his neck. I could feel my heart clamor against my ribs when I realized how close I was to him.

I barely had enough sense to listen to him as he spoke, "This bruise on my neck, it's healed faster than the others."

I could feel my blood run cold.

We both knew it wasn't a 'bruise'.  
Ne probably knew because of experience, and I knew because I put the mark there.

"Did you see if I was with a woman any time in the last mission?" He asked, skipping any explanation, his voice dangerously familiar now that I was this close to him, I could see his adam's apple bob with every word, but I couldn't really focus on the words after I gave them meaning.

_Woman?_

"I-uh…" I couldn't think.

I couldn't think.

I couldn't think.

I couldn't think.

"She probably would've been my own age, or a few years older, tall and full-figured. At least that's my favorite type." He explained casually. So casually that it snapped me out of my shock.  
I felt a stab of pain when I realized his 'favorite type' was the complete opposite of who I was.

"I didn't see anyone like that." I answered as casually back, but I think my voice shook a little. I pulled away from him, my closeness with him suddenly felt unwelcome and rude.

But… I had no idea what to feel right now.

Nervous? Anxious? Sad? Angry?

My mind decided on all four of them when he spoke up again.

"Oh, I guess it doesn't matter. If it was anything important between us, she would've contacted me after a few days anyway." My heart felt like it collapsed in on itself when he said that so… flippantly, when I realized that he had no sense of loyalty or gratitude in this state. "It was probably only a one-night-"

"Kakashi-sensei." I cut off what was going to be one of the worst things he could say right now. "I don't think you should be talking to me about that." I debated through my teeth, focusing on his arm again.

He paused.

I could feel him looking down at me.

I hid my face behind my hair.

I didn't want him to look at me, I didn't want him to see how effected I was by what he was saying.

I didn't was to see _him_ right now, either.

… … … … … …

She was trying so hard to hide herself from him, but he could see through her body language just how upset she was.  
He shoulders her scrunched upward and close, her posture slumped a little. She wanted to make herself as small as possible, to hide from what he had been saying. She felt something. Something towards what he was saying. Guilt or pain, he couldn't tell, but he knew she couldn't handle his questions… or maybe the adult way he was talking about this.  
He had a thought of continuing.  
Maybe this was what she needed to hear.

He had gotten the feeling that whatever they had had together was very… tame. Of course he couldn't imagine himself sinking low enough to take advantage of a girl who is so inexperienced, but he wondered whether he had sheltered her from himself as well.  
If he had actually hidden what adulthood is in relationships; how casual, how coarse, how mindless and unromantic it could be.  
Did she have any idea what he was protecting her from?

Did she know what kind of relationships he had had in the past?

He knew he should've never brought the subject up, and he was very sure this should've been the time to drop it. But he couldn't.

Not until he got an answer.

"Why not?" He asked back to her last comment. "You're supposed to help me remember everything, right?" He flipped the situation over to her with that. As if she was shirking on her responsibilities by telling him to stop talking about something that he actually didn't need to talk about.

She didn't say anything, she only hid herself farther from him, but she nodded after a moment.

If she had been looking at him, he wondered if she could've known he was frowning.

Not because she was easily manipulated, not because he wasn't above manipulating her right now, but because… just for a moment he could sense that guilt he had suspected from her before.

If he was right, and she _did_ feel guilt for what she was hiding from him, he knew he was going to hate himself later for treating her like this. But for right now… he didn't care to stop for that.

"Well…" he started again with a playful tone, feeling nothing of the sort, "I guess it's rude to just talk about me." He paused. "How's your love-life, Haruno?"

…

… … … … …

I, again, felt another jolt of pain.

This time it wasn't just because he still insisted on calling me 'Haruno', but that question.

That question.

Why _that_ question?

Hadn't we talked about this enough?

"I-" I was about to say I didn't have any 'love life' right now in a snootier tone that I needed. I think I probably would've given him an accusing look, as if I was saying his own 'love life' was something bad… but what would have been my authority to do that?  
Right now, he doesn't care about what I think of him and his 'favorite type' or his kiss mark. Though, it seemed strange that he had brought it up at all. Kakashi-sensei was always a very private man; he wouldn't mention these kinds of things to us before…

But I didn't have time to think about that any further before he interrupted my premature sentence.

"Has Naruto confessed yet?"

"No…" I blurted after a moment of computing, "Naruto really isn't… I'm not really focused on that…. I'm just trying to focus on my abilities no-" My stuttering voice and stuttering chakra came to a halt with his next, unpredictable, question.

"What about Iruka?"

…

_What?_

…

Silence stretched between us again.  
I looked up at him, as if I could read the answer to my mental question in his masked face, but I only got that stony look he always wore when he was talking about something serious. I could never decipher what he was thinking behind it, not even when we were together.

I would've asked him what he had meant but the way he voice had sounded in those three words… cold, unfeeling, even icy.  
I felt like he wasn't looking for an answer as much as he was giving himself his own.  
He spoke up again when the silence had only lasted a few very long seconds.

"From what I've heard you two must be happy together." My brain glazed over. I could almost literally feel the moment my nervous system refused to do what I wanted it to do: to make me ask what the hell he was talking about. But in my paralysis I noticed the beginning of that sentence and just how dangerous all of it's implications were. '_From what I've heard?'_ "Though I'm surprised a man like him -a teacher-… he didn't seem like he could get caught up with a young girl."

'_Young girl'?_

My paralysis wore off when I remembered having a fight with him just a few weeks earlier about Iruka… he had called me a 'young girl' then, too. It had upset me that he still saw me that way, but right now, I was so much 'upset' as spiraling into frustrated confusion.

"What ar-" I raised my voice to ask, he interrupted as he always seemed to do, his voice always just loud enough to shut me up.  
But I found myself speechless by just how stony his expression stayed, just how stern his voice sounded when he said something that dug deep into my chest, stirring my insides into a heavy knot.

"But I'm shocked that you could handle a relationship with an older man, especially with what happened to you during this last mission. Unless you actually prefer older me-"

"Kakashi!" I nearly yelled, interrupting him this time. I could feel my fingers shaking with something like anger if I wasn't so… sad.

"What?" His voice asked after a moment, "Did I say anything I shouldn't have?"  
He sounded so innocent.

As if I this was a civilized conversation I'd overreacted to.

How could he think that?

How could he think that saying those things to me were ok?

That he could accuse me and lecture me like he wasn't guilty of the same thing he thought Iruka-sensei was. Like he wasn't an 'older man' I'd actually learned to handle a relationship with?

… But he doesn't know that, does he?

He doesn't know anything about us.

To him, he's my teacher, my leader… to him, he probably feels like it's his job to scorn my for getting involved with an older man, to lecture me.

He thinks I'm… that Iruka-sensei and I….

Maybe I should just… let him believe all that.

It wasn't true… but maybe we need this.

I've been selfishly hoping he'd remember something, that maybe fate would take this responsibility from me and curse him with the memories of me again… but with the way he is right now… he's not going to remember any time soon.

And he's already replaced any evidence of me with a woman he'd actually be attracted to.

He can't even _think_ of me in the way I still feel for him.

So maybe…

This could be what we need to separate us enough.

…

He needs to be my leader, I need to be his student.  
That's how we should have stayed.

…

With that thought, the knot of my insides tightened almost unbearably, but I knew what I had to do now.

… … … … … … … …

"Did I say anything I shouldn't have?" He asked, leaving behind his coldness and adopting an innocent demeanor.  
He had been half-surprised when she yelled his name like that, not only interrupting him, but dropping the honorific after his name.  
She must've fallen back on some sort of habit from their time together, calling him by only his first name. Something inside of him reacted when she had said it, as if an important memory was connected to that, but he didn't focus on it since he was paying all of his attention to her expression as she dealt with his question.

She seemed angry at first, but her eyes quickly changed as they looked away from him. They seemed resigned… sad.

For a moment he though he had gotten his answer, the answer he'd been pushing her for since he saw her in his doorway, but he got her verbal answer before he thought through anything else.

"Uh, no… I guess not." That surprised him.  
So he _hadn't_ said anything wrong?

Was she actually confessing to her relationship with Iruka?

A moment of pain and a hurt grimace in his features went unnoticed by the pink-haired girl in front of him as she looked down, standing up.  
"I'm done. I need to go." She said quietly, already walking away.

He had forgotten the real reason she was here to begin with, after this talk both of them had. He stood up to say something but he didn't know what, but in the moment he thought of seeing her walk through that door and leaving everything like this, leaving her with Iruka and him an emotionally manipulative bastard, he had to say something. He could only think of one word right now.

"Sakura."

His voice was softer than he had ever heard it, but he hoped that there was a part of her that felt the same as he did when she had said his name.

She turned around in response to his call.

The moment she did, he got his answer.

Her eyes, she could never hide what she was feeling as well as he could, and for a moment he wished she could've. At least that way he couldn't have seen the pain he had given her. The pain she took onto herself.

The answer to his question, the one that had seemed so goddamn important to him that he had played with her feelings wasn't the one he wanted.

The jealousy in him had wanted her to have left him, to have forgotten him, so he could hurt her and feel like it was worth it… but this answer was the one he had been afraid of.

She still felt something for him.

However small or weak it was, however much stronger she felt for Iruka, the fact what he had said had given her that pain… some part of her still held onto him.

And now that he knew that….

There was no going back.

He couldn't let her go now.

...

But despite his realization she left only a moment later, leaving the same silence with him.

It took all of his sense not to follow after her.

… … … … … … .. … … … .. .. … … … … ..

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Ok, I know this is very very very very short, but, again, it is only a preview.

I know what you're thinking: "You've been gone for almost 2 MONTHS, why don't you have like 4 chapters ready to go?"

Well... my only excuse is not having an excuse.

...

I know, shameful, but I got distracted by life-stuff again.

...

But I'm back in the writing-groove, you guys, the full version of this will be out within the week, I PROMISE!

...

Anyways, please forgive the unintentional hiatus, hopefully your still enjoying the story... even with all the emotional speed bumps.


	77. Assumptions and Alarms: Part 2

**Chapter 77!**

**Title: **_'Assumptions and Alarms: Part 2'_

**Note:**

**SOOO…. I've decided that since the preview actually stood well as a chapter on its own and that this will just be a separate chapter, but a part 2 since I originally planned for this all to be one chapter.**

**( and sorry for the wait!)**

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**Hope you enjoy!**

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**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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I had no idea what I was doing.  
I really had no idea what I was doing here.

All I knew was that after leaving that room, after leaving Kakashi behind, after closing the door and walking down the stairs and then down the road, and then down the street I found my feet hitting the ground harder, my hands slowly tensing into fists, and my thoughts revolving into a senseless blur of frustration and… frustration.

I didn't feel like I was going to hurt anybody or anything but I could feel my blood start to boil somewhere between Kakashi's apartment and the Academy, and I knew it was because of how helpless I felt.

I rushed by the people in the street, not stopping to look at anyone even though I knew some of them were looking at me.

This whole week had been nothing but life throwing me from one palm to the other, juggling me and my feelings into a frenzied and uncontrollable mess.

I was getting sick of it.

I've been dutiful and worried and sad and nervous and anxious and hopeful and happy and tired and miserable this past week because of so many things I couldn't control; I couldn't control what happened to Kakashi, I couldn't control my feelings, I couldn't control how life seemed to make fun of me, I couldn't control how completely out of control I felt.

And right now, I really needed to do _something_.

To say something.

To change _something_.

That's why, as I was marching up to the Academy grounds in the middle of the day, as training was in session, I didn't care about the weird looks I got from the nine year olds doing their endurance training or from the older classes across the yard practicing shuriken aim when I had suddenly interrupted their focus on their lessons with my presence. I didn't even care when I could hear a few of them whispering about 'that weird girl in the middle of the yard' but I did care when I heard that voice, the one I had been looking for:  
"… try your best, but don't push yourselves, this isn't a competition so…." I heard that familiar voice and tone, and almost like some advanced, audible form of human-catnip my nerves seemed to calm a little, but not nearly enough to make me think twice about bothering my old teacher and new friend at his workplace. I followed his voice as he continued explaining the activity, ignoring the nostalgia when I realized it was one of my favorite exercises from when I was in his class all those years ago.

"Sensei! There's a big girl coming this way!" A little girl called from the front of the line-up I was zeroing in on.

"Huh?" he asked ineloquently, and that's when he looked up. My eyes met his.  
He seemed shocked at first, as surprised as I would've been if I had been told this morning that I'd be stomping my way across the Academy lot this afternoon, but he seemed to understand after a moment that this wasn't a random social call.

"Ok, class, start your stretches." He told them without looking at them, already walking to meet me halfway.

"But sensei!" A few of the girls in his class whined for him, a few others laughed amongst themselves.

"Don't worry, I'll be back in a minute." He called back to them before turning to face me again, that was when I noticed his expression.

Complete and thorough worry.

My determination seemed to weakened as I found myself feeding off of his worry.

It was strange how that always happened around Iruka-sensei, how easy it was for me to pick up his feelings as if they were my own.  
But in this case it was impeding my plans to liberate myself from all this confusion and frustration by questioning him first.

Then again, it was only a moment later until I forgot all about my 'plans' as he said something, just as we reached a decent meeting spot.

"What's wrong?" His voice had lost its teacher tone, it was softer, as if he was really scared that something emotionally scarring had happened while he wasn't looking after me, and as if he was so ready to blame himself for anything that had happened.  
His hands found my shoulders as he asked those two words as well, increasing the visual fervor of his concern.

I suddenly felt as if _I_ was the one who needed to calm him down when I had half expected myself to be the one who needed calming.  
"Did something happen?" He asked after a moment, still looking very serious.

I didn't even pause for tact when I spoke up, I just needed to say what I came to say, "I was talking with Kakashi," I immediately noticed a change in his demeanor, just a little fraction of change; Iruka-sensei was never that good at covering up how nervous he could get… but still…. Something wasn't right. "… and he mentioned that he had _heard_ something about… us." I faltered at the end of that sentence, realizing the weight that belonged to that statement now that Iruka-sensei was right here in front of me, but I didn't need to explain it any more clearly, he seemed to know exactly was I was talking about, suddenly he was correcting his posture and clutching his hands away from me as if my skin was painful to touch.

He knew.

"You knew?" I asked, not even filtering or coating my question as I said it without almost any emotion. A group of little kids ran by a few feet behind me, laughing. The sound of sandals hitting the dirt and young voices yelling fake commands brought back a lot of memories, but I ignored the feeling to hear him speak up a moment later.

"What did he say?" He answered my question with a question, hushing his voice.  
I barely had enough patience to answer his question first, but I did anyways, knowing he needed some sort of explanation as to why I was interrupting his work.  
Though there was something in the way he asked that, as if he already knew what Kakashi could've said and was dreading a particular answer.  
"Just that he had _heard_ about some sort of rumor that we were… together" I said as quickly as I was able before revisiting my first question, adding more, "You knew people were talking about us? What are they saying? Why? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Sakura…" He whispered a little insistently. I looked around and saw a few students staring at us. I guessed I was causing a scene. I wondered whether the kids knew about the rumors, or that I was the girl they were about. "Follow me." I felt his fingertips tap my arm for a moment as if he was about to take hold of me but decided against it at the last moment. I knew this was something that would be better talked about in private, but I didn't want him taking over the conversation just yet. He took a few steps past me before I spoke up.

"First answer me." I made him stop in his tracks with that, "Did you know?" I asked with my own insistence.

He looked around a little nervously for a moment again, checking the kids who were running around close by, but when he looked back at me… he seemed… different.  
Serious.

"Yes." His voice sounded so plain.

I didn't know what to say although I knew there was so much I could've, but he took my silence as an opportunity.  
He motioned gently with his chin towards the open corner of the fence, the little passage that led to the alley behind the school. I remembered all the times kids would sneak away back there, I would always wonder why they left that part of the fence open if they knew kids might skip training. I guess, much like the rest of the tests this village gave us, that was just another loophole they _made_ for us to learn how to silently escape situations without getting caught.  
Right now it was a teacher who was leading me to that little escape route, it seemed strange that Iruka-sensei would use this place so casually after all the times he'd find kids from our class back there and would lecture them for several minutes because of it.

Even though I knew I was already tripping down memory lane whether I liked it or not I still focused on my determination, and another new found dose of frustration that came with Iruka-sensei's previous blatant answer.  
I got my voice back just as we disappeared from the supervision of his students and into the open, quiet alley.

"And you didn't tell me? You didn't warn me?" I asked seriously, almost accusingly.  
I could see a twist of impatience in his expression as he turned around to look down at me again. He must've not liked my tone, but I didn't really care if he did or not, since I _had_ thought Iruka-sensei would've cared enough to tell me about rumors that had been circulating about me.

"Sakura…" He said my name after a sigh. My nerves were soothed momentarily again with his voice. I tried not to let him see that and kept my scowl on. "Let me explain." He looked down at me for a moment, as if asking permission to go on without being interrupted.

I nodded with a little huff.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

She felt something for him.

Something.

Pain or guilt or sadness.

She felt _something_.

So… why did she keep everything from him?  
What could she gain?  
Freedom to be with Umino?

That thought inspired a twitch of a frown in his features.

No.

Even if he could barely remember what it felt like to be with her, he could tell that there had to be another reason.

Was waiting for him to recover his memory too much for her?

Maybe she thought he'd never remember her…

…

_So, thinking I'd never remember her, she decided to keep everything from me. To keep our past her own secret and move on?  
_He thought to himself, still sitting in the same spot on the couch, unable to bring himself to move until he figured out this twisted situation.

_Why would she do that?_

…

_Did she think it would make things better?_

_Maybe she just wanted out?  
So she wouldn't have to deal with such an adult relationship?_

… _No, if that was the case, what would be her excuse for her relationship with…  
_His mind trailed off, seeing no point in forcing the thought of those two together, in an adult relationship, on his mind.  
_He _is_ younger than me, less experienced, quiet, and caring, and he may not be as… demanding as I probably was –_a cringe of shame interrupted him-_… but he's still too much for her. Or, at least, that's what people are saying about her._

_If she cared so much about not being discovered in a taboo relationship she would have never rebound with a man only three years younger than me. With a man who's known and cared for her since she was practically a toddler._

_And it's difficult to imagine he's a better match for her,_ he added bitterly.

He covered his eyes so that he could concretrate.  
It was shameful enough, as a genius, that he couldn't see through the fog of uncertainty like he usually could, or that his problem-solving skills seemed warped by the problem itself, but he was doing the best he could. This entire issue was something of a landmine field to him. He didn't know where he stood or where to go and what he can say or do that might trigger a messy end. He remembered blurred images and unrooted feelings, but they weren't solid facts he could mix and match into a logical explanation like he was able with any other situation.  
He had to be patient with himself, try out different thoughts and reasonings to provoke different feelings.  
He couldn't remember who Sakura was in a relationship through memories, but through instinct. And right now, the answer to all of this mess was through how well he knew her by instinct.  
Would she leave him if she thought there wasn't a chance of him remembering his own feelings?  
Would she leave him for another man?  
Had she been happy with him?  
Did he push her away?  
Did he push her too far?  
Did she even do it for herself?

That struck something.

_She didn't do it for herself, did she?_

That sounded like her… for some reason.  
Something like a headache suddenly crept into the center of his skull. The pain expanded from the center outwardly like a migraine, but the pain felt like something else.  
He would've called them memories, but they didn't have any images or sounds, it was only a collection of… knowing. Something like an epiphany, but an epiphany he knew he had already had before.  
It almost felt as if the answer had been obvious from the start now… that if he had had this knowledge of her and the way she felt from the start he wouldn't have wasted the day in confusion.

She was only doing what he would've done.

He knew that now.  
He was learning more about himself now, too, through her.

He had always just wanted normalcy for her, hadn't he?

He always felt like he was stealing away the happiness her youth had meant for her.

If _she _had forgotten him. If she had turned back into the girl she was before he had taken her over.  
He would've done the same.

Let her start over.

Take away the inconvenience he had become to her.

Give her another chance.

…

He felt a smile widen under the hand resting over his features… but it wasn't a smile of happiness or contentment.  
It was the smile of a man who had just figured out the game fate was playing with him.  
A man who realized that the game he had been cursing this whole week was one he had constructed himself, through her.

He taught her the importance of responsibility in their relationship together… and now, after he had scorned her and pushed her to the edge of that responsibility, now after everything seems to be ending, has he figured everything out.

"As always, you're timing is perfect." He mumbled satirically to himself.

But now that he felt the fog clearing, he could see a choice he had to make.

…

If he would have done the same in her situation and tried to spare her, does it make her choice the right one?

Should he play along in hopes of allowing her the normalcy he had wanted for her?

In hopes she can find happiness somewhere… better?

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"By the time I had heard about the rumors they were already wide-spread and mixed in with other lies…." The man in front of me explained with somber seriousness. I didn't look at him in the eye, for fear that his serious expression would trigger some sort of childhood condition to suddenly feel guilty for making my teacher scold me; I looked down at my crossed arms, listening determinedly. But as he started the next sentence and his voice softened, I found my eyes forgetting their stoicism. "And I didn't tell you because…" He paused, allowing my eyes to finally look back at him as he searched for a way to say whatever he was thinking, "… you don't deserve this."

I didn't say anything.  
There was nothing I could say now that didn't make me feel like a… not very considerate person.  
Especially since I had just stormed into his workplace interrogating him about something he was already doing his best to handle by himself.  
Despite my stubborn silence, he spoke up again only a moment later. "But I think most of the animosity is being directed towards my name, though, so you won't have to worry about losing any respect in the village."

"You think I care about that?" My arms unfolded and flung to my side as I forgot the volume of my voice with that question.

He looked back to the open fence behind me, looking for any eavesdroppers.  
I took a breath and lowered my voice as I gave him a new question that I actually wanted answered, "What are people saying about you?"

His eyes immediately left the fence and shot at me before finding something on the ground to focus on.

"Sakura…" The tone of his voice weakened involuntarily, "… I'd rather not say."

My stomach flipped a little, realizing that they were probably saying some really unpleasant things about him... because of me.

Something else unpleasant dug into my mind and sparked a sharp response from me, "But you're a teacher… if the wrong people find out about this…" I trailed off, suddenly overwhelmed not only by the seriousness of this situation for Iruka-sensei but with a giant wave of déjà vu as I remembered having a conversation very similar to this with Kakashi a long time ago.

He didn't share my sudden concern, and only smiled faintly.

"I hope they know me well enough to believe the truth."

I was about to raise my own concerns again and point out that most of the village had already forgotten how well they knew Iruka-sensei, but that was before there was a young-voiced interruption from the other side of the fence.

"Who do you think that girl was?" The random voice asked another, drawing both of our attention.

"I dunno, but I heard that I-ru-ka-sensei…" the kid enunciated Iruka-sensei's name, making fun of the word's original meaning, "…is dating one of his students."

My stomach went cold as my fists felt warm from tensing. I wasn't looking at Iruka-sensei, but I could feel him shift in his stance uncomfortably beside me.

"Uwa! Really?" Several other voices chimed in, remarking with just as much gossipy shock as the next.

"Yeah! My mom was talking to my dad and said that 'men like him only teach so they can eat unripe fruit'."

Half my brain then froze over as the other half tried to convince me it was okay to leap over that fence and pummel small schoolchildren.

"What does that mean?" A littler voice asked almost too quietly to hear.

"Haha, you don't know?~" The others laughed.

"Oi, you there!" An adult voice of a teacher I didn't recognize piped in and set the voices scurrying away.

I huffed, wishing I had seen the kids' faces so that I could punch them when I see them again in the village, even if it was at the market in front of their mothers, I still felt like they needed some serious pain. And that kid's mother needed some pain, too.  
But my thoughts of child and mother abuse ceased as I turned around to face Iruka-sensei again.

I realized that it had been easier for me to hear that than it had been for him.

Of course, it had been.

Iruka-sensei was one of the best teachers at the Academy, the _best_ in my opinion. He loved teaching and loved seeing his students grow into respected shinobi. If it hadn't been for Iruka-sensei Naruto would've never gotten to where he is now…. well, sure he was still a Genin, but people are really starting to look up to him.

For Iruka-sensei to be betrayed by his students he cares so much for like this….

He wouldn't have seemed too upset to most people, but over the past couple of days I've learned how to read him much better than when I was younger. And even though he seemed unchanged from before, I could tell from the way his arms were folded over his chest and the way he wouldn't look at me that not only had this hurt him, but that it wasn't the first time he's had to deal with that.

I looked at him quietly for a few more moments, not really thinking of anything to say, but he stopped the silence after a few more of those uncomfortable seconds, "They're just kids-"

"Your own students have been picking on you, haven't they?" I stopped him with that harsh question. I didn't know why I didn't just let him shrug it off, but all I knew was that the moment I saw him try to use that fake smile in front of me I had to stop it.

His smile _did_ go away, but it was only replaced by an even simpler tone for his answer. I didn't like it.

"Children pick up the aggression from their parents. It isn't their fault. It isn't the parents' fault either; I'd be just as hesitant to leave a child in the care of… me."

Again he tried to act like none of this mattered, now I wanted to punch _him_ to make him show me what he was actually feeling, but I knew better than to actually sock one of my closest friends in the face for being too considerate.  
I still wanted to yell at him, or someone, anyone!

'_It's not Iruka! It's not Kakashi! Nothing wrong is happening. So everyone needs to shut up!'_

My determination and frustration from before that had nearly been eradicated suddenly sprang into life with new realizations and new targets as I finally realized that there _was_ someone I could punch in the face for all this, "Who started this?" I asked roughly without segue. He only looked at me for a moment. "Who started these rumors?" I took a step closer to Iruka-sensei, as if I could intimidate the answer out of him.

It didn't seem to work, but he still picked up his voice and answered, averting his eyes again… only this time he seemed to adopt some of his own anger in his voice this time.

"A… colleague of mine, he- uh… he started all this out of boredom-"

"Who?" I asked with more hostility in my voice than I thought there was going to be. But I could feel it; as soon as he pointed to the person responsible I was going to hurt them as much as I could without calling the attention of the authorities. I'd knock them out and heal them so they wouldn't have proof of my assault.  
But Iruka only softened his expression again and looked back to me.  
His words interrupted my scheming.

"It's fine, Sakura. I already talked to him yesterday."

I huffed again, turning to the fence and taking a few steps toward it, wondering whether that 'colleague' was only a few sprints away from meeting my fist.

"I don't want to 'talk' to him." I countered his civilized response, too focused on the other side of that fence to notice when Iruka-sensei had walked up beside me.

"Yeah." He chuckled airily, I looked over to him. "He's not easy to talk to." He raised his hand in the air, displaying his knuckles.  
I was confused for only a moment until I remembered healing those knuckles only last night.

…

"Oh."

It was a simple response on my part, mostly because thinking about Iruka-sensei punching anyone hard enough to hurt himself was awe-inspiring as well as the fact that it had made me feel a little ridiculous for being so ready to do what he had already done for himself, but whatever it was about my face or voice it made him smile and that was good enough for me.  
It was good to see a real smile from him again.

"Don't worry about me, Sakura… I can take care of myself." He said softly, I felt my expression tense. I wasn't going to stop worrying about him because he tells me to. He seemed to notice my reaction and added another comment. "You have your own problems to care for."

My expression dropped, not out of sadness but out of exhaustion.

"Not anymore." I answered cryptically.

"What?"

I sighed deeply, feeling the frustration build again, "I'm just going to let him think what he wants."

He looked at me for a moment, I just stared blankly ahead at the stupid kids doing their stupid exercises, feeling like I was still one of them… especially when Iruka-sensei was looking at me with that face I knew he had on: that 'worried-teacher' face he gets when he sees one of us making a mistake we should know better than to make.  
His next comment proved my assumption right.

"You lied to him."

_Ugh!_

"It wasn't a lie." I spoke up quickly, facing him again. His eyes widened a little as if to say '_So the rumors aren't a lie? When were you going to tell me?'_ I gave another frustrated huff and explained further,"He's the one that assumed everything…. I just let him think what he wanted."

"I doubt he'd _want_ to think of us that way." He said quietly, almost to himself. I didn't have anything to say to that, and he knew it, so he picked up his voice and went back to his main point, "But the rumors… they aren't true…. And we can't just pick and choose who they're real for without admitting everything to everyone."

…_Wait…_

"Mou!" I exclaimed at myself, cursing my lack of logic. Iruka-sensei jumped a little, his eyes flashing to the opening of the fence again as my rant started and stopped within moments, "Everything's just so-"

I cut myself off, having no words to explain anything anymore.

He looked back to me again, his eyes gentler than before, as was his voice, cutting my anxiety in half.

"Sakura, I know things might seem at their worst with Kakashi right now because of this… but…"

"No, it's fine." I didn't want Iruka-sensei to worry about this, not when he already had so much to deal with. "He's been acting…." I started, but decided to skip the explanation of what exactly happened today and get to the outcome, "Well… Maybe he'll leave me alone, now."

"You don't want that." He told the truth.

"But he does." I answered as simply as I could.

He sighed the same sigh he'd give whenever I had complained in his class about not having enough to study in a day, but the voice that followed it wasn't the voice he'd used with me as a teacher. It was deeper, gentler… it reminded me of last night. The memory worked as an antidote against the sharpest sting of my worries.

"Sakura." His hand hesitantly found my shoulder; I liked the way he said my name, "I'll fix this….Trust me"

…_What?_

"Iru-"  
I was about to ask him what he meant by that but he interrupted me.

"I have to get back now. I'll see you tomorrow."  
His hand left me and he was already walking away from me when I tried to stop him.

"But-"

"Go get some rest." He called back at me, looking over his shoulder with one of his real smiles.  
I would've followed after him and demanded answers, but I felt like I had bothered him enough today… besides, I knew I could trust him.

… _Trust._

_Weren't you the one always telling me to trust you?_

I asked Kakashi in my head, remembering all the times I had caused trouble for him by not doing so.

…

_Hypocrite._

I added bitterly before shaking my head of the thought and looking over at Iruka-sensei walk away.

I wished I could see his smile again, but I decided to take his advice.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

He checked over his shoulder one last time before he knew he would have to push his personal life aside as he gathered his chaotic class, the pink-haired girl he had been talking to was walking away quietly.  
He smiled again.

He knew this shouldn't be the time to smile, but there was something about her today.  
She was thinking recklessly and dramatically.

…

_She's getting her strength back…_

His smile widened momentarily, almost a laugh, as he thought back to how ready she was to pummel Kuroke for him.

…

At least, out of everything that's happening today, he didn't have to worry about her getting too down.

… He took a moment to think through that thought again.

'_everything that's happening today'…  
_Today _was_ going to be eventful, wasn't it?

He didn't know how he knew, or what he was planning, but he knew it couldn't wait until tomorrow.

Not with the way things have turned out.

…

He had tried to hide the rumors from Sakura… he should've known she'd hear about them.

He had tried to keep from inconveniencing her… he's only added more complications to her life.

He had tried to inspire jealousy in Kakashi for her… that was the worst failure yet.

…

Kakashi had only walked away.

He had given up… and walked away.

And now he had separated himself from Sakura even farther.

…

He needed to fix this.

…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

…

He had no idea what he was doing.

He had no idea what he was doing here.

He didn't let it show, though.

He walked down the quickly darkening street as calmly as any other evening, his hands in his pockets and his gaze cast upward towards the purpling sky, but inside his head was a mess of different scenarios and conversations.

He hadn't felt this nervous over something so simple since he was half his own age.

…

But this wasn't simple, was it?

…

_Nothing about her is._

_All I can remember about her is how complicated life had made it for me to hold onto.…_

… _well, I guess past doesn't matter anymore._

…

_She's moved on and I've 'forgotten' it._

…

He didn't notice the furrow in his brow at that thought…

All he knew what that even though the past wasn't important anymore, his decision right now was more important than anything else to him.

… He felt like an idiot for feeling that way… as well as for what he was wearing.

He couldn't tell if he was being manipulative or if it was a peace-offering… but, again, he guessed it didn't matter.

He was too worried about what she would think to think about his own opinion.

He would've smiled at himself if he hadn't been scowling.

… … … … … … … … … … … …

Taking Iruka-sensei's advice I'd been napping from the moment I came home and collapsed in my bed, sleeping like a stone, until I heard a knock on my door.

_Tap, tap, tap._

Half asleep, the knocking sounded 'wrong' to me. I was used to the sound of a knuckle against a glass door, not a wooden one. After only a moment I realized that it wasn't Kakashi knocking on my balcony door but someone knocking on my bedroom door.

"Uyeah?" I called out groggily, lifting my head from my pillow slowly.  
In the moment I waited for a response I looked over blurry-eyed at Warble.

'_7:46pm'_ he told me.

I groaned, wishing it was morning already.

"Kakashi-san is here to see you."

. . .

I sprang out of bed head first, tumbling onto the floor like an intellectually-challenged turtle, waiting to remember how to use my feet.

"Are you okay in there?" My mother's muffled voice asked through the door. She had probably heard the deep thud my body made on the floor and the scrambling that followed.

"Eh, yeah!" I called back, lifting myself to my feet. I ran to my door, opening it.

She was just standing there normally, it seemed strange to me how normal she was since my whole day has been flipped upside-down by the fact that she just said Kakashi-sensei 'is here to see me', at my _house_.  
Not that I was happy about him visiting me, of course.

… of course….

"How long has he been here?" I asked with a pant, my hands immediately attempting to flatten the wispy knots that had collected on the top of my head from rolling around too much in my sleep.

"Just a few minutes." She answered with some curiosity in her voice before it fell into that parent-mode, "He said he needed to tell you something about a mission or something."

. . .

"Oh. Yeah. Ok." I answered with broken pauses, trying to act nonchalant.

A moment of silence passed as I stood there, computing everything in my groggy brain.

Mom just took that as her sign to leave as I put something over my pajamas and fix my hair, as is normal for greeting superiors, and not because she thought that I wanted to look nice for him… hopefully, "I'll let him know you'll be down in a moment." She said as she started down the narrow stairway.

But as I was supposed to take that 'moment' and fix myself up, I actually just ended up walking back and forth two or three paces either way, too frenzied to even pace completely as I felt the anxiety seep in.

I wondered why my first reaction was so… positive.

It's like I'd forgotten what had happened today… what he said… what he thought of me…  
This isn't a good thing.

Him visiting me is not a good thing.

It just can't be.

…

_So why does my stomach feel like it's floating up to my heart?_

…

_No time for stupid questions!_

I grabbed a small sweater to put over my tank top, and then I looked down at my shorts.

…

These shorts look so stupid.  
They're pajamas, after all.  
I don't want to go out there like this.  
But it's not like I have time to find something else to put on.  
Plus, at least they match the tank-top, if I get anything else, they won't match.  
I'd probably look even more stupid with a skirt on, wouldn't I?  
What does it matter?  
He's seen me in these pajamas before… even without the top, that one time.

But he doesn't remember that.  
And this time he won't think I'm cute just because he has feelings for me… he'll see me and think I look stupid.  
THAT'LL be a great follow up to our conversation this afternoon.  
_Exactly_ what I need: him thinking I look stupid!

"Sakura!" My mom called my name.

I panicked, deciding to throw caution to the wind and walk out my bedroom door with the stupid shorts on, fixing the little knots in my hair some more. I was happy I had short hair, or else this would be more difficult.

…

That's another stupid thought.

I should be thinking about what he's doing here, what the mission's going to be about, not _hair_!

…

And whether I had finally snapped myself out of that girly-spell or if I was just too distracted by the sight of him to even think about what I look like anymore my mind spun and reset as my eyes found him.

He was standing just inside the doorway, facing my mom as she was saying something I couldn't compute.

For all I knew she was sharing embarrassing baby stories with him, but I wouldn't have noticed or cared because I was too focused on him.

He was very normal, too normal.

Of course it _wasn't_ normal to see him talking with my mother since it had recently been one of my priorities to make sure they never meet again since the last time they talked it ended in trouble. And it wasn't normal that the man I felt so strongly for was only 5 years younger than my mother. As well as the fact that it was so strange for him to visit me through the invitation of my parents and not just through my balcony window.

But he was acting so normally, even though he must've known it was a little strange to be wearing that shirt so soon.

It was the shirt he had lent me yesterday, the one I had returned to him only hours ago.  
It had always been one of my favorite shirts of his because of the way it looked on him.

Even now I couldn't say it didn't look good on him.

But seeing him standing there, acting so normal while he was communicating _something_ to me by wearing that shirt was so strange.

Before I could really make sense of the situation I took the final step off the stairs and gained the attention of the two adults in the room.

"Done grooming yourself already?" Mom spoke up with her bad-joke tone.

I immediately felt like running her out of the room for being one of those stereotypically embarrassing parents, if I hadn't been busy checking Kakashi's reaction to her joke.

He didn't seem at all changed.

…

I guess that was expected.

…

"Well, I'll leave you two to your business-talk." Mom excused herself after the awkward few seconds following her 'joke'.

Before I took another step Kakashi-sensei turned to the door and took the few paces he needed to be outside of it again.

That was a little strange, but I followed him.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

With some difficulty he listened to Haruno-san's complaining about having too much housework to do to go to the marketplace herself, and having to ask her neighbor to pick up groceries for her since her daughter, the girl he was here to see for partially unprofessional reasons related to the fact he had once had an inappropriately romantic relationship with, was always 'too busy being a teenager to help around the house'.  
All Kakashi could gain from this conversation was the faint relief that her mother had been cut off from the usual breeding ground of rumors… including the ones concerning her daughter and her relationship with yet another teacher besides the one standing in front of her.

Something about that thought displeased him… the fact that the way an outsider would see it, is that Sakura has seemed to have developed a romantic taste for male teachers.

He was distracted from those unpleasant thoughts when he heard more footsteps coming down from the second floor. He was reminded of the last activity he had heard from up there, her mother waking her up, a noisy thud he had almost laughed at- if he hadn't had been as tense as he is now- and a few more muffled words between a familiar voice and her mother's.

He tried to pretend to not notice the girl walking down the stairs.

She paused.

He could feel her staring at him.

He didn't react.

He knew she'd be confused at first.

Her mother finally stopped talking about increasing vegetable prices and looked over to the pink-haired girl he'd been 'watching' since she first stepped into the room. He acted as if he just noticed her now too.

"Done grooming yourself already?" Her mother piped up, joking.

Something in him was tempted to smile.

He didn't know if it was because it was such a ridiculous thing to say to her daughter in front of her superior, or if he thought the fact Sakura wanted to look good for him was cute.

He decided to push the choice out of his mind, trying not to tempt himself with hope.

Her mother excused herself from the room quickly.

He only stood for a moment, looking at her again.

He could definitely tell she'd been sleeping a few minutes ago, but it made her look… -he was careful with his judgment-… he didn't dislike the way she looked.  
Something about it was... familiar.

As well as something about seeing her in her pajamas seemed familiar to him.

… The fact that that probably meant he had had more than a few memories of seeing her half-asleep in pajamas, therefore at night, was slightly unsettling to him, but only for the reason that he couldn't help but momentarily wish he had gained back _those_ memories in particular.

As if trying to leave those thoughts behind he turned and walked back out the door he had trouble crossing only minutes before when her mother had invited him in.  
But there was another reason he needed to have both himself and her leave the room, he couldn't have her mother listening in and picking up on any hints of perhaps not his own previous romantic involvement with her daughter, but her daughter's new romance that has swept the gossipers of the village into a 'taboo-hate'-loving frenzy.

He took a breath before turning around and starting the conversation he knew could go wrong in so many ways.

… … … … …. …. … …. … …. …. …. … … … … … … … …

He turned to face me, already talking before I could think of anything to say that could be at all professional.

"I came to tell you that we have another mission tomorrow. Usual meeting time and place." He explained with a severe business tone.

I had expected more, somehow… but I resigned myself to really only having a 'business-relationship' with Kakashi-sensei from now on… so… this was probably the best our interactions were going to get weren't they?

In spite of the pang of discomfort that idea gave me, I still nodded professionally and spoke up quietly, "Ok, thank you."

I was pretty sure that was it.

I didn't want to try and push this visit into something else so I gave him one more nod and shifted my feet to turn myself around, go through the door, close it, and collapse on my bed, disappointed.

But that plan was interrupted with his voice.

"I also came to apologize."

Something in me swelled when I suddenly realized that this visit of his _wasn't_ just business, but I really didn't give the word 'apologize' a second thought, which explained my not-so-thoughtful answer:

"For what?" I asked as I turned back to him, happy that I could look at him again.

His expression seemed to harden as he spoke up next, not as if he didn't like what he was saying, but in the way that he felt like this was a really important matter, "I was out of line, talking to you like that today. What you do with your personal life is your choice and it was irresponsible of me to judge it so casually."

…

'_My personal life'?_

…

The way he said that… it's as if he was talking about a world he didn't belong to.  
He really must have had no idea that my personal life _consists_ of him.

I tried not to focus on that and instead on my next question, which was more crucial than probably anything else I've said today, "Really? So you're fine with the… rumors about Iruka-sensei and-"

"No."

I blinked at his stern interruption.

"What?" I asked before I could really understand exactly how unprofessional that answer of his was. All I knew was that I had been expecting a vague answer like 'It doesn't matter whether I'm fine with it.'

"I said it was your choice, I never said I approved of it." He explained seriously.

If I hadn't gotten used to looking him in the eye when he was so serious I probably would've looked away to ask my next question, but, luckily, even if he didn't remember how I acquired the skill, I knew how to handle myself around him better than I used to.

"Why not?" I asked almost as a child would, but it was definitely something I wanted to know now, and not something I wanted to find out tomorrow or the next day.  
_Why did he disapprove of my 'relationship' with Iruka-sensei?_

_Why would he have a problem with us?_

Something about him changed after I asked that simple, demanding question, his demeanor seemed to soften a little, as if he enjoyed my bothering questioning, but his voice only grew more serious with his explanation.

"Haruno." despite his almost invisibly softer disposition he seemed to want to push my buttons or something because I always hated it when he called me by my last name, and he probably knew it "As your captain and superior I can't condone a distracting relationship." He explained with that serious tone, looking down at me as if I was fourteen again.

I stared at him quietly.  
That was when I noticed the change in his expression. It was hard to describe because I could barely see it under his mask and forehead protector, but I knew something changed. He started an answer that could change everything…

"But… as myself…."

I looked up at him, wishing I was shy enough to look away before I got any further trapped by his masked features to read something I knew wasn't there, to hear an answer he wouldn't ever possibly say again.  
And then I recognized that look he was giving me.… I wasn't fourteen anymore, and I could see he saw that.

I listened for the rest of his answer, but got something entirely different.

_DONG DONG DONG_

We both looked over to the center of the village where the deep reverberating sound of an old bell was emanating. The echoes of that bell found it's way into ever corner of the street, filling up the space with weightless tension before it started to fade.

I took a few steps forward, stopping just a pace ahead of Kakashi-sensei.

Silence took over the village again, but this silence was now heavier than the chiming that had interrupted it.  
It felt as if the entire village was working to make itself as quiet as possible now.

It was a busy silence.

I could feel something was happening.

I turned back to Kakashi-sensei, I saw my mom peek her head out the kitchen window curiously, I searched Kakashi's face for answers.  
His expression was almost blank, he only seemed to be scanning the navy blue skyline for something I didn't know to look for, I waited for some sort of explanation.  
His voice delivered one after a moment.

"It's a low alert."

… _A 'low alert'?  
_I asked in my head, scraping at the memorized textbooks in my head to remember where I had heard that before.

I remembered something about a 'low alert' from when I was eleven, but I couldn't remember.  
He seemed to know I was still a little confused.

"It means there's an intruder who made it over the wall." His voice was quiet now, blending into the stillness of the village.

"What's the protocol for a 'low alert'?" I asked looking over the skyline, too.

His teacher-voice came back as quick as lightening as he delivered his own memorized information, "By now, the Hokage has already sent out orders for a group to go on an active search while all others lay low and stay hidden. The active group acts as a decoy to draw out the intruder while the others ambush."

"_'All_ others'?" I asked for myself.

"Including you." He said a little louder, I wondered why he did until the moment I realized my mom had heard it too when she suddenly whisper-yelled out the window:

"Your sandals are by the hose, drying!"

I groaned at the realization that I'd be running around the village, not only in my pajamas, but in wet sandals. But I was distracted from that horrible fate when, after taking a step towards my soggy sandals I heard what I thought was a chuckle from the man standing next to me.

I could've been wrong, but I wanted to believe I wasn't.  
Though, if he did laugh just now, it would've been _at_ me... or my mom. No, that's not like him, he only laughs like that at me, doesn't he?

I could almost feel a sense of pride over that thought if it hadn't been so undignified.

I slid on the wet things, tugged at my sweater for more warmth and I gave a fervent wave to my mom to let her know I'll be going as I walked back up to him.

"Ready?" He asked without looking at me.

Something about his tone, about standing here next to him ready to start an impromptu mission, it was exhilarating. I had almost forgotten about the answer he hadn't given me a few minutes ago. I couldn't even care now that I remembered again. I just loved this feeling. Being by his side.

After only a moment I gave a firm nod and we both took off at the same moment, heading to the roofs of the vending booths nearby to climb onto the higher landings.  
I had no idea where we were going, and I knew I shouldn't be enjoying a 'low alert' so much, but still.

I looked around quickly, I couldn't see anyone else around, but I knew there were others all over the place. I wondered if they saw us, either.

We passed over the fourth building and he spoke up again.

"Is this your first low alert?" He asked over the rush of the wind for reasons I didn't know. I would've thought he'd want to keep the village's silence, too.  
Maybe he could tell I was enjoying myself… but that had nothing to do with the alert.

"Yeah, uh, I had to stay home the last time there was one." I answered only a little awkwardly, having to recall a hazy memory of being eleven and home-bound from real missions.

He took a moment.

"I'd forgotten the last one was five years ago." He said mostly to himself, with that tone. That tone he'd get whenever he remembered just how young I was… it was strange to hear it again after so long, but I didn't pay attention to that when he spoke again, his voice back into teacher-mode, "These are usually only waiting games that kids from other villages pull on us. We haven't seen a self-respecting shinobi ever actually trip the alarm since I was younger than _you_." I would've been reassured by that if I had not only been looking forward to some action but hoping he _wouldn't_ mention how young I was again.

The way he said it, too, I felt like this was some sort of challenge again.

A competitive nature was re-awoken in me with that.

"That must've been a really long time ago." I said over the wind with a relaxed tone.

I could tell he looked over at me with that, I stared ahead as long as I could before a smile won the war over my face. I only glimpsed at him, but I swore I saw what I could recognize as a smile under that moonlit mask.

"But, it's nothing to worry about?" I asked, serious this time.

"Probably not." He answered, his voice distinctly affected by a smile. I loved his voice like that so much.

I enjoyed a few moments of quiet, running by his side, loving the fact that I had made him smile, loving the wind and the cold. I didn't even care about my sandals or shorts anymore, as far as I was concerned this was the most fun I've had with Kakashi in too long to be interrupted by wet shoes and stupid clothes.

But we _were_ interrupted suddenly, "Kakashi-san."

A dull voice spoke from nowhere just before I noticed an ANBU member running alongside Kakashi.  
It wasn't until a moment later that I realized they were already talking even though I couldn't hear anything.

"Go back and tell the others I'll be there soon." He said in a normal voice, probably just so that I could hear.

"Right." The ANBU member responded quickly before disappearing.

Kakashi slowed to a stop as I did, too.

"Sakura, I have to go." I barely noticed what he said at that moment, too surprised that we were back on first-name-basis. But after I realized what he meant I knew that it was probably for something really important, knowing his station in the village. "Go to the south wall and wait there and stay hidden. I'll find you when I get back." He ordered professionally.

Something about the way he said that sparked the challenger in me again. I spoke without thinking.

"You can try." I joked, recalling the training he didn't remember giving me.

I was almost afraid he wouldn't like my attitude, being my captain right now, but instead he laughed.

My stomach floated higher as I suddenly felt proud of myself, my smile brightened idiotically.

After his laugh ended I had expected him to leave immediately, but he lingered just for a moment. It was too short of time to say anything else, but I didn't feel like I was supposed to say anything.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

He should've left seconds ago, but he stayed to give her one last look.

He focused on her smile.

That smile.

So familiar, so beautiful.

He felt a warmth spread through his chest as all he could think of doing was reaching out to her. He didn't know for what.  
Just to feel her?

...

To know he can exist in her world no matter how far away from her he felt in this moment.

...

He wished he could hold her face in his hands.

He wished he could posses that smile.

He wished he could feel that smile against his lips the way some part of him remembered.

But those were wishes he had to ignore.

If he acted on them, there was no knowing how far she would withdraw from him.

…

But even so, he knew he could survive this now.

As her captain.

As her friend.

…

Iruka's time with her couldn't last forever.

His hadn't.

…

But he'd be here for her, always.  
Waiting.

...

He left her before she knew he was gone, already on his way to the meeting.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

His head already bleary from grading tests, he looked out the window of his apartment, his hand rubbing his aching neck.

He thought back to the school day.  
The hard time the kids gave him. The visit Sakura gave him.

He almost laughed, again, at the memory of her pugnacity.

...

He wanted to talk with her again.

...

But his full attention was stolen through that window when three loud chimes echoed through the village. It had been a long time but he still remembered what that meant.

He got up from his desk, grabbing his forehead protector on his way to the door, sighing at the interruption.

But that was when he realized that his thoughts from earlier today were going to be more accurate than he ever thought.

_A lot _is_ going to be happening today... isn't it?_

...

This was his chance to fix everything.

He hoped he knew what he was doing.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

**And so the plot thickens!**

…

**Oh, and keep an eye out for the 4****th**** Chapter of Konoha Gakuen!**


	78. Was This Supposed To Happen? Part 1

**Chapter 78**

**Title:**** '**_Was This How It Was Supposed To Happen? Part 1'_

**Note: **

**These two chapters took a whole culmilative of 14 hours to write, that's right. And the only breaks in those 14 hours were to sit there and think about what to say next.**

**And it's finals week coming up, gah!**

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**I think I'll have the next chapter out by th week after next… I say 'think' because we all know that my updating schedule has been varying lately. Sorry!**

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**Anyways, enjoy the chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"What do we know?" He asked, his demeanor completely changed from the few minutes beforehand. Having lost most of the humor he had shared with that girl, he walked across the balcony determinedly, listening to an equally stone-faced chuunin recite the current intel on the alarm.

"A single intruder was spotted over the West wall, disappearing into tree-cover. There hasn't been any further information."

Kakashi nodded at the chuunin, excusing him, not slowing his pace as he followed through a few more strides to find the Hokage's side.

The artificially young woman seemed tense, but quiet. She looked over the dark skyline with a scowl that appeared more lucid than normal, alert.

Kakashi glanced at Shizune, checking with the nervous woman –the Hokage's closest assistant and friend- if his presence was necessary.

Shizune looked him in the eye for only a moment before looking down at a sleepy pig resting in her arms, it was only a glance but he knew that meant he had better say something.

He turned on the spot, stepping forward, looking over the buildings.

"It's not a kid this time, is it?" He asked with solemn casualness. He could sense the tension build in the scurrying chuunin and jounin invisibly guarding the Hokage's building below as they listened to his words, they weren't used to someone addressing the Hokage so carelessly. He ignored them.  
The Hokage sighed inwardly, her crossed arms pulling tighter together.

"Maybe." She muttered before pausing a long moment. "… There's something menacing about the air tonight."

Shizune looked over to the blonde woman with a confused expression after that last sentence, worrying about what the woman had meant through that cryptic phrase.

Kakashi only nodded, understanding. It was a heavy feeling, a spiritual humidity, he could feel it too.

"I'll have them," she nodded downwards at her tense bodyguards, "tell the others that we're probably in for more than we first expected… All I want you to do, Kakashi, is keep a close eye on the Western woods. We'll stay back in case the alarm is only a decoy." The Hokage ordered gently, still scrutinizing the dark buildings.

Kakashi nodded again and immediately left her side.

He strode along the side of the building, making his way to the West despite his instinct to go South.

That was before he was interrupted by an unlikely obstacle.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

I finally found a spot on the Southern wall that seemed hidden enough. It was a fault in the architecture of the wall that created a five foot deep pocket between two beams spaced three feet apart. I remembered playing hide and seek –which was considerably competitive amongst the children in the Academy- and hiding here often.  
It seemed bigger then, of course.

I settled into the shadows as quietly as I could, trying to keep an alert eye on the gates to my left or the edge of the forest in front of me

I tried to watch for any shadows that didn't belong, anything that moved even if the wind moved it, anything that made a sound… but I found my mind wandering a little.

His smile.

There wasn't anything else in my world that could so thoroughly distract me. I cringed, staying completely still otherwise, trying to push the thought from my head.

I might have lost the battle against him in the sense that he and all my thoughts of him had monopolized my personalized life, but I wasn't going to hand over the lease of my business-mind to him as well.

I needed to keep him separate from my thoughts at times like these, I needed to clear my mind like I was trained to and only think of my objective.

_Stay hidden._

_Investigate movement._

_Stay hidden._

_Investigate movement._

_Stay Hidden_.

'_I'll find you when I get back'_

_I wonder if he's done already._

_I wonder if he really could find me._

_My hiding skills have improved since our first lesson together._

_It's not like he could pop up behind me this time, I'm practically inside a wall._

_What if he can't fin-_

I cringed at myself, realizing I had failed again.

I started over:

_Stay hidden._

_Investigate movement._

_Stay hidden._

_Investigate movement._

_Stay Hidden_.

_Investigate movement._

_Stay Hidden_.

_He looked really good in that shirt again._

…

_DAMN IT!_

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

The teacher didn't know whether to be grateful or disappointed that he had actually gotten there in time to see the silver-haired man in passing. A part of him had hoped that he would miss the man by just a few seconds; that he wouldn't have the chance to say what he told himself he had to.  
Iruka took a few slow steps forward, absent-mindedly listening to other chuunin discuss how the intruder is turning out much more difficult to track than first thought, as Kakashi strode quickly in the opposite direction, towards the teacher. Iruka stared at him without any thought of looking away, trying to get the other man's attention quietly. The older man must have known who he was about to pass by, he must've known he was being watched, he must've known Iruka wanted his attention, he must've known that Iruka wouldn't have so blatantly asked for his attention unless it was something important, but he only stared ahead of himself as he walked, undisturbed, past him.

The teacher was left, ignored and overlooked, too troublesome to even acknowledge.

…

At that, something began to bubble in Iruka's chest… something heavy and sluggish, molten metal.

He wasn't very familiar with the depth of its meaning, the way his anger could actually effect visceral sensations, but he remembered the last time he felt like this. It was right before his fist had collided with Kuroke's face.

He had thought that had been a fluke, that there was no way he could feel that amount of anger again so soon and with so little provocation.

But as he stood there, ignoring the other chuunin and jounin who were discussing the investigation plans he knew he should ask for in order to help the village, he couldn't care about anything else except the bubbling in his chest and the tightness of his jaw.

He knew his plans had acted against him in these past few days… he knew that his decisions had gotten away from him recently… and knowing that had nearly scared him out of coming here. But now he couldn't find anything in him that cared if what he came here to say would go well or wrong.

All he wanted was to see that silver-haired man acknowledge his words, to react… in any way.

"Kakashi." Iruka spoke with a restrained voice, dropping honorifics and making no effort in hiding the newly-found tone of distaste.

He heard the man who had ignored him only moments earlier slow to a stop.

Iruka turned. He controlled the volume of his footfalls as he made his way to the other man.

Kakashi said nothing, but turned around as well.

The moment Iruka saw the man's masked face he understood something that had escaped him until then, something that suddenly made sense even though it seemed so far-fetched:

Kakashi was angry, too….

Not only angry, but…. _threatened_.

Because of Iruka's closeness with Sakura…

His relationship with her….

…

For a dark moment the bubbling in Iruka's chest molded into something lighter, something dangerously close to… pride.

Only having the moment before the other man spoke, Iruka couldn't make much sense of that feeling, but he didn't need to.

"What do you want?" Kakashi didn't forgive Iruka much time for his interruption.

"Where's Sakura positioned?" Iruka asked with a tone that resembled small-talk.  
He could tell that by even saying her name so casually he had insulted Kakashi.

"South wall." Kakashi answered stolidly, abruptly, as if any mention of Sakura was enough for him to want to leave the conversation immediately, giving Iruka even less an allowance of his time.

Iruka didn't want much more time.

He wouldn't need it.

Just as Kakashi was about to turn away Iruka spoke up.

"What I told you before…" He said aloud, standing his ground as he felt the light metal bubble up into his throat when he noticed the change in Kakashi's at the mention of their previous conversation.

"I lied."

Shocked silence took over the older man. "What?" He managed to say after a moment.

…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … ... … … … … … … … … …

….

The dark figure in the trees waited.

It hadn't gotten the signal yet.

It waited.

Impatiently.

…

It looked around for something to do.

It wasn't long before it found it.

….

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

…

Even under the order to remain inconspicuous Iruka found his way to the Southern wall easily, but preparing his mind for battle was more difficult, mainly because he didn't expect any physical battle.

This was a battle with himself.

…

After what he had told Kakashi only a few minutes ago… he didn't have a choice anymore.

He had to be sure to keep telling himself that.

…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … ... … … … … … … … … …

I leaned against the shadowed wall, growing a little tired, but not letting it affect my focus.

I could still see every leaf move and hear every bug chirp, but just like it had been for the past twenty minutes, it had _only_ been leaves and bugs that have done any moving.  
I started to wonder if maybe the alarm had already been called off and somebody just forgot to tell me.

_Though, I can't imagine Kakashi would've forgotten me._

…

_Unless this turned out to be something serious and he can't leave the Hokage's side yet._

I let my eyes wander over my view, looking harder than before, wishing to catch a glimpse of something out of the ordinary so that I could either follow it into a fight or report it… anything that didn't leave me in this cold little nook for the next two hours twiddling my thumbs.

And just as if reality was answering my hopeful thinking I saw something… strange.

A dark figure rising up between the branches of the tree at the far end of the wall.

I looked harder, squinting my eyes, trying to focusing more light into them from the darkness.  
It almost looked like the frame of a person, but… it didn't seem right… it seemed different.  
I took a silent step forward, still covered by the shadows of my little nook, but the moment I thought I could tell it was a human outline, it was gone.

I took another step, leaving the darkness behind, slipping a kunai out of my satchel and into my hand. I knew it was a risky move, walking into the open, but if something was really there then I would have to confront them anyways… this was just my invitation for them to stop hiding.

I finished another step, my left foot meeting the ground beside my right, the sand crunching a little underneath it.

The wind blew a cold whistle through the trees, rustling the leaves, rearranging them… I watched closely for anything to be uncovered.

… Nothing.

…

_It must have only been my hopeful thinking._

"Sakura."

I jumped when that voice came at me from behind my back. I twirled on the spot, the kunai raised, instincts having already kicked in before I could recognize that voice.

But even as I thought I knew who's voice that was, even as my heart sped up in surprise and anticipation, the moment I saw that the hand that had grabbed my kunai-wielding one was gloveless and slightly tan I realized my first thought had been wrong.

It seems like such a drastic mistake to make, thinking Iruka-sensei's voice as Kakashi's, but I wasn't so confused about that mistake when my eyes met his.

They seemed… different.

Only earlier today I had seen so much pain in them. They were so kind and innocent, as if they belonged to a boy… but now… something was different.  
Something that reminded me of Kakashi…

"We need to talk." He said solemnly, his eyes holding my eyes as firmly as his hand was mine.

… … … … … … … … ... … … … … … … … … … …. …. …

He couldn't focus.

He made his way to the Western wall, his mind only on the Southern. On Sakura. On what Iruka had just said….

… …. ….

"_What?" He had heard what the man had said but he couldn't process everything it implied, everything that those two words threw out of his life and thoughts._

"_We aren't together." The teacher clarified icily. "Not in the way you think we are." Iruka's voice still held onto that dark tone. It sounded foreign with Iruka, but Kakashi didn't care, not when his mind was spiraling deeper and out of confusion from this teacher's sudden admission. That was until Iruka finished his next sentence.  
"But I've been her only source of comfort since you left her."  
Kakashi's jaw tensed instinctually._

_There were so many thoughts, so many implications, he hated about that last sentence, but Kakashi saw only one response necessary._

"_I didn't leave her." He had replied, his voice made of stone._

_He knew that his tone would've stirred anxiety in this man any other day, but Iruka was different right now, he could tell. He recognized his own behavior in the other man… he hated it._

"_You left her the moment you decided not to fight for her." The teacher explained, pointing out the ending of their last conversation. "You gave her up… and something in her knows it." Silence spread between them, both of them knew Iruka wasn't done._

"_She needs to move on."_

…

"_And you're first in line?" Kakashi accused, feeling anger grow within himself towards this man and towards himself for even saying that._

_Iruka 's stance shifted minutely. Kakashi couldn't tell if it was because he took offense or because it was true._

"_I only wanted to say that what I had told you was a lie.…" _

_The teacher turned on the spot, looking away from Kakashi._

"_But," he paused, "I don't think I'll let it stay that way for much longer."_

And then he was gone.

…

He should've stopped him.

He should've followed him.

That bastard's probably going to go see Sakura now.

Now that he's admitted a lie Kakashi hadn't let himself expect only to threaten its imminent realization…

'_You gave her up….'_

'_She needs to move on.'_

'_I've been her only source of comfort.'_

Something in him rumbled dangerously as his mind reverberated that man's words mixed with his own similar thoughts that had plagued him for days, reawakening and intensifying the pain he thought he had bridled to the point the thoughts felt like rivers of magma pouring over the edges of a once dormant volcano.

He couldn't focus on anything except that slow-building anger… anger towards Iruka… towards himself.

But all his conflict came to a halt when he noticed something.

… … … … … … … … ... … … … … … … … … … …. …. …

"We need to talk." He said solemnly, his eyes holding my eyes as firmly as his hand was mine.

I almost had to take a moment to try and decipher why he was acting a little different, but there were other things I needed to focus on.

"Ok, but not right now, Iruka-sensei." I whispered, not really thinking any further into what he might have wanted to discuss with me as I peeked over my shoulder to give the trees a second look.

He was quiet for a moment.

"Is there anyone out there?" His voice seemed to normalize a little, his left hand still holding my right.

"I thought I saw someone… but I guess… it could have been one of us." I replied, looking into the trees with more focus than before.

The moment I finished my unsure sentence that there was a rustle.

A faint source of movement between grass blades or leaves, something a bird could have caused or a rodent, but it wasn't a moment until I felt his hand tug mine back. He took a step forward as he pulled me back, putting himself between me and the source of the sound.

He felt it too… someone was watching us.

"Stay back." He ordered with a warning tone, sounding a bit more like the Iruka-sensei I remembered… though… not quite. He still didn't seem himself … he seemed serious… too serious… like he was distracted by something else.

I pushed that from my mind as I realized that his protective instincts as a teacher and as a friend were keeping me from my job.

"If that's the intruder I need to capture and report him." I tried to reason to him, struggling to take a step further only to feel his hand extend farther behind him to pull me back.

"No… This isn't normal." He said quietly, pausing before he continued.

The wind blew again, louder than before. The banners atop the wall flapped violently in the wind.

It died down to complete silence again.

…

"He wanted us to hear him."

…

"Wh-?"

"Get down!"

In the moment it took for me to realize I had fallen to the ground I realized I had been pushed down. I saw his arm move quick throw something, I couldn't tell what it was until a blinding flash and a curtain billowing of smoke interrupted my sight of anything beyond five feet. I blinked and shrugged away from the moment light, looking back to see Iruka again.

I only realized as I finally managed to scramble my limbs into working anchors to lift my torso off the ground that he had done that as a way of shielding us from the intruder's target, as well as a way to signal others that he was found, because it wasn't moments before silent shadows whisked passed us and through the smoke.

I exhaled sharply, almost like a shocked chuckle, at the adrenaline rush that took over in that one moment, but as the adrenaline pumped through my veins so did it feel like ice was when I looked up at Iruka-sensei and saw him stumbled back a step. I recognized that movement.

He was only a few feet away from me, but when I saw the silhouette of a blade protruding from his vest he seemed miles away. I got to my feet as quickly as I could.

"Iruka-sensei!" I called his name as I fumbled through the expanding smoke to him, my arms finding their way around his shoulders for support.

"Sakura…" he answered hesitantly as he leaned against me, his voice choking out.

"We have to get out of the open." I said mostly to myself, trying to fall into my medic mindset. "Can you walk?"

"Ha-" He hissed with pain for a moment as his hand found the edge of his wound, "Yeah, just not far."  
I looked back to the nook that had served as my hiding spot before this; there was nowhere else to go, not with the sound of clinking metal so frequent on the other side of that smoke.

"Ok, come on, lean on my shoulder." I ordered him quickly, walking forward already. He stumbled next to me, breathing shallowly. He felt heavy against me, but I could tell he was working too hard to keep balance. I tried to ignore how pungent the scent of blood was now that is was mixing with the chalk and paperback books. I gripped his arm over my shoulders tightly, fastening him to me protectively.

It seemed like forever before we finally got to the edge of the wall.  
I ducked from under his arm and turned him to lean against the wood of one of the beams; he let out another grunt of pain as he did. "How are the others?" He asked quietly.

I turned to the smoke and the battle yells. "It sounds like they can handle it." I replied as professionally as I could even though I couldn't be less interested in anything else besides Iruka-sensei right now.

"You should… go help." His words were interrupted by a grimace as he changed his posture against the wall. "I can take care of-"

"I'm not leaving you." I cut him off with a stern voice, "You're losing too much blood," I reached my fingers past the collar of his vest, "and your heart's beating too fast. You could go into shock if I leave you like this." I scared myself with my own words.

"None of that sounds very encouraging." He breathed the words out shallowly with something like humor that I couldn't recognize in that moment.

"The fact you're talking means it didn't reach your lungs, and the fact you're still alive and haven't fallen into shock already means it didn't puncture your heart or any main arteries…" I reasoned, trying to make him feel a little more hopeful, though I couldn't imagine what I had to say next would help his nerves… or my own, "… so I'm going to have to take it out." I warned him over the sound of fighting only twenty or so feet away, the smoke burning the inside of my lungs already now that it reached this narrow little nook.

"I'd appreciate that." He answered shakily under the noise, but I still heard him.

I wanted to hit him for trying to be funny while I felt like I could start hyperventilating at any moment, but I didn't.

"It's going to hurt, but you can't sit down until I know the damage."

He didn't answer, he only breathed deeply, looking down at either the blade in his chest or the floor. He really shouldn't see what's about to happen to him.

"Look at me." I ordered him as I kept my eyes on his. I planted my hands on his shoulders for a moment, making sure he was secure against the wall, my hands dropped to his arms; I pulled them forward so they rested on my sides. Now that I was going to be his new center of gravity for this procedure, I needed to make sure he could hold onto me.

I kept my eyes locked with his as my fingers found the handle of the blade, I tightened them as gently as I could, but now that the blade was obeying my grip it jolted against his insides with every one of his breaths. He winced, breaking our eye contact.

"It's gonna be okay." I said slowly.

The pain in his face contorted into a half-smile at that.

"I've been through worse, Sakura."

I would've smiled a little, too, at that reassuring thought, if I wasn't so distracted by worry. I had remembered hearing about the wounds he got protecting Naruto from Mizuki-sensei… And I had seen men survive several stab wounds to the chest…

… but this was Iruka-sensei….

I couldn't not worry.

…

I took a breath, steadying myself, keeping my eyes on his.

I tightened my grip on the handle and started to pull.

I almost hesitated when he yelled out, as well as when his hands dug into my sides, his fingers pressing into me as if searching for relief. I had forgotten how the muscles pull the blade back so stubbornly. He let out a pained grunt again just as it freed itself from his chest.

And as if that was the ending of the whole ordeal he let out a shaky breath and slumped forward, his forehead resting on my shoulder. I dropped the knife to the floor instantly, the body of the blade still covered in blood, to grab him and keep him from falling over, I could tell he wasn't going to, not with the grip he still had on me, but I just wanted to offer as much security as I could. And, right now,… I wanted to feel him. I needed to feel him so make sure he was still warm, he was still breathing.

My worry subsided after a short moment, my mind falling back into procedure.

I really needed to start healing and dressing the wound, but I almost didn't want to interrupt this… they way he was leaning on me for support, breathing against my shoulder. I had to anyways.

I remembered the next step in stab wounds, to stop the bleeding. I realized I needed some sort of pressure on the wound to help stop it.

I clumsily shrugged out of my little jacket, carefully not to jostle him too much with my movements. Ducking to see his chest in the darkness I rolled my jacket into a wad and pressed it against the hole in his vest.

I immediately felt him tense and hiss in pain, a grunt escaping his throat which was leaning against my ear now sounded so strange to me.

"Can you sit down?" I asked quietly.

He didn't respond, he only sighed shakily and slowly pushed himself off of me, resting his back against the stone wall. He slowly lowered himself down, taking my jacket into his hands and held it against him. I watched with some scrutiny, to make sure he didn't hurt himself any further. I just wished a better hiding spot could have been available, one with enough room for me to look at him directly.

I sat down by his side; his legs were stretched out in front of him folded half-heartedly due to the lack of space.

I leaned over to him and placed my ear against the chest of his vest.

His breathing was starting to even out a little, that was good, no palpitations, even better.

"See? I'm feeling better already…" His voice rumbled against my ear with a familiar sense of calm that only instilled more worry in me that his body couldn't handle the vocal vibrations right now. I wished I could've appreciated this new turn at humor he used to try and make me feel better, but I was only focused on one thing now. That trail of dark red staining a stripe into his vest, it was getting wider.

"I'm going to have to take a look now." I let him know seriously. "I need to stop the bleeding."

I leaned over and scooted so that I could kneel directly over him, in front of his chest.

I took my bloodied jacket, feeling no loss, and tossed it on top of the knife laying a few feet away.  
I started to unhook the front of his vest.

"Uh-" He stuttered for a moment.

I looked up to him for only a glance.

"You look a little pale… You shouldn't move or talk too much." I reasoned at him, focused on getting the vest undone.

I saw him nod without looking at him and he turned as immobile as a stone, looking out the opening of the nook at the barely dissipating smoke. I hadn't realized just how quick all this had happened till then.

I got the vest undone and gently worked it off his right shoulder. I saw the shirt underneath, it was completely soaked around the wound, my heart gave a sharp beat in reaction to the sight. I grabbed the collar of his shirt quickly and started to rip it down the middle.

"Uh." He stammered again.

"It's already stained and cut through, I don't think you'd want to keep this shirt anyways, sensei." I continued with my progress even though I felt him shift under me to sit up straight, creating more room between us.

By the time I got the shirt opened in the front I leaned in to examine the wound. He looked away. It seemed to be shallower than I thought; I breathed a tiny sigh of relief at that.

"I can only heal the superficial tissue, it'll leave a scar, but it'll make it easier for the deeper tissue to heal later on." I explained as if I was a textbook.

I placed my hands over the skin surrounding the wound and started my focus. A green glow began to hum, but this time it was louder and stronger than normal, reflecting the amount of effort I meant for it. I could feel the pressure in my heart go down as I saw the sides of the wound shrink a little in only the first minute.

The silence continued for only a few seconds longer under he spoke, his voice still a little weak.

"Sakura…" he breathed my name. I listened immediately, ready for him to describe any new symptoms, "…You don't have to call me that anymore."

His voice… I didn't know if it was his breathing, or if it was how tired he probably felt, but it sounded so… gentle, not that Iruka-sensei didn't usually have a gentle tone when he spoke, but that this felt… different.

"What?" I asked, genuinely brought to confusion through the sudden change in his voice and the split of concentration it brought on. I tried to focus on the way his skin had started to bridge the gap of the wound already, to keep that pace.

"'_Sensei'_." He quoted with a breath, he took another deep one, his chest lifted and sank under my fingertips in a way that hypnotized me with worry, "… I haven't been your teacher… since the day I gave you this." I hadn't noticed when he'd lifted his right hand, but I suddenly felt fingertips tap against the metal plate of my headband before they slowly trailed down the curve of blue fabric, into my hair. Little shivers ran through my neck when he brushed a few strands of hair behind my left ear.

The shivers didn't stop when he reached up and did it again, this time his palm brushing along the side of my head, down to the curve of my neck. His hands were so smooth… I knew what they had felt like against my own hands, but to feel this on the skin of my neck was different. I had a difficult time keeping my eyes open momentarily. Everything about him was so soft. I was already so tired.

"Iruka-sensei." I called to him from the little hypnosis his touch put me under, trying to get his attention. I didn't really have a thought to tell him to stop, I just… I wanted to make sure I could focus on this wound right now.

I heard him breathe out with a little punch, an injured chuckle. It woke me up with some worry again.

"You shouldn't laugh." I warned him, trying to regain my focus.

"You shouldn't ignore your elders." He retorted with a soft smile.

I almost looked up at him to check that smile, to make sure it wasn't too weak, to see it again… but I kept my eyes on my hands.

"I wasn't ignoring you." I answered, still unable to shake my serious tone and mood.

He paused a moment, letting the hum under my hands steady with my focus, before he spoke up again.

"Then say my name."

…

"What?" I asked without meaning to sound so clueless.

"You _are_ ignoring me." He joked, his breathing still a little uneven.

I huffed a little at that, glancing up at him and his smile, feeling one threaten my own lips as soon as I saw it. That was something about Iruka-sensei I could never change… he was so contagious. Every time he smiled I would usually follow his lead, and when he was worried or upset, I wasn't too far behind either. I wondered only briefly if that was because of his personality, our friendship, or if it was some kind of residual habit from childhood to adopt his mood.  
I decided it must have been a mixture of all those three, but I didn't linger on the small sense of pride it gave me to know that my feelings could be so instinctually in sync with his before I found my voice again.

"No, I'm not ignoring you, I just don't know why I should say your name right now." I said a little playfully.

I could see his smile falter... I wondered if that had insulted him somehow.

"A patient's last request." He answered with feigned somberness.

"Shut up," I answered with a bit of my own seriousness, "You're not going to die." I didn't appreciate his joking about it.

"You respect me just enough to tell me to 'shut up' when I'm wounded, but you still want to address me as your teacher even though I haven't taught you anything in years?" He asked rhetorically, humor back in his voice again, even though I could tell he had to work a little to say that much at once.

And even though I could see the wound close up under my fingertips as he spoke I was still so worried that the simplest move, or disagreement, might break it open again.

So I decided to just go along with his 'request' and very seriously say, "Iruka." Without looking away from my hands.

A moment of quiet passed between us. I wondered if maybe that was really all he wanted for a moment, until he spoke up again.

"Sakura…." The way he said my name… I forgot how serious I had been before then.  
Without meaning to, I found my eyes looking to his.

I didn't know what it was. The way he was looking at me, the way I could feel his heartbeat under my fingertips, or the way his voice sounded right now, but I found myself a little lost from my worries.

"Again." He requested simply.

I could feel my own heart beat a little quicker... something about this… it was different than how we usually are.  
I didn't focus on it for too much longer, too distracted by his request.

"Iruka." I was surprised by my own tone, how soft my own voice was, but I wasn't nearly as surprised by that than I was on what I found myself saying next as I forced myself to break our lingering eye contact to look back to his wound.

…

"It hasn't been years, you know."

"Hm?" He asked nonverbally, as if he felt the sudden calmness between us as well.

"You're ignoring _me_ now, aren't you?" I tried to joke. I regretted it when I felt him chuckle under my hands again. But I took a deep breath, letting go of some of my worry, as the wound sealed up another portion of itself dutifully. "I just mean," I started again, "even though I'm not in your class anymore, you still teach me a lot."

I felt his heart beat a little faster. His breathing pick up only a fraction. Forgetting to worry this time I only wondered how my words affected him…. I guess, as a teacher, it must be one of the highest compliments… to still teach without meaning to.

My own heart filled with something like hope that by saying this I could make him feel better.

"Every time we talk I always feel like you have some kind of wisdom or lesson to pass on." I added quietly. I didn't know what it was about right now… I usually wouldn't admit these kinds of thoughts without my arm being twisted, but everything seemed so… nice… right now. "You always had something to say to make me feel better." I finished truthfully.

Without him, I probably wouldn't have coped very well recently.  
I tried not to think about it.

I focused on the green hum under my fingers again, only to find that the skin had healed over into a neat, straight line of deep pink scar tissue, the blood that surrounded it looked strange next to the newly healed surface. The green hum died down slowly.

"I guess you have a new battle scar-"

"Sakura."

Even with his voice being as soft and gentle as it was, I was still stopped from finishing my small-talk sentence. I looked up at him instinctually. Again, I didn't notice when his hand had risen, but it was only a moment before I felt his fingers fold into my hair, this time along the back of my head.

Being so lost in the hypnosis of his softness and his scent of books and chalkboards, overpowering the blood once again, my heart didn't react to that familiar sensation until I felt him pull my head forward slightly. My hands fumbled to the inner corners his shoulders for support, I couldn't really think of what to do in the single moment it took for him to pull me forward.  
I felt a pair of lips press against my forehead.

In a moment of sheer childishness I almost wanted to pull back for the only reason that I felt insecure about my forehead. But it was also in this moment I realized something else as I stared unblinkingly down the front of his neck and chest.  
I hadn't noticed till now.  
I hadn't noticed at all.

The way we must look right now.

My knees resting on either side of his hips, his vest undone and shirt ripped down the middle, my hands clutching his shoulders, his lips against me.

This… we weren't supposed to be like this….

I should say something.

I tried to will myself to say something, anything, but my voice didn't work.

I closed my eyes for a second, trying to collect my thoughts.

That didn't work either.

I only found my thoughts recentering themselves around his lips on my forehead… the way I had daydreamed in class I might be kissed someday. I would stare blankly at Iruka-sensei lecturing, imagining Sasuke kissing my forehead for an hour or two at a time… I hadn't ever thought that Iruka-sensei would do it one day.

His lips left me only a moment later when I heard him say, softer than anything before, his breath cooling my forehead, "I hope my job isn't done just yet." I had barely heard him over the battle outside, even though it had moved to the trees now.

My heart tightened almost painfully…. I couldn't really make sense of what he meant… but I didn't get a chance to focus on that very much before I felt his lips land on the apple of my left cheek, his fingers stirred further into my hair, gripping weakly to the roots. I could feel my breathing pick up, but I couldn't tell if it was because of how nervous I felt about all this or because of the way his lips felt. I tried to pull away for a moment, though I realized I didn't try with very much strength. My hands fumbled along his shoulders a little, disobeying my initial orders to leave him. It was as if he was a magnet to me right now, the more I thought about pushing him away, the heavier my limbs got in their course to do so, and matching that heaviness, my insides seemed to weigh down my breathing. My heart felt like it was beating too slow even though I should have been worried about it beating too quickly.

I heard him speak up again, this time his voice seemed a little more present, but with how close we were it felt like I was listening to his voice from within a hug.

"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing."

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	79. Was This Supposed To Happen? Part 2

**Chapter 79**

**Title: '**_Was This How It Was Supposed To Happen? Part 2'_

**Note: Ok… just bear with me you guys… everything has a reason in this story…. Just keep that in mind.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing."

Just as that sentence of reassurance made me all the more nervous I felt his other hand find my arm, his almost-hot fingers sliding upward along my skin before gently closing around my shoulder, his thumb resting on the strap of my pajama shirt. Goosebumps erupted over my arms as I felt even more confused about what this meant, what it meant to me, and what it _should_ mean.

I felt like I was half-asleep, sinking further and further into a pool of warm water, everything was soft and comfortable, but something about this didn't feel… right. It felt dangerous. As though if I sunk too deep the warm water would turn scalding and burn me up, and if I drifted for too long I'd run out of air and sink further without meaning to.

Just as I was trying to figure out what I felt from the way he was touching me, I fell further into the warmer depths. His hands brought me closer, his fingers in my hair pulled me forward and leaned my face upward. I tried to find reassurance in his words just now, _'Don't worry, I know what I'm doing',_ but any hope for that was lost when I felt his lips land on the underside of my jaw, glancing downward a few centimeters.

My heart swelled nervously, my stomach acidic, as I found my words, which were only a few. "B-But I don't." I didn't mean to stutter, or to sound so weak, but I didn't feel like it mattered to Iruka-sensei. I didn't care about seeming strong in front of him, I just wanted him to know I didn't understand what he was doing.

He pulled away immediately, almost like he had been waiting for me to say something.

My eyes found his… I couldn't read what he was thinking, but his expression… it almost looked… regretful.

"You will." He answered shortly, his voice apologetic. His voice had always been reassuring, but now… it only confused me further. He leaned forward a little, his forehead resting against mine, "I'm sorry".

Everything about this was confusing me. My heart fell like it was being stretched and squashed at the same time, my body felt like the nerves were wires without insulation and without electricity at the same time. I was calm but completely nervous. He was acting like this, touching me like this, but was apologizing. Nothing made sense. The way his hands felt on me now, once so sure and friendly, were now soft and attentive. The way his arms felt against me was different now, too… I had always thought of his hugs as giving and kind, but his arms felt heavy and warm now.  
It almost felt like he was a different man.  
But he was still the same man, the same man I had fallen asleep with only a day ago, the same man I had gone to for advice for years, the same man I would memorize textbooks to impress, the same man I had wished would have patted my head a few more times in class, the same man I met the first day of class.

_He's the same man who's apologizing to me right now, his lips brushing against mine as he does._

…

_So how can he feel so different now?_

_Now as his hands fall down behind my shoulders, resting on the small of my back, he doesn't feel like the man I knew when I was 9 or 11 or 14… _

_He had always only been a teacher to me… a man who cared for me as an uncle would a niece. _

_To feel him this way… he seemed so new to me._

_I guess this is the other side to Iruka I had never seen before, the same way Kakashi had a side I hadn't._

… Something in that thought sent up a red flag I hadn't noticed at first.

My insides shook themselves into an uncomfortable jumble when I remembered the only other man in the world whose lips were ever on mine.

_Kakashi…  
_And as if it was only meant to happen in the exact moment I remembered something that made the warm water I was in turn ice cold, Iruka-sensei's lips closed on mine.

…

_Iruka-sensei._

_The Iruka-sensei I've known more than half of my life._

_He's kissing me._

A kiss seemed so foreign to me now.

Our lips didn't move.

So many different emotions washed over me and yet I couldn't recognize one. It was a large swirling mass of uncertainty, pain, comfort, and the pain of being comforted, because in the moment I remembered Kakashi… I also remembered that my relationship with that man didn't exist anymore… that my relationship with this man was the one that has been growing so strongly recently.

When his lips met mine I couldn't immediately think of pulling away.

I couldn't… think of a reason to.

…

_Kakashi's left himself out of my personal life. He didn't feel the way I did any longer._

_He already 'knew' about the rumors of Iruka-sensei and I._

…

_So does half the village._

…

_It wouldn't have to be a secret… me and Iruka-sensei._

…

_So… maybe… this was… ok…._

…

_Maybe… this is how it was supposed to happen._

_Maybe Kakashi and I were never meant to be… maybe this is the real ending of my story..._

With that I woke up from my momentary thoughts… I tried to feel what was happening. His lips on mine, unmoving… almost like he wouldn't do anything until I let him, or almost as if he was as hesitant about this as I was. His hands on my back were almost just as motionless, but I could feel his fingers flexing around bunches of my shirt's fabric, and I had almost forgotten till now that I was wearing the 'stupid' pajama shorts I had such a difficult time deciding on. Now the decision didn't seem to matter that much, except that I wished I was wearing something more conservative now.

But now, thinking about him… this kiss… it's as if he's asking permission.

… he's asking….

... waiting….

…

If this is what he's asking for….

…

If the man I've only ever taken advice, comfort, patience, and time from is actually asking for something in return now. For the first time.

And it's something that no longer belongs to someone else.

It's something that others already expect from us.

… It doesn't matter if I let him, does it?

And I care for Iruka-sensei… being with him doesn't feel bad…. so…. if it means more to him than it does to me right now….

It doesn't matter.

…

Hesitantly, I remembered how to move my lips, how to kiss.

I grew worried for a moment that maybe my way of kissing was wrong or strange since I only knew the opinion of one other man, but I was distracted by any of those worries when I felt Iruka-sensei's lips respond.

I learned quickly that kissing wasn't that different with Iruka-sensei.

He was slow, careful, giving. I only remembered a few kisses like that with Kakashi.

I wondered where Iruka-sensei learned to kiss. I wondered whether or not he realized he was my first kiss besides Kakashi. I wondered if he was thinking about the way I was kissing him and whether I had learned it from Kakashi. I had.

The silence between us was noisy with my thoughts and worries… I needed a way to clear my head.

I let my hands move up a little, one tracing the side of his neck –it seemed thinner than Kakashi's-, the other brushing along the side of his slender jawline and up to the back of his head. I had forgotten about his ponytail, I couldn't work my fingers into his hair the way I would with Kakashi.  
But I recognized something familiar.

After my hands had followed their instincts his rhythm picked up, he was breathing harder. I could feel my pace quicken too, oxygen was getting a little difficult to get enough of, but I was distracted from that basic bodily need by the movement of his own hands. They moved up along the length of my back and then down to the small of it, back up and then down, it was a rhythm I had only grown familiar with recently and when I was with Kakashi he'd always know by that rhythm that it was time to stop. Iruka-sensei didn't seem to be slowing down, though.

My heart started to speed up, compensating for the lack of oxygen and in obedience to my anxiety which grew every time his hands rubbed up and down the length of my back, bunching my shirt a little higher, pressing me closer and closer to him so that my chest would brush against his. In some kind of attempt to change this set-up between us I let my fingers find his hair tie. His pace slowed, though I couldn't know why. I worked the tie back and forth gently before his hair loosened. As if actually knowing the reaction I wanted his hands left my back, but planted themselves on the shorts on both my legs. His grip seemed tighter than before as his hands started travelling down and up from my knees to my hips. I remembered Kakashi doing something like this once, but only for a moment before stopping, Iruka-sensei's hands seemed only focused on rolling up the fronts of my shorts. Something about this didn't seem right. I had thought Kakashi would have gone this fast, I thought Kakashi would have done these kinds of things… but Iruka-sensei…

The man that would blush and stutter at the mention of only kissing… the man that could never look me in the eye after he saw Kakashi and I together… the man that fumbled when people made fun of his lack of a girlfriend.

I had never thought he'd act like this.

I had never thought of Iruka-sensei in this way… I had loved the way his hands felt, but I didn't think about them like this.

It didn't seem right.

I ran my hands into his hair, hoping to find some kind of normalcy in it. The strands were long and smooth, the clean scent of some kind of shampoo added to the warm air. It was pleasant, but I was only revisited by a very distant memory I didn't know I still had. I was in one of the younger grades when Iruka-sensei had been getting bullied by his students, and just like now, they had stolen his hair-bands. He would come to class with his hair down days at a time to stop their pranks. I couldn't quite remember how, but I remember following through with a dare and tricking Iruka-sensei into looking the other way while I ran a hand through his hair… just to see what it was like. I think I was curious to see if long hair on a boy would still feel the same as long hair on a girl. I hadn't expected then to ever run my hands through his hair like this… while kissing him.

I had had similar thoughts about Kakashi, too… though, I loved the way he felt.

I tried to ignore that thought and focus on what I was feeling, but I didn't have enough time to when I felt his lips pull a few inches away from mine. The sounds of our breathing were synced, heavy. It only reminded me of Kakashi.

"Sakura…" The way his voice sounded between his breathing… I had never thought about hearing Iruka-sensei like this.

I didn't say anything. I was still trying to catch my breath, trying to ignore how strange it felt to feel his hands planted so firmly on the inward curves of my hips. I could feel my nerve-endings fire, as if they had been jetlagged from reacting until I actually saw his hands resting on my sides like that, but my attention to his hands was lost when his whispering voice found my ears.

"Can you say my name now?"

_What?_

I couldn't understand what he meant by that, but… just like everything else I've done in the past few minutes, I followed his lead.

I opened my lips a little, trying to ready my voice…

"Iru…" I couldn't finish it, my voice gave out. I tried again. "I-…." I couldn't try again before I heard him.

"I thought so…."

Before I could focus on just how kind his voice sounded I felt him lean away from me, his hands leaving me.

I was about to speak up… to apologize or ask what he meant by that but when I looked at him I lost any hope of finding my voice within the next few seconds.

I had thought that this was something I had to do for him. That this was something he wanted. Something he needed.

I had thought that I was the one who was following his lead… but the moment I saw his eyes, I could see… I could feel the amount of regret in them.

The way he was looking at me right now… as if I was something he had broken.

"I'm sorry, Sakura… That I…" He didn't finish his sentence, as if he didn't want to repeat what had happened between us, he still wouldn't look at me, as if he were ashamed. "But, do you understand now?" He asked gently.

…

'_Understand'?_

He was teaching me something?

I was woken up from my foggy mindset with that.

"What?" I leaned closer to him, trying to get him to look at me. He still didn't…

A moment of quiet passed, he sighed.

"You couldn't stop thinking about him, right?"

My heart and lungs shuddered when he said that, not just because Iruka-sensei had said something like that just now, but that I hadn't realized just how much I'd been thinking about Kakashi while Iruka-sensei and I were…

"You still need him." He spoke up, interrupting my thoughts… "I know you want to believe you can go your own way… and so does he… but neither of you two know the hell you're putting each other through."

I couldn't process this.

The way he was talking… as if this had all been to prove to me that… I really can't move on from Kakashi.

I really can't can I?

I've been trying to convince myself that my life could go back to normal if I just forgot about my past with him, if I could go back to thinking of him as only my team leader… but… I really couldn't….

And Iruka-sensei did this to prove that.

…

_Why would he do this?_

_Why would he put himself in this kind of… pain?_

_He was the one who tried to talk us out of seeing each other when he first found out about us… and now…._

"Iruka-sensei." I called to him as soon as I could think of speaking again.

He still didn't look at me, he brow furrowed after a moment and he only starting talking again.

"I should get to the hospital, you stay and see if they need help, I think the fight's over now so the-"

"Look at me," I ordered him as my hand found the side of his face, making him face me.

Our eyes met and I could still see just as much regret in them as before. I wondered that if I left him alone now whether or not he'd cry.

I took a moment before speaking, collecting my emotions and thoughts beforehand so I knew exactly what I should say.

"I guess this was another one of your lessons." I smiled a little, letting my index finger brush over the corner of the scar along his right cheek before I took my hand away from him.

His expression lightened a little as well.

I leaned towards him. "Thank you." I let my lips fall onto his cheek lightly. I could feel his posture tense underneath me, he probably didn't feel comfortable with this right after what we did, but I didn't really think about it… he needed to know how grateful I was for…

… everything.

"Umino." I nearly jumped at the sound of a voice nearly yelling Iruka's name, but I did jump when I realized how well I remembered that voice, even if its anger had disguised itself.

The moment I looked over and saw him standing there, across the clearing, looking at us with an amount of anger I hadn't seen in him portray for months, I immediately started to scramble up to my feet. I could feel Iruka-sensei try and pull himself out from under me, too.

I could feel the heaviness from before crepp back and multiply itself tenfold as I suddenly felt that nostalgic sensation of guilt and fear worm and spiral its way into the spaces between my organs, clutching my insides mercilessly.

I had to say something.

I had to explain.

… but what could I explain?

…

He probably expects the worse… and it's true.

…

What Iruka-sensei and I were doing….

…

If he had shown up only seconds ago he would have found us in worse circumstances.

The only thing I could explain is that Iruka-sensei and I weren't actually together, that this wasn't real.

I snapped back to reality when I noticed Kakashi taking a few steps toward us.

"Don't say anything, I'll-" I whispered down at him before he was already projecting his shaky voice over to the silver-haired man.

"Kakashi", he called out, "you're a little late." His tone sounded playful, almost arrogant, but I could tell right away it was fake. I had no idea that Iruka-sensei could act like that let alone now, when I knew how deep his regret was over what had just happened between us.

And that was when I realized… what he said…

'_I know you want to believe you can go your own way… and so does he… '_

'… _and so does he…'_

…

This…

This wasn't just something he wanted to teach me… he wanted Kakashi to learn something, too.

He was trying to provoke him.

… But how could that possibly work?

I had thought that Kakashi doesn't feel that way for me anymore…

I glanced back to him… that anger… I couldn't make any other sense out of it. How could he let himself get so lost in his emotions to actually show them like this? And what other reason could there be for those emotions?

I felt an acidic feeling crawl its way up to my heart, striking a white hot chord of uncertain hope. Hope that I had been too scared to think about, too scared to admit, too scared to believe in just in case I was wrong, a hope that burned brighter than ever in this moment.

But suddenly, after the moment of rush of that hope grew; it evolved into the fear that had curled itself tighter around my stomach, outgrowing the guilt momentarily.

I couldn't be sure what I was feeling, or what he was feeling right now… but…

I really needed to explain this…

I finally got to my feet, my legs wobbly with all my hesitancy, and took the few steps I needed to come out of the shadows towards the man walking across the clearing.

"Kakash-" I was interrupted when I saw, after just a moment, Kakashi's eyes –including his sharingan- fall to my hands.

I hadn't realized they were covered in blood until I could see them in the moonlight. As I was looking at my hands I didn't even see when he had moved a few steps closer, his gloved hand grabbing my own. My whole arm instantly felt hot. His expression faltered for a moment, I could read something like worry behind his mask, but after only a millisecond of his eyes looking over my form he must've understood it wasn't my blood.

I was about to open my mouth again to start explaining, but he interrupted me with his own voice this time.

"There's an injured man who needs to be taken to the hospital." He spoke clearly, and before I could wonder who he was talking to I saw two men in ANBU uniforms rush passed us to the wall behind me.

I suddenly realized that I wouldn't be able to explain anything right now.

Not only because there were men here that shouldn't know anything about this, but because the moment he finished that sentence I saw all his anger and worry bury itself inside of him. He had locked himself up… he was only Kakashi-sensei now, void of any personal opinion or portrayal. He wouldn't listen to me now.

I turned to see the men help Iruka to his feet, my arm still feeling as if it was over an open flame since his hand hadn't let go of mine.

"I-uh-" I stammered as I turned back to him, trying to will myself to say twenty different things at once. I needed to tell him so much about what just happened, about Iruka, I needed to tell him how I felt and how I didn't want to sit around for him to remember me, how I now hoped that this anger meant he felt something for me I had thought was impossible only minutes ago, and yet I didn't want to say any of that just in case I was wrong.

But instead he interrupted me, telling me the one thing I hadn't thought to say in that moment, though I should have.

"We've captured the intruder, I have to report back to his interrogation. Follow them to the hospital, inform them about what happened here." He finished with a business-like tone just as the ANBU members took advantage of their skills in speed to transport Iruka-sensei north, towards the hospital. I had hoped to have said at least one more thing to Iruka, or to have heard anything else from him… but I guess he thought he didn't have to. He had already done enough to help bridge this gap between Kakashi and I… the rest was up to us, wasn't it?

Just as soon as I nodded in understanding of his order, Kakashi walked past me to the wall.

I wanted to follow him, I wanted to talk to him. But I knew that if I tried, he wouldn't listen… he wouldn't believe me…

And although I knew that, I guess a part of me really didn't care because I found my feet taking me after him, my mouth opening itself to say something I hadn't intended.

"Meet me at the hospital when you can."

I didn't know what I had planned by saying that, I didn't know anything about what he was thinking as he walked towards the wall, but he stopped for a moment.

My heart was working too hard to keep up with my anxiety.

Something like relief and fear washed over my heart when I saw him nod silently towards the wall.

I gave him only a second longer of a look before I ran to catch up to Iruka-sensei.

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He heard her leave.

Somehow, being alone now didn't help.

It had only minutes beforehand that he had found himself making his way to the Southern wall despite his orders to investigate the West… he saw the flash bomb go off and had led the team in battle. They had captured him. He had come to check the causalities… and he found them.

Kakashi knelt down the small lump of cloth on the ground. He recognized the jacket, even if it was soaked in blood.

Umino must have been in a serious condition.

And she was here to help him.

His hands ran over the clean section of the fabric carefully, remembering the way she looked in it earlier that night… her smile.

…

He couldn't help but wonder just how unlucky he must be to have finally developed some kind of closeness with her again, only for it to be interrupted like this… again.

It's almost as if these were signs to stay away from her.

…

He would've listened to them yesterday… he would have listened to them this afternoon…

…

But the way she looked at him just now.

As if she didn't want him to think of her with Umino.

…

She felt something for him.

Something.

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**I hate to end it here… with everything that's about to happen… but at least it'll mean all the more when the next chapter comes out. :)**


	80. Regrets and Receptionists

**Chapter 80**

**Title: '**_Regrets and Receptionists'_

**Note: **Before you read this chapter I would love to thank everyone who, though might have been miffed by the sharp turn of the story, reviewed! I would also like to offer my apologies to pEACHy and Castiel and anyone else who suffered some distress over the previous chapter.

**Hopefully you can enjoy this one a bit more**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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He stared at the ceiling, ignoring the harsh glare of the fluorescent bulbs on either side of his peripheral vision. Their faint buzzings were the only sources of sound in the sterile room.

The nurses had left minutes before; they hadn't really looked at him. They had heard that the Hokage's apprentice had been the one to treat his injury, now only an empty hole in his scarred chest, and somehow knew they didn't have to do much else.  
He was warned not to move too much and told that the washroom would be available in the morning.

Now he was alone.

One of the fluorescent bulbs blinked at him with a metallic crackle.

…

He would have sighed if he didn't feel the gap in his chest protest against any deep breathing.

…

It seemed strange… for things to be so quiet around him when nothing about his mind was.  
His thoughts were deafening, but more than his thoughts, something else was drowning any advances his mind could make towards rest. Something he wished more than anything he could know how to ignore.

He could still feel her.

The phantom sensations of her.

His hands remembered the fabric of her shirt, how hot they felt sliding up and down her back, his fingers sometimes catching a glimpse of her skin.  
He winced at the memory.

…

He had always believed in skinship… the importance of touch in any kind of nurturing relationship.  
But… her skin… it had seemed so foreign to him this time.

… He didn't know why.

His eyes searched through the ceiling for answers.

…

He had been with women before, not very often, but enough times to know that whatever had happened between him and that girl tonight felt nothing like it had with the others. He would have been thankful for that if it hadn't confused him so deeply. It had felt…

Different.

Sobering.

Painful.

… comforting?….

He couldn't figure out how it had felt… how he felt about it… all he knew was that he couldn't seem to erase any of it from his mind. No matter how hard he tried.

Even now, against his will, he remembered just how her skin felt…. Pressing his fingers into her thighs, gripping her tighter than he wanted as his touch followed the command his mind didn't want to give, he felt just how easily her tissue indented to his touch.  
He remembered that warm, restless, heaviness in his chest melt from the pit it had formed in his stomach out of the anxiety in preparing himself to do this and flood upward to his neck, spilling into his arms and hands and fingers, filling him up and willing him to feel more of her. His hands obeyed orders he didn't want to give, rolling the fabric of her pajamas a few inches higher, revealing a fraction more of her to his fingertips.

The only thoughts he could let in his mind at that moment were orders. Not to back down, not to follow his instincts of pulling himself away from her, not to stop, not to forget why he was doing this.

He needed this to affect her.

He needed to worry her.

He needed this to trouble her.

She had to push him away, hate him, anything.

Even if a part of his mind was screaming for cessation, while whispering different orders in another, he needed to focus on why he was doing this.

To scare her into realizing what she really wanted.

To show her just how wrong she was about what she thought that man would have wanted for her.

He needed to push her, even if it was completely against his heart's will, into understanding that she shouldn't force herself out of happiness because of others.

Not to back down from what she really wanted.

He ordered his hands to slide onto her hips, mimicking previous experience with more confidence than he felt, with more anticipation than he would have liked.

Realizing the depth of his actions in another moment of sobriety, which bombarded his stomach with acid, the warmth had choked in his throat, making any oxygen he could inhale boil in his lungs.

He hated that feeling.  
He hated what it meant.

He hated how he noticed the warmth of her body multiplying in the space between his. He hated how he seemed to forget to breathe out with every inhale that led to his sore chest brushing against hers.  
He hated how her hands, once so small and innocent to him, spread over his skin and coiled into his hair with an adult hunger he could feel she was only reenacting for him…

His hand covered his face as his brows pulled upward into a pained expression at that memory, the same expression he had had the moment he first realized it.

She had been acting as if she were a performer…. As if she thought she was doing him a favor by answering his advances like that….  
As if she was taking him seriously… answering him seriously… with a lie.

It wasn't what she wanted. It couldn't have been. But she touched him as if he were the man he knew she wished he was.

…

He couldn't believe how twisted that moment had become.

…

A single effort of shocking her into realizing what she really wanted had turned into a sorrowing battle between obligation and compliance. Something he thought could be so simple had turned into a molten mosaic of emotion and sensation.

He hated it.

He hated how the taste of her lips, far more electric than he had imagined it would be, sent jolts of directionless energy through him.

He hated how restless it made him, how it twisted his thoughts and his insides with so much disgust as well as an instinctual anticipation that sickened him further.

He grimaced at himself, lifting his other hand to his face tiredly.

…

He could still remember her as a child…

And that's the way he had seen her for years... until...

...

The more he thought about it, the more he hated what he had done.

But he couldn't hate anything more than the moment he understood why her lips were kissing back, why she was pretending… for him.

She hadn't only misunderstood him… but…

She had given up.

He had felt that.

There was a part of her that was taking him seriously… she really took his lead as if he was sincere.

The sickness he felt from earlier that night revisited him, now undistracted by anticipation or warmth; he could only feel the regret his actions had left him with.  
The memories of seeing her at the Academy, small and innocent, feeling only the pride and love of a teacher who appreciated a hard-working student seemed tainted by these new memories of her skin, her scent, her hands, her thighs, her chest, her breathing, her lip-

"Stop it." He whispered hoarsely at himself, tapping the bridge of his scarred nose with his knuckle.

He tried to clear his mind.

…

… '_Thank you.'_

… He focused on her reaction.

He hadn't been able to get the reaction he wanted from her… in fact, he had gotten the opposite –another grimace pained his features-, but she understood him in the end.

… Even though he was the one who had to pull away first, even though he had gotten burnt by his own actions more than she had… she understood him in the end.

She knew she couldn't lie to herself anymore… or to that man.

…

He sighed this time, tiredly, dealing with the pain as he did.

…

_I guess as long as it helped her… as long as I've done more good than harm…_

_I can live with that._

…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … …. … … …. … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

I finally got to the hospital gate after what seemed an eternity within ten minutes.  
I didn't know what it was, I was usually a faster runner, I even took a shortcut this time, but I somehow got to the front door several minutes later than I'd hoped.

Maybe I was tired.

I didn't think about it any further when I pushed my way through the door of the waiting room with just enough control to seem less anxious than I actually was.

"How is he?" I asked as I strode across the room to the main desk. I knew the receptionist rather well this time, not because of the frequency in which I've had to see my friends carted into this building recently, but because of my training here. I started training here just as she started her internship so we crossed paths a lot.

She looked up at me from some kind of magazine with a surprised look that drifted into a calm one again as soon as she recognized who I was and who I was talking about.

"Umino-san's fine." She replied with something like a bored tone, glancing back down at her magazine.

I'd forgotten she didn't like me very much… she always called me a 'teacher's pet'. I didn't want to think about that nickname right now.  
Especially after what had just happened a few minutes ago….

"Are you sure?" I asked with more worry in my tone than was professional. I couldn't help but wonder if all the movement had reopened his injury. I'd been so careful not to move him too much earlier for that reason, and yet with the way the ANBU members handled him-

"I guess you _would_ be that worried about your boyfriend." She flipped a page.

. . .

"… Which room is he in?"

She snorted at my stony question, still reading an article about nail-polish as she answered, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but the patient in question isn't authorized to accept visitors right now. You can come back tomorrow morning at eight-thirty when visiting hours are open to request a visitation form-"

"I'm his attending physician, you can't hold me back from seeing him."

She looked up at me at that, "I'm sorry, ma'am, due to the nature of the crisis the hospital isn't allowing any unauthorized visitors at this time for the safety of the patients-"

She stopped in the middle of her trained response when she noticed I grabbed her magazine and ripped it clean in half, and then again. I placed the pieces on the table in front of her again, the glossy shreds bending upwards in mangled angles.

I didn't even wait for her reaction before I was practically stomping around the desk and through the doors to the emergency rooms, where they probably put him.

She didn't say or do anything to stop me, either because she knew I was actually allowed to visit him now or because she was afraid I'd punch her if he tried to stop me (which I would've), but I heard her mumble something I couldn't make out… but I was glad I didn't, anyways.

My pace slowed as the doors closed behind me, I came to a stop without meaning to.

I was as confused by my hesitation as I was about the prolonged time it took me to get to the hospital… but I didn't have to know the reason why I stopped to know that the frustration I'd adopted in these past few minutes were quickly turning into something like… anxiety.

I started walking again, slowly, checking windows for any sign of occupancy.

I found myself a little hopeful that he wouldn't be in the wing, that he left or something… something about that made me feel like a little kid again. Trying to shirk confrontation….  
I didn't know if it was what had just happened between us, or the conversation I was afraid of having with him, or the possible awkwardness that could come from never talking about it again, but there was definitely a part of me that didn't want to see Iruka-sensei right now…while another part of me sighed in relief when I spotted him through one of the lit door-windows.

My heart jumped a little nervously when my hand closed around the door handle.

I had no idea what was going to happen now.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"Which village are you from?" Ibiki's stony voice echoed in the quiet air.

The silence came back for a long moment.

Only a handful of people were in the partitioned rooms, separated by a windowed wall, but only one person was expected to talk at that moment. The spy that was bound to a throne-like chair, their forehead tied against the back so that their eyes were forced to stare upward at the only source of light in the room.

That man's life mission now was to keep from breaking that silence.

Five seconds passed sharply before the quiet was interrupted by a cracking thud.

Kakashi could recognize a few flinches in the Chuunin who were standing beside him at attention.

They needed some more experience before they could be of much use to the Torture and Interrogation Force.

"Who sent you here?" The scarred man on the other side of the windowed wall, sitting in front of the captive, asked with a tone that didn't seem hopeful for an answer.

The man in the chair remained silent, still staring at the light. He coughed weakly as the blood no doubt collected in his mouth.

Ten seconds passed this time before another thud sounded.

"What did the others take?" Ibiki asked just as the man spat out some of the blood in Ibiki's direction, showing spirit.

The Torture and Interrogation Leader stood up from his seat, sighing.

He stared down at the bound man for a moment before shaking his head and taking the few heavy steps he needed to turn around.

It was only a moment until those steps brought the scarred man through the door of the partition and to Kakashi's side.

"This one isn't going to talk." He said, his tone tired. "It's rare, but I've seen that look before…. Pain means nothing to him."

Kakashi glanced at the scarred man before he looked back at the captive he had brought to Ibiki himself.

"We should move him to a holding cell." Kakashi suggested with a professional tone. "See if we can get the Genjutsu specialists to work something out of him."

He could hear Ibiki start to respond, to agree with his suggestion, but he was distracted when he saw the captive's jaw work around strangely.

He rushed forward a few steps to the window, leaving Ibiki's words behind, looking closer at the bound man through the glass.

"Did they check his teeth?" He asked seriously over his shoulder without wasting a second between his words.

The three Chuunin in the room looked at each other with wide eyes, answering his question with an apparent negative.

Ibiki was already running into the interrogation room before the other three could scramble their way to the door.

By the time they could pry open the captive's mouth his shoulders had already slumped downward. It wasn't as rare as the look he had had, the poison capsule embedded into a molar, but it meant that this spy had had some deadly powers behind him.

To be trained that a ninja of his skill could be so expendable… the operation he had belonged to must've been serious.

…

Kakashi leaned against the glass, tired. Not looking forward to whatever hell was heading for the village.

After a few more seconds Ibiki walked through the doorway again, his apprentices fumbling with the body, "He's only good to the investigative team now." The interrogator referenced the medicnins who specialized in the secrets of the bodies of dead shinobi.

"I doubt they'll find much." Kakashi added, addressing the fact that whoever was behind this would have known better than to leave this man with too many secrets.

"They won't find anything." Ibiki corrected.

Kakashi sighed, already exhausted by several different sources of personal and professional stress, he could tell he wasn't needed here as a witness any longer.

"If they do find anything, let me know." Kakashi said casually as he turned and made his way to the door.

"Where are you off to?" Ibiki asked, apparently turning over a new social leaf Kakashi didn't really appreciate at the moment.

"Another interrogation..." He almost-joked over his shoulder.

"Who's?" Ibiki seemed mildly curious, though apparently knowledgeable that Kakashi wasn't being serious.

Kakashi paused momentarily, "I'm not sure anymore…" He sighed as he opened the door.

Ibiki only gave him a strange look and shrugged as the silver-haired man exited the room.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

As I felt the door slide open, the handle shivering with the little grooves the door's wheels had to work over to open fully, I felt a strange numbness take over.

I could feel his eyes find me as I turned to close the door behind me, but I focused on the door for as long as I could before turning around.

Everything was so quiet.

My heels scuffed the tiled floor quietly as I walked further into the room.

I decided in that strange moment of silence that I would do my job first and pay attention to my personal life second. I tried to pretend Iruka-sensei was a stranger as I reached for the little clipboard that was hanging from the foot of the bed.

I still hadn't looked at him since opening the door, so for all I knew his wound had reopened and I would have to treat it again, so, making it harder for myself, I decided to check his chart to see what they wrote down.

I paid attention to every detail of the half-blank form.

_Patient: Umino Iruka_

_Age: 26_

_Sex: Male_

_Nature of Ailment: Chest wound. Epidermis and dermis properly regenerated. Subcutaneous tissue will need further treatment before dismissal._

I scolded the paper mentally.

_They filled this out as quickly as they could. They couldn't bother themselves a few more minutes to complete it?_

I looked over the paper a few seconds longer, unnecessarily, before hanging the clipboard back onto the foot of the bed. I turned towards him.

My eyes finally met his for the first time since I'd walked into the room.

The way he was looking at me.

As if he knew he was only observing me, like I was in a different room than him… but he was still so… alert. As if he was ready to say anything at any moment as soon as I did. As if he _had_ something to say, something to ask, but wouldn't speak up until he knew I was ready to talk.  
I should have said something.

I wanted to, but I wanted to carry on the quiet a bit longer as well.

I took a few steps toward him, his eyes avoiding me a little as I got closer.

I stopped by his side and ignored the way he tensed in protest when I rolled the sheet back from over his chest. He seemed to catch on quickly, though, that I was only doing my job right now.

The fact that there was even a thought between both of us that it could have been for another reason was something my brain was having a hard time accepting right now.  
I held out my hands for only a moment before I broke the silence, "Tell me if this hurts." I ordered more professionally than I usually did at patients.

In order to tell just how deep the wound was, now that it was invisible to me, I brought my fingers together to a point, and placing one set of fingers on the other, I applied even pressure on the edge of the pectoralis major.  
He didn't say anything.

I inched the pressure along the side.

He didn't say anything.

I moved down to the pectoralis minor.

His breathing hitched and his muscles tensed, he made a move to sit up out of his response to the pain.

I couldn't help myself from glancing at his face for no other reason than to know what kind of pain he was in because I was worried.

After his wince left, his expression remained the same as before.

Even though I could tell by the spot he'd reacted to that the wound was not only deeper than I'd thought, but angled towards the intercostals muscles, which must've meant that he'd be in pain every time he'd even breath too deeply, he still only seemed to be worried about me.

I wanted to hit him for not caring about himself more, but instead it convinced me to leave professionalism behind and say something.

…

But what, I didn't know.

I opened my mouth for only a moment of hesitation, making no sound or movement of a word, before he interrupted me.

"I can't have feelings for you."

…

"Huh?" If I had planned on saying anything else I would have forgotten it instantaneously anyways.

I stared at him with a look I could only guess portrayed my confusion well enough because it was only moment before he took a deep breath, which I immediately worried hurt for him, and spoke again.

"I… don't have feelings for you…."

I took a moment to remember how to blink before I tackled how to talk when my brain thought of a response before my mind could, "W-Why?"

I had meant to ask why he was telling me this but it sounded more like I was asking why he… he couldn't 'have feelings' for me.

I stuttered again, trying to work up words to explain my fumble, but he took the opportunity to respond first.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to think of you…." He trailed off before finishing his sentence with a tone that could only be described as gentle awkwardness, "… romantically."

My brain needed to take a moment to reset after that, not only because it was a strange topic –though I had prepared myself for this-, but because he was so… forward about it. I half-expected to be talking to the Iruka-sensei I remembered would blush and stutter at the mention of romance like this.

But…

His whole demeanor seemed to calm after saying that. As if he had gotten something off of his chest by telling me that.  
My mind, which had been suffering a serious lag these past few seconds in thinking about the context of this situation instead on the text, finally jumpstarted into place. He must've been telling me this because… he thought I might think what he did was for himself. He wanted to let me know that he hadn't been confessing or anything, earlier. My brain was making slow progress with this before it screeched to a halt as it saw a different perspective.  
_Maybe he was telling me this because… because of the way I responded to him._  
I had kissed him back.  
_I let him… I had actually let him…_  
_Maybe he thinks _I_ might have feelings for him, and this is his way of letting me down…_

My heart panicked and tripped on its face at that thought.

I felt so stupid in that moment, not because of the fact that our relationship right now was so uncertain, but because, in the face of this uncertainty, I've seemed to have reverted back into student-me.  
I couldn't tell if this was just so distressing to me that I could be so childish, or maybe it was because this was Iruka-sensei… maybe the fact it was him, the fact that the last time I felt so pressured around him would have been during my school-years and so this was the only way I knew to act.

But despite the reasons behind my behavior, I had to think of a way to explain myself.

I couldn't answer fast enough, but as soon as I spoke I again realized that I had no way of saying eloquently what I had no idea I was feeling.

"I don't… I didn't want to… I mean, I did… but I wasn't sure… I thought you-" I couldn't translate what I was thinking, what I felt. Even though I wanted to say that I had not only gone along with what happened between us because I thought he might have actually had feelings for me, but because I had, for a moment, wondered what a relationship with a man like him would be like, but I couldn't say any of that…. My mind found its own, shorter way, of saying something like it, though.  
"…I didn't want to hurt you."

His expression changed completely. From the peace he had had before, as if this was a conversation only between himself, to a moment of surprise.  
I scrambled for more to say, so that he knew I didn't think that my actions before were some kind of act of charity or something as heinously conceited as that.

But his expression only remained surprised, unjudging, and alert as I continued, as if he could have never imagined me saying what I was about to say.

I hadn't imagined what I was about to say either until the moment I said it.

"….But, more than that… I just… I didn't… What happened between us wasn't bad." I paused, trying to find the right words, "I… I don't regret it."

I couldn't tell if I had said something good or bad.

I looked over to his face again, after staring so intently at my hands as they rested on the edge of the bed, clutching the sheets nervously. A sight that reminded myself too much of student-me.

I was a little surprised to see he wasn't looking at me.

He was only looking up at the ceiling.

He was quiet for only a moment, but I could almost see the hurricane of thoughts brewing in his head. I almost opened my mouth to talk again, to try and clear things up a bit more, but he spoke first.

"I understand." He said quietly. I hadn't heard that tone from him in a long time, I couldn't quite remember how long… but it must have been years. It was quiet tone, understanding, but… sad. It was the way he talked when he… when he was disappointed in something… when he was disappointed in something or someone, but was trying to hide it. I almost didn't catch his words I was too distracted by his voice and my attempts at deciphering it.  
"We've gotten… closer… recently." He paused, still looking up at the ceiling. His words led me to the recent memories between us, his hugs, his hands, the rumbling of his voice… "And so, after my advances …" he closed his eyes, something like shame taking over his expression, I didn't like that… "… you must have felt obligated… to settle."

I thought back to that moment between us that seemed so far away now.

_Settle?_

_Was that it?_

"No." I replied blatantly.

He opened his eyes and looked over at me, that look of surprise taking over his expression again. Even though I still stumbled with what I could say and what I couldn't, I felt a sense of duty to tell him the truth, even if I wasn't sure what it was yet.

"It wasn't like that." I started, sure of myself. "I wasn't settling."

I was quiet for a moment.

"Sakura, you don't have to-" I cut him off as soon as I could tell what he was going to say. He was probably going to tell me I didn't have to 'lie' or try to make him feel better.  
I wasn't doing this to make him feel better, though… I knew it wasn't going to anyways… he had already said he couldn't have feelings for me, so what good would it do him to know what I was saying.  
I just… I wanted him to know… he means more than that.

"After everything…" I spoke up just quick enough to stop him, "After I decided that Ka… that he's better off without me…. You were there…." I took a moment to think that through again before correcting it. "You've always been there…."

He didn't say anything.

He didn't look at me.

I couldn't look away from him, though.

"I didn't deserve someone like you…." I admitted to mostly myself. "Everything that's happened to me has been my own fault…." I took a breath, trying to keep the memories of the pain back and only focus on the moments this man's presence lessened that pain. His words, his voice, his smile… and all the memories connected to them. The words seemed to pour out of me then. "You've always looked out for me…. Not just when I was your student, but even when I… broke all the rules and made you worry," I remembered the night of the Masque. "Even when you tried to warn me and I didn't listen, even when I took you for granted and ignored you , even when I suddenly needed you more than ever, even when you've had to go through so much trouble for me with these all these rumors and secrets…." His expression winced a little. "You were _always_ there to help me without ever thinking of yourself."

I was quiet for a second. "Even when I was weak in front of you, you were still there." I remembered, with something like shame, the times I cried in front of this man.

I studied him with only a glance. I couldn't read anything about him, but I guessed that didn't matter.

"I don't know what I supposed to feel about what happened between us," I said more directly than anything else, I could sense a change in his demeanor with that, "All I know is that tonight, like you've always been, you were kind and warm…." I took a moment to find the exact word that I needed, "… safe."

…

"I guess that's where it goes wrong."

The moment of quiet between my words and his didn't last nearly as long as I had expected. I almost didn't catch the meaning of his words in the moment it took for him to continue.

"You don't need 'safe', Sakura." His voice said gently, "You've never needed 'safe'."

"What?"

He looked over to me again, his expression… it was back to normal.

He was disappointed, or nervous, or awkward, or even confused.

This was the Iruka-sensei I remembered.

"You were too lucky for that."

I didn't say anything; I couldn't look away from his eyes.  
Only minutes ago I thought it would have been impossible to look at him so directly again, but I couldn't imagine doing anything else right now.

I listened to his explanation.

"Not very many people find the kind of happiness you did on their first try." It took me a moment to realize he was talking about… my relationship with Kakashi. "You've been trying to take the strong way out." He narrated my decisions with something like a smile, as if I was a little student again he was proud at least tried to act tough after failing a test, "Tonight was my last attempt to convince you otherwise."

He looked away for a moment. I didn't.

"I couldn't let you throw that away…. You needed to see how the rest of your life would have felt if you let go of that happiness now." He almost sounded wistful. I would have been surprised at how direct he was talking about this if he didn't seem to be the same old Iruka-sensei as he was saying all this. "It wasn't the same, was it?" He asked, not looking for an answer I could say out loud.

He paused for a moment. His eyes that had left mine a few seconds earlier found my fidgeting hands just before his fingertips did.

His touch felt different now. After knowing it so differently earlier….

His next words shook me from that thought.

"I'm not under any illusions, Sakura, about who you belong with." I felt my heart trip again, "And hopefully, now you aren't either." He smiled faintly.

"Iruka…" I couldn't say anything else, my fingers reached for his by a few inches, intertwining with them only a little.

I had no idea why I suddenly felt my heart swell over or why I couldn't stop myself from grinning like an idiot. Maybe it was the relief at knowing that things between us hadn't changed, maybe it was seeing Iruka-sensei back to being himself, or maybe the fact that even after all the trouble I've caused him he still can't seem to think about giving up on me.

If he wasn't injured I would have either hit him for being so insufferably giving or hugged him. Instead I was distracted from my gratitude when his tone suddenly changed.

"It's disrespectful to address your old teacher so casually." He mini-lectured as a joke, commenting ironically on my forgetting of the honorific that should have followed his name.

I laughed at him, at both of us, for a moment before correcting myself, "Right… Iruka-sensei."

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … …. … … …. … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"I'm sorry, sir, but we aren't allowing any unauthorized visitors at the moment. If you return tomorrow at eight thirty, I'd be happy to set you up a visitation appointment if you'd lik-" The girl was making a point to lean over the counter closer than was necessary as she talked to him.  
He didn't have time for this.

"I'm under the Hokage's orders to consult with Umino about what he witnessed of the trespasser we captured." He lied professionally.

The girl seemed to snap out of her flirtatious mood only momentarily, not appreciating how he interrupted her, but she quickly fell back into it.

"Well, ok… I guess I can let you through." She smiled as if she was doing him a big favor, "It'll be our little secret."

He didn't react in any other way than stepping around the side of the desk and towards the doors he now had 'permission' to go through.

But the moment he reached out to find the door handle, the girl's voice came ringing back at him. He would have ignored her and pretended not to have heard her… if she hadn't said:

"You might have to wait a few minutes, though. His underage, teacher's-pet, girlfriend is in there with him right now."

He stopped in his tracks.

He took a moment to digest the insulting tone, implications, and regrettable nickname the receptionist had just spouted before turning around, adopting his most charming smile, and starting a preliminary interrogation he hadn't known he'd be giving.

"Do you mean Haruno Sakura?"

The girl behind the desk, after assessing his fake expression and body language, seemed to instantly jump at his command and started, with a tone of flirty gossip, to inform him of everything he's wanted to know.

"Of course, who else? Haven't you heard the rumors going around about her and Umino-san? I mean, I always knew that she was a teacher's pet by the way she always overachieves and everything, but I never thought she was actually a _'teacher's pet' _and would actually do something as slutty as date her old Academy teacher." Kakashi ignored a sudden urge for violence, and instead listened as the girl went on, "It makes you wonder how long it's been going on, I mean, what's the point in dating a teacher who doesn't decide your grades anymore? … So maybe they had some kind of arrangement going on even back then? " The girl laughed at the inappropriateness of the subject just as his hands formed instinctual fists, he put them in his pockets to keep himself from making an 'arrangement' with this girl's face, "But even if that's not it, I mean, maybe she has a thing for kind-of-older men or something… But seriously, he might be younger than the other elementary teachers and he always seemed cute and nice and everything, though if I had to choose from the Academy teachers I probably would've chosen Kuroke-sensei over Umino because he has that smooth-talk thing going, but whatever… The point is, he's must've known her since she was, like, little-little, you know? Like 8 or 9 or something. It's too freaking weird. He must have some kind of loli complex or something. But I didn't say it first, you know, everyone's who's heard about them has been thinking it. Which is probably why the Academy is thinking of firing him since all the parents are freaking out, and I heard even some of the kids are picking on him and stuff." She laughed again, Kakashi was starting to get a headache. "I thought that maybe it was all fake or something, that maybe it was just some kind of misunderstanding, cause, you know, I'm open-minded about everything… but not even twenty minutes ago that girl just waltzes in here and demands to see him, she even threatened me, and then busted through those doors without any authorization."

"You haven't seen her since?" He asked, a little more serious now.

"No. She's been back there the whole time. I know they could be talking or something like that… but with what everyone's saying, I feel like I should go say something, you know… just in case something else is going on because she's only like 15, or something, and he's, like, 26, so that's gross. And, yeah, he's supposed to be resting and this is a _hospital_, you know, they shouldn't be doing anything that could mess up a sterile environm-"

"That's enough, thank you." The doors closed behind him only a moment after finishing his sentence.

The girl was left behind the desk, a little perturbed by how easily he had left. She pouted as she went back to taping her magazine back together, wondering if maybe she could, like, ask Hatake-san out for a drink, or something, when he's done talking to Umino.

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**Okay… that's that for now.**

**Stay tuned for next chapter, though, you won't want to miss it!**


	81. Preview!

**Chapter 81**

**Title: PREVIEW!**

**Note: Ok….. Ok…. I've been gone a long while. BUT, I still haven't given up the story. SO, despite the unplanned hiatus, I hope you guys can take me back.**

**This is just a preview of the latest chapter, which will be rather a long one. I just wanted to let you guys know I, and this story, are still alive.**

**And I want to thank all the recent newcomers who have reviewed! You all are so generous with your kind words and I hope you can enjoy the rest of the story.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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"…You need to get some rest."  
Her hand on his tightened, her tone dropped their previous conversation gently. Her fingers were soft, a little chilled, but he was comforted by their grip. He wanted to respond to it, to hold her fingers in his a little tighter as well.  
He didn't.

"I'm the one who should be telling you that." Even he could hear how tired his voice sounded when he said that. He cleared his throat, his eyes falling to her hand, "I've been given enough medical advice for one evening. You're the one who needs the time off."

Even though he wasn't looking at her face he could see her nod a little before sighing, her hand shook against his casually. He was too aware of it. It was uncomfortable.

"Ok." She agreed, "I'll come visit you tomorrow if you're not out by then."

That pulled his attention back to her eyes.

He didn't want to bother her anymore with any of this. With anymore of him.

He'd served his purpose in her life right now, she had other things to worry about… besides, he could do with some time away from her as well.

"You shouldn't waste any more time on me." He told her bluntly careful to keep his voice gentle enough she might not take his words as seriously as he did.

Annoyance flickered in her green eyes and he knew that he shouldn't have even had tried to trick her into not worrying about him. He almost smiled.

"I will visit you tomorrow, for sure, now." She said with a playfully stern voice.

The smile tugged at the right corner of his lips but still failed to win over his expression. He had to make sure he could get dismissed from hospital care first thing in the morning now…

A moment of quiet stretched between them. He could feel her eyes on his face.

He didn't look at her.  
He didn't know what his expression would say. With the peace they've restored between them, he couldn't afford worrying her more than he already had.

"Well, goodnight, Iruka-sensei." Her voice broke the silence gently.

Her hand left his and he smiled as genuinely as he could after she turned to leave the room. It was easier to look at her when she wasn't looking back at him.

"Good evening." He called softly just as she reached the door. She smiled over her shoulder at him, he fought to keep his eyes from looking away like they wanted to.  
It was only a few moments before the door clicked close behind her and everything was as quiet as before.  
His mind was quieter then, too… than it was before…. He felt a sense of relief, knowing his relationship with Sakura had found some kind of stable ground again.

But… what she had said… the things she said, her expressions as she said them.

He didn't know what to think about it and he had no idea why they were confusing him.

"_I… I don't regret it."_

His face twitched with something like embarrassment, a pink hue almost finding his cheek.

_That girl…. _

_How could she say something like that so easily?  
_He asked himself mentally, almost smiling at how innocently she had said those words if he wasn't trying not to scowl at how much he'd appreciated those innocent words just the same.

He didn't know why… but there was something… comforting... about that.

The fact she hadn't regretted it the way he had.

The fact that his advances hadn't repulsed her?

… No… if he found comfort in that thought he'd be crossing a line he'd been trying to ignore for too long already.

But ignoring it didn't mean he couldn't feel the moment he knew he had crossed it only an hour ago.

Another pang of regret shot through his chest and made him wince.

…

He had always been so sure of who she was, of what she was meant for, and who she needed… he had been sure that she knew, too. But in that moment… the way she looked at him… he couldn't help but wonder just what kind of strength the string of fate which tied Sakura to Kakashi held.  
Had this happened before… had this happened earlier… had they never been together… would Kakashi still be the best choice for her?

That thought was definitely too dangerous… he ignored it like a professional.

"_You were always there to help me without ever thinking of yourself."_

_She gives me too much credit….  
_He thought to himself weakly.

Over the past twenty-four hours he's been questioning just how much he's done that _wasn't_ for himself.  
In a way, everything he's done has been for himself.

He wanted to see her happy again, he wanted to see her realize what he couldn't seem to tell her in words… seeing her so sure of herself again only a few minutes ago, before she left the room, he'd gotten what he had wanted.

…

His only solace in any of this was that what he had wanted for her was exactly what she had wanted for herself.

He couldn't bring himself to think about the 'what if's that made the two any different from each other.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … …. … … …. … … … … … … … …

I closed the door as quietly as I could, not for any particular reason than to just respect the quiet moment I had shared with Iruka-sensei a few seconds ago.  
Before walking into this room, before talking to him just now, I would've thought this type of peace was impossible between us.  
This calmness and surety.

This friendship.

I thought that maybe we hadcrossed some kind of line… I still wasn't sure if we had or not, but I didn't think that mattered very much anymore.

After our talk… I think he understood me a little better. I think we understood each other better.

I smiled to myself as I turned to the hallway, still thinking about how grateful I was that my friendship with Iruka-sensei was unscathed by our awkward moment tonight, but my smile didn't survive the second awkward moment I knew I was going to endure tonight… which started the moment my eyes found his.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … …

He walked down the hallway, keeping his pace in check, trying not to let himself walk too quickly. He checked the windows of the doors as he passed without pausing, he hadn't seen them yet.

But he could hear a door down the hallway open almost the moment before it had actually moved.

His pace slowed when his eyes confirmed his suspicions as he recognized the pink-haired girl who walked out of the door.  
He didn't call for her attention.  
She turned around and silently closed the door again, a smile appearing on her face.

He wouldn't let himself interpret what kind of reason she would be smiling right now, not when he could remember that gentle smile without knowing when or why he'd seen it before.

He could see the shock in her eyes evolve into apprehension the moment she looked up and found him walking towards her.

Something in him wanted to say something, to take away that anxiety she must've been feeling, but he didn't… he needed to use it against her.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … …

The moment I saw him walking towards me, down the hallway, I had two impulses.

The first was to turn around and run away. The second was to keep walking and pretend not to see him.

I realized just as I was stuck between the two choices, my feet uncertainly walked forward after a long pause, how insane those two ideas were.

What do I have to run away from? Just because he was giving me a look I had only seen a few times in the past, a look that meant he had something serious he wanted to talk to me about. A look that usually meant he was mad at me. And just because a small –although smaller than before- part of me felt guilty about what he might or might not have seen an hour ago… neither of those things should matter.

He was probably only meeting with me about village security, or about the mission we were supposed to go on, or about Iruka-sensei's status. But... why would he need to meet with me now? Why now, and why alone?

My momentary confidence stuttered, causing my feet to stutter in their slow course towards him.

Why _did_ he ask to meet me?

What could he possibly want to talk to me about? Iruka-sensei? The intruder? He probably already knows much more about both their situations than I do. What could he say to me that couldn't have waited for tomorrow?

Just as my mind travelled to the dangerous subject he might want to discuss my feet carried me within the five foot diameter professional space of the silver-haired man in front of me. The pace of my feet, heart, and mind slowed to near stop. It was as if I was suddenly in a vacuum, I couldn't hang onto my thoughts despite how frantically I wished I could. This wasn't strange to me, I've felt like this around him for months now, but the sluggish movements of my thoughts and pronounced thuds of my heart didn't help my concentration.

He slowed down as well in the seconds that seemed like hours it took for him to reach me.

I stood there, my thoughts weightless and scattered, unprepared for anything about this man. But after one word from him everything in that moment came crashing back at me in real-time, snapping me out of my hypnosis and into an altogether very different mindset.  
Just as he had walked up to me, he greeted me with that single word.

"Haruno."

He nodded at me as he stopped.

That was when I started walking again.

I didn't know if I had actually given into the insanity of the second impulse that had threatened me less than a minute ago, but all I knew was that I needed to keep moving. I didn't look at his face or any kind of expression of confusion that might've taken over it as I picked up my pace towards the end of the hallway. If I had looked I probably wouldn't have had the focus to will myself to disrespect him like this. It went against all my training, it went against that not-so-small part of me that could never get enough of his presence, but I ignored all because... I needed to prove something.

If he was going to try and treat me like that. If he was going to try and use that tone and only call me by my last name. If he was going to try and control me so easily like he had always been able to, I wasn't going to let him.

Of course, I knew he probably didn't remember the previous times he had worked that on me -the other times he's treated me like a child to try and trick me into one of his interrogations where he would always pry into my heart and lay it bare-, but I didn't care.

I could hear his footsteps start following me towards the door a little quickly, as if he wanted to cut me off.

"Haruno." He called me by my last name again, trying to get my attention, to get me to slow down or turn around. I knew better than to fall into that trap. I kept my eyes glued on the upcoming waiting room door. If I was going to talk to him right now, it was as equals, not with him staring down at me like he always did.

My pace didn't falter or quicken, my face didn't twitch or frown, and as I responded there was no emotion behind the tone of professionalism other than seething sarcasm, "Sir?..."

A moment of silence followed. He hadn't expected that. I would've felt smug if I hadn't been so busy ignoring how nervous I was getting.

But if he wanted to play this game again I was finally going to play, too.

... … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

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More to come!


	82. Manipulations and Moments: Part 1

**Chapter 82!**

**Title: '**_Manipulations and Moments: Part 1'_

**Note: Ok... so even though the last 'chapter' was only a preview, I don't think I'll include it here again, just so that you guys can get right back on track for the story and not have to reread anything!**

**Also!**

**This is a surprise double-chapter update!**

**Enjoy!**

**And review if you'd like!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**... … … … … … … … … … … … … … …** **… … … … … …**

She carefully angled the last little piece of tape over the seams of magazine paper, her expression hardened with her concentration. She nearly made a wrinkle in the sticky bandage when that concentration was interrupted by the loud thud of one of the hallway doors opening quicker than it was made to. She looked up in surprise at the girl who was walking determinately through the waiting area.

The receptionist's expression hardened again, but into something like a scowl, when she recognized that pink hair and therefore remembering her intimidation-based annoyance at the 'know-it-all'. The scowl subsided when the receptionist realized a second person walking through the doors and into the waiting area now.

"Uh-" The girl almost spoke up to get Kakashi-san's attention to maybe ask him about getting a drink later the way she had planned, but the sound of her voice was interrupted by his.

"Haruno Sakura." He called the girl's full name sternly.  
Everything suddenly seemed quieter than before, as if the sounds of the world muted because of that tone of his.

The receptionist, almost immediately giddy at the thought that the girl he was talking to was in some kind of trouble, thought she could hear something else in his tone that shouldn't have been there. Other than the distinct angry quality, it almost sounded… weird. Like there was some kind of subtext, but the receptionist couldn't think about what the subtext could've been when she was suddenly interested in why the pink-haired teacher's pet whipped around at that instant.

"Yes, Hatake-sensei?" She asked, her voice almost mirroring his tone if it didn't have that vindictive curl to it.

Being versed in the tell-tale signs of drama, the receptionist immediately recognized that the moment of quiet proceeding Haruno Sakura's words was thick with some kind of tension between the two people across the room. Even the receptionist could see that Kakashi-san either didn't like the tone the girl used or the way she addressed him. Thinking back on it, the receptionist remembered somewhere that Kakashi-san never liked it when people used his family name. She wondered whether Haruno knew that.

The quiet lasted a few moments longer, the receptionist didn't move an inch, though she would have if she had had some popcorn. She keenly observed the way Kakashi-san seemed to correct his posture after a moment, slouching in his usual way again. The receptionist could tell he was trying to cover up the anger he had displayed in his tone only seconds before, he was trying to act like he didn't care about something that must have actually bothered him – the receptionist's heart pattered at how attractive she found that. And then he spoke.

"I need to discuss something with you." His tone was completely solid.

_I bet she's in deep trouble, _the receptionist hoped.

"What is it?" The girl asked. The receptionist saw that the girl's annoying face was just as stone-like as his words. The receptionist looked over to Kakashi-san's masked face as he spoke again, it was just as expressionless. She felt like she was watching some kind of stand-off.

"… Your behavior during tonight's crisis was unprofessional."

The receptionist smirked at the man's mini-lecture, thinking she knew exactly what he was talking about.

"I know." Haruno answered back, almost immediately, disrespectfully.

_Oooo, she's gonna get it! _The receptionist really wanted that popcorn again. It was clear that she had just ignored his professional criticism, but he only paused for a moment before continuing.

"Your duties as a medicnin may have seemed necessary, but you should have known that, in an emergency, the subduing of an enemy is the first priority. Making that mistake again can cost you the lives of your team in the future." The masked man lectured. "I would have expected a better performance from you."

The receptionist suddenly felt uncomfortable. Even though she was more than happy to see that the Haruno-girl was getting scolded, there was something in the way he was talking. It was kind of scary.

The receptionist wasn't so sure that she wanted to ask Kakashi-san out anymore… or maybe she wanted to more than ever… she couldn't decide.

"Is that all?" The girl's voice asked simply.

The receptionist leaned forward an inch in something like intrigue with how the girl that man was lecturing so intensely could brush off his words without even blinking. If there was ever a moment when the receptionist could be impressed by that girl, it was then, but that moment was short-lived when Haruno paid the highest disrespect to her attractive captain so far. Even the receptionist somehow felt insulted:

"If that's all you wanted to tell me, sir, then I'll be going."

The receptionist looked on as the pink-haired girl turned away from her captain and started walking towards the front doors. She didn't really expect it when the doors closed shut behind the girl, leaving the masked man standing there by himself. It seemed anti-climatic that the girl would just leave, it was almost as strange as the fact that Haruno, who was usually such a suck-up, would talk to her captain like that.

She looked over to Kakashi-san, who hadn't moved an inch, but he didn't seem to be as shocked as her. She watched as he lifted his hand to his eyes, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose before combing through his hair.

She knew that she had been planning on asking Kakashi-san out once she could speak to him alone, but she didn't really feel as if she was even in the same room as him. She realized a moment too late that they _were_ in the same room, because just as if she had been reading a compelling story in a magazine and commenting on it aloud as she normally would, she had said, without thinking, out loud:

"That's it?"

She would've felt embarrassed for admitting her presence and her eavesdropping if she hadn't been more surprised by his reaction.

He looked over to her, and then to the doors, it was then she saw him make a decision. It wasn't a few seconds until he was gone through those doors, too… as if he was following after Haruno.

Everything was quiet again for the receptionist after the doors clicked back into place. After a few moments of staring around the fluorescent-lit waiting room, realizing that the story she had been so interested in was now being told somewhere else, she went back to her magazine, more bored than ever before.

Without really having to think about it, she felt like there was something more than what she saw going on. She wanted to know what it was. It couldn't have been anything too interesting.

Maybe Kakashi-san didn't like the fact Haruno was dating Umino-san, the way everyone said she was. The receptionist pulled another piece of tape out of the dispenser.

Then she wondered why Kakashi-san would have a problem with Haruno and Umino-san. Yeah, their relationship was weird and gross, but it wasn't like Kakashi-san was jealous or something.

…

The receptionist paused for a moment, looking up from her magazine and into space.

…

She shook her head, tempted to laugh at the stupid thought as she went back to piecing her poor magazine back together.

**…_. … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … _****… … … … … … … … … …**

The moment the front doors of the hospital closed behind me I felt a wave of uncertainty crash against me, distracting me from the sudden chill on my bare legs and thinly sweatered arms.

It had been only seconds since I had insulted and walked away from the man I had just promised myself to never give up on again.

_Iruka-sensei showed me that I shouldn't throw away what I had with Kakashi… and here I am, pushing him away again._

I had thought until then that maybe the universe had been playing games on my life just to see me squirm when things went wrong, but now I was fairly certain that there was some kind of subconscious part of my mind that made me mess things up for myself.

Even as I was still stomping down the gravel walkway to the street I had to convince myself not to turn around and try to explain myself to him.

I couldn't take back what I just did….

Even if it was harsh, even though it went against everything I felt to be rude to him like that right now, I couldn't just roll over!  
_Not now. Not now when I'm finally starting to figure out what I need to do._

I turned onto the street, walking down the dark asphalt quickly, deep in the contradicting thoughts of that moment.

_He's my captain, I know he has a right to lecture me… but it didn't feel like he was talking to me as my captain. As my captain he should have told me what my mistakes were, but in the morning, after the state of emergency on the village was over, and he shouldn't have gotten so angry. But, instead, he set up this meeting so quickly and the moment he saw me in that hallway he started treating me like a child. He wasn't just lecturing me about what happened tonight. I could almost see it just now… there was something in the way he was talking to me._

_I had heard that tone of his, seen those expressions of his –the expressions that would seem blank to anyone who hadn't spent months staring at his uncovered face every day-, more than a few times in our relationship._

My stomach suddenly jumped and my feet stopped when I realized what I was thinking about.

_That voice.  
Those expressions._

_This is exactly how he gets whenever he's jealou-_

"Sakura."

The moment I heard his voice I wished I had still been walking, at least that way he wouldn't have caught me so off guard… but I probably would've tripped and made a fool of myself anyways. But no matter what I was doing, hearing his voice call my first name was enough to get to me. My stomach, which had still been recovering from the jolt of my interrupted realization, was sent into another panic attack.  
I turned around slowly, caught in something like a daze. I couldn't really piece together my thoughts for a moment, but there was an instinct in me that pulled my full attention to Kakashi the moment I saw him standing there.

He caught up to me, stopping several feet away from me, as if to be polite.  
I almost let myself wonder why he had followed me, but I was scared to give myself the kind of hope the possible answer could give me.  
It didn't matter, though, what I would be wondering about… not after what he said next.

"I can't approve of you and Iruka."

He repeated something he had said earlier tonight with more conviction than he had said back then.

There was a click and my brain almost hurt when it suddenly realized several things at once.

I realized why he was angry, why he had tried to manipulate me, why he was standing here, why he was still trying to talk to me even though I had inadvertently given him an escape route by being so rude to him just now, why he suddenly brought up the relationship he thought I was in with Iruka. All of these realizations melted into one that sent chills through my nerves and a deep pit of anxious hope diving through my heart and stomach against my will:

He had been angry, he had tried to manipulate me, and he was standing here repeating himself because there was a part of him that… didn't want to let me go.

That was such a dangerous thought for me… to assume that I could mean anything more to him than a student, than a young girl acting like an idiot, but the moment the idea ran through my mind, it felt… right.

_Something_ in him didn't want to drop our conversation.

_He didn't want to just let me walk away._

I couldn't control a sudden deep breath of relief, though it could have easily sounded like a sigh of frustration.

The pit in my chest filled with fluttering sensations I hadn't felt in days. A smile I had forgotten could be genuine after faking it so many times tempted my lips as I stared at him in the semi-darkness. Everything about him was calling me to him. I wanted to let that smile take over my expression, to admit to everything right then and there just for the chance to felt his arms again, his shoulders, his heartbeat… but I knew that that wouldn't have been wise.

Even though the thought that there was a part of Kakashi that still cared about me in a way I thought was impossible until now made my entire being restless with hope and relief, it sent fluttering and sparking sensations through my chest, it made me want to jump up and down on the spot like the idiot I always turned into around him, but I knew I had to subdue it.  
I couldn't even let myself think about that hope right now.  
I had to bottle it away until I knew for sure… until I knew, beyond a doubt, that I wasn't just seeing what I wanted, that I wasn't just delirious… that there was something in this man standing in front of me that wanted me the way I've wanted him all this time… again.

The smile I had ignored subsided completely, the energy behind it carefully squared away in the same moment I realized it.

It hadn't been more than a few seconds since his words that I heard mine leave my mouth.

"You've already said that." I neither confirmed nor denied the 'relationship' he talked about, I made sure to keep the attitude from before in my tone… but I really didn't feel much of that attitude right now… I was more scared than anything else.

I had to remain calm.

I had to know for sure.

I couldn't trust myself not to see what I wanted.

I needed to know what he really felt.

I waited for his answer with my every fiber, but I was careful to maintain my stony expression as I felt him search my face… I needed to seem almost bored.

It was my turn to manipulate him.

Even if it was tougher than I thought it was going to be.

**… … … … … … … … … … … ****… … … … … … … … … …**

"You've already said that." Her response was cold. He didn't blame her.

Even now he couldn't find any room in himself to be insulted by the lack of interest in her words. Of course, at first her tone towards him in the hospital had surprised him, the way she could so calmly disrespect him.  
He hadn't seen that coming.  
But her disrespect hadn't frustrated him to this point – the point where he would follow after her to continue a conversation he had already tried hours ago- it was the fact that her disrespect was necessary. She was only showing him he was out of line. He knew he was, but he didn't care anymore.

His thoughts and feelings for her had crossed a line already, more than once, and there was no point in denying that.

But now he needed to figure out which side of the line was better… for the both of them.

"I know." He answered seriously.

Her eyes studied him, he stared back. The sky was darker now, she was nearly invisible in the darkness, but even so, she was the only thing in the world he could focus on entirely. Nothing else existed right then, and the way she was looking at him, bored but careful, he couldn't help but wonder just how much of her world he took up.  
He had known this girl for years. After the first few weeks of knowing her she had always been respectful and polite to him -as far as he could remember, anyways-, but she had never been able stare him in the eye as long as she was now. He knew, better than before, that whatever had happened between them these last few months was much stronger than he thought it could have been.  
His desire to find out more about what they had had inched him further over the line.  
"Why not?..." She asked. Her voice, slight but strong, surprised him with that sudden question. "Why can't you accept a relationship between Iruka and me?"

He stared at her a few seconds longer, a little shocked. She didn't seem at all embarrassed to talk so directly to him like this.

Things were definitely different between them from before.

He took a moment to really think about her question.

He immediately knew he couldn't tell her the truth. The truth would only burden her.

But he wanted to tell her. More than he thought he did.

He imagined what it would be like, telling her.

Even though she was treating him like this… even though she had tried to hide their past… he knew she felt something for him, he'd figured that out for himself.

But did she feel enough for him to accept the truth?

Despite the professional glare he was directing at the girl several feet away from him, he could feel his heart harden and stumble at that thought.

**… … … … … … … … … … … … … ****… … … … … … … … … …**

"Relationships are distracting." His voice was low and serious as he answered my question after a hesitation.

I felt my frustrations raise a fraction.

I had mustered enough courage to ask him why he couldn't approve of a relationship between Iruka-sensei and me, and that's the answer he gave me?

I should've known that this conversation was going to take more from me than any talk between us before.  
My attitude didn't waver as I thought of my response quickly, "I wouldn't be the first kunoichi, the first ninja, to juggle a relationship with a career."

Out of all the examples I knew about shinobi who had had successful relationships and marriages my mind really couldn't go anywhere other than the relationship I had had with this man in front of me. We were both ninja, belonging to the same team, and struggling to keep what we had a secret… and we managed better than others probably would have… and, yet, here he was telling me that a relationship as comfortable as one would be with Iruka-sensei would be 'too distracting'. I wanted to laugh and sigh at the same time, but his words took me out of those thoughts.

"I didn't mean distracting for you." He took a step towards me. My heart skipped a beat.

I paused before letting myself ask a question, debating whether or not I should give him the power of the conversation even for just this moment. I asked anyways, "For who, then?"

He gave me a look for a moment.

"The village." He took another step towards me slowly, like I was a wild animal that could pounce or run away if he moved too quickly. He was right… I really was tempted to both take a step back and take several forward. I stayed still. If he wanted to get closer to me, he was going to do it himself. I listened as he added more to his answer, "Your reputation is at stake. If this opinion about you spreads it could affect-"

That was when I needed to interrupt him, otherwise I really would have laughed or sighed at the way he was still talking about problems I had already dealt with over and over and over again... because of _him_.

"I've been worried about what the village has thought of me for a long time." I hinted against my better judgment, "I'm not new to this. I can handle myself."  
I started to turn around, breaking the eye contact we had held for the conversation and looking towards the upcoming, darkened, store buildings down the road. I felt confident with my answer, especially because I saw that moment of surprise in his masked expression when I said it.  
If what I said surprised him, it did what I wanted it to.

I readied myself to start walking again.  
If he really wanted to talk to me about this, he was going to have to figure out how to say what he really felt. He was going to have to work to keep my attention… even if he had always had every piece of it from the start.  
And just as I started to lift my foot for the first step I was going to take away from him, my plan had actually worked. I heard him take a few steps closer, following me. But my success was a bit more than I had expected when I heard him speak up, a little loudly.

"Sakura, I can't let you-"

My elation for finally being the one to have manipulated him, even if just for a split second, was suddenly crushed by annoyance.

"'Let me'?" I turned around suddenly, quoting him, my tone truthful to my distaste for the way he said that. I was used to taking orders from him, I was used to him being possessive even when it wasn't attractive, but he really needed to figure out that he wasn't in control of me when it came to this. I used to think he could order me around like this, but that's not the way things were anymore. I could decide for myself what I could do!  
I suddenly remembered something he said only earlier that night. "I thought it was 'my choice what I do with my personal life'." I quoted him again as he only looked at me, silently.  
I could see his expression flicker again. It was the thoughtful look he got every time he had to think of some kind of lie to get out of a situation.

"Sakura, as your captain-" He tried that card again, just like before.  
I wasn't going to let him hide behind the social titles we had already broken through, even if he couldn't remember we had.

"You have nothing to do with this." I finished his sentence harshly. I was almost surprised with myself for being able to say that so quickly, so coldly. A part of me wanted to take it back when I saw the shock in his expression. I was suddenly so worried I had hurt him somehow. "Not as my captain…" I explained with a softer tone, trying to keep myself from possibly hurting him further.  
At that thought I had to take a moment's thought to thank Kakashi. Even though he would manipulate me every so often, the way I was manipulating him now, he had never hurt me, he knew how not to… which was turning out to be more difficult than I thought it would be.  
I had to walk this tight-rope of trying to twist his arm into confessing his real thoughts, without insulting him too deeply. I had no idea it was this difficult.  
I spoke up before he could, trying to steer the conversation my way again. But I don't think he was going to say anything anyways, not with the way he was looking at me. "So finish what you were going to say."  
His shook his head only a fraction, as if trying to tell me he didn't understand.

"Before the alarm, before any of this," I specified, "… what were you going to say?"

**… … … … … … … … … … ****… … … … … … … … … …**

"Sakura, as your captain-"

"You have nothing to do with this."… "Not as my captain…"  
He had forgotten what he was going to say. He couldn't figure out what he _could_ say.

For the first time in a long while his words were stuck.

The way she said that….

He was just about play out his planned response about, as her captain, he couldn't let her get herself in trouble without trying to stop it… but what she said.  
She was right.  
She couldn't have been more right.

And even though he had been beating himself up about this for days, he hadn't even thought about it until she said it.

As her captain, it was really nowhere in his responsibilities to look after her anywhere off the battlefield. He wasn't required to help her with her personal life. He wasn't required to look after her. If there was one thing he was supposed to keep track of, as her captain, concerning her personal life, it was to stay out of it.  
He wasn't supposed to lecture her about it.

He wasn't supposed to try and talk her out of a harmful relationship.

He wasn't supposed to try and talk her into one, either.

And here she was, reminding him of that.

He was almost grateful when she spoke up again, moving him away from those thoughts.

"So finish what you were going to say."

He only looked at her, still unable to think of speaking just yet. He shook his head a little.  
"Before the alarm, before any of this," she specified, "… what were you going to say?"

He remembered what she was talking about.

He remembered what he was going to say.

'_As myself…'_

If she had asked him to tell her this at any other time, when he wasn't shaken to the point of silence, he knew he probably would have lied. He would have thought of a different answer… to spare both of them of them.  
But right now, after having the truth thrown at him… it was all he could think of saying.

"As myself…" He started. Even he could hear a difference in his voice, it was softer, warmer… he barely recognized it as his own. " …I worry about you." He continued.

He could feel his chest tighten after he said it.

He was never one to actually tell the truth about his personal thoughts.

There was a moment's silence, only the night wind picking up into a whistle interrupted it. This time he could almost see something like shock in Sakura's eyes… as if by just telling her the truth it had delivered the same word-paralyzing shock her words had given him only seconds earlier.  
After finding himself looking at her eyes for almost too long, starting to appreciate the way their color and shape made his chest warm, he knew he had to say something to break up this silence between them.

"I worry about your choices," He continued "…as your… friend." His voice failed just before the last word. It wasn't what he wanted to say, it was much less than the truth, and the way her expression suddenly changed he could see that Sakura knew that, too.

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"I worry about your choices," he said, "… as your… friend."

And just as he finished that last word my wordless brain chugged back into motion, oiled by the frustration of hearing the half-lie in his voice with that word and the hope it gave me.  
Kakashi really only lied when it suited the mission or when he wanted to hide something he cared too much about to reveal. For him to change his words at the last minute… he was definitely hiding something, but it was closer to the surface than it ever was before.

I found my voice, trying to keep the anticipation I felt out of it.

"… But not enough to know what my choices really are." I added onto his thought, my tone more disappointed than I intended. It struck me that even though I thought I was only acting this way to get a reaction out of him… it didn't mean I didn't actually feel it somewhere deep inside.

"What?" He asked, I looked away from his face, not wanting to see what his expression would be when I was finally going to tell him the truth.

"It was never my choice for everyone to spread those rumors about Iruka-sensei and me. I didn't choose for everyone to make their own decisions about what I'm doing with my personal life. I didn't choose to be lied about." I could feel my emotions well up halfway into my words, melting away more of my attitude than I felt comfortable with. If I hadn't had already dealt with the uncertainty and pain connected to the drama of these past few days concerning the rumors between Iruka and me, I probably wouldn't have been able to keep my voice from stuttering by the end of these words.

"Saku-" I couldn't let him say anything until I finished telling him the _complete_ truth. Things between us have been muddled by half-truths and misunderstandings for too long already.  
He needed to know at least one thing for sure.

"Iruka-sensei is a good man, a good teacher. A good _friend_." I felt my gratitude for Iruka-sensei's friendship ease my nerves for what I knew I had to say next, even though I really didn't want to say it, "If you were really that worried, if you really cared enough, about me and my 'choices' you would've known which were the ones I actually made for myself." Those words were more difficult to say than they were to think of.  
I suddenly really didn't like this manipulation-game anymore, not when I had to say something like that just to get to the truth _he_ needed to tell me.

But just like that, he was quiet again. I still didn't look at him. I had no way of knowing what his expression was, what his thoughts were.  
I'd never done this to him before.

I couldn't know how he would react.

But now that the truth was out, at least about Iruka-sensei, now that he knew all his 'worries for my choices' were actually unnecessary. Now that he had no other reason to hide behind for an excuse to talk to me other than to _talk to me_… it was up to him what happened next.

Funny how manipulating him ended up giving him all the control over us…  
If there _was_ an 'us'….

Without a moment's hesitation I looked down to the ground and with a polite nod of my head I could only whisper, "Goodnight, sensei."

I turned around and started walking away from him, secretly wishing he'd say something… anything.

But the only thing I could hear for what seemed an eternity was the sand under my sandals and the pounding of my heart.

All I knew was that it was all up to him now.

If he had a reason to come after me, he couldn't blame it on me… it had to be for himself.

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**Next chapter will be up shortly! Just gotta edit!**

**Don't forget to review. :)**

**Doesn't have to be much, just your thoughts about this chapter or any. I welcome any and all reviews! :D**


	83. Manipulations and Moments: Part 2

**Chapter 83!**

**Title: **_'Manipulations and Moments: Part 2'_

**Note: Second half of the update!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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He watched as she walked away.

His mind felt blank, but it was more like white noise… all his thoughts were too loud, clashing together until they washed each other out.

He couldn't sort out what he was actually thinking… what he was feeling.

He couldn't be sure of anything right now, not with the state of his mind being as disorganized as it was, but he was almost completely sure she had just admitted to not having a relationship with Iruka….  
Even though he had been so sure… even though he had been told again and again, even by the man she had been accused of being with, that the rumors, and his fears, were true… the moment she said that, he believed her.  
He couldn't understand where it came from… that trust.

He was never a person to earn trust from easily. He trusted his team more than others, he was sure of that, but the trust he suddenly realized he felt in Sakura… he couldn't remember the last time he felt that kind of trust.

But beyond that, he felt something else in the short moments he spent watching her walk away.

He was rushed by a sudden wave of relief and hope. He felt as if the world between himself and Sakura had shrunk, that whatever had separated them before had been moved, even if he knew there had more than Iruka between them before… but this relief wasn't the highlight of his thoughts in that moment.

Right then, although a part of him celebrated, he could only be overwhelmed by her words.

'_If you were really that worried, if you really cared enough, about me and my 'choices' you would've known which were the ones I actually made for myself.'_

His thoughts couldn't stay still when his mind repeated them, he still couldn't figure out what he was feeling.

But he knew he didn't like this.  
He knew this couldn't be the end of tonight.

He couldn't let her walk away believing in her words, the way he almost did.

His legs felt heavy, like he couldn't move them fast enough after her, and yet he reached her all too soon. Too soon to keep himself from saying exactly what he had planned not to.

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I almost didn't hear his footsteps.

If this had been a few months ago, before I had gotten so familiar with his presence, I'm sure I wouldn't have. But even though I had a moment's head notice, and even though I had that moment to feel the happiness I didn't know was possible, knowing he didn't want to leave everything like this either, that moment was quickly exchanged for the next.

In the next moment I was just about to turn around and face him, to call his name and listen to anything he had to say with anticipation.

But I didn't turn around. Something stopped me:  
a hand finding my right arm.

His fingers curled carefully around the front of my upper arm.

My thoughts stuttered. I had forgotten what his hand felt like until now. Even though I suddenly regretted having a sweater on, and therefore not being able to feel his skin, I still recognized the shape and strength of that hand as well as I knew my own.

I would have savored the feeling of his casual touch, knowing it could be some of my only contact with him for another long while, if my brain wasn't already bouncing in my head trying to figure out _why_ his hand would be there.  
_Why_ would he touch me, even if it was something as simple as this?  
_Why_ was his voice even softer, and even more serious, than I had heard it in so long?

"You don't know…" I could already feel my breath hitch in my throat. I recognized that tone, but I almost convinced myself it was impossible to be hearing it was from him again until he continued, "You have no idea how much I worry about you." His grip on my arm loosened, as if he was having second thoughts about touching me. I wished he would just listen to his first thoughts. "You have no idea how much I care about…." He trailed off.

A moment of quiet passed before my shell-shocked brain finally computed his words and what they meant.  
Even though I had been a stone since he had started talking, I suddenly felt as if I was even less able to move now.  
I couldn't think of moving. Not my body to turn around to look at him, not my lips to ask him what exactly his words meant. I struggled even to blink.  
My whole body was so uncertain, so unsure of what was going on to let itself react to anything. I had stolen away any piece of real hope from myself for too long, thinking it would help me cope; my body couldn't handle the sudden overload of it. I couldn't move. But I _had_ to.

I _had_ to move.

I _had_ to say something!

I couldn't waste another second in this state of shock. If I didn't say something now… if I didn't take advantage of what this situation could possibly mean –my mind reeled as the possibilities flashed through my brain faster than any other thoughts it must've been controlling, including the stimuli making my heart keep up its now almost painfully fast pace- then I was going to lose it. I was going to lose whatever this meant forever if I didn't do something right now!

I willed myself with more strength than I have ever used to simply think of these words and pronounce them. These words were the only ones I could think of, the only ones that would demand the clearest explanation for what he just said to me, and they were just simple enough that my voice didn't reflect just how stone-stiff my jaw was.

"'As my captain?'..."

… The silence that followed my question could have been only a few milliseconds, it could have been a full minute, all I knew what that the paralysis on my body was getting better and worse as time ticked by. With every instance of time I could feel the hope paralyzing my nerves weaken its hold as it started to die away and be replaced by the sluggish, and equally paralyzing, gravity of fear.

What if I was mistaken?

I was suddenly so afraid that I had said something wrong in those three words, or that I hadn't had heard him right. I would have even been afraid that he wasn't actually standing just behind me if I still wasn't so aware of his motionless hand on my arm.

The heavy fear bit into my stomach with merciless strength when I suddenly felt the hand on my arm slide down to my wrist slowly before stopping and gripping a little tightly. My heart stuttered in it's almost already frantic pace when I could actually feel his fingertips on me. My ribcage echoed with my heart's thuds as his fingers tightened even more around my wrist.  
That slight hiccup in my chest woke me up a little.

"What are you doing?" I was surprised at how clearly I could ask that.

He didn't answer me until he was already walking ahead of me, his hand still closed around my wrist, making me follow after him. The hope in me, unable to paralyze my legs which were willingly following after him as he walked towards the darkened buildings down the street, filled my chest with those sparking, electric, butterflies that had buzzed through my insides every time he had grabbed me like this before.  
But the butterflies, as they were, were short-lived. In only a manner of seconds they would turn into the gnawing creatures of confusion and worry that had plagued me for so long already… after he said:

"Something that feels familiar."

My previously frantically sluggish brain was now jolted into a new pace of slow and fast thoughts colliding and combining at dangerous speeds, but out of all the thought-collisions that resulted from what he just said there was one thing I could figure out for sure:

He knew more than I thought he did.

He had to know something.

There's no way he would have said that if he didn't know something about… us.

Is that even possible?

Could this really be happening?

Could he actually know something?

I needed to know.

I needed to know what he knew.

I need to know!

"You… What do you know?" I tried to talk coherently, it was really working. I was too caught up in so many different thoughts (What's going on? Where was he taking me? Why? What is he thinking? What is he feeling? Why? What does he know? Does he remember anything? What does he remember? How could he? Why didn't he tell me? How long has he known what he knows? What am I supposed to do?). I had to narrow it down to the most important question I could think of.

I watched the back of his shoulders like I used to whenever he led me places like this, but the happiness from before had been completely replaced by the dread all those questions gave me.  
I blinked hard, my cold, wind-stung, eyes watering a little. A part of me trusted that he wouldn't let me trip or lead me into something while I had to close my eyes for a moment of sorting everything out. If I had been at all more focused on what was happening I would have noticed that he was turning the corner, and if I had realized that I would have been able to keep the shock of my back bumping against the dark wall of a building from interrupting my important question:

"Do you remem-" My words stopped as I realized my feet had stopped and my thoughts cleared a little when his hand left my wrist.

I only had a short second to look around to recognize where we were at, which wasn't long enough since the buildings were only black silhouettes against the purple night sky –tonight's alarm required a village-wide blackout till morning in case there was any more trouble-, unable to be distinguished in the second it took until I was distracted by the man who led me here.

I looked up to him as he took a step closer to me –my heart speeding up again with his closeness, like a homing beacon connected to him- it was almost too dark to see his masked face.

I was about to open my mouth to try and ask my question again, but his voice interrupted me.

"They'll be looking for me soon. This should buy me a few minutes." He almost sounded out of breath. I had always loved his voice like that.  
I almost got sidetracked and asked was he was talking about, but I decided it wasn't as nearly as important as what I had to ask. I tried to speak up again, but he only continued.

"I don't know why, but it seemed like the right thing to do." He explained himself out of context, as if he was only thinking out loud, but I could tell he was probably talking about the fact he had brought us here… wherever it may be.  
I realized after a second that that was already something of an answer to my question.  
_He must not remember everything…_

_If he had no other reason to lead me here than it just 'seeming like the right thing'… then… he doesn't remember everything…._

I was so relieved and completely disappointed at the same time.

But I didn't let that stop me from quickly asking my question.

"Whatdoyouremember?" I managed to choke it out, the words coming too fast so that it just sounded like a jumble of syllables.

There was a moment of quiet between us… us, the two quiet dark figures just feet away from each other around the side of a dark building.

I cringed after that moment, ready to repeat my question like an idiot.

But my face fell into an expression of shock when I realized I didn't have to.

"… Some visuals…" His voiced answered, less hindered by his breathing, from the darkness.

He sounded more serious than before.

My heart jumped in my chest before I could even understand those two words.

I looked up at him, my eyes probably wide and full with the nervous hope that had previously paralyzed me. I couldn't even think of saying anything until he said more.

"Some sounds…" he added, my heart only worked harder to keep up with how nervous my body was getting, "… but mostly feelings…."

I wanted to say something. To do something.

This was too much.

Knowing he knew… he knew something… something… but what?

I had to know!

I could feel a shiver shake through my torso as my anxiety grew… I tried to take a deep breath, to calm myself, but I still couldn't think of talking.

I hadn't noticed until the moment I was about to breath out, as I had been staring up at him unblinkingly, that his hand had gotten so close to the side of my cheek, I almost choked on the air.

His hand hovered over the side of my face.

"… textures…." He added mysteriously, his tone even warmer than before.

I didn't know how cold the night was until I swore I could feel the heat of his fingertips radiate from his skin, through the centimeters of space between us, and gently warm my cheek. Even though I hadn't looked away from his masked face, I could still see those fingertips slide in the air just beside my face, as if he was touching me. I wished he had been.  
I could feel my breathing pick up in only the anticipation of feeling the skin of his hand against me again, waiting for the heat of his skin... but it never came.

"… I remember just enough to know you left out a few details about… our recent missions..."

His hand moved away from me just as the tone of his voice grew a little colder with that sentence.

And just like that… I understood his words… I understood what he was saying.

He knew.

He knew.

He knew.

He knew.

He knew.

My mind couldn't say anything else for what seemed an eternity.

All I could think about was the fact that even though I had thought he was clueless, even though I thought he couldn't remember anything about us… he knew.

He knew.

He knew what I had been hiding.

My eyes widened when that thought led to the next:

He knew _that_ I was hiding it from him.

I suddenly felt a stab of guilt slide through my chest with much more intensity than I could understand, I wasn't even sure why for a few seconds, but I could understand from his voice, his hand, and just the way his posture seemed to drop a little when he last spoke that I had done something very wrong to him.

But my brain didn't accept it.

Out of everything I had to push something out of my focus…. I needed to stay here; I needed to think about what was happening right in front of me… I could think about all that later.  
I would figure everything I did wrong out later… but I still needed to know more right now. I needed to make sure this conversation was really happening… that he was really saying this… that he really knew about us… even if just a little. But, most importantly, that he knew about us and was still talking to me.

He knew… and he was still here.  
He wasn't pretending it never happened, he wasn't saying to forget it… at least he hasn't, yet.  
But whatever his future plans for this was I needed to know more about what he knew and what he was thinking _now._

"How… long have you…?" I didn't know how difficult it would be to speak again. I was still in shock. I had been praying for this for days and this moment was here and I almost can't believe it. Then again, this moment was definitely not what I had expected.  
I was going to try and finish my question, but he didn't wait for it. He leaned forward, his hand resting on the wall behind me. My hands suddenly felt so restless by my sides. He was so close. I wanted to touch him. I hadn't been this close to him, I hadn't been this close to getting him back, as I was right now. This felt like the last 10 feet before the finish mark of a race, so close but even further away than the start line.  
I was distracted from the tingles in my arms and the slight light-headedness I was getting when he broke the silence.

"It could just be brain damage, right?"

The tone of his voice turned back to 'normal', but it was a warped form of 'normal'… as if he was only being sarcastic.  
I couldn't make sense of that at first. I had barely been able to compute the moment as it was, let alnoe apply the concept of sarcasm to it. It took me a moment to realize he meant that his memories, or whatever he remembered about us, could have been just some kind of side effect of his injuries, of the overdose. I knew he wasn't serious, I knew he was only saying that for my reaction, but I was still too sensitive to hold back the reaction.

"N-n-" I stuttered, unable to think of anything other than 'no' to say, and even then, I couldn't even finish the single syllable after he leaned down just a little more. The side of his face only centimeters from my own.

"Tell me." He said in my ear, his voice serious again, sending a chill through my torso that I had forgotten felt like. "Was it real?" He asked.  
I wanted to say something, but I was almost drunk off his closeness. I could only think of leaning my face towards his, just to feel his cheek graze against mine, but he moved.  
He leaned away before speaking up again.

"Tell me it was real." And just like that… I could hear the truth in his voice.

I could tell… other's probably wouldn't have been able to hear it… but I heard, in his voice, that he was asking me to admit it.

He was actually just as… desperate as I was to hear the truth.

To hear me say it the same way I wanted to hear _him_ say it.

If I had even less control over myself at that moment I would have smiled at just how similar we had become.  
If I had become more like him, or he had become more like me, I couldn't tell.  
But I hoped we had just met in the middle somewhere.

I gained back my senses after that thought, my mind cleared a bit. I swallowed, about to tell him everything I could until I noticed he pushed himself away from the wall, his arm falling back to his side. I watched him as he straightened his posture. I was almost a little confused by how distracted he had suddenly become until I realized it myself. Someone was heading this way.

"Kakashi-san."

I hadn't noticed until that voice spoke that Kakashi was already around the corner to greet the owner of that anonymous voice. I had forgotten how quickly he could move.  
From the sound of the voice it sounded like one of the Hokage's men, a bodyguard. I leaned against the wall, trying to even out my thoughts and breathing, listening.

"Yes?" Kakashi asked, I wondered if the other man could recognize how Kakashi's professional tone usually overcompensated when he has to act official after being so… personal just moments earlier.  
Or maybe it was just me.  
I fought back something like a smile at the realization that this was really happening… whatever this was. Of course I could tell there was still something keeping Kakashi distant from me, and he couldn't remember much, and that this must all be very strange for him… but this was the end of the secrets between us.

Whatever happens now, even if it ends up badly, at least we'll both know the truth.

Something about that was comforting.

One of the biggest emotional hurdles I had had to deal with this past week was the knowledge that if Kakashi never remembered, I would be the only one to carry on these memories… of us together… and after years went by, would they have meant anything?  
It would have been as though none of it had ever happened.

At least this way… we had existed… for the both of us.

"The Hokage needs you, it's urgent." I tuned back into the conversation just in time to catch the main message.

"I understand. I'll meet her in a minute." Kakashi answered. I could hear in his tone that he would have rather not have gotten the Hokage's call. I felt that assuming that had anything to do with me was still assuming too much. Things were better now, if only just because we both knew what we now knew, but we still aren't anything like we used to be… if we're going to be anything.

The thought that this new situation between me and Kakashi might end the way it had started deflated my heart more than a little.

The sound of a whoosh later I turned the corner.

"Kakashi-" I called him, feeling like something of an intruder when I saw him standing there, deep in thought.

"I have to go." He summarized briefly, looking to me. I could recognize that serious look of his instantly. Something important was happening. "We need to talk about this later." He took a step closer to me, a part of me was happy he would still take time to think about us even though we're on such unsure ground right now. "Is there a place we can meet?"

I smiled before answering briefly.

"The bridge."

I could see the answer surprise him for a moment before he understood and nodded. I knew he'd understand, even now.… He _had_ been the one who picked the bridge for us in the beginning.  
He looked up at the sky, probably checking the how late/early it was.

"Before dawn." He said shortly, the same way he had addressed the messenger just now.  
I nodded stiffly, trying to understand why he'd be so cold right now, but that was before he sighed a little. He turned to face me completely, taking a step closer.  
I thought I could see a tremor in his arm, like he was just about to reach out to me but stopped himself short of it. I wished he hadn't.  
"I should be able to see you before dawn." He said slowly, his voice carefully soft.

I smiled weakly.

"I'll be waiting." I answered, nodding slowly again.

He turned away from me, but paused for a moment. He looked back at me.

"Don't look so worried." He told me, just as he had more than a few times before whenever we've had to part like this.

I laughed a little. I didn't mean to sound as sad as I did. I just couldn't help but wonder whether or not he could ever understand how important all my memories with him were.  
If he'll ever think they were as important, too.

He smiled at my laugh, looked away, and he was gone.

I was alone on the dark street again.

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Everything was so simple… and so complicated.  
We both understood there was so much to work through from now on… and even though I had no idea what he felt about me and what we've put each other through recently, I still had found this strange foundation of contentment in just knowing that this wasn't the end.  
We were finally going to start to work things out.

I hoped that things didn't fall apart this time.

I had to make sure I didn't let them.

I started walking up the street again. I needed to get home to check on my parents, take a shower… and then go to the bridge to wait for him.

Just like before….

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**Review?**

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	84. Coupling Targets

**Chapter 84!**

**Title: "Coupling Targets"**

**Note: Just a little mini-chapter, really…. more story to be had, though.**

**Dislcaimer: I own nothing!**

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After he disappeared I almost didn't know what to do with myself. I would have hated feeling like that again, if I wasn't still distracted by the fact that I _could_ feel like this again.  
There was something strangely addictive, that I'd forgotten, about the way he always had a way of turning my world around just enough to disorient me.

But right now I needed to get back to the rest of my world.

I had to focus on my life right now.

Family, friends, job.

I had to get home, I had to check on my parents, I had to let them know I was alright. I would have to wait to check on the rest of my team till tomorrow, moving around the village too much right now isn't a good idea. And if I get any further orders, they'll be coming from Kakashi who will know where to track me down.

My mind travelled, at that thought to the fact he had actually visited my home tonight…he had used the front door and had spoken to my mom and everything. I nearly smiled at how domestic that seemed.

But as I let my eyes fall to my feet, which were taking me in the direction of my home, before that smile could form on my lips, I realized I also needed to change.

I hadn't realized till now all the blood that was caking into my shirt and jacket. My mind spun back to Iruka-sensei, the victim this blood belonged to. I worried about him for a moment. I would have to see him tomorrow before he was dismissed.

I decided to pick up my pace so I could get home faster.

I was almost there, thinking about how much I wouldn't mind a shower after all of this, when something stopped me.

"Sakura-chan." A familiar voice called my name. The business-like tone sounded funny with that friendly suffix. I knew right away who it was.

I stopped in my tracks looking around the dark street for the black-haired boy I knew was somewhere around here.

"How did you find me?" I called out, frankly a little confused at the coincidence of bumping into him now.

"Tracking." He said as he finally appeared from the shadows. He wore one of his friendliest smiles, apparently making an effort to seem nice.

I shuffled on the spot.

"You shouldn't do that to friends." I told him. "It's a little impersonal." I explained with a testing look.

He nodded seriously, as if making a point to remember my advice.

"I just wanted to inquire about your progress with Umino-san." He continued.

My eyes opened a little in surprise. This boy has a seriously strange timing… it's almost as if he knew what had happened. Then again, it wouldn't surprise me… Sai was always extremely observant.

"Why?" I asked warily, but without any seriousness.

"I heard about his injury, and that you were his attending physician." Yep, there it was. "I assumed you had made some progress given the intimate situations between patient and physician."

I nearly cringed at that last sentence. _'Intimate situation'_, alright... embarrassingly intimate, actually. Sai, for having learned everything he knew about relationships through books, seemed to have a knack for figuring out _my_ life at least.

He spoke up again before I could confirm his assumption, "You've switched targets, correct? Umino-san is your coupling partner now, isn't he?"

My face twitched at the way he said that.

"No." I said a little loudly.

His expression went blank with confusion. I sighed before explaining. "Listen, Sai, I want you to start telling everyone who thinks I'm with Iruka-sensei that I'm not."

He nodded again, but this time as if I was giving him an order. I worried he didn't understand what I actually meant and was only nodding out of habit, but he asked up only a moment later, "What would you want me to tell them? Have you switched back to Kakashi-san?"

"Yes." I said too soon. "No." I corrected even quicker. I took another moment, ignoring Sai's observant stare. "… I-I never switched. I mean, I don't have a target anymore." That sounded like the right thing to say, it bothered me a little.

"No target." Sai repeated dutifully.

"Don't tell anyone anything new. Just tell them I'm _not_ with Iruka-sensei."

Sai nodded again and seemed to move a little, like he was about to just drop the conversation and leave like that, but his curiosity apparently got the best of him. He paused and turned to me.

"Why not?" He asked that immensely complicated question so simply, like a little kid.

I stammered, struggling for a quick way to explain something that took me a long time to figure out myself, "Uhh… I just don't…. We're… just friends."

He took a moment to compute that. I was actually a little worried he didn't understand or something and I'd have to explain some more. But after that moment he looked up at me and very plainly said:

"Like us."

I smiled.

"Yeah. Like us." I sighed again, with relief.

"So Kakashi-san is your current coupling partner." My relief was stifled at that.

"Please stop saying it like that." I told him sternly. "And, no, Kakashi and I are…" I paused, thinking hard now. "I don't know…." I admitted.

I thought back to what had just happened between us. He seemed so cold to me... but there was a glimmer of the warmth I remember from him, as well. It was like he was caught between being two different men: the one I had had that relationship with, and the one who was probably upset with being lied to.  
I grimaced a little as I spoke up again.

"He probably won't want anything to do with me now… at least not with coupling… or partner-ing…. Probably…" I finished awkwardly.

"You care for him, don't you?" Sai asked."You want him to have something to do with you?"

"… Yeah." I responded after taking a moment of my own to compute how poignant Sai was starting to sound.

"With coupling?" He ruined the poignancy.

"… That's a lit-"

"Then don't give up." He smiled his uniform smile and I just stood there, taking that in.  
I never thought I'd get love advice from Sai… at least not advice I'd take this seriously.

"Good evening." He bowed a little, ready to leave.

"Wait." I called to him.

"I have to get back to headquarters. I'll be sure to tell everyone you're not coupling with Umino-san." He reassured me over his shoulder as he started up a jog.

"Ok….Thanks." I showed my gratitude with a smile and a wave, which he returned in an almost mimicking manner.

He disappeared into the shadows after a few seconds of running.  
I shook my head a little at how crazy that little conversation was, but I was glad to have a friend like Sai to help out… even if he said the most uncomfortable things sometimes.  
_'Coupling'…. How embarrassing…_

But a part of me hoped that the days of potential 'coupling' weren't over for me just yet, I admitted to myself with an embarrassed cringe.

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More to come!


	85. Conversations and Crossroads

**Chapter 85**

**Title: **_'Conversations and Crossroads'_

**NOTE:**

**Ok, now that finals are almost over and I can afford the time to sit down and write something that I'm not constantly deleting, I'm going to try and give this story an ending it deserves.**

**I'm not sure how long it'll take or how many chapters are left, but I can't bring myself to start up any other projects I've been wanting to pick up without finishing this one.**

**Although the affection that some of you once felt for this story may have dwindled over the time I've made you wait for the updates, I hope that if you're still interested in seeing how it all ends that you will enjoy what I have left to offer.**

**Thank you very much to all of you who have made it this far, and so without any further adieu, I'll carry on with the story and we'll see where it takes us.**

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"What were they after?" Kakashi asked as he entered the Archive Room of scurrying men and women who were struggling to pick up bits of papers and scrolls which were strewn across the floor in a disarray of what looked like a small hurricane caused by the intruders from earlier.  
The Hokage stood among the people which a stern look cementing her features, her eyes maintaining a single point on the wall. Deep in thought, but still completely aware of everything happening around her, she didn't need to acknowledge Kakashi's entrance before she spoke.

"We'll find that out soon enough." She mumbled. "We'll have to go through the entire register, but we have some time. Whatever they took was encoded, they shouldn't be able to decipher anything for at least a few days. And whatever they're planning shouldn't take less than a week to prepare for, probably."

"Do you think they're planning an attack on the village?" He asked, learning from experience what usually happens after their archives have been meddled with.

"No…. But we'll need to keep an eye on the incoming mission requests for any traps." She answered.

"What did you need me for?" Kakashi cut to the chase, his mind still in other places.

The falsely-young woman looked over to him, losing not an ounce of tension from her demeanor, "We have a twin library in Kibuya. Sakura had spent enough time filing our own Archives for me these past few years to know a thing or two from memory, and frankly, I trust her more than some of these idiots." A few of the attendants picking up paper scraps looked up with an insulted look, "I wanted to see if I could take her off your hands for a few days." At that Tsunade turned to address one of the scurrying attendants with some orders, not bothering to wait for an answer.

"I don't think that would be in our best interest, Lady Hokage." Kakashi answered quickly without checking himself first. He knew it was a mistake the moment he said it, but he couldn't stop himself. A part of him he couldn't quite understand yet had made it an instinct of his to keep Sakura within his reach… the idea of her leaving the village for a few days, especially at a time like this, was not something he could let happen without trying to stop.

Tsunade paused for a moment to look back to him with something like surprise taking over her expression. She seemed to lose focus on the current situation for a brief moment.  
Kakashi could see a glimmer of something like curiosity flash in the Hokage's eyes.

"Oh?" She asked with something humor mixing with her previous tension, "Then I guess I'll have to see if I can send Imada instead…" she finished slowly.

"Is that all you needed, Hokage?" Kakashi asked a little stiffly.

She nodded without blinking.

He turned to leave before her voice stopped him.

"Kakashi…." She called.

"Yes?" He turned around swiftly.

He kept his eyes on hers as she took a few steps closer, her hands on her hips. He could feel her silent interrogation, she knew he was hiding something, but he wasn't about to give anything up. After a moment longer of her stare she looked away with a huff of annoyance, as if she had lost a bet.

"Keep me updated." She said with a tired and casual tone as she turned away again.

"I will." He answered professionally, not showing any of the relief he felt, before nodding and leaving the room as quickly as he could without arousing further suspicion.

He wondered as he walked out of the building, if he couldn't help but be so transparent even while he was still oblivious to his crimes, how much more obvious he must have been when he knew everything he had done.

Although he had some time to spare his mind wasn't anywhere but on that bridge and the girl who would be waiting there.

He also couldn't help but wonder, if his mind could be so monopolized by her now, how he could've spared even a moment to think about anything else when he was actually with her.

But despite the questions he had for himself, he had more than a few for her.

And there was one, in particular, he wanted an answer to first.

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"Why'd you hide it from me?" His voice asked from behind me.

I hadn't been standing there, on the bridge, more than a moment but suddenly it felt as if my whole world came crashing down onto me. Between the time I had last heard his voice and now I had managed to secure the infrastructure of my life: I talked with a friend, I reassured my family, I took a shower, took care of my bloodied clothes, and changed into something I wouldn't feel completely embarrassed to be seen in by him. I had prepared myself from the moment he was gone, with every step I took, to see him again and now, even though I could only barely hear him over the hammering of my heart, I still wasn't ready.

But, despite any kind of preparation, I wouldn't have been ready for that question.

I would've been able to handle any question but that one.

And it was the first thing he said to me.

"I…." I started, wanting to chase away the unbearable silence which had spread between us. I needed to at least look at him. He was there, the way he's always looked; practically unchanged from the first day I met him despite the few years which have passed. That familiarity didn't help my nerves; it frayed them, in fact. What I wished I really could have seen was his face. I wanted to see his whole face, I wanted to see him smile, I wanted to pretend none of this had ever happened and things could be simple between us again. Words suddenly found their way out of me before I could get a chance to stop them, "I was afraid."

And then, in the moment of complete stillness which followed my words, everything about him changed. He wasn't the same as before. I couldn't explain, not even to myself, but I could sense that something about him was different. I couldn't tell how though… whether he understood my words and all the emotional luggage which came with them, and if he accepted that answer with compassion or detestment. A part of me, the part of me which had so inexplicably formed those words before I knew I was saying them, didn't really care what he was thinking as much as it did that I had said them. The weight of my world which had crashed onto me when he asked that question had lifted itself off of me the moment I answered truthfully.  
it was so strange, this feeling of telling the truth... I hadn't really realized how often I had lied to him recently...  
That moment of weightlessness came to halt when he interrupted the horrible silence again.

"What we had happened between us was wrong." His voice was low.

My heart understood the words before my brain could and plummeted while my eyes could do nothing but stare at him. This was not what I had expected, and yet, I hadn't expected anything else.  
I had been so scared of those words it had arrested my life, I was so scared that if I heard him say those words everything I knew would fall apart and I would disintegrate as well.

But he said them, he actually said them, and... I was still here.

If I had heard him say this to me weeks ago, or only a few days ago, I would have withered under the cruelty of those words. I wouldn't have been able to think about anything other than the pain they caused me… but as I heard them right now, all I felt was… nothing.  
It was almost as if I was numb. Almost as if the words had bounced right off of me.  
I couldn't tell if it was only the shock of hearing them, and that the pain would come later, but whatever caused this stillness of my emotions, I was grateful for it. I didn't want to turn back into the blubbering mess I was. I needed to keep my head. I needed to hear him out. After all, this was what I wanted.

I've always wanted to know what he really thought about our relationship.

I had always wanted to know exactly what he thought about us... and now I could finally get the truth.

And the truth was definitely something I had gone far too long without to deny it now when it meant the most.

"I'm a full grown man." He continued with the same, low, tone that held no trace of emotion. _'Full grown man'_. That phrase hadn't bothered me this much since the assassination mission, my mind wandered strangely. "I'm your captain, I was your teacher. It was my responsibility to you to protect you."

_Protect me from what?_  
I wanted to ask, but didn't. I couldn't make myself say anything. I was stuck in listening-mode. It was as if a part of me was just waiting for the right thing to respond to. I had no idea why, but I decided to follow that feeling.

I could see his expression harden after a moment of silence… he hadn't expected this silence from me.

"It was wrong for me to have lied to the entire village. I've betrayed everyone's trust." He added weakly, taking a half-step forward, as if to add an emphasis to his words. "It was wrong for me to include myself in your personal life." He paused with a suddenness that made me feel as if he had so much more to say. I stayed quiet.

"It was wrong for me to let myself get so close to you. It was wrong that my forced my way into your life, I should have known better. It was wrong that I made you lie to everyone for me." He looked away from me.

I found my voice at that.

"You think you made me lie for you?" I asked with more annoyance in my voice than I thought I would have.

"You did lie for me." He corrected me.

"But you didn't _make_ me lie for you." I retorted a little strongly.

"What choice did you have but to lie to protect me once I'd gone too far?"His voice grew louder. "If you didn't lie to protect my reputation, you would've been betraying your captain. The moment I did something that had to be kept a secret from others with you, I condemned you to live a lie without an escape!" His voice sped through his words so quickly I could barely understand them, but I could understand within moments after he said them that these were thoughts he's kept hidden for a long time."It was wrong that I made you keep a secret that ate away at your life just because I couldn't control myself." The energy he put into his words told me everything I needed to know. And it was contagious, I was starting to feel a kind of energy bubble up in my chest, as well. I needed to prove him wrong… and I knew how. It would be tricky, but if I knew him the way I thought I did, I could definitely do it.

"You're right." I started softly, contradicting myself for a reason. It was interesting to see the twitch in his expression when he heard me say that, even though he seemed to almost be in pain I took it as a good sign, "I wouldn't have lied if it hadn't been for you. If you hadn't returned my feelings, if only you would've turned me down and treated me like the kid you must think I am, I wouldn't have had to go through a lot of problems and struggled to keep a lot of secrets because of you." My voice was getting louder against my will, but I could see his brow begin to furrow and his chest start to rise and fall faster, as if his breathing was picking up. I'd never seen him be so affected by my words; I suddenly knew what it felt like to be him when he would do this to me. I wanted to smirk at the way things, in these past few days, have been turned on their head. I've been able to become more like him, and I've finally started to get to him they way he always could get to me. I wondered how proud he would be if only he could figure it out, too. "I wouldn't have to be worried every time I go home or see my friends whether or not they've finally figured out what was going on between us. I wouldn't have to feel guilty every time I lie to our team about how strangely you'd been acting. Things would have been a lot simpler if you _had_ stayed out of my 'personal' life." He took a step forward and a step back, I could tell he didn't like it when I said these things. I changed my tone before continuing. "But you didn't stay out because I didn't want you to. I dealt with all the problems, all the worrying, I dealt with all the lies because I wanted to." He looked at me differently now. I took a step toward him, his stance stiffened as if he had to make sure he didn't move any closer to me.

"You didn't _make_ me do anything." I lowered my voice.

"But I did." He answered after a moment, "I must have." He added, less certainty in his voice. He looked away from me, his voice under more control now. "I must have done something to you and your life if you were too scared, too afraid, to tell me about what we had... There must have been a reason why you wanted to take this chance to leave me." And then his voice fell with that sentence to a tone I'd only heard a few times before. I stayed quiet to hear the rest. "I don't remember much, and what I do remember doesn't make much sense, but I can remember how I felt." He was quieter when he said the next sentence, "Everything felt... perfect."

My heart stuttered.

"But I must have been too blinded by… what I wanted... to see you wanted something else, that you wanted a way out of the twisted life I'd given you." That guilt, that shame, in his voice brought back a lot of my own memories, but my mind flickered at those last words.

I took a step forward. He had been looking over the water as he had spoken just now, but I wasn't going to take my eyes off him.

"I didn't want anything else." I corrected him. "Even though I worried and whined and complained your ears off every day, and I lied to everyone every day, I did it because what I wanted was only what I could have with you."

"Sakura-" He tried to stop me from saying more, taking a step back as if he didn't want to hear anything else.  
I couldn't stand the thought of him not knowing this, so I didn't stop.

"Even now you have no idea how many times we've had this conversation. You always thought you were taking advantage of me, and I would have to tell you again and again and again that…" I paused to see him turn his head towards me a little, as if he was hanging onto my next words, "… you couldn't take advantage of me even if you wanted to." I finished with a little smile.

I thought I could actually see a wave of relief wash over him and something like a smile threaten his lips under that mask before he tensed again as soon as I started my next sentence.

"And after the overdose, I couldn't bring myself to tell you about us because I was too afraid that you'd regret what we had." The words that had been burning a hole in my mind seemed to float out of my mouth and into the breeze effortlessly compared to how heavy they'd been in me. "I was afraid, that after I told you, you'd do everything you could to try and forget again."

At that he looked at me. I suddenly felt my heart give a few awkward thuds just like they did the day I figured out my feelings for him. I felt like I was standing in that forest again, admitting my feelings for him, waiting for him to turn me down and avoid me for the years to come.

"I tried to." It was my turn to feel some shock when he said that. "I started to figure things out on my own and every time I got close to the truth I tried not to listen. I didn't want it to be true."

And there it was: that pain I had put off for this long. It wasn't a searing pain like I thought it would be, it was a dull blow of disappointment.  
_So, in the end, his feelings for me were only a fluke in the first place… a lucky mistake. I guess a second chance was too much to ask for.  
_And just as if he had gone back in time to that day in the forest and told me exactly what I was so afraid to hear, "It's only a crush, you'll get over it", I felt that disappointment spread into heart, stomach, and limbs sharply.

I let a half-smile pull at the corner of my mouth, "I understand", my voice broke with a crack that sounded too sad, but nowhere near enough to reflect my actual feelings.

"No, that's not-" He spoke up with only a hint of awkwardness, as if he couldn't figure out what to say to soften the emotional blow for me when he was going to tell me he thought it was best to forget what had happened between us.

"It's fine, really, don't worry about it." I didn't want to hear him actually say it, I'd rather just leave it at this. I turned to walk away and take some time to deal with this, until he stopped me.

"Sakura." I felt his hand close on mine, anchoring me to him strongly. "Listen." He ordered.

I didn't want to, but I decided that it would be best to start following orders again now that we were probably on our way back to being simply captain and subordinate again. The thought alone tugged moisture out of my tear ducts without my consent.

"I didn't want it to be true because of what I thought it meant. I was afraid of what kind of man I'd become, of what I'd done to you, of whether or not I had more brain damage than I thought," His voice had humor, I tried to let it comfort me. "But I was most afraid of what it meant you were going through."

My heart took that cue to start pounding against my ribcage.

"If what you felt for me wasn't forced, if you felt even a fraction of what I did. It must have been painful. Seeing me every day, knowing everything you did..." His voice had pride in it, but something else, too...

Again the moisture pushed itself into a film over my eyes, I fought it back. I almost couldn't let myself believe his voice, that tone. I hadn't heard that tone in so long, the warmth behind it, that affection. It seemed to foreign to me, but so familiar I couldn't really understand how much it meant to me.

We both took a moment. I didn't say anything. I only let my eyes wander between his masked face and his hand on mine.  
His voice picked up again when he saw me looking at his hand.

"But I guess this is our crossroads." His voice was different, calmer now, "Sakura…" I listened intently, loving the sound of his voice saying my name, still looking at his hand, "… Now that we're at something of a breaking point, I think your life would be more comfortable if we took a few years to…" His hand twitched, as if he was thinking of letting go. I couldn't let him do that.

Again, my brain acted before I could give it permission, but this time it didn't matter.

The moment I felt my arm tense and pull him forward, the moment I felt the silhouette of his lips on my own, I had no doubt that there was anything else in the world I'd rather be doing in that moment.

He felt completely motionless for a moment, a moment that would've filled me with dread if I wasn't already so completely drunk off of finally feeling him this close to me again.

I knew we were going to have an altogether different conversation as soon as this one-sided kiss ended, but I didn't care in this moment. All I cared about was this freedom, the freedom to touch him again.

I would deal with the moment after this one as soon as it got here, but for now… all I cared about was the one I was living in, which was one where I could kiss him like this again.

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This is not the end, of course, but it is the beginning of the end.

I'll try and update this again soon. : )


	86. UPDATE

**UPDATE!:**

Ok. I don't have a chapter for you today -sorry to any of you who got your hopes up-, but it's been a long hiatus, hasn't it?

So I think it's about time I get this story back up and running. This update is just to let you guys know that a new chapter is on its way!

What do you guys say? Can you forgive me for the wait I've given you and even go as far as forgive me for the few days of waiting to come until the next chapter?

I hope so, and I hope you all are doing well!

Also, I hate to ask so much from you guys, but if you could leave me a review just to let me know who's still around, that would be very lovely!

Thank you guys so much! I don't deserve you! :')


	87. Interruptions

**Chapter 87!**

_Title__: 'Interruptions'_

**Note****: Good to be back, guys! Hope you enjoy!**

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I felt his lips move only a little before they left mine, but I couldn't be sure if that little bit wasn't just because of shock.

"Sakura." He called my name with something like surprise, a tone I wasn't at all used to hearing from him. I guessed he hadn't expected that. I suddenly computed the last words he had said before I did this… I was very glad I'd interrupted him.

"Just…." I muttered almost drunkenly, trailing off as I leaned in again without thinking, this time my fingers reached up to the top of his mask, ready to pull it down and finally kiss him the way I'd wanted.

"No, I can't." And just like that I felt his hands gingerly push my shoulders away from him. "This is too much." His voice reminded me of Iruka-sensei for a strange moment with the way he sounded almost like he thought this was 'too inappropriate', as Iruka-sensei would probably put it.

I looked up at him, taking in his strangely conflicted expression before I realized a moment later with dread exactly what I'd done. I knew I kissed him, but I hadn't thought about what it would mean to him. In a way he _was_ kind of like Iruka-sensei right now. Kakashi was still Kakashi-sensei... and so...

For him, that was our first kiss.

For him this was all those months ago, during the assassin-mission. Despite how much I'd gotten used to it, kissing me was actually something new for him right now. My stomach flipped with a gargantuan embarrassment at the thought that I had actually just forced a 'first' kiss on the man who had given me my own.  
Though, he didn't react how I did, of course. He's a grown man. A kiss doesn't mean as much as it did to me, especially with Kakashi's past experience with women (I tried not to think about Asaka right then). So he really only seemed a little unsettled when he cleared his throat shortly, as if to try and snap me back into attention.

"I-I'm sorry." I stuttered, snatching my hands away from the sides of his face and neck where they had settled out of habit. "I wasn't thinking…." I took a step back, finally feeling that abashed anxiety I knew was waiting for me when I first decided to kiss him. I just didn't think it'd feel this horribly, deeply, embarrassing. "I'd forgotten that you wouldn't-"

"You don't have to apologize." He sighed tiredly as he interrupted my rushed apology. I knew that sigh. He really only ever sounded like that when he was trying to think objectively when he was almost too tired to try. I really didn't need him thinking objectively right now. "Look. I understand that- well, I have an impression that… our relationship was more than I'd be comfortable with…." He looked away from me, his expression twisted in a few familiar ways of shame and discomfort.

I wanted to smile and grimace the moment he said that. He never had been quite comfortable with our relationship, when it was too slow or too fast. But it was nice to hear him talking about 'our relationship', again. I'd gotten so used to thinking that I'd be the only one who would remember it. Hearing him talk about it seemed to cement my life into place again, even if his tone wasn't all that accepting of the topic. And that's where I wanted to grimace.

Even though my brain and heart had both been saturated with the hope and joyful disbelief that the wait before I could finally be with him again might have been over, now that we both knew the truth, it was clear now that there was still something very important I didn't think about:

His decision.

I felt like a child for not considering the fact that even though he could recognize our previous relationship and still have feelings for me, he could be a man more responsible than he was all those months ago and stop himself from making the same dangerous decision a second time.

I was so busied with my thoughts about what exactly must have been going through his head that I almost didn't catch what he was saying next.

"But I'm not sure about the depth, or how seriously we took things-"

I stopped him there. Firstly because I couldn't just listen to him try and map things out blindly, and secondly because I really couldn't let him think we took ourselves at all too seriously… not with his games, at least. In my heart, though, I couldn't think of how much more seriously we could have taken ourselves.  
That truth made my decision to interrupt him more painful than I thought it would be.

"Kakashi." I interrupted him, feeling a little light-hearted with how easily I could say his name without a suffix and still see his attention turn to me without any surprise–I hoped that meant he could remember, in some way, that he had always made a point to have me call him by his name alone-. I took a deep breath, trying to build the strength I didn't know I had to say exactly what I didn't want to say, "You don't have to think of a way to let me down gently. We _were_ more serious than that." I summarized, trying to ignore how every syllable I said was adding to a weight crushing down on my heart.

"Sakura." He said my name, returning the favor of leaving off any suffix, and I almost forgot what I was going to say, but it was too important to finish my thoughts so I continued.

"What we had before really only started because… I don't know… a mistake?" I tripped over my words, trying not to look at him."I wouldn't expect you to make it twice." I surprised myself with how calmly I said that since I wanted to take it all back the moment I said it. I knew better, though.

I almost would have went on staring at the ground, waiting for him to say something and take the chance I was giving him to cut things off here, but I looked up sooner than I thought I would when I heard him exhale with a quiet chuckle.

"What?" I couldn't think of any reason why any of this would be funny, especially not to someone who could change my life with only a few words right now.

"You sounded like me just now." He explained. I felt my heart thud happily with how proud he sounded, but I had no idea why, I was actually still a little annoyed he thought anything about this was funny. I only stared at him as he took a moment to think before speaking again.  
And then I saw it.  
That moment when he closed his eyes and smiled at himself like he knew he was doing something he shouldn't but wanted to do it anyways. My insides coiled into electric wires waiting to hear him speak again.

"The only mistake I could make now is to make a decision too quickly."

_What?_

"It would be unfair to you… to both of us." I could barely read he voice. He sounded objective, but I knew that he had to be feeling something as he said this. I was. I was a light-show of emotions in this moment. I just hoped he couldn't tell. "If I didn't know everything I could before I…."He trailed off at the worst moment.

"What do you mean?" I asked forwardly, staring at his masked face, looking for any hint of what he was thinking. I couldn't decipher him.  
I cursed myself for not studying him harder when I had the chance to weeks ago.

And then the entire tone of the moment changed.

"It's almost dawn." He looked over my shoulder at the brightening horizon, I hadn't even noticed, the sky could've be on fire and I wouldn't know. I really couldn't care about anything else other than him right now. "I have to go and report with the others." His tone changed again and I nearly stumbled at his suddenly professional attitude. "Go rest for the day, they'll be setting up the day shift patrol now. I'll tell them you need to rest." He started walking away.

"But-!"

"Meet me here again, tonight." He said that one insanely nostalgic phrase with a maddeningly nostalgic tone and then he was out of sight.

And I was alone on that bridge another damn time.

. . .

I didn't know what to do with myself.

Again.

He always did that!

Why did he always have to _do_ that?

Why couldn't he just talk to me like a normal person and say exactly what's on his mind?

I was left there with half a mind to chase after him and beat an explanation out of him, though I knew much better not to. Instead I contemplated punching a tree or something just to get rid of this anxiety.  
_How am I supposed to 'rest' today when he left things like that?_  
I ranted inwardly, letting out some loud groans of frustration as I started pacing the spot, though anyone who could see me would have probably thought I was crazy because of how widely I was smiling.

I couldn't explain how happy it actually made me that he could still do this to me. I hated it, but I knew him well enough to know this was probably one of the best ways he could have handled this.

I still hated it though, not knowing what he was thinking.

It almost sounded like he was going to give this a second chance, but it almost sounded like he was also thinking about leaving it. But he wanted to meet again tonight?

I would have been completely happy, ecstatic, if I wasn't so deeply confused and frustrated by his mixed messages.

What kind of decision-making skills does he _have_?

It's all fine for him to postpone decisions and dangle his answer, but I'm the one who has to sit and wait for him.

I was a raging mixture of frustration and hope and dread. But, deep down, I really didn't mind. He had always had a way of doing this to me before. The fact I was feeling anything other than the depression which had overtaken me this past week was enough of a blessing.

But I was still kind of pissed… kind of really pissed… though I was overcome by that, again, nostalgic impatience for nightfall even though the sun was only just rising behind me.

… … … … … … … … …

The sun was already spilling light over the treetops by the time he could see the central balcony buzzing with the other Jounin team captains and their teams. Kakashi could feel a hesitation in him as he approached the site. He'd spent only these last few minutes trying to get his head straight again and he knew well enough now that a matter of minutes wasn't enough for him to completely square away his thoughts of that girl.  
It had been difficult before, but now, after what had happened, it was nearly impossible.

Especially after that kiss.

Even though it was masked and unreciprocated, he had still been able to feel in the way she moved and touched him that whatever they had had between them was much more intense than he could have guessed. Though, his mind was still reeling from the fact that she had actually had the kind of nerve to kiss him like that. He hadn't expected it at all.

What spun his head even more -something he definitely couldn't let himself think about too much- was the fact that Sakura, being a girl who had probably had very little experience before their relationship, most likely learned how to move like that from him.

He nearly lost his footing when his heart seemed to stutter with that thought and memory again in a nauseating mixture of shame and pride.

The melting pot of feelings he was trying to deal with right then grew even more volatile when he thought about the fact he was going to see her again tonight…  
But even if his head was a mess, he needed to try and keep his straight face and steady leadership skills, especially now that the village was on alert after the break-in last night.

"Ah! Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto yelled out at him just as his feet touched the ground. "Can we get a break now?" He asked without pausing, indicating Sai as the other part of the 'we' of his sentence.  
Kakashi gave one look over to the others discussing reports, judging the scene and seeing that things were probably calming down throughout the village he decided that his other team members could afford a rest.

"Yes." Kakashi answered squarely, "You two should catch a few hours sleep. You might be needed again tonight, though."

Naruto gave a little huff at that comment before stretching contentedly and marching off with a yawn. It didn't surprise him that Naruto hadn't asked about the status of the library or anything similar, Naruto was more of the type of concern himself if there was imminent danger, not just suspicion. Kakashi was about to turn his attention to the other team captains for the ritual exchanging of reports, his own would be rather valuable given his involvement in the action last night, but he was caught a little off-guard when he saw Sai hadn't taken the opportunity to leave yet. Instead, the boy walked up to Kakashi silently, making for a very awkward few moments of silence, before he spoke up.

"How is Sakura-chan?" Sai asked almost robotically, the tone clashing with that friendly suffix he used.

Kakashi took a moment to register the strangeness in that question as well as the slight paranoia that he was growing more and more used to whenever anyone brought up Sakura around him.

"She should be fine. She's already been given the day off as well." He answered with an equally mechanical tone. He was about ready to walk away before Sai spoke up again.

"I presume because of all the excitement surrounding Umino-san's injuries."

… Kakashi's paranoia grew a little stronger. He was suddenly over-aware of the groups of people talking around them and whether or not any of them were close enough or distracted enough to hear what Sai was talking about. He didn't need anyone overhearing Sakura's name connected to Iruka's right now.

"She was his attending physician, yes. But I'm sure Iruka will be fine." He tried to end it there, but almost as if Sai was trying to make things deliberately uncomfortable he took a step closer, butting into Kakashi's personal space.

Sai took a long moment before continuing.  
"Despite rumors, I can vouch for Sakura-chan that she and Umino-san are not coupling partners." The raven-haired kid informed quietly. "I just thought, as our captain, it would be prudent for you to know."

Kakashi stood there, unflinchingly still, for a long moment.

He computed the words, the strange choice of them, how he felt a flash of jealousy when 'Sakura', 'Umino' and 'coupling' were placed in the same sentence, and then the severe discomfort and paranoia which arose from the entire situation.

If anyone else had thought it would be 'prudent' knowledge for him to know Sakura and Iruka weren't…. 'coupling'… then he would have immediately suspected them for knowing something they shouldn't.

But this was Sai.

He gave the kid one look over, making eye contact with his dark eyes.

Years of interrogation skills, and simply knowing how strange this boy could be, let him see that Sai didn't know exactly what he was doing right then. He sighed, taking a step back, a little relieved.

"Ok. Thank you , Sai." He sounded as passive as he could.

Sai nodded, trying to use a 'have a good day look', but failing. Kakashi watched as the boy walked away, wondering what exactly must have been going on with him and whether or not he had to be worried about it before something caught his attention.

"Yeah, I heard our twin library in Kibuya got hit too." A surly voice shared with another halfway across the balcony. He listened intently, not making a move to join in on the conversation, just interested in eavesdropping.

"What'd they take?" The other voice belonged to a Jounin who hadn't earned much of a title in the village, but Kakashi recognized his boyish voice from the few times they'd worked together.

"The Hokage won't say, but Kibuya's already on full alert. They're definitely gonna need some help over there."

"Really? We've already got mountains of mission requests and these new patrolling shifts, how many people can we spare?" The other complained loudly.

Kakashi stood there, more than a little conflicted. He knew that he should have been interested in assisting Kibuya and that he should be planning a visit with Tsunade to find out just what was taken, but his first concern, before anything else, was whether or not they'd send Sakura over.

Again, she was centered in his mind.

He couldn't tell for sure whether she really took up this much of his life now or whether it only seemed that way because she took up most of his thoughts, but around every corner there was something he worried about because of her.

Either way he couldn't help but wonder just how close they'd been if worrying about her this much already seemed like a second nature.

… … … … … … … … … … … … …

"I know you said I needed to get some rest but I had to come tell yo-" I realized half a sentence too late that I wasn't talking to anyone.

I slid the door open the whole way, as I leaned into the hospital room to look around as if he could still be in the room even though the bed was already empty and remade and there wasn't a trace of him. Not a bloody vest on the chair or a chart hanging off the edge of the bed.

I guess I should have checked with the receptionist first before barging into the patient corridors but I hadn't wanted to deal with her.  
But I was pleasantly surprised when I made my way to reception that the shifts must have switched at dawn for them as well because the receptionist that had treated me so snootily last night had been replaced with the young mousy girl who'd always been very nice to me even though she never talked much. I still remember that one time she had me bring Jiraiya-sama's presents –Icha Icha novels- to Kakashi's room a few months ago.  
I walked up to her trying not to dwell on happy memories.

She looked up at me with that standard, and yet somehow personable when it was coming from her, phrase, "What could I do for you?"

"I was here to visit Iruka- Umino Iruka." I added his family name quickly, trying to sound more professional than simply calling him by his first name. I blinked a little too quickly when I remembered the last time I tried to call him by his first name alone.

"Oh." She started hesitantly, her whole expression lighting up for some reason, "He already checked himself out a few hours ago."

My heart dropped a fraction even though the receptionist's smile widened genuinely when she spoke up before I could ask about his condition with a preemptive answer, "He seemed a little tired, but I think you must have done a really good job. It's rare for someone to spend only one night here after a puncture wound like his."

My brows knitted together for a fraction of a second at her strange comment and how it was true, I wondered why he _had_ checked out so early, but I smiled appreciatively for her compliment.

"Thank you, then." I thanked her verbally for her time before I was ready to leave, but she spoke up again.

"I-um…. If you want I could sign your name for his check-up instead of the usual guy. Just in case you were worried or something like that." She offered with nervous enthusiasm, her smile even brighter if that were possible.

I knew she was trying to be helpful but I was picking up something from the way she was acting that made it seem like she _wanted_ me to go check up on him. I blinked a little too rapidly again at that moment when I remembered that people were keeping an eye on my proximity with Iruka-sensei right now. Even though she didn't seem to be one of the people who seemed disturbed by the idea of Iruka-sensei and I together –she actually seemed a little eager to have me see him again-, that sealed my decision.

"No, thanks. I'll leave it to the usual person." I declined her offer gently. I could see some disappointment in her eyes, but I knew this was the better choice. Not only because it would be best to make some space between me and him until the rumors faded a bit, but just to give him space.

He's injured and probably really tired after a night in the hospital. He doesn't need me showing up with all my drama.

Dealing with my own slight disappointment with my decision –I had actually been looking forward to seeing him today- I turned to leave, but was interrupted again.

"Oh, I can't believe I almost forgot!" The receptionist called out as she stood up to get my attention. "The Lady Hokage sent out a message that when you showed up we should tell you to 'come and see her'." The mousy woman recited as if it were verbatim but with a sweet perkiness that could never be seen from Tsunade. "She must have known you'd come check on Umino-san." The receptionist beamed at that last sentence as if she was happy, personally, that I'd came to check on 'Umino-san'.

"Oh, ok. Thanks for telling me." I thanked her yet again before finally leaving.

A little nervous I made my way towards the center of the village.

… … … … … … … … … … … …

Iruka poured another cup of tea before setting down the kettle and making his way to his couch slowly, careful not to move too much and undo the fragile new skin keeping his wound sealed.

He knew he should have stayed at the hospital. He should be resting and monitored just in case his body rejects the unnaturally new scar tissue.

Instead he was in his apartment, trying to grade the mess of papers filed into different piles on the couch cushions and table in front of him. He was trying to enjoy some peace and quiet even though he knew that the whole village was on full alert and that half the people in the village were probably not thinking all that well of him right now. Especially after the news of what happened last night.

He sighed, rubbing his forehead.

His eyes were sore from lack of sleep, but he couldn't think about lying down and doing nothing for another minute after spending the whole night like that.

He needed to do _something_.

Grading papers that didn't need to be graded for another week was good enough a distraction to take the edge off.

But that distraction was short-lived. He was snapped out of his 'peace and quiet' with a few steady knocks on his door.

After only the few strained seconds it took for Iruka to reach the door and open it, he saw one of the only people he'd be happy not ever seeing again and heard a greeting equally unwelcome.

"Hey, Dolphin."

"Kuroke." Iruka didn't expend any more breath or effort for his greeting than he had to, regretfully not breaking free enough from his usual overly-polite demeanor to simply close the door again and go back to his tea and papers the way he really wanted to.

After the following conversation he knew he'd wish he had _slammed_ the door at that moment.

… … … … … … … … … … … …

Standing in Lady Tsunade's office again shouldn't have made me so nervous. I'd spent a lot of time here over the past couple years, but somehow, with what's been happening in my personal life, I couldn't help but feel a slow creeping anxiety crawl over me. I stood there waiting for Lady Tsunade to finish signing some paperwork.

A few scratches of her pen later and she finally broke the silence, "Sakura."

"Yes, Lady Hokage." I responded a little too formally. I just felt like I should so extra respect or something since she seemed to be in a strict mood right now due to the village being on alert. Or, at least that's what I hoped she was in a bad mood about.

"I called you in today because I wanted to check with you whether or not you feel confident about your knowledge of our library."

"Oh." Relief soothed me a little, "Yes, I spent a lot of time filing and organizing our branch last summer." I explained even though she had been the one who had had me do that organizing.

Tsunade nodded to herself a little as if she knew that would be my answer.

"As you've probably heard from your captain…" my heart jumped at the indirect mention of Kakashi "… our twin library in Kibuya was also hit last night." I hadn't heard that, but I nodded anyways. "It seems that they might have coordinated the break-ins to inspire havoc. Right now we need everyone who knows our libraries to check, and re-check, what exactly was taken."

"I'd be glad to help, Lady Tsunade." I replied almost immediately.

"Really?" Tsunade's tone changed dramatically; as if she was making a show of how she hadn't expected that answer. A moment later I figured out why, "I got the impression from Kakashi that you were indispensible to him right now."

I swallowed hard as my insides suddenly jolted.

_What did he say?_

_How could he be so obvious!_

Either way I had to straighten this out _now_, "I do still have some more debriefing appointments with Kakashi-sensei for the next few days." I thought of an excuse for him on the spot.  
He'd be proud.

"Oh, yes, I'd forgotten." Lady Tsunade reacted, smiling at the joke hidden in her word choice. I couldn't really focus on that little word-play since I was busy dealing with my relief and confusion, also it was slightly tasteless to me given how difficult my life had become by his 'forgetting'.

But I really had to remember to talk to him about not being so obvious –that thought was strange since he had always been the good liar before. That relief, though, was short-lived.

"And I suppose Iruka would need you around for the next few days, too, after last night." She added out of nowhere.

I nearly jumped out of my skin with the way she said that, her eyes finding mine as she said those last three words. I swore she was definitely trying to say something. I wanted to speak up and make it sound like nothing, to say I wouldn't be his physician anymore, but she only continued.

"It's charming that two of the more competent men of our village need the assistance of a young girl like you." My stomach was now exploding with acid as she continued, "When you're older I could see you becoming a fine Jounin." She actually sounded genuine, though I didn't like the way she inflected 'when you're older', as if she was trying to make a point about my age. I would have probably thought that was strange if she didn't sound like she was closing up the conversation now, "Well… I guess I'll have to talk with Kakashi again about sending you to Kibuya for a few days."

I battled my anxiety when she mentioned Kakashi again by trying to take solace in her previous compliment.

"Thank you, Lady Tsunade." I said with as much professional gratitude as I could muster in my voice before bowing a little, ready to turn around and leave everything at that.

But, as if it was a running fashion today, I was interrupted from leaving just before I could turn around.

"Oh, and speaking of Iruka…." She continued.

I turned my focus back to her, very relieved she hadn't decided to talk about Kakashi anymore. That was the last thing I needed.  
At least that was what I thought.

"I understand there have been a few things said about Iruka lately. Some unsavory gossip."

My whole body froze. My chest felt paralyzed. I couldn't breathe, but I didn't want to. I felt like if I simply breathed too deeply I would reveal all my secrets now that they were being indirectly discussed by the Hokage herself.

"I don't invest much in what bored housewives say, though." She added, I didn't feel at all comforted. The fact she was bringing this up was enough to scare me senseless, "Iruka's a good man, a good teacher." I nodded, trying to keep my movements loose and casual even though I felt like my joints were rusting over with fear. "He even reminds me, sometimes, of a man I knew a long time ago." I remembered seeing a few pictures of a man named Dan. The look Lady Tsunade was making now was identical to the look she had whenever she had mentioned that man before. I would have been proud of Iruka-sensei for him being compared to someone the Hokage cared for so deeply, but I couldn't think that straight, especially after her next sentence, "But I didn't think he'd be the type who'd let impatience get out of hand."

I couldn't really believe this was happening.

This had to be one of my worst fears.

The Hokage finding out about anything about my personal life.

And the way she sounded just now, like she could actually believe Iruka would let 'impatience get out of hand'.

I couldn't let her think that.

I couldn't let him take the fall for something he would have never had to deal with if it weren't for me.

I needed to say something!

"Lady Tsu-"

"Men can be weak." She interrupted me sternly. "But, let's hope that the girl in these rumors, if they're true, would know better than to jeopardize herself and that man even though _he_ should know better." Her voice was thick with heavy disapproval.

I'd forgotten until that moment that I was the girl connected to him in those rumors. I'd been so scared for Iruka-sensei I couldn't see that Lady Tsunade was actually talking to me about me this whole time. The Hokage, the woman I've been training under for these past few years, has actually heard rumors about my personal life and is warning me to stop.  
She still didn't seem to know the truth about what was really happening, but the rumors were something like the truth anyways… and she had heard them. She thought that it was important enough to schedule time with me even though the village is on alert to personally tell me that I should 'know better'.

I couldn't explain how suddenly rotten I felt.

"Right?" Her voice added after my long moment of frozen, sickly fear. Her harsh tone did not help my nerves but I managed to breathe out one word.

"Right."

She nodded again, this time tiredly. "Go and get some rest. You'll be on duty tonight." Her tone was still very unforgiving.

I knew I should have taken that chance to say something to Iruka-sensei's defense, but I had been mentally incapable of trying to figure out how to speak let along how to form an argument for him that wouldn't unravel all my secrets.

I still didn't know how I managed to walk out of that office or out of that building. By the time I was on the street, walking home, my muscles were still having trouble relaxing as well as my stomach was having difficulty unknotting itself.

The rest of the day was a blur.

I slept and ate and talked with my parents and explained what happened –leaving out the details I knew better than to share- and slept some more, but the whole day, everything after that conversation in the Hokage's office was covered in a haze of worry and shame.

I couldn't even think straight about what I should do with the fact the Hokage now knew about the rumors about Iruka-sensei and me. She didn't go crazy. She didn't order an investigation. But that's probably because she trusted me enough not to actually live up to those rumors.

I didn't. Not with Iruka.

And… Kakashi and I aren't doing anything right now either.

I _wanted_ to be with Kakashi again.

But it was up to him.

I had to meet him after nightfall.

As the hours passed and I slept, spending the day like a slug after all the drama that had happened the night before and in the morning, I couldn't get my thoughts into gear. I found myself staring off into space a lot and losing track of time.

I hadn't felt this worried or nervous since my relationship with Kakashi had first started.

Even then it wasn't this distracting.

Maybe I needed to tell him that, with the Hokage's suspicions, we really should wait for his decision in a few weeks or months… or years.

That thought stung me as I got dressed, less excited than I thought I'd be for sunset. This past week has been torture. I couldn't imagine spending months or years like that. Months and years not knowing whether or not we could still be together some day, because, after all, maybe his feelings could fade. Maybe he would meet a woman closer to his age, a woman who was actually his type –I remembered that awful conversation a few days ago when he explained his type was actually the exact opposite of me-, or maybe he would just somehow fall back into thinking of me as simply a subordinate.

Anything could happen over the next few years.

He could die. I could. Our life-expectancies weren't exactly long, and even though he's probably the most skilled man in the village he's almost 30 and there are rarely any shinobi who grow any older.

If we put things on hold for even a few years, I could lose his affection or I could lose him completely.

Trying to conceive of that pain was impossible.

I remembered the Hokage's words as I was walking rather slowly down the street, on my way to the bridge,_'But I didn't think he'd be the type who'd let impatience get out of hand.'_

When I really thought about it, _I_ was the one who was letting my impatience get out of hand.

Kakashi was obviously the hesitant one out of the two of us. If I could have what I wanted we would've been back together starting last night with that kiss. He's the one who needs my patience now. And with our kind of relationship, a relationship taboo because of the amount of time between our ages and the lack of time I've lived, patience was probably what we really needed in order for this to work.

I knew it was the responsible decision: to wait.

There was nothing that said Kakashi and I couldn't be together in a few years. All it would take would be a transfer out of his team -though that would be emotionally taxing in its own way- in order to get the whole 'no intra-team relationships' rule taken care of. And then even though people would probably talk, there'd be nothing 'wrong' with us once I'm older.

That was the responsible way of approaching this relationship.

All it would take to make everything truthful and honest would be to wait.

But… much to my shame… I didn't think I could survive waiting.

Not if it meant taking a chance of losing everything that I'm so close to having back right _now_.

At that moment I understood exactly what Kakashi-sensei must have felt when we first started our relationship.

From his point of view all he had to do was to wait. To wait until I was older. It seems so simple.

But nothing is ever that simple.

…

I wished he could have told me more about how he made his decision to overlook responsibility the first time.

…

I barely noticed it when I was suddenly approaching the bridge, the bright tori gates visible a few hundred feet in front of me. My brain today, after that talk with Lady Tsunade, had been working extra slow, making everything around me seem to be moving too quickly, including time.

I almost didn't want to go to that bridge and have to feel what I know I was bound to feel around him. A part of me just wanted a way out of feeling this trapped between my emotions and morals.

And that's when a new kind of thought entered my mind:

_What if I make my own decision now?_

_What if I tell him right now that we shouldn't even think about starting again?_

_What if I tell him that it's best to forget each other?_

_It would solve everything if we could just stop feeling whatever it is we feel for each now, before it gets any worse._

But… the moment those thoughts came to me I knew I wouldn't be able to say them.

I wasn't strong enough for that.

But maybe… maybe he would be. Maybe after whatever he called me here tonight for, he'll make the decision I won't be able to make on my own.

_The responsible decision._

I sighed heavily, stopping in my tracks.

I was almost tempted to actually turn around. I didn't. Even if I was haunted by mind-numbing worry and confusion I could still feel the sharp pressure on my heart that I got whenever I knew I was going to see him alone again. I loved that feeling too much to give it up for anything.

But I wished I could have been given a little more time to prepare myself to see him again before I heard his voice coming from the forest to my left.

"Sakura."

The lethargy which had infected me all day was cut in half by the sudden shock of adrenaline I got when I heard him say my name like that.

"Kakashi." I called back to him, enjoying the simplicity of not using a suffix again. I had heard where he was before; it wasn't difficult to find where he was calling from.

It was surreal, walking through the trees at night like this. I used to train in this forest at night, but it had been a while. It had seemed even longer since I'd spent time with him alone at night like this even though it had been less than a day.

He'd been leaning against a tree, looking up at what little he could see of the sky through the treetops, his hands resting in his pockets the way they always did whenever he waited for something.

But something seemed different about him tonight, lighter… more carefree.

I wondered what his day must have been like to change him like this.

The moment I saw him turn to me, visibly pleased to see me like I remembered him looking at me before, I knew I couldn't tell him about what the Hokage had said to me today. At least not right now. Not before he explained to me why we were here.

"They've stationed some patrollers at the bridge tonight." He explained shortly as he pushed himself off the tree and towards me.

This moment was so strange for me.

Here I was half-catatonic with anxiety and shame for not being able to let go of how much I loved being alone with him like this, while at the same time being alone with him didn't mean what it used to anymore.  
I was stuck in between two states of being.  
I felt guilty for hiding a relationship with Kakashi from everyone and even guiltier for not regretting it enough to not make the same decision twice, while I also had to confront the fact that Kakashi and I _weren't actually_in a relationship together right now –though there was a chance we could be-.

With all this on my shoulders it would have been difficult for anyone to know how I'd react when he continued his explanation:

"I wanted to us to meet again tonight because we're going to need some privacy."

"What?" My heart thudded a few extra times that second, washing away some more lethargy but adding to my burden of anxiety as well as anticipation.

I could have sworn I saw a smirk, though the scattered moonlight wasn't enough to see his masked face all that clearly, which I wished had been stronger especially when he answered:

"I going to need you to help me remember exactly what happened between us…. Starting from the beginning."

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**Thank you for reading!**


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